Why You Should DETACH from the Man You Want
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 มี.ค. 2024
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A clever person told me once, concerning relationships:
Two halfes does not make one whole - but two whole people will make one perfect whole.
Yesss i think the same! Just in a slightly different way. My version of this is that two halves will be drawn to each other because they believe they will make each other whole. On the surface, they will APPEAR whole, but in reality they will be very flimsy and unstable. They may also struggle to leave each other because they have now become dependent on each other and they don't want to go back to being a "half" (despite the fact that staying in the toxic relationship will likely be much more harmful).Two whole people are secure on their own and while they don't NEED each other, when they do come together, they become a stronger version of themselves. However, If they do need to separate for whatever reason, they can, and they will be okay.
Very true, I discourage anyone that wants a relationship to fill the void in themselves is just asking for trouble.
"Detachment while dating or in a relationship means that we remain independent... they are a great addition to our life but never a necessity. They don't own us and we do not own them."
"Detachment is never about not caring or shielding our heart... it's all about the full acceptance of whatever can happen."
How to do that 😢
@@ffj95 "Hmm, I suppose that by focusing on ourselves, our lives, hobbies, passions, friends, and family, we become more fulfilled, and consequently, less dependent on a romantic partner."
What if he always carries a strong/military face when he meets with you, ..hiding under the guise of being a force man..
He gives excuses everytime due to his busy schedule and reason why he's not really committed. .
@@mercyoluwatoyin4108 The busiest man will find time for the woman of his dreams. Nothing will stop him. The man who truly wants you doesn't want you to feel neglected. The right man "feels good" and there is no confusion.
@@ffj95practice meditation!! It's a huge help and there's a lot of TH-cam videos out there
Being alone gets lonely, but it's the best decision I've ever made in my life. Thank you God 🙏🏾 Self love is way more important than feeling like you're "in love".
Same OMG😂
Most men have more options ❤
@@karolinah12 💯 and they keep their options open while they're in a so called committed relationship.
Same here . I found so many cool things about being alive x
Best way to find a good relationship too
Because I listened to you, took your break up course, and followed your advice that any guy that couldn't commit yet wanted to keep me around, I am now married to the man of my dreams. You were right, what felt devastating at the time and like my life was over, a couple of years later has proven to be the stepping stone that led me to the one that not only was what I wanted but he committed fully to me and works on our relationship every day.
We are moving in to the home of our dreams right now, working side by side to make life the best it can be. Detachment to outcome works! ❤
Congrats❤
This is so good to hear ❤
Aw, congratulations! 🎉
Soooo true 👍
Congratulations and best wishes
I'm so comfortable being alone that being around people is sometimes more uncomfortable than it used to be.
I'm going to assume your not in a Bible study or church fellowship. Your comment is a bit disconcerting. God made us for connection. No man is an island. It's really about balance.
I will sure detach.... forever...I do not need to play games. We are either in or we are out. people need to stop listening to all these "relationship" experts. I do not put anyone on a pedestal. I just love.
Perfectly said!! 👌
Exactly. Imagine both detach after first date 🤣 and no relationship happen - safe!
Exactly. Why is everyone acting like love is this diseases we must stay away from? All these games and running in circles screams cowardliness and fragile egos. It takes bravery to fully love. If the other person isn’t fully invested like I am, I’m out!
I know what you mean!
This video should be called how to have an avoidant attachment style
Did it Totaly lost myself, Then after 27yrs. He left anyway even tho everything was the way he wanted it. Don't Lose yourself in your Relationship, it takes a while to find yourself again.
Sucks. I'm so sorry
I’m sorry 😣 I’ve been there, it gets better sis 🤞
yep don't do everything they ask, don't always accommodate them, it leads to their control of you. And ur self-esteem becomes lower. Then they dislike you for lack of self-esteem !!! oh the games we play
I truly love being alone, I have found that I am my own best friend and enjoy my time without anyone. ❤
I am with you here. I like myself and don't need other's, unless its for practical help, ie moving something heavy. My happy place is open moorland with not another soul any where near or a deserted beach, emphasis on the deserted.
@@violetrose1750 except everyone has a fundamental need to be bonded. You’re just denying it.
@@sethtenrec They do? Says Who? You are havering man!
So true❤!!!
🙌🏼❤😁🥰
When attached you almost unconsciously make choices you would otherwise not make. That still fascinates me. 😊
That's why it's best to get to know someone slowly so you can walk away before becoming attached. Loneliness can be a vulnerability, we need to work first on not relying on a relationship to fill our loneliness.
It’s so true that a breakup might not necessarily be a bad thing bc it is like a stepping stone to achieving a better relationship with the right person!
Yes. I love this!
Great info. Dont chase men and don't over attach to anyone 😊
the only reason you say not to chase men is bc men made it easier for you to work. if not, youd be chasing men all day long. XD
They also made it harder if they seen women as there equal in the first place they wouldn’t have needed to correct their mistake
Detachment is hardest thing to do for me. Because I am overcaring everything.
Me too. We need to practice 😊
Find the one that loves you for you and it’s fine your overcaring.
And make sure he loves his mother.
We need to make our lives whole , filling out loneliness with good things and a meaningful life. This way you are a solid secure person who can walk away if things aren't working out.
Communication, coordinating, is necessary in a relationship and takes time and effort. Don't confuse absence of these for detachment..
You have to always put yourself first. When you truly master that, detachment is easy.
Nobody needs a detached person. At least not me. Why would I try to be something that I would not accept from another?
It's ok to be attached, it's the purpose of a relationship. What you are talking is not detachment. It's self-dignity. When somebody is not paying attention to you in the way you think you deserve, you are then capable to take the decision to not invest in them any further. But when you are having a relationship with someone who is detached, well that's such a shame for both of you. Attachment is healthy. Just not at the cost of your self-dignity.
Contrary I think he is right especially in the early stages detachment helps you see the person is not for you like I was able to acknowledge that this guy had an amazing personality and I loved his energy but I was also able to recognize he seemed occupied, closed off, emotionally unavailable, was inconsistent and had terrible communication skills and asked myself is that going to work is this someone you can be attached to and the answer was no even tho the guy was a cool person and we had chemistry and compatibility
I think it's just the title that is misleading: you should be able to detach from the man who is not interested in you, not the man you want.
Thank you.
There is a God shaped hole inside of all of us that Only God can fill.Psalm 139 ❤
Absolutely beautiful thank you ✨✨✨
❤
Yeah if you are a brainwashed muppet who still believes in 2000 year old fairytales.
@@deec411 💓💞🙏💥
@@JesuisLord 💞💓💥
Usually I agree with you Brian, however the word I believe you’re looking for is discernment, not detachment. Detachment means you’re emotionally unavailable. I’d rather be open & honest, especially in your 40’s. 😂 if he’s not for me, keep it movin!!’
Exactly !
He did use the right word - detachment
Nope you're mistaken
Communication, coordinating, is necessary in a relationship and takes time and effort. Don't confuse absence of these for detachment.
This is what I call self-dignity. If you are a healthy secure person you don"t fall for the "coolness" of the other person. You fall for their interest in you. Because cool people with beautiful eyes are millions out there, but the one who chooses to be with you, is just one. So, I understand that he is talking about unhealthy attachment here to the guys who don't invest in their relationship with you, but you do. It's just that people start using the term attachment as a general negative term and are persuaded that they have to avoid attachment at any cost even within a healthy dynamic of a relationship.
I’m just coming out of this as of yesterday it hurts but I did the right thing and walked away with class. No begging just said ok wish you the best.
You did well, you chose yourself. ❤
Agree...it's the best thing to say...Ok...bye!
Well done, you chose yourself
I have watched this at exactly the right time to inspire me to stay strong and put things into perspective as reality.
This advice is also great for crushes
I hate crushes. A lot of strong feelings felt for someone who may not even know you exist. The guys that I crushed on always chose some other woman to show their attention and affections to--never me.
What a waste of my time and feelings.
@@Areutherehellowatch The Crappy Fairy on Limerence
@@AreutherehelloDo you ever make your feelings known? I’m not saying you should confess exactly how you feel, that would be too much but you should be direct. Tell him you’d like to crab coffee or tacos with him sometime. If he is unresponsive, the crush dissipates naturally and you go on to find your guy. Good luck out there. We are all just trying to figure things out ❤
I think Buddha said something like ‘attachment is like poison’ 😱 to anything. Detaching allows freedom and flow and with compassion and true love. I know what it’s like to be attached to something material, and yes it can destroy and possess you. It is like a poison.
🌸 I wish he can pin this
Perfect put 🎉
"My precious..."
Um hm! 😂
@@healerscreek yes it’s true! Attached, obsessed, addicted to the point that ‘we even forgot our own name’ !! Gollum sums up the collective very well, we forgot who we truly are and have been blinded by the external world, the material.
Too attached to anything - a parent, a child, a partner, money, a dog, a job.... will only cause us sorrow, when inevitably they are farther from our lives.
"Love is temporary - enjoy it"
I *love* it when you say you love it when we stay until the end of the video.
I have a trick that works a charm. I imagine that I'm already in an established relationship with the person. I imagine the domestic part of the it, and that wakes me up real quick, 😳😳because let's be honest, women are the housemaids. You have great information. Really enjoy your content.
Amen. But we don't even mind being housemaids for the right person 😅. If you're imagining it and it's a turn off that's a clue in itself.
@@wheelchairgeek True
Imagine them being angry lol.
Do you want to be a housemaid?
I'm enjoy being alone, being my best self and I'm so happy that I made the right decision❤😊❤😊❤😊❤😊❤😊!!
🎉 I agree.. I am complete.. Alone. . Yes we can't control things..
Thank you for the wisdom. Sometimes an empath is tied to someone because of absorbing their feelings-- not even your own feelings. Attachment is the cause of all suffering.
Been feeling really anxious over someone I like and this was immediately calming. Thank you:)
This video has just confirmed that what I am doing is exactly what I need to be doing. I've had an interest in a friend of mine for a couple of months now. Something in my gut tells me there's a mutual interest, but due to different circumstances I still haven't said anything and neither has he. For about two weeks now I've been doing a lot of inner work and have let go of trying to push for a certain outcome. Thank you for reaffirming what I already know to be true. Because I know that I will be happy either way.
I’m going through this right now, too.
👍
Update in case anyone cares:
I told him a few days ago. He wants to just remain friends. I'm very okay with it because this is somehow already what I expected and I had let go of any particular outcome. It might not have been the outcome I had hoped for, but I don't feel heartbroken or rejected. There is nothing wrong with me, and there's nothing wrong with him either.
@@lovingly_lonni Love this!
Would it be fair to say rather than staying in “control” it could mean “not succumbing to our insecurities”? I think the moments I am most tempted to act out when falling in love is when deep feelings are at stake, I become uncomfortable, and if I allow myself I will act out of insecurity.
I actually have detached at that point, when I need to focus on what God has given me today, and I understand that it’s not this persons responsibility to meet my needs…not before they can or they are wanting and ready to; not before God’s timing. When I was able to do this, it gave me a lot of peace.
❤️🙏
Thank you so much for this video Heath! Solo date time is the best time. Always remember when you start to feel lonely while single, there’s someone else who’s in love and still getting cheated on.
❤
Brian,
I’m just watching this on repeat, tonight and it’s giving me strength. Thank you and know that your work is meaningful and real helps others. It’s a big deal
Your content is so consistent. A real strength of women that becomes a weakness in the wrong hands is the fact that many of us are nuterers and generally caring people. It is very easy to give our all into a relationship and expect the best of people while thinking that beig the person they need means that they will also become better people for you. But that isn't reality. Giving your all into a relationship that has not yet led to engagement/marriage is a very poor decision to make because you will be blinded by your thoughts and emotions and the fact that you prematurely included the other person far too deeply into your life. Saying that a person being able to provide us with greater happiness but not being the source of our happiness was such a key point. And it's not about cold shouldering the other person as some seem to suggest, but living your life because it's yours and accepting the other person as a mere addition until it comes time to fully incorporate your lives. It keeps both parties safe to maintain such a basic boundary. Not everyone is worth your time and you should always be mindful of that while journeying to find your partner. Thanks for the video, sir!
Brian, you're the best. You produce quality content. I love watching your videos.
I love myself. I know what I want. I'm complete. It's not selfish, it's self-love.
I once read that there is no oneness without attachment. As a spritual sort of view, so as to justify that it is ok to get attached. So many times it is wrong to get attached if you have not correctly discerned a persons character
Amen thank you bc I think it's human to attach. Tte problem is if the other person isn't open on the same level. Then the attached feeling becomes painful and if the situation doesn't improve we are forced to detach.
Attachment develops gradually ofcourse and can be mentally, intellectually, physically and from the heart, love.
Oneness is one person only, not that two people become one bs.
Brilliant brilliant practicing this whilst dating and normal relationships and what a game changer. He/they do not own me nor I own him/ them. But be yourself. Thanks
This video has touched me. My husband and I have been married for 29 yrs. Never got along. He gave me everything I’ve ever wanted or needed without asking. We have had our hard times to. I went to visit my children in another state and he after a while made an excuse for me to stay and live with children and take care of granddaughter so he could be alone. Now I see him maybe 2 times a month if that. It’s hard to detach. This video has taught me different now and I understand. I text and talk with hubby. Miss him still but am learning how to detach after 29 yrs. So hard. I hope I can do this.
Such an amazing video, I was smiling to myself because I felt so validated. A few months of CBT for depression and a 5-day solo trip to a hot country transformed my life into one of detachment. There's so much love inside of me but I am okay being alone!
👍
Train yourself to let Go of everything you fear to lose - YODA-
If we want to be detached find something to do . Self- improvement how to improve life.
However I agree that its not easy to detach ourselves to someone we love and care.
This is one of the best videos you have made. Always bringing it back to having a really great relationship… with ourselves!
Healthy detachment is key in all aspects of our lives- work, romantic relationships, family
Brilliant!
I started doing this too late, its too late now and am crying on the floor wishing I was well enough for him. I couldn't be the support he needed. he is the right person for me but not at the right time.
I’m completely detached but i have to hold him accountable for his actions like ghosting then comeback apologising and asking for another chance to do it again! I always move on in silence but sometimes they have to hear it. If he thinks he has power over me well he’s so wrong 😊
He has power over you. You are being ignored by somebody repeatedly and giving him another chance. This is not a sensible thing to do.
👍👏❣️
A dude was doing the same thing with me and now, he's blocked. No contact. Giving them another chance makes them feel their behaviour is acceptable to us. So it's better to put a full stop on all of this at once, because they're never gonna change and are very proud of this fact.
@@christinebeames712 it’s a long distance thing and we both had unexpected problems that prevented us from meeting up to make it official, that’s why i gave it a chance but now it’s on him and i ended it yesterday.
@@namreeetasings true, even though his alibi is always on point im fed up with this and he ruined his chances of doing it right!
We can never thank you enough Brian!, always helpful, always brilliant and fun!, you're genius!❤
I don’t think it is logically possible to love someone and at the same time not be affected by negative outcomes from your interactions with them. Detachment from someone you love is impossible. You will feel hurt if you cannot be with them or interact with them, that’s the natural way of things.
The best life coach I've ever come across authentic honest No BS wish I could find someone like you
I feel myself totally complete without relationship, but I live a culture where family is the most important thing, so it's different to feel yourself complete when many people (especially women) say that I am not.
That's their opinion , detach from their idea , maybe you know better.
You don't have to answer to them. You take all the time you need to make the best decision for yourself. I take my time to make the best decision for myself because I am valuable my time is valuable and so is my love and my heart , this is my life
i am tired of doing things alone. and i am tired from men on apps who earn less than me amd ha e no career ambition
Where would this person be your looking for?
Not on a dating app.
Would he be at a sports club?
Not in a bar
Where would he be ?
Wow...
I feel like listening to this talk again and again and again
Solitude to be in solace….I love it..
This video covers a lot of deep spiritual concepts, such as self-love, acceptance, detachment (obviously), respecting, trusting and freeing yourself from attachment cycles. Brian's calm, soothing and unpatronising manner is so lovely too.
Thank you. 😇😇
Bingo! My daughter is tryin to move forward from a guy she gave her heart to. Shes carrying his child now, hes ditched her. Breaks my heart. So important to have healthy attachments!❤
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. Especially since I’m in my first relationship this video really made me realize how attached I am to my partner and definitely how big of a deal I make things. Thank you so much for this video :)
With myself I’m in the best companionship ❤
I needed to hear every word of this and now I am setting myself free. I was going down that road but now.....I think I will get back to taking care of my needs and living my life....thank you so much!!!!
Thanks Brian!
I didn’t even realise that I’m already doing this! I used to think that a guy is not interested in a woman if they don’t text back in a certain time.. but it is way different than that.. especially if a guy is an introvert. Those three points really are on point.
Thanks again!
Wow. This is the food for thought I didn’t know I needed. Thank you.
Thank you, I needed to hear that..perfect timing!
Thank you so much, Brian Knox!
Excellent video, thank you Brian. Priceless
This is a great topic and I’m so glad that you covered it. More people need to know how to do this. It leads to having a secure attachment style instead of all the other unhealthy ones. It takes lots of practice and it’s truly a lifestyle to detach from people and outcomes but it’s so worth it. ❤️🙏
Felt like I was listening to a very caring teacher or mentor. I badly needed to know this. Thank You so much!
What a great video! Thank you, Brian.
Great advice Brian. I shared with my daughters.
This was timely and much needed! I love your view on the matter. Thank you ❤
Great advice! Thank you, Brian!
Thank you Brian! This helps a lot ❤
I needed to hear this... Thank you so much. This came at the right timing!
WoW Brian you are truly making alot of sense. It helps to know and make me realize I have been taking the necessary steps to feel good about myself. I have had my share of immature men. I am strong enough to walk away.
If only each and every one of us would do this! So true. So true.
Mr. Nox, why even try anymore though. If you invest all that time with someone and then it doesn't work. I know I know, don't get so attatched to the results, but it can be hard, especially when you're older. Also, what you're saying can also apply to non-romantic things! 🙂
I'm so glad I found your videos. Straight forward advice laced with a wee bit of humour.
I love this guy...I learned a lot from his notions and straightforwardness. Kudos!
This helped a lot - I think my mind and body has wanted to detach and do things on my own but I have been fighting that gut feeling because I was scared it might seem like I don't care about him at all.. it's tiring having my mind fight itself for weeks (and during exam-period too)
This reminder helped me realise that I can just tell him I need alone time and detach in a healthy way - it's needed at times
Thanks Brian, that was an important message
Great advice Brian..thank you..❤
Love the message & this video❤💙. Consistently delivering great content 🥰🥰. Thank you!!
Powerful ! Well done
I am in this hard situation right now. And I've been doing things alone a lot more recently. It's too tiring to keep recovering from a hearbreak. Even more tiring when I got 2 heartbreaks in less than 4 months or so. I thought short period relationship wouldn't hurt as much as my longer relationship, but it is still hurts.
They all hurt unless they love us more then we love them but then it's not as satisfying so why bother.
I'm still healing from my last break up and it's been 4 years guess that tells you sometimes you just need to take time for you you don't jump out of a frying pan into a fire
One of the best content..thanks for it❤
Your books have helped me so much
Some wonderful nuggets in this video, thank you.
Hi Brian... Love all your videos
Great message!! Thank you for making this video!
Great job!! Love this content. It’s great and specific.. thank you!!
Such a good topic. Truly said. Good lessons here. More on this topic!
Thank you. really calms me. I’m not needy. I’m enjoying life .
Great that I came across your channel. What you said is very empowering! Just subscribed! I'm beyond grateful! Much love.❤❤❤
Very authentic advice ! It’s true we need to know how to accept the outcome that we don’t have any control
Thank you for your valuable advice Brian. This is so helpful 😊
Such a great perspective!
Thank you so much, i needed it so this moment to hear your advice. Love, feelings ,makes me vulnerable..speaking from my heart...takes times to feel the balance again...and stronger! Thank you!!
Great video - thank you! I really needed to hear this.
I have not learned how to be happy alone. It has been 3 years since my divorce, i have learned how to take care of myself and my children alone, but I am a big ball of anxiety all the time and not feeling happy at all ☹️
watch on youtube "body keeps the score" and also an audio book "Complex PTSD from surviving to thriving "
Loved this topic thank you so much!!
Great advice! I didn't even think of this,!
Thank you Brian! You make so much sense! Love your videos! Namaste, Brigid from Australia 🙏🤗
I needed that...ty
This is an excellent reminder..mthank you so much❤🙏
I found your channel today and I already love it. Subscribed!
When you are complete , you have more to bring to the table therefore it is more impactful to the one half of the whole !
I love your point of view. Thank you for your videos ❤
I love your videos! They are always on point. I think I enjoy being alone too much! 🤣