I'll never forget sitting around with a bunch of uni friends when the discussion of kids came up. All the boys were like 'yeah, absolutely!" on the question of whether they wanted kids. Until, that is, one of the girls asked whether they still wanted kids if they had to be the primary caregiver. I've never seen so many men look so dumbstruck at the same time. The point is that if someone (no matter their gender) is only interested in having kids if they don't have to take the most active role in looking after them, is that really someone you want to have kids with? Life is uncertain and you never know what could happen. For example, my own Dad lost his job in 2008 and became a stay at home dad for nearly a year. If someone isn't ready to be a hands-on parent, maybe it isn't for them?
Absolutely agreed. Especially as someone who gets some flak over my wife and I's current choice not to have kids. Not from immediate family (or my current church), but I've had a handful of coworkers (mostly conservative Catholic) really dig into me over that. Not just asking out of benevolent curiosity (which also happens and is fine). Usually the argument is "you'd be a great dad compared to many". But even if that was true (an argument could be made both ways), I'm not one to let the inability of others dictate my choices. Feels like arguing that shoplifting is OK because people commit murder all the time. That said, not to get overly religious, but God's will is God's will. If God so willed us to have a kid (not directly our choice), we'd love them dearly. And that's OUR choice as a couple. But, as it stands today, our preference is no kids. And that too is OUR earthly choice.
R.e. having kids - I've always said that if you're not excited by the prospect of having kids, or you're not thinking 'I definitely want a child', you should wait until you *do* feel like that, or not have kids at all. Children shouldnt feel like something you are obligated to have bc of social pressure/next stage of relationship/future retirement plans. If you have a happy and content life without them, they're not a neccessity! Personally I feel much more excited about the prospect of a DINK lifestyle and adults-only holidays and more money over having a child in the household
I was 6 years old when my dad had an ileostomy. I used to sit in the bathroom and chat with him while he changed his stoma bag. Which he usually did with the door open. To me everything about my dads stoma was perfectly natural.q But we did avoid using the bathroom for a while after he'd emptied his stoma bag. There was a bit of a stink... When my dad started showing symptoms of dementia and as a consequence lost his ability to handle stoma bag changes I was able to help him for a few days until we could get caretakers in to do it for him. I mostly remembered how to do it just from spending that time watching my dad when I was a child. I never felt any hesitation about helping him. All thanks to my dad making the whole thing so natural to me as a child.
Honestly having a breast reduction is a lot less big and scary and serious than you think. I was literally shaking, sobbing and nearly backed out while being wheeled in for mine. Now I know better I'd do it again in a heartbeat
I was going to say something similar! I'm 6 weeks post surgery, was uncontrollably shaking on the way down, was discharged the next day. The first couple of weeks are difficult and can be frustrating but apart from being limited in exercising, I'm pretty much back to normal activity. Honestly the next day the canula bothered me way more than my boobs. Getting used to how I look emotionally has taken a bit of time, but I knew for me it would, and I'm getting there, but physically I'm so impressed with how smooth recovery has been.
One of the best things I ever did. Mine was a day care surgery, I’m allergic to most painkillers so I managed with Tylenol, Ibuprofen and arnica drops. Very doable and I’m so happy with my smaller boobs!
As someone who had a breast reduction when I was 19 covered by the government, I highly recommended it. I'm 1,57 meters and it was the best thing I ever did for my back and neck. Recovery was totally fine and I didn't need much painkillers either. I'm 30 now, and I think my quality of life would have been very different without it. I don't care about the scars at all, they're not visible in swimwear and I barely think of them ( i recommend showing pictures of what size you want and not talking in cups, as that's a bit harder to convey)
this is something I've been debating myself haha turning 18 and get to do genetic testing and if the genetic testing comes back bad I can get a double mastectomy & reconstruction covered by gov in my country and my chest is big to the point I can not find tops that fit me without falling off of my shoulders + I'm disabled so the backpain is amplified tenfold (and it'll help treat the genetic issue) so it's so incredibly good to hear that someone else at my age range has done so and didn't regret it at all in the past
I have been wanting to get breast reduction since I was 18 and I finally got it this year at 28 after ten years of going back and forth and agonising over it. I live in France where I had partial social security coverage and it cost me 600€ in leftover fees, but I chose a private surgeon (and got to pick my surgeon rather than be assigned one by the NHS like it can be in the UK). I would 100% recommend it, it absolutely changed my life. Like most people who've had it, it has increased my quality of life so much and the 2-3 weeks of feeling uncomfortable (I didn't even have much pain, I'd say most discomfort came from the post-op comrpessive bra being very tight and not being able to shower properly for a few days) have been very, very worth it compared to the comfort I feel now. I haven't worn a bra since getting cleared to stop wearing the compression bra and I don't pay attention to the scars at all. I can't say what this would mean for someone who cares about still having somewhat large breasts post-reduction (I asked for as small as possible) or who cares about breastfeeding, but to me it was completely worth it and I have no regrets, except maybe not doing it earlier.
@@thoranorak5226 I don't plan to have children and definitely want a more reasonable size than a 12G so right now I'm definitely leaning towards doing it even though it'll likely take me 2-3x as long to recover as my immune system is non existent. Unfortunately I can only get it for free if I test positive for brca1 which my mum has which means if I choose to get it done (I have around a 50% chance of testing positive but I also have some symptoms that lean towards the side of likely being positive) it'll be essentially cutting out all natural breast tissue - including potentially nipples - and then using implants so it might get a bit complicated later on but the toll this takes on my day to day is huge as I have what I think in french sizing is a 90i cup so I'm almost hopeful in a way that the gene mutation will come back positive because a normal reduction here is the equivalent of our current mortgage and not at all attainable in the next couple decades 😅
@@jams1113 maybe you could look into traveling for it to do it privately? In norway it's no where near a mortgage out of pocket. But I don't know what your situation is of course. 😊
@@SamarkandChan can't travel due to health risks sadly so for now I am stuck relying on a genetic mutation for the more severe surgery to treat the mutation 🤞
Just wanted to say I'm really sorry that that subreddit exists, must be really tough. Glad you manage to ignore it for the most part and that it hasn't stopped you making your sex ed content, as that's so valuable
I immediately thought of the parents in Easy A!! As you building it up, was thinking "I only feel this way about two fictional parents and it better be them" GREAT pick 😂
I'm the same, on the opposite side. I always knew I never wanted to get married, get pregnant or have kids. No weird traumas. No parental shenanigans. I just don't want to. I'm 31 this year and I've known since I was 16. Because millennials are poor, most of my friends are only recently getting married/having children and I feel happy for them but there is genuinely no envy. I don't want that life. And I am happy and content with mine.
I have known since I was around 12 that I do not want kids. I have been periodically checking in with my parents since I started high school that I don’t plan to have kids and fortunately my parents are very supportive.
I knew my entire life I wanted to have kids. I tried for 4 years (including 1 year of fertility treatments) to have my first and then got pregnant with my second after trying for almost a year. I now have a 5 year old and 2.5 year old. I adore them. They are wonderful, funny, beautiful, sweet, amazing kiddos. I also have had MANY moments, days, weeks where I have regretted having kids. Being a parent is truly the toughest job. (I also had the worst depression of my life after having my second and am lucky to still be here.) I've regretted them less as they've gotten old enough to play together, learn more, have conversations (at least my oldest), etc, but it's still there sometimes and I hate that it is. Ultimately, I'd do anything for my kids, but I also miss who I was before them. While I've gained some of that person back and also developed new things about myeslf, I'm not sure there will ever be a time where I don't wonder if I should've stayed child free.
Some thoughts on raising children in a small home and making a smaller space work: I think in some cases there can even be a lot of benefits to opting for a smaller home (more money to spare, being able to afford to live in an area you like or that is good for kids etc.). You often just need to plan the space well and keep belongings to a minimum, perhaps doing regular declutters and so on. However, I find some people react badly to this, like you are doing the child a disservice by raising them in a small home. I think as long as everyone has the privacy they need and aren't bothered by the closeness of it (I appreciate it's not for everyone), you just get used to having less space, and plus it avoids you filling a house with clutter
I'm 30, and had a breast reduction done about 2 years ago that was covered by the government. All the other women in my family have also had breast reductions and everyone agrees, it is LIFE CHANGING!!! If you've been considering it I'd highly recommend. That said, if you're planning on having more kids and want to breastfeed, I'd wait since the surgery can impact you ability to breast feed. There was some pain during the recovery on the first day but afterwards I was fine and didn't need painkillers. The scars are still there but faded. I'm sure if I'd been more consistent with using silicone scar healing sheets it would've helped minimize them more but they don't really bother me. Personally, it's was more of a journey for post recovery because of the mixed emotions that came with having a very different looking body.
I can only concur. My mother (41 at the time) and one of my best friends (who's also petite with formerly big breasts) did the surgery here in France. Life-changing for them too. The way they feel, how they see their body and also how they dress, just overall one of the best decisions they have ever taken. 20+ years later, my mum sometimes still talks about it and how it affected her life. She barely has any scars left, also :)
YESS, THE BIG SISTER SWAP CROP TOP™. Re: Deciding whether to have kids The idea of having kids always made me anxious; whenever people would joke about it in school like it was a given, I remember thinking something like, "Do I have to?!" The deciding two factors for me were my chronic mental illness and getting hands-on experience with taking care of kids. Maintaining my own mental well-being is difficult enough without also being responsible for the life of another human, so I'm quite content with being child-free if that means having a happy brain. I also realized after a summer of being a camp counselor that the hard parts of looking after kids outweighed the good parts for me, so I think the question about considering whether you'll regret having/not having kids is a really great one! Another important point of reflection is asking yourself whether you want kids because you want them, or if you feel like you're obligated to have them because society says that you HAVE to in order for your life to have meaning (especially for women). Kids can make life wonderful and fulfilling, and life can also be as equally wonderful and fulfilling without them!
Your feelings about youtube being a choice vs something you're trapped in makes so much sense! I recently felt the same about education, and so in between my bachelor and masters I decided to take time off, and not call it a gap year, just to not put any pressure on myself. Doing something else had to be a viable option, in order for me to possibly enjoy university again, so I didn't just feel trapped.
I thought I didn't want kids, but then I met the person who is now my spouse. When I envisioned our future together, I knew I wanted kids in that future. I don't know if I would want to be a single parent, or if I would have wanted to parent with many of my ex-partners, but I got a lot of clarity once I was in the relationship I knew I wanted to be in for the rest of my life. I think it's valid to make this decision based on what you want your life to look like with the person you're with. If you're happy in your relationship, and kids feels right with that person, even if it wasn't something you were sure about before, I think that's reasonable.
Me too! I’ve always been on the fence about having kids but my partner really wants children, and when I envision our future together, I can picture us having children and enjoying being parents together :)
Reminds me of when wonderful Simone Giertz had her brain tumor, she organised ride shares with different friends to every appointment, so no one would be over-burdened but she didn't have to be alone. She said in the end that was one of the most beautiful things, all those people coming together to help, and seeing them more often than she usually did
I don't want to have kids, and have been told time and again "what if you regret it when you're old" and I'd rather regret not having kids than regret having them, because the first only affects me (and possibly a partner, who is also a consenting adult) whereas the latter would also affect the child, who has had no say in that.
I always knew I wanted to have kids some day. What I found exciting about it was the prospect of sharing your experiences with a new human, raising a good person and caring for someone other than myself and my circle of family and friends. Now that my baby is 1 month old (planned and wanted), I am most surprised about how quickly you begin to love them. Typically, it takes a while to start loving a new person in your life. But with a baby, it's was a matter of a few days. And I loved that feeling! Isn't it wonderful to let one more person into your heart almost instantly?
RE: kids decision For my partner and I, we both felt strongly we wanted kids - we just didn't know when. Back in 2019, we got engaged and sat down to discuss finances and our future. We decided our main priority was a home (we were in a small rented apartment at the time), then kids, then a wedding. We started looking for homes - but then 2020 happened. Home prices started to skyrocket in January 2020 in our area. So we made the choice to put house hunting on hold. Then, in February 2020 I became unexpectedly pregnant. We sat down and had a pros and cons discussion, decluttered a ton of items, and made room for a baby in our apartment. Then, we both lost our jobs by the end of April 2020. Fast forward a few years. We now live in my mom's house (she moved in with her boyfriend). We have 2 kids now - had the second at the beginning of this year. All in all - we don't regret our decision to have our first child. Everything did work out. But we were extremely privileged to have savings to get us through till I was on maternity leave (again, another very privileged place), then my partner got a good stable job right before our first was born. I strongly believe everyone should have a choice. I'm also a huge believer in pro/con lists. Even if it's something small that seems silly, so much goes into the decision to become a parent. Having a bit of an idea on how your life would change helps to decide on timing and if you even want to be a parent! Also - support system! Boundaries! Both super important things that you should think about a bit when thinking about becoming a parent. Not everything needs to be set in stone, but it's much less overwhelming to think about before you're extremely sleep deprived 😅
As a fellow petite larger-breasted person: I feel for you, especially on the clothing and expensive bra front. Bravissimo has been a life saver and I've more recently learnt how to shop for cheaper bras on brastop because they have sales all the time. All that said, I've decided (for now) that I won't be pursuing a reduction. I haven't had many back/shoulder/neck issues although I've been recently spending time sitting braless with the posture of a prawn, so I can imagine the weight on my back and the resulting discomfort from being in those positions for hours. I have decided to try strength training to make my body more resilient on those fronts. I've also not had children and I'm young, which factors into my decision. As much as it sucks on the clothes accessibilty front, I don't think my body is the problem and think that clothes should adapt to people, not the other way round, but will also *never* look down on anyone considering that aspect either. Just thought I'd share something different to everyone else x
Regarding the question about having children or not, Leena Norms filmed a video a couple of months ago about books talking about mothers. And a few of those were specifically talking about this exact topic. Definitely worth a look!!
Currently pregnant. I've never been someone seeing myself having kids, I know I can be happy with or without them. As a teacher, I get a lot of joy beeing around teenagers and what convinced me was that the type of experience I would get with having kids that isn't possible without having them (seeing a kid explore, loving it's parents and seeing my partner become a parent too etc) On the contrary, I can still travel, go to music festivals, go have a swim in the sea etc WITH kids. I totally get what you say about knowing the other options out there to be able to appreciate your job. That's what I needed to do last year as I got burned out.
What you said at the end makes total sense to me. I'm a disabled author and I feel the exact same thing, like I'm basically trapped in my dream job. It's a constant worry because it's very unstable (much like TH-cam) and I have no idea what else I could do because I barely manage to write books with everything I have going on. I can imagine I'd feel so much better and more able to enjoy it if I felt I had a safety net, too.
the having kids convo Hannah talks about is no joke. I have this convo with my partner every 6 months or so, just to make sure we're still on the same page, and this last time I talked about how I never wanted to go back on birth control, but also that I wasn't sure if I wanted to get pregnant in my late 40s/early 50s before menopause hit (I'm 42 now, never been pregnant before), I don't think our fertility issues are on my end since I've had a good health check from my GP and obgyn recently, and I asked my partner if he wanted to go get checked to see if our problem was on his end and he admitted to me he was scared of finding out if he was sterile or not, but for me it would help because then that would let me know if I needed to go back on birth control. Originally our plan was that we would just let things happen naturally if we got pregnant yay, if not yay, but as I get older I really really don't know if I wanna be an old mom, my partner is 8 years younger than me so I told him that if hell froze over and I got pregnant at 50 that he'd have to step up and really take over a lot of things because I have no idea how my body is gonna handle it, and he said ok, we also talked about how chromosomal abnormalities get higher the older I get, and what would we do if the fetus had like down syndrome or something along those lines, and I don't think given out financial state that it would be correct to abort a fetus like that, and luckily we're in a country where there is a lot of support and less stigma for down syndrome children/adults compared to other European countries. Anyways, like what Hannah said, both partners really need to have serious blunt talks about kids to make sure they're on the same page about it.
Hannah! Echoing what other people say in the comments - I got a breast lift 2 years ago (which mimics a reduction with the same anchor shaped scarring and some removal of skin/fat) and it was honestly a VERY easy recovery. I was so surprised at how quickly I felt back to normal. I also only had to use the prescribed pain killers for 1 or 2 days and then switched to the occasional Advil. It is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I feel great about myself and feel like I look much more proportional. Also weirdly enough, I GAINED heightened sensation in my nipples. So numbness isn’t always a thing
I got a breast reduction last year. You are very very right about it being major surgery. I was thinking about it and waiting for it to happen for 2 years, and to be honest, after going throught it, I hope somebody would had talked to me more about the mental impact it would have on me. I always heard people talk about the physical recovery, and the scars, but mentally it was very hard - for me personally, not everyone feels this way - to look at this new person and accept who I was. Still, best decision of my life and I will encourage anyone to look into it if they really want it.
The parents question - anyone remember My Parents are Aliens!? They somehow end up fostering kids, and the kids teach the how to be human? I LOVED that series 😂❤
The piccalio foldable learning tower is amazing for small apartments! Also I had a breast reduction, and it was a game changer! Recovery was a rough two weeks, and six weeks total of no heavy lifting. I felt IMMEDIATE RELIEF. Went from a 34 GG to a 34 D. After having one baby I'm up to a 36 DD. Would fully recommend!
(Context: I'm on the childfree-by-choice train.) My philosophy is that if you're not sure that you want kids, then you should just not have them. People always say, "But what if you change your mind/regret it later?" But I'm like, What if you have kids and regret THAT choice? People do. And that would be worse to me, because now there's another human that you're responsible for providing for and you probably love them and feel guilty for wishing you could go back and take the other path. Whereas if you later wish you had had kids, well, there are still ways to "parent" even if you don't have biological kids. You can adopt, of course, but you could also find ways to be involved in the lives of other kids and be a positive impact in their life. I don't know, I just think, neither choice can be taken back and both could be something you regret later, so I'd rather go with the one where the regret would sting less.
Be excited about a bigger fridge and magnetic doors, Hannah, household electronics are a big deal and can give much joy in day-to-day life for a long time! When my washing machine broke, I researched so much about all the different details those things have until I found the one I wanted, that fit our washing needs. It took (cough) 2 months (cough) and my room mate and me had to go to a public laundry place for that time. But boy oh boy do I love my new washing machine! I talked much about all the little details I love (e.g. perfect size for my amount of laundry, an extra function to reduce washing time two times, one for half load and one for only slightly dirty clothes, a handwash program, etc), until my friends told me it's boring. 😆
We have both a Samsung 2-door inverter fridge/freezer and Samsung inverter frontload washer and dryer and they are amazing! Looking at them they look very posh and theyre massive, but weirdly not all that expensive. And the electricity use is reasonable too given thay theyre inverters.
I’ve had 2 breast reductions (2nd because I wanted to go even smaller) best thing I ever did, it changes your life in ways you don’t even think of. Also the whole recovery is really not that bad 😊
Children never felt like something that would fill a void in my life, like it never felt like it would give me any added value in my life. So that's how I knew that being a parent wasn't in my cards basically
There's a little bit of my brain that wonders if Ro will (briefly!) end up with the misconception that women poo via a stoma and men poo the traditional way - interpreting things when you're very small is hard lmao
Yep 😅 So my younger brother was born via a c-section 'surgery'. In my kid brain, surgery = new baby 🎉 I still remember my disappointment when I was anticipating a new baby when my aunt had a wrist surgery but there was none 😅
Got a breast reduction a few years after i finished breastfeeding my daughter. The scars are visible if you look carefully, but I still can't recommend it enough! No more sore back, no more sore shoulders, i don't need to wear a bra if I don't want to and no more annoying between boob sweat! I went from a 28H to 28D. (When breastfeeding I was a J cup)I was sore for a few weeks but I didn't need any painkillers after the first few days. My only advice would be to research the risks and also research your surgeon.
OK I have some insight that I hope helps but I have also had multiple surgeries and I got a breast reduction a few years ago and I can honestly tell you that the breast reduction was my easiest surgery and that includes an allergic reaction that I had to the tape that was terrible, but still that surgery was more manageable than others. The one downside that might affect things for you is the loss of feeling for me. It’s not that big of a deal. I still enjoy intimacy, but it does impact it a little. I do not regret it. There was a little bit of dysmorphia afterwards, but it dissipates.
As someone who unexpectedly struggled with fertility i am SO glad i didnt wait to have kids! I also had the "when rather than if"-situation like you, and for people in similar situations i recommend getting a fertility check if you can afford it, it will inform your choice and maybe help you decide on timing
That video was so genuine and interesting. I am really getting at that age that i feel the societal pressure on the "have kids" part. But i always knew i didnt want kids (even as a kid but just as in why do people do it kind of way, no specific trauma). I do however consider having a supporting role in some kids or teenagers around. Im a sex educator, worked on partner violence etc. And i know friends or family who happily turn to me for advice or interaction about those topics. Now some teens around me are starting to also. I do think that when the people near me will have kids, they will ask some support. In this way or another, i will be happy to provide the support that i can. In french we say you need a village to raise a kid (maybe in english too). Well some people in that village need to be rested and child free i guess. But yes, no kid for me
I've never wanted kids, I had to fight for 7 years for the NHS to get sterilised. I've known since I was 15, and I never wanted kids. I finally got sterilised at 32, after many doctors laughing at me, telling me I would regret it. Now im 36, and it's still the best decision i ever made. X
@fox_6174 keep fighting, I saw so many doctors at my local gp, i did find female doctors were more understanding (but depending on their age unfortunately) as I had one female gp say why can't your fiance have it done? And do you know ow it's permanent lol to which I replied cause what happens if we split up and meets someone else and wants kids, but I know I don't want them or to ever be pregnant. X
The kids question is really interesting because I turned 27 this year and do not feel ready at all (I have only just started working after a looooong Uni degree, no partner, do not think I can handle the stress of a child, etc etc etc). Then I stumbled across 30s TikTok where women report on how happy they are they waited until they were in their mid-30s and now I feel so much better somehow. I have time. I do not have to decide anything right now. And last week, a colleague of mine said that she will embrace motherhood if it happens accidentally but will not regret it if it never happens. Might be a path for me as well.
@@morehannahin the US I have a 30 year fixed rate mortgage, so the 2.3% interest rate will stay the same for the whole term of the loan. Wild that it changes so much in the UK!
yeah here in the U.S. there's none of this business of housing "chains" like i have heard you, lucy moon, and theannaedit mention in videos about UK real estate, so wild
@@Breakfastwitch I was so surprised when she said that.. It seems so weird to me. I work in title insurance in the US and I have a 20 year fixed 3% so it seems so bizarre that theirs changes every 5ish years
My mother has had an ileostomy since way before I was born and for me it was the most normal thing in the world. My mother never tried to hide it, and luckily also didn't care about the fact that as a young child, I would tell people that my mother poops in a bag that hangs on her belly 😂
Word of advice of the chest freezer - don’t get rid of it. Even with a new fridge-freezer, it still won’t have the space of the chest freezer. Especially as kids gets older, you will need that freezer space.
In terms of feeling better about working in TH-cam because you know you have a viable way of quitting if you want to, it's kind of like how people don't mind or notice the windchimes in their own garden because they know that they can stop them any time they want whereas the same windchime would drive them crazy if it is in the garden next door.
my younger sibling had a breast reduction this year (its the only surgery shes ever had) and besides being somewhat limited in movement for a while and having very little energy and some pain for the first few days, everything has been wonderful for her and shes MUCH happier and has much less pain and discomfort (like H cup to D cup so it was a significant change)
I'm not a parent now and in my teens/early 20s, I had very little interest in being one. I said that *if* I became a parent, I wanted to adopt (because of over population and personal fears about pregnancy). In the last 5 years or so, it has become clear to me that I really do want to be a parent--either through adoption, fostering, or biological. Parenting to me is the process of loving, supporting, and teaching a human, giving them the tools they will need to adapt to any possible scenario life will throw at them. Kindness, communication, and flexibility would be the big things I'd want them to learn and none of those need my DNA to be passed on. There are a few more things I would like to experience before I can be fully invested in my little ones, but I'm so excited to meet them. Your 10 year question about parenting was a really good one and I realized I do want to have a family already with me by 2033.
if you don't have the certainty knowledge that you want to become a parent and you start questioning if you want to, having any answer different than a "HELL YEAH!!!" is a *NO*. If you are concerned about regretting in the future not having kids vs had having them, please always choose "regretting not having them".
There is a book called Regretting Motherhood that is really interesting. It’s a sociological study. I think way more people especially mothers or default parents would regret having children than could admit to it. It is one of the few life decisions that is completely irreversible. And in western culture it is a massive responsibility and load that is unfairly put on the parents in general, and on the mother or default parent specifically massively. I don’t regret it but I hate the circumstances in which it has to happen.
This is a thing I always say. People ask, "What if you later regret not having kids?" And I say, "What if you later regret having them?" That would be a lot worse to me. People act like that's not possible, because *of course* you'll love your kids, but even when you love your kids, it's still possible to regret not taking a different path.
I will be 35 in a few months and my husband is 38. We've been together 12 years and have decided to be childfree. We always thought we'd have kids at the start of our relationship but then quickly realised that we thought we wanted them because society thinks we should. Every 6 months or so, we sit down and have a serious conversation and ask the question as to whether we are both still happy in that decision. I'm so fortunate that we are on the same page. I would love to see you collaborate with childfree people for a few videos as the content and support out there is lacking.
I was on the fence and now have a gorgeous planned 5month girl! Advice for being on the fence to discuss with your partner: 1. Think about the children that are in your life - are you grateful for the gap between you or do you find yourself curious about what it would be like to be the parent or simply know the child better like their parent does? 2. Imagine your life 10-30yrs in the future. What does it look like without children? What do you do with your time? Are you still in touch with your family? 3. Will your friends have children or are they also childfree? Is it important to you to share traditions/culture (typically shaped by family holidays!) How would you go about that if you don't have children? 4. What does your "village" look like? Do you have support, what sort of life can you provide your child? 5. How will you manage if your child is high needs? 6. Are you currently able to make sacrifices for people you love? When you have a child, yes you have to make sacrifices, but you also usually love and care about them and they don't always feel like a sacrifice and instead it feels like something you WANT to do for them. Like when you WANT to buy your friend dinner or you WANT to give up your fun evening plans to help your sister get thru a hard time. These are all the questions I asked myself and ultimately I didn't like how my life looked when I'm 40+yrs with no children of my own.
I also think it’s important to think about your life at all the kid’s stages! What will your life be like with a newborn, a toddler, a kid, a preteen, a teen, as an empty nester, etc.
@@eliontheinternet3298 I disagree with this. While it's absolutely worth thinking about, each stage is so temporary and unpredictable that I feel it's too high detail to be worth informing the decision. If you didn't feel comfortable with being a parent to teenagers but want the rest, they won't be teenagers forever and parenthood shouldn't be expected to be effortless or always enjoyable. Like having a job you love, there will still be crappy or boring repetitive parts!
Eurgh re the subreddit. Well done for staying away and sorry it’s grim. Also I’m not someone who’s super ‘Mumsy’ (which I actually think is really sweet but just not me!) but I know I really want grandchildren 😂 and I want ‘a family’ that is more than my husband and I. Our journey has been one where I have so far have lost two children to miscarriage (mentioning here not to evoke sympathy but be honest and help other women who have experienced this feel less alone) and so I’m keen to be in the family wagon and have adventures together in the future when there is more of us but that it might be more of a rocky journey than one imagines. Thanks for the chill vid and hope you enjoy this chapter of content creation 💛
I’m also from Manchester, and I although I don’t have a super strong accent, it’s definitely stronger than yours! I found when I was at uni, I had the same “awe” towards Londoners, but I also found a lot of people have the same “awe” about being born and raised in Manchester, especially people who grew up in the countryside. I now live in Australia now and it’s weirds me out to think that my kids will be Australians with Australian accents. Weird!
Regarding the toddler tower, we got one at about 15-16 months and honestly the best thing we brought. Also have a relatively small space and we got one that folds, so we can put it away in the evening(found on Amazon). Although actually never really fold it away!
Hi Hannah. I man and a big fan of yours and I want to say I am so sorry that you have to deal with man who do not respect you the way you should be. If men find you attractive they should be respectful and not inappropriate. I believe if they have nothing nice or respectful to say they should keep it to themselves. Being a man I understand why they find you attractive but there is no reason to be disrespectful. You deserve better as do other women. Again truly sorry for the disrespect and hope you continue to do what you do.
My decision on kids has never been difficult but when the time came but us to do IVF I had to decide how I really felt. It might sound simple but I thought, in 10 years, when I’m 40 and it’s Christmas or thanksgiving or a Sunday morning, what do I want those days to look like? Do I want to be surrounded by noise and kids? Do I want a chill and a more adult centered day? I chose the noise and kids because that made my heart happiest to imagine. And we went for it. Baby boy is 16 months and it’s hard but I love every day.
Before I went on my current medication (which was like 9½-10 years ago) I was thinking of looking into getting breast reduction because of the weight messing with my back. But, because of a bit of luck with side effect from medication, I don't feel the need for that now. They are still heavy, but at a manageable size now... So I do understand the want for reducing size. Because having a small band size (I need the band to be a size 30) and large cups is still a problem for me. Even though it's now at least possible to find ones that fit. rather than having to have custom made, which ironically is why I know how to make bras.
joining on the favourite fictional parents: mine are phil and clare from modern family as for me they are the most realistic parenting! mixture of strict and friendly while still balancing work, family and life!
I felt the exact opposite re kids in that I've always known I didn't want kids: I did volunteering at an after school kids club for my Bronze DofE when I was 14 and after a few weeks with mostly 5-8 year olds, I was convinced kids weren't for me: I just didn't enjoy being around them & couldn't picture myself with kids of my own. Add into that a general dislike of the idea of pregnancy and birth, and not wanting to make sacrifices in my career/independence for a kid and I've just become more convinced as I've got older that kids aren't for me. As for the whole north/south thing, my parents are both northern, me and my sister grew up in Cambridge so they have lots of fun ribbing on us for the way we say certain words!
Tbh I feel like animation has really set the bar for fictional adults. One set of parents that come to mind for a really realistic potrayal of parents is Mitchell's vs the Machines. It's such a good watch I highly highly recommend
omg, i haven't watched your videos in a while (sorry for that) and i was just curious about this one and i was soooooo happy when i guessed your media hero parents correctly because i think the absolute same. i adore them in Easy A so much and love the film in general and aaahhhh now i really want to watch it again. it was a little moment of magic to have guessed your choice (which is a very good choice, i totally see you being like them :)). best of luck with everything for you & your family!
That is a *really* lovely top. My parents were a long a/short a mix, and I got the short a (although also grew up near Manchester, so it was all around me). I don't know who my favourite fictional parents are, now I'm going to have to think about it a lot. It's interesting because I was also a 'it's not an if, it's a when' question so some people have asked me and I'm like... I just knew. So did my spouse. Although currently I'm drawing a lot of comfort from your past videos of it taking a bit longer than you wanted. Your thing about being happier now you know you can leave kind of describes my dad now that he's semi-retired. He's doing LOADS more work (his work is based in aviation, not a pilot but imagine that sort of schedule), he kept saying before he semi-retired that he was going to stop and that he hated having lots of trips. But now he can actively choose not to do those trips... I lose track of where he is 😂
My partner and I are still not entirely decided on having biological children. What I personally struggle with as the uterus owner is how much it demands of me. How much it’s asking of my body, of my time, or the impact on my career (obviously it shouldn’t but let be real). It’s a tricky one really, we’ve decided that we’ll revisit the question when it’s time for my coil to come out and go from there.
I am non-binary and getting a "radical reduction" in a year or so - from K cups to A, I'm very nervous but also excited about getting rid of these bowling balls 😅
I'm non-binary with something around E cups. Did you tell your doctors that the reduction was also going to be for dysphoria related reasons, or did you just tell them you wanted it for back-pain typical cis reasons? It's something I really want to do but don't know the best way to go about it.
@@FennellBurge This is for gender affirming care! It's covered for me because I'm Canadian, luckily. I grew up in the US/immigrated here later in adulthood and so I never thought it would really be possible because of insurance/cost prohibitive reasons. Where are you located?
@@ulytia I'm in the UK, so I think if I jumped through all the hoops I could probably get it free as gender affirming care, but I'm a bit hesitant to come out to the healthcare system because of the potential for discrimination.
@@FennellBurge I understand, we have been seeing what is going on in the UK from Canada - my wife grew up in Yorkshire and is trans as well. It's positively tragic. The state I grew up in (TX) is also a nightmare for us right now. I do follow some trans UK folks, maybe a fellow UK enby would be able to give you some direction? Good luck ♥♥♥
i guess i haven't been watching for that long because I don't remember you being drunk being a common part of your online persona, but it feels like i've been watching you for a long time
Please don’t have children if you aren’t sure. And please do at least some of the work on yourself first. Children don’t exist to fix your marriage or give you a purpose. There are also loads of kids without homes already and I deeply wish we would at least give fostering or adoption equal consideration. ❤
14:06 I don't want to have kids and I really think it should be about wheter you want, like actually want it. Like do you feel excited about a life with kids? Or in my case do you feel excited about a life withiut kids?
tier ranking fictional parents in films should totally be a video!
Oh yes
Maybe together with Dan? 😀
yesssss!
Morticia and Gomez 🖤
Cinema Therapy did it with Pixar parents!
I'll never forget sitting around with a bunch of uni friends when the discussion of kids came up. All the boys were like 'yeah, absolutely!" on the question of whether they wanted kids. Until, that is, one of the girls asked whether they still wanted kids if they had to be the primary caregiver. I've never seen so many men look so dumbstruck at the same time. The point is that if someone (no matter their gender) is only interested in having kids if they don't have to take the most active role in looking after them, is that really someone you want to have kids with? Life is uncertain and you never know what could happen. For example, my own Dad lost his job in 2008 and became a stay at home dad for nearly a year. If someone isn't ready to be a hands-on parent, maybe it isn't for them?
ugh 100% agree and I find it so frustrating that so many men think being hands off is what normal parenting is as a dad! :(
Personally I am on Team “Choosing to become a parent should be like consent, an enthusiastic yes free of coercion, shame and/or guilt”
I wish I could upvote this comment a million times over. PREACH. 🙌
Absolutely agreed. Especially as someone who gets some flak over my wife and I's current choice not to have kids. Not from immediate family (or my current church), but I've had a handful of coworkers (mostly conservative Catholic) really dig into me over that. Not just asking out of benevolent curiosity (which also happens and is fine).
Usually the argument is "you'd be a great dad compared to many". But even if that was true (an argument could be made both ways), I'm not one to let the inability of others dictate my choices. Feels like arguing that shoplifting is OK because people commit murder all the time.
That said, not to get overly religious, but God's will is God's will. If God so willed us to have a kid (not directly our choice), we'd love them dearly. And that's OUR choice as a couple. But, as it stands today, our preference is no kids. And that too is OUR earthly choice.
❤ I’m adding this to my list when people ask us why. “It’s not an enthusiastic yes.”
R.e. having kids - I've always said that if you're not excited by the prospect of having kids, or you're not thinking 'I definitely want a child', you should wait until you *do* feel like that, or not have kids at all. Children shouldnt feel like something you are obligated to have bc of social pressure/next stage of relationship/future retirement plans. If you have a happy and content life without them, they're not a neccessity! Personally I feel much more excited about the prospect of a DINK lifestyle and adults-only holidays and more money over having a child in the household
I was 6 years old when my dad had an ileostomy. I used to sit in the bathroom and chat with him while he changed his stoma bag. Which he usually did with the door open. To me everything about my dads stoma was perfectly natural.q But we did avoid using the bathroom for a while after he'd emptied his stoma bag. There was a bit of a stink...
When my dad started showing symptoms of dementia and as a consequence lost his ability to handle stoma bag changes I was able to help him for a few days until we could get caretakers in to do it for him. I mostly remembered how to do it just from spending that time watching my dad when I was a child. I never felt any hesitation about helping him. All thanks to my dad making the whole thing so natural to me as a child.
Honestly having a breast reduction is a lot less big and scary and serious than you think. I was literally shaking, sobbing and nearly backed out while being wheeled in for mine. Now I know better I'd do it again in a heartbeat
i was going to say the exact same thing!
I was going to say something similar! I'm 6 weeks post surgery, was uncontrollably shaking on the way down, was discharged the next day. The first couple of weeks are difficult and can be frustrating but apart from being limited in exercising, I'm pretty much back to normal activity. Honestly the next day the canula bothered me way more than my boobs. Getting used to how I look emotionally has taken a bit of time, but I knew for me it would, and I'm getting there, but physically I'm so impressed with how smooth recovery has been.
Agreed! Recovery was hard and painful, but not as painful as I had worried/expected. 10/10 experience, would do again
One of the best things I ever did. Mine was a day care surgery, I’m allergic to most painkillers so I managed with Tylenol, Ibuprofen and arnica drops. Very doable and I’m so happy with my smaller boobs!
As someone who had a breast reduction when I was 19 covered by the government, I highly recommended it. I'm 1,57 meters and it was the best thing I ever did for my back and neck. Recovery was totally fine and I didn't need much painkillers either.
I'm 30 now, and I think my quality of life would have been very different without it. I don't care about the scars at all, they're not visible in swimwear and I barely think of them
( i recommend showing pictures of what size you want and not talking in cups, as that's a bit harder to convey)
this is something I've been debating myself haha
turning 18 and get to do genetic testing and if the genetic testing comes back bad I can get a double mastectomy & reconstruction covered by gov in my country and my chest is big to the point I can not find tops that fit me without falling off of my shoulders + I'm disabled so the backpain is amplified tenfold (and it'll help treat the genetic issue) so it's so incredibly good to hear that someone else at my age range has done so and didn't regret it at all in the past
I have been wanting to get breast reduction since I was 18 and I finally got it this year at 28 after ten years of going back and forth and agonising over it. I live in France where I had partial social security coverage and it cost me 600€ in leftover fees, but I chose a private surgeon (and got to pick my surgeon rather than be assigned one by the NHS like it can be in the UK).
I would 100% recommend it, it absolutely changed my life. Like most people who've had it, it has increased my quality of life so much and the 2-3 weeks of feeling uncomfortable (I didn't even have much pain, I'd say most discomfort came from the post-op comrpessive bra being very tight and not being able to shower properly for a few days) have been very, very worth it compared to the comfort I feel now. I haven't worn a bra since getting cleared to stop wearing the compression bra and I don't pay attention to the scars at all.
I can't say what this would mean for someone who cares about still having somewhat large breasts post-reduction (I asked for as small as possible) or who cares about breastfeeding, but to me it was completely worth it and I have no regrets, except maybe not doing it earlier.
@@thoranorak5226 I don't plan to have children and definitely want a more reasonable size than a 12G so right now I'm definitely leaning towards doing it even though it'll likely take me 2-3x as long to recover as my immune system is non existent.
Unfortunately I can only get it for free if I test positive for brca1 which my mum has which means if I choose to get it done (I have around a 50% chance of testing positive but I also have some symptoms that lean towards the side of likely being positive) it'll be essentially cutting out all natural breast tissue - including potentially nipples - and then using implants so it might get a bit complicated later on but the toll this takes on my day to day is huge as I have what I think in french sizing is a 90i cup so I'm almost hopeful in a way that the gene mutation will come back positive because a normal reduction here is the equivalent of our current mortgage and not at all attainable in the next couple decades 😅
@@jams1113 maybe you could look into traveling for it to do it privately? In norway it's no where near a mortgage out of pocket. But I don't know what your situation is of course. 😊
@@SamarkandChan can't travel due to health risks sadly so for now I am stuck relying on a genetic mutation for the more severe surgery to treat the mutation 🤞
Just wanted to say I'm really sorry that that subreddit exists, must be really tough. Glad you manage to ignore it for the most part and that it hasn't stopped you making your sex ed content, as that's so valuable
The subreddit has been banned by Reddit 💪
ya it looks like its gone
@@karlijns172 Probably got reported by a bunch of actual fans. :)
I immediately thought of the parents in Easy A!! As you building it up, was thinking "I only feel this way about two fictional parents and it better be them" GREAT pick 😂
Same, I immediately thought of Easy A when Hannah said they're only in a couple of scenes but they steal the show
I'm the same, on the opposite side. I always knew I never wanted to get married, get pregnant or have kids. No weird traumas. No parental shenanigans. I just don't want to. I'm 31 this year and I've known since I was 16. Because millennials are poor, most of my friends are only recently getting married/having children and I feel happy for them but there is genuinely no envy. I don't want that life. And I am happy and content with mine.
I have known since I was around 12 that I do not want kids. I have been periodically checking in with my parents since I started high school that I don’t plan to have kids and fortunately my parents are very supportive.
I knew my entire life I wanted to have kids. I tried for 4 years (including 1 year of fertility treatments) to have my first and then got pregnant with my second after trying for almost a year. I now have a 5 year old and 2.5 year old. I adore them. They are wonderful, funny, beautiful, sweet, amazing kiddos. I also have had MANY moments, days, weeks where I have regretted having kids. Being a parent is truly the toughest job. (I also had the worst depression of my life after having my second and am lucky to still be here.) I've regretted them less as they've gotten old enough to play together, learn more, have conversations (at least my oldest), etc, but it's still there sometimes and I hate that it is. Ultimately, I'd do anything for my kids, but I also miss who I was before them. While I've gained some of that person back and also developed new things about myeslf, I'm not sure there will ever be a time where I don't wonder if I should've stayed child free.
Really appreciate you saying this
Some thoughts on raising children in a small home and making a smaller space work: I think in some cases there can even be a lot of benefits to opting for a smaller home (more money to spare, being able to afford to live in an area you like or that is good for kids etc.). You often just need to plan the space well and keep belongings to a minimum, perhaps doing regular declutters and so on. However, I find some people react badly to this, like you are doing the child a disservice by raising them in a small home. I think as long as everyone has the privacy they need and aren't bothered by the closeness of it (I appreciate it's not for everyone), you just get used to having less space, and plus it avoids you filling a house with clutter
love this perspective and yeah sometimes the area you live in is more important than the building itself!
I'm 30, and had a breast reduction done about 2 years ago that was covered by the government. All the other women in my family have also had breast reductions and everyone agrees, it is LIFE CHANGING!!! If you've been considering it I'd highly recommend. That said, if you're planning on having more kids and want to breastfeed, I'd wait since the surgery can impact you ability to breast feed. There was some pain during the recovery on the first day but afterwards I was fine and didn't need painkillers. The scars are still there but faded. I'm sure if I'd been more consistent with using silicone scar healing sheets it would've helped minimize them more but they don't really bother me. Personally, it's was more of a journey for post recovery because of the mixed emotions that came with having a very different looking body.
I can only concur. My mother (41 at the time) and one of my best friends (who's also petite with formerly big breasts) did the surgery here in France. Life-changing for them too. The way they feel, how they see their body and also how they dress, just overall one of the best decisions they have ever taken. 20+ years later, my mum sometimes still talks about it and how it affected her life. She barely has any scars left, also :)
YESS, THE BIG SISTER SWAP CROP TOP™.
Re: Deciding whether to have kids
The idea of having kids always made me anxious; whenever people would joke about it in school like it was a given, I remember thinking something like, "Do I have to?!" The deciding two factors for me were my chronic mental illness and getting hands-on experience with taking care of kids. Maintaining my own mental well-being is difficult enough without also being responsible for the life of another human, so I'm quite content with being child-free if that means having a happy brain. I also realized after a summer of being a camp counselor that the hard parts of looking after kids outweighed the good parts for me, so I think the question about considering whether you'll regret having/not having kids is a really great one! Another important point of reflection is asking yourself whether you want kids because you want them, or if you feel like you're obligated to have them because society says that you HAVE to in order for your life to have meaning (especially for women). Kids can make life wonderful and fulfilling, and life can also be as equally wonderful and fulfilling without them!
Your feelings about youtube being a choice vs something you're trapped in makes so much sense! I recently felt the same about education, and so in between my bachelor and masters I decided to take time off, and not call it a gap year, just to not put any pressure on myself. Doing something else had to be a viable option, in order for me to possibly enjoy university again, so I didn't just feel trapped.
I thought I didn't want kids, but then I met the person who is now my spouse. When I envisioned our future together, I knew I wanted kids in that future. I don't know if I would want to be a single parent, or if I would have wanted to parent with many of my ex-partners, but I got a lot of clarity once I was in the relationship I knew I wanted to be in for the rest of my life. I think it's valid to make this decision based on what you want your life to look like with the person you're with. If you're happy in your relationship, and kids feels right with that person, even if it wasn't something you were sure about before, I think that's reasonable.
Me too! I’ve always been on the fence about having kids but my partner really wants children, and when I envision our future together, I can picture us having children and enjoying being parents together :)
Reminds me of when wonderful Simone Giertz had her brain tumor, she organised ride shares with different friends to every appointment, so no one would be over-burdened but she didn't have to be alone. She said in the end that was one of the most beautiful things, all those people coming together to help, and seeing them more often than she usually did
Hannah I love this new design for a Q&A ! It’s clean, clear and really beautiful to watch 😊
I don't want to have kids, and have been told time and again "what if you regret it when you're old" and I'd rather regret not having kids than regret having them, because the first only affects me (and possibly a partner, who is also a consenting adult) whereas the latter would also affect the child, who has had no say in that.
I always knew I wanted to have kids some day. What I found exciting about it was the prospect of sharing your experiences with a new human, raising a good person and caring for someone other than myself and my circle of family and friends.
Now that my baby is 1 month old (planned and wanted), I am most surprised about how quickly you begin to love them. Typically, it takes a while to start loving a new person in your life. But with a baby, it's was a matter of a few days. And I loved that feeling! Isn't it wonderful to let one more person into your heart almost instantly?
RE: kids decision
For my partner and I, we both felt strongly we wanted kids - we just didn't know when.
Back in 2019, we got engaged and sat down to discuss finances and our future. We decided our main priority was a home (we were in a small rented apartment at the time), then kids, then a wedding.
We started looking for homes - but then 2020 happened. Home prices started to skyrocket in January 2020 in our area. So we made the choice to put house hunting on hold. Then, in February 2020 I became unexpectedly pregnant. We sat down and had a pros and cons discussion, decluttered a ton of items, and made room for a baby in our apartment.
Then, we both lost our jobs by the end of April 2020.
Fast forward a few years. We now live in my mom's house (she moved in with her boyfriend). We have 2 kids now - had the second at the beginning of this year.
All in all - we don't regret our decision to have our first child. Everything did work out. But we were extremely privileged to have savings to get us through till I was on maternity leave (again, another very privileged place), then my partner got a good stable job right before our first was born.
I strongly believe everyone should have a choice. I'm also a huge believer in pro/con lists. Even if it's something small that seems silly, so much goes into the decision to become a parent. Having a bit of an idea on how your life would change helps to decide on timing and if you even want to be a parent!
Also - support system! Boundaries! Both super important things that you should think about a bit when thinking about becoming a parent. Not everything needs to be set in stone, but it's much less overwhelming to think about before you're extremely sleep deprived 😅
Wish your telling of your life story was a bit more boundaried
As a fellow petite larger-breasted person: I feel for you, especially on the clothing and expensive bra front. Bravissimo has been a life saver and I've more recently learnt how to shop for cheaper bras on brastop because they have sales all the time. All that said, I've decided (for now) that I won't be pursuing a reduction. I haven't had many back/shoulder/neck issues although I've been recently spending time sitting braless with the posture of a prawn, so I can imagine the weight on my back and the resulting discomfort from being in those positions for hours. I have decided to try strength training to make my body more resilient on those fronts. I've also not had children and I'm young, which factors into my decision. As much as it sucks on the clothes accessibilty front, I don't think my body is the problem and think that clothes should adapt to people, not the other way round, but will also *never* look down on anyone considering that aspect either. Just thought I'd share something different to everyone else x
I had breast reduction surgery and it is major surgery and recovery was painful for the first few weeks, but I have never regretted it.
I would absolutely be down to unionise and take over the subreddit
Regarding the question about having children or not, Leena Norms filmed a video a couple of months ago about books talking about mothers. And a few of those were specifically talking about this exact topic. Definitely worth a look!!
Currently pregnant. I've never been someone seeing myself having kids, I know I can be happy with or without them. As a teacher, I get a lot of joy beeing around teenagers and what convinced me was that the type of experience I would get with having kids that isn't possible without having them (seeing a kid explore, loving it's parents and seeing my partner become a parent too etc) On the contrary, I can still travel, go to music festivals, go have a swim in the sea etc WITH kids.
I totally get what you say about knowing the other options out there to be able to appreciate your job. That's what I needed to do last year as I got burned out.
What you said at the end makes total sense to me. I'm a disabled author and I feel the exact same thing, like I'm basically trapped in my dream job. It's a constant worry because it's very unstable (much like TH-cam) and I have no idea what else I could do because I barely manage to write books with everything I have going on. I can imagine I'd feel so much better and more able to enjoy it if I felt I had a safety net, too.
the having kids convo Hannah talks about is no joke. I have this convo with my partner every 6 months or so, just to make sure we're still on the same page, and this last time I talked about how I never wanted to go back on birth control, but also that I wasn't sure if I wanted to get pregnant in my late 40s/early 50s before menopause hit (I'm 42 now, never been pregnant before), I don't think our fertility issues are on my end since I've had a good health check from my GP and obgyn recently, and I asked my partner if he wanted to go get checked to see if our problem was on his end and he admitted to me he was scared of finding out if he was sterile or not, but for me it would help because then that would let me know if I needed to go back on birth control. Originally our plan was that we would just let things happen naturally if we got pregnant yay, if not yay, but as I get older I really really don't know if I wanna be an old mom, my partner is 8 years younger than me so I told him that if hell froze over and I got pregnant at 50 that he'd have to step up and really take over a lot of things because I have no idea how my body is gonna handle it, and he said ok, we also talked about how chromosomal abnormalities get higher the older I get, and what would we do if the fetus had like down syndrome or something along those lines, and I don't think given out financial state that it would be correct to abort a fetus like that, and luckily we're in a country where there is a lot of support and less stigma for down syndrome children/adults compared to other European countries. Anyways, like what Hannah said, both partners really need to have serious blunt talks about kids to make sure they're on the same page about it.
Hannah! Echoing what other people say in the comments - I got a breast lift 2 years ago (which mimics a reduction with the same anchor shaped scarring and some removal of skin/fat) and it was honestly a VERY easy recovery. I was so surprised at how quickly I felt back to normal. I also only had to use the prescribed pain killers for 1 or 2 days and then switched to the occasional Advil. It is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I feel great about myself and feel like I look much more proportional. Also weirdly enough, I GAINED heightened sensation in my nipples. So numbness isn’t always a thing
I got a breast reduction last year.
You are very very right about it being major surgery. I was thinking about it and waiting for it to happen for 2 years, and to be honest, after going throught it, I hope somebody would had talked to me more about the mental impact it would have on me. I always heard people talk about the physical recovery, and the scars, but mentally it was very hard - for me personally, not everyone feels this way - to look at this new person and accept who I was.
Still, best decision of my life and I will encourage anyone to look into it if they really want it.
The parents question - anyone remember My Parents are Aliens!? They somehow end up fostering kids, and the kids teach the how to be human? I LOVED that series 😂❤
omg yes I remember that show!
Omg I loved that show as a kid & I was desperate to live in their cool house (which I now recognise is a set lol)
The way I knew exactly that you would say the parents from Easy A and Otis' mum...because same!
Can't believe I was also thinking of the Easy A parents before you said!! Absolutely Iconic
The piccalio foldable learning tower is amazing for small apartments! Also I had a breast reduction, and it was a game changer! Recovery was a rough two weeks, and six weeks total of no heavy lifting. I felt IMMEDIATE RELIEF. Went from a 34 GG to a 34 D. After having one baby I'm up to a 36 DD. Would fully recommend!
(Context: I'm on the childfree-by-choice train.) My philosophy is that if you're not sure that you want kids, then you should just not have them. People always say, "But what if you change your mind/regret it later?" But I'm like, What if you have kids and regret THAT choice? People do. And that would be worse to me, because now there's another human that you're responsible for providing for and you probably love them and feel guilty for wishing you could go back and take the other path. Whereas if you later wish you had had kids, well, there are still ways to "parent" even if you don't have biological kids. You can adopt, of course, but you could also find ways to be involved in the lives of other kids and be a positive impact in their life. I don't know, I just think, neither choice can be taken back and both could be something you regret later, so I'd rather go with the one where the regret would sting less.
Be excited about a bigger fridge and magnetic doors, Hannah, household electronics are a big deal and can give much joy in day-to-day life for a long time!
When my washing machine broke, I researched so much about all the different details those things have until I found the one I wanted, that fit our washing needs. It took (cough) 2 months (cough) and my room mate and me had to go to a public laundry place for that time. But boy oh boy do I love my new washing machine! I talked much about all the little details I love (e.g. perfect size for my amount of laundry, an extra function to reduce washing time two times, one for half load and one for only slightly dirty clothes, a handwash program, etc), until my friends told me it's boring. 😆
We have both a Samsung 2-door inverter fridge/freezer and Samsung inverter frontload washer and dryer and they are amazing! Looking at them they look very posh and theyre massive, but weirdly not all that expensive. And the electricity use is reasonable too given thay theyre inverters.
I’ve had 2 breast reductions (2nd because I wanted to go even smaller) best thing I ever did, it changes your life in ways you don’t even think of. Also the whole recovery is really not that bad 😊
One day I’ll go get a second too!
Children never felt like something that would fill a void in my life, like it never felt like it would give me any added value in my life. So that's how I knew that being a parent wasn't in my cards basically
There's a little bit of my brain that wonders if Ro will (briefly!) end up with the misconception that women poo via a stoma and men poo the traditional way - interpreting things when you're very small is hard lmao
Yep 😅 So my younger brother was born via a c-section 'surgery'. In my kid brain, surgery = new baby 🎉 I still remember my disappointment when I was anticipating a new baby when my aunt had a wrist surgery but there was none 😅
@@noornoornoor23 my god can you imagine 😂 very glad for your aunt that she didn't need to wrangle an entire baby down her arm and put her wrist haha
hahaha omg yeah kid logic can be very funny
Got a breast reduction a few years after i finished breastfeeding my daughter. The scars are visible if you look carefully, but I still can't recommend it enough! No more sore back, no more sore shoulders, i don't need to wear a bra if I don't want to and no more annoying between boob sweat! I went from a 28H to 28D. (When breastfeeding I was a J cup)I was sore for a few weeks but I didn't need any painkillers after the first few days. My only advice would be to research the risks and also research your surgeon.
OK I have some insight that I hope helps but I have also had multiple surgeries and I got a breast reduction a few years ago and I can honestly tell you that the breast reduction was my easiest surgery and that includes an allergic reaction that I had to the tape that was terrible, but still that surgery was more manageable than others. The one downside that might affect things for you is the loss of feeling for me. It’s not that big of a deal. I still enjoy intimacy, but it does impact it a little. I do not regret it. There was a little bit of dysmorphia afterwards, but it dissipates.
As someone who unexpectedly struggled with fertility i am SO glad i didnt wait to have kids! I also had the "when rather than if"-situation like you, and for people in similar situations i recommend getting a fertility check if you can afford it, it will inform your choice and maybe help you decide on timing
Love seeing the top from a previous video make an appearance here! Looks great! ❤
That video was so genuine and interesting.
I am really getting at that age that i feel the societal pressure on the "have kids" part. But i always knew i didnt want kids (even as a kid but just as in why do people do it kind of way, no specific trauma). I do however consider having a supporting role in some kids or teenagers around. Im a sex educator, worked on partner violence etc. And i know friends or family who happily turn to me for advice or interaction about those topics. Now some teens around me are starting to also. I do think that when the people near me will have kids, they will ask some support. In this way or another, i will be happy to provide the support that i can. In french we say you need a village to raise a kid (maybe in english too). Well some people in that village need to be rested and child free i guess. But yes, no kid for me
I've never wanted kids, I had to fight for 7 years for the NHS to get sterilised. I've known since I was 15, and I never wanted kids. I finally got sterilised at 32, after many doctors laughing at me, telling me I would regret it. Now im 36, and it's still the best decision i ever made. X
I'm on this journey now. I've been fighting for 8 years and in all that time my stance on not wanting children has never changed.
@fox_6174 keep fighting, I saw so many doctors at my local gp, i did find female doctors were more understanding (but depending on their age unfortunately) as I had one female gp say why can't your fiance have it done? And do you know ow it's permanent lol to which I replied cause what happens if we split up and meets someone else and wants kids, but I know I don't want them or to ever be pregnant. X
The kids question is really interesting because I turned 27 this year and do not feel ready at all (I have only just started working after a looooong Uni degree, no partner, do not think I can handle the stress of a child, etc etc etc). Then I stumbled across 30s TikTok where women report on how happy they are they waited until they were in their mid-30s and now I feel so much better somehow. I have time. I do not have to decide anything right now. And last week, a colleague of mine said that she will embrace motherhood if it happens accidentally but will not regret it if it never happens. Might be a path for me as well.
The UK system of
What’s the system where you are? I know no other way 😭😭
@@morehannahin the US I have a 30 year fixed rate mortgage, so the 2.3% interest rate will stay the same for the whole term of the loan. Wild that it changes so much in the UK!
yeah here in the U.S. there's none of this business of housing "chains" like i have heard you, lucy moon, and theannaedit mention in videos about UK real estate, so wild
@@Breakfastwitch I was so surprised when she said that.. It seems so weird to me. I work in title insurance in the US and I have a 20 year fixed 3% so it seems so bizarre that theirs changes every 5ish years
My mother has had an ileostomy since way before I was born and for me it was the most normal thing in the world. My mother never tried to hide it, and luckily also didn't care about the fact that as a young child, I would tell people that my mother poops in a bag that hangs on her belly 😂
Word of advice of the chest freezer - don’t get rid of it. Even with a new fridge-freezer, it still won’t have the space of the chest freezer. Especially as kids gets older, you will need that freezer space.
I knew you would choose Easy A! 😂
In terms of feeling better about working in TH-cam because you know you have a viable way of quitting if you want to, it's kind of like how people don't mind or notice the windchimes in their own garden because they know that they can stop them any time they want whereas the same windchime would drive them crazy if it is in the garden next door.
my younger sibling had a breast reduction this year (its the only surgery shes ever had) and besides being somewhat limited in movement for a while and having very little energy and some pain for the first few days, everything has been wonderful for her and shes MUCH happier and has much less pain and discomfort (like H cup to D cup so it was a significant change)
All the parents in Heartstopper are incredible too!
Omg yes!!
I'm not a parent now and in my teens/early 20s, I had very little interest in being one. I said that *if* I became a parent, I wanted to adopt (because of over population and personal fears about pregnancy). In the last 5 years or so, it has become clear to me that I really do want to be a parent--either through adoption, fostering, or biological. Parenting to me is the process of loving, supporting, and teaching a human, giving them the tools they will need to adapt to any possible scenario life will throw at them. Kindness, communication, and flexibility would be the big things I'd want them to learn and none of those need my DNA to be passed on. There are a few more things I would like to experience before I can be fully invested in my little ones, but I'm so excited to meet them. Your 10 year question about parenting was a really good one and I realized I do want to have a family already with me by 2033.
if you don't have the certainty knowledge that you want to become a parent and you start questioning if you want to, having any answer different than a "HELL YEAH!!!" is a *NO*.
If you are concerned about regretting in the future not having kids vs had having them, please always choose "regretting not having them".
Best fictional parents - bandit and Chilli feom bluey, hands down. Also would love a video on tier ranking fictional parents
My mother often said that she wished she'd never had kids. It hurt.
So sorry that this happened to you. You are worthy of love.
There is a book called Regretting Motherhood that is really interesting. It’s a sociological study.
I think way more people especially mothers or default parents would regret having children than could admit to it. It is one of the few life decisions that is completely irreversible. And in western culture it is a massive responsibility and load that is unfairly put on the parents in general, and on the mother or default parent specifically massively.
I don’t regret it but I hate the circumstances in which it has to happen.
I was going to come and mention this book, glad I scrolled to check, you beat me to it. Very interesting book!
This is a thing I always say. People ask, "What if you later regret not having kids?" And I say, "What if you later regret having them?" That would be a lot worse to me. People act like that's not possible, because *of course* you'll love your kids, but even when you love your kids, it's still possible to regret not taking a different path.
I will be 35 in a few months and my husband is 38. We've been together 12 years and have decided to be childfree. We always thought we'd have kids at the start of our relationship but then quickly realised that we thought we wanted them because society thinks we should. Every 6 months or so, we sit down and have a serious conversation and ask the question as to whether we are both still happy in that decision. I'm so fortunate that we are on the same page.
I would love to see you collaborate with childfree people for a few videos as the content and support out there is lacking.
I also immediately thought of the parents from Easy A.
Would love to hear about the alternative line of work you discovered!
Patricia Clarkson (Olive's mum) has been one of my favorite actresses since Lars and the Real Girl. She plays the most interesting characters!
So fun to see the top you got from the clothing swap, it looks great!! I had no idea about the subreddit, fuck that. I'm glad you called them out 🔪🔪
My vote for iconic fictional parents: Bandit and Chilli from Bluey 💗
I was on the fence and now have a gorgeous planned 5month girl! Advice for being on the fence to discuss with your partner:
1. Think about the children that are in your life - are you grateful for the gap between you or do you find yourself curious about what it would be like to be the parent or simply know the child better like their parent does?
2. Imagine your life 10-30yrs in the future. What does it look like without children? What do you do with your time? Are you still in touch with your family?
3. Will your friends have children or are they also childfree? Is it important to you to share traditions/culture (typically shaped by family holidays!) How would you go about that if you don't have children?
4. What does your "village" look like? Do you have support, what sort of life can you provide your child?
5. How will you manage if your child is high needs?
6. Are you currently able to make sacrifices for people you love? When you have a child, yes you have to make sacrifices, but you also usually love and care about them and they don't always feel like a sacrifice and instead it feels like something you WANT to do for them. Like when you WANT to buy your friend dinner or you WANT to give up your fun evening plans to help your sister get thru a hard time.
These are all the questions I asked myself and ultimately I didn't like how my life looked when I'm 40+yrs with no children of my own.
Ooh, I like these! I've always wanted kids since I was a kid, but I can imagine they would be great to discuss if undecided.
I also think it’s important to think about your life at all the kid’s stages! What will your life be like with a newborn, a toddler, a kid, a preteen, a teen, as an empty nester, etc.
@@eliontheinternet3298 I disagree with this. While it's absolutely worth thinking about, each stage is so temporary and unpredictable that I feel it's too high detail to be worth informing the decision. If you didn't feel comfortable with being a parent to teenagers but want the rest, they won't be teenagers forever and parenthood shouldn't be expected to be effortless or always enjoyable. Like having a job you love, there will still be crappy or boring repetitive parts!
Breast reductions are very easy to recover from! I had mine in 2020 and it changed my life for the better! Much easier than any of my knee surgeries.
Oh, wow. I had totally forgotten about the Drunk Advice videos!
Eurgh re the subreddit. Well done for staying away and sorry it’s grim. Also I’m not someone who’s super ‘Mumsy’ (which I actually think is really sweet but just not me!) but I know I really want grandchildren 😂 and I want ‘a family’ that is more than my husband and I. Our journey has been one where I have so far have lost two children to miscarriage (mentioning here not to evoke sympathy but be honest and help other women who have experienced this feel less alone) and so I’m keen to be in the family wagon and have adventures together in the future when there is more of us but that it might be more of a rocky journey than one imagines. Thanks for the chill vid and hope you enjoy this chapter of content creation 💛
Oh my god yes to the parents in easy A!!! That’s exactly who sprang to mind when you read out the question!
Such great choice of questions and interesting answers! Best Q&A I have watched in a very long time.
I’m also from Manchester, and I although I don’t have a super strong accent, it’s definitely stronger than yours! I found when I was at uni, I had the same “awe” towards Londoners, but I also found a lot of people have the same “awe” about being born and raised in Manchester, especially people who grew up in the countryside. I now live in Australia now and it’s weirds me out to think that my kids will be Australians with Australian accents. Weird!
😂😂my first thought at the fictional parents question were Gomez and Morticia Addams
Regarding the toddler tower, we got one at about 15-16 months and honestly the best thing we brought. Also have a relatively small space and we got one that folds, so we can put it away in the evening(found on Amazon). Although actually never really fold it away!
Hi Hannah. I man and a big fan of yours and I want to say I am so sorry that you have to deal with man who do not respect you the way you should be. If men find you attractive they should be respectful and not inappropriate. I believe if they have nothing nice or respectful to say they should keep it to themselves. Being a man I understand why they find you attractive but there is no reason to be disrespectful. You deserve better as do other women. Again truly sorry for the disrespect and hope you continue to do what you do.
My decision on kids has never been difficult but when the time came but us to do IVF I had to decide how I really felt. It might sound simple but I thought, in 10 years, when I’m 40 and it’s Christmas or thanksgiving or a Sunday morning, what do I want those days to look like? Do I want to be surrounded by noise and kids? Do I want a chill and a more adult centered day?
I chose the noise and kids because that made my heart happiest to imagine. And we went for it. Baby boy is 16 months and it’s hard but I love every day.
Before I went on my current medication (which was like 9½-10 years ago) I was thinking of looking into getting breast reduction because of the weight messing with my back. But, because of a bit of luck with side effect from medication, I don't feel the need for that now. They are still heavy, but at a manageable size now... So I do understand the want for reducing size.
Because having a small band size (I need the band to be a size 30) and large cups is still a problem for me. Even though it's now at least possible to find ones that fit. rather than having to have custom made, which ironically is why I know how to make bras.
joining on the favourite fictional parents: mine are phil and clare from modern family as for me they are the most realistic parenting! mixture of strict and friendly while still balancing work, family and life!
I felt the exact opposite re kids in that I've always known I didn't want kids: I did volunteering at an after school kids club for my Bronze DofE when I was 14 and after a few weeks with mostly 5-8 year olds, I was convinced kids weren't for me: I just didn't enjoy being around them & couldn't picture myself with kids of my own. Add into that a general dislike of the idea of pregnancy and birth, and not wanting to make sacrifices in my career/independence for a kid and I've just become more convinced as I've got older that kids aren't for me.
As for the whole north/south thing, my parents are both northern, me and my sister grew up in Cambridge so they have lots of fun ribbing on us for the way we say certain words!
Just listening to your speach with your language and accent is a pleasure. Many of the subjects were interesting, too, though. Thanks.
Tbh I feel like animation has really set the bar for fictional adults. One set of parents that come to mind for a really realistic potrayal of parents is Mitchell's vs the Machines. It's such a good watch I highly highly recommend
Now I know I’m old since I’m excited to hear you talk about appliances 😅
So here for the house stuff. I get the adult excitement about new appliances.
omg, i haven't watched your videos in a while (sorry for that) and i was just curious about this one and i was soooooo happy when i guessed your media hero parents correctly because i think the absolute same. i adore them in Easy A so much and love the film in general and aaahhhh now i really want to watch it again. it was a little moment of magic to have guessed your choice (which is a very good choice, i totally see you being like them :)). best of luck with everything for you & your family!
That is a *really* lovely top. My parents were a long a/short a mix, and I got the short a (although also grew up near Manchester, so it was all around me).
I don't know who my favourite fictional parents are, now I'm going to have to think about it a lot.
It's interesting because I was also a 'it's not an if, it's a when' question so some people have asked me and I'm like... I just knew. So did my spouse. Although currently I'm drawing a lot of comfort from your past videos of it taking a bit longer than you wanted.
Your thing about being happier now you know you can leave kind of describes my dad now that he's semi-retired. He's doing LOADS more work (his work is based in aviation, not a pilot but imagine that sort of schedule), he kept saying before he semi-retired that he was going to stop and that he hated having lots of trips. But now he can actively choose not to do those trips... I lose track of where he is 😂
My partner and I are still not entirely decided on having biological children. What I personally struggle with as the uterus owner is how much it demands of me. How much it’s asking of my body, of my time, or the impact on my career (obviously it shouldn’t but let be real).
It’s a tricky one really, we’ve decided that we’ll revisit the question when it’s time for my coil to come out and go from there.
I knew you were gonna say the parents in Easy A!!! I love them hahaha
Good for you, having a back up plan! You looked so relaxed (maybe not the right word? Calm and happy?) when talking about it 😄
I am non-binary and getting a "radical reduction" in a year or so - from K cups to A, I'm very nervous but also excited about getting rid of these bowling balls 😅
Best of luck! Exciting!
I'm non-binary with something around E cups. Did you tell your doctors that the reduction was also going to be for dysphoria related reasons, or did you just tell them you wanted it for back-pain typical cis reasons? It's something I really want to do but don't know the best way to go about it.
@@FennellBurge This is for gender affirming care! It's covered for me because I'm Canadian, luckily. I grew up in the US/immigrated here later in adulthood and so I never thought it would really be possible because of insurance/cost prohibitive reasons. Where are you located?
@@ulytia I'm in the UK, so I think if I jumped through all the hoops I could probably get it free as gender affirming care, but I'm a bit hesitant to come out to the healthcare system because of the potential for discrimination.
@@FennellBurge I understand, we have been seeing what is going on in the UK from Canada - my wife grew up in Yorkshire and is trans as well. It's positively tragic. The state I grew up in (TX) is also a nightmare for us right now. I do follow some trans UK folks, maybe a fellow UK enby would be able to give you some direction? Good luck ♥♥♥
Omg was totally thinking about the easy a parents as well!!! ICONS
Only have kids if you want to raise a human being to a kind adult. Don't have them because they are cute or it's been on your bucketlist for 6 years.
i guess i haven't been watching for that long because I don't remember you being drunk being a common part of your online persona, but it feels like i've been watching you for a long time
Please don’t have children if you aren’t sure. And please do at least some of the work on yourself first. Children don’t exist to fix your marriage or give you a purpose. There are also loads of kids without homes already and I deeply wish we would at least give fostering or adoption equal consideration. ❤
Know exactly what you mean about being in awe of adults from London as a fellow northerner down here!!!
14:06 I don't want to have kids and I really think it should be about wheter you want, like actually want it. Like do you feel excited about a life with kids? Or in my case do you feel excited about a life withiut kids?
Surely the parents from Bluey are the hands down winners
Upset that you have the chest freezer and haven’t renamed the old freezer ‘the breast freezer’
omg
Glad to her that your happily married and have a child. So congratulations
The subreddit is banned now!! Well done for standing up for yourself and bringing attention to it !
i want her to see this!!!
Iconic parents: Molly and Arthur Weasley! I SCREAMED when I read the "Not my daughter, you bitch!" for the first time.
Re "that subreddit" -> Hannah's "fwah tits!" made me laugh so hard. Sending hugs