Inner Child Work in IFS Therapy | Internal Family Systems, Explained - Part 5 of 5
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 มิ.ย. 2024
- Parts work, inner child work and Internal Family Systems, for an in depth discussion of these topics and more check out the Q&A livestream for this video here: • Healing Our Inner Chil...
Welcome to Part 5 of my series: What is IFS? Internal Family Systems Therapy, Explained.
You can find the whole series here: • Internal Family System...
In this final video I describe how IFS therapy helps us to reconnect and care for our wounded inner child. I describe how parts work helps us to bring about a long-awaited reunion between this inner child and a wiser, more compassionate adult self or "true self." Through gently asking our defenses (protector parts) to step aside, we are able to provide true guidance and care to the young parts of our self that are scared, angry or ashamed but have been exiled from our conscious awareness.
When this hurt inner child that we had previously hidden away, senses the presence of our caring adult self, they are finally able to feel save enough to be seen. The protector parts, also developed in childhood, sensing a wiser, stronger, more capable presence, are able to let go of their defensive strategies for protecting the wounded inner child.
#toriolds #partswork #ifs
00:00 The Relationship Between Our Exiles and Our “Big S Self”
01:31 Accessing Our Wounded Inner Child
04:06 Getting Consent From Our Protectors
06:18 Reuniting Our Inner Adult With Our Inner Child
09:47 Unburdening Our Protectors - Freedom From Psychological Defenses
For information about my "Minding the Heart" training groups or to sign up for my video courses and earn mental health education CEUs, check out toriolds.com
I am just starting therapy at 59 years old with a therapist that uses the IFS method. She gave me the link for your series. I am a crying mess because I think this can work for me. I am angry I didn't know about this a longgggggggg time ago, but I am so grateful to you for explaining it so wonderfully.
You're so welcome!! I also truly do hope it works for you...
im almost 58..i did about six years if "talk therapy " uses...im interested in this IFS
I’m going to be 60 this month. I feel same way. I wish I could find a therapist in my areas
@@elenahorton1375 goto their website and seeif theres anyone in your area
Yes I so agree...at 80!
My IFS journey has just begun at age 75! I have only watched two videos so far but will eventually watch them all. My therapist gave me a 27 page PDF explaining the system. That led me to search the web which brought me to your videos. Excellent! I can't wait to start unblending.
I’ve just started IFS at 49. I’ve been in a recovery community for 23 years, and worked ever so hard on myself. Even with all the hard work things just still don’t seem right. I have a mind that won’t let things alone. Serious intimacy issues along with other things. It’s been tough but I do have faith in this type of work. It’s an amazingly new way to look at things. This lady is very clever and informed 👍
She’s the best
I am a therapist really enjoyed this series on IFS. I found it so helpful but interesting and surprising as in the end, when the protectors wern't needed.. It brought me to tears. I have my own trauma and protectors and I felt not just a sens of whew relief tears, but grief, sadness in them going.. like parting ways with a caretaker.. it felt sad and so I guess I have more work to do haha but wondered if that was another part feeling grief? or just the litte girl who has lived her life with these proectors and some attachment issues letting them go.
This video made me tear up and I'm a grown man. My younger self needed to hear this so badly. Thank you so much!
"Dr. Tori' presents IFS and other modalities with so much clarity, wisdom and insights. I've not yet found a better summary of IFS, inner child work and reconsolidation than Dr. Tori's. I regularly share her videos with my counselling peers as not only is it CE-worthy but also as great resources for our own discoveries and healing. Thank you for all that you do.
Oh wow, thanks so much for this comment!! And for sharing these videos along!! I truly appreciate that! ;) Feel free to reach out through my website if you ever want to do an online or zoom training with me! ;)
Im getting relief from a pattern ive been stuck with for most of my life from this beautiful way to accept instead of fight with. Way more at ease. Thank you so much
" And she shows you where to look among the garbage and the flowers
There are heroes in the seaweed, there are children in the morning
They are leaning out for love and they will lean that way forever
While Suzanne holds the mirror " {Suzanne, Leonard Cohen}
Wow...what a well put together and presented series. You make this so easy to understand. You deliver in such an awesome way. You are compassionate and non judgemental and your videos give people a sense of hope without it seeming so dauntly impossible to heal and understand oneself. I think so many people are trying to connect to their true selves and don't even really understand what that means and who that is because of all the layers of hurt and trauma and unexplained behaviours. People are seeking answers in so many different ways and places but you have, in this short series simplified and explained us complex human beings and given such an awesome sense of hope of understanding why we heave certain ways even when we feel we don't resonate with that behaviour. Thank you. ❤❤❤
This was so beautifully hopeful. Tears streaming down my face. Thank you ❤
This has changed my life in a very small amount of time. So grateful for IFS Therapy and your content as well
Thank you so much for this. I just finished the series (all in one day, because I couldn't stop watching), and I've already discovered multiple protectors and exiles within myself. Hopefully I'll be able to reconcile with them soon. But just knowing they are there, and using the language of parts, has already started a healing journey for me! Thank you so much!
I finally feel healed. After 33 years. Thank you so much. I can't express my gratitude in words.
That’s so wonderful to hear! Thanks for sharing :)
I recently stumbled on IFS after decades of conventional “evidence” based psychotherapy which wasn’t helping. It gave me hope but struggled to get my mind around the concepts. I really love and appreciate these videos presented with wisdom and kindness. Dr Tori’s simple and compassionate approach is helping me access this amazing method of self healing. They are a joy to watch, and she sings as well! Thank you so much Dr Tori.
Sounds familiar. I did over a decade of psychodynamic therapy. While enlightening, it literally did nothing for my anxiety, depression, anger, guilt or shame. Hoping IFS is different.
Thanks for the kind words, Nick!! I agree that many of our conventional methods just don't go deeply enough to touch many people's inner world in a meaningful way. I wish you luck on your journey...
I hope so too!
Though I'm not doing IFS but schema therapy, this video series was very helpful. You explained it beautifully and the video editing was very helpful too. Thank you very much!!
My therapist does this work with me. It is so powerful. I’m so grateful and thankful for her
They wounded the spirit of a beautiful child
I feel you are very, very good at this. Your videos have really helped me in my IFS journey to heal my trauma. Thank you.
i'm slowly getting to this place, but right now i absolutely RESENT that i have to do this because i didn't have a caring parent. i'm still too angry i think, and the pictures of adults comforting children in this video make me either want to cry or want to throw up.
Wow! So heartwarming. There is healing in your words. Thank you.
Love this - having EMDR ATM and it's awesome to learn to basically love yourself. I was angry, frustrated and lonely - even though I am a mum and married to a man. Have so many unresolved inner child issues with my Mum - that I had no idea were there. This is wonderful - am doing this work now - it's not easy xxx thank you so much
This is the best video ever. I paused it several times to integrate it and update my inner child. I just want to say thanks. This really helped, tonight.
You're wonderful. I love the work that you're doing with sharing this work with others. I'm a therapist and I feel like this is coming at the right time, not only to help clients heal, but myself as well. Thank you.
*As a budding therapist and published mental health author, I'm immensely grateful for your channel and videos! Thank you - you're an incredible teacher and speaker.*
How is IFS different from schema therapy? They sound pretty similar.
Thank you very much for this helpful content. You really are making this world a better place.
"It is never too late to have a healthy childhood". Loved it.
I finally found a therapist that suggested a cptsd diagnosis and asked me to look into IFS parts work. I listened to podcasts, found tiktoks and articles and videos and it just wouldn't clicking! I'm so grateful to have come across your videos, I love the way you describe the parts and make it more understandable! 💕
Strong work Dr Tori!!!
I just found your channel and am really appreciating it! I love the way you explain things and your voice has such a soothing and musical tone to it! Thank you for all you do for us therapists (and beyond)!
Thank you so much, Tori. A clear explanation for me of why my son couldn’t take it anymore 😢 and at the same time now I can fully enter into the amazing therapy offered by my French speaking IFS therapist because I get it! At last! After 6months of trying, your video series makes it crystal clear. Thank you for the part you’re playing in my healing journey ❤
As a therapist I share this often with my clients, but I probably have watched it more than all of them combined ha. Thank you for crafting this video and explaining these ideas so well. Helps me get prepared for sessions/in the right mindset to do good work as it gets me connected to my own parts in such a helpful way. Thanks again for your work!
Beautiful video! You're very talented, thanks for your work ❤️
thank you so much for this series. it’s been truly life changing
I’m so glad to hear that!!! :)
8K followers. Very well deserved. These vids are so clear and helpful. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this video series. This was such a good compliment to doing IFS with my psychologist. 😊
Your videos are so powerful. Thank you so much for sharing.
Amazing!!! Absolutely.
so clearly explained, thank you
Thank you so much you are gold 💛
these series are genius! and you are incredible :)
Wonderful. Thank you for sharing.
Amazing, thanks Dr Tori.
Dr. Tori is the best exponent of IFS I like how she is able to show the similarities with to my mind a much clearer model Coherence therapy
A wonderful series explaining IFS and I love the images within. I will be recommending the explanation videos to my clients. 🙂
Thanks Louise!! ;)
Such great work! This is the best explanation and presentation of IFS that I have seen :)
What a great series thank you so much!
This was a wonderful series - incredibly informative and helpful. Thank you!
Thank you Dr. Olds, I appreciate every word and your gentle clarity.
Thank you Dr. Tori...I truly appreciate this.
thank you Dr. it has been freeing to watch and digest your series, thank you so much.
Thank you for this series!
Hugely helpful and represents my beginning with this work. It resonates with my previous healing work and seems the next, and hopefully the final step. Peace!
This has all been so helpful! Thank you so much for taking the time to make these videos. hugs!
Thank you for so much for this just what I needed today God bless you and your heart
Such a great series. I'm gonna try it out.
Thank you ❤
I love all your lessons! I grow up!!
Your channel and your manner are simply a delight. Went to your website and am looking forward to doing some of the classes on offer over the summer.
Appreciate you, Dr. Olds. So helpful.
Thanks Scott!! I appreciate you too!! (And miss you)...
Great series. Thank you for providing this.
You're welcome! Thanks for the nice comment :)
Dr Olds, this series and your other videos are great, high value resources and are greatly appreciated.
I have a question related to IFS. Why is it always spoken of as if the trauma was isolated to early childhood? How would this process look different if the trauma was ongoing into adulthood and the fallout from the first twenty years causing new and overwhelming consequences in the following twenty years? Finally, what if the adult self, the one who is supposed to be solid, resourced and in a position to care for the younger inner child is themself a hot mess?
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Good question! I'd love to know, too.
You present IFS in a way that makes sense. Thank you. You embody the c's. Especially compassion , calmness and clarity. Taking in your videos has inspired me to find a therapist who uses IFS. I will start in a few weeks. Question: If the goal, after careful preparation of getting to know, appreciate, care for and gain the trust of protectors, is to lead to moments where the big S self help the exile heal,
What happens with the protectors in time, after the healing takes place?
Do they tend to be more mellow, chilled out, less involved? Do they get to go off and play kickball and tag (sorry, I'm not trying to make light of this). Do they cease to exist completely? Do they get absorbed into to the adult/ big S? From my career working with people with disabilities I recall one client many years ago who had a dissociative disorder who described the goal of her therapy was to (paraphrased) have her various "alter" personalities absorbed into her dominant, host personality. That seems almost opposite of the intent of IFS. I hope this question makes sense. I hope you get a chance to respond, do a new video on this topic or direct me to a video you have done that describes this. I'm taking them all in! Your videos give hope during some moments that seem quite bleak. Thank you so very much. -Jack
I think I found part of an answer in your No Bad Parts video. The protectors can become smaller, take up less space, I think a little contained, but still there.
Great question, Jack!! You are right that in IFS, the idea is that we don't need to 'get rid of' parts. There is actually this beautiful moment after the healing work with the wounded part is complete where the protectors are asked to step back in and witness (to their relief) that the exile is now safe and in the care of the adult self. Then they are asked what 'burdens' they might want to let go of (like feeling pressured to be perfect), and what (if anything) they would like to do for the system now. Yes, some just want a vacation. Some want to be useful (after all they have developed a lot of skill!), but in some less forced way. So lots of options...but ultimately the protector gets to choose. But in some ways they are 'free' now--from the burdensome role they had to fill. Hope that helps!
FABULOUS!! So helpful!!
Thank you!! :)
Thanks for explaining this so understandably and kindly :)
Thanks Adam!! Nice to see an old friend on here ;)
Fantastic series thank you 🌺
You are so welcome! Thanks for the comment!!
Impressive and insightful, thanks!
You're welcome! ;)
I really appreciate you and this wonderful series which is really beautifully and succinctly explained. Thank you. I have real hope now and look forward to meeting my true Self.
Thanks Jo!! Yes, I wish you luck in meeting your 'true self' for sure!! It's a wonderful mission....
Thanks amazingly clear. my experience both for an adult child and watching other adult children it's not that simple/painless.... but I still really appreciate all your work
This is such a beautiful introduction Tori🦋!
Thanks Kelly! I really appreciating you taking a second to leave a comment ;)
This is dynamite - thank u so much… it ties up a lot of loose ends for me regarding the nature of emotions and good mental health :) :)
So glad to hear that! Thanks for letting me know! ;)
Great video 👍🏼
I love you, thank you.
Hey! I've been loving your videos on IFS and wonder if you could do one that specifically talks about eating disorders
Sincerely thank you. Truly amazing vids! I only have one request. If you could add to the video titles part 1, part 2 etc, it would make it easier to go between them.
Thank you❤
Dr. Olds, this is brilliant! As a therapist this is so very helpful!
I'm a therapist too. A new one, but still. I like the way she explains things. Her explanations are right up there with Dr. Schwartz.
Thank You :)
Hello how are you doing today?
It is interesting to me that my shamanic journeys align with what you talked about. Though to be fair. I sometimes take out protectors, permanently. Which symbolically is transforming them from the form they are back to their initial archetypal form. The inner child parts I rescue, I always bring back to the inner Round Table, where there are both protective/nurturing parts of me, and myself. So the inner child parts feels more safe. Though when integrating, there indeed is a fine balance between both protective and inner child. Sometimes I still lean too much to the inner child being too close, or the other way around. So this really helps.
I've watched the series twice over two nights, you are a truly gifted teacher. Profound gratitude to you and Dr Schwartz. Can you tell us who makes the music at the end of this video?
“Some of us have pretty deep pain, but even we our more than our wounds.”
Hello Dr Olds! I thoroughly appreciate your work, and am inspired! A question for you: what resources do you recommend for grief work, both for clinician and client? Many thanks!
Chris
Great!
Thanks!
Thank you for these videos. So clear, concise and easy to follow. I'm looking for cPTSD healing modalities and IFS + Psychoeduction seems like great starting points. Btw, is IFS and inner child work the same?
I like your voice :)
I L-O-V-E these videos! Thank you so much for this beautiful gift. What was that music at the end of the video? That singer has the voice of an angel!
Thanks Billy!! You're the best! ;) And thanks for noticing my singing. :) Miss you!
It is a wonderful song. Many of my parts found it loving and calm and welcoming. (And wishing you will post it somewhere.)
I really appreciate your channel. It has been very safe and helpful in my healing journey. Thank you.
4:02 - "Who are you protecting?"
I feel like this should be apart of a program for our soldiers to reintegrate into "civi" life ... maybe 🤔 with EMDR...
It always feels like im clearing a plug in a blocked drain whenever i manage to do this successfully, like an immediate relief
Thank you so much I'm very grateful for your videos and the way you deliver them. I have a question on the process after you unburden them. R.Schwartz talks on the importance of checking up on them, not to forget them. Do you have any advice/videos on this? thank you!
Hello how are you doing today
1:56 - 🎶 Blocked 🎶
Beautiful song at the end, which I understand is your own. Which song is this, and can it be found with your other songs on Apple Music?
You know, I haven't released that song in any format yet. I'm about to release a new album, but that song I'm holding off until my next album even. But I will definitely put it on youtube before that. If you'd like to contact me through my website (with your email), I'd be happy to email it to you, also... ;)
Please Dr Tori do a video on compulsive overeating (I also have ADHD). Eternally grateful ❤
Who doesn’t have adhd these days. Stop making labels your identity 🙄
3:54 - "What do you fear would happen if you [stopped protecting]?"
This series has been immensely helpful to me. However, I am not in a position to work with a therapist and really I would rather work the IFS methodology on my own. Please let me know what I can do from here to further this work for myself. Thank you.
I kinda kept phasing in and out while watching these videos, but the parts I was able to hold onto made sense. Does this therapy work with folk who lose bits of memory when they dissociate?
Excellent video as always, thank you.
I would like to say, however, that reuniting with and re-parenting your wounded inner child is not always so easy, and it's not necessarily a long-lost love fest. People like myself rejected those young parts a long, long time ago - sometimes for reasons that may have had to do with life or death - and we've been avoiding this task like the plague our entire lives. Our adult selves could have very little genuine interest in the rejected child part because in order to survive, we had to hate it and get rid of it, and that feeling of not wanting to ever see that part of us again can become part of who we are today. In an attempt to not be rejected by my father, I had to use HIS negative feelings toward me against myself to reject my normal, healthy neediness and desire for affection, etc. And that's exactly what HE did with himself in regards to his father, I learned later.
So when the path to healing requires really rescuing that exiled part of ourselves by an adult part that may have less than loving feelings toward it....well, it can get complicated.
That part that rejected the sensitive child is a protector part. The adult Self she is referencing is our true Self aka our soul, or our Spirit as in the mind body Spirit complex.
@@atypicaltexan3834 Thank you for clarifying. That makes sense. Looking at it that way, I wonder if I've honestly ever really encountered my true Self, at least as it pertains to the lost child in me.
@@scotchvelo I recovered my true self through Somatic Therapy that incorporated IFS. She's in there, your true essence, your highest, loving Self. Don't give up. :)
m.th-cam.com/video/3bNHkg4ZPpA/w-d-xo.html
omg yes. thanks for clarifying and articulating this.
I'm a therapist with a few years experience, and I'm very intrigued by this model. I wonder if you could tell me your perspective: is it possible that dark-triad individuals are merely a combination of Protectors and Exiles? In other words, how do we know that some clients truly have Selves if they are simply pretending to exhibit the 8 C's? I hope that question made sense. These videos are great!
6:50 ❤
Anybody know what the beautiful song is on the end of this video. Shazam doesn't recognize it, typing the lyrics doesn't give a result. Really would love to know and give a listen to that whole song.
Dr. Tori when i do this my adult is not strong enough to make an aggrement. How can i protect her as an adult while i am not feeling adult in that subject so i tried to do this exercise from other trainer but i could not do it. What eill advise to have string adult who can give true protection and support?
Hi..can i do IFS therapy on my own..kindly please do recommend me some books,and resources tonstart my journey.
Is IFS therapy best for treating people like me who is suffering from sexual, emotional, physical, verbal and neglect for over 25 years now. I feel mentally exhausted,there is no help in my country and I have been trying to heal myself so please would greatly appreciate your recommendations.🙏❤