I have accepted the estrangement and have peace about the 25 year struggle with my 40 year old son. This is his choice. For me, the tears have been shed over 25 years of stops , starts and stutters, hurtful words, long silences and all out assaults. I have accepted. I love my son and I want only the best for him, even if the best for him is a life without his mother. I can now live my life with peace.
@debbiesmith5513 - your words are an encouragement to me. I have not yet accepted my child's estrangement but I know that I need to in order to have some sort peace in my life. I
It is crucial to understand that the adult child is making an intention not to have any kind of relationship with the mother......but it really stings the mom’s heart. Letting go is loving yourself and the adult child.
Unconditional Acceptance is certainly key. I continue to love and send Love and Light. Sometimes a lit candle and the flickering flame is a lovely sign of my continuing to love. I also decided that I will keep my heart open for the day that the situation might change. I choose not to hold a grudge. But, taking good care of myself is important. Even while missing the presence of my beloved.... I will have the audacity to not fall apart but to live in peace with others. Love and Light to all who are on this path. You're not alone.
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future💜, hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
I acknowledge the void and just keep pushing forward. Once my child blocked me, the writing was on the wall and I just had to let it go. I did everything I could except drive to the home and that’s just not who I am. I will continue my life with love, positivity and acceptance. Thanks for continuing the conversation and Godspeed to all of us dealing with this.
I’m in same boat except I did drive to where he/DIL/grandkids were living, only to find out they’d moved & I’m suddenly not allowed to know where, or see 3 of my 4 grandkids. It seems to stem from DIL. So yep I understand when you say you have to push forward. So many nuances to these situations which may never get resolved.
Thankyou Margaret, I have no better word's as others here have already expressed it so well. Your article is so extremely helpful for all who have had this saddest of situations happen. A really helpful conversation. Thankyou.
My family is on three other continents. I was blocked too for some time because of differences of opinion. I keep on sending love once a week. I am now unblocked but communication is tough. ♥
Thank you for the video, you have such a kindly face. Ten years estranged from entire family including my son. I attempted suicide, lived in the wastelands of depression and then dug myself out. I pour my love into my three dogs. I pour more love into the residents i work with at a brain injury unit and I save more love for myself. I am a free spirit, living a different life to people around me. I get triggered when i see content families and friends talking about their grandchildren but i have peace. No more dramas, no more self disgust, just a gentle sadness and deep appreciation of life, which was the gift i received after falling into the abyss. Look after yourselves, please stop ruminating over what happened, its a dead end ❤️❤️❤️
Bravo to you! The best thing you said was acknowledging that you do still get triggered when you see families that seemingly are content to be family... followed by the very big truth that you have PEACE. Keep including yourself in the list of who gets taken care of by you! 💚🪷💚
After nearly five years of trying everything I could think of, and not receiving any possibility for reconciliation, I realized that if I were pining like this after a man who had left me, it would be considered unhealthy, even crazy. I don't deserve this and don't want to share my love with someone who doesn't cherish it or want it in any way. As hard as it is, there is nothing for me to do now but turn my attention forward in my own life. There are people who can share love with me. My daughter is not one of them. Thank you, Margaret, for bringing up this topic again. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through, but as you said, acceptance is the realization that all doors are closed in that relationship and there is still a lot of life to live.
I have a semi-estranged adult daughter, nearly 50, with two teenage children (whom I love dearly). Their mother and I have had a strained relationship for quite a number of years. My heart is broken, not only for me, but for my son, who she has cut out of their lives completely. I'm allowed to see my grandkids on occasion, but, somehow I wonder if it's because I try to gift them as generously as I possibly can. I always have, and, only ever out of love. It's been a long rough road with many stops and starts, but with daily prayer, I'm slowly learning to accept a "new normal". It's one of the hardest things a mother can bear. Prayers up for all. 🙏🏻
My semi-estrangement is almost exactly the same as roseyc.5846 except it’s my son with one teenage daughter. My heart is broken. I go for a while accepting the situation. Then all of a sudden I’m back in depression. It’s a vicious cycle. I keep praying for things to get better, but it seems that is not going to happen. I’m 76, and my husband is 81. I think I’ll die with a broken heart even though I have two other fabulous children and five other wonderful grandchildren. I just want our family to be whole again.
@@jeanetteturner7466 It is a soul crushing pain.. Yes it hurts but you have to accept his decision and enjoy the rest of your family because this is his journey. I have come to that point now and it is more peaceful for me. You love your son but have to let him go.
I am estranged from my oldest son. He has cut out his father and younger brother also, who is also heartbroken over his treatment of him. The only reprieve I've had in all these years was the few times I got a chance to validate his pain and his reasons, to apologize to him, and to offer to help him if life if he should ever need me too. I don't know if he cares or appreciates that but at least I know I extended that to him.
It's the most painful thing to live through, and I've lost my health due to it, although emotionally I'm much stronger. In my dark times I listened to the late Thich Nhat Hahn, and turned to nature, as well as therapy from a patient therapist. Someone else mentioned stoicism, and I agree, I will always do what's right, no matter what, and I never want to be seen as a victim. I send my love to you Margaret and to all those mothers and fathers struggling with this.
@@NoNameCityAmerica Thank you so much, I wish the same for you. I live in the countryside in Yorkshire, but living where you do must be lovely, I think trees in particular, are great healers. I wish you well.
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future💜, hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
4 years of estrangement. I’ve been reading and learning, Stoicism. It’s helped. I miss my daughter and granddaughter. I’m only in control of my behavior. Leave the past in the past. The present is now, the future is unknown. ❤
This is a timely message for me. Thank you, Margaret. I am not estranged from my children but sometimes I feel they don’t include me in their lives as much as I would like for them to and it can be painful. As you said, they won’t always love us like they did when they were 4 years old! But, it’s good to know that I am not alone in this as a mother and that there are communities like this one that are here to encourage and urge us on into a fulfilling life despite what others do or fail to do.
What honest,lovely ladies on this site Margaret 💓 As a mother, grandmother l share and feel the pain....no one can hurt us so deeply as them. God has said; l will never leave you or forsake you... that gives me great comfort.🙏♥️
I am amazed that this is so common! I never imagined it could happen to me.. but I went through a real falling out with my daughter of 39 about 4 months ago. We have always been quite close. Its like going through a divorce, almost. But in the end it has been a positive lesson in life for me, in all sorts of ways. We have our 'boundaries' now which benefits both of us. What has helped me so much is books and talks like Eckhart Tolle, Dr Joe Dispenza and a wonderful book 'On Eagles Wings' by Lord Cecil Martin. I only wish all these life truths were taught to us at an early age in school, rather than learning the hard way!
No one could have been taught this, it’s a sign of the times, is too common now. The “me” mentality has absolutely taken a toll ! Both of my grown children are like this. It’s sad really. I’m 64 and I was raised differently, thank God. If you discipline your children when they grew up, DCFS would be called, or be threatened to be called (by my daughter) or the teachers who couldn’t mind their own business, and that would be another nightmare. It’s all changed, and not for the better!
@@progressivedragon6664 oh poor you. Another poor me baby. I see all your comments to other parents are nothing but disrespectful and insulting as if you even the slightest idea what’s really happening. Keep going to therapists and blaming everyone else for your little hurt feelings. Trolling and immature at best. You’ll know them by their fruit progressive warrior 🤣
Too raw & in pain to even write my situation here but thank you so much for this video Margaret! Sending you much love and appreciation 💜💜💜 Also thank you so much to everyone who shared in the comments. Trying to find comfort in the knowledge that others are also dealing with this & some have even found acceptance. Sending love, light & hope to all!🙏💜💜
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future💜, hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
I am in the same situation as many of the women in this comment section. After years of estrangement, I have to quit beating a dead horse. It will always hurt but I have to move on. Thank you Margaret.
Hello from Tucson. I'm in the same boat, with two children, one disowning me, the other, I have. Years of tears and explanations resulted in my being miserable. I birthed them, thus they are free to make their own decisions. I no longer care and have moved on with dearest friends who are more family! I let go and find it much easier. Wish them well and their children. Love your commentary so much. ❤ I will be 80 this fall. Much love. 🎉
Thankyou for such wise words lovely Margaret. My oldest Son cut me out of his life 12 years ago and it's taken me a very long time to come to terms with the ongoing pain. My Children moved to another Country 35 years ago after I raised them as a single Mother so I also have been deprived of all my Grandchildren. However on that note as a Mother now in my mid 70s and ageing alone with no family support I'm now accepting my life is more precious than ever so living my life for myself and taking extra care in staying healthy and socially connected so I've finally reached a place of peace and happiness. Letting go of the ongoing emotional pain is finally behind me now you've given me light of acceptance. Thankyou for that final nudge❤
I am in the same situation as you. I like myself and realize it’s time for me to be a mother to myself. In retirement I am enjoying the freedom from bondage of the umbilical cord.
There are many such programs on TH-cam , non compare to yours - here I will stay 👌💐😊 . You're talking about problems that affects many mothers ( I'm one of them) , yet the other podcast do not talk about . You always give the right advice and support , often a good friend is not capable of giving . Thank you 💝
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future💜, hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
You are right and many of us know it but as you say, acceptance takes time. After many years of trying, complaining, soul searching, etc. I am finally getting to acceptance without animosity. Even though I don't wish it on anyone knowing I'm not the only one dealing with this situation does help so thank you for this video. I am so glad to see that you made such a quick recovery and you look extra beautiful today!! Purple really suits you💜
You are so amazing Margaret and inspiring ❤️. I'm 63 and very alone but I'll figure this chapter out somehow. I'm estranged from my eldest and I sent him an email acknowledging father's day to him but I will not hear back from him. He stopped and blocked all communication over 3 years ago. It's just knowing I'm not the only mom feeling this horrible loss. Thank you for sharing your thoughts story and just for being here for all of us
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future 💜 hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
My son did the same over my attention to my daughter because she needed more attention at the time. I never see my beautiful grand boys of my sons and I still send him a happy birthday, but of course, nothing in return. I’ll see them in heaven and only One will have the say about THAT 😊. The devil has been hard at work breaking up families for sure. But time’s running out for him 👍🏼.
Serenity prayer has helped me so much throughout my life. When my 40 year old daughter dumped me a year and a half ago , this prayer once again helped me beyond measure. Now even with a broken heart , I’m finding silver linings everyday from letting go. More time for the rest of my beautiful children and my friends. Going back to some of my first loves , literature , philosophy and the English language. The soul can only have rainbows if the eyes have tears sometimes Thank you for discussing this subject, it helps us heal
I also thank you for your channel, as this is a truly an embarrassing, humiliating and profoundly painful topic....its a blessing to have a safe space to talk about it....and see others who are dealing with similar struggles....so thank you very much ..
Thank you for bringing up this subject 🙏..i had a close relationship with my sons..i showed my kids so much love but i dont see them as much. But i have focus on other things..and have tried to be positive ..its nice to know that we not alone in this situation
I am walking this path of estrangement from two beautiful, intelligent daughters. Along side the personal pain I carry for their loss every day, comes the secondary, but in reality, equally painful occurrence of dealing with friends, acquaintances and casual meetings with others who in their innocent inquiries probe into “what’s up with that?” “What happened…Have you tried this?…Couldn’t you just…I thought you were such a good mother…I feel like calling them up and giving them a piece of my mind!…etc” It is excruciatingly painful, these ‘instant help’ remarks. Thank you so much for your posts on this subject, it is a blessing.
So very true. Unless you have experienced it personally, it’s very hard to understand. And each of us gets through it differently. Acceptance is truly the only commonality for healing ❤️🩹
It is two years since my two daughters stoped talking with me. It is very hard not to see them anymore and I have two grandchildren who do not coming anymore. They know I am 10 min. away, and I live by my self.. no any family members. I do not know what is the reason for such decision. We all live in difficult time ...I pray for them. I had complications with my mother relationship, but in the hardest time ...never occurred to me to live my mother for ever and not talk wit her. I have to accept ... still is very hard. God Bless you !
I have a friend who is still in contact with my children and her daughters are still friends with them. I often wonder how much she and they have meddled because at times she gloats about it. If I lived closer to her, I'm sure I'd have lost patience with her. I now refuse to discuss my alienation problems with anyone. Then you just internalise the pain
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future 💜 hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
Thankyou for helping me realize that I am not alone , it helps with the embarrassment of not being able to share stories of my grandchildren as others do
Thanks Margaret for touching on this subject. I haven’t seen my daughter in over 2 months now. She doesn’t even call to see how we are. Her Dad has cancer and I have a bunch of health problems.
So good! I especially like what you said about how we do the best we can, no it’s not perfect. I have also found that when someone chooses to end contact that if we can embrace the mystery and stop wondering why, knowing they might not really even know why themselves in a clear explainable way. We have a hard enough time understanding ourselves, so understanding other people can be a tall order. We can pray for them and if they have ever told us anything about why, we can try to learn from it, but ultimately we have to respect their decision and stop hurting ourselves, forgive ourselves and give it over to God to watch over them. He loves them far more than we ever could and they are asking us to let them be, and we can do that for them with love
Utter complete and utter BS. GOD does not love our children more than we do. You are truly delusional. There’s nothing in gods creation more powerful than mother love. That’s why this estrangement hurts like a living death. Good for you if you believe that, but don’t force that opinion on others @Hendricana!!
Thank you! Your words have reinforced the giving myself permission to let go of my children I’m estranged from. I will always pray for them, but my sadness doesn’t change a thing, it just keeps me unhappy. Why shouldn’t I move on and have some peace and joy in my own life? I have much to be grateful for despite the loss of relationships. I will choose to focus on my blessings each day and the good relationships I still enjoy with other family members and friends! Margaret, you have the kindest, warmest, encouraging smile and personality. Much love and blessings to You!
Thank you for this video! I am becoming estranged from a son slowly, over time, and I realize it's just time to step back and let go! But, it's still hard. Never lose hope that the estrangement will end however, and don't close the door to them, have hope the situation will be better and get resolved!
God Bless all of us Moms. I was such a good one. The other kids liked me, and my daughter did at the time. I actually asked her " did you have a good childhood?" She replied that she did. I never ignored my mother, when i was an adult. She always knew my address and my phone number, ect. Boy you really help me Margaret, with this topic. Thank you!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you for this video. This was helpful. I have shed a million tears over the past year, but I hope to be able to finally ACCEPT this situation. The comments are helpful as well. I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone, but it is somewhat helpful to know I am not the only one that just can't make it right with my family.
Oh Margaret, I have watched you over the years, but rarely written. You have become one of my go-to sources for help and encouragement. I've done pretty well with "acceptance," but it is an on-going growth challenge. This video is what I needed to hear today. Thank you so much for your help and I am so glad you are feeling better. 😊❤
My grown son has distance himself but im trying my best to understand him and keep a relationship with him. He bought me my favorite food yesterday from doordash ❤
It's really hard and you MUST not let go if it's a child living with the other parent.God willing as the child ages they will change their heart as they are able to separate from the other parent.💛
There was no fight between my son and I. He just cut me out of his life when he moved to another city. I am trying to be brave, and have not given up yet. But I hope the very best for him. I dont want to go into details here because its still so hurtful and painful. Thanks for your great words, I will try to move forward.
I’ve finally accepted the fact that one daughter simply is not interested in a relationship with me any longer. I’ve cried many tears over her over her lifetime, it’s not been easy for her, and I know I wasn’t the perfect mother. And I can’t make her love me if she doesn’t. Everything I’ve tried hasn’t helped, seem to have only made things worse. My love is not enough. So I have to let her go.
Hi from Annie I have just the one child my daughter after she got married second time to an abuser of children and women he told her that I am not welcomed and they have pushed me away itis 9 going on 10yrs since I saw my grandkids they are now girl is turned 20yr n twin boys will be 19yrs in August I don't even know what they look like. He makes them all move every two years or sooner and I have no contact details at all no phon or mobile numbers they got changed no emails n cut form their facebks it is awful I have no other family at all and am in my 60's I am scared and at time feel like ending it all they were my life my whole purpose I am single as well so no love in my life and most friends are too busy to call me they brag of their grand kids spending every day with them etc it hurts when they do that they just do not care some I think even laugh at me they are gluten's but what goes round come round.
I find the hardest part of my distant and difficult relationship with my daughter is that it affects my relationship with my beloved granddaughter of 9 years. It is like a barrier between her and me. So sad!
Yes, we are all human...let her go. Fill up your life with thing you love to do. Time will numb this open wound, not completely. But we who read this understand and empathize with you!!!
Thank you so much for this video. I really needed to watch it. I know God put this particular one in my feed today. So thankful, but sorry, to know I’m not alone. Also a good reminder to me of how the serenity prayer applies to most, if not all, situations. 🙏
Thank you for this difficult topic .There are so many reasons our children. are estranged. My son has an addiction We do talk and keep in contact to some degree but it’s sporadic due to his addiction. I would give anything for him to be healthy and have a good life. The substance keeps us from having a functional relationship. My heart breaks for him every day and I am there for him but I grieve the loss of what I envisioned what I saw for his life. I have had to recognize what I can’t control. It’s baby steps every day to live my life and do things for myself. It’s so very very hard . Prayers for all the moms going through this hurtful part of life. ❤️🙏🏼
Forgiveness for ourselve and others for me very important, I realized earley enough in my child rearing years that I did not own my children. For me this was priceless, we are all on our own jouney even our children. Lifes all about change and excepting this with love and understanding, their is no other way around it.❤ it is healthy to make a life for ourselves outside our children, we deserve it. 😊
A dear friend has experienced this painful circumstance. Her strength in moving forward is so admirable. May we all find this type of strength to overcome the changes in our lives.
This is so sad! I have two lady friends, in which one of their children doesn't speak to them, nor will have anything to do with them. I cannot imagine this happening. But sadly, it does. Both of them are strong woman and are trying their best to make peace with this. As they have reached the point of acceptance. They have had a long road getting to this point. I wish strength and love and peace to everyone suffering in this way. Thank you, Margaret for that Serinity Prayer.
After 12 years and counting, I feel I no longer "hurt" but have become numb and indifferent about it. I cried more than a river of tears for YEARS and finally came to cold hard ACCEPTANCE and "let it go" I will go to my grave not understanding how the trigger event that led her to cut me off, even came about. The hardest part of this decade long estrangement is keeping my loving relationship with her sister, who absolutely refuses to be a go-between and we share time together without mention of her sister, my estranged oldest daughter. There was a time I couldn't have even written these words I'm posting now without crying my eyes out. But I'm literally spent. I have accepted what I cannot change (believe me I tried everything to end this, I love her with all my heart) and I live on, enjoying the love of my youngest daughter and 2 stepdaughters that show me love. I'm so sorry for everyone who shares this pain along with me. When it first happened, I never dreamed so many people experience this reality too. Thank you for todays video topic, it makes me feel validated that I'm not alone and thank you for understanding I'm not a monster for accepting what I cannot change and I live a happy life and have compartmentalized her as a memory of her childhood years when her love seemed endless.
I had no idea that there were many of us in the same boat. I do believe that mainstream media have played a terrible role in the breakup of relationships. People see things differently. All my life I wondered how the Holocaust could happen and now I do understand how.
@@SuelynngrrSue. It is very normal for all of us to see things differently. Perceptions differ on all manner of tópics and aspects. A bit like the old saying 'one man's meat is another man's poison". The trick is to steer through such situations without getting over upset.
Most mothers will always love and forgive their child, hoping and praying and trying to understand what lead to this unbelievable estrangement. It is like a nightmare. However, you all know what: we raised our child. Our child is an adult who does not have the right to harm and disrespect a parent who just did his / her best. Do not allow your life to be destroyed.
Maid in London, you can absolutely expect to be respected. You need to have your own bounderies. Do not allow anyone to use you or blackmail you. If you have done wrong then you be the first one to apologize. But if you have done no wrong then please stand your ground and don't allow anyone to change who you are and remember you are not someone else's trash to be discarded. Don't allow yourself to be eaten away to nothing. Be kind to yourself!
I have rarely witnessed this subject matter being discussed on TH-cam or anywhere else for that matter - it makes it seem almost taboo. And so sad. But clearly, a suffering being braved by so many who found they are only human, and like every other human may not have always made the best choices. For Mothers, when our mistakes result in negatively impacting our children, it is truly devastating and seems a natural inclination to cling to every hope of reconciliation. So many have shared helpful advice - similar to the serenity prayer you lovingly suggested. Thank you for this helpful post and to all who shared from their hearts. 🙏🏼
Thank you Margaret. Everything you said, and the article talks about is so true. Acceptance is the only answer and it’s not easy to do, but possible to do. It is a resignation of the situation. We are so emotionally attached to people and things. And pride is the biggest issue, but many times it’s hard to see because we’re only looking at the other person. In time, we will see our part. And sometimes, it’s not us at all. Very fine line. The serenity prayer is perfect for all of us, no matter the situation. We need to take the time to meditate on what those words truly mean. Then it will come. ❤️
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future 💜 hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
Thank you so much for this. I have felt, at times, that my life is no longer worth living over this estrangement & the judgments of his circle of people. He was my whole family. I have learned to trust my inner voice & so I spoke to him about those bad vibes he and his new wife were giving off. Thus, I may have started it, but it was his terribly abusive response & ability to drop me in a snap that ended it. And, it also verified that my suspicions were right all along. I must accept that. I will miss not knowing my grandchildren, but that was his decision, not mine. Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.
Margaret, this is such a hard topic...and so needed now in our world. I know that this message, so kindly put will help others...and to be honest, I wish that my grown "boys" wanted to spend more time with me and my husband, but they do have their own lives now...they are busy, working, getting married and I'm grateful to have them in my life with lots of love...but, you're right, we don't get to "control" them anymore, ha...I mean...the relationship really does change and evolve...sometimes as moms, it's harder for us to evolve as well! Thanks again for sharing this topic...so needed!! :) So glad there is hope no matter what! :)
It's a different world now. So sad all around. My parents sometimes drove me crazy but I would have never treated them like this. They were my parents and I always respected them. I feel that it is my daughter's loss. No one will ever love them like mom and dad.
Thank you so much for this video. I am not totally estranged but very nearly from my 24 year old only daughter/adult child who wants to start her new life with her partner without myself and her father in it. Her way of coping is to hardly speak to us and to not give us her address. Occasional Facebook Messenger only. I will always love her but it's good to know that I'm not the only one that this has happened to. I have done my best and I think that you are entirely correct in that acceptance is the only way forward. Thank you for tackling such a sensitive subject Margaret.
Thank you Margaret for opening this discussion - it is an important one for many . Yes, acceptance. But perhaps, forgiveness comes first. Forgive yourself ( whether you know what your part is in the estrangement or not) and forgive the child. Be mindful, that sometimes when we make amends or offer apologies to our children or to anyone else, it does not mean that they automatically accept ( there is that word again) our efforts... it does not mean that they automatically forgive us back. It is only our task to forgive THEM unconditionally ... no matter what their response or lack there of is. After taking that very brave step, we are able to release and then ACCEPT that this is how it is... right now... this is how it is... FOR now... this is how it is. Whether it changes over time or not is now in the hands of the child, and in the hands of the Universe... you have done your part to move forward in a positive manner... you were brave enough to take that step to forgiveness... now take the courageous step towards ACCEPTING that you have done all that you can to make the situation better.. it is now out of your hands... allow that to resonate deep within your heart and soul... mind , body, and spirit... listen to the wisdom within telling you that you have done all that you can do. For those in my own situation where the child's behavior has become drastically disruptive due to mental illness, accept that we can lead the child to therapy, medication , we can be supportive... that does not mean that OUR efforts will be enough for that adult child to take the power into their own hands in order to heal themselves .. that old saying of leading the horse to water but not being able to make that horse drink no matter how thirsty it is! Each one of us is in charge of our own body and it's wellness... we cannot force another adult do anything they do not acknowledge they need to do... when we have done all that we can , and the adult child's behavior is so hurtful, so disruptive, or so destructive on your own life, if it effects your own health, then do the work to forgive, and accept that this is how it is.. remembering that nothing is permanent... doors can be closed... remember though that they can be reopened as well. Apologies for the long winded comment.. it is a topic that is close to my heart... I hope that I have or will help someone else here navigate this part of life that we never expected ... thanks again Margaret! ❤
Thank you Margaret for this video. It’s much more common than we all realise. Acceptance is the key as you said and it’s really good to remember the Serenity poem & look after ourselves! You are looking remarkably good Margaret after your surgery & hope all is going well for you? Thank you for all that you are & do for others. 💐💐💐
Your video has comforted me. Thank you. Grief from estrangement is unlike grief from a death in that it doesn't lessen over time; it can even increase over time.
Thank you, Margaret, for great advice, support, and encouragement. Our specific circumstances differ and change. But ‘acceptance’ and living in the present - as much as possible - have worked for me.
I am struggling with acceptance and I know that I need too for my own sanity and joy. It is like an open wound that never heals, heart-wrenching and heart breaking. Adult children being cruel is not a good way to grow but I do know I have to accept that it is what it is.
It hurts do much because the estrangement is so deliberate. I have nothing they need and am not valued. It is hard finding a new path that is separate from my family.
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future 💜 hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
I enjoy listening to Margaret so much, after reading these sad and compelling stories, I've decided to join more of the estranged groups on Facebook. Also I'm moving to a very active community. I just might throw get togethers on Mother's and Father's day. Once Again Thanks Margaret❤❤🎉😊
I have been through this with my two daughters numerous times cutting me off from my grandchildren or turning them against me. I got to the point that I was done with this game of control they have been playing with me for years, and just didn’t care anymore. I simply turned the tables and I cut them out of my life to the point of blocking them. It worked like magic and my oldest is trying very hard to get back in my life. My youngest has even come around and is talking to me. I am happy, but guarded in excepting them back in.
I have done the same as you. After years of being available to help out at all times but finding myself being treated like 'something the cat dragged in' I cut my two daughters out of my life and decided to wait and see how long it took for them to think of what I had done over the years for them - even to the point of putting myself in difficult financial situations in order to help them. It's been three years now and I am actually not suffering at all - rather l am enjoying this sense of freedom, have great friends and think I would be very wary of letting them back in!
Do your best to keep your heart open... people ( even our children) can learn and grow - but yes, keep yourself guarded... your obligation is to keeping yourself well. I did not speak to our youngest ( technically I am the step parent- ) for two and a half years- and then her dad had a bad accident and that opened dialogue on a nearly daily basis as we do not reside in the same state. The behavior coming from her was still toxic, and I realized early in that I had been truly at peace without her in my life- I care deeply and love her to the moon and back, but having toxic waste dumped on me is not my idea of a relationship! When her dad crossed over , I was supportive and compassionate - the entire family was towards her... she has pretty much cut everyone out... the peace is good. I no longer live life in the hopes that she will turn a new leaf, a healthy leaf. And I accept that it is not my job to turn that leaf for her- she has to do it herself... hopefully your children will get the memo that you sent out loudly and clearly and see what it is they have been missing in their lives!
Oh ladies I needed to hear all this. I am trying very hard to be strong. Missing my grandchildren has been extremely painful. To take the grandchildren away as a means of control and punishment when you haven't done anything wrong is so Evil. To give in will only allow it to happen again and again. I can't live through it again. It needs to stop here. Please keep me in your Prayers as I will 😢also keep you.
Just watched this video. Thank you so much Margaret. I too am going through the pain of estrangement from my son and grandchildren. It feels like a bereavement. After 9 years I am trying to accept it and move on. I am retired and in my sixties and need to enjoy my life. Your words of encouragement and kindness are so comforting. I am so pleased to have found Sixty and Me. You are an inspiration. Bless you ❤️❤️
Thank you for this video. It really speaks to me just like many others who maybe in a similar situation. As a buddhist myself, I loved when you quoted the Buddha's quote on suffering and that we want to keep the things that by nature have to change. This is so true. Impermanence. Although I was forced to separate and remain estranged from my only child a daughter since she was six years old, I have learned to accept it and owe my gratitude to my beloved late father who gave me the greatest gift I could ever dream of and that is the Buddha dharma or teachings which brought me so much peace and comfort to move on with my life accepting all obstacles. It's been 34 years since our separation. I don't hear from her, speak or see her but, again as my father said I need to accept it and move on and always be happy🙏🌹🕊
Hi, my name is Karla, I live near McAlester, Ok. Seen your in OKC? This is a painful journey for all of us, one we never imagined would happen to us, it’s been almost 5 yrs since my daughter up and moved 1200 miles away, taking my granddaughter who I was raising with her. I’ve been so desperate for counseling, but here where I live counselors are a joke. But God is my counselor, my strength and my prayers have changed thru all the tears, broken heart and sleepless nights, If I accept it, I feel like I’m giving up? Anyway, I guess I need to work on that one. Just seen where you were and wanted to reach out. I didn’t realize there were so many going thru this. It is so sad to see.
R.A.I.N.:: Recognize. Allow. Investigate. Nurture. It is not just that we cannot change our children, it is that WE are WORTHWHILE and beautiful even if there is estrangement.
I agree. That little brat has no idea what she is missing out on. But I still love her. I am actually fine with it. It is her choice. This is much harder on us than it is on them. Also the closer you are emotionally to your child, the bigger explosion 💥 they need to individuate. I have four adult daughters. She is still my baby. She is amazing to me.
I raised a niece from the age of ten and we were close. But in adulthood she put a lot of distance between us. I think of her as a daughter and this has been very painful. I know she had an extremely challenging childhood and unfortunately this has affected her relationship with me even though I was the one constant loving parent. I let her know that I really wanted to see more of her and the grandchildren a few years ago. I would have loved to go to their school events etc. She became furious with me. So boundary set. But it did enable me to move away to be closer to another daughter who wanted me closer. Most contact with T produces pain for me because of the reminder that I am no longer her "Mom". I'm really now only her aunt. But I love her like a daughter. I know this is a result of her difficult childhood and unfortunately she married a man who is totally uninterested in fostering a relationship. So...serenity prayer. I guess I should be grateful for what I have. At least we have contact.
Thank you, Margaret, even though this is a tragic topic I feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one. For years there was no information on this and if I dared say anything to another person, they looked at me with disdain. The only one person who said something that I could relate to was a very kind lady at the gym I was working out at. She blamed the situation on my Ex-in-laws and come to think of it they were very indifferent. (she thought the behavior could have a genetic component to it) And another lady I worked with yrs. ago when I was starting to have the problem blamed it on the fact that I was a single mother, but she was kind about it.
I just found your wonderful blog! You are an incredibly attractive, intelligent and compassionate woman with much wisdom to share on many diverse topics. I am the last man standing in my family- no children. I am spending time in the 4 gospels and have found Jesus has filled the cavernous hole in my heart. That being said I do miss being held tenderly - especially at night. I look forward to going back and reading many of your previously written entries. Thank you for sharing your ♥ heart! Mary
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future 💜 hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
I call them "Orphaned Moms". Very sad. The worst heartbreak. Finally, I had to recognize my own inner child deserved happiness and I needed to drop the burden of the grief the best I could.
I thought to myself recently how great it would be for someone to create a utube channel about the abuse mother's are experiencing from adult children it is a huge epidemic yet we feel so alone. Your channel popped up this morning God is so good 🎉
Yes, He is 👍🏼 The whole thing is unnatural really. I think that’s why is so hard to accept. But when it comes to our sanity, it becomes necessary! Hang in there, you are definitely not alone I’m this mess !
My heart goes out to all mothers who endure separation from their children no matter what age. I am blessed to have my daughter as my neighbour and my lovely mum just down the road. I don’t take this for granted as my daughter is getting married next year and talks about moving to Canada at some point. We live in the UK. I would rather she move away than to resent me for holding her back from her dreams.
Depending on where in Canada... the weather can take its toll. You never know, she might end up preferring the UK. These days, people seem to move around a lot! I never thought I would live in three different countries! LOL!
Rose. A great post! You are respecting her Life. Your daughter and future husband are not unusual. I Don't think I know one family where a daughter or son hasn't gone abroad. Sometimes for a few Years (usual contract situatión). Many do return. Some do not. Your daughter Will love you more for not trying to dissuade her.
Thank you both for your comments. I traveled and lived abroad as a child and young adult albeit with my parents who were in the Military. I understand just how enriching experiences can be in a different country and different cultures . I shall mentally prepare myself for the worst and hope for the best whilst all the time smiling and encouraging them both to grab life with both hands and any opportunities that come along.
I experience acceptance of my adult son’s choice to cut me out of his life, as phases. I can cycle through again along with the grief of the estrangement. My few gestures to reach out were violently rejected with even more written blame and rejection, so I will not open that door again. My heart broke being left out of his wedding, saw the pictures new wife posted on Facebook. Cycle started again of grieving to acceptance. I’ve worked to find my support system outside of family, people who love me now as I am. That person my son is rejecting was formed from my own life experiences and trauma, and has grown and changed, I think for the better. His loss is not wanting to know me now. I hope he is never the recipient of the same treatment. Thanks
Get new adult children to care for instead and forget your own. Their friends will do. My daughter’s friend always calls me her second Mom- and always remembers to reach out to me during holidays. She is my new daughter. ❤
I also have a young lady who adopted me as her “Momma” she’s about 4 yrs older than my daughter, and now, she use to come hang out with me, always came to me when she needed my advice, etc. now for the past couple months, she’s doing the same to me. She tells me she’s spending a-lot of time with her boyfriend etc. but it’s like here I go again. I don’t think I can open my heart up to anymore.
Speaking only for myself, I feel that often when our grown children make messes of their own lives, we moms get the blame. We are easy punching bags. After my oldest daughter had three failed relationships, she was extremely angry and took her anger out on me. She would yell at me, and it really hurt my feelings. I knew she was hurting, so I over looked it, until one time, I put her in her place. She stayed very angry with me for months. I knew that I had to give her time, to figure out whom she was really angry with. Eventually, she did come around, but it was very painful for me as her mother. She is on to a New Romantic relationship now, and smiles again. I am happy she is happy again.
I think it goes back to not expecting children to fill up your life but to enjoy the times when you can connect. . You ( and they) have to let go of opinions/expectations and move on. Life can be busy, children are working in careers, raising children and keeping up their own households. Accept that children and parents have different personalities and desires. Hopefully, children will be there when you need them and look out for your best interests in you older years. I would hope that for any of us who are older.
I however believe it is not wrong to expect some level of love acceptance,empathy..or connection of caring children to their parents..it is selfish and heartbreaking for mothers to go through what I am reading here ...
@@rosemarybanner its so much easier for kids to touch bases with their parent(s). There is no excuse that a parent doesn't get a text or email...i bet most of these mothers don't get even the simplest internet contact from their children.
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future 💜 hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
Well the serenity prayer says it. God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I CANNOT change, COURAGE to change the things I can, and WISDOM to know the difference.
I have been estranged from my 41 daughter for the last 10 years. Due to her drug addiction and now mental illness, I am raising her two children, one is now 15 and the youngest is 11. They have not seen or spoke to their “mom” for the past 10 years. It’s so sad and really affects the youngest grandson. I Pray for her constantly and have given her to God and he is in control❤
Life is a gift in all of its forms. Your daughter has made her choices. In my life, I have made so many mistakes. What I found that made a difference with estrangement, is to realize this is not a story book. We can be authentic and give your grandchildren that same permission. It is ok to admit all of the feelings and not worry about what others think. Your daughter may be willing to visit with her kids while she is in her addiction. Let them see it for what it is so they can move on. Ask God for his peace so you can enjoy your life. Its ok to hold on, or to let go, what ever is right for the person. I ACCEPT I want to be happy and let go of my childrens decision to move on, I love them and I am at peace.
This popped up on my screen like a message from God, just as I saw my son had unfriended me and I am unable to text him. For 13 years I have been kept from really getting to know my grandchildren and my son pretty much only called when he needed something. He's married to a perfectly evil young lady who's 12 years younger than him but definitely controls him and she puts him in and out like the cat and it keeps going back for more because he sadly has no backbone and I don't know if I'm responsible for that but this girl is a force to be reckoned with she texts me evil things and tells me I'm responsible because my son doesn't respect women now that's my fault, she forgets that when he was 12 until he was 16 he went to live with his father and another state but now the father so I didn't even really have him in those formative years. Anyway it seems now that she's finally one and he really has cut off his ties for me so this video incredibly popped up just when I was trying to stop crying, pretty crazy huh but not really because I know God sent it to me. Does anyone know who she was referring to I only could hear Christine but I couldn't catch the last name so if anyone knows could you please let me know. Thank you all have a happy Sunday.
I understand everything you said and empathize so much because I'm right there with you in all of this. It's by far the most painful thing I've ever faced in my life. Having ways is difficult because have you ever heard the saying "if you have a daughter, you have a friend for life. You have a son til he takes a wife." Unfortunately for me that's been true with all three boys. I understand I'm the common denominator so I've tried to be radically honest with myself and accept any faults and have apologized for anything and everything I can think of that I might have done to offend or hurt any of them but I'm learning that it's a group dynamic and they just keep each other charged up so I can't win. Struggling immensely to find acceptance and peace but it's been years. I googled the article and it's called "how estranged mothers can find acceptance and healing" by Christine Field. Reading it now. Hope it helps you and wishing you well!!🙏🙏💜💜💜
I believe the lady's name that Margaret mentioned is Christine Field. It sounds like we both had the same daughter-in-law. My son's wife divorced him after 20 years, but he is stll estranged from me. She had told him so many evil lies about our family and he apparently still believes them. I just love him from afar and I ask God to take care of him. He is in my will equal to my other children because I AM his mother whether he likes it or not! Love and hugs to you!
@@JLR4244 I understand completely Joyce. Yes, he’s probably still “brainwashed“ to some extent even tho she’s gone. Yes absolutely all we can do is love them from afar, pray for their health & happiness. Other than that, I believe it’s in God’s hands if they do wind up back in my life someday. If not, of course we’ll always love them unconditionally anyway because, like u said, we’re they’re moms. That will never change from our perspectives. Sending u love, light & peace🙏🏼💜💜💜
@@laurenv2003 Thanks for kind words. It is comforting and extremely helpful to connect with other moms who share our pain. And It is freeing to talk about it rather than feeling ashamed and isolated. Love and peace to you.
@@JLR4244 it seems we are in the same boat. My daughter and I paid $27.00 each for tickets to my granddaughter's dance recital tonight, but after she told my daughter that she will not be taking her on vacation this summer,as planned, nor be allowed any contact with her or my little grandson, who barely knows us,we are not going. Why would we go when we can't even see her after the recital to give her flowers or a kiss and a hug. I am sad about it but it was my granddaughter really was the catalyst for this latest war as I sent her a text to tell her that I loved her and I was sorry she was having to grow up in a war zone because I had the same childhood. She is almost 13 now so it's not like I was talking to eight or nine-year-old which I never did, but now I feel like she's old enough for me to reach out to but she went directly to her mother and her mother had a fit of course. From there all hell erupted between my son me and my daughter and My daughter-in-law. My son called me and my daughter wanting us to please go to the recital but it's just too much right now for me to handle and I wouldn't put it past you know who to start something at the recital because that's the kind of person she is and I might wind up in jail so I think I should stay home...lol
I am on the other side of the coin, I have been slowly breaking contact with my mother with the hopes of going full no contact. I want to thank you for highlighting accepting it-- so many videos talk about how to work it out etc... But honestly that doesn't work for many, as they've been trying to work it out most of their lives. At the end of the day, my mother and I simply don't share the same values. She has been so cruel to me my whole life, and from her perspective she had no choice but to be cruel because "I'm such a piece of trash." I don't deserve a mother who is cruel and she doesn't deserve a daughter she thinks is trash and hates. Importantly --- it is soooo much kinder to say goodbye so that both of us can move on and have better relationships. Yes it's hard , but acceptance that we weren't meant to be is a kindness
I too dread my Birthday and Mother's Day especially~. I don't think I could be any sadder.... And to this day Im not even sure why this has happened. Bless you in hopes it gets better.
I totally get what is being said here. I have found that if I say I accept something then I’m saying it is OK and I have to live with it, but if I tell myself, I have to come to terms with it then I’m saying to myself this is not right, but there’s nothing I can do about it and I have to live with it.
@@PattyFairclothjmegg very well said, and my daughters and I have went through two and three year periods of time, not speaking to each other. They used me not getting to see my grand children as a way to punish me. Stepping back now I realize how toxic the relationship has been for me. Now, we are having communication again, but only via text message. We live in other states and I think it’s just as well. I love what you said about there being no guarantee they will grow up to be compatible but more important they did grow up to be independent. my oldest daughter went through a drug addiction problem and when I refused to give her more money when she became homeless, I was the villain. Now I’m having health issues and if I text them anything I don’t get a response so I don’t think they care.
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future 💜 hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
![“อ.เบียร์ คนตื่นธรรม” มาตามคำเรียกร้อง แหกศาสตร์ฮวงจุ้ย เตือนสติอย่างมงาย | แฉ 7 พ.ย. 67 [1/3]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/5fc4S3xBNfc/mqdefault.jpg)
I have accepted the estrangement and have peace about the 25 year struggle with my 40 year old son. This is his choice. For me, the tears have been shed over 25 years of stops , starts and stutters, hurtful words, long silences and all out assaults. I have accepted. I love my son and I want only the best for him, even if the best for him is a life without his mother. I can now live my life with peace.
I’m so sorry. My situation is similar and I agree with you about peace. These situations are not in our control so we have to find peace. ❤
🫂🙏🏿♥️
I understand all too well.
@debbiesmith5513 - your words are an encouragement to me. I have not yet accepted my child's estrangement but I know that I need to in order to have some sort peace in my life. I
It is crucial to understand that the adult child is making an intention not to have any kind of relationship with the mother......but it really stings the mom’s heart. Letting go is loving yourself and the adult child.
Unconditional Acceptance is certainly key.
I continue to love and send
Love and Light. Sometimes a lit candle and the flickering flame is a lovely sign of my continuing to love.
I also decided that I will keep my heart open for the day that the situation might change. I choose not to hold a grudge.
But, taking good care of myself is important. Even while missing the presence of my beloved....
I will have the audacity to not fall apart but to live in peace with others.
Love and Light to all who are on this path.
You're not alone.
Audacity...I love that
Yes! . Audacity ❤😊
Yes, our lives are worth it certainly,
So some peace and joy is good too.
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future💜, hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
Oh such good, sage guidance! Thanks for your share!
This is so really sad. Big hugs to all the suffering mothers and grandmothers. As Margaret says: acceptance (though very difficult) will set you free.
I acknowledge the void and just keep pushing forward. Once my child blocked me, the writing was on the wall and I just had to let it go. I did everything I could except drive to the home and that’s just not who I am. I will continue my life with love, positivity and acceptance.
Thanks for continuing the conversation and Godspeed to all of us dealing with this.
🌹🙏✨
I’m in same boat except I did drive to where he/DIL/grandkids were living, only to find out they’d moved & I’m suddenly not allowed to know where, or see 3 of my 4 grandkids. It seems to stem from DIL. So yep I understand when you say you have to push forward.
So many nuances to these situations which may never get resolved.
Thankyou Margaret, I have no better word's as others here have already expressed it so well. Your article is so extremely helpful for all who have had this saddest of situations happen. A really helpful conversation. Thankyou.
🙏🏿🫂♥️
My family is on three other continents. I was blocked too for some time because of differences of opinion. I keep on sending love once a week. I am now unblocked but communication is tough. ♥
Thank you for the video, you have such a kindly face. Ten years estranged from entire family including my son. I attempted suicide, lived in the wastelands of depression and then dug myself out. I pour my love into my three dogs. I pour more love into the residents i work with at a brain injury unit and I save more love for myself. I am a free spirit, living a different life to people around me. I get triggered when i see content families and friends talking about their grandchildren but i have peace. No more dramas, no more self disgust, just a gentle sadness and deep appreciation of life, which was the gift i received after falling into the abyss. Look after yourselves, please stop ruminating over what happened, its a dead end ❤️❤️❤️
Bravo to you! The best thing you said was acknowledging that you do still get triggered when you see families that seemingly are content to be family... followed by the very big truth that you have PEACE. Keep including yourself in the list of who gets taken care of by you! 💚🪷💚
Your words were helpful. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing. I can relate to some of what you’ve gone through. I’m proud of you and where you’re at now. Keep up the good work!
I feel the same way❤
Thank you
After nearly five years of trying everything I could think of, and not receiving any possibility for reconciliation, I realized that if I were pining like this after a man who had left me, it would be considered unhealthy, even crazy. I don't deserve this and don't want to share my love with someone who doesn't cherish it or want it in any way. As hard as it is, there is nothing for me to do now but turn my attention forward in my own life. There are people who can share love with me. My daughter is not one of them. Thank you, Margaret, for bringing up this topic again. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through, but as you said, acceptance is the realization that all doors are closed in that relationship and there is still a lot of life to live.
I have a semi-estranged adult daughter, nearly 50, with two teenage children (whom I love dearly). Their mother and I have had a strained relationship for quite a number of years. My heart is broken, not only for me, but for my son, who she has cut out of their lives completely. I'm allowed to see my grandkids on occasion, but, somehow I wonder if it's because I try to gift them as generously as I possibly can. I always have, and, only ever out of love. It's been a long rough road with many stops and starts, but with daily prayer, I'm slowly learning to accept a "new normal". It's one of the hardest things a mother can bear. Prayers up for all. 🙏🏻
My semi-estrangement is almost exactly the same as roseyc.5846 except it’s my son with one teenage daughter. My heart is broken. I go for a while accepting the situation. Then all of a sudden I’m back in depression. It’s a vicious cycle. I keep praying for things to get better, but it seems that is not going to happen. I’m 76, and my husband is 81. I think I’ll die with a broken heart even though I have two other fabulous children and five other wonderful grandchildren. I just want our family to be whole again.
@@jeanetteturner7466 It is a soul crushing pain.. Yes it hurts but you have to accept his decision and enjoy the rest of your family because this is his journey. I have come to that point now and it is more peaceful for me. You love your son but have to let him go.
I am estranged from my oldest son. He has cut out his father and younger brother also, who is also heartbroken over his treatment of him. The only reprieve I've had in all these years was the few times I got a chance to validate his pain and his reasons, to apologize to him, and to offer to help him if life if he should ever need me too. I don't know if he cares or appreciates that but at least I know I extended that to him.
Wow your situation sounds very similar to mine! I understand your feelings. Wishing you well. ❤
@@leecranton thank you. You as well
It's the most painful thing to live through, and I've lost my health due to it, although emotionally I'm much stronger. In my dark times I listened to the late Thich Nhat Hahn, and turned to nature, as well as therapy from a patient therapist. Someone else mentioned stoicism, and I agree, I will always do what's right, no matter what, and I never want to be seen as a victim. I send my love to you Margaret and to all those mothers and fathers struggling with this.
You are a very strong person. I wish you all the best.
I’m the estranged stoic ☺️ I wish you peace and comfort. I live in the forest of southern oregon. Nature is a healer. My best wishes to you.
@@NoNameCityAmerica Thank you so much, I wish the same for you. I live in the countryside in Yorkshire, but living where you do must be lovely, I think trees in particular, are great healers. I wish you well.
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future💜, hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
🩵
Thank you, this topic is extremely painful
Yes indeed x
🫂🙏🏿♥️
4 years of estrangement.
I’ve been reading and learning, Stoicism. It’s helped. I miss my daughter and granddaughter.
I’m only in control of my behavior. Leave the past in the past. The present is now, the future is unknown. ❤
This is a timely message for me. Thank you, Margaret. I am not estranged from my children but sometimes I feel they don’t include me in their lives as much as I would like for them to and it can be painful. As you said, they won’t always love us like they did when they were 4 years old! But, it’s good to know that I am not alone in this as a mother and that there are communities like this one that are here to encourage and urge us on into a fulfilling life despite what others do or fail to do.
You spoke the words l feel...thank you
What honest,lovely ladies on this site Margaret 💓 As a mother, grandmother l share and feel the pain....no one can hurt us so deeply as them. God has said; l will never leave you or forsake you... that gives me great comfort.🙏♥️
I am amazed that this is so common! I never imagined it could happen to me.. but I went through a real falling out with my daughter of 39 about 4 months ago. We have always been quite close. Its like going through a divorce, almost. But in the end it has been a positive lesson in life for me, in all sorts of ways. We have our 'boundaries' now which benefits both of us. What has helped me so much is books and talks like Eckhart Tolle, Dr Joe Dispenza and a wonderful book 'On Eagles Wings' by Lord Cecil Martin. I only wish all these life truths were taught to us at an early age in school, rather than learning the hard way!
No one could have been taught this, it’s a sign of the times, is too common now. The “me” mentality has absolutely taken a toll ! Both of my grown children are like this. It’s sad really. I’m 64 and I was raised differently, thank God. If you discipline your children when they grew up, DCFS would be called, or be threatened to be called (by my daughter) or the teachers who couldn’t mind their own business, and that would be another nightmare. It’s all changed, and not for the better!
@@progressivedragon6664 oh poor you. Another poor me baby. I see all your comments to other parents are nothing but disrespectful and insulting as if you even the slightest idea what’s really happening. Keep going to therapists and blaming everyone else for your little hurt feelings. Trolling and immature at best. You’ll know them by their fruit progressive warrior 🤣
Mother's give and sacrifice.Hearts get broken when not loved back.Thank you for this talk. 💜
Thanks for listening
Too raw & in pain to even write my situation here but thank you so much for this video Margaret! Sending you much love and appreciation 💜💜💜 Also thank you so much to everyone who shared in the comments. Trying to find comfort in the knowledge that others are also dealing with this & some have even found acceptance. Sending love, light & hope to all!🙏💜💜
Go gently.
@@susandriver7238 ❤️❤️❤️
Me,too
Thank you @laurenv2003. Love, light and hope to you!
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future💜, hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
I am in the same situation as many of the women in this comment section. After years of estrangement, I have to quit beating a dead horse. It will always hurt but I have to move on. Thank you Margaret.
Hello from Tucson. I'm in the same boat, with two children, one disowning me, the other, I have. Years of tears and explanations resulted in my being miserable. I birthed them, thus they are free to make their own decisions. I no longer care and have moved on with dearest friends who are more family! I let go and find it much easier. Wish them well and their children. Love your commentary so much. ❤ I will be 80 this fall. Much love. 🎉
Thankyou for such wise words lovely Margaret. My oldest Son cut me out of his life 12 years ago and it's taken me a very long time to come to terms with the ongoing pain. My Children moved to another Country 35 years ago after I raised them as a single Mother so I also have been deprived of all my Grandchildren. However on that note as a Mother now in my mid 70s and ageing alone with no family support I'm now accepting my life is more precious than ever so living my life for myself and taking extra care in staying healthy and socially connected so I've finally reached a place of peace and happiness. Letting go of the ongoing emotional pain is finally behind me now you've given me light of acceptance. Thankyou for that final nudge❤
Good for you...enjoy the world now...the years left are precious 💕💕💕
I am in the same situation as you. I like myself and realize it’s time for me to be a mother to myself. In retirement I am enjoying the freedom from bondage of the umbilical cord.
There are many such programs on TH-cam , non compare to yours - here I will stay 👌💐😊 . You're talking about problems that affects many mothers ( I'm one of them) , yet the other podcast do not talk about . You always give the right advice and support , often a good friend is not capable of giving . Thank you 💝
Thank you so much 🙂
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future💜, hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
You are right and many of us know it but as you say, acceptance takes time. After many years of trying, complaining, soul searching, etc. I am finally getting to acceptance without animosity. Even though I don't wish it on anyone knowing I'm not the only one dealing with this situation does help so thank you for this video. I am so glad to see that you made such a quick recovery and you look extra beautiful today!! Purple really suits you💜
Been living this utter hell about seven years. It’s like being dead but your alive.
I hear you. I have felt this way too. It’s a struggle to keep going, some days are better than others.
I wish you peace and love, dear Ruby!
@@blackberries1437thank you, that’s very kind. It’s tough, and I wish you peace too. X
You are so amazing Margaret and inspiring ❤️. I'm 63 and very alone but I'll figure this chapter out somehow. I'm estranged from my eldest and I sent him an email acknowledging father's day to him but I will not hear back from him. He stopped and blocked all communication over 3 years ago. It's just knowing I'm not the only mom feeling this horrible loss. Thank you for sharing your thoughts story and just for being here for all of us
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future 💜 hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
My son did the same over my attention to my daughter because she needed more attention at the time. I never see my beautiful grand boys of my sons and I still send him a happy birthday, but of course, nothing in return. I’ll see them in heaven and only One will have the say about THAT 😊. The devil has been hard at work breaking up families for sure. But time’s running out for him 👍🏼.
Serenity prayer has helped me so much throughout my life. When my 40 year old daughter dumped me a year and a half ago , this prayer once again helped me beyond measure. Now even with a broken heart , I’m finding silver linings everyday from letting go.
More time for the rest of my beautiful children and my friends.
Going back to some of my first loves , literature , philosophy and the English language.
The soul can only have rainbows if the eyes have tears sometimes
Thank you for discussing this subject, it helps us heal
I also thank you for your channel, as this is a truly an embarrassing, humiliating and profoundly painful topic....its a blessing to have a safe space to talk about it....and see others who are dealing with similar struggles....so thank you very much ..
Thank you for bringing up this subject 🙏..i had a close relationship with my sons..i showed my kids so much love but i dont see them as much. But i have focus on other things..and have tried to be positive ..its nice to know that we not alone in this situation
I am walking this path of estrangement from two beautiful, intelligent daughters. Along side the personal pain I carry for their loss every day, comes the secondary, but in reality, equally painful occurrence of dealing with friends, acquaintances and casual meetings with others who in their innocent inquiries probe into “what’s up with that?” “What happened…Have you tried this?…Couldn’t you just…I thought you were such a good mother…I feel like calling them up and giving them a piece of my mind!…etc” It is excruciatingly painful, these ‘instant help’ remarks. Thank you so much for your posts on this subject, it is a blessing.
So very true.
Unless you have experienced it personally, it’s very hard to understand. And each of us gets through it differently. Acceptance is truly the only commonality for healing ❤️🩹
It is two years since my two daughters stoped talking with me. It is very hard not to see them anymore and I have two grandchildren who do not coming anymore.
They know I am 10 min. away, and I live by my self.. no any family members. I do not know what is the reason for such decision.
We all live in difficult time ...I pray for them. I had complications with my mother relationship, but in the hardest time ...never occurred to me to live my mother for ever and not talk wit her.
I have to accept ... still is very hard.
God Bless you !
Friends remarks are like knives into my heart. "You should be happy that your son is healthy," or "you must have done something wrong".....
I have a friend who is still in contact with my children and her daughters are still friends with them. I often wonder how much she and they have meddled because at times she gloats about it. If I lived closer to her, I'm sure I'd have lost patience with her. I now refuse to discuss my alienation problems with anyone. Then you just internalise the pain
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future 💜 hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
Thank you so much for speaking to this very painful reality for so many of us ❤
Thankyou for helping me realize that I am not alone , it helps with the embarrassment of not being able to share stories of my grandchildren as others do
Thanks Margaret for touching on this subject. I haven’t seen my daughter in over 2 months now. She doesn’t even call to see how we are. Her Dad has cancer and I have a bunch of health problems.
I really hope that things improve. Stay strong. Good luck with your husband’s health. Sending you love.
I am holding you in my prayers. I am also living the same cruel nightmare.
Thank you so much.
So good! I especially like what you said about how we do the best we can, no it’s not perfect. I have also found that when someone chooses to end contact that if we can embrace the mystery and stop wondering why, knowing they might not really even know why themselves in a clear explainable way. We have a hard enough time understanding ourselves, so understanding other people can be a tall order. We can pray for them and if they have ever told us anything about why, we can try to learn from it, but ultimately we have to respect their decision and stop hurting ourselves, forgive ourselves and give it over to God to watch over them. He loves them far more than we ever could and they are asking us to let them be, and we can do that for them with love
Utter complete and utter BS. GOD does not love our children more than we do. You are truly delusional. There’s nothing in gods creation more powerful than mother love. That’s why this estrangement hurts like a living death. Good for you if you believe that, but don’t force that opinion on others @Hendricana!!
Thank you! Your words have reinforced the giving myself permission to let go of my children I’m estranged from. I will always pray for them, but my sadness doesn’t change a thing, it just keeps me unhappy. Why shouldn’t I move on and have some peace and joy in my own life? I have much to be grateful for despite the loss of relationships. I will choose to focus on my blessings each day and the good relationships I still enjoy with other family members and friends! Margaret, you have the kindest, warmest, encouraging smile and personality. Much love and blessings to You!
Thank you for this video! I am becoming estranged from a son slowly, over time, and I realize it's just time to step back and let go! But, it's still hard. Never lose hope that the estrangement will end however, and don't close the door to them, have hope the situation will be better and get resolved!
You got this! Take good care.
God Bless all of us Moms. I was such a good one. The other kids liked me, and my daughter did at the time. I actually asked her " did you have a good childhood?" She replied that she did. I never ignored my mother, when i was an adult. She always knew my address and my phone number, ect. Boy you really help me Margaret, with this topic. Thank you!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you for this video. This was helpful. I have shed a million tears over the past year, but I hope to be able to finally ACCEPT this situation. The comments are helpful as well. I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone, but it is somewhat helpful to know I am not the only one that just can't make it right with my family.
Oh Margaret, I have watched you over the years, but rarely written. You have become one of my go-to sources for help and encouragement. I've done pretty well with "acceptance," but it is an on-going growth challenge. This video is what I needed to hear today. Thank you so much for your help and I am so glad you are feeling better. 😊❤
My grown son has distance himself but im trying my best to understand him and keep a relationship with him. He bought me my favorite food yesterday from doordash ❤
It's really hard and you MUST not let go if it's a child living with the other parent.God willing as the child ages they will change their heart as they are able to separate from the other parent.💛
There was no fight between my son and I. He just cut me out of his life when he moved to another city. I am trying to be brave, and have not given up yet. But I hope the very best for him. I dont want to go into details here because its still so hurtful and painful. Thanks for your great words, I will try to move forward.
I’ve finally accepted the fact that one daughter simply is not interested in a relationship with me any longer. I’ve cried many tears over her over her lifetime, it’s not been easy for her, and I know I wasn’t the perfect mother. And I can’t make her love me if she doesn’t. Everything I’ve tried hasn’t helped, seem to have only made things worse. My love is not enough. So I have to let her go.
Sadly our adult children forget that they themselves are also not perfect.
@@rollingwiththepunches1988 Yes, that too. Stay healthy dear.
Hi from Annie I have just the one child my daughter after she got married second time to an abuser of children and women he told her that I am not welcomed and they have pushed me away itis 9 going on 10yrs since I saw my grandkids they are now girl is turned 20yr n twin boys will be 19yrs in August I don't even know what they look like. He makes them all move every two years or sooner and I have no contact details at all no phon or mobile numbers they got changed no emails n cut form their facebks it is awful I have no other family at all and am in my 60's I am scared and at time feel like ending it all they were my life my whole purpose I am single as well so no love in my life and most friends are too busy to call me they brag of their grand kids spending every day with them etc it hurts when they do that they just do not care some I think even laugh at me they are gluten's but what goes round come round.
I find the hardest part of my distant and difficult relationship with my daughter is that it affects my relationship with my beloved granddaughter of 9 years. It is like a barrier between her and me. So sad!
Yes, we are all human...let her go. Fill up your life with thing you love to do. Time will numb this open wound, not completely. But we who read this understand and empathize with you!!!
Thank you so much for this video. I really needed to watch it. I know God put this particular one in my feed today. So thankful, but sorry, to know I’m not alone. Also a good reminder to me of how the serenity prayer applies to most, if not all, situations. 🙏
You are so welcome
Thank you for this difficult topic .There are so many reasons our children. are estranged. My son has an addiction We do talk and keep in contact to some degree but it’s sporadic due to his addiction. I would give anything for him to be healthy and have a good life. The substance keeps us from having a functional relationship. My heart breaks for him every day and I am there for him but I grieve the loss of what I envisioned what I saw for his life. I have had to recognize what I can’t control. It’s baby steps every day to live my life and do things for myself. It’s so very very hard . Prayers for all the moms going through this hurtful part of life. ❤️🙏🏼
My son's addiction is a mean spirted wife, sadly
@@loiscampbell1557 I understand all too well I’m sad you are experiencing this
Forgiveness for ourselve and others for me very important, I realized earley enough in my child rearing years that I did not own my children. For me this was priceless, we are all on our own jouney even our children. Lifes all about change and excepting this with love and understanding, their is no other way around it.❤ it is healthy to make a life for ourselves outside our children, we deserve it. 😊
A dear friend has experienced this painful circumstance. Her strength in moving forward is so admirable. May we all find this type of strength to overcome the changes in our lives.
This is so sad! I have two lady friends, in which one of their children doesn't speak to them, nor will have anything to do with them. I cannot imagine this happening. But sadly, it does. Both of them are strong woman and are trying their best to make peace with this. As they have reached the point of acceptance. They have had a long road getting to this point. I wish strength and love and peace to everyone suffering in this way. Thank you, Margaret for that Serinity Prayer.
After 12 years and counting, I feel I no longer "hurt" but have become numb and indifferent about it. I cried more than a river of tears for YEARS and finally came to cold hard ACCEPTANCE and "let it go" I will go to my grave not understanding how the trigger event that led her to cut me off, even came about. The hardest part of this decade long estrangement is keeping my loving relationship with her sister, who absolutely refuses to be a go-between and we share time together without mention of her sister, my estranged oldest daughter. There was a time I couldn't have even written these words I'm posting now without crying my eyes out. But I'm literally spent. I have accepted what I cannot change (believe me I tried everything to end this, I love her with all my heart) and I live on, enjoying the love of my youngest daughter and 2 stepdaughters that show me love. I'm so sorry for everyone who shares this pain along with me. When it first happened, I never dreamed so many people experience this reality too. Thank you for todays video topic, it makes me feel validated that I'm not alone and thank you for understanding I'm not a monster for accepting what I cannot change and I live a happy life and have compartmentalized her as a memory of her childhood years when her love seemed endless.
Until I searched TH-cam, I had no idea this was so prevalent either. It’s really sad so many go through this.
I had no idea that there were many of us in the same boat. I do believe that mainstream media have played a terrible role in the breakup of relationships. People see things differently. All my life I wondered how the Holocaust could happen and now I do understand how.
@@SuelynngrrSue. It is very normal for all of us to see things differently. Perceptions differ on all manner of tópics and aspects. A bit like the old saying 'one man's meat is another man's poison". The trick is to steer through such situations without getting over upset.
@@doloresaquines1529It's extremely insensitive to post condescending advice about such a sensitive subject.
@@ajbee4706 I am sorry you feel like that. My advice is not condescending. Far from It. Please do not address me again.
Most mothers will always love and forgive their child, hoping and praying and trying to understand what lead to this unbelievable estrangement. It is like a nightmare. However, you all know what: we raised our child. Our child is an adult who does not have the right to harm and disrespect a parent who just did his / her best. Do not allow your life to be destroyed.
You are very wise! You have helped me today, and I thank you!
Maid in London, you can absolutely expect to be respected. You need to have your own bounderies. Do not allow anyone to use you or blackmail you. If you have done wrong then you be the first one to apologize. But if you have done no wrong then please stand your ground and don't allow anyone to change who you are and remember you are not someone else's trash to be discarded. Don't allow yourself to be eaten away to nothing. Be kind to yourself!
A special thanks for this video. It it's difficult, but it definitely works with practice. Acceptance and forgiveness was the key for me.
😔❤🙏🏼
I have rarely witnessed this subject matter being discussed on TH-cam or anywhere else for that matter - it makes it seem almost taboo. And so sad. But clearly, a suffering being braved by so many who found they are only human, and like every other human may not have always made the best choices. For Mothers, when our mistakes result in negatively impacting our children, it is truly devastating and seems a natural inclination to cling to every hope of reconciliation. So many have shared helpful advice - similar to the serenity prayer you lovingly suggested. Thank you for this helpful post and to all who shared from their hearts. 🙏🏼
You are very welcome - I am so happy women feel safe and strong to discuss this - it’s very challenging and I give them all my respect and love 🌺
I feel SHAME regarding my situation with my children. Who wants to discuss a topic that is shrouded in SHAME? Just saying.
Thank you Margaret. Everything you said, and the article talks about is so true. Acceptance is the only answer and it’s not easy to do, but possible to do. It is a resignation of the situation. We are so emotionally attached to people and things. And pride is the biggest issue, but many times it’s hard to see because we’re only looking at the other person. In time, we will see our part. And sometimes, it’s not us at all. Very fine line. The serenity prayer is perfect for all of us, no matter the situation. We need to take the time to meditate on what those words truly mean. Then it will come. ❤️
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future 💜 hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
Thank you bringing this subject up. We need to love ourselves and accept the things we cannot change. We can only change ourselves.
Margaret thank you , you are doing a difference in many lives .you give me hope and peace thank you xxx
Thank you so much for this. I have felt, at times, that my life is no longer worth living over this estrangement & the judgments of his circle of people. He was my whole family. I have learned to trust my inner voice & so I spoke to him about those bad vibes he and his new wife were giving off. Thus, I may have started it, but it was his terribly abusive response & ability to drop me in a snap that ended it. And, it also verified that my suspicions were right all along. I must accept that. I will miss not knowing my grandchildren, but that was his decision, not mine. Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.
You are not alone
Margaret, this is such a hard topic...and so needed now in our world. I know that this message, so kindly put will help others...and to be honest, I wish that my grown "boys" wanted to spend more time with me and my husband, but they do have their own lives now...they are busy, working, getting married and I'm grateful to have them in my life with lots of love...but, you're right, we don't get to "control" them anymore, ha...I mean...the relationship really does change and evolve...sometimes as moms, it's harder for us to evolve as well! Thanks again for sharing this topic...so needed!! :) So glad there is hope no matter what! :)
Thank you, Margaret for your good words. In my life - It’s not easy, it’s hurting. But I gave up and accept it
Thanks Margaret. I appreciate this topic. It is difficult. But we have to let go 😊
It's a different world now. So sad all around. My parents sometimes drove me crazy but I would have never treated them like this. They were my parents and I always respected them. I feel that it is my daughter's loss. No one will ever love them like mom and dad.
Thank you so much for addressing this topic. I really needed to hear it today ❤ As always love watching your videos 🥰
Thanks for watching!
What a beautiful message to all women whom may struggle in this area. Love this message. xoxo bless you
Thank you so much for this video. I am not totally estranged but very nearly from my 24 year old only daughter/adult child who wants to start her new life with her partner without myself and her father in it. Her way of coping is to hardly speak to us and to not give us her address. Occasional Facebook Messenger only. I will always love her but it's good to know that I'm not the only one that this has happened to. I have done my best and I think that you are entirely correct in that acceptance is the only way forward. Thank you for tackling such a sensitive subject Margaret.
Thank you Margaret for opening this discussion - it is an important one for many .
Yes, acceptance.
But perhaps, forgiveness comes first.
Forgive yourself ( whether you know what your part is in the estrangement or not) and forgive the child.
Be mindful, that sometimes when we make amends or offer apologies to our children or to anyone else, it does not mean that they automatically accept ( there is that word again) our efforts... it does not mean that they automatically forgive us back. It is only our task to forgive THEM unconditionally ... no matter what their response or lack there of is.
After taking that very brave step, we are able to release and then ACCEPT that this is how it is... right now... this is how it is... FOR now... this is how it is.
Whether it changes over time or not is now in the hands of the child, and in the hands of the Universe... you have done your part to move forward in a positive manner... you were brave enough to take that step to forgiveness... now take the courageous step towards ACCEPTING that you have done all that you can to make the situation better.. it is now out of your hands...
allow that to resonate deep within your heart and soul... mind , body, and spirit... listen to the wisdom within telling you that you have done all that you can do.
For those in my own situation where the child's behavior has become drastically disruptive due to mental illness, accept that we can lead the child to therapy, medication , we can be supportive... that does not mean that OUR efforts will be enough for that adult child to take the power into their own hands in order to heal themselves .. that old saying of leading the horse to water but not being able to make that horse drink no matter how thirsty it is! Each one of us is in charge of our own body and it's wellness... we cannot force another adult do anything they do not acknowledge they need to do... when we have done all that we can , and the adult child's behavior is so hurtful, so disruptive, or so destructive on your own life, if it effects your own health, then do the work to forgive, and accept that this is how it is.. remembering that nothing is permanent... doors can be closed... remember though that they can be reopened as well.
Apologies for the long winded comment.. it is a topic that is close to my heart... I hope that I have or will help someone else here navigate this part of life that we never expected ... thanks again Margaret! ❤
Thank you Margaret for this video. It’s much more common than we all realise. Acceptance is the key as you said and it’s really good to remember the Serenity poem & look after ourselves!
You are looking remarkably good Margaret after your surgery & hope all is going well for you?
Thank you for all that you are & do for others. 💐💐💐
Your video has comforted me. Thank you. Grief from estrangement is unlike grief from a death in that it doesn't lessen over time; it can even increase over time.
If you let it xx
Thank you, Margaret, for great advice, support, and encouragement.
Our specific circumstances differ and change.
But ‘acceptance’ and living in the present - as much as possible - have worked for me.
You are so welcome!
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
I am struggling with acceptance and I know that I need too for my own sanity and joy. It is like an open wound that never heals, heart-wrenching and heart breaking. Adult children being cruel is not a good way to grow but I do know I have to accept that it is what it is.
It leaves a permanent scar. It has changed me in a way not of my choosing.
So True, Margaret knows this.
It hurts do much because the estrangement is so deliberate. I have nothing they need and am not valued. It is hard finding a new path that is separate from my family.
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future 💜 hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
Me too.😞
I enjoy listening to Margaret so much, after reading these sad and compelling stories, I've decided to join more of the estranged groups on Facebook. Also I'm moving to a very active community. I just might throw get togethers on Mother's and Father's day. Once Again Thanks Margaret❤❤🎉😊
I have been through this with my two daughters numerous times cutting me off from my grandchildren or turning them against me. I got to the point that I was done with this game of control they have been playing with me for years, and just didn’t care anymore. I simply turned the tables and I cut them out of my life to the point of blocking them. It worked like magic and my oldest is trying very hard to get back in my life. My youngest has even come around and is talking to me. I am happy, but guarded in excepting them back in.
I have done the same as you. After years of being available to help out at all times but finding myself being treated like 'something the cat dragged in' I cut my two daughters out of my life and decided to wait and see how long it took for them to think of what I had done over the years for them - even to the point of putting myself in difficult financial situations in order to help them. It's been three years now and I am actually not suffering at all - rather l am enjoying this sense of freedom, have great friends and think I would be very wary of letting them back in!
Do your best to keep your heart open... people ( even our children) can learn and grow - but yes, keep yourself guarded... your obligation is to keeping yourself well.
I did not speak to our youngest ( technically I am the step parent- ) for two and a half years- and then her dad had a bad accident and that opened dialogue on a nearly daily basis as we do not reside in the same state. The behavior coming from her was still toxic, and I realized early in that I had been truly at peace without her in my life- I care deeply and love her to the moon and back, but having toxic waste dumped on me is not my idea of a relationship! When her dad crossed over , I was supportive and compassionate - the entire family was towards her... she has pretty much cut everyone out... the peace is good. I no longer live life in the hopes that she will turn a new leaf, a healthy leaf. And I accept that it is not my job to turn that leaf for her- she has to do it herself... hopefully your children will get the memo that you sent out loudly and clearly and see what it is they have been missing in their lives!
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿You Did GOOD!!🙏🏿🫂♥️👍🏿👍🏿
Oh ladies I needed to hear all this. I am trying very hard to be strong. Missing my grandchildren has been extremely painful. To take the grandchildren away as a means of control and punishment when you haven't done anything wrong is so Evil. To give in will only allow it to happen again and again. I can't live through it again. It needs to stop here. Please keep me in your Prayers as I will 😢also keep you.
@@jojocraig755 Oh my dear, I am so sorry to hear this! Praying for you and all of the others!
Just watched this video. Thank you so much Margaret. I too am going through the pain of estrangement from my son and grandchildren. It feels like a bereavement. After 9 years I am trying to accept it and move on. I am retired and in my sixties and need to enjoy my life. Your words of encouragement and kindness are so comforting. I am so pleased to have found Sixty and Me. You are an inspiration. Bless you ❤️❤️
Read up on Stoics philosophy. It is helping me immensely. Love and hugs to all who are hurting.❤️
Thank you for this video. It really speaks to me just like many others who maybe in a similar situation. As a buddhist myself, I loved when you quoted the Buddha's quote on suffering and that we want to keep the things that by nature have to change. This is so true. Impermanence. Although I was forced to separate and remain estranged from my only child a daughter since she was six years old, I have learned to accept it and owe my gratitude to my beloved late father who gave me the greatest gift I could ever dream of and that is the Buddha dharma or teachings which brought me so much peace and comfort to move on with my life accepting all obstacles. It's been 34 years since our separation. I don't hear from her, speak or see her but, again as my father said I need to accept it and move on and always be happy🙏🌹🕊
This is the best talk I have heard on the internet ever. Really good for thought
I've cried what seems like forever. I've let it go. Accepted it. In therapy and I'm now focusing on myself. New life. Adventures and love.
Hi, my name is Karla, I live near McAlester, Ok. Seen your in OKC?
This is a painful journey for all of us, one we never imagined would happen to us, it’s been almost 5 yrs since my daughter up and moved 1200 miles away, taking my granddaughter who I was raising with her. I’ve been so desperate for counseling, but here where I live counselors are a joke. But God is my counselor, my strength and my prayers have changed thru all the tears, broken heart and sleepless nights, If I accept it, I feel like I’m giving up?
Anyway, I guess I need to work on that one. Just seen where you were and wanted to reach out. I didn’t realize there were so many going thru this. It is so sad to see.
@karlaharvey2623 hang in there. Get yourself focused on yourself. It gets better, but still sucks.
Thank you. Many of us need this.
Correct we have to let them go no matter how hard it is but continue to love them forever
R.A.I.N.:: Recognize. Allow. Investigate. Nurture. It is not just that we cannot change our children, it is that WE are WORTHWHILE and beautiful even if there is estrangement.
❤❤❤
I agree.
That little brat has no idea what she is missing out on.
But I still love her. I am actually fine with it. It is her choice. This is much harder on us than it is on them. Also the closer you are emotionally to your child, the bigger explosion 💥 they need to individuate.
I have four adult daughters.
She is still my baby.
She is amazing to me.
I raised a niece from the age of ten and we were close. But in adulthood she put a lot of distance between us. I think of her as a daughter and this has been very painful. I know she had an extremely challenging childhood and unfortunately this has affected her relationship with me even though I was the one constant loving parent. I let her know that I really wanted to see more of her and the grandchildren a few years ago. I would have loved to go to their school events etc. She became furious with me. So boundary set. But it did enable me to move away to be closer to another daughter who wanted me closer. Most contact with T produces pain for me because of the reminder that I am no longer her "Mom". I'm really now only her aunt. But I love her like a daughter. I know this is a result of her difficult childhood and unfortunately she married a man who is totally uninterested in fostering a relationship. So...serenity prayer.
I guess I should be grateful for what I have. At least we have contact.
Thank you, Margaret, even though this is a tragic topic I feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one. For years there was no information on this and if I dared say anything to another person, they looked at me with disdain. The only one person who said something that I could relate to was a very kind lady at the gym I was working out at. She blamed the situation on my Ex-in-laws and come to think of it they were very indifferent. (she thought the behavior could have a genetic component to it) And another lady I worked with yrs. ago when I was starting to have the problem blamed it on the fact that I was a single mother, but she was kind about it.
I just found your wonderful blog! You are an incredibly attractive, intelligent and compassionate woman with much wisdom to share on many diverse topics. I am the last man standing in my family- no children. I am spending time in the 4 gospels and have found Jesus has filled the cavernous hole in my heart. That being said I do miss being held tenderly - especially at night. I look forward to going back and reading many of your previously written entries. Thank you for sharing your ♥ heart! Mary
Thank you so much!
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future 💜 hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
I call them "Orphaned Moms". Very sad. The worst heartbreak. Finally, I had to recognize my own inner child deserved happiness and I needed to drop the burden of the grief the best I could.
I thought to myself recently how great it would be for someone to create a utube channel about the abuse mother's are experiencing from adult children it is a huge epidemic yet we feel so alone.
Your channel popped up this morning God is so good 🎉
Yes, He is 👍🏼 The whole thing is unnatural really. I think that’s why is so hard to accept. But when it comes to our sanity, it becomes necessary! Hang in there, you are definitely not alone I’m this mess !
My heart goes out to all mothers who endure separation from their children no matter what age. I am blessed to have my daughter as my neighbour and my lovely mum just down the road. I don’t take this for granted as my daughter is getting married next year and talks about moving to Canada at some point. We live in the UK. I would rather she move away than to resent me for holding her back from her dreams.
Depending on where in Canada... the weather can take its toll. You never know, she might end up preferring the UK. These days, people seem to move around a lot! I never thought I would live in three different countries! LOL!
Rose. A great post! You are respecting her Life. Your daughter and future husband are not unusual. I Don't think I know one family where a daughter or son hasn't gone abroad. Sometimes for a few Years (usual contract situatión). Many do return. Some do not. Your daughter Will love you more for not trying to dissuade her.
Thank you both for your comments. I traveled and lived abroad as a child and young adult albeit with my parents who were in the Military. I understand just how enriching experiences can be in a different country and different cultures . I shall mentally prepare myself for the worst and hope for the best whilst all the time smiling and encouraging them both to grab life with both hands and any opportunities that come along.
@@Summerrose400 Wise woman! Wishing you all the best. ♥
Thank you for this..
I experience acceptance of my adult son’s choice to cut me out of his life, as phases. I can cycle through again along with the grief of the estrangement. My few gestures to reach out were violently rejected with even more written blame and rejection, so I will not open that door again. My heart broke being left out of his wedding, saw the pictures new wife posted on Facebook. Cycle started again of grieving to acceptance. I’ve worked to find my support system outside of family, people who love me now as I am. That person my son is rejecting was formed from my own life experiences and trauma, and has grown and changed, I think for the better. His loss is not wanting to know me now. I hope he is never the recipient of the same treatment. Thanks
Bless you, it is cycles of grief. Your words helped me x
Margaret, thank you for talking about this.
Get new adult children to care for instead and forget your own. Their friends will do. My daughter’s friend always calls me her second Mom- and always remembers to reach out to me during holidays. She is my new daughter. ❤
bless your NEW daughter. She is your "logical" daughter. She is 'of your soul' not of your body. that's a gift from
Heaven.
I also have a young lady who adopted me as her “Momma” she’s about 4 yrs older than my daughter, and now, she use to come hang out with me, always came to me when she needed my advice, etc. now for the past couple months, she’s doing the same to me. She tells me she’s spending a-lot of time with her boyfriend etc. but it’s like here I go again.
I don’t think I can open my heart up to anymore.
You are a blessing 🙂
Thank you so very much. This was so helpful to me and my 💔 heart.
Speaking only for myself, I feel that often when our grown children make messes of their own lives, we moms
get the blame. We are easy punching bags. After my oldest daughter had three failed relationships, she was extremely angry and took her anger out on me. She would yell at me, and it really hurt my feelings. I knew she was hurting, so I over looked it, until one time, I put her in her place. She stayed very angry with me for months. I knew that I had to give her time, to figure out whom she was really angry with. Eventually, she did come around, but it was very painful for me as her mother. She is on to a New Romantic relationship now, and smiles again. I am happy she is happy again.
I think it goes back to not expecting children to fill up your life but to enjoy the times when you can connect. . You ( and they) have to let go of opinions/expectations and move on. Life can be busy, children are working in careers, raising children and keeping up their own households. Accept that children and parents have different personalities and desires. Hopefully, children will be there when you need them and look out for your best interests in you older years. I would hope that for any of us who are older.
Great post, ig9! Well said.
I however believe it is not wrong to expect some level of love acceptance,empathy..or connection of caring children to their parents..it is selfish and heartbreaking for mothers to go through what I am reading here ...
@@janemberu6931 absolutely!
@@rosemarybanner its so much easier for kids to touch bases with their parent(s). There is no excuse that a parent doesn't get a text or email...i bet most of these mothers don't get even the simplest internet contact from their children.
You have a warm, beautiful soul Margaret. ❤️
Thank you for this video.
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future 💜 hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?
Well the serenity prayer says it.
God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I CANNOT change, COURAGE to change the things I can, and WISDOM to know the difference.
I have been estranged from my 41 daughter for the last 10 years. Due to her drug addiction and now mental illness, I am raising her two children, one is now 15 and the youngest is 11. They have not seen or spoke to their “mom” for the past 10 years. It’s so sad and really affects the youngest grandson. I Pray for her constantly and have given her to God and he is in control❤
Jo. They are SO Lucky to have you. You are their role modelo, their beacon. Your steadibess Will ensure they Will become steady and balanced adults.
Life is a gift in all of its forms. Your daughter has made her choices. In my life, I have made so many mistakes. What I found that made a difference with estrangement, is to realize this is not a story book. We can be authentic and give your grandchildren that same permission. It is ok to admit all of the feelings and not worry about what others think. Your daughter may be willing to visit with her kids while she is in her addiction. Let them see it for what it is so they can move on. Ask God for his peace so you can enjoy your life. Its ok to hold on, or to let go, what ever is right for the person. I ACCEPT I want to be happy and let go of my childrens decision to move on, I love them and I am at peace.
Thank you. Although I'm not a parent, your video helped me reframe an estrangement from a friend.
This popped up on my screen like a message from God, just as I saw my son had unfriended me and I am unable to text him.
For 13 years I have been kept from really getting to know my grandchildren and my son pretty much only called when he needed something. He's married to a perfectly evil young lady who's 12 years younger than him but definitely controls him and she puts him in and out like the cat and it keeps going back for more because he sadly has no backbone and I don't know if I'm responsible for that but this girl is a force to be reckoned with she texts me evil things and tells me I'm responsible because my son doesn't respect women now that's my fault, she forgets that when he was 12 until he was 16 he went to live with his father and another state but now the father so I didn't even really have him in those formative years.
Anyway it seems now that she's finally one and he really has cut off his ties for me so this video incredibly popped up just when I was trying to stop crying, pretty crazy huh but not really because I know God sent it to me. Does anyone know who she was referring to I only could hear Christine but I couldn't catch the last name so if anyone knows could you please let me know.
Thank you all have a happy Sunday.
I understand everything you said and empathize so much because I'm right there with you in all of this. It's by far the most painful thing I've ever faced in my life. Having ways is difficult because have you ever heard the saying "if you have a daughter, you have a friend for life. You have a son til he takes a wife." Unfortunately for me that's been true with all three boys. I understand I'm the common denominator so I've tried to be radically honest with myself and accept any faults and have apologized for anything and everything I can think of that I might have done to offend or hurt any of them but I'm learning that it's a group dynamic and they just keep each other charged up so I can't win. Struggling immensely to find acceptance and peace but it's been years. I googled the article and it's called "how estranged mothers can find acceptance and healing" by Christine Field. Reading it now. Hope it helps you and wishing you well!!🙏🙏💜💜💜
I believe the lady's name that Margaret mentioned is Christine Field. It sounds like we both had the same daughter-in-law. My son's wife divorced him after 20 years, but he is stll estranged from me. She had told him so many evil lies about our family and he apparently still believes them. I just love him from afar and I ask God to take care of him. He is in my will equal to my other children because I AM his mother whether he likes it or not!
Love and hugs to you!
@@JLR4244 I understand completely Joyce. Yes, he’s probably still “brainwashed“ to some extent even tho she’s gone. Yes absolutely all we can do is love them from afar, pray for their health & happiness. Other than that, I believe it’s in God’s hands if they do wind up back in my life someday. If not, of course we’ll always love them unconditionally anyway because, like u said, we’re they’re moms. That will never change from our perspectives. Sending u love, light & peace🙏🏼💜💜💜
@@laurenv2003 Thanks for kind words. It is comforting and extremely helpful to connect with other moms who share our pain. And It is freeing to talk about it rather than feeling ashamed and isolated.
Love and peace to you.
@@JLR4244 it seems we are in the same boat.
My daughter and I paid $27.00 each for tickets to my granddaughter's dance recital tonight, but after she told my daughter that she will not be taking her on vacation this summer,as planned, nor be allowed any contact with her or my little grandson, who barely knows us,we are not going.
Why would we go when we can't even see her after the recital to give her flowers or a kiss and a hug. I am sad about it but it was my granddaughter really was the catalyst for this latest war as I sent her a text to tell her that I loved her and I was sorry she was having to grow up in a war zone because I had the same childhood. She is almost 13 now so it's not like I was talking to eight or nine-year-old which I never did, but now I feel like she's old enough for me to reach out to but she went directly to her mother and her mother had a fit of course. From there all hell erupted between my son me and my daughter and My daughter-in-law. My son called me and my daughter wanting us to please go to the recital but it's just too much right now for me to handle and I wouldn't put it past you know who to start something at the recital because that's the kind of person she is and I might wind up in jail so I think I should stay home...lol
I am on the other side of the coin, I have been slowly breaking contact with my mother with the hopes of going full no contact. I want to thank you for highlighting accepting it-- so many videos talk about how to work it out etc... But honestly that doesn't work for many, as they've been trying to work it out most of their lives. At the end of the day, my mother and I simply don't share the same values. She has been so cruel to me my whole life, and from her perspective she had no choice but to be cruel because "I'm such a piece of trash." I don't deserve a mother who is cruel and she doesn't deserve a daughter she thinks is trash and hates. Importantly --- it is soooo much kinder to say goodbye so that both of us can move on and have better relationships. Yes it's hard , but acceptance that we weren't meant to be is a kindness
Very helpful video on a difficult topic.
I am so sad when its my birthday April, then when Mothers day comes in May...thats too much. I just try to occupy myself.
I too dread my Birthday and Mother's Day especially~. I don't think I could be any sadder.... And to this day Im not even sure why this has happened. Bless you in hopes it gets better.
Thank you for responding
I totally get what is being said here. I have found that if I say I accept something then I’m saying it is OK and I have to live with it, but if I tell myself, I have to come to terms with it then I’m saying to myself this is not right, but there’s nothing I can do about it and I have to live with it.
@@PattyFairclothjmegg very well said, and my daughters and I have went through two and three year periods of time, not speaking to each other. They used me not getting to see my grand children as a way to punish me. Stepping back now I realize how toxic the relationship has been for me. Now, we are having communication again, but only via text message. We live in other states and I think it’s just as well. I love what you said about there being no guarantee they will grow up to be compatible but more important they did grow up to be independent. my oldest daughter went through a drug addiction problem and when I refused to give her more money when she became homeless, I was the villain. Now I’m having health issues and if I text them anything I don’t get a response so I don’t think they care.
I was so attracted to your beautiful pictures🥰 on your profile when I came across it, so I decided to write to you so we could be good friends in honesty and in trust ❤️ so as time goes on it will bring something great for us in the future 💜 hope you don't mind? I'm Engineer Frank Williams from Nashville Tennessean, where are you from?