This is trending amongst adult children. Shocking as it is trends have a way of coming and going. The time frame for when this trend ends is unknown. My husband and I are in our mid 70s. Most of us don’t have a frame of reference to go by. We never would have treated our parents this way, even when we weren’t liking our parents for whatever reason. This is all new territory, but we can help each other by having these conversations, offering empathy and shared stories. Pain needs to be listened to. ❤
Thank you so much for being there& for being warm & helpful. To ALL the MOM's out there who are going through this God bless you🙏3 out of our 4 kids and just learning to move on . Most painful thing ever. My heart goes out to anyone going through this .❤️
YEP! act right or you never meet your grandchildren. any and all grandchildren will be kept safe away from people who consistently choose to do wrong. it's a happy life with lots of babies far away from nasty, self-absorbed, socially inappropriate individuals. :)
This past year has been very challenging to say the least. Recently however, after many hours of meditation and self awareness, I came to the realization that going over and over what happened, was only keeping the pain alive. I decided to stop feeling bad for something I didn't do and that worrying wasn't helping anyone. Here's to moving forward and to a very much improved new year!
Absolutely I agree. I have spend so much time heartbroken and trying to understand the why. After two years there is no resolve. I decided to carry on with my remaining family and grandchildren I am thankful are in my life and live the rest of my days in peace.
The rejection and indifference is just so gut-punching. I suppose it would be much more difficult if I lived in the same city or state. As of now, there is 3000 miles between us, but it doesn't matter if she lived on the other side of the globe. I definitely need a hug; I really ask myself every day what I did that was so bad....I wasn't perfect, but I did the best I could. I didn't have a lot of money; that was one of the things she seemed embarrassed about. Now, her and her husband have successful careers, 2 beautiful children and I've met them only once. Thank you for making these videos; the holidays are always depressing. Peace and love - Thank you again!
Bless your heart! I can relate to so much of what you are sharing. I have 4 children and 3 for sure are estranged. Our son only lives 2 hours away and refuses to let us visit or to visit us. 2 grandchildren just 2 hours away. The baby is 4 months old and we are not allowed to see her. We have always been supportive and loving to them. It’s a hard thing to deal with.
Hugs for you both! ...I am growing further away from the pain of estrangement and closer to focusing on bringing happiness & fulfillment to my life in other ways. The door will always remain open, but my heart will go forward with the wisdom that I need to take care of my emotional well-being as well. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to face in life. Margaret is right tho, life is very short! Time to focus on ourselves and know in our hearts & minds that we love them dearly. ❤
First of all, Laura.. You did Nothing wrong. This is your daughter's stuff, narcissism. It hurts like hell but once you realize it's not you, the healing will begin. I hope you find joy and freedom from the pain. It won't fade completely but the burden will be lighter. Do your best to be happy, be kind to yourself and head into the new year with more balance. 😘
I was estranged from my mother for 5 years instigated by me. I was in the right for being angry but I was wrong not to forgive Lucky we did reconcile for 13 years before she passed. I will always regret those years I was so prideful and angry.
I really appreciate you sharing this Jackie. It gives me some hope. You made the choice to forgive and I know that made your mother so happy. God bless you.
Thank you so much for this video. It is shocking to me to see just how many people are suffering estrangement from their children. It is heartbreaking. I thought I was alone! I am just coming to terms with it and my heart isn't aching quite as much. Attachment is the cause of most suffering and letting go of our expectations is a process. Sending love and hugs to all the broken-hearted. Peace to your hearts. 💜
I read a statistic that 16.5% of fathers and 6.5% of mothers are experiencing this. Dennis Prager says it's an epidemic. So you are not alone. I think when we feel down it can be helpful to reach out to others who have inexplicably experienced this same thing. Parents with loving devoted adult children could never understand. I know I couldn't have believed it until it happened to me.
You are not alone in your hurt, pain, confusion, or frustration. It’s kind of what I learned from Al-Anon ~ you didn’t cause it and you can’t force-fix it. You have to give yourself grace for whatever happened and love yourself to be emotionally healthy for the future, which may have reconciliation in it. I want to be ready to reconcile if they choose without bringing past hurts and I want to be able to accept that it may not happen. I admit it’s a daily struggle. Sometimes more, especially during the holidays.
I’m so sorry. I have recently been made to understand that living with grief is like learning to walk on a broken leg. Always limping through life until the brokenness is healed. I believe only God can heal this. Hugs.
We need to give it all up and let go for our own sakes! Give yourself the love they can't seem to give. It's so hurtful to feel unappreciated and excluded, so all we can do is let ourselves heal and be free to feel joy again. Love and light too all.
Oh dear lord, I can't even begin to express the things I've gone through with this subject. I just can't get over the fact that there's nothing I can do about it. I just can't seem to comprehend it that as a mother I can't fix things.
I need a hug. It’s 3.30am here in Australia. I’m dealing with depression and insomnia since my estranged daughter and grand children moved interstate. I miss them terribly.
I am not new to this, but it is nice to not feel alone. It is painful 💔 and sad, but time does help and I now know I could never withstand the toxic relationship nor do I want to. Hugs to all and I would love a hug as well.
I appreciate these discussions. I feel so alone in this, like no one else experiences this and I’m the only one. It’s embarrassing and I try to hide it from others. I just can’t come to gripes with my son’s perception and my memories of any incident. It’s polar opposites. I feel so much resentment to his wife as it all started with her and her insidious lies, like feeding a fire. He has estranged not only me but his siblings as well. I was a single mom who had to work two jobs to keep them housed, fed, clothed, in activities, not having to relocate home or school when their dad left, etc. But I’m working on acceptance of the situation because that is all I can do. Counseling helps. But knowing I’m not alone is good as well. Here’s the funny thing, he keeps his relationship with his dad open. He has him over to his house, nurtures his relationship with the grandchildren, etc. this is the same dad who left us and had no presence in their life for over a decade. It’s very confusing to me.
I can relate to that. My daughter found her biological father on her own without telling me and built a relationship with him. I had left him when she was an infant because he was extremely abusive and I did not want her exposed to that. Since she found him she has flip flopped between the two of us. I find it very hurtful that she wants to be involved with someone who was violent and terrorized me regardless of his supposed parental status. He never fought to see her or paid a dime in support. I (and my husband) are the ones that devoted our lives to being the best parents we could. For her to put him on a pedestal is so hurtful. It’s confusing to me too.
Kathy your story is the exact same as mine. Narcissist wife who pushed all of us away one by one including his first son from a previous relationship. My son was convinced to give all parental rights away. That was the final blow to our family. No amount of forgiveness can heal that wound.
Discarded. Devalued irrelevant . YOU ARE not alone. NO respect totally having to think are reply to conversations as ant thing you say WILL BE ANALYSED and USED against you. I've seen pets get better interaction spontaneous hugs attention . We are always on guard in their present. So yeah it's hard but it's SHAME on them
Maybe I should take it as a compliment that they don't need me anymore. Well, I noticed that the need for me ended when I asked for a more authentic relationship with all my adult children. Hugs to anyone who needs one.
In my line of work I encounter this from time to time; estranged parents, children, and siblings. It never fails to sadden me hearing the pain in the voice. There are sides to the story and different reasons. I don’t know how they endure but I don’t wish this upon my worst enemy.
The key words you used were: "from time to time " , which says you rarely see it. I even feel worse now. You are right as well when you said : " a pain you wouldn't wish on anyone". It's true,the worst pain, other than their deaths I can feel about anything. My kids and grandkids ARE EVERYTHING, too me. 😔
I am estranged from my mother and five of my eight siblings. I am at peace and have no desire to reconcile. I no longer have anger or animosity towards any of them. My life is much better without their negativity, bitterness and judgemental ways.
Wow ….. I really needed to hear this conversation because I thought I was all alone. I have three adult children and I’m astranged from my two daughters but not my son. I allowed my daughters to verbally and mentally abuse me for years but was too scared to stop them from doing it until I had to walk away from them for my own mental health. I’m not perfect but I did the best I could. I always worked and sacrificed to give them what they needed and I didn’t have a lot of money and I went without. They both live out of state which makes it easier, I don’t have to see them. My son is in my life everyday and he has my granddaughter that I see on a regular basis, which brings joy to my life. I’ve learned to move on with my life and make ME happy because like you said, we don’t have much longer on this earth. I forgave them for the way they have treated me and now I’m at peace. So thanks for this conversation, I needed it especially with them coming in town this weekend to see my son and granddaughter.
I’ve come to accept that you can’t make people act how you wish they could be. From my own estrange daughter, to siblings that never call our 93 yr mother. I realize it is their loss in life and at this point, I just want to be the best person I can be. Everyone is responsible for their own actions in life. There’s good and bad, but this is life.
Margaret, many blessings to you for putting this topic out there. So many of us feel the pain that only your child's rejection can bring. They disapprove of you, are overly critical or are embarrassed of you. I used to feel so alone, but, thanks to you, I realize what a common thread this is. What did Shakespeare say? "How sharper than a serpent's tooth is an ungrateful child"..well, gratitude isn't necessary, but, some level of appreciation. We did make all the sacrifices, and, we did the best we could. I so miss those "magic years" when we were the center of their little universe. Life gets harder as we age; thank you for all you do for our community family of women. You are making this journey easier for us. Take care and stay well! 🙂 Rosemarie 💖
I needed to hear this , my daughter chose to cut me out of her and my grandsons lives last March a year ago and it’s truthfully been hard to go on some days .. I practically raised my oldest grandson when my daughter moved back home twice and bent over backwards to help her . Now she has a new relationship and she and I had a disagreement which has now led to this estrangement, me even not being allowed at school functions etc , I have given her the apology she felt she needed when I fully didn’t agree with her but respected her feelings so i apologized.. yet it seems to be a game for her to bash me on social media and has divided people who I thought would be in my life always .. my other grandson turns ONE this Tuesday and it’s going to be a rough day for me not to be included , I just pray for her , for those babies and for our relationship to mend .. but when I feel I’ve done everything humanly possible, now I have to go on and live my life , I can’t take the stress anymore as it is now affecting my health .. my heart will be forever broken until this is mended but my life has to go on … 😢💔
This has definatrely happend to me. However, I can't live the rest of my life walking on egg cells around my grown children.They recount all the things I did that wasn't what they wanted in a mother, which was money and a good husband. My daughter didn't want me to be a pretty mother, she didn't want me to work even though I had no husband or family of my own because of their death. Please, everyone take care of yourselves, find friends, and go forward with pride and hope for yourselves.
Margaret thank you for the content of your videos, very helpful. Many of us can relate to all your topics. I've made a commitment to myself recently, that all my relationships must be based on love and respect, and at the absence of love there has to be at least respect. My best wishes to all this coming year.❤️
Absolutely Nellie! Life is so short and although it's extremely painful when thought about, I find it helps to keep busy with the others that love you in your life. I really believe that there is no greater gift than to give someone you love and who loves you back, your time. They are giving you their time and you enjoy giving them your time. Everyone's time on earth is valuable. Their choices are their choices. Your choice is to live, love, surround yourself with those that are like-minded and respectful. You hit the nail on the head Nellie...in the absence of love, at least show respect. I've always said that I treat others incredibly well, (treat others how you would want to be treated), so for me to go through this now, by my one son (I still have other sons and daughters that love me deeply), who himself has serious mental illness with narcassism and false memory of the past. I was also alone, with 5 teenagers, after my husband passed. I did my very best. I gave most likely far too much. I never expected anything back. This came out of left field and it's his journey. I'm just so sad that I became close to a 6 year old grandson, a 3 year old grandson and now they're expecting twin girls and I may never see them, or have to wait a very long time. How long I will never know. The unknown is very hard to live with. I choose love and I choose life and I love who I spend my time with. I don't have many close friends, but the couple I have are very special. I have many acquaintances, but I choose not to open up about this to others. I feel safe to do so here. My heart goes out to all the mothers (or fathers) going through this. Yes, it's somehow comforting to know we are not alone.
Some days are more challenging than others. I've decided for the new year to cease reaching out through calls, texts, cards, texts - the lack of response is heartbreaking. I lost my remaining parent within the year too. I'm learning to be present for myself; my care responsibilities are finished.
I have made it through with forgiveness and understanding in order to keep the love line open. It doesn't feel as genuine, but being indifferent is far less hurtful. We need to develop a thicker skin, learn to love ourselves more and others a bit less. It's a balancing act for sure.
This is so sad for anyone and those they love esp a parent and child. I do get why but pls find ways to express true unguarded emotions before they manifest as dis-ease. Our bodies and being know the truth.
Hi ! Thanks for sharing this video . I'm estranged from daughter here during the holidays and it is so painful and hard that her and I cannot get along. I had a wonderful relationship with my own Mom (now deceased) and there is so many times when I wished I could call and talk with her about this. My daughter has said some mean, hateful and cruel things to me here lately, such as: She says she is tired of me not giving a s@#$ about her, and I was told that my words to her were meaningless, and that the only parent that gave a d#$% about her died back in May of this year, when I all I have ever wanted from her is a close relationship like my Mom and I had. And letting go and ignoring her for now is so hard and stressful especially when you are battling 2 different types of cancer. I hope to learn some tips and stuff to deal with the situation. Plus I'm waiting to hear from the Admin on FB to join the group. I want to apologize for all the detail, but it doesn't bother me if someone else was to read this, it's just that I'm so HURT over the whole thing. Thanks for sharing !
My daughter is the same way. It’s so heartbreaking. I was close to my Mom also. My daughter is not with me. She also keeps my grandson from me. Praying for you. My husband is in remission from 2 kinds of cancer. I’m praying for you.🙏💔
It is actually trendy to be independent from parents. There are social groups for kids of Narcissistic parents and they flock there to drum up who had the worst parent!! I have never been identified as a narcissist until recently. Like most Moms I put the kids needs, activities and wants ahead of everything else. 5 years ago I lost over 100 #, started wearing “new” clothes ( instead of garage sale) went back to finish my Masters, just started year 15 teach at University. My kids do not like the new me who dares to move forward with life and have a life beyond them. That makes me a narcissist in their eyes. After being home full time, home educating 16 years, hubby and I centered life around our 4 kids but now they are too busy to connect. Just knowing that it is a trend has helped me piece together the mystery of being called narcissistic when I know in my heart my motives were always about giving them a wonderful family. I guess They disagree. I did my best,apologized when they express a hurt ( new to me usually, not in my memory)
Me too. I was accused of being a narcissist and was shocked. I stayed in a bad marriage for 26yrs because I felt my kids needed two parents. All of their lives I put their well being and happiness before my own. I gave up my second relationship to move closer to them when they moved to another state. I was on tap for free child care as & when they required their kids to be looked after (even though my daughter never worked). I helped them financially when they were going through tough times. If all of this is narcissistic then guilty as charged! I think 😅you’re right - there’s an epidemic of ungrateful and entitled millennial brats in the world. Wishing empathy and peace to all estranged parents ❤
@@dollydimple6126 You might not be Narcissist but you clearly have some very unhealthy attitudes. Perhaps you should look at what made you feel that it was okay to expose yourself and your children to a bad marriage for 26 years. You use the excuse of the children needing two parents... And that IS an excuse. Children need healthy, happy and stable adults in their life. Tolerating a bad marriage is not that. If you gave up a relationship for any reason, that's a choice YOU made. It doesn't matter if you use the excuse that it was for them. No one needs/wants a martyr parent who thinks acting that way is healthy. Lastly, calling people entitled and ungrateful because you don't think they are reacting to you correctly is a sign of emotional dysfunction. They might be those things but that doesn't automatically make you right or healthy. In fact, disordered kids are generally a product of unhealthy parents which you admitted you are. Stop blaming everyone for choices you are making/made. I bet you hold your children accountable for their choices and behavior. Don't employ double standards and not take responsibility for yourself. If you refuse to take personal accountability? Well... That's as Narcissistic as it gets.
I have been going through this for 20 years. It has keep me shut down by my son, has my granddaughter. I haven't seen her sense she was 1. They live just down the road............. My heart is now ripped out, like an open wound......at this time of year is hell.
Thank you so much for talking about this. Knowing I am not alone is a big help. The thing that makes it difficult for me is that I feel so judged when people find out about family estrangement. I get the sense they think I must have been a terrible mother and while I am certain I made mistakes, I always tried really hard to be a good mom. I was the victim of parental estrangement during the breakup of a 44 year old marriage and they just cut me off with no discussion.
I wish we could get together physically. One of the hardest things is being judged or misunderstood by people who ask about your family. I never really know how to answer. The awful estrangement in my family has been at different levels with each of my 4 adult children. Some are hostile others are indifferent. Like a bunch of broken iceberg floats. No one seems to care at all about connecting with us at all. They would never have a clue if we died.
Cheryl, I totally agree and wish we all could have some physical support. Talking with a like-minded group would be really great therapy and a way for all of us to give hugs and support. Sometimes I don't even mention my daughter anymore because of the hurt I feel inside. Can't imagine what it would be like to have 4 kids like yourself! I've been reaching out for online support for about 7 years now, and this channel is one of the best for soothing content - I just discovered it a few days ago and I love what she has to say. I hope you are doing well today and hope you have a great holiday season. Peace.
My sister and I are estranged from our brother for little reason. I have learned since then that estrangement is actually very common in families. I examined it all and do not think I bear any blame in it. So therefore I am fine with it. Our mother talks about him now and then and I show kind listening, but when she is gone I will know nothing about him and I am ok with it. But I feel for all of you who are estranged from kids or grandkids, that would be hard to bear.
My family has turned their back on me, as I am speaking about what happened to me at a young age. They want to shut me up, but I can't. So, instead they have abandoned me. I thought I would ever feel this kind of isolation and loneliness. Thankfully my therapist is wonderful. I also have the best husband and daughter, who love me.
My 'family' is estranged because I got healthy and wanted to discuss my abusive upbringing. They'd rather not talk/be estranged then deal with the fallout and consequences of their behavior.
It's still hard for me to believe that loving me is not in them, now that I am old, they are married, to wife & career, I loved them so much for so long Seems like they have an Unlimited license to criticize me ,desert me, not even interested in grandmother, such different lifestyles/values. Generational? I do/don't get it. Trying to move on, having difficulty finding new things to "love" , feeling very alone on Christmas . So glad for this camaraderie ! One friend told me having estranged adult children has become "epidemic" in the USA. Love to ALL.
I'm in the same "boat".....both sons, their wives as motivators/careers, no room for me in their lives anymore, so many emotions...agree, values so different....no value to grandmothers...their love ..their company..such a loss for everyone, but in their eyes their choice. I will move on, but it's so sad that so many ( I read 28 % ! ) of parents are being estranged by their adult children in the USA, That is not comforting, another breakdown of morality and caring imho.
I'm estranged from my Son & have shed many tears cuz of it. I don't know why he feels the way he does about me but I've learned to know that my God knows what I've done to him. GOD loves me & it is what it is. I'm not going to allow his disrespectfulness to be in my life & I'm not opening my checkbook when you are so very rude towards me. You think I'm going to give you money & be disrespected. Nope like dope! I gave you life & may you live your life well ! I'm at PEACE WITH IT.
I've only managed healing by watching videos on narcissism, and by learning to love myself more. It hurts so bad, but You can heal if you understand it's not about you.
What a wonderful message.. thank you so very much... my oldest son.. my three grandsons.. the forgiveness to myself... time to accept the loss... thank you💔❤️
As parent/s, it would be better or even wiser to accept early on that our children will not be with us as much as we want to. This will give us the chance and the time to adjust ourselves when the time comes that they live their own lives. Letting go is easier this way. We should not feel that we are being rejected because they will not do that. We should just allow them to live away from us. The time that we spent forming, raising, educating them to their fullness is enough for us to have enjoyed them. Live your life free from them because you still have your own life to live. Move on happily. 😁👍
I don't have children, but I grew up in a large close family. After our mother died one of my sisters caused so much trouble that it fractured my family to the point where siblings chose sides. That was 30 yrs ago. One brother has passed away and the other one doesn't speak to me for unknown reasons. It hurt for a long time, but I have moved on.
My brother and I are the only ones left from our family. He only lives a few miles a way (short cab ride) but his mental oddities have taken over and he's convinced I have some of his belongings and won't give them back. Ridiculous, of course, but he is paranoid and has no friends (doesn't want them...he can be charming and fun when he wants to be) He seems to need to have a "villian" in his life and he chose me. So sad as we are both over 70 and, although I have a wonderful husband, I would love to have my brother in my life. I've written to him several times but he says he won't have anything to do with me until I return those items (books, etc) So sad especially around the holidays.
I can relate to many of these stories. My eldest child has taken it upon herself to conclude any type of a relationship with me. It will be 8 long years 2023 Dec. There has not even been a card for Mother's day or birthdays. We were very close I helped her in many ways with her children by babysitting, transporting to Sports etc. Now I am nearing 90 yo and there hasn't even been a call to ask how life is going? I have had 4 heart attacks, open heart surgery, 3 stents and many more blockages. I have now given up hope of any reconciliation. I think of her daily but realize I cannot change things so I will let her live with her decisions. One day my Granddaughter (her daughter) sent an email to say "goodbye Nam" and told me to figure out why. They even blocked me on Social Med. Let me add, I have 2 other loving adult children. I moved to the West and live in the mountains on a small farm. I love my life.
Your hair, makeup, & lavender top ~ perfectly lovely.🤗 Thank you for addressing this incredibly painful issue with such kind clarity. Those experiencing wounded family relationships must suffer all the more at Christmas when peace on earth is the focus.
So glad to find this video and this has been my life 5 years. it has affected by self confidence in my personal and career relationships and struggle everyday to know what to do. Some days I don't want to see her again and others I missed her. Thanks goodness my son is a great support as he has lost his sister as well. Trying to learn to release the anger and move on with what I have in my life and think in my heart she is happy with her choice and living a happy life then maybe I can too. Thank you.
Hi I’m estranged from my adult son for 14 years I’m so upset especially when holidays and Birthdays come around ! I’m looking for a group of people that r going through this and not feel as if I’m the only one ! 🙏
Unfortunately, I’m a club member, haven’t seen or heard from my son and daughter, since 2005. Every Christmas, I hope maybe, a card with arrive, but it never does. 😩 (too sad of a story to tell. But my love will never go away, no matter what.💔💔💔
God bless you Dee. I understand the feeling. Sometimes at Thanksgiving or Christmas I imagine them driving up to surprise us then I pop that little bubble and move on. I do believe in miracles though.
Great subject. Yes very painful. I am wishing that this deeper sadness from my estranged children goes away and that I will be able to move on with my life. Wish I could understand the reason and be able to fix it.. A mom with a 💔heart. 😭Thank you for sharing. ❤
My daughter estranged herself from me for something she believes happened 20 years ago. I have absolutely no memory of it, but I did not call her a liar. The estrangement came out of nowhere. She avoided calls and texts, until a month later, when she called to tell me. Her husband has never cared for me, so I am sure he is cheering her on. She has gone silent a few times in the past but not for extensive periods of time. This time, I am not open to welcoming here back, if she every makes that choice. I can’t live hoping that her heart will soften, at the expense of my life. The heartache has been devastating, and life is too short for me to stop living.
This was very timely for me as my children have not spoken to me in over three months. I spent Thanksgiving all alone and will probably be alone for Christmas. it is so very painful but I have done all I can. My heart goes out to you all. Wishes for a Merry Christmas and a wonderful new year ahead. ❤🙏
This sounds my story. OMG I am.not alone. I have reached out for yrs. And foundout from her brother what she thought I did. And I told her that never happened. I hurt daily but this really helped me. Thank you thank you thank.
You can't possibly be sad n singing karaoke so when my youngest daughter cut off our relationship ,I learnt a new language n sang in both languages. I am so engrossed in singing, she is furthest from my mind. Learning a new language kept me so busy. It will also help you and occupy your mind. You cannot force or expect your child to love you. It should be a natural affection If the child is devoid of love and kindness don't expect them to make u happy. Let them go. I did it.
I am currently dealing with a bipolar son and then also dealing with parents better aging and having to go down to where they land and help take care of them and it’s kind of like making me feel a little homeless plus I feel like I’m being stretched beyond my mental capabilities currently. Plus my dad is planning on selling the house that I have been living in and taken care of for him. Everything seems to be really tearing me apart right now and I know eventually that I’ll probably end up with one estranged kid my son that has the bipolar issues. Once my dad sells his house I’m not sure where he’s going to live or how he’s going to take care of them selves but like my sister says that’s not for me to decide he’s 25 years old he needs to learn to take care of himself. I have a daughter that is 33 and she has been surviving on her own for a while but she doesn’t want the idea of the may eventually moving down to where my parents have a house and being 2 Hour Drive away so I’m not sure how long I will be visiting much
Good subject. Helping people through challenging situation. I'm sad for people who have this going on. I have heard stories when parents remarry and they forget their children.
Lots of comments from parents here claim they don't know what they've done. My mother is the same. I've even sent her a list of bullet points : getting in touch with my ex to mount a smear campaign against me, opening my private correspondence and saying "I'm your mother for heaven's sake'" (I was in my 40s), rifling through my things when she came to stay, calling me sick and mentally ill in front of my children, refusing to stop hurtful behaviour ("How dare you tell me how to act"), spreading lies about me to all and sundry....she denies it all and then goes around playing the victim, telling everyone I won't tell her what she's done and that I need therapy. Estrangement doesn't happen without reason.
It sure doesn't. The only people who think adults walk away from good/healthy families are people who refuse to look at their behavior and see it as problematic. In other words, denial.
@Happy Dog "Shallow and arrogant"....mmmm, I'll draw my own conclusions about the reasons in your case then. My mother asked for the list by the way, and then denied everything she had done.
@Happy Dog Judgmental, condescending, superior, offensive, belligerent, insulting and for some reason, extremely defensive....I'm pretty sure we'd be estranged if you were my mother.
@@happydog2191 So you justify all your bad behavior on how you perceived the words of others... That's what Narcissists do. "I wouldn't have said/done what I did if you hadn't - insert excuse -." If you cannot demonstrate an ability to speak in emotionally healthy ways, it's safe to presume you are incapable of doing so. People lacking in this skill make horrible and/or abusive parents. P.S. The "You started it!" is so grade 3. LOL
I’m going through this it hurts I try to reach out sometimes I may get a response most times just ignored I can’t understand why this has happened my life is small miss my grandkids their growing up but I can’t force anyone to want to be with me sometimes I just want to let it go but then I think I’m the mom I can’t so I’m stuck and hurt
It is so hard to accept your only daughter doesn't want to have any contact with you, and doesn't let you see your grandkids. I can't just get over with this pain.
Same here! But I have a home I'm remodeling and God told me. Just work on your house. I live on Hope. It still hurts but focused on other things as well ❤️🩹
Me too. It's incredibly hard. I am starting to pick up the pieces of my life slowly. It will get less painful - hang in there ❤. They want to crucify us and use our grandkids as weapons in their war with us. It's incredibly cruel not just for us but for our grandkids too.
The way I cope (to a degree, still have horrible dreams) is saying to myself that some parents have to bury their kids, at least my daughter is alive and doing well, so I hear. My grandsons will grow up. There is always hope. I am very close with my youngest daughter and granddaughter so I just focus on them. Things could be MUCH worse.
How do we handle our will or trust? Do we leave some/all to adult children who have removed us from their lives? What if we die unexpectedly, do we just assume they’ll step in and take care of things if/when they are notified of our passing? These are some of the things I think about.
Write them out of will. Sell most of your stuff down size and travel. Have fun. They all EXPECT to get your money and stuff. I'm leaving my daughter 1.00 I'll look leave everything else to my friends who WERE THERE FOR ME
No they probably will not step in and take care of things. You need to understand that for your own good. My husband's mother died 2 months ago at the age of 105 and her daughter had not spoken to her or my husband and her other brother for 44 years. So, we did not bother to inform her that her mother had died. She'll find out through the family grapevine.
We always thought that we had a good relationship with our only child. In the phase between high school and college she met a young man from out of state , whom we got along with very well initially, including his family. We helped him out while he was attending college near us. As he got ready to graduate the relationship suddenly turned bad and we have no idea why. During a 3 month summer vacation stay his family had turned our daughter completely against us.
Children n grandchildren, I love them all ,when we are together. .vice versa. Whats the point if your child decides she does not wish to connect with you? I hardened my heart and concentrate on friends. I try to be helpful n kind and generous to anyone who comes my way. Whatever I would have given to her,now I give away to anyone who treats me well. They show mire gratitude and love and I find that I am more happy with others company. Its so syressful when she is around,before she cut off ties. Everything I did ,tried my best was rejected with a scowl . Even swarovski necklace n earrings rejected n she did not say pleasant things to me. Ut was always me walking on eggshells when with her. Her dad told me not to mention her name because it does not help. Its true, we brought her up, paid for her a good education.. a lawyer. She abandoned us. We just need to cut ties with her too if thats her wish. New mothers should remember to save for retirement.We made a bad mistake ,we gave everything to her,and spoilt her,now we pay the price.
@@ellyk8834 there's always a jerk in the crowd. I bet your parents had trouble with you judging by your attitude. Your a reason why one should get a dog🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕
@@sammie4695 I have the attitude I do because my parents abused me. So which came first? Adults abusing the child or the child growing up to resent being abused and then estranging? Maybe if parents treated their children with dignity and respect and apologized for the times they didn't the relationship could be repaired. That doesn't happen because abusive parents want to continue to blame their off-spring for the crappy ways they treated their children. People walk away from those that cause them distress and pain so if your child walked away, look at your behavior and stop focusing on your child's reactions. Behave better and maybe you'll get different reactions? Can't try that though can you because that would require you to change AND admit your previous behavior was problematic. That doesn't/won't happen which is why children estrange. You're not going to change and they ran out of tolerance for your BS. Play crappy games and end up alone in your old age.
@@ellyk8834 Elly, I am so sad to hear you were abused by your parents. You have good cause to estrange from them. Children should be loved, protected and cherished. I'm sorry that didn't happen for you. I put my whole life into my kids, I practised what I preach. But they didn't appreciate it & got into a wrong crowd. My comment about rather having a dog than kids was just a tinge in cheek comment, because my dog is more appreciative than my kids are. I didn't mean all children are that way. Sometimes the children get abused and sometimes the parents get abused. But I tell you sincerely that I wish you hadn't been abused..I hope your heart will heal of those bad memories and you deserve to be loved and treated with respect. I'm sorry if my light comment upset you, please forgive me.
Issendai is not citable. Issendai admitted herself that she has no training and was just wanting to blog. Misinformed parents absolutely love her and take her words as gold.
My son left in 2021 at the age of 19. He now has a daughter who was born in May who I haven’t seen. It made me feel better when you said, send the cards, gifts to that grandchild. Let them know you exist. For one day they will have the choice to see you. I’m not getting any younger and hope I get to see my son and his family sooner than later. I met the girlfriend of my son once. I don’t know her and would like to if I want any contact with her. Don’t know how this can be done when neither one of them want to talk
My friend was estranged from her children. Her son recently passed from cancer and she found out through social media. How does one manage that grief knowing there will never be an opportunity to restore the relationship?
I have to say that I've been to therpy, and to a skrink also for 20 years. I'm trying so damn hard..........They all left me and went to his "side"......my mother, both sisters, brothers and a couple of friends. It is hard to FEEL that they talk about me and the constant lies about me..............I guess they are trying to make themselves look better, a way to explain my absents from the family. Mother is a narasistic b- - - - h. I never have been good enough her and she told me this on my forced exit.
Hi I’m wondering if there r live group in person ! I live in Boynton Beach Florida! I would like someone to let me know ! I just came across this group I’m very grateful I do hope to meet people in person! Please let me know I would appreciate it very much! I need to know I’m not alone! ❤️
Hi Bonita. We do not have local chapters but you can join us here online the community is very active and particularly if you want to join our Patreon supporters group where we hold live shows and exclusive videos
You might be interested in this video a channel called DoctorRamani: The Heartache of Having a Narcissistic Child. Also see some of the comments by people who have this issue in their lives. This is so common and very, very few people talk about it.
Maybe we as parents of adult children are just living too long and getting in the way. Life expectancy has increased and here we are in our 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s, refusing to "go" !!!! We have outlived our real usefulness to our children and they don't really need or want us for their survival. Maybe some of them wish we would die; stop making them feel guilty with our myriad complaints, demands and spending of the inheritance. "Complicated Love" by Kathy McCoy Ph. D. might be a helpful read. BTW Margaret, you are just blooming (lol). Thanks for the topic...........
Hi dear iam 57 but my daughter 22 blocked me on WhatsApp and did not wish my a happy Mother’s Day it hurts so much it literally broke me to pieces she wants me to change so iam working on myself it is a shock I am depressed lonelier than ever my mother is a narcissist herself iam totally alone I am scared to face life without the love and respect of my daughter
Nothing is wrong with them. They just have been educated on what unhealthy/toxic behavior looks like and refuse to tolerate it and since toxic people refuse to change (that's part of the definition of toxic) they walk away.
@@janheard3826 Do you have any relevant counterpoints to what I have said or are you just a finger-pointer "You are wrong, *wrong,* WRONG!" person? Perhaps you should look at how other people talk on some of these comment threads and dispense that advice equally but abusers don't do that, they like the, "Don't do as I do, do as I say..." attitude. Kinda gross and very transparent. Why not just say, "I don't like what you say or how you say it. Be quiet and go away." at least that would be honest.
You can see from research that doctors say you can die of a broken heart. Not a disease but an actually broken heart. Two of mine have cut me off. Both have my grandchildren. Not only have they cut me off they talk to me like I’m garbage. Cruel. I have begged and pleaded. Please tell me what I can do. I’ll do anything. No they won’t say. They don’t talk to their brother or no is the oldest and has been suffering from seizures for 18 years since he quit drinking. It’s all too much. When therapy and medicine and friends and activities don’t help,there isn’t much left. It’s a sad sad time for so many of us. This is a fairly new pandemic.
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Also, I can't believe that I'm not the only one who is experiencing this. I'm shocked. But the support is so important.
This is trending amongst adult children. Shocking as it is trends have a way of coming and going. The time frame for when this trend ends is unknown. My husband and I are in our mid 70s. Most of us don’t have a frame of reference to go by. We never would have treated our parents this way, even when we weren’t liking our parents for whatever reason. This is all new territory, but we can help each other by having these conversations, offering empathy and shared stories. Pain needs to be listened to. ❤
Thank you so much for being there& for being warm & helpful. To ALL the MOM's out there who are going through this God bless you🙏3 out of our 4 kids and just learning to move on . Most painful thing ever. My heart goes out to anyone going through this .❤️
You are so welcome
Once I heard someone say “Your heart 💔 doesn’t actually break” I knew then, they had never known this type deep deep pain. And I’m glad they haven’t.
❤️
Oh your heart does break! Terribly
Same
That's not 100% true though. Even Queen Elizabeth's doctors said she died of a broken heart.
We are not alone.
By the way after my kids all forsook me I began painting and love it so much. I call myself “ The artist formerly known as Mom”.
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oh my gosh that's awesome !!
I'm totally connecting with this sentiment. I think I'm going to paint portraits of all my grandchildren. I pray you're in a good place still
Wow!! That just went right through my heart. I pray you are at peace. 💜
Grandchildren!! The greatest heartbreaking of all.
YEP! act right or you never meet your grandchildren. any and all grandchildren will be kept safe away from people who consistently choose to do wrong. it's a happy life with lots of babies far away from nasty, self-absorbed, socially inappropriate individuals. :)
Amen to that!
This past year has been very challenging to say the least. Recently however, after many hours of meditation and self awareness, I came to the realization that going over and over what happened, was only keeping the pain alive. I decided to stop feeling bad for something I didn't do and that worrying wasn't helping anyone. Here's to moving forward and to a very much improved new year!
Absolutely I agree. I have spend so much time heartbroken and trying to understand the why. After two years there is no resolve. I decided to carry on with my remaining family and grandchildren I am thankful are in my life and live the rest of my days in peace.
" I decided to stop feeling bad for something I didn't do"
what exactly did you not do?
The rejection and indifference is just so gut-punching. I suppose it would be much more difficult if I lived in the same city or state. As of now, there is 3000 miles between us, but it doesn't matter if she lived on the other side of the globe. I definitely need a hug; I really ask myself every day what I did that was so bad....I wasn't perfect, but I did the best I could. I didn't have a lot of money; that was one of the things she seemed embarrassed about. Now, her and her husband have successful careers, 2 beautiful children and I've met them only once. Thank you for making these videos; the holidays are always depressing. Peace and love - Thank you again!
Bless your heart! I can relate to so much of what you are sharing. I have 4 children and 3 for sure are estranged. Our son only lives 2 hours away and refuses to let us visit or to visit us. 2 grandchildren just 2 hours away. The baby is 4 months old and we are not allowed to see her. We have always been supportive and loving to them. It’s a hard thing to deal with.
Hugs for you both! ...I am growing further away from the pain of estrangement and closer to focusing on bringing happiness & fulfillment to my life in other ways. The door will always remain open, but my heart will go forward with the wisdom that I need to take care of my emotional well-being as well. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to face in life. Margaret is right tho, life is very short! Time to focus on ourselves and know in our hearts & minds that we love them dearly. ❤
@@cherylthomas2459 2021 December Xmas in a few days BLOW A KISS to the wind with all your luv .. I do this on birthdays etc .
Sending hugs. Enjoy your life and stay in the moment.
First of all, Laura.. You did Nothing wrong. This is your daughter's stuff, narcissism. It hurts like hell but once you realize it's not you, the healing will begin. I hope you find joy and freedom from the pain. It won't fade completely but the burden will be lighter. Do your best to be happy, be kind to yourself and head into the new year with more balance. 😘
If I were young again... I would choose to be childfree and live a better and more rewarding life
Thanks for this most needed support!
I was estranged from my mother for 5 years instigated by me. I was in the right for being angry but I was wrong not to forgive Lucky we did reconcile for 13 years before she passed. I will always regret those years I was so prideful and angry.
I really appreciate you sharing this Jackie. It gives me some hope. You made the choice to forgive and I know that made your mother so happy. God bless you.
I would imagine your mom was so thrilled & grateful to be reconciled that overlooked those 5 yr's.
Thank you for sharing. Your mom was blessed to have you.
Thank you so much for this video. It is shocking to me to see just how many people are suffering estrangement from their children. It is heartbreaking. I thought I was alone! I am just coming to terms with it and my heart isn't aching quite as much. Attachment is the cause of most suffering and letting go of our expectations is a process. Sending love and hugs to all the broken-hearted. Peace to your hearts. 💜
I read a statistic that 16.5% of fathers and 6.5% of mothers are experiencing this. Dennis Prager says it's an epidemic. So you are not alone. I think when we feel down it can be helpful to reach out to others who have inexplicably experienced this same thing. Parents with loving devoted adult children could never understand. I know I couldn't have believed it until it happened to me.
You are not alone in your hurt, pain, confusion, or frustration. It’s kind of what I learned from Al-Anon ~ you didn’t cause it and you can’t force-fix it. You have to give yourself grace for whatever happened and love yourself to be emotionally healthy for the future, which may have reconciliation in it. I want to be ready to reconcile if they choose without bringing past hurts and I want to be able to accept that it may not happen. I admit it’s a daily struggle. Sometimes more, especially during the holidays.
I needed this, I’ll never heal , just have to learn to live with it, and know , I did all I could , and more, there was nothing given back, ever…
I’m so sorry. I have recently been made to understand that living with grief is like learning to walk on a broken leg. Always limping through life until the brokenness is healed. I believe only God can heal this. Hugs.
We need to give it all up and let go for our own sakes! Give yourself the love they can't seem to give. It's so hurtful to feel unappreciated and excluded, so all we can do is let ourselves heal and be free to feel joy again. Love and light too all.
Oh dear lord, I can't even begin to express the things I've gone through with this subject. I just can't get over the fact that there's nothing I can do about it. I just can't seem to comprehend it that as a mother I can't fix things.
God bless. I hear ya'.
I need a hug. It’s 3.30am here in Australia. I’m dealing with depression and insomnia since my estranged daughter and grand children moved interstate. I miss them terribly.
Hugs to you Mary
I’m sending you hugs too Mary
I am not new to this, but it is nice to not feel alone. It is painful 💔 and sad, but time does help and I now know I could never withstand the toxic relationship nor do I want to. Hugs to all and I would love a hug as well.
Know your pain my son only lives 2 hours away but no contact for 3 years
Sending virtual hugs and much love ❤️
I appreciate these discussions. I feel so alone in this, like no one else experiences this and I’m the only one. It’s embarrassing and I try to hide it from others. I just can’t come to gripes with my son’s perception and my memories of any incident. It’s polar opposites. I feel so much resentment to his wife as it all started with her and her insidious lies, like feeding a fire. He has estranged not only me but his siblings as well. I was a single mom who had to work two jobs to keep them housed, fed, clothed, in activities, not having to relocate home or school when their dad left, etc. But I’m working on acceptance of the situation because that is all I can do. Counseling helps. But knowing I’m not alone is good as well. Here’s the funny thing, he keeps his relationship with his dad open. He has him over to his house, nurtures his relationship with the grandchildren, etc. this is the same dad who left us and had no presence in their life for over a decade. It’s very confusing to me.
I can relate to that. My daughter found her biological father on her own without telling me and built a relationship with him. I had left him when she was an infant because he was extremely abusive and I did not want her exposed to that. Since she found him she has flip flopped between the two of us. I find it very hurtful that she wants to be involved with someone who was violent and terrorized me regardless of his supposed parental status. He never fought to see her or paid a dime in support. I (and my husband) are the ones that devoted our lives to being the best parents we could. For her to put him on a pedestal is so hurtful. It’s confusing to me too.
Kathy your story is the exact same as mine. Narcissist wife who pushed all of us away one by one including his first son from a previous relationship. My son was convinced to give all parental rights away. That was the final blow to our family. No amount of forgiveness can heal that wound.
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Discarded. Devalued irrelevant . YOU ARE not alone. NO respect totally having to think are reply to conversations as ant thing you say WILL BE ANALYSED and USED against you. I've seen pets get better interaction spontaneous hugs attention . We are always on guard in their present. So yeah it's hard but it's SHAME on them
@@marereins6988 understand. There are no words.
Maybe I should take it as a compliment that they don't need me anymore. Well, I noticed that the need for me ended when I asked for a more authentic relationship with all my adult children. Hugs to anyone who needs one.
Why did it take so long for you to want an 'authentic' relationship with your children?
You know, I spent the first part of my life trying to get love from my mother and the second trying to get love from my kids. It's a sad scenario.
In my line of work I encounter this from time to time; estranged parents, children, and siblings. It never fails to sadden me hearing the pain in the voice. There are sides to the story and different reasons. I don’t know how they endure but I don’t wish this upon my worst enemy.
The key words you used were: "from time to time " , which says you rarely see it. I even feel worse now. You are right as well when you said : " a pain you wouldn't wish on anyone". It's true,the worst pain, other than their deaths I can feel about anything. My kids and grandkids ARE EVERYTHING, too me. 😔
I am estranged from my mother and five of my eight siblings. I am at peace and have no desire to reconcile. I no longer have anger or animosity towards any of them. My life is much better without their negativity, bitterness and judgemental ways.
Wow ….. I really needed to hear this conversation because I thought I was all alone. I have three adult children and I’m astranged from my two daughters but not my son. I allowed my daughters to verbally and mentally abuse me for years but was too scared to stop them from doing it until I had to walk away from them for my own mental health. I’m not perfect but I did the best I could. I always worked and sacrificed to give them what they needed and I didn’t have a lot of money and I went without. They both live out of state which makes it easier, I don’t have to see them. My son is in my life everyday and he has my granddaughter that I see on a regular basis, which brings joy to my life. I’ve learned to move on with my life and make ME happy because like you said, we don’t have much longer on this earth. I forgave them for the way they have treated me and now I’m at peace. So thanks for this conversation, I needed it especially with them coming in town this weekend to see my son and granddaughter.
💙🙏🌸
We need more videos like THIS
It helps knowing that I’m not along in this heartbreaking part of lives. My heart goes out to each of you ladies. I can relate to all these comments.💔
I’ve come to accept that you can’t make people act how you wish they could be. From my own estrange daughter, to siblings that never call our 93 yr mother. I realize it is their loss in life and at this point, I just want to be the best person I can be. Everyone is responsible for their own actions in life. There’s good and bad, but this is life.
Margaret, many blessings to you for putting this topic out there. So many of us feel the pain that only your child's rejection can bring. They disapprove of you, are overly critical or are embarrassed of you. I used to feel so alone, but, thanks to you, I realize what a common thread this is. What did Shakespeare say? "How sharper than a serpent's tooth is an ungrateful child"..well, gratitude isn't necessary, but, some level of appreciation. We did make all the sacrifices, and, we did the best we could. I so miss those "magic years" when we were the center of their little universe. Life gets harder as we age; thank you for all you do for our community family of women. You are making this journey easier for us. Take care and stay well! 🙂 Rosemarie 💖
Amen🙏✝️❤
I needed to hear this , my daughter chose to cut me out of her and my grandsons lives last March a year ago and it’s truthfully been hard to go on some days .. I practically raised my oldest grandson when my daughter moved back home twice and bent over backwards to help her . Now she has a new relationship and she and I had a disagreement which has now led to this estrangement, me even not being allowed at school functions etc , I have given her the apology she felt she needed when I fully didn’t agree with her but respected her feelings so i apologized.. yet it seems to be a game for her to bash me on social media and has divided people who I thought would be in my life always .. my other grandson turns ONE this Tuesday and it’s going to be a rough day for me not to be included , I just pray for her , for those babies and for our relationship to mend .. but when I feel I’ve done everything humanly possible, now I have to go on and live my life , I can’t take the stress anymore as it is now affecting my health .. my heart will be forever broken until this is mended but my life has to go on … 😢💔
Haven't seen my daughter in 19 1/2 yrs. The pain never stops.
This is the best advice I have ever received. Thank you so much ❤
Thank you darling for being here thank you
This has definatrely happend to me. However, I can't live the rest of my life walking on egg cells around my grown children.They recount all the things I did that wasn't what they wanted in a mother, which was money and a good husband. My daughter didn't want me to be a pretty mother, she didn't want me to work even though I had no husband or family of my own because of their death. Please, everyone take care of yourselves, find friends, and go forward with pride and hope for yourselves.
Margaret thank you for the content of your videos, very helpful. Many of us can relate to all your topics. I've made a commitment to myself recently, that all my relationships must be based on love and respect, and at the absence of love there has to be at least respect. My best wishes to all this coming year.❤️
Absolutely Nellie! Life is so short and although it's extremely painful when thought about, I find it helps to keep busy with the others that love you in your life. I really believe that there is no greater gift than to give someone you love and who loves you back, your time. They are giving you their time and you enjoy giving them your time. Everyone's time on earth is valuable. Their choices are their choices. Your choice is to live, love, surround yourself with those that are like-minded and respectful. You hit the nail on the head Nellie...in the absence of love, at least show respect. I've always said that I treat others incredibly well, (treat others how you would want to be treated), so for me to go through this now, by my one son (I still have other sons and daughters that love me deeply), who himself has serious mental illness with narcassism and false memory of the past. I was also alone, with 5 teenagers, after my husband passed. I did my very best. I gave most likely far too much. I never expected anything back. This came out of left field and it's his journey. I'm just so sad that I became close to a 6 year old grandson, a 3 year old grandson and now they're expecting twin girls and I may never see them, or have to wait a very long time. How long I will never know. The unknown is very hard to live with. I choose love and I choose life and I love who I spend my time with. I don't have many close friends, but the couple I have are very special. I have many acquaintances, but I choose not to open up about this to others. I feel safe to do so here. My heart goes out to all the mothers (or fathers) going through this. Yes, it's somehow comforting to know we are not alone.
Same here: at the absence of love there has to be at least respect
Some days are more challenging than others. I've decided for the new year to cease reaching out through calls, texts, cards, texts - the lack of response is heartbreaking. I lost my remaining parent within the year too. I'm learning to be present for myself; my care responsibilities are finished.
Yes Barb, I did that same thing and no response. I even had COVID and they did not reach out.
Barb, I also want to say how proud you should be of yourself for reflecting upon you and taking care of yourself.❤
nd taking care of you.
@@bethgarbe4537 ❤️
I have made it through with forgiveness and understanding in order to keep the love line open. It doesn't feel as genuine, but being indifferent is far less hurtful. We need to develop a thicker skin, learn to love ourselves more and others a bit less. It's a balancing act for sure.
This is so sad for anyone and those they love esp a parent and child. I do get why but pls find ways to express true unguarded emotions before they manifest as dis-ease. Our bodies and being know the truth.
Hi ! Thanks for sharing this video . I'm estranged from daughter here during the holidays and it is so painful and hard that her and I cannot get along. I had a wonderful relationship with my own Mom (now deceased) and there is so many times when I wished I could call and talk with her about this. My daughter has said some mean, hateful and cruel things to me here lately, such as: She says she is tired of me not giving a s@#$ about her, and I was told that my words to her were meaningless, and that the only parent that gave a d#$% about her died back in May of this year, when I all I have ever wanted from her is a close relationship like my Mom and I had. And letting go and ignoring her for now is so hard and stressful especially when you are battling 2 different types of cancer. I hope to learn some tips and stuff to deal with the situation. Plus I'm waiting to hear from the Admin on FB to join the group. I want to apologize for all the detail, but it doesn't bother me if someone else was to read this, it's just that I'm so HURT over the whole thing. Thanks for sharing !
Prayers of love and healing.🙏✝️
And you are not alone. Amen
My daughter is the same way. It’s so heartbreaking. I was close to my Mom also. My daughter is not with me. She also keeps my grandson from me. Praying for you. My husband is in remission from 2 kinds of cancer. I’m praying for you.🙏💔
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I am so glad I found You!
I am not alone
Rejection is God’s protection. Love to you all.
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It is actually trendy to be independent from parents. There are social groups for kids of Narcissistic parents and they flock there to drum up who had the worst parent!! I have never been identified as a narcissist until recently. Like most Moms I put the kids needs, activities and wants ahead of everything else. 5 years ago I lost over 100 #, started wearing “new” clothes ( instead of garage sale) went back to finish my Masters, just started year 15 teach at University. My kids do not like the new me who dares to move forward with life and have a life beyond them. That makes me a narcissist in their eyes. After being home full time, home educating 16 years, hubby and I centered life around our 4 kids but now they are too busy to connect. Just knowing that it is a trend has helped me piece together the mystery of being called narcissistic when I know in my heart my motives were always about giving them a wonderful family. I guess They disagree. I did my best,apologized when they express a hurt ( new to me usually, not in my memory)
Me too. I was accused of being a narcissist and was shocked. I stayed in a bad marriage for 26yrs because I felt my kids needed two parents. All of their lives I put their well being and happiness before my own. I gave up my second relationship to move closer to them when they moved to another state. I was on tap for free child care as & when they required their kids to be looked after (even though my daughter never worked). I helped them financially when they were going through tough times. If all of this is narcissistic then guilty as charged! I think 😅you’re right - there’s an epidemic of ungrateful and entitled millennial brats in the world. Wishing empathy and peace to all estranged parents ❤
@@dollydimple6126 You might not be Narcissist but you clearly have some very unhealthy attitudes. Perhaps you should look at what made you feel that it was okay to expose yourself and your children to a bad marriage for 26 years. You use the excuse of the children needing two parents... And that IS an excuse. Children need healthy, happy and stable adults in their life. Tolerating a bad marriage is not that. If you gave up a relationship for any reason, that's a choice YOU made. It doesn't matter if you use the excuse that it was for them. No one needs/wants a martyr parent who thinks acting that way is healthy. Lastly, calling people entitled and ungrateful because you don't think they are reacting to you correctly is a sign of emotional dysfunction. They might be those things but that doesn't automatically make you right or healthy. In fact, disordered kids are generally a product of unhealthy parents which you admitted you are. Stop blaming everyone for choices you are making/made. I bet you hold your children accountable for their choices and behavior. Don't employ double standards and not take responsibility for yourself. If you refuse to take personal accountability? Well... That's as Narcissistic as it gets.
I did the best i could do and my door is always open for them. Thank you Margaret for all you do! God Bless You
I have been going through this for 20 years. It has keep me shut down by my son, has my granddaughter. I haven't seen her sense she was 1. They live just down the road............. My heart is now ripped out, like an open wound......at this time of year is hell.
I feel so broken-hearted for you. I’m praying for you
@@cherylthomas2459 Thank you for caring.
Hugs 🤗 to you Coleen
I am sorry. That must be so painful.
Thank you so much for talking about this. Knowing I am not alone is a big help. The thing that makes it difficult for me is that I feel so judged when people find out about family estrangement. I get the sense they think I must have been a terrible mother and while I am certain I made mistakes, I always tried really hard to be a good mom. I was the victim of parental estrangement during the breakup of a 44 year old marriage and they just cut me off with no discussion.
I wish we could get together physically. One of the hardest things is being judged or misunderstood by people who ask about your family. I never really know how to answer. The awful estrangement in my family has been at different levels with each of my 4 adult children. Some are hostile others are indifferent. Like a bunch of broken iceberg floats. No one seems to care at all about connecting with us at all. They would never have a clue if we died.
Cheryl, I totally agree and wish we all could have some physical support. Talking with a like-minded group would be really great therapy and a way for all of us to give hugs and support. Sometimes I don't even mention my daughter anymore because of the hurt I feel inside. Can't imagine what it would be like to have 4 kids like yourself! I've been reaching out for online support for about 7 years now, and this channel is one of the best for soothing content - I just discovered it a few days ago and I love what she has to say. I hope you are doing well today and hope you have a great holiday season. Peace.
@@LauraVee63 hugs
My sister and I are estranged from our brother for little reason. I have learned since then that estrangement is actually very common in families. I examined it all and do not think I bear any blame in it. So therefore I am fine with it. Our mother talks about him now and then and I show kind listening, but when she is gone I will know nothing about him and I am ok with it. But I feel for all of you who are estranged from kids or grandkids, that would be hard to bear.
My family has turned their back on me, as I am speaking about what happened to me at a young age. They want to shut me up, but I can't. So, instead they have abandoned me. I thought I would ever feel this kind of isolation and loneliness. Thankfully my therapist is wonderful. I also have the best husband and daughter, who love me.
My 'family' is estranged because I got healthy and wanted to discuss my abusive upbringing. They'd rather not talk/be estranged then deal with the fallout and consequences of their behavior.
It's still hard for me to believe that loving me is not in them, now that I am old, they are married, to wife & career, I loved them so much for so long Seems like they have an Unlimited license to criticize me ,desert me, not even interested in grandmother, such different lifestyles/values. Generational? I do/don't get it. Trying to move on, having difficulty finding new things to "love" , feeling very alone on Christmas . So glad for this camaraderie ! One friend told me having estranged adult children has become "epidemic" in the USA. Love to ALL.
I'm in the same "boat".....both sons, their wives as motivators/careers, no room for me in their lives anymore, so many emotions...agree, values so different....no value to grandmothers...their love ..their company..such a loss for everyone, but in their eyes their choice. I will move on, but it's so sad that so many ( I read 28 % ! ) of parents are being estranged by their adult children in the USA, That is not comforting, another breakdown of morality and caring imho.
I'm estranged from my Son & have shed many tears cuz of it. I don't know why he feels the way he does about me but I've learned to know that my God knows what I've done to him. GOD loves me & it is what it is. I'm not going to allow his disrespectfulness to be in my life & I'm not opening my checkbook when you are so very rude towards me. You think I'm going to give you money & be disrespected. Nope like dope! I gave you life & may you live your life well ! I'm at PEACE WITH IT.
There is no healing for me. I will never be able to cope fully, it's so painful that your heart actually aches! 😪💔
Yes
I've only managed healing by watching videos on narcissism, and by learning to love myself more. It hurts so bad, but You can heal if you understand it's not about you.
I am sorry.
Time does help heal.take care .
take back your power !! you deserve to be happy !!~
I Adore you ... YOU ARE HELPING ME SOOOOO Much !! Had felt very dark before finding you !!
What a wonderful message.. thank you so very much... my oldest son.. my three grandsons.. the forgiveness to myself... time to accept the loss... thank you💔❤️
As parent/s, it would be better or even wiser to accept early on that our children will not be with us as much as we want to. This will give us the chance and the time to adjust ourselves when the time comes that they live their own lives. Letting go is easier this way. We should not feel that we are being rejected because they will not do that. We should just allow them to live away from us. The time that we spent forming, raising, educating them to their fullness is enough for us to have enjoyed them. Live your life free from them because you still have your own life to live. Move on happily. 😁👍
Letting them live their lives is completely different from living with total abandonment and rejection
Not seeing or speaking with mine in 5 years isn't JUST waiting anymore. Ambiguous grief is a real thing.
I don't have children, but I grew up in a large close family. After our mother died one of my sisters caused so much trouble that it fractured my family to the point where siblings chose sides. That was 30 yrs ago. One brother has passed away and the other one doesn't speak to me for unknown reasons. It hurt for a long time, but I have moved on.
My brother and I are the only ones left from our family. He only lives a few miles a way (short cab ride) but his mental oddities have taken over and he's convinced I have some of his belongings and won't give them back. Ridiculous, of course, but he is paranoid and has no friends (doesn't want them...he can be charming and fun when he wants to be) He seems to need to have a "villian" in his life and he chose me. So sad as we are both over 70 and, although I have a wonderful husband, I would love to have my brother in my life. I've written to him several times but he says he won't have anything to do with me until I return those items (books, etc) So sad especially around the holidays.
Moving on is very healthy Ive learned its taking care of self💜
Putting the brakes on my day for this needed presentation !
I can relate to many of these stories. My eldest child has taken it upon herself to conclude any type of a relationship with me. It will be 8 long years 2023 Dec. There has not even been a card for Mother's day or birthdays. We were very close I helped her in many ways with her children by babysitting, transporting to Sports etc. Now I am nearing 90 yo and there hasn't even been a call to ask how life is going? I have had 4 heart attacks, open heart surgery, 3 stents and many more blockages. I have now given up hope of any reconciliation. I think of her daily but realize I cannot change things so I will let her live with her decisions. One day my Granddaughter (her daughter) sent an email to say "goodbye Nam" and told me to figure out why. They even blocked me on Social Med. Let me add, I have 2 other loving adult children. I moved to the West and live in the mountains on a small farm. I love my life.
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This is a hard topic. My son and I are estranged.
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Hugs Zan
Your hair, makeup, & lavender top ~ perfectly lovely.🤗 Thank you for addressing this incredibly painful issue with such kind clarity. Those experiencing wounded family relationships must suffer all the more at Christmas when peace on earth is the focus.
Thanks for this . It really helps me!
So glad to find this video and this has been my life 5 years. it has affected by self confidence in my personal and career relationships and struggle everyday to know what to do. Some days I don't want to see her again and others I missed her. Thanks goodness my son is a great support as he has lost his sister as well. Trying to learn to release the anger and move on with what I have in my life and think in my heart she is happy with her choice and living a happy life then maybe I can too. Thank you.
Hi I’m estranged from my adult son for 14 years I’m so upset especially when holidays and Birthdays come around ! I’m looking for a group of people that r going through this and not feel as if I’m the only one ! 🙏
Unfortunately, I’m a club member, haven’t seen or heard from my son and daughter, since 2005. Every Christmas, I hope maybe, a card with arrive, but it never does. 😩 (too sad of a story to tell. But my love will never go away, no matter what.💔💔💔
God bless you Dee. I understand the feeling. Sometimes at Thanksgiving or Christmas I imagine them driving up to surprise us then I pop that little bubble and move on. I do believe in miracles though.
@@cherylthomas2459 I know, but it’s sad, for us, and for them. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.😘
Great subject. Yes very painful. I am wishing that this deeper sadness from my estranged children goes away and that I will be able to move on with my life. Wish I could understand the reason and be able to fix it.. A mom with a 💔heart. 😭Thank you for sharing. ❤
My daughter estranged herself from me for something she believes happened 20 years ago. I have absolutely no memory of it, but I did not call her a liar. The estrangement came out of nowhere. She avoided calls and texts, until a month later, when she called to tell me. Her husband has never cared for me, so I am sure he is cheering her on.
She has gone silent a few times in the past but not for extensive periods of time. This time, I am not open to welcoming here back, if she every makes that choice. I can’t live hoping that her heart will soften, at the expense of my life. The heartache has been devastating, and life is too short for me to stop living.
This was very timely for me as my children have not spoken to me in over three months. I spent Thanksgiving all alone and will probably be alone for Christmas. it is so very painful but I have done all I can. My heart goes out to you all. Wishes for a Merry Christmas and a wonderful new year ahead. ❤🙏
This sounds my story. OMG I am.not alone. I have reached out for yrs. And foundout from her brother what she thought I did. And I told her that never happened. I hurt daily but this really helped me. Thank you thank you thank.
@@kimberlywilliams6739 I am right there with you sister.
You can't possibly be sad n singing karaoke so when my youngest daughter cut off our relationship ,I learnt a new language n sang in both languages. I am so engrossed in singing, she is furthest from my mind. Learning a new language kept me so busy. It will also help you and occupy your mind. You cannot force or expect your child to love you. It should be a natural affection
If the child is devoid of love and kindness don't expect them to make u happy. Let them go. I did it.
This whole situation could have been avoided by simply acknowledging and validating your daughter's feelings, though.
I am currently dealing with a bipolar son and then also dealing with parents better aging and having to go down to where they land and help take care of them and it’s kind of like making me feel a little homeless plus I feel like I’m being stretched beyond my mental capabilities currently. Plus my dad is planning on selling the house that I have been living in and taken care of for him. Everything seems to be really tearing me apart right now and I know eventually that I’ll probably end up with one estranged kid my son that has the bipolar issues. Once my dad sells his house I’m not sure where he’s going to live or how he’s going to take care of them selves but like my sister says that’s not for me to decide he’s 25 years old he needs to learn to take care of himself. I have a daughter that is 33 and she has been surviving on her own for a while but she doesn’t want the idea of the may eventually moving down to where my parents have a house and being 2 Hour Drive away so I’m not sure how long I will be visiting much
Thank you.
Thank you I needed this
Good subject. Helping people through challenging situation. I'm sad for people who have this going on.
I have heard stories when parents remarry and they forget their children.
It’s almost been a year without two of my three daughters not speaking to me. It hurts and the more time they need they say doesn’t bring us closer
Lots of comments from parents here claim they don't know what they've done. My mother is the same. I've even sent her a list of bullet points : getting in touch with my ex to mount a smear campaign against me, opening my private correspondence and saying "I'm your mother for heaven's sake'" (I was in my 40s), rifling through my things when she came to stay, calling me sick and mentally ill in front of my children, refusing to stop hurtful behaviour ("How dare you tell me how to act"), spreading lies about me to all and sundry....she denies it all and then goes around playing the victim, telling everyone I won't tell her what she's done and that I need therapy.
Estrangement doesn't happen without reason.
Thank you for sharing your perspective
It sure doesn't. The only people who think adults walk away from good/healthy families are people who refuse to look at their behavior and see it as problematic. In other words, denial.
@Happy Dog "Shallow and arrogant"....mmmm, I'll draw my own conclusions about the reasons in your case then. My mother asked for the list by the way, and then denied everything she had done.
@Happy Dog Judgmental, condescending, superior, offensive, belligerent, insulting and for some reason, extremely defensive....I'm pretty sure we'd be estranged if you were my mother.
@@happydog2191 So you justify all your bad behavior on how you perceived the words of others... That's what Narcissists do. "I wouldn't have said/done what I did if you hadn't - insert excuse -." If you cannot demonstrate an ability to speak in emotionally healthy ways, it's safe to presume you are incapable of doing so. People lacking in this skill make horrible and/or abusive parents. P.S. The "You started it!" is so grade 3. LOL
I’m going through this it hurts I try to reach out sometimes I may get a response most times just ignored I can’t understand why this has happened my life is small miss my grandkids their growing up but I can’t force anyone to want to be with me sometimes I just want to let it go but then I think I’m the mom I can’t so I’m stuck and hurt
Yes it’s perplexing. Our hearts tell us this is not natural
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I need a hug.
You’ve got one from me - take care please 🌺
It is so hard to accept your only daughter doesn't want to have any contact with you, and doesn't let you see your grandkids. I can't just get over with this pain.
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Same here! But I have a home I'm remodeling and God told me. Just work on your house. I live on Hope. It still hurts but focused on other things as well ❤️🩹
Me too. It's incredibly hard. I am starting to pick up the pieces of my life slowly. It will get less painful - hang in there ❤. They want to crucify us and use our grandkids as weapons in their war with us. It's incredibly cruel not just for us but for our grandkids too.
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The way I cope (to a degree, still have horrible dreams) is saying to myself that some parents have to bury their kids, at least my daughter is alive and doing well, so I hear. My grandsons will grow up. There is always hope. I am very close with my youngest daughter and granddaughter so I just focus on them. Things could be MUCH worse.
How do we handle our will or trust? Do we leave some/all to adult children who have removed us from their lives? What if we die unexpectedly, do we just assume they’ll step in and take care of things if/when they are notified of our passing? These are some of the things I think about.
Write them out of will. Sell most of your stuff down size and travel. Have fun. They all EXPECT to get your money and stuff. I'm leaving my daughter 1.00 I'll look leave everything else to my friends who WERE THERE FOR ME
No they probably will not step in and take care of things. You need to understand that for your own good. My husband's mother died 2 months ago at the age of 105 and her daughter had not spoken to her or my husband and her other brother for 44 years. So, we did not bother to inform her that her mother had died. She'll find out through the family grapevine.
Just remove them from inheriting anything from you. You can add their kids your grandchildren.
P.S. She was left nothing in the will!
@@gypsytreasures3856 Go Skiing. Spending kids inheritance Skiing
I need a hug
Me too sweet p. Me too
I’m sending you a healing hug 💕
Thanks ladies for all of the hugs….Glad to discover I’m not alone, that’s wonderful thank you.
Big hugs
We always thought that we had a good relationship with our only child. In the phase between high school and college she met a young man from out of state , whom we got along with very well initially, including his family. We helped him out while he was attending college near us. As he got ready to graduate the relationship suddenly turned bad and we have no idea why. During a 3 month summer vacation stay his family had turned our daughter completely against us.
I have a daughter I haven't seen in 10 years
I don’t want to like your comment but I want you to know that I’m praying for you. That’s so heart wrenching.
Mine 11 and saw her and my two grand daughters for ONE DAY. Before that I didnt see my daughter for 8 years
I haven't seen my daughter for 5 years
10 years for me too 😢
I wish I knew people locally to form a group to meet up. I would love to have some of you over for dinner
Children n grandchildren, I love them all ,when we are together. .vice versa. Whats the point if your child decides she does not wish to connect with you? I hardened my heart and concentrate on friends. I try to be helpful n kind and generous to anyone who comes my way. Whatever I would have given to her,now I give away to anyone who treats me well. They show mire gratitude and love and I find that I am more happy with others company. Its so syressful when she is around,before she cut off ties. Everything I did ,tried my best was rejected with a scowl . Even swarovski necklace n earrings rejected n she did not say pleasant things to me. Ut was always me walking on eggshells when with her.
Her dad told me not to mention her name because it does not help. Its true, we brought her up, paid for her a good education.. a lawyer. She abandoned us.
We just need to cut ties with her too if thats her wish.
New mothers should remember to save for retirement.We made a bad mistake ,we gave everything to her,and spoilt her,now we pay the price.
If I knew, what I know now, I would have never had children. I would adopt dogs instead. They are so loving & loyal & appreciatetiv. 🐕🐕🐕
So the issue is your children just didn't kid up to your standards... There's why you're estranged.
@@ellyk8834 there's always a jerk in the crowd. I bet your parents had trouble with you judging by your attitude. Your a reason why one should get a dog🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕
@@sammie4695 I have the attitude I do because my parents abused me. So which came first? Adults abusing the child or the child growing up to resent being abused and then estranging? Maybe if parents treated their children with dignity and respect and apologized for the times they didn't the relationship could be repaired. That doesn't happen because abusive parents want to continue to blame their off-spring for the crappy ways they treated their children. People walk away from those that cause them distress and pain so if your child walked away, look at your behavior and stop focusing on your child's reactions. Behave better and maybe you'll get different reactions? Can't try that though can you because that would require you to change AND admit your previous behavior was problematic. That doesn't/won't happen which is why children estrange. You're not going to change and they ran out of tolerance for your BS. Play crappy games and end up alone in your old age.
@@ellyk8834 Elly, I am so sad to hear you were abused by your parents. You have good cause to estrange from them. Children should be loved, protected and cherished. I'm sorry that didn't happen for you. I put my whole life into my kids, I practised what I preach. But they didn't appreciate it & got into a wrong crowd. My comment about rather having a dog than kids was just a tinge in cheek comment, because my dog is more appreciative than my kids are. I didn't mean all children are that way. Sometimes the children get abused and sometimes the parents get abused. But I tell you sincerely that I wish you hadn't been abused..I hope your heart will heal of those bad memories and you deserve to be loved and treated with respect. I'm sorry if my light comment upset you, please forgive me.
I have 4 rescues now, they rescued me!!
Missing Missing Reasons, by Issendai. I suggest reading this.
Issendai is not citable. Issendai admitted herself that she has no training and was just wanting to blog. Misinformed parents absolutely love her and take her words as gold.
My son left in 2021 at the age of 19. He now has a daughter who was born in May who I haven’t seen. It made me feel better when you said, send the cards, gifts to that grandchild. Let them know you exist. For one day they will have the choice to see you. I’m not getting any younger and hope I get to see my son and his family sooner than later. I met the girlfriend of my son once. I don’t know her and would like to if I want any contact with her. Don’t know how this can be done when neither one of them want to talk
Sorry for the long post
Thanks for sharing ❤️
My friend was estranged from her children. Her son recently passed from cancer and she found out through social media.
How does one manage that grief knowing there will never be an opportunity to restore the relationship?
💔💔💔💔💔💔🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I have to say that I've been to therpy, and to a skrink also for 20 years. I'm trying so damn hard..........They all left me and went to his "side"......my mother, both sisters, brothers and a couple of friends. It is hard to FEEL that they talk about me and the constant lies about me..............I guess they are trying to make themselves look better, a way to explain my absents from the family. Mother is a narasistic b- - - - h. I never have been good enough her and she told me this on my forced exit.
That is a horrible pain. God bless your heart.
I just think that lifelong unhappiness is much more likely than happiness.. It's unbelievable, but kids can be the source of so much pain and anguish.
The 💔💔💔never ends.. you just manage DAILY, and stay close to Jesus.
Hi I’m wondering if there r live group in person ! I live in Boynton Beach Florida! I would like someone to let me know ! I just came across this group I’m very grateful I do hope to meet people in person! Please let me know I would appreciate it very much! I need to know I’m not alone! ❤️
Hi Bonita. We do not have local chapters but you can join us here online the community is very active and particularly if you want to join our Patreon supporters group where we hold live shows and exclusive videos
You might be interested in this video a channel called DoctorRamani: The Heartache of Having a Narcissistic Child. Also see some of the comments by people who have this issue in their lives. This is so common and very, very few people talk about it.
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Maybe we as parents of adult children are just living too long and getting in the way. Life expectancy has increased and here we are in our 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s, refusing to "go" !!!! We have outlived our real usefulness to our children and they don't really need or want us for their survival. Maybe some of them wish we would die; stop making them feel guilty with our myriad complaints, demands and spending of the inheritance. "Complicated Love" by Kathy McCoy Ph. D. might be a helpful read. BTW Margaret, you are just blooming (lol). Thanks for the topic...........
Fascinating perspective Linda - thank you for sharing x
Understand that thought .only 50 60 years ago old was 60 65 .70 was wow 80 amazing 90 very rare.
Christine's article can be found where
On the sixty and me website. Link should be in the description box under the video 🌺
Hi dear iam 57 but my daughter 22 blocked me on WhatsApp and did not wish my a happy Mother’s Day it hurts so much it literally broke me to pieces she wants me to change so iam working on myself it is a shock I am depressed lonelier than ever my mother is a narcissist herself iam totally alone I am scared to face life without the love and respect of my daughter
I don't think you're healed or over it because you discuss this alot and you may never get over it. And it's Okay to live on Hope 🙂
my parents were my children.
bam.
Christine Field"s? Book
I don't think she published a book but her website is realmomlife dot com!
What is wrong with the young adult kids now days.
I am a stranged from my daughter..
Nothing is wrong with them. They just have been educated on what unhealthy/toxic behavior looks like and refuse to tolerate it and since toxic people refuse to change (that's part of the definition of toxic) they walk away.
Toxic wokeness , lack of empathy and the inability to communicate, mostly on the adult kids.
@@ellyk8834 …you seem a very angry bitter person…I’ve seen your other posts. Try focusing yourself towards a new hobby.
@@janheard3826 Do you have any relevant counterpoints to what I have said or are you just a finger-pointer "You are wrong, *wrong,* WRONG!" person? Perhaps you should look at how other people talk on some of these comment threads and dispense that advice equally but abusers don't do that, they like the, "Don't do as I do, do as I say..." attitude. Kinda gross and very transparent. Why not just say, "I don't like what you say or how you say it. Be quiet and go away." at least that would be honest.
@@ellyk8834 Calm down…ranting doesn’t make you look like you are giving considered responses.
You can see from research that doctors say you can die of a broken heart. Not a disease but an actually broken heart. Two of mine have cut me off. Both have my grandchildren. Not only have they cut me off they talk to me like I’m garbage. Cruel. I have begged and pleaded. Please tell me what I can do. I’ll do anything. No they won’t say. They don’t talk to their brother or no is the oldest and has been suffering from seizures for 18 years since he quit drinking. It’s all too much. When therapy and medicine and friends and activities don’t help,there isn’t much left. It’s a sad sad time for so many of us. This is a fairly new pandemic.