The way that woman was treated by her father and brothers growing up was overlooked. It's not normal to make your daughter throw out every pad/ tampon outside. WHO WANTS TO DO THAT EVERY TIME?! She was set up for this mistreatment by her family a long time ago.
It’s crazy. I’m from muslim family, period also taboo in our community but mine is not extreme. As long it’s clean, no blood anywhere so it’s fine. My dad and my older brother never made a fuss about it but one of my sister did. Like me drying my bra, she’s upset her husband saw the drying bra, panty, and period pad. Like heck, we’re drying our clothes in our house, it’s not openly for people to see. It’s really annoying. I mostly ignored her, but she got into arguments with my other sisters.
Oh yeah, my father shamed me so much the first time I ever got my period. I was 8 and got a drop of blood on my undies because I didn’t know I was going to get my first period. He screamed at me for hours for being so disgusting for putting them in the laundry basket with his and my brothers clothes. I don’t know what I was expected to do with them though because I was too short to reach the laundry sink, was told I couldn’t wash them in the bathroom sink or shower, and also told throwing them away was a waste of his money, so IDK 🤷♀️ So then I was absolutely terrified to get any blood on my underwear because I didn’t want to be screamed at and called disgusting again. But I also wasn’t allowed to use tampons because according to him “that would make me a slut”. Nothing like slut shaming a young girl for wanting to use tampons to just add to her body image issues huh 🙄 (I cut my toxic father and his family off over 10 years ago and my life is so much better now)
My mom told me her parents forced her and her sisters to throw that stuff away outside when they were growing up, and I was shocked. Apparently some people are so uptight they insist on there being no evidence periods exist. It’s insane.
"You're gross for just lying there in the blood" what does this guy think we do? Whether it is period underwear, a pad, or something else (please don't sleep with anything inside you ladies, TSS is no joke) we're literally "lying in the blood" by his definition. Guess what buddy, if she wasn't wearing anything you'd BOTH be lying in blood all night.
"You don't sleep in the shower and keep it running all night ? Gross" My boyfriend just asks me how I'm doing when my period starts and says it's just not as nice to touch my butt because the washable underwear is thicker than a regular one XD But he's happy I found a solution that works better for me than my former ones
It is completely safe to sleep with your cup or disk in, the problem is specifically tampons because the material turns into a perfect environment for bacteria to thrive, the smooth silicone isn't a concern. You can wear your cup or disk for up to twelve hours without taking it out to rinse it
@@user-sg4ov7ng4hyeah IT IS, there are No cases of tss 12 hours are ok, so 8 are No Problem, but If she feels insecure about how what she uses sits or has a heavy flow that can BE a reason to Not use a Cup or disk at night.
@@dela2612Tampons have several Problems, Like shedding Fiber, drying you Out when you have a light flow, Trash . . . .but yeah, tss IS mostly a Tampon issue too, Cups are absolutely Safe for 12 hours, only issue for wearing them.over night could BE If you have a heavy flow and they Lack capacity
I am wearing my a diaper rn because I bleed like a faucet. My husband always hypes me up for wearing my diaper. He knows I’m comfy and safe during a time of struggle. And what I hear is basically he broke into her house, tried to sex her up, got grossed out cause she wasn’t prepared for him, and then fell asleep in her bed. Leave that freak.
I can’t believe you are the first one who mentioned how messed up he was for showing up at her house in the middle of the night. I think people forget they weren’t living together but even if they were, sneaking up on her in the middle of the night when she thought he was out of town is still invasive
A 30 year old man shaming his girlfriend for using period products of any sort is so ridiculous. And telling her to change birth controls so her period just stops? My wife went through years of trying to find the right birth control to stop her horrible menstrual cramps, and all she got out of it were years of horrible side effects. Through it all, I've gone out and bought her supplies, including diapers for sleeping in, because that's what you do. Roughly half of the population bleeds and cramps regularly, and they just have to deal with it. The other half of us can deal with at least knowing the basic details of what they go through.
not to mention that birth control isn't guaranteed to make your period stop!! the only way to get rid of it safely is a hysterectomy. Birth control has so many side effects that bio men don't know about nearly enough. Thankyou for being so good to your wife. I bet she's really grateful for your support.
Bro shaming women for using period products is an absolutely terrible thing to do. It says something about how he treated her that she even had to ask is she was in the wrong. She was just being a human being!
It's the fact he automatically assumed it was a fetish and didn't even listen to her explanation if it were actually a fetish then he'd have ground to stand at that point he's got every right to not agree with a fetish and even feel betrayed if he wasn't told but this is just a normal woman using a product for her period idk he sounds like he's mentally younger than her imo
Her family making a big weird deal about menstrual products in the bin definitely plays into what she's willing to put up with from partners. And yet he's still worse 🙃
I suspect the guy wanted to break up but was too much of a chicken-shit to just break up. The lengths some guys will go to to avoid breaking up is astounding.
It says a lot about how she was raised that she had to ask that question. Her father and brothers destroyed her feelings of self-worth and prepared her for accepting this kind of misogynistic abuse when they made her dispose of her used pads outside the house like what came out of her body was something abhorrently gross, they groomed her for this abusive partner!
That second story, I love the disconnect of the husband saying “well I run my entire business by myself so you should be able to run the house by yourself” ….while having her do administrative work for his business….. probably unpaid.
definitely unpaid if he still considers himself as running the business by himself. she's not "hired" to do it, she's expected as her wifely duties to "the breadwinner"
Also if he is the self claimed master of time management, why couldn’t he sign the papers. If its the most effortless thing for him then why is he throwing it on her
@@HostaMahogey NO. She said that they hire a cleaning team from time to time to do the heavy lifting. AND I DON'T BLAME HER. I KNOW what it takes to take care of a whole house, the heavy maintainance and deep cleaning included, and I'M NEVER DOING IT AGAIN. Even if we now hire someone once a month for the yard, work around the house NEVER ENDS. So, hiring someone to do the heavy lifting only saves you a bit of sanity and physical health, barely. Not time. The daily chores are just unending.
@@aylenvillarreal5439especially with kids. You have to question, does anyone in that house clean up after themselves or leave it all to her? If so, the daily grind of unpaid, boring, thankless, menial tasks would be unending. You couldn't pay me to stay at home and do that, with no income of my own, no autonomy, no savings. Even worse when you have Add as literally none of that is enjoyable or fulfilling and all of it would feel like eternal drudgery.
I can't believe people laid into the woman in the second scenario. Whatever she did, whatever deficiencies she has or not when dealing with daily life, surveilling her, screaming at her, and talking about being a high earning individual to shame her absolutely makes the hubby the ahole.
Yeah, but he isn't necessarily wrong. Got to keep in mind you are hearing her version of events, so "I was doing research on my phone" probably equates to "the camera caught me doom scrolling the day away". Obviously she's not going to phrase it that way...but phone addiction is a serious problem, and a guy working super hard to find his family's life deserves more than a wife sitting in the bed doom scrolling her life away. It happens to a lot of people...it's just so addicting.
@@geometerfpv2804 Then he should be able to sit down with her, have a serious conversation as partners in a relationship and in life, and if he cannot reach an understanding nor maintain the situation as it is, divorse her. As I said, it really does not matter what exactly the problem was because the way he acted was unjustified and not conductive to solving the problem. I do not know whether he was "right" or "wrong", I don't know whether she was a good employee, mother, and wife, but the breach of trust and mistreatment on its own tells me she did the right thing divorsing him.
i think her biggest problem was escalating the situation. not forgetting something or trying to relax. but immediately kicking him out and then after her friends tell her she is under-appreciated divorce him like they had 3 children.
@@yahyayahyah7 Idk, fam, if my hubby recorded me to tell me I'm lazy, I'd divorse him too. Like at that point I think its reasonable, kids or not. Maybe especially with the kids, if you want them to know boundaries matter.
In the second story, the husband is not a great person either. * HE didn't sign the permission form before the due date! * HE was too lazy to mail out the pay checks to his own employees- what does that say about him as a business owner? And we all know that he was not paying his wife to mail the checks for him. * And let's remember that HE had the time to go shopping and buy a spy camera, set it up and then sit down and go through the footage from that spy camera- time he could have spent mailing out his own checks, or signing permission forms for his children. Unlike his work, her work as a SAHM continues until she goes to bed, so he had plenty of time to do both of those things himself after he finished work for the day. And what kind of person decides to buy a spy camera to spy on their partner? Does he have a spy camera hiding in the bathroom? In her car? In the kids' bedrooms?
Sounded like the checks were just a favour so that he could spend more time working on other admin stuff at his job. My mom (works full time) asks my dad (retired) to do tasks for her job all the time. Has for years. Sometimes he does crucial aspects of it. Everyone would still agree that she's not being lazy, and that him helping out is just a favour that helps her focus on tasks only she can do. Sometimes she would ask me for help, too. It's not that deep. Also, they asked the mom to sign the permission slip. And, do you really expect him to have 0 free time? He's still a father. He still has kids to take care of and spend time with. Jobs have off days and vacation times. He can go to the store and buy groceries then stop to get the camera. Maybe duing a lull at his job, he purchased it off of Amazon. If you're going to call him names, do so in a way that makes sense. His fatherly duties also continue until he goes to bed.
@@kindauncool > My mom (works full time) asks my dad (retired) to do tasks for her job all the time. Okay, and your dad, being *retired,* actually has the time to do these tasks because he’s not ALSO juggling a full-time job. And even if he was doing these favours for her before he retired…it’s not a 1:1 comparison. Your dad’s ability does not equate to that woman’s ability-especially if she has ADHD. So your point is still moot. (This is, of course, not even factoring that asking someone to do a favour for you absolutely does not entitle you to *scream at them* when they don’t do that favour immediately. Especially when it CAN be done later, and/or you don’t specify that you want it done within a certain timeframe. The whole act of asking someone for a favour means you accept that they’ll get to it when they can-it’s a FAVOUR, not a JOB.) Also, they asked mom to sign the permission slip, but…so what? 😂 Dad could have signed it. He had time to rush to the school and “save the day,” so why didn’t he have time to spend a few minutes filling out the paperwork at home, *before* it was an emergency? He works full time and has to come home to be a dad…and part of being a dad would mean *making sure that homework is done and things like permission slips are filled out* lmao. This is ignoring that she ALSO works full time taking care of the home AND being a mom. She plans (and likely makes) all meals, cleans house, does all the administrative work involved with running a household-and then still has to *be a mom* when the kids come home. How is her job any less demanding than his? Why is his obligation to be a dad both a way to discredit her AND a justification for him failing to do a basic parenting task? 😂😂
+@@revanhartlol no he was a full time stay at home dad to children at the time, not teenagers. You're right that it isn't a 1:1 comparison because before he retired he was working 60hrs/week plus overtime with 0 days off. He still helped out because he wanted to give her a break and because he knew how to do it. People's paychecks are important and my point isn't moot, I'm expressing how it was likely just a favour and if she cared enough (as someone with ADHD & who studies it, I know) she would have been able to find time to do it. I don't know why you're making excuses for her not being helpful but that's fine, some people just hate all responsibility that they're not being paid for, I suppose. That's that capitalistic individualist mindset. Your point about her working full time isn't necessarily true considering not all SAH parents do spend all of their time cleaning the house, especially if they don't waste time watching professionals do their jobs or dedicate chunks of time to thinking about doing a task rather than doing the task. I don't remember saying her job was less demanding than his. The dad probably DIDN'T have time to rush to school and sign the slips, but he MADE time to do so. Something that the mom couldn't do. What exactly does the mom do all day, anyway? What does she say she does? It seems like she just gets stressed out at any and all responsibility and hires other people to do the more difficult parts (premade meal plans, watching people deep clean & do yard work) "Why is his obligation to be a dad both a way to discredit her AND a justification for him failing to do a basic parenting task?" I literally don't know, you're the only one who's said this.
@@kindauncoolyou kind of missed the point that all your explanations were reasonable and so were hers. This person was just throwing the same accusatory attitude the dad had back at him, and your defense of him was actually the point. It’s unreasonable to think a SAHM will never take a rest, will never accidentally drop a task that needed to be done because she’s juggling so many things. People who work jobs that you can clock in and clock out of will never understand the difficulty of being a SAHM that includes emotional labor, no clear schedule, and constant need for flexibility. And it’s unpaid and unappreciated.
I absolutely cannot beleive the people in the second one were just DISREGARDING THE CAMERA?!? Like, okay, maybe shes lazy, maybe she has an attention disorder. Doesn't matter, because neither of those things - nor anything else - would justify putting a secret camera in the house to spy on someone? Let alone your wife?!
And what’s to stop him from putting them in other rooms now too, like in the bathroom with the justification of “I think she’s lying about how long it takes to wash her hair” or something
And here I'm questioning if she's actually getting PAID for doing work like 'mailing the checks'. I mean she is apparently the SAHM, the cook, the accountant/'secretary of husband', as well as possibly doing the cleaning. She should be getting paid, but it almost sounds like she wasn't being paid. The fact he tries to micromanage her time, is 100% an AH behavior. I'd be willing to agree that she could be an AH, except we know the husband is lying about 'doing the paperwork' because he's requiring her to mail the employee checks. Which should be his job as the boss, otherwise he has her as some kind of employee, meaning she actually works 2+ jobs while he works 1.
Just to clarify, period panties are usually dark, so that the blood isn't visible. They aren't too differant from normal panties. They are slightly bigger and if the boyfriend touched them I understand it can be wierd how warm they can be. However, the whole argument is wierd.
12:20 reading comprehension. She said it _would have been okay_ to mail them out the next morning. As in, no delay in wages paid. He was looking for something to criticize and he decided to criticize. That's it. Also re: "Your kid cried" -- life has disappointments. Raise 3 kids over 25+ years and NEVER do ANYTHING that makes them experience the slightest disappointment, ever. I dare you. Go ahead. Film yourself. I'll wait.
I may not have kids.....but I was one once, plus I had 2 siblings, and teenagers cry a lot more than people remember, their hormones are all over the place at that time.
Yeah but the kid gave her the permission slips (which take SECONDS to sign, seriously) in advance, but she let them down. That's incredibly disappointing and would make me, an ex-teenager, cry from frustration too. Especially if they were excited. Also, I don't know if I trust her retelling of events, especially considering how she seems to shift importance away from things she didn't do and shift it toward things she does do. A tell-tale sign of ADHD (something I'm hyperaware of and try to avoid doing myself), but seriously annoying.
+@@SoManyRandomRamblings it's not a bias, idgaf about these people haha I'm simply assessing the situation. If he was able to do it last-minute in a day at the office that tells you how quickly it goes, yeah? Plus, this woman's retelling is still not very believable.
@@kindauncool and it is basic knowledge that all the mail services will for FREE pick up the mail, all he needed to do is call. So...that means either he is irresponsible because he gave the task to someone who he believes has a known history of falling through on accomplishing tasks.....or it was a one-off rarity that happens to EVERYBODY who has ever experienced having multiple responsibilities at once.
The boyfriend was stupid to say she's "laying in the blood" because the most common period product to use is a pad and that's basically the exact same thing. Period underwear is just added insurance that you wont leak overnight if you're one who regularly has a very heavy flow.
Yeah what’s to stop him from them putting one in the bathroom or bedroom because he thinks she “is lying about being on her period” or “is lying about how long it takes to wash her hair” etc.
A thing that really erked me about that was, that the husband said that everytime she was on her phone she was "goofing off". Even though she was doing something on it for their *kid*, right? It seems people just blew past that part. And the thing of her watching TV a bit before making dinner. She's still a human, she does multiple things a day, she needs a break now and then too.
If my bf would "surprise" me in the middle of the night, creeping in my bed, when I thought I'd be alone, he'd have at least a broken nose.. possibly some head trauma too!!
LOL it didn't click for me that they don't live together. A man sneaks into my house in the dead of night? There's going to be more than blood in my disposable pants. 😂
Even IF they lived together, being in a relationship doesn't equal consent to touch your partner at any time. And period is one of many good reasons why! To bad he's such a dunce to blame her for finding that one out the hard way, instead of learning his lesson!
I think people are misunderstanding the second story. It's not a matter of her possibly having ADHD or lacking organizational skills, it's that she's doing more work than can be reasonably managed by one person. A single permission slip slipped through the cracks in a time where things were expectedly more hectic than usual. Checks got mailed out a day later than they should have at a small, privately-owned business. These are very normal things to happen. What's _insane_ is thinking that the solution is to _spy on your spouse_ instead of talking to them about it. Being a SAHM in a five-person household is difficult enough even without throwing in extracurriculars and nonstandard dietary needs. This woman was spied on by her husband and then shamed for [checks notes] sitting down while researching meal ideas and taking a break before getting back to work. That's not okay in any case. Third story, she's only in the wrong if he asked her not to breastfeed in front of his friends beforehand. Otherwise I'm not going to judge a new mother for getting cross when someone tries to interfere with her feeding her baby.
I have mental health problems (turning 22 this year in july) and therefor am not crrently working a job. I made an agreement that I would take care of the entire household and other stuff my siblins need help with (I always did chores around the house and helped my siblings with homework and stuff but now I am basically doing everything else that my mum used to do too while I was still in school). I have 6 siblings and then my parents too. the day FLIES I most of the time start working at 7 a.m. and by the time I have finished cooking and vaccuming it's often already 11:00 - 12:00 a.m. and by the time my mum comes home (at 02:30 p.m. ) I am supposed to already be finished with als the major chores. So I have to rush through mountains of laundry and mopping the floor as quickly as I can and by the time I am finished, I am BEAT and super super tired. Alot of days I can't even go ontoo the 'deep cleaning' like cleaning the windows and stuff but the worst part about all of this is, is that noboody really appreciates the work you do and makes it to be 'easy' and wheneveer you only complain a tiny bit they will stare at you and be like "What Are you complaining about? You have been home all day !"
When someone commented about how her kids 'know she's irresponsible'... I wonder how many times those kids have heard their dad complain about their mom
I don't care if the lady in the second story ACTUALLY spent her days doom-scrolling while a small army of maids and gardeners cleaned the house. HE PUT A HIDDEN CAMERA IN THE HOUSE. That's creepy, invasive, weird. If he has that little trust in her, why does he ask her to do anything at all? Why stay married? The marriage was over the MOMENT a hidden camera entered the conversation.
I agree on the 2nd one. This person def sounds like she has undiagnosed ADHD, and Reddit can't understand how executive dysfunction works. They can't fathom the possibility that someone doesn't have the energy or memory to get things which are things someone can't fully control. The problem the fact is, Reddit is forgetting how controlling the husband is, and secret cameras are never okay. That's blatant disrespect for privacy. I have a sense that the husbands constant rejection of her and the build of rejection sensitivity made it even that much harder for her to do tasks.
Yeah, that’s why I tend not to go on that sub. People usually get into a hive mind thing. Like looking into the comments of that one helped to breakdown what the OP could’ve done better/prioritised, but a lot of them get into a very black and white mindset, missing out on all the grey. Like the dude was definitely an a**hole because of how he put a camera in the house and instantly thought that being on her phone was ‘goofing off’. But like people said in those comments, she also should’ve prioritised some of the things that she didn’t. Now, some of those things were things that the husband could’ve hired someone else for or done himself (the payment thing, which was important but probably shouldn’t have been given to the wife). I definitely agree with Daniel that the wife should look at managing her time better and prioritise other things. She should probably sign forms as soon as she gets them, or possibly get her kids to read through their own forms so they can summarise the fine print (if it’s one of those with lots of things to consider).
Even if she doesn't have ADHD (she could have though) having 3 kids does mean things will be forgotten sometimes, nobody is perfect. And how could anyone trust their partner again after finding a camera? Reddit is so disappointing sometimes.
@@GirlOfTheTardis This exactly. I have 3 younger siblings, so that's a family with 4 kids. Growing up, I often got pissed at my mom for forgetting things that, to me, felt really simple and should be able to be finished quickly... And then I am immediately humbled when neither parent is able to be at home and I have to take care of all the kids. Shit happens, having multiple kids can be chaos especially when they're close in age (which seems to be the case for that family).
Husband: "My wife is so lazy for forgetting a single form for school once! _I_ manage to do all the administrative work my job requires!" Said wife: "My husband got mad one time because I did his administrative work for him later than usual"
based on the way she phrased it it didn't even sound like it was later than usual (i think she said she could do it the next day?) but rather, simply just not ASAP
Just note that this is not an objective retelling of events, and we really don’t know how often she forgets things… It’s not like she’s trying anything to fix the relationship either.
6:30 this dude thinks he hired a servant. He for real thinks that. This is your life partner, not your employee. But hey, that's the traditional cultural line, isn't it? He didn't invent the vomit, he's just regurgitating it. All over her.
8:15 and this isn't about "does she have a good enough excuse for her PoOr PerForMaNCe", this is about the disrespect he's showing to her. He's being demeaning. He is not acting like her partner and her lover. He's acting like he owns her, like he's her taskmaster. That's not a relationship, that's not a friendship. That's not even a cordial collaboration. That's hostility. I hate that.
Kids go to school, kids take naps, kids find things to occupy their time. Saying they never get to "leave work" would make sense if kids never leave your house, never sleep, or are terribly disabled in need of constant care/handling
That lady was definitely not the asshole for getting distracted. Who the fuck spies on their spouse. I would terminate a relationship if it ever got to that.
Everyone forgets stuff sometimes. What everyone doesn't do is put a camera in their living room so they can spy on other people. That is straight up insane.
Besides… at least here where I live, what he did would be against the law. On a personal level, my trust would have broken on several different levels if I was in her place. I understand she wouldn’t necessarily feel comfortable living with him anymore - or that, at least, rebuilding that trust would take a lot of work on both sides.
I mean there was that one guy who filmed his wife because she tried to poison him with bleach in the coffee cuz she wanted his life insurance or something.
I was raised as an only child of a single mother so when I got into hs my gfs and their friends always thought it was wild that I wasn't made uncomfortable by them talking about their periods. I feel like in sex ed they need to focus more on talking about how normal it is.
@@Altmetalpunk my girlfriend reacted the same way when I mentioned she doesnt need to feel like she cant tell me if it's happening, cause growing up with 3 sisters and being around girls my whole life, it really doesn't bother me and I would honestly rather know so I can help out anyway I can
As soon as periods were framed to me with the literal description "an internal organ is removing a layer of itself forcibly every month," I realized that all I can ever offer is empathy and compassion, and that it was my duty if I'm going to call myself, a friend or family member to any woman, to learn to understand it better
The camera thing was whack, definitely not the asshole. I also don't understand why the 16 y/o would call dad instead of their stay at home mom other than to be a narc; but husband totally could have called his stay at home wife to go do the paperwork instead of coming to the school and doing the paperwork himself. He went out of his way to take care of it and not call her so he could cause a huge stink about it and escalate the situation.
Because the mom is obviously lazy and unreliable. The kids know that the dad is the responsible one that they can depend on. Everyone in this comment section is simping for that lazy idiot just because she's a woman.
Agreed. Also of note is him being mad that the checks were delayed being mailed by a day.....the significance of that is one of two things; either he is irresponsible because he gave a time sensitive task to someone who is known to have a history of messing up and falling through....or the mistake is a rare occasion that we all have times we forget to do something.
Sounded like just a favour. My mom (works full time) asks my dad (retired) to do tasks for her job all the time. Has for years. Sometimes he does crucial aspects of it. Everyone would still agree that it's HER job and that him helping out is just a favour that helps her focus on tasks only she can do. Sometimes she would ask me for help, too. It's not that deep.
+@@SoManyRandomRamblings tbh good point. I guess the only thing I could think of is he was extremely busy & was hoping that she would understand the importance of being paid and mail them out on time? Also, perhaps he trusted her? But idk, still a good point.
@@kindauncool we can't know exactly as we weren't there but it was said in a way that implied he added them to the outgoing mail pile without stressing the importance of time for the task to be completed. Also of note, and this is a fact that doesn't matter if we are being told everything by the OP.....is that for FREE mail services pick up mail, all he had to do was call any one of them (UPS, FedEx, even the USPS will do it.)
The second story is clearly a case of weaponized incompetence and the husband is by no means a super parent for picking up HIS child from school. He sounds like a control freak. And maybe the women does have a disability as well, but it sounds way more like she has too much on her plate because her husband was not willing to lift a finger at home. Also if the husband is the employer, he absolutely should be the one mailing those checks, not sending them off with someone who is busy trying to take care of their children and run a whole damn household.
The check thing infuriated me. He's up on his high horse about how he does all of the bookkeeping and administrative tasks at his company, and then it turns out that he doesn't, he makes her do some of it? And he's mad that she's not keeping up on all of the household tasks plus some of his tasks?
“I’m mad that you’re not doing your job and the parts or mine that I don’t want to do, so I’m going to be a creep and set up hidden cameras”. Next he’ll put one in the bathroom saying “you’re lying about how long it takes to wash your hair”
Imagine your spouse is having a hard time remembering to do things, or is feeling overworked, and instead of trying to help work through the issue you *record them without their knowledge*! Jesus Christ, I'd never want to be anywhere near someone who did that to me.
Thank you! I feel like he wants to appear to be super dad who swoops in to “fix all the problems his wife creates” but I also feel like he wants to use that as ammo against her. He resents her for being a human with her own stresses and issues. Instead of being supportive or asking if she needs help, he uses it as an excuse to secretly record her and attack her with the secret recordings!? Scary.
When me and my boyfriend (at the time both 21) first started dating and I moved in with him, I accidentally bled through onto the bed. Not too much, but there was a little spot. He was asleep and I was so nervous to tell him. He eventually woke up, and I shamefully told him what I did and how I wanted to clean the sheets. He immediately said “aw baby, it’s ok. Go get cleaned up and lay on the couch, and I’ll wash the blanket and sheets.” I literally wanted to cry, I thought for sure he would’ve been grossed out and made me feel ashamed for doing that. Been together going on 4 years now❤️
I feel like if you are so disgusted by *the idea of a period* that you are no longer attracted to your partner because she gets one and want her to start birth control just so that you're willing to have sex with her, you're probably not really prepared to date a woman/ mentally mature enough. Yes, blood is gross. How do you think we feel? It's just part of our lives and gross or not it's not right what he said to her
I can't believe people think the SAHM is the AH. I live alone, have no kids and I still forget to pull my own damn laundry out of the wash. Times that by three teens, house duties, and helping with the business? I'd die on day 1. I do think she needs better systems but to buy a camera? Horrible move.
Agreed. I forgot to take the garbage bin to the street like 3 weeks in a row, and I have absolutely no excuse. Apparently if I was married to this jerk, that would be grounds for him spying on me.
It's also like. She forgot to sign a permission slip. She didn't forget their children in a hot car. I'm also confused as to why the child didn't bring it back up on the day of? I assume she saw her at least one of her parents either the day of or the day before the trip.
Even if the mother in the second one messed up, in no universe does that justify what the husband did and those comments about her were unhinged. We have a real problem in society with treating home makers like their labour is less difficult and less valuable and treating people who have trouble with attention like they're just lazy. Putting a SPY CAMERA in against your own wife to "prove that" is seriously messed up, regardless of whatever she may have done wrong.
Also, she’s “Lazy” because she slipped up on one thing, while running a household for 5 people, including teens with major outside activities and special dietary requirements. Oh, and she delayed mailing the checks for HIS business? So he runs his business as his only “job”, while she’s supposed to do EVERYTHING else, plus fit in some of HIS financial/administrative tasks?? This woman was run off her feet by a demanding, ungrateful “boss” who happened to be her husband. No mention of emotions or relationships even entered into the narrative. It doesn’t sound like a family, but a small professional organization - and an understaffed one at that. Except for having someone in to do the heavy housework, she had no assistance or support. I don’t know where the kids stand in all this; but it didn’t sound like a close, loving family. More like a swallow your feelings / hit your goals kind of thing.
Re: the second paragraph - this is why I will never willingly 1) solely rely on my spouse's income or 2) agree to be a homemaker for any more than the time our child(ren) absolutely require me specifically to be. I make more than my husband and I'm due to give birth to our first child together in about 2 weeks. I'll take 3 months off work and then he'll take over as primary parent until our daughter is 1. If I had one piece of advice for other wives, it would be to do whatever you can to enforce an egalitarian relationship. You and your kids will be happier if you do.
As a fashion historian in training, women use to basically make their own sanitary belts out of aprons then wash them or throw it away when it got too dirty. I dont know about ancient times or non western cultures but women have been doing this for centuries
wool and linen could've been used to absorb blood. I know people who had access to sand (like japanese women) used that as well. I imagine something else like moss or lichen or even plant fibers could've been used in even more ancient times, since they had medicinal uses, maybe even bits of fluffy hide? like soft rabbit pelt? and even before that they'd just let it flow lol
14:30 1) this is your home. 2) this is your home. 3) this is your home. 4) husband fighting and making a scene made the friends uncomfortable. The breastfeeding did not. 5) The husband is insecure in his relationship and worried someone could 'steal' her and/or views her as his possession and was upset someone else saw his "possession." 6) if husband is that concerned about friends laying an eye on her areola, then don't bring friends over _but don't be an a-hole about it_ . Don't make her feel bad for your decision. Or get good at redirects. Or just chill and be an adult, like apparently your friends can be.
Eh I don't think either of them are really wrong. It's her house and her right to do and wear whatever she wants but she could have closed the door or asked him to get her food.
ew I hate this argument because I've seen women use it to walk around wearing thongs and how it's on the random guests to deal with it. This whole "it's not SeXUAl" argument is really stupid too for the same reason lol
@@meat3994 false. The primary function of the breast is breastfeeding. To take the primary function of something and place it below other lesser functions (i.e. sexual satisfaction) is the actual definition of perversion. Look it up. The husband places the sexual satisfaction gained from his wife's breasts over the nourishment of their child. Perversion. Also he just placed the well being of his wife and his child over having some fun with his buddies. Asshole. And if he can't trust his friends to be adults and just look away (as adults do when they see a breastfeeding woman) perhaps he keeps bad company. Poor discernment.
Right?! Like my friend the other day, we were sitting all together men and woman and she just put her breast out, in the middle of conversation, and fed her baby. Not everyone is like that, i uderstand it can be uncomfortable for men but srsly.. in your own house?! Have problem? then just dont look.
It’s natural to feel a bit uncomfortable when someone does that but breastfeeding itself is the most natural thing on earth. It’s so annoying that women are always being shamed for basically existing but “boys are boys”
@@WaraiTube Honestly, I don't see men considering womens' discomfort when they take their man boobs out in public. Why should mothers whose children are hungry pay mind to mens' discomfort? Breasts aren't genitals, they are secondary sex traits, just like a man's adam's apple. The issue is that they've been fetishized by the porn industry to the point where women have been shamed into hiding them.
From what I know, I think it's kinda rare to NOT sit in your own blood while on your period! Lots of people use tampons, disks, and cups of course. But a lot of people still use pads! Unless you change them out like every hour, you're gonna be sitting in that blood. It is not gross.
Agreed. I knew a guy in highschool who tried to pull that shit and my friend just deadass told him “I have to end my day covered in blood either way- you think anyone will notice if some of it’s yours?”
Vibes. I hate tampons and I love disks but sometimes I can't be bothered to shove something up the ol' ax wound with my bare hands and then also take it out the same way so pads just feel more convenient at times. Depends on my mood. Disks can be great because once they're in you can just forget about em. But like I said putting em in and taking them out can be a hassle I just don't wanna deal with. Theyre each convenient for their own reasons. Sometimes even girls (not women, girls) would try to shame me for using pads saying it was like a diaper like bruh it thought we were on rhe same team! We get enough of that garbage from men why you gotta be like that?
All of these stories were women standing up for themselves against their boyfriend / husband. The fact that they were all left wondering if they were the asshole is sad. Women shouldn't have to apologize for having a period, nor breastfeeding, and for the stay at home moms, you are all such warriors because it takes a lot of work to take care of 3 kids and being forgetful shouldn't result in being monitored for "being lazy."
Fr, as a young woman who has been in toxic and abusive relationships before, this was incredibly sad to read. I hope these women realize their worth soon and leave these manchildren.
I do still think the last one is more nuanced bc yes, it's just breastfeeding and he for *sure* did not handle it well--if he had a problem with it, he should've been much more discreet and gentle--but also, as his wife, she ought to honor him and also be a little bit more discreet around other men. She could throw a shirt on or toss a shawl over the baby or something, it wouldn't be that hard. So I think both of them should be willing to honor the other and be more understanding, honestly. That's my take 🤷♀
Yes...and he was ALREADY, at the office/phone doing what he already do,everyday....Shes hopefully not on the phone,while taking care of EVERYTHING else....
@@msjkrameywhat makes "honour" an outdated nonsense? Did you equate "honour" to "worship" instead of "respect" and immediately got triggered? Why shouldn't a woman honour a man's discomfort at exposing in front of his friends? Why shouldn't a man honour a woman's bodily functions? Why shouldn't they both honour each other's biological differences? Why do you take so much offence to such a good word?
2nd guy really instead of helping his wife during her most stressful time of the month decided to place a camera and shame her for taking breaks. He must've felt like a real winner... Good on her to put an end to that relationship asap
@@HeoBaby24 So only certain jobs deserve breaks? Humans can go non-stop so long as the tasks involved aren't past a certain threshold of complexity or physically demanding? Try it yourself, go a full 12 hrs in 1 day doing multiple different little tasks for 4 other people while also cleaning your house with no breaks beyond using the restroom. And you best not use those restroom minutes as mini-breaks 🤡
Wow. I can’t tell you how relieved it makes me feel to hear a TH-camr talk about wearing disposable underwear and calling them “dipies.” I had to start using them and have been so embarrassed of the fact, hiding them from everyone in the house. Thank you, honestly
Daniel, you are not the ass about having an initial minority opinion in the breastfeeding AITA. You are willing to listen and understand what other people have to say and then challenge your original opinion after that, and the times you realize you might be wrong in some ways, you acknowledge it and that's not buttholery, good sir, that's maturity.
I personally feel that it's a greyer area on that one. I personally feel the responses to the post are focusing on the wrong thing. I thought the post was more about her telling the husband to stfu and if she was an asshole for doing so in that situation which imo i feel kinda yh, but the comments focus instead on the breastfeeding, ignoring her husband's initial attitude in comparison to her own (her husband pleading to her telling him to stfu)
'no' is an answer on its own. She even explained things, multiple times. He asked so many times she had to snap, what's not to understand? His own father set him straight
When my sister had her first child she also breastfed in public, whipping it out without as much as a warning. At the beginning it made me uncomfortable because, you know, it's my sister's booba. (Sarcasm incoming) So whenever it happened i made a huge deal out of it, drawing the attention from everyone in a 2 mile radius and embarassing my sister in front of complete strangers.... No, obviously no5. That wouöd be psychotic. I looked away or on my phone, "oh that's a cool bird over there" and minded my own fricking business.
lol daniel, i love how you're like "what's that" and instantly look it up. i feel like i'm seeing my own process on display. (and that's exactly how i blink and hours are gone.)
Well well well...MAY I JUST SAY MY GUY, as a 33 year old woman, you are wonderfully mature and a breath of fresh air, you will make the best partner (if you swing that way) to any woman you meet, I was lucky enough to meet my husband who is never shame me or any woman for something so innate to our core being, it was so refreshing to see a younger man be such a realist and a gentleman! I wish you a happy life and happy wife/husband in the future! xxx
The people saying the woman in the surveillance story was the A-hole are wild because they completely ignore THAT HER HUSBAND INSTALLED A CAMERA TO MONITOR HER ACTIVITY
The second one: She isn’t the a**hole because she laid out exactly what she does and ONE of her multiple children’s permission slips weren’t signed when the husband also could’ve signed it prior. He’s clearly weaponizing incompetence and has learned helplessness with a dash of narcissism. If she had ADHD, the household wouldn’t run as well overall but he can operate his concentrated job BECAUSE she runs the background smoothly. This is exactly why so many women (especially SAHM) divorce. Men refuse to acknowledge or respect what it takes to help them elevate. She can run a household, he can’t. The kids will be with her and she’ll be better for it because she won’t have to deal with his issues and prove anything. Men rarely see that they are the wrench in the machine.
💯 it’s not learned helplessness though, that tiktok series misinterpreted the term big time. Learned helplessness occurs after *trying* and failing (and it’s essentially an insecurity), and in relationships like these it’s usually the woman who develops it as it’s the natural reaction to weaponized incompetence, i.e. husband does a terrible job = not gonna even ask him to do chores.
You have no clue what NPD or narcissism are, plus, if anyone is weaponizing their incompetence it would be her. I mean, did we read the same story? Swap the genders in your head and see if your answer remains the same.
i feel like with the breastfeeding story daniels point with the "i wouldnt want my friends to see my wife's breasts" is completely fine, but that would then have to be a conversation prior and a boundary the wife agrees on which she definitely WOULDNT have to, because breastfeeding should be completely normal, and the guy in the story clearly did not have that convo AND acted like an asshole by making a big deal out of nothing
I personally don't like it when someone whips out a boob with no warning either though. Consent is still important for the other people in the room. I prefer to look away until the nipple is in and then I don't really care, and I understand that slips do happen sometimes
I feel like both parties are in the wrong in this one. She clearly saw her husband didnt like what she was doing and refused to change anything and it seems like her husband just told her to stop what she was doing. They could have compromised like she stays in the bedroom for a while and he preps her some food instead but no, they start fighting. We also dont know the whole conversation, so it's hard to make a fair judgement anyways.
Didn't seem like the husband was making a big deal out of it. Seemed like he was uncomfortable with his friends seeing it and asking her to go back. If they had talked I'm sure they would've found a solution. But in this case the wife said she yelled at him to shut the hell up which escalated the situation.
@@PlayerH_ Sure, but also the husband probably should've said something like "I'd appreciate it if you went upstairs; let's talk about this later" instead of being so insistent about something they hadn't discussed before? Isn't repeatedly begging your spouse to go upstairs *also* kind of escalating the situation? Honestly, I think they both probably mishandled things because neither of them had expected this to be a place where they needed to discuss boundaries, and maybe neither of them is the asshole? They definitely need to have a frank discussion about how they would handle this in the future, though. (I tend to think the wife should have the upper hand here because it's her body and she's just taking care of the baby.)
@@michaels4340 I absolutely agree both of them kinda didn't act perfectly in that situation. There were definitely 2 sides in that argument. I just felt like the comment up top and reddit was a bit one sided that's all.
My 8 y.o. son grew up with teenage sisters. Understood even at that age, its normal. Even said to me one day when we were out and 1of his sisters rang me 5:12 in tears. "Mum she is on her period, she needs chocolate!" 🤣🥰
Daniel's take on the second story sounds patronizing. Just because someone misses one thing in their list of things to do doesn't mean they're mismanaging their time or struggling with organization. It was a rare occurrence. It also doesn't justify an invasion of privacy as invasive as /placing a camera to spy on your wife/. I don't think there was enough emphasis on the fact that this man literally was digging for things to get mad at his wife about. Couple's therapy? More like the husband needed a reality check.
I don't think you're the ahole, Daniel, for thinking that about the last story. HOWEVER, only because of how society has conditioned people to think about breats. Boobs are inherently not a sexual part of someone's body; they have one purpose: to feed a child. They SHOULDN'T be looked at like genitalia bc they're not. That's why most people are saying that OP is NTA. The fact that people look at breastfeeding so weirdly is frankly creepy to me; there is nothing sexual about someone feeding their child. Anyone who looks at it weirdly is a creep. (Then, ofc, there's the whole aspect of if men can go around shirtless, why can't women etc. etc.)
You are the weird one in my opinion. You just can't reverse the ingrained instinct of finding breasts sexual. It is not even a fetish, every straight and Bi male will find breasts sexual to a certain extent.
I do agree that's the ideal, but to be fair she *is* living in an English speaking society where openly breastfeeding is not the norm, so I understand why her husband would want her to cover up. Unfortunately the ideal often does not equal the reality
I second this. I don't necessarily blame the husband -- or Daniel -- for having that reaction. In all honesty, I did too. The appropriate thing for the husband to do in that scenario was bring that reaction to his wife privately later, let her explain the same things the commentors on reddit are explaining, and then ask himself about that reaction (just like Daniel did, and I have in my own time.) The wife may still decide to throw on a cover, or she may decide she doesn't want to, and the next appropriate thing for the husband to do is respect either choice and change his way of thinking in the future either way.
No, breasts don't only serve "one purpose." Humans are the only animals with permanent breasts. They're part of our sexual dimorphism, like how peacocks grow impressive feathers to attract peahens. That said, it doesn't mean that a parent should ever be barred from feeding their child by whatever safe method they choose. We need to stop shaming people for taking care of their kids. And we also need to be okay with certain body parts being s*xual. That's not inherently a bad thing. S*x isn't a bad thing
This is my favourite thing of a man talking about periods thing I've ever seen ever. The searches had me both cackling with laughter, and appreciating the effort
I love how comfortable you are talking about periods. Even as a woman myself, I'll feel uncomfortable talking about periods. As a society, we need to stop feeling uncomfortable talking about it. It shouldn't be such a touchy subject. Go you!! I support this behavior!!! 😊
I never understood it either but I also don't get squeemish about blood though either but still when he read the first girls brother and father made her throw the stuff away in the outside trash cause they were that disgusted seemed odd to me like its just blood and it's natural like the dad should've been happy at least he would've know she wasn't pregnant 😂
@@jboy11123it's pretty normal to be squeamish around any bodily fluids. Like, spit is mostly harmless but we're still disgusted by the idea of someone spitting in our food. Poop and pee are natural, but it's gross when someone doesn't flush or leaves pee on the toilet seat. Period blood is the same thing. And while it doesn't need to be taken directly out to the outside trash every time, it does start to smell when it sits in the trashcan for a while, so the bathroom trash needs to be emptied more regularly when you're on your period
Where I live every woman/girl (from 11 to 60) can get one cup, one reusable pants or two reusable menstrual pads for free in the pharmacy. There're adds everywhere about it: tv, newspapers, huge ones on the bus, billboards...the slogan is "my period my rules" (la meva regla les meves regles). And it's true: it's our period, so there are our rules! (English is my third language, sorry for any mistake😅).
@@msjkramey okay but comparing spit in food, or pee on a toilet seat, or poop in a toilet is very different to comparing a sanitary product in a rubbish bin… you’re comparing apples and oranges. The equivalent would be a dirty babies nappy in the bin, most parents aren’t going to take that to the outside bin every time, they are going to put them in the houses bin or nappy bucket.
@@elenalizabeth did you read my whole comment? I said it was fine to throw them in the regular bathroom trash, just that it probably needs to be taken care of a little more often when they're in there. Same thing with diapers. Those "smell-proof" containers are far from perfect
That "well, looks like I'm the a$$hole" reaction happened constantly to me when I was on r/AITA: from the moment I joined, to the moment I left. The trick is getting to a post early, being assertive about something that at least five people agree with, and you're home free for winning the entire comment section. And then anybody with even a vaguely oppositional view gets yelled at, lol. There are a minority of r/AITA comment sections that are genuinely nuanced discussions, but it truly becomes an echo chamber in most of the posts I've seen.
I feel like that’s most of how society goes because as a species we realized that there’s strength in numbers, so no one wants to be the one to be the odd man out. I’ve seen a lot of people who don’t actually agree with something, but rather than be the odd one out, they just parrot what the majority are saying.
My favorite discussion by far was all in agreement w this guy who asked if he was the asshole for being horrible to his wife. Apparently after reading the comments he disagreed and said he didn’t want sexist trash thinking he was in the right so he apologized to her and is going to be better
@@orbweaverx See, stuff like that (assuming it's genuine) is incredibly wholesome. Even if the reality of some r/AITA posts is sketchy, the optimist in me would like to think that people sometimes learn valuable lessons from those comment sections.
@@msjkramey To clarify: I'm not specifically calling r/AITA wholesome, but the potential learning that might start there. Some people (rare, but it still happens) do choose to acknowledge and correct their mistakes at some point. Plus, I'd argue that even if the learning of equitable behavior happens to start on a famously sexist subreddit, so be it; they have to start somewhere.
2nd story: as a SAHD I'd say NTA, but we also don't have enough info about the husband. Yes, we know that he drove to school for his kid, but we don't know how he's contributing to the rest of the kids duty. SAH parents have no free time, no vacations or weekends. They're always in their work environment. They work at night when kids can't sleep, they work from 7 am until the kids are in bed. What is the dad doing in the weekend? Is he cooking and helping with chores/kids duty on his free days? Or is OP supposed to do 100% of everything while he is playing golf and watching football with buddy's? When the kids are adults they don't remember dad was the one signing one paper; they remember who picked them up from school and helped with homework, brought them to ballet and cared for them when they were sick. Earning a lot of money as the provider is great, but it's not contributing much memories and support to your family. You just need to earn enough to care for them financially, and the rest of your time is better spent with them rather than earing an extra couple of thousands to buy a more expensive car. Besides, this OP isn't even a SAHM. She's a part-time worker who also does all the childcare and house duties. She's probably making way more hours than her husband. Heck, I already make way more hours than my husband without the part-time job. OP is totally justified to be on her phone or watch a series before cooking dinner. These me-time moments together are the weekend she never has. No human can provide for others 24/7 18+ years without any me-time.
I just wanna second that rule, DO NOT HIRE FAMILY. I work in a bakery that is co-owned by my boss and two of her children. That by itself is usually pretty smooth with the exception of some occasional family bickering between them.....the problem comes in with her son's husband..... He is borderline verbally abusive to everyone and basically contributes nothing to the business, he seems to think that because his husband is one of the owners he doesn't actually need to do anything. Anyway as the one employee thats not related in any way to anyone else......it gets a little tense and I worry about losing my job because the business implodes lmao. For everyone's sake..... don't hire family.
@elenalizabeth said!!! “I’m mad that you’re not doing your job and the parts or mine that I don’t want to do, so I’m going to be a creep and set up hidden cameras”. Next he’ll put one in the bathroom saying “you’re lying about how long it takes to wash your hair” She's so right.
As a ballerina I was BEAMING when you said you have huge respect for us! Usually when I tell people I am a ballerina and that ballet is a sport they shrug it off and deny it. THANK YOUUU 🤠🤠
Heck yeah it’s a sport, and an art form. I only took a beginning class back in my community college days and it went from pretty easy to „I‘m going to need a few months to figure that out“ like over night. 🤣
I had a ballerina friend and she had really ripped legs. I was like wow and she was so thin too so she said it looked weird so she stopped doing it. Her legs were like a heavy lifter even after stopping it for 2 years. How is it not a damn sport?
Dance is such a strange mix of gorgeous art form and insanely physically demanding (often competitive) sport that people don't know where to categorize it in their brains. That being said, no one ever paralyzed themselves in a painting accident...
#2. Does the Hvac tech know who the kids doctors are? Does he make their appointments? Does he know their dietary restrictions and fix their food every day? Does he know the requirements for a class trip/chaperonage, scheduling, packing, budget, legal contracts, etc? Does he buy their clothes, know their sizes, and know the dress policy at school? Does he buy the uniforms and footwear for their activities? Does he take care of the car insurance for the teens car? Did he take them to and from their activities, teach them to drive, teach them to cook and do laundry, set up bank accounts for them? Does he monitor their internet, do their laundry, clean their rooms, and know when his daughters are having their periods and provide them with materials? Does he provide his kids with sex ed and make sure they know how be safe? Birth control? Does he know their class schedules? Does he know about senior and graduation activities? Class pictures? School activities like spirit week? Does he make their costumes?. Does he pay attention to their volunteerism so they can apply to college? Has he vetted colleges with them? Does he provide tutoring to his kids and help with homework and projects? Does he know what classes they need help in? Does he know how much bread costs? Does he buy groceries or do any of the shopping? Does he ever scrub a toilet? Any toilet, ever? Does he even change out toilet paper? Or does he just complain when it runs out? Does he clean out the refrigerator and freezer? Does he check expiration dates on condiments and cans? Does he know what books are required reading, and if the kids have library fines? Does he know if they know how to swim? When they don't have a forgotten permission slip, do the kids come to him crying over breakups, friendships, difficulties? Does he know what their favorite foods are? Their favorite colors? Does he remember the last time he picked them up as a child? Does he know the budget for their birthday and christmas presents and save up and buy them? Does he do small, kind things every day to show the kids they are loved? My dad didn't do any of those things except driving us to school. He did have time to complain about that, and about how bad my mom's cooking was, and about how noisy and messy the kids were. I am a lazy person, and I will never have children, because as a mother you could literally die for them, and everyone will still complain that you aren't doing enough. Mothers are the family slave, and I am so happy I will never be one.
It's a lot to handle. I have ADHD and 6 kids. My husband has learned to be patient, and my capabilities have grown. He actually tries to understand the load I carry, and I try to understand his. We serve each other. Im sorry your father complained about being a father and wanted to be just a paycheck.
On the second story, ESH. Here's why: She stated she has teens, not toddlers. They don't need near as much energy from a parent as younger children do. (As a stay at home mom, I know. I had to get hobbies once my kids didn't need brooded over like a mother hen anymore) She stated she has house/yard services, so she isn't mowing lawns, trimming hedges/bushes/trees or scrubbing tile, mop boards or toilets. She's over 40 with a "high earner" (Eye roll, who describes themselves that way?) spouse, so they probably have a decent house with washer/dryer/dishwasher/etc. So no mound of dishes in the sink because they cooked pasta for supper, no month's worth of laundry that needs to go to the laundry mat. Her eldest apparently drives the siblings to/from school, so no child pick-up/drop off. Okay, so what does she have to do all day? They both sound out of touch, and pampered, if not out right spoiled. These two are toxic for each other and I think it is a good thing they aren't together anymore.
In the second one, it's not that what the woman did was great. Not filling in the permission slip and not paying employees on time is just not good - executive function issues for sure. However, the man's response by secretly filming her to prove his point is just plain toxic. When people have problems with doing something, pointing it out and shaming them is just going to make them feel worse surrounding this topic and will lead to them having literally a harder time learning and growing out of their problems.
but she didn't forget to pay his employee's. she just didn't do it when he thought she should have done. it wasn't late he just wanted her to do it sooner. i wonder what he was doing while he's depending on his to be super woman and calling her lazy.
1) Paychecks are the husbands responsibility being the business owner. 2) depending on time of day; the paychecks wouldn't have been picked up by the post office meaning they'd be at risk of theft or damage sitting in the mailbox overnight until the postal worker came by the next day to fetch them /at their scheduled time./ 3) even if OP opted not to put the paychecks in the mailbox AND it was early enough in the day for the postal worker to collect them still; it's still NOT OP's job to ensure they get delivered. It's the business owners. I.E. The husbands. Still not OP's fault, OP's NTA for the paychecks.
With the second one, I bet that he gets her to do things for his job and she does not work for him. He just makes her mail cheques to employees, but that is his job.
I was thrown by the verdict of the story story. OP made some mistakes, but they felt like pretty understandable mistakes at the end of the day. When you're busy, stuff falls through the cracks sometimes. And frankly? The permission slip debacle got WAY blown out of proportion. I got a lot of experience with all sides of field trips - as a student who missed the permission slip deadline a couple times, as an instructor in a school, and as someone who handled field trip groups in museums for years. With permission slips, the school just wants to make sure they are legally in the clear to take the kid somewhere. They'll give a "deadline" because it's easier to plan things that way, but most teachers will let kids come so long as they have the permission slip by it's time to board the field trip bus. If the school trip involves going to a place with admission tickets - that's not also a non-issue. Popular field trip destinations (museums, zoos, planetariums, etc) will reserve a bulk ticket package to schools weeks to months ahead of time with an estimated headcount (aka way before the permission trips are often even issued to the kids). If the headcount is different from the estimate when the school trip arrives, no big deal, they will sell extra tickets then as necessary. Unless that estimated headcount turned out to be off by double digits and it's an extremely busy day at the venue- it's literally no big deal and happens all the time. Basically, OP's husband was making a mountain out of a molehill. Is it better to get your permission slips turned in on time? Yes it is. But there was probably no reason he had to drive to the school to personally handle it, and did it purely so he could "prove a point". A phone call and sending the kid in with the permission slip/field trip money the next day would've sufficed. The missing the payment for employees is admittedly a bigger issue but like- why is she handling that if its her husband's company? They're his employees, he should be making sure they're getting paid on time. Unless she's a contracted member of his company, she shouldn't be handling that stuff at all. I don't know, the fact OP's ex husband was treating her like an employee rather than a spouse just kept rubbing me the wrong way. I'm glad she divorced him and I don't think she's the AH at all for that one. Maybe a little disorganized yeah, but like. That's gonna happen when you have 3 kids, regardless of if you have ADHD or not.
The way you talked about periods was so refreshing. Especially not judging for period underwear. I’ve known several women who would probably shame me for wearing them. Like I’m sorry I have a different preference than you??? Blood’s all going to the same place, it doesn’t REALLY make a difference
The theme of AITAH seems to be set on certain conditions: 1: there’s a disagreement 2: the OP doesn’t know what’s right and what’s wrong 3: they’re trying to figure it out I don’t care who’s right and who’s wrong. There’s this thing with misunderstandings where people tend to misunderstand each other. You can get opinionated, but the biggest thing is that they learn they’re a good person and have a right to be understood and agreed with on the things that they think. Not only that, they deserve a chance to learn what they don’t know. I have opinions about each of these but honestly they’re irrelevant. The situations were well explained but still it feels like choosing sides and that’s not what I believe is healthy. What’s healthy is reinforcing the idea of being on the same page
RE: The second post. Never trust Reddit comments when it comes to anything to do with women or relationships. The people who comment on posts in the AITA subreddit are absolutely entrenched in their hyper-idealized view of the world. Did you say you would do something but ultimately didn't? "I sentence you to death." There can be no compromises, no exchange of ideas, no mutual acceptance of responsibility. You made a mistake therefore your husband is not only morally justified in surveilling you, he's practically compelled to do so. To be clear, my issue is not that people are criticizing the wife. Given that the original poster is going to be biased in their own favor, I'd accept a rating of "everybody sucks here." The crazy thing is people acting like the husband's reaction was anything other than extremely abnormal. If you're having a disagreement with your significant other and your reaction is "let me set up a hidden camera so I can prove that I'm right," then you seriously need to take a minute and think about what it is you're trying to accomplish.
I stopped reading AITA for that very reason. People there seem to have no grasp of nuance or the fact that the real world is complicated and messy. Plus it seems like every third post is about how if your parents ask you to babysit, that's child abuse.
Tbf all of Reddit is either stuck in idealism, god complex, or delusion. The god complex ones are helpful in finding answers to me questions about tech thought!
It was pretty clear from her story that the actual truth is that this camera caught her doom scrolling in bed all day. The camera is a jerk move...but also...dad is working his butt off, you can't just be doom scrolling your life away to the point where you can't get basic tasks done on time. That's not fair. Obviously she didn't say this directly, but I think it's easy to infer from her rationalization that this is what the camera showed. She claims she was doing "important research", and "so what if it happened to be in bed"...all day 😂
Story 2: - Spying on your spouse is creepy and this alone is a valid reason for divorce - Get his ass for *tax fraud* if he's being petty over the divorce because he effectively employed you as his secretary/HR manager and clearly did so off the books, since both of you consider yourself a SAHM. But doing paperwork for the husband's business is NOT part of being a stay-at-home-mom, that's being an employee! The way he belittles her care work while stressing how much hard work he does sounds like he's either he's a self-obsessed butt who takes advantage of OP's black labor help to make his dream company real, or secretly he would actually prefer to be the stay at home parent, but his masculinity is to fragile to even consider that possibility. In which case he made his bed and can lie & cry to himself in it! 😈😂
The first story comes off weird. “Every time I look at you I see a child in a diaper. So I’d like you to not have the bodily function of an adult. Like a child.” Sounds weird to me
Man. We as a society need to normalize being…well…normal about normal bodily functions. Like it’s cool that Daniel is educated and normal about periods and stuff, but it’s also a little disheartening that such a thing isn’t the norm, and we feel impressed by it. Like the bar is BELOW SEA LEVEL at this point and yet it seems like the majority of people manage to trip on it. Like good on Daniel but…society in general as a whole? Bad job, society, bad job.
Yes. You don't have to go an praise it or find it pretty, but you need to be able to see it as just apart of life. Just like how everyone poops, gets zits, gets infections or whatever else being organic throws at us. It's unhealthy to be unable to deal with these kinds of things in a respectful way to another person. There is a huge difference between finding a thing gross and finding a person gross as a consequence. No one has to like these things, but they also should be able to handle them.
I've never seen your channel in my life but wow am I loving how unaffected you are while talking about period stuff. We love a curious, constantly learning man!
3:03 You know what's even wilder? She was alone in bed, SLEEPING, and he just slipped in and touched her? WTF?! That's like... did she give consent at SOME point in their relationship because with that background I cannot imagine she did.
4:48 I met my bf at 18, we’re both 20, he’s had to get woken up by me because i woke up in a pool of my own blood once due to menstruation complications (pad was soaked, it didn’t shift lol) He was so nice and supportive and caring. It breaks my heart that not everyone has empathy. If he could be centimeters away from my pool of blood and still have empathy although i dirtied his bed, everyone can learn to have some grace when it comes to the things we all deal with. :(
My dad always handled permission slips, it was a unspoken agreement where it was understood that when I got home he was off of work, my mom was cooking or cleaning and he would help me with homework and any school paperwork. This guy is unreasonable.
I think one thing about the first story that should be addressed is the fact that there are plenty of disabled and elderly adults who rely on diapers! People experience incontinence for a variety of reasons, including pregnancy, and shouldn’t feel shamed for using a product that helps them live with dignity. Assuming anyone that wears a diaper (or a diaper like product in the case of the first story) is doing it for fetish reasons is extremely disrespectful and ableist.
wow.... 1st dude. like... pretty sure if you took something to completely knock your cycle OUT it's not very healthy for you. and FFS does he think women like dealing with this monthly crap???? NO. NOBODY LIKES IT. geez and she was so accommodating, too. willing to change what she was doing to not put him out. that's a high class GF right there. and HE must have weird fetishes and stuff going on because all his responses were NOT normal. just wow. and i don't think i've ever seen the underwear looking like a DIAPER so idk what he's talking about. that is just so freaking weird. but mostly, it's like he's shaming her for a natural bodily function that cannot be helped!! wtf. ((EDIT lol and it went here right after i restarted.)) and if suddenly pooping wigged him out? would he tell whoever he was dating to just NOT? jfc.((EDIT lol and it went here right after i restarted.)) yeah, maybe he should try dating a dude.
hey just wanted to let you know that taking birth control to not have a period is usually not harmful! as long as you talk to your doctor and they approve of it then your all good. however no one but your doctor should tell you what medications to take. the boyfriend was way out of line for telling her to change her birth control.
@@trustfulplace3894 You can definitely limit your cycle and there are some long-term options that do work to prevent periods for extended periods of time. But most pill-based options do need you to have your period every once in a while. Such pills can have some negative effects if your body doesn't get to hit "reset" every once in a while. Doctors can advise individuals best depending on need and I'm no expert, just a lady with a period. But, I can say with certainty that no one should be determining what birth control you take based on their opinions on if periods are gross or unattractive.
We really gotta normalize educating everyone about the basics of anatomy. And stop making periods a hush-hush topic. I want to be honest with people in my life about how my body attempts to murder me every month. I would LOVE to live in a country with menstrual leave. Periods are weird and messy, but they are natural. She was doing her best to accommodate and make not only her BF, but from the sounds of it, the other men in her life comfortable in spite of living with her periods. At this point though, I think she deserves to feel like she can openly speak her piece. We are taught to keep it quiet and unseen, but... We're trying to make a bright splash of red invisible. Respectfully, I say we paint the town.
What pisses me off so much too is that HE SURPRISED HER. Like if you're surprising someone, unplanned, things are gonna be surprising. It's part of the deal. It's an insane standard to be upset that someone doesn't look the way you want after you surprise them without warning. Like some times you get lucky and surprises are good and romantic and cute and some times you took a shot and it's kind of a miss. It happens. It's your fault not the other person's fault. Where's the self-awareness ??
Not covering up while breastfeeding is not the same as having your boobs out 100% visible. Usually there is only one out at a time and that one is mostely covered by a baby's head. Covering up means the baby has to be under some kind of blanket to eat it's meal. I'm actually implressed with this mom that she was walking around, going to the kitchen and getting herself food while breastfeeding. Sounds to me like maby baby was in a carrier, meaning even less would have been visible.
since she didn't mention a carrier, it seems to me that it's more likely when she was opening the fridge and reaching up to cupboards etc, the baby was not latched on for at least some of the time.
It always amazes me how grown men act like children when it comes to periods. Honestly, I use the disposable underwear at night myself and if my SO dared to say anything about it we'd be done as a couple. I date men not little babies who skipped health class in school.
Breastfeeding: When you have your baby on the breast, you can’t see much. My second born fought and made a scene when I tried to cover. ONE time, my hubs got weird about it while we were eating at Costco. I would cover best I could while latching her then just fed. After we talked about it, he never did it again. I think he thought he was doing it to make me more comfortable and when he saw it stressed me more, he stopped.
Funny little story: my abusive father is doctor and when i got my first period i wasn't comfortable so i accidentally asked my mom loudly if the pad was ok . And he shamed me and till now he hates it. i mean hate with blame. Like wth you think im gonna do with it? it actually shows im healthy. So little lesson learned: im teaching my 2 younger brothers about it so maube if they have one partner in their future, they won't be like aliens about it.
i know that stuff like AITA threads are kinda out of proportion compared to actual daily life but, i have NEVER understood men being so uncomfortable with the idea of periods that it's considered a taboo to even discuss it with them
History treated it as such. Women bleeding was considered anything from witch craft to demonic. Bad sex-ed also does this and the USA where, a lot of these posts are from is well known for really shitty if at all sex-ed. Parents can even opt out. Literally opt out of life important education that comes down to knowing how ones body works and future relationships, not to mention procreation.
@@vixxcelacea2778 tbh sex-ed is really fucking stupid, they just taught us the basic shit in biology without any of that gay sex toys for kids junk that it's turned into
Yeah the difference between usa's purity culture and finland's or sweden's culture for example is huge. It's ironic because even though here sex and nudity are not taboos, in my experience people don't sexualize everything as much as in the us.
I breastfed my baby in my friends' private box for a baseball game, with friends of theirs I didn't fully know, because they understood feeding a baby happens whenever/wherever (my husband was fully on board for this). No one sees anything unless they're trying to, which is on them. If your husband feels overly protective, who tf is he hanging out with?
@@phoenixfreefall Not everybody is comfortable with everything and i don't see how invalidating the guy and insulting him for voicing his discomfort would be appropriate. I'm not saying she shouldn't breastfeed, just that escalating like that doesn't seem healthy for the relationship.
@@Yoshimitsu293 she explicitly stated that the friends just went back to what they were doing after realizing what was going on. it seems to me the only person who was uncomfortable was the husband, and in that case, he needs to sort out some personal issues. the woman is absolutely not the asshole.
For the second story, it wouldn't even matter if he was right about her being lazy. The moment someone, especially your spouse, puts a secret camera in the house to film you is the moment one should walk away. I would never trust my spouse ever again.
In the first story, he snuck into her home, into her bed, and touched her (said he felt her underwear) all without her knowing…that’s super violating! Doesn’t matter if they’re in a relationship.
Wow just a minute in and I have to pause the video so I can tell you how much I appreciate you not only actually looking up what a menstrual disk is but also including the footage so everyone can learn along with you! You get a lot of grossed out reactions about your period and just some genuine curiosity followed up with education was really really nice to see! Thank you! Edit: omg so I haven't been to this channel in about a year & I thought you were just a clever funny music/skit guy! Nobody changes their mind about something (the last story) on the internet, much less in one video! omg please do more AITA content!
yah but no way your daughter had to call your husband off work to have to sign it what is she doing all day? what exactly is ahe taking care off? she has professional cleaners and doesn't even drive her kids to school. so what is she doing?
What is wrong with people? The camera thing is wildly controlling, and the problem is the sentiment behind it being that he HAD to be right, was willing to invade privacy to prove it, had complete disregarded for his wife's feelings or where she was coming from, and was treating her like an employee or even a child at school rather than his wife. He could've even BEEN RIGHT, but the fact that this was the hill he was willing to die on and in this way, is why he ultimately died on this hill.
A friend of mine was so exhausted after she had a baby that she forgot her boob was out when her mum came over. People need to cut new mothers some slack, they got a lot to deal with
The way that woman was treated by her father and brothers growing up was overlooked. It's not normal to make your daughter throw out every pad/ tampon outside. WHO WANTS TO DO THAT EVERY TIME?! She was set up for this mistreatment by her family a long time ago.
It’s crazy. I’m from muslim family, period also taboo in our community but mine is not extreme. As long it’s clean, no blood anywhere so it’s fine. My dad and my older brother never made a fuss about it but one of my sister did. Like me drying my bra, she’s upset her husband saw the drying bra, panty, and period pad. Like heck, we’re drying our clothes in our house, it’s not openly for people to see. It’s really annoying. I mostly ignored her, but she got into arguments with my other sisters.
Oh yeah, my father shamed me so much the first time I ever got my period. I was 8 and got a drop of blood on my undies because I didn’t know I was going to get my first period. He screamed at me for hours for being so disgusting for putting them in the laundry basket with his and my brothers clothes. I don’t know what I was expected to do with them though because I was too short to reach the laundry sink, was told I couldn’t wash them in the bathroom sink or shower, and also told throwing them away was a waste of his money, so IDK 🤷♀️
So then I was absolutely terrified to get any blood on my underwear because I didn’t want to be screamed at and called disgusting again. But I also wasn’t allowed to use tampons because according to him “that would make me a slut”. Nothing like slut shaming a young girl for wanting to use tampons to just add to her body image issues huh 🙄
(I cut my toxic father and his family off over 10 years ago and my life is so much better now)
@@elenalizabeth Honsetly.. good for you... Imagine shaming a little girl for something she has no control over..
My mom told me her parents forced her and her sisters to throw that stuff away outside when they were growing up, and I was shocked. Apparently some people are so uptight they insist on there being no evidence periods exist. It’s insane.
This is so sad. My dad treated this stuff as gross too but it was never this bad 😭
"You're gross for just lying there in the blood" what does this guy think we do? Whether it is period underwear, a pad, or something else (please don't sleep with anything inside you ladies, TSS is no joke) we're literally "lying in the blood" by his definition. Guess what buddy, if she wasn't wearing anything you'd BOTH be lying in blood all night.
"You don't sleep in the shower and keep it running all night ? Gross"
My boyfriend just asks me how I'm doing when my period starts and says it's just not as nice to touch my butt because the washable underwear is thicker than a regular one XD
But he's happy I found a solution that works better for me than my former ones
isn't it safer the night with cups tho, for tss?
It is completely safe to sleep with your cup or disk in, the problem is specifically tampons because the material turns into a perfect environment for bacteria to thrive, the smooth silicone isn't a concern. You can wear your cup or disk for up to twelve hours without taking it out to rinse it
@@user-sg4ov7ng4hyeah IT IS, there are No cases of tss 12 hours are ok, so 8 are No Problem, but If she feels insecure about how what she uses sits or has a heavy flow that can BE a reason to Not use a Cup or disk at night.
@@dela2612Tampons have several Problems, Like shedding Fiber, drying you Out when you have a light flow, Trash . . . .but yeah, tss IS mostly a Tampon issue too, Cups are absolutely Safe for 12 hours, only issue for wearing them.over night could BE If you have a heavy flow and they Lack capacity
I am wearing my a diaper rn because I bleed like a faucet. My husband always hypes me up for wearing my diaper. He knows I’m comfy and safe during a time of struggle. And what I hear is basically he broke into her house, tried to sex her up, got grossed out cause she wasn’t prepared for him, and then fell asleep in her bed. Leave that freak.
Facts.
Your husband sounds like a gem, so happy for you💕💎
Exactly, I wear period diapers too and if someone shames me for it I’m done.
I can’t believe you are the first one who mentioned how messed up he was for showing up at her house in the middle of the night. I think people forget they weren’t living together but even if they were, sneaking up on her in the middle of the night when she thought he was out of town is still invasive
As this is a normal response. Almost every woman has a period so if you like women…. Got some news to break to you 😂😂😂
A 30 year old man shaming his girlfriend for using period products of any sort is so ridiculous. And telling her to change birth controls so her period just stops? My wife went through years of trying to find the right birth control to stop her horrible menstrual cramps, and all she got out of it were years of horrible side effects. Through it all, I've gone out and bought her supplies, including diapers for sleeping in, because that's what you do. Roughly half of the population bleeds and cramps regularly, and they just have to deal with it. The other half of us can deal with at least knowing the basic details of what they go through.
Decent man alert!! 🙏🩵
Yeah I feel like that guy didn't even know what a period was... like laying in blood? Oh I'm sorry I can't just turn off the leaking faucet I 🤣🤦♀️
not to mention that birth control isn't guaranteed to make your period stop!! the only way to get rid of it safely is a hysterectomy. Birth control has so many side effects that bio men don't know about nearly enough.
Thankyou for being so good to your wife. I bet she's really grateful for your support.
If he dated an older woman, he'd have fewer years of periods left, but since she's 7 years younger....
one thing i know, your wife is really grateful to have you in her life😭
Bro shaming women for using period products is an absolutely terrible thing to do. It says something about how he treated her that she even had to ask is she was in the wrong. She was just being a human being!
It's the fact he automatically assumed it was a fetish and didn't even listen to her explanation if it were actually a fetish then he'd have ground to stand at that point he's got every right to not agree with a fetish and even feel betrayed if he wasn't told but this is just a normal woman using a product for her period idk he sounds like he's mentally younger than her imo
Agreed.@@jboy11123
Her family making a big weird deal about menstrual products in the bin definitely plays into what she's willing to put up with from partners. And yet he's still worse 🙃
I suspect the guy wanted to break up but was too much of a chicken-shit to just break up. The lengths some guys will go to to avoid breaking up is astounding.
It says a lot about how she was raised that she had to ask that question. Her father and brothers destroyed her feelings of self-worth and prepared her for accepting this kind of misogynistic abuse when they made her dispose of her used pads outside the house like what came out of her body was something abhorrently gross, they groomed her for this abusive partner!
That second story, I love the disconnect of the husband saying “well I run my entire business by myself so you should be able to run the house by yourself” ….while having her do administrative work for his business….. probably unpaid.
definitely unpaid if he still considers himself as running the business by himself. she's not "hired" to do it, she's expected as her wifely duties to "the breadwinner"
Also if he is the self claimed master of time management, why couldn’t he sign the papers. If its the most effortless thing for him then why is he throwing it on her
She literally said in the post the housekeepers do the deep cleaning of the house and she just "supervises" them 😂
@@HostaMahogey NO. She said that they hire a cleaning team from time to time to do the heavy lifting. AND I DON'T BLAME HER. I KNOW what it takes to take care of a whole house, the heavy maintainance and deep cleaning included, and I'M NEVER DOING IT AGAIN. Even if we now hire someone once a month for the yard, work around the house NEVER ENDS. So, hiring someone to do the heavy lifting only saves you a bit of sanity and physical health, barely. Not time. The daily chores are just unending.
@@aylenvillarreal5439especially with kids. You have to question, does anyone in that house clean up after themselves or leave it all to her? If so, the daily grind of unpaid, boring, thankless, menial tasks would be unending. You couldn't pay me to stay at home and do that, with no income of my own, no autonomy, no savings. Even worse when you have Add as literally none of that is enjoyable or fulfilling and all of it would feel like eternal drudgery.
I can't believe people laid into the woman in the second scenario. Whatever she did, whatever deficiencies she has or not when dealing with daily life, surveilling her, screaming at her, and talking about being a high earning individual to shame her absolutely makes the hubby the ahole.
Yeah, but he isn't necessarily wrong. Got to keep in mind you are hearing her version of events, so "I was doing research on my phone" probably equates to "the camera caught me doom scrolling the day away". Obviously she's not going to phrase it that way...but phone addiction is a serious problem, and a guy working super hard to find his family's life deserves more than a wife sitting in the bed doom scrolling her life away. It happens to a lot of people...it's just so addicting.
@@geometerfpv2804 Then he should be able to sit down with her, have a serious conversation as partners in a relationship and in life, and if he cannot reach an understanding nor maintain the situation as it is, divorse her. As I said, it really does not matter what exactly the problem was because the way he acted was unjustified and not conductive to solving the problem. I do not know whether he was "right" or "wrong", I don't know whether she was a good employee, mother, and wife, but the breach of trust and mistreatment on its own tells me she did the right thing divorsing him.
Right, she may have screwed up but screwing up doesn’t make someone an A-hole
i think her biggest problem was escalating the situation. not forgetting something or trying to relax. but immediately kicking him out and then after her friends tell her she is under-appreciated divorce him like they had 3 children.
@@yahyayahyah7 Idk, fam, if my hubby recorded me to tell me I'm lazy, I'd divorse him too. Like at that point I think its reasonable, kids or not. Maybe especially with the kids, if you want them to know boundaries matter.
In the second story, the husband is not a great person either.
* HE didn't sign the permission form before the due date!
* HE was too lazy to mail out the pay checks to his own employees- what does that say about him as a business owner? And we all know that he was not paying his wife to mail the checks for him.
* And let's remember that HE had the time to go shopping and buy a spy camera, set it up and then sit down and go through the footage from that spy camera- time he could have spent mailing out his own checks, or signing permission forms for his children. Unlike his work, her work as a SAHM continues until she goes to bed, so he had plenty of time to do both of those things himself after he finished work for the day.
And what kind of person decides to buy a spy camera to spy on their partner? Does he have a spy camera hiding in the bathroom? In her car? In the kids' bedrooms?
Sounded like the checks were just a favour so that he could spend more time working on other admin stuff at his job. My mom (works full time) asks my dad (retired) to do tasks for her job all the time. Has for years. Sometimes he does crucial aspects of it. Everyone would still agree that she's not being lazy, and that him helping out is just a favour that helps her focus on tasks only she can do. Sometimes she would ask me for help, too. It's not that deep.
Also, they asked the mom to sign the permission slip. And, do you really expect him to have 0 free time? He's still a father. He still has kids to take care of and spend time with. Jobs have off days and vacation times. He can go to the store and buy groceries then stop to get the camera. Maybe duing a lull at his job, he purchased it off of Amazon. If you're going to call him names, do so in a way that makes sense. His fatherly duties also continue until he goes to bed.
@@kindauncool > My mom (works full time) asks my dad (retired) to do tasks for her job all the time.
Okay, and your dad, being *retired,* actually has the time to do these tasks because he’s not ALSO juggling a full-time job. And even if he was doing these favours for her before he retired…it’s not a 1:1 comparison. Your dad’s ability does not equate to that woman’s ability-especially if she has ADHD. So your point is still moot. (This is, of course, not even factoring that asking someone to do a favour for you absolutely does not entitle you to *scream at them* when they don’t do that favour immediately. Especially when it CAN be done later, and/or you don’t specify that you want it done within a certain timeframe. The whole act of asking someone for a favour means you accept that they’ll get to it when they can-it’s a FAVOUR, not a JOB.)
Also, they asked mom to sign the permission slip, but…so what? 😂 Dad could have signed it. He had time to rush to the school and “save the day,” so why didn’t he have time to spend a few minutes filling out the paperwork at home, *before* it was an emergency? He works full time and has to come home to be a dad…and part of being a dad would mean *making sure that homework is done and things like permission slips are filled out* lmao. This is ignoring that she ALSO works full time taking care of the home AND being a mom. She plans (and likely makes) all meals, cleans house, does all the administrative work involved with running a household-and then still has to *be a mom* when the kids come home. How is her job any less demanding than his? Why is his obligation to be a dad both a way to discredit her AND a justification for him failing to do a basic parenting task? 😂😂
+@@revanhartlol no he was a full time stay at home dad to children at the time, not teenagers. You're right that it isn't a 1:1 comparison because before he retired he was working 60hrs/week plus overtime with 0 days off. He still helped out because he wanted to give her a break and because he knew how to do it.
People's paychecks are important and my point isn't moot, I'm expressing how it was likely just a favour and if she cared enough (as someone with ADHD & who studies it, I know) she would have been able to find time to do it.
I don't know why you're making excuses for her not being helpful but that's fine, some people just hate all responsibility that they're not being paid for, I suppose. That's that capitalistic individualist mindset.
Your point about her working full time isn't necessarily true considering not all SAH parents do spend all of their time cleaning the house, especially if they don't waste time watching professionals do their jobs or dedicate chunks of time to thinking about doing a task rather than doing the task.
I don't remember saying her job was less demanding than his.
The dad probably DIDN'T have time to rush to school and sign the slips, but he MADE time to do so. Something that the mom couldn't do.
What exactly does the mom do all day, anyway? What does she say she does? It seems like she just gets stressed out at any and all responsibility and hires other people to do the more difficult parts (premade meal plans, watching people deep clean & do yard work)
"Why is his obligation to be a dad both a way to discredit her AND a justification for him failing to do a basic parenting task?"
I literally don't know, you're the only one who's said this.
@@kindauncoolyou kind of missed the point that all your explanations were reasonable and so were hers. This person was just throwing the same accusatory attitude the dad had back at him, and your defense of him was actually the point. It’s unreasonable to think a SAHM will never take a rest, will never accidentally drop a task that needed to be done because she’s juggling so many things. People who work jobs that you can clock in and clock out of will never understand the difficulty of being a SAHM that includes emotional labor, no clear schedule, and constant need for flexibility. And it’s unpaid and unappreciated.
And your retired dad is not a SAHM
I absolutely cannot beleive the people in the second one were just DISREGARDING THE CAMERA?!? Like, okay, maybe shes lazy, maybe she has an attention disorder. Doesn't matter, because neither of those things - nor anything else - would justify putting a secret camera in the house to spy on someone? Let alone your wife?!
And then to pull up the tapes like: you spent 30 minutes on your phone here, bad behavior.
Like the husband isn’t her parent?? She isn’t a child??
And what’s to stop him from putting them in other rooms now too, like in the bathroom with the justification of “I think she’s lying about how long it takes to wash her hair” or something
also seriously underappreciates the sheer amount of work that goes into maintaining a house.
She sounded mentally exhausted and now she's gotta be paranoid on top of that 💀 husband is passive aggressive a-hole
And here I'm questioning if she's actually getting PAID for doing work like 'mailing the checks'. I mean she is apparently the SAHM, the cook, the accountant/'secretary of husband', as well as possibly doing the cleaning.
She should be getting paid, but it almost sounds like she wasn't being paid. The fact he tries to micromanage her time, is 100% an AH behavior.
I'd be willing to agree that she could be an AH, except we know the husband is lying about 'doing the paperwork' because he's requiring her to mail the employee checks. Which should be his job as the boss, otherwise he has her as some kind of employee, meaning she actually works 2+ jobs while he works 1.
Just to clarify, period panties are usually dark, so that the blood isn't visible. They aren't too differant from normal panties. They are slightly bigger and if the boyfriend touched them I understand it can be wierd how warm they can be. However, the whole argument is wierd.
Yeah
Expecting women to be sexy at all times is kinda bs to me ngl, especially when they're on their period.
And the whole “sitting in your blood” thing is so weird too like I bet he never even washes his ass and sits in that all day🤢
Maybe he put his hand inside them? That explains “lying in blood” part
@@fallenbee
Especially considering Men ain’t even sexy all the time either.
Like why should women be?
12:20 reading comprehension. She said it _would have been okay_ to mail them out the next morning. As in, no delay in wages paid. He was looking for something to criticize and he decided to criticize. That's it.
Also re: "Your kid cried" -- life has disappointments. Raise 3 kids over 25+ years and NEVER do ANYTHING that makes them experience the slightest disappointment, ever. I dare you. Go ahead. Film yourself. I'll wait.
I may not have kids.....but I was one once, plus I had 2 siblings, and teenagers cry a lot more than people remember, their hormones are all over the place at that time.
Yeah but the kid gave her the permission slips (which take SECONDS to sign, seriously) in advance, but she let them down. That's incredibly disappointing and would make me, an ex-teenager, cry from frustration too. Especially if they were excited.
Also, I don't know if I trust her retelling of events, especially considering how she seems to shift importance away from things she didn't do and shift it toward things she does do. A tell-tale sign of ADHD (something I'm hyperaware of and try to avoid doing myself), but seriously annoying.
@@kindauncool it repeatedly stated there was a whole form to fill out....but nice selective hearing to reinforce your own biases.
+@@SoManyRandomRamblings it's not a bias, idgaf about these people haha I'm simply assessing the situation. If he was able to do it last-minute in a day at the office that tells you how quickly it goes, yeah? Plus, this woman's retelling is still not very believable.
@@kindauncool and it is basic knowledge that all the mail services will for FREE pick up the mail, all he needed to do is call. So...that means either he is irresponsible because he gave the task to someone who he believes has a known history of falling through on accomplishing tasks.....or it was a one-off rarity that happens to EVERYBODY who has ever experienced having multiple responsibilities at once.
The boyfriend was stupid to say she's "laying in the blood" because the most common period product to use is a pad and that's basically the exact same thing.
Period underwear is just added insurance that you wont leak overnight if you're one who regularly has a very heavy flow.
I feel like the camera thing being a horrifying invasion of privacy is being super brushed over.
This, this and this!
Yeah what’s to stop him from them putting one in the bathroom or bedroom because he thinks she “is lying about being on her period” or “is lying about how long it takes to wash her hair” etc.
@@elenalizabeth EXACTLY
For real! She may be irresponsible as hell, but her husband did a really creepy thing.
A thing that really erked me about that was, that the husband said that everytime she was on her phone she was "goofing off". Even though she was doing something on it for their *kid*, right? It seems people just blew past that part. And the thing of her watching TV a bit before making dinner. She's still a human, she does multiple things a day, she needs a break now and then too.
If my bf would "surprise" me in the middle of the night, creeping in my bed, when I thought I'd be alone, he'd have at least a broken nose.. possibly some head trauma too!!
This is what bothered me the most!
They don't live together, so my guy just.... waltzed into bed with her?
My home is MY place.
LOL it didn't click for me that they don't live together. A man sneaks into my house in the dead of night? There's going to be more than blood in my disposable pants. 😂
Even IF they lived together, being in a relationship doesn't equal consent to touch your partner at any time.
And period is one of many good reasons why! To bad he's such a dunce to blame her for finding that one out the hard way, instead of learning his lesson!
that and she was sleeping and he touched her and felt it??? why was his hand there.
Is ur bf spiderman?
I think people are misunderstanding the second story. It's not a matter of her possibly having ADHD or lacking organizational skills, it's that she's doing more work than can be reasonably managed by one person. A single permission slip slipped through the cracks in a time where things were expectedly more hectic than usual. Checks got mailed out a day later than they should have at a small, privately-owned business. These are very normal things to happen. What's _insane_ is thinking that the solution is to _spy on your spouse_ instead of talking to them about it. Being a SAHM in a five-person household is difficult enough even without throwing in extracurriculars and nonstandard dietary needs. This woman was spied on by her husband and then shamed for [checks notes] sitting down while researching meal ideas and taking a break before getting back to work. That's not okay in any case.
Third story, she's only in the wrong if he asked her not to breastfeed in front of his friends beforehand. Otherwise I'm not going to judge a new mother for getting cross when someone tries to interfere with her feeding her baby.
YES YES YES
Not even a day later than they should have. Just a day later without any should have.
I have mental health problems (turning 22 this year in july) and therefor am not crrently working a job. I made an agreement that I would take care of the entire household and other stuff my siblins need help with (I always did chores around the house and helped my siblings with homework and stuff but now I am basically doing everything else that my mum used to do too while I was still in school). I have 6 siblings and then my parents too. the day FLIES I most of the time start working at 7 a.m. and by the time I have finished cooking and vaccuming it's often already 11:00 - 12:00 a.m. and by the time my mum comes home (at 02:30 p.m. ) I am supposed to already be finished with als the major chores. So I have to rush through mountains of laundry and mopping the floor as quickly as I can and by the time I am finished, I am BEAT and super super tired. Alot of days I can't even go ontoo the 'deep cleaning' like cleaning the windows and stuff but the worst part about all of this is, is that noboody really appreciates the work you do and makes it to be 'easy' and wheneveer you only complain a tiny bit they will stare at you and be like "What Are you complaining about? You have been home all day !"
When someone commented about how her kids 'know she's irresponsible'... I wonder how many times those kids have heard their dad complain about their mom
the work she's doing is "supervising" the housekeeper and "emotional labor" aka resting
I don't care if the lady in the second story ACTUALLY spent her days doom-scrolling while a small army of maids and gardeners cleaned the house. HE PUT A HIDDEN CAMERA IN THE HOUSE.
That's creepy, invasive, weird. If he has that little trust in her, why does he ask her to do anything at all? Why stay married? The marriage was over the MOMENT a hidden camera entered the conversation.
I agree on the 2nd one. This person def sounds like she has undiagnosed ADHD, and Reddit can't understand how executive dysfunction works. They can't fathom the possibility that someone doesn't have the energy or memory to get things which are things someone can't fully control.
The problem the fact is, Reddit is forgetting how controlling the husband is, and secret cameras are never okay. That's blatant disrespect for privacy. I have a sense that the husbands constant rejection of her and the build of rejection sensitivity made it even that much harder for her to do tasks.
Yeah, that’s why I tend not to go on that sub. People usually get into a hive mind thing. Like looking into the comments of that one helped to breakdown what the OP could’ve done better/prioritised, but a lot of them get into a very black and white mindset, missing out on all the grey.
Like the dude was definitely an a**hole because of how he put a camera in the house and instantly thought that being on her phone was ‘goofing off’.
But like people said in those comments, she also should’ve prioritised some of the things that she didn’t. Now, some of those things were things that the husband could’ve hired someone else for or done himself (the payment thing, which was important but probably shouldn’t have been given to the wife).
I definitely agree with Daniel that the wife should look at managing her time better and prioritise other things. She should probably sign forms as soon as she gets them, or possibly get her kids to read through their own forms so they can summarise the fine print (if it’s one of those with lots of things to consider).
Even if she doesn't have ADHD (she could have though) having 3 kids does mean things will be forgotten sometimes, nobody is perfect. And how could anyone trust their partner again after finding a camera? Reddit is so disappointing sometimes.
@@GirlOfTheTardis This exactly. I have 3 younger siblings, so that's a family with 4 kids. Growing up, I often got pissed at my mom for forgetting things that, to me, felt really simple and should be able to be finished quickly... And then I am immediately humbled when neither parent is able to be at home and I have to take care of all the kids. Shit happens, having multiple kids can be chaos especially when they're close in age (which seems to be the case for that family).
AITA hates invisible disabilities for sure. Almost as much as they hate children.
Very well put
Husband: "My wife is so lazy for forgetting a single form for school once! _I_ manage to do all the administrative work my job requires!"
Said wife: "My husband got mad one time because I did his administrative work for him later than usual"
This exactly!
based on the way she phrased it it didn't even sound like it was later than usual (i think she said she could do it the next day?) but rather, simply just not ASAP
No…not even close. She edited out a bunch of other stuff that people saw through as her being a lazy entitled leech
Just note that this is not an objective retelling of events, and we really don’t know how often she forgets things…
It’s not like she’s trying anything to fix the relationship either.
Plus I doubt she’s paid for the work she does for this business
6:30 this dude thinks he hired a servant. He for real thinks that. This is your life partner, not your employee. But hey, that's the traditional cultural line, isn't it? He didn't invent the vomit, he's just regurgitating it. All over her.
8:15 and this isn't about "does she have a good enough excuse for her PoOr PerForMaNCe", this is about the disrespect he's showing to her. He's being demeaning. He is not acting like her partner and her lover. He's acting like he owns her, like he's her taskmaster. That's not a relationship, that's not a friendship. That's not even a cordial collaboration. That's hostility. I hate that.
A SAHP's job is 24/7; they never get to clock off and leave work.
Kids go to school, kids take naps, kids find things to occupy their time. Saying they never get to "leave work" would make sense if kids never leave your house, never sleep, or are terribly disabled in need of constant care/handling
That lady was definitely not the asshole for getting distracted.
Who the fuck spies on their spouse. I would terminate a relationship if it ever got to that.
Everyone forgets stuff sometimes. What everyone doesn't do is put a camera in their living room so they can spy on other people.
That is straight up insane.
Besides… at least here where I live, what he did would be against the law.
On a personal level, my trust would have broken on several different levels if I was in her place. I understand she wouldn’t necessarily feel comfortable living with him anymore - or that, at least, rebuilding that trust would take a lot of work on both sides.
@@OhdakkeinenI think in most places it’s not illegal if it’s in your own home.
I mean there was that one guy who filmed his wife because she tried to poison him with bleach in the coffee cuz she wanted his life insurance or something.
yeah reddit is whack, she made a mistake it doesnt excuse him literally spying on her
I like how Daniel actually knows a fair bit about periods and doesn't shame women for using period products. Love him for that!
Actively sought out information on camera! Genuinely such a good move.
I was raised as an only child of a single mother so when I got into hs my gfs and their friends always thought it was wild that I wasn't made uncomfortable by them talking about their periods. I feel like in sex ed they need to focus more on talking about how normal it is.
@@Altmetalpunk my girlfriend reacted the same way when I mentioned she doesnt need to feel like she cant tell me if it's happening, cause growing up with 3 sisters and being around girls my whole life, it really doesn't bother me and I would honestly rather know so I can help out anyway I can
As soon as periods were framed to me with the literal description "an internal organ is removing a layer of itself forcibly every month," I realized that all I can ever offer is empathy and compassion, and that it was my duty if I'm going to call myself, a friend or family member to any woman, to learn to understand it better
Many women don’t even know about cups, I used to be one of them. I agree, seems like he has a good amount of knowledge.
The camera thing was whack, definitely not the asshole. I also don't understand why the 16 y/o would call dad instead of their stay at home mom other than to be a narc; but husband totally could have called his stay at home wife to go do the paperwork instead of coming to the school and doing the paperwork himself. He went out of his way to take care of it and not call her so he could cause a huge stink about it and escalate the situation.
Because the mom is obviously lazy and unreliable. The kids know that the dad is the responsible one that they can depend on. Everyone in this comment section is simping for that lazy idiot just because she's a woman.
the piano and "OOOOUUUUHHH HES A PIECE OF SHIITTT" took me tf out i was NOT expecting that lmfao
Story 2:
Husband: I manage my business completely by myself
Also husband: *Gets mad at op for not doing admin for his business*
So which is it?
And calls her lazy when she's working unpaid.
Agreed. Also of note is him being mad that the checks were delayed being mailed by a day.....the significance of that is one of two things; either he is irresponsible because he gave a time sensitive task to someone who is known to have a history of messing up and falling through....or the mistake is a rare occasion that we all have times we forget to do something.
Sounded like just a favour. My mom (works full time) asks my dad (retired) to do tasks for her job all the time. Has for years. Sometimes he does crucial aspects of it. Everyone would still agree that it's HER job and that him helping out is just a favour that helps her focus on tasks only she can do. Sometimes she would ask me for help, too. It's not that deep.
+@@SoManyRandomRamblings tbh good point. I guess the only thing I could think of is he was extremely busy & was hoping that she would understand the importance of being paid and mail them out on time? Also, perhaps he trusted her? But idk, still a good point.
@@kindauncool we can't know exactly as we weren't there but it was said in a way that implied he added them to the outgoing mail pile without stressing the importance of time for the task to be completed.
Also of note, and this is a fact that doesn't matter if we are being told everything by the OP.....is that for FREE mail services pick up mail, all he had to do was call any one of them (UPS, FedEx, even the USPS will do it.)
The second story is clearly a case of weaponized incompetence and the husband is by no means a super parent for picking up HIS child from school. He sounds like a control freak. And maybe the women does have a disability as well, but it sounds way more like she has too much on her plate because her husband was not willing to lift a finger at home. Also if the husband is the employer, he absolutely should be the one mailing those checks, not sending them off with someone who is busy trying to take care of their children and run a whole damn household.
The check thing infuriated me. He's up on his high horse about how he does all of the bookkeeping and administrative tasks at his company, and then it turns out that he doesn't, he makes her do some of it? And he's mad that she's not keeping up on all of the household tasks plus some of his tasks?
“I’m mad that you’re not doing your job and the parts or mine that I don’t want to do, so I’m going to be a creep and set up hidden cameras”.
Next he’ll put one in the bathroom saying “you’re lying about how long it takes to wash your hair”
@@ahumanmerelybeingRight?? Dude is a gigantic hypocrite!
Imagine your spouse is having a hard time remembering to do things, or is feeling overworked, and instead of trying to help work through the issue you *record them without their knowledge*!
Jesus Christ, I'd never want to be anywhere near someone who did that to me.
Thank you! I feel like he wants to appear to be super dad who swoops in to “fix all the problems his wife creates” but I also feel like he wants to use that as ammo against her. He resents her for being a human with her own stresses and issues. Instead of being supportive or asking if she needs help, he uses it as an excuse to secretly record her and attack her with the secret recordings!? Scary.
When me and my boyfriend (at the time both 21) first started dating and I moved in with him, I accidentally bled through onto the bed. Not too much, but there was a little spot. He was asleep and I was so nervous to tell him. He eventually woke up, and I shamefully told him what I did and how I wanted to clean the sheets. He immediately said “aw baby, it’s ok. Go get cleaned up and lay on the couch, and I’ll wash the blanket and sheets.” I literally wanted to cry, I thought for sure he would’ve been grossed out and made me feel ashamed for doing that. Been together going on 4 years now❤️
I feel like if you are so disgusted by *the idea of a period* that you are no longer attracted to your partner because she gets one and want her to start birth control just so that you're willing to have sex with her, you're probably not really prepared to date a woman/ mentally mature enough. Yes, blood is gross. How do you think we feel? It's just part of our lives and gross or not it's not right what he said to her
I can't believe people think the SAHM is the AH. I live alone, have no kids and I still forget to pull my own damn laundry out of the wash. Times that by three teens, house duties, and helping with the business? I'd die on day 1.
I do think she needs better systems but to buy a camera? Horrible move.
Agreed. I forgot to take the garbage bin to the street like 3 weeks in a row, and I have absolutely no excuse. Apparently if I was married to this jerk, that would be grounds for him spying on me.
@@ahumanmerelybeing love your username lol, fits your comment well
I’ll leave my shit in the dryer for so long that I will go to do more laundry and remember that I have those other clothes.
It's also like. She forgot to sign a permission slip. She didn't forget their children in a hot car. I'm also confused as to why the child didn't bring it back up on the day of? I assume she saw her at least one of her parents either the day of or the day before the trip.
@@SRose-vp6ew She immediately ran to divorce because he recorded her without her knowledge or permission. That's a valid reason to leave someone.
Even if the mother in the second one messed up, in no universe does that justify what the husband did and those comments about her were unhinged.
We have a real problem in society with treating home makers like their labour is less difficult and less valuable and treating people who have trouble with attention like they're just lazy. Putting a SPY CAMERA in against your own wife to "prove that" is seriously messed up, regardless of whatever she may have done wrong.
Also, she’s “Lazy” because she slipped up on one thing, while running a household for 5 people, including teens with major outside activities and special dietary requirements.
Oh, and she delayed mailing the checks for HIS business? So he runs his business as his only “job”, while she’s supposed to do EVERYTHING else, plus fit in some of HIS financial/administrative tasks??
This woman was run off her feet by a demanding, ungrateful “boss” who happened to be her husband.
No mention of emotions or relationships even entered into the narrative. It doesn’t sound like a family, but a small professional organization - and an understaffed one at that. Except for having someone in to do the heavy housework, she had no assistance or support. I don’t know where the kids stand in all this; but it didn’t sound like a close, loving family. More like a swallow your feelings / hit your goals kind of thing.
It reminds me of the sorts of thing my abusive ex used to do
those comments were ABSOLUTELY unhinged.
Re: the second paragraph - this is why I will never willingly 1) solely rely on my spouse's income or 2) agree to be a homemaker for any more than the time our child(ren) absolutely require me specifically to be. I make more than my husband and I'm due to give birth to our first child together in about 2 weeks. I'll take 3 months off work and then he'll take over as primary parent until our daughter is 1. If I had one piece of advice for other wives, it would be to do whatever you can to enforce an egalitarian relationship. You and your kids will be happier if you do.
And him driving to the school isn't a big thing! It should be part of his life. They ARE his children also.
As a fashion historian in training, women use to basically make their own sanitary belts out of aprons then wash them or throw it away when it got too dirty. I dont know about ancient times or non western cultures but women have been doing this for centuries
wool and linen could've been used to absorb blood. I know people who had access to sand (like japanese women) used that as well. I imagine something else like moss or lichen or even plant fibers could've been used in even more ancient times, since they had medicinal uses, maybe even bits of fluffy hide? like soft rabbit pelt? and even before that they'd just let it flow lol
14:30 1) this is your home. 2) this is your home. 3) this is your home. 4) husband fighting and making a scene made the friends uncomfortable. The breastfeeding did not. 5) The husband is insecure in his relationship and worried someone could 'steal' her and/or views her as his possession and was upset someone else saw his "possession." 6) if husband is that concerned about friends laying an eye on her areola, then don't bring friends over _but don't be an a-hole about it_ . Don't make her feel bad for your decision. Or get good at redirects. Or just chill and be an adult, like apparently your friends can be.
15:39 "Your boyfriend is being a bitch" is the most healing comment I have seen today
Eh I don't think either of them are really wrong. It's her house and her right to do and wear whatever she wants but she could have closed the door or asked him to get her food.
ew I hate this argument because I've seen women use it to walk around wearing thongs and how it's on the random guests to deal with it. This whole "it's not SeXUAl" argument is really stupid too for the same reason lol
Facts.
@@meat3994 false. The primary function of the breast is breastfeeding. To take the primary function of something and place it below other lesser functions (i.e. sexual satisfaction) is the actual definition of perversion. Look it up. The husband places the sexual satisfaction gained from his wife's breasts over the nourishment of their child. Perversion. Also he just placed the well being of his wife and his child over having some fun with his buddies. Asshole. And if he can't trust his friends to be adults and just look away (as adults do when they see a breastfeeding woman) perhaps he keeps bad company. Poor discernment.
The breastfeeding one is so American😵 women in a lot of other countries do breastfeed openly in public, and nobody makes a big deal out of it.
Right?! Like my friend the other day, we were sitting all together men and woman and she just put her breast out, in the middle of conversation, and fed her baby. Not everyone is like that, i uderstand it can be uncomfortable for men but srsly.. in your own house?! Have problem? then just dont look.
its a boob in a babies mouth. there are videos here on the tube about it.. i couldnt even start the film, not my business really.
It's not even just American, Europeans are like this too.
It’s natural to feel a bit uncomfortable when someone does that but breastfeeding itself is the most natural thing on earth. It’s so annoying that women are always being shamed for basically existing but “boys are boys”
@@WaraiTube Honestly, I don't see men considering womens' discomfort when they take their man boobs out in public. Why should mothers whose children are hungry pay mind to mens' discomfort? Breasts aren't genitals, they are secondary sex traits, just like a man's adam's apple. The issue is that they've been fetishized by the porn industry to the point where women have been shamed into hiding them.
From what I know, I think it's kinda rare to NOT sit in your own blood while on your period! Lots of people use tampons, disks, and cups of course. But a lot of people still use pads! Unless you change them out like every hour, you're gonna be sitting in that blood. It is not gross.
Agreed. I knew a guy in highschool who tried to pull that shit and my friend just deadass told him “I have to end my day covered in blood either way- you think anyone will notice if some of it’s yours?”
@@orbweaverx good for them😭😭😭
@@orbweaverx I'm mentally filing away that line for if I ever have to use it. Good lord, that's a good one. Give your friend a high-five for me
I mean it is gross but u just gotta deal with it till u can shower lmao
Vibes. I hate tampons and I love disks but sometimes I can't be bothered to shove something up the ol' ax wound with my bare hands and then also take it out the same way so pads just feel more convenient at times. Depends on my mood. Disks can be great because once they're in you can just forget about em. But like I said putting em in and taking them out can be a hassle I just don't wanna deal with. Theyre each convenient for their own reasons. Sometimes even girls (not women, girls) would try to shame me for using pads saying it was like a diaper like bruh it thought we were on rhe same team! We get enough of that garbage from men why you gotta be like that?
2:40 It's not even that. It's like a normal diaper that keeps it all in. He's just grossed out by the IDEA of it, it doesn't affect him at all.
It is so refreshing to see a man researching women and getting to understand them!
All of these stories were women standing up for themselves against their boyfriend / husband. The fact that they were all left wondering if they were the asshole is sad. Women shouldn't have to apologize for having a period, nor breastfeeding, and for the stay at home moms, you are all such warriors because it takes a lot of work to take care of 3 kids and being forgetful shouldn't result in being monitored for "being lazy."
Fr, as a young woman who has been in toxic and abusive relationships before, this was incredibly sad to read. I hope these women realize their worth soon and leave these manchildren.
I do still think the last one is more nuanced bc yes, it's just breastfeeding and he for *sure* did not handle it well--if he had a problem with it, he should've been much more discreet and gentle--but also, as his wife, she ought to honor him and also be a little bit more discreet around other men. She could throw a shirt on or toss a shawl over the baby or something, it wouldn't be that hard. So I think both of them should be willing to honor the other and be more understanding, honestly. That's my take 🤷♀
@@syberyahshe should "honor" him? What outdated nonsense is that
Yes...and he was ALREADY, at the office/phone doing what he already do,everyday....Shes hopefully not on the phone,while taking care of EVERYTHING else....
@@msjkrameywhat makes "honour" an outdated nonsense?
Did you equate "honour" to "worship" instead of "respect" and immediately got triggered?
Why shouldn't a woman honour a man's discomfort at exposing in front of his friends? Why shouldn't a man honour a woman's bodily functions? Why shouldn't they both honour each other's biological differences? Why do you take so much offence to such a good word?
2nd guy really instead of helping his wife during her most stressful time of the month decided to place a camera and shame her for taking breaks.
He must've felt like a real winner...
Good on her to put an end to that relationship asap
Tells me his job ain't that demanding if he has the time to skim footage of his wife to spot every time she takes a break.
@@NoiseDay fr
@@NoiseDaywhat is she doing that's so yard that she needs a break?
@@HeoBaby24 So only certain jobs deserve breaks? Humans can go non-stop so long as the tasks involved aren't past a certain threshold of complexity or physically demanding? Try it yourself, go a full 12 hrs in 1 day doing multiple different little tasks for 4 other people while also cleaning your house with no breaks beyond using the restroom. And you best not use those restroom minutes as mini-breaks 🤡
@@HeoBaby24What are you doing that you're this concerned about a complete stranger taking a break in her own house??
Wow. I can’t tell you how relieved it makes me feel to hear a TH-camr talk about wearing disposable underwear and calling them “dipies.” I had to start using them and have been so embarrassed of the fact, hiding them from everyone in the house. Thank you, honestly
5:05 I didn't even notice the keyboards were there until you started playing them lmfao
Daniel, you are not the ass about having an initial minority opinion in the breastfeeding AITA. You are willing to listen and understand what other people have to say and then challenge your original opinion after that, and the times you realize you might be wrong in some ways, you acknowledge it and that's not buttholery, good sir, that's maturity.
Couldn't agree more
I personally feel that it's a greyer area on that one. I personally feel the responses to the post are focusing on the wrong thing. I thought the post was more about her telling the husband to stfu and if she was an asshole for doing so in that situation which imo i feel kinda yh, but the comments focus instead on the breastfeeding, ignoring her husband's initial attitude in comparison to her own (her husband pleading to her telling him to stfu)
'no' is an answer on its own. She even explained things, multiple times. He asked so many times she had to snap, what's not to understand? His own father set him straight
When my sister had her first child she also breastfed in public, whipping it out without as much as a warning.
At the beginning it made me uncomfortable because, you know, it's my sister's booba.
(Sarcasm incoming)
So whenever it happened i made a huge deal out of it, drawing the attention from everyone in a 2 mile radius and embarassing my sister in front of complete strangers....
No, obviously no5. That wouöd be psychotic.
I looked away or on my phone, "oh that's a cool bird over there" and minded my own fricking business.
lol daniel, i love how you're like "what's that" and instantly look it up. i feel like i'm seeing my own process on display.
(and that's exactly how i blink and hours are gone.)
I like this attitude. Better than most that cannot be bothered to look up things when they hold all of humanity's knowledge in their hands.
Here’s a fun side quest: google platypus and their many freakish abilities
Well well well...MAY I JUST SAY MY GUY, as a 33 year old woman, you are wonderfully mature and a breath of fresh air, you will make the best partner (if you swing that way) to any woman you meet, I was lucky enough to meet my husband who is never shame me or any woman for something so innate to our core being, it was so refreshing to see a younger man be such a realist and a gentleman! I wish you a happy life and happy wife/husband in the future! xxx
The people saying the woman in the surveillance story was the A-hole are wild because they completely ignore THAT HER HUSBAND INSTALLED A CAMERA TO MONITOR HER ACTIVITY
The second one: She isn’t the a**hole because she laid out exactly what she does and ONE of her multiple children’s permission slips weren’t signed when the husband also could’ve signed it prior. He’s clearly weaponizing incompetence and has learned helplessness with a dash of narcissism. If she had ADHD, the household wouldn’t run as well overall but he can operate his concentrated job BECAUSE she runs the background smoothly. This is exactly why so many women (especially SAHM) divorce. Men refuse to acknowledge or respect what it takes to help them elevate. She can run a household, he can’t. The kids will be with her and she’ll be better for it because she won’t have to deal with his issues and prove anything. Men rarely see that they are the wrench in the machine.
💯 it’s not learned helplessness though, that tiktok series misinterpreted the term big time. Learned helplessness occurs after *trying* and failing (and it’s essentially an insecurity), and in relationships like these it’s usually the woman who develops it as it’s the natural reaction to weaponized incompetence, i.e. husband does a terrible job = not gonna even ask him to do chores.
You have no clue what NPD or narcissism are, plus, if anyone is weaponizing their incompetence it would be her. I mean, did we read the same story? Swap the genders in your head and see if your answer remains the same.
i feel like with the breastfeeding story daniels point with the "i wouldnt want my friends to see my wife's breasts" is completely fine, but that would then have to be a conversation prior and a boundary the wife agrees on which she definitely WOULDNT have to, because breastfeeding should be completely normal, and the guy in the story clearly did not have that convo AND acted like an asshole by making a big deal out of nothing
I personally don't like it when someone whips out a boob with no warning either though. Consent is still important for the other people in the room. I prefer to look away until the nipple is in and then I don't really care, and I understand that slips do happen sometimes
I feel like both parties are in the wrong in this one. She clearly saw her husband didnt like what she was doing and refused to change anything and it seems like her husband just told her to stop what she was doing.
They could have compromised like she stays in the bedroom for a while and he preps her some food instead but no, they start fighting.
We also dont know the whole conversation, so it's hard to make a fair judgement anyways.
Didn't seem like the husband was making a big deal out of it. Seemed like he was uncomfortable with his friends seeing it and asking her to go back. If they had talked I'm sure they would've found a solution. But in this case the wife said she yelled at him to shut the hell up which escalated the situation.
@@PlayerH_ Sure, but also the husband probably should've said something like "I'd appreciate it if you went upstairs; let's talk about this later" instead of being so insistent about something they hadn't discussed before? Isn't repeatedly begging your spouse to go upstairs *also* kind of escalating the situation?
Honestly, I think they both probably mishandled things because neither of them had expected this to be a place where they needed to discuss boundaries, and maybe neither of them is the asshole? They definitely need to have a frank discussion about how they would handle this in the future, though. (I tend to think the wife should have the upper hand here because it's her body and she's just taking care of the baby.)
@@michaels4340 I absolutely agree both of them kinda didn't act perfectly in that situation. There were definitely 2 sides in that argument. I just felt like the comment up top and reddit was a bit one sided that's all.
My 8 y.o. son grew up with teenage sisters. Understood even at that age, its normal. Even said to me one day when we were out and 1of his sisters rang me 5:12 in tears. "Mum she is on her period, she needs chocolate!"
🤣🥰
Daniel's take on the second story sounds patronizing. Just because someone misses one thing in their list of things to do doesn't mean they're mismanaging their time or struggling with organization. It was a rare occurrence. It also doesn't justify an invasion of privacy as invasive as /placing a camera to spy on your wife/. I don't think there was enough emphasis on the fact that this man literally was digging for things to get mad at his wife about. Couple's therapy? More like the husband needed a reality check.
How I find out Daniel has a love life. “Me and my girlfriend talk about poop all the time!”
Green flag fr
if she farts, he would have to be the one to say excuse me in a public area... thats just how it is supposed to go.
@@Imxlnt2 my dad did that for my mom when she was pregnant with me. he's an absolute legend btw, green flag
@@catdownthestreet king
Real, though. If I can't talk to my partner about my IBS struggles it ain't love.
I don't think you're the ahole, Daniel, for thinking that about the last story. HOWEVER, only because of how society has conditioned people to think about breats. Boobs are inherently not a sexual part of someone's body; they have one purpose: to feed a child. They SHOULDN'T be looked at like genitalia bc they're not. That's why most people are saying that OP is NTA. The fact that people look at breastfeeding so weirdly is frankly creepy to me; there is nothing sexual about someone feeding their child. Anyone who looks at it weirdly is a creep. (Then, ofc, there's the whole aspect of if men can go around shirtless, why can't women etc. etc.)
You are the weird one in my opinion. You just can't reverse the ingrained instinct of finding breasts sexual. It is not even a fetish, every straight and Bi male will find breasts sexual to a certain extent.
There are also like literal tribes that do this, since they’re not part of society they wear whatever.
I do agree that's the ideal, but to be fair she *is* living in an English speaking society where openly breastfeeding is not the norm, so I understand why her husband would want her to cover up. Unfortunately the ideal often does not equal the reality
I second this. I don't necessarily blame the husband -- or Daniel -- for having that reaction. In all honesty, I did too. The appropriate thing for the husband to do in that scenario was bring that reaction to his wife privately later, let her explain the same things the commentors on reddit are explaining, and then ask himself about that reaction (just like Daniel did, and I have in my own time.) The wife may still decide to throw on a cover, or she may decide she doesn't want to, and the next appropriate thing for the husband to do is respect either choice and change his way of thinking in the future either way.
No, breasts don't only serve "one purpose." Humans are the only animals with permanent breasts. They're part of our sexual dimorphism, like how peacocks grow impressive feathers to attract peahens. That said, it doesn't mean that a parent should ever be barred from feeding their child by whatever safe method they choose. We need to stop shaming people for taking care of their kids. And we also need to be okay with certain body parts being s*xual. That's not inherently a bad thing. S*x isn't a bad thing
This is my favourite thing of a man talking about periods thing I've ever seen ever. The searches had me both cackling with laughter, and appreciating the effort
I've never seen something more relatable than him searching in Google immediately if he doesn't understand a thing.
I love how comfortable you are talking about periods. Even as a woman myself, I'll feel uncomfortable talking about periods. As a society, we need to stop feeling uncomfortable talking about it. It shouldn't be such a touchy subject. Go you!! I support this behavior!!! 😊
I never understood it either but I also don't get squeemish about blood though either but still when he read the first girls brother and father made her throw the stuff away in the outside trash cause they were that disgusted seemed odd to me like its just blood and it's natural like the dad should've been happy at least he would've know she wasn't pregnant 😂
@@jboy11123it's pretty normal to be squeamish around any bodily fluids. Like, spit is mostly harmless but we're still disgusted by the idea of someone spitting in our food. Poop and pee are natural, but it's gross when someone doesn't flush or leaves pee on the toilet seat. Period blood is the same thing. And while it doesn't need to be taken directly out to the outside trash every time, it does start to smell when it sits in the trashcan for a while, so the bathroom trash needs to be emptied more regularly when you're on your period
Where I live every woman/girl (from 11 to 60) can get one cup, one reusable pants or two reusable menstrual pads for free in the pharmacy. There're adds everywhere about it: tv, newspapers, huge ones on the bus, billboards...the slogan is "my period my rules" (la meva regla les meves regles). And it's true: it's our period, so there are our rules! (English is my third language, sorry for any mistake😅).
@@msjkramey okay but comparing spit in food, or pee on a toilet seat, or poop in a toilet is very different to comparing a sanitary product in a rubbish bin… you’re comparing apples and oranges.
The equivalent would be a dirty babies nappy in the bin, most parents aren’t going to take that to the outside bin every time, they are going to put them in the houses bin or nappy bucket.
@@elenalizabeth did you read my whole comment? I said it was fine to throw them in the regular bathroom trash, just that it probably needs to be taken care of a little more often when they're in there. Same thing with diapers. Those "smell-proof" containers are far from perfect
That "well, looks like I'm the a$$hole" reaction happened constantly to me when I was on r/AITA: from the moment I joined, to the moment I left. The trick is getting to a post early, being assertive about something that at least five people agree with, and you're home free for winning the entire comment section.
And then anybody with even a vaguely oppositional view gets yelled at, lol. There are a minority of r/AITA comment sections that are genuinely nuanced discussions, but it truly becomes an echo chamber in most of the posts I've seen.
I feel like that’s most of how society goes because as a species we realized that there’s strength in numbers, so no one wants to be the one to be the odd man out. I’ve seen a lot of people who don’t actually agree with something, but rather than be the odd one out, they just parrot what the majority are saying.
My favorite discussion by far was all in agreement w this guy who asked if he was the asshole for being horrible to his wife. Apparently after reading the comments he disagreed and said he didn’t want sexist trash thinking he was in the right so he apologized to her and is going to be better
@@orbweaverx See, stuff like that (assuming it's genuine) is incredibly wholesome. Even if the reality of some r/AITA posts is sketchy, the optimist in me would like to think that people sometimes learn valuable lessons from those comment sections.
@@meifennellysieu7510idk that I'd call a sea of sexism "wholesome"
@@msjkramey To clarify: I'm not specifically calling r/AITA wholesome, but the potential learning that might start there. Some people (rare, but it still happens) do choose to acknowledge and correct their mistakes at some point.
Plus, I'd argue that even if the learning of equitable behavior happens to start on a famously sexist subreddit, so be it; they have to start somewhere.
I think the guy who has a prob with periods is into dudes and he is in denial. You don't need that drama.
Filming your spouse without permission is disgraceful. That makes him the asshole hands down.
2nd story: as a SAHD I'd say NTA, but we also don't have enough info about the husband. Yes, we know that he drove to school for his kid, but we don't know how he's contributing to the rest of the kids duty. SAH parents have no free time, no vacations or weekends. They're always in their work environment. They work at night when kids can't sleep, they work from 7 am until the kids are in bed. What is the dad doing in the weekend? Is he cooking and helping with chores/kids duty on his free days? Or is OP supposed to do 100% of everything while he is playing golf and watching football with buddy's? When the kids are adults they don't remember dad was the one signing one paper; they remember who picked them up from school and helped with homework, brought them to ballet and cared for them when they were sick. Earning a lot of money as the provider is great, but it's not contributing much memories and support to your family. You just need to earn enough to care for them financially, and the rest of your time is better spent with them rather than earing an extra couple of thousands to buy a more expensive car. Besides, this OP isn't even a SAHM. She's a part-time worker who also does all the childcare and house duties. She's probably making way more hours than her husband. Heck, I already make way more hours than my husband without the part-time job. OP is totally justified to be on her phone or watch a series before cooking dinner. These me-time moments together are the weekend she never has. No human can provide for others 24/7 18+ years without any me-time.
[No human can provide for others 24/7 18+ years without any me-time.] And yet mothers are always expected to every single time ;-;
I just wanna second that rule, DO NOT HIRE FAMILY.
I work in a bakery that is co-owned by my boss and two of her children. That by itself is usually pretty smooth with the exception of some occasional family bickering between them.....the problem comes in with her son's husband.....
He is borderline verbally abusive to everyone and basically contributes nothing to the business, he seems to think that because his husband is one of the owners he doesn't actually need to do anything.
Anyway as the one employee thats not related in any way to anyone else......it gets a little tense and I worry about losing my job because the business implodes lmao.
For everyone's sake..... don't hire family.
Thinking about what you're gonna do if you need to fire your loved one is the first line of defense
I worked for my aunt at her bowling alley in 7th grade. It was great. All good memories
@elenalizabeth
said!!!
“I’m mad that you’re not doing your job and the parts or mine that I don’t want to do, so I’m going to be a creep and set up hidden cameras”.
Next he’ll put one in the bathroom saying “you’re lying about how long it takes to wash your hair”
She's so right.
Calling disposable underwear for periods a diapey fucking killed me
As a ballerina I was BEAMING when you said you have huge respect for us! Usually when I tell people I am a ballerina and that ballet is a sport they shrug it off and deny it. THANK YOUUU 🤠🤠
Heck yeah it’s a sport, and an art form. I only took a beginning class back in my community college days and it went from pretty easy to „I‘m going to need a few months to figure that out“ like over night. 🤣
I had a ballerina friend and she had really ripped legs. I was like wow and she was so thin too so she said it looked weird so she stopped doing it. Her legs were like a heavy lifter even after stopping it for 2 years. How is it not a damn sport?
Dance is such a strange mix of gorgeous art form and insanely physically demanding (often competitive) sport that people don't know where to categorize it in their brains.
That being said, no one ever paralyzed themselves in a painting accident...
Dance is definitely a sport. It’s going to be in the Paris Olympics this year so
Ballet is so cool!
#2. Does the Hvac tech know who the kids doctors are? Does he make their appointments? Does he know their dietary restrictions and fix their food every day? Does he know the requirements for a class trip/chaperonage, scheduling, packing, budget, legal contracts, etc? Does he buy their clothes, know their sizes, and know the dress policy at school? Does he buy the uniforms and footwear for their activities? Does he take care of the car insurance for the teens car? Did he take them to and from their activities, teach them to drive, teach them to cook and do laundry, set up bank accounts for them? Does he monitor their internet, do their laundry, clean their rooms, and know when his daughters are having their periods and provide them with materials? Does he provide his kids with sex ed and make sure they know how be safe? Birth control? Does he know their class schedules? Does he know about senior and graduation activities? Class pictures? School activities like spirit week? Does he make their costumes?. Does he pay attention to their volunteerism so they can apply to college? Has he vetted colleges with them? Does he provide tutoring to his kids and help with homework and projects? Does he know what classes they need help in? Does he know how much bread costs? Does he buy groceries or do any of the shopping? Does he ever scrub a toilet? Any toilet, ever? Does he even change out toilet paper? Or does he just complain when it runs out? Does he clean out the refrigerator and freezer? Does he check expiration dates on condiments and cans? Does he know what books are required reading, and if the kids have library fines? Does he know if they know how to swim? When they don't have a forgotten permission slip, do the kids come to him crying over breakups, friendships, difficulties? Does he know what their favorite foods are? Their favorite colors? Does he remember the last time he picked them up as a child? Does he know the budget for their birthday and christmas presents and save up and buy them? Does he do small, kind things every day to show the kids they are loved?
My dad didn't do any of those things except driving us to school. He did have time to complain about that, and about how bad my mom's cooking was, and about how noisy and messy the kids were. I am a lazy person, and I will never have children, because as a mother you could literally die for them, and everyone will still complain that you aren't doing enough. Mothers are the family slave, and I am so happy I will never be one.
Amen. Never could effing never make me bind myself to one of these aholes
It's a lot to handle. I have ADHD and 6 kids. My husband has learned to be patient, and my capabilities have grown. He actually tries to understand the load I carry, and I try to understand his. We serve each other.
Im sorry your father complained about being a father and wanted to be just a paycheck.
You: “I had four sisters.”
Also you: “what’s a DISC?!” “What’s TSS?!” 😮
On the second story, ESH. Here's why: She stated she has teens, not toddlers. They don't need near as much energy from a parent as younger children do. (As a stay at home mom, I know. I had to get hobbies once my kids didn't need brooded over like a mother hen anymore) She stated she has house/yard services, so she isn't mowing lawns, trimming hedges/bushes/trees or scrubbing tile, mop boards or toilets. She's over 40 with a "high earner" (Eye roll, who describes themselves that way?) spouse, so they probably have a decent house with washer/dryer/dishwasher/etc. So no mound of dishes in the sink because they cooked pasta for supper, no month's worth of laundry that needs to go to the laundry mat. Her eldest apparently drives the siblings to/from school, so no child pick-up/drop off. Okay, so what does she have to do all day? They both sound out of touch, and pampered, if not out right spoiled. These two are toxic for each other and I think it is a good thing they aren't together anymore.
In the second one, it's not that what the woman did was great. Not filling in the permission slip and not paying employees on time is just not good - executive function issues for sure. However, the man's response by secretly filming her to prove his point is just plain toxic.
When people have problems with doing something, pointing it out and shaming them is just going to make them feel worse surrounding this topic and will lead to them having literally a harder time learning and growing out of their problems.
Yup - they’re both assholes it’s just the woman at least has an excuse
Also he went on a rant about "I have to do the bookkeeping and administrative work of MY job!" and then it turns out he makes his wife do it...
but she didn't forget to pay his employee's. she just didn't do it when he thought she should have done. it wasn't late he just wanted her to do it sooner. i wonder what he was doing while he's depending on his to be super woman and calling her lazy.
1) Paychecks are the husbands responsibility being the business owner.
2) depending on time of day; the paychecks wouldn't have been picked up by the post office meaning they'd be at risk of theft or damage sitting in the mailbox overnight until the postal worker came by the next day to fetch them /at their scheduled time./
3) even if OP opted not to put the paychecks in the mailbox AND it was early enough in the day for the postal worker to collect them still; it's still NOT OP's job to ensure they get delivered. It's the business owners. I.E. The husbands.
Still not OP's fault, OP's NTA for the paychecks.
He should have been doing his own payroll paperwork for HIS job instead of expecting his wife to do it for him
"I'm gonna break up with him" THANK YOUUUU *PLAYS KEYBOARD*
With the second one, I bet that he gets her to do things for his job and she does not work for him. He just makes her mail cheques to employees, but that is his job.
Props to you for being open to read through other people's views and even open to changing your mind. We all need that skill
I was thrown by the verdict of the story story. OP made some mistakes, but they felt like pretty understandable mistakes at the end of the day. When you're busy, stuff falls through the cracks sometimes.
And frankly? The permission slip debacle got WAY blown out of proportion. I got a lot of experience with all sides of field trips - as a student who missed the permission slip deadline a couple times, as an instructor in a school, and as someone who handled field trip groups in museums for years. With permission slips, the school just wants to make sure they are legally in the clear to take the kid somewhere. They'll give a "deadline" because it's easier to plan things that way, but most teachers will let kids come so long as they have the permission slip by it's time to board the field trip bus. If the school trip involves going to a place with admission tickets - that's not also a non-issue. Popular field trip destinations (museums, zoos, planetariums, etc) will reserve a bulk ticket package to schools weeks to months ahead of time with an estimated headcount (aka way before the permission trips are often even issued to the kids). If the headcount is different from the estimate when the school trip arrives, no big deal, they will sell extra tickets then as necessary. Unless that estimated headcount turned out to be off by double digits and it's an extremely busy day at the venue- it's literally no big deal and happens all the time.
Basically, OP's husband was making a mountain out of a molehill. Is it better to get your permission slips turned in on time? Yes it is. But there was probably no reason he had to drive to the school to personally handle it, and did it purely so he could "prove a point". A phone call and sending the kid in with the permission slip/field trip money the next day would've sufficed.
The missing the payment for employees is admittedly a bigger issue but like- why is she handling that if its her husband's company? They're his employees, he should be making sure they're getting paid on time. Unless she's a contracted member of his company, she shouldn't be handling that stuff at all.
I don't know, the fact OP's ex husband was treating her like an employee rather than a spouse just kept rubbing me the wrong way. I'm glad she divorced him and I don't think she's the AH at all for that one. Maybe a little disorganized yeah, but like. That's gonna happen when you have 3 kids, regardless of if you have ADHD or not.
The way you talked about periods was so refreshing. Especially not judging for period underwear. I’ve known several women who would probably shame me for wearing them. Like I’m sorry I have a different preference than you??? Blood’s all going to the same place, it doesn’t REALLY make a difference
Period underwear is brilliant. Should've bought mine much sooner. Mine's black with lace though, so I've dodged the diaper look
If it’s contained, it’s sanitary. End of story! Screw the shamers; bunch of talking heads
I agree I like when guys especially are comfortable talking about it and researching it, it makes me feel a lot more comfortable.
@@gianna526 as a woman who literally HAS to wear period Underwear, a tampon, and a pad at the same time, me to!
@@Iva744 is it reusable, or do you mean like switching to underwear?
The theme of AITAH seems to be set on certain conditions:
1: there’s a disagreement
2: the OP doesn’t know what’s right and what’s wrong
3: they’re trying to figure it out
I don’t care who’s right and who’s wrong. There’s this thing with misunderstandings where people tend to misunderstand each other. You can get opinionated, but the biggest thing is that they learn they’re a good person and have a right to be understood and agreed with on the things that they think. Not only that, they deserve a chance to learn what they don’t know. I have opinions about each of these but honestly they’re irrelevant. The situations were well explained but still it feels like choosing sides and that’s not what I believe is healthy. What’s healthy is reinforcing the idea of being on the same page
5:13 An angel sings
RE: The second post. Never trust Reddit comments when it comes to anything to do with women or relationships. The people who comment on posts in the AITA subreddit are absolutely entrenched in their hyper-idealized view of the world. Did you say you would do something but ultimately didn't? "I sentence you to death." There can be no compromises, no exchange of ideas, no mutual acceptance of responsibility. You made a mistake therefore your husband is not only morally justified in surveilling you, he's practically compelled to do so.
To be clear, my issue is not that people are criticizing the wife. Given that the original poster is going to be biased in their own favor, I'd accept a rating of "everybody sucks here." The crazy thing is people acting like the husband's reaction was anything other than extremely abnormal. If you're having a disagreement with your significant other and your reaction is "let me set up a hidden camera so I can prove that I'm right," then you seriously need to take a minute and think about what it is you're trying to accomplish.
I stopped reading AITA for that very reason. People there seem to have no grasp of nuance or the fact that the real world is complicated and messy. Plus it seems like every third post is about how if your parents ask you to babysit, that's child abuse.
The mods for AITA are so fucking stupid too. You literally get banned for spelling out the word asshole instead of saying YTA.
@@ahumanmerelybeingyou should probably ask a therapist why people have formed those opinions. could be enlightening
Tbf all of Reddit is either stuck in idealism, god complex, or delusion. The god complex ones are helpful in finding answers to me questions about tech thought!
It was pretty clear from her story that the actual truth is that this camera caught her doom scrolling in bed all day. The camera is a jerk move...but also...dad is working his butt off, you can't just be doom scrolling your life away to the point where you can't get basic tasks done on time. That's not fair.
Obviously she didn't say this directly, but I think it's easy to infer from her rationalization that this is what the camera showed. She claims she was doing "important research", and "so what if it happened to be in bed"...all day 😂
Story 2:
- Spying on your spouse is creepy and this alone is a valid reason for divorce
- Get his ass for *tax fraud* if he's being petty over the divorce because he effectively employed you as his secretary/HR manager and clearly did so off the books, since both of you consider yourself a SAHM. But doing paperwork for the husband's business is NOT part of being a stay-at-home-mom, that's being an employee!
The way he belittles her care work while stressing how much hard work he does sounds like he's either he's a self-obsessed butt who takes advantage of OP's black labor help to make his dream company real, or secretly he would actually prefer to be the stay at home parent, but his masculinity is to fragile to even consider that possibility. In which case he made his bed and can lie & cry to himself in it! 😈😂
The first story comes off weird. “Every time I look at you I see a child in a diaper. So I’d like you to not have the bodily function of an adult. Like a child.” Sounds weird to me
Your responses are so wholesome and genuinely generous! TYSVM!!
Man. We as a society need to normalize being…well…normal about normal bodily functions. Like it’s cool that Daniel is educated and normal about periods and stuff, but it’s also a little disheartening that such a thing isn’t the norm, and we feel impressed by it. Like the bar is BELOW SEA LEVEL at this point and yet it seems like the majority of people manage to trip on it.
Like good on Daniel but…society in general as a whole? Bad job, society, bad job.
Yes. You don't have to go an praise it or find it pretty, but you need to be able to see it as just apart of life. Just like how everyone poops, gets zits, gets infections or whatever else being organic throws at us.
It's unhealthy to be unable to deal with these kinds of things in a respectful way to another person.
There is a huge difference between finding a thing gross and finding a person gross as a consequence. No one has to like these things, but they also should be able to handle them.
Props to Daniel for doing research and being respectful too. 👍 /srs
Props to my guy for being so open and chill about periods and period products!! 😊👏🏻
I've never seen your channel in my life but wow am I loving how unaffected you are while talking about period stuff. We love a curious, constantly learning man!
3:03 You know what's even wilder? She was alone in bed, SLEEPING, and he just slipped in and touched her? WTF?! That's like... did she give consent at SOME point in their relationship because with that background I cannot imagine she did.
You're into the separate bedrooms kinda relationship I see
4:48 I met my bf at 18, we’re both 20, he’s had to get woken up by me because i woke up in a pool of my own blood once due to menstruation complications (pad was soaked, it didn’t shift lol)
He was so nice and supportive and caring. It breaks my heart that not everyone has empathy. If he could be centimeters away from my pool of blood and still have empathy although i dirtied his bed, everyone can learn to have some grace when it comes to the things we all deal with. :(
That's a man everyone deserve, cus wtf how immature can one be
16:19 Daniel’s apology video is the best one yet
My dad always handled permission slips, it was a unspoken agreement where it was understood that when I got home he was off of work, my mom was cooking or cleaning and he would help me with homework and any school paperwork. This guy is unreasonable.
I think one thing about the first story that should be addressed is the fact that there are plenty of disabled and elderly adults who rely on diapers! People experience incontinence for a variety of reasons, including pregnancy, and shouldn’t feel shamed for using a product that helps them live with dignity. Assuming anyone that wears a diaper (or a diaper like product in the case of the first story) is doing it for fetish reasons is extremely disrespectful and ableist.
Thank you. I'm in a line of work that includes changing grown people and that fetish line rubbed me the wrong way too.
wow.... 1st dude. like... pretty sure if you took something to completely knock your cycle OUT it's not very healthy for you. and FFS does he think women like dealing with this monthly crap???? NO. NOBODY LIKES IT. geez and she was so accommodating, too. willing to change what she was doing to not put him out. that's a high class GF right there. and HE must have weird fetishes and stuff going on because all his responses were NOT normal. just wow. and i don't think i've ever seen the underwear looking like a DIAPER so idk what he's talking about. that is just so freaking weird. but mostly, it's like he's shaming her for a natural bodily function that cannot be helped!! wtf. ((EDIT lol and it went here right after i restarted.)) and if suddenly pooping wigged him out? would he tell whoever he was dating to just NOT? jfc.((EDIT lol and it went here right after i restarted.))
yeah, maybe he should try dating a dude.
hey just wanted to let you know that taking birth control to not have a period is usually not harmful! as long as you talk to your doctor and they approve of it then your all good. however no one but your doctor should tell you what medications to take. the boyfriend was way out of line for telling her to change her birth control.
@@trustfulplace3894 You can definitely limit your cycle and there are some long-term options that do work to prevent periods for extended periods of time. But most pill-based options do need you to have your period every once in a while. Such pills can have some negative effects if your body doesn't get to hit "reset" every once in a while. Doctors can advise individuals best depending on need and I'm no expert, just a lady with a period. But, I can say with certainty that no one should be determining what birth control you take based on their opinions on if periods are gross or unattractive.
We really gotta normalize educating everyone about the basics of anatomy. And stop making periods a hush-hush topic. I want to be honest with people in my life about how my body attempts to murder me every month. I would LOVE to live in a country with menstrual leave. Periods are weird and messy, but they are natural.
She was doing her best to accommodate and make not only her BF, but from the sounds of it, the other men in her life comfortable in spite of living with her periods. At this point though, I think she deserves to feel like she can openly speak her piece. We are taught to keep it quiet and unseen, but... We're trying to make a bright splash of red invisible. Respectfully, I say we paint the town.
What pisses me off so much too is that HE SURPRISED HER. Like if you're surprising someone, unplanned, things are gonna be surprising. It's part of the deal. It's an insane standard to be upset that someone doesn't look the way you want after you surprise them without warning. Like some times you get lucky and surprises are good and romantic and cute and some times you took a shot and it's kind of a miss. It happens. It's your fault not the other person's fault. Where's the self-awareness ??
I use birth control for the specific purpose of not having periods, it is not harmful. Try bleeding for 4 months straight
Not covering up while breastfeeding is not the same as having your boobs out 100% visible. Usually there is only one out at a time and that one is mostely covered by a baby's head. Covering up means the baby has to be under some kind of blanket to eat it's meal. I'm actually implressed with this mom that she was walking around, going to the kitchen and getting herself food while breastfeeding. Sounds to me like maby baby was in a carrier, meaning even less would have been visible.
since she didn't mention a carrier, it seems to me that it's more likely when she was opening the fridge and reaching up to cupboards etc, the baby was not latched on for at least some of the time.
The second story disturbs me deeply, she should leave him with all the kids and business and see how much she's needed
usually when you look at r/aita, none (well, _some_ (ok, *most*)) of the people posting the posts are the a--holes.
sometimes its just for validation
and people who actually are don’t have the self awareness to consider it
It's because aita has a manual pm process to a mod real jerks and people without courage aren't going to do it
And if they are, usually the other person also did something wrong (like in the camera story)
There's also a lot of rage-baiters, trying to farm downvotes and such, and just troll.
It always amazes me how grown men act like children when it comes to periods. Honestly, I use the disposable underwear at night myself and if my SO dared to say anything about it we'd be done as a couple. I date men not little babies who skipped health class in school.
that dude has mental problems
Breastfeeding:
When you have your baby on the breast, you can’t see much.
My second born fought and made a scene when I tried to cover. ONE time, my hubs got weird about it while we were eating at Costco. I would cover best I could while latching her then just fed.
After we talked about it, he never did it again. I think he thought he was doing it to make me more comfortable and when he saw it stressed me more, he stopped.
Funny little story: my abusive father is doctor and when i got my first period i wasn't comfortable so i accidentally asked my mom loudly if the pad was ok . And he shamed me and till now he hates it. i mean hate with blame. Like wth you think im gonna do with it? it actually shows im healthy. So little lesson learned: im teaching my 2 younger brothers about it so maube if they have one partner in their future, they won't be like aliens about it.
i know that stuff like AITA threads are kinda out of proportion compared to actual daily life but, i have NEVER understood men being so uncomfortable with the idea of periods that it's considered a taboo to even discuss it with them
History treated it as such. Women bleeding was considered anything from witch craft to demonic. Bad sex-ed also does this and the USA where, a lot of these posts are from is well known for really shitty if at all sex-ed. Parents can even opt out. Literally opt out of life important education that comes down to knowing how ones body works and future relationships, not to mention procreation.
NO FRR.. like if you date a cis woman 9/10 she'll have a period. Like how are gonna be uncomfortable with the most common thing woman experience??
@@vixxcelacea2778 tbh sex-ed is really fucking stupid, they just taught us the basic shit in biology without any of that gay sex toys for kids junk that it's turned into
Yeah the difference between usa's purity culture and finland's or sweden's culture for example is huge.
It's ironic because even though here sex and nudity are not taboos, in my experience people don't sexualize everything as much as in the us.
I breastfed my baby in my friends' private box for a baseball game, with friends of theirs I didn't fully know, because they understood feeding a baby happens whenever/wherever (my husband was fully on board for this). No one sees anything unless they're trying to, which is on them. If your husband feels overly protective, who tf is he hanging out with?
How do you know what they understood?
@@auemmjee because they told me to go ahead and feed my baby and not worry about it. They literally said they understood. Lol
@@phoenixfreefall Not everybody is comfortable with everything and i don't see how invalidating the guy and insulting him for voicing his discomfort would be appropriate. I'm not saying she shouldn't breastfeed, just that escalating like that doesn't seem healthy for the relationship.
@@Yoshimitsu293 "escalating"??
@@Yoshimitsu293 she explicitly stated that the friends just went back to what they were doing after realizing what was going on. it seems to me the only person who was uncomfortable was the husband, and in that case, he needs to sort out some personal issues. the woman is absolutely not the asshole.
For the second story, it wouldn't even matter if he was right about her being lazy. The moment someone, especially your spouse, puts a secret camera in the house to film you is the moment one should walk away. I would never trust my spouse ever again.
In the first story, he snuck into her home, into her bed, and touched her (said he felt her underwear) all without her knowing…that’s super violating! Doesn’t matter if they’re in a relationship.
Wow just a minute in and I have to pause the video so I can tell you how much I appreciate you not only actually looking up what a menstrual disk is but also including the footage so everyone can learn along with you! You get a lot of grossed out reactions about your period and just some genuine curiosity followed up with education was really really nice to see! Thank you!
Edit: omg so I haven't been to this channel in about a year & I thought you were just a clever funny music/skit guy! Nobody changes their mind about something (the last story) on the internet, much less in one video! omg please do more AITA content!
Folks are really out here acting like a field trip permission slip is the most important paperwork that a parent has to fill out.
yah but no way your daughter had to call your husband off work to have to sign it
what is she doing all day? what exactly is ahe taking care off? she has professional cleaners and doesn't even drive her kids to school.
so what is she doing?
@@HeoBaby24why didn't the daughter remind her if it was so important?
@@auemmjee why should the daughter have to remind her? WHY COULDN'T SHE JUST SIGNED IT RIGHT THEN AND THERE?
@HeoBaby24 finally a rational person in these comments. This wife literally has nothing to do all day.
@@thedoor43 fr
What is wrong with people? The camera thing is wildly controlling, and the problem is the sentiment behind it being that he HAD to be right, was willing to invade privacy to prove it, had complete disregarded for his wife's feelings or where she was coming from, and was treating her like an employee or even a child at school rather than his wife.
He could've even BEEN RIGHT, but the fact that this was the hill he was willing to die on and in this way, is why he ultimately died on this hill.
A friend of mine was so exhausted after she had a baby that she forgot her boob was out when her mum came over. People need to cut new mothers some slack, they got a lot to deal with