you see autistic people dont really look anydifferent externally, its more their character and demeaner. but growing up i mean even til adulthood.. id had a few experiences with autistic people, where i had no idea they were autistic. and out of nowhere theyd make a joke, one time even a racial joke like our of thin air.. and he sat there laughing quietly. and I waas confused i look at this guy looking at his expressions and waiting for him to kinda realise what he said offended me and look at me and at least explain.. but insted he kinda lookd that had a huge grin. to me i thought what an arsehole, and ive grown up standing up for myself, and I said "are you serious?" trust me i was about to get physical, we was in a pub and one of my mates form the other side of the room could feel it. and he shouted me asked me whats up.. and i told him shouted back out loud, everyont got a bit moody whil the autistic kid acting not only like he had no remorse, but like he was proud it wound me up.. this is the body language they can give off.. they can seem rude, un caring and it looks intentional.. csz
"All the little things that everyone does unconsciously, autistic people do manually." This woman just took a huge weight off of my shoulders just like that. I'm in awe. That might be the best explanation I could use to describe my struggles that I've ever heard up to this point. It's spot on. I feel like I need to thank her.
@@AshirwadSarmah Social interactions are intrinsically dispositioned; autistic people, however, do not experience social interaction the same way other people do. It’s hard to talk to people and people will talk naturally, but everything like our body language and speech has to be controlled whereas everyone else unconsciously controls it.
i know what you mean i was diagnosed at 10 with Asperger but everyone thinks that it changes my life but really i have never known different, the only difference is i often get bullied because of it.
@Joe Average it would help in toughen up a person at somepoint , toughen them up by make them learn that it doesnt matter what people say about them and make them stand for themselves
@@hmm-hy8cw Not really, because again, it's being blind socially. And when one is socially blind, you don't really know why they are bullying you. You rather already are able to speak up, so you rather feel that because they're bullying that they are trying to get you stop talking, and not to speak up more. And if you don't have your personality fully developed, then how are you going to speak up against them? You don't, because you don't know how and so you just stay quiet.
Your lucky, to be diagnosed so young. I had to live knowing I was different for 12 years before I knew the reason. My heart's with anyone who has the disorder and doesn't know it. This is such an unfair system, we get bullied, but none does anything against it, but if someone who was fat was bullied everyone would be on it. So we mask it, try to change OUR behaviour because others can't accept that we're different. My heart is really with all my asbergic brothers and sisters, all we've been through, are going to go through and all we need to do every day just to not be mentally tortured. People say to be proud of it, but if you gave me the choice to get rid of it and relive the first 12 years of mynlife non autistic, I'd chose it in a heartbeat.
"Even with people I care for and enjoy being around, I have to psyche myself up to be around them." That statement really resonates with me, and is difficult to explain to friends.
@@heatherrae901 It doesn't help there's a friendship recession (it's real, go look it up on Wikipedia. This "recession" has existed since 1990's) out there, and people are making less friends despite there's a loneliness epidemic on-going.
yes you can, especially in poor countries. also some people, while in the spectrum, are highly functioning that their idiosyncrasy sometimes just pass as a "weird quirk".
@@SabrinaPerez I was diagnosed by a local psychologist but there's a lot of good info online to self diagnos. Also there are a lot of good online communities to provide support whether your diagnosis is self, or doctor diagnosis.
Yeah, on hindsight i was an extremely confused kid developing masking mechanisms over masking mechanisms to cope with the world. But since then I've come to accept that I might be on the spectrum and now I'm trying to figure out how to live with it rather than struggling against it.
The woman who rocks as she talks wasn’t diagnosed till she was 32?! That poor woman probably went through so much being undiagnosed for that many decades.
I don't know if I have autism or not but I tend to rock a lot, though I have a feeling that probably has nothing to do with it. It also seems to suck to go through so much but be told you're normal or have something else.
It really hurts. I grew up always feeling weird and being called a dork, or strange, and even stuck up. I found my group of weirdos but it took until high school. College was starting all over again. Luckily I joined some groups so I can find people with similar interests. Working in environments that make me feel passionate with likeminded individuals… that’s thriving , but outside of the education world, I feel alone.
If you know how and why you suffer you can affect change so as not to encounter it. If you don't you can't and so continue to suffer. Some of these women spoke of their own progress towards reducing outside BS for example
Wait... wouldn’t that be the best part? To be aware and understand why there is a separation gap? I feel better being self aware of what makes me so different because it allows me to identify what I can do that can make me be similar which allows me to connect with others. Not knowing was the whole disconnect. But connecting to myself has allowed me to connect with others. I think the self awareness is a blessing in disguise
Absolutely! Not just for people on the spectrum, but especially for neurotypicals. People on the autistic spectrum comprise a small chunk of the population, yet divorce rates in western countries are high. Quite ironic but unsurprising.
@@misscogito9865 well people who are mentally challenged don’t even get married or have life long fulfilling relationships. So they need to be taught way more than just social skills
Boundaries have always been a huge problem for me because I personally lack boundaries. I have no problem telling someone I just met about my medical history, what my last bowel movement was like, or my mental health issues. On top of that, I'm very emotional and overly involved in my relationships with others. Once, I had an online friend that was on a vacation and I saw via her location tag on her recent Instagram post where she was and I looked up the weather there and it seemed very nice so I told her that and she got really upset and weirded out. To this day I still don't really understand why... all of the information was available to me but I guess I wasn't supposed to say anything about it? Who knows.
I was diagnosed on the higher functioning end when I was 2 years old and the woman who diagnosed me told my parents to be prepared to put me in a home once they are not able to take care of me anymore, that I would not be able to find love, or feel love or any other emotion, etc. I'm right now in college getting my Bachelors in Science in Clinical Psychology, Engaged (getting married in 2020), and just living my life the way it should be. My way. Edit: Honestly didn't expect so many likes, I was just putting my two cents on my experience and how far I've come. Thank you all for the love you have given me
Don't you love it when your life can prove a medical professional wrong? "I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your son's a genius." -Scorpion, premiere episode
When I talk about my own autism, I always say autistic people are like cats - we stick to what makes us feel comfortable, if we get overwhelmed by our senses we sometimes panic or lash out, we need time on our own to recharge, we often come across very socially awkward, and we're never sure how to react in new, foreign situations.
This just reminds me of that apparently, when I was a toddler, I got my wires crossed and mimicked the socialisation of our cat instead of my family... placing the food bowl somewhere where the cat could find it and I couldn't became an interesting challenge for the adults, oops 😅
"All the little things that everyone does unconsciously autistic people do manually" Thank you! every little facial expression, tone of voice, movement, reaction, and word has to be consciously calculated. Sometimes I focus so much on properly responding that I literally can't focus on the person and miss the next thing they say.
@@godbearxd Not things like that. More like choosing when to make and break eye contact and choosing how to move my face, voice, and body to express the right emotion/reaction etc.
And here I thought this was a consequence of not interacting with anyone when I was younger, but I tend to mimic the characters I like most on the most recent video I watched. Due to this, I constantly rewatch Snatch.
I just got my autism diagnosis this year, at 36 years old. I didn't start realizing that I was autistic until after my daughter got her diagnosis. I started researching autism in girls, and the more I learned, the more I started realizing that it sounded a lot like me as well. I talked to my doctor, went through the process, and got my diagnosis. I really wish I had known as a kid. It explains everything. I've never been "normal" like other girls. I always wondered why. My husband has become my safety blanket. I probably rely on him too much, but he is great about it. I just hope I can help my daughter adjust better than I was able to.
@@pricklycatsss I am sorry you feel this way. Autism is not some horrific disease. And your suffering could be eased with some therapy. There are many reasons people suffer on this planet, neurotypical or not.
I’m also 36 and just got diagnosed after my son was diagnosed with ASD when I realised I have most of the symptoms on the test. Just a question, do you have night time visuals as well? I’ve had this since a young child … at night in the dark I see brightly coloured patterns that swirl around beautifully. I was never afraid of this until I realised a few years ago that it’s not normal …. now I’m wondering if something more is wrong and it’s giving me very bad night time anxiety I hate it 😞
It is a misconception that autistic people lack empathy or cannot read emotions, etc. I am on the spectrum, and I have a lot of empathy, write poetry, and read people very well. It is in the other areas that I have issues
@Mark Donald It is part o the diagnostic criteria yes, but that does not make it entirely correct. Women on the spectrum are frequently misdiagnosed because they don't fall into this neat category of people who can't read emotions, etc.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but... are you sure you read people so extremely well? After all, ultimately we’re not the ones who get to make that call about ourselves. What have your friends and loved ones told you about the times they recall your thoughtfulness?
Do you, I mean anyone in comments who is neurotypical, do you find that description helpful? I may use it next time I'm asked the "what does that (me being autistic) mean, exactly?" question.
I was bullied so much as a child. First I thought it was just a coincidence, but even as I changed the school I was always the one being left out, being picked on. I remember asking myself over and over and over again: “Why? Why me? What am I doing wrong?” I was trying so hard, I was trying to always be kind and nice to people, but it made them bully me even more. I still don’t know why. But now I know, that I have Aspergers and that I might not really have understood the social hierarchies and communication in my class. But let’s be honest here: Aspergers is not the reason you are bullied. It might explain your strange behaviour in some situations. But it is still the other kids that bully you. And it’s not your fault.
One of the main problems with high functioning autism is that the quirks/idiosyncrasies often come across as being shady or always up to something. And a lot of times its true. Just not shady in the way most people assume it to be. It often gets confused with narcissism or sociopathic. But with autism, the "shady" behavior is usually the result of defense mechanisms. Relationships, even casual, can be very difficult.
@@VenusVoice The metaphorical muscles behind executive function are in the way your brain is wired. The reason the skills are like mussels metaphor works is because skills like muscles improve with practice but it takes time and training is not necessarily simple. However exsecutive function is not one skill it is multipul of them it is more like a muscle group than a mussel. So it might seem impossible to train if you are getting no results. But you might just be training the wrong skills and the ones you will need will depend on your situation. th-cam.com/video/qAC-5hTK-4c/w-d-xo.html If you have ADHD or a form of autism that makes executive function more difficult than any training will difficult in a similar way it takes dyslexic people way more time and practice to do a even half decent job at reading or writing. So it makes a lot of sense to make things easier where possible. th-cam.com/video/H4YIHrEu-TU/w-d-xo.html th-cam.com/video/kfihB-719Fs/w-d-xo.html
i dont know if its a musle i yust know i have to do it consciously and i have to really watch people to notice their more subtle body language eye movement im also way more blunt and direct when i dont feel like doing all that i like when their suprised when i very easily talk about useally very private or sensitive matters as easy as others would talk about the weather i very much like when they get excited becouse i talk so openly and they feel like they can have actual real conversations for a change its fun to see that
I find it useful to have a summary to review the main points. Summary: 1. Autism covers a wide spectrum 2. We have emotions 3. Social interaction can be challenging 4. Diagnoses can happen at any age 5. The nuance of dating can be challenging...but we do have sex lives 6. We have lots of different interests 7. Bullying sucks 8. It's getting better EDIT: very surprised and glad that so many people find it useful c:
People find it useful because there are so many stereotypes out there that seem to make people otherwise.. :) Yes, it is useful to know it's *not* just me.. it makes people like me think that "maybe Asperger's is not it".. Because: - I am *extremely* creative. - I have a rich inner mental landscape. - I like writing. - I care about people and am willing to do extra stuff I don't need to because I do understand what it might feel like to be in their shoes.. - I feel things intensely. - I have a sense of humor, and some people even find my jokes funny (!!) . XD I just am really bad at: - Communicating in a socially acceptable way what I feel. - Picking up social cues from others. - Sending out the right social cues myself. - Not think of actual shoes when I hear or say "in someone else's shoes" (and mentally seeing, feeling, smelling etc. said pair of shoes.. don't ask, but "visualize" does not do my mental VR justice..) - Mentally verbalizing things (in actual words) without explicitly trying to do so. (While I make a mental VR pretty much automatically, and can mentally hear music etc. I don't automatically make words to go with any of it. Ironically, it makes me a very poetic person because it takes me a bit to find the right words for what I feel.. - Regulating sensory input.. - Not physically hurting when this sensory input gets too much.. - having moments when I *can't* tell you "what's wrong" even if I really, really want to... - or really anything else until it passes.. (but I *do* tend to know what I am *not* feeling so that can actually be helpful if you put a sheet with emojis in front of me..) And all of these are *especially* true when I'm tired or under stress.. It always passes, even though it might feel at that moment like it never, ever will... In short, when my kids call me a Vulcan, they are probably right... if only I had more control over my emotions.. (and had green blood..) So.. why does your checklist matter? It tells me I'm not alone.. and that what I *have* is only a small facet of who I *am*. It doesn't get to rule my life, or define my future or that of my loved ones. Understanding it lets me put it back into it's proper perspective. So thank you.. ;) P.S. for those of you with Asperger's.. how close is what I described to what you are dealing with?
@@a_diamond Wow, I did not expect such an amazing response, I love it. my friend brought to this video because she have Asperger's and that's why I wanted to know more and made the list. My intention to make the list is because it is easier for me to grasp the main ideas shown in the video and thought that others would also benefit from it too. However, I did not expect so many people also found it useful. I am glad to let people with Asperger's know that people *do* care and even more glad if this list clarifies any stereotypes on people with Asperger's. My friend is one of the most gentle, smart, and mature person I know in my life, despite not having good experience in the past. It would definitely be great to see the world be a nicer place for you guys. I greatly appreciate your input on what people with Asperger's is good and bad at (it actually made me smile while reading them, in a good way of course :p ), since this is not covered in the video. I believe if more people know more about what Asperger's really is, they would stop having negative impression on it. Able to pinpoint the specific characteristics of the syndrome helps a lot on defining what part is you and what is because of the disability, allowing people to--like you said-- "put it in its proper perspective". Happy to help :)
i once watched a video about women with autism and the best way they explained it was that young girls often learn to imitate behavior when they are young, and that its harder to diagnose it because they can "act" the way its expected of them in certain situations even though they may not understand why
That's how I am. I haven't been diagnosed yet because I'm too nervous to go to the doctor, but I know for a 100% fact I have it and have known for years. But growing up when I was younger and not knowing I had it kinda helped me to look at others and "act" like them.
I think this is an unfortunate symptom of sexist gender norms and socializing girls to be more... socially aware? than boys. We get so many signals from very early on, both overt and subtle, about 'proper' behavior, playing and being nice etc. On the other hand, boys are allowed less emotional self expression and are expected to misbehave, almost. ('Boys will be boys,' men don't cry' etc etc). I have a very young son (less than 1 yr old) and the gender normative comments from family and friends are already astonishing. Finishes his whole meal? Boys are hungry! Watches a car going by? He's a boy, he's clearly interested in machinery/technology! etc.
@@moxiousch I've been medically diagnosed with autism, and it doesn't really have anything to do with gender for me, i just copy the behaviors that seem the most common between people; naturally I have male tendencies because of certain people I may sit around while also acting female around others. I think I might be reading your comment incorrectly, but I just wanted to say that I copy behaviors based on whoever is engaged with me.
@@moxiousch Good hypothesis, Judith (Butler), but you need to reconcile biological essentialism with new theories in the social sciences (like the one's you're promoting). If not, you're being just as ignorant as someone who only considers biological essentialism to explain continuous behaviors across sex. It becomes undeniable in relevance when these behaviors carry into and across the animal kingdom, so I implore you to not just throw away years of scientific study to promote what might hypothetically be better (after all your proposal is based on philosophical prose) for your child. "boys are allowed less emotional self expression" you say that like it's a good thing--in reality this is why suicide is the leading cause of death for men under 40 (20-25%) Like seriously, what the fuck Judy? Repressing emotions is a gender expectation, not a gender privilege. Both genders have pros and cons to their social constructs. Get some nuance or I'll call cps on behalf of that baby.
I'm so glad a black woman came in for this video. The black community typically sees mental health differently, especially when combined with religious belief. My good friend had told me this and I see it everywhere now. People don't realize or process that there are autistic folks all around the world! Not just America. That's such a subconscious idea that's just sitting in a lot of people's mind and it's like hey! People in India have autism. In Afghanistan. In China. In Turkey. Everywhere! I don't know if I have autism. Im about to get an evaluation. My sister is autistic and I understand everything she talks about. And the bullying was relentless for us. For me I constantly got assaulted and attacked at school. I was quiet and walked funny and I was different. I didn't know what was wrong with me until people told me and I believed it and it ate me up. And I couldn't be like everyone else I didn't know how to. But I also didn't know why I was so dang different that I couldn't get along with everyone. It's painful. My heart hurt feeling that. And then things changed for me. I got some friends in college and people liked me. I couldn't believe it. Nothing changed. Those people just gave me a chance and I loved it. And most people who gives me a chance likes me. People will see the outside. They'll notice things that don't matter and they may be hung up on it. But you're all gems. Everybody. And when people give you a chance, they see that. I learned that a lot of times you have to fight for your chance, but when I almost gave up, people finally saw me. And I hope you all have someone who will or has given you the chance to express yourself and be you and sees what a gem you are.
@@mads6857 I have! Hate to disappoint anybody, but I am not autistic. I have social anxiety, depression, and ADHD (predominantly inattentive.) I did find out we all share a lot of similarities, and really a lot of the stuff I related to most that people talked about was neurodivergency, not specifically autism. Because ADHD and autism both are neurodivergent. But there are specific things that mostly for me lead to ADHD. I did score mildly high on AQ (a test for autism), but the story of my background never fit quite right for that diagnosis. But I wonder if a lot of what I understood is because I grew up with autistic siblings (we knew my sister but not my brother until recent. I do have another brother who we think has something but he has never been evaluated.) And they were older, they did have a lot of influence on my life growing up. I think it's easy to see why I felt the world was strange. I've learned so much about ADHD and so much of it describes my life to a T. I never thought I had it because I thought it was being hyper. But I would zone out all the time, especially during conversations. I would presenting in front of the class. My out of sight out of mind functioning makes me forget about important things or people I care about. I really understand who I am through this journey I went through with getting a diagnosis, more than I would have otherwise. I definitely recommend.
@@raedai8819 yayyyy that’s so cool! Just a question, were you dead set on being autistic before you found out you had ADHD? Like had you done lots of research for a long time and stuff because the first time I searched ‘am I autistic’ was when I was 11/12. I was going through a lot and I couldn’t quite pinpoint what was going on, literally every mental illness in the book I had searched up symptoms for, even if I knew I didn’t have them, but it hasn’t been a linear journey since, I’ve gone in and out of wondering if I am autistic, or “phases” of it ig, about a year ago was when I first believed I was. after that, my 16 y/o brother got an evaluation (that he probably should’ve passed when he was younger when he got his ADHD diagnosis) and I stopped thinking I was autistic because he’s very classically autistic right, and I basically have better social skills than him. My biggest fear is that I’m not going to get a diagnosis because of how much the diagnosis criteria has a root in mysoginy and negative connotations around autistic people and suffering, and because my social skills concerning cues and reading people are pretty good, but I still have always struggled with keeping friendships and I’m a floater, but that’s a huge part of autism so I’m scared that makes me not autistic, not that I necessarily want to be autistic but I’m scared of people thinking I was self-diagnosing or trying to be quirky or something. I feel like my symptoms aren’t “severe” enough as other autistic people. Sorry that’s long and a lot of that isn’t relevant but I feel like I have to explain that to explain what I’m asking 🙃
I remember having a sensory overload and said the loud noises are hurting me, so the teachers at my school got the loudest teacher to come yell at me and laughed at me while I hid under a chair
That makes me sad .Most people can’t realize how painful or real a sound sensitivity is .I was 40when I was diagnosed. Autistic .I spent years when young in mental hospital .May people believe you now .
Hi everyone! This is Amy, from the video. I just wanted to clear up a few things that people seem to keep mentioning in the comments. First let me say that I am proud and honored to know all of these women in the video, through various ways and means. They are all fierce advocates and people who have worked so hard and been through so much to become those advocates. What you see here in each of us is the result of a lifetime of work, of struggling and fighting and clearing enormous hurdles that came from our parents, our peers, autism professionals, and society at large. Keep in mind that not one of us here started out the way you see us now, and where someone you know (a child, a sibling, a friend) is in their life right now is not necessarily an indication of where they will end up in the future. All of us also still face many different kinds of challenges (big and small) on a daily basis, and it's because we've been around for a while that we've learned ways of coping with those challenges...but no matter how effortless it seems, it has and still does take a lot of work. Second, several people seem befuddled by my statement about taking offense to someone saying I "didn't look autistic" or "wouldn't have known you were autistic." The context of this can be explained by two particular perceptions that people (especially people who are in the position to give or deny services and supports to autistic individuals) tend to have of autism. 1) You're too disabled/too "low-functioning" to be given help; or 2) You're not disabled enough/too "high-functioning" to need help. So if someone doesn't come across as being the "right" type of autistic, it can be very hard for them to get those supports and services, simply because to the person doling out said services, "You don't look autistic, therefore you don't really need these services." For me personally, it is not that I want to "look" autistic or that I want a label to feel "special." It's that no matter how "high functioning" I might come across, autism is still part of who I am and still affects me in all sorts of ways, every day. I was diagnosed at age 11, and I am as much on the spectrum now as I was back then, even if my challenges are different from what they were when I was a child. Finally, to the one commenter who referred to me as "the bitch in purple": Nice to meet you, too! Also, if anyone is interested in learning more about me or the work that I do as an autism consultant/professional speaker/writer, feel free to visit my website at www.amygravino.com and you can follow me on Insta (@amy.gravino) and Twitter (@amygravino). Thank you!
Thank you for being in the video. Your line about not being bad enough for help, but not well enough for no help hit me hard. Found out I'm dyslexic at 37 and probably high fashioning autistic as well but there's very little help out there for people in the middle so to speak. It's a lonely life.
Thank you for sharing your experience, Amy! My daughter is 15 and was diagnosed 2 years ago (although her father and I knew long before that). She is phenomenal, and I know she works really hard to be true to herself while also working to live within the conventions of society. I come alongside as much as I can to help her find that balance-the last thing I want is for her to give up her unique self and extraordinary view of the world so that she can "fit in." It's so helpful to me, as her main support person, to hear adult women talk about their experience. I'm looking forward to sharing this video with her.
What exactly is this support you refer to? It sounds like you are just talking about needing therapy and being different? I guess I just don't understand the point of identifying as autistic if you have low support needs autism. It's almost like you want to have a name for your specific issues. I'm very depressed but I don't go up to people and be like "Hi I'm Skeets and I have depression." If people don't notice your autism, why even discuss it outside of close friends and a therapist? Granted, my depression has come up, but by that point people have already suspected it. If someone asks you "Why do you do X, Y, and Z?" it makes sense to be like, well I'm on the autism spectrum and sometimes I struggle with these things, etc. End of discussion...
I don't think it can be "taught". I mean, if you see a bunch of kids playing and interacting normally, how many of them do you think had parents that "taught" them to do what appears to be happening naturally? I just think some folks are wired differently.
@@opmike343 Oh yes, it can be taught. :) I learned eye contact (three different ways, depending on the cultural context! :) ) aged 10-16 and now, aged 23, I still steer it manually and every single person I've told is surprised and hadn't noticed - so a lot can be taught. Most kids just learn a different way - so depending on the kid the teaching has to vary. :)
I'm 21 and show a ton of signs of being on the spectrum, even at a young age. But I was misdiagnosed with BPD.. Doctors need to stop diagnosing us for our emotional traits and diagnose us for what's ACTUALLY going on.
Went to see a therapist recently and he diagnosed me with bpd even though I was trying to tell him I think I have asd but was having trouble getting what I wanted across
@@lorefrancis3319 yeah I've approached my psychiatrist and two different therapists about this but they're always more concerned about my mood. They have me take the depression assessment and they're like, "oh, we should focus on your depression first." WE'VE FOCUSED ON IT FOR 3 YEARS NOW. Time to try something different! Why were my brother and dad able to get diagnosed so easily?? It's not fair.
YUP! I’m diagnosed with bpd as a teenager and I think I was misdiagnosed. As I do relate to a lot of symptoms associated with bpd, but there are others traits that I have that make me think autism. For instance, sensitive to sounds and light. I plugged my ears as a child a lot and even now at 27 years old if the tv is a little to loud I can’t handle it. Or just a lot of people talking at once. My 2 year old daughter is plugging her ears a lot and doing other things related to autism. and her pedi thinks she is on the spectrum and referred her to a specialist. Wouldn’t surprise me if I’m also on the spectrum.
@@sweetsour4375 I got diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder. I actually do believe that this is a disorder I have but at the same time my therapists always focused on my anxiety/depression way more than any asd stuff that I wanted to discuss :(
The hardest thing for me was dealing with manipulation. I never understood other people's alternative motives so it caused me to get lied to a lot and I never understood why. I'm just getting to the point where I can notice voice changes when someone is lying but it takes a lot of focus to notice.
Seriously I've had ppl call me hannibal because of how i dissect things but I'm starting to realize it's more of a defense mechanism to protect myself from the real malevolent creatures. Makes more sense now that they did this video. They even talk like me...i meet very few women like that...when i do meet them they don't want to be my friend they want to date me so it's not the same.
@Heather A seriously i had to ask my partner to stop doing that because it was triggering my fight or flight response...i don't flight lol...plus i said you aren't sounding smart. I'm not doing it to impress you this is just my common speech pattern or vernacular (idk if that's the proper term) I also don't like my partner making me questioning my thoughts etc. It's not a battle of wits but ppl who have been through trauma think of it that way. I just like ppl already pre-programmed like me similarly lmao...my ex was bipolar and borderline and did what you described which made me major in abnormal (clinical) psychology to better understand ppl and how to relate to them and help. But if they want to get close to me they have to be persistent or hit me over the head with it cuz I'm clueless lol
@Heather A same, the only time I lie is when someone asks me if something is wrong when I'm overwhelmed, but I can't hide it with my expressions so they always know I'm lying anyways
2:39 "all the little things that everyone does unconsciously, autistic people do manually" Damn i felt that. Im not diagnosed but everything makes so much sense now.
There is so many nuances, movement cant be to fast or to slow, gesture clusters must be complete and congruent, tonality of voice changes few times a second... People who dont have to think about this have no clue what they are doing unconsciously. You notice alot more when theyre lying to your face while the rest of their body locks up. That doesnt really help with being more social...
redbull45323 yeah no autism is a spectrum so while some autistic people won’t understand there’s others who very much understand. I’m autistic and it presented as anxiety that therapy just couldn’t help for years
I just realized I was masking my entire life after having a mental breakdown last year. 31 years. I was practically beaten into submission as a child of a veteran who is also on the spectrum and undiagnosed. Generational abuse is very hard to break. Sending everyone love and support!
@@ASmartNameForMe thank you! My children are growing up with a very different supportive childhood. I believe we are all HSPs (highly sensitive persons) There is a trauma book that recently helped me and my parents a lot, It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn. Highly recommend it for anyone suffering with intruding thoughts or painful memories. 💕
Amen. I just asked my daughter to protect her brother when I die. I'm so scared for him. I love you for loving your brother. God will bless you and give u all the strength u need. #brotherLOVE
Natalie Harris thats nice of you, but also a bit unjust to put a burden in your daughter in case something happens to you. Just make sure to tell her that she should take care as a sister not as a mom. i speak because of my experience. My mom died and my brother was “ my responsibility “ which i failed to carry for taking care of my own life. Wrong or right ? I don’t know.
You can sorta tell even by the way they are sitting they are putting a lot of energy and effort to sit properly and express themselves controllably. Lots of respect to these ladies for living day by day to be as functional as they can while embracing the condition they are diagnosed with
vladimir ikic, I hope you have a better way of putting it, because it sounds as though you are saying people with autism are psychopaths. That is not a general truth.
I started crying, couldn’t relate more. Friends and relationships is something I have always struggled with, I hope I’ll find people who can accept who I am truly.
Yes, you`ll do. It`s just a statistic: there are so much absolutely different people outside, that you just cannot not to find someone who will accept you fully. ;)
Watching this felt so validating. I was diagnosed when I was 15 but I still struggle with feeling that I'm "not autistic enough" to identify this way. It's nice to hear someone put into words just how *hard* it can be to get through a day of social interactions when you're constantly overanalyzing and second-guessing every move you make and everything you do. I really appreciate the video and am grateful to all these women for sharing their stories.
*Social skills are like a muscle for us. YES! I work very hard to act social, use hand gestures, raise my voice to a pleasant level, make eye contact, carry a conversation.*
Sociability is an aptitude that not everyone possesses. It is a fact that autistic people are deficient in this aptitude. Im not sure what you stand to gain or devalue by redefining terms but it wont work.
no, empathy is actually a huge part of what aspies lack. the have a very hard time understanding other peoples feelings. stop trying to make youeself look good on youtube by writing some shit you just made up and is even wrong.
@@TheDragorin em...no i have hyper-empathy, we just have a hard time showing it through communication idiot, you dont look like you have empathy yourself so
@@TheDragorin This idea that we lack empathy is in fact wrong. We tend to be overly empathetic and very fairness oriented. What we don't do is respond in ways that you expect. I may miss cues and that may cause people to think that I don't care, but I do care. When we understand, we, most of us, care and often deeply. And even then, you may not read us and understand the depth that we care. You're repeating a basic misconception that even expects in the field held for far too long.
I accepted my son was autistic really early on in his life, it's taken me ALOT longer to see it in me. Videos like this gives me strength and hope. Thank you.
I've always felt this way... like everyone was born with a manual on life and I just couldn't read mine, like it was written in a different language...
Right, and then my mother would tell me to just use common sense. It isn't common sense for me if I am not told exactly what I should do in certain situations.
Would you be able to give an explanation of how you express it? What is autistic body language? Maybe allistics are clueless about how autistics communicate innately and have to learn how to read autistic people.
I'm autistic and the way I reveal that I'm struggling emotionally, is I literally just go mute for a temporary period, as your brain just goes into shutdown mode when it gets too overwhelmed, as my brain literally cannot cope with what is happening, in regards to when it's something extremely frustrating, upsetting or just intense in general I hope that explains things :)❤💙💜💚 xo
qubitz your welcome =) Better yet may I suggest looking up Selective Mutism too, as selective mutism is separate to Shutdowns, a shutdown is a thing all on it's own💕💕 Some autistic's experience shutdowns which is a different definition to selective mutism. Shutdowns is when not only their brain closes down, but their body does as well for a temporary period, they literally cannot move the person feels stuck as the body just shuts down too♡ However Selective Mutism is completely separate, and I only experience that. Selective mutism is where only your brain shuts down, your thoughts/ feelings get stuck, but you can still move your body around and walk into a another room, but with a Shutdown you can't and that's completely different to just going mute, have never experienced a Shutdown in my life :)💓 Only selective mutism where you can't talk. Crucial thing to remember is no two autistic people are alike, we're all different with individual characteristics, so my reason for going mute may not be someone else's reason♡♡ For example others might just go mute when it's an social gathering, as they get that nervous/ anxious, but for me my reason is always driven by my emotions :)❤💚💙 xo
It's so healing to hear other women talk about this. I started my teacher training and I'm trying to own my differences now so no one can use them against me and I can stick up for others who are different. I was stimming using my hair and I noticed a boy staring at me and I got super self conscious but then I noticed he was doing it too! I need to own my stimming and be proud because you don't know who is watching, I feel bad that I stopped and became so awkward because I don't want him to feel it's the wrong thing to do. You never know the impact you have on others and autistic people need to stick together. Thank you so much guys :)
Almost as if... you can control your behavior and have taken personal responsibility for your actions, and realize you are responsible for your actions and how they impact other's, so you change your behavior accordingly... I think this used to be called "being mature"...
@jack bran you are incorrect. In fact autism began to be studied MORE when docs noticed it more in BOYS. What they didn't care about figuring out was that women's autism does not look the same. They simply didn't bother studying it. And if you think autistic women aren't HORRIBLY bullied and mocked, well, you're an idiot. This isn't a male vs, female thing no matter how hard you try to spin it.
@@g4tnewnewg4t48 Being mature enough to know your not perfect but still willing to not give up and quit is how autism is defined now. For everyone else up is down, left is right, good is bad, and being so screwed up you can't function is your free pass to do anything you want without consequence and anyone who want you to grow up and act like a mature self respecting adult become something greater than a whiny dysfunctional screw up is a monster that needs to be removed from society.
Yes! Im autistic, I was born with it. I'm still trying to accept me as myself I was bullied as a child and I did get sexually assaulted as a child. I've finally found my tribe 😭😭❤❤
Finally a video which actually gets the views of people who are actually autistic rather than just getting neurotypicals to speak for autistic people. I especially love how this video mentions that functioning labels are bad and also that you can't be more or less autistic. I just wish they put a tiny bit more emphasis on how autistic people shouldn't change to fit society but rather society should change to fit autistic people, and that we shouldn't have to mask and fit in with the social norms.
My beautiful girl was diagnosed at age 8-9. She smart, hilarious, artistic, and perfect to me. She’s not disabled, she’s different and perfect the way she is.
it is do sweet how you talk about her, I hope you two become best friends. Really, is heart-warming to see how other kids with asd will have the parenting and support for their needs. We need more parents like you.
Ofc she is, just like my son! He is beautiful and smart, charming if he wants to be. People have a negative connotation by the word autism, while the majority of autism people are high sensitive and smart. I have Asperger(i know it's not called that anymore, but for me that is a typical kind of autist that fits the correct picture)
Hi everyone. This is Morénike from the video. Thanks to all of you for your support and feedback on the video. I’ve debated whether or not to post and still don’t know if doing so is appropriate, but I’m already doing it, so I suppose I should finish what I’ve started. There have been a number of comments about the audio in my portions of the video. I recognize that auditory sensitivity is very real, and though it isn’t a perfect solution, muting parts of videos temporarily that contain sounds that are troublesome and utilizing captioning is a helpful option that I recommend; it is a technique that I use a lot myself when I encounter sensory overload caused by certain noises. If permitted, I do want to provide some context to explain some of the noises you might have heard. First, my portions of the video were filmed in a different studio than the others and with a different sound technician, so that might be part of why certain sounds are more noticeable in my parts. Additionally, because sometimes I require tactile sensory input for self-regulation purposes, I had a stimming device in each of the palms of my hands as well as weighted bracelets on, and perhaps they made noises. I also tend to rock sometimes, and might have repeatedly bumped the mic (which was fastened on my clothing) against the chair when I did so. However, it is highly likely that many of the noises that you may have heard came from my mouth as a result of an “internal” stim that I have had since I was a child. I have bony growths inside my mouth called tori (singular: torus) and as long as I can remember I have subconsciously ran my tongue back and forth along the tori as a subtle tactile stim. While flapping, rocking, toe walking, humming, etc. are fairly visible stims, this one is more “invisible” and can be done regularly yet discreetly without most people noticing (unless, of course, you are attached to a microphone that magnifies sound, like I was on the video!). Being able to stim helps me to calm down and to concentrate. I don’t always need to stim in a noticeable way; sometimes I can self-soothe merely by repeating words, phrases, songs, poems, etc. silently in my head, or by mentally re-enacting portions of books I’ve read, or by hyperfocusing on something around me and getting lost in whatever that thing is. But I do have the need to stim at nearly all times - be it a noticeable or a hidden type of stimming. When I suppress the urge to stim for the self-deprecating purposes of “fitting in” with the neurotypical population, I will suffer for it later on psychologically and physically...i.e. overwhelming bouts of depression and anxiety; shutdown or meltdown; disassociation; self-harm (pulling out hair, picking my skin until it bleeds, painful jaw clenching, etc). On the morning the video was filmed, I caught an early morning flight from one state to the next, took an Uber to the studio, changed clothes in the restroom, sat down to interview, went to pick up my kids, and then headed back out of town for a meeting that I had later that day. I’d had very little sleep and did not know ahead of time what questions would be asked for the interview. As such, I hope that you can pardon the noises given the circumstances and hope that you will instead focus more on the content of the video. Thank you for your support of all people on the autism spectrum and for taking the time to watch our video. You are appreciated. (And this is slighty off topic, but I agree with all of the individuals who made mention of Kirsten's appearance...she's definitely beautiful [both inside and out]. All of the ladies are great people. ) Respectfully, Morénike Website: MorenikeGO.com Email: MGO@MorenikeGO.com Social media: @MorenikeGO
You don't need to explain dear, I heard you perfectly! And when it was loudly the captions (I always have this on since I am too sensitive to sounds) were fine!
Thank you for this explanation! Although the noise did bother me at times, I for the most part assumed it was a stim or just a mic issue and didn't take issue with it. Hearing you talk about your life and the fact that you have a partner and kids gives me hope for the future, as an autistic 18 year old who is currently struggling a lot and has no friends. Thank you.
You were absolutely fine as you were! Thanks for being part of this very informing video and taking the time to explain what was going on. Although it isn't necessary for you to explain yourself, I appreciate the insight on what you were experiencing during the making of this video. There's no better education than learning direct from the source. Hope you are well.
I didn't even notice the sounds, Morenike. What I see and hear is a brave woman coping with and adapting to a challenge. As for you posting a comment, it was 100% a good thing. It sheds more light on your experience in a way that the short video clips can't. Thank you (and all of the others) for participating in this video.
Thank you for the detailed explanations. It really is eye opening both the video and your text above. Thank you for taking the time and the courage to open up so sincerely in order for at least a fraction of the people to better understand other people.
Though I am a male, I see more of my own experiences in these people's talks than in any other video about autism. I was diagnosed 10 months ago by a psychologist as having High Functioning Autism at age 61. (You read right, sixty-one). I have great discomfort trying to navigate the scripted social cues (the "netflix and chill" stuff), and my own presentation can be somewhat Spock-like, yet I feel emotions strongly. And I have lots of memories of being taunted and excluded. I only in the last 10 years have developed healthy friendships, and I still have mountains to climb in the social realm. Thanks for this vid; it's a boost.
I’m glad to hear that you’ve been diagnosed and have gotten a healthy circle of friends 😊 I was diagnosed about two years ago at the age of 17 and have finally started to create my connection of friends as well. Stay safe out there and remember that you are never alone 😁
Hi, Brian. I somewhat understand and was on that path in a sometimes puzzling world, also. I didn't know until my middle child was diagnosed at school in first grade. In the parent=teacher conference, they explained the behaviors that lay behind their rotating her into a different class schedule, designed to help her . Eventually I decided to see what I could do to bridge the gap I had between social input and the accurate interpretation of same. I went to the local library, started getting classic movies, and director's descriptions of same, and studied them. Also I got Body Language for Dummies, reviewed that, and continued to study my vast array of co-workers. They rotated in and out of our industry pretty fast, and were varying ages and backgrounds. We worked for a travelling inventory company, and I got my baseline for the range of 'normal' social behavior on many hours long van rides over the course of about 11 years. it was helpful, and practice made it easier. I started to make lists and the occasional note, when I was deep in a learning binge, so I could commit to full attention and awareness of my immediate surroundings. instead of refusing to derail my train of thought . I was much less 'awkward' appearing after I got that habit down, and I didn't have to give up the things important to me to do it.. It was amazing what a dimension steeling myself to observe facial cues and a possible eye lock added to my understanding of nuance, and shifts off the literal meaning of the words said. I stick to the headlines and the punchlines mostly still. and can gauge the dpuble-dutch jumprope fest that is social interaction well enough to jump in and out more or less appropriately at 52. Still, I look to Leonard Nimoy's Spock as my avatar to explain my gestalt to others. Best of success on your path. May it be clearly marked and comfortably wide.
My parents still don’t believe I am autistic. They just straight up told the *doctor* who noticed I was different when I was a kid that they were crazy and that the doctor was trying to push me into “a place I didn’t belong.” Now, my most recent therapist didn’t believe that I could possibly be autistic. At the point I had tried to tell her, I had been masking for so long and so consistently that she just had no clue. But she wasn’t around for me constantly feeling alienated, even in my family. She wasn’t there to see how I got so emotionally overwhelmed sometimes over things that were so strange for anyone else to see why I would care that I would lock myself in my room and just cry and scream for an hour. She wasn’t living inside my head where I consciously had to open my crossed arms and force myself to make eye contact because I had researched that those actions meant you were listening even if it makes it harder for me to actually pay attention that way. And at that time I couldn’t verbalize that. I just sat there while she told me I wasn’t autistic and that I was just anxious and over-diagnosing myself. *sigh* it be that way.
She is not the only therapist! Too many therapists are only thinking of extreme and severe cases, where people may not be able to learn these survival techniques of masking which we needed to learn. If you want the diagnosis, educate yourself and pursue it. You might find encouragement through Autistic support groups.
@@flufftronable well, I'd been suffering with severe anxiety and depression, among other things, since my youth. I knew there was something else there, just didn't know what it was. I struggled in so many areas of my life & the docs tried different meds, counselling etc etc to no avail. It was when my youngest daughter began showing 'odd' behaviours at around 2 that I found out about Autism & the more I learned, the more I realised I was fitting the description. I was referred by my doc shortly after my daughter was given her diagnosis. Getting my own diagnosis was such a relief.
@@flufftronable really worth while asking for a referral for assessment if you think you would like to do that. For peace of mind, it certainly helped me.
@Drinker_Of_MilkNo, I welcome the question 😊 Everyone is different, so it's hard to say what would be best for your sister. I certainly think it might be worthwhile sitting down with her and maybe just letting her know that you suspect Autism and ask her whether she would want an assessment or not? Some people know they're Autistic but don't feel they want or need a formal diagnosis & they're quite happy with things as they are. Some people, like myself, welcome the diagnosis because it helps us to finally have peace of mind. Whatever your sister decides to do, I wish her well ❤️
My cousin got recently diagnosed (15) which makes me so happy. Growing up at Christmas he'd always ask me and my brother how to be 'cool' and with that he probably just wanted to know how do socialize...he got bullied alot which made me so sad but he lives far away so I couldn't really defend him. At his new school he's more accepted because people understand people with autism more, if they know they have autism. So now I'll just search the internet to learn more about him.
That's great, just remember that the best way to learn about him is to ask him about it, if he's comfortable with it. The internet can be misleading and what you read about might not be true for him :)
Ahaha I remember in 6th grade I had this friend who would teach me "how to be cool" and I would naively accept everything she said as what I have to follow to be normal.
Thats the word precisely. You dont overcome your authism traits (at least most), i really feel like its more like you mask them, but theyre still there, on the inside. You just act differently out of reason, because you know people act in a certain way, not because you feel like it. You just learn to blend
I feel much better since I stopped masking. It's not healthy to supress who you are just to make neurotypicals comfortable. Neutotypicals are bizarre. th-cam.com/video/nW4Jw0x-3X4/w-d-xo.html
"neurotypicals" don't want you to mask, they want you to be normal. The last thing they want to do is deal with a person who wants to be seen as "special" when they appear to function as a normal person. You just come off as an egocentric narcissist looking for pity using a disorder to make people feel sorry for you, regardless if you have autism or not. Ether go the full nine yards and don't tell people your autistic or stop masking. Ether way you will be seen as pathetic, so you minus well not waste the effort.
My girlfriend is autistic. I can't lie, the relationship has been a challenge, but i love her very much and I'm willing to be patient and keep learning on how to be with her
I cried through this whole video. I'm an autistic 17 year old girl and I've been diagnosed for a year now. my autism being unaddressed when I was younger, coupled with internalized homophobia, lead to severe depression, anxiety and the desire to end my life by the age of 11. hearing these women share their stories makes me feel less alone and gives me hope. I've felt incapable for so long, but I am capable. I just have to find my own way of doing things.
omg. I'm a 20 year old pan autistic girl and this vid AND your comment brought up such painful memories for me, but I'm also really hopeful, I'm glad you're aware of your needs and the things that have been dragging you down now! For the longest time, I just had a profound sense that I was LESS than other kids somehow, though I wasn't sure in what way. I had self-loathing too, I developed a social anxiety disorder and had suicidal thoughts, but in senior year of high school I realized and accepted my brain for what it is and I've been getting better every day since. If you're in high school right now, I want you to know that, at least for me, it got so much better in college. The college transition was super scary for sure, but now that I'm here, I have friends who accept and accommodate me, I can make my schedule to fit my needs, and I can go home between classes and rest, which is a huge deal and really helps. I actually haven't gotten diagnosed yet but your comment and the vid make me feel like maybe I should! I've just been scared of being blown off by doctors, I don't know if I'm strong enough yet to handle being invalidated by "professionals." How was being diagnosed for you, and how did you start? No pressure to answer lol, I just hope you're having a good day
@@meganj.124 thank you for your comment! I really relate to a lot of what you said, and I'm so glad you're doing well. as for your question about diagnosis, it was a long process for me. I was on a waitlist for a government funded assessment for at least two years, after the possibility of ASD for me was brought up by psychiatrists. I had a pretty slim chance for a actual diagnosis going the public route, so I was really lucky my parents insurance had just changed the amount of funding available for an autism assessment. my parents were then able to pay for a private assessment from a doctor known for diagnosing "hard to spot" autistic people (especially girls). I was honestly surprised when I was officially diagnosed after so long of thinking I was overreacting or faking it. my mental health has improved so much since my diagnosis and I have more understanding and compassion for myself. I do believe that getting diagnosed can be beneficial and disability funding has helped my family and I a lot. diagnosis is also extremely difficult and can be impossible in some circumstances. the chances of getting a doctor who will listen to you can be bad, and going through that process to be invalidated can be damaging. in the end it's up to you, and I recommend doing more research into what's available to you and into others experiences. you've already come so far and I'm extremely proud of you! thank you for sharing your story with me. sorry this got so long lol
@@nkelly5851 thank you! my mental health has improved a lot over the past year or so. I've found a lot of love for myself as a lesbian, even tho dating and all that is still hard and feels a million miles away rn, tho I would love if it wasn't lol. sorry I didnt see your comment till now, youtube is weird about what it notifies you of. I'm here for you too
Same, though I was diagnosed at around 10. Wasn’t really understood by my family and suicidal since 11. I’m no longer suicidal but still dealing with depression semi regularly and have no friends outside of the family. At 19 it’s still a struggle, though I know I will have to find a permanent way to deal with this since I’m stuck with it for the rest of my life.
I believe the girl in the maroon was named Kirsten? She hit the nail on the head when she said so much of dating and flirting is indirect and subtle- and because we are so literal in our thinking and miss so much nuance, we’re left out of the “understanding” and FEEL very left out in tons and tons of social relationships, exchanges and environments. It’s so HARD!
Yeah. But it gets easier over time. For me, the easiest way to get past that barrier is to flat out say I have zero social skills and that I just never get hints. Most girls laugh it off thinking I'm joking. Then I'd say something like "I'm serious! If a girl holds my hand during a romantic scene, I just assume she's in love. If I tell her I like her and she just say , I assume we're just friends". More often than not, I'll find out the girl I like holds my hand during a romantic scene, and that way I'll know for sure she's not just watching a movie with me.
yeah :/ that totally got me too. I always miss the cues. So people are interested for a short time and then something about me pushes them away and I can never find out why.
@@korosuke1788 Dude this has worked for me somewhat too! But it is still hard here and there because I am too slow to catch hints at advances and shit ahhaha
This may sound weird but I kinda wish dating and flirting was literal and straightforward, in fact it might be refreshing to meet someone like that but yeah it has got to be hard trying to live in a world that isn't literal and straightforward when your mind works like that.
Huh it's kinda funny... A video where a group of people on the autism spectrum share some of their personal experiences to help encourage understanding and awareness... And the top comments are all about the looks of one of the women. It's always interesting seeing the things that stick in people minds.
@@33v4. Yeah. I will freely admit the woman the comments are mostly discussing has a fey like quality about her... But it is missing the point. I do think they chose the women well though. Each of them found ways to communicate their points in a very understandable way, which is incredibly hard to do.
"We're just guys." Is an excuse. It is a way to justify behaviors and outlooks we find to hard to change or ones we just don't care to change. It doesn't make any of them bad people. It's completely fine to find someone attractive. And who knows how they have absorbed the video. I don't. I just find it interesting that the main focus on a lot of the comments is on one of the womens looks instead of what she was trying to say. Another point is none of them mention her by name... All the women were given names in the video... Anyway these are just observations.
"To finally have friends is such a big, big deal." YEEEEEEEESS YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS MY GOD THERE IS NOTHING MORE COMPLICATED AND HARD THAN FINDING AND ESPECIALLY *KEEPING* FRIENDS
You don't have to be autistic to excite yourself about a friend. I have made lots of friends and I have lost the same amount. Actually, I enjoy more the periods when I don't have friends. It's easier to meet new people that way.
I wish Autism got accepted and better understood. I'm a guy that got diagnosed at 6 with the added info of 'he will most likely not succeed at school', I'm working on my bachelor of applied sciences now after graduating with a B+ average. I learnt to control my autism that good that no one mentions I have it until I tell and show them. Yes, I have problems with groceries and I dislike clubs etc. but I keep on my promises and I'm generally a great friend to anyone that at least respects me.
i'm sorry they said that to you. i have a daughter that is autistic she is 6 now we got a diagnosis at 3. i feel people doubt her all the time but i see the specialness inside her that will come out one day to everyone and see what i see. its about finding what they are good at, its not that they cant learn they just learn differently then most ppl! i hope you keep up the great job and i'm proud of you!!!!
you are in the minority, my brother is autistic and he can't function in normal society. My mother is taking care of him and when she dies....he will probably end up being a burden on the state or die? IDK.... Good for you, but I wouldn't even have children if I were you. If I had an disorder of any kind I would never have even the possibility off passing that burden off to my children.
Wow look you are different its like p.t.s.d depression or any othe disability people can collect money or use it any way to benefit them selfs we all have it blame DuPont some just choose to live life and not drag chains.
I literally described it this way to a friend yesterday, "Autism isn't a linear spectrum of high or low, its a whole different traits that are on their own spectrum" 💯💙
I'm crying so hard. I feel so validated and not so lost. I feel like I can be brave enough to talk about this now. It's so hard to get people to understand. This hear is gold! Thank you! I'm still struggling with it even now, but this just gave me one hell of a boost!
I had that exact feeling when I saw videos of adults with ADD for the first time and I saw myself in both the stories and mannerisms. The most isolating thing about myself suddenly got connected with others and that alienating feeling was suddenly a belonging. It's powerful. 💜 hugs!
Please help spread a message that no one person with ASD are the same and people need to understand this concept before they continue perpetuating detrimental stereotypes about others. Please share this article to hopefully ease your pain or the pain of others. Retweet. Share. Copy link. Whatever. Sometimes knowing there’s someone in the world that has gone through same things is enough validation to know you’ll be ok. Thank you twitter.com/cmuathletics/status/1215721532946669568?s=21 twitter.com/cmu_w_soccer/status/1215716345926557698?s=21
Aaw, sorry you've had to deal with this for so long. But yea, a lot of the time people just dont understand when it comes to Autism, they just think "Thats not normal" without really looking into what is normal? What you're doing is perfectly normal, its just not what everyone expects, so they treat you different because of it. But don't let that get to you, because you are special, and the ones that deserve your attention are the ones that will take the time to understand you, not the ones that treat you weird. And that goes for anyone with Autism or anything else outside the expected "Norm"
These women are so intelligent and levelheaded, what a lovely breather from the suffocating passive or non-passive aggressive air of the internet. I learned something from this video, it was engaging, and it seemed like you guys were speaking from the heart, which is really nice and refreshing. Thanks! 👍
the more videos i watch on autism and the more i read, the more confused i get. i can definitely relate to a lot of traits and me having autism would explain so many things but i'm not sure if my struggles are "severe" enough. especially because i don't have a lot of trouble in social situations and that seems to be the main thing, but i see myself in a lot of other autism traits/behaviors. i wanna talk to a therapist but i'm scared i'll be dismissed immediately but my whole life i've felt like there was something different or wrong about how my brain works
The problem is all these diagnosis can seem like many people’s norms lives. Social norms constant fly change and many sub groups have different cultures so it’s easy to feel left out and confused . One person is more liters another is indirect and insecure so learning new people is always a thing. These videos almost make it seem there is a such thing as a “Normal “ person . Iv never met one of those . Most people have insecurities growing up and then when they get older they isolate and their friendships dwindle to single digits. They spend most of their time indoors, especially nowadays. So it’s very easy to miscategorize people . Sometimes people just need more life experience and tada they aren’t having these traits anymore .
they should do this but w girls w adhd. we’re so underdiagnosed. i had shown signs since i was a toddler, but since i wasn’t the classic case of “little boy who is constantly moving and climbing and is generally out of control” and i wasn’t professionally diagnosed until a year ago when there was a serious issue and i was already 15.
Do you have ADHD or ADD? I feel like the hyperactive part is what ppl focus on and without it you seem fine. I personally feel like I may have adult ADD
Premyy.M add is now mostly classified as adhd inattentive type, which is what i have. i have never shown signs of hyperactivity, however i always struggled with work, not doing my own thing, and generally focusing. i’ve always been this way due to my executive dysfunction, and sensory issues, as well as intense hyperfixations that come with adhd. however, due to the stigma surrounding it, my parents never caught on, and so when i was fifteen, a year ago, when things got worse, i was finally sent to a wonderful diagnostician who gave me my diagnosis :)
@@alexisjordan9437 Wow nice of you to give such a quick and thorough response with big words hehe :) Yea that all sounds fairly relatable, I'm saying if you did show hyperactivity people would be more keen to see it as a "problem" 🙄 and push for a diagnosis and so the hyperactive type tends to get priority 🤷 I've always struggled to finish things and or get stuff done 😔 I've seen what seems to be known as 'hyper focus' and I've had a good few nights researching the most randomest unimportant thing on say Wikipedia amongst others due to an unnecessary fixation, yet when it come to something a little more important like a project I just have no interest
My mom took me to the dr when I was five and asked if I should be tested for ADHD, he said since I was able to sit still I was clearly fine. Lmao I was diagnosed at 17. Now I am 28 and there are so many things I am still learning about why I do the things I do. I thought I was stupid and weird and it was just... me.
I wish my parents would accept the fact that I'm autistic (was diagnosed, but didn't use their insurance cuz I didn't want them seeing me going to a mental doctor), and that I need moderate assistance
my little brother got diagnosed with autism by a doctor at the age of three. he's one of the smartest people I know. he has an iq of 148 and can grasp anything so easily. his speech is what effects him; he has a big mind and heart but it's so hard for him to get the words out. day by day he practices his speech for a hour and improves over time. I'm so happy that there is content like this that doesn't show autism as something that is bad.
IQ doesn’t mean your smart, it describes your ability to learn I hope your parents get him tutors that can help him learn in the way that is best for him. He sounds like he loves to learn.
@@cannsmith So with a name like "intelligence quotient" KNOWN for being a measure for intelligence or smarts, a flawed measure but a measure nonetheless. You still decline that IQ has anything to do with how smart you are? I would really like to hear your reason for thinking this. Thank you.
one thing that helped me through it all is making friends that were diagnosed or suspected of having autism. everything feels like a breeze because they understand your struggles and they’re upfront and loyal and it made everything so much easier. i finally had people i could talk to.
“In my experience, girls are just as obsessive as boys.” Absolutely! Thats one of my biggest aspire traits. I get very obsessive over things! It’s just that girls obsessions are often more socially acceptable than boys. For example, a teen girl obsessed with Ponies is fine but a teen boy obsessed with washing machines seems odd
Well just tell them "Well who invented the washing machines? The guy who likes all things washing machines or the guy that likes all things spaceships?"
ya omg!! right now my special interest is makeup which is stereotypically feminine/a pretty "normal" thing to be obsessed with, beauty gurus with huge makeup drawers are a thing so it's less likely for my interest to be seen as autistic in nature
Dude? Washing machines?! No offense Im not even fascinated with washing So.. But if you could built a washing machine from scrap and tell me all the parts of it. Well that'll be cool 🙂
I feel like I had decent social skills until middle/highschool where the bullying started, now I cant even make small talk at work without having a panic attack.
@Fundle Pug bullying is hard! You can improve yourself by putting yourself in situation that scare you like walking up to strangers an talk to them, or having conversations with people in any kind of social setting. Traveling alone also helps... you can start with asking for directions ect. I pushed myself by starting to working as a server on the side and it was difficult! But now it's ok 🙂 don't give up 😉
@Fundle Pug that's very good! Compliments are always great. Just take it day by day and be proud with small archievements. This doesn't go away overnight. With me it was the same. At my first job interview, I was shaking all over my body, and couldn't bring a word out. Now it's no problem and even fun. You could also do some charity work on the side to boost your confidence. You will see it will get better 😉 In general, as long as you shift the focus from you to the person you are talking to, and you are really interested in what the person has to say, and where they are coming from, they will feel it and open up to you. Everybody loves to be listened to 😉
when i was about 13, my family had moved state. and the school I had attended, had said that i was too high functioning and didnt know where to place me. And I ended up in a classroom filled w troublemakers. and the teacher, bless her, she tried her best with us all. I'm soo glad that we are finally understand what autism truely is.
I love the Vulcan comparison. I had my few friends completely avoid me because they thought I was too unemotional, and it was so stressful because I didn't know how to communicate to them properly that I do feel emotions.
I chuckled at that too my boyfriends mom compares him to a Vulcan sometimes and I totally agree he feels so much but it’s hard for him to talk about his emotions at times and has different portrayals of them I’m so sorry to here that your friends avoid you that’s terrible you just need to find the right people that accept you for how you are and I think if your friends just talked to you about it they’d really reach a better understanding
My daughter is on the spectrum. Diagnosed at 16...she is 26 now. She is heavy in story writing, poetry & music. I want her to watch this video...it is so great!
My autistic friends just told me they believe I’m on the spectrum. After watching this video, it explains a lot about how I’ve hated myself about not fitting in, being too trusting, and or understanding nuances. I feel like I can accept myself now
This made me tear up, because this was so real, like when they were talking about how you feel so strange and abnormal because things just click with most people, and it doesn't with us. That hit me hard
I have been because something sex caused happend to me when ever somebody talks to me my pee pee area feels annoying and uncomfortable its feels like it interacting with the sound ever since than I hated s e x even though it feels so good I just hate it
Rosa Frederiksen it has made me feel better after being diagnosed at the age of 42, I could do my own research as to why I felt so lonely as a child ,and just feeling so different to everyone else,I think this is why boys especially with ASD get obsessed with superheroes such as superman,they can see the awkwardness of Clark Kent bumbling around trying to fit in,but then can relate to superman, as maybe that in our heads is the part we feel we are trying to hide,I remember vividly going to the cinema in 1980, when I was 6 years old and watching two superman films back to back,and even at that young age I think I could relate to the films more than most,and thought to myself that being different is not so bad.
I admit I cried a little at the end when I heard of what Amy went through, but also how things got so much better for her and that she’s following her dreams. Just the pick me up I need as a autistic who’s new to the adult world and struggles with doubts about myself sometimes. Thank you TH-cam feed for blessing me with this.
This is an especially hard thing to convince older people of. Millenials are generally preoccupied with phones and it takes some of the pressure off of me to maintain appropriate eye contact.
Pro tip: Look at peoples Nose ridge, in case you haven't learned that trick in social interactions, it will make them feel like you have eye contact. Also Adapt yourself for hand articulations, it will make you seem less passive and bland visually if you haven't already. Another thing is cater to your strong sides or passions, dont be like i dont feel like it/I dont see the purpose for it, push through that barrier and you will thank yourself for it. Sadly i dont got advice to give on being able to converse and be less monotone as i haven't figured out the social conversationalist approach or how to be less monotone but i do know online in speech,initially or in written i am very good to depict things. One of my hobbies or passions is lyricism.
A friend of mine invited a girl over for "Netflix and Chill" and they binge watched the entire first season of a show. She left in a huff and never returned his texts afterward. He was so confused but then people explained to him that he'd likely gotten her hopes up for sex.
I wish everyone could be more upfront about sex and dating. So much of it seems to revolve around strange and arcane ritual behavior that leaves so much up to interpretation and never means quite what it appears. I've also definitely bungled the "watch a movie" thing. Recently a girl invited me over for a movie, we seemed to have a great time, lots of laughter and no awkward silences or anything. But after I left, she never responded to another text message again. I was later informed/realized that she probably wanted to have sex with me. If so, why didn't she initiate it or at least imply that it was what she wanted? I'm actually pretty good at reading social cues but I can't read minds. I was more worried about coming off as too aggressive...
@@GarmanyRachel Aw, "will you let me kiss you?" "yes, but not yet." THATS SOOOOOOO ADORABLE! I'm glad you two are still married. Live happily together :)
I admire these women not only for being aware of and embracing ASD. But more so for sharing their internal feelings and thoughts on what it's like to live with the symptoms and the difficulty not given by the disability but by society that misinterprets them and their responses. The more we learn about the spectrum that is Autism, the more we will understand human behaviour as a whole. Thank you to all the women that participated in this.
I thought everyone was diagnosed as a child and now I really want to hear the stories of the people who got diagnosed as adults. Edit: this video was the first step to me getting my diagnosis. Thanks
Doctors only started really recognizing low-functioning boys in the late '80s. Over the years they got better at recognizing autism and were able to diagnose higher and higher functioning people, but girls and women are still under-diagnosed because they "hide" it better (we are essentially actors every time we step out of our bedroom doors, playing a different role depending on who we're around.) Anyone, male or female, who was born before 1990 and is rather high functioning would have had to be very lucky to be diagnosed early. There are lots of people, men and women, in their 30s and older who are just now receiving their diagnosis. A lot of times when their kids get diagnosed, the doctors then look at the parents and realize one of them has undiagnosed autism. I wish I could have been diagnosed as a kid, so that my family would have realized I wasn't just a brat or jerk when I refused to eat what they cooked, said mean things or threw tantrums. But being a high-functioning girl born in the 80s, I didn't really stand a chance when it came to being diagnosed or recognized. Adults in my life always focused exclusively on either the bad behavior OR the "talent" (having asperger's I have a high IQ and did very well in school as well as in extra-curricular types of activities). No one ever put two and two together.
I was diagnosed very recently, at 24. I was always very confused about everything and felt like an alien (or like everyone else was aliens) because I was so bad at social skills and didn't understand people and didn't understand why they didn't understand me lol. Childhood was the worst for me, life was just too confusing. But it really does get better as you learn - yes we have to learn what comes naturally to other people, but neurotypical people can learn some stuff from us too! I'm still a weirdo but a highly likeable one lol I've learned to embrace my "weirdness" because the world needs people who think differently, I'm a valuable friend and a good employee and I've learned to accept the idea that I'll always be different, but hey, aren't all the people "different" too? I'm not any more different to a neurotypical person than one neurotypical person can be different to another neurotypical.
@@pingwingwi This is really interesting because I'm only now being diagnosed because rather than thinking everyone was like aliens... I thought they were all like me! I thought that everyone hated eye contact, and everyone got sensory overload, and that it was totally normal. I'm 22 and I was misdiagnosed with general anxiety, seeing as I called my meltdowns "anxiety attacks" because I had no idea autistic meltdowns were a thing. My Mum saw the warning signs of autism when I was an infant, and instead of trying to diagnose me, she raised me normally, and validated all of my weird idiosyncrasies. This means I grew up thinking other people were weird when they weren't bothered by furniture being moved, or a teacher's hair-style changing, lmao! It also meant that my transition into social life was easier than I imagine most people's to be, because I chose to make myself socialize to be normal, rather than being pushed to do so by a parent or doctor. Of course, I'm lucky enough to be "high-functioning", so the way my Mum raised me without a diagnosis was actually the right thing for me I think. I can't imagine the bullying I would have received if my bullies thought I was autistic. I already got bullied for "copying" the other girls' sayings and habits (this was me trying to mimic to fit in), and manipulated because I was gullible af because I didn't understand people had ulterior motives. I totally agree with you that everyone is different, and that we're just as different as everyone else. We're just different in a specific set of ways, I guess :)
This is actually the video that made me realize I might be on the spectrum...... I’ve been living in denial. I’m going to go and explain to a professional why I feel I’m autistic and if I get diagnosed which I probably will - it would be such a relief. God. My whole life all those different aspects of me have been bugging me and I’ll finally be able to put a name on them. At the end of the video I just started bawling my eyes out because for the first time in my life I felt understood. Thank you so much for bringing awareness to this.
When I was a kid, pretty much the only concepts people had of autism were either of the heavily-disabled high support need children or of rainman-type geniuses... and females didn't occur as either. About the only treatment offered to "high functioning" autism was basically the same as ADD/ADHD, and that was pretty much limited to ritalin which is a hell of a thing to put a kid on. My mom had a psychology degree and was really spooked by how primitive medication-based psychiatric care was, so she pretty much refused to have me "treated" until I was old enough to express, myself, the desire to do so. I was asked if I wanted to see a professional and I said no, partly because from everything I could imagine, if I was ever diagnosed with something it would just leave me feeling "disabled" and make it an excuse for anything going wrong with me. I didn't want that, so I went my entire childhood and teenage life trying to convince myself that I was just quirky. I don't regret that. I don't regret that it wasn't until my early 20s that I was told, offhandedly, by my sisters that my mom had always thought I was autistic and had spoken on the subject with them. They were surprised that I didn't know. I was surprised that I didn't know, since it had been pretty much in front of my nose that whole time but... understanding subtlety and sensitivity has never been my strong point. Shocking for someone with autism, right? Knowing changed everything. Knowing let me be sure that my distance with social situations wasn't because I was a sociopath, as a suspicion had arisen in some of my darker moments had suggested. Knowing gave me a vocabulary of concepts to recognize how my thoughts and behaviors were, indeed, different from others. Knowing told me exactly what I was going to need to learn and practice in order to at least mostly fit in with a society of people who have literally no idea what an adult female with autism would be like, if it even occurred to them that we exist. You don't have to know. It won't hurt you to go on just being different, many of us do and will and will be just fine. But if you think that knowing might help you... forgive yourself and just go find out.
There's an amazing group on Facebook, called "The Thinking Person's Guide to Autism," that you might really appreciate as you begin the journey of discovery. All the best!
I had some of the same issues as you guys, I was bullied and made fun of constantly because I was hyper, impulsive, and a bit touchy. I never meant to make anyone feel uncomfortable, so now I’m very closed off and kind of antisocial. The kids at school thought I was weird and it caused me a lot of mental distress. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, Severe Anxiety, and PTSD. My psychiatrist helped me though a lot of it and I’m happy that my anxiety has reduced and my ptsd isn’t that much of a problem anymore. I would love to thank my best friend, Emma, for being by my side since kindergarten and never giving up on me even after I moved schools. Always remember no matter what happens someone will always help you through it and everything WILL be okay!
On the point about how being unaware of how social cues work puts autistic women at risk of sexual assault, I'd like to bring up how that exact same problem can result in autistic men being seen as sexual predators because we misinterpreted nonverbal cues. That's been a lot of my experience in my late teens/early twenties dating. While I won't go into detail, I had sexually harassed and stalked a girl without even realizing I was doing it until she bluntly told me I was making her uncomfortable. She later told me in a conversation we had for closure that she'd been trying to drop me "hints" for months that she wasn't interested to let me down easy. And the worst part is? It's not entirely her fault. When neurotypical men fly off the handle over a girl breaking up with them and threaten to shoot them or release the girl's nudes online - as many women I'm friends with have told me about - it makes women more hesitant to be frank with men, and that includes autistic men who simply CAN'T pick up on nonverbal cues. We're not like neurotypical men who intentionally ignore these cues, we CAN'T pick up on them. None of this is to say that sexual misbehavior is justified because a man is autistic. Fuck, no. But it is a problem when autistic men grow up in A) a culture where men are expected to be assertive and women expected to be coy and indirect and B) a culture that paints a lot of very predatory behavior as "romantic."
Hey man, I have total respect for you if you took her words to heart and learned from it. As a person on the spectrum I am sick of people using their diagnosis as an excuse for shitty behaviour, including predatory behaviour. It's true most social cues go right over my head, which is why I tell my friends, if I hurt you with what I've said or done, tell me. Just tell me.
Oh, trust me, I'm not making excuses for my behavior at all. I recognize I was being a colossal prick and acting like a sexual predator. I'm still friends with the girl I hurt, but it took a lot of apologizing and effort on my part to show I genuinely was sorry for how I treated her. It was an incredibly confusing time for me.
Movies informed a lot of this behavior, too. Since practically no one told me HOW to talk to girls or treat them or engage in sexual intercourse with them, I turned to movies to use as a social guideline. So, when Ryan Gosling threatens to drop himself from a ferris wheel unless Rachel McAdams goes out with him, the lesson I got as a kid was: "Huh. Girls like this. I should do this." So, if a girl says "No," what media taught me wasn't "Stop" but "Try harder." That shit was incredibly confusing for me growing up.
"I think we're highly emotional, we just don't express it as people expect" ye this 100% - I actually think internally I'm more emotional and prone to emotional inbalances than the average person, but I don't tend to project those feelings with outward body-language displays in the same way most people do - it's similar to the intonation in my voice which is apparently flat, yet when i speak I hear intonation, so maybe when I'm feeling strong emotions on the inside and feel like I'm displaying those emotions, my outward projections show barely any noticable change to observers?
I'm a man in my late 30s with autism, and this is well said, I get a lot of what these women are saying, it a rough existence and everyday is a challenge
I was diagnosed with autism at 3 years old...I’m happy that I see other people like me.. I remember asking my 7th grade teacher “what is it like to be normal?” And I felt bad that I made her cry by asking..
It would appear that bullies can spot autistic kids way quicker than doctors & specialists can. Certainly was the case with my daughter :(
it's like a 6th sense for them it seems
I mean we're talking ~8 hours every single day, versus occasional couple-hour sessions...
Frrrrr
@@slayerdude18 FXCKING SLAYER
you see autistic people dont really look anydifferent externally, its more their character and demeaner. but growing up i mean even til adulthood.. id had a few experiences with autistic people, where i had no idea they were autistic. and out of nowhere theyd make a joke, one time even a racial joke like our of thin air.. and he sat there laughing quietly. and I waas confused i look at this guy looking at his expressions and waiting for him to kinda realise what he said offended me and look at me and at least explain.. but insted he kinda lookd that had a huge grin. to me i thought what an arsehole, and ive grown up standing up for myself, and I said "are you serious?" trust me i was about to get physical, we was in a pub and one of my mates form the other side of the room could feel it. and he shouted me asked me whats up.. and i told him shouted back out loud, everyont got a bit moody whil the autistic kid acting not only like he had no remorse, but like he was proud it wound me up.. this is the body language they can give off.. they can seem rude, un caring and it looks intentional.. csz
"All the little things that everyone does unconsciously, autistic people do manually."
This woman just took a huge weight off of my shoulders just like that. I'm in awe. That might be the best explanation I could use to describe my struggles that I've ever heard up to this point. It's spot on. I feel like I need to thank her.
I know. It explains why social interactions are so exhausting for me, I have to put on a mask to perform at my job.
@@colleens.279 I know right! and I'm so tired of it. smh
Can you please explain to me a little? What exactly is autism?? How do an autistic person feel??
@@AshirwadSarmah Social interactions are intrinsically dispositioned; autistic people, however, do not experience social interaction the same way other people do. It’s hard to talk to people and people will talk naturally, but everything like our body language and speech has to be controlled whereas everyone else unconsciously controls it.
@@aaAa-bp1yd what if it's not controlled?
“It’s like being bullied for being blind, but being socially blind”
That explains my entire life after being diagnosed at 2 years old
i know what you mean i was diagnosed at 10 with Asperger but everyone thinks that it changes my life but really i have never known different, the only difference is i often get bullied because of it.
@Joe Average it would help in toughen up a person at somepoint , toughen them up by make them learn that it doesnt matter what people say about them and make them stand for themselves
I was diagnosed at 2 also
@@hmm-hy8cw Not really, because again, it's being blind socially. And when one is socially blind, you don't really know why they are bullying you. You rather already are able to speak up, so you rather feel that because they're bullying that they are trying to get you stop talking, and not to speak up more. And if you don't have your personality fully developed, then how are you going to speak up against them? You don't, because you don't know how and so you just stay quiet.
Your lucky, to be diagnosed so young. I had to live knowing I was different for 12 years before I knew the reason. My heart's with anyone who has the disorder and doesn't know it. This is such an unfair system, we get bullied, but none does anything against it, but if someone who was fat was bullied everyone would be on it. So we mask it, try to change OUR behaviour because others can't accept that we're different. My heart is really with all my asbergic brothers and sisters, all we've been through, are going to go through and all we need to do every day just to not be mentally tortured. People say to be proud of it, but if you gave me the choice to get rid of it and relive the first 12 years of mynlife non autistic, I'd chose it in a heartbeat.
"Even with people I care for and enjoy being around, I have to psyche myself up to be around them." That statement really resonates with me, and is difficult to explain to friends.
yeah same
Same. I might hang out with a friend once a year. And it’s for that reason my friendships struggle. This goes for family as well.
Indeed, I feel the same way.
@@heatherrae901 It doesn't help there's a friendship recession (it's real, go look it up on Wikipedia. This "recession" has existed since 1990's) out there, and people are making less friends despite there's a loneliness epidemic on-going.
So true!!
After watching this I feel like it is entirely possible to go a lifetime without realizing one has Autism
It is, and it was up until the mid-late 1960's.
@@bernardgrant3349 How did you know? I think I might have too
yes you can, especially in poor countries. also some people, while in the spectrum, are highly functioning that their idiosyncrasy sometimes just pass as a "weird quirk".
@@SabrinaPerez I was diagnosed by a local psychologist but there's a lot of good info online to self diagnos. Also there are a lot of good online communities to provide support whether your diagnosis is self, or doctor diagnosis.
Yeah, on hindsight i was an extremely confused kid developing masking mechanisms over masking mechanisms to cope with the world. But since then I've come to accept that I might be on the spectrum and now I'm trying to figure out how to live with it rather than struggling against it.
The woman who rocks as she talks wasn’t diagnosed till she was 32?! That poor woman probably went through so much being undiagnosed for that many decades.
I would of diagnosed her over a cup of coffee.
Try age 53....and you’re right - it’s been pretty rough going!
I don't know if I have autism or not but I tend to rock a lot, though I have a feeling that probably has nothing to do with it. It also seems to suck to go through so much but be told you're normal or have something else.
@@user-ej5nk5yc3l My aunt used to scream at me to not do it but it was hard to stop.
I wasn't diagnosed till last Summer. And I am 33.
“Social skill is like a muscle”
Damn, a lot of this is hitting home.
loooll its too relatable
Because you flex them on people with autism?
Just roid Instant BOOM
@Aneesa H. Gurl, I can help you exercise that muscle, nomesayin.
Aneesa H. U artistic
watching this had me in tears having no friends can hurt hearing "she's slow" can make you hate social interactions even more
I'm right there with you Queen 💜😪🙏
Or “you’re so quiet”
@@divin3_l0vee I can we be friends
It really hurts. I grew up always feeling weird and being called a dork, or strange, and even stuck up. I found my group of weirdos but it took until high school. College was starting all over again. Luckily I joined some groups so I can find people with similar interests. Working in environments that make me feel passionate with likeminded individuals… that’s thriving , but outside of the education world, I feel alone.
absolutely, having no friends can really hurt
The worse part is being completely self aware of what makes you so different.
ugh ikr
Yeah, it sucks that I know there’s something off about me but I just don’t know how to fix it.
I knoww..sometimes i think i'm weird
If you know how and why you suffer you can affect change so as not to encounter it. If you don't you can't and so continue to suffer.
Some of these women spoke of their own progress towards reducing outside BS for example
Wait... wouldn’t that be the best part? To be aware and understand why there is a separation gap? I feel better being self aware of what makes me so different because it allows me to identify what I can do that can make me be similar which allows me to connect with others. Not knowing was the whole disconnect. But connecting to myself has allowed me to connect with others. I think the self awareness is a blessing in disguise
“They need to teach social skills in relationships” absolutely. Hit the nail on the head girl.
Absolutely! Not just for people on the spectrum, but especially for neurotypicals. People on the autistic spectrum comprise a small chunk of the population, yet divorce rates in western countries are high. Quite ironic but unsurprising.
@@misscogito9865 well people who are mentally challenged don’t even get married or have life long fulfilling relationships. So they need to be taught way more than just social skills
@@starrynightsky7754 how do you know?
@@starrynightsky7754 Actually, mentally challenged people do have relationships more than people think.
Yeah that's job No 756 for teachers to do in their 6 hr day...after all those they might get a minute to actually
teach.
"Having to psych myself up to even be around family" me in a nutshell.
Same here. It can be exhausting
Same. I'm not autistic as far as I know, but I get headaches listening to people talk about all the dumb stuff people talk about.
Ya know guys, dont think about psyching yourself up. Just throw yourselves out there and see what happens. It works for me!
@@captainamerica647 That's like getting out of bed after 6 hours of sleep and going straight to sky-diving or rally-cross driving. I recommend coffee.
even though i just want to glittering with my mom but she often said i`m just being childish ... =(
We are highly emotional and tend to be more direct ,this makes some people think we are cold and over step our boundries
Boundaries have always been a huge problem for me because I personally lack boundaries. I have no problem telling someone I just met about my medical history, what my last bowel movement was like, or my mental health issues. On top of that, I'm very emotional and overly involved in my relationships with others. Once, I had an online friend that was on a vacation and I saw via her location tag on her recent Instagram post where she was and I looked up the weather there and it seemed very nice so I told her that and she got really upset and weirded out. To this day I still don't really understand why... all of the information was available to me but I guess I wasn't supposed to say anything about it? Who knows.
I relate to everything here except I've been told that I have too many boundaries.
@@casuallyceltic She just made a big deal out of nothing, or maybe she had a stalker in her past and it was reminiscent for her, like fear :)
@@casuallyceltic idk why she was mad too, I'd be receptive
Being cold and highly emotional, these somehow do not relate in my head. I tend to think others are cold actually, insincere
I was diagnosed on the higher functioning end when I was 2 years old and the woman who diagnosed me told my parents to be prepared to put me in a home once they are not able to take care of me anymore, that I would not be able to find love, or feel love or any other emotion, etc. I'm right now in college getting my Bachelors in Science in Clinical Psychology, Engaged (getting married in 2020), and just living my life the way it should be. My way.
Edit: Honestly didn't expect so many likes, I was just putting my two cents on my experience and how far I've come. Thank you all for the love you have given me
Wow what a bad psychologist that gave you that diagnosis. Glad she was wrong
That's amazing and I couldn't be happier for you
Don't you love it when your life can prove a medical professional wrong?
"I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your son's a genius." -Scorpion, premiere episode
Thank you for sharing your story
Same here girl high functioning and gifted here! We are different not less! Gotta love Temple Grandin. :)
When I talk about my own autism, I always say autistic people are like cats - we stick to what makes us feel comfortable, if we get overwhelmed by our senses we sometimes panic or lash out, we need time on our own to recharge, we often come across very socially awkward, and we're never sure how to react in new, foreign situations.
This just reminds me of that apparently, when I was a toddler, I got my wires crossed and mimicked the socialisation of our cat instead of my family... placing the food bowl somewhere where the cat could find it and I couldn't became an interesting challenge for the adults, oops 😅
This is why my fursona (An animal character you identify with) is a cat. You explained it very well
Omg that’s such a good analogy
@@27ratsinatrenchcoat90 I am also a furry :3
@@27ratsinatrenchcoat90 haha I love that word: fursona. My fursona is a cat too. We think alike!
"All the little things that everyone does unconsciously autistic people do manually" Thank you! every little facial expression, tone of voice, movement, reaction, and word has to be consciously calculated. Sometimes I focus so much on properly responding that I literally can't focus on the person and miss the next thing they say.
Same, same, same reunions even with my own family can be a real struggle.
This might be a stupid question but do you mean literally everything like even blinking and breathing?
@@godbearxd Not things like that. More like choosing when to make and break eye contact and choosing how to move my face, voice, and body to express the right emotion/reaction etc.
@@godbearxd well sometimes if I'd focus too much on my breathing I might get really anxious and even have a panic attack
And here I thought this was a consequence of not interacting with anyone when I was younger, but I tend to mimic the characters I like most on the most recent video I watched. Due to this, I constantly rewatch Snatch.
I just got my autism diagnosis this year, at 36 years old. I didn't start realizing that I was autistic until after my daughter got her diagnosis. I started researching autism in girls, and the more I learned, the more I started realizing that it sounded a lot like me as well. I talked to my doctor, went through the process, and got my diagnosis. I really wish I had known as a kid. It explains everything. I've never been "normal" like other girls. I always wondered why. My husband has become my safety blanket. I probably rely on him too much, but he is great about it. I just hope I can help my daughter adjust better than I was able to.
my diagnosis was last year in january, at 28
You basically just paraphrased my own story!
I'm never having kids because it's not fair to pass on my autism gene and make someone else have to suffer like I did.
@@pricklycatsss I am sorry you feel this way. Autism is not some horrific disease. And your suffering could be eased with some therapy. There are many reasons people suffer on this planet, neurotypical or not.
I’m also 36 and just got diagnosed after my son was diagnosed with ASD when I realised I have most of the symptoms on the test. Just a question, do you have night time visuals as well? I’ve had this since a young child … at night in the dark I see brightly coloured patterns that swirl around beautifully. I was never afraid of this until I realised a few years ago that it’s not normal …. now I’m wondering if something more is wrong and it’s giving me very bad night time anxiety I hate it 😞
It is a misconception that autistic people lack empathy or cannot read emotions, etc. I am on the spectrum, and I have a lot of empathy, write poetry, and read people very well. It is in the other areas that I have issues
Yes!
@Mark Donald It is part o the diagnostic criteria yes, but that does not make it entirely correct. Women on the spectrum are frequently misdiagnosed because they don't fall into this neat category of people who can't read emotions, etc.
Yeah because I believe that autism and high sensitivity are linked
Not to put too fine a point on it, but... are you sure you read people so extremely well? After all, ultimately we’re not the ones who get to make that call about ourselves.
What have your friends and loved ones told you about the times they recall your thoughtfulness?
Exactly, they are over-emotional, over-sensitive, over-thinking...
"Except in this case, you're blind socially." *wow* that description made an impression on me.
Same here
As a diagnosed autist, I can 100% confirm this is what it is like.
This blindness has cost me so many job interviews...
I'm not autistic but h a gottem
Do you, I mean anyone in comments who is neurotypical, do you find that description helpful? I may use it next time I'm asked the "what does that (me being autistic) mean, exactly?" question.
I was bullied so much as a child. First I thought it was just a coincidence, but even as I changed the school I was always the one being left out, being picked on. I remember asking myself over and over and over again: “Why? Why me? What am I doing wrong?” I was trying so hard, I was trying to always be kind and nice to people, but it made them bully me even more. I still don’t know why. But now I know, that I have Aspergers and that I might not really have understood the social hierarchies and communication in my class. But let’s be honest here: Aspergers is not the reason you are bullied. It might explain your strange behaviour in some situations. But it is still the other kids that bully you. And it’s not your fault.
💯 🙏🏻
Thank you, me too. We have wonderful traits they don't appreciate, thats all.
of course it's not your fault. we lack empathy as a society.
I felt so much pain reading this because I can resonate deeply
Thank you. I was bullied too, for 5 years straight. This made me feel better
One of the main problems with high functioning autism is that the quirks/idiosyncrasies often come across as being shady or always up to something. And a lot of times its true. Just not shady in the way most people assume it to be. It often gets confused with narcissism or sociopathic. But with autism, the "shady" behavior is usually the result of defense mechanisms. Relationships, even casual, can be very difficult.
this is so true.
Soooo true!!
100%... Need to post this where more can see it..
social skills are DEFINITELY a muscle, well said.
All skills are like a muscle.
@@alwynwatson6119 where are the muscles to my executive function, halp.
@@VenusVoice The metaphorical muscles behind executive function are in the way your brain is wired. The reason the skills are like mussels metaphor works is because skills like muscles improve with practice but it takes time and training is not necessarily simple. However exsecutive function is not one skill it is multipul of them it is more like a muscle group than a mussel. So it might seem impossible to train if you are getting no results. But you might just be training the wrong skills and the ones you will need will depend on your situation. th-cam.com/video/qAC-5hTK-4c/w-d-xo.html
If you have ADHD or a form of autism that makes executive function more difficult than any training will difficult in a similar way it takes dyslexic people way more time and practice to do a even half decent job at reading or writing. So it makes a lot of sense to make things easier where possible. th-cam.com/video/H4YIHrEu-TU/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/kfihB-719Fs/w-d-xo.html
i dont know if its a musle i yust know i have to do it consciously and i have to really watch people to notice their more subtle body language eye movement im also way more blunt and direct when i dont feel like doing all that i like when their suprised when i very easily talk about useally very private or sensitive matters as easy as others would talk about the weather i very much like when they get excited becouse i talk so openly and they feel like they can have actual real conversations for a change its fun to see that
no it is DEFINITELY not
I find it useful to have a summary to review the main points.
Summary:
1. Autism covers a wide spectrum
2. We have emotions
3. Social interaction can be challenging
4. Diagnoses can happen at any age
5. The nuance of dating can be challenging...but we do have sex lives
6. We have lots of different interests
7. Bullying sucks
8. It's getting better
EDIT:
very surprised and glad that so many people find it useful c:
THIS!!!
Thank you!
People find it useful because there are so many stereotypes out there that seem to make people otherwise.. :)
Yes, it is useful to know it's *not* just me.. it makes people like me think that "maybe Asperger's is not it"..
Because:
- I am *extremely* creative.
- I have a rich inner mental landscape.
- I like writing.
- I care about people and am willing to do extra stuff I don't need to because I do understand what it might feel like to be in their shoes..
- I feel things intensely.
- I have a sense of humor, and some people even find my jokes funny (!!) . XD
I just am really bad at:
- Communicating in a socially acceptable way what I feel.
- Picking up social cues from others.
- Sending out the right social cues myself.
- Not think of actual shoes when I hear or say "in someone else's shoes" (and mentally seeing, feeling, smelling etc. said pair of shoes.. don't ask, but "visualize" does not do my mental VR justice..)
- Mentally verbalizing things (in actual words) without explicitly trying to do so. (While I make a mental VR pretty much automatically, and can mentally hear music etc. I don't automatically make words to go with any of it. Ironically, it makes me a very poetic person because it takes me a bit to find the right words for what I feel..
- Regulating sensory input..
- Not physically hurting when this sensory input gets too much..
- having moments when I *can't* tell you "what's wrong" even if I really, really want to...
- or really anything else until it passes.. (but I *do* tend to know what I am *not* feeling so that can actually be helpful if you put a sheet with emojis in front of me..)
And all of these are *especially* true when I'm tired or under stress..
It always passes, even though it might feel at that moment like it never, ever will...
In short, when my kids call me a Vulcan, they are probably right... if only I had more control over my emotions.. (and had green blood..)
So.. why does your checklist matter? It tells me I'm not alone.. and that what I *have* is only a small facet of who I *am*.
It doesn't get to rule my life, or define my future or that of my loved ones.
Understanding it lets me put it back into it's proper perspective.
So thank you.. ;)
P.S. for those of you with Asperger's.. how close is what I described to what you are dealing with?
@@a_diamond Wow, I did not expect such an amazing response, I love it. my friend brought to this video because she have Asperger's and that's why I wanted to know more and made the list.
My intention to make the list is because it is easier for me to grasp the main ideas shown in the video and thought that others would also benefit from it too. However, I did not expect so many people also found it useful.
I am glad to let people with Asperger's know that people *do* care and even more glad if this list clarifies any stereotypes on people with Asperger's. My friend is one of the most gentle, smart, and mature person I know in my life, despite not having good experience in the past. It would definitely be great to see the world be a nicer place for you guys.
I greatly appreciate your input on what people with Asperger's is good and bad at (it actually made me smile while reading them, in a good way of course :p ), since this is not covered in the video. I believe if more people know more about what Asperger's really is, they would stop having negative impression on it.
Able to pinpoint the specific characteristics of the syndrome helps a lot on defining what part is you and what is because of the disability, allowing people to--like you said-- "put it in its proper perspective".
Happy to help :)
i once watched a video about women with autism and the best way they explained it was that young girls often learn to imitate behavior when they are young, and that its harder to diagnose it because they can "act" the way its expected of them in certain situations even though they may not understand why
That's how I am. I haven't been diagnosed yet because I'm too nervous to go to the doctor, but I know for a 100% fact I have it and have known for years. But growing up when I was younger and not knowing I had it kinda helped me to look at others and "act" like them.
I think this is an unfortunate symptom of sexist gender norms and socializing girls to be more... socially aware? than boys. We get so many signals from very early on, both overt and subtle, about 'proper' behavior, playing and being nice etc. On the other hand, boys are allowed less emotional self expression and are expected to misbehave, almost. ('Boys will be boys,' men don't cry' etc etc). I have a very young son (less than 1 yr old) and the gender normative comments from family and friends are already astonishing. Finishes his whole meal? Boys are hungry! Watches a car going by? He's a boy, he's clearly interested in machinery/technology! etc.
@@moxiousch I've been medically diagnosed with autism, and it doesn't really have anything to do with gender for me, i just copy the behaviors that seem the most common between people; naturally I have male tendencies because of certain people I may sit around while also acting female around others. I think I might be reading your comment incorrectly, but I just wanted to say that I copy behaviors based on whoever is engaged with me.
Um, so gender constructs only afflict women? WhAt>!?
@@moxiousch Good hypothesis, Judith (Butler), but you need to reconcile biological essentialism with new theories in the social sciences (like the one's you're promoting). If not, you're being just as ignorant as someone who only considers biological essentialism to explain continuous behaviors across sex. It becomes undeniable in relevance when these behaviors carry into and across the animal kingdom, so I implore you to not just throw away years of scientific study to promote what might hypothetically be better (after all your proposal is based on philosophical prose) for your child. "boys are allowed less emotional self expression" you say that like it's a good thing--in reality this is why suicide is the leading cause of death for men under 40 (20-25%) Like seriously, what the fuck Judy? Repressing emotions is a gender expectation, not a gender privilege. Both genders have pros and cons to their social constructs. Get some nuance or I'll call cps on behalf of that baby.
I'm so glad a black woman came in for this video. The black community typically sees mental health differently, especially when combined with religious belief. My good friend had told me this and I see it everywhere now. People don't realize or process that there are autistic folks all around the world! Not just America. That's such a subconscious idea that's just sitting in a lot of people's mind and it's like hey! People in India have autism. In Afghanistan. In China. In Turkey. Everywhere!
I don't know if I have autism. Im about to get an evaluation. My sister is autistic and I understand everything she talks about. And the bullying was relentless for us. For me I constantly got assaulted and attacked at school. I was quiet and walked funny and I was different. I didn't know what was wrong with me until people told me and I believed it and it ate me up. And I couldn't be like everyone else I didn't know how to. But I also didn't know why I was so dang different that I couldn't get along with everyone. It's painful. My heart hurt feeling that.
And then things changed for me. I got some friends in college and people liked me. I couldn't believe it. Nothing changed. Those people just gave me a chance and I loved it. And most people who gives me a chance likes me.
People will see the outside. They'll notice things that don't matter and they may be hung up on it. But you're all gems. Everybody. And when people give you a chance, they see that. I learned that a lot of times you have to fight for your chance, but when I almost gave up, people finally saw me. And I hope you all have someone who will or has given you the chance to express yourself and be you and sees what a gem you are.
You nailed it…
Thank you for writing out this comment *hugs*.
Heyyy have you got a diagnosis yet??
@@mads6857 I have! Hate to disappoint anybody, but I am not autistic. I have social anxiety, depression, and ADHD (predominantly inattentive.) I did find out we all share a lot of similarities, and really a lot of the stuff I related to most that people talked about was neurodivergency, not specifically autism. Because ADHD and autism both are neurodivergent. But there are specific things that mostly for me lead to ADHD. I did score mildly high on AQ (a test for autism), but the story of my background never fit quite right for that diagnosis. But I wonder if a lot of what I understood is because I grew up with autistic siblings (we knew my sister but not my brother until recent. I do have another brother who we think has something but he has never been evaluated.) And they were older, they did have a lot of influence on my life growing up. I think it's easy to see why I felt the world was strange.
I've learned so much about ADHD and so much of it describes my life to a T. I never thought I had it because I thought it was being hyper. But I would zone out all the time, especially during conversations. I would presenting in front of the class. My out of sight out of mind functioning makes me forget about important things or people I care about. I really understand who I am through this journey I went through with getting a diagnosis, more than I would have otherwise. I definitely recommend.
@@raedai8819 yayyyy that’s so cool! Just a question, were you dead set on being autistic before you found out you had ADHD? Like had you done lots of research for a long time and stuff because the first time I searched ‘am I autistic’ was when I was 11/12. I was going through a lot and I couldn’t quite pinpoint what was going on, literally every mental illness in the book I had searched up symptoms for, even if I knew I didn’t have them, but it hasn’t been a linear journey since, I’ve gone in and out of wondering if I am autistic, or “phases” of it ig, about a year ago was when I first believed I was. after that, my 16 y/o brother got an evaluation (that he probably should’ve passed when he was younger when he got his ADHD diagnosis) and I stopped thinking I was autistic because he’s very classically autistic right, and I basically have better social skills than him. My biggest fear is that I’m not going to get a diagnosis because of how much the diagnosis criteria has a root in mysoginy and negative connotations around autistic people and suffering, and because my social skills concerning cues and reading people are pretty good, but I still have always struggled with keeping friendships and I’m a floater, but that’s a huge part of autism so I’m scared that makes me not autistic, not that I necessarily want to be autistic but I’m scared of people thinking I was self-diagnosing or trying to be quirky or something. I feel like my symptoms aren’t “severe” enough as other autistic people. Sorry that’s long and a lot of that isn’t relevant but I feel like I have to explain that to explain what I’m asking 🙃
I remember having a sensory overload and said the loud noises are hurting me, so the teachers at my school got the loudest teacher to come yell at me and laughed at me while I hid under a chair
Puppylove 123 I hate how teachers treat us 😖.
That must have been awfull
That makes me sad .Most people can’t realize how painful or real a sound sensitivity is .I was 40when I was diagnosed. Autistic .I spent years when young in mental hospital .May people believe you now .
Barbara Moran very sorry that happened to you
What’s wrong with these people
Thats messed up, sorry you went through that. Had a few doosies myself...
Hi everyone! This is Amy, from the video. I just wanted to clear up a few things that people seem to keep mentioning in the comments. First let me say that I am proud and honored to know all of these women in the video, through various ways and means. They are all fierce advocates and people who have worked so hard and been through so much to become those advocates. What you see here in each of us is the result of a lifetime of work, of struggling and fighting and clearing enormous hurdles that came from our parents, our peers, autism professionals, and society at large. Keep in mind that not one of us here started out the way you see us now, and where someone you know (a child, a sibling, a friend) is in their life right now is not necessarily an indication of where they will end up in the future. All of us also still face many different kinds of challenges (big and small) on a daily basis, and it's because we've been around for a while that we've learned ways of coping with those challenges...but no matter how effortless it seems, it has and still does take a lot of work.
Second, several people seem befuddled by my statement about taking offense to someone saying I "didn't look autistic" or "wouldn't have known you were autistic." The context of this can be explained by two particular perceptions that people (especially people who are in the position to give or deny services and supports to autistic individuals) tend to have of autism. 1) You're too disabled/too "low-functioning" to be given help; or 2) You're not disabled enough/too "high-functioning" to need help. So if someone doesn't come across as being the "right" type of autistic, it can be very hard for them to get those supports and services, simply because to the person doling out said services, "You don't look autistic, therefore you don't really need these services." For me personally, it is not that I want to "look" autistic or that I want a label to feel "special." It's that no matter how "high functioning" I might come across, autism is still part of who I am and still affects me in all sorts of ways, every day. I was diagnosed at age 11, and I am as much on the spectrum now as I was back then, even if my challenges are different from what they were when I was a child.
Finally, to the one commenter who referred to me as "the bitch in purple": Nice to meet you, too!
Also, if anyone is interested in learning more about me or the work that I do as an autism consultant/professional speaker/writer, feel free to visit my website at www.amygravino.com and you can follow me on Insta (@amy.gravino) and Twitter (@amygravino). Thank you!
Awesome! Seeing someone from the video comment down here is amazing!
Thank you for being in the video. Your line about not being bad enough for help, but not well enough for no help hit me hard. Found out I'm dyslexic at 37 and probably high fashioning autistic as well but there's very little help out there for people in the middle so to speak. It's a lonely life.
Thank you. Sharing is caring!
Thank you for sharing your experience, Amy! My daughter is 15 and was diagnosed 2 years ago (although her father and I knew long before that). She is phenomenal, and I know she works really hard to be true to herself while also working to live within the conventions of society. I come alongside as much as I can to help her find that balance-the last thing I want is for her to give up her unique self and extraordinary view of the world so that she can "fit in." It's so helpful to me, as her main support person, to hear adult women talk about their experience. I'm looking forward to sharing this video with her.
What exactly is this support you refer to? It sounds like you are just talking about needing therapy and being different? I guess I just don't understand the point of identifying as autistic if you have low support needs autism. It's almost like you want to have a name for your specific issues. I'm very depressed but I don't go up to people and be like "Hi I'm Skeets and I have depression." If people don't notice your autism, why even discuss it outside of close friends and a therapist?
Granted, my depression has come up, but by that point people have already suspected it. If someone asks you "Why do you do X, Y, and Z?" it makes sense to be like, well I'm on the autism spectrum and sometimes I struggle with these things, etc. End of discussion...
I wish someone taught me how to socialize when I was young.
Alli YAFF Same, I am very shy😝
I wish I'd known the trick of staring at forehead between the eyes...making eye contact with people is like looking into the eyes of a guard dog.
I don't think it can be "taught". I mean, if you see a bunch of kids playing and interacting normally, how many of them do you think had parents that "taught" them to do what appears to be happening naturally? I just think some folks are wired differently.
@@opmike343 Oh yes, it can be taught. :) I learned eye contact (three different ways, depending on the cultural context! :) ) aged 10-16 and now, aged 23, I still steer it manually and every single person I've told is surprised and hadn't noticed - so a lot can be taught. Most kids just learn a different way - so depending on the kid the teaching has to vary. :)
Oh stfu
I'm 21 and show a ton of signs of being on the spectrum, even at a young age. But I was misdiagnosed with BPD.. Doctors need to stop diagnosing us for our emotional traits and diagnose us for what's ACTUALLY going on.
Went to see a therapist recently and he diagnosed me with bpd even though I was trying to tell him I think I have asd but was having trouble getting what I wanted across
@@lorefrancis3319 yeah I've approached my psychiatrist and two different therapists about this but they're always more concerned about my mood. They have me take the depression assessment and they're like, "oh, we should focus on your depression first."
WE'VE FOCUSED ON IT FOR 3 YEARS NOW. Time to try something different!
Why were my brother and dad able to get diagnosed so easily?? It's not fair.
YUP! I’m diagnosed with bpd as a teenager and I think I was misdiagnosed. As I do relate to a lot of symptoms associated with bpd, but there are others traits that I have that make me think autism. For instance, sensitive to sounds and light. I plugged my ears as a child a lot and even now at 27 years old if the tv is a little to loud I can’t handle it. Or just a lot of people talking at once. My 2 year old daughter is plugging her ears a lot and doing other things related to autism. and her pedi thinks she is on the spectrum and referred her to a specialist. Wouldn’t surprise me if I’m also on the spectrum.
Lol bro you are just bpd which is not a fun or cool diagnosis and you don't like it cause now you can't use it to define your personality
@@sweetsour4375 I got diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder. I actually do believe that this is a disorder I have but at the same time my therapists always focused on my anxiety/depression way more than any asd stuff that I wanted to discuss :(
The hardest thing for me was dealing with manipulation. I never understood other people's alternative motives so it caused me to get lied to a lot and I never understood why. I'm just getting to the point where I can notice voice changes when someone is lying but it takes a lot of focus to notice.
Seriously I've had ppl call me hannibal because of how i dissect things but I'm starting to realize it's more of a defense mechanism to protect myself from the real malevolent creatures. Makes more sense now that they did this video. They even talk like me...i meet very few women like that...when i do meet them they don't want to be my friend they want to date me so it's not the same.
@Heather A exactly...The only ppl that didn't do that to me were my best friends who just happened to be male and have asperger's.
That's so tough. Research shows that neurotypical people are bad at telling if people are lying. Can't imagine if it was even worse.
@Heather A seriously i had to ask my partner to stop doing that because it was triggering my fight or flight response...i don't flight lol...plus i said you aren't sounding smart. I'm not doing it to impress you this is just my common speech pattern or vernacular (idk if that's the proper term)
I also don't like my partner making me questioning my thoughts etc.
It's not a battle of wits but ppl who have been through trauma think of it that way. I just like ppl already pre-programmed like me similarly lmao...my ex was bipolar and borderline and did what you described which made me major in abnormal (clinical) psychology to better understand ppl and how to relate to them and help.
But if they want to get close to me they have to be persistent or hit me over the head with it cuz I'm clueless lol
@Heather A same, the only time I lie is when someone asks me if something is wrong when I'm overwhelmed, but I can't hide it with my expressions so they always know I'm lying anyways
2:39 "all the little things that everyone does unconsciously, autistic people do manually"
Damn i felt that. Im not diagnosed but everything makes so much sense now.
The most tricky thing is talking right. It takes soo much effort to talk without messing up and sounding like a toddler.
@redbull45323 Autism is like the opposite of Tourettes syndrome.
There is so many nuances, movement cant be to fast or to slow, gesture clusters must be complete and congruent, tonality of voice changes few times a second... People who dont have to think about this have no clue what they are doing unconsciously. You notice alot more when theyre lying to your face while the rest of their body locks up. That doesnt really help with being more social...
standing and walking without a hoodie is difficult because I don't know what to do with my hands, this shit sucks
redbull45323 yeah no autism is a spectrum so while some autistic people won’t understand there’s others who very much understand. I’m autistic and it presented as anxiety that therapy just couldn’t help for years
"you're blind socially" dang
It's a good description of how it feels
A Diamond yes, totally
Wow.😒
@@a_diamond yup. And i'm guilty of saying that kinda thing about myself when in reality, i have no clue how that truly feels
Same lol
I just realized I was masking my entire life after having a mental breakdown last year. 31 years. I was practically beaten into submission as a child of a veteran who is also on the spectrum and undiagnosed. Generational abuse is very hard to break. Sending everyone love and support!
Well I'm holding out for you to break that vicious cycle, you're better than that and have been through more than you should ever have been
@@ASmartNameForMe thank you! My children are growing up with a very different supportive childhood. I believe we are all HSPs (highly sensitive persons) There is a trauma book that recently helped me and my parents a lot,
It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn.
Highly recommend it for anyone suffering with intruding thoughts or painful memories. 💕
Wow our stories are similar. I wish you well.
Undiagnosed and in denial are the hardest to deal with. My family… and they project their confusion and self hatred onto you.
That is terrible. I am so sorry to hear that. Sending much love your way Brit!!!
I'm not a woman, I'm not autistic, but thank you so much for making this video. It's beautifully shot, wonderfully informative, and full of love.
oh come on you simp. these people are making a joke of the real problems of what real autistic people face
@@logicsandtrolls3616 what
I guess the wost part is feeling so tired every time you deal with emotions...
Exactly, it's exhausting
exactly i hate having such strong feelings so i choose to be alone so nobody can hurt me
Emotions, people, and the emotions the people cause. I sometimes really hate my life.
Same! At this point I don't even understand or remember emotion because I buried it so deep, I'm starting to wonder if I'm a robot.
God I wish I could pour all of my inhibitions in a cup and set it on fire!
My little brother has autism,
And I'm going to make sure he is treated like a human!!
He's the best bro ever!
Aw! Please do!
Amen. I just asked my daughter to protect her brother when I die. I'm so scared for him. I love you for loving your brother. God will bless you and give u all the strength u need. #brotherLOVE
Natalie Harris thats nice of you, but also a bit unjust to put a burden in your daughter in case something happens to you. Just make sure to tell her that she should take care as a sister not as a mom. i speak because of my experience. My mom died and my brother was “ my responsibility “ which i failed to carry for taking care of my own life. Wrong or right ? I don’t know.
You sound like a great brother
If it's mild trie to push him in an uncumfortable zone so he learns social skils. That worked for me.
You can sorta tell even by the way they are sitting they are putting a lot of energy and effort to sit properly and express themselves controllably. Lots of respect to these ladies for living day by day to be as functional as they can while embracing the condition they are diagnosed with
I would say they aren't used to sitting in a director's chair, I wouldn't look comfortable sitting on one either lol
When people said "people with autism don't feel emotion" they clearly don't have autistic friends
I have a bunch of autistic friends.. its not that they dont feel anything but it is that they dont feel for others
vladimir ikic, I hope you have a better way of putting it, because it sounds as though you are saying people with autism are psychopaths. That is not a general truth.
@@brianbommarito3376 they are not just not interested
I spend my whole life thinking I couldn’t feel my own emotions, until I was validated by videos like these and told I could.
More like i feeel way more than them and don't even understand what i'm feeling (i have autism)
Im a girl with autism and this video made me really happy thank you 😀
Andrea Dalsgaard yeah that’s amazing don’t let others get into you like that I would love to hear your story but if it personal I understand
i don’t believe you
@@hotboyblanco3.080 eh what did you say?
hotboyblanco 3.0 why not?
I'm a guy with PDD-NOS and I enjoyed this video as well
I started crying, couldn’t relate more. Friends and relationships is something I have always struggled with, I hope I’ll find people who can accept who I am truly.
don't worry, everything will be fine.
It made me cry too. I'm sure you'll find someone who accepts you!
Same here. You're not alone. 💖
Btw At the start there I meant that as a sad truth sorta thing not a "Get over it And stop being entitled" as it may come off.
Yes, you`ll do. It`s just a statistic: there are so much absolutely different people outside, that you just cannot not to find someone who will accept you fully. ;)
Watching this felt so validating. I was diagnosed when I was 15 but I still struggle with feeling that I'm "not autistic enough" to identify this way. It's nice to hear someone put into words just how *hard* it can be to get through a day of social interactions when you're constantly overanalyzing and second-guessing every move you make and everything you do. I really appreciate the video and am grateful to all these women for sharing their stories.
"Minimal Support Need and High Support Need" I absolutely love that. I'm going to start using that instead of high function/low function.
*Social skills are like a muscle for us. YES! I work very hard to act social, use hand gestures, raise my voice to a pleasant level, make eye contact, carry a conversation.*
Is it a social skill to fart very loudly?
Im not sure what point you are trying to make.
Making eye contact is so hard for me, that there are days where I'm so tired I just don't until someone complains about it.
I think what you are describing is "taking personal responsibility and being mature".
Sociability is an aptitude that not everyone possesses. It is a fact that autistic people are deficient in this aptitude. Im not sure what you stand to gain or devalue by redefining terms but it wont work.
People i have met that have autism are some of the most kind hearted empathetic and genuine humans
awh thanks😊😆👍💕
no, empathy is actually a huge part of what aspies lack. the have a very hard time understanding other peoples feelings. stop trying to make youeself look good on youtube by writing some shit you just made up and is even wrong.
@@TheDragorin em...no i have hyper-empathy, we just have a hard time showing it through communication idiot, you dont look like you have empathy yourself so
@@TheDragorin This idea that we lack empathy is in fact wrong. We tend to be overly empathetic and very fairness oriented. What we don't do is respond in ways that you expect. I may miss cues and that may cause people to think that I don't care, but I do care. When we understand, we, most of us, care and often deeply. And even then, you may not read us and understand the depth that we care. You're repeating a basic misconception that even expects in the field held for far too long.
@@TheDragorin you are actually talking about COGNITIVE EMPATHY and not EMOTIONAL EMPATHY , but whatever ..
I accepted my son was autistic really early on in his life, it's taken me ALOT longer to see it in me. Videos like this gives me strength and hope. Thank you.
I just couldn't get why I was different. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 45. God bless you all.
I didn't know that I was different, I just felt like everyone else knew secrets that I didn't know.
GuacamoleKun Yes. This. It seemed like everyone around me was in a club I could never job.... stuff I just didn't get. I felt like an alien.
I've always felt this way... like everyone was born with a manual on life and I just couldn't read mine, like it was written in a different language...
Bro
Right, and then my mother would tell me to just use common sense. It isn't common sense for me if I am not told exactly what I should do in certain situations.
I knew I was different but I always thought all the others are weird actually I still do I just don't understand them
"I think we're highly emotional, we just don't express it as people expect"
That's a damn good exprtion
Would you be able to give an explanation of how you express it? What is autistic body language? Maybe allistics are clueless about how autistics communicate innately and have to learn how to read autistic people.
By Azura, by Azura, by Azura!
I'm autistic and the way I reveal that I'm struggling emotionally, is I literally just go mute for a temporary period, as your brain just goes into shutdown mode when it gets too overwhelmed, as my brain literally cannot cope with what is happening, in regards to when it's something extremely frustrating, upsetting or just intense in general I hope that explains things :)❤💙💜💚 xo
@@staceyruwoldt9158 Thank you stacy. I'm aware of shutdown's, but I'll read about them in depth now as they seem particuarly important to understand.
qubitz your welcome =) Better yet may I suggest looking up Selective Mutism too, as selective mutism is separate to Shutdowns, a shutdown is a thing all on it's own💕💕
Some autistic's experience shutdowns which is a different definition to selective mutism.
Shutdowns is when not only their brain closes down, but their body does as well for a temporary period, they literally cannot move the person feels stuck as the body just shuts down too♡
However Selective Mutism is completely separate, and I only experience that. Selective mutism is where only your brain shuts down, your thoughts/ feelings get stuck, but you can still move your body around and walk into a another room, but with a Shutdown you can't and that's completely different to just going mute, have never experienced a Shutdown in my life :)💓
Only selective mutism where you can't talk. Crucial thing to remember is no two autistic people are alike, we're all different with individual characteristics, so my reason for going mute may not be someone else's reason♡♡
For example others might just go mute when it's an social gathering, as they get that nervous/ anxious, but for me my reason is always driven by my emotions :)❤💚💙 xo
It's so healing to hear other women talk about this. I started my teacher training and I'm trying to own my differences now so no one can use them against me and I can stick up for others who are different. I was stimming using my hair and I noticed a boy staring at me and I got super self conscious but then I noticed he was doing it too! I need to own my stimming and be proud because you don't know who is watching, I feel bad that I stopped and became so awkward because I don't want him to feel it's the wrong thing to do. You never know the impact you have on others and autistic people need to stick together. Thank you so much guys :)
I'm a women with autism
I have a partner
I have a daughter
Autistic women can do it as well
It is hard though.
And Men?
@@pazuzuprime1374 No
Almost as if... you can control your behavior and have taken personal responsibility for your actions, and realize you are responsible for your actions and how they impact other's, so you change your behavior accordingly... I think this used to be called "being mature"...
@jack bran you are incorrect. In fact autism began to be studied MORE when docs noticed it more in BOYS. What they didn't care about figuring out was that women's autism does not look the same. They simply didn't bother studying it. And if you think autistic women aren't HORRIBLY bullied and mocked, well, you're an idiot. This isn't a male vs, female thing no matter how hard you try to spin it.
@@g4tnewnewg4t48 Being mature enough to know your not perfect but still willing to not give up and quit is how autism is defined now.
For everyone else up is down, left is right, good is bad, and being so screwed up you can't function is your free pass to do anything you want without consequence and anyone who want you to grow up and act like a mature self respecting adult become something greater than a whiny dysfunctional screw up is a monster that needs to be removed from society.
I love all these women. Thank you for participating in this video.
Lauren L 1.1k likes but not one single comment besides mine.
@@jizzy3004 now two
Jizzy haha thank you!
This page is now my safe place. All the comments and the strong women in the video. I have a tribe. I’m not alone 😭
Yes! Im autistic, I was born with it. I'm still trying to accept me as myself I was bullied as a child and I did get sexually assaulted as a child. I've finally found my tribe 😭😭❤❤
🥰🥰
You’re definitely not alone!
Finally a video which actually gets the views of people who are actually autistic rather than just getting neurotypicals to speak for autistic people. I especially love how this video mentions that functioning labels are bad and also that you can't be more or less autistic. I just wish they put a tiny bit more emphasis on how autistic people shouldn't change to fit society but rather society should change to fit autistic people, and that we shouldn't have to mask and fit in with the social norms.
My beautiful girl was diagnosed at age 8-9. She smart, hilarious, artistic, and perfect to me. She’s not disabled, she’s different and perfect the way she is.
Awww, you are so sweet!
you seem like the best parent, you're supportive and loving, mine just messed my head up
it is do sweet how you talk about her, I hope you two become best friends. Really, is heart-warming to see how other kids with asd will have the parenting and support for their needs. We need more parents like you.
Ofc she is, just like my son! He is beautiful and smart, charming if he wants to be. People have a negative connotation by the word autism, while the majority of autism people are high sensitive and smart. I have Asperger(i know it's not called that anymore, but for me that is a typical kind of autist that fits the correct picture)
#Victimhood
Hi everyone. This is Morénike from the video. Thanks to all of you for your support and feedback on the video. I’ve debated whether or not to post and still don’t know if doing so is appropriate, but I’m already doing it, so I suppose I should finish what I’ve started.
There have been a number of comments about the audio in my portions of the video. I recognize that auditory sensitivity is very real, and though it isn’t a perfect solution, muting parts of videos temporarily that contain sounds that are troublesome and utilizing captioning is a helpful option that I recommend; it is a technique that I use a lot myself when I encounter sensory overload caused by certain noises.
If permitted, I do want to provide some context to explain some of the noises you might have heard.
First, my portions of the video were filmed in a different studio than the others and with a different sound technician, so that might be part of why certain sounds are more noticeable in my parts.
Additionally, because sometimes I require tactile sensory input for self-regulation purposes, I had a stimming device in each of the palms of my hands as well as weighted bracelets on, and perhaps they made noises.
I also tend to rock sometimes, and might have repeatedly bumped the mic (which was fastened on my clothing) against the chair when I did so.
However, it is highly likely that many of the noises that you may have heard came from my mouth as a result of an “internal” stim that I have had since I was a child.
I have bony growths inside my mouth called tori (singular: torus) and as long as I can remember I have subconsciously ran my tongue back and forth along the tori as a subtle tactile stim. While flapping, rocking, toe walking, humming, etc. are fairly visible stims, this one is more “invisible” and can be done regularly yet discreetly without most people noticing (unless, of course, you are attached to a microphone that magnifies sound, like I was on the video!).
Being able to stim helps me to calm down and to concentrate. I don’t always need to stim in a noticeable way; sometimes I can self-soothe merely by repeating words, phrases, songs, poems, etc. silently in my head, or by mentally re-enacting portions of books I’ve read, or by hyperfocusing on something around me and getting lost in whatever that thing is. But I do have the need to stim at nearly all times - be it a noticeable or a hidden type of stimming.
When I suppress the urge to stim for the self-deprecating purposes of “fitting in” with the neurotypical population, I will suffer for it later on psychologically and physically...i.e. overwhelming bouts of depression and anxiety; shutdown or meltdown; disassociation; self-harm (pulling out hair, picking my skin until it bleeds, painful jaw clenching, etc).
On the morning the video was filmed, I caught an early morning flight from one state to the next, took an Uber to the studio, changed clothes in the restroom, sat down to interview, went to pick up my kids, and then headed back out of town for a meeting that I had later that day. I’d had very little sleep and did not know ahead of time what questions would be asked for the interview. As such, I hope that you can pardon the noises given the circumstances and hope that you will instead focus more on the content of the video.
Thank you for your support of all people on the autism spectrum and for taking the time to watch our video. You are appreciated.
(And this is slighty off topic, but I agree with all of the individuals who made mention of Kirsten's appearance...she's definitely beautiful [both inside and out]. All of the ladies are great people. )
Respectfully, Morénike
Website: MorenikeGO.com
Email: MGO@MorenikeGO.com
Social media: @MorenikeGO
You don't need to explain dear, I heard you perfectly! And when it was loudly the captions (I always have this on since I am too sensitive to sounds) were fine!
Thank you for this explanation! Although the noise did bother me at times, I for the most part assumed it was a stim or just a mic issue and didn't take issue with it. Hearing you talk about your life and the fact that you have a partner and kids gives me hope for the future, as an autistic 18 year old who is currently struggling a lot and has no friends. Thank you.
You were absolutely fine as you were! Thanks for being part of this very informing video and taking the time to explain what was going on. Although it isn't necessary for you to explain yourself, I appreciate the insight on what you were experiencing during the making of this video. There's no better education than learning direct from the source. Hope you are well.
I didn't even notice the sounds, Morenike. What I see and hear is a brave woman coping with and adapting to a challenge. As for you posting a comment, it was 100% a good thing. It sheds more light on your experience in a way that the short video clips can't. Thank you (and all of the others) for participating in this video.
Thank you for the detailed explanations. It really is eye opening both the video and your text above. Thank you for taking the time and the courage to open up so sincerely in order for at least a fraction of the people to better understand other people.
Though I am a male, I see more of my own experiences in these people's talks than in any other video about autism. I was diagnosed 10 months ago by a psychologist as having High Functioning Autism at age 61. (You read right, sixty-one). I have great discomfort trying to navigate the scripted social cues (the "netflix and chill" stuff), and my own presentation can be somewhat Spock-like, yet I feel emotions strongly. And I have lots of memories of being taunted and excluded. I only in the last 10 years have developed healthy friendships, and I still have mountains to climb in the social realm. Thanks for this vid; it's a boost.
Anthony Hopkins was diagnosed in his 70s! You are not alone 💕
I’m glad to hear that you’ve been diagnosed and have gotten a healthy circle of friends 😊
I was diagnosed about two years ago at the age of 17 and have finally started to create my connection of friends as well. Stay safe out there and remember that you are never alone 😁
Hi, Brian. I somewhat understand and was on that path in a sometimes puzzling world, also.
I didn't know until my middle child was diagnosed at school in first grade.
In the parent=teacher conference, they explained the behaviors that lay behind their rotating her into a different class schedule, designed to help her .
Eventually I decided to see what I could do to bridge the gap I had between social input and the accurate interpretation of same.
I went to the local library, started getting classic movies, and director's descriptions of same, and studied them.
Also I got Body Language for Dummies, reviewed that, and continued to study my vast array of co-workers.
They rotated in and out of our industry pretty fast, and were varying ages and backgrounds.
We worked for a travelling inventory company, and I got my baseline for the range of 'normal' social behavior on many hours long van rides over the course of about 11 years.
it was helpful, and practice made it easier.
I started to make lists and the occasional note, when I was deep in a learning binge, so I could commit to full attention and awareness of my immediate surroundings. instead of refusing to derail my train of thought .
I was much less 'awkward' appearing after I got that habit down, and I didn't have to give up the things important to me to do it..
It was amazing what a dimension steeling myself to observe facial cues and a possible eye lock added to my understanding of nuance, and shifts off the literal meaning of the words said.
I stick to the headlines and the punchlines mostly still. and can gauge the dpuble-dutch jumprope fest that is social interaction well enough to jump in and out more or less appropriately at 52.
Still, I look to Leonard Nimoy's Spock as my avatar to explain my gestalt to others.
Best of success on your path. May it be clearly marked and comfortably wide.
oh god i relate so much to the discomfort at "scripted social cues"
Sometimes men relate more to "female" autism traits and vice versa. It doesn't always match.
My parents still don’t believe I am autistic. They just straight up told the *doctor* who noticed I was different when I was a kid that they were crazy and that the doctor was trying to push me into “a place I didn’t belong.”
Now, my most recent therapist didn’t believe that I could possibly be autistic. At the point I had tried to tell her, I had been masking for so long and so consistently that she just had no clue. But she wasn’t around for me constantly feeling alienated, even in my family. She wasn’t there to see how I got so emotionally overwhelmed sometimes over things that were so strange for anyone else to see why I would care that I would lock myself in my room and just cry and scream for an hour. She wasn’t living inside my head where I consciously had to open my crossed arms and force myself to make eye contact because I had researched that those actions meant you were listening even if it makes it harder for me to actually pay attention that way.
And at that time I couldn’t verbalize that. I just sat there while she told me I wasn’t autistic and that I was just anxious and over-diagnosing myself. *sigh* it be that way.
She is not the only therapist! Too many therapists are only thinking of extreme and severe cases, where people may not be able to learn these survival techniques of masking which we needed to learn. If you want the diagnosis, educate yourself and pursue it. You might find encouragement through Autistic support groups.
I was diagnosed Autistic last year at age 40. My youngest daughter was diagnosed Autistic the year before at age 8.
Thank you so much for this video.
What motivated you to go get a diagnoses?
@@flufftronable well, I'd been suffering with severe anxiety and depression, among other things, since my youth. I knew there was something else there, just didn't know what it was. I struggled in so many areas of my life & the docs tried different meds, counselling etc etc to no avail. It was when my youngest daughter began showing 'odd' behaviours at around 2 that I found out about Autism & the more I learned, the more I realised I was fitting the description. I was referred by my doc shortly after my daughter was given her diagnosis. Getting my own diagnosis was such a relief.
Suzi C that’s great for you thanks for reply, I sense a lot of symptoms in myself
@@flufftronable really worth while asking for a referral for assessment if you think you would like to do that. For peace of mind, it certainly helped me.
@Drinker_Of_MilkNo, I welcome the question 😊 Everyone is different, so it's hard to say what would be best for your sister. I certainly think it might be worthwhile sitting down with her and maybe just letting her know that you suspect Autism and ask her whether she would want an assessment or not?
Some people know they're Autistic but don't feel they want or need a formal diagnosis & they're quite happy with things as they are. Some people, like myself, welcome the diagnosis because it helps us to finally have peace of mind. Whatever your sister decides to do, I wish her well ❤️
My cousin got recently diagnosed (15) which makes me so happy. Growing up at Christmas he'd always ask me and my brother how to be 'cool' and with that he probably just wanted to know how do socialize...he got bullied alot which made me so sad but he lives far away so I couldn't really defend him. At his new school he's more accepted because people understand people with autism more, if they know they have autism. So now I'll just search the internet to learn more about him.
That's great, just remember that the best way to learn about him is to ask him about it, if he's comfortable with it. The internet can be misleading and what you read about might not be true for him :)
That's so sweet of you! Good job please continue to love and support him 👍
❤️
Ahaha I remember in 6th grade I had this friend who would teach me "how to be cool" and I would naively accept everything she said as what I have to follow to be normal.
Me: "I have autism"
Person: "Really!?!?! I wouldn't have guessed"
Me: "Yea, it took years of speech therapy to mask it"
Thats the word precisely. You dont overcome your authism traits (at least most), i really feel like its more like you mask them, but theyre still there, on the inside. You just act differently out of reason, because you know people act in a certain way, not because you feel like it. You just learn to blend
I feel much better since I stopped masking. It's not healthy to supress who you are just to make neurotypicals comfortable. Neutotypicals are bizarre.
th-cam.com/video/nW4Jw0x-3X4/w-d-xo.html
"neurotypicals" don't want you to mask, they want you to be normal. The last thing they want to do is deal with a person who wants to be seen as "special" when they appear to function as a normal person. You just come off as an egocentric narcissist looking for pity using a disorder to make people feel sorry for you, regardless if you have autism or not.
Ether go the full nine yards and don't tell people your autistic or stop masking. Ether way you will be seen as pathetic, so you minus well not waste the effort.
Lmao “minus well”
you started out the conversation like that? you really are autistic...
My girlfriend is autistic.
I can't lie, the relationship has been a challenge, but i love her very much and I'm willing to be patient and keep learning on how to be with her
good to hear
I cried through this whole video. I'm an autistic 17 year old girl and I've been diagnosed for a year now. my autism being unaddressed when I was younger, coupled with internalized homophobia, lead to severe depression, anxiety and the desire to end my life by the age of 11. hearing these women share their stories makes me feel less alone and gives me hope. I've felt incapable for so long, but I am capable. I just have to find my own way of doing things.
omg. I'm a 20 year old pan autistic girl and this vid AND your comment brought up such painful memories for me, but I'm also really hopeful, I'm glad you're aware of your needs and the things that have been dragging you down now! For the longest time, I just had a profound sense that I was LESS than other kids somehow, though I wasn't sure in what way. I had self-loathing too, I developed a social anxiety disorder and had suicidal thoughts, but in senior year of high school I realized and accepted my brain for what it is and I've been getting better every day since. If you're in high school right now, I want you to know that, at least for me, it got so much better in college. The college transition was super scary for sure, but now that I'm here, I have friends who accept and accommodate me, I can make my schedule to fit my needs, and I can go home between classes and rest, which is a huge deal and really helps. I actually haven't gotten diagnosed yet but your comment and the vid make me feel like maybe I should! I've just been scared of being blown off by doctors, I don't know if I'm strong enough yet to handle being invalidated by "professionals." How was being diagnosed for you, and how did you start? No pressure to answer lol, I just hope you're having a good day
@@meganj.124 thank you for your comment! I really relate to a lot of what you said, and I'm so glad you're doing well. as for your question about diagnosis, it was a long process for me. I was on a waitlist for a government funded assessment for at least two years, after the possibility of ASD for me was brought up by psychiatrists. I had a pretty slim chance for a actual diagnosis going the public route, so I was really lucky my parents insurance had just changed the amount of funding available for an autism assessment. my parents were then able to pay for a private assessment from a doctor known for diagnosing "hard to spot" autistic people (especially girls). I was honestly surprised when I was officially diagnosed after so long of thinking I was overreacting or faking it. my mental health has improved so much since my diagnosis and I have more understanding and compassion for myself. I do believe that getting diagnosed can be beneficial and disability funding has helped my family and I a lot. diagnosis is also extremely difficult and can be impossible in some circumstances. the chances of getting a doctor who will listen to you can be bad, and going through that process to be invalidated can be damaging. in the end it's up to you, and I recommend doing more research into what's available to you and into others experiences. you've already come so far and I'm extremely proud of you! thank you for sharing your story with me. sorry this got so long lol
@@nkelly5851 thank you! my mental health has improved a lot over the past year or so. I've found a lot of love for myself as a lesbian, even tho dating and all that is still hard and feels a million miles away rn, tho I would love if it wasn't lol. sorry I didnt see your comment till now, youtube is weird about what it notifies you of. I'm here for you too
Same, though I was diagnosed at around 10. Wasn’t really understood by my family and suicidal since 11. I’m no longer suicidal but still dealing with depression semi regularly and have no friends outside of the family. At 19 it’s still a struggle, though I know I will have to find a permanent way to deal with this since I’m stuck with it for the rest of my life.
I believe the girl in the maroon was named Kirsten? She hit the nail on the head when she said so much of dating and flirting is indirect and subtle- and because we are so literal in our thinking and miss so much nuance, we’re left out of the “understanding” and FEEL very left out in tons and tons of social relationships, exchanges and environments. It’s so HARD!
Yeah. But it gets easier over time. For me, the easiest way to get past that barrier is to flat out say I have zero social skills and that I just never get hints. Most girls laugh it off thinking I'm joking. Then I'd say something like "I'm serious! If a girl holds my hand during a romantic scene, I just assume she's in love. If I tell her I like her and she just say , I assume we're just friends". More often than not, I'll find out the girl I like holds my hand during a romantic scene, and that way I'll know for sure she's not just watching a movie with me.
yeah :/ that totally got me too. I always miss the cues. So people are interested for a short time and then something about me pushes them away and I can never find out why.
@@korosuke1788 Dude this has worked for me somewhat too! But it is still hard here and there because I am too slow to catch hints at advances and shit ahhaha
This may sound weird but I kinda wish dating and flirting was literal and straightforward, in fact it might be refreshing to meet someone like that but yeah it has got to be hard trying to live in a world that isn't literal and straightforward when your mind works like that.
I'm not autistic but I suffer from the same things with people, maybe I am and haven't been diagnosed, but I hardly think so
Huh it's kinda funny... A video where a group of people on the autism spectrum share some of their personal experiences to help encourage understanding and awareness... And the top comments are all about the looks of one of the women. It's always interesting seeing the things that stick in people minds.
@@33v4. Yeah. I will freely admit the woman the comments are mostly discussing has a fey like quality about her... But it is missing the point. I do think they chose the women well though. Each of them found ways to communicate their points in a very understandable way, which is incredibly hard to do.
I'm an aspie and I was also thinking that girl was very attractive. It has nothing to do with being neurotypical; we're just guys!
"We're just guys." Is an excuse. It is a way to justify behaviors and outlooks we find to hard to change or ones we just don't care to change.
It doesn't make any of them bad people. It's completely fine to find someone attractive. And who knows how they have absorbed the video. I don't.
I just find it interesting that the main focus on a lot of the comments is on one of the womens looks instead of what she was trying to say. Another point is none of them mention her by name... All the women were given names in the video...
Anyway these are just observations.
Also kinda curious how she feels about it.
The only reason why humanity still exists is because men think women look hot
I am in tears watching this. I grew up with autism and always thought I was alone. This video is so healing for me
"To finally have friends is such a big, big deal."
YEEEEEEEESS YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS MY GOD THERE IS NOTHING MORE COMPLICATED AND HARD THAN
FINDING AND ESPECIALLY *KEEPING* FRIENDS
Nugget has two best friends and at 3AM we like to dance to the squeaky dinosaur meme
That’s how mafia works
I'm sooooo bad at holding on to friendships, but there just are those few people that are always there which is so nice
You don't have to be autistic to excite yourself about a friend. I have made lots of friends and I have lost the same amount.
Actually, I enjoy more the periods when I don't have friends. It's easier to meet new people that way.
sorry but thats hard for even normal people lol.
YEEEES
I wish Autism got accepted and better understood.
I'm a guy that got diagnosed at 6 with the added info of 'he will most likely not succeed at school', I'm working on my bachelor of applied sciences now after graduating with a B+ average.
I learnt to control my autism that good that no one mentions I have it until I tell and show them.
Yes, I have problems with groceries and I dislike clubs etc. but I keep on my promises and I'm generally a great friend to anyone that at least respects me.
i know Right! and Autistics being Judged frequently and Autistics are not Treated like People with feelings ! ! !
i'm sorry they said that to you. i have a daughter that is autistic she is 6 now we got a diagnosis at 3. i feel people doubt her all the time but i see the specialness inside her that will come out one day to everyone and see what i see. its about finding what they are good at, its not that they cant learn they just learn differently then most ppl! i hope you keep up the great job and i'm proud of you!!!!
you are in the minority, my brother is autistic and he can't function in normal society. My mother is taking care of him and when she dies....he will probably end up being a burden on the state or die? IDK....
Good for you, but I wouldn't even have children if I were you. If I had an disorder of any kind I would never have even the possibility off passing that burden off to my children.
bro stop flexing your degree. and only b+ lel
Wow look you are different its like p.t.s.d depression or any othe disability people can collect money or use it any way to benefit them selfs we all have it blame DuPont some just choose to live life and not drag chains.
I literally described it this way to a friend yesterday, "Autism isn't a linear spectrum of high or low, its a whole different traits that are on their own spectrum" 💯💙
I'm crying so hard. I feel so validated and not so lost. I feel like I can be brave enough to talk about this now. It's so hard to get people to understand. This hear is gold! Thank you! I'm still struggling with it even now, but this just gave me one hell of a boost!
I had that exact feeling when I saw videos of adults with ADD for the first time and I saw myself in both the stories and mannerisms. The most isolating thing about myself suddenly got connected with others and that alienating feeling was suddenly a belonging. It's powerful. 💜 hugs!
Hope, you GOT this. And we're all here, being autistic and living our lives and being competent as well! **hugs**
🥺💞
Please help spread a message that no one person with ASD are the same and people need to understand this concept before they continue perpetuating detrimental stereotypes about others. Please share this article to hopefully ease your pain or the pain of others. Retweet. Share. Copy link. Whatever. Sometimes knowing there’s someone in the world that has gone through same things is enough validation to know you’ll be ok. Thank you
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Aaw, sorry you've had to deal with this for so long. But yea, a lot of the time people just dont understand when it comes to Autism, they just think "Thats not normal" without really looking into what is normal? What you're doing is perfectly normal, its just not what everyone expects, so they treat you different because of it. But don't let that get to you, because you are special, and the ones that deserve your attention are the ones that will take the time to understand you, not the ones that treat you weird.
And that goes for anyone with Autism or anything else outside the expected "Norm"
The woman in the maroon shirt has such a soothing voice.
She is beautiful no matter what! You piece of shit
yes she's pretty. but i have same amount of respect for all of this girl
She's really pretty
@Seckswithatoaster Obviously a joke guys.
@@user-eb3xe8rp7n yeah he can lmao
These women are so intelligent and levelheaded, what a lovely breather from the suffocating passive or non-passive aggressive air of the internet. I learned something from this video, it was engaging, and it seemed like you guys were speaking from the heart, which is really nice and refreshing. Thanks! 👍
the more videos i watch on autism and the more i read, the more confused i get. i can definitely relate to a lot of traits and me having autism would explain so many things but i'm not sure if my struggles are "severe" enough. especially because i don't have a lot of trouble in social situations and that seems to be the main thing, but i see myself in a lot of other autism traits/behaviors. i wanna talk to a therapist but i'm scared i'll be dismissed immediately but my whole life i've felt like there was something different or wrong about how my brain works
Go for it, who cares if they dont take you serious. You need to find a matching one to some extent just like with any health professional.
The problem is all these diagnosis can seem like many people’s norms lives. Social norms constant fly change and many sub groups have different cultures so it’s easy to feel left out and confused . One person is more liters another is indirect and insecure so learning new people is always a thing.
These videos almost make it seem there is a such thing as a “Normal “ person . Iv never met one of those .
Most people have insecurities growing up and then when they get older they isolate and their friendships dwindle to single digits. They spend most of their time indoors, especially nowadays. So it’s very easy to miscategorize people . Sometimes people just need more life experience and tada they aren’t having these traits anymore .
you might have ADHD then. it's similar, but doesn't affect social connection as much (expect that people find you sloppy and disorganized)
i felt like this for a long time. you can not present struggles outwardly, but that doesn’t mean your struggles are any less
they should do this but w girls w adhd. we’re so underdiagnosed. i had shown signs since i was a toddler, but since i wasn’t the classic case of “little boy who is constantly moving and climbing and is generally out of control” and i wasn’t professionally diagnosed until a year ago when there was a serious issue and i was already 15.
Do you have ADHD or ADD? I feel like the hyperactive part is what ppl focus on and without it you seem fine. I personally feel like I may have adult ADD
Premyy.M add is now mostly classified as adhd inattentive type, which is what i have. i have never shown signs of hyperactivity, however i always struggled with work, not doing my own thing, and generally focusing. i’ve always been this way due to my executive dysfunction, and sensory issues, as well as intense hyperfixations that come with adhd. however, due to the stigma surrounding it, my parents never caught on, and so when i was fifteen, a year ago, when things got worse, i was finally sent to a wonderful diagnostician who gave me my diagnosis :)
@@alexisjordan9437 Wow nice of you to give such a quick and thorough response with big words hehe :) Yea that all sounds fairly relatable, I'm saying if you did show hyperactivity people would be more keen to see it as a "problem" 🙄 and push for a diagnosis and so the hyperactive type tends to get priority 🤷 I've always struggled to finish things and or get stuff done 😔 I've seen what seems to be known as 'hyper focus' and I've had a good few nights researching the most randomest unimportant thing on say Wikipedia amongst others due to an unnecessary fixation, yet when it come to something a little more important like a project I just have no interest
Teo C i wouldn’t say that guys have it more, it’s just that guys are diagnosed more because not a lot of people are aware of symptoms of adhd in girls
My mom took me to the dr when I was five and asked if I should be tested for ADHD, he said since I was able to sit still I was clearly fine. Lmao I was diagnosed at 17. Now I am 28 and there are so many things I am still learning about why I do the things I do. I thought I was stupid and weird and it was just... me.
I wish my parents would accept the fact that I'm autistic (was diagnosed, but didn't use their insurance cuz I didn't want them seeing me going to a mental doctor), and that I need moderate assistance
Hoeyann sending you support! I’m sorry your parents haven’t been there for you. I hope they come to understand ❤️
❤️❤️
Take a screenshot of this and just put a 💜 and I love you after
My parents are the same way.
Actually, my family is the same way.
my little brother got diagnosed with autism by a doctor at the age of three. he's one of the smartest people I know. he has an iq of 148 and can grasp anything so easily. his speech is what effects him; he has a big mind and heart but it's so hard for him to get the words out. day by day he practices his speech for a hour and improves over time. I'm so happy that there is content like this that doesn't show autism as something that is bad.
He’s so lucky to have an understanding sister like you!! ❤️
Good job to him
Stfu u no that's a damn lie
IQ doesn’t mean your smart, it describes your ability to learn I hope your parents get him tutors that can help him learn in the way that is best for him. He sounds like he loves to learn.
@@cannsmith So with a name like "intelligence quotient" KNOWN for being a measure for intelligence or smarts, a flawed measure but a measure nonetheless. You still decline that IQ has anything to do with how smart you are? I would really like to hear your reason for thinking this. Thank you.
one thing that helped me through it all is making friends that were diagnosed or suspected of having autism. everything feels like a breeze because they understand your struggles and they’re upfront and loyal and it made everything so much easier. i finally had people i could talk to.
“In my experience, girls are just as obsessive as boys.” Absolutely! Thats one of my biggest aspire traits. I get very obsessive over things! It’s just that girls obsessions are often more socially acceptable than boys. For example, a teen girl obsessed with Ponies is fine but a teen boy obsessed with washing machines seems odd
Well just tell them "Well who invented the washing machines? The guy who likes all things washing machines or the guy that likes all things spaceships?"
ya omg!! right now my special interest is makeup which is stereotypically feminine/a pretty "normal" thing to be obsessed with, beauty gurus with huge makeup drawers are a thing so it's less likely for my interest to be seen as autistic in nature
Dude? Washing machines?! No offense Im not even fascinated with washing So.. But if you could built a washing machine from scrap and tell me all the parts of it. Well that'll be cool 🙂
@Fuze BRUTAL 😂😂😂
Carole Smith I was obsessed with LOTR as well! Weirdest one I had was cloth pads. Now it’s crystals
I feel like I had decent social skills until middle/highschool where the bullying started, now I cant even make small talk at work without having a panic attack.
💜❤❤❤💜 A little love can go a long way, sorry the people at your school didn't realize this, :(
You should try and push yourself, and seek treatment. I had social anxiety for years after bullying and managed to get rid of it. Good luck!
@Fundle Pug bullying is hard! You can improve yourself by putting yourself in situation that scare you like walking up to strangers an talk to them, or having conversations with people in any kind of social setting. Traveling alone also helps... you can start with asking for directions ect. I pushed myself by starting to working as a server on the side and it was difficult! But now it's ok 🙂 don't give up 😉
@Fundle Pug that's very good! Compliments are always great. Just take it day by day and be proud with small archievements. This doesn't go away overnight. With me it was the same. At my first job interview, I was shaking all over my body, and couldn't bring a word out. Now it's no problem and even fun.
You could also do some charity work on the side to boost your confidence. You will see it will get better 😉
In general, as long as you shift the focus from you to the person you are talking to, and you are really interested in what the person has to say, and where they are coming from, they will feel it and open up to you. Everybody loves to be listened to 😉
THIS.
These girls are awesome! Well spoken, interesting, smart and pretty.
Respect to you ladies.
when i was about 13, my family had moved state. and the school I had attended, had said that i was too high functioning and didnt know where to place me. And I ended up in a classroom filled w troublemakers. and the teacher, bless her, she tried her best with us all. I'm soo glad that we are finally understand what autism truely is.
I love the Vulcan comparison. I had my few friends completely avoid me because they thought I was too unemotional, and it was so stressful because I didn't know how to communicate to them properly that I do feel emotions.
I chuckled at that too my boyfriends mom compares him to a Vulcan sometimes and I totally agree he feels so much but it’s hard for him to talk about his emotions at times and has different portrayals of them I’m so sorry to here that your friends avoid you that’s terrible you just need to find the right people that accept you for how you are and I think if your friends just talked to you about it they’d really reach a better understanding
As a teen I wanted to be Spock. It seemed the best way to keep my overwhelming emotions in check.
I just started talking to a girl who has asperger's that lives in my apartment complex. We hang out sometimes & she's pretty cool.
My daughter is on the spectrum.
Diagnosed at 16...she is 26 now.
She is heavy in story writing, poetry & music.
I want her to watch this video...it is so great!
Show her. ASAP. This is coming from an AS individual.
Sounds creative. Not autistic.
@@wilmer89 you can be both
My autistic friends just told me they believe I’m on the spectrum. After watching this video, it explains a lot about how I’ve hated myself about not fitting in, being too trusting, and or understanding nuances. I feel like I can accept myself now
This made me tear up, because this was so real, like when they were talking about how you feel so strange and abnormal because things just click with most people, and it doesn't with us. That hit me hard
social skills is like a muscle. so happy i found this video thank you God.
Lately I have been wondering if maybe I've lived my whole life undiagnosed.
Rosa Frederiksen for most cases that’s not true. It explains things and helps treatment
Rosa Frederiksen oh damn that’s terrible
I have been because something sex caused happend to me when ever somebody talks to me my pee pee area feels annoying and uncomfortable its feels like it interacting with the sound ever since than I hated s e x even though it feels so good I just hate it
@Rosa Frederiksen having an answer to the question "Why am I like this?" is incredibly comforting and reassuring, even without any hint of a fix.
Rosa Frederiksen it has made me feel better after being diagnosed at the age of 42, I could do my own research as to why I felt so lonely as a child ,and just feeling so different to everyone else,I think this is why boys especially with ASD get obsessed with superheroes such as superman,they can see the awkwardness of Clark Kent bumbling around trying to fit in,but then can relate to superman, as maybe that in our heads is the part we feel we are trying to hide,I remember vividly going to the cinema in 1980, when I was 6 years old and watching two superman films back to back,and even at that young age I think I could relate to the films more than most,and thought to myself that being different is not so bad.
I admit I cried a little at the end when I heard of what Amy went through, but also how things got so much better for her and that she’s following her dreams. Just the pick me up I need as a autistic who’s new to the adult world and struggles with doubts about myself sometimes. Thank you TH-cam feed for blessing me with this.
Can I just add something plz! JUST BECAUSE IM NOT LOOKING AT YOU DOESNT MEAN IM NOT LISTENING (this is a constant issue for me)
Ha ha ha ha, yeah
In fact, i have more trouble listening if i do look at their face.
This is an especially hard thing to convince older people of. Millenials are generally preoccupied with phones and it takes some of the pressure off of me to maintain appropriate eye contact.
Pro tip: Look at peoples Nose ridge, in case you haven't learned that trick in social interactions, it will make them feel like you have eye contact. Also Adapt yourself for hand articulations, it will make you seem less passive and bland visually if you haven't already.
Another thing is cater to your strong sides or passions, dont be like i dont feel like it/I dont see the purpose for it, push through that barrier and you will thank yourself for it.
Sadly i dont got advice to give on being able to converse and be less monotone as i haven't figured out the social conversationalist approach or how to be less monotone but i do know online in speech,initially or in written i am very good to depict things. One of my hobbies or passions is lyricism.
I learned to look over someone's shoulder.
A friend of mine invited a girl over for "Netflix and Chill" and they binge watched the entire first season of a show. She left in a huff and never returned his texts afterward. He was so confused but then people explained to him that he'd likely gotten her hopes up for sex.
Rory Triscuit loser
Dramamine you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.
I wish everyone could be more upfront about sex and dating. So much of it seems to revolve around strange and arcane ritual behavior that leaves so much up to interpretation and never means quite what it appears. I've also definitely bungled the "watch a movie" thing. Recently a girl invited me over for a movie, we seemed to have a great time, lots of laughter and no awkward silences or anything. But after I left, she never responded to another text message again. I was later informed/realized that she probably wanted to have sex with me. If so, why didn't she initiate it or at least imply that it was what she wanted? I'm actually pretty good at reading social cues but I can't read minds. I was more worried about coming off as too aggressive...
@@GarmanyRachel Aw, "will you let me kiss you?" "yes, but not yet."
THATS SOOOOOOO ADORABLE! I'm glad you two are still married. Live happily together :)
@Nick Gonzalez Don't be a dick
As a girl with autisme I am really happy this exists. Sometimes people know to little and assume to much .
I love your comment. It is the best one on here. Thank you - you got it in a nutshell.
I admire these women not only for being aware of and embracing ASD. But more so for sharing their internal feelings and thoughts on what it's like to live with the symptoms and the difficulty not given by the disability but by society that misinterprets them and their responses. The more we learn about the spectrum that is Autism, the more we will understand human behaviour as a whole. Thank you to all the women that participated in this.
Everybody talking bout the girl in the maroon shirt yeah she cute not gonna lie
no she's not, she's drop-dead gorgeous.
It's because she references star trek, instant turn on.
She *badd*
Zia jey VERY cute
Kirsten, please. She has a name
I thought everyone was diagnosed as a child and now I really want to hear the stories of the people who got diagnosed as adults.
Edit: this video was the first step to me getting my diagnosis. Thanks
I got diagnosed this year at 28
There’s an interesting book called aspergirls out, it’s a view from the adult woman’s perspective.
Doctors only started really recognizing low-functioning boys in the late '80s. Over the years they got better at recognizing autism and were able to diagnose higher and higher functioning people, but girls and women are still under-diagnosed because they "hide" it better (we are essentially actors every time we step out of our bedroom doors, playing a different role depending on who we're around.) Anyone, male or female, who was born before 1990 and is rather high functioning would have had to be very lucky to be diagnosed early. There are lots of people, men and women, in their 30s and older who are just now receiving their diagnosis. A lot of times when their kids get diagnosed, the doctors then look at the parents and realize one of them has undiagnosed autism.
I wish I could have been diagnosed as a kid, so that my family would have realized I wasn't just a brat or jerk when I refused to eat what they cooked, said mean things or threw tantrums. But being a high-functioning girl born in the 80s, I didn't really stand a chance when it came to being diagnosed or recognized. Adults in my life always focused exclusively on either the bad behavior OR the "talent" (having asperger's I have a high IQ and did very well in school as well as in extra-curricular types of activities). No one ever put two and two together.
I was diagnosed very recently, at 24. I was always very confused about everything and felt like an alien (or like everyone else was aliens) because I was so bad at social skills and didn't understand people and didn't understand why they didn't understand me lol. Childhood was the worst for me, life was just too confusing. But it really does get better as you learn - yes we have to learn what comes naturally to other people, but neurotypical people can learn some stuff from us too! I'm still a weirdo but a highly likeable one lol I've learned to embrace my "weirdness" because the world needs people who think differently, I'm a valuable friend and a good employee and I've learned to accept the idea that I'll always be different, but hey, aren't all the people "different" too? I'm not any more different to a neurotypical person than one neurotypical person can be different to another neurotypical.
@@pingwingwi This is really interesting because I'm only now being diagnosed because rather than thinking everyone was like aliens... I thought they were all like me! I thought that everyone hated eye contact, and everyone got sensory overload, and that it was totally normal. I'm 22 and I was misdiagnosed with general anxiety, seeing as I called my meltdowns "anxiety attacks" because I had no idea autistic meltdowns were a thing. My Mum saw the warning signs of autism when I was an infant, and instead of trying to diagnose me, she raised me normally, and validated all of my weird idiosyncrasies. This means I grew up thinking other people were weird when they weren't bothered by furniture being moved, or a teacher's hair-style changing, lmao! It also meant that my transition into social life was easier than I imagine most people's to be, because I chose to make myself socialize to be normal, rather than being pushed to do so by a parent or doctor. Of course, I'm lucky enough to be "high-functioning", so the way my Mum raised me without a diagnosis was actually the right thing for me I think. I can't imagine the bullying I would have received if my bullies thought I was autistic. I already got bullied for "copying" the other girls' sayings and habits (this was me trying to mimic to fit in), and manipulated because I was gullible af because I didn't understand people had ulterior motives. I totally agree with you that everyone is different, and that we're just as different as everyone else. We're just different in a specific set of ways, I guess :)
This is actually the video that made me realize I might be on the spectrum...... I’ve been living in denial. I’m going to go and explain to a professional why I feel I’m autistic and if I get diagnosed which I probably will - it would be such a relief. God. My whole life all those different aspects of me have been bugging me and I’ll finally be able to put a name on them. At the end of the video I just started bawling my eyes out because for the first time in my life I felt understood. Thank you so much for bringing awareness to this.
When I was a kid, pretty much the only concepts people had of autism were either of the heavily-disabled high support need children or of rainman-type geniuses... and females didn't occur as either. About the only treatment offered to "high functioning" autism was basically the same as ADD/ADHD, and that was pretty much limited to ritalin which is a hell of a thing to put a kid on. My mom had a psychology degree and was really spooked by how primitive medication-based psychiatric care was, so she pretty much refused to have me "treated" until I was old enough to express, myself, the desire to do so. I was asked if I wanted to see a professional and I said no, partly because from everything I could imagine, if I was ever diagnosed with something it would just leave me feeling "disabled" and make it an excuse for anything going wrong with me. I didn't want that, so I went my entire childhood and teenage life trying to convince myself that I was just quirky.
I don't regret that. I don't regret that it wasn't until my early 20s that I was told, offhandedly, by my sisters that my mom had always thought I was autistic and had spoken on the subject with them. They were surprised that I didn't know. I was surprised that I didn't know, since it had been pretty much in front of my nose that whole time but... understanding subtlety and sensitivity has never been my strong point. Shocking for someone with autism, right?
Knowing changed everything. Knowing let me be sure that my distance with social situations wasn't because I was a sociopath, as a suspicion had arisen in some of my darker moments had suggested. Knowing gave me a vocabulary of concepts to recognize how my thoughts and behaviors were, indeed, different from others. Knowing told me exactly what I was going to need to learn and practice in order to at least mostly fit in with a society of people who have literally no idea what an adult female with autism would be like, if it even occurred to them that we exist.
You don't have to know. It won't hurt you to go on just being different, many of us do and will and will be just fine. But if you think that knowing might help you... forgive yourself and just go find out.
There's an amazing group on Facebook, called "The Thinking Person's Guide to Autism," that you might really appreciate as you begin the journey of discovery. All the best!
I had some of the same issues as you guys, I was bullied and made fun of constantly because I was hyper, impulsive, and a bit touchy. I never meant to make anyone feel uncomfortable, so now I’m very closed off and kind of antisocial. The kids at school thought I was weird and it caused me a lot of mental distress. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, Severe Anxiety, and PTSD. My psychiatrist helped me though a lot of it and I’m happy that my anxiety has reduced and my ptsd isn’t that much of a problem anymore. I would love to thank my best friend, Emma, for being by my side since kindergarten and never giving up on me even after I moved schools. Always remember no matter what happens someone will always help you through it and everything WILL be okay!
The girl w the maroon shirt is so cute wow
YES 😄
She's so pretty and seems very sweet
@@alejandroalvmar I SAW THAT TOO
Alejandro Alvarez exactly also her voice is similar as well it’s crazy n they’re both so pretty
She reminds me of Maggie from the walking dead
On the point about how being unaware of how social cues work puts autistic women at risk of sexual assault, I'd like to bring up how that exact same problem can result in autistic men being seen as sexual predators because we misinterpreted nonverbal cues. That's been a lot of my experience in my late teens/early twenties dating.
While I won't go into detail, I had sexually harassed and stalked a girl without even realizing I was doing it until she bluntly told me I was making her uncomfortable. She later told me in a conversation we had for closure that she'd been trying to drop me "hints" for months that she wasn't interested to let me down easy.
And the worst part is? It's not entirely her fault. When neurotypical men fly off the handle over a girl breaking up with them and threaten to shoot them or release the girl's nudes online - as many women I'm friends with have told me about - it makes women more hesitant to be frank with men, and that includes autistic men who simply CAN'T pick up on nonverbal cues. We're not like neurotypical men who intentionally ignore these cues, we CAN'T pick up on them.
None of this is to say that sexual misbehavior is justified because a man is autistic. Fuck, no. But it is a problem when autistic men grow up in A) a culture where men are expected to be assertive and women expected to be coy and indirect and B) a culture that paints a lot of very predatory behavior as "romantic."
YESS!!! This makes so much sense!!
Yeah society affects things quite a bit
Hey man, I have total respect for you if you took her words to heart and learned from it. As a person on the spectrum I am sick of people using their diagnosis as an excuse for shitty behaviour, including predatory behaviour. It's true most social cues go right over my head, which is why I tell my friends, if I hurt you with what I've said or done, tell me. Just tell me.
Oh, trust me, I'm not making excuses for my behavior at all. I recognize I was being a colossal prick and acting like a sexual predator. I'm still friends with the girl I hurt, but it took a lot of apologizing and effort on my part to show I genuinely was sorry for how I treated her. It was an incredibly confusing time for me.
Movies informed a lot of this behavior, too. Since practically no one told me HOW to talk to girls or treat them or engage in sexual intercourse with them, I turned to movies to use as a social guideline.
So, when Ryan Gosling threatens to drop himself from a ferris wheel unless Rachel McAdams goes out with him, the lesson I got as a kid was: "Huh. Girls like this. I should do this." So, if a girl says "No," what media taught me wasn't "Stop" but "Try harder." That shit was incredibly confusing for me growing up.
"I think we're highly emotional, we just don't express it as people expect" ye this 100% - I actually think internally I'm more emotional and prone to emotional inbalances than the average person, but I don't tend to project those feelings with outward body-language displays in the same way most people do - it's similar to the intonation in my voice which is apparently flat, yet when i speak I hear intonation, so maybe when I'm feeling strong emotions on the inside and feel like I'm displaying those emotions, my outward projections show barely any noticable change to observers?
I'm a man in my late 30s with autism, and this is well said, I get a lot of what these women are saying, it a rough existence and everyday is a challenge
@David S Why do you think that?
I was diagnosed with autism at 3 years old...I’m happy that I see other people like me..
I remember asking my 7th grade teacher “what is it like to be normal?” And I felt bad that I made her cry by asking..
what does guilt feel like? im just curious