@@barbaramartorana1598 - Yup, he's gonna have to trade having his home back and a lower electric bill for day care expenses. Worth it, even if day care is more than that electric bill. Less stress in the home.
My sanity is more important my mental health I will not carry your burdens if they aren’t for me to carry, boundaries are healthy helping you parent is healthy what is not healthy is expecting someone to do everything for you at all times if you are healthy and have income adios!
Back in 2006, my Mother-in-Law was released from the hospital, came to our home to transition back to her home. I opened the front door wide, welcomed her in. M.I.L. enters, Dear Wife follows her through the door, off-handedly says to me- "My Mother is moving in with us. I'll tell you about it later." Went as well as one might expect. A couple of weeks later, after M.I.L. was caught smoking in the house while on high-flow oxygen, my wife was totally fine with me loading her stuff on my truck, driving her back to her (perfectly fine) house. WHEW!
I guess the fact that her selfishness that she could have blown your entire family to little bits didn’t mean a dad-gum thing. Good riddance to that kettle of fish!
@@NewLifestyleMentor M.I.L. had TWO cryo-tanks of LIQUID oxygen (20 liters each!) in the house. Tube from tanks to her is clear vinyl (burns easily in REGULAR air). I had mentioned before that I'd smelled smoke, got fussed at, was told I was "imagining it". I was working on the roof outside M.I.L.'s window, saw wisps of smoke coming out. Asked Dear Wife to take a look. PROBLEM SOLVED! M.I.L. & I had a good relationship prior to this, and then again after this. ONCE SHE WAS BACK IN HER OWN HOME!!!
When I'm elderly and destitute, I'm not gonna burden my kids and take food off my grandkids' plate. I'll just build a cabin in the woods, and die of natural causes like a gentlemen.
That's what's wrong with the older generation. They've checked out and left the kids and grandkids when the world NEEDS the older folks up step up and HELP.
My wives mother comes to visit from a foreign country once every couple years. She usually stays about six months. She helps us out a lot. She cleans the house, washes clothes, takes care of kids, etc. She's welcome anytime.
I LOVE Jade! She tells it like it is! So well qualified! Definitely knows what she’s talking about. She relates well to everyone also. Keep it going Jade! 🎉
@@MsMockingbird06 long story but yes… However doesn’t go thru.. Long story short her father died during the divorce so now it’s her, her mom & mid 30’s sister all together.. I just can’t.. I’m willing to invest in a property while we recover but all under the same roof no… They suffered from bad financial decisions and viewed us as “rich”.. And yeah.. you can fill in the rest..
We moved in with my father, then bought the house... so not HE lives with US. It has been a blessing, my father doesn’t intervene at all, he gets along with my husband, he enriches my children’s life, he shares the costs of household bills. My God - these parents/in-laws who suckle off their children’s adult families are absolutely shameful!
Family dynamic definitely matters. Sometimes family does get old and needs help though, I know people who’s in laws are over 90, and need help because well they are 90, and cant get around well.
@@VioletEvans-yt2fd I partially agree. I think it’s more likely to be problematic when a mother-in-law lives with their adult child’s family. SomI agree with you there. I love my mother very much, but if the roles were reversed, and she was the surviving parent, I would not be open to having her live with us. But I wouldn’t allow her to move in, period. My husband has an aunt who is a widow, and she lives with her daughter’s family... and they are all very close and get along well. It’s more about personality and character... but I cannot disagree that running a household is a woman’s role - and two women are less likely to successfully do that.
My mil was talking about leaving her husband and I asked her, “Do you have anywhere to go?” She said, “ I have plenty of places to go.” LMAO…she’s still with her husband.
Red flag here--If she cannot remember where she puts packages, what does she not remember about child care? Is she possibly dealing with any form of dementia? This was not covered. Parents have to be very careful and aware of who is supposed to care for their children, even if it is a grandparent. When you become a mom or dad, that responsibility and relationship tops all others.
I completely fail to understand how the mother in law could possibly drive the electricity bill up $370 a month. I literally don’t know how that could be her fault as opposed to seasonal changes. But even if it was her… it’s still cheaper than child care.
I believe he exaggerated the rise in bills. My hunch says he is lacking the attention that he may have been getting before the baby and the mother in law.
@@KhallelaB. i mean, I COMPLETELY understand wanting her out for non financial reasons. It’s a total privacy invasion. It sounds like he’s just naturally sick of it and is using money as an excuse.
The power is on twice as much with her there during the day. Also she might stay up much later and using electricity. However the bottom line is he wants her out😁
I I would hate the lack of privacy but I have news for him, his childcare expenses are going to be a lot higher than his utility bills. If he thinks caring for his child while he’s working from home is not going to be an issue, then he needs a reality check.
My MIL tried to get my guy to let her move in with us. I absolutely refused, once she was in she would NEVER leave. The woman is fine from a distance, but no WAY the next room over.
@@radolfkalis4041 Exactly! I've made it clear to my husband that there will be NO moms in our marital home. He actually mentioned having both of our moms live with us. NOPE! He and his mom discussed this type of stuff long before I came along. I shut it down! I said you made those decisions as a single man, but you're married now. And I'm not having it!
My heating bill went up too but its because we are in the middle of winter. Also, the heat will be on since the baby is is in the house. There is much more going on.
@@lcam9241my MiL has run the AC upstairs while the hear is going downstairs and with a window open! All at the same time in December! You don’t give crazy people enough credit. My MiL is too vain to change to lighter weight clothes when she gets hot. She wears a turtleneck in the middle of summer so her wrinkles don’t show. When you do things like that it does run with bill up very high
My mother-in-law who makes over 100k a year made my life miserable for over two years living in our home not spending a dime. To make matters even worse her ex-husband (my father-in-law) had already been living with us for three years prior. Two baby boomers that never thought that they would get older and never managed their lives properly but thought that they new everything 😅. I finally had to give my wife an ultimatum- it was either those two or me!! Needless to say they finally bought a house and left and it took about two years for them to talk to me again and about two years for me to forgive my wife. Unfortunately I should have put my foot down way earlier but I just kept letting it go until it almost ruined my marriage. Don’t let this happen to yourselves. Speak up. The sooner the better. Better yet don’t even let them in the door.
That’s great you had somethings that made Ur worth fighting for. But Marriage is suppose to be a lifetime commitment for better or worse. God bless you for fighting for your family.May God bless you with many more good years.
A good spouse needs to be an adult, be clear on the boundaries to protect their marriage, and stand up to their parent(s) who become intrusive and disrespectful. The guidance was excellent, to show appreciation while standing firm together to end the situation that was to only be temporary. This is critically important before resentment increases.
I'm delighted to see a new personality and a woman at that. Hey man you have no idea just how much work it takes to take care of a young child AND work from home. You best do that double job for a few months to see exactly what you are really getting into. It is going to cost a LOT more for daycare at some point.
I think he's not aware of how annoying it can be to have someone interrupt your workday. Childcare is work just like working from home is work. It also may be expensive to find a baby sitter to fit their schedules
It’s difficult having your MIL live with you. It really disrupted my happy marriage with my husband. I don’t know if we will ever get the closeness back. I told him many times his mom would be passive aggressive with me. I also literally felt like the other woman in my own home. He just would not acknowledge that she was trying to compete against me for his love. After MIL passed, It was soul crushing when he said he knew it all along but didn’t know what to do. I just needed him to acknowledge it through the years as nothing was going to change anything because she was too ill to live alone. He made me feel crazy and childish for too many years for not acknowledging what he actually knew. I don’t yet know how this story ends.
I'm sorry for what you went through. The fact that he didn't acknowledge the truth until after his mother passed was a betrayal. It was an extremely cruel thing to do to you. And he did it on purpose. :( Good luck.
It's like when your spouse says i have your back even if it looks like i don't. Nope if it looks like you don't then lets be clear you don t. It's very difficult to get over the betrayal, can you ever trust that he will have your back?
Im in a very similar situation after we had another child mother in law came to visit to help for a month which is fine. But lord everything has to be her way. My dish washer became a drying rack. My daily routine with my older child totally interrupted always no do it this why do it that way. Telling me what my child who has lived with me for 3 years that she has seen maybe 6 times in person wants and doesnt want. I cant find shit in my own house and she tells me how to cook. Im struggling bad. Almost want to leave the house i pay for and go stay at my moms house until the lady leaves. I try not to be confrontational because i go from 0 to 1000 really quick in an argument. Even my wife is annoyed
Mother in law : " I wont be chased out of the house like the dog when I want to smoke " , me "No , the dog doesn't have to go out of the house , the dog doesn't smoke " . 25 years ago , no longer married (phew)
@@33ladyRAMI didn’t kno this was a thing with everyone cuz our utilities bills are up like crazy! Way more than $300 bucks and I live about 30-40 mins from nyc
@@jimmymcgill6778 - no but if she is home all day that is a major contributor, and they are probably leaving the lights on and everything plugged in the walls as well. An increase over $300 is a major change somewhere it just doesn't happen overnight.
John, You give good advice but can you for once not say "You don't feel safe" to a caller. I mean I literally think he says that on every single person that calls in. Lol
Family dynamic definitely matters. Sometimes family does get old and needs help though, I know people who’s in laws are over 90, and need help because well they are 90, and cant get around well.
Different cultures say different things. Mother in law should have small apartment close by to help with child care. Pay the mom something to do it, however.
I hate 21st century western civilization and how independent & self centered & unable to coexist we’ve become. I grew up in a small house with grandmothers there more often than not, even most overnights. There was one bathroom, one TV in the house (so everyone had to watch the same shows,) and no technology to entertain if you DID retreat to a bedroom. We naturally learned to interact with one another, compromise, and live in peace. Clearly, the bulk of our culture is losing those skills. 😢
You were a child, so not the same experience as long atenta having to deal with another adult crossing their boundaries. A lot of people instead of being grateful someone opened the door, are inconsiderate and don’t make sure to find ways to be helpful.
It may be a issue of the wife wanting to give her responsibilities to her mother. I have seen some friends become jealous of their husbands freedom. They don't want to look after the new baby and love when their mother can do it all.
You’ve gotta sit the wife down, show her proof that those bills are higher since the MIL arrived. After that, you have to ask your wife to sit the MIL down to say to her, “Cut the s-t, or you’re out!” (Not in those words, but you get the picture!)
It’s not about the bills, he is just using that to justify getting rid of his MIL. He needs to be honest and just say he is tired of her living with him Periodt! She overstayed her welcome! 🤷🏾♀️ I get it, I personally could never live with my own parents, my mother would drive me crazy, she wants to be in your face talking all day. I like to unwind when I get home after cooking dinner. I guarantee his MIL does the same thing, they don’t have any privacy . Never let them in or it will be hard to ask them to move out. He needs to have a discussion with his wife and they set a date for her to move out together. They need to be on a United front and meet with MIL together, but let his wife do the talking, so she won’t chicken out and blame him for the decision. The decision needs to be mutual. This should be done after they figure out a fool proof childcare plan.
No that's so rude. Don't be disrespectful. You've wasted way more money than that in your life on nonsense, so don't lie that it's about money when it's not.
@@vetgirl71 often - when a parent moves in, the child regresses … seen it happen so many times. They change into a toddler - very unattractive. Also, having someone in ur space 24/7 is a recipe for issues and arguments. The MIL constantly weighing into every conversation, constantly questioning you. The “well we think this”… Hell, even the fact you gotta wear a shirt all the time … that annoys me. You want to have a shower - and she’s used all the hot water in the boiler.
No matter what anyone thinks here the FACT remains: A marriage is supposed to be between you and your spouse. It's NOT a triangle or square! It's VERY unhealthy to have a parent move in for any amount of time. Great old folks homes are out there & there's no reason you can't visit a few times a week either.
its either you pay that extra 300 dollars to utilities or pay more money on baby sitter. Its not money problem, it looks like its culture/value difference :)
He needs to just set boundaries in terms of the home situation. The bills is understandable that it would be going up because on the days that he was working in the office there is now someone there throughout the entire day. Utilities are being used. If the case is that he really just doesn’t want her there full time then her needs to let that be know and they need to navigate to regular child care.
Or set the house at a temp in the attic and the temp gauge in the house as a fake. She can change it all she wants. There are temp gauges that can be controlled by your phone or computer. You would receive notice if anyone tried to change it.
Good relationships mean you can talk things out, which then turns into action. I hope the talking prompts really help him work things out with his wife and then MIL. Because in the end, relationships are all about how you communicate and treat each other.
Am I missing something here?....he is getting FREE childcare.....wait til he finds out how much childcare for a young one is....and if noone is at home....his package could be a target for porch pirates.....
@@konye618 yes but watching the kids they can run up the same bills and cost way more they have a free live in babysitter it's only a problem with the husband because he makes it one
I bet he wouldn’t be saying that if it was his mom. When my daughter was born, my mom was there for my daughter. When you have a child, expect your utility bill to go up because someone has to keep the heat on to keep the baby warm and also cooking for the baby at the same time. I know my utility bill went up because of that. It comes with a territory for having a child. If I were the mother, I wouldn’t stay long and be my own king at my own house.
Hasn't everyone's heat, energy and food bills shot up this winter even without their mother in laws moving in? Does mother in law's salary cover these increase costs. So the real reason she has to go - lead with that.
She helps with childcare for free but he complains that he has to provide food and heat for her? Childcare is not cheap and her moving out of her house to live in her son in law’s house to provide childcare for free is a big sacrifice. He should be thankful instead of complaining.
@@shachede6828 If he changes his mind then then grandma needs to say NO to them using her like that. He can work harder to pay the child care bills and she should enjoy her retirement.
Family dynamic definitely matters. Sometimes family does get old and needs help though, I know people who’s in laws are over 90, and need help because well they are 90, and cant get around well.
The mother and her daughter is being selfish. I don’t think the the husband and wife had any premarital counseling because boundaries have been crossed and there are childcare issues. The mother doesn’t sound like she has a significant other so now she’s impacting her daughter’s marriage or the daughter is afraid to put her foot down with her mother for some reason.
John always finds a way to tie it back to "i have a feeling there's something wrong in the marriage." Maybe in his experience literally everyone has problems in marriage? Not a good look for marriage as an institution, but thanks for the info, John!
From a mother in law. I find this very sad. Parents would do anything for their kids and grand kids but the off spring now a days seem all about themselves. Poor mom she feels like she is doing them a favour but no the are worrying about a couple of boxes being not brought into the house. Think of the money they are saving on babysitting. Mom probably makes meals and does house work. Some day mom will pass and then you may realize how it’s. All about me you were.
When she's using that much electricity and gas and water that their bills are like Devils she's not being helpful she's being a burden both financially and mentally because of all the stress she's putting on them so yeah she needs to pack her bags and go don't know about your in-laws but my in-laws are a total burden I can't stand them and that's the case for most people unfortunately
Shut up. Old people do not respect their adult kids. I've seen it over and over. Y'all trample on your kids and then play the woe-is-me card, which is masking abuse.
I raised my 3 kids by myself I never asked for anyone's help and never left them with anyone single Mom and I ever want to be a burden to my daughter or the system and I'll do my best not to
@@amireallythatgrumpy6508 Grumpy, it will be spring on March 20. We are still using heat here and I burn propane too, just like this caller. Propane is hideously expensive this season compared to what we got used to paying. It more than doubled and even tripled in price. That's why this dude's heating and electric bills went up, not because of his free child-caregiver.
Why does everything have to be “hilarious”? One reason I never listened when Christy Wright was on-she’d laugh uproariously over minimally funny stuff. It gets old fast.
All three of them sounds like they need to sit down and actually have a conversation of what their expectations are! And sit down with each other and do your budget! You may also want to track your spending on your food bill! Also look at your electric bill. And see how much it actually went up instead of just saying it was the mother-in-law. And you might want to look at how much it would actually cost to put your child in daycare. You still might be under the amount you'd be paying for daycare services with her staying there. You can't have your cake and eat it too dude!
Exactly! Plus: both parents are working, so what’s better for the baby and the parents’ peace of mind: a loving grandmother taking care of her grand baby, or sending baby to childcare where strangers -making not a lot of money- babysit?
To be fair - they INVITED the MIL to come because they needed childcare. The mom has been saving them thousands a month they would otherwise be paying for daycare. I get that it’s not working out but the way they are portraying the poor MIL who came there to help at their request is not fair.
My father-in-law visit us from Vietnam in the US every year in the summer for the past 10 years. He stays in my house for 2, 3 months at a time. My wife says it's normal in the Vietnamese culture. I'm getting stressed over this, I was accommodating at first 3, 4 years but now it's disrupting my life and marriage. Am I selfish?
Sometimes, there is no easy way. You be polite, but firm and it will take some fortitude which is easier for some people than others. This guy sounds like he is very capable of doing just that. Don't expect it to always be pretty. The wife in this case should be a huge part of it since it is her mom.
I wonder if they will miss the savings they get from mom doing day care and the meals she prepares and house work she does for them just to keep herself busy and feel she is helping out . I am a grand mother and would be hurt . This is their first child . In the future I would make my stays very short .
I would say the best way to handle it would be saying mom I know we asked you to stay here for 6 weeks and it's been 8 weeks but was wondering if you could stay one more that way you're not saying look it's time for you to go you're saying look we could use you another week and then also add that you'll be more than happy to help her get back to her own place or whatever.
No MIL in the house! Never! Keep boundaries, or they will destroy your marriage.
Probably shouldn't use them then to care for your kids all day free of charge.
@@barbaramartorana1598 - Yup, he's gonna have to trade having his home back and a lower electric bill for day care expenses. Worth it, even if day care is more than that electric bill. Less stress in the home.
American mentality is different
@@fightsportspace7327 mil at home is common in Asia. So, op's comment is nonsense.
My sanity is more important my mental health I will not carry your burdens if they aren’t for me to carry, boundaries are healthy helping you parent is healthy what is not healthy is expecting someone to do everything for you at all times if you are healthy and have income adios!
I'm so grateful to have a wonderful MIL who respects the boundaries of my relationship with her daughter.
Back in 2006, my Mother-in-Law was released from the hospital, came to our home to transition back to her home. I opened the front door wide, welcomed her in. M.I.L. enters, Dear Wife follows her through the door, off-handedly says to me- "My Mother is moving in with us. I'll tell you about it later."
Went as well as one might expect. A couple of weeks later, after M.I.L. was caught smoking in the house while on high-flow oxygen, my wife was totally fine with me loading her stuff on my truck, driving her back to her (perfectly fine) house. WHEW!
I guess the fact that her selfishness that she could have blown your entire family to little bits didn’t mean a dad-gum thing. Good riddance to that kettle of fish!
@@NewLifestyleMentor M.I.L. had TWO cryo-tanks of LIQUID oxygen (20 liters each!) in the house. Tube from tanks to her is clear vinyl (burns easily in REGULAR air). I had mentioned before that I'd smelled smoke, got fussed at, was told I was "imagining it".
I was working on the roof outside M.I.L.'s window, saw wisps of smoke coming out. Asked Dear Wife to take a look.
PROBLEM SOLVED!
M.I.L. & I had a good relationship prior to this, and then again after this. ONCE SHE WAS BACK IN HER OWN HOME!!!
Yeah, let her blow up her OWN home.
When I'm elderly and destitute, I'm not gonna burden my kids and take food off my grandkids' plate. I'll just build a cabin in the woods, and die of natural causes like a gentlemen.
😂 that’s admirable
I love your style.❤
That's what's wrong with the older generation. They've checked out and left the kids and grandkids when the world NEEDS the older folks up step up and HELP.
😂
I feel the same. I’ll help them when they need my help but I’m not going to burden them.
My wives mother comes to visit from a foreign country once every couple years. She usually stays about six months. She helps us out a lot. She cleans the house, washes clothes, takes care of kids, etc. She's welcome anytime.
Wives..... as in plural 😮
Lol I caught that as well! @alan how many do you have? One is still " my wifes Mother" if it's MORE than one it IS "wives"
@@pnwadventurer802You’re being ridiculous. He says,” she” not “they”. One mother-in-law, no plural.
Annoying mother inlaw moving in to help with the kids is why my parents got divorced. GL bro!
I love Jade. She was a great addition to the show. Quickly becoming one of my favorite personalities.
@@TettyBoyFloydMaybe, but she can do the job. The other woman pic was good but too timid. You have to jump in like Jade does.
I LOVE Jade! She tells it like it is! So well qualified! Definitely knows what she’s talking about. She relates well to everyone also. Keep it going Jade! 🎉
LEAVE and CLEAVE.
Do whatever you can to get her out… One of the main reasons for my divorce.. We’re both regretful to this day
Sorry but i guess your bond wasnt strong to begin with
@@johndone8045 we had our own issues this was more so the straw that broke the camels back… She had hoarding issues, manipulative etc..
@@johndone8045 Don’t be so quick to judge. As Dave has mentioned, disagreements over in-laws are a strong indicator of divorce.
@@sirmodd6199 with the insight that you both have now, you guys considered reconciling?
@@MsMockingbird06 long story but yes… However doesn’t go thru.. Long story short her father died during the divorce so now it’s her, her mom & mid 30’s sister all together.. I just can’t.. I’m willing to invest in a property while we recover but all under the same roof no… They suffered from bad financial decisions and viewed us as “rich”.. And yeah.. you can fill in the rest..
We moved in with my father, then bought the house... so not HE lives with US.
It has been a blessing, my father doesn’t intervene at all, he gets along with my husband, he enriches my children’s life, he shares the costs of household bills. My God - these parents/in-laws who suckle off their children’s adult families are absolutely shameful!
Family dynamic definitely matters.
Sometimes family does get old and needs help though, I know people who’s in laws are over 90, and need help because well they are 90, and cant get around well.
Men are different than women. Having a father in law there is different than having a mother in law. Two women under the same roof is a big NO!
@@VioletEvans-yt2fd I partially agree. I think it’s more likely to be problematic when a mother-in-law lives with their adult child’s family. SomI agree with you there. I love my mother very much, but if the roles were reversed, and she was the surviving parent, I would not be open to having her live with us. But I wouldn’t allow her to move in, period. My husband has an aunt who is a widow, and she lives with her daughter’s family... and they are all very close and get along well. It’s more about personality and character... but I cannot disagree that running a household is a woman’s role - and two women are less likely to successfully do that.
My mil was talking about leaving her husband and I asked her, “Do you have anywhere to go?” She said, “ I have plenty of places to go.” LMAO…she’s still with her husband.
Red flag here--If she cannot remember where she puts packages, what does she not remember about child care? Is she possibly dealing with any form of dementia? This was not covered. Parents have to be very careful and aware of who is supposed to care for their children, even if it is a grandparent. When you become a mom or dad, that responsibility and relationship tops all others.
I completely fail to understand how the mother in law could possibly drive the electricity bill up $370 a month. I literally don’t know how that could be her fault as opposed to seasonal changes.
But even if it was her… it’s still cheaper than child care.
Yeah... that's his wife's mother. I'm not too fond of him wanting her gone to save a few hundred dollars.
I believe he exaggerated the rise in bills. My hunch says he is lacking the attention that he may have been getting before the baby and the mother in law.
@@KhallelaB. i mean, I COMPLETELY understand wanting her out for non financial reasons. It’s a total privacy invasion. It sounds like he’s just naturally sick of it and is using money as an excuse.
The power is on twice as much with her there during the day. Also she might stay up much later and using electricity. However the bottom line is he wants her out😁
I’d rather pay a baby sitter than to have my space and privacy invaded by anyone
I I would hate the lack of privacy but I have news for him, his childcare expenses are going to be a lot higher than his utility bills. If he thinks caring for his child while he’s working from home is not going to be an issue, then he needs a reality check.
With MIL throwing out his business packages and him working from home most of the week, I don't think it will cost him too much more.
She will be there forever if she can!
My MIL tried to get my guy to let her move in with us. I absolutely refused, once she was in she would NEVER leave. The woman is fine from a distance, but no WAY the next room over.
How did yall get her out?!
@@TYSniper I refused to let her in.
@@radolfkalis4041 Huh, interesting tactic. I'm currently trying to get my mom out who is going on to a year living with us.
@@radolfkalis4041 Exactly! I've made it clear to my husband that there will be NO moms in our marital home. He actually mentioned having both of our moms live with us. NOPE! He and his mom discussed this type of stuff long before I came along. I shut it down! I said you made those decisions as a single man, but you're married now. And I'm not having it!
Wifey has GOT to be on your side
Good luck, my man.
“Man we have very different spouses” 😂😂😂
Wow, first time I’ve really loved Jade!
That was funny lol
Love Jade! Great addition to the Ramsey personalities.
My heating bill went up too but its because we are in the middle of winter. Also, the heat will be on since the baby is is in the house. There is much more going on.
I thought the same!!! One person can't be affecting the bill that darn much.
@@lcam9241my MiL has run the AC upstairs while the hear is going downstairs and with a window open! All at the same time in December! You don’t give crazy people enough credit. My MiL is too vain to change to lighter weight clothes when she gets hot. She wears a turtleneck in the middle of summer so her wrinkles don’t show. When you do things like that it does run with bill up very high
My mother-in-law who makes over 100k a year made my life miserable for over two years living in our home not spending a dime. To make matters even worse her ex-husband (my father-in-law) had already been living with us for three years prior. Two baby boomers that never thought that they would get older and never managed their lives properly but thought that they new everything 😅.
I finally had to give my wife an ultimatum- it was either those two or me!!
Needless to say they finally bought a house and left and it took about two years for them to talk to me again and about two years for me to forgive my wife. Unfortunately I should have put my foot down way earlier but I just kept letting it go until it almost ruined my marriage.
Don’t let this happen to yourselves. Speak up. The sooner the better. Better yet don’t even let them in the door.
U should have left
@@leeboy244 . 😂 You don’t know how close I was but two sons and my loyal dogs kept me there.
That’s great you had somethings that made Ur worth fighting for. But Marriage is suppose to be a lifetime commitment for better or worse. God bless you for fighting for your family.May God bless you with many more good years.
And this is the issue. The resentment builds and that destroys the marriage vs a conversation or even an argument. Glad it worked out for you.
MILs are the absolute worst. Boundaries should’ve been set from the get go like bills etc
Sell the mother in law
🤭🤭
😵💫🤣ouch!!
💯
Oh. How much is childcare Sir? You would be shocked.
“We have very different spouses” 😭 😂
I’m so glad I stayed the extra 20 seconds after the call hung up
Jade!!!!!! Not the lunch meat 🤣
A good spouse needs to be an adult, be clear on the boundaries to protect their marriage, and stand up to their parent(s) who become intrusive and disrespectful. The guidance was excellent, to show appreciation while standing firm together to end the situation that was to only be temporary. This is critically important before resentment increases.
A short-term commitment should not become a long-term obligation for anyone without complete agreement.
I'm delighted to see a new personality and a woman at that. Hey man you have no idea just how much work it takes to take care of a young child AND work from home. You best do that double job for a few months to see exactly what you are really getting into. It is going to cost a LOT more for daycare at some point.
I think he's not aware of how annoying it can be to have someone interrupt your workday. Childcare is work just like working from home is work. It also may be expensive to find a baby sitter to fit their schedules
"Bye Felicia!"
BAM! There it is 4:19….John please queue up the word “safe.” He has to shoehorn that word in evertime!!!
It’s difficult having your MIL live with you. It really disrupted my happy marriage with my husband. I don’t know if we will ever get the closeness back. I told him many times his mom would be passive aggressive with me. I also literally felt like the other woman in my own home. He just would not acknowledge that she was trying to compete against me for his love. After MIL passed, It was soul crushing when he said he knew it all along but didn’t know what to do. I just needed him to acknowledge it through the years as nothing was going to change anything because she was too ill to live alone. He made me feel crazy and childish for too many years for not acknowledging what he actually knew. I don’t yet know how this story ends.
I'm sorry for what you went through. The fact that he didn't acknowledge the truth until after his mother passed was a betrayal. It was an extremely cruel thing to do to you. And he did it on purpose. :( Good luck.
It's like when your spouse says i have your back even if it looks like i don't. Nope if it looks like you don't then lets be clear you don t. It's very difficult to get over the betrayal, can you ever trust that he will have your back?
Do you think these costs are less than day care?
Who cares? He doesn’t want her there, it was a temporary setup … time to pack up and piss off
I went through this. Sorry. it didn't end well...
Im in a very similar situation after we had another child mother in law came to visit to help for a month which is fine. But lord everything has to be her way. My dish washer became a drying rack. My daily routine with my older child totally interrupted always no do it this why do it that way. Telling me what my child who has lived with me for 3 years that she has seen maybe 6 times in person wants and doesnt want. I cant find shit in my own house and she tells me how to cook. Im struggling bad. Almost want to leave the house i pay for and go stay at my moms house until the lady leaves. I try not to be confrontational because i go from 0 to 1000 really quick in an argument. Even my wife is annoyed
Jade is a BonaFide star!
She is a breathe of fresh air!
Mother in law : " I wont be chased out of the house like the dog when I want to smoke " , me "No , the dog doesn't have to go out of the house , the dog doesn't smoke " . 25 years ago , no longer married (phew)
@johnmills9360 - Response to mother-in-law: Then get YOUR OWN place to smoke in!
Wanting to smoke in a non-smokers house is outrageous! Outrageously outrageous.
Everyones utility bills have doubled and still the bills are less than child care 🙄
I swear I thought it was just our family goin thru this lol
The electric bill doubled, is not just from her.
A lot of people's bill increase.
Not over $300 dollars it don't
@@33ladyRAMI didn’t kno this was a thing with everyone cuz our utilities bills are up like crazy! Way more than $300 bucks and I live about 30-40 mins from nyc
@@33ladyRAM And it didn't double just from her either.
@@jimmymcgill6778 - no but if she is home all day that is a major contributor, and they are probably leaving the lights on and everything plugged in the walls as well. An increase over $300 is a major change somewhere it just doesn't happen overnight.
@@33ladyRAM Leaving every plugged in will not be that much.
It still did not double just from her.
John, You give good advice but can you for once not say "You don't feel safe" to a caller.
I mean I literally think he says that on every single person that calls in. Lol
Nit feeling safe doesn't mean only risk of physical harm. Not feeling safe encompasses numerous situations. It's a legitimate question.
It’s an obnoxiously overused phrase
@@pnwflipper2089 What's the issue with it though, other than it just personally annoys you?
I’ve known a few people who were very close to their mother in law, but it seems like it’s more the exception than the rule!
Family dynamic definitely matters.
Sometimes family does get old and needs help though, I know people who’s in laws are over 90, and need help because well they are 90, and cant get around well.
Jade looks like Whitney Huston. 👍
That electric bill is a lot cheaper than childcare. His wife’s new job should cover that!
Spend money on utilities/food or childcare. But there are more than financial concerns in this situation
Different cultures say different things.
Mother in law should have small apartment close by to help with child care. Pay the mom something to do it, however.
I like that.
He’s lucky she didn’t throw the kid out with the boxes. LOL
Advice on the heat bill is buy a Nest thermostat with that you can lock it so only you can control it.
Jade and Dr. John...great team
Didn't like Jade on first impressions but she grew on me as a Ramsey personality the more she talks (about herself). 5:10
I hate 21st century western civilization and how independent & self centered & unable to coexist we’ve become. I grew up in a small house with grandmothers there more often than not, even most overnights. There was one bathroom, one TV in the house (so everyone had to watch the same shows,) and no technology to entertain if you DID retreat to a bedroom. We naturally learned to interact with one another, compromise, and live in peace. Clearly, the bulk of our culture is losing those skills. 😢
btw, you had no choice may be that’s the reason as well. Nice to know though
Guess you've never lived with a narcissist or that living situation ceased as you got older. Everyone is different.
Buy another tv and go to the library. That is all just lazy.
You were a child, so not the same experience as long atenta having to deal with another adult crossing their boundaries. A lot of people instead of being grateful someone opened the door, are inconsiderate and don’t make sure to find ways to be helpful.
Grandparents aren't what they used to be. The "me generation" of the 70s are the old people now and they do nothing but cause problems.
Read the book "BOUNDARIES!"
It may be a issue of the wife wanting to give her responsibilities to her mother. I have seen some friends become jealous of their husbands freedom. They don't want to look after the new baby and love when their mother can do it all.
Don't you see how unfair it is when the husband has so much free time that the wife is essentially a single parent.
You’ve gotta sit the wife down, show her proof that those bills are higher since the MIL arrived. After that, you have to ask your wife to sit the MIL down to say to her, “Cut the s-t, or you’re out!” (Not in those words, but you get the picture!)
It’s not about the bills, he is just using that to justify getting rid of his MIL. He needs to be honest and just say he is tired of her living with him Periodt! She overstayed her welcome! 🤷🏾♀️ I get it, I personally could never live with my own parents, my mother would drive me crazy, she wants to be in your face talking all day. I like to unwind when I get home after cooking dinner. I guarantee his MIL does the same thing, they don’t have any privacy . Never let them in or it will be hard to ask them to move out. He needs to have a discussion with his wife and they set a date for her to move out together. They need to be on a United front and meet with MIL together, but let his wife do the talking, so she won’t chicken out and blame him for the decision. The decision needs to be mutual. This should be done after they figure out a fool proof childcare plan.
No that's so rude. Don't be disrespectful. You've wasted way more money than that in your life on nonsense, so don't lie that it's about money when it's not.
@@vetgirl71 often - when a parent moves in, the child regresses … seen it happen so many times. They change into a toddler - very unattractive.
Also, having someone in ur space 24/7 is a recipe for issues and arguments.
The MIL constantly weighing into every conversation, constantly questioning you. The “well we think this”…
Hell, even the fact you gotta wear a shirt all the time … that annoys me. You want to have a shower - and she’s used all the hot water in the boiler.
lol…how is YOUR marriage going?
A lot of siblings like to see there parents come But they Love to see them GO
Good point. She needs to be the bad guy ❤
No matter what anyone thinks here the FACT remains: A marriage is supposed to be between you and your spouse. It's NOT a triangle or square! It's VERY unhealthy to have a parent move in for any amount of time. Great old folks homes are out there & there's no reason you can't visit a few times a week either.
There are NOT great care homes out there , most are appalling , you need to spend 1500 dollars plus a week to get a half decent one
No most are bad plus who's paying for that@christinebeames712
How can you complain about the electric bill when you are getting free child care?
Exactly
Yep, exactly.
You would complain too if you had to continue to pay for something you no longer wanted.
its either you pay that extra 300 dollars to utilities or pay more money on baby sitter. Its not money problem, it looks like its culture/value difference :)
He needs to just set boundaries in terms of the home situation. The bills is understandable that it would be going up because on the days that he was working in the office there is now someone there throughout the entire day. Utilities are being used. If the case is that he really just doesn’t want her there full time then her needs to let that be know and they need to navigate to regular child care.
Get a password protected thermostat
I did that, and had to disconnect it from the WiFi because all they had to do was ask Google to send the heat.
One that runs from your phone only maybe
Or set the house at a temp in the attic and the temp gauge in the house as a fake. She can change it all she wants. There are temp gauges that can be controlled by your phone or computer. You would receive notice if anyone tried to change it.
Good relationships mean you can talk things out, which then turns into action. I hope the talking prompts really help him work things out with his wife and then MIL. Because in the end, relationships are all about how you communicate and treat each other.
Am I missing something here?....he is getting FREE childcare.....wait til he finds out how much childcare for a young one is....and if noone is at home....his package could be a target for porch pirates.....
800$ a month for daycare in east tennessee
Your peace is priceless. It doesn’t sound like he feels at peace in his home with her there. Home should be the one peaceful place that you have.
Somebody being around to pick up packages isn’t really a big deal lol
Stop having babies if you are going to gripe about "childcare". Little humans are cute, cuddly and costly.
She’s not keeping track of the packages that have arrived. He said he found two of the packages by the recycle bin.
Imagine paying a babysitter instead lol
Yes but the babysitter isn't related to you and doesn't live there
@@konye618 yes but watching the kids they can run up the same bills and cost way more they have a free live in babysitter it's only a problem with the husband because he makes it one
I bet he wouldn’t be saying that if it was his mom. When my daughter was born, my mom was there for my daughter. When you have a child, expect your utility bill to go up because someone has to keep the heat on to keep the baby warm and also cooking for the baby at the same time. I know my utility bill went up because of that. It comes with a territory for having a child. If I were the mother, I wouldn’t stay long and be my own king at my own house.
Hasn't everyone's heat, energy and food bills shot up this winter even without their mother in laws moving in? Does mother in law's salary cover these increase costs. So the real reason she has to go - lead with that.
She helps with childcare for free but he complains that he has to provide food and heat for her? Childcare is not cheap and her moving out of her house to live in her son in law’s house to provide childcare for free is a big sacrifice. He should be thankful instead of complaining.
This caller is very ungrateful and has no respect for the grandmother who put her life at side to help babysitting FREE…
@@pm1756 exactly what I was thinking.
his house his decision. when he start to pay the child care bills and see other higher cost maybe he will reconsider.
@@shachede6828 If he changes his mind then then grandma needs to say NO to them using her like that. He can work harder to pay the child care bills and she should enjoy her retirement.
Family dynamic definitely matters.
Sometimes family does get old and needs help though, I know people who’s in laws are over 90, and need help because well they are 90, and cant get around well.
The mother and her daughter is being selfish. I don’t think the the husband and wife had any premarital counseling because boundaries have been crossed and there are childcare issues. The mother doesn’t sound like she has a significant other so now she’s impacting her daughter’s marriage or the daughter is afraid to put her foot down with her mother for some reason.
Speak to be heard, but to just have said something. Potent!
No matter what this guy's getting the blame. As is law always the man fault.
John always finds a way to tie it back to "i have a feeling there's something wrong in the marriage." Maybe in his experience literally everyone has problems in marriage? Not a good look for marriage as an institution, but thanks for the info, John!
In my culture my mother or my in- law would be a blessing.
Agree
MIL may not even know she’s doing anything wrong.
Good for you
With your foot.
Their child needed heat all day. He wants MIL gone. The pause is long. How they ready for child to go to daycare?
600$ is a bad heat pump thats ridiculious i have 3200 sq feet i pay 200 average thats lights and heat and ac set on 70
Put child in daycare, then…regain privacy and your home
From a mother in law. I find this very sad. Parents would do anything for their kids and grand kids but the off spring now a days seem all about themselves. Poor mom she feels like she is doing them a favour but no the are worrying about a couple of boxes being not brought into the house. Think of the money they are saving on babysitting. Mom probably makes meals and does house work. Some day mom will pass and then you may realize how it’s. All about me you were.
When she's using that much electricity and gas and water that their bills are like Devils she's not being helpful she's being a burden both financially and mentally because of all the stress she's putting on them so yeah she needs to pack her bags and go don't know about your in-laws but my in-laws are a total burden I can't stand them and that's the case for most people unfortunately
Love my mama, and my kids&wife love her too. Can’t take one misunderstanding and amplify it. Forgive and grow together.
@@wordsalad01u wish u have your own time if the kid is co sleeping
Those boxes are important to his business. You are minimizing their importance. Don't be an enabler. Her behavior is not good
Shut up. Old people do not respect their adult kids. I've seen it over and over. Y'all trample on your kids and then play the woe-is-me card, which is masking abuse.
I raised my 3 kids by myself I never asked for anyone's help and never left them with anyone single Mom and I ever want to be a burden to my daughter or the system and I'll do my best not to
Propane is very expensive now and this is winter. That may be why the cost has gone up.
It is now Spring.
@@amireallythatgrumpy6508 Grumpy, it will be spring on March 20. We are still using heat here and I burn propane too, just like this caller. Propane is hideously expensive this season compared to what we got used to paying. It more than doubled and even tripled in price. That's why this dude's heating and electric bills went up, not because of his free child-caregiver.
@@KENTUCKYUSA1 Incorrect. Spring is considered to begin on March 1st, not when the equinox occurs.
Money has mattered in every relationship from day one for me. What's the ROI? Maybe that's why I'm twice divorced.
find out what day care costs, babysitter............
Maybe the mother in law wants to leave and go home but feels she is needed there and doesn't want to say. Just a thought.
Love Jade on the show!
Eating all the lunch meat! 😂
And the cost of childcare is...
Irrelevant
Change ALL the lightbulbs to LEDs and put a lock on the boiler controls.
I don’t know about the packages, is she okay?
Check out child care cost ?
Hmmm…. How much have they SAVED by not having to pay for childcare? What a nasty man. That woman did not have to come to help. She CHOSE to help ffs!
Free child care on demand
Why does everything have to be “hilarious”? One reason I never listened when Christy Wright was on-she’d laugh uproariously over minimally funny stuff. It gets old fast.
thats your sense of humor. this funny to me
It's the "bro" thing that John does. I cannot understand why the Ramsey team continues to employ him - he is consistently WAAAAY off x
All three of them sounds like they need to sit down and actually have a conversation of what their expectations are! And sit down with each other and do your budget! You may also want to track your spending on your food bill! Also look at your electric bill. And see how much it actually went up instead of just saying it was the mother-in-law. And you might want to look at how much it would actually cost to put your child in daycare. You still might be under the amount you'd be paying for daycare services with her staying there. You can't have your cake and eat it too dude!
Exactly! Plus: both parents are working, so what’s better for the baby and the parents’ peace of mind: a loving grandmother taking care of her grand baby, or sending baby to childcare where strangers -making not a lot of money- babysit?
I don't understand how she could run up utilities that much. Everybody's utilities are going up a lot these days, I know mine have.
Take a closer look at the energy bills. If rates have increased, your bills will increase.
Ah mother-in-laws....
Everybody's favourite family member. 🤣
Yes and you may be one, one day 😅
SIMP ADVICE!
To be fair - they INVITED the MIL to come because they needed childcare. The mom has been saving them thousands a month they would otherwise be paying for daycare. I get that it’s not working out but the way they are portraying the poor MIL who came there to help at their request is not fair.
The bill makes no sense?
My father-in-law visit us from Vietnam in the US every year in the summer for the past 10 years. He stays in my house for 2, 3 months at a time. My wife says it's normal in the Vietnamese culture. I'm getting stressed over this, I was accommodating at first 3, 4 years but now it's disrupting my life and marriage. Am I selfish?
Since you pay the same in costs as daycare, you might as well put the kid in daycare.
NYC in the house!
Humans.. as long as we need we are ok.. once we are done we don’t need any more
Sounds like he needs to grow a pair and be the man of the house!
Sometimes, there is no easy way. You be polite, but firm and it will take some fortitude which is easier for some people than others. This guy sounds like he is very capable of doing just that. Don't expect it to always be pretty. The wife in this case should be a huge part of it since it is her mom.
I wonder if they will miss the savings they get from mom doing day care and the meals she prepares and house work she does for them just to keep herself busy and feel she is helping out . I am a grand mother and would be hurt . This is their first child . In the future I would make my stays very short .
I would say the best way to handle it would be saying mom I know we asked you to stay here for 6 weeks and it's been 8 weeks but was wondering if you could stay one more that way you're not saying look it's time for you to go you're saying look we could use you another week and then also add that you'll be more than happy to help her get back to her own place or whatever.