A Conversation with Angie Peacock: Toxic Positivity and Spirituality in Withdrawal
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 พ.ค. 2024
- Angie and I discuss the ways in which alternative healing rhetoric can sometimes be gaslighting and how spirituality sometimes plays into the withdrawal experience. For more of Angie's videos as well as a link to her coaching website, check out her channel here: / @angiepeacockmsw
This is real sensitive heavy business. If I had a fraction of the passion these two brave souls have I could confront all the pricks that make life difficult. Thank you
dont look into magnesium definetely do not do that we have all these 42069 pharma drugs that cure that bro dont look into magnesium
Angie no truer words “ You have to just take it” to get through it, my kids are my reason and always were my reason. You didn’t want your dog to eat you… I couldn’t bare to think my boys would find me dead” that kept me going during the most desperate moments.
That’s absolutely right. I was so sick I couldn’t even get my mail. I was by myself, yet I didn’t want anyone around. I HAD to get it done for my family.
Great talk. I'm 2 years into tapering off of Paxil after decades of use. I was put on this stuff at 10 years old. But coming off has been a very spiritual (and difficult) experience.
Ive been thinking of "windows and waves" through a spiritual lens lately. Windows feel synonymous with being "connected" spiritually. Connected to the world, to others, to God/spirit/source. Waves are times when we're disconnected, stuck in our ego, which is hell-like.
I had a so called friend say that it’s my fault for being injured from klonapin because I should have known better when I first started taking it. I have had to separate myself from toxic people. No one asked for this suffering and to blame someone for not knowing the harm that these meds cause is insane. It’s really difficult to talk to people who haven’t experienced this suffering. Unfortunately, I have lost empathy for people who complain when they have a cold or have some minor health issues or some other minor life issues. This experience has left me very jaded about life in general.
It’s totally valid to feel that way. I have experienced a lot of jadedness about the world since going through this as well. And yes- unfortunately this experience can really illuminate relationships that no longer serve us. You have to do your best to accept that people who have not been through this simply do not get to weigh in on it. They cannot possibly comprehend the level of hell that these drugs put people like us through. It’s unimaginable.
@@Heymattmarin yes completely unimaginable! I couldn’t even find the words to explain it to people. I kept my circle very small. I only told my kids and one family member. However, I was fortunate I did not have to interact too much with too many people because I have my own business. Even to this day people cannot understand.
Yes this is unimaginable and I am also stuck and feeling more despair over animals going through this too. Any type of animal abuse, I cant handle. I have no handles on any emotion. When my family says stuff and i feel like Matt says , like what the...have you registered a word I said, I go ballistic and the anguish gets worst.
Y’all are fire. I love you both so much!
This is a great collab guys thanks so much... I was on Ativan for one year for severe anxiety after a health event. The smallest dose possible, less than a mg nightly. After 2 months started to experience interdose withdrawal and this lasted until I decided to taper off after a year.
My Dr did not believe I was on a high enough dose for this to be happening and suggested I just needed more for my anxiety. 3 Dr's said this. Only one got angry at ME for being on it so long and I told her my other Dr was always prescribing it. They are more than happy to blame you when it starts going wrong.
My closest friend at the time acted like I was a junkie and would tell me to detox in a month and that I didn't really want to come off of it. Noone understands about the slow taper with this class of drugs.
I had to hire another TH-cam coach for help with moral support. It took six months of excruciating symptoms and daily doom and terror to get off of one half of a 1mg tablet of Ativan.
Then, 6 months of severe akathesia, anxiety and heart palpitations. I am now 24 months off and still get waves here and there and some windows but the most of my energy goes into just always trying to balance since it can nosedive so fast with a trigger. I have to be on a beta blocker now for heart rhytym disturbances that went into overdrive after tapering off the Ativan. One drug to replace another 😢.
This is a real thing and people around you don't get it.
I mentioned to you Matt that my daughter has now been prescribed an ssri for her anxiety issues and I'm doing everything I can to give her the heads up on this. When you have other health issues it's that much harder as she also has diabetes.
I believe people can use positivity almost as an excuse for them not knowing what to do to help you and because they don't actually care enough to help you since helping people can be a terrible burden with this type of thing.
They see you as doing this to yourself and don't see the source which is a Dr who tells you the drug is safe and that you are the problem.
My friend asked me what I had "learned" from this in a very accusatory way and I learned I don't have good friends tbh. But I found it was the same for anyone who found out... Family included... They just can't deal and think all medication problems are like being a street addict.
You are right about the last 3 years of being a shit show. It takes years to recover and it's a grind. ❤
Eloquently described both of you. Thank you x
So good! It’s especially bad on the Christian community. Always saying “just believe and God will heal you” or “don’t focus on the bad and confess faith filled words”. It’s like double the manipulation when they add God to the mix 😭it was horrendous. So much guilt filled with that. This is so good. Radical acceptance changed everything for me during this.
Healing comes. Hang in there. Appreciate your family and friends attempts at support. Supporting someone in withdrawal is not easy and some people don't have anyone. God Bless
this is amazing! I'd love to see more stuff from you, its really helped me ❤️❤️ this is my comfort channel now
That means so much to me, Julia! I’m so glad it is bringing you some comfort. That is the goal ❤️ more content on the way soon.
@@Heymattmarin yes. More content about that and maybe also how u look on your life now and how to process anger and grief. I blame God a lot, how he could allow that to happen, etc...
@@Heymattmarin how are you now friend
"Profoundly unique..." Truth.
Yay, two of my favorite inspirations in one video! So glad I found these videos This benzo hellscape is a lonely place.
You're just like me. This happened to me. I'm the same way. Your words are my words
Great video! Very inspiring. From what you said Matt and from my perspective you have healed so much. If you sleep 8h that is such an amazing improvement. Asides from diet I think sleep is probably the most important thing to heal because it is when our body repairs it self from this injury. I have a sad theory, but it is just a theory, I think the people that don't make it, are the people that are severly sleep deprived for an extensive period of time😢
Once again a very interesting conversation. I really think you touched on a lot of valid points. This is a must watch for anyone and everyone. Very helpful !
Just watched this video on Angie’s channel. I have to say every point hits home with me- I even tried TMS as well. I’m so happy I found you guys I thought that there was no help for me. Matt you are wise beyond your years.
I’m so glad the video was helpful. And thank you. This injury has aged my soul a lot lol. Sending love and support to you
@@Heymattmarin I can’t tell you how dead on you were with so many points. I feel like I’ve finally found my “people” because we have to figure this out on our own- I can’t tell you how many drs. holistic and traditional, spiritual practices, therapists, failed treatments I’ve been through. They just don’t get it, don’t understand, or don’t believe. I totally agree with you on it being the big spiritual picture of our awakening- so many lost souls burnt by the medical industry need help, hidden and voiceless. That’s our mission brother . I stand with you!
@@jamespisano9159 that means the world to me, honestly. You’re absolutely right. People do not understand what this is. It’s very, very unique. That’s why we need each other.
@@Heymattmarin Word is bond brethren!
In the worst moments/times, the feelings/thoughts are perceived as eternal. A friend of mine has said that to me over and over when I’m in the deep of it. When I get ‘space’ back for a short time, I see clearly that it is completely my state in the ‘deep’…and, it is telling me lies about every last thing down to the smallest of things. Especially, my health. And, of course, during AKA episodes. The cycle is utterly exhausting on every level.
Yesterday was a screaming day…extreme fury. Today…no voice left. Never know from day-to-day what it’s going to be like and how you are able to approach it.
Sending Much Love to All.
Yes, that’s one of the hallmarks of the injury- our minds tells us over and over that it’s forever and it’s a lie. Once I could really accept that as a symptom, it helped a lot. I’m sorry you’re in it too, keep going ❤️ healing is happening
@@Heymattmarin Thanks, Matt. I work with Angie, also. I really appreciate your talks. Resonate very much. We will see the other side. 💕
Man one year later, Im still in hell, somehow the worst days have been survived, and I wish I would have died instead. I feel trapped in existence, in eternity, in this situation in everything.
Most times I dont care about anything but at very brief times I get angry and hope to survive out of pure spite. Just to tell all the people who said I have no hope, I did it.
I can relate. I don’t have much positivity to offer right now. I’m sorry you’re going through it too and I’m sending you love.
Yes... the desperation of trying to explain and knowing they cant possibly get it 😢
Yep, I feel my own spirituality and metaphysical fascination and the after life, has worked against me in this!
Fascination replaced by a fear lens.
I’ve literally had to block irl friends (the others I’ve long scared away) as so over the suggestions, advice, and spiritual romanticism.
This is beyond a DNOTS ffs, I’m not quite into the embracing of the discomfort stage just yet😂
Still at the F this stage
Great conversation, had my usual reaction if “I’ve gotta send this to people” learnt my lesson too late with that approach
Hmm the concept of super sensitivity I do believe in. I can feel auras and people even more now. I could even feel how the animals feel at the zoo like Harry Potter. I can hear electricity in wires and I can hear and feel emf. We get super powers in this too. I may sound insane but I don’t care I know what I know and haven’t been wrong.
Today as I'm watching this, I notice myself slipping in and out of consciousness . I cannot control it. I noticed a bit of panic ,a bit of fear,when this happens,it's uncontrollable and frightening. If I succumb and let go of being afraid of slipping too far away,I notice there is no need for any effort.I remain present.I do not die.i do not have to try. No more panic feeling. Sort of like accepting death without fear of it. Facing the fear inside. Giving it permission instead of avoiding it.does that make any sense to you? In the time it took to watch this video I went nowhere. I did not die, but I am willing to let myself die. Instead of getting up and shaking it off,I let it play out fully.Just thought I would share my experiment with you . Pardon my blah blah. Sorry.
Yes that's true! The meds make the chemical imbalance, depression and so on are not a chemical imbalance at all! But meds do this!
Good psychiatrists have you work out instead of on meds.
Don't give up on dentistry because you encountered a really bad dentist. Don't give up on sports or exercise because you encounterd one that doesn't suit you, and, finally, don't give up on spiritualuty because you encountered a bad version. Additionally don't tell people your problems if you don't want a response from them.
Spirituality is like good diet, exercise, etc.; it is essential. Spirituality is simply how to addrees your life, esp. your inner self. It doesnt have to be one thing or the other; find your own version, your own path.
Or don't. Dont listen to me. Heck, get mad at me if you want.
. . .
782 days off 80 to 86 percent healed still tinitus still broken sleep take metapralol succinate 75 mg and ivabradine for fast heart rate no physical sym all pains has gone feel low energy but it fade a bit
Yes I can’t eat nor drink water how long that goes ? Stare blank and I typed first blare
Thank you so much. When I was going through it, I had no idea what Akathisia was. I thought I was the only one who had this condition, I'd just thought I had just gone crazy. Before my episode, if someone had told me about this condition, I wouldn't believe them. We are survivors. Thanks again.
Of course. I relate, I thought I had lost my mind.
I will never understand how it makes us so sick can you explain it to me
Your problem is you need to get back to work and open the curtains stop sitting in the dark 😂😢yeahhhhh right. 17 years on Benzos 5 years off in April I still feel it
How did you get out of bed during withdrawals and cold turkey? Because my knee joints both hurt !
I could barely be in bed at all because of the akathisia. It was torture. But everyone’s experience is different, and some people become bedbound. I think at some point you just know when it’s time to push a little bit. But only you can ever really know when. It’s hard. Im sending you a lot of love.
Yeah that's true. You look for what is happening to you. I wish I never took this. I had no reason. I knew better. I was just weird from cortisone and my dad believed doctors and therapists more than giving me time to deal with burnoutish symptoms.
Yeah I resisted how I felt trying to find a cure or fix or what was going on with cortisone but seeking help in therapy is also what let me to benzos and this disaster.
My dad often gets dramatic when I have some outburst or whatever and he immediately panicks and says what we should do, but I'm like "swallow it and push through as long as I/we can". "swallow & push" "swallow & push"
@@xy-qy2yg it’s not your fault. This system is sneaky and traps a lot of people. It’s very corrupt and there’s a lot of lies surrounding medical treatment for mental wellness. Don’t blame yourself. You can and will get through this.
@@Heymattmarin you are so strong. I cannot believe a burnout and tinnitus for 6 weeks are what led me here. I couldn't sleep well enough according to therapists but I actually did sleep well enough according to myself. So stupid.
Yes Angie you are doing their work . How fucking sad
I had someone within my family tell me to just…. fake it until you make it 😂 that’s really hard to do when your central nervous system is on the fritz
But it’s actually good advice. How much luck did you have trying to fix yourself through thinking. You can’t think your way out of this. You have to act right and then eventually your thoughts will follow. It’s the whole premise behind exposure therapy. There is wisdom in “fake it til you make it” even if it is cliche.
May I ask if just thinking about the horrific times makes you sick?
Yes. It feels like a constant trauma loop. I am in a severe wave now with no end in sight.
@@Heymattmarin I get waves of feeling stale, like a bad hangover. Dehydration…..
@@corvettedm1 I dealt with that too. A lot. I literally could not quench my thirst. I’d drink a gallon of water and still be dehydrated. It passed. My wave that I thought would never end seems to be dissipating. This shit is torture but I do believe it ends. It’s just impossible to believe when we’re in it
How did you work a job through all this ??? I lost my job 3 months into withdrawal
I physically could not work for the first two years. I work part time now and am slowly working my way back to full.
Hearing back from you just brought tears to my eyes … I been watching you listening just to not be alone in the hell and Angie too and I feel like I’ve lost EVERYTHING Career relationship friends and had to move back home to live with mom bc I can barely function and I’m only 3 months into a Xanax/valium crossover taper . Although it started with an ignorant dr deciding to pull me off Xanax after 15 yrs… I’d love to tell you my story and so on if you’re up to it and when ever … it’s not all that different than you love you matt! Hope to hear from you
@@missmayhem7506 I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I lost so much to this, but I think when we make it through we heal better than we were before. That’s what I’m holding out for. Sending you so much love.
I look forward to hearing a full recovery from you as well the empathy and love is reciprocated ❤
Hi Matt, how are you doing? You feel healed already?
I don’t. Trying to get there.
👏👏👏🇨🇦🙋🏻♀️
How far have you improved? Like how do you keep going?
I have improved a bit in some areas and not at all in many others. The honest answer is I just take it a day at a time and am determined to see the other side of this. But trust me when I say- I have many, many days where I want to give up. That is natural in this journey. It’s unbelievably painful. You can do this. We can do this.
@@Heymattmarin do u expirience neuropathy. I have it for 10 years and is not improving.
@@mitch5222 I have lots of neuropathy everywhere, it's horrible.
@@xy-qy2yg how does it feel? Is it constant or goes and comes? Mine is constant
@@mitch5222 the neuropathy comes and goes and changes places in the body. But when I was 19 I had neuropathy in one spot for 6 months and it went away eventually without any drugs.
That 2nd brain has a mind as well. Ever feel like you're "ahead of or behind yourself", or being pulled in different directions?
Hey man. We have a lot in common. Are you open to chat?
Sure. Let me know a good way to reach you
@@Heymattmarin Or ask Angela
The akathisia is killing me
Hey Kevin. I’m so sorry. I’ve been there many times. It’s unbearable. I’m here if you need to talk to someone. Do whatever you need to do to get through it. If pacing helps, pace. Try an ice cold shower if you haven’t tried that before. Distract with movies/tv or music or anything if it feels helpful, even if you have to pace and watch something on your phone. Just keep surviving it and it will end I promise you. I’m sending you so much love.
What am I going to do
Do you think stem cell treatment would help
@@kevinmathers-lj5ut you just have to survive it one minute at a time. I know that’s not the desirable answer but that’s what was true for me. I know it is unlivable. Trust me. I know your mind is lying to you over and over and convincing you it is not going to stop. It will end. Keep going. You can do this.
Yea but I'm still on atavin can't get of it how will I get better