I dated a Mormon for a while but had to end it because they kept saying, “ You just don’t know the truth, you believe in science and don’t acknowledge God.” The sex wasn’t great enough to put up with that BS.
@@tiwoni972mad Sex is one of the fundamental human needs (excluding asexuals). Religion very rarely overwrites this basic need, it just makes people feel guilty for it.
VoiceOfIrrationality Dear Mythical Murderer, Can you make my sports team succeed against another sports team? Ignore all the other pleas from the other sports team fans, they are undeserving of success for their sports team? Go sports team.
Dear fantasy sky father, who is always with me even when I'm on the pot please let me win the lottery, and only me. It's ok to just ignore everyone else who wants to win the lottery because sister Betty Joe told me they were all just a bunch of sinners anyways. Amen.
Daddy who promised that with faith, I'd get everything I pray for, though thousands of people will die on earth today due to hunger and lack of clean water, please make sure that my bank lowers my mortgage interest rate. I know that in your omnipotence, all things are possible.
VoiceOfIrrationality dear heavenly father please help this person see that you died for the sins of the whole world and through you he or she can have eternal life
It seems because he really has nothing relevant to say. This is a clear example of being indoctrinated at a young age and not looking skeptically at the belief.
I don't get why religion is so prolific in America. Its a lot less in Europe and thats where most of you came from. In the UK the number of atheists out numbers all the different religions combined.
Josh is a perfect example of how damaging indoctrination can be. His wife has a lot of work to do, but its reassuring that she has science and reason on her side.
@Alex McAuliff "religious beliefs will be classed by psychology as mental condition" Worse yet, it's a contagious mental condition. Seems like a pandemic up in here.
Mk. Rowe calling it cognitive dissonance implies that there is cognition in the first place. Yes he holds beliefs that are mutually exclusive but he doesn’t even realize that. These guys have pointed out several examples to him but he’s just too simple to appreciate what’s happening.
I don't. As an atheist myself I'm not sure that I could do it but apparently she decided to marry him, so I guess there is something that he does right. By listening to him I had the impression that he is a nice dude, and I might be completely wrong here, I even think that he somehow is struggling with his faith. I think he probably can see the validity in his wives arguments. But giving up something in that you believed in for your whole life must very hard to do especially if you are under the impression that your faith has helped you through difficult situations. So, long story short, I wish them both all the best.
Akray Bothorda lol yep. Most of them sidestep this inconvenient reality of billions of good people who disagree with them, by marrying and remaining within their religious bubble for life. This poor guy will be forced to divorce his wife, or live with this constant reminder that something isn’t right (I don’t see him ever renouncing his faith, he’s too far gone and not bright enough to claw his way out)
This was a good conversation - but the conversation I *REALLY* want to hear is the one that took place between him and his wife right after he hung up!!!
It seems so crazy to me that grown adults have never stopped to consider questions like this about the things they believe. I can remember as an extremely young child beginning to learn there were many people around the world who had different beliefs than the one I was being raised in. That was the first crack in the armor so to speak that led to me dismissing Christianity as even possibly true by the time I was in high school.
These are people who are indoctrinated and never taught to question belief. You go you whole life thinking this way and it becomes the norm - to think otherwise is something people would never do.
@@garrettstocke The outsider test of faith is a powerful objection. The religious often try to slough it off by pretending that all other faiths are just a reflection of the one true faith that they happened to be born into. Of course, to be consistent, if you were to adopt this position you would have to accept that all the particular doctrines of your particular religion are not reliable and put your bible in the dustbin.
It drives me batshit crazy that intelligent successful adults will subscribe to such nonsense. My father is one of the most brilliant men I've ever known. As smart as people come, more degrees than a thermometer, and a genuinely good and decent person to boot. He's the one who taught me to think rationally and apply logic when trying to figure out the truth of the matter at hand. But and here's the kicker, he is a devout practicing Lutheran and believes such nonsense to be the truth. It's simply does not add up that someone so logical and with such an excellent nose for bullshit would also sincerely believe some of the most obvious bullshit available. I once asked him how that was possible and he simply said, it's all about faith. In other words, he believes it to be true without any good reason to believe because the concepts work for him. Including the concept that says that I his son will be tortured infinitely because I do not believe and never have. maybe that does not work for him necessarily but he believes it to be true and it kills me a little bit inside
That was my first realization that it was likely all bs when I was hanging out during recess one day wondering “if there’s so many different religions all around the world, yet they’re all 100% convinced that they’ve got it right, who’s actually right?” That’s when I realized oh crap they’re probably all just made up 🤷♀️
@@garrettstocke I was once in christianity.. we were forced too.. if we didn't worship my families God then we would be emotional and physically punished.
Unreachable. All logic just bounces off. I've been surrounded by these people my entire life. There's absolutely nothing you can say that will change their mind.
Unreachable is the word that came to me too. It is scary. I live in the UK, and have never come across this in real life (I'm not saying this doesn't happen here).
@@nicolab2075 UK churchgoing is 5%. As an immigrant to the US, the crushing aggressive religiosity is the biggest downside to the joint. When I became a citizen in 2010 I lied. They told me to take an oath in God's name or come back in 3 weeks. I lied and did the god oath. I became an atheist in 1958 and an anti-theist in 2017, and have lived a life of enormous blessings...
@@SunofYork I've become aware of the strength of Christianity, and especially Fundamentalism, in the US since listening to The Atheist Experience (on TH-cam, I highly recommend if you don't know it)
@@nicolab2075 It's amazing how the US diverges from the 1st world in terms of religiosity. It is like Iran in some ways. The difference extends to paranoid schizophrenics being allowed military weapons and rape victims /dying pregnant women not being allowed an abortion etc. ie the US is weird and not 1st world....
yes its a trend I've noticed to. back when this was a TV show he was more patient more often,. Over the years he seemed to get shorter more often. Its refreshing to see him patient again with an earnest caller.
@@etowngftddummy That is NOT the way a teacher should behave. You take away from both your own and the learners experience when you insult and abuse them regardless of their angle of approach. People get defensive when that happens and once those barriers go up it's very hard to break them down. lol.
Odin revealed himself to Gylfi. it was documented by Snorri Sturleson in the Prose Edda. Prove he didn't, Christians, otherwise Odin is just as valid as the trinity.
and Odin sacrificed himself to himself for something FAR greater than a snake oil cure to an invisible nonsense disease... he did it for *wisdom*, the only TRULY eternally valuable thing.
I thoroughly enjoyed this call. Honest caller (per his beliefs), an actual discussion from all parties. We need more discussions like this, on all the differences between us humans.
Thank you both for this video. I feel like I'm heading towards that same journey, I'm just not out as an atheist apart from a couple of people in my life. But my husband still believes though I know he has his doubts. I said to him the other week 'if' all of this is real and he just responds with what do you mean 'if' as though I had lost my mind. I really want him to see this, not even to change his mind but to hopefully make him think more critically about what he was taught. So again thanks for this and for being so patient with those who have these beliefs. From a very new atheist.
@@Nini-ce7ow The flood is impossible according to these fields of science. Engineering - The building of the ark would take more than 100,000 years at Noah's time Physics - Water from nowhere covert the earth and disapperated to nowhere without leaving any trace Chemistry - All fish would have dies due to the salt variation of the water Biology - No land animals would survive on the ark for a year. We would see DNA bottlenecks in all species, which we don't Geology - No trace of the flood anywhere on earth Logistics - Not possible to load and unload all the animals from all the different places of earth Metherology - That amount of rain would overheat the earth so all water would boil
Kristal, we're coming up on a year since this comment. I hope you and your husband are doing well and that you have made progress. My wife was in a similar, but not as strict, situation. She's free of god now. :) Keep it up!
I feel sorrow for Josh. He sounds like he is timid, unsure of himself and does not have the gumption to challenge his beliefs and any type of status quo. It is his safe zone.
“You know” “Um” His wife must be really patient with his lack of ability to learn basic science. At least he must be an open-minded guy, just not very bright.
Very good call. Excellent episode overall, I love Scott and calm, patient Matt. LOL There was some excellent back and forth in this call, this guys honesty was nice. Matt and Scott brought up some good points.
This is critical investment in the growth of our society. A compassionate debate about how we perceive our world. Critical thinking is the only way we will advance. Thank you!!
I will say that was tough for me when I was a teen. If I am not convinced a God exists, am I saying my parent were wrong, my grandparent were wrong, I am claiming hundreds of generations and thousands of people were wrong. What do I not know that they did know. Today, it is easy for me to say they were all wrong. Religion is a part of the culture they lived in. There were no other options for them.
Matt engaging in honest believers asking honest questions is completely different than Matt dealing with those trying to preach to him and I love them both. This interaction felt perfect to me.
@@Emiliapocalypse That would be a great choice. You could just run down the line of atheist TH-camrs to take different stories. It would be hilarious to get people to do segments from their houses acting out the stories. I can just see someone with a garden sprinkler and an inflatable boat in pool holding a pissed chihuahua acting out Noah. 🤣
I used to like listening to the atheist experience. But lately I'm just burned out on it due to the fact that the religious callers all sound the same. It gets tiring to hear the same argument of insanity over and over again. Props to Matt Dillahunt. He's been doing this for years and years. I burned out after a year or so.
Laughingskull08:I agree. Whenever I listen to Matt I think of Nietzsche’s quote, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how”. Matt’s ‘why’ used to be Christianity and now it’s atheism.
Most delicate onion peel I've seen in a long time. Appreciated you calling out the hostage situation. I love the calls from people who are genuinely trying to work it out, and you guys responded with appropriate sincerity, yet pulled no punches. Possibly BOO to his wife for goading him to cold call? ...but definite YAY for this guy. Made me remember the first time I saw a humanist show, slotted late night on local UHF TV. That was my first Wile E. Coyote step off the precipice before looking down.
Thanks for all the work you guys do. Matt, one of the best statements you have made...one that I have added to my own toolbox...faith is not a pathway to truth...faith is guillibility.
I'd rather a Christian, or any religious person, was honest and said 'I have no proof I just believe on faith!' than tried to 'prove' their god with, at best, dubious science! Great video!
so long story short from Josh ... "I know it sucks, but I want to believe in based on no evidence, because ... I am used to. There is no point of changing the old bad habit now" :D
This is a really interesting conversation. I'm half way in and can hear the guy is scared to question his beliefs, perhaps in an effort to save his marriage. I like the way you guys are trying to help him.
I think Matt recognizes that there are two very distinct types of 'believer'. There are those that are genuinely stuck in a belief that they daren't let go of, and there are those who profess to a belief for the social and monetary gains they get from it. The former are victims of religion, to be pitied and maybe gently persuaded out of it. The latter are charlatans and con-men who will never shift their position, using any dishonest verbal trick they can to avoid a true discourse. Expressing anger is maybe a correct response there.
I love calls like this format is chill and empathetic and explains things and lays down logic at the same time. It’s much better than when he just gets angry and cusses at people. I think this was a really good call.
Anyone else amazed at the amount of restraint Matt showed? This guy was more milquetoast and wishy-washy than villains from early cartoons, yet Matt didn't lose his cool.
They gave this guy plenty of time; ...... he's got NOTHING he doesn't understand that he's got nothing... I see bumpy relationship ahead for husband and wife.
My grandma was driving us to Costco and when she was looking for parking she muttered to herself: "Angels, please find a parking space for me close to the store." (or something like that) Oh my Lord, there are some things VERY wrong with that sentiment! Firstly! If she's praying for a parking space closer to the store and it just so happens that they're all taken up and that they will by chance remain occupied, then she's asking for the angels to interfere with the free will of the customers shopping there. And if all the customers were far away from their cars deep inside the store then there would have to be some type of time or physics manipulation happening for her to get her intended result which was a parking space close to the store EXPEDIENTLY. Secondly! She's asking some supernatural entities to help her with one of the most mundane and trivial inconveniences when millions christian people that pray deal with far more inconvenient circumstances, praying for better while never receiving them. I ask her: "Grandma, do you really think the 'angels' would help you get a parking spot?" "Well when I ask the angels, one usually opens up for me." she said. (keyword "usually") "Do you think they are going to help you with something so trivial as finding a parking spot when they don't help the thousands of Christians starving in third world countries?" I asked. "..." "Why would they help you with that and not help them?" I asked. She asks, "Well did they ask the angels?" "I don't know if they asked the angels but they are praying for help from the same god and many of them receive no help! Why would god or the angels not help because they didn't know the exact rituals by which to pray?!" "I don't know." My grandma is a loving person and nice, but one thing that I cannot stand about her is her idolization of royalty and upper class society. When she would speak of heaven in my youth she would always call it the "kingdom" of heaven and I know she deliberately specified it as such for a reason. She was always fascinated by high society, watching shows about lavish lifestyles with entitled and spoiled spoonfed adult brats in reality shows and just hated it. It disgusted me. It's like she's completely disconnected from reality to escape to some dream world of hers where people serve her, scrub her feet, fan the air around her, etc. Oh and that reminds me of how she treated wait staff! Every single time we would go out to eat she always made very specific special orders for everything and asked way too many questions about the food like where it came from or something. And I swear she would always be dissatisfied with her food and ask for modification or to redo it and had to explain extensively to the wait staff why she wanted it redone and her medical history and why she liked certain flavors over others and on and on and on! Like holy shit!
This guy. Unable to give a simple yes or no. "In a way", "I guess some people could say that". He doesn't know what or why he believes. I don't think he can choose his toppings at subway.
Hats off to Scott here for his approach to this gentleman. I think this caller is definitely reachable, and Scott’s compassionate approach was so wonderful to see. Def going to check him out!
Poor man he sounded like as if he is in a limbo with himself. It must be difficult for both of them having such an elephant in the living room and while he was always told that elephant is inherently good to have ... now his wife wants him to send that elephant to a shelter while he tries to come up with an explanation why he was always told that an elephant belongs into the living room.
Wow. Interesting call. Well done you two. Josh seems really conflicted and you treated him with empathy and respect. I'll pay forward the compliment someone recently gave me after I explained why I'm an atheist: "I see the Christ in you." :)
I feel bad for people like that. He seemed like a perfectly nice guy, and perfectly reasonable outside of that one subject. Start talking about god, and intelligent people begin to fumble.
I’ve experienced that. And it just gave me chills thinking about it lol. I get them at Korn shows like clockwork. It can be 100 degrees out and I’ll shiver.
How people don't grow out of the fairy tales amazes me. Even as a child, attending church every week, I never took it literally or seriously and was amazed when I discovered that the adults around me claimed to actually believe the BS.
Same. I'm amazed any adult can really believe it. The theist mindset is so alien to me, it's fascinating watching these shows just to witness the depth of the brainwashing these poor people have undergone, with all the layers within layers of self-reinforcing BS. It's like a brain-virus. Worst part of it is: believing doesn't even seem to make them happy - just scared, confused, and screwed-up.
How do you know you experienced god? I got god bumps. HAHAHAHAHA! I was wrong, I thought I heard every stupid argument on this show and there is always more.
I understand why his wife wants him to call an atheist show because it would be painful to talk to him about these things, even though he seems to be a nice guy :)
I could never imagine marrying a theist. I already bump into faith arguments from time to time with family members I only see once a month. Let alone spending your life with someone that thinks so differently on such an important topic. It must be difficult to not be able to see eye to eye on that.
Why would you marry anyone? Marriage is a religious ritual that has been taken over by government. Why would you need a government contract enforced with government violence to ensure and maintain your personal relationship with someone?
@@roeliethegoat I completely agree. Just watching these videos the stupidity of some of them annoys the hell out of me. I definitely could not marry someone like that (or a serious relationship) 🤣
And imagine as a theist marrying an atheist and living with someone you believe is going to hell. That too is crazy. (I'm an atheist, so I too empathize with the wife, but his mindset must be mixed up utterly to be able to live that life; he likely never thought anything through.)
I'm a recovering addict, sometimes when I am telling "war stories" about drugs, I can give myself goosebumps. I realise how sick parts of my brain are.
Even if satan existed and can deceive every human that is not protected by god... HOW do you know, that your religion, your god is not one of satans illusions?
@@Graeme_Lastname I know right. As soon as you open the gate for one supernatural entity from another dimension it opens the floodgates for the rest. Theists have no reason not to believe pixies and unicorns exist. It's just absurd.
Thank you. That was the single most eloquent way I have ever heard faith defined. As an Atheist living in a town full of Christians, it's frustrating to hear faith used when what they believe flies in the face of reason.
The funny thing is that Chris Pratt is actually deeply religious, at least from what I've read on the internet. A few of his co-stars have commented on it in interviews.
I've watched a number of these Scott & Matt videos of late and I must commend Scott Clifton for having such a fresh take and overall being different from the well-worn grooves left by Matt who seems content just "playing the hits."
I could never have a relationship with someone who thought this way. Even if we never discussed the subject, deep down I would always be aware that they were an idiot.
I'm sure this guy is very nice but he does not sound happy. He sounds scared. He also doesn't seem to be capable or open to critical thinking. He just says "right" after every point they make them reasserts his position.
I really wanted to know what lies behind this relationship. Did they get together as a believer and a non-believer or was there a change? What do they think of each other holding their views? How do they deal with the differences?
Just another theist who's afraid of facing life head-on and taking responsibility for the consequences. Their god crutch will always be the one to get the blame/praise rather than themselves. A very sad way to live one's life.
I'm divorced from the jehovah's witnesses, they'll do anything they can to prove they're the true Christians and only ones that have God's approval. But i know a lot that don't participate anymore yet they still believe it's the truth and live their lives full of guilt and totally expecting god to kill them at armageddon really soon. I imagine that's a worse way to go through life, with the dread and guilt.
@@elmolewis9123 Well life = X + Y, Y you can change X you cannot . So if someone wants to put X on God then what's the problem as such your life is not totally under your control .
Omfg, "theres Jerusalem and the temples so it must be true" likewise theres the scientology church and theres America, so it must also be true, and so on and so on.
megamus in his defense, he’d say the history of Jerusalem being congruent with the claims of the Bible is more the point, not just that places of worship exist.
Stefan Dingenouts whether it is or isn’t congruent is beside the point for my response. I was addressing the straw man in the original comment. However now that you mention it, is there anything incongruent about the history of jerusalem in reality vs as it’s written in the Bible?
Stefan Dingenouts oops wrong thread, The things you listed are examples of lack of evidence. Those are data points we can’t compare either way. I agree that the mere existence of Jerusalem and a few people mentioned in the Bible isn’t much. But it’s still consistent. I don’t see anything incongruent in your response.
Stefan Dingenouts sigh. you cited “no census” in that period, which is an example of a lack of evidence. we don’t have that data point to look at, because the data is not available. That doesn’t say anything either way about whether the data we do have is incongruous. The existence of jeruslem is an example of congruent evidence. Certainly not sufficient to justify believe in a deity. This is getting way too pedantic, I don’t care to iron it all out.
I dated a Mormon for a while but had to end it because they kept saying, “ You just don’t know the truth, you believe in science and don’t acknowledge God.” The sex wasn’t great enough to put up with that BS.
God for you. Science is way better than mormonism. No funny hats or magic underwear required.
Lmao but wait a second. Aren’t Mormons prohibited to have sexual relationships before marriage?
Not even with the magic underwear?
@@tiwoni972mad Sex is one of the fundamental human needs (excluding asexuals). Religion very rarely overwrites this basic need, it just makes people feel guilty for it.
Jalen B. Why though
I pray the Christian Believer's prayer, "Dear Heavenly Father who ignored the holocaust, please help me find my car keys . . . . Amen."
VoiceOfIrrationality
Dear Mythical Murderer,
Can you make my sports team succeed against another sports team? Ignore all the other pleas from the other sports team fans, they are undeserving of success for their sports team?
Go sports team.
Brilliant,
Dear fantasy sky father, who is always with me even when I'm on the pot please let me win the lottery, and only me. It's ok to just ignore everyone else who wants to win the lottery because sister Betty Joe told me they were all just a bunch of sinners anyways. Amen.
Daddy who promised that with faith, I'd get everything I pray for, though thousands of people will die on earth today due to hunger and lack of clean water, please make sure that my bank lowers my mortgage interest rate. I know that in your omnipotence, all things are possible.
VoiceOfIrrationality dear heavenly father please help this person see that you died for the sins of the whole world and through you he or she can have eternal life
This guy takes a long time to say nothing.
People more attuned to their Emotional side are kinda like that
Its annoying
But the problem is, they don’t think so
Scott Mahoney takes him even longer to come up with it
Lol
@@Phoenix-King-ozai We're all attuned to our emotions.
It seems because he really has nothing relevant to say. This is a clear example of being indoctrinated at a young age and not looking skeptically at the belief.
Isn't it weird that the Christian god chooses to reveal himself to so many people who live in the southern states in the US?
And this all powerful being only showed up in this little part in the Middle East back when. So very weird.
What? Really? I also live in the south. Where the hell is god? Does anybody have his address? I have so many questions I want to ask him.
@@Blubb5000 I know right. They must wonder too as they are always asking me if I have found Jesus? He is a grand champion at hide and seek. :)
I don't get why religion is so prolific in America. Its a lot less in Europe and thats where most of you came from. In the UK the number of atheists out numbers all the different religions combined.
Holly Cook. I just read a great book about that, entitled, Society Without God, by Phil Zuckerman. You will love it.
Josh is a perfect example of how damaging indoctrination can be. His wife has a lot of work to do, but its reassuring that she has science and reason on her side.
This poor man is so obviously deluded by his beliefs. Seems like a nice guy (as Matt says), but his thinking is so clouded it's sad.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Alex McAuliff The Left will not allow that, due to their affinity with Muslims.
I could feel his brain twisting!
@Alex McAuliff "religious beliefs will be classed by psychology as mental condition"
Worse yet, it's a contagious mental condition. Seems like a pandemic up in here.
I feel more sorry for his wife having to endure such a high level of credulity. The guy sounds dull and a bit dim.
_"God must be real because I have an emotional reaction when I think about him."_ -- Wow. Just... wow.
@Dienekes. Perfectly said!
All my fantasies must be real because I have an emotional reaction to them when I masturbate.... Ooooh, Just.. Oooooooh
@@powerdavid6235 👏👏👏
I have an emotional reaction whenever I hear of "him".
@@Graeme_Lastname LOL
Cognitive dissonance is strong in this one. I feel sorry for his wife.
She needs to ship out fast
Mk. Rowe calling it cognitive dissonance implies that there is cognition in the first place. Yes he holds beliefs that are mutually exclusive but he doesn’t even realize that. These guys have pointed out several examples to him but he’s just too simple to appreciate what’s happening.
I don't. As an atheist myself I'm not sure that I could do it but apparently she decided to marry him, so I guess there is something that he does right. By listening to him I had the impression that he is a nice dude, and I might be completely wrong here, I even think that he somehow is struggling with his faith. I think he probably can see the validity in his wives arguments. But giving up something in that you believed in for your whole life must very hard to do especially if you are under the impression that your faith has helped you through difficult situations. So, long story short, I wish them both all the best.
@@hourenschaiss2 We don't know if she was a christian when they married.
His wife is a saint. I am sure I couldn't handle be married or in relationship with a biblical christian.
As an atheist, is she qualified for sainthood? Sorry. Couldn't help it. I'll escort myself out.
Your irony clearly knows no bounds. 😁
Maybe he has a big dick
@@Heygoodlooking-lk9kg Or, call me crazy, maybe he's simply a super nice dude.
I'd go with the big piece
Lovely guy but spectacular lack of consistency in his thinking. You would struggle to find a more text-book, stereotypical, indoctrinated Christian.
He's seems to be struggling internally. Possibly because he loves his wife, but his religion says she will go to hell.
Akray Bothorda lol yep. Most of them sidestep this inconvenient reality of billions of good people who disagree with them, by marrying and remaining within their religious bubble for life. This poor guy will be forced to divorce his wife, or live with this constant reminder that something isn’t right (I don’t see him ever renouncing his faith, he’s too far gone and not bright enough to claw his way out)
That's the issue, he's NOT thinking. He's believing a fictional book. It's true cuz he read it in the Bible.
As an atheist, I would never marry someone like this, it would annoy me way too much!!
@ Then, stop trolling ..................
@ Why would I LIE, like You do ? .................
Maybe she was a believer when they married?
MrStripeyDog I’m anxious to hear a clip from you calling the show. What name did you use? Is there a link you could share?
@@TheDizzleHawke Could be Fun and Informative ! ...............
Okay people wrap it up. This man got goosebumps. That is like the ultimate proof God Exists.
Your comment gave me goosebumps. You are GOD
@@philcool1968 Now worship me and give me money. Cause I'm God and I don't know how to manage money.
Phil Heather But your comment about LordSeaworth’s comment gave me the bumps. Now I’m really confused!
@@joelalexander5338 He's part of the trinity. Me and Phil are both God and not God.
@@lordseaworth6055 ooooooooh!
That gave me goose bumps!
Oh wait...........
This was a good conversation - but the conversation I *REALLY* want to hear is the one that took place between him and his wife right after he hung up!!!
Can't imagine there would be one. ;)
"...and so they slept in seperate beds that night" - Morgan Freeman
It seems so crazy to me that grown adults have never stopped to consider questions like this about the things they believe. I can remember as an extremely young child beginning to learn there were many people around the world who had different beliefs than the one I was being raised in. That was the first crack in the armor so to speak that led to me dismissing Christianity as even possibly true by the time I was in high school.
These are people who are indoctrinated and never taught to question belief. You go you whole life thinking this way and it becomes the norm - to think otherwise is something people would never do.
@@garrettstocke The outsider test of faith is a powerful objection. The religious often try to slough it off by pretending that all other faiths are just a reflection of the one true faith that they happened to be born into. Of course, to be consistent, if you were to adopt this position you would have to accept that all the particular doctrines of your particular religion are not reliable and put your bible in the dustbin.
It drives me batshit crazy that intelligent successful adults will subscribe to such nonsense. My father is one of the most brilliant men I've ever known. As smart as people come, more degrees than a thermometer, and a genuinely good and decent person to boot. He's the one who taught me to think rationally and apply logic when trying to figure out the truth of the matter at hand. But and here's the kicker, he is a devout practicing Lutheran and believes such nonsense to be the truth. It's simply does not add up that someone so logical and with such an excellent nose for bullshit would also sincerely believe some of the most obvious bullshit available. I once asked him how that was possible and he simply said, it's all about faith. In other words, he believes it to be true without any good reason to believe because the concepts work for him. Including the concept that says that I his son will be tortured infinitely because I do not believe and never have. maybe that does not work for him necessarily but he believes it to be true and it kills me a little bit inside
That was my first realization that it was likely all bs when I was hanging out during recess one day wondering “if there’s so many different religions all around the world, yet they’re all 100% convinced that they’ve got it right, who’s actually right?” That’s when I realized oh crap they’re probably all just made up 🤷♀️
@@garrettstocke I was once in christianity.. we were forced too.. if we didn't worship my families God then we would be emotional and physically punished.
Unreachable. All logic just bounces off. I've been surrounded by these people my entire life. There's absolutely nothing you can say that will change their mind.
Unreachable is the word that came to me too. It is scary. I live in the UK, and have never come across this in real life (I'm not saying this doesn't happen here).
He has no interest in changing his mind just engaging in some mental gymnastics to combat the cognitive dissonance
@@nicolab2075 UK churchgoing is 5%. As an immigrant to the US, the crushing aggressive religiosity is the biggest downside to the joint. When I became a citizen in 2010 I lied. They told me to take an oath in God's name or come back in 3 weeks. I lied and did the god oath. I became an atheist in 1958 and an anti-theist in 2017, and have lived a life of enormous blessings...
@@SunofYork I've become aware of the strength of Christianity, and especially Fundamentalism, in the US since listening to The Atheist Experience (on TH-cam, I highly recommend if you don't know it)
@@nicolab2075 It's amazing how the US diverges from the 1st world in terms of religiosity. It is like Iran in some ways. The difference extends to paranoid schizophrenics being allowed military weapons and rape victims /dying pregnant women not being allowed an abortion etc. ie the US is weird and not 1st world....
'I'm not making it up, I'm qouting from the bible'
*smh*
*I'm not making it up, I'm qouting from the bible'*
Right - so somebody else made it up.
You can’t fix Stupid..hopefully you can cure the blind.
@@JMUDoc also, he's not quoting the bible. He's interpreting it and cherry-picking so he IS making it up.
I'm very pleased to see Matt being more patient with this caller.
age does that😃
He's also really nice to the people who seem earnest. The guys who get belligerent get a belligerent Matt right back lol.
yes its a trend I've noticed to. back when this was a TV show he was more patient more often,. Over the years he seemed to get shorter more often. Its refreshing to see him patient again with an earnest caller.
@@etowngftddummy That is NOT the way a teacher should behave. You take away from both your own and the learners experience when you insult and abuse them regardless of their angle of approach. People get defensive when that happens and once those barriers go up it's very hard to break them down.
lol.
@@terrychant4365 Hearing the same bad arguments again and again will do that to you 😂
Odin revealed himself to Gylfi. it was documented by Snorri Sturleson in the Prose Edda. Prove he didn't, Christians, otherwise Odin is just as valid as the trinity.
Odin is great! Actually, he promised to get rid of ice giants. Do you see any around? Exactly...
@@irisobobo Odin fulfilled the prophecy he would remove the frost giants, clear proof that he exists because he fulfilled the prophecy.
and Odin sacrificed himself to himself for something FAR greater than a snake oil cure to an invisible nonsense disease... he did it for *wisdom*, the only TRULY eternally valuable thing.
And Odin only had one eye. Notsure about the religious signifigance, but it was there. Prove that wrong christians lol
I like how Scott and Matt handle this caller with dignity and point out things that makes Josh think. ;-)
I thoroughly enjoyed this call. Honest caller (per his beliefs), an actual discussion from all parties. We need more discussions like this, on all the differences between us humans.
Thank you both for this video. I feel like I'm heading towards that same journey, I'm just not out as an atheist apart from a couple of people in my life. But my husband still believes though I know he has his doubts.
I said to him the other week 'if' all of this is real and he just responds with what do you mean 'if' as though I had lost my mind.
I really want him to see this, not even to change his mind but to hopefully make him think more critically about what he was taught.
So again thanks for this and for being so patient with those who have these beliefs.
From a very new atheist.
There’s proof of bible events. One was that they found Noah’s ark! Just search it up. It’s true
Miraculous Nini they find Noah’s ark every few years
@@Nini-ce7ow The flood is impossible according to these fields of science.
Engineering - The building of the ark would take more than 100,000 years at Noah's time
Physics - Water from nowhere covert the earth and disapperated to nowhere without leaving any trace
Chemistry - All fish would have dies due to the salt variation of the water
Biology - No land animals would survive on the ark for a year. We would see DNA bottlenecks in all species, which we don't
Geology - No trace of the flood anywhere on earth
Logistics - Not possible to load and unload all the animals from all the different places of earth
Metherology - That amount of rain would overheat the earth so all water would boil
@@Nini-ce7ow DEBUNKED every time.
Kristal, we're coming up on a year since this comment. I hope you and your husband are doing well and that you have made progress. My wife was in a similar, but not as strict, situation. She's free of god now. :) Keep it up!
I feel sorrow for Josh. He sounds like he is timid, unsure of himself and does not have the gumption to challenge his beliefs and any type of status quo. It is his safe zone.
“You know” “Um”
His wife must be really patient with his lack of ability to learn basic science. At least he must be an open-minded guy, just not very bright.
It's not about being bright, it's about having enough experiencies and courage to break away from indoctrination
Raptor I hear you. You are correct. I am just describing the caller’s obvious traits via his line of thinking.
Raptor
He’s married to an atheist.
Too open minded, but not open minded enough
you could hear the gears grinding to a halt in that guy's brain. Yikes.
Very good call. Excellent episode overall, I love Scott and calm, patient Matt. LOL
There was some excellent back and forth in this call, this guys honesty was nice. Matt and Scott brought up some good points.
This is critical investment in the growth of our society. A compassionate debate about how we perceive our world. Critical thinking is the only way we will advance. Thank you!!
This sounds like my husband......
He’s actually said ( more than once) that he believes because that’s what his parents taught him..... 🤦🏻♀️
You should say that's why they believe. What if they're wrong
I will say that was tough for me when I was a teen. If I am not convinced a God exists, am I saying my parent were wrong, my grandparent were wrong, I am claiming hundreds of generations and thousands of people were wrong. What do I not know that they did know.
Today, it is easy for me to say they were all wrong. Religion is a part of the culture they lived in. There were no other options for them.
@@jamesparson yes. Cultural conditioning.
@Chiafade now Hey, that is uncalled for. Amy's marriage has a 50% chance or working, just like the rest of us. 😉
@Chiafade now Well that sucks. OT: I wonder if pet ownership lasts longer than a typical marriage.
"Personal experience with god" translates as talking to yourself.
nope, it's wishful thinking
@•-, how do you know that your"god" is true?
And then acting on the moronic responses you get. ;)
After i broke from Christianity i realized everyone is allowed to choose their placebo
Honest, my girlfriend is real, but she lives two towns over, and goes to a different school, so you wouldn't know her... :/
I feel goose bumps when listening to rock n roll, ... does that mean Elvis Presley is in the room???
Spirit of the King be with you.
@@BinarySecond I was genuinely annoyed until I realized what the replay was to, I admire your wit
@@dylanheraid4611 I'm glad my cheap pun fulfilled it's purpose
"Jesus has left the building!"
Yes
It makes me so happy to see Scott on the show, and still doing this. His TH-cam videos played a huge part in my own deconversion about a decade ago.
Matt engaging in honest believers asking honest questions is completely different than Matt dealing with those trying to preach to him and I love them both. This interaction felt perfect to me.
I think Drunk History should have this guy on to explain Noah's ark.
Drunk Bible stories should 100% be a thing.
@@jayv9779 Heck yes! lol
@ŇøHă Ģ. I love your idea there! Funniest shit ever, I have your words here playing visually in my mind now and it's funny as shit
Goofy Tiger Aron Ra should host drunk bible stories
@@Emiliapocalypse That would be a great choice. You could just run down the line of atheist TH-camrs to take different stories. It would be hilarious to get people to do segments from their houses acting out the stories. I can just see someone with a garden sprinkler and an inflatable boat in pool holding a pissed chihuahua acting out Noah. 🤣
Josh seems really nice. Matt and Scott were so gentle when Josh said the Bible is a history book. However the indoctrination is deep.
I used to like listening to the atheist experience. But lately I'm just burned out on it due to the fact that the religious callers all sound the same. It gets tiring to hear the same argument of insanity over and over again. Props to Matt Dillahunt. He's been doing this for years and years. I burned out after a year or so.
What I’d do is take a break and come back to it.
I completely agree, there's like 7 arguments that you here over and over again and they have all been refuted 1000 times.
Laughingskull08:I agree. Whenever I listen to Matt I think of Nietzsche’s quote, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how”. Matt’s ‘why’ used to be Christianity and now it’s atheism.
@@Jonas-gl9ke Matt is delusional I can prove it because what he says
I feel the same, but here I am.
Most delicate onion peel I've seen in a long time. Appreciated you calling out the hostage situation. I love the calls from people who are genuinely trying to work it out, and you guys responded with appropriate sincerity, yet pulled no punches. Possibly BOO to his wife for goading him to cold call? ...but definite YAY for this guy. Made me remember the first time I saw a humanist show, slotted late night on local UHF TV. That was my first Wile E. Coyote step off the precipice before looking down.
Thanks for all the work you guys do. Matt, one of the best statements you have made...one that I have added to my own toolbox...faith is not a pathway to truth...faith is guillibility.
I'd rather a Christian, or any religious person, was honest and said 'I have no proof I just believe on faith!' than tried to 'prove' their god with, at best, dubious science! Great video!
Dubious isn't a word I would use. Total bullshit sums it up better. ;)
"Oh, God. Thank you for getting me through the hard times that existed because you created the conditions for them to exist. We bray to the Lord."
so long story short from Josh ... "I know it sucks, but I want to believe in based on no evidence, because ... I am used to. There is no point of changing the old bad habit now" :D
This is a really interesting conversation. I'm half way in and can hear the guy is scared to question his beliefs, perhaps in an effort to save his marriage. I like the way you guys are trying to help him.
I like how Matt has changed his approach when it comes to debate with believers. He's much more calmer now
I think Matt recognizes that there are two very distinct types of 'believer'. There are those that are genuinely stuck in a belief that they daren't let go of, and there are those who profess to a belief for the social and monetary gains they get from it.
The former are victims of religion, to be pitied and maybe gently persuaded out of it. The latter are charlatans and con-men who will never shift their position, using any dishonest verbal trick they can to avoid a true discourse. Expressing anger is maybe a correct response there.
Actually it was because the caller never went into jerk mode. If the caller had, Matt would've responded completely different.
Never seen Matt so calm and polite before. Nice. He even let the man speak
Same! I feel like he was looking out for the wife lol
Goosebumps prove geese...
To be fair, these were “god bumps”. Lmao!
I love calls like this format is chill and empathetic and explains things and lays down logic at the same time. It’s much better than when he just gets angry and cusses at people. I think this was a really good call.
Anyone else amazed at the amount of restraint Matt showed? This guy was more milquetoast and wishy-washy than villains from early cartoons, yet Matt didn't lose his cool.
They gave this guy plenty of time; ...... he's got NOTHING
he doesn't understand that he's got nothing... I see bumpy relationship ahead for husband and wife.
I agree. That goose is cooked.
Divorce, no question
My grandma was driving us to Costco and when she was looking for parking she muttered to herself:
"Angels, please find a parking space for me close to the store." (or something like that)
Oh my Lord, there are some things VERY wrong with that sentiment!
Firstly! If she's praying for a parking space closer to the store and it just so happens that they're all taken up and that they will by chance remain occupied, then she's asking for the angels to interfere with the free will of the customers shopping there. And if all the customers were far away from their cars deep inside the store then there would have to be some type of time or physics manipulation happening for her to get her intended result which was a parking space close to the store EXPEDIENTLY.
Secondly! She's asking some supernatural entities to help her with one of the most mundane and trivial inconveniences when millions christian people that pray deal with far more inconvenient circumstances, praying for better while never receiving them.
I ask her:
"Grandma, do you really think the 'angels' would help you get a parking spot?"
"Well when I ask the angels, one usually opens up for me." she said. (keyword "usually")
"Do you think they are going to help you with something so trivial as finding a parking spot when they don't help the thousands of Christians starving in third world countries?" I asked.
"..."
"Why would they help you with that and not help them?" I asked.
She asks, "Well did they ask the angels?"
"I don't know if they asked the angels but they are praying for help from the same god and many of them receive no help! Why would god or the angels not help because they didn't know the exact rituals by which to pray?!"
"I don't know."
My grandma is a loving person and nice, but one thing that I cannot stand about her is her idolization of royalty and upper class society. When she would speak of heaven in my youth she would always call it the "kingdom" of heaven and I know she deliberately specified it as such for a reason. She was always fascinated by high society, watching shows about lavish lifestyles with entitled and spoiled spoonfed adult brats in reality shows and just hated it. It disgusted me. It's like she's completely disconnected from reality to escape to some dream world of hers where people serve her, scrub her feet, fan the air around her, etc. Oh and that reminds me of how she treated wait staff! Every single time we would go out to eat she always made very specific special orders for everything and asked way too many questions about the food like where it came from or something. And I swear she would always be dissatisfied with her food and ask for modification or to redo it and had to explain extensively to the wait staff why she wanted it redone and her medical history and why she liked certain flavors over others and on and on and on! Like holy shit!
I used to be catholic. Our version was “Hail Mary full of grace, help us find a parking space.” And then we would all do the sign of the cross
@@christiannunez6421
Because a proper incantation should rhyme, of course. This is why catholics are the *real* christians.
This guy. Unable to give a simple yes or no. "In a way", "I guess some people could say that". He doesn't know what or why he believes. I don't think he can choose his toppings at subway.
Extra onions please.
Typical Christian in the southern USA. I think I'd rather live in the Sahara Desert before the Bible belt with these idiots.
Can't think for himself like all religionists
Datsa good 1,yah! Keep it coming!
Hats off to Scott here for his approach to this gentleman. I think this caller is definitely reachable, and Scott’s compassionate approach was so wonderful to see. Def going to check him out!
Honestly, it’s nice to see a nice caller that doesn’t interrupt them or raise their voice.
For real, I thought Starlord was joining Matt in showing how Thanos is not a god and just a crazy person with too much power and influence
"God Bumps" ?
What a goose.
Poor man he sounded like as if he is in a limbo with himself. It must be difficult for both of them having such an elephant in the living room and while he was always told that elephant is inherently good to have ... now his wife wants him to send that elephant to a shelter while he tries to come up with an explanation why he was always told that an elephant belongs into the living room.
The long silence that comes after a basic question is my favorite sound on this show lol
Wow. Interesting call. Well done you two. Josh seems really conflicted and you treated him with empathy and respect. I'll pay forward the compliment someone recently gave me after I explained why I'm an atheist: "I see the Christ in you." :)
"god bumps like goose bumps that make you feel that he's there" this guy discovered ASMR.
oh shit, TAE had scott clifton on? I gotta go watch the whole episode now cos that dude rocks
I feel bad for people like that. He seemed like a perfectly nice guy, and perfectly reasonable outside of that one subject. Start talking about god, and intelligent people begin to fumble.
I find it interesting that the occurrence of miracles stopped right about the time the camera was invented. It must be a coincidence.
Hearing a crowd sing along to hurt at a nine inch nails gives me god bumps.
I’ve experienced that. And it just gave me chills thinking about it lol. I get them at Korn shows like clockwork. It can be 100 degrees out and I’ll shiver.
She an atheist and he is a Christian but they're a married couple. Sounds like the basis for the next situation comedy for TV.
Please god {who definitely exists} fuck no .
Starring Sarah Silverman and Norm Mc.Donald (oh god, kill me now!).
Probably not 20 years ago but yes i could see that working today for sure. An idea worth Hollywood considering.
Just one big call about special pleading.
"She goes to church with me sometimes" and sometimes i try to think with her
It's not working.
I love how he uses the word “obviously” all the time when responding to Matt’s questions. Cleary nothing is all that “obvious”...😆
How people don't grow out of the fairy tales amazes me.
Even as a child, attending church every week, I never took it literally or seriously and was amazed when I discovered that the adults around me claimed to actually believe the BS.
Same. I'm amazed any adult can really believe it. The theist mindset is so alien to me, it's fascinating watching these shows just to witness the depth of the brainwashing these poor people have undergone, with all the layers within layers of self-reinforcing BS. It's like a brain-virus. Worst part of it is: believing doesn't even seem to make them happy - just scared, confused, and screwed-up.
A combination of childhood indoctrination and fear of death most likely.
@•- There is no evidence for gods or God. Why invent one?
@•- The bible is a book written by goat herders for goat herders.
A bunch of fairy tails for feeble minded sheeple.
Well that’s quite impressive, because when I was a child my head was full of rocks and I’d 100% buy into the religion and Santa stuff.
How do you know you experienced god? I got god bumps. HAHAHAHAHA! I was wrong, I thought I heard every stupid argument on this show and there is always more.
I understand why his wife wants him to call an atheist show because it would be painful to talk to him about these things, even though he seems to be a nice guy :)
I could never imagine marrying a theist. I already bump into faith arguments from time to time with family members I only see once a month. Let alone spending your life with someone that thinks so differently on such an important topic. It must be difficult to not be able to see eye to eye on that.
Why would you marry anyone? Marriage is a religious ritual that has been taken over by government. Why would you need a government contract enforced with government violence to ensure and maintain your personal relationship with someone?
@@wesbaumguardner8829 replace marriage with 'serious relationship' and my point still stands.
@@roeliethegoat 10-4
@@roeliethegoat I completely agree. Just watching these videos the stupidity of some of them annoys the hell out of me. I definitely could not marry someone like that (or a serious relationship) 🤣
And imagine as a theist marrying an atheist and living with someone you believe is going to hell. That too is crazy.
(I'm an atheist, so I too empathize with the wife, but his mindset must be mixed up utterly to be able to live that life; he likely never thought anything through.)
Oh God! This is 25 minutes?!?! I don't think I can stand the caller that long.
I'm a recovering addict, sometimes when I am telling "war stories" about drugs, I can give myself goosebumps.
I realise how sick parts of my brain are.
Even if satan existed and can deceive every human that is not protected by god... HOW do you know, that your religion, your god is not one of satans illusions?
How could you really, honestly and truthfully see the bible as a history book. You would have to just reject logic, reason and rationality altogether.
I consider it a mental disorder. Same as if you believed in fairies.
@@Graeme_Lastname I know right. As soon as you open the gate for one supernatural entity from another dimension it opens the floodgates for the rest. Theists have no reason not to believe pixies and unicorns exist. It's just absurd.
I used to do this. This is the secret. Don't research history. Don't learn about old science. See? It's easy.
@@StephRivera Cognitive dissonance and just straight ignoring facts hey
I just think ppl don’t wanna “go to hell” and that’s the main reason they still hold on.
Haven't seen Scott on TH-cam in a hot minute. Glad he's here!
Wow that at the end about racism was a brilliant argument.
Yeah, I used to get that feeling. That's all it is; a feeling. Feelings lie.
What other hugely important claim is defended by resorting to "personal experience?"
First, I'm sorry for being the 667th comment! Lmao
*But the "slot is filled" response by the cohost sent me!!🤣 10:40
Thank you. That was the single most eloquent way I have ever heard faith defined. As an Atheist living in a town full of Christians, it's frustrating to hear faith used when what they believe flies in the face of reason.
Matt, are you still working on your book? I have been anticipating it for a while now. Definitely getting that Guy P. Harrison book you suggested.
Real life Ned Flanders
Ned is funny, this is sad.
The cognitive dissidence at 11:36 is astounding.
huh, who'd have thought that Chris Pratt had a side project.
The funny thing is that Chris Pratt is actually deeply religious, at least from what I've read on the internet. A few of his co-stars have commented on it in interviews.
This is the only way I'm ever going to see Scott's bedroom! EDIT a friend says that's probably the guest room
@@richiejohnson what you can't see is rocket racoon taking a dump in the bathroom
@@sladey21 so true, friend. So true
Ha! I'm sitting here wondering why Scott looks familiar and stumbled on your comment. It's a miracle!
Hey this was a really nice conversation, turned out better than most that I tune into
I've watched a number of these Scott & Matt videos of late and I must commend Scott Clifton for having such a fresh take and overall being different from the well-worn grooves left by Matt who seems content just "playing the hits."
I could never have a relationship with someone who thought this way. Even if we never discussed the subject, deep down I would always be aware that they were an idiot.
Lmao idk why but that last part killed me 🤣
"Most people who are not doing well in life tend to be more religious" 8:15
The Bible aka Christian Mythology 😬
Hey matt, can I get a copy of that book?
You would not find better listener's than these guys, the concentration during listening is obvious and the answers spot on.
Religion is geographical, the country you are born in will determine what religion you will be. It’s all traditional and cultural not supernatural.
Didn't determine mine. Where did the christian africans come from. Religion is imposed!
This guy sounds profoundly uncomfortable with his own religious beliefs
I'm sure this guy is very nice but he does not sound happy. He sounds scared. He also doesn't seem to be capable or open to critical thinking. He just says "right" after every point they make them reasserts his position.
Nice, Scott brought up the damnation part almost the exact same moment when I started wondering it.
I really wanted to know what lies behind this relationship. Did they get together as a believer and a non-believer or was there a change? What do they think of each other holding their views? How do they deal with the differences?
I can go on and on in my armour of god self delusion and ignore everything anyone brings up because... reasons.
Just another theist who's afraid of facing life head-on and taking responsibility for the consequences. Their god crutch will always be the one to get the blame/praise rather than themselves. A very sad way to live one's life.
I'm divorced from the jehovah's witnesses, they'll do anything they can to prove they're the true Christians and only ones that have God's approval. But i know a lot that don't participate anymore yet they still believe it's the truth and live their lives full of guilt and totally expecting god to kill them at armageddon really soon. I imagine that's a worse way to go through life, with the dread and guilt.
@@cygnustsp "go through life, with the dread and guilt."... couldn't agree more.
Amen ( sarcasm intended) !
👍👏👏👏
@@elmolewis9123 Well life = X + Y, Y you can change X you cannot . So if someone wants to put X on God then what's the problem as such your life is not totally under your control .
Omfg, "theres Jerusalem and the temples so it must be true" likewise theres the scientology church and theres America, so it must also be true, and so on and so on.
There’s definitely a Loch Ness so there must be a monster in it.
megamus in his defense, he’d say the history of Jerusalem being congruent with the claims of the Bible is more the point, not just that places of worship exist.
Stefan Dingenouts whether it is or isn’t congruent is beside the point for my response. I was addressing the straw man in the original comment.
However now that you mention it, is there anything incongruent about the history of jerusalem in reality vs as it’s written in the Bible?
Stefan Dingenouts oops wrong thread,
The things you listed are examples of lack of evidence. Those are data points we can’t compare either way.
I agree that the mere existence of Jerusalem and a few people mentioned in the Bible isn’t much. But it’s still consistent.
I don’t see anything incongruent in your response.
Stefan Dingenouts sigh. you cited “no census” in that period, which is an example of a lack of evidence. we don’t have that data point to look at, because the data is not available. That doesn’t say anything either way about whether the data we do have is incongruous.
The existence of jeruslem is an example of congruent evidence.
Certainly not sufficient to justify believe in a deity.
This is getting way too pedantic, I don’t care to iron it all out.
Oh my... "God bumps." I giggled at that one.
It amazes me that these conversations need to be had