@@anastrauti6618 Look, he treats me well. W e are going on a Luxury cruise in 2 weeks time. He bought me a Merc two seat sports for my Birthday!!! H e is rich handsome and old enough to be my Granddaddy but who cares!!!!!
1. Know your value!!! (Do NOT doubt yourself.) 2. Take yourself and your worth seriously. You need to BE A QUEEN to be treated like one. 3. Don’t give easy access to anyone, at any time. Access to your energy should be expensive. 4. Do NOT only express your boundaries. YOU MUST show them. 5. Always be ready to walk away. 6. Show that you are focused on actions not on words. 7. Have a healthy degree of skepticism. You’re not naive and you’re not negative. 8. You must be willing to say NO and you must be willing to lose the man, if needed. 9. Never EVER chase a man! A truly worthy woman, (who knows her worth) does not EVER chase a man. Giving the same energy that you're getting is key and if you don't like that energy then move on!!! NOW!!! It can be hard but that's when you need to choose yourself over the damn illusion/fantasy. A man who loves a woman will not ignore her, ever, period. So... If he ignores me I will step back and he will lose me. Simple. Simple. Non-dramatic and uncomplicated. I don’t, under any circumstance: play these childish-abusive-controlling mind games. I will only be with a man who values and appreciates me, and treats me as the Queen, I AM. (Daughter of the Most Hight; King of kings!) Because I am a beautiful and kind and divine and sexy and wise and intelligent and magical woman: who knows my worth. Period. Also, We create each moment. This moment contains, through my focus, both positive and negative... I can put my attention on what I lack, what I don't have, what traumas I do have etc... And, I can put my attention on the calm moment that I am in, NOW, the food I just ate, and the fact that my body is satisfied, the shelter I do have... (You get my idea!) Both are here... And now. For the sake of fairness, I will allow myself to cry my pains, in the moment if/when they come/arise, AND also acknowledge the beauty I still have in my life NOW. Pain? Yes. Suffering? Indeed. And, also: wonderous magical divine beauty. Blessings to you!
Yessssss !!!!! I was JUST thinking this earlier today! That sometimes I feel I’m more sad over the fantasy over what I thought we could’ve been, more so than the actual person and what it would have really been! WOW this hit hard! Twice in one day! Thanks for commenting. It just verified my thoughts ❤
@@Yalitza87 I'm so glad it was helpful. A psychologist I listen to often also said, "Don't make people who you want them to be. Find out who they really are. Honor them by accepting who they are. In other words, don't try to make a pig sing. It only frustrates the pig and the music is really bad." 😅 I hope you continue to protect your precious heart, mind and soul and time. Sometimes the truth hits painfully, but it can lead to freedom.
I married my first husband, had two daughters we were together 20 years, I’m now going ten years with my second husband. I’ve also been proposed to a few times. So it can happen. I just didn’t waste much time on men who weren’t into me, and I watched what they did instead of listening to what they said.❤
Yes actions speak louder than words A man who only texted Love bombed to have attention Is a coward mind games and player Karma is yours for the deceit
If someone is ghosting me and it’s affecting me it’s bullshit advice to pretend not to be affected. It’s strong to show that it affects you and then close the door. Tell them and then move on. 🤷🏻♀️ fuck playing mind games. I like being me.
I think the point isn't that you shouldn't be affected..... it's that the amount you are affected should be directly related to the significance that the relationship ACTUALLY was in your life, not the story you told yourself about that person.
I think his point is moderate how much others "affect you." We create dramas and stories that don't exist in reality, and need to stay more objective about what is happening.
Met someone with the same upbringing, same hometown, same background, even same reasons for divorcing our first spouse (cheating). Didn’t matter for this person.. went cold and ghosted after friendzoning me. Some people are chasing standards that don’t make any sense.
If someone hasn't texted me back for 5 days, they're automatically deleted and ignored. When someone shows you they don't care, dont give them the opportunity to do it twice as the chances are they will surely do it again. Dont encourage this bare minimal low effort behaviour
What if they were in an accident or major life crisis. Like what’s wrong with using your words? Then close the door! Yikes people calm down. It’s not a big deal date others while you wait after that many days.
The problem there is that we jump to an assumption without knowing the facts. Even with the facts if they had a valid reason are you going to accept it. Example: If a female/male was called to look after a parent who has had a fall/minor stroke. That person's care for that parent is going to be at the first & foremost of that person's thoughts/responsibility. A person who does care about you would be happily to come second. That is showing true care. I guess most people just think of themselves.
@alisonturner3445 if that is the case..how about a short text to say "sorry am having a family emergency, will get back to you as soon as I can"..takes literally seconds!!!! Stop making justification for disrespect..no one is THAT BUSY to text back unless they're in Mars or the ER!! Anything else is an excuse
Problem nowadays is the games people play. There is little authenticity. A relationship is not going to succeed if people are not real and show their genuine flaws and insecurities. Few people are that brave because they are so broken and weak. It takes guts to be real.
I’m never married, no kids. Sometimes feel lonely, but most of my life time being with myself is less trouble. Still looking forward to having a family of my own…
Same here ❤ I really wished I liked the family dynamic I was born into but it's a mess. I love my family but I pray to God I can make my own with a good man.
Words lie, behavior doesn’t. Being unavailable, being late, not replying to communication, always having something come up is behavior that we shouldn’t ignore. It always tells the truth.
@@ErickSouza-mo3mjwith all due respect this is not true and is a disservice to all who pray. God is not a cosmic slot machine that if you stand there long enough and pull a handle, out will come your desired result. Plenty of people are on here that are more faithful than most, who never have their prayers answered for a mate. Mother Teresa herself often dealt with loneliness, depression and a sense God was not listening. Well meaning followers often push people away from God with these kinds of statements when the person is hurt and broken and God seems no where to be found. It's better to just cheer a person on yourself when you know nothing about a person's faith background.
@@Rut-vi7iz Why is it a disservice to tell people to have faith in God? You're the one calling God a slot machine and saying that people don't feel listened to by Him. To have faith without doubt makes people feel good; and do not push people away from Him. It may take time, but the prayers will be answered somehow. (To me, dating apps are the real slot machines). I'm not minimizing anyone's suffering. On the contrary, I'm saying that a deep faith in God heals the feeling of not having someone looking out for us.
Unless you know how to make a healthy choice, you can find yourself with someone who is ignoring your needs, jealous, sabotaging, controlling or deliberately upsetting you - continuously. It can be way more energy draining and is actively destructive, compared to being alone and having your own back.
Over the last couple years I have either lost friends or it changed the relationship immensely because I am no longer vibing on a lower level and have done the deep dive work on me. So when they come and want the " bonding over bitching " validation, I give them insight from a different prospective. Sadly this has not been well received. But I have drawn in more stable type people. It's a very strange dynamic. But has been an amazing life lesson ❤ Love your content Lisa, simply amazing.... keep it coming 💪🏻
I’m soooo over dating. This is all good advice/steps to communicate more open and authentic.. but why the hell does it have to be so damn complicated?!!!!! So over it all.
I also don't understand why people view all of these things as desperate. And I don't care, if I'm desperate for one man, then that shows how special he is and he outta feel lucky so I don't care if I'm msging him more than he is me. I have yet to find anyone else I like as much as him.
@@laurakaufman6333 I feel like love and dating are two very different things. Dating doesn't leave much room for authenticity; generally only seduction and superficiality, and that gets exhausting pretty quickly.
Dying alone… unfortunately everyone will die alone. Even if surrounded by someone, ultimately the experience of dying we will face alone. It’s living alone what’s worse. Because life isn’t 💯 complete when not shared.
My thoughts too. I'll die alone, my soul will travel to heaven alone, even when you're in heaven you forget that you had family members who didn't make it with you
I LOOOOOVE LIVING ALONE. I love the peace and quite. I've had boarders #Headache. I've let 2 of my siblings and each of their 3 kids live with me #Noisey Now it's been just me for 5 years (almost 6) and I LOOOOVE IT. I don't want no man. It's nice to wake up and not worry about if someone needs to be fk or sucked. I can just get started with my day. I can come home, and not worry about if someone needs to be fk or sucked. I can go straight to be, without worrying about if someone needs to be fk or sucked and that's AMAZING. I don't want no pets, not even a plant. Life for me right now is GOOD!
@@aprilwashington3150 it’s great if you are happy 😃 that’s all that matters. I would love to have a life partner though and share all the experiences and life together. But not just anyone. The right partner. I have been alone for 6 years. And it’s not the life I want.
@@trinityp8575 Omg how ironic, I've been lost for 6 years too, waiting for the right person. Sigh. It takes its time, but I'd rather wait than settle with just anyone.
I found a terrific man who shows love, affection and care. I am working on an amazing relationship where our needs are all met. I don't go by the rules, where it feels that it's playing a game.
That’s what I felt when I met my husband! I didn’t have to ruminate anything, just BE ❤ never felt I could go with the flow before, I assumed that that kind of tension was normal😅. You don’t recognize fresh air until you actually breathe some
A breath of fresh air this man is. Why must we walk around pretending? Someone needs to see who you are. Yes he should be calm cool and collected and polite but there’s nothing wrong with showing the person who you are. This man deserves some sort of an award. I hope he has one
@@janny.pI wish that worked for me I was 100 percent single for 29 years still never worked, finally when I found what I was looking for he had a gf already. Now I'm 33 it is hard to have hope.
@@janny.pI wish that worked for me, I just have too high of expectations without even trying to I guess and when I finally found someone who displayed almost every trait I spent my whole life searching for when I was 29 he already had and still has a gf. And trust me off and on I've continued to look. I'm 33 now, I just wish it could be my turn to finally get into a romantic relationship.
It’s setting your boundaries of how you wish and should be treated! It’s letting them know that for you it did affect you and I think that’s ok. Then see how they react…..with caution. If not walk away. Always watch their actions. Their words can be bullsh*t.
So sorry to hear that ,it s must be so difficult for you...I wish you find someone and move on ,I m sure your love would wanted to see you happy again .That was sure special love .Wish you all best ❤
hole* … I’m sorry for your loss. I feel quite deeply. I know heartache. For myself, I think things can happen in life & my heart will never be the same.
@@Nono38-jj1tk I truly am sorry for her loss!! As I said I can identify with deep heartache. … That said, I don’t see anything wrong with my friendly notation. I’m just that way … with everyone. :) …
@@Nono38-jj1tk but she didn’t correct anything…? She just asterisk’ed the word ‘hole’ for emphasis on her own comment…? There were no typos on either comment
I am in a happy and healthy relationship the last 15 years but I love to hear Matthew’s wisdom, I learn a lot, he communicates incredibly well😊 He is a gem. Loved the interview
Realizing we were not on the same planet, the same headspace, that I was during the entirety of 2023 was the absolute worst. I have spent the last 7 months trying to assess why after 23 yrs he could throw our history away like it meant nothing and move on with lightning speed to another. He had been interviewing for my replacement l for many months until he hired her. Finally after 7 months I realize I grieved what I thought our relationship was, not what it really was
Wow, Matthew, right there, you have just restored my hope in men. The honesty you show here, the vulnerability - has restored my hope in life. I had someone in my life 27 years my junior who was like this with me ,after a loveless marriage with a recovering addict for 12 years - but then pulled away. And I've been just about ready to give up - but right there, you showed me, it is possible for a man to let down his defenses Thank you.
It took me a lot of pain and hurtful relationships to find a good partner. Someone who truly loves me as how I am, and guess what! I found out with this person I was a big part of the problem! Now I am working hard on having a good relationship! To accept safety, and love and to not want to run away with every little thing
Always be you. Do you and give off you. If love does leave, the you that you know and is content with, stays and keeps adding into your life. Start finding happiness alone and bring it into the relationship and hopefully others bring their happiness to the love buffet. When love leaves, cry because it does hurt. But know that time does heal. Always crave and seek mental and spiritual growth. I'm in a space where i personally feel content on my own. So when challenges crop up i try and find ways to address them. Never loose yourself in order to keep love. Love you and let love outside of you come to you on it's own to meet the love you are giving. Study the bible and trust the Lord completely. I love this life. I thank God for blessing me with a good and positive brain that is always looking for growth. ❤
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
@03:28 Literally just experienced this. I communicated that I recognized the distancing prior to/during their vacation. I didn't receive a response. It was very disappointing, sad, heartbreaking, etc., but I left it at that and deleted their number a week later. Whatever emotion bubbles up I acknowledge and take the time to work through. Preparing a better foundation for something new.
Absolutely it hurts to know how wrong I’ve always been for 20 years I thought I knew my husband I believed what he said never did I think one day he’d betray or leave me. To have to accept he’s not the remarkable man who put his family first really broke me especially once he said he had been contemplating leaving 5 years before
My one friend said he’s never seen me so calm and relaxed with a guy before. He said my personality was completely different in a really good way. That was in the first 3 months of the relationship . Now my guys has become distant and anxious personality is back! 😢
Guys need personal space to process things, to miss you, to feel ‘love’ for you. For them to fall deeper in love they need to be the one making efforts, to feel being challenged, feel the polarity (him being masculine, and you being in your feminine embodiment), and they need to feel uncertainty. That being said, we women can’t profess our love, but we can let them feel our energy being happy and open to them, with some subtle flirting. It’s not a game; it’s like a dance. We let them lead. And we follow their lead.
"It's that's good macro advice but in the beginning of any relationship or dating there always has to be a moment where one person invests marginally more than the other."
Thank you Lisa and Matthew! This was one of the best conversations I could have experienced right now at thus time in my life. Matthew, I first learned of uou when I was watching a daytime show or entertainment tonight. Please forgive my memory, it was a while back. I'm sure you remember and I've followed you periodically ever since❤
@46:08 so instincts are just another word for reflexes like when the doc hits your knee with a hammer, and what most do when there's a fire, but intuition is a knowing without knowing!
I think it is interesting to hear Matthew talk about:" I felt that if I gave I was taken advantage of" and meaning this exchange was related to the same person. But in life there is also a saying that " What you give is what you get". However it can be a long timeframe to it and what you "get" does not mean that you get it form the same person, but from another person long time into the future. The worse thing that can happen is that you stop "givng" because you always expect to "get" sth back from the same person. However if "giving"" means being too open about yourself "too early" it is because it may be off-putting to the receiver end who feel they have to become responsible for you and your thoughts, ie a responsibility they do not want since it may feel as a burden to them.
"There are things that will attract someone. And then there are things that will find you a partner who's right for you. And they're not always the same thing. And advice out there that works in some ways is very dangerous because of what or who it might attract. But it is very self-validating because it works." So well put!!
MY VOICE HAS BEEN SILENCED MY WHOLE DAMN LIFE. MY BEAUTIFUL SACRED MIRACULOUS VOICE. MY VOICE IS MY MAGICAL GIFT OF TRANSMUTATION! that being said, all my life... I have given people access to me in ways that I should not have EVER granted them access now, I want to scream at the top of my lungs: FUCK OFF!! YOU DO NOT GET TO HAVE ACCESS TO ME IN THAT WAY!! THE DOOR IS NOT OPEN!! YOU MAY NOT COME IN!! ACCESS DENIED!! I've been programmed my whole life to be silent, conditioned to have no boundaries...
A lot can be averted by using your intuition to sense their vibes and to look into the future at least to some extent, to see whether a relationship actually works
I am single after losing my husband of 39 years. I think dating again is fun, and do not think there is anything wrong with me if I don’t click with someone. It will happen eventually, and in the meantime, i keep meeting new people and have gained a few new friends😊
I think it's difficult for me to believe I'll find someone or click with someone when it's been 33 years. I'm starting to wonder if it's even possible for me to love someone. Even though I've been searching for it my whole life off and on and even though it's one of my dreams. I did click with someone and feel a spark with them once but he had and still has a gf eventually.
Ego ruins a relationship,choosing out of go will get your heart broken. Perfect beauty and or loaded with money and stories ,are all false qualities that fill ego.
Don’t want to die alone? I’d rather die perfectly alone than end up becoming a hospice wife to king baby if he gets sick. But he’ll leaving you if you get sick. #decentermen. #MelanieHamlett
@@rosaclick1995 Helping others is one thing. But becoming a hostage and a hospice wife to a man is another. What are you spewing about “competition”? What does living alone without having a gigantic baby to care of, sick or not, have to do with competition?
@@olgakim4848 it’s not a competition because where did the spite come from towards a sick person who is supposed to be family? Why think they wouldn’t reciprocate back to you the love you gave to them like you would give to a family? Why does helping a loved one feel like hostage to you? I don’t know what brought about this perception you have but be kind to yourself and others. Hence what I mean life isn’t a competition. You don’t do things for people because you expect they should do same for you. There’s joy in helping people no matter who they are and not expecting anything back. It’s not a must to live with someone but it’s the perception that your loved one is a burden is what I am responding to.
Usually the prince invests first in the princess. The princess sometimes shows interest, but not always. She is just in her playful feminine energy and he sees her and knows, he wants her. And then HE takes action. And not the woman. Whenever I took action first, it was wrong. So it's healthier to let that do the man. He needs to be courageous. It's his step.
I don’t know when we came to this point that we think not being vulnerable is the right way to find love. One should be able to be vulnerable around someone you claim to love and relationships shouldn’t be a game.
You should be able to act natural and be honest with someone you want to have a relationship with, without having to play games. I think that's the point Matthew is making here.
Look, it’s just basic consideration/manners to not ghost people. If he doesn’t already come with that basic understanding,he is not the man for me. Period. My next step is to block him and move on. I’m not wasting energy or precious time trying to educate him on something he should already know.
@@susancaldwell5415 No not really. I just don’t have the patience for it which is why I’m single now lol. I’m 48 yrs old. Men my age should have learned manners and how to treat other people a long time ago.
Yeah! I like that he emphasizes that you shouldn't hold on to your wounds from certain people and constantly try to find them in someone else, or use your past hurts to make generalizations.
@43:17 but mostly from not getting any direction/guidance/emotional connection did Not give a strong sense of self, nor boundaries to navigate the world right!
You should never pretend to get a person you like to accept you,they should except you for who you are ,or not at all. Those who dont love and accept you for who you are don't and never can really love you.
When a broken/damaged/immature/abusive man is using a woman, he’ll show these signs: - he avoids truly deep and emotionally vulnerable conversations - he's inconsistent - he only contacts you when he needs/wants something - he doesn't REALLY include you in his life (it's all an illusion/fantasy) - he avoids commitments/labels - he makes you feel guilty/crazy/needy - he doesn't truly support you or your goals (in any real and tangible way) So, If he pulls away, give him a push... Let him go! When he pulls away, he can stay away, it is over! It is complete. 1) Never EVER be afraid of losing him. You are the Divine feminine. Let him fear losing YOU! 2) Have an EXTREMELY low tolerance for ANY bad behavior... AVOIDANT or NARCISSIST? Let's be real. It's irrelevant. They both behave the same. The damage they do is the same. The trauma they cause is the same. FUCK THEM BOTH. So, When there’s a disagreement, an argument, a conflict, some bullying, disrespect, boundaries being crossed etc... someone will inevitably, most likely, be disappointed in me... So, I engage in each and every situation in a way that ensures, that the person disappointed in me, NEVER ENDS UP BEING ME! I aim to never repress, never suppress. I aim to never lose parts of myself. Radical honesty only: 100% of the time. Always, all ways. AND REMEMBER: To test if ANY relationship is healthy - you've got to judge the relationship on its bad days, not on its good ones!
He makes a lot of good points. Although why isn't chivalry still around- if a guy really wants you he should do whatever it takes. Im not in the dating world so I am totally lost.
WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
I found love. I am 26. He is 66! but he owns a printing business that employs 270 people, and drives a Rolls Royce. The Good life here I come
Are you the mother of the Guy Bilyeu on impact theory?
@@discernmentformypeople6598 ???
😮11😮😮iquique 1:20:00 😅❤
@@anastrauti6618 Look, he treats me well. W e are going on a Luxury cruise in 2 weeks time. He bought me a Merc two seat sports for my Birthday!!! H e is rich handsome and old enough to be my Granddaddy but who cares!!!!!
1. Know your value!!! (Do NOT doubt yourself.)
2. Take yourself and your worth seriously. You need to BE A QUEEN to be treated like one.
3. Don’t give easy access to anyone, at any time. Access to your energy should be expensive.
4. Do NOT only express your boundaries. YOU MUST show them.
5. Always be ready to walk away.
6. Show that you are focused on actions not on words.
7. Have a healthy degree of skepticism. You’re not naive and you’re not negative.
8. You must be willing to say NO and you must be willing to lose the man, if needed.
9. Never EVER chase a man! A truly worthy woman, (who knows her worth)
does not EVER chase a man.
Giving the same energy that you're getting
is key
and if you don't like that energy
then move on!!! NOW!!!
It can be hard
but that's when you need to choose yourself
over the damn illusion/fantasy.
A man who loves a woman will not ignore her, ever, period.
So...
If he ignores me
I will step back
and he will lose me.
Simple. Simple.
Non-dramatic
and uncomplicated.
I don’t,
under any circumstance:
play these childish-abusive-controlling
mind games.
I will only be with a man who values and appreciates me,
and treats me as the Queen, I AM.
(Daughter of the Most Hight; King of kings!)
Because I am a beautiful and kind and divine
and sexy and wise and intelligent and magical woman:
who knows my worth.
Period.
Also,
We create each moment.
This moment contains,
through my focus,
both positive and negative...
I can put my attention on what I lack,
what I don't have,
what traumas I do have etc...
And,
I can put my attention on the calm moment that I am in, NOW,
the food I just ate, and the fact that my body is satisfied, the shelter I do have...
(You get my idea!)
Both are here...
And now.
For the sake of fairness,
I will allow myself to cry my pains, in the moment
if/when they come/arise,
AND
also acknowledge the beauty I still have in my life NOW.
Pain? Yes.
Suffering? Indeed.
And,
also:
wonderous magical divine beauty.
Blessings to you!
❤❤❤
❤❤❤
Love
THANKS❤
Very nice said 🙏🏻♥️
Sometimes we are in pain because we're breaking up with a fantasy, not realizing it's better we're not with the reality of who the person is!
YES YES YES 🙌 👏
This is me right now
Yessssss !!!!! I was JUST thinking this earlier today! That sometimes I feel I’m more sad over the fantasy over what I thought we could’ve been, more so than the actual person and what it would have really been! WOW this hit hard! Twice in one day! Thanks for commenting. It just verified my thoughts ❤
Love this!
@@Yalitza87 I'm so glad it was helpful. A psychologist I listen to often also said, "Don't make people who you want them to be. Find out who they really are. Honor them by accepting who they are. In other words, don't try to make a pig sing. It only frustrates the pig and the music is really bad." 😅
I hope you continue to protect your precious heart, mind and soul and time. Sometimes the truth hits painfully, but it can lead to freedom.
I married my first husband, had two daughters we were together 20 years, I’m now going ten years with my second husband. I’ve also been proposed to a few times. So it can happen. I just didn’t waste much time on men who weren’t into me, and I watched what they did instead of listening to what they said.❤
Smart!
🤣🤣🤣
Ya but you’ve also spent 20yrs with someone who obviously wasn’t right for you….. sooo I don’t think imma take your advice.
You did good. My respect.
Yes actions speak louder than words
A man who only texted
Love bombed to have attention
Is a coward mind games and player
Karma is yours for the deceit
Your person can never be someone who doesn’t choose you
"Choose someone who your soul wants, Not your ego!"
Oh, that's a very good point
Over ride the ego
Quite the monkey mind
Dig deep into your core and find your true essence
After all we are all players in this connected world
Yes
@@Katrica670 it’s character development that matters not the emotional
@@camillabartlett9128 huh?
If someone is ghosting me and it’s affecting me it’s bullshit advice to pretend not to be affected. It’s strong to show that it affects you and then close the door. Tell them and then move on. 🤷🏻♀️ fuck playing mind games. I like being me.
Yep- I like that he made it a point that you should be open about your true feelings and not hide them.
I think the point isn't that you shouldn't be affected..... it's that the amount you are affected should be directly related to the significance that the relationship ACTUALLY was in your life, not the story you told yourself about that person.
I think his point is moderate how much others "affect you." We create dramas and stories that don't exist in reality, and need to stay more objective about what is happening.
Met someone with the same upbringing, same hometown, same background, even same reasons for divorcing our first spouse (cheating).
Didn’t matter for this person.. went cold and ghosted after friendzoning me.
Some people are chasing standards that don’t make any sense.
@@kiddytube3915What standards? If you don't mind?
If someone hasn't texted me back for 5 days, they're automatically deleted and ignored. When someone shows you they don't care, dont give them the opportunity to do it twice as the chances are they will surely do it again. Dont encourage this bare minimal low effort behaviour
Agreed
What if they were in an accident or major life crisis. Like what’s wrong with using your words? Then close the door! Yikes people calm down. It’s not a big deal date others while you wait after that many days.
I usually ask were you in the hospital? Jail? Then when they say no I say lose my #.
The problem there is that we jump to an assumption without knowing the facts. Even with the facts if they had a valid reason are you going to accept it. Example: If a female/male was called to look after a parent who has had a fall/minor stroke. That person's care for that parent is going to be at the first & foremost of that person's thoughts/responsibility. A person who does care about you would be happily to come second. That is showing true care. I guess most people just think of themselves.
@alisonturner3445 if that is the case..how about a short text to say "sorry am having a family emergency, will get back to you as soon as I can"..takes literally seconds!!!! Stop making justification for disrespect..no one is THAT BUSY to text back unless they're in Mars or the ER!! Anything else is an excuse
Problem nowadays is the games people play. There is little authenticity. A relationship is not going to succeed if people are not real and show their genuine flaws and insecurities. Few people are that brave because they are so broken and weak. It takes guts to be real.
He is absolutely 💯 right!! People are not being their true authentic self enough these days. Yes, we are shamed for expressing what we truly desire.
I’m never married, no kids. Sometimes feel lonely, but most of my life time being with myself is less trouble. Still looking forward to having a family of my own…
It has its own time for everyone❤
Same here ❤ I really wished I liked the family dynamic I was born into but it's a mess. I love my family but I pray to God I can make my own with a good man.
Amen !!
same here! Wish you all the best
I got married at 49. Marriage has never been my priority.
"Curiosity, teamwork, generosity, empathy, compasion cure incompatibility!"
Skilled liars present themselves as loyal and trustworthy.
Fact
Just going through this 💔trusted him fully then complete rug pull, ending it, found out maybe was also unfaithful 💔
Words lie, behavior doesn’t. Being unavailable, being late, not replying to communication, always having something come up is behavior that we shouldn’t ignore. It always tells the truth.
My ex used to say "I'll try to be honest" before he'd start talking. MAJOR red flag
I enjoy being single. But sometimes I miss not having that one person in my life who always has my back.
@@ErickSouza-mo3mjwith all due respect this is not true and is a disservice to all who pray. God is not a cosmic slot machine that if you stand there long enough and pull a handle, out will come your desired result. Plenty of people are on here that are more faithful than most, who never have their prayers answered for a mate. Mother Teresa herself often dealt with loneliness, depression and a sense God was not listening. Well meaning followers often push people away from God with these kinds of statements when the person is hurt and broken and God seems no where to be found. It's better to just cheer a person on yourself when you know nothing about a person's faith background.
@@Rut-vi7iz Why is it a disservice to tell people to have faith in God? You're the one calling God a slot machine and saying that people don't feel listened to by Him. To have faith without doubt makes people feel good; and do not push people away from Him. It may take time, but the prayers will be answered somehow. (To me, dating apps are the real slot machines). I'm not minimizing anyone's suffering. On the contrary, I'm saying that a deep faith in God heals the feeling of not having someone looking out for us.
That’s ya mum in my experience anyways x
Unless you know how to make a healthy choice, you can find yourself with someone who is ignoring your needs, jealous, sabotaging, controlling or deliberately upsetting you - continuously.
It can be way more energy draining and is actively destructive, compared to being alone and having your own back.
Psalm 139 ❤
He is such an intelligent guy. He knows his stuff Such a pleasure to listen to.
If a guy told me to never talk to him again or that we're over regarding something small, it's not my job to change their mind
Over the last couple years I have either lost friends or it changed the relationship immensely because I am no longer vibing on a lower level and have done the deep dive work on me. So when they come and want the " bonding over bitching " validation, I give them insight from a different prospective. Sadly this has not been well received. But I have drawn in more stable type people. It's a very strange dynamic. But has been an amazing life lesson ❤
Love your content Lisa, simply amazing.... keep it coming 💪🏻
I’m soooo over dating. This is all good advice/steps to communicate more open and authentic.. but why the hell does it have to be so damn complicated?!!!!! So over it all.
You and me both
@@NevL7add me in too. 😅😊
Giving up on love is like losing a limb! Keep on trying to grow and love .
I also don't understand why people view all of these things as desperate. And I don't care, if I'm desperate for one man, then that shows how special he is and he outta feel lucky so I don't care if I'm msging him more than he is me. I have yet to find anyone else I like as much as him.
@@laurakaufman6333 I feel like love and dating are two very different things. Dating doesn't leave much room for authenticity; generally only seduction and superficiality, and that gets exhausting pretty quickly.
Choose your person! Your person would Always choose you!
Dying alone… unfortunately everyone will die alone. Even if surrounded by someone, ultimately the experience of dying we will face alone.
It’s living alone what’s worse. Because life isn’t 💯 complete when not shared.
My thoughts too. I'll die alone, my soul will travel to heaven alone, even when you're in heaven you forget that you had family members who didn't make it with you
I LOOOOOVE LIVING ALONE. I love the peace and quite. I've had boarders #Headache. I've let 2 of my siblings and each of their 3 kids live with me #Noisey
Now it's been just me for 5 years (almost 6) and I LOOOOVE IT.
I don't want no man. It's nice to wake up and not worry about if someone needs to be fk or sucked. I can just get started with my day.
I can come home, and not worry about if someone needs to be fk or sucked.
I can go straight to be, without worrying about if someone needs to be fk or sucked and that's AMAZING.
I don't want no pets, not even a plant.
Life for me right now is GOOD!
@@aprilwashington3150 it’s great if you are happy 😃 that’s all that matters.
I would love to have a life partner though and share all the experiences and life together. But not just anyone. The right partner. I have been alone for 6 years. And it’s not the life I want.
@@trinityp8575 Omg how ironic, I've been lost for 6 years too, waiting for the right person. Sigh. It takes its time, but I'd rather wait than settle with just anyone.
@@aprilwashington3150😂❤yes girl! I needed this!😂🎉❤
@52:00 I call this misplaced hope, hope in the wrong thing can make the heart heavy!
I found a terrific man who shows love, affection and care. I am working on an amazing relationship where our needs are all met. I don't go by the rules, where it feels that it's playing a game.
That’s what I felt when I met my husband! I didn’t have to ruminate anything, just BE ❤ never felt I could go with the flow before, I assumed that that kind of tension was normal😅. You don’t recognize fresh air until you actually breathe some
You are wise!! ❤
Could you please tell more about your husband personality. If he is introvert or extrovert
A breath of fresh air this man is. Why must we walk around pretending? Someone needs to see who you are. Yes he should be calm cool and collected and polite but there’s nothing wrong with showing the person who you are. This man deserves some sort of an award. I hope he has one
"Most of us are stuck with "ppl" who only are level 1 n 2, you need level 3 commitment, and level 4 compatibility."
How do you find that
By letting go of ppl who don't want to have levels 3 and 4. Making space for the right ppl
@@janny.pI wish that worked for me I was 100 percent single for 29 years still never worked, finally when I found what I was looking for he had a gf already. Now I'm 33 it is hard to have hope.
@@janny.pI wish that worked for me, I just have too high of expectations without even trying to I guess and when I finally found someone who displayed almost every trait I spent my whole life searching for when I was 29 he already had and still has a gf. And trust me off and on I've continued to look. I'm 33 now, I just wish it could be my turn to finally get into a romantic relationship.
@@janny.pI wish that had worked for me. I'm 33 and unfortunately that never worked for me.
It’s setting your boundaries of how you wish and should be treated! It’s letting them know that for you it did affect you and I think that’s ok. Then see how they react…..with caution. If not walk away. Always watch their actions. Their words can be bullsh*t.
Being vulnerable is not insecurity , if they walk,good for you,you can find a genuine without wasting everyone's time and energy ❤
While listening this guy - I just had to get my notebook to write down things that really open eyes 🥰
I lost my soul mate thru death . Very young, 11 yrs later, I still have a hole in my heart
So sorry to hear that ,it s must be so difficult for you...I wish you find someone and move on ,I m sure your love would wanted to see you happy again .That was sure special love .Wish you all best ❤
hole* … I’m sorry for your loss. I feel quite deeply. I know heartache. For myself, I think things can happen in life & my heart will never be the same.
@@jenniferstein1702You're so "sorry" for her that you correct her grammar? 😂 Okayyyyy lady
@@Nono38-jj1tk I truly am sorry for her loss!! As I said I can identify with deep heartache. … That said, I don’t see anything wrong with my friendly notation. I’m just that way … with everyone. :) …
@@Nono38-jj1tk but she didn’t correct anything…? She just asterisk’ed the word ‘hole’ for emphasis on her own comment…? There were no typos on either comment
It feels like such a betrayal,they conned you into thinking you were both in the same place.
I am in a happy and healthy relationship the last 15 years but I love to hear Matthew’s wisdom, I learn a lot, he communicates incredibly well😊
He is a gem. Loved the interview
Realizing we were not on the same planet, the same headspace, that I was during the entirety of 2023 was the absolute worst. I have spent the last 7 months trying to assess why after 23 yrs he could throw our history away like it meant nothing and move on with lightning speed to another. He had been interviewing for my replacement l for many months until he hired her. Finally after 7 months I realize I grieved what I thought our relationship was, not what it really was
Ok
Absolutely ! Actions speak louder than words. Love is perennial like flowers if one loves oneself 1st !
Wow, Matthew, right there, you have just restored my hope in men. The honesty you show here, the vulnerability - has restored my hope in life. I had someone in my life 27 years my junior who was like this with me ,after a loveless marriage with a recovering addict for 12 years - but then pulled away. And I've been just about ready to give up - but right there, you showed me, it is possible for a man to let down his defenses Thank you.
Love is 1 Corinthians 13- “Love is patients, love is kind….”
“Grief is a change you didn’t want” wow 🤯 That hit me hard…
I dont think romantic relationships can provide as much as people expect. ❤
It took me a lot of pain and hurtful relationships to find a good partner. Someone who truly loves me as how I am, and guess what! I found out with this person I was a big part of the problem! Now I am working hard on having a good relationship! To accept safety, and love and to not want to run away with every little thing
Ye we start to get used to far less than we deserve and waste out lives time on the wrong people.
This conversation and all the stories from Matthew's own experiences were soooo incredible insightful and healing 🥹💕🙌🙌
Matthew has come a long way in his work...
This is the best I have seen...
1:03:22
And it’s incredibly unfair, isn’t it? So cowardly. Being together and already internally processing the break up for themselves. Secretly.
I like Matthew but I got something really from Case, “you get what you want or you get what you need”. Today that has been a game changer 🙏
Always be you. Do you and give off you. If love does leave, the you that you know and is content with, stays and keeps adding into your life. Start finding happiness alone and bring it into the relationship and hopefully others bring their happiness to the love buffet. When love leaves, cry because it does hurt. But know that time does heal. Always crave and seek mental and spiritual growth. I'm in a space where i personally feel content on my own. So when challenges crop up i try and find ways to address them. Never loose yourself in order to keep love. Love you and let love outside of you come to you on it's own to meet the love you are giving. Study the bible and trust the Lord completely. I love this life. I thank God for blessing me with a good and positive brain that is always looking for growth. ❤
We can work through fears both men and women. A good man/ woman will work through your fears with you.
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Akunna, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father Akunna, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Yes greive the right person not the one who never deserved your grief.
@03:28 Literally just experienced this. I communicated that I recognized the distancing prior to/during their vacation. I didn't receive a response. It was very disappointing, sad, heartbreaking, etc., but I left it at that and deleted their number a week later. Whatever emotion bubbles up I acknowledge and take the time to work through. Preparing a better foundation for something new.
Absolutely it hurts to know how wrong I’ve always been for 20 years I thought I knew my husband I believed what he said never did I think one day he’d betray or leave me. To have to accept he’s not the remarkable man who put his family first really broke me especially once he said he had been contemplating leaving 5 years before
Early childhood trauma, dysfunctional family dynamics, bad parenting gets people tuned up for unfit partners and loneliness.
Hope is the worst affliction. I concur!!
My one friend said he’s never seen me so calm and relaxed with a guy before. He said my personality was completely different in a really good way. That was in the first 3 months of the relationship . Now my guys has become distant and anxious personality is back! 😢
Guys need personal space to process things, to miss you, to feel ‘love’ for you. For them to fall deeper in love they need to be the one making efforts, to feel being challenged, feel the polarity (him being masculine, and you being in your feminine embodiment), and they need to feel uncertainty. That being said, we women can’t profess our love, but we can let them feel our energy being happy and open to them, with some subtle flirting. It’s not a game; it’s like a dance. We let them lead. And we follow their lead.
@@CarmelSharon1844 he ain’t leading.And I’ve walked away. He has literally disappeared.
@@amandamoore8421this this horrible, and I'm sending you a big virtual hug 😢
i like the way Matthew is talking about himself in many examples. it gives hope that those problems are something we can overcome.
It doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship at the end of your life because everybody dies alone. We are all born into the world on our own too.
I feel the exact opposite. Even when I’m alone, I’m never really alone and never alone especially at death. I guess it depends on your belief system.
"It's that's good macro advice but in the beginning of any relationship or dating there always has to be a moment where one person invests marginally more than the other."
Thank you Lisa and Matthew! This was one of the best conversations I could have experienced right now at thus time in my life. Matthew, I first learned of uou when I was watching a daytime show or entertainment tonight. Please forgive my memory, it was a while back. I'm sure you remember and I've followed you periodically ever since❤
@46:08 so instincts are just another word for reflexes like when the doc hits your knee with a hammer, and what most do when there's a fire, but intuition is a knowing without knowing!
I'm looking for peace, peace of mind and heart
Matthew's level of self awareness is inspiring
@1:30:00 "when you're happy enough you make good decision!"
If I may add, if you are well-rested enough uou will make better choices too!
2:03:09 The happiness, the drive, the fulfillment, the curiosity!
@42:20 my two are always being comfortable in my own skin and being assertive again, also, being self-sustained
I think it is interesting to hear Matthew talk about:" I felt that if I gave I was taken advantage of" and meaning this exchange was related to the same person. But in life there is also a saying that " What you give is what you get". However it can be a long timeframe to it and what you "get" does not mean that you get it form the same person, but from another person long time into the future. The worse thing that can happen is that you stop "givng" because you always expect to "get" sth back from the same person. However if "giving"" means being too open about yourself "too early" it is because it may be off-putting to the receiver end who feel they have to become responsible for you and your thoughts, ie a responsibility they do not want since it may feel as a burden to them.
"There are things that will attract someone. And then there are things that will find you a partner who's right for you. And they're not always the same thing. And advice out there that works in some ways is very dangerous because of what or who it might attract. But it is very self-validating because it works." So well put!!
MY VOICE HAS BEEN SILENCED
MY WHOLE DAMN LIFE.
MY BEAUTIFUL SACRED MIRACULOUS VOICE.
MY VOICE IS MY MAGICAL GIFT OF TRANSMUTATION!
that being said,
all my life...
I have given people access to me
in ways that I should not have EVER
granted them access
now,
I want to scream
at the top of my lungs:
FUCK OFF!!
YOU DO NOT GET TO HAVE ACCESS TO ME IN THAT WAY!!
THE DOOR IS NOT OPEN!!
YOU MAY NOT COME IN!!
ACCESS DENIED!!
I've been programmed my whole life to be silent,
conditioned to have no boundaries...
poetic truth i can relate to your words ❤ i hear your beautiful sacred miraculous voice and it resonates in my heart
A lot can be averted by using your intuition to sense their vibes and to look into the future at least to some extent, to see whether a relationship actually works
I am single after losing my husband of 39 years.
I think dating again is fun, and do not think there is anything wrong with me if I don’t click with someone.
It will happen eventually, and in the meantime, i keep meeting new people and have gained a few new friends😊
I think it's difficult for me to believe I'll find someone or click with someone when it's been 33 years. I'm starting to wonder if it's even possible for me to love someone. Even though I've been searching for it my whole life off and on and even though it's one of my dreams. I did click with someone and feel a spark with them once but he had and still has a gf eventually.
This man is really smart 😊
Ego ruins a relationship,choosing out of go will get your heart broken. Perfect beauty and or loaded with money and stories ,are all false qualities that fill ego.
Ilove Lisa she helped a lot people all over the world including me been her self shows example to do anything you Iam so proud her!!
I’m praying 🙏🏾 for healing and we link back up again.
Team work is everything. You need to be on board with each other.
@1:27:01 yes wounds unfortunately continue to accumulate!
Don’t want to die alone? I’d rather die perfectly alone than end up becoming a hospice wife to king baby if he gets sick. But he’ll leaving you if you get sick. #decentermen. #MelanieHamlett
So true
💯
Helping others gives you a sense of fulfilment. Life isn’t a competition.
@@rosaclick1995 Helping others is one thing. But becoming a hostage and a hospice wife to a man is another. What are you spewing about “competition”? What does living alone without having a gigantic baby to care of, sick or not, have to do with competition?
@@olgakim4848 it’s not a competition because where did the spite come from towards a sick person who is supposed to be family? Why think they wouldn’t reciprocate back to you the love you gave to them like you would give to a family? Why does helping a loved one feel like hostage to you? I don’t know what brought about this perception you have but be kind to yourself and others. Hence what I mean life isn’t a competition. You don’t do things for people because you expect they should do same for you. There’s joy in helping people no matter who they are and not expecting anything back. It’s not a must to live with someone but it’s the perception that your loved one is a burden is what I am responding to.
The best 2 hours of my life! Thank you kindly to both of you! ❤🙏🏽
I feel like some people should never fool others to believe that they care about them😊
Usually the prince invests first in the princess. The princess sometimes shows interest, but not always. She is just in her playful feminine energy and he sees her and knows, he wants her. And then HE takes action. And not the woman.
Whenever I took action first, it was wrong. So it's healthier to let that do the man. He needs to be courageous. It's his step.
Grief is a change we didn’t want 1:02:04
this is so good thank you
I don’t know when we came to this point that we think not being vulnerable is the right way to find love. One should be able to be vulnerable around someone you claim to love and relationships shouldn’t be a game.
You should be able to act natural and be honest with someone you want to have a relationship with, without having to play games. I think that's the point Matthew is making here.
47 year old female here
Never been in a relationship
Have zero interest in being in a relationship
So you are the first island entire to yourself..
Sometimes our parents are very judgemental and they teach us to be the same,thats a real shame.
You are really speaking my language right here!! Thank you so much for your sharing and enlightened thots on all of this ❤
Look, it’s just basic consideration/manners to not ghost people. If he doesn’t already come with that basic understanding,he is not the man for me. Period. My next step is to block him and move on. I’m not wasting energy or precious time trying to educate him on something he should already know.
it takes just a few minutes to let someone know that you would like to get to know them. You simply have other commitments right now.🙂
@@susancaldwell5415 No not really. I just don’t have the patience for it which is why I’m single now lol. I’m 48 yrs old. Men my age should have learned manners and how to treat other people a long time ago.
Hey & guest Woooow you both have opened my perspective to the dynamics within a relationship, thank you both for blessing me with more wisdom ❤
This is a great conversation. Much appreciated.
I freaking love Matthew Hussey ❤
Everyone is operating from their own wounds
Yeah! I like that he emphasizes that you shouldn't hold on to your wounds from certain people and constantly try to find them in someone else, or use your past hurts to make generalizations.
This was one of the best discussions I’ve tuned into here! Thank you!
@43:17 but mostly from not getting any direction/guidance/emotional connection did Not give a strong sense of self, nor boundaries to navigate the world right!
You should never pretend to get a person you like to accept you,they should except you for who you are ,or not at all. Those who dont love and accept you for who you are don't and never can really love you.
Narcissist don't care how you feel. I will never let him know how I feel again. He's out of my life for good
I can see red flags pretty much everywhere now 😅 ... Thank you for all these teachings.. it's so deep, as always🔆
This hit home🫶🏾 this is the therapy I needed before my actual therapy 🤞🏾🙏🏾
Aww she listens to him so much. Thats cos she knows he is right.
When a broken/damaged/immature/abusive man
is using a woman, he’ll show these signs:
- he avoids truly deep and emotionally vulnerable conversations
- he's inconsistent
- he only contacts you when he needs/wants something
- he doesn't REALLY include you in his life (it's all an illusion/fantasy)
- he avoids commitments/labels
- he makes you feel guilty/crazy/needy
- he doesn't truly support you or your goals (in any real and tangible way)
So,
If he pulls away, give him a push...
Let him go!
When he pulls away,
he can stay away,
it is over!
It is complete.
1) Never EVER be afraid of losing him. You are the Divine feminine. Let him fear losing YOU!
2) Have an EXTREMELY low tolerance for ANY bad behavior...
AVOIDANT or NARCISSIST?
Let's be real.
It's irrelevant.
They both behave the same.
The damage they do is the same.
The trauma they cause is the same.
FUCK THEM BOTH.
So,
When there’s a disagreement,
an argument, a conflict, some bullying,
disrespect, boundaries being crossed etc...
someone will inevitably,
most likely,
be disappointed in me...
So,
I engage in each and every situation
in a way that ensures,
that the person disappointed in me,
NEVER ENDS UP BEING ME!
I aim to never repress,
never suppress.
I aim to never lose parts of myself.
Radical honesty only:
100% of the time.
Always,
all ways.
AND REMEMBER:
To test if ANY relationship is healthy -
you've got to judge the relationship on its bad days,
not on its good ones!
People need to start to learn the amazing magic to letting go 🙌🏼🌊
Acting out will push people away ,and thats sad when what you need is support.
He makes a lot of good points. Although why isn't chivalry still around- if a guy really wants you he should do whatever it takes. Im not in the dating world so I am totally lost.
1:16:13 I’m taking the lesson that they couldn’t hold space. I have left him but also leaving the door open.