My (ex husband) sex addict was the codependent one. I did not meet any definition of someone who suffered codependency. I filed divorce immediately on discovery and was treated for ptsd through emdr.
Thank you Michelle Mays. My husband is a love/romance addict. I never felt to blame so I'll think about that being subconscious, maybe it manifested in me as "I'm not enough". But re: "codependent"... My therapist keeps telling me I'm codependent and is irritated with me that I can't get past some of the trauma, especially trickle truth. I felt like she's telling me I'm flawed, weak and stupid. I need trauma therapy, not guilt tripping from a licensed LPC. I got more help from Terry Real's RLT workshops than my individual counselors.
This is a great response to the unconscionable strafing of authors who write books about co-dependency. I often respond that people are missing out on a lot of great and helpful literature by eliminating any particular author or genre. I, for example, am not religious (yet) at all, yet I have watched and listened to many helpful commentators who are biblically based or religiously oriented. I wouldn't dream of cutting those content creators out of my learning. The pro-dependence crowd is being treated for co-dependency, and being told that they are not. Personally, I've been lied to enough.
I truly appreciate this logical, intelligent discussion of codependency. The problem is many providers still only have the codependency model to work from, and are robbing partners of much needed trauma wound care. More training is needed on relational trauma. Many partners need both. I did. That being said, there is small group of loud people trying to float the idea that codependency is victim blaming. Theories don't victim blame, people do. I have been asked by well meaning but uninformed providers, what my part it pushing my husband to cheat on me was. So victim blaming does happen by people. Not by "codependency theory" but people misusing or misunderstanding both pieces of sex addiction and partner betrayal. Learning the model as you describe, has freed me of limiting beliefs about my rights and responsibilities, that helped me get free of toxic relationships and relationship patterns with difficult people, including my response to my husband's betrayals that I didn't cause. Mislabeled codependency as victim blaming, is disempowering to me, and my history of growth. Now this small but loud group of people who say codependency is victim blaming, are accusing me of victim blaming because learning about codependency (authentic codependency, not the misunderstood social media versio), be extension calling me an abuser of partners, because I claim codependency recovery as part of my journey. Thank you for vindicating me.
@alexcipriani6003 that's an opinion, but this theory and concept actually freed me from abuse because I was ready to respond to it differently and grow. I didn't feel blamed. That's unfortunate that you experience it differently.
Braving Hope is a ground-breaking coaching intensive for betrayed partners around the world. Move out of the devastation of betrayal, relieve your trauma symptoms and reclaim your life. To find out if Braving Hope is right for you, schedule a call now: www.partnerhope.com/schedule-now/
My (ex husband) sex addict was the codependent one. I did not meet any definition of someone who suffered codependency.
I filed divorce immediately on discovery and was treated for ptsd through emdr.
Thank you Michelle Mays. My husband is a love/romance addict. I never felt to blame so I'll think about that being subconscious, maybe it manifested in me as "I'm not enough". But re: "codependent"... My therapist keeps telling me I'm codependent and is irritated with me that I can't get past some of the trauma, especially trickle truth. I felt like she's telling me I'm flawed, weak and stupid. I need trauma therapy, not guilt tripping from a licensed LPC. I got more help from Terry Real's RLT workshops than my individual counselors.
This is a great response to the unconscionable strafing of authors who write books about co-dependency. I often respond that people are missing out on a lot of great and helpful literature by eliminating any particular author or genre. I, for example, am not religious (yet) at all, yet I have watched and listened to many helpful commentators who are biblically based or religiously oriented. I wouldn't dream of cutting those content creators out of my learning. The pro-dependence crowd is being treated for co-dependency, and being told that they are not. Personally, I've been lied to enough.
I have been trying to wrap my head around all of these things for ten years. Thank you so much for your work.
You are so welcome! Please reach out if you need more support. michellemays.com/braving-hope
Thank you so much for explaining all of this so well!
I like the way you explain things in these videos. Thank you for all the information.
This is excellent! Thank you for this information.
I truly appreciate this logical, intelligent discussion of codependency.
The problem is many providers still only have the codependency model to work from, and are robbing partners of much needed trauma wound care. More training is needed on relational trauma. Many partners need both. I did.
That being said, there is small group of loud people trying to float the idea that codependency is victim blaming. Theories don't victim blame, people do. I have been asked by well meaning but uninformed providers, what my part it pushing my husband to cheat on me was. So victim blaming does happen by people. Not by "codependency theory" but people misusing or misunderstanding both pieces of sex addiction and partner betrayal.
Learning the model as you describe, has freed me of limiting beliefs about my rights and responsibilities, that helped me get free of toxic relationships and relationship patterns with difficult people, including my response to my husband's betrayals that I didn't cause.
Mislabeled codependency as victim blaming, is disempowering to me, and my history of growth. Now this small but loud group of people who say codependency is victim blaming, are accusing me of victim blaming because learning about codependency (authentic codependency, not the misunderstood social media versio), be extension calling me an abuser of partners, because I claim codependency recovery as part of my journey. Thank you for vindicating me.
the theory legitimizes victim blaming and take agency away from the perpetrator
@alexcipriani6003 that's an opinion, but this theory and concept actually freed me from abuse because I was ready to respond to it differently and grow. I didn't feel blamed. That's unfortunate that you experience it differently.
Braving Hope is a ground-breaking coaching intensive for betrayed partners around the world. Move out of the devastation of betrayal, relieve your trauma symptoms and reclaim your life. To find out if Braving Hope is right for you, schedule a call now: www.partnerhope.com/schedule-now/
I believe I heard you say (in another video) betrayed partners chose their sex addict partner. What did you mean by that?
Thank you