Why is it that the most unsupportive parents always say, "we love and support you no matter what," and then proceed to be the least supportive people in our lives?
Because they genuinely believe that loving someone means trying to save them from these "temptations from the devil", and that only by following all the hateful church doctrine can you be saved. It's genuinely one of the worst parts of Christianity in existence, with only the crusades, inquisitions and other historic problems really surpassing it
For anyone else that needs it, there is a quote that helps me get through confrontations. "Don't argue with stupid people, they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." You are loved and if people are like this to you, stay silent and don't give them ammo, you know who you are, your true friends and found family love you. It'll get better. Needed someone to say this when I came out and I'm still on my journey to be the real me but I'm glad to say it.
This is very heavy stuff, I was hearing the emotional voice cracking the entire time and it really hurts me emotionally because I can hear the genuine emotions.
Congrats on finally being you! Fun fact, I have dozens of tabs open and make my way through them over time, so this video has been a tab for a few days and I have no recollection of how I stumbled upon your video here 😅
Bruh, I'm literally in the same situation you were back then. Living with a -phobic family, can't come out, can't transition without high risk of being kicked out and having nowhere to stay.
Damn, your parents message was horrible to read through. VENTING HERE My family is faaaar from being that bad, especially when it comes to their first reaction, but damn is it tough for them to get used to the idea of me being trans. It's especially hard coming from my mother, when I came out (I did it face to face when we were in the car, so there was no running away for anyone ; putting myself into a corner kinda facilitates me talking in a weird way) she had a sort of mental breakdown, got off work for two weeks and took antidepressants, because apparently she projects herself a lot into the future and me being a man was apparently very important (also she apparently had not really integrated the fact that i'm aroace, because she talked about grandchildren and all...) Right now I've been out to my close family for like two months, they know my new name (which is not the one on my youtube account yet ; btw hello I'm Nessa) and pronouns (she/they) and there are weeks where I feel like they're not even trying. Today every single person either misgendered or deadnamed me at some point, even my brother who I know has been very wary of using a gender neutral language or my dad who's up til now been the best of the family at using my chosen name and pronouns. Maybe it's because I don't correct them when they misgender or deadname me but I just feel like I would get annoying if I did so At that point it's getting a bit heavy on my mind and I do NOT need that, luckily they agreed to giving me financial help for moving out, even though it's not necessary for uni (if it was, I would have moved out 5 years ago). I just can't wait to be out of here right now, which feels awful because I love my parents and siblings, but I see how it affects my mental health :/ At least my friends are there for me, and I'm gonna see a therapist in september (which where I live is the mandatory first step towards a medical and/or legal transition)
I think you should correct them if they misgender you because if they're supportive they'd probably understand and they'd use your correct name and pronouns more often until they don't have to be corrected
I'm a trans Catholic, and reading those emails honestly hurt me a lot - not yours, but your parents'. I don't care whatever religion parents follow. They should always support their children, no matter what. Sure, the child should be informed, but not be discouraged, for being the person they want to be. I also believe it's less of a religious issue and more of just a social issue. I'm afraid of actually coming out. Being a trans furry and a Catholic is literally a recipe for a disaster, despite all three of them don't conflict too much. It's unfortunately a social issue, and I got to know when and when I shouldn't come out. You spreading really good info, thank you for sharing!
I think I've come out about five times now, and I think I'll have to come out another five times, if not more. I first came out to my parents, who were supportive, thankfully. Then it was the rest of my family and some close friends, all at the same time (it was through a giant, multi-paragraph text), most of which are supportive. (Looking at you, Grandma.) After that, I came out to a friend at school, came out to a second school friend, then the rest of that friend group. I'm still not out to my entire school, and I'm inconsistently out in public. (I usually base it off of how femme I happen to be presenting.) I obviously plan on being me at all times everywhere, but I'm not ready for that yet.
Dang, surprised the facebook coming out post went well. I got transphobic comments on a post where I asked who owned a lost dog. No trans people were involved in this. I called the dog "they" because I couldn't see their genitals beneath the matted fur.
It is very brave of you to share your experiences for people. Even nearly a year after my challenging coming out this helps me. Trying to help others in similar situations and stay so calm in it. P.s : your parents are kinda freaking wacky! Omg!
@@AliceLunaI honestly feel like a game about trying to balance the whole coming out process would be great. It has a lot of potential for a good interactive art piece.
How your parents reacted is how I expect my dad to react when I tell him. Which is why he will be the last to know 1 month into my medical transition. Just before I get my legal name changed.
Im starting hrt on Wednesday and my plan is to just completely gaslight anyone and everyone until its just completely undeniable anymore if they even notice
@@Erioletheonecanoliedo what you need to stay safe. I just need to come out so I can start my social transition early enough to where I don’t have to wait longer for surgery
i wouldn’t recommend going about the method you did, giving intelligent well structured rebuttals won’t get through to them and each reply they give back will only cause you more mental anguish. this isn’t something you can debate transphobic parents out of. mine was something like “i’m an adult now and i have no responsibility to lecture you on trans stuff or try and convince you to accept trans people. i’m doing my own thing regardless of whether you like it or not”
my mom is such a like disney evil queen that if I told her ANYthing vulnerable, she would immediately detect that my defenses were down and make me hurt in 50 ways haha so no she won't be learning anything about my gender or my phone number for that matter
as a somewhat-closeter person from a well-meaning conservative, religious family holy shit these emails were soooo triggering. Rant below: Them throwing a bunch of misleading facts at you as if you're some impulsive and uninformed child, while completely ignoring your experience and your actual needs is infuriationg. The patronizing tone, the presumption that your identity is a problem for them to 'solve'. I hate how they will disregard all the positive effects of HRT on your wellbeing, but then fixate on the things HRT supposedly won't affect, like bone density. I hate the insistent moralizing of your transition as some sort of deep rebellion against your 'inner problems'. Conservative arguments feel like fucking "Schrodinger's Trans Person" sometimes: where gender is apparently 100% biological and has nothing to do with social roles, but transitioning is an evil perversion against the 'man' you're supposed to be. I had a similar (not as bad) coming-out situation with my parents recently. I can 100% relate to the weeks and weeks of stomach-turning anxiety while dealing with coming out to family and the backlash. I really respect how you were able to stand up for your needs and demand basic human decency before agreeing to talk to them any further. I am sorry that you had to go through all of that :( I am so happy that you are not only hanging in there, but also spreading your courage to all of us through these videos!
This is why I had my sister tell my parents for me. My parents said some religious comment or other and ignored it ever since. I have since discovered I’m more non binary than trans because the only real body dysphoria is that I don’t have breasts, and find it fun to occasionally dress 👗 up, but not having a nice set of breast’s depresses me. You handled this better than I would have.
Dang. I knew my Mom would love me no matter what, but she would deadname me up to when I changed my name. Everyone at work and school knew me as my name, so people got confused when they asked for my deadname. I know I questioned if I was really trans at the beginning, but looking into the mirror I feel a lot happier
Your partner is so very lucky to have blessed by you. I love happy endings. I'm praying that you and your love have all the joy happiness that life can give.
Why is it that the most unsupportive parents always say, "we love and support you no matter what," and then proceed to be the least supportive people in our lives?
Because they genuinely believe that loving someone means trying to save them from these "temptations from the devil", and that only by following all the hateful church doctrine can you be saved. It's genuinely one of the worst parts of Christianity in existence, with only the crusades, inquisitions and other historic problems really surpassing it
Mine said that and is now helping me get hormone blockers
how do you know my parents?
For anyone else that needs it, there is a quote that helps me get through confrontations.
"Don't argue with stupid people, they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."
You are loved and if people are like this to you, stay silent and don't give them ammo, you know who you are, your true friends and found family love you. It'll get better. Needed someone to say this when I came out and I'm still on my journey to be the real me but I'm glad to say it.
This is very heavy stuff, I was hearing the emotional voice cracking the entire time and it really hurts me emotionally because I can hear the genuine emotions.
Congrats on finally being you!
Fun fact, I have dozens of tabs open and make my way through them over time, so this video has been a tab for a few days and I have no recollection of how I stumbled upon your video here 😅
I love hearing this from you. It's simply shocking how much crossover there is between this and what I'm going through.
im planing on coming out as trans to my parents soon so this helps me a lot thanks for sharing
29:28 but you are very pretty. I mean it!
Bruh, I'm literally in the same situation you were back then. Living with a -phobic family, can't come out, can't transition without high risk of being kicked out and having nowhere to stay.
Damn, your parents message was horrible to read through.
VENTING HERE
My family is faaaar from being that bad, especially when it comes to their first reaction, but damn is it tough for them to get used to the idea of me being trans.
It's especially hard coming from my mother, when I came out (I did it face to face when we were in the car, so there was no running away for anyone ; putting myself into a corner kinda facilitates me talking in a weird way) she had a sort of mental breakdown, got off work for two weeks and took antidepressants, because apparently she projects herself a lot into the future and me being a man was apparently very important (also she apparently had not really integrated the fact that i'm aroace, because she talked about grandchildren and all...)
Right now I've been out to my close family for like two months, they know my new name (which is not the one on my youtube account yet ; btw hello I'm Nessa) and pronouns (she/they) and there are weeks where I feel like they're not even trying. Today every single person either misgendered or deadnamed me at some point, even my brother who I know has been very wary of using a gender neutral language or my dad who's up til now been the best of the family at using my chosen name and pronouns. Maybe it's because I don't correct them when they misgender or deadname me but I just feel like I would get annoying if I did so
At that point it's getting a bit heavy on my mind and I do NOT need that, luckily they agreed to giving me financial help for moving out, even though it's not necessary for uni (if it was, I would have moved out 5 years ago). I just can't wait to be out of here right now, which feels awful because I love my parents and siblings, but I see how it affects my mental health :/
At least my friends are there for me, and I'm gonna see a therapist in september (which where I live is the mandatory first step towards a medical and/or legal transition)
I think you should correct them if they misgender you because if they're supportive they'd probably understand and they'd use your correct name and pronouns more often until they don't have to be corrected
I'm a trans Catholic, and reading those emails honestly hurt me a lot - not yours, but your parents'. I don't care whatever religion parents follow. They should always support their children, no matter what. Sure, the child should be informed, but not be discouraged, for being the person they want to be. I also believe it's less of a religious issue and more of just a social issue. I'm afraid of actually coming out. Being a trans furry and a Catholic is literally a recipe for a disaster, despite all three of them don't conflict too much. It's unfortunately a social issue, and I got to know when and when I shouldn't come out.
You spreading really good info, thank you for sharing!
I think I've come out about five times now, and I think I'll have to come out another five times, if not more. I first came out to my parents, who were supportive, thankfully. Then it was the rest of my family and some close friends, all at the same time (it was through a giant, multi-paragraph text), most of which are supportive. (Looking at you, Grandma.) After that, I came out to a friend at school, came out to a second school friend, then the rest of that friend group. I'm still not out to my entire school, and I'm inconsistently out in public. (I usually base it off of how femme I happen to be presenting.) I obviously plan on being me at all times everywhere, but I'm not ready for that yet.
Dang, surprised the facebook coming out post went well. I got transphobic comments on a post where I asked who owned a lost dog. No trans people were involved in this. I called the dog "they" because I couldn't see their genitals beneath the matted fur.
It is very brave of you to share your experiences for people. Even nearly a year after my challenging coming out this helps me. Trying to help others in similar situations and stay so calm in it.
P.s : your parents are kinda freaking wacky! Omg!
What game is that first segment from?
Its not a real game actually, that was a mock up I created in RPG Maker in about an hours, sorry to disappoint!
@@AliceLunaI honestly feel like a game about trying to balance the whole coming out process would be great. It has a lot of potential for a good interactive art piece.
How your parents reacted is how I expect my dad to react when I tell him. Which is why he will be the last to know 1 month into my medical transition. Just before I get my legal name changed.
Im starting hrt on Wednesday and my plan is to just completely gaslight anyone and everyone until its just completely undeniable anymore if they even notice
@@Erioletheonecanoliedo what you need to stay safe. I just need to come out so I can start my social transition early enough to where I don’t have to wait longer for surgery
i wouldn’t recommend going about the method you did, giving intelligent well structured rebuttals won’t get through to them and each reply they give back will only cause you more mental anguish. this isn’t something you can debate transphobic parents out of.
mine was something like “i’m an adult now and i have no responsibility to lecture you on trans stuff or try and convince you to accept trans people. i’m doing my own thing regardless of whether you like it or not”
my mom is such a like disney evil queen
that if I told her ANYthing vulnerable, she would immediately detect that my defenses were down
and make me hurt in 50 ways haha
so no she won't be learning anything about my gender or my phone number for that matter
Is the game in the beginning a real game?
as a somewhat-closeter person from a well-meaning conservative, religious family holy shit these emails were soooo triggering. Rant below:
Them throwing a bunch of misleading facts at you as if you're some impulsive and uninformed child, while completely ignoring your experience and your actual needs is infuriationg. The patronizing tone, the presumption that your identity is a problem for them to 'solve'.
I hate how they will disregard all the positive effects of HRT on your wellbeing, but then fixate on the things HRT supposedly won't affect, like bone density. I hate the insistent moralizing of your transition as some sort of deep rebellion against your 'inner problems'. Conservative arguments feel like fucking "Schrodinger's Trans Person" sometimes: where gender is apparently 100% biological and has nothing to do with social roles, but transitioning is an evil perversion against the 'man' you're supposed to be.
I had a similar (not as bad) coming-out situation with my parents recently. I can 100% relate to the weeks and weeks of stomach-turning anxiety while dealing with coming out to family and the backlash. I really respect how you were able to stand up for your needs and demand basic human decency before agreeing to talk to them any further. I am sorry that you had to go through all of that :(
I am so happy that you are not only hanging in there, but also spreading your courage to all of us through these videos!
This is why I had my sister tell my parents for me. My parents said some religious comment or other and ignored it ever since. I have since discovered I’m more non binary than trans because the only real body dysphoria is that I don’t have breasts, and find it fun to occasionally dress 👗 up, but not having a nice set of breast’s depresses me. You handled this better than I would have.
This was very interesting. I enjoy your experiences. 😊
Thanks for sharing! Glad I discovered your channel!
Dang. I knew my Mom would love me no matter what, but she would deadname me up to when I changed my name. Everyone at work and school knew me as my name, so people got confused when they asked for my deadname. I know I questioned if I was really trans at the beginning, but looking into the mirror I feel a lot happier
Your partner is so very lucky to have blessed by you.
I love happy endings.
I'm praying that you and your love have all the joy happiness that life can give.
On a weird note, literally every trans person I know likes tabletop RPGs. I don’t know why.
Thank you for the shaving video. Great thanks
You are so beautiful
Maybe try to stay on topic. I can never finish yur videos.