The 3 Things I No Longer Do In Dating & Relationships
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 เม.ย. 2024
- I don't future trip or wonder and worry about what we will be, what will happen next
I don't bring to my partner my 'problems with them' until I have sat and processed fully on my side, what I'm making it all mean and worked through my reactive state to one that is responsive
I don't insist my partner meet my wants or needs- I work on doing that for myself and meet my partner where they are
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Self-awareness goes a long way.
Re the 3rd:: A wise friend said the key to a successful marriage? Having other friends!
do not expect to get everything from your partner.
Don’t even expect to get half from your partner
look to your other friends to fill your life just as much as your partner plays a part in it, not all of it.
Still have high expectations, but less.
One caution to having other friends is make sure they are not trying to push you away from your partner type of friends. But, of course nothing is perfect and people aren't perfect, because some friends can come and go.
Two sides road.Many friends don't make a partner feel special so ,What 's the point to stay in a relation?.Better alone or no bond.
@@adasatmc2007 I think the point is to having friends to go out with when your partner is busy or doesn't want to do the same things as you. It's good to have some Independence in the relationship, but of course if you find someone who likes the same hobbies or is very open to try your hobbies too, then that's great
@@sukiarts I know the point.If you're a girl and want a special guy only for you and forever whit who build a life an a future togheter don't have male friends.You can do whatever you want ,modern society can't change biology, love is responsability, loyalty and biology.
me and my Gf had each other and that was enough, How God intended. If the couple had children it would have to suffice being that no time for hanging with others.
Wow I clicked on this video expecting to be entertained by some modern-day "self love" garbage that's just unhealthy solipsistic egoism, but you made some great points and I believe it all sounds like perfectly healthy adjustments for everyone to make.
This culture models codependency, enmeshment & trauma-bonding on almost every level. Studying & practicing NVC (Nonviolent Communication) is a game changer. We’re all 100% responsible for our reactions, feelings & needs. Who knew??
Long term relationships/marriage is no longer a realistic option for about 90% of the population. From a man’s perspective, the road goes two ways. We have just as big of a concern as women do. In my case I maintain my own home and finances and see one or two women when I want. The risk of entering into a cohabitation with a woman is too great of a risk and the benefits are practically nil. The beauty of having my own place is I can easily live on my own and if I want a companion, I can get a dog.
I'm very much the same way, the only real difference is I quit dating several years ago, in my late 40s. It was just too much risk for no reward and plenty of liability, as you point out.
Greatly respect your thought processes. You resist the whole "mountains out of molehills" response. You are setting yourself up for success in your relationships, romantic and otherwise. Excellent job!
The key to success is not known but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.
I'm a 70 year old American man, a Native of Iowa. I commend your hard work to better understand yourself. You have done well and are articulate and intelligent. Bravo. I did 300 hours of therapy, read 20 books on anger management, conflict resolution, and family systems dynamics. The truth will set you free!
So glad I'm done with dating and trying to make relationships work. By not playing the game I win.
Sounds like you've worked through some tough stuff 👍 congratulations on making real progress, i wish you well on your journey.❤
In my 60s and married for over 40 years ... These is good wisdom in your advice ... very wise .
“No longer reactive in that moment” ……
Right the woman will wait three years and then throw it at you :)
You are so right. Three years, then, boom, and repeatedly, ad naseum. That’s what I do. And verbatim. I can even tell you what you were wearing on that day.
I'm pretty much forced to react in that moment because the moment my wife thinks I'm not happy, she grills me on it till I'm either pissed off or can convince her that I'm ok.
I just watch who I date anymore . If she wants more than I am willing to give , I let her know . If she brings it up again , I back away til she understands .
I wont marry again , I will not financially support a woman again, build a life to give up the house and more .
I also have made a girl mad because she wanted us to go out , I told her sure as long as your paying . She got mad and said why do I got to pay ? I said did I ask you out ? No .
Later , she took me out and she paid .
Just don't date.. nothing is free in this world.
This is not what I was expecting. Pleasantly surprised! Thanks!
Ummm, if you thought a need was a running partner glad you did the work. Need is different than want. Need: honesty , consistency, repair. Want: running partner, height, same interests…. Non negotiable vs some assessment of compatibility and compromise.
I caught that too
The one thing that I don’t do anymore is pursue women. Living in peace and happiness is a wonderful thing. No chaos or drama by any woman. Beautiful!
You are very emotionally intelligent and mature
I’ve had a few people say this to me. It’s motivated me to create a video on not only how I do it but why- which I’ll tell you ahead of time- it ultimately feels way better in my body in the long run. More to come!
This video earned you my sub! Great stuff. Most women I've known would love to claim this, but they don't have a clue... cos it's hard.
Wow, an actual responsible adult woman. Will miracles never cease? Shalom. 🙏🖖🔥🌈🌝☀
I try to avoid usury of my person, so therefore I avoid dating.
Welcome to Adulthood! We need more like you as there are so few these days. Kudos for spreading the word.
You are awesome! You are hope that there are intelligent and introspective single people still left in the world. I wish you much happiness and love in your life.
I’m impressed with what I hear from this mature woman with a good head on her shoulders. Only when you stop blaming others for everything that went wrong can a person experience growth and make the necessary changes needed to enjoy better relationships!
refreshing to hear healthy and mature adult attitude
There is a lot to unpack here and I would have to listen time and time again to pull it all together. That is my job for listening is it not? May you grow your following with the things you say.
Something about this woman just weirds me out. I think it’s the way she says my person I have never referred to anyone that way. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me but that’s kind of creepy for some reason. I’m 63 years old and spent 28 years in the army. I not scared of anything.
It's just her way of expressing herself. Her ideas reflect wisdom, I respect that
I got that too , as soon as she said my person .
Meh. Maybe generational. Very common in my area to refer to your partner, the one you trust, confide in, etc, as ‘your person’. That one person, your go to. It’s endearing.
Its not a term I use, but it is the most inclusive term to use. Rejecting it just because its unfamiliar makes you simply ignorant. You can learn the reasons why someone would use that term, and it might make it less weird to you and then you wouldn't feel the need to comment on it.
Appreciate the wisdom presented here!
Just have fun. Good catch ❤
I really liked this. Keep up the wholesome
Thank you so much! More wholesome to follow 🥳
I was recently divorced from my ex-wife and one thing I learned in my experience, is that we shouldn't do everything together. I made sure that every decision I made was for her benefit because she was the product of a narcisstic mother which in turn, made her narcisstic. Whenever I tried to stand up for myself against a narcissitic sociopath, I was told to just let it go. Yeah fuck that. I'm not the same person I was back when I was married and I don't care if people like it or not. I COME FIRST (not....like that). I will make the decision if you're going to stay in my life or not.
the first one is big!!..marriage success = separate bedrooms for the "Time Out Period"
Sounds like some very well adjusted ways of moving through the world/being, and interacting. However even for a person who may have done a boat load of personal growth work, I would think that to some degree we are talking about 'ideals' that may not always be lived up to, or effectively acted upon, or seen through successfully, because of our human frailties such as, emotionalism, reactivity , and set and setting, all influencing that 'pause and think mechanism you say you've worked to develope. Some of our actions when fatigued or stressed are still pretty reptilian brained, basic needs, self preservation , fight or flight responses unless you are pretty Zen realized. I like your approach and thinking though. Interesting sound tenets.
Right on. I just lost a great guy b/c i did the three things you mentioned. Nicely put!
Im in austin too-be great to be part of any groups you may lead …
Hey Jane!!! I have a webinar that I’ll be hosting soon, but must admit, you just planted a seed to plan something in person in the future!!
@@ashleykelsch I wouldn't expect any men to attend. the majority have checked out.
You got it going on!
You got your shit together.
TATTOOS no thank you.
I bet her fem g/f likes them....but girl/girl have a 75% divorce rate so.......they won't be together very long...
I am pretty sure that no one asked and that this wasn't part of the conversation at all. But we're all glad that we know where you stand on the subject.
You are allowed to not like tattoos, however you are not allowed to insult someone else for their choice. No one asked for your opinion on tattoos. I do not like tattoos either, but this woman is more than tattoos. Try to hear the beautiful things she is sharing, and stop focusing on your inability to respect others.
@@kennethschweighardt4920 I'll say whatever i want to say....
The first thing I thought she was going to say was she stopped dating men. If I saw her in public, I wouldn't talk to her because I would assume she liked women instead of men.
These are 3 really great things not to do. I hope you are able to enjoy long lasting, fun, and stress free relationships with the partner of your choice.
Hey Ashley, maybe you already answered this in another video, but can you please elaborate more on meeting your own needs? It's something that I think it's the hardest to me, since my love language is quality time
Hi! I absolutely can; in the meantime, I had a few other viewers ask a similar question and answered it here th-cam.com/users/shortsh4u_mFsuHNs?si=qixvOSoxQsbTAyb5 I think you'll find it useful!!! Let me know what your thoughts :)
@@ashleykelsch Thank you! I do recognize the "punishment" behavior in me for doing the same as they did to me, so they feel what I felt. It's always good to find something new to learn and self reflect
@@sukiarts You'll have plenty of time to learn and reflect on what the universe is going to teach you going forward . You'll ne totally alone with your thoughts .
Sounds like wisdom to me!
Good for you!
High value men will agree with you...
Some good advice
This lady is the spitting image of Lindsey Doe of the _Sexplanations_ channel.
You are wise. Many of the views you are criticizing are extremely common yet childish ideas of what it is to be an adult human being.
And real life kicks in , the partner that demands to know where the man has been or who with & doing what.
I no longer care and thank god that there is legal brothels in the country i reside in , i have no time to have my ears talked off by women or being expected to be clairvoyant on how the woman feels or the mood she's in , life is to short for that !
I like this
It's not "due". It's "do".😂
The three things I don’t do: 1. Date tattooed women…
What a pointless comment. Who are you even talking too? Date who ever you want bro
Me either.
Short hair on women and tatts. It so masculine looking. True feminine nature is being erased daily.💀
Okay, these are great points that even men should consider. But what about if your partner wants to try to meet your needs and wants or try to on occasion? Should you even have an open discussion about your needs and wants from time to time?
Should that be “do” and not “due”? I’m confused if that spelling choice is supposed to be intentional.
You are correct! It’s ‘do’. I didn’t notice the typo until after I loaded it here and a few other places.
What I do need is an extra set of eyes to edit my work 😂
Pass on this mess lol!
Just wake up and breathe 😎
Oh my god, arguing about something we argree on but saying it in different ways..
I thought I was insane or she was or something.. I didn't know this was a thing others had happen too.
You sound hectic . You sound like Chaos . A load of words flying from your mouth trying to ease your own panic , telling yourself you have it all figured out now after burning the house down. I get it , you've woken up to the impermanence of the world and your place in it and the fear has struck . Accept things as they are for you made them that way.
The idea that this is what you have taken from the video tells me that you must have a pretty miserable life.
Its not usually easy to date while in a relationship 😸
Very interesting 👌
How women treat men is a strong function of the man's looks, which in turn is a strong function of his height. Her rules are inversely proportional to his attractiveness and how committed he seems. Seen it a million times. The opposite is not true for men simply because they know they have no chance with a woman who is more attractive.
You meant "no longer do," not "due!" I'm not trying to be a prick, but sheesh.
Freudian slip , she's getting her dues now, like a lot of women heading into old age covered in tattoos and alone.
Grocery cart full of food for thought!!!!
"My person". ?
Beautiful woman ❤️
Simp to the slaughter , go get it boy , dive into the abyss and hope not to drown before you resurface . Lets hear from the previous men who experienced the bliss this lady is now offering . They're probably dangling from a rope
Not even Zen masters are able to always react to emotions like she claims to. We humans get upset and lash out and that, unfortunately, is what we as imperfect humans do. I also don't believe that stuffing the "feels" and waiting to work through the emotions is a healthy, sane reaction to feelings of conflict. I'm sorry, not buying what she's selling.
Is grammar one thing you don't "due"?
You got me! Looks like I have a need to be met and it's with an editor 😂
You are making having a relationship so complicated
Do you regret all the tats? One or two well placed ones can be interesting but once you get to the whole arm/leg or sleeve type thing, it turns me off as I believe a HVW (High Value Woman) doesn't feel the need to decorate her body to feel attractive. Plus, whether you know it or not, it greatly lessens your chance of getting a HVM (High Value Man) because you will look awful in a strapless evening gown or at a formal gathering. For the record, by this video I do think you are really nice, which why I asked the question in the first place.
I'm so glad i never married.
I wish I cared
All things she should have learned as a vwey young adult. Better late than never.
Tatted up = LOCO !
My person????
What's with the little boy haircut?
You sound like the perfect woman. What are you doing Friday night 😊
Another thing, being too independent wouldn't that mean you don't really need a relationship? Or someone to grow with?
How can you be too independent?
@@juliaalexander5788 what she said in the video was what I interpreted as being too independent. Meeting your own needs and wants, not expecting anything from your partner or date. I liked the second point, as long as I feel comfortable and safe talking about it with my partner
@@sukiartsrelationship are for giving and sharing love. Not for becoming dependent on each other. Interdependent. And honestly, you don’t need a relationship, but want to have one as a place of growth. Ok either way.
@@tallspicy I've got into the realization that enjoying the moment with someone I'm dating is much more enjoyable when I'm not thinking where it will lead. Just making each other laugh and feel comfortable seems more important. After all I'm happy to have them in my life
@@sukiarts Yes , it's all his fault .
Lady just buy some cats.
Tattoos and a motor mouth spouting memes in a desperate attempt to cope with finding men have woken up to the illusion .
I was done by the first few seconds. I never take dating advice from a woman with prison tattoos.
This reminds me of the smoking ads with the "tips" from former smokers who are about to die at age 55.
I don't take advice from people who live their lives primarily as a cautionary tale.
Well, that's how I went in. But then again, I've learned to separate ideas from the person expressing them. I think she's giving solid advise. I still don't like tats. But that isn't the issue here.
@@HansBezemer Roma Army has some bizarre ink, but I listen to what she says.
Just lower the bar to the floor 😂 lmao. It's one thing to not insist your partner go running with you or some other mundane activity, it's another to not have any expectations or needs in a relationship 😂😂😂 wtf is the point then just stay single. It's perfectly normal and human to have needs in a relationship, and no i don't mean come running with me. I mean deeper connection needs lmfao wtf
Drizzle drizzle!
I've seen that saying pop up a lot lately. What does that mean?
@@Shadow_Banned_Conservative Google it.
All the random tats made me take notice…the use of the term “ my person,” made me wanna RUN!
Its good that you make your opinions on these things known. Many people would also run from a person with opinions like yours. Its always good to communicate our prejudices and ignorance.
👍
Acquired wisdom---but very late in the game.
It would be like dating a psychologist...good God, relax lady
At 30 a woman shouldn’t even be dating
You are a 40 something year old woman , with a masculine haircut, masculine tattoos. Was your spouse male or female. ?
The one thing you haven’t learned is to shut up!
You mean you are more mature than you previously were. Okay, big deal.
To me, the tattoos are indicative of a lot of BAD decisions
Tattoos are a big turnoff, particularly on older women. Yuk. And WTF is she talking about?
Hygiene?
OK first of all grow your hair long and get rid of some of those damn tattoos
Tats are a mistake that's hard to erase. At least piercings will grow over.
Know who gives great relationship advice that actually matters?
Gay men
Find a gay man in a commited relationship near you, theres a ton. They are not rare. Then watch him.
Everyone else is just trying to justify crappy behavior and judgement.
Theres some awareness here. But trust me. Go find a gay man in a relationship, longer than ten years. Do what hes doing.
Boy haircut and tattoos...you lose.
Cut this short; think like a man 😊
Grow yourself some hair first, before teaching other women....
U NEED MAKE UP
Nobody cares. Bye
It took this chick 44 years to figure this out 🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
The great realization when you see the next 44 years ahead and how the previous 44 have put you where you are now .
I like her!
This was rather refreshing to hear/watch.🫂🫂
Nobody cares.
They are trying to help others, not get attention.
Recognizing the difference is how you avoid bad relationships and stay in good ones.
You are wrong. And, no one cares that you are.
I do.
I came to say the same thing! 😂