Don’t Set Your New Year’s Goals Before You Do This
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ก.ค. 2024
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I'm curious what your goals are for next year! Let me know!
I want to feel more competent and confident when it comes to my finances. I would like to steward my resources better so I don’t overspend on things I can do without and actually use what I have towards my goals.
Sending my secret santa package so that it will arrive before christmas next year :)
My goals are around weight loss, health and building routine.
My number 1 goal is to get my 8 year old daughter back in my life. She's in foster care right now. Work on my autism & adhd get the resources I need to help me thru things.
I bought the book on Audible, but I'll get the hard copy for reference. I got diagnosed at age 47, almost 8 years ago, so I'm medicated but trying to find a natural way to get off or reduce them.
I thought I was quite good at goal setting, but I just realized that "I want to feel healthier" is a 'goal' that gives me so much more opportunities than just "eat healthier / move healthier" etc. That's a bit embarassing, but also very liberating somehow.
Yes exactly! That's what I love about this approach, it opens up so many more routes to get to the result we're hoping for :)
This assumes that FEELING healthier actually corresponds with BEING healthier. It's easy to feel positive if you simply ignore negative reality.
If your only sharing to people that dont really know you or see you. How can they possibly understand a thought or a notion of your sharing that would lead you to them having a conclusion of your own embarrassing notion?
@@jliller I know what you mean, and I've been there. But I would argue that it does not actually feel healthy to ignore (health) problems. I am usually (at least partly) aware that I am but faking it, and that does not feel good, really. But if I work towards feeling healthier, that can and should mean a lot more than "ignoring problems".
Love this! 👏🏼💚🙌🏼
recently I've been thinking, "I want to feel peaceful" and now i'm going to form my goals around that.
That was one of our team's, too! It's a great one!
Mine is contentment
Just make sure you don't write off family members, try setting and sticking with boundaries first. My dad has started this journey and wrote off his side of the family.
Speaking of goals, and (you, Jess) being 6 months pregnant as a first time mom -- it occurred to me that if right now (translation: before you have the baby) you sit down and write down your goals as a parent, you'll have a better idea of how to respond when well-meaning people come over and a) want to hold your baby and b) offer the vaguely-helpful-but-ultimately-meaningless "whatever you need, let me know" phrase
If you really love to clean because it eases anxiety, they can hold the baby and get out of your way. If you really hate to clean but having clutter and unfinished tasks causes anxiety, give them a pre-printed list of "these are the tasks that will allow me to enjoy my baby" and they can do those things to ease your stress.
And regardless of how genuine they are about "anything you need", having the list keeps you from being on the spot and it also communicates a variety of tasks that you don't have to feel like you're assigning to someone -- I have a lot of anxiety about asking for help, and i feel like that approach would have been more comfortable for me.
@@plantyfanthat’s smart and i hope she sees this!!!
I really deeply hope she wants to plan to get married before the last minute
@@tatertots-n-soup why does that matter to you specifically? It's their life and not in your locus of control, so you can and should hush up.
@@tatertots-n-soupDo you mind me asking why that is?
New Year's is my birthday and I HATE setting goals during then because it feels like I'm putting that much MORE pressure on myself. So I do my goal planning with steps laid out during September/October instead. I know, it's silly but it's a mental happiness for me. During the Fall season I can reflect more on what I have going on and what I need to adjust. It's before holiday shenanigans so I don't feel that pressure added into the mix. Fall is a slower time in my life, so it's a great time for me to do that reflection and self evaluation.
Oh I love that! I used to call September ADHD New Years because it was when a new year of school started so that timing is kind of perfect actually
my birthday is a week after and i do the same makes it so much easier to stick to it
For how many years has your online persona lied about being born on the first of the year?
Happy birthday!! I do my goals on a “fiscal year” which means October-September. My birthday is mid-October, and as I get older, I tend to get more contemplative around that time, so I figured that was a good time for me to goal set.
@@HowtoADHDAs a teacher, I’ve felt this FOREVER. Because New Year’s has always been mid-year to me.
I used to "set" a New Year's goal that was just something I wanted to do, not really caring if I did it. The past few years I've been setting a "theme" each year.
Two years ago was Self-care. I focused on taking care of myself more.
This year was "Get Out". I focused on getting out of my house and traveling more.
Love this!
My local library has ordered four copies of your book!
Aughh that's so cool!!! Thanks for sharing!
I’ll have to ask my local library too, I would LOVE to read it!
I usually don't set New Year's resolution because I can't keep them.
Same! Instead, I prefer to acknowledge my successes over the previous year.
I pre-ordered your Book Jessica! I want to learn how to work with my ADHD rather than against it!
I don’t set new year’s goals, because I set goals whenever I want to.
The more I set and do them impulsively, the more I tend to succeed!
Ive been keeping one for 2 years already and it feels nicexas somseone with adhd
Acknowledge urself bec therecprobably is one youve been consistently doing
Most people don’t
It makes me think of Alice in Wonderland when Alice asks the Cheshire Cat what path to take, and he replies with, "That depends on where you want to go." Goals are personal, so it makes sense to try to think of how we feel when making a personal goal and keep that in mind more so than just building a habit.
May sound Neurotypical, but I want to feel accomplished. Not so much to accomplish particular things, but feel like I’m moving forward. I guess my goal is to set goals, measure them and evaluate if they make sense anymore. IBNU Goal #1: read your book when it arrives.
I want to feel competent. That might mean I work on a different focus every month, but if they combined to feeling more confident in my competence, that would be such an improvement.
@@kitkatwitchI want to feel competent too.
This makes me think of CGP Grey's yearly themes: a word to guide you throughout the year. It acts more as a guide for decision making throughout the year rather than a specific goal. I've found it really helpful cause it means I can adjust based on where I'm at rather than beating myself up for not being up for something.
Just watched the theme video. It might be a good thing.
Something that has helped me instead of New Year's resolutions that I'd inevitably fail is the concept of "Yearly Themes" from CGP Grey.
The first year i did it i chose the "Year of Actualization," it was nice cause there wasn't ever really a fail state, but rather anything that i interpreted as "Actualization" was a valid success. That ranged from making small progress on projects to actively choosing to play a video game to relax.
I had so much fun and fulfillment from yearly themes that i haven't done a New Year's resolution since
Since 2020 (ugh) I’ve set goals of doing *something* creative at least once a day. Sometimes it’s working on a large project, sometimes it’s repairing something around the house, sometimes it’s just mashing my keyboard into a journal. It’s been good for me!
I would feel so much stressed about it, knowing "I have to" do it, and stressing myself for not having done it eventually one day, like everything else.
Many years ago a friend said “try to do one thing that lasts each day”. I have always remembered that idea, just like you! Very empowering. I was a young mum at the time with a crying baby. It was hard to achieve but was a good mindset!
Someone once said to me, "Goals are yardsticks for failure."
I love the idea of starting with a feeling and working towards it. This is a timely video ❤
Happy new year!
I was diagnosed today, though I've suspected for a while so I'm a long-time lurker!
I'm in the UK, and there was a long wait for the assessment (a year!), so I've had a lot of time to play around with different coping strategies, so this really hits home.
My goal for 2023 was to take myself less seriously - it was broad, but allowed me to ask myself in crucial moments "what would taking myself less seriously look like?"
This was the first year I smashed my goals. My social anxiety has reduced dramatically, I'm more outgoing and confident, and I'm generally more at peace with making mistakes and being "human" and enjoying myself. It's been a long road, and I'm not done yet (I'm really just getting started), but now I set most of my goals this way: "If I want to embody X, what would that look like?", and it's helped so much!
This is an especially delightful (and resonant) comment. What a terrific change your new approach and strategies have been making! You don’t need my congrats on working towards values-based framework and individual choices, but I offer them and my admiration anyway. Go you!!
@prawncrisp5951 Thank you! ☺️
This sounds like a good idea. Thank you for sharing
Jessica, to be honest with you, lots of people have felt tired, stressed, and worn out at the end of this year. It has been a tough year. I think a positive is that those that have achieved this year have success in a really tough year. I'm trying to bring in consistency with structured planning.
Can you say more about this? I’d be very interested to hear more about what you mean by structured planning, and how you see that leading to more consistency. I have tremendous difficulty with consistency, in every domain of my life - the health & energy aspects for sure impact a lot of the rest - and I’m keen to understand ways I could maybe work towards changing this…
I love that you explained this. I discovered this on my own this past year. I still struggle with deadlines, though. But, the setting goals based on how I want to feel and what it looks like, was so much easier and, I'll add, is in alignment with my values.
Yes! I worked backwards from my lengthy list of possible resolutions...spend less, be debt free, exercise more, eat better, lose weight, be more organized, spend more time creating in my studio, and on and on and on.... It was an impossibly long list. Broke it down to...#1. No excess spending for 3 months. (Barring emergencies, that should leave me FINALLY debt free.) #2. Get 8 hours of sleep every night. All those things I want to do take willpower, and I need sufficient sleep to have that. I started last week, and 3 days in, I woke up before my alarm, with lots of time for a morning work out, so I'm on the right track!
As a Learning Designer whose work focuses a lot on "Backwards Design", where you take the learning outcomes the students need to achieve and work backwards from there to build the materials and assessments, I love this backwards approach that puts your desires first!
Super interesting comment! Are there specific frameworks or general resources /writings / guides that you rely on in your work, or which you found especially helpful to begin with? I’d be curious to learn more about this!
@@prawncrisp5951 there are lots of different learning theories, one our company uses a lot is Social Constructivism 🙂
I never set goals or plan which is why I don’t finish. My next few episodes require new dolls which is the perfect opportunity to finish abandoned projects before buying new stuff. Finding enjoyment is tricky when each step is so long but I must be careful if I want an outfit or prop to look nice. Finishing more videos will make me feel accomplished and hopefully happier and in turn more focused on the next project.
ohh i like this take about the feeling i want to accomplish. im currently reading the "12 week year" which basically talks about setting goals in a much shorter timeline and i think i might incorporate into this too. thanks for sharing!
"...Happy New Year, depending on when you're seeing this. Happy April." 😅 It's April second and I'm watching this for the first time. I feel like it's a sign.
The timing on the video is incredible! Literally just sat down a minute ago now that my toddler is napping so that I can try to goal set and get organized for a fresh approach for 2024 (having been through of course decades of “failing” at my goals that I tried to set before but still really want), knowing I need to find a new way to try to do this but not knowing where to start ❤ so glad I clicked on this video! Merry Christmas to you and your team! Also, just bought your book in my local store last week 😊🎉 so excited to start reading it now that the Christmas chaos is wearing off lol and I can brain again
Aw yay, glad it was helpful!! Her book is linked in the description if you want to read more about this approach :) But hope this gives you a place to start!
@@HowtoADHD oh my goodness, I actually somehow managed to forget that you’d mentioned she had a whole book about it by the end of leaving my comment ahaha man, my brain sometimes, I swear-thanks for the reminder! 😂 but absolutely, this was the perfect place to start here, since I’d never heard of her before this and had literally never thought about starting with how I want to feel rather than things I was annoyed at myself for not managing to do yet 🫠
My goal is to plant a small flower garden at the entrance. I have everything planned on paper, I have most of the plants and seeds that I need, I hope ir works out :)
I have pots on my stoop. My advice is to cram more in there than you think ! Also, pinch off spent flowers or dead leaves, etc.
This really makes me feel happy when I come home. I DO want to figure out some "winter plants" as I am in New England, so there greenery is weather dependent!
I first heard of this method a few years ago when Marie Forleo interviewed Danielle! She has such a calming presence. How do I want to feel is more flexible than What do I want to do? And we're so malleable! It's pretty helpful (when i remember it exists because my mind is in healing mode the last two months)
Wow this is great. Maybe this can help somewhat with actually accomplishing goals as the resolutions never really worked for me until now. Also, thank you so much for this year, Jessica! You have really helped me grow a lot with my ADHD and I struggle wayy less now! One of my friends (who also has ADHD) has been having a tough time lately so as a random present I’ve order your book for her. If it is anything like your channel I think it can really help her with what she’s going through
Oh thank you!! Yeah it's pretty similar to the channel -- it's everything I've learned about ADHD from doing the channel, includes comments from the community, science communication, relatable anecdotes and a toolbox for the things we struggle with :)
@HowtoADHD Awesome, I’m sure she’ll be thrilled by it!
Hi Jessica, I preordered your book and it came to the bookstore yesterday! I stayed up late reading it! You've taught me so much on your channel over the years, and I'm so happy to have your knowledge, wisdom, and enthusiasm in a resource that doesn't require electricity and devices and internet. Thank you to you and your team! BTW, I am a senior citizen, diagnosed just a few years ago.
My boss does this. For the past few years, we "start with the end in mind" and create goals from there. Super helpful!
"Happy April!"
I feel so seen.
To keep my 4.0 GPA I've got in college in the first semester (ie above 80%). I pulled it off somehow without studying, but I'm thinking as things go on, I'm going to have to learn how to study (not cram!), and how to SLEEP. 😂
Also, to start going to the pool again, and helping my service dog in training overcome his fear of traffic and people. My chronic pain needs me to move more. I have a credit with the city to use for the pool that I managed to apply for and get nov i just need to use it!!
HIGHLY recommend Desire Map and the workbook. It wasn't until I read Desire Map and then did the exercises in the workbook that I actually started to feel good while achieving my goals in a healthy way. It's helped me prioritize what I do and keep me centered with my why (which is mostly about how I want to feel). It also helps to weed out the goals that others want me to have so I can focus holistically on the goals that come from my own soul.
I haven't been to this channel in a while (I returned because a friend with ADHD wanted to know more about emotional dysregulation, so I sent her an old video of yours!). I didn't realize you were pregnant! Congratulations Jessica! I wish you a year of joy and contentment
I use CGP Grey’s Theme Journal system, it’s a great concept that focuses on an overarching theme for the year rather than specific goals. It means you can do any kind of work or make progress anywhere as long as it adds to the theme you that you wanted to build on!
I usually do new years resolutions that are reasonable and attainable, like don't buy candies during january, or watch less youtube and more classic movies I haven't seen yet until I have seen 30 movies during the year. So something with with a tangible ending condition that I know I can achieve. If the resolution is too big or too ambiguos it is too easy to either forget you ever made any promises or quit since it is too much.
I set weekly or short term long term goals all through out the year
Im really exited for the book thank youuu 📖 ❤
One of the things I do as a neurodivergent manager, is work with my team on assessing the things we have to do with the things we want to do. Then we look for the intersections of those things and find our work goals there. We talk through what our stressors are and we talk about the things we need to do in our jobs. We try to evaluate the things we can work smarter about or the things or projects we're doing and where we can grow learning within those projects. For example, if I have a video editor on my team who wants to learn a new technique, we look for the right project to use as a tool to grow that new skill or use as a part of new training so that we're finding uses to both combine that "have to get this project done" with the need/want to try something new and also not get bored. It's also good to use this time to talk with a manager about what do you want to do to grow your career or grow your experience. Sometimes we think that managers will come to us with these things, and sometimes they do, but we have to own that growth conversation for ourselves. Setting annual goals in the workplace is the ideal time to start that conversation with your manager.
Happpy new year everyone🎉❤
I started to set vague goals, but like you guessed, I hadn't really put thought into them yet on a deeper level. This video came out at the perfect time! I've realized that a lot of my goals DO have similar feelings tied to them, but putting the FEELING in the limelight will help me not feel like I'm starting all over if something I start in January isn't working in May anymore. Thanks!
Not allowing ableists and allistics to decide what my capability standards should be... basically I don't want to feel like my life being comfortable means it makes everyone whose chosen to be in my life, is happy with it.
This really helps. I always set way too many hard to achieve goals and never follow through.
So happy for you. 😊
This is so helpful, not just for New Year’s but for future planning, what you want your life to look like, what you want your home to feel like, all of it. Game changer! We might also look at past goals and think about what we wanted to feel from those goals to see if maybe we can change the approach. I changed my New Year’s resolution one year to “make more desserts and make everyone else bigger”, in complete jest, saying that most people want to look better and go about it by losing weight (most common resolution) but that I realized that “better” was a comparison and it could be to yourself or others so there were two ways for that to happen, never realizing that this concept could actually be applied overall.
My two goals for this year are building a routine and monetizing my YT channels. I have a chronic illness (Ankylosing spondylitis) which fuses my bones and also makes me super tired so I needed a job that encompassed my ADHD and my AS. Your channel is an inspiration for me! Happy NY
I LOVE when there's an overlap between people I love/adore/follow! I read the desire map when it first came out, Idk, ten years ago? and while I'm having a hard time really sticking to the process outlined in the book (hello, ADHD brain), the idea of looking at my life and my goals through the lense of my core desired feelings (which have been evolving over time) is one that I keep coming back to.
Being an AuDHDer, I'm not all big on making resolutions anymore. I feel like nothing changes and it seems like I always fail to accomplish my goals. In fact, this whole year broke me and it's hard for me to have a positive outlook.
Congratulations on everything you’ve done in 2023! Really appreciate how much you’ve helped me (and so many people) to understand and appreciate our ADHD.
Happy New Year to you and your family including bump!
Perfect timing and thank you! Such good reminders
Thank you for this video! I stopped setting “personal” New Year’s resolutions/goals a long time ago since I never met them and it just made me feel worse, but I sat down just today to set goals and strategize for my business this upcoming year and now I realize I need to adopt more of this approach to the process.
Thank you so much for this video!
I just would like to say thank you for all the hard work you do with your channel. I just turned 41 years old last week and just learning very recently that I have ADHD. It’s been a struggle to understand it but I would like to say, thank you for being here and teaching do you one of my favorite resources to learn about.
Got your notification and watching! Thank you. And you look wonderful, BTW 😊
You've helped me so much to understand my adhd.
Thank you! I'm so glad :)
Instantly pre-ordered your book, this channel has done so much for helping me understand and cope with my adhd both before and after diagnosis.
This is the first year ever I decided to try doing resolutions because I never do that. Part of me feels like I'm nowhere in my life because of that. This is hopefully gonna help me set doable New Year's resolutions. Thank you 💖
Thank you so much man
Congratulations!!
Thanks for talking about this. I ditched goal setting completely a few years ago, especially for the new year, because of those problems, failures and frustrations that you mentioned. Now this new perspective may make me reconsider my position. :)
This is life changing!!!!! Thank you 😌
Your book, which I had preordered, arrived today, to my excitement. It looks great! Also: I was tearing up already as I read the dedication. Thanks for what you do, best wishes.
Thank you for the wise words 😊
Thank you Jessica, that is really insightfull!
I’ve been setting and chasing a lot of goals lately. It’s going quite well with most. But with a few - as you say - I got stuck. And with this perspective I now see that I had a different place that I wanted to get to, then what I would achieve with the plan of action I set with those goals. You just gave me the missing puzzle piece. ❤
I needed this. Your video released at the perfect time. RIGHT at the start of my own goal-making exercise. I really appreciate the reframe. It'll help me stay focused on what really matters.
Got your book early in the mail and can’t wait to read it!! ❤ My goal is to be more in tune with my ADHD and work with it
So glad to see this topic in the video! So many of these comments are about values. I recently realized that as an ADHDer, my biggest source of discontentment is that I am living outside my values and feeling like a failure for constantly falling short of my goals. My "goal" this year is to live a more values-directed life than a goal-directed one. First thing I had to do was figure out my values priority list and core values. Would love to see a video on this! Lots of resources available online about it for anyone else who is interested!
Happy new year to you!
That’s a really good idea. Gonna give it a try this year
Ohhhh this is such a good point. I haven't had a new years reso. lution in ages because they always felt rather pointless to me, but having watched that video... I want to feel accomplished. I'm starting a new job in february so i'm giving myself some time to figure out what that will mean professionally, but i've made a short list of smaller goals i can achieve that will absolutely give me that feeling if i just remember to prioritise them (they're small so they can be on a roster and vary as needed, a mix of craft and weekend plans and reading books). Thank you!!
Congratulations!
Just got your book in the mail! I preordered way back when, so it was a fun New Year "surprise" haha
This is a great idea! I'm gonna try this. Thank you!
This is a great perspective. I've been the one that doesn't set goals, because that's how I avoid failure. But a couple weeks ago, I decided to make a list of "things I want to do in 2024" ... ie hobbies I want to partake in, because watercolor and candle making are two high on my list of desires. Ironically, both of those will bring me peace, give me joy, and "fill my cup". And those are what I currently need to feel/achieve, to be a better person/wife/mom.
Happy New Year Jessica, your family, and the HTADHD team! So this after my first year on Meds and having a break out year at work and being a great success, I want to continue this trend. I want to continue to learn Latin, learn how to code, become a better History Professor, and better advisor. I want to save money and meet a wonderful woman (It's been a few years since I last dated, it's time to get back out there!) and I want to do some art and finish my book.
I think goals should be set up with a lot of short term goals that lead to the long term goal.
Refreshing and motiviating -- once again! Thank you so much!
Only goal I have for myself for 2024 is to be more kind to myself. It's a great way to reflect on what I'm feeling, how the day went, what's working, what isn't. If I don't get to a goal, that's okay (as long as it's not Urgent).
Happy Saturday to you too aswell ^^
Desire Map is such a life changer. I want to feel fulfilled this year.
I like this way of thinking. Before the coming year spurred questions about goals, I realized I had none. I hope focusing on the feeling as the anchor will help with that process.
This method is really awesome and i imagine, a lot more successful. Thanks Jess!
Thank you, I am 53 and you are the first person to explain setting goals in a way that makes sense to my brain. ❤
I was so excited... my book arrived on my kindle yesterday and I am so excited to read it.
This is the last video I watch in 2023 and it may be the most important one. Thank you!
Happy New Year Jessica, from Canada with love! ~Chris
Back in the early 2000s, I made my LAST New Year's resolutions and have stuck to it ever since. That resolution was to never make another New Year's Resolution ever.
Every day can be the start of a new year.
naturally im coming around to watching this on the very first day of the new year. good luck and cheers to us ADHDers!
I keep getting updates from Amazon on when your book is going to arrive. Just after New Years 🤞🏻
I loved this. Man the struggle in this area is real. I tried this method and it actually even felt better about making these decisions. My goal is doing less but doing more that's meaningful, owning less to take care of and focusing on one hobby at a time but intensely because that is what works best for me but I can get sucked into feeling pressured to multi task and sucking at everything because of it.
Happy new year! I think that is a great way to get some goals accomplished by working backwards and figuring out what needs to be done first. Thank you for that reminder! Although I haven't actually set any goals yet, I am actually planning my days out to keep on track of tasks, hourly, because well ADHD! thank you for all your good advice! Keep up the great work with the channel and congrats on your pregnancy!
I love this advice. I want to feel loved and supported and proud of myself. I also want to feel more carefree.
Not me over here freaking out because I'm literally watching this in April and somehow YOU KNEW.
Thank you for all your videos. Looking forward to your book!
Hope you enjoy it!
This makes so much sense, and sounds like an approach that will definitely work better for me!
You're such an absolute life saver
OMG I just seen that your book has an audio version, and it’s actually you narrating it! Definitely gonna buy this
OMG comparing the Desire Map method to a GPS really was helpful! I struggled with the Desire Map concept, because it was centered on how I want to feel, and the messaging behind that was I was being selfish/self indulgent. I didn't realize this was flipping a system to our strengths!
OMG congrats for the pregnancy!! so happy for you!
I read Desire Mapping several years ago and it was LIFE CHANGING! But you have to do all the exercises in it to really hone in on what you want to feel and what things specifically make you feel the way you want to feel. It requires a lot of self reflection, but the work is totally worth it. I go back and re-do all the exercises every year or so because current life circumstances change all the time so how I want to feel can change drastically from one year to the next.
I love the concept. It's the intricacy of the process that's so hard for me. I've never been able to follow through and complete the entire process.
I left a comment a bit ago asking for captions and I'm not sure if I made an impact but thank you SO much for including captions in this video!! it's so helpful!!
I discovered Danielle LaPorte's Desire Map in the early years of my business - I bought the book and the workbooks, and I even used her planner (which was just gorgeous visually) one year. Not everything she's brought out since they has resonated with me, but I do like the approach of starting with the way you want to feel, and still use it as the foundation of my goal-setting now.
I love your channel because it make me "feel" normal. That's what I wanna feel. Thank you, you're a blessing to my life.