HOW TO STOP BEING CODEPENDENT IN RELATIONSHIPS | LISA ROMANO
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 มี.ค. 2024
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In this TH-cam video, learn about how to stop being codependent in relationships with Lisa A. Romano, the Breakthrough Life Coach, codependency recovery expert, and bestselling author. If you are codependent, you will struggle with real intimacy, tend to be secretive, pretend you are happy, say yes when you mean no, and in most cases, you won't even know you're behaving in a maladaptive way.
Adult children of alcoholics, adult children of narcissistic parents, children of emotionally immature parents, and those raised in homes wrought by addiction and denial are denied basic life skills. We grow up feeling loyal to our families despite the negative effects of a toxic family system. Our parent's unhealed childhood trauma gets passed down onto us, otherwise known as generational trauma.
Codependency is born out of childhood emotional neglect. As children, we learn how to fawn and please our parents. This is rooted in a fear of abandonment or rejection. We do not know our psyches are being molded to adapt to our unhealthy environments. Thus, our subconscious minds become downloaded with maladaptive survival skills we do not know we have until some major life event.
Until we awaken from the codependent fog and heal what our parents did not in their lifetimes, we pass codependency and our unhealed childhood trauma onto future generations. The good news is we can heal.
My name is Lisa A. Romano, and after I was diagnosed with codependency, I made a promise to myself that one day, once I figured out how to heal codependency, I would spend the rest of my life helping to inspire other adult children of alcoholics and those who suffered from childhood trauma due to dysfunctional, toxic family systems, to awaken so they could transform their lives. I have successfully healed from codependency, and my life has completely transformed. I no longer live in fear of narcissists, nor do I fear abandonment or rejection. I have found the road back to me, and today, I am committed to finding as many ways to let the light in me shine.
I want the same for all adult children. This is my mission.
To begin your total transformation journey, visit www.lisaaromano.com/12wbcp to learn how I can coach and mentor you toward living your best life yet.
Thanks for watching "How to stop being codependent in relationships"
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As adults we come to the realization that our lives change ONLY when we CHANGE. I have done the work Dear One, and have created a way for you to experience a radical transformation from within that will kickstart your inner child healing journey and teach you precisely how to also access your higher self...by the way, it's all scientifically proven... Join me for the next LIVE 12 Week Breakthrough Codependency Coaching Program where I am your guide toward your inner transformation www.lisaaromano.com/12wbcp
I'm 59 and now I know why my life has been a complete mess. My mother is a full blown narcissist. I really appreciate what you do. Thank you
@@Cpatriot mine is too. Can you immagine this: when I left my ex, she than turned against me, and I am her only child. Her covert fear was not that I will be unhappy, but that I will ruin the picture of her happy family, her value and respect in the society, but most of all, she was scared of my independence. Can you immagine? She even trethened with a suicide. That, after a year and a half no contact, when I asked her about the suicide trethening, she acused me for why I belived her. Haha, complete madening. And in the past she was so dominant and controlling. And I belived her, becase she was like she knew everything. She is a doctor. And since my father was an alcoholic, I was there to help her and was an emotional support to her. But she wanted more, she wanted to blame shift and guilt trip me. Tipical covert narc, the bigest victim of all. But I am at the point of radical acceptance. I am even sorry for her.
I love that Thank you❤.The acceptance of the fact that we are codependent takes time as well, otherwise, we will just listen to what you say in our free time and think It's about other people at the same time putting up with things that ruin our lives It's just like being a drug addict...the recovery can only happen when we truely accept the fact that we have a drug problem and are ready to face IT with the feeling of fear and vulnerability, that is called true strength as we do IT no matter how difficult its ❤
@@The1972maxim a drug problem that is not our fault. We we primed from our birth to fight for the love that should be given to us unconditionaly. Now I give that lovr to me. I bow only to God. No more earthly Gods for me!
even after years of recovery and healing I still fall back into old habits so easily. I realise later that I was behaving in a codependent way.
Love coach for women on yelp in Los Angeles is a great self love coach with amazing reviews. You can heal with the right compassionate support 🙏🏽
Same here.
Same here. I didn’t know I had no sense of self until recently!
I started to reparent my inner child.
Thank YOU for being here Lisa ❤
I 100% know what you mean about the "dark energy" and getting sucked into the fight. The soon to be ex-narc is doing everything in his power to get me sucked in - threats, blackmail, guilt, shame, you name it he does it. He even tried a subtle death threat the other day. I have decided to not join the fight anymore and "shutty shutty".
I’m seeking out therapy because I’m tired of my behavior with codependency. I hate being this way. And setting boundaries feels like a knife in my gut. I’ve been through 4 counselors that only seemed to get frustrated with me because I was struggling to focus on the work. If the new therapist doesn’t work out, Lisa, you’re my last hope. I’m so tired.
No sense of self as a result of neglect and abuse magnified my life of confusion and an underlying animosity for my family which I could not make sense of. I am now 50 years old and after over half of my life being medicated, spent in therapy, and practicing Zen Buddhist meditation, I am only now becoming aware of these resultant thoughts and feelings.
This is in no small part thanks to you and your content. Your videos are so personal, because of your sharing, and very validating.
Unfortunately, my marriage is on the edge of a cliff. The thought of losing my 7 and 6 year old daughters makes it nearly impossible to “pick myself up by my bootstraps” and make a real change. But what will be will be. The challenge is in forgiving myself, not others. While the diagnoses over the years may have felt important at the time, in terms of identity and identification, in the end they don’t mean anything and are only starting points.
One of the clearest explanations of codependency I’ve found. Thank you
Thank you for genuinely caring about us. It has meant more than you can imagine. I will still be watching and healing from afar. God bless you and your family.
Thank you for this, Lisa. I am a codependent. I'm 60-years old, right now.
Oh my gosh…. I am crying… I am so sorry that you grew up that way…. Much like me…. It just breaks my heart for and for me…. I just can’t believe you are putting into words EVERYTHING I’ve been through and still going through. So many feelings to feel….. wow
Yes, I think only my father has really showed me love, because he was attuned with me and shared happines with me. He was listeneing music with me. I still have happy feelings about that.
Both my parents were narcs. It nearly destroyed me but I realize they were/are sick.
Demonized. People can change if they receive salvation .
I appreciate your openness Lisa. I'm trying to heal, but I had to thoroughly Understand what I need to heal.. I thought my mom was only had babyblues. As an only child I am tangled with them, til now my dad lives in my house and he rearranged everything including the furnitures. I thought I was avoiding his Rage. To me, Love is a privillege, not everyone gets love. But since my business also went down, I knew it is my subcon sabotage. It is not about self Pity, we need to see the picture before we can get back to Normal and hv our life in control.. ❤ sending love from Indonesia.
It took me 70 years to realize that I spent my entire life codependent. Always seeking approval and acceptance. My mother was a Grandiose Narcissistic Witch. She destroyed my father and brother, both committed suicide. I was a magnet for abusing women that took everything more than once. After much introspection, at this age, my favorite person is my German Shepard (and you).
Gm from New York This is amazing thank you so much we still working on this ❤❤❤❤🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I am there now! Where you was with your husband. He was raging and yelling at me, and the kid, so I left.
Good move
This really helped my. My mother was emotionally abusive and had borderline personality disorder and my ex abused me in the same ways she did and I believed in both cases I thought if I loved them enough theyd love me back and treat me better. My last rship I thought I was finally in a healthy stable rship then realized he was an alcoholic (like my father ) and I was def codeoendant on him and looked past every red flag and did my best to love and care for him till I realized hiw tixic it was and left him. Im going to start my healing journey today so I can attract a healthy rship.
My childhood was so similar. Add a sadistic streak to both parents. Thanks for your honesty
Good morning from San Diego!🌸
This was so valuable for me, thank you.
Thank you so much I typed in how to help stop myself from pleasing people, an you came up, listening you is an awakening itself I thank God you coming across you 🙏
I am 64 year old Gay man in a new relationship and my guides are bringing up my co-dependency BIG TIME! I have used a few of your videos and shared them with my clients. This conversation is 100% connecting with my heart. As a gay kid growing up in the 60's and 70's this conversation is long overdue. Thank you for your sharing your gifts 🙏❤🙏
Thank you so much Lisa. I'm 50 years and have experienced my codependency for the first time ever. The realization of my hidden childhood trauma and how it's affected my recent ended relationship is liberating. My healing journey has started. Never too late
00:26:05 😊it makes complete sense Lisa. Power( high self esteem) vs. Force ( low self esteem)😊. Sometimes we gotta use force. But it serves us better to be in our power rather than force. Force was utilized in our faulty childhood upbringing 😊. Its not our fault. Its our responsibility to change that for ourselves. That's the meaning of ," nobody is coming to save you but yourself. ie becoming self aware." 😊
Beautiful, Lisa. Your words are really healing. Thank you.
Lisa, you are a Jewel! Thank you so much for lightening my/our way for recovery and reconnection! Deeply touching, extremely helpful! All the blessings to you and everyone one here!
You are amazing Lisa. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't hear your message a few years ago. Been on a self-discovery and self-reclamation journey since. Thank you for all you do and your beautiful light.
I had the same relationship with my mother. There was no pleasing her. One example is when I was young, she said you can go out with your friends this weekend if you're good all week then Friday came and I asked her if I could go out and she said "You're not going anywhere, you're just a little manipulater!" so thank you for your videos that help me understand why I am the way I am and am trying to heal one step and day at a time with your clarity and validation. And yes, I married a narc 3 decades ago so I have a lot of work ahead of me.
Almost 60? My sincere compliments.
Thank you for sharing your story. I see many parallels in my childhood. I feel not so alone.
I see you, Lisa! ❤
Thank you for your videos. I am 43 yr old man who had no idea how much he buried and carried thru his life. I was shocked the first time I watched as it was like you were talking about me. Thank you for opening my eyes for the first time in my life.
I LOVE the videos where you just talk and it's just you! I've watched SO many of your videos. This one is so good. Thank you!
The poems and letters and acts of service to my own detriment… I am the adult child of a recovered alcoholic. She is now an amputee in a wheelchair and I am her caregiver. I gave her my life, but she won’t put it on “the books” for compensation because she refuses to admit that I help- even though her doctors acknowledge that I had to quit my job to take care of her. I guess this is the beginning and the end of my story.
Daughters free yourselves before it’s too late!
Thank you ! Super helpful video
I have awakended 3 years ago
Thank you for your work.
Thank you for this! God bless your heart!
From Uganda
Lisa, Thank you for being YOU!!! You are so incredibly article and convey your thoughts so precisely! I am so sorry for what you have gone through, but you are helping SO many people! You are beautiful outside and in. .
Thank you for being there ❤
Your knowledge and insight has truly helped me in my healing journey !! Thank you for sharing your gifts with us Lisa 🙏🏾🙏🏾
Amazing Talk here - this entire talk is 100% relatable and True Freedom is on the other side of it all after doing the work. Thank You for Your Clarity in every word. 62 yrs. old here. Always Learning. Been working on it for years now. Best work anyone will ever do .
Thank you so much Lisa!
Thank you, Lisa. ❤😊🙏🙏 Beautifully said!!!
Thank you Lisa I appreciate listening to your good advice 🙏
I do not do that anymore!
This is so helpful. Thank you.
I can't look at my past with my parents it hurts way too much and I get screwed up for months
You can't heal what you don't address. The Lord will help you . Give Him your pain.. God is in the healing business.
I don't have to imagine it unfor tunatelly I live that every day. I am deeply sorry that u went through this awful sensations and feelings but I am happy u could succesfully recover from this.Thank u so much for sharing this. I feel that I am looking at myself in a mirror...Can u sha ke me so I awaken? This is an every day nightmare 24/7... except when I sleep n' sometimes not even there I can be free!!.😢💔
Thank you😊
Thankyou Lisa , xx
THANK YOU lISA, MUCH APPRECIATD.
Wow Lisa! You got your own business going? You must have had some schooling? That’s awesome!😊You have been so encouraging to me. Your life sounds so much like mine. I took Cosmetology and I felt so backwards and people scared me. I got so sick for so many years! But now I do not put up with the crap and controlling individuals. I could not continue with cutting hair because the smells made me sick! So I am still here and he’s still a narcissist! I wish I could leave!
Lisa you have a gift of explaining things in such a beautiful and logical way! I feel so much like I have had the same wounded little girl view of love. Hoping that as I overcome codependency I can attract a good man to come even if I am in my 50's.
Wow thanks for this video..
I will need to hear it at list 3 times 😬
As a person who had a parent with alcohol issues.. I have tried to cope with my problems by drinking, but I didn't enjoy it at all.. so I'm not worried about becoming an alcoholic. But.. My coping strategy is eating tasty things like chocolate. That is damaging in a whole other way.
I appreciate you so much Lisa 🙏🙏❤️❤️
You are helping me so much, thank you....
Your such a treasure, Lisa!
That was really interesting and helpful x
❤ thank you so much Lisa
Thank you for the mention of acoa. I just found that program and it is spot on.
Lisa I hear my story when you share your story. It's funny how you have a visceral reaction when you hear another person's story.... You can feel it in your body in a different way. I really resonated with this video as you described your mother. It almost makes you wonder why our parents even had children to begin with and then you realize that it was never about them. Rather, it was God's Divine will that you be here. I believe God chooses our parents similar to Rick Warren in The Purpose Driven Life. This also helps to comfort me knowing that no matter what happens between me and my family God is in Ultimate control. One of my favorite sayings is the will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you . I love you Lisa and I love all of you commenters.
Thanks!
Tnx Lisa
Happy to be here healing ❤
Love you Lisa!~!!~
Wow, I would never give you 59. You look 20-30 years younger! I believe inner healing does that!
I am sorry for your fard time, your story is mine + my mother is narcissistic. Now I am better because I detect emotionally from her but style I am not healthy 100%. I know soon I will 🙏😇❤️
man, i cried listening to how your Mum treated you,.. have you cut contact with your parents? Both of mine just ignored me, i was completely neglected....good thing I had a beautiful baby sitter & Gma. I've been on auto -pilot all my life, spinning....tons of trauma as my own children were abused by my ex-husband(s) 🥺☹
Thank you.
Wow… you just wrapped up my current season
God and prayer will help how to deal with theses narcissistic people
I swear you’re doing the Lord’s work ❤. Ty ❤
I wasn’t able to authentically take your quiz because I don’t have any children! Please add options for those of us that don’t have children yet! I am only 24, trying to heal my mind before I have kids.
My book would be called “10000 ways to do everything wrong” and live. 😂😂😂
Can one person, a man, be narcissistic towards their codependant wife and at the same time be codependant with towards his own friends and parents/family of origin?
🙌💯🎯‼️♥️
Could a man be affected by his father? My father was like this to me and my sister and I feel this is the origin of my tendency to show codependency in relationships (and aloofness in other relationships)
So being codependent doesn’t make you as bad as the narcissist? There is some woman on YT who basically calls us just as bad if not worse than a narcissist. Like I need another thing wrong with me that woman is compassionless.
🌸🕊️💕
How do you heal your children once you realize that you have a wounded codependent child inside. I’m terrified and need to know where to start so that they won’t turn into me and live through the problems I got myself into by being unknowingly codependent 🙏🏾.
God bless you 😊❤🙏😇
When is your next class?
You seemed to talk about your mother forgivingly. How about having a narc parent? You see their development was also due to their childhood wombs but they still continue to act awfully in your adult hood ..you can have empathy forvthem without having a relationship right
I learned how to not be codependent when I knew Jesus cared for me and would heal my old trauma.
Liz you look 40!
She threw your poem away that’s hideous I’m so sorry x
You do not look 60😂😂😂😂😂