I want to feel more competent and confident when it comes to my finances. I would like to steward my resources better so I don’t overspend on things I can do without and actually use what I have towards my goals.
My number 1 goal is to get my 8 year old daughter back in my life. She's in foster care right now. Work on my autism & adhd get the resources I need to help me thru things.
I bought the book on Audible, but I'll get the hard copy for reference. I got diagnosed at age 47, almost 8 years ago, so I'm medicated but trying to find a natural way to get off or reduce them.
I thought I was quite good at goal setting, but I just realized that "I want to feel healthier" is a 'goal' that gives me so much more opportunities than just "eat healthier / move healthier" etc. That's a bit embarassing, but also very liberating somehow.
If your only sharing to people that dont really know you or see you. How can they possibly understand a thought or a notion of your sharing that would lead you to them having a conclusion of your own embarrassing notion?
@@jliller I know what you mean, and I've been there. But I would argue that it does not actually feel healthy to ignore (health) problems. I am usually (at least partly) aware that I am but faking it, and that does not feel good, really. But if I work towards feeling healthier, that can and should mean a lot more than "ignoring problems".
Just make sure you don't write off family members, try setting and sticking with boundaries first. My dad has started this journey and wrote off his side of the family.
New Year's is my birthday and I HATE setting goals during then because it feels like I'm putting that much MORE pressure on myself. So I do my goal planning with steps laid out during September/October instead. I know, it's silly but it's a mental happiness for me. During the Fall season I can reflect more on what I have going on and what I need to adjust. It's before holiday shenanigans so I don't feel that pressure added into the mix. Fall is a slower time in my life, so it's a great time for me to do that reflection and self evaluation.
Happy birthday!! I do my goals on a “fiscal year” which means October-September. My birthday is mid-October, and as I get older, I tend to get more contemplative around that time, so I figured that was a good time for me to goal set.
Speaking of goals, and (you, Jess) being 6 months pregnant as a first time mom -- it occurred to me that if right now (translation: before you have the baby) you sit down and write down your goals as a parent, you'll have a better idea of how to respond when well-meaning people come over and a) want to hold your baby and b) offer the vaguely-helpful-but-ultimately-meaningless "whatever you need, let me know" phrase If you really love to clean because it eases anxiety, they can hold the baby and get out of your way. If you really hate to clean but having clutter and unfinished tasks causes anxiety, give them a pre-printed list of "these are the tasks that will allow me to enjoy my baby" and they can do those things to ease your stress.
And regardless of how genuine they are about "anything you need", having the list keeps you from being on the spot and it also communicates a variety of tasks that you don't have to feel like you're assigning to someone -- I have a lot of anxiety about asking for help, and i feel like that approach would have been more comfortable for me.
"...Happy New Year, depending on when you're seeing this. Happy April." 😅 It's April second and I'm watching this for the first time. I feel like it's a sign.
I used to "set" a New Year's goal that was just something I wanted to do, not really caring if I did it. The past few years I've been setting a "theme" each year. Two years ago was Self-care. I focused on taking care of myself more. This year was "Get Out". I focused on getting out of my house and traveling more.
It makes me think of Alice in Wonderland when Alice asks the Cheshire Cat what path to take, and he replies with, "That depends on where you want to go." Goals are personal, so it makes sense to try to think of how we feel when making a personal goal and keep that in mind more so than just building a habit.
Yes! I worked backwards from my lengthy list of possible resolutions...spend less, be debt free, exercise more, eat better, lose weight, be more organized, spend more time creating in my studio, and on and on and on.... It was an impossibly long list. Broke it down to...#1. No excess spending for 3 months. (Barring emergencies, that should leave me FINALLY debt free.) #2. Get 8 hours of sleep every night. All those things I want to do take willpower, and I need sufficient sleep to have that. I started last week, and 3 days in, I woke up before my alarm, with lots of time for a morning work out, so I'm on the right track!
Something that has helped me instead of New Year's resolutions that I'd inevitably fail is the concept of "Yearly Themes" from CGP Grey. The first year i did it i chose the "Year of Actualization," it was nice cause there wasn't ever really a fail state, but rather anything that i interpreted as "Actualization" was a valid success. That ranged from making small progress on projects to actively choosing to play a video game to relax. I had so much fun and fulfillment from yearly themes that i haven't done a New Year's resolution since
This makes me think of CGP Grey's yearly themes: a word to guide you throughout the year. It acts more as a guide for decision making throughout the year rather than a specific goal. I've found it really helpful cause it means I can adjust based on where I'm at rather than beating myself up for not being up for something.
May sound Neurotypical, but I want to feel accomplished. Not so much to accomplish particular things, but feel like I’m moving forward. I guess my goal is to set goals, measure them and evaluate if they make sense anymore. IBNU Goal #1: read your book when it arrives.
I want to feel competent. That might mean I work on a different focus every month, but if they combined to feeling more confident in my competence, that would be such an improvement.
Ive been keeping one for 2 years already and it feels nicexas somseone with adhd Acknowledge urself bec therecprobably is one youve been consistently doing
HIGHLY recommend Desire Map and the workbook. It wasn't until I read Desire Map and then did the exercises in the workbook that I actually started to feel good while achieving my goals in a healthy way. It's helped me prioritize what I do and keep me centered with my why (which is mostly about how I want to feel). It also helps to weed out the goals that others want me to have so I can focus holistically on the goals that come from my own soul.
Since 2020 (ugh) I’ve set goals of doing *something* creative at least once a day. Sometimes it’s working on a large project, sometimes it’s repairing something around the house, sometimes it’s just mashing my keyboard into a journal. It’s been good for me!
I would feel so much stressed about it, knowing "I have to" do it, and stressing myself for not having done it eventually one day, like everything else.
Many years ago a friend said “try to do one thing that lasts each day”. I have always remembered that idea, just like you! Very empowering. I was a young mum at the time with a crying baby. It was hard to achieve but was a good mindset!
Someone once said to me, "Goals are yardsticks for failure." I love the idea of starting with a feeling and working towards it. This is a timely video ❤ Happy new year!
As a Learning Designer whose work focuses a lot on "Backwards Design", where you take the learning outcomes the students need to achieve and work backwards from there to build the materials and assessments, I love this backwards approach that puts your desires first!
Super interesting comment! Are there specific frameworks or general resources /writings / guides that you rely on in your work, or which you found especially helpful to begin with? I’d be curious to learn more about this!
Jessica, to be honest with you, lots of people have felt tired, stressed, and worn out at the end of this year. It has been a tough year. I think a positive is that those that have achieved this year have success in a really tough year. I'm trying to bring in consistency with structured planning.
Can you say more about this? I’d be very interested to hear more about what you mean by structured planning, and how you see that leading to more consistency. I have tremendous difficulty with consistency, in every domain of my life - the health & energy aspects for sure impact a lot of the rest - and I’m keen to understand ways I could maybe work towards changing this…
I love that you explained this. I discovered this on my own this past year. I still struggle with deadlines, though. But, the setting goals based on how I want to feel and what it looks like, was so much easier and, I'll add, is in alignment with my values.
I never set goals or plan which is why I don’t finish. My next few episodes require new dolls which is the perfect opportunity to finish abandoned projects before buying new stuff. Finding enjoyment is tricky when each step is so long but I must be careful if I want an outfit or prop to look nice. Finishing more videos will make me feel accomplished and hopefully happier and in turn more focused on the next project.
I had a very ADHD moment watching this video where I watched to about 3:30 and paused and turned to my partner and was like "I almost feel like I'm doing the formula wrong. Like I have to start with the end result to figure in the numbers to plug in" and then that was exactly the next takeaway point 😂😂
The timing on the video is incredible! Literally just sat down a minute ago now that my toddler is napping so that I can try to goal set and get organized for a fresh approach for 2024 (having been through of course decades of “failing” at my goals that I tried to set before but still really want), knowing I need to find a new way to try to do this but not knowing where to start ❤ so glad I clicked on this video! Merry Christmas to you and your team! Also, just bought your book in my local store last week 😊🎉 so excited to start reading it now that the Christmas chaos is wearing off lol and I can brain again
Aw yay, glad it was helpful!! Her book is linked in the description if you want to read more about this approach :) But hope this gives you a place to start!
@@HowtoADHD oh my goodness, I actually somehow managed to forget that you’d mentioned she had a whole book about it by the end of leaving my comment ahaha man, my brain sometimes, I swear-thanks for the reminder! 😂 but absolutely, this was the perfect place to start here, since I’d never heard of her before this and had literally never thought about starting with how I want to feel rather than things I was annoyed at myself for not managing to do yet 🫠
ohh i like this take about the feeling i want to accomplish. im currently reading the "12 week year" which basically talks about setting goals in a much shorter timeline and i think i might incorporate into this too. thanks for sharing!
I first heard of this method a few years ago when Marie Forleo interviewed Danielle! She has such a calming presence. How do I want to feel is more flexible than What do I want to do? And we're so malleable! It's pretty helpful (when i remember it exists because my mind is in healing mode the last two months)
My goal is to plant a small flower garden at the entrance. I have everything planned on paper, I have most of the plants and seeds that I need, I hope ir works out :)
I have pots on my stoop. My advice is to cram more in there than you think ! Also, pinch off spent flowers or dead leaves, etc. This really makes me feel happy when I come home. I DO want to figure out some "winter plants" as I am in New England, so there greenery is weather dependent!
One of the things I do as a neurodivergent manager, is work with my team on assessing the things we have to do with the things we want to do. Then we look for the intersections of those things and find our work goals there. We talk through what our stressors are and we talk about the things we need to do in our jobs. We try to evaluate the things we can work smarter about or the things or projects we're doing and where we can grow learning within those projects. For example, if I have a video editor on my team who wants to learn a new technique, we look for the right project to use as a tool to grow that new skill or use as a part of new training so that we're finding uses to both combine that "have to get this project done" with the need/want to try something new and also not get bored. It's also good to use this time to talk with a manager about what do you want to do to grow your career or grow your experience. Sometimes we think that managers will come to us with these things, and sometimes they do, but we have to own that growth conversation for ourselves. Setting annual goals in the workplace is the ideal time to start that conversation with your manager.
Wow this is great. Maybe this can help somewhat with actually accomplishing goals as the resolutions never really worked for me until now. Also, thank you so much for this year, Jessica! You have really helped me grow a lot with my ADHD and I struggle wayy less now! One of my friends (who also has ADHD) has been having a tough time lately so as a random present I’ve order your book for her. If it is anything like your channel I think it can really help her with what she’s going through
Oh thank you!! Yeah it's pretty similar to the channel -- it's everything I've learned about ADHD from doing the channel, includes comments from the community, science communication, relatable anecdotes and a toolbox for the things we struggle with :)
Hi Jessica, I preordered your book and it came to the bookstore yesterday! I stayed up late reading it! You've taught me so much on your channel over the years, and I'm so happy to have your knowledge, wisdom, and enthusiasm in a resource that doesn't require electricity and devices and internet. Thank you to you and your team! BTW, I am a senior citizen, diagnosed just a few years ago.
I haven't been to this channel in a while (I returned because a friend with ADHD wanted to know more about emotional dysregulation, so I sent her an old video of yours!). I didn't realize you were pregnant! Congratulations Jessica! I wish you a year of joy and contentment
I usually do new years resolutions that are reasonable and attainable, like don't buy candies during january, or watch less youtube and more classic movies I haven't seen yet until I have seen 30 movies during the year. So something with with a tangible ending condition that I know I can achieve. If the resolution is too big or too ambiguos it is too easy to either forget you ever made any promises or quit since it is too much.
Only goal I have for myself for 2024 is to be more kind to myself. It's a great way to reflect on what I'm feeling, how the day went, what's working, what isn't. If I don't get to a goal, that's okay (as long as it's not Urgent).
My two goals for this year are building a routine and monetizing my YT channels. I have a chronic illness (Ankylosing spondylitis) which fuses my bones and also makes me super tired so I needed a job that encompassed my ADHD and my AS. Your channel is an inspiration for me! Happy NY
So glad to see this topic in the video! So many of these comments are about values. I recently realized that as an ADHDer, my biggest source of discontentment is that I am living outside my values and feeling like a failure for constantly falling short of my goals. My "goal" this year is to live a more values-directed life than a goal-directed one. First thing I had to do was figure out my values priority list and core values. Would love to see a video on this! Lots of resources available online about it for anyone else who is interested!
Back in the early 2000s, I made my LAST New Year's resolutions and have stuck to it ever since. That resolution was to never make another New Year's Resolution ever. Every day can be the start of a new year.
I started to set vague goals, but like you guessed, I hadn't really put thought into them yet on a deeper level. This video came out at the perfect time! I've realized that a lot of my goals DO have similar feelings tied to them, but putting the FEELING in the limelight will help me not feel like I'm starting all over if something I start in January isn't working in May anymore. Thanks!
I read Desire Mapping several years ago and it was LIFE CHANGING! But you have to do all the exercises in it to really hone in on what you want to feel and what things specifically make you feel the way you want to feel. It requires a lot of self reflection, but the work is totally worth it. I go back and re-do all the exercises every year or so because current life circumstances change all the time so how I want to feel can change drastically from one year to the next.
To keep my 4.0 GPA I've got in college in the first semester (ie above 80%). I pulled it off somehow without studying, but I'm thinking as things go on, I'm going to have to learn how to study (not cram!), and how to SLEEP. 😂 Also, to start going to the pool again, and helping my service dog in training overcome his fear of traffic and people. My chronic pain needs me to move more. I have a credit with the city to use for the pool that I managed to apply for and get nov i just need to use it!!
I LOVE when there's an overlap between people I love/adore/follow! I read the desire map when it first came out, Idk, ten years ago? and while I'm having a hard time really sticking to the process outlined in the book (hello, ADHD brain), the idea of looking at my life and my goals through the lense of my core desired feelings (which have been evolving over time) is one that I keep coming back to.
A few years ago I asked if I was OK to watch this despite only having autism-- a few months ago I got diagnosed with adhd. My TH-cam algorithm knew before I did!
I love the thinking of feeling. Some feelings I already was saying I wanted to feel next year was joy, peacefulness, freedom. Life has felt suffocating, stressful, chaotic, and like I don't have the ability to do things I would if I had freedom to. I am a mom who has a complicated family . And I am often on empty. I am not the fun mom I want to be and we all are in an environment I don't want to have. I also would love to feel more secure. Financially and also mentally grounded. I feel like I am spiralling or all over the place all the time. I do know that a big piece that could be helpful getting me there is to simplify my life. It just is so complicated that scaling back where I can could create more space for things that would fill me up and create the space for peace and joy or time for more freedom. I also feel like life needs to just pause and slow down for a while so I can get there.
I use "learn something new (almost) every day" because it is super easy in the information age and just living life, and when I feel like I am failing at life I can go learn a new thing, maybe a fun fact, a skill, whatever, and feel accomplished. This also means that any time I fail at something, if I learn from my failure, I succeeded at my New Year's resolution. January is a hard month for me, and i get so hyped up on New Things that I do great at a goal for a week or two and then completely lose it. So, instead, I start things in late November to early December, using SMART goals, and ideas I get too late into the holidays or in January start in February. This turns January and March into continuation months not starting months, and reduces my stress a lot. I am currently working on improving my penmanship for self-improvement, learning the capitals of the world for fun, and sticking to my meal plan from the nutritionist for my necessary goal. If I "fail" at the first two, it is no big deal, and success in those areas encourages me for other goals. So I always have one goal that is super easy to accidentally achieve, one that is just for fun, one that is self-improvement or skill-based, and something I actually have to do (whether or not I want to).
I’m writing this comment without having watched episode. I used to love goals, but I can never keep up with them and it discouraged me so I completely gave up on setting goals and expectations altogether. I’m hoping this episode gives insight to me on how I could set a goal without disappointing myself
Absolutely love the idea of what feeling do we want to feel and align activities to achieve this.... So I want to feel healthy and have more energy. I have a chronic illness, ADHD and am a working mum. So lots of things on my plate. I am going to go away and think about what one thing can I implement. One thing is exercise but I don't know where to start, so I will see about trying out Co pilot. Thanks x
I love a goal. This year I'll be trying to feel healthier, happier and more professionally confident by cycling a road race, releasing and touring a new release with my band, and continuing my journey to becoming a psychotherapist.
OMG comparing the Desire Map method to a GPS really was helpful! I struggled with the Desire Map concept, because it was centered on how I want to feel, and the messaging behind that was I was being selfish/self indulgent. I didn't realize this was flipping a system to our strengths!
Congratulations on your pregnancy! I'm pregnant with my 4th and I've been having trouble deciding where to focus the tiny bit of energy I have left in a day (after parenting, cooking/cleaning, homeschooling, and a part time job) for self-improvement. Starting with feelings is a great idea because I usually see goals as result-based and that's not really a big motivator for me.
I'm breaking mine down (up?) into something more general. Mine is "I know where everything is." So much less stress. Getting and staying organized will make my life so much calmer.
I first read the Desire Map and started planning my year around how I wanted to feel back in 2015. My first marriage was falling apart and I had no idea how to move forward. This way of thinking about goals absolutely changed my life and I continue to use it every year, 8 years later.
You raised some very interesting and equally valid issues and criteria for finding a goal as a “New Year's Resolution”. Almost 23 years ago I participated in a leadership seminar, and one of the very few things that I remember from that four week training, is that goals have to be SMART. As in: S - Specific M - Measurable A - Attainable R - Realistic T - Tangible
My understanding is that this widely-promulgated framework was developed for organisational goal setting. Not to say it isn’t applicable to some degree in working towards goals that are individual or personal, I think it can be. It sounds like you’ve found the SMART goal framework memorable, has it also been useful in your professional and/or personal life?
@@prawncrisp5951 It has been useful when I get around to setting goals. And the operative word is WHEN. Unfortunately it does NOT help me with the struggle of actually getting around to setting those goals. Hurray to ADHD!
I have another reframing when it comes to everyday kind of goals: it's being explicit about identity - 'who am I?' ie if 'I'm a strong and heathy person' then I'll choose things that enable that, so like going to the gym or eating vegetables etc. It helps to visualise the destination, and realise that if I be that person now, and make the decisions that type of person makes now, then I'll slowly transform into it. It helps direct my answers to the myriad of future life decisions.
Long ago I said nope to New Year's Resolutions, I saw too many others fail. General goals I find the best whenever they come up during the year, if too many obstacles crop up then don't worry either find a way around them or reassess the goal and maybe refine it into several steps.
I made my own version of this three years ago. I drew a vision board, analyzed my triggers for feeling bad, then formulated in a positive way my wants and needs, drew a process diagram of how I react, and then came with a process plan that tie the wants and needs to the work to be done. Each process has a list of activities, each activity has a set of (manageable) tasks. This year I completed two of the four processes. Goals need to be achievable, within the realm of your wants and needs. So rather say "I want to ..." or "I will ..." instead of of "I should ..." which sounds like something imposed upon me by others. It has worked for me in 2023. The not yet completed processes three and four are migrated to 2024.
Being an AuDHDer, I'm not all big on making resolutions anymore. I feel like nothing changes and it seems like I always fail to accomplish my goals. In fact, this whole year broke me and it's hard for me to have a positive outlook.
I never have goals for the new year, except the ones, which are already there (like already planned milestones). Something I can't plan but only wish for is to finally get my diagnosis and the therapeutical help I need.
Every time I hear words related to time: timetable, schedule, planner - I have an adverse reaction. You mentioned that when we’re trying to get someplace and there’s a traffic jam, we can reroute and find a new way there. Maybe I need to look at goals as a destination and tasks as stops along the way. Instead of a list of goals, maybe I need a road map. Now to remember this idea.
I just would like to say thank you for all the hard work you do with your channel. I just turned 41 years old last week and just learning very recently that I have ADHD. It’s been a struggle to understand it but I would like to say, thank you for being here and teaching do you one of my favorite resources to learn about.
Such an interesting topic! One thing I learned from my friend Chris Faroe who runs the Creative Mapping project is not to work only from desires or values (which is great) but to have concrete indicators for those things. If your goal is to feel more mobile, how will you know it’s working? Can you make a concrete proxy indicator that will help you see you’re on the way? Maybe for mobile it’s getting down to the floor and back, but for something like “I want to feel more at ease at work” an indicator would be having fewer high-stress days in a week. You could then get some little stickers for high, medium, low stress and put them in your planner for each day, so you can see if you’re having fewer high-stress days over time. This really helps me with the ADHD need to see that my effort is doing something in the short and medium term, especially for more abstract long-range goals like ease or happiness. Love this way of thinking about new year goals, and goals in general! I’ll probably check out that book as well. Def check out Creative Mapping project if this way of thinking resonates with you, he’s got a lot of awesome tools and ways of thinking about this stuff.
I discovered Danielle LaPorte's Desire Map in the early years of my business - I bought the book and the workbooks, and I even used her planner (which was just gorgeous visually) one year. Not everything she's brought out since they has resonated with me, but I do like the approach of starting with the way you want to feel, and still use it as the foundation of my goal-setting now.
This is so helpful, not just for New Year’s but for future planning, what you want your life to look like, what you want your home to feel like, all of it. Game changer! We might also look at past goals and think about what we wanted to feel from those goals to see if maybe we can change the approach. I changed my New Year’s resolution one year to “make more desserts and make everyone else bigger”, in complete jest, saying that most people want to look better and go about it by losing weight (most common resolution) but that I realized that “better” was a comparison and it could be to yourself or others so there were two ways for that to happen, never realizing that this concept could actually be applied overall.
I don't do resolutions, I make a to do list. I like this approach though and will definitely try this. I do NOT respond well to accountability at all though. Expectations are the best sure fire way for me to not achieve a goal. I have a LOT of trauma around accountability due to my school years. Homework books that had to be signed by my parents after I completed my homework and shown to the teacher was so stressful and the responsibility was fully left on me which we all know is ridiculous for an adhd kid. I had to first do the homework (I have strong feelings around adhd and assigned homework after school hours) and then remember to get the homework book signed. If I didn't, the next day the teacher would shame me. So accountability is a no bueno for me. I spent years trying to use that and it turns out that NOT telling people and avoiding expectations and disappointing people works way better for me.
This is a great perspective. I've been the one that doesn't set goals, because that's how I avoid failure. But a couple weeks ago, I decided to make a list of "things I want to do in 2024" ... ie hobbies I want to partake in, because watercolor and candle making are two high on my list of desires. Ironically, both of those will bring me peace, give me joy, and "fill my cup". And those are what I currently need to feel/achieve, to be a better person/wife/mom.
This is the first year ever I decided to try doing resolutions because I never do that. Part of me feels like I'm nowhere in my life because of that. This is hopefully gonna help me set doable New Year's resolutions. Thank you 💖
In the past few years, I've only done a few January only resolutions like dry January or no chocolate January. I would not be able to keep up a resolution all year or all life.
I loved this. Man the struggle in this area is real. I tried this method and it actually even felt better about making these decisions. My goal is doing less but doing more that's meaningful, owning less to take care of and focusing on one hobby at a time but intensely because that is what works best for me but I can get sucked into feeling pressured to multi task and sucking at everything because of it.
I have been setting the same goal every year for half a decade, and I'm quite fond of it: read more. I define this as last year plus one at minimum. I don't worry myself about the length of a book, only that I've finished it, and of course audiobooks count. Even when I fail, I've still read more than nothing, and that just means the next year is easier! I failed last year, but I'm already halfway through this year's goal, which I might regret next year if this hyperfocus doesn't release soon! 😅😂
I’m turning 31 next month. I was diagnosed with ADHD in October. Your channel and meditation have changed me for the better. Thank you so much for giving me the knowledge to improve my life going forward. Happy new years.
I left a comment a bit ago asking for captions and I'm not sure if I made an impact but thank you SO much for including captions in this video!! it's so helpful!!
My goal was to do an Italian lesson every day for the year, that was it, nothing else. I failed, but I still ended up doing about 260 lessons in the year, which was pretty good, with another one of your channel sponsors, Babbel. I already know I can't sit down with a textbook for more than 3 minutes, I already know that. But by keeping it super simple, all I had to do was do the lesson, no matter how I feel, just do it. I also told all the students and teachers in the classes that this was my goal, and this kept me accountable 😊😊😊
I think there are 3 things I want to feel this year: confident, healthy, and at peace. But I think they all tie together really well into confidence. Because if I feel healthy and peaceful it will help me to feel confident.
Thank you for still making content with your pregnancy. Take care of yourself. Congratulations on your pregnancy and enjoy it. I’m in the hardest part of my life right now. Struggling to get through each day, so I appreciate you posting.
What's really interesting is that I came to this conclusion myself when I sat down a couple days ago to set my goals for the year. So my goals for next year is to feel less chronically overwhelmed by life, and to feel more competent in the technical skills I need for my work. And what is nice about these goals is that they lend themselves well to really short sprints, because I am collecting smaller skills and strategies rather than trying to complete a long term goal. This video really helped me assure myself that the goals I set this year do count as goals which really helps.
I don't do resolutions as such, but as someone involved in politics, I write myself a manifesto for the year. It'll include a bunch of outcomes that look suspiciously like resolutions, but it also involves breaking my life down into various segments/themes (a bit like The Sims characters) and then working out what I can do to improve them. Then halfway through the year, I review my progress, and at the end of the year, I see how I've fared in achieving them. Kind of gives it a bit more accountability.
I've been a Simmer since the start of The Sims so this really lit up my brain with ideas of implementation. The best part is that it fits perfectly with what I was trying to find a structure for already. So thank you for sharing this!
The only New Year's resolution I've ever kept was to never set New Year's resolutions again. That was sometime in the last century, at least 40 years ago (and long before my ADHD diagnosis). One of the things that I've picked up from years of employee evaluations is that we often don't distinguish between goals and aspirations. Goals need to be both measurable and achievable. Example: I retired last year. My wife "decided" I needed a retirement dog. (To be fair, our last dog had her last visit to the vet in August 2022. We had both come to the conclusion that yes, we would probably adopt another, but we chose to wait until spring.) My aspiration was that I would take our new dog for long walks in the park. We quickly worked up to a ~5K route that included a stop at our favorite coffee shop midway. But that routine got disrupted while we dealt with some digestive issues and now the weather. The point being, that by being an aspiration rather than a fixed goal, I'm not beating myself up over missed days or shorter walks. Instead of feeling guilty, I feel good about finding a window of opportunity to fit a walk in (like that one hour where the temps are forecast to be above freezing). It works for me,YMMV.
Thank you for this video! I stopped setting “personal” New Year’s resolutions/goals a long time ago since I never met them and it just made me feel worse, but I sat down just today to set goals and strategize for my business this upcoming year and now I realize I need to adopt more of this approach to the process.
Happy New Year Jessica, your family, and the HTADHD team! So this after my first year on Meds and having a break out year at work and being a great success, I want to continue this trend. I want to continue to learn Latin, learn how to code, become a better History Professor, and better advisor. I want to save money and meet a wonderful woman (It's been a few years since I last dated, it's time to get back out there!) and I want to do some art and finish my book.
Ohhhh this is such a good point. I haven't had a new years reso. lution in ages because they always felt rather pointless to me, but having watched that video... I want to feel accomplished. I'm starting a new job in february so i'm giving myself some time to figure out what that will mean professionally, but i've made a short list of smaller goals i can achieve that will absolutely give me that feeling if i just remember to prioritise them (they're small so they can be on a roster and vary as needed, a mix of craft and weekend plans and reading books). Thank you!!
I'm curious what your goals are for next year! Let me know!
I want to feel more competent and confident when it comes to my finances. I would like to steward my resources better so I don’t overspend on things I can do without and actually use what I have towards my goals.
Sending my secret santa package so that it will arrive before christmas next year :)
My goals are around weight loss, health and building routine.
My number 1 goal is to get my 8 year old daughter back in my life. She's in foster care right now. Work on my autism & adhd get the resources I need to help me thru things.
I bought the book on Audible, but I'll get the hard copy for reference. I got diagnosed at age 47, almost 8 years ago, so I'm medicated but trying to find a natural way to get off or reduce them.
I thought I was quite good at goal setting, but I just realized that "I want to feel healthier" is a 'goal' that gives me so much more opportunities than just "eat healthier / move healthier" etc. That's a bit embarassing, but also very liberating somehow.
Yes exactly! That's what I love about this approach, it opens up so many more routes to get to the result we're hoping for :)
This assumes that FEELING healthier actually corresponds with BEING healthier. It's easy to feel positive if you simply ignore negative reality.
If your only sharing to people that dont really know you or see you. How can they possibly understand a thought or a notion of your sharing that would lead you to them having a conclusion of your own embarrassing notion?
@@jliller I know what you mean, and I've been there. But I would argue that it does not actually feel healthy to ignore (health) problems. I am usually (at least partly) aware that I am but faking it, and that does not feel good, really. But if I work towards feeling healthier, that can and should mean a lot more than "ignoring problems".
Love this! 👏🏼💚🙌🏼
recently I've been thinking, "I want to feel peaceful" and now i'm going to form my goals around that.
That was one of our team's, too! It's a great one!
Mine is contentment
Just make sure you don't write off family members, try setting and sticking with boundaries first. My dad has started this journey and wrote off his side of the family.
New Year's is my birthday and I HATE setting goals during then because it feels like I'm putting that much MORE pressure on myself. So I do my goal planning with steps laid out during September/October instead. I know, it's silly but it's a mental happiness for me. During the Fall season I can reflect more on what I have going on and what I need to adjust. It's before holiday shenanigans so I don't feel that pressure added into the mix. Fall is a slower time in my life, so it's a great time for me to do that reflection and self evaluation.
Oh I love that! I used to call September ADHD New Years because it was when a new year of school started so that timing is kind of perfect actually
my birthday is a week after and i do the same makes it so much easier to stick to it
For how many years has your online persona lied about being born on the first of the year?
Happy birthday!! I do my goals on a “fiscal year” which means October-September. My birthday is mid-October, and as I get older, I tend to get more contemplative around that time, so I figured that was a good time for me to goal set.
@@HowtoADHDAs a teacher, I’ve felt this FOREVER. Because New Year’s has always been mid-year to me.
Speaking of goals, and (you, Jess) being 6 months pregnant as a first time mom -- it occurred to me that if right now (translation: before you have the baby) you sit down and write down your goals as a parent, you'll have a better idea of how to respond when well-meaning people come over and a) want to hold your baby and b) offer the vaguely-helpful-but-ultimately-meaningless "whatever you need, let me know" phrase
If you really love to clean because it eases anxiety, they can hold the baby and get out of your way. If you really hate to clean but having clutter and unfinished tasks causes anxiety, give them a pre-printed list of "these are the tasks that will allow me to enjoy my baby" and they can do those things to ease your stress.
And regardless of how genuine they are about "anything you need", having the list keeps you from being on the spot and it also communicates a variety of tasks that you don't have to feel like you're assigning to someone -- I have a lot of anxiety about asking for help, and i feel like that approach would have been more comfortable for me.
@@plantyfanthat’s smart and i hope she sees this!!!
I really deeply hope she wants to plan to get married before the last minute
@@tatertots-n-soup why does that matter to you specifically? It's their life and not in your locus of control, so you can and should hush up.
@@tatertots-n-soupDo you mind me asking why that is?
"...Happy New Year, depending on when you're seeing this. Happy April." 😅 It's April second and I'm watching this for the first time. I feel like it's a sign.
I used to "set" a New Year's goal that was just something I wanted to do, not really caring if I did it. The past few years I've been setting a "theme" each year.
Two years ago was Self-care. I focused on taking care of myself more.
This year was "Get Out". I focused on getting out of my house and traveling more.
Love this!
My local library has ordered four copies of your book!
Aughh that's so cool!!! Thanks for sharing!
I’ll have to ask my local library too, I would LOVE to read it!
It makes me think of Alice in Wonderland when Alice asks the Cheshire Cat what path to take, and he replies with, "That depends on where you want to go." Goals are personal, so it makes sense to try to think of how we feel when making a personal goal and keep that in mind more so than just building a habit.
Yes! I worked backwards from my lengthy list of possible resolutions...spend less, be debt free, exercise more, eat better, lose weight, be more organized, spend more time creating in my studio, and on and on and on.... It was an impossibly long list. Broke it down to...#1. No excess spending for 3 months. (Barring emergencies, that should leave me FINALLY debt free.) #2. Get 8 hours of sleep every night. All those things I want to do take willpower, and I need sufficient sleep to have that. I started last week, and 3 days in, I woke up before my alarm, with lots of time for a morning work out, so I'm on the right track!
Something that has helped me instead of New Year's resolutions that I'd inevitably fail is the concept of "Yearly Themes" from CGP Grey.
The first year i did it i chose the "Year of Actualization," it was nice cause there wasn't ever really a fail state, but rather anything that i interpreted as "Actualization" was a valid success. That ranged from making small progress on projects to actively choosing to play a video game to relax.
I had so much fun and fulfillment from yearly themes that i haven't done a New Year's resolution since
This makes me think of CGP Grey's yearly themes: a word to guide you throughout the year. It acts more as a guide for decision making throughout the year rather than a specific goal. I've found it really helpful cause it means I can adjust based on where I'm at rather than beating myself up for not being up for something.
Just watched the theme video. It might be a good thing.
May sound Neurotypical, but I want to feel accomplished. Not so much to accomplish particular things, but feel like I’m moving forward. I guess my goal is to set goals, measure them and evaluate if they make sense anymore. IBNU Goal #1: read your book when it arrives.
I want to feel competent. That might mean I work on a different focus every month, but if they combined to feeling more confident in my competence, that would be such an improvement.
@@kitkatwitchI want to feel competent too.
I usually don't set New Year's resolution because I can't keep them.
Same! Instead, I prefer to acknowledge my successes over the previous year.
I pre-ordered your Book Jessica! I want to learn how to work with my ADHD rather than against it!
I don’t set new year’s goals, because I set goals whenever I want to.
The more I set and do them impulsively, the more I tend to succeed!
Ive been keeping one for 2 years already and it feels nicexas somseone with adhd
Acknowledge urself bec therecprobably is one youve been consistently doing
Most people don’t
HIGHLY recommend Desire Map and the workbook. It wasn't until I read Desire Map and then did the exercises in the workbook that I actually started to feel good while achieving my goals in a healthy way. It's helped me prioritize what I do and keep me centered with my why (which is mostly about how I want to feel). It also helps to weed out the goals that others want me to have so I can focus holistically on the goals that come from my own soul.
Since 2020 (ugh) I’ve set goals of doing *something* creative at least once a day. Sometimes it’s working on a large project, sometimes it’s repairing something around the house, sometimes it’s just mashing my keyboard into a journal. It’s been good for me!
I would feel so much stressed about it, knowing "I have to" do it, and stressing myself for not having done it eventually one day, like everything else.
Many years ago a friend said “try to do one thing that lasts each day”. I have always remembered that idea, just like you! Very empowering. I was a young mum at the time with a crying baby. It was hard to achieve but was a good mindset!
Desire Map is such a life changer. I want to feel fulfilled this year.
Someone once said to me, "Goals are yardsticks for failure."
I love the idea of starting with a feeling and working towards it. This is a timely video ❤
Happy new year!
As a Learning Designer whose work focuses a lot on "Backwards Design", where you take the learning outcomes the students need to achieve and work backwards from there to build the materials and assessments, I love this backwards approach that puts your desires first!
Super interesting comment! Are there specific frameworks or general resources /writings / guides that you rely on in your work, or which you found especially helpful to begin with? I’d be curious to learn more about this!
@@prawncrisp5951 there are lots of different learning theories, one our company uses a lot is Social Constructivism 🙂
Jessica, to be honest with you, lots of people have felt tired, stressed, and worn out at the end of this year. It has been a tough year. I think a positive is that those that have achieved this year have success in a really tough year. I'm trying to bring in consistency with structured planning.
Can you say more about this? I’d be very interested to hear more about what you mean by structured planning, and how you see that leading to more consistency. I have tremendous difficulty with consistency, in every domain of my life - the health & energy aspects for sure impact a lot of the rest - and I’m keen to understand ways I could maybe work towards changing this…
I love that you explained this. I discovered this on my own this past year. I still struggle with deadlines, though. But, the setting goals based on how I want to feel and what it looks like, was so much easier and, I'll add, is in alignment with my values.
I never set goals or plan which is why I don’t finish. My next few episodes require new dolls which is the perfect opportunity to finish abandoned projects before buying new stuff. Finding enjoyment is tricky when each step is so long but I must be careful if I want an outfit or prop to look nice. Finishing more videos will make me feel accomplished and hopefully happier and in turn more focused on the next project.
I had a very ADHD moment watching this video where I watched to about 3:30 and paused and turned to my partner and was like "I almost feel like I'm doing the formula wrong. Like I have to start with the end result to figure in the numbers to plug in" and then that was exactly the next takeaway point 😂😂
The timing on the video is incredible! Literally just sat down a minute ago now that my toddler is napping so that I can try to goal set and get organized for a fresh approach for 2024 (having been through of course decades of “failing” at my goals that I tried to set before but still really want), knowing I need to find a new way to try to do this but not knowing where to start ❤ so glad I clicked on this video! Merry Christmas to you and your team! Also, just bought your book in my local store last week 😊🎉 so excited to start reading it now that the Christmas chaos is wearing off lol and I can brain again
Aw yay, glad it was helpful!! Her book is linked in the description if you want to read more about this approach :) But hope this gives you a place to start!
@@HowtoADHD oh my goodness, I actually somehow managed to forget that you’d mentioned she had a whole book about it by the end of leaving my comment ahaha man, my brain sometimes, I swear-thanks for the reminder! 😂 but absolutely, this was the perfect place to start here, since I’d never heard of her before this and had literally never thought about starting with how I want to feel rather than things I was annoyed at myself for not managing to do yet 🫠
ohh i like this take about the feeling i want to accomplish. im currently reading the "12 week year" which basically talks about setting goals in a much shorter timeline and i think i might incorporate into this too. thanks for sharing!
I first heard of this method a few years ago when Marie Forleo interviewed Danielle! She has such a calming presence. How do I want to feel is more flexible than What do I want to do? And we're so malleable! It's pretty helpful (when i remember it exists because my mind is in healing mode the last two months)
My goal is to plant a small flower garden at the entrance. I have everything planned on paper, I have most of the plants and seeds that I need, I hope ir works out :)
I have pots on my stoop. My advice is to cram more in there than you think ! Also, pinch off spent flowers or dead leaves, etc.
This really makes me feel happy when I come home. I DO want to figure out some "winter plants" as I am in New England, so there greenery is weather dependent!
One of the things I do as a neurodivergent manager, is work with my team on assessing the things we have to do with the things we want to do. Then we look for the intersections of those things and find our work goals there. We talk through what our stressors are and we talk about the things we need to do in our jobs. We try to evaluate the things we can work smarter about or the things or projects we're doing and where we can grow learning within those projects. For example, if I have a video editor on my team who wants to learn a new technique, we look for the right project to use as a tool to grow that new skill or use as a part of new training so that we're finding uses to both combine that "have to get this project done" with the need/want to try something new and also not get bored. It's also good to use this time to talk with a manager about what do you want to do to grow your career or grow your experience. Sometimes we think that managers will come to us with these things, and sometimes they do, but we have to own that growth conversation for ourselves. Setting annual goals in the workplace is the ideal time to start that conversation with your manager.
My boss does this. For the past few years, we "start with the end in mind" and create goals from there. Super helpful!
Wow this is great. Maybe this can help somewhat with actually accomplishing goals as the resolutions never really worked for me until now. Also, thank you so much for this year, Jessica! You have really helped me grow a lot with my ADHD and I struggle wayy less now! One of my friends (who also has ADHD) has been having a tough time lately so as a random present I’ve order your book for her. If it is anything like your channel I think it can really help her with what she’s going through
Oh thank you!! Yeah it's pretty similar to the channel -- it's everything I've learned about ADHD from doing the channel, includes comments from the community, science communication, relatable anecdotes and a toolbox for the things we struggle with :)
@HowtoADHD Awesome, I’m sure she’ll be thrilled by it!
Hi Jessica, I preordered your book and it came to the bookstore yesterday! I stayed up late reading it! You've taught me so much on your channel over the years, and I'm so happy to have your knowledge, wisdom, and enthusiasm in a resource that doesn't require electricity and devices and internet. Thank you to you and your team! BTW, I am a senior citizen, diagnosed just a few years ago.
I haven't been to this channel in a while (I returned because a friend with ADHD wanted to know more about emotional dysregulation, so I sent her an old video of yours!). I didn't realize you were pregnant! Congratulations Jessica! I wish you a year of joy and contentment
I usually do new years resolutions that are reasonable and attainable, like don't buy candies during january, or watch less youtube and more classic movies I haven't seen yet until I have seen 30 movies during the year. So something with with a tangible ending condition that I know I can achieve. If the resolution is too big or too ambiguos it is too easy to either forget you ever made any promises or quit since it is too much.
"Happy April!"
I feel so seen.
Only goal I have for myself for 2024 is to be more kind to myself. It's a great way to reflect on what I'm feeling, how the day went, what's working, what isn't. If I don't get to a goal, that's okay (as long as it's not Urgent).
My two goals for this year are building a routine and monetizing my YT channels. I have a chronic illness (Ankylosing spondylitis) which fuses my bones and also makes me super tired so I needed a job that encompassed my ADHD and my AS. Your channel is an inspiration for me! Happy NY
This really helps. I always set way too many hard to achieve goals and never follow through.
So glad to see this topic in the video! So many of these comments are about values. I recently realized that as an ADHDer, my biggest source of discontentment is that I am living outside my values and feeling like a failure for constantly falling short of my goals. My "goal" this year is to live a more values-directed life than a goal-directed one. First thing I had to do was figure out my values priority list and core values. Would love to see a video on this! Lots of resources available online about it for anyone else who is interested!
Back in the early 2000s, I made my LAST New Year's resolutions and have stuck to it ever since. That resolution was to never make another New Year's Resolution ever.
Every day can be the start of a new year.
I started to set vague goals, but like you guessed, I hadn't really put thought into them yet on a deeper level. This video came out at the perfect time! I've realized that a lot of my goals DO have similar feelings tied to them, but putting the FEELING in the limelight will help me not feel like I'm starting all over if something I start in January isn't working in May anymore. Thanks!
I read Desire Mapping several years ago and it was LIFE CHANGING! But you have to do all the exercises in it to really hone in on what you want to feel and what things specifically make you feel the way you want to feel. It requires a lot of self reflection, but the work is totally worth it. I go back and re-do all the exercises every year or so because current life circumstances change all the time so how I want to feel can change drastically from one year to the next.
I love the concept. It's the intricacy of the process that's so hard for me. I've never been able to follow through and complete the entire process.
I set weekly or short term long term goals all through out the year
To keep my 4.0 GPA I've got in college in the first semester (ie above 80%). I pulled it off somehow without studying, but I'm thinking as things go on, I'm going to have to learn how to study (not cram!), and how to SLEEP. 😂
Also, to start going to the pool again, and helping my service dog in training overcome his fear of traffic and people. My chronic pain needs me to move more. I have a credit with the city to use for the pool that I managed to apply for and get nov i just need to use it!!
I LOVE when there's an overlap between people I love/adore/follow! I read the desire map when it first came out, Idk, ten years ago? and while I'm having a hard time really sticking to the process outlined in the book (hello, ADHD brain), the idea of looking at my life and my goals through the lense of my core desired feelings (which have been evolving over time) is one that I keep coming back to.
Not me over here freaking out because I'm literally watching this in April and somehow YOU KNEW.
A few years ago I asked if I was OK to watch this despite only having autism-- a few months ago I got diagnosed with adhd. My TH-cam algorithm knew before I did!
I love the thinking of feeling.
Some feelings I already was saying I wanted to feel next year was joy, peacefulness, freedom.
Life has felt suffocating, stressful, chaotic, and like I don't have the ability to do things I would if I had freedom to. I am a mom who has a complicated family . And I am often on empty. I am not the fun mom I want to be and we all are in an environment I don't want to have. I also would love to feel more secure. Financially and also mentally grounded. I feel like I am spiralling or all over the place all the time.
I do know that a big piece that could be helpful getting me there is to simplify my life. It just is so complicated that scaling back where I can could create more space for things that would fill me up and create the space for peace and joy or time for more freedom. I also feel like life needs to just pause and slow down for a while so I can get there.
I use "learn something new (almost) every day" because it is super easy in the information age and just living life, and when I feel like I am failing at life I can go learn a new thing, maybe a fun fact, a skill, whatever, and feel accomplished.
This also means that any time I fail at something, if I learn from my failure, I succeeded at my New Year's resolution.
January is a hard month for me, and i get so hyped up on New Things that I do great at a goal for a week or two and then completely lose it. So, instead, I start things in late November to early December, using SMART goals, and ideas I get too late into the holidays or in January start in February. This turns January and March into continuation months not starting months, and reduces my stress a lot.
I am currently working on improving my penmanship for self-improvement, learning the capitals of the world for fun, and sticking to my meal plan from the nutritionist for my necessary goal. If I "fail" at the first two, it is no big deal, and success in those areas encourages me for other goals.
So I always have one goal that is super easy to accidentally achieve, one that is just for fun, one that is self-improvement or skill-based, and something I actually have to do (whether or not I want to).
I’m writing this comment without having watched episode.
I used to love goals, but I can never keep up with them and it discouraged me so I completely gave up on setting goals and expectations altogether. I’m hoping this episode gives insight to me on how I could set a goal without disappointing myself
Absolutely love the idea of what feeling do we want to feel and align activities to achieve this....
So I want to feel healthy and have more energy. I have a chronic illness, ADHD and am a working mum. So lots of things on my plate. I am going to go away and think about what one thing can I implement.
One thing is exercise but I don't know where to start, so I will see about trying out Co pilot. Thanks x
I love a goal. This year I'll be trying to feel healthier, happier and more professionally confident by cycling a road race, releasing and touring a new release with my band, and continuing my journey to becoming a psychotherapist.
This method is really awesome and i imagine, a lot more successful. Thanks Jess!
OMG comparing the Desire Map method to a GPS really was helpful! I struggled with the Desire Map concept, because it was centered on how I want to feel, and the messaging behind that was I was being selfish/self indulgent. I didn't realize this was flipping a system to our strengths!
naturally im coming around to watching this on the very first day of the new year. good luck and cheers to us ADHDers!
Congratulations on your pregnancy! I'm pregnant with my 4th and I've been having trouble deciding where to focus the tiny bit of energy I have left in a day (after parenting, cooking/cleaning, homeschooling, and a part time job) for self-improvement. Starting with feelings is a great idea because I usually see goals as result-based and that's not really a big motivator for me.
I'm breaking mine down (up?) into something more general. Mine is "I know where everything is." So much less stress. Getting and staying organized will make my life so much calmer.
I want to feel more tuned in. Tuned in to the world around me, nature, myself, and my kids
I love this advice. I want to feel loved and supported and proud of myself. I also want to feel more carefree.
I first read the Desire Map and started planning my year around how I wanted to feel back in 2015. My first marriage was falling apart and I had no idea how to move forward. This way of thinking about goals absolutely changed my life and I continue to use it every year, 8 years later.
You raised some very interesting and equally valid issues and criteria for finding a goal as a “New Year's Resolution”. Almost 23 years ago I participated in a leadership seminar, and one of the very few things that I remember from that four week training, is that goals have to be SMART. As in:
S - Specific
M - Measurable
A - Attainable
R - Realistic
T - Tangible
My understanding is that this widely-promulgated framework was developed for organisational goal setting. Not to say it isn’t applicable to some degree in working towards goals that are individual or personal, I think it can be. It sounds like you’ve found the SMART goal framework memorable, has it also been useful in your professional and/or personal life?
@@prawncrisp5951 It has been useful when I get around to setting goals. And the operative word is WHEN. Unfortunately it does NOT help me with the struggle of actually getting around to setting those goals. Hurray to ADHD!
I have another reframing when it comes to everyday kind of goals: it's being explicit about identity - 'who am I?' ie if 'I'm a strong and heathy person' then I'll choose things that enable that, so like going to the gym or eating vegetables etc. It helps to visualise the destination, and realise that if I be that person now, and make the decisions that type of person makes now, then I'll slowly transform into it. It helps direct my answers to the myriad of future life decisions.
Long ago I said nope to New Year's Resolutions, I saw too many others fail. General goals I find the best whenever they come up during the year, if too many obstacles crop up then don't worry either find a way around them or reassess the goal and maybe refine it into several steps.
I made my own version of this three years ago. I drew a vision board, analyzed my triggers for feeling bad, then formulated in a positive way my wants and needs, drew a process diagram of how I react, and then came with a process plan that tie the wants and needs to the work to be done. Each process has a list of activities, each activity has a set of (manageable) tasks. This year I completed two of the four processes.
Goals need to be achievable, within the realm of your wants and needs. So rather say "I want to ..." or "I will ..." instead of of "I should ..." which sounds like something imposed upon me by others.
It has worked for me in 2023.
The not yet completed processes three and four are migrated to 2024.
Being an AuDHDer, I'm not all big on making resolutions anymore. I feel like nothing changes and it seems like I always fail to accomplish my goals. In fact, this whole year broke me and it's hard for me to have a positive outlook.
I never have goals for the new year, except the ones, which are already there (like already planned milestones). Something I can't plan but only wish for is to finally get my diagnosis and the therapeutical help I need.
Every time I hear words related to time: timetable, schedule, planner - I have an adverse reaction.
You mentioned that when we’re trying to get someplace and there’s a traffic jam, we can reroute and find a new way there.
Maybe I need to look at goals as a destination and tasks as stops along the way. Instead of a list of goals, maybe I need a road map.
Now to remember this idea.
Thank you Jessica. My partner was a Desire Map coach - we need to try this for 2024, as we’re both AuDHD.
I just would like to say thank you for all the hard work you do with your channel. I just turned 41 years old last week and just learning very recently that I have ADHD. It’s been a struggle to understand it but I would like to say, thank you for being here and teaching do you one of my favorite resources to learn about.
Got your notification and watching! Thank you. And you look wonderful, BTW 😊
You've helped me so much to understand my adhd.
Thank you! I'm so glad :)
Such an interesting topic! One thing I learned from my friend Chris Faroe who runs the Creative Mapping project is not to work only from desires or values (which is great) but to have concrete indicators for those things. If your goal is to feel more mobile, how will you know it’s working? Can you make a concrete proxy indicator that will help you see you’re on the way? Maybe for mobile it’s getting down to the floor and back, but for something like “I want to feel more at ease at work” an indicator would be having fewer high-stress days in a week. You could then get some little stickers for high, medium, low stress and put them in your planner for each day, so you can see if you’re having fewer high-stress days over time. This really helps me with the ADHD need to see that my effort is doing something in the short and medium term, especially for more abstract long-range goals like ease or happiness.
Love this way of thinking about new year goals, and goals in general! I’ll probably check out that book as well. Def check out Creative Mapping project if this way of thinking resonates with you, he’s got a lot of awesome tools and ways of thinking about this stuff.
Happpy new year everyone🎉❤
I discovered Danielle LaPorte's Desire Map in the early years of my business - I bought the book and the workbooks, and I even used her planner (which was just gorgeous visually) one year. Not everything she's brought out since they has resonated with me, but I do like the approach of starting with the way you want to feel, and still use it as the foundation of my goal-setting now.
OMGEEEEEE! YOU'RE PREGGERS!?!? I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! Congratulations Jessica! I'm so incredibly excited for you!
Im really exited for the book thank youuu 📖 ❤
I love your channel because it make me "feel" normal. That's what I wanna feel. Thank you, you're a blessing to my life.
This is so helpful, not just for New Year’s but for future planning, what you want your life to look like, what you want your home to feel like, all of it. Game changer! We might also look at past goals and think about what we wanted to feel from those goals to see if maybe we can change the approach. I changed my New Year’s resolution one year to “make more desserts and make everyone else bigger”, in complete jest, saying that most people want to look better and go about it by losing weight (most common resolution) but that I realized that “better” was a comparison and it could be to yourself or others so there were two ways for that to happen, never realizing that this concept could actually be applied overall.
I don't do resolutions, I make a to do list. I like this approach though and will definitely try this. I do NOT respond well to accountability at all though. Expectations are the best sure fire way for me to not achieve a goal. I have a LOT of trauma around accountability due to my school years. Homework books that had to be signed by my parents after I completed my homework and shown to the teacher was so stressful and the responsibility was fully left on me which we all know is ridiculous for an adhd kid. I had to first do the homework (I have strong feelings around adhd and assigned homework after school hours) and then remember to get the homework book signed. If I didn't, the next day the teacher would shame me. So accountability is a no bueno for me. I spent years trying to use that and it turns out that NOT telling people and avoiding expectations and disappointing people works way better for me.
This is a great perspective. I've been the one that doesn't set goals, because that's how I avoid failure. But a couple weeks ago, I decided to make a list of "things I want to do in 2024" ... ie hobbies I want to partake in, because watercolor and candle making are two high on my list of desires. Ironically, both of those will bring me peace, give me joy, and "fill my cup". And those are what I currently need to feel/achieve, to be a better person/wife/mom.
This is the first year ever I decided to try doing resolutions because I never do that. Part of me feels like I'm nowhere in my life because of that. This is hopefully gonna help me set doable New Year's resolutions. Thank you 💖
OMG congrats for the pregnancy!! so happy for you!
In the past few years, I've only done a few January only resolutions like dry January or no chocolate January. I would not be able to keep up a resolution all year or all life.
I loved this. Man the struggle in this area is real. I tried this method and it actually even felt better about making these decisions. My goal is doing less but doing more that's meaningful, owning less to take care of and focusing on one hobby at a time but intensely because that is what works best for me but I can get sucked into feeling pressured to multi task and sucking at everything because of it.
I have been setting the same goal every year for half a decade, and I'm quite fond of it: read more. I define this as last year plus one at minimum. I don't worry myself about the length of a book, only that I've finished it, and of course audiobooks count. Even when I fail, I've still read more than nothing, and that just means the next year is easier! I failed last year, but I'm already halfway through this year's goal, which I might regret next year if this hyperfocus doesn't release soon! 😅😂
I’m turning 31 next month. I was diagnosed with ADHD in October. Your channel and meditation have changed me for the better. Thank you so much for giving me the knowledge to improve my life going forward. Happy new years.
Awwwwww we're glad our content have been so helpful for you
This is the last video I watch in 2023 and it may be the most important one. Thank you!
i just add the GOALS to the google calendar weekly over a couple of months for my 22 year old.
book just showed up today - looking forward to reading it - thank you!
What really?? It got there early! :D
@@HowtoADHD to Canada even!
I left a comment a bit ago asking for captions and I'm not sure if I made an impact but thank you SO much for including captions in this video!! it's so helpful!!
My goal was to do an Italian lesson every day for the year, that was it, nothing else. I failed, but I still ended up doing about 260 lessons in the year, which was pretty good, with another one of your channel sponsors, Babbel. I already know I can't sit down with a textbook for more than 3 minutes, I already know that. But by keeping it super simple, all I had to do was do the lesson, no matter how I feel, just do it. I also told all the students and teachers in the classes that this was my goal, and this kept me accountable 😊😊😊
I think there are 3 things I want to feel this year: confident, healthy, and at peace. But I think they all tie together really well into confidence. Because if I feel healthy and peaceful it will help me to feel confident.
Thank you for still making content with your pregnancy. Take care of yourself. Congratulations on your pregnancy and enjoy it.
I’m in the hardest part of my life right now. Struggling to get through each day, so I appreciate you posting.
What's really interesting is that I came to this conclusion myself when I sat down a couple days ago to set my goals for the year. So my goals for next year is to feel less chronically overwhelmed by life, and to feel more competent in the technical skills I need for my work. And what is nice about these goals is that they lend themselves well to really short sprints, because I am collecting smaller skills and strategies rather than trying to complete a long term goal. This video really helped me assure myself that the goals I set this year do count as goals which really helps.
I don't do resolutions. It's hard to be kind to myself when I fail. This seems like a much healthier way to approach goal setting.
I don't do resolutions as such, but as someone involved in politics, I write myself a manifesto for the year. It'll include a bunch of outcomes that look suspiciously like resolutions, but it also involves breaking my life down into various segments/themes (a bit like The Sims characters) and then working out what I can do to improve them. Then halfway through the year, I review my progress, and at the end of the year, I see how I've fared in achieving them. Kind of gives it a bit more accountability.
I've been a Simmer since the start of The Sims so this really lit up my brain with ideas of implementation. The best part is that it fits perfectly with what I was trying to find a structure for already.
So thank you for sharing this!
The only New Year's resolution I've ever kept was to never set New Year's resolutions again. That was sometime in the last century, at least 40 years ago (and long before my ADHD diagnosis).
One of the things that I've picked up from years of employee evaluations is that we often don't distinguish between goals and aspirations. Goals need to be both measurable and achievable.
Example: I retired last year. My wife "decided" I needed a retirement dog. (To be fair, our last dog had her last visit to the vet in August 2022. We had both come to the conclusion that yes, we would probably adopt another, but we chose to wait until spring.) My aspiration was that I would take our new dog for long walks in the park. We quickly worked up to a ~5K route that included a stop at our favorite coffee shop midway. But that routine got disrupted while we dealt with some digestive issues and now the weather.
The point being, that by being an aspiration rather than a fixed goal, I'm not beating myself up over missed days or shorter walks. Instead of feeling guilty, I feel good about finding a window of opportunity to fit a walk in (like that one hour where the temps are forecast to be above freezing).
It works for me,YMMV.
Thank you, I am 53 and you are the first person to explain setting goals in a way that makes sense to my brain. ❤
Thank you for this video! I stopped setting “personal” New Year’s resolutions/goals a long time ago since I never met them and it just made me feel worse, but I sat down just today to set goals and strategize for my business this upcoming year and now I realize I need to adopt more of this approach to the process.
My last new years resolution was to listen to more music, best resolution ever
Happy New Year Jessica, your family, and the HTADHD team! So this after my first year on Meds and having a break out year at work and being a great success, I want to continue this trend. I want to continue to learn Latin, learn how to code, become a better History Professor, and better advisor. I want to save money and meet a wonderful woman (It's been a few years since I last dated, it's time to get back out there!) and I want to do some art and finish my book.
Ohhhh this is such a good point. I haven't had a new years reso. lution in ages because they always felt rather pointless to me, but having watched that video... I want to feel accomplished. I'm starting a new job in february so i'm giving myself some time to figure out what that will mean professionally, but i've made a short list of smaller goals i can achieve that will absolutely give me that feeling if i just remember to prioritise them (they're small so they can be on a roster and vary as needed, a mix of craft and weekend plans and reading books). Thank you!!