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Several things happened in my 10th year of an alcoholic (Dad) and co-dependent (Mom); my Mom took my coin collection without asking and turned in the coins....at face value. I discovered the theft and my Mom acted like it was no big deal. I was Beatle crazy and had read that George had taught himself to play and my Mom told me disgustedly "Well that's George, YOU couldn't do it!" I was so desperate to get a guitar I fell for the "sell greeting cards and earn a guitar" ad in my comic books. When the cards arrived I excitedly told my Dad what I was going to do and he smirked at me and said "I don't think you've got what it takes". He didn't offer to buy some cards or go with me when I dejectedly tried selling door to door. We went to Disneyland in our station wagon, running on fumes and jelly sandwiches. I had to pee and my Dad didn't want to stop. He finally stopped at a gas station and was seething with anger. I was so afraid of him that I literally could not pee. I got back in the car and held it as long as I could. When I whispered to my Mom that I had to go again, my Dad backhanded me square in the face. I nearly passed out. By the time I was 11 I decided I was unlovable and no one could be trusted. I was not safe and anything could happen to me and my belongings at any time, for no reason. I was perfectly primed for intense bullying when we moved again and I had to be The New Kid in school for the 6th time. I've been sober for 37 years and taught myself to play guitar well enough to make a career of it. My parents are dead.
@@Princess_Farah786 me too and I could never figure out what was wrong with me. Healthy people know and run like I have the plague. I just wonder what my life would have been like had my mom not brought a predator into my life & then abandonded me half the time and criticized everything about me the other half of the time. I am intelligent, was naturally fit in my younger days and before my world became constantly dangerous my natural tendency was to want to do things right. Had I not lost 20 iq points from physical abuse & rage & not lived in fight or flight mode that effects my motivation and organization like ADHD, and learned how to make healthy decisions instead of always choosing the wrong guy & struggling with addiction my life could have been so different. I guess recognition is the first step but its hard to know how to proceed when I am middle aged with disabling autoimmune disease & other health issues and knowing I passed my trauma dysregulation onto my son who passed it onto my grandchildren. Hang in there and be kind to yourselves!
At 57, i have found myself in "perfectionism paralysis" where I find it extremely difficult to start projects / tasks, etc, and if i do start, find it hard to finish. I learned in childhood that it was a lot less painful to be criticized for doing nothing, which I put zero effort into, than it was to put a ton of time and effort into something, trying desperately to get it perfect, only to have "dad" find the tiniest flaw (or make one up if he couldn't find one) and make it all about that. Nevermind the 99.9% that was good, I'm only going to hear about the little insignificant part that wasn't.
Do the inner work love yourself pull away from toxic people that should help you with your perfect ionism , your learn to love yoelf just the way you are
These numbers of children that are still being traumatized here, in America, are just not acceptable. When will we, as a society, start valuing childhood as the most precious thing that it is. When will we see children as the most important resource that we have. I don’t understand. I am 65 and still trying to heal.
It's all around the world, not just America but probably the worst here because of our culture in part. But it's important to remember, as heartbreaking as it is, there are MORE good people and healthy children then there are abused ones. I never want to stop being aware of abused children and do what I can later to help as many as I can .... Or the wounded INNER children all over the country but MUST also have time feeling the joy of knowing there are so many now being rescued and healed by healers like Lisa R.
Both my parents are narcissists and so is my sister. I married a narcissist and got divorced only to date more narcissistic men . I am a perfectionist, who always had put my family and others first. I knew deep something was wrong with me- well malfunctioning. I watched thousands of videos over the past 6 years and this resonated with me exactly. I have been isolating myself so I don’t attract toxic people but I am getting very strong and videos like this help so much!!! Thank you ❤❤❤
At 60 I can deal with flashbacks of my childhood trauma! Honestly it’s exhausting! Been used to, lied to and here. I go still offering to take care of whoever! I just have times I just shut down for a good 24 hours.
Me too... could never be myself..sing, cry, or be upset as a child.."just suck it up". Was the "the helper" .. learned to never complain.. keep peace.. The video hits difficult spots
Well if you’re like me it’s because 1) it hits VERY close to home and 2) you’re finally being validated. Let go itself feel both of those. Processing the trauma is how we heal from it ❤
I’m definitely a helper. I have some perfectionist tendencies as well. I became quite the violinist when I was a kid. I was trying to overachieve to get praise and recognition from my mother. I haven’t touched my violin in 20 years. 😞
I'm 59 and went back to my guitar. Feels weird and I suck at it but it's peaceful. I truly hope you pick that beautiful violin back up and make some lovely music again ❤
It’s kinda scary how much my life is like the one you describe growing up. My ex is a malignant narcissist. I can’t afford counseling, and never will be able to. Please, understand how much your videos have helped me. Suicide was looking like the best option for a while. He convinced everyone except one child that I was insane. Even my physician ( the penis club crap). I struggle daily with self worth. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I am probably somewhat of a unique case. I was physically abused by my biological mom when I was 6 weeks old. I was taken from her and adopted by a couple who already had 2 boys. I lived with them until I got married. I have always considered them my family. They never physically abused me. They never neglected me. For all intense and purposes, they actually treated me very well physically. They were not alcoholics. They never fought. My dad was not an angry man. I never witnessed violence in the home. However, my mom was emotionally distant, and so was my dad. I could not talk to them about anything, or they acted like I was ignorant or silly. When I would defend myself, I was accused of being argumentative. I started having vertigo spells when I was 12, and everyone accused me of lying about it. I was finally diagnosed with vestibular migraines when I was around 24 or 25. Now, I am married with 2 babies. Things have not gotten better. They have with my parents, but my husband is worse than they ever were. He is not physically abusive, but he is controlling, and he calls me names like, "Dumba$$," "idiot" "retard." When I call him out on it he says, "If you did not do ABC then I would not have to call you xyz." He called my chronic migraines a mental illness. No one in my life even wants to listen because they do not want to get involved. I am emotionally all over the place. I am anxious all the time. I feel like a bad mom because both my kids are a lot right now, and because I am my husband's punching bag, sometimes I do not have enough to give them emotionally. I do not want them to grow up being like me.
Surpressing my emotions landed me into the hospital bleeding to death at 18. It started with a bad stomach ache. They ran every test on me and found nothing wrong. My doctor asked me if something was botheting me. I said yes but thought to myself yes my whole life. He told me i had to find my voice not hold it in and if i had to go yell at tree then do it. I found my voice and learned to process my emotions quickly. That was just the physical part. I also find that i can read people pretty good now.
I feel so horrible for my friend who I cant help, though she's 19 now I knew her since she was 17, and her childhood was proper messed up. Since she's an online friend and also older than me, I couldn't do much to help, but Im glad she's still around
I was so frightened by my parents as a child that I found comfort in fantasizing about how I was going to end my life. I was 5 years old. I thought if I was dead I wouldn't be scared anymore and can leave this family for good. The only way in my 5 year old mind was to jump from my bedroom window which was only 20 feet up, and I couldn't open the window by myself. No one knew on the outside what hell went on. I then resorted to hiding in my closet. Scary to think that a 5 year old , (me)would contemplate suicide.
I often wondered if the Myers Briggs personality type INFP and other similar types are the result of trauma. The other types seem more engaged in the world, however if one is a busy body, extrovert, well perhaps that's being stuck in flight and being a big doer, like overly. The world rewards these types more so it seems.
I’m a a 32 year old woman now living with my mother….. the mental, emotional, and physiological reactions I have to her at times blow my mind. I am attempting to use this time in my life as an opportunity to heal….. and grow past this… and have a healthier relationship with myself and my partner and maybe with my mother as well! I’ve gone through a very challenging health problem, and that is why I have been living with her……. The health problem itself has given me PTSD… but I am determined to grow from this. I want to get to know myself more……. Through compassion for self, I feel like I can become closer to God/Source again……
@@lisaaromano1 My childhood was stable, happy & safe I felt. My issues have developed from narcissist in laws who interfered in my relationship & caused the relationship to break down & I’m wrecked from this not from my childhood. How to fix this please?
I was waiting to hear about my personality type. A psychopath with a heart. Not once has anyone talked about the psychopath with empathy. Yet, here I am giving narcs the business. Trauma manifested and the response is thoroughly enjoying exposing narcissists
I am so pleased to find you. was raised by a narc mother. It was hell! Then I married a narc man. That to was hell. I am 76 now, very single and not wanting any friends in my life right now. I went to Alanon for over 50 years and that helped me see life from a different place. Now I am wondering what I would be like if I was not been surrounded with trama.I wish I could see her as I like who I am today.
My childhood was hell! my stomach was constanly turning, i had out of body experience when my fahter beat me, to protect myself, the feeling to feel save i never experience, but in years i know why i react when i hear someone shouting in the street i say im save its not about me, im glad i broke the cirkel because i turnout never to be like them ,i made that promisse to myself when i was 89 years old, thanks Lisa , my real nam is mick steenkist
You nailed it ❤… and the last personality type is “mother”… elderly now, a life-long a mega-control freak and the result? The family is irreparably obliterated… and I am the wounded oldest child, and a MH Professional. I have a wonderful tribe, a great therapist and I do my work, especially as a mother to my adult children… I also saw Me in the personality types… & I am definitely NOT the same p’type as my “mother”. I have an understanding of “ the why(s) now…. Thank you again Lisa!❤
Well ever since I was a kid I was taught to be independent and charge my own path. Then I joined the military. Now I just think I need help, because I'm a helper, over achiever, hyper vigilant. Yes both my parents were alcoholics. Whatever, they raised a good guy.
" had a moment to reflect on the dreadful place of life. All this time, believing that you were doing right. Trying to correct misdeeds you thought you caused in others. Only to be reminded by circumstance Saying sorry for things undone. Often as the lights dimmed and flickered. Never understanding what you did wrong. Feeling that wrath was a magnet for non repentance. Yet never questioning the experience or participants. Realizing that those who harmed you were the ones who failed you "
Thank you for working on this subject. I am in the middle of all the issue. I've worked through this for 60 years. I've made some progress. I still sometimes sooth myself with food but I'm trying to deal without overeating. I can relate to many things you said. Thank you for helping me stand on my 2 feet!!
This video has had the most profound effect on me, in a good way. I have cPTSD and I've been feeling so stuck. I feel that what you have said here will help me move forward. ♥
Thank you so much for such a crystal clear explanation of what trauma feels and looks like to a child. My truama never had a name or face until recently. I doubt what happened so often because I couldn't see things clearly. This is the hardest thing to reach clarity about when everyone around you is insisting that your world growing up was just fine, no real issues, that I am being paranoid and over exaggerating. I was lucky enough to live with my parents as a young adult so I got to see the reality of what our lives were like as children. Starting to understand the reality of dysfunction and instability, those hesitant steps we take diving deeply into that chasm called ourselves, and gradually seeing things as though peering from a row boat into a lake 60 feet deep where the water is so chrystal, clear, so void of any shadows or murkiness that you can see all the way to the bottom - to finally see your truth. All the muck and mire of our past wounds being slowly peeled away. Knowing I am not crazy and making things up helps a lot. Gives me the courage to keep moving forward, keep peeling (very painfully peeling, by the way. I liken it to the wound care a third degree burn victim goes thru where they peel all the dead, dying burnt skin off piece by piece). Knowing that by God's grace and having mentors like Lisa as a guiding light to shine on an ever so dark path - aallows me to see the person I was always meant to be emerging. Sometimes I turtle myself (head tucked back in it's shell - it feels safe) or revert back to being part of the ostrich family ( bury your head in the sand and it will either not be there or will magically disappear) because it is overwhelming at times, but the truth will always "out" itself.
Thank you for mentioning that we can cycle through many of these types depending on situations or people The current mental health field is all about classification of pathologies/people into deterministic slots, which feels rigid and permanent. I like your more humanistic view of these traits are adaptive “armor” we wear for the occasion it demands
I kind of did run. I was lucky to have a childhood in a small town and could take my bike and ride all over town, out of the house. Thank you for this good description of symptoms of trauma and the causes. As an adult I had psychotherapy which helped a lot.
I remember awhile back, you started doing TH-cam videos Lisa, and you talked about PTSD, and everything you said resonated with me. I told my Pyschologist that I think I have PTSD, She advised me, no, I don’t have it, PTSD is for people who have witnessed or have come close to dead, get PTSD I stopped seeing her… Begin traumatised to me is , being constantly in a state of fear, confusion and feeling alone, have nowhere to go to feel safe, and being gaslighted, anxious and not knowing what kind of day today was going to be, over and over again ) to me, that is traumatic enough to be classified and going through PTSD. Unless I’m mixing PTSD with Trauma and being traumatised.
Your therapist is unaware of the difference between PTSD and C-PTSD (which is currently considered theoretical and isn’t yet listed in the DSM). Try differentiating and have them read up on CPTSD before you throw out the whole therapist!
@@MeloniousThunkthat's absurd, it's not our job to educate our therapist. It's their responsibility to know the current and evolving models. Continuing education is a huge part of their job.
I'm sorry you were treated that way. You did the right thing by dropping that therapist IMO. Have you watched the TED Talk video here on YT by DR Nadine Burke about ACE Scores, ongoing trauma and how it effects children. It's well worth the watch.
The helper is a helper because he or she is trying to manage the emotional state of the parent (or caregiver) in the helper's attempt to keep safe. As the child is shocked (usually fearing death) its job next is trying to figure out how to survive in a helpless state. Taking care of the parent is ONE coping mechanism. Another is being invisible, i.e., some children don't cry after a while. The helper job is an effort to manage the parent's emotions or needs to reduce future abuse. (Thank you for your videos.)
Dear Lisa, 'Guiding Light', thank you for your Clarity, Wisdom, Authenticity and your treasuring of Curiosity. So many questionings of mine are lifting away through foggy shadows and I sense a returning to that sweet little Inner Child who was so joyful and natural within my innocent Heart. Your true desire to share with us your Personal Experiences and Overcoming Strengths has opened so widely these Gates of Brilliant Possibility for us. May Blessings and Peace embrace your Wholeness now, plus your Sweet Compassion for each of us as well. Gwendolyn Marie (Carrizozo, New Mexico-USA)
all of her videos ❤ (apart from the ones with fake stock footage. those videos are unwatchable... can just listen... but it's nice having her back on screen!)
Somehow, for some reason I do not understand, I got married to two women who were victims of serious SA. Both marriages ended disastrously, and I nearly got destroyed myself the second time.
"Wow, this video has truly opened my eyes to the trauma I’ve been carrying. I had a horrific childhood, and I’m on a journey to heal my mind, body, and spirit. Thank you for this insightful and deeply moving content-it’s helping me take the next steps in my healing process."
I escaped into being an artist and student, while my siblings each became anti-social, escape artists, and/or rebellious. My achievements were mocked and ridiculed by our narcissist abuser mother. And as soon as I could I got a job away from the home, often working at nights while going to high school, then I left home on a full scholarship. Three years into college I suffered a physical breakdown -- my body could no longer keep going. Ironically, the skills I developed during childhood have been the basis for my career as an artist.
I was fortunate enough to have a training on the ACE study years ago and it truly opened my eyes much wider on childhood trauma and trauma in general. It has changed the way I deal with everyone, not just clients. It has also convinced me to look at and own the very real trauma in my own childhood and resulting character traits & behaviors. I don't believe we can be effective without being honest about ACE. & childhood trauma. Thanks
So true! You nailed it Lisa. Little by little I am coming home to myself. You're such a good coach on codependency. You have a knack of breaking it down to every single little step. This is a great quality . What a wonderful gift you are.😍🙏❤️💃
I used to hate telling people how I felt and when I finally did the communal narcs went wild. I closed down afterwards, becoming a helper, perfectionist, controller through being overly rigid, and just being brokenhearted. I felt so guilty but let's be honest, about what? Reacting to an abusive, oppressive environment? It's worth the work, but by no means is being codependent a crime. You're not an abuser for being forcibly trapped. My birth mother controlled everything in my life as a teenager and it was a nightmare. She treated me like property and wanted to be my boss. I was threatened constantly and forced to stay inside so she knew where i was. I still struggle with fears of being locked up and chased if I escape. I am glad she departed this earth and I'm at such a good place in my life, no matter whether I slip a little. Some people should mind their own buisness and narcs won't. So mind your buisness and love yourself no matter what. Forgive, absolve, move on. 💜☕️✌️
After a very long marriage to a narcissist I have broken free but also at the cost of my 2 kids (18 and 25) who are under their father's influence and his narcissist supply. Raised by 2 narcissist parents this video resonates with me deeply. ( I am estranged from my parents now almost 17 years) How do I move forward now after these realizations. I am stuck in my head. I need to find work. I am beating myself up constantly. I am the perfectionist but also the over thinker the helper... After raising my family I have completely lost myself it seems. I don't even know where to start. How do i change this inner conversation I am constantly having in my head? I'm feeling hopeless some days and not having my kids is emphasizing these feelings of such loss. In a way I'm grieving every single day. It's exhausting. I feel better when I'm helping others. I guess it's a distraction in a way also. I'm realizing I have som much more work to do on myself. But where to begin? Feeling overwhelmed.
Begin with just sitting in silence. Learn to listen. Put your hand on your heart and tell yourself ‘I love you and I am here for you now and always’ One day at a time make it the best day for you. One breath at a time find compassion for yourself. The answers come from within ❤
Also Lisa told us that it had to be this way , the way you were raised caused you to marry the wrong person, and your mind was programmed for those things to happen...accept that and seek to find the real you under all the crap.... maybe your kids will figure it out someday, but you need to work on you now...GO......
How profound it is that severly abused children cry profusely and refuse to be taken away from their abusive parents. I remember as a kid I wanted to go to the hospital so I could experience someone taking care of me. The atmosphere you grow up in wires your brain. You will never be able to unwire it. You can adjust. You can heal some of it, but we are damaged forever. Forgiveness is a word I know I should be able to do, but it is foreign to me. "I can forgive all these people," for me is the same as, "I could be an astronaut." At 61 my biggest challenge now is regret. Instead of a default mental setting of remembering, acknowledging all the good things I've done and accomplished, my regrets are the first thoughts that come to mind.
😢 I feel like I encompass a combo. of all five. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. I've just started on my healing journey after living a perpetual trauma response for the last 40 years and your books and videos have been a life saver ❤
I tried to unalive myself at 12. I thought me being gone would solve my parents marriage problem. I didnt think of childhood trauma until many decades later. My parents both affected my life and i honestly just buried. Now im trying to fight thru mental issues they help create and become a better person. Hard journey but im trying. Therapists are no help. One of them actually told me to tell myself i love you in the mirror. Yeh, im way beyond that working. So im trying to walk it off with your videos ❤
I’ve definitely gone through all of those personality types that you described in this video. I’m so grateful that you’re sharing this work. I’ve been doing a lot of inner child healing over the last year or so. And I’ve started teaching about feelings and communication, because that was some thing that I struggled with being able to connect with, and to communicate with others, because of my childhood trauma. And I had trauma both in my family home and at school with peers and so I’m just so grateful that you’re sharing this with the world and thank you. I love you.
There is also the tendensy to become a workaholic or perform grief work.Self isolating and becomming a loner is a side effect of being overly criticized. Being by yourself is safer than with someone else who could hurt you in some way.
Lisa, Bless You from the bottom of my Heart ❤️ I've been confiding online and working on my recovery and anticipating the next toxic relationship to come into my life one after the other as they always have and did. I recently had chatted with someone and told her that I am cautious about letting people get close to me and I wanted to meet with her. We did that at a Wednesday night church service because we had both mentioned that we had witnessed the power that only God could have. And I have put away the shame of being molested by a scout leader as a child years ago and keeping it a secret for decades really took a toll on my life. And today this video is what I needed to see and hear. It's late on the east coast and please help me as I reach out to you in the near near future for the help recovering from my own childhood trauma. Good people like yourself Dr. Carter, Romney Tammy Joyce, and many others have been a blessing TTYL soon or your staff
Wow I have always been grateful for the great loving parents I had but listening to this I feel ever so much more grateful for my dear parents that have long time passed away and how they loved me and taught me that God loved me even more than they. You are right I always felt safe and loved at home and after parents died I still felt safe and loved by God.
😮 that too is my life. I felt as if you were there with me in my childhood trauma. This video i truly needed today, in this exact moment. Your video appeared and i felt drawn. Be well.
I have 17 years clean in a 12 step program. Despite alot of work i still feel i cant get away from my childhood. Everybody that was supposed to love me, hurt me. I cant get through it and often dont want to wake up anymore. I feel abandoned by God, life, society, and "family." It never ends. Its like the world thinks its supposed to attack me. Nobody knows what to tell me. I may be broken beyond repair.
I have all these and I know it was caused from being the oldest child, feeling like everything was my responsibility, the constant uncertainties that always happened because my mom was really sick and literally waiting for a heart transplant, the constant hearing that ABC was going to happen and DE and F happened instead. For that reason I learned to not trust anything anyone said, to always be worried about the future and become hyper vigilant. Its pretty miserable and also counterproductive. But I don't know how I can change because my life is still so hard and unpredictable and I often feel like I don't even have a moment to change. 🤷
Dang. That was my life too. My adopted mother and her brother were children of closet alcoholics too. God only knows the secrets they had. Been 10 years she’s been gone. I saw the real her peep out every so often. Very scary how the child would try to talk to me but would shut down. Seeing that I was living in denial of this is very scary. But I don’t think I can fully accept it yet. To know that a person who was not in reality raised me. I’ll never know the character assassination she and her family portrayed to the whole family. Words never die but my children will know exactly the fraud she was and why. I want none of it because a lot of quirky people will see the damage my grandparents did through me. Inter generational trauma. I speak to none of them. Oh the dirty deeds people do to hide their shame. I say, no thanks. I’m just fine doing things myself. I recommend “Seize the Day”, with Robin Williams. A 1986 movie with Jerry Stiller. A masterpiece on this serious matter.
My experience in therapy was that they would explore everything in my mental life, and for each thing that they found they would let me know that what I did or thought was wrong and that I was a bad person for doing or thinking that way, and that I should do or think some other way which I knew would be impossible for me.
Amen 🙂🙏❤️💚 Your videoes and inner child meditations have been such a Big part of my journey. You offer so many good tools for those who choose to go on the path of learning to maturing after childhood traumas. To find more healthy coping strategies. That is a heros journey and all your succes is well earnt. So happy to hear that you have compassion for the child you once were. I appreciate and value you for the precious soul you are and all the help you are providing. Much love to you and your family -and pets.
As I'm watching this video, I'm reflecting on the amount of courage, determination, self love and bravery it took for you Lisa to go through this journey and come back with jewels that you share with an open heart to all of us so freely 💖 🙏 Your giving spirit touches my soul 💕🦋🌷I have to admit seeing how far you've come with your recovery, and then choosing to guide us with these valuable lessons seems like such a long journey to take. ( I read and loved your book the road back to me 🌸) I wonder if you had frequent moments that it felt too hard or even discouraging and exhausting. I feel like I'm in a hamster wheel yet I'm ever ever so slowly changing for the better 🌸. It feels confusing sometimes. It makes me sad to see 7k views yet people not even giving a like or even an emoji for a comment. My hope is that humanity starts becoming kinder 🩷 I bow to the love and light that's absolutely in you lovely Lisa Namaste 🙏
I use to be a people pleaser , to no avail . The CPTSD is so bad now that other than common courtesy and politeness , I will never trust or do anything for anyone . I have been isolating for 20 years now and have no desire to to interact with anyone . It makes me look like the lunatics that I grew up with . I think the school systems should train teachers to spot trauma in their students and have systems in place to investigate the parents , force them into therapy and display immediate improvement or they loose their kids and get locked up in a mental hospital or prison , otherwise they will destroy everything around them for their entire life's and create many of the social problems we see everyday .
I have a friend who definitely is the perfectionist. I just hope im able to support her and that she feels safe with me, since i really am in no place to tell her "what she is" or advise her
I'm the perfectionist. If I was perfect, I didn't get yelled at, criticized, or ridiculed by my family. This was no way for a child to grow up to always be afraid that the parental unit was going to find fault in me and tear me to shreds for being young and dumb and inexperienced. Then it happened in my marriage that I could not make a mistake because my ex would swoop down, and I'd never hear the end of it. Slowly, I am recovering from this crippling affliction that has rarely ever benefitted me. Thank you for this video, Lisa. Thank you for the validation. Hang in there, survivors. You're going to be okay.
What occurred to me regarding the Helper, is that it protects against having one's efforts/work being destroyed by the abuser, because someone other than you would be hurt by the destruction of whatever achievements, but against whom such action is unacceptable, therefore shielded. Mixing one's effort to do good with someone else's protects the work of the abused. The same applies, imho, to co-dependency.
Hey Dear One, are you ready to BREAKTHROUGH? Check out my 12 Week Breakthrough Program! For a limited time we are offering it at 50% off www.lisaaromano.com/12-wbcp
I'm relating
Several things happened in my 10th year of an alcoholic (Dad) and co-dependent (Mom); my Mom took my coin collection without asking and turned in the coins....at face value. I discovered the theft and my Mom acted like it was no big deal. I was Beatle crazy and had read that George had taught himself to play and my Mom told me disgustedly "Well that's George, YOU couldn't do it!" I was so desperate to get a guitar I fell for the "sell greeting cards and earn a guitar" ad in my comic books. When the cards arrived I excitedly told my Dad what I was going to do and he smirked at me and said "I don't think you've got what it takes". He didn't offer to buy some cards or go with me when I dejectedly tried selling door to door. We went to Disneyland in our station wagon, running on fumes and jelly sandwiches. I had to pee and my Dad didn't want to stop. He finally stopped at a gas station and was seething with anger. I was so afraid of him that I literally could not pee. I got back in the car and held it as long as I could. When I whispered to my Mom that I had to go again, my Dad backhanded me square in the face. I nearly passed out. By the time I was 11 I decided I was unlovable and no one could be trusted. I was not safe and anything could happen to me and my belongings at any time, for no reason. I was perfectly primed for intense bullying when we moved again and I had to be The New Kid in school for the 6th time. I've been sober for 37 years and taught myself to play guitar well enough to make a career of it. My parents are dead.
You made it!
@@192837lr Bloodied and alone, but unbowed.
Thank God
Classic 70's 😂
You’re not alone, keep moving forward.
Im a helper. I always want to make sure everyone around me is happy..😢
I hope you break the cycle and put yourself first , I was like this till I pulled away and put myself first
I just recently realized I’ve been living in fight or flight mode all my life since I was 3
Same 😢 and it's become worse since having my son
@@Princess_Farah786 me too and I could never figure out what was wrong with me. Healthy people know and run like I have the plague. I just wonder what my life would have been like had my mom not brought a predator into my life & then abandonded me half the time and criticized everything about me the other half of the time. I am intelligent, was naturally fit in my younger days and before my world became constantly dangerous my natural tendency was to want to do things right. Had I not lost 20 iq points from physical abuse & rage & not lived in fight or flight mode that effects my motivation and organization like ADHD, and learned how to make healthy decisions instead of always choosing the wrong guy & struggling with addiction my life could have been so different. I guess recognition is the first step but its hard to know how to proceed when I am middle aged with disabling autoimmune disease & other health issues and knowing I passed my trauma dysregulation onto my son who passed it onto my grandchildren. Hang in there and be kind to yourselves!
Me too
Do you have other videos that breakdown each one of these trauma types and tell you the best way or Waze to work through them?
So many of us have ❤
At 57, i have found myself in "perfectionism paralysis" where I find it extremely difficult to start projects / tasks, etc, and if i do start, find it hard to finish. I learned in childhood that it was a lot less painful to be criticized for doing nothing, which I put zero effort into, than it was to put a ton of time and effort into something, trying desperately to get it perfect, only to have "dad" find the tiniest flaw (or make one up if he couldn't find one) and make it all about that. Nevermind the 99.9% that was good, I'm only going to hear about the little insignificant part that wasn't.
Do the inner work love yourself pull away from toxic people that should help you with your perfect ionism , your learn to love yoelf just the way you are
These numbers of children that are still being traumatized here, in America, are just not acceptable. When will we, as a society, start valuing childhood as the most precious thing that it is. When will we see children as the most important resource that we have. I don’t understand. I am 65 and still trying to heal.
Settle down.
It's all around the world, not just America but probably the worst here because of our culture in part.
But it's important to remember, as heartbreaking as it is, there are MORE good people and healthy children then there are abused ones.
I never want to stop being aware of abused children and do what I can later to help as many as I can .... Or the wounded INNER children all over the country but MUST also have time feeling the joy of knowing there are so many now being rescued and healed by healers like Lisa R.
I felt like I've cycled through all of this. I refused to complain about my childhood because it could have been worse.
Just because it could have been worse doesn’t mean you aren’t VALID in feeling upset about what DID happen. ❤
That is what good resilience looks like, not everyone has that ability. You remarks are a bit dismissive to those who suffer.
I am sure it could have been a lot better too . try not to minimize the impact this has had on you . best regards .
All about Balance.... Not being in denial and yet taking long breaks from the inner work sometimes and not so focused on it .
My brother said “ others have had it worse “ but it’s all relative.
She is so connected she speaks so perfectly 😢
She's speaking so many truths n its unbelievable she understands 🤧
Thank you
You have to be pretty smart to flow through all this without hesitation....it's impressive
Both my parents are narcissists and so is my sister. I married a narcissist and got divorced only to date more narcissistic men . I am a perfectionist, who always had put my family and others first. I knew deep something was wrong with me- well malfunctioning. I watched thousands of videos over the past 6 years and this resonated with me exactly. I have been isolating myself so I don’t attract toxic people but I am getting very strong and videos like this help so much!!! Thank you ❤❤❤
In that boat with you. I’m sorry. It’s tough. Hang in.
Same.
Yes I really agree with you these videos are really helpful
I think the end result is we find ourselves overextended and overwhelmed, and heavily stacked emotionally
At 60 I can deal with flashbacks of my childhood trauma! Honestly it’s exhausting! Been used to, lied to and here. I go still offering to take care of whoever! I just have times I just shut down for a good 24 hours.
Why do I cry during these videos?
Because it resonates❤️
Me too... could never be myself..sing, cry, or be upset as a child.."just suck it up". Was the "the helper" .. learned to never complain.. keep peace..
The video hits difficult spots
@@redonionsyummy Your feelings matter. You have the right to "feel" them.
Finally being understood
Well if you’re like me it’s because 1) it hits VERY close to home and 2) you’re finally being validated. Let go itself feel both of those. Processing the trauma is how we heal from it ❤
Thank you for giving me AWARENESS of how early trauma made me into the person I am today.
The best 23 minutes! Thank you for turning your lemons into lemonade with your life experiences. You are awesome!
I’m definitely a helper. I have some perfectionist tendencies as well. I became quite the violinist when I was a kid. I was trying to overachieve to get praise and recognition from my mother. I haven’t touched my violin in 20 years. 😞
I was the helper, perfectionist, violinist also.
I'm 59 and went back to my guitar. Feels weird and I suck at it but it's peaceful. I truly hope you pick that beautiful violin back up and make some lovely music again ❤
I wish I knew all of this before my kids were adults. 😢
It doesn't "go away"
It’s kinda scary how much my life is like the one you describe growing up. My ex is a malignant narcissist. I can’t afford counseling, and never will be able to. Please, understand how much your videos have helped me. Suicide was looking like the best option for a while. He convinced everyone except one child that I was insane. Even my physician ( the penis club crap). I struggle daily with self worth. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I am probably somewhat of a unique case. I was physically abused by my biological mom when I was 6 weeks old. I was taken from her and adopted by a couple who already had 2 boys. I lived with them until I got married. I have always considered them my family. They never physically abused me. They never neglected me. For all intense and purposes, they actually treated me very well physically. They were not alcoholics. They never fought. My dad was not an angry man. I never witnessed violence in the home. However, my mom was emotionally distant, and so was my dad. I could not talk to them about anything, or they acted like I was ignorant or silly. When I would defend myself, I was accused of being argumentative. I started having vertigo spells when I was 12, and everyone accused me of lying about it. I was finally diagnosed with vestibular migraines when I was around 24 or 25. Now, I am married with 2 babies. Things have not gotten better. They have with my parents, but my husband is worse than they ever were. He is not physically abusive, but he is controlling, and he calls me names like, "Dumba$$," "idiot" "retard." When I call him out on it he says, "If you did not do ABC then I would not have to call you xyz." He called my chronic migraines a mental illness. No one in my life even wants to listen because they do not want to get involved. I am emotionally all over the place. I am anxious all the time. I feel like a bad mom because both my kids are a lot right now, and because I am my husband's punching bag, sometimes I do not have enough to give them emotionally. I do not want them to grow up being like me.
You poorgirl
Surpressing my emotions landed me into the hospital bleeding to death at 18. It started with a bad stomach ache. They ran every test on me and found nothing wrong. My doctor asked me if something was botheting me. I said yes but thought to myself yes my whole life. He told me i had to find my voice not hold it in and if i had to go yell at tree then do it. I found my voice and learned to process my emotions quickly. That was just the physical part. I also find that i can read people pretty good now.
You're perfect the way you are, you got to believe in yourself.
I was "stuck" till aged 19. Looking back I cannot believe how I survived so long.
I feel so horrible for my friend who I cant help, though she's 19 now I knew her since she was 17, and her childhood was proper messed up. Since she's an online friend and also older than me, I couldn't do much to help, but Im glad she's still around
Rejection is killer. I had workaholism & now I can't just go back to work. My 'controller' is broken.
I was so frightened by my parents as a child that I found comfort in fantasizing about how I was going to end my life. I was 5 years old. I thought if I was dead I wouldn't be scared anymore and can leave this family for good. The only way in my 5 year old mind was to jump from my bedroom window which was only 20 feet up, and I couldn't open the window by myself. No one knew on the outside what hell went on. I then resorted to hiding in my closet. Scary to think that a 5 year old , (me)would contemplate suicide.
I often wondered if the Myers Briggs personality type INFP and other similar types are the result of trauma. The other types seem more engaged in the world, however if one is a busy body, extrovert, well perhaps that's being stuck in flight and being a big doer, like overly. The world rewards these types more so it seems.
I’m a a 32 year old woman now living with my mother….. the mental, emotional, and physiological reactions I have to her at times blow my mind. I am attempting to use this time in my life as an opportunity to heal….. and grow past this… and have a healthier relationship with myself and my partner and maybe with my mother as well! I’ve gone through a very challenging health problem, and that is why I have been living with her……. The health problem itself has given me PTSD… but I am determined to grow from this. I want to get to know myself more……. Through compassion for self, I feel like I can become closer to God/Source again……
You are on the right path. Getting closer to God/Source is Priceless...
I will pray for you and your journey closer to God.❤
Thank you for helping me so much. I've had plenty of therapists who just really didn't understand trauma.
Happy to help!
@@lisaaromano1
My childhood was stable, happy & safe I felt.
My issues have developed from narcissist in laws who interfered in my relationship & caused the relationship to break down & I’m wrecked from this not from my childhood.
How to fix this please?
I was waiting to hear about my personality type. A psychopath with a heart. Not once has anyone talked about the psychopath with empathy. Yet, here I am giving narcs the business. Trauma manifested and the response is thoroughly enjoying exposing narcissists
I am so pleased to find you. was raised by a narc mother. It was hell! Then I married a narc man. That to was hell. I am 76 now, very single and not wanting any friends in my life right now. I went to Alanon for over 50 years and that helped me see life from a different place. Now I am wondering what I would be like if I was not been surrounded with trama.I wish I could see her as I like who I am today.
My childhood was hell! my stomach was constanly turning, i had out of body experience when my fahter beat me, to protect myself, the feeling to feel save i never experience, but in years i know why i react when i hear someone shouting in the street i say im save its not about me, im glad i broke the cirkel because i turnout never to be like them ,i made that promisse to myself when i was 89 years old, thanks Lisa , my real nam is mick steenkist
Youre telling my story.
You nailed it ❤… and the last personality type is “mother”… elderly now, a life-long a mega-control freak and the result? The family is irreparably obliterated… and I am the wounded oldest child, and a MH Professional. I have a wonderful tribe, a great therapist and I do my work, especially as a mother to my adult children… I also saw Me in the personality types… & I am definitely NOT the same p’type as my “mother”. I have an understanding of “ the why(s) now…. Thank you again Lisa!❤
Well ever since I was a kid I was taught to be independent and charge my own path. Then I joined the military. Now I just think I need help, because I'm a helper, over achiever, hyper vigilant. Yes both my parents were alcoholics. Whatever, they raised a good guy.
" had a moment to reflect on the dreadful place of life. All this time, believing that you were doing right. Trying to correct misdeeds you thought you caused in others. Only to be reminded by circumstance
Saying sorry for things undone. Often as the lights dimmed and flickered.
Never understanding what you did wrong. Feeling that wrath was a magnet for non repentance. Yet never questioning the experience or participants. Realizing that those who harmed you were the ones who failed you "
Thank you for working on this subject. I am in the middle of all the issue. I've worked through this for 60 years. I've made some progress. I still sometimes sooth myself with food but I'm trying to deal without overeating.
I can relate to many things you said. Thank you for helping me stand on my 2 feet!!
Gone no contact to Narc family. It takes time but it is one step at the time.
This video has had the most profound effect on me, in a good way. I have cPTSD and I've been feeling so stuck. I feel that what you have said here will help me move forward. ♥
Amazing!😊
Thank you so much for such a crystal clear explanation of what trauma feels and looks like to a child. My truama never had a name or face until recently. I doubt what happened so often because I couldn't see things clearly. This is the hardest thing to reach clarity about when everyone around you is insisting that your world growing up was just fine, no real issues, that I am being paranoid and over exaggerating. I was lucky enough to live with my parents as a young adult so I got to see the reality of what our lives were like as children.
Starting to understand the reality of dysfunction and instability, those hesitant steps we take diving deeply into that chasm called ourselves, and gradually seeing things as though peering from a row boat into a lake 60 feet deep where the water is so chrystal, clear, so void of any shadows or murkiness that you can see all the way to the bottom - to finally see your truth. All the muck and mire of our past wounds being slowly peeled away.
Knowing I am not crazy and making things up helps a lot. Gives me the courage to keep moving forward, keep peeling (very painfully peeling, by the way. I liken it to the wound care a third degree burn victim goes thru where they peel all the dead, dying burnt skin off piece by piece). Knowing that by God's grace and having mentors like Lisa as a guiding light to shine on an ever so dark path - aallows me to see the person I was always meant to be emerging. Sometimes I turtle myself (head tucked back in it's shell - it feels safe) or revert back to being part of the ostrich family ( bury your head in the sand and it will either not be there or will magically disappear) because it is overwhelming at times, but the truth will always "out" itself.
Thank you for mentioning that we can cycle through many of these types depending on situations or people
The current mental health field is all about classification of pathologies/people into deterministic slots, which feels rigid and permanent.
I like your more humanistic view of these traits are adaptive “armor” we wear for the occasion it demands
I kind of did run. I was lucky to have a childhood in a small town and could take my bike and ride all over town, out of the house. Thank you for this good description of symptoms of trauma and the causes. As an adult I had psychotherapy which helped a lot.
I remember awhile back, you started doing TH-cam videos Lisa, and you talked about PTSD, and everything you said resonated with me.
I told my Pyschologist that I think I have PTSD,
She advised me, no, I don’t have it, PTSD is for people who have witnessed or have come close to dead, get PTSD
I stopped seeing her…
Begin traumatised to me is , being constantly in a state of fear, confusion and feeling alone, have nowhere to go to feel safe, and being gaslighted, anxious and not knowing what kind of day today was going to be, over and over again ) to me, that is traumatic enough to be classified and going through PTSD.
Unless I’m mixing PTSD with Trauma and being traumatised.
Your therapist is unaware of the difference between PTSD and C-PTSD (which is currently considered theoretical and isn’t yet listed in the DSM). Try differentiating and have them read up on CPTSD before you throw out the whole therapist!
@@MeloniousThunkthat's absurd, it's not our job to educate our therapist. It's their responsibility to know the current and evolving models. Continuing education is a huge part of their job.
I'm sorry you were treated that way. You did the right thing by dropping that therapist IMO. Have you watched the TED Talk video here on YT by DR Nadine Burke about ACE Scores, ongoing trauma and how it effects children. It's well worth the watch.
The way you explain these difficult topics Lisa is captivating. You are truly amazing. Love Billy from Oz.
The helper is a helper because he or she is trying to manage the emotional state of the parent (or caregiver) in the helper's attempt to keep safe. As the child is shocked (usually fearing death) its job next is trying to figure out how to survive in a helpless state. Taking care of the parent is ONE coping mechanism. Another is being invisible, i.e., some children don't cry after a while. The helper job is an effort to manage the parent's emotions or needs to reduce future abuse. (Thank you for your videos.)
I feel like all of these apply to my personality depending on the situation. This video is very insightful! Thank you! 💜
You're so welcome!
I agree with you sister 101% percent raised by a Narcissistic Alcoholic Grandmother and Father and an Enabler mother k! More Power! Godbless sister! K
Dear Lisa, 'Guiding Light', thank you for your Clarity, Wisdom, Authenticity and your treasuring of Curiosity.
So many questionings of mine are lifting away through foggy shadows and I sense a returning to that
sweet little Inner Child who was so joyful and natural within my innocent Heart. Your true desire to share
with us your Personal Experiences and Overcoming Strengths has opened so widely these Gates of
Brilliant Possibility for us. May Blessings and Peace embrace your Wholeness now, plus your Sweet
Compassion for each of us as well. Gwendolyn Marie (Carrizozo, New Mexico-USA)
Good job Lisa…
Keep doing what you’re doing. Your strength and transparency shines through this video.
Thank you so much!
all of her videos ❤ (apart from the ones with fake stock footage. those videos are unwatchable... can just listen... but it's nice having her back on screen!)
Somehow, for some reason I do not understand, I got married to two women who were victims of serious SA. Both marriages ended disastrously, and I nearly got destroyed myself the second time.
"Wow, this video has truly opened my eyes to the trauma I’ve been carrying. I had a horrific childhood, and I’m on a journey to heal my mind, body, and spirit. Thank you for this insightful and deeply moving content-it’s helping me take the next steps in my healing process."
Can someone have all of the personalities you talked about. All 5 in one person
I am sorry you suffered❤. You are gift ed.
I escaped into being an artist and student, while my siblings each became anti-social, escape artists, and/or rebellious. My achievements were mocked and ridiculed by our narcissist abuser mother. And as soon as I could I got a job away from the home, often working at nights while going to high school, then I left home on a full scholarship. Three years into college I suffered a physical breakdown -- my body could no longer keep going. Ironically, the skills I developed during childhood have been the basis for my career as an artist.
You let me know I can heal ❤ and I’m healing! I love you Soul Sister Starseed.
I was fortunate enough to have a training on the ACE study years ago and it truly opened my eyes much wider on childhood trauma and trauma in general. It has changed the way I deal with everyone, not just clients. It has also convinced me to look at and own the very real trauma in my own childhood and resulting character traits & behaviors. I don't believe we can be effective without being honest about ACE. & childhood trauma. Thanks
I agree with everything that is being said is true, I also believe that we are not what happened to us, we are what we choose to become.
Thank you ever so much. I've never cried before listening to any coach. You have moved me touched me very deeply ❤
Wow! This is so good! It’s like watching a movie about myself…
So true! You nailed it Lisa. Little by little I am coming home to myself. You're such a good coach on codependency. You have a knack of breaking it down to every single little step. This is a great quality . What a wonderful gift you are.😍🙏❤️💃
Im the perfectionist and it caught up to me causing years or burnout and fatigue
I have followed you for atleast 10 years. I learn from you can't thank you enough
I used to hate telling people how I felt and when I finally did the communal narcs went wild. I closed down afterwards, becoming a helper, perfectionist, controller through being overly rigid, and just being brokenhearted. I felt so guilty but let's be honest, about what? Reacting to an abusive, oppressive environment? It's worth the work, but by no means is being codependent a crime. You're not an abuser for being forcibly trapped. My birth mother controlled everything in my life as a teenager and it was a nightmare. She treated me like property and wanted to be my boss. I was threatened constantly and forced to stay inside so she knew where i was. I still struggle with fears of being locked up and chased if I escape. I am glad she departed this earth and I'm at such a good place in my life, no matter whether I slip a little. Some people should mind their own buisness and narcs won't. So mind your buisness and love yourself no matter what. Forgive, absolve, move on. 💜☕️✌️
6:34 not just to feel safe, but to try to be accepted aka validated, especially by their terrible parents!
Thank you Lisa ❤🙏😇
I'm curious as to how - or if - the Meyers-Briggs personality types correlate to the various kinds of childhood trauma.
After a very long marriage to a narcissist I have broken free but also at the cost of my 2 kids (18 and 25) who are under their father's influence and his narcissist supply. Raised by 2 narcissist parents this video resonates with me deeply. ( I am estranged from my parents now almost 17 years) How do I move forward now after these realizations. I am stuck in my head. I need to find work. I am beating myself up constantly. I am the perfectionist but also the over thinker the helper... After raising my family I have completely lost myself it seems. I don't even know where to start. How do i change this inner conversation I am constantly having in my head? I'm feeling hopeless some days and not having my kids is emphasizing these feelings of such loss. In a way I'm grieving every single day. It's exhausting. I feel better when I'm helping others. I guess it's a distraction in a way also. I'm realizing I have som much more work to do on myself. But where to begin? Feeling overwhelmed.
Begin with just sitting in silence. Learn to listen. Put your hand on your heart and tell yourself ‘I love you and I am here for you now and always’
One day at a time make it the best day for you. One breath at a time find compassion for yourself. The answers come from within ❤
You change the dialogue within,
One thought at a time.
Check out Neville Goddard on here talk about how to change your sub conscious patterning
Also Lisa told us that it had to be this way , the way you were raised caused you to marry the wrong person, and your mind was programmed for those things to happen...accept that and seek to find the real you under all the crap.... maybe your kids will figure it out someday, but you need to work on you now...GO......
How profound it is that severly abused children cry profusely and refuse to be taken away from their abusive parents. I remember as a kid I wanted to go to the hospital so I could experience someone taking care of me.
The atmosphere you grow up in wires your brain. You will never be able to unwire it. You can adjust. You can heal some of it, but we are damaged forever.
Forgiveness is a word I know I should be able to do, but it is foreign to me. "I can forgive all these people," for me is the same as, "I could be an astronaut."
At 61 my biggest challenge now is regret. Instead of a default mental setting of remembering, acknowledging all the good things I've done and accomplished, my regrets are the first thoughts that come to mind.
😢 I feel like I encompass a combo. of all five. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. I've just started on my healing journey after living a perpetual trauma response for the last 40 years and your books and videos have been a life saver ❤
I tried to unalive myself at 12. I thought me being gone would solve my parents marriage problem. I didnt think of childhood trauma until many decades later. My parents both affected my life and i honestly just buried. Now im trying to fight thru mental issues they help create and become a better person. Hard journey but im trying. Therapists are no help. One of them actually told me to tell myself i love you in the mirror. Yeh, im way beyond that working. So im trying to walk it off with your videos ❤
@@vjdrive1230 it’s an honor to have you here!
I’ve definitely gone through all of those personality types that you described in this video. I’m so grateful that you’re sharing this work. I’ve been doing a lot of inner child healing over the last year or so. And I’ve started teaching about feelings and communication, because that was some thing that I struggled with being able to connect with, and to communicate with others, because of my childhood trauma. And I had trauma both in my family home and at school with peers and so I’m just so grateful that you’re sharing this with the world and thank you. I love you.
Let us shine our lights!
A BILLION THANK YOU’S TO YOU YOUR VIDEO HAS HELPED TREMENDOUSLY
Omg! I’m a healthcare worker and I have a caregiving or helping mentality….
There is also the tendensy to become a workaholic or perform grief work.Self isolating and becomming a loner is a side effect of being overly criticized. Being by yourself is safer than with someone else who could hurt you in some way.
Lisa, Bless You from the bottom of my Heart ❤️ I've been confiding online and working on my recovery and anticipating the next toxic relationship to come into my life one after the other as they always have and did. I recently had chatted with someone and told her that I am cautious about letting people get close to me and I wanted to meet with her. We did that at a Wednesday night church service because we had both mentioned that we had witnessed the power that only God could have. And I have put away the shame of being molested by a scout leader as a child years ago and keeping it a secret for decades really took a toll on my life. And today this video is what I needed to see and hear. It's late on the east coast and please help me as I reach out to you in the near near future for the help recovering from my own childhood trauma. Good people like yourself Dr. Carter, Romney Tammy Joyce, and many others have been a blessing TTYL soon or your staff
Understanding is the beginning of healing .thank you for this insight to healing. Praying is a way to reaching God and peace. GOD BLESS YOU ALL ❤
I needed this video so badly right now x
Hi Lisa - I can picture all 5 personality types in my self - sadly - Thanks for sharing this video
Wow I have always been grateful for the great loving parents I had but listening to this I feel ever so much more grateful for my dear parents that have long time passed away and how they loved me and taught me that God loved me even more than they. You are right I always felt safe and loved at home and after parents died I still felt safe and loved by God.
Of course, the weakness in me would love to know more about a person of your nature. You have so much clarity.
Wow. This is what someone really close to me said and I pushed them away. This really hit home. I guess I do have childhood trauma
Thanking you.
😮 that too is my life. I felt as if you were there with me in my childhood trauma. This video i truly needed today, in this exact moment. Your video appeared and i felt drawn. Be well.
You connect clearly, the TH-cam tools worked with your production system, thx for that too.
I have 17 years clean in a 12 step program. Despite alot of work i still feel i cant get away from my childhood. Everybody that was supposed to love me, hurt me. I cant get through it and often dont want to wake up anymore. I feel abandoned by God, life, society, and "family." It never ends. Its like the world thinks its supposed to attack me. Nobody knows what to tell me. I may be broken beyond repair.
I have all these and I know it was caused from being the oldest child, feeling like everything was my responsibility, the constant uncertainties that always happened because my mom was really sick and literally waiting for a heart transplant, the constant hearing that ABC was going to happen and DE and F happened instead. For that reason I learned to not trust anything anyone said, to always be worried about the future and become hyper vigilant. Its pretty miserable and also counterproductive. But I don't know how I can change because my life is still so hard and unpredictable and I often feel like I don't even have a moment to change. 🤷
i am so angry to have had a toxic narcissistic mother.
My siblings are all messed up.
I have all of these personality traits. Thank you for this video.
Dang. That was my life too. My adopted mother and her brother were children of closet alcoholics too. God only knows the secrets they had. Been 10 years she’s been gone. I saw the real her peep out every so often. Very scary how the child would try to talk to me but would shut down. Seeing that I was living in denial of this is very scary. But I don’t think I can fully accept it yet. To know that a person who was not in reality raised me. I’ll never know the character assassination she and her family portrayed to the whole family. Words never die but my children will know exactly the fraud she was and why. I want none of it because a lot of quirky people will see the damage my grandparents did through me. Inter generational trauma. I speak to none of them. Oh the dirty deeds people do to hide their shame. I say, no thanks. I’m just fine doing things myself. I recommend “Seize the Day”, with Robin Williams. A 1986 movie with Jerry Stiller. A masterpiece on this serious matter.
My experience in therapy was that they would explore everything in my mental life, and for each thing that they found they would let me know that what I did or thought was wrong and that I was a bad person for doing or thinking that way, and that I should do or think some other way which I knew would be impossible for me.
Amen 🙂🙏❤️💚 Your videoes and inner child meditations have been such a Big part of my journey. You offer so many good tools for those who choose to go on the path of learning to maturing after childhood traumas. To find more healthy coping strategies. That is a heros journey and all your succes is well earnt. So happy to hear that you have compassion for the child you once were. I appreciate and value you for the precious soul you are and all the help you are providing. Much love to you and your family -and pets.
I see myself as a survivor not a victim. I have found my purpose and feel grateful and blessed. Thank you for your help 🙂
Very helpful 👌
As I'm watching this video, I'm reflecting on the amount of courage, determination, self love and bravery it took for you Lisa to go through this journey and come back with jewels that you share with an open heart to all of us so freely 💖 🙏
Your giving spirit touches my soul 💕🦋🌷I have to admit seeing how far you've come with your recovery, and then choosing to guide us with these valuable lessons seems like such a long journey to take. ( I read and loved your book the road back to me 🌸) I wonder if you had frequent moments that it felt too hard or even discouraging and exhausting. I feel like I'm in a hamster wheel yet I'm ever ever so slowly changing for the better 🌸. It feels confusing sometimes.
It makes me sad to see 7k views yet people not even giving a like or even an emoji for a comment. My hope is that humanity starts becoming kinder 🩷
I bow to the love and light that's absolutely in you lovely Lisa Namaste 🙏
This is what im experiencing now
I use to be a people pleaser , to no avail . The CPTSD is so bad now that other than common courtesy and politeness , I will never trust or do anything for anyone . I have been isolating for 20 years now and have no desire to to interact with anyone .
It makes me look like the lunatics that I grew up with .
I think the school systems should train teachers to spot trauma in their students and have systems in place to investigate the parents , force them into therapy and display immediate improvement or they loose their kids and get locked up in a mental hospital or prison , otherwise they will destroy everything around them for their entire life's and create many of the social problems we see everyday .
Thanks Lisa, I'm 60 and you have just summed up my childhood ❤
Wow so powerful. Thank you for sharing you’re knowledge 💕💔
You are so welcome
My parents were wonderful to me. My sisters, nefarious. I have survived them by the skin of my teeth, by the grace of God.
I have a friend who definitely is the perfectionist. I just hope im able to support her and that she feels safe with me, since i really am in no place to tell her "what she is" or advise her
Thank you for this
My pleasure!
I'm the perfectionist. If I was perfect, I didn't get yelled at, criticized, or ridiculed by my family. This was no way for a child to grow up to always be afraid that the parental unit was going to find fault in me and tear me to shreds for being young and dumb and inexperienced. Then it happened in my marriage that I could not make a mistake because my ex would swoop down, and I'd never hear the end of it.
Slowly, I am recovering from this crippling affliction that has rarely ever benefitted me.
Thank you for this video, Lisa. Thank you for the validation. Hang in there, survivors. You're going to be okay.
One of your best! So succinct and inerrant. Love it. Words to replay throughout the process. Thank you.
What occurred to me regarding the Helper, is that it protects against having one's efforts/work being destroyed by the abuser, because someone other than you would be hurt by the destruction of whatever achievements, but against whom such action is unacceptable, therefore shielded. Mixing one's effort to do good with someone else's protects the work of the abused. The same applies, imho, to co-dependency.
Lisa, you are one amazing lady. Your insight into human behaviour is truly remarkable. I’m learning so much from you. Thankyou sincerely. ❤