Yesss i think the same! Just in a slightly different way. My version of this is that two halves will be drawn to each other because they believe they will make each other whole. On the surface, they will APPEAR whole, but in reality they will be very flimsy and unstable. They may also struggle to leave each other because they have now become dependent on each other and they don't want to go back to being a "half" (despite the fact that staying in the toxic relationship will likely be much more harmful).Two whole people are secure on their own and while they don't NEED each other, when they do come together, they become a stronger version of themselves. However, If they do need to separate for whatever reason, they can, and they will be okay.
We may assume these days that there are hollow people yes, or broken people. Why are we even talking about two whole parts - you take an apple and cut it i two, you get two halves, right? Shouldn't we just agree that any two halves of an apple would make a whole apple? No, just those that belong to the whole. And yes, you can also get two halves together, that still do not make a whole apple but make it an apple. Like couples, sometime people belong each other and fit just like they were two parts of the whole. Some couples are just parts of a completely different fruit :). Let's not try to be whole where we are not. We are two pieces of a puzzle that even physically fit each other. Why question anything else? And why, on earth do we need, each individually, to become whole - just to say that a half can not be perfect (in its own imperfection:))? Why would you stubbornly need to become whole and never need anybody else? Because it takes courage to open up to someone else, to trust them, to let them into your heart and be as well the one to rely on and support the other in any moment of their life. Has this all of a sudden become a heavy burden to love someone? Does it bother you that someone needs you to rely on you? This is a big problem of today: half of the population are ready to live without loving and needing anyone, happy on their own and detached, as you say - as monks. Are you saying you would like to go the woods or the mountain and look for nirvana? If this is your purpose of life, I agree. But if you are still a part of a society and want to live and function among people - detachment is not the way. Healthy attachment - yes.
Being alone gets lonely, but it's the best decision I've ever made in my life. Thank you God 🙏🏾 Self love is way more important than feeling like you're "in love".
Saaaaame, I Love to travel solo, I don't even try to find travel buddies anymore It's the ultimate experience of freedom and independence, no compromises, and hence the best way to wind down and recharge.
Totally relate. It’s so nice having only oneself to rely on that being around others gets frustrating. Nothing better than being able to think and do and decide and produce at my own pace.
@danilaroche1156 I go to church every Sunday year-round. I study The Word with others. I have many friends and family. I talk to everyone at work. I am close to my family. I still prefer to be alone and close to Jesus. It's better than all of this and I feel whole.
"Detachment while dating or in a relationship means that we remain independent... they are a great addition to our life but never a necessity. They don't own us and we do not own them." "Detachment is never about not caring or shielding our heart... it's all about the full acceptance of whatever can happen."
@@Nanaa5972 "Hmm, I suppose that by focusing on ourselves, our lives, hobbies, passions, friends, and family, we become more fulfilled, and consequently, less dependent on a romantic partner."
What if he always carries a strong/military face when he meets with you, ..hiding under the guise of being a force man.. He gives excuses everytime due to his busy schedule and reason why he's not really committed. .
@@mercyoluwatoyin4108 The busiest man will find time for the woman of his dreams. Nothing will stop him. The man who truly wants you doesn't want you to feel neglected. The right man "feels good" and there is no confusion.
I am with you here. I like myself and don't need other's, unless its for practical help, ie moving something heavy. My happy place is open moorland with not another soul any where near or a deserted beach, emphasis on the deserted.
I will sure detach.... forever...I do not need to play games. We are either in or we are out. people need to stop listening to all these "relationship" experts. I do not put anyone on a pedestal. I just love.
Exactly. Why is everyone acting like love is this diseases we must stay away from? All these games and running in circles screams cowardliness and fragile egos. It takes bravery to fully love. If the other person isn’t fully invested like I am, I’m out!
And make sure he loves his mother. We need to make our lives whole , filling out loneliness with good things and a meaningful life. This way you are a solid secure person who can walk away if things aren't working out.
That's why it's best to get to know someone slowly so you can walk away before becoming attached. Loneliness can be a vulnerability, we need to work first on not relying on a relationship to fill our loneliness.
any change in life does produce a consequence of making choices differently. Isn't it normal and a result of evolution that we make different choices under different conditions?
Did it Totaly lost myself, Then after 27yrs. He left anyway even tho everything was the way he wanted it. Don't Lose yourself in your Relationship, it takes a while to find yourself again.
yep don't do everything they ask, don't always accommodate them, it leads to their control of you. And ur self-esteem becomes lower. Then they dislike you for lack of self-esteem !!! oh the games we play
A very important point. You should never maintain a relationship which ruins your self esteem, destroys your dignity and leads you nowhere. A healthy relationships is about uplifting each other, caring about each other's desires and worries, taking them as your own. If there is no balance in a couple and one is completely "detached" (just can't be bothered less) and the other is giving their all, it will end up in a crush for the second person. While the first will still not be bothered, since detached. So, your dignity, self-esteem, personal interests, desires and needs should be a priority for your partner, not just you. The only exception is the time. Because in a healthy relationships there is always a need for a time alone or apart, but not to the extent that it can create a problem. With insecurely attached people, like avoidants, time that they request for themselves is not the real measure of the needs, it's an attempt to escape the relationship as a whole and feel free from it. So, they would not ask for an hour or a day, they will ask you for weeks. And this is not compatible with a healthy relationship. it's unacceptable.
@@soul-etudeTry as I might, I see no reason for anyone to care about my personal interests, desires dreams etc. I care about them. I make them happen. Don’t need anyone else in my way. And oh yeah, my salary is high enough to pay when I actually do need someone, such as a carpenter.
It’s so true that a breakup might not necessarily be a bad thing bc it is like a stepping stone to achieving a better relationship with the right person!
Because I listened to you, took your break up course, and followed your advice that any guy that couldn't commit yet wanted to keep me around, I am now married to the man of my dreams. You were right, what felt devastating at the time and like my life was over, a couple of years later has proven to be the stepping stone that led me to the one that not only was what I wanted but he committed fully to me and works on our relationship every day. We are moving in to the home of our dreams right now, working side by side to make life the best it can be. Detachment to outcome works! ❤
This is what I call self-dignity. If you are a healthy secure person you don"t fall for the "coolness" of the other person. You fall for their interest in you. Because cool people with beautiful eyes are millions out there, but the one who chooses to be with you, is just one. So, I understand that he is talking about unhealthy attachment here to the guys who don't invest in their relationship with you, but you do. It's just that people start using the term attachment as a general negative term and are persuaded that they have to avoid attachment at any cost even within a healthy dynamic of a relationship.
Nobody needs a detached person. At least not me. Why would I try to be something that I would not accept from another? It's ok to be attached, it's the purpose of a relationship. What you are talking is not detachment. It's self-dignity. When somebody is not paying attention to you in the way you think you deserve, you are then capable to take the decision to not invest in them any further. But when you are having a relationship with someone who is detached, well that's such a shame for both of you. Attachment is healthy. Just not at the cost of your self-dignity.
Contrary I think he is right especially in the early stages detachment helps you see the person is not for you like I was able to acknowledge that this guy had an amazing personality and I loved his energy but I was also able to recognize he seemed occupied, closed off, emotionally unavailable, was inconsistent and had terrible communication skills and asked myself is that going to work is this someone you can be attached to and the answer was no even tho the guy was a cool person and we had chemistry and compatibility
Bingo! My daughter is tryin to move forward from a guy she gave her heart to. Shes carrying his child now, hes ditched her. Breaks my heart. So important to have healthy attachments!❤
Hi Brian, I suffered the ultimate break-up. My husband died 1.5 years ago. The best thing I have done for myself is to fight the need to have a great guy in my life, so I could be the great girl my husband fell in love with again. It's a struggle, but well worth it. Thanks for all you do.
I hate crushes. A lot of strong feelings felt for someone who may not even know you exist. The guys that I crushed on always chose some other woman to show their attention and affections to--never me. What a waste of my time and feelings.
@@AreutherehelloDo you ever make your feelings known? I’m not saying you should confess exactly how you feel, that would be too much but you should be direct. Tell him you’d like to crab coffee or tacos with him sometime. If he is unresponsive, the crush dissipates naturally and you go on to find your guy. Good luck out there. We are all just trying to figure things out ❤
I don’t think it is logically possible to love someone and at the same time not be affected by negative outcomes from your interactions with them. Detachment from someone you love is impossible. You will feel hurt if you cannot be with them or interact with them, that’s the natural way of things.
I once read that there is no oneness without attachment. As a spritual sort of view, so as to justify that it is ok to get attached. So many times it is wrong to get attached if you have not correctly discerned a persons character
Amen thank you bc I think it's human to attach. Tte problem is if the other person isn't open on the same level. Then the attached feeling becomes painful and if the situation doesn't improve we are forced to detach. Attachment develops gradually ofcourse and can be mentally, intellectually, physically and from the heart, love.
This video has just confirmed that what I am doing is exactly what I need to be doing. I've had an interest in a friend of mine for a couple of months now. Something in my gut tells me there's a mutual interest, but due to different circumstances I still haven't said anything and neither has he. For about two weeks now I've been doing a lot of inner work and have let go of trying to push for a certain outcome. Thank you for reaffirming what I already know to be true. Because I know that I will be happy either way.
Update in case anyone cares: I told him a few days ago. He wants to just remain friends. I'm very okay with it because this is somehow already what I expected and I had let go of any particular outcome. It might not have been the outcome I had hoped for, but I don't feel heartbroken or rejected. There is nothing wrong with me, and there's nothing wrong with him either.
I think Buddha said something like ‘attachment is like poison’ 😱 to anything. Detaching allows freedom and flow and with compassion and true love. I know what it’s like to be attached to something material, and yes it can destroy and possess you. It is like a poison.
@@healerscreek yes it’s true! Attached, obsessed, addicted to the point that ‘we even forgot our own name’ !! Gollum sums up the collective very well, we forgot who we truly are and have been blinded by the external world, the material.
Too attached to anything - a parent, a child, a partner, money, a dog, a job.... will only cause us sorrow, when inevitably they are farther from our lives. "Love is temporary - enjoy it"
I have a trick that works a charm. I imagine that I'm already in an established relationship with the person. I imagine the domestic part of the it, and that wakes me up real quick, 😳😳because let's be honest, women are the housemaids. You have great information. Really enjoy your content.
Would it be fair to say rather than staying in “control” it could mean “not succumbing to our insecurities”? I think the moments I am most tempted to act out when falling in love is when deep feelings are at stake, I become uncomfortable, and if I allow myself I will act out of insecurity. I actually have detached at that point, when I need to focus on what God has given me today, and I understand that it’s not this persons responsibility to meet my needs…not before they can or they are wanting and ready to; not before God’s timing. When I was able to do this, it gave me a lot of peace.
Usually I agree with you Brian, however the word I believe you’re looking for is discernment, not detachment. Detachment means you’re emotionally unavailable. I’d rather be open & honest, especially in your 40’s. 😂 if he’s not for me, keep it movin!!’
Thank you so much for this video Heath! Solo date time is the best time. Always remember when you start to feel lonely while single, there’s someone else who’s in love and still getting cheated on. ❤
Genius, info: detaching. I abruptly ended our 8 1/2 months of dating. He was shocked & angry that I found out he was juggling me. (Think he had some narcissistic traits) He figured, I was infomed later, that I would never leave him & he could keep me as an option. Not happening with me. Anyway, first time I have used my intuition and the smartest move I have ever made. Now, told he wants to come back & reconcile. But, I have bound- aries now and love myself so much more. Single, attractive and available and I know my worth now. I am out there socializing with friends and enjoying my life. Looking forward to meeting the "right" man for my life. Your video just confirmed the action I took was the correct one. Kudos, to you.
I’m completely detached but i have to hold him accountable for his actions like ghosting then comeback apologising and asking for another chance to do it again! I always move on in silence but sometimes they have to hear it. If he thinks he has power over me well he’s so wrong 😊
A dude was doing the same thing with me and now, he's blocked. No contact. Giving them another chance makes them feel their behaviour is acceptable to us. So it's better to put a full stop on all of this at once, because they're never gonna change and are very proud of this fact.
@@christinebeames712 it’s a long distance thing and we both had unexpected problems that prevented us from meeting up to make it official, that’s why i gave it a chance but now it’s on him and i ended it yesterday.
This is so helpful... I really need to detach from my boyfriend. I don't like what I've become now that I'm too attached to him.i became too suspicious, jealous..I lost my happy and cheerful self.. 😢
Spot on! Glad to point out that “You Complete Me” scene. I always say while people are gushing. I rolled my eyes 🙄 nobody completes anyone. I believe the same that I am complete.
👍 Train yourself to let Go of everything you fear to lose - YODA- If we want to be detached find something to do . Self- improvement how to improve life. However I agree that its not easy to detach ourselves to someone we love and care.
Thank you for the wisdom. Sometimes an empath is tied to someone because of absorbing their feelings-- not even your own feelings. Attachment is the cause of all suffering.
Brilliant brilliant practicing this whilst dating and normal relationships and what a game changer. He/they do not own me nor I own him/ them. But be yourself. Thanks
Brian, you're the best. You produce quality content. I love watching your videos. I love myself. I know what I want. I'm complete. It's not selfish, it's self-love.
I feel myself totally complete without relationship, but I live a culture where family is the most important thing, so it's different to feel yourself complete when many people (especially women) say that I am not.
You don't have to answer to them. You take all the time you need to make the best decision for yourself. I take my time to make the best decision for myself because I am valuable my time is valuable and so is my love and my heart , this is my life
I am in this hard situation right now. And I've been doing things alone a lot more recently. It's too tiring to keep recovering from a hearbreak. Even more tiring when I got 2 heartbreaks in less than 4 months or so. I thought short period relationship wouldn't hurt as much as my longer relationship, but it is still hurts.
I'm still healing from my last break up and it's been 4 years guess that tells you sometimes you just need to take time for you you don't jump out of a frying pan into a fire
Such an amazing video, I was smiling to myself because I felt so validated. A few months of CBT for depression and a 5-day solo trip to a hot country transformed my life into one of detachment. There's so much love inside of me but I am okay being alone!
I needed to hear every word of this and now I am setting myself free. I was going down that road but now.....I think I will get back to taking care of my needs and living my life....thank you so much!!!!
This video has touched me. My husband and I have been married for 29 yrs. Never got along. He gave me everything I’ve ever wanted or needed without asking. We have had our hard times to. I went to visit my children in another state and he after a while made an excuse for me to stay and live with children and take care of granddaughter so he could be alone. Now I see him maybe 2 times a month if that. It’s hard to detach. This video has taught me different now and I understand. I text and talk with hubby. Miss him still but am learning how to detach after 29 yrs. So hard. I hope I can do this.
I started doing this too late, its too late now and am crying on the floor wishing I was well enough for him. I couldn't be the support he needed. he is the right person for me but not at the right time.
don't regret something that did not allow you to be the best you can be. You found yourself crying, this is what he has achieved for you. Does he deserve even one drop of your tears? No, he did not care enough to discover you. He did not even see the real you. since you could not have shown him your shining light. He made you only worry, cry and feel unworthy. Who could possibly be their best self in this situation? I suggest you take a photographer, and arrange for yourself a shooting, in nice clothes, with a beautiful hairstyle, thinking about the right man you are ready to meet. Play with yourself, become an actress. Imagine public in the theatre enjoying your performance. If you are not secure enough to play it out with a photographer, make selfies. Be proud of yourself and how strong you are. It's you who decides if you are worthy, not him. No one can decide anything for you. You decide -that you are lucky, beautiful and desired by many.
A little message to myself down the road: I always knew how to pick myself up without the help of anyone, not even my parents. I don’t need a man or a relationship. It should happen because you genuinely see this person accompany you in your processes through life. A person to hold your hand when you hold yourself up. A person you can hold up when you pick yourself up. If I ever find this person, even the feeling this might me the person, try it out! See where it goes. Maybe you’ll be right?
Your content is so consistent. A real strength of women that becomes a weakness in the wrong hands is the fact that many of us are nuterers and generally caring people. It is very easy to give our all into a relationship and expect the best of people while thinking that beig the person they need means that they will also become better people for you. But that isn't reality. Giving your all into a relationship that has not yet led to engagement/marriage is a very poor decision to make because you will be blinded by your thoughts and emotions and the fact that you prematurely included the other person far too deeply into your life. Saying that a person being able to provide us with greater happiness but not being the source of our happiness was such a key point. And it's not about cold shouldering the other person as some seem to suggest, but living your life because it's yours and accepting the other person as a mere addition until it comes time to fully incorporate your lives. It keeps both parties safe to maintain such a basic boundary. Not everyone is worth your time and you should always be mindful of that while journeying to find your partner. Thanks for the video, sir!
This is one of the best videos you have made. Always bringing it back to having a really great relationship… with ourselves! Healthy detachment is key in all aspects of our lives- work, romantic relationships, family Brilliant!
Why on earth does he have to earn equal or more than you? Why does he need career ambition? Why not just a work ethic? Doing things alone is good for you.
I definitely have had a tendency to loose myself in relationships and get overwhelmed or caught up by my feelings and emotions about the person. However, the last few years i have been learning and becoming self-aware, looking back at how unhealthy it was.. Im currently in a relationship and found myself again in danger of repeating my past pattern but thankfully because i am aware of it i am able to do things differently! My biggest fear is off loosing myself and vulnerability by giving power over to another person but i accept that i am fully responsible for all the choices i make.. I have the mindset which im still working on that all love begins within meaning that i should love myself first and make myself a priority! I am complete as i am and have everything i need that anything or anyone else is just a bonus in my life...
Thanks Brian! I didn’t even realise that I’m already doing this! I used to think that a guy is not interested in a woman if they don’t text back in a certain time.. but it is way different than that.. especially if a guy is an introvert. Those three points really are on point. Thanks again!
Standing on the outside looking in is the best course of action for me; listening closely to what is being said or how one is being approached is helpful. When we start creating or thinking about what being with this person would be like we are idealizing a person whom we don't know -- they are a fantasy.
thank you, I've truly learned this over the past couple years. I had a relationship fall apart because I didn't have everything I needed to take care of myself, then I became homeless and had to move cities to survive. So yes, I come first. I've gotta do what I've gotta do. Sacrificing my needs for a partner's is unsafe.
This is so good! I wish I knew this before when I dissolved into a relationship. I won't let that happen again. Keep my friends, keep and cultivate my interests, keep my own beliefs, etc. I know how much I treasure walking in nature by myself, more than when I'm with someone else for instance and I will keep that alive. I want a relationship but not to be swallowed up in it and lose beautiful me!
Mr. Nox, why even try anymore though. If you invest all that time with someone and then it doesn't work. I know I know, don't get so attatched to the results, but it can be hard, especially when you're older. Also, what you're saying can also apply to non-romantic things! 🙂
This is excellent advice - even outside romantic relationships. Learning to detach a bit from family and friends, workplace situations, etc. can be so beneficial to our mental health since, in every aspect of life, we only have control over our own actions. Thank you, Ian!
Wonderful. I need to detach for my own peace & hapiness as well. Once I was very clingy, but as an adult I found worth in myself & my identity in Christ. Today those who are clingy feel like a burden bc they're trying to attach, manipulate & control with a negative spirit. So I pull the plug & find it refreshing only to be in my own company & talk to Jesus. His Holy Spirit talks in amazing ways when we listen - & we can only listen when we have peace & quiet.
I tend to loose myself in the other and it never ended well. Atm I’m in the process of learning detachment and I can see how things are already shifting. This video was a great reminder so thank you!
I have not learned how to be happy alone. It has been 3 years since my divorce, i have learned how to take care of myself and my children alone, but I am a big ball of anxiety all the time and not feeling happy at all ☹️
It is easier said then done!! It all looks good on paper, but if you put it into real life context where real feelings involved, it is not so cut and dry.
WoW! ❤ this video! Thanks for the video, Brian! It makes so much sense! Can you do a video or more 😊 about how to be in love but stay detached- I don't know how to do that! What Brian talks about in this video is what I am currently living.🤦🏻♀️ thanks for helping me understand it, Brian! It has been 8 months since my relationship started, and my partner just told me that he feels suffocated. But we were on top of each other from the beginning. I thought he liked it and wanted me all on him! Him being the priority! However, he has told me we must do things alone since June/July because it will make the relationship healthier and more robust. I saw that as a way for him to escape and a treat to our relationship. I would be scared of losing us when I heard that! And I fought against it! I fought hard! But I was wrong, and it was not the right approach! The reality is that I just came into this relationship after a 20-year relationship that ended because we disconnected from each other, with each other doing our thing. In my new relationship -passionate- I completely lost myself in it! Although I felt that I was not comfortable with the facts that I was doing things - commuting two hours from his place to work, using my evening and weekend time to do activities with him instead of focusing on the work I had to finish for my grad school etc. - to ensure the relationship continues. I knew it was wrong for me to do this, but I could not help it. My partner is a charming, attractive man, and I was insecure that I would lose him if I were not there with him during all these activities. I was afraid that he would meet another woman, sparks would start, and he would be gone in 2 months. He also did not create a safe space for me to feel secure, and that has also contributed to my feeling of insecurity. Or perhaps I was so afraid that I could not feel secure! The paradox is that I like having time to do my things and am an independent woman -perhaps with a strong character, super-driven, ambitious, and professional, but that did not matter in the last eight months! It did not matter to me, and I don't understand why I had forgotten myself in this relationship. I became so attached and emotionally dependent to the extent that I made this man feel suffocated😢. I haven't behaved like this since I was 20 years old! I feel embarrassed about losing my dignity and walking all over me to save this relationship. ☹️ despite my feelings of insecurity, my partner did not want that! He wants to see me independent and passionate about what I’m doing; he wants me to do what I want to do -he wants me to be successful because that makes me more attracted. Now, we decided that the healthy thing to do is to take some space and find myself and him to breathe and reflect on how we can continue our relationship! I’m a passionate partner and like receiving lots of affection, and it is not easy to be alone, although I enjoy my space🤦🏻♀️ so paradoxical. During this time, I am working on discovering myself and understanding what I did that led him to suffocation -I start seeing it a bit! However, I still struggle with how to love and be engaged in the relationship but stay detached and true to myself simultaneously (I don't know how to do this). If I prioritize myself, I’m not that involved in the relationship! Help!!! Does anyone want to share their insight and any advice and resources that I could watch or read about this? So, when I left my partner's place, he hugged me, kissed me and said, “ I love you, and we’ll do this the right way” 😊 I don't know what will happen after this time apart -which we have not clarified how long it will be - but one thing for sure I know: I will grow 🎉...I will keep you posted on the progress! Thanks Brian and all for being here!
This video was very close to the truth in every aspect. In fact, I would say it is relational wisdom at a core level. Just had an encounter with someone, whom I had a very deep alignment with. But, I know that I am called into another person for a permanent marriage. Still wrestling with not having a divided heart when I do marry in the near future. I did notice that several remarks, and statements I used in the meeting were pleasant, not rejecting, but quietly detached. Already applying your suggestions, before I even saw this presentation. Yes, I’m on my way to a “pure heart”, which will be necessary for a full commitment to my marriage partner. Thank you for the confirmation! I find your offerings to be solid, and tailored to truly helpi others!
Your comment is quite intriguing, Hansel. I am evaluating the situation that you presented, honestly attempting to determine the better move, not that you asked me. I know that at the point of attraction, we generally are consumed by the one we 'behold,' how then was did another enter your field of vision? This makes the interest in the original person 'shaky' to me. Unless she was a definite appointment of God, and one whom you have to posture your heart to receive, and the other, a kind of temptation, or gratification that was not divinely designed. You seem to have conscious awareness of what is a-foot, which is good. Pardon my unsolicited inquiry; the human condition in various situations, deeply interests me.
Brian, I’m just watching this on repeat, tonight and it’s giving me strength. Thank you and know that your work is meaningful and real helps others. It’s a big deal
This video covers a lot of deep spiritual concepts, such as self-love, acceptance, detachment (obviously), respecting, trusting and freeing yourself from attachment cycles. Brian's calm, soothing and unpatronising manner is so lovely too. Thank you. 😇😇
I think that attachment is a good healthy thing in a loving relationship. Your brain was wired to be attached to those you love, ever since you were a little baby, its just one of the awesome thing about loving someone. Just dont take it to extreme measures where you need them to function though.
I need to do this. So sick of his inconsistency, it's tiresome feeling like the conversation is one sided. It's in and out and I told him this was confusing me so stopped making an effort recently but he still comes back. Think I need to just slow fade away as it's a new relationship but I can already see that things won't change.
If you're currently in a relationship, Brian Nox, tell us how that story played out. How did she act and how did you act and how are you both doing in the relationship, and how did you meet?
This is such a good video. It's helping me right now as I'm going through having had a really good time with someone and he has disappeared. I have to say, it sounds like he has done me a favor. Thanks so much as I will apply these methods to 'detach' myself emotionally from him and just move on with life. I believe he is yet again, another narcissist. Luckily I haven't known him for more than a few months. :) Thank you!
Wow you explained this so well, I am retracing my steps and can see how it looked like and why it’s not attractive. And it’s clear what needs to be changed and how to really love ourselves. Thank you so much for this video
This is a great topic and I’m so glad that you covered it. More people need to know how to do this. It leads to having a secure attachment style instead of all the other unhealthy ones. It takes lots of practice and it’s truly a lifestyle to detach from people and outcomes but it’s so worth it. ❤️🙏
![PASULOL รามเกียรติ์ ตอนที่ 4 นนทกพบรัก [Ramakien Ep.4: Nonthok in love]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/tMUQgmZzf_A/mqdefault.jpg)
A clever person told me once, concerning relationships:
Two halfes does not make one whole - but two whole people will make one perfect whole.
Yesss i think the same! Just in a slightly different way. My version of this is that two halves will be drawn to each other because they believe they will make each other whole. On the surface, they will APPEAR whole, but in reality they will be very flimsy and unstable. They may also struggle to leave each other because they have now become dependent on each other and they don't want to go back to being a "half" (despite the fact that staying in the toxic relationship will likely be much more harmful).Two whole people are secure on their own and while they don't NEED each other, when they do come together, they become a stronger version of themselves. However, If they do need to separate for whatever reason, they can, and they will be okay.
Very true, I discourage anyone that wants a relationship to fill the void in themselves is just asking for trouble.
We may assume these days that there are hollow people yes, or broken people. Why are we even talking about two whole parts - you take an apple and cut it i two, you get two halves, right? Shouldn't we just agree that any two halves of an apple would make a whole apple? No, just those that belong to the whole. And yes, you can also get two halves together, that still do not make a whole apple but make it an apple. Like couples, sometime people belong each other and fit just like they were two parts of the whole. Some couples are just parts of a completely different fruit :). Let's not try to be whole where we are not. We are two pieces of a puzzle that even physically fit each other. Why question anything else? And why, on earth do we need, each individually, to become whole - just to say that a half can not be perfect (in its own imperfection:))? Why would you stubbornly need to become whole and never need anybody else? Because it takes courage to open up to someone else, to trust them, to let them into your heart and be as well the one to rely on and support the other in any moment of their life. Has this all of a sudden become a heavy burden to love someone? Does it bother you that someone needs you to rely on you? This is a big problem of today: half of the population are ready to live without loving and needing anyone, happy on their own and detached, as you say - as monks. Are you saying you would like to go the woods or the mountain and look for nirvana? If this is your purpose of life, I agree. But if you are still a part of a society and want to live and function among people - detachment is not the way. Healthy attachment - yes.
@@carromboard3451 how do you know that somebody is looking to fill in the void?? What are the signs?
@@soul-etudeyes, actually relying on and being relied upon IS a burden.
Being alone gets lonely, but it's the best decision I've ever made in my life. Thank you God 🙏🏾 Self love is way more important than feeling like you're "in love".
Same OMG😂
Most men have more options ❤
@@karolinah12 💯 and they keep their options open while they're in a so called committed relationship.
Same here . I found so many cool things about being alive x
Best way to find a good relationship too
"My alone feels so good. I'll have you only if you're sweeter than my solitude " ❤
Best point ever ❤❤❤
Yup
I'm so comfortable being alone that being around people is sometimes more uncomfortable than it used to be.
Saaaaame, I Love to travel solo, I don't even try to find travel buddies anymore It's the ultimate experience of freedom and independence, no compromises, and hence the best way to wind down and recharge.
@@danilaroche1156 you are 50% correct and 50% wrong
Totally relate. It’s so nice having only oneself to rely on that being around others gets frustrating. Nothing better than being able to think and do and decide and produce at my own pace.
Me tooooo
@danilaroche1156 I go to church every Sunday year-round. I study The Word with others. I have many friends and family. I talk to everyone at work. I am close to my family. I still prefer to be alone and close to Jesus. It's better than all of this and I feel whole.
"Detachment while dating or in a relationship means that we remain independent... they are a great addition to our life but never a necessity. They don't own us and we do not own them."
"Detachment is never about not caring or shielding our heart... it's all about the full acceptance of whatever can happen."
How to do that 😢
@@Nanaa5972 "Hmm, I suppose that by focusing on ourselves, our lives, hobbies, passions, friends, and family, we become more fulfilled, and consequently, less dependent on a romantic partner."
What if he always carries a strong/military face when he meets with you, ..hiding under the guise of being a force man..
He gives excuses everytime due to his busy schedule and reason why he's not really committed. .
@@mercyoluwatoyin4108 The busiest man will find time for the woman of his dreams. Nothing will stop him. The man who truly wants you doesn't want you to feel neglected. The right man "feels good" and there is no confusion.
@@Nanaa5972practice meditation!! It's a huge help and there's a lot of TH-cam videos out there
I truly love being alone, I have found that I am my own best friend and enjoy my time without anyone. ❤
I am with you here. I like myself and don't need other's, unless its for practical help, ie moving something heavy. My happy place is open moorland with not another soul any where near or a deserted beach, emphasis on the deserted.
@@violetrose1750 except everyone has a fundamental need to be bonded. You’re just denying it.
@@sethtenrec They do? Says Who? You are havering man!
So true❤!!!
🙌🏼❤😁🥰
I will sure detach.... forever...I do not need to play games. We are either in or we are out. people need to stop listening to all these "relationship" experts. I do not put anyone on a pedestal. I just love.
Perfectly said!! 👌
Exactly. Imagine both detach after first date 🤣 and no relationship happen - safe!
Exactly. Why is everyone acting like love is this diseases we must stay away from? All these games and running in circles screams cowardliness and fragile egos. It takes bravery to fully love. If the other person isn’t fully invested like I am, I’m out!
I know what you mean!
This video should be called how to have an avoidant attachment style
Detachment is hardest thing to do for me. Because I am overcaring everything.
Me too. We need to practice 😊
Find the one that loves you for you and it’s fine your overcaring.
And make sure he loves his mother.
We need to make our lives whole , filling out loneliness with good things and a meaningful life. This way you are a solid secure person who can walk away if things aren't working out.
Communication, coordinating, is necessary in a relationship and takes time and effort. Don't confuse absence of these for detachment..
You have to always put yourself first. When you truly master that, detachment is easy.
When attached you almost unconsciously make choices you would otherwise not make. That still fascinates me. 😊
That's why it's best to get to know someone slowly so you can walk away before becoming attached. Loneliness can be a vulnerability, we need to work first on not relying on a relationship to fill our loneliness.
any change in life does produce a consequence of making choices differently. Isn't it normal and a result of evolution that we make different choices under different conditions?
Did it Totaly lost myself, Then after 27yrs. He left anyway even tho everything was the way he wanted it. Don't Lose yourself in your Relationship, it takes a while to find yourself again.
Sucks. I'm so sorry
I’m sorry 😣 I’ve been there, it gets better sis 🤞
yep don't do everything they ask, don't always accommodate them, it leads to their control of you. And ur self-esteem becomes lower. Then they dislike you for lack of self-esteem !!! oh the games we play
A very important point. You should never maintain a relationship which ruins your self esteem, destroys your dignity and leads you nowhere. A healthy relationships is about uplifting each other, caring about each other's desires and worries, taking them as your own. If there is no balance in a couple and one is completely "detached" (just can't be bothered less) and the other is giving their all, it will end up in a crush for the second person. While the first will still not be bothered, since detached. So, your dignity, self-esteem, personal interests, desires and needs should be a priority for your partner, not just you. The only exception is the time. Because in a healthy relationships there is always a need for a time alone or apart, but not to the extent that it can create a problem. With insecurely attached people, like avoidants, time that they request for themselves is not the real measure of the needs, it's an attempt to escape the relationship as a whole and feel free from it. So, they would not ask for an hour or a day, they will ask you for weeks. And this is not compatible with a healthy relationship. it's unacceptable.
@@soul-etudeTry as I might, I see no reason for anyone to care about my personal interests, desires dreams etc. I care about them. I make them happen. Don’t need anyone else in my way. And oh yeah, my salary is high enough to pay when I actually do need someone, such as a carpenter.
It’s so true that a breakup might not necessarily be a bad thing bc it is like a stepping stone to achieving a better relationship with the right person!
Great info. Dont chase men and don't over attach to anyone 😊
the only reason you say not to chase men is bc men made it easier for you to work. if not, youd be chasing men all day long. XD
They also made it harder if they seen women as there equal in the first place they wouldn’t have needed to correct their mistake
Ladies, the men are being told on TH-cam to also not chase. If we both heed the advice the human race will go extinct.
Because I listened to you, took your break up course, and followed your advice that any guy that couldn't commit yet wanted to keep me around, I am now married to the man of my dreams. You were right, what felt devastating at the time and like my life was over, a couple of years later has proven to be the stepping stone that led me to the one that not only was what I wanted but he committed fully to me and works on our relationship every day.
We are moving in to the home of our dreams right now, working side by side to make life the best it can be. Detachment to outcome works! ❤
Congrats❤
This is so good to hear ❤
Aw, congratulations! 🎉
Soooo true 👍
Congratulations and best wishes
This is what I call self-dignity. If you are a healthy secure person you don"t fall for the "coolness" of the other person. You fall for their interest in you. Because cool people with beautiful eyes are millions out there, but the one who chooses to be with you, is just one. So, I understand that he is talking about unhealthy attachment here to the guys who don't invest in their relationship with you, but you do. It's just that people start using the term attachment as a general negative term and are persuaded that they have to avoid attachment at any cost even within a healthy dynamic of a relationship.
Well said and completely agree. I enjoy his videos and I generally do not follow advice when the perspectives seem too extreme.
I have watched this at exactly the right time to inspire me to stay strong and put things into perspective as reality.
Nobody needs a detached person. At least not me. Why would I try to be something that I would not accept from another?
It's ok to be attached, it's the purpose of a relationship. What you are talking is not detachment. It's self-dignity. When somebody is not paying attention to you in the way you think you deserve, you are then capable to take the decision to not invest in them any further. But when you are having a relationship with someone who is detached, well that's such a shame for both of you. Attachment is healthy. Just not at the cost of your self-dignity.
Contrary I think he is right especially in the early stages detachment helps you see the person is not for you like I was able to acknowledge that this guy had an amazing personality and I loved his energy but I was also able to recognize he seemed occupied, closed off, emotionally unavailable, was inconsistent and had terrible communication skills and asked myself is that going to work is this someone you can be attached to and the answer was no even tho the guy was a cool person and we had chemistry and compatibility
I think it's just the title that is misleading: you should be able to detach from the man who is not interested in you, not the man you want.
Thank you.
He’s saying relationship or not own yourself. Become the whole person who can love fully 😉
You don't understand detachment since you're denying it. Study Buddhism.
Bingo! My daughter is tryin to move forward from a guy she gave her heart to. Shes carrying his child now, hes ditched her. Breaks my heart. So important to have healthy attachments!❤
Hi Brian, I suffered the ultimate break-up. My husband died 1.5 years ago.
The best thing I have done for myself is to fight the need to have a great guy in my life, so I could be the great girl my husband
fell in love with again. It's a struggle, but well worth it.
Thanks for all you do.
I *love* it when you say you love it when we stay until the end of the video.
This advice is also great for crushes
I hate crushes. A lot of strong feelings felt for someone who may not even know you exist. The guys that I crushed on always chose some other woman to show their attention and affections to--never me.
What a waste of my time and feelings.
@@Areutherehellowatch The Crappy Fairy on Limerence
@@AreutherehelloDo you ever make your feelings known? I’m not saying you should confess exactly how you feel, that would be too much but you should be direct. Tell him you’d like to crab coffee or tacos with him sometime. If he is unresponsive, the crush dissipates naturally and you go on to find your guy. Good luck out there. We are all just trying to figure things out ❤
I don’t think it is logically possible to love someone and at the same time not be affected by negative outcomes from your interactions with them. Detachment from someone you love is impossible. You will feel hurt if you cannot be with them or interact with them, that’s the natural way of things.
Oh my God, thank you !! One smart caring soul here!
I remembered someone said, a healthy relationship combines of 2 healthy and complete individuals. ❤
I once read that there is no oneness without attachment. As a spritual sort of view, so as to justify that it is ok to get attached. So many times it is wrong to get attached if you have not correctly discerned a persons character
Amen thank you bc I think it's human to attach. Tte problem is if the other person isn't open on the same level. Then the attached feeling becomes painful and if the situation doesn't improve we are forced to detach.
Attachment develops gradually ofcourse and can be mentally, intellectually, physically and from the heart, love.
Oneness is one person only, not that two people become one bs.
🎉 I agree.. I am complete.. Alone. . Yes we can't control things..
There is a God shaped hole inside of all of us that Only God can fill.Psalm 139 ❤
Absolutely beautiful thank you ✨✨✨
❤
Yeah if you are a brainwashed muppet who still believes in 2000 year old fairytales.
@@deec411 💓💞🙏💥
@@JesuisLord 💞💓💥
This video has just confirmed that what I am doing is exactly what I need to be doing. I've had an interest in a friend of mine for a couple of months now. Something in my gut tells me there's a mutual interest, but due to different circumstances I still haven't said anything and neither has he. For about two weeks now I've been doing a lot of inner work and have let go of trying to push for a certain outcome. Thank you for reaffirming what I already know to be true. Because I know that I will be happy either way.
I’m going through this right now, too.
👍
Update in case anyone cares:
I told him a few days ago. He wants to just remain friends. I'm very okay with it because this is somehow already what I expected and I had let go of any particular outcome. It might not have been the outcome I had hoped for, but I don't feel heartbroken or rejected. There is nothing wrong with me, and there's nothing wrong with him either.
@@lovingly_lonni Love this!
I think Buddha said something like ‘attachment is like poison’ 😱 to anything. Detaching allows freedom and flow and with compassion and true love. I know what it’s like to be attached to something material, and yes it can destroy and possess you. It is like a poison.
🌸 I wish he can pin this
Perfect put 🎉
"My precious..."
Um hm! 😂
@@healerscreek yes it’s true! Attached, obsessed, addicted to the point that ‘we even forgot our own name’ !! Gollum sums up the collective very well, we forgot who we truly are and have been blinded by the external world, the material.
Too attached to anything - a parent, a child, a partner, money, a dog, a job.... will only cause us sorrow, when inevitably they are farther from our lives.
"Love is temporary - enjoy it"
Lol it's like you should not love because they will die. What a miserable thinking
I have a trick that works a charm. I imagine that I'm already in an established relationship with the person. I imagine the domestic part of the it, and that wakes me up real quick, 😳😳because let's be honest, women are the housemaids. You have great information. Really enjoy your content.
Amen. But we don't even mind being housemaids for the right person 😅. If you're imagining it and it's a turn off that's a clue in itself.
@@wheelchairgeek True
Imagine them being angry lol.
Do you want to be a housemaid?
Totally right approach:) Good luck!
@@wheelchairgeekI mind
Would it be fair to say rather than staying in “control” it could mean “not succumbing to our insecurities”? I think the moments I am most tempted to act out when falling in love is when deep feelings are at stake, I become uncomfortable, and if I allow myself I will act out of insecurity.
I actually have detached at that point, when I need to focus on what God has given me today, and I understand that it’s not this persons responsibility to meet my needs…not before they can or they are wanting and ready to; not before God’s timing. When I was able to do this, it gave me a lot of peace.
❤️🙏
Been feeling really anxious over someone I like and this was immediately calming. Thank you:)
Usually I agree with you Brian, however the word I believe you’re looking for is discernment, not detachment. Detachment means you’re emotionally unavailable. I’d rather be open & honest, especially in your 40’s. 😂 if he’s not for me, keep it movin!!’
Exactly !
He did use the right word - detachment
Nope you're mistaken
Communication, coordinating, is necessary in a relationship and takes time and effort. Don't confuse absence of these for detachment.
The word is detachment and no it does not mean emotionally unavailable 🤔
I'm enjoy being alone, being my best self and I'm so happy that I made the right decision❤😊❤😊❤😊❤😊❤😊!!
Thank you so much for this video Heath! Solo date time is the best time. Always remember when you start to feel lonely while single, there’s someone else who’s in love and still getting cheated on.
❤
Genius, info: detaching.
I abruptly ended our 8 1/2 months of dating. He was shocked & angry that I found out he was juggling me. (Think he had some narcissistic traits) He figured, I was infomed
later, that I would never leave him & he could keep me as an option. Not happening with me. Anyway, first time I have used my intuition and the smartest move I have ever made. Now, told he wants to come back & reconcile. But, I have bound- aries now and love myself so
much more. Single, attractive and available and I know my worth now. I am out there socializing with friends and
enjoying my life. Looking forward to meeting the "right" man for my life.
Your video just confirmed
the action I took was the correct one. Kudos, to you.
I’m completely detached but i have to hold him accountable for his actions like ghosting then comeback apologising and asking for another chance to do it again! I always move on in silence but sometimes they have to hear it. If he thinks he has power over me well he’s so wrong 😊
He has power over you. You are being ignored by somebody repeatedly and giving him another chance. This is not a sensible thing to do.
👍👏❣️
A dude was doing the same thing with me and now, he's blocked. No contact. Giving them another chance makes them feel their behaviour is acceptable to us. So it's better to put a full stop on all of this at once, because they're never gonna change and are very proud of this fact.
@@christinebeames712 it’s a long distance thing and we both had unexpected problems that prevented us from meeting up to make it official, that’s why i gave it a chance but now it’s on him and i ended it yesterday.
@@namreeetaaa true, even though his alibi is always on point im fed up with this and he ruined his chances of doing it right!
This is so helpful... I really need to detach from my boyfriend. I don't like what I've become now that I'm too attached to him.i became too suspicious, jealous..I lost my happy and cheerful self.. 😢
Spot on! Glad to point out that “You Complete Me” scene. I always say while people are gushing. I rolled my eyes 🙄 nobody completes anyone. I believe the same that I am complete.
👍
Train yourself to let Go of everything you fear to lose - YODA-
If we want to be detached find something to do . Self- improvement how to improve life.
However I agree that its not easy to detach ourselves to someone we love and care.
Thank you for the wisdom. Sometimes an empath is tied to someone because of absorbing their feelings-- not even your own feelings. Attachment is the cause of all suffering.
Brilliant brilliant practicing this whilst dating and normal relationships and what a game changer. He/they do not own me nor I own him/ them. But be yourself. Thanks
The best life coach I've ever come across authentic honest No BS wish I could find someone like you
Brian, you're the best. You produce quality content. I love watching your videos.
I love myself. I know what I want. I'm complete. It's not selfish, it's self-love.
I feel myself totally complete without relationship, but I live a culture where family is the most important thing, so it's different to feel yourself complete when many people (especially women) say that I am not.
That's their opinion , detach from their idea , maybe you know better.
You don't have to answer to them. You take all the time you need to make the best decision for yourself. I take my time to make the best decision for myself because I am valuable my time is valuable and so is my love and my heart , this is my life
I am in this hard situation right now. And I've been doing things alone a lot more recently. It's too tiring to keep recovering from a hearbreak. Even more tiring when I got 2 heartbreaks in less than 4 months or so. I thought short period relationship wouldn't hurt as much as my longer relationship, but it is still hurts.
They all hurt unless they love us more then we love them but then it's not as satisfying so why bother.
I'm still healing from my last break up and it's been 4 years guess that tells you sometimes you just need to take time for you you don't jump out of a frying pan into a fire
We can never thank you enough Brian!, always helpful, always brilliant and fun!, you're genius!❤
Such an amazing video, I was smiling to myself because I felt so validated. A few months of CBT for depression and a 5-day solo trip to a hot country transformed my life into one of detachment. There's so much love inside of me but I am okay being alone!
I needed to hear every word of this and now I am setting myself free. I was going down that road but now.....I think I will get back to taking care of my needs and living my life....thank you so much!!!!
This video has touched me. My husband and I have been married for 29 yrs. Never got along. He gave me everything I’ve ever wanted or needed without asking. We have had our hard times to. I went to visit my children in another state and he after a while made an excuse for me to stay and live with children and take care of granddaughter so he could be alone. Now I see him maybe 2 times a month if that. It’s hard to detach. This video has taught me different now and I understand. I text and talk with hubby. Miss him still but am learning how to detach after 29 yrs. So hard. I hope I can do this.
With myself I’m in the best companionship ❤
They either love you or they dont. No games necessary.
I started doing this too late, its too late now and am crying on the floor wishing I was well enough for him. I couldn't be the support he needed. he is the right person for me but not at the right time.
don't regret something that did not allow you to be the best you can be. You found yourself crying, this is what he has achieved for you. Does he deserve even one drop of your tears? No, he did not care enough to discover you. He did not even see the real you. since you could not have shown him your shining light. He made you only worry, cry and feel unworthy. Who could possibly be their best self in this situation? I suggest you take a photographer, and arrange for yourself a shooting, in nice clothes, with a beautiful hairstyle, thinking about the right man you are ready to meet. Play with yourself, become an actress. Imagine public in the theatre enjoying your performance. If you are not secure enough to play it out with a photographer, make selfies. Be proud of yourself and how strong you are. It's you who decides if you are worthy, not him. No one can decide anything for you. You decide -that you are lucky, beautiful and desired by many.
@@soul-etudeiloveyouuu😭💗 this is exactly what i needed.🥺
A little message to myself down the road:
I always knew how to pick myself up without the help of anyone, not even my parents. I don’t need a man or a relationship. It should happen because you genuinely see this person accompany you in your processes through life. A person to hold your hand when you hold yourself up. A person you can hold up when you pick yourself up. If I ever find this person, even the feeling this might me the person, try it out! See where it goes. Maybe you’ll be right?
Your content is so consistent. A real strength of women that becomes a weakness in the wrong hands is the fact that many of us are nuterers and generally caring people. It is very easy to give our all into a relationship and expect the best of people while thinking that beig the person they need means that they will also become better people for you. But that isn't reality. Giving your all into a relationship that has not yet led to engagement/marriage is a very poor decision to make because you will be blinded by your thoughts and emotions and the fact that you prematurely included the other person far too deeply into your life. Saying that a person being able to provide us with greater happiness but not being the source of our happiness was such a key point. And it's not about cold shouldering the other person as some seem to suggest, but living your life because it's yours and accepting the other person as a mere addition until it comes time to fully incorporate your lives. It keeps both parties safe to maintain such a basic boundary. Not everyone is worth your time and you should always be mindful of that while journeying to find your partner. Thanks for the video, sir!
Felt like I was listening to a very caring teacher or mentor. I badly needed to know this. Thank You so much!
It is so true about sometimes being attached to something that isn't real. Remaining independent is key.
This is one of the best videos you have made. Always bringing it back to having a really great relationship… with ourselves!
Healthy detachment is key in all aspects of our lives- work, romantic relationships, family
Brilliant!
i am tired of doing things alone. and i am tired from men on apps who earn less than me amd ha e no career ambition
Where would this person be your looking for?
Not on a dating app.
Would he be at a sports club?
Not in a bar
Where would he be ?
Why on earth does he have to earn equal or more than you? Why does he need career ambition? Why not just a work ethic? Doing things alone is good for you.
I definitely have had a tendency to loose myself in relationships and get overwhelmed or caught up by my feelings and emotions about the person. However, the last few years i have been learning and becoming self-aware, looking back at how unhealthy it was.. Im currently in a relationship and found myself again in danger of repeating my past pattern but thankfully because i am aware of it i am able to do things differently! My biggest fear is off loosing myself and vulnerability by giving power over to another person but i accept that i am fully responsible for all the choices i make.. I have the mindset which im still working on that all love begins within meaning that i should love myself first and make myself a priority! I am complete as i am and have everything i need that anything or anyone else is just a bonus in my life...
I think I need to watch this daily until it sinks in. Thank you. ❤
Wow...
I feel like listening to this talk again and again and again
100% agree with this video. Is easier said than done but it’s necessary.
Thanks Brian!
I didn’t even realise that I’m already doing this! I used to think that a guy is not interested in a woman if they don’t text back in a certain time.. but it is way different than that.. especially if a guy is an introvert. Those three points really are on point.
Thanks again!
Standing on the outside looking in is the best course of action for me; listening closely to what is being said or how one is being approached is helpful. When we start creating or thinking about what being with this person would be like we are idealizing a person whom we don't know -- they are a fantasy.
thank you, I've truly learned this over the past couple years. I had a relationship fall apart because I didn't have everything I needed to take care of myself, then I became homeless and had to move cities to survive. So yes, I come first. I've gotta do what I've gotta do. Sacrificing my needs for a partner's is unsafe.
This is so good! I wish I knew this before when I dissolved into a relationship. I won't let that happen again. Keep my friends, keep and cultivate my interests, keep my own beliefs, etc. I know how much I treasure walking in nature by myself, more than when I'm with someone else for instance and I will keep that alive. I want a relationship but not to be swallowed up in it and lose beautiful me!
When you are complete , you have more to bring to the table therefore it is more impactful to the one half of the whole !
Mr. Nox, why even try anymore though. If you invest all that time with someone and then it doesn't work. I know I know, don't get so attatched to the results, but it can be hard, especially when you're older. Also, what you're saying can also apply to non-romantic things! 🙂
This is excellent advice - even outside romantic relationships. Learning to detach a bit from family and friends, workplace situations, etc. can be so beneficial to our mental health since, in every aspect of life, we only have control over our own actions. Thank you, Ian!
Wonderful. I need to detach for my own peace & hapiness as well. Once I was very clingy, but as an adult I found worth in myself & my identity in Christ. Today those who are clingy feel like a burden bc they're trying to attach, manipulate & control with a negative spirit. So I pull the plug & find it refreshing only to be in my own company & talk to Jesus. His Holy Spirit talks in amazing ways when we listen - & we can only listen when we have peace & quiet.
If only each and every one of us would do this! So true. So true.
I tend to loose myself in the other and it never ended well. Atm I’m in the process of learning detachment and I can see how things are already shifting. This video was a great reminder so thank you!
I have not learned how to be happy alone. It has been 3 years since my divorce, i have learned how to take care of myself and my children alone, but I am a big ball of anxiety all the time and not feeling happy at all ☹️
watch on youtube "body keeps the score" and also an audio book "Complex PTSD from surviving to thriving "
Great advice Brian. I shared with my daughters.
It is easier said then done!! It all looks good on paper, but if you put it into real life context where real feelings involved, it is not so cut and dry.
I love this guy...I learned a lot from his notions and straightforwardness. Kudos!
Wow. This is the food for thought I didn’t know I needed. Thank you.
WoW! ❤ this video! Thanks for the video, Brian! It makes so much sense! Can you do a video or more 😊 about how to be in love but stay detached- I don't know how to do that! What Brian talks about in this video is what I am currently living.🤦🏻♀️ thanks for helping me understand it, Brian! It has been 8 months since my relationship started, and my partner just told me that he feels suffocated. But we were on top of each other from the beginning. I thought he liked it and wanted me all on him! Him being the priority! However, he has told me we must do things alone since June/July because it will make the relationship healthier and more robust. I saw that as a way for him to escape and a treat to our relationship.
I would be scared of losing us when I heard that! And I fought against it! I fought hard! But I was wrong, and it was not the right approach! The reality is that I just came into this relationship after a 20-year relationship that ended because we disconnected from each other, with each other doing our thing. In my new relationship -passionate- I completely lost myself in it! Although I felt that I was not comfortable with the facts that I was doing things - commuting two hours from his place to work, using my evening and weekend time to do activities with him instead of focusing on the work I had to finish for my grad school etc. - to ensure the relationship continues. I knew it was wrong for me to do this, but I could not help it. My partner is a charming, attractive man, and I was insecure that I would lose him if I were not there with him during all these activities. I was afraid that he would meet another woman, sparks would start, and he would be gone in 2 months. He also did not create a safe space for me to feel secure, and that has also contributed to my feeling of insecurity. Or perhaps I was so afraid that I could not feel secure! The paradox is that I like having time to do my things and am an independent woman -perhaps with a strong character, super-driven, ambitious, and professional, but that did not matter in the last eight months! It did not matter to me, and I don't understand why I had forgotten myself in this relationship. I became so attached and emotionally dependent to the extent that I made this man feel suffocated😢. I haven't behaved like this since I was 20 years old! I feel embarrassed about losing my dignity and walking all over me to save this relationship. ☹️ despite my feelings of insecurity, my partner did not want that! He wants to see me independent and passionate about what I’m doing; he wants me to do what I want to do -he wants me to be successful because that makes me more attracted. Now, we decided that the healthy thing to do is to take some space and find myself and him to breathe and reflect on how we can continue our relationship! I’m a passionate partner and like receiving lots of affection, and it is not easy to be alone, although I enjoy my space🤦🏻♀️ so paradoxical. During this time, I am working on discovering myself and understanding what I did that led him to suffocation -I start seeing it a bit! However, I still struggle with how to love and be engaged in the relationship but stay detached and true to myself simultaneously (I don't know how to do this). If I prioritize myself, I’m not that involved in the relationship! Help!!! Does anyone want to share their insight and any advice and resources that I could watch or read about this? So, when I left my partner's place, he hugged me, kissed me and said, “ I love you, and we’ll do this the right way” 😊 I don't know what will happen after this time apart -which we have not clarified how long it will be - but one thing for sure I know: I will grow 🎉...I will keep you posted on the progress! Thanks Brian and all for being here!
Very authentic advice ! It’s true we need to know how to accept the outcome that we don’t have any control
I too am complete on my own. Do not need a relationship only desire to share my life with someone else. To walk side by side as equals
I really needed this because detachment can be very difficult for me at times
Amazing wisdom. Detachment is the name of the earthly game 🎯 Thank you Geert 💥 You're a Rockstar 🩷
One of the best content..thanks for it❤
I love your videos! They are always on point. I think I enjoy being alone too much! 🤣
This video was very close to the truth in every aspect. In fact, I would say it is relational wisdom at a core level. Just had an encounter with someone, whom I had a very deep alignment with. But, I know that I am called into another person for a permanent marriage. Still wrestling with not having a divided heart when I do marry in the near future. I did notice that several remarks, and statements I used in the meeting were pleasant, not rejecting, but quietly detached. Already applying your suggestions, before I even saw this presentation. Yes, I’m on my way to a “pure heart”, which will be necessary for a full commitment to my marriage partner. Thank you for the confirmation! I find your offerings to be solid, and tailored to truly helpi others!
Your comment is quite intriguing, Hansel. I am evaluating the situation that you presented, honestly attempting to determine the better move, not that you asked me. I know that at the point of attraction, we generally are consumed by the one we 'behold,' how then was did another enter your field of vision? This makes the interest in the original person 'shaky' to me. Unless she was a definite appointment of God, and one whom you have to posture your heart to receive, and the other, a kind of temptation, or gratification that was not divinely designed. You seem to have conscious awareness of what is a-foot, which is good. Pardon my unsolicited inquiry; the human condition in various situations, deeply interests me.
I really needed to hear this today. THANK YOU 🙏
Brian,
I’m just watching this on repeat, tonight and it’s giving me strength. Thank you and know that your work is meaningful and real helps others. It’s a big deal
This video covers a lot of deep spiritual concepts, such as self-love, acceptance, detachment (obviously), respecting, trusting and freeing yourself from attachment cycles. Brian's calm, soothing and unpatronising manner is so lovely too.
Thank you. 😇😇
I think that attachment is a good healthy thing in a loving relationship. Your brain was wired to be attached to those you love, ever since you were a little baby, its just one of the awesome thing about loving someone. Just dont take it to extreme measures where you need them to function though.
I need to do this. So sick of his inconsistency, it's tiresome feeling like the conversation is one sided. It's in and out and I told him this was confusing me so stopped making an effort recently but he still comes back. Think I need to just slow fade away as it's a new relationship but I can already see that things won't change.
Let this man go. There is no guessing when a man likes u. He will show it without question.
He’s not that into you, but you can always find someone better suited for you
If you're currently in a relationship, Brian Nox, tell us how that story played out. How did she act and how did you act and how are you both doing in the relationship, and how did you meet?
Wow thank you, this message is powerful!! THANK YOU 💖
This is such a good video. It's helping me right now as I'm going through having had a really good time with someone and he has disappeared. I have to say, it sounds like he has done me a favor. Thanks so much as I will apply these methods to 'detach' myself emotionally from him and just move on with life. I believe he is yet again, another narcissist. Luckily I haven't known him for more than a few months. :) Thank you!
Phew !!! That was close.
Good you recognise he was a narc
Great advice Brian..thank you..❤
I got to come back to this over and over
Great advice! I didn't even think of this,!
Great advice! Thank you, Brian!
Wow you explained this so well, I am retracing my steps and can see how it looked like and why it’s not attractive.
And it’s clear what needs to be changed and how to really love ourselves. Thank you so much for this video
Your books have helped me so much
Such a good topic. Truly said. Good lessons here. More on this topic!
This is a great topic and I’m so glad that you covered it. More people need to know how to do this. It leads to having a secure attachment style instead of all the other unhealthy ones. It takes lots of practice and it’s truly a lifestyle to detach from people and outcomes but it’s so worth it. ❤️🙏