The Aspie World Do you know if autistic people overthink things to the point that a simple task is complicated. The reason I bring this up is that people say I lack common sense, however it’s because I overthink tasks a lot. What I am saying seems like the dunning Kruger effect though, but I don’t believe that to be the case.
7777WCG I think I know what you mean. It’s like you have a mind blank, your brain freezes, and you have to remember where you are and what you were doing. It’s disorienting.
Anybody else go through life being labelled "shy". I always tended to be quiet, and observe people to see how I should act and talk around them. People that actually know me, know I'm definitely NOT shy. I'm being labelled shy, when I'm just waiting for people to talk about something I find interesting.....lol
Oh yes, I know this so well. Everybody was always sayin I'm shy and introverted, even if I'm extroverted. I hate this sooo much.. That's why I had always identity problems. No one knows who I am, I can't show it
My friends say I seem shy until someone gets to know me well...then they can't shut me up. Few know my truest self and accept my quirks. Also, I'm quiet in groups but I can get on a stage and do public speaking. I'm great with scripts....I wish every social interaction had a script so I'd stop saying stupid things :(. I didn't find out I was an Aspie until my youngest son was diagnosed.
Wearing a mask caused instant panic attacks and headaches, but I LOVED staying home with my cats. It was heaven. Unfortunately while it was a nice mental health break for us, it caused an absolute epidemic of suicide, anxiety, and depression in the NT population. It was the biggest wave of child suicide in modern history. Even my PTSD got pretty out of control towards the end and I started getting lowkey agoraphobic. My state, Hawaii stayed locked down and masked longer than any other state - and because I couldn't wear a mask, I was basically locked down for 2 years.
I am on disability so I am home a lot anyway. Isolated. It gets very lonely. I do love being home with my cats but isolation can be dangerous NT or not.
omg. I don’t even know if I am autistic but I remember similarly in secondary school I just kind of shut down and didn’t open my mouth, and one time I heard a passing group of girls say ‘it’s so disgusting, she doesn’t even speak’ and that was the first time I even noticed that I was even being extra quiet lol. Maybe I have asd, would explain a lot
SAME!! That drove me Insane, made me feel bad about myself and actually not want to speak again. I’ve also got a monotone voice and would be made fun of for that, but I’d try to mask it and up my voice but then people would make fun of me sounding too excited and using too much facial expression. I could go on and on, but yes, same here ugh
Also, yes, I am autistic and have sensory processing disorder. As well as my 7yo. My 6yo is also autistic and has spd, adhd and being tested for dyslexia next month. I worry about how they will both be treated. I just keep thinking about how I was! I can absolutely relate to this video
My absolute worst fear is sitting around a circular table with others, and someone asks me a question. If all the attention is on me, I can’t handle that, it’s horrific, unless I’m totally drunk 🤦♀️
Yup. And once I begin to speak I stutter and can’t find the words. I’ve become sooo terrified that I just don’t really do anything social anymore. I have not been diagnosed but have all the traits of an aspie and scored likely to be when I took the online screening tests. Maybe we just need to exclusively hang out with others on the spectrum. 🤷♀️ I’ve never known anyone else like me, but I imagine a friendship with an aspie would be more sustainable than the others I’ve attempted to have throughout my 44 years of life.
Way back when I was in college, those of us pursuing degrees in the hard sciences were known as "techies", a label which, as a physics major, I accepted despite its pejorative intent. I took a psychology class to satisfy my liberal arts requirement, and recall an exercise we had to perform. The prof broke us up into pairs to discuss some topic he'd posed. After a few minutes, we were shuffled into groups of 3; then finally into groups of 4. I well-remember the feeling of relief after that final reshuffling, because it was so much easier to hide in a group discussion than in one-on-one or one-on-two......
Autism just sounds like introversion 🤷🏻♀️ is it really a disorder or is it just a personality type? So many introverts with anxieties have these issues
When your script runs out and that heavy awkwardness falls over the conversation and you start to mentally punch yourself for being so bad at this. And if your me maybe go home and cry. 😔
It runs in my family and my grandson has autism and another is being tested.my kids all have anxiety etc but 1 she struggled in life with what i said was probably social anxiety and found it so hard to talk etc she went to uni and came out of her shell cos i told her she just has to see she is different and mite take her longer but if she really wants something she can get it.after 2yrs learning more about computers and her art she is obsessed with along with manga type things she has finally got a graffics design job.she too hides things but lets loose at home she is so funny and i tell her this and to not worrying about what she thinks is her failures because people dont see that so its about the praise and making yourself do things actually makes you realise it isnt that scarey.her words 😁
Had to return two Amazon packages. Had a month to do it. Sent them back the day before the due date. It was just one more social interaction I didn't want to have.
There is another girl online who sings with similar coloring. She seems very much a quiet shut in also. Holly Henry. Even her singing voice is very soft and ethereal. Seems she would be very much at home with fairy wings on.
@@recoveringsoul755, I feel the same about Aurora.. I've wondered if she might be Aspie. Her voice is so hauntingly beautiful. You can tell she's in a world of her own if you watch the video of the acoustic version of "Running with the Wolves".
I’m not diagnosed but I’ve been watching videos of autism in females for the past few days and I have never felt more seen and understood in my entire life. I check every box and I feel this load of pressure finally being lifted off my shoulders, it made me cry because I’ve always felt like there was something incredibly wrong with me.
SOO TRUEE😢❤ I finally started accepting and loving myself so much more after understanding that I have a reason for being and especially "feeling" different... I feel so much more elevated, and everything makes sense somehow.
I know what you mean.. I have been researching the same thing since late January this year nonstop, writing a list (it's so long and I'm in the process of writing it all in a notebook categorized) because I know I won't be able to articulate or remember anything because its giving me too much anxiety in situations like that, for when I'm gonna go get tested for autism wraaa. Also suspect adhd, but definitely suspect mild autism. I will be so surprised if they decide I don't have it
I'm right there with you. It was like the light bulb finally came on when I found videos like these and I was like "THAT! THATS IT! THATS WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!" I check every box too. It is such a relieving feeling, but at the same time it also makes me want to cry because of all the shit I went through growing up and the fact that everyone made me hate myself for just being me. I kept telling my mom that there was something different about me growing up but she never listened! It ALL makes sense now!
@@angelussanti8332 Jesus loves you. You don't have to be tormented any longer, just call out to him and ask him what he has in store for you. May God bless you with light and understanding, in Jesus' name.
It is also exhausting to mask. My teenager goes out with friends and comes back so exhausted, they have to shut down or sleep. Quite often, they say they can't "human" anymore (their words) x
@Vics Archer THAT'S me exactly!❤..I can't human anymore!😁..I have to take to my bed after socialising and monitoring myself..in case I relax and say something "weird"..it's absolutely exhausting!
Omg the whole thing about feeling socially awkward or overwhelmed around people your own age is spot on. I'm far more comfortable around older or younger people. This can also happen for me with other groups of peers, like peers in my profession, regardless of their age.
Just to place this common Aspy symptom in a wider context: I'm a married male, in later middle-age. Though never tested, I'm pretty sure I'm not on the spectrum. Yet I have this same awkwardness & tendency to be overwhelmed in social situations - which I attribute to a rather lonely upbringing, by neurotic, anti-social parents. I find I can relax somewhat in the company of a woman (or two) - especially if I'm not attracted to them. But I'm never comfortable in large, chatty groups - I positively drown in loud crowd noise! And I'm usually intimidated by other men, and most especially the ones whose persona features that typical bantering, locker-room swagger that develops among high school/college guys - ugh! I understand that autism is an entirely different cause of social challenges. But please know that some non-spectrum folks also suffer from serious feelings of social alienation!
pbasswil no actually I stumbled across this video and was just intrigued by the subject . My teen struggles with some of the anxiety and shyness in groups settings and I was thinking 🤔 wait a second if my daughter watched this she would think maybe that’s me ..... but it’s just so common! I’m not at all on spectrum and was the same way growing up . I feel like some people want to be labeled . But I don’t agree with any labels ! We’re all unique and different ! So common to be anxious in this big world 🌎!
I'm a 61-year-old female with Asperger's /ASD, and you hit the nail on the head when you said it's the fear of rejection and/or judgment that keeps you less social. My anxiety can be debilitating before an event, so much so that I'll cancel. On the other hand, I deal with people all day in my boutique and handle it well because I have a well-scripted conversation of small talk at the ready that I've collected over the years. Learning I have ASD confuses some people so much that some even suspect I don't have Asperger's at all. I have a tiny group of trusted/ nonjudgmental friends and keep it that way because it's just easier and less stressful for me. When I was around 33 I had a massive identity crisis as I realized I literally had several different identities I had created to fit in with all the different groups of people in my life, ie/ at the office, my artistic/musician friends, my relatives, my intellectual friends, my partying friends etc. I masked for all of them, and after many years became depressed over it because I didn't know who I was or what I really liked. Charl, you are fortunate you've lived in these times and are more educated on ASD than I was in my younger years. Life could have been much different, had I known more about the subject of ASD but my condition was completely overlooked by a generation that meant well but that didn't know better. All the best to you.
omg ,you just described me 😮i am 61 female ...i am trying to summon up the dr to make an app to request a referral for assesment .....realizing im neuro diverse is such a revelation for me and explains so much about my life ...
I’m only 23 and I’ve recently isolated myself of from friend groups because the masking was so exhausting + struggling with identity. What advice would you give to someone going through the same thing???
All this, then, I, sometimes recycle my third grade jokes, and people think I'm enjoying myself. I'm not. I'm fairly certain they're not enjoying me, either.
@@myles5388 Exhausting is exactly right. I don't have advice, except, if you can't find your "tribe", at least, get with people with similar interests. May the force be with you.
Selective mutism is a big struggle because even when I do say something everyone just flat out ignores me so it just makes me even more anxious and even more mute in group situations
May I ask how you would feel more supported or heard in those situations? I am a Girl Scout leader with a young lady that struggles and I want to support her.
To me, masking isn't lying about who I am... it's about expressing who I am in a "second language." Just like someone who learns English later in life has to think harder to find the words to express what they want to say, I have to think harder about how to express myself in a neurotypical world. I'm not changing myself, just how I express myself, because no one else speaks my "native language."
Melissa Bergthold I totally agree with this! I’m the same-I think that’s probably why it’s so hard to know when I am masking and when we I am being totally myself.
Melissa your explanation of this is perfect. i struggle with the masking most of all, and it often gets so exhausting i get burn outs. i also struggled with identity because of it. i've always been hard on myself for masking, feeling like i am being ingenuine even tho i'm technically not. it IS like speaking a second language! i feel like the people and things i take from to form my outward personality in public are like symbols that i'm putting together to create the "right" sentence. i crave understanding from people and when i'm not masking (using my "native language") i've noticed people react to me as if i'm "weird" or as if everything i'm saying makes no sense to them. thank you for putting it this way!
It's crazy how identical these symptoms are to social anxiety disorder. I've been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and this is exactly what I go through. *edit* clearly I have triggered a lot of you who want to gatekeep a neurological disorder. I have never even been evaluated for anything like autism, but social anxiety is far from the only autistic trait I have. I do finally have an appointment for a therapist to eventually refer me to a psychiatrist to be evaluated. I could be autistic without even knowing due to misdiagnosis. That is my point. That is the point of this video. So all of you saying, "heh, that's because it's social anxiety and not autism," are missing the point and should stop assuming shit.
For one, psychology is unique from the sciences in that it doesn't follow the scientific method (little to no experimentation or peer review). So, when they come up with a diagnosis, they are basically guessing at a little box to try to fit people into. The reality of people is that we are messy and all things are on spectrums and little boxes don't quite fit everyone. For another, much of the problems aren't actually lie in the individual. Most problems arise from the specific types of interactions between individuals and society. If society were better structured, we as individuals wouldn't have so many difficulties interfacing with it. This is also why psychology doesn't work all over the world and why anthropological psychology is a field. Psychology has a Western, chiefly American, bias. All that to say, I see autism, SAD, & neurotypicality as three points of a triangle gradient.
That was my life all thru school-as an adult, I’ve married, had five great kids, become a gramma, a functioning and successful EMT. Life can improve for everyone
I’ve been told I More autistic by more than one person that’s known me very closely. And I have always been inappropriately loud and invasive if I’m uncomfortable. I always gave the quiet kid shit. There quiet made me uneasy. “Are you ok? What’s your name? Are you a serial killer? Do you like The Ramones ? Say something!!”
same here, from 63 to 69 primary school in england, i was so shy, introverted and naive and stuttered on many words, incl my own name. but talked to myself without stuttering. would be in my room and draw or paint A4 pictures.
I’ve just come to realize that people mostly like to talk about themselves anyhow. If you just let them roll with that, you don’t really have to say much at all lol.
Yep!! Mastering the art of listening is one of the reasons I passed as NT for so long, I think. If I didn't say much, I just seemed "shy" or introverted.
Oh my gawsh lol I do this and I am good at it. Lol people are shocked out if their brain when they find out I’m on disability support pension. They like WHAT? there’s nothing wrong with you! Lol boy oh boy they don’t know what your life is actually like haha
I have cerebral palsy and I can literally relate to all of these traits. Being in social gatherings, afraid of being judged or saying the wrong thing, obsessing about what you did say and if someone took it the wrong way, is so tiring. I completely get it.
I have Ataxic cerebral palsy, severe asperger's and a bunch of other stuff too, I really connected with this video I haven't left the house other than for a doctor appointment in well over a year
Ahh yes it can be super difficult I hear you there. I do lots of stuff and I cover 3 of the main ones in my feee masterclass if you are interested: www.copingsecrets.com/masterclass Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
I also currently obsess and have obsessed about what " I should have said.." "what I could have said" .. Cringing at the awkward way in which I interacted. Leaving my house is hard. Answering my phone is difficult and scary. I don't have energy for others. I need my bed,a hoodie and relief in my obsessions/research indulgences to feel relaxed.
Phones are the worst -- no visual cues + slower processing speed = hell -- and the tendency for ASD people to have great long-term memory (especially for upsetting stuff) *really* works against us. : /
This is exactly why I was diagnosed with social anxiety, I'm constantly doing this and then start to worry if the other person misinterpreted what I said.
I'm not on the spectrum, but I understand that. I really dislike being interrupted by people. However, I think you should try to talk anyways. It's not your fault if someone is interrupting you, you deserve to talk in the conversation too. If someone interrupts you, the best thing to do is to keep talking. Usually, people will let you talk if you do that, but if they don't, then I recommend talking to people that won't constantly interrupt you. Also, I recommend talking to more people that let you talk without interrupting. I personally enjoy talking to people that are good listeners, so those are the people I try to surround myself with :)
Same, when i start to talk about something that i'm really interested about and someone interrupts, i just don't talk about that anymore, unless it is some friend that i know is interested in the same thing
I try and “judge the room” to see if my conversation will accepted. Often, I fail so I try to follow my husband’s lead. That may or may not help. I’m often accused of being shy or self-centered in large groups. But get me in small gathering of 4-5/people and I’m okay. It takes months or a year or two for me to make a friend. Unfortunately, my childhood taught me that I won’t be accepted in a crowd. I did, however, have a person I knew when I was 11 apologize to me in my late 40s for how she treated me. She’s a physician and now recognizes what I was dealing with and what she dished. It was validation and cathartic.
Was anyone ever fearful of hearing their own voice?! It almost can become like a phobia of dreading to speak and then worrying about what others are thinking of you.
i’ve always thought that it was just extreme social anxiety, but hearing that sentence of “i’ve spent so long masking that I don’t actually know who I am or what I like” really clicked with me. I think new social situations are so hard for me because I don’t know immediately what they’re expecting so I don’t know how to mask. I’ve always been so angry at myself for isolating myself and of being so afraid of any kind of social situation, but this video helped a lot.
"What I'm actually doing is running off a script" YES! I call mine my "social algorithm". I have built up a mental blueprint on how to interact with people and be polite and chat. It's probably similar to most people's customer service mode. That's why I'm so good in a professional setting but SUCK at making friends.
you need other people to succeed sadly. Think of the Beatles and if they would of been as successful without each other, different strengths. This was actually something Steve Jobs focused on with his business models, make sure people with different skills etc work together to create greater products
SAME i am soo bad at making friendships with people because I never know how to get past the scripted small talk stage but it does make me pretty good at customer service so that's one good thing😂
She is so beautiful and sweet. God bless her for not letting people make her into a bad person. The fact that people would bully and reject someone with autism just makes me sick. What kind of world do we live in? Hugs to everyone who endures being lonely in this horrible world.
@@shaunkrose some people, when faced with enough cruelty, become mean and/or jaded. Hurt people hurt people, is the common phrase. This is for any demographic of people, really, but this video is on ASD, so yeah
I’m 22 and finally coming to terms that I might be on the spectrum. I can’t help but feel sort of mad that my parents never noticed and would in fact punish me for some of my symptoms.
I have Asperger’s and I have had a very similar experience to your experience with your parents. The most important thing I have learned in life (I’m 30) is that you must let go of your resentment towards your parents. After you do and comes up again, destroy it again then again and again. If you get diagnosed with ASD (or if you already have since your comment) I found it’s extremely relieving to let go of stuff like that.
I’m 26. So my mother was a teacher and trained to pick up on these things right?? There was some heaaavy ableism and other issues from my moms side of the family that I just didn’t pick up on as a kid but there’s no way she didn’t notice and she’d get pissy at me about stuff and I didn’t know what the heck I was doing wrong. She straight up threatened to pull me out of the school I adored if I wasn’t able to pay attention, finish my work and keep my desk clean, which is why she switched me to that school in the first place. RThat was 6th grade I think, it just broke my heart.
I understand everything they are saying and been this way my whole life, I have a narcissistic mother and she wanted me to perform in front of people to make her look good, often getting frustrated and violent with me for being too shy, and doing quirky things, not fitting her mould.
This is littarly me I was diagnosed with dislexia and ADHD at a quiete young age They gave me ritalin when i was 10 and it made me depresd after about 1 week So i stoped taking them
For me the fear of talking through phones is also about people being unpredictable. I have a real issue with figuring what people want or feel without visual cues. I can't predict their reactions which means that I can't adapt mine in advance. Texting is easier because I can take a few seconds or even a few minutes figuring out what I'm going to say so there is a lot less pressure
@@80swoodpanel A few years back I had a summer job in a bank and I had to call dozens and dozens of clients everyday to ask them to do stuff because apparently none of them knew how to read mails or something. That was pure torture
Periwinkleeyes70 Omg. I thought I was the only one who had a fear of phones. I don’t think I have autism but if I do, that could be a good explanation for my social anxiety issues and communication issues. I came to this channel because my little brother has autism and I was just doing research but I can totally relate to this. 😅
I won’t lie, my heart shattered into a million pieces realizing I have so many, if not all of these traits. I cried and released. Thank you so much for sharing and I hope to inspire others like you have with your vulnerability.
Me too. Is it helping you or is it scaring you? Because it’s possible you don’t have it. But if you’re suddenly looking back on thoughts feelings and actions in the past and the way you’re were treated by others and suddenly now it makes it to you the key will be to have compassion for yourself. Love and except yourself. That’s where I’m at right now and I’m possibly looking into joining an aspergers group.
@Ieah Leen I wish you the best of luck. I live in a place where I am lucky enough to have access to adult autism testing services, but they refuse to give me the test because my autism is not destroying my life "enough". This dismissal was the final straw. Nobody should have to write out a convincing drama script for a neurotypical researcher just to have access to an official diagnosis. I will pursue more confirmation with my therapist, but the real test for me will be when my adult children get their official diagnosis. That is enough for me. It should not matter if you are "official or not". If you can self identify, then you are welcome to sit by me. I know I am on the spectrum and so does the rest of the world. The school knew it in 1982 when I was about 12 but they didn't know what it was so they labeled me and sent me off to advanced level classes and forgot about me. Look for the signs in your past. Ask honest open-ended questions to your loved ones. These are the people who are qualified to tell you. Most of all, trust yourself and best of luck.
@@karenghio3844 It’s so bullshit that they diagnose based on how much of your life gets negatively impacted by your Autism, or as somewhere that I read put it, “how much the other person experiences your Autism”.
just in case anyone needs this: there are many reasons one may have social anxiety. I think it's always better to seek professional help. I myself was diagnosed with neurosis (other names may apply in different parts of the world I guess) but I can relate to most of the things mentioned. Also my female friend was diagnosed with autism recently (that's why I'm here) and we noticed some time ago how similar some of our problems are. I hope I don't sound like smart*ss ;) It just took me way too long to seek help and now I regret this.
Socializing is sooooooo difficult, women in general are also expected to do a lot of empathizing as well I noticed while watching this that I have that fear / anger flare up at social events especially unplanned ones! I once had a surprise birthday party throw for me and I was SO ANGRY the whole party, unpredictability of the party and breaking my expected routine for that day.
Friends organized a 21st birthday party for me, and I spent most of the evening at the library. The next day, they had to hunt me up and tell me to be there that evening for it. It never occurred to me to call up my friends to hang out on my birthday, and I was astonished that anyone would have celebrated my birthday in that way.
I'm a 72 female, a long time to be autistic. I like the way you broke it down. Socialization is so painful. I still don't have friends and I stay home a lot. My daughters told me to get out more so I went to join a senior citizens group, never happened. I felt like there was a glass wall between me and the person I was talking too and conversation just stopped and they made no more eye contact, I was imploding, I actually felt like I was shrinking to the point of invisibility. People at the table were talking among themselves I wasn't included and I had nothing to contribute. I was so uncomfortable I left. I said "It was nice meeting you all." and got no responses it was like I never spoke then I was depressed for a week. I was labled by my family as weird, gullible, antisocial, split personality, unruly, not talking much, keeping to myself, curious, I was always fixing things, my only friend was my dog. Things are still the same.
I am sooo sory for you. I understand you. I for example never finished my studies becouse I could not cope with stress of being among people all the time and that is very sad becouse I was one of the best students, I love my profession very much. Now I spend most of my time at home with my books, my two dogs and a cat. I don't have any job and I am in fear of my future if I continue like this, I won't have anithing... (i am 34 year old women, sorry for my english). Wish you all best! At least we now know why are we like this all our lives...
Hi Gloria, thank you for posting your experiences, this is so helpful! I'm 63, female, married to a high functioning autistic guy-my own diagnosis- with 2 autistic boys- also my own diagnosis. And now I realize I have it too, duh! My sister has a daughter who WAS diagnosed and now I can see it's a family thing, Mom, sister, her kids, my kids. I've wondered why, for my whole life, I've been invisible in groups...your experiences are mine! I prefer to stay home with my cats and do my own thing. I just have never understood how people communicate and make friends. It's like a foreign language to me. People have often told me I'm weird or goofy...and talk about social anxiety, ack! This is a great video.
Maybe hovering somewhere near the border of ASD, I have had similar experiences myself and I've also been in the position of being accepted and even "mistaken" as cool - at least for a time. (The quotation marks are because Aspies actually ARE the cool ones in my book!) I've watched people ostracize the Aspie in the group and I've also been the rejected one myself. NTs know exactly what they're doing when they do this and I respect them way less for it. I discontinue the friendship if I discover an Aspiephobe in the "friend". Despite lots of bs about being a good person or a good Christian, or whatever they tell themselves, I'll never cease to be amazed at how shallow, petty, and ego-driven a lot of people seem to be. If you're willing to try meeting new people again, here's a suggestion: there's an app called "meetup". Use it to find groups and meetups of people with ASD.
Gloria and Buster You wonderful, brave, brilliant human, you!! I relate to every word. I'm 48. Try the Meetups. My 68 yr old mother does them, it's not "for the odd." Good luck!!
Gloria I'm so sorry. If you need to talk sometime please don't hesitate to message me on google+ . You won't have to worry about eye contact. We're all here for you. You're important.
OMG, The friendship thing is so true for me! I never call my friends, but I'm happy to see them or hear from them. Calling seems like a lot of commitment and possible rejection.
Well when do you call? I'm not the spontaneous type for that stuff, might be better to actually schedule phone calls, but even that might create anxiety. So I text...if someone wanted to call or video message me, I would definitely consider it, but I'm really "video ready"...there is nothing useful to see there 🤣 my voice is more than enough lol
Car rides are the worst for me. Trapped in a moving vehicle and feeling pressured to talk when all i want to do is look out the window and relax. Ubers and Lyfts should have a no chatting option, PLEASE🙏
Diana Galvan just put obvious eye buds/plugs or blue tooth in your ears, like you’re listening to music and usually no one tries to chat when they think you’re listening to something.
If I had a new enough car to do uber&lyft... you'd be my favorite passenger. My big worry about if I do get into uber&lyft is that the majority of passengers would expect their driver to socially interact with them.
The older I get and the more videos I watch on this topic I get more and more convinced that I am on the spectrum. I just don’t understand how it got unnoticed throughout my childhood.
I’m wanting to get checked for this because a lot of it makes sense, but I don’t want to waste my time with doctors who don’t know how to diagnose it in adults. Any tips or suggestions?
I do that all of the time!!!! Actually what's worse is picking the wrong response out of your head. Like they say "Did you find everything?" I'm like "I'm good thank you", and realizing that was the wrong answer...
Sometimes after I'm done shopping when the cashier says thank you come back soon I'll say thank you you too and then I'll be like why did I just say that they'll be back they work there lol
I don’t have autism, but I have ADHD-C and my therapist sent me this video because many of the traits can overlap. I felt so seen and heard by this video!
I have always wondered if I am on the spectrum because I can relate to many of the problems but at the same time i don't want to make "a big deal" out of maybe social anxiety or strong introvertedness >_
Same. I've always wondered and confused whether I'm on the spectrum as well or is it due to my social anxiety / introverted personality. Is there ways to find out or differentiate it?
I actually had to pause the video and take a moment to keep from crying when Charl spoke about masking so intensely all the time that she had identity issues. Nothing has hit home quite the way that did... whole video was very eye opening. Thank you for sharing.
@@wiswc I do that to, but also have problems reading body language and understanding. Are people angry at me, are they dissapointed or did I make them sad. Most of the time it is neither but I can't help looking for it and trying to find any trace of it. I can even start crying from seing someone else near me being sad and cry, which other people have a hard time understanding. But seing someone cry just makes me hurt so much inside that I soon can't resist crying to.
Wearing a mask caught up with me finally. Entirely lost my sense of self between ages 28-33 and it’s fun getting to know me now. Have a good day everyone!!!
My 30s have been my best decade; the time I've been the most me and not the summation of "a bunch of odd behaviours." Didn't happen on it's own though. I think hitting my lowest low and realizing no one could/would help me really forced me to do a lot of introspection and self-work. Hormones, a bit of psychedelics, and Eastern practices (meditation, mindfulness, etc) all really helped.
Watching these videos about autism almost makes me feel like crying because I relate so much. I get so much crap from people for being quiet or not smiling or whatever and it’s always been a struggle for me feeling like maybe I’m just a shitty person.
After 44 years of wondering why I felt so different, this information has been so enlightening! Thank you so much for spreading the word about women's struggles with this issue. I'm so glad to know I'm not alone.
Masking and Selective Mutism go hand-in-hand for me: I used to act rude and pretend to be in a bad mood when engaging in conversations, when instead I just felt too anxious to speak properly. My selective mutism would manifest itself in a way that I would lose the ability to construct full sentences. Even if I forced myself to speak in times like that (which I did a few times), the words that would come out would just be rubbish and nonsensical, so I quickly developed this habit of staying quiet and pretending to be in a bad mood instead. At least if you're rude people will leave you alone because they assume that's what you want; whereas if they can tell that you're just anxious, their typical response is to pry further and get you to open up and get comfortable with them, which would freak me out more than anything else because it would feel all the more embarrassing for me. You kind of tend to spiral the more you acknowledge that its there, like an elephant in the room.
I'm not young as you all seem to be; I have a very close loved one who got diagnosed with being on the spectrum. I have had anxiety all my life (I'm 62) and learned to mask when I started school -- got tired of getting that "what's wrong with you, weirdo " look. Also experience selective mutism, among others. It's great there's diagnoses now; when I was a kid I was labeled shy or stuck up. Some tried to make me come out of my "shell" and it was agonizing for me.
oh god it really is. I need several hours after I come home from school before I can even think about starting homework and revision in order to ‘recharge my batteries’ as my dad puts it. this then leads to me being stressed about having no time and having a meltdown and then going to bed really late because there’s so much to do and I have to shower and stuff on top of that. then i’m forced to wake up early the next day and it just becomes this long mentally draining cycle.
Not sure if I have autism, but I definitely mask a lot. I was filling out job applications the other day and ended up doing a personality test. I have been doing this so long, I know how to answer the questions so that I am "socially accepted". My profession is super hard for me because I am a nurse. I tend to hang out on the night shift. I get my patients settled in for the night, so that they sleep. I long to be accepted, but have been hurt so much by people.
I could’ve written this. I’m a nurse and I was so surprised when I tested out autistically. And no one even believe me because I’m an ENFJ. I Can mask so well that I an loved by people from all walks of life. The truth is, I have hundreds of friends and yet I feel so alone. Thank God for Jesus.
I’m also an autistic nurse. I went into nursing knowing full well I was autistic and might get into masking exhaustion. It’s not a profession that’s autism safe but it’s a beautiful profession nonetheless
I've been caught mimicking a lot because I, "act different around different people." I want to cry because my ex fought with me about this and I didn't know about this then.... And I was just so frustrated because I couldn't stop.... I didn't understand.... I've done it well my whole life and I hate it. I want to be myself but I don't know how. I can't. It's not that I'm afraid to, I just can't.... I don't know how to. I don't know who I am.
Same I want to cry 😢 I can't stop mimicking people, studying people, all of my friends I act like, I talk just like them I hate it so much I wish I could stop, but I don't know how, I have a bad habit of looking at people too I don't want to do that either I hate it! My social anxiety is so bad I could totally relate to the being around a crowd, and feeling so overwhelmed I couldn't speak, like nothing would come out, all of what she described I do! 😢
There is an advantage... if you are nobody.....then you can be anybody....life is everything...only the opinions n perspectives of the thinker narrow life's capacity...there is no one self....only apart of an awareness...you are an awareness that does not know it is aware...but awareness is aware of you.
People often mimic people they feel connected to to a certain extent. It’s a way of bonding, in a sense. I’m not saying this is what you do. Just that it’s not required to completely banish all of your mimicking. Finding out who you are can be a tricky thing. For neurotypicals there are a few perspectives to the self. There’s at least personality, development of identity and the self as a social construct. A good start to understanding your personality is by looking at the NEO-PI. bigfive-test.com/ Development of identity I kind of forgot about.. But one of the things it had to do with is experiencing new things and finding out what you like and don’t like. And then you find your place in the world. Self as a social construct. Much of us is dependent on how we relate to others in a social network. Related to this is belonging to a group, and deriving identity from that. Another thing is that we tend to compare ourselves to others. That’s useful, as it allows us to assess whether we could do better, for example. And we look at other people’s approval or rejection. That is how we figure out norms. Norms have an important impact on our own value system. (Speaking of values, that is another thing that belongs to personality.) I don’t know what it’s like to not know who I am. But I do know that having a stronger sense of the self can give a strong sense of meaning in life. Knowing yourself is on a spectrum. Some are clueless, and others have a really strong core understanding of themselves. I hope for you that you really stand for who you are, when you’re a bit higher on the identity spectrum. And hopefully, you can then talk to others without taking on their identity
The very first thought I had to myself as a child/toddler was "am I the only robot or alien or is everyone else?" And the fact that that's the first memory I have of me thinking to myself really freaks me out. I wish I could get diagnosed, I really believe I'm on the spectrum
I'm 57 soon, Aspergers wasn't even a diagnosis when I was young. Have been coping for so long (or 'masking' my new word), so wondering what the point is of taking this further.
@@lieveM62 There might not be a point in that why do we need something official when we know what we are. I am 51 and your story is also my story. I am not shy about saying that I am on the spectrum. I pursued the official diagnosis, but since if you receive it you are entitled to social service benefits, you will be denied if you are not determined to be "sick enough". In the end, it was all about money and it made my stomach turn. If somebody disputes it because I am not waving around a piece of paper that the neurotypical world created, then I have to ask them, why are you so insistent on being diagnosed by someone who most likely has no idea what this is like? If an official diagnosis is necessary in order for you to receive support services, then by all means, get the official result. If however, you have managed to navigate this world on your own and are content in continue doing so, I would not bother.
My psychiatrist won't get me evaluated because they don't believe that I'm on the spectrum. I'm currently crying because i go through all these social issues. Pray for me, please.
It's a misnoma to think that people not on the spectrum don't experience these things! I am definitely not autistic but experience 5/5 of these issues. Your therapist likely has a better view on this than you do, if you get hung up on the idea that you're autistic when you're not you'll waste your life waiting for someone to confirm that you're psychologically "different" when in reality everyone is different and the trick to life is being at peace with that.
I think this comment deserves a different response tbh… your experience is valid, and your psychologist has different information and perspective. So do other licensed therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists who all specialize in different things. I hope you self-love by pursuing whatever support you need, including correct diagnosis if that helps improve your life. I wish you luck and patience ☺️
I got licensed as a nail tech because I was fascinated by fingernails, nail care, the actual polishing and art, etc. Then I rented a room from a salon and realized the HELL of actually having to talk to people while I did their nails. It was unbelievably exhausting. I realized I'd kind of screwed myself by going into a field where most people actually want to jabber away about nothing. If I could've just sat there in silence and just worked on their nails, that would've been okay. So now I don't do nails anymore, but I feel guilty about the time and money I spent getting certified that could've gone towards something else.
Don't ever stop doing what you enjoy bc of others opinion of what they believe what you SHOULD be. I did too many times in my life and than later in life found people who were very successful bc they did what I was told was wrong. Follow your heart, life will fill in. Bless you.
@@loriboufford6342 thanks for the advice - you are so right and I do appreciate it. I ultimately ended up closing my business because I just wasn't making enough money to keep the doors open. I'm in the process of moving on to another interest/career that I feel will better suit my personality and allow my husband and I to travel more. That was one big negative about being a nail tech that always wore at the back of my mind...my husband is hopefully less than 10 years away from retirement and we want to travel as much as we can, but that's hard to do when your business is located in one place. All the best to you!
As an autistic who occasionally gets their nails done, I'd be your favorite client. I rarely speak to my mani/pedicurists unless they ask me stuff. Maybe you should open a salon that advertises itself as autism friendly both for staff and clientele. Rules: no small talk, no loud noises, good lighting, attempt to minimize the smells even tho they're pretty strong (I like it personally).
You two are so real. It is refreshing. I totally relate to you both. I am 71 years old and am just starting to understand some of the events of my life in light of what may be my place on the Autism spectrum. Thanks
When you asked about the masking with like tv shows and movies, I personally do that. I tend to take on characteristics from characters in books too. I don’t realize I’m doing it though which makes others question why I act a certain way randomly, but when I realize I am I try to stop.
Ghostofsomeonelonely same here! I always find myself mimicking characteristics, using a characters vocabulary, speaking the way they speak and even moving like them when I walk and things like that.
@@EruzaSky I do this a lot, from tv and books... I sometimes wonder if I am on the spectrum at all. I relate to a lot of this, but not super intensely.
Thanks for having this collab. I was diagnosed at 25 and it helped me to start forgiving myself for struggling and understanding that it wasn't my lack of effort that was causing this. I can relate to everything she said, especially the selective mutism and the difficulty sociliazing. It is way easier to me to deal with people older than me than my peers, so my mutism appears a lot around people of my age, as well as I had basically no friends in college for almost 3 years, because I just couldn't connect with anyone. I moved countries 3 years ago and to this day, I have only 2 friends and still struggle about feeling isolated, but therapy has been helping me a lot.
I wonder if the anxiety during social interactions is inherent to autism or learned? I feel early on if I spoke from the heart i was judged or criticized, so I learned to be anxious.
Absolutely learned. Most of my barriers were learned, created by my brain to corral me into socially acceptable behaviors. It still doesn’t work though 🤦♀️ I’m too stubborn to stay corralled for very long 😂
My daughter is very outgoing, class president, head of loads of clubs and always out with friends(more boys than girls though) & was recently diagnosed with ASD.
My daughter has Asperger's, I suspected she did as I have a brother with Asperger's but the doctors kept sayong she's too social to be Autistic. She finally got diagnosed after 5 years and lots of counseling and testing. She's extremely social, like never met a stranger, she's everyone's friend. And while yes she is super social she's also socially awkward. So just because she will talk to every and any body, especially about her obsessions at the time, it doesn't mean she is socializing properly. She doesn't pick up on social cues like tone of voice, facial and body language or if someone is disinterested in what she's obsessively talking about.
@@Corso123870 i can somewhat pick up on tone of voice. if someone using a mocking tone which is bullying as i was always slower in things as child i was bullied. used to think asperger's was oh lack empathy which isn't true lack way of what to say to someone how it will would sound to other person. like mean well. when any of close friends who are like family are crying telling me what happen to them i will cry along with them lend shoulder and works with other way too. it's hard when get focused on certain interests.sometimes myself i be waiting for silence so i can something but then go speak and either no one hears or just starts talking then when i am left say my piece i am changing the subject.my life is so different from most others it is so scary and stressful trying to sound my age.
What we should do as girls with autism is STOP trying to hide it. I gave up on that a couple of years ago ^& it's the best thing you can do. sure I walk around looking every which way as if waiting for an attack & twitch & walking in circles at the traffic light along with all kinds of other weirdness. Over blinking or overly surprised eyes, hair chewing & whimpering. Mostly because I couldn't anymore. But no one treats me any differently. If anything people have more patience. People are more unerstanding than we give them credit for. If not oh well. Atleast I didn't try to hide who I am my whole life. We're here to be this way. Do it! We're odd & quirky. It's ok! :)
@peeps3216 peeps You mean hiding it? Well, I'd say don't worry about it then. Over time it becomes easier. I still catch myself stiff as a mannequin holding my breath without realizing it. My mouth has scars from biting my lip so hard to refrain from doing anything weird on the outside. It was natural for me to stop doing such.
@peeps3216 peeps It's hard to relax after so long. But with practice, you will achieve it. I just recommend being careful due to how a lot of work environments show prejudice for different people like us. In these environments I suggest starting formally, and then slowly show yourself more as they get used to your stims and quirks. We are different, but we also have some rare strengths. Being able to relax will help us develop them further.
So true! Good people will stick around. I'm not autistic but I'd never treat anyone different because they're autistic. Girls need to stick together ❤❤❤
Wow! That's exactly what my daughter has been doing since a toddler. Shes 20 now, and it's all about Captain Marvel & Star Wars. She was Rey or Ahsoka from SW until they started talking about making the Captain Marvel movie. (She loves the MCU too.)
I literally have ace ventura floating around in my head all day with his phrases and I'm constantly acting out his character. I actually feel like he's a part of me. 💖💖
I have heard that many people on the autism spectrum are actually very very intelligent and tend to be indigos whether that’s proven by emotional intelligence or academic, musical intelligence. They just see the world for what it is. We are scared to be individual and that’s much like many people out there. Authenticity is rare and I don’t have many friends (not because nobody likes me) but because I just don’t put myself out there.
I have been diagnosed with a learning disability that is said to be very similar to Autism, and have also dealt with severe social anxiety and depression. It feels so validating to hear you share your thoughts about how socializing brings anxiety but loneliness leads to depression. I've been stuck in that cycle for almost half my life now. It is still very difficult for me to make friends but I have learned to be content with just having work friends and spending the rest of my time alone at home. I think it's a good balance since I also really enjoy my alone time. I am proud of myself for who I am today even if I am still known as 'the shy girl'.
Ppl n the spectrum don’t have learning disabilities tho, their just like you & me it’s more of social stuff or certain behaviors etc etc, I wish ppl would not spread the agenda that autism is NOTHING like retardation.
@@michellelablue7 Yes it’s true that people with autism do not have a learning disability. They have cognitive impairment, which is different. However, people with learning disabilities are also not mentally slow. Think about those who have dyslexia. They have a type of learning disability, where they have issues with reading at times. That in no way means that they are any less capable of learning than anyone else. I took special education courses in college for my teaching majors, and there are several different types of conditions that require accommodations from schools. Some people simply learn differently, and need assistance to reach the same learning outcomes as others. That in no way makes anyone less able to learn and comprehend.
I have a hard time talking about myself. I can talk about things I have an interest, but specifically talking about me. When I’m asked about my day, week, month, year; unless I know something extremely interesting I don’t see the point of mentioning it. It makes conversations very one sided, and I end up listening more than talking.
I "rehearse" responses to common questions and what I think I'll be asked in upcoming work reviews/family members' "friendly" interrogations on my personal life.
"The script" is exhausting in an office environment I must say. The people there are so emotionally deprived they want their teammates to hear them vent and cater to their emotions. So yeah, I use a script. But at my last job the staff was mostly women, and they would always stop me from going back to my desk to gab about something, and I'd have to pretend to care. I quit, and I felt so much relief!
In large groups I can't speak, I never even thought about it, it literally feels like my mouth is glued shut. The tention builds up to the point that I feel like if I don't say something other people will notice my silence and I end up saying random things to seem included in the conversation😥
That’s me too and most if not all of the myer briggs personality types similr to me , I’m a intp type 5 enneagram and many introverts in general-and that’s a very big percentage do u really think such a big part of world is born with a disorder ? Something just makes no sense .in my family we are six and 4 out of the six act this way... You can read about types and behavior on website personality hacker or see their videos on utube . Any personality type that’s unhealthy or not matured yet will Look like they have a disorder or mental issue ! And since learning in depth about my type I’ve actually gotten rid of a lot of anxiety and learned some great tools . Beatrice chestnut is also a great option to learn about urself.
That feeling... 1000%!!! It’s like a quicksand situation, where it’s not too bad at first, but the longer you’re in that state the harder it is to break out of it. It’s seems fine, then kinda not fine, and then suddenly you’re in so deep that you feel like you can’t get out. And, also like quicksand, the struggling can make it worse... I now try to enter social situations with at least one or two topics or conversation starters in mind that i can “grab on to” if i feel stuck like this... something that is relevant to my life, and positive, and could also be relevant to other people in the given social event. (ex: “hey, did anyone make New Years resolutions? ... but only if I made one, because otherwise i would have nothing to add and the convo stalls out.) Or i’ll ask someone (beforehand) to ask me about a specific project I’ve been working on, or something interesting that i know about, if they notice me struggling to join in. And... remembering that no matter how harshly people might judge sometimes, it’s far more likely they are more worried about themselves. Breathing. Looking around. None of these work 100% of the time, but they do help crack that vacuum of silence open, a little bit.
It’s funny but so accurate when she uses the words “how useless I am” referring to her friendships and social situations. I try extra hard to be there for my friends and it’s hardly ever reciprocated. In fact, I feel like the harder I try to mask what feels like a more comfortable laid-back approach, one in which I fear I am not as useful as a friend, where I could be perceived as not caring, I fear I could fall out of grace with them and be even more useless in these relationships I try so hard in. Being social is the hardest thing in my life, because I get so excited when I make a friend, and so sad when they turn out to not be there for me in the end.
I’ve always known something was socially ‘off’ about me. I’ve never been able to socialize for an extended period of time without repercussions. If I socialize too long; I will legit go home and just have a breakdown. Bawl my eyes out for hours. And I never know why I’m crying. Which makes me cry even more. Then I feel like I’m being dramatic. Anyone else have this issue?
I do that i dont think im autistic i think im an introvert. People drain me. I either get into a fuss with someone or feel stupid or ignored and hates after being around people.
i need to literally prepare for socializing so i know what you mean. after socializing, i go home and cannot bring myself to speak to anyone outside the people living in my house that i MUST speak to. like replying to messages and such, i cannot. i tend to isolate myself and/or feel overwhelmed, but i find it hard to express it in ways like crying and such so i just sleep haha.
I have a problem simular too , if I'm uncomfortable around people , I will come out of the social situation either angry , embarrassed or I could have a meltdown . I get judged for going to the bathroom alot :/ My Age group are hard for me to trust
I'm trying to find out if i'm maybe autistic or not. I relate to a lot of this but i wonder if that is not something all people do? I always have felt very different from other people idk
I’m 66, just discovered I’m autistic and have been since childhood. I was friendless through all of grade school, sat alone at recess, waiting it to end, bullied for being quiet, and depressed most of the time. Ended up with an eating disorder that has lasted 40+ years. I consider myself to be smarter than many my age, but continue to mask who I am, and can’t find lasting friendship. What a sad life, and I may only have 20 years left to live.
Susan Van Heel..have you tried Online socialising with your own tribe? I'm certain you'll find acceptance and friends.Try joining some Autistic adult groups.
I took my daughter out of school the day she got her Aspie diagnosis and had her home schooled. She went from a depressed uncommunicative self harmer, to a blossoming young girl, it was priceless. The money we got for her 'disability' went onto a home school teacher who taught her at her level and she just thrived and opened up again. It is vital I think to get them out of school, if you can, and be educated at home. She went onto college...didn't finish, but at 23 has not been without work. There is hope . Thank you guys for making this more known in your video for others to relate and parents to understand what going on inside of them, so we don't blame or push them for their inability to mix as you 'expect' them to.
Hi Lucyna, Thank you for sharing your daughter’s experience. This is our exact life now. I took my daughter out of public school after the “Covid lockdown” because she was doing so much better in her studies at home. We are in the process of getting her diagnosed with Autism. May I ask what you mean by getting “paid for her disability”? I am homeschooling her, but I would love to be able to afford some help. I’m not sure that I am doing a good enough job on my own. I would like her to have the best education I can give her…. If you have time to reply, I would So appreciate that! 🤗 -Myra.
I’m really struggling to figure out if I could be on the spectrum or if I just have a severe social phobia. 😔 it’s become really really difficult for me
That’s me too and most if not all of the myer briggs types similr to me that im a intp type 5 enneagram and some other types like introverts and that’s a very big percentage do u really think such a big part of world is born with a disorder ? Something just makes no sense .in my family we are six and 4 out of the six act this way... You can read about behavior types on website personality hacker or see their videos on utube . Any personality type that’s unhealthy or not matured yet will Look like they have a disorder or mental issue ! And since learning in depth about my type I’ve actually gotten rid of a lot of anxiety and learned some great tools . Beatrice chestnut is also a great option to learn about urself
For me is the social anxiety + anger + hard paying attention + brain always running being hard to pay attention to things I’m not interested in+ hard making eye contact + more U probably just have social anxiety if that’s the only thing u experience
Can I just say that girls who are masking are geniuses and soooo strong? I know how hard it is to literally mask everyday (consciously and subconsciously) just to try and survive. I wish females won’t have to sturuggle getting a diagnosis anymore. Let’s be strong girls! We’ve got each other 💗 Thank you for making this video, we appreciate you for openly discussing female autism. You are helping sooo many women!
Yes, so true. It's incredibly exhausting. Wish we'd have more insight on the Autism on the mainstream and it well reveals the social pressure on girls in general.
It's even more beautiful when people on the spectrum realize they don't have to mask, and society made you put that one because they don't know any different (or better, imo).
@@bernlin2000 No. You do it for yourself. It's a coping mechanism. Nobody can make you mask, and they likely don't even know you are doing it. Take 100% responsibility for yourself, only then will you learn who you really are, and will no longer feel the need to mask.
I've always thought I had crippling social anxiety but the more and more I learn about autism I truly believe it's years of masking and not having the energy to continue that in a social setting.
I’m a diagnosed male and I totally know where Charl is coming from. From the masking to the self-doubt and the aftermath of social interactions. My fear of not knowing what people think of me is at times crippling. I also identify with going over social interactions in your had. Things like ‘Maybe I should have said this’ or ‘I hope I didn’t do or say anything offensive’ can go through my head weeks after interactions. Growing up I just wanted be part of the group. When you are young and not good at masking, you come across even weirder. Thank you for this video.
I know what you mean. It's hard to explain social anxiety to people who don't have it. One way I've found that more people can relate to is comparing it to going to a job interview. Most people are nervous, apprehensive, trying so hard to act and talk right in an interview, aren't they? When I find common ground with people about interviews, I then tell them something like "Now, imagine that every social interaction you had was just like that" Then, they sometimes have a bit of compassion for me.
My 30 yr old daughter was doing fairly well until she lost her job 4 months ago. Now symptoms have been amplified due to more social isolation and NO. JOB!😞 Did get her to be tested, thinking that would help with her job search, due to the ADA, but can’t get her to agree to therapy. How did you make the decision? I want to HELP HER, and I’m running out of ideas, and she’s running out of unemployment and has a mortgage and car payment due every month, plus other essentials!😢😳🥰
@@littledabwilldoya9717 I have childhood trauma that has caused my severe anxiety and fear of judgement and I just couldn't tolerate this with myself anymore. Trauma can look different for every person too but wanting better for myself is what helped me. You could offer her to help call therapists to make an appointment since, to me, that was the hardest step! Tell her she can get through this but ultimately it has to be her desire to get help and want to be better. She can do this!!
I struggle to talk to people unless I know them well. If I am intimidated I clam up I cannot chat naturally, I second guess everything I'm going to say before I say it and I don't dare voice when I disagree. I relate to going round and round analysing a social situation once it's done. In fact I tend to want to eat something afterwards as a way of calming myself down..... 😔
I was diagnosed at 28 and I was so horrible at masking that I was bullied horribly in school and now I have serious agoraphobia. It was actually during a therapy session for depression and PTSD that my therapist recognised my symptoms because she worked with autistic children and she really pushed for me to be assessed.
Please don't give up ! I have been where you are. Didn't leave my house for almost 2 full years and it was incredibly difficult to finally try. Unable to sleep the night before i knew i was going to leave. Panic attacks, etc.... but you know what ? Eventually I was able to do it. Even if I was scared & cried. Even if i only left for 5 minutes. It sucked so effing bad. But i kept doing it. Then - no more panic attacks. Stuck with it & after a while, I would mostly just freak out inside my head for a few minutes prior to leaving. Because i had built upon all of my recent experiences of leaving and NOTHING BAD HAPPENING. i began to be proud of my little victories. And a bit after that I was able to leave without much more than a small pep talk to myself. Sometimes I still struggle a little. Especially if I'm going to a place I've never been before or I'm seeing people I've never met. That's still tough at times but I have also had some wonderful experiences just because I didn't let myself back out. In the end, it was always worth going. Even if it was just to remind myself that I don't want to get stuck in that bad place ever again. I don't want to let the fear win I know I can't cure autism. Not for me, not for you. but I can tell you that it gets better. It absolutely gets easier if you keep going out.I know you're scared, but do it anyway. Remember these things: (1) FEAR IS A LIAR ! (2) the first step is hardest of all and (3)if you're going thru hell, keep on going. Face that fire. Good luck ! I wish you well ! PS may I suggest you pick a theme song ? Most people are into music. Choose something with lyrics that inspire you. Words you need to hear. Repeat to yourself as often as necessary. It helps.
I’ve always thought selective mutism to be a “brain fart” or “drawing a blank” but the feeling that comes along with it, is intense. When the pressure is on, it almost feels like you just walked into a glass door because you’re caught off guard and suddenly feel like you’re trapped inside your chest. Can anybody relate?
I know I can relate. Especially when it's something serious or a related task that is intense with personal criticism or multiple steps. The more serious or critical something is involving change or improvement, the stronger the anxiety, inertia, and mutism becomes for me. Even when I am intrinsically motivated to do something to improve, take note of the criticism, and can comprehend the responsibility, I still encounter gradual periods of brain fart or blankness where i'm just lost in some kind of endless fog or mist. You would think one would be motivated to shift one's gears away from laziness or procrastination by getting things done on auto pilot but it still beats me. You can't help but take ownership and internally blame yourself because you know you have the capability to improve but that misty fog of muted uncertainty still remains.
Fear of being misunderstood, mis-judged, rejected, attacked; all rational fears based on personal experience and no understanding or support leads to paralysis.
I can relate to absolutely to everything she says... right down to going home after, and way over thinking about what I said and how... I won't remember your name, when I meet you, but I will remember the conversations. I than go home and replay in my head... basically to learn from
I'm a grandmother, 70 yrs. old. I do have almost all of the traits you've posted. I've learned to 'mask' my way into the daily social experiences. I'm so good at 'scripts' and 'acting that people very often want to become close friends. OK, so the amount of mental and physical energy that I have invested in these traits leaves me empty. So the realization of my lack of energy leaves me in a panic and I have to exit the 'potential friendship' right then and there. When someone says "Let's cook together" or "Lets go (somewhere) together." that is the end of the social experience. I often reflect 'on what happened' later and just feel weird. I have always been happy to socialize with children as they are accepting and forgiving. I realize now that one of the reasons I joyfully had 7 children was that. then, I would be so busy with them, I would not be available to socialize with others in the world outside. Thanks for posting, I will share for sure...
Mutisum is what I get when trying to express how I feel to a figure of authority like a boss or the police or judge... it usually ends up with me having a crying meltdown..
This is me. Recently had a complete panic attack at job centre and ending up crying. Has happened so much in life. Im 58 and waiting to b assessed this makes so much sense. Thank u xxx
I think I’ve always had autism and it’s gone undiagnosed. Ive always been shy, quiet, & “very observant”. I’ve always always been really quiet during group conversations particularly and I give my self a reward in my head whenever I actually contribute to the conversation lol. I relate to all of the points made. Especially about your script running out. I’ve always DREADED picking up the phone and making calls. I’m trying so so hard to try and get better at it. Especially since I will be a nurse soon and HAVE to get over this. Pray for me hahah
Selective mutism is so frustrating!!!! With one on one conversations I do great! I don’t feel too overwhelmed (usually) or like I have to mask so much. But in large groups ESPECIALLY FAMILY gatherings it all falls apart 😢. There’s too much info, to many traits being thrown at me, too much to juggle and I end up being labeled as “judgmental” “stuck up” or “haute” because I can’t talk or properly socialize. 😢
I've had social anxiety for years now and for some reason, my doctors can't see past the social anxiety, which makes them hesitant to diagnose me with autism. I was sent to a specialist's clinic because I've gotten really good at masking my symptoms. Love hearing from more females with autism!
Yes this is so common, it is difficult for females to successfully get a diagnosis. Stick at it!! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
I was also diagnosed with social anxiety only at first and was seeing a therapist for that for about a year! Only when I had to change therapists did my new one suspect there was something else at play than social anxiety. She specialized in treating kids and adolescents with social anxiety and told me that my behaviour in public did not quite match with the symptoms she expected to see . (which in hindsight makes sense, because she took me out into a clothing store and instructed me to chat with an employee and ask them for advice. It was stressful and exhausting and uncomfortable, but through my experience at masking I think I did very well. Actually, I used one of my favourite tricks for social interaction, which is pretending I am a character in a book or show and have a script to adhere to, so I cannot say anything wrong.) Funnily enough, we both came to the conclusion that I could be on the spectrum independently from one another and after contacting a clinic specialized in autism diagnoses, I got mine last December. You just have to be patient and honest and I'm sure everything will turn out fine for you!
Once "diagnosed" it will always be hard for people to see past that, whether its a medical diagnosis or a mental one, that bias will always be there and they will always be trying to confirm what they already know and support it. Theres an experiment where sane people check themselves into a mental hospital claiming to be having a break from reality, then later asking to leave saying they are feeling better........ And you can guess they had a hell of a hard time convincing people they were actually "better" and this wasnt just a symptom of their crazyness.
But social anxiety, fobia, traumas and anxiety, depression, introverted lead to the same symptoms they made in the video. I have everything they said but i am not autistic (i guess and hope). The inly difference is that i can so so well read people's emotions(emphatic) that i never want to see them because I don't know how to react when they feel nervous or bad or say smth and expect me to behave and speak in a certain way and you feel uncomfortable and not want to speak but you make a face like you are really interested and you bring up topics you are not interested. You feel so drained after them. Close friends and family may be an exception but not always. this is also how social fobia works.
I feel that only wanted to talk about my interests. I’ve been called out from ppl sayin I’m “self centered” or “always makin the convo about myself” and I’m so hyper aware of it now I try to not seem tht way it just gives me so much anxiety and I always end up apologizing for talking about the things I like
I get accused of trying to change the subject to myself, but actually I am trying to convey that I am understanding what they are saying because I had a similar experience.
I didn't know that it was called masking until recently but sometimes its exhausting to act like ur not you. In groups and stuff I shut down but idk about selective mutism lol
I thought that everyone did this. Thats so weird. I'm just over here because I find mentle illness incredibly fascinating, and when I find something facinating I want to know everything about it. So right now I'm totally blown away, everybody doesnt do these things? Here i thought everyone did the weird stuff I do. Well learn something new everyday
i totally relate to the shutting down thing. it’ll come with no warning too. i’ll immediately become irritable, tired and annoyed and i feel like i just want to go home and be by myself for a while. i thought it was just an introverted thing, but it’s very intense so it’s definitely more than that
I have done this masking thing forever. For the longest time I just wondered if maybe I was a sociopath but this gives me a better insight. Maybe I'm just on the spectrum. Don't know if I'll pursue a diagnosis but I'm definitely going to research some more on this. The masking is both exhausting and built in at this point. I don't know how to be my real 'self' because I don't feel like I have one. I just learned to be versions of a person for all the different groups I know
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Thank you so much for using examples to communicate this set of personality characteristics!
Have you ever heard of someone kind of like blacking out but are fully conscious and don’t know where they are for a second?
The Aspie World
Do you know if autistic people overthink things to the point that a simple task is complicated.
The reason I bring this up is that people say I lack common sense, however it’s because I overthink tasks a lot.
What I am saying seems like the dunning Kruger effect though, but I don’t believe that to be the case.
I am currently fighting off anxiety by working out. I feel strong and beautiful.
7777WCG I think I know what you mean. It’s like you have a mind blank, your brain freezes, and you have to remember where you are and what you were doing. It’s disorienting.
Anybody else go through life being labelled "shy". I always tended to be quiet, and observe people to see how I should act and talk around them. People that actually know me, know I'm definitely NOT shy. I'm being labelled shy, when I'm just waiting for people to talk about something I find interesting.....lol
Literally same! ^
Same! Or people mistake it for being snobby or too reserved.
Yes yes yes and yes.
Oh yes, I know this so well. Everybody was always sayin I'm shy and introverted, even if I'm extroverted. I hate this sooo much.. That's why I had always identity problems. No one knows who I am, I can't show it
My friends say I seem shy until someone gets to know me well...then they can't shut me up. Few know my truest self and accept my quirks. Also, I'm quiet in groups but I can get on a stage and do public speaking. I'm great with scripts....I wish every social interaction had a script so I'd stop saying stupid things :(. I didn't find out I was an Aspie until my youngest son was diagnosed.
The lockdown was LITERALLY the best time in my life. All that social pressure GONE!! i was really sad when it ended.
It needs to start again
This is me too!
Wearing a mask caused instant panic attacks and headaches, but I LOVED staying home with my cats. It was heaven. Unfortunately while it was a nice mental health break for us, it caused an absolute epidemic of suicide, anxiety, and depression in the NT population. It was the biggest wave of child suicide in modern history. Even my PTSD got pretty out of control towards the end and I started getting lowkey agoraphobic. My state, Hawaii stayed locked down and masked longer than any other state - and because I couldn't wear a mask, I was basically locked down for 2 years.
I am on disability so I am home a lot anyway. Isolated. It gets very lonely. I do love being home with my cats but isolation can be dangerous NT or not.
I just feel like the system really sucks and we need solid alternatives. Because being at home and online is a vibe
The most hurtful thing in school was when I finally got the courage to say something in class and someone goes "IT SPEAKS!??"
omg. I don’t even know if I am autistic but I remember similarly in secondary school I just kind of shut down and didn’t open my mouth, and one time I heard a passing group of girls say ‘it’s so disgusting, she doesn’t even speak’ and that was the first time I even noticed that I was even being extra quiet lol. Maybe I have asd, would explain a lot
i can relate.......
Bad mannered kids
SAME!! That drove me Insane, made me feel bad about myself and actually not want to speak again. I’ve also got a monotone voice and would be made fun of for that, but I’d try to mask it and up my voice but then people would make fun of me sounding too excited and using too much facial expression. I could go on and on, but yes, same here ugh
Also, yes, I am autistic and have sensory processing disorder. As well as my 7yo. My 6yo is also autistic and has spd, adhd and being tested for dyslexia next month. I worry about how they will both be treated. I just keep thinking about how I was! I can absolutely relate to this video
My absolute worst fear is sitting around a circular table with others, and someone asks me a question. If all the attention is on me, I can’t handle that, it’s horrific, unless I’m totally drunk 🤦♀️
I also need to drink to be able to keep a conversation 😅
@@Curmudgeonist good for you, but it's not the same for everyone
Yup. And once I begin to speak I stutter and can’t find the words. I’ve become sooo terrified that I just don’t really do anything social anymore. I have not been diagnosed but have all the traits of an aspie and scored likely to be when I took the online screening tests. Maybe we just need to exclusively hang out with others on the spectrum. 🤷♀️ I’ve never known anyone else like me, but I imagine a friendship with an aspie would be more sustainable than the others I’ve attempted to have throughout my 44 years of life.
Way back when I was in college, those of us pursuing degrees in the hard sciences were known as "techies", a label which, as a physics major, I accepted despite its pejorative intent. I took a psychology class to satisfy my liberal arts requirement, and recall an exercise we had to perform. The prof broke us up into pairs to discuss some topic he'd posed. After a few minutes, we were shuffled into groups of 3; then finally into groups of 4. I well-remember the feeling of relief after that final reshuffling, because it was so much easier to hide in a group discussion than in one-on-one or one-on-two......
Autism just sounds like introversion 🤷🏻♀️ is it really a disorder or is it just a personality type? So many introverts with anxieties have these issues
When your script runs out and that heavy awkwardness falls over the conversation and you start to mentally punch yourself for being so bad at this. And if your me maybe go home and cry. 😔
Meeeeeeeeee
Relatable af lol
Ahhh.
That's exactly why I hate talking on the phone, or in person. I prefer texting so I can try and think about what to say.
I learned to start asking questions of people when that happens. Helps sometimes.
i wonder if theres a way to get a diagnosis without leaving my house.
too anxious to leave my house and get food. so i'd rather starve than interact with humans
Yes! I really wish I could get tested without going to a doctor's office. It gets me anguished to imagine going for that
Do u know ur mbti type? Maybe take a test Then study it deeply , that can solve a lot of confusion and fear . Personality hacker is great site
It runs in my family and my grandson has autism and another is being tested.my kids all have anxiety etc but 1 she struggled in life with what i said was probably social anxiety and found it so hard to talk etc she went to uni and came out of her shell cos i told her she just has to see she is different and mite take her longer but if she really wants something she can get it.after 2yrs learning more about computers and her art she is obsessed with along with manga type things she has finally got a graffics design job.she too hides things but lets loose at home she is so funny and i tell her this and to not worrying about what she thinks is her failures because people dont see that so its about the praise and making yourself do things actually makes you realise it isnt that scarey.her words 😁
Had to return two Amazon packages. Had a month to do it. Sent them back the day before the due date. It was just one more social interaction I didn't want to have.
She’s so pretty she’s like the punk Elsa ❄️❄️
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There is another girl online who sings with similar coloring. She seems very much a quiet shut in also. Holly Henry. Even her singing voice is very soft and ethereal. Seems she would be very much at home with fairy wings on.
@@recoveringsoul755, I feel the same about Aurora.. I've wondered if she might be Aspie. Her voice is so hauntingly beautiful. You can tell she's in a world of her own if you watch the video of the acoustic version of "Running with the Wolves".
Exactly what I was thinking!😁
I’m not diagnosed but I’ve been watching videos of autism in females for the past few days and I have never felt more seen and understood in my entire life. I check every box and I feel this load of pressure finally being lifted off my shoulders, it made me cry because I’ve always felt like there was something incredibly wrong with me.
It's refreshing to find that it WASN'T anything wrong with you. And that this sense of being different inside is validated and understood by so many
SOO TRUEE😢❤ I finally started accepting and loving myself so much more after understanding that I have a reason for being and especially "feeling" different... I feel so much more elevated, and everything makes sense somehow.
I know what you mean.. I have been researching the same thing since late January this year nonstop, writing a list (it's so long and I'm in the process of writing it all in a notebook categorized) because I know I won't be able to articulate or remember anything because its giving me too much anxiety in situations like that, for when I'm gonna go get tested for autism wraaa. Also suspect adhd, but definitely suspect mild autism. I will be so surprised if they decide I don't have it
I'm right there with you. It was like the light bulb finally came on when I found videos like these and I was like "THAT! THATS IT! THATS WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!" I check every box too. It is such a relieving feeling, but at the same time it also makes me want to cry because of all the shit I went through growing up and the fact that everyone made me hate myself for just being me. I kept telling my mom that there was something different about me growing up but she never listened! It ALL makes sense now!
1:45 masking
5:47 selective mutism
8:39 making small talk
11:22 socializing
HERO
@@angelussanti8332 Jesus loves you. You don't have to be tormented any longer, just call out to him and ask him what he has in store for you. May God bless you with light and understanding, in Jesus' name.
+ 15:12 isolation
It is also exhausting to mask. My teenager goes out with friends and comes back so exhausted, they have to shut down or sleep. Quite often, they say they can't "human" anymore (their words) x
@Vics Archer THAT'S me exactly!❤..I can't human anymore!😁..I have to take to my bed after socialising and monitoring myself..in case I relax and say something "weird"..it's absolutely exhausting!
i'm fully convinced that there is no such thing as a 'typical' person
There isn't.
You are correct.
Couldn't be more correct
The older I get, the more I agree with this statement.
Totally agree, it's all part of the human experience
Omg the whole thing about feeling socially awkward or overwhelmed around people your own age is spot on. I'm far more comfortable around older or younger people. This can also happen for me with other groups of peers, like peers in my profession, regardless of their age.
Sleipnirseight very common doesn’t mean your on spectrum.
Just to place this common Aspy symptom in a wider context: I'm a married male, in later middle-age. Though never tested, I'm pretty sure I'm not on the spectrum. Yet I have this same awkwardness & tendency to be overwhelmed in social situations - which I attribute to a rather lonely upbringing, by neurotic, anti-social parents. I find I can relax somewhat in the company of a woman (or two) - especially if I'm not attracted to them. But I'm never comfortable in large, chatty groups - I positively drown in loud crowd noise! And I'm usually intimidated by other men, and most especially the ones whose persona features that typical bantering, locker-room swagger that develops among high school/college guys - ugh! I understand that autism is an entirely different cause of social challenges. But please know that some non-spectrum folks also suffer from serious feelings of social alienation!
pbasswil very well said !!!!!! On point !
@@bethanymuvceski475 Glad it resonated, Bethany. :^) Can I ask if you, yourself, are here because you've been assessed and diagnosed?
pbasswil no actually I stumbled across this video and was just intrigued by the subject . My teen struggles with some of the anxiety and shyness in groups settings and I was thinking 🤔 wait a second if my daughter watched this she would think maybe that’s me ..... but it’s just so common! I’m not at all on spectrum and was the same way growing up . I feel like some people want to be labeled . But I don’t agree with any labels ! We’re all unique and different ! So common to be anxious in this big world 🌎!
I'm a 61-year-old female with Asperger's /ASD, and you hit the nail on the head when you said it's the fear of rejection and/or judgment that keeps you less social. My anxiety can be debilitating before an event, so much so that I'll cancel. On the other hand, I deal with people all day in my boutique and handle it well because I have a well-scripted conversation of small talk at the ready that I've collected over the years. Learning I have ASD confuses some people so much that some even suspect I don't have Asperger's at all. I have a tiny group of trusted/ nonjudgmental friends and keep it that way because it's just easier and less stressful for me. When I was around 33 I had a massive identity crisis as I realized I literally had several different identities I had created to fit in with all the different groups of people in my life, ie/ at the office, my artistic/musician friends, my relatives, my intellectual friends, my partying friends etc. I masked for all of them, and after many years became depressed over it because I didn't know who I was or what I really liked. Charl, you are fortunate you've lived in these times and are more educated on ASD than I was in my younger years. Life could have been much different, had I known more about the subject of ASD but my condition was completely overlooked by a generation that meant well but that didn't know better. All the best to you.
omg ,you just described me 😮i am 61 female ...i am trying to summon up the dr to make an app to request a referral for assesment .....realizing im neuro diverse is such a revelation for me and explains so much about my life ...
I’m only 23 and I’ve recently isolated myself of from friend groups because the masking was so exhausting + struggling with identity. What advice would you give to someone going through the same thing???
Wow, so many similarities. 62 years. Thank you 🩵
All this, then, I, sometimes recycle my third grade jokes, and people think I'm enjoying myself. I'm not. I'm fairly certain they're not enjoying me, either.
@@myles5388
Exhausting is exactly right. I don't have advice, except, if you can't find your "tribe", at least, get with people with similar interests. May the force be with you.
Selective mutism is a big struggle because even when I do say something everyone just flat out ignores me so it just makes me even more anxious and even more mute in group situations
I have exactly the same experience
I'm with you on that. Then I get mad and yell over and at everyone. TLEE HAS SPOKEN! Awkward silence
My kiddo feels that he isn’t heard, Listened to or seen after selective mutism.
Yeah well what can we do about it
May I ask how you would feel more supported or heard in those situations? I am a Girl Scout leader with a young lady that struggles and I want to support her.
she pulls off the white/silver hair trend better than anyone else i’ve seen
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She’s really pretty:)
Yeah she's super hotssss
Agreed. She looks lovely.
Beautiful
To me, masking isn't lying about who I am... it's about expressing who I am in a "second language." Just like someone who learns English later in life has to think harder to find the words to express what they want to say, I have to think harder about how to express myself in a neurotypical world. I'm not changing myself, just how I express myself, because no one else speaks my "native language."
✌🏼
Really great way to put it
Wow that feels so true! Nicely put ^_^
Melissa Bergthold I totally agree with this! I’m the same-I think that’s probably why it’s so hard to know when I am masking and when we I am being totally myself.
Melissa your explanation of this is perfect. i struggle with the masking most of all, and it often gets so exhausting i get burn outs. i also struggled with identity because of it. i've always been hard on myself for masking, feeling like i am being ingenuine even tho i'm technically not. it IS like speaking a second language! i feel like the people and things i take from to form my outward personality in public are like symbols that i'm putting together to create the "right" sentence. i crave understanding from people and when i'm not masking (using my "native language") i've noticed people react to me as if i'm "weird" or as if everything i'm saying makes no sense to them. thank you for putting it this way!
It's crazy how identical these symptoms are to social anxiety disorder. I've been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and this is exactly what I go through.
*edit* clearly I have triggered a lot of you who want to gatekeep a neurological disorder. I have never even been evaluated for anything like autism, but social anxiety is far from the only autistic trait I have. I do finally have an appointment for a therapist to eventually refer me to a psychiatrist to be evaluated. I could be autistic without even knowing due to misdiagnosis. That is my point. That is the point of this video. So all of you saying, "heh, that's because it's social anxiety and not autism," are missing the point and should stop assuming shit.
And some ADHD
I was just wondering about that. some symptoms I do identify with, others not. I think I'm leaning toward SA for me.
I agree
That's because almost all of us have that. Everyone's in fear of being percieved as
Weird. That's why public speaking is the big fear.
For one, psychology is unique from the sciences in that it doesn't follow the scientific method (little to no experimentation or peer review). So, when they come up with a diagnosis, they are basically guessing at a little box to try to fit people into. The reality of people is that we are messy and all things are on spectrums and little boxes don't quite fit everyone.
For another, much of the problems aren't actually lie in the individual. Most problems arise from the specific types of interactions between individuals and society. If society were better structured, we as individuals wouldn't have so many difficulties interfacing with it. This is also why psychology doesn't work all over the world and why anthropological psychology is a field. Psychology has a Western, chiefly American, bias.
All that to say, I see autism, SAD, & neurotypicality as three points of a triangle gradient.
The part about being bullied for being the quiet one almost has me in tears.
i got that in primary school in england, being shy, quiet and reclusive.
That was my life all thru school-as an adult, I’ve married, had five great kids, become a gramma, a functioning and successful EMT. Life can improve for everyone
That happened to me
I’ve been told I More autistic by more than one person that’s known me very closely. And I have always been inappropriately loud and invasive if I’m uncomfortable. I always gave the quiet kid shit. There quiet made me uneasy. “Are you ok? What’s your name? Are you a serial killer? Do you like The Ramones ? Say something!!”
@@KidRoctopus93 so you were projecting your insecurities?
They say school is the best and easiest time of your life. Not for me. It was pure hell.
same here, from 63 to 69 primary school in england, i was so shy, introverted and naive and stuttered on many words, incl my own name. but talked to myself without stuttering. would be in my room and draw or paint A4 pictures.
I’ve just come to realize that people mostly like to talk about themselves anyhow. If you just let them roll with that, you don’t really have to say much at all lol.
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Yep!! Mastering the art of listening is one of the reasons I passed as NT for so long, I think. If I didn't say much, I just seemed "shy" or introverted.
Yeah, that's my strategy too. Just throw questions and try to listen.
That's exactly what i do and nobody fuckin notices hahaha they love me for it
Oh my gawsh lol I do this and I am good at it. Lol people are shocked out if their brain when they find out I’m on disability support pension. They like WHAT? there’s nothing wrong with you! Lol boy oh boy they don’t know what your life is actually like haha
I have cerebral palsy and I can literally relate to all of these traits. Being in social gatherings, afraid of being judged or saying the wrong thing, obsessing about what you did say and if someone took it the wrong way, is so tiring. I completely get it.
Same for many of us. We're with you. Thanks for sharing ❤
I have Ataxic cerebral palsy, severe asperger's and a bunch of other stuff too, I really connected with this video I haven't left the house other than for a doctor appointment in well over a year
“When the script runs out what do I do now?” Yep, totally relate. I would tell my parents I talked all my words out.
Ahh yes it can be super difficult I hear you there. I do lots of stuff and I cover 3 of the main ones in my feee masterclass if you are interested: www.copingsecrets.com/masterclass Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
It often happens to me when I talk to people. I can talk about something for a while and then suddenly I’m all out of words.
Yes this is me
I also currently obsess and have obsessed about what " I should have said.." "what I could have said"
.. Cringing at the awkward way in which I interacted. Leaving my house is hard. Answering my phone is difficult and scary. I don't have energy for others. I need my bed,a hoodie and relief in my obsessions/research indulgences to feel relaxed.
Phones are the worst -- no visual cues + slower processing speed = hell -- and the tendency for ASD people to have great long-term memory (especially for upsetting stuff) *really* works against us. : /
The same for me..somehow the words that i could or should have said come's to my mind only afterwards..and it's so annoying
This is exactly why I was diagnosed with social anxiety, I'm constantly doing this and then start to worry if the other person misinterpreted what I said.
D oh I feel you - I’ve just spent couple days obsessing over an email I replied to with 3 people for work...
Exactly, I think I need to get check for social anxiety. It's getting worse for me to where I rather be just isolated
I've been interrupted every single time I talk, no exagerration. Everytime. So, guess wbat. Yea. I no longer talk.
Ah, it can be difficult. Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
I'm not on the spectrum, but I understand that. I really dislike being interrupted by people. However, I think you should try to talk anyways. It's not your fault if someone is interrupting you, you deserve to talk in the conversation too. If someone interrupts you, the best thing to do is to keep talking. Usually, people will let you talk if you do that, but if they don't, then I recommend talking to people that won't constantly interrupt you. Also, I recommend talking to more people that let you talk without interrupting. I personally enjoy talking to people that are good listeners, so those are the people I try to surround myself with :)
😢
Same!
Same, when i start to talk about something that i'm really interested about and someone interrupts, i just don't talk about that anymore, unless it is some friend that i know is interested in the same thing
I try and “judge the room” to see if my conversation will accepted. Often, I fail so I try to follow my husband’s lead. That may or may not help. I’m often accused of being shy or self-centered in large groups. But get me in small gathering of 4-5/people and I’m okay.
It takes months or a year or two for me to make a friend. Unfortunately, my childhood taught me that I won’t be accepted in a crowd.
I did, however, have a person I knew when I was 11 apologize to me in my late 40s for how she treated me. She’s a physician and now recognizes what I was dealing with and what she dished. It was validation and cathartic.
Beautiful! What a Blessing!
Not one person has ever apologized to me.
❤
Was anyone ever fearful of hearing their own voice?! It almost can become like a phobia of dreading to speak and then worrying about what others are thinking of you.
It's tough when we feel like we don't fit in, but then on the other hand, to be human is to be unique. :)
Yes. I have even nearly been reduced to tears when someone has recorded my voice and made me listen to it.
Jade Povey when ever I hear myself talking in a video, it makes me cringe because it doesn't sound anything like how I normally talk.
@@isabelorourke2609 I can relate so hard.
Yeeeees
i’ve always thought that it was just extreme social anxiety, but hearing that sentence of “i’ve spent so long masking that I don’t actually know who I am or what I like” really clicked with me. I think new social situations are so hard for me because I don’t know immediately what they’re expecting so I don’t know how to mask. I’ve always been so angry at myself for isolating myself and of being so afraid of any kind of social situation, but this video helped a lot.
Face your fears be yourself
same :(
same here
Right wondering the same atm, still not too sure the difference between anxiety and autism
@@セラフィナ every time i try to push myself and act more outgoing i immediately feel even worse and more awkward honestly.
"What I'm actually doing is running off a script" YES! I call mine my "social algorithm". I have built up a mental blueprint on how to interact with people and be polite and chat. It's probably similar to most people's customer service mode. That's why I'm so good in a professional setting but SUCK at making friends.
Aren't "friends" overrated?
Friends are valuable. The trick is finding them and making the friendship work when times get tough.
you need other people to succeed sadly.
Think of the Beatles and if they would of been as successful without each other, different strengths.
This was actually something Steve Jobs focused on with his business models, make sure people with different skills etc work together to create greater products
Wow. WOW! I use the same exact word, "algorithm." Mind blown. I have actually written equations to calculate the extent of my perceived introversion.
SAME i am soo bad at making friendships with people because I never know how to get past the scripted small talk stage but it does make me pretty good at customer service so that's one good thing😂
She is so beautiful and sweet. God bless her for not letting people make her into a bad person. The fact that people would bully and reject someone with autism just makes me sick. What kind of world do we live in? Hugs to everyone who endures being lonely in this horrible world.
What do you mean by not letting people make her into a bad person?
We live in a very ableist world that's what it is and that won't ever change anytime soon.
🫂🥰
@@shaunkrose some people, when faced with enough cruelty, become mean and/or jaded. Hurt people hurt people, is the common phrase. This is for any demographic of people, really, but this video is on ASD, so yeah
Every single thing she said.... She's in my head.
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@@TheAspieWorld And your comment immediately comes off as very self serving
Ditto
Mine too!
All the things you said all the things you said, running through my head running through my head, this is not enough
I’m 22 and finally coming to terms that I might be on the spectrum. I can’t help but feel sort of mad that my parents never noticed and would in fact punish me for some of my symptoms.
I have Asperger’s and I have had a very similar experience to your experience with your parents. The most important thing I have learned in life (I’m 30) is that you must let go of your resentment towards your parents. After you do and comes up again, destroy it again then again and again. If you get diagnosed with ASD (or if you already have since your comment) I found it’s extremely relieving to let go of stuff like that.
you are young at 22. i envy you for the early realization.
I’m 26. So my mother was a teacher and trained to pick up on these things right?? There was some heaaavy ableism and other issues from my moms side of the family that I just didn’t pick up on as a kid but there’s no way she didn’t notice and she’d get pissy at me about stuff and I didn’t know what the heck I was doing wrong. She straight up threatened to pull me out of the school I adored if I wasn’t able to pay attention, finish my work and keep my desk clean, which is why she switched me to that school in the first place. RThat was 6th grade I think, it just broke my heart.
I understand everything they are saying and been this way my whole life, I have a narcissistic mother and she wanted me to perform in front of people to make her look good, often getting frustrated and violent with me for being too shy, and doing quirky things, not fitting her mould.
This is littarly me
I was diagnosed with dislexia and ADHD at a quiete young age
They gave me ritalin when i was 10 and it made me depresd after about 1 week
So i stoped taking them
For me the fear of talking through phones is also about people being unpredictable. I have a real issue with figuring what people want or feel without visual cues. I can't predict their reactions which means that I can't adapt mine in advance. Texting is easier because I can take a few seconds or even a few minutes figuring out what I'm going to say so there is a lot less pressure
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Same!
If I get as much as one phone call at work, it will ruin my day. I'll go over it over and over and think about nothing else...
@@80swoodpanel A few years back I had a summer job in a bank and I had to call dozens and dozens of clients everyday to ask them to do stuff because apparently none of them knew how to read mails or something. That was pure torture
Periwinkleeyes70 Omg. I thought I was the only one who had a fear of phones. I don’t think I have autism but if I do, that could be a good explanation for my social anxiety issues and communication issues. I came to this channel because my little brother has autism and I was just doing research but I can totally relate to this. 😅
I won’t lie, my heart shattered into a million pieces realizing I have so many, if not all of these traits. I cried and released. Thank you so much for sharing and I hope to inspire others like you have with your vulnerability.
Me too. Is it helping you or is it scaring you? Because it’s possible you don’t have it. But if you’re suddenly looking back on thoughts feelings and actions in the past and the way you’re were treated by others and suddenly now it makes it to you the key will be to have compassion for yourself. Love and except yourself. That’s where I’m at right now and I’m possibly looking into joining an aspergers group.
Thank you for continuing to show autism from the female perspective. It is so important and often overlooked.
It is super important :)! Thank you for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
I agree x
@Ieah Leen I wish you the best of luck. I live in a place where I am lucky enough to have access to adult autism testing services, but they refuse to give me the test because my autism is not destroying my life "enough". This dismissal was the final straw. Nobody should have to write out a convincing drama script for a neurotypical researcher just to have access to an official diagnosis. I will pursue more confirmation with my therapist, but the real test for me will be when my adult children get their official diagnosis. That is enough for me. It should not matter if you are "official or not". If you can self identify, then you are welcome to sit by me. I know I am on the spectrum and so does the rest of the world. The school knew it in 1982 when I was about 12 but they didn't know what it was so they labeled me and sent me off to advanced level classes and forgot about me. Look for the signs in your past. Ask honest open-ended questions to your loved ones. These are the people who are qualified to tell you. Most of all, trust yourself and best of luck.
@@karenghio3844 It’s so bullshit that they diagnose based on how much of your life gets negatively impacted by your Autism, or as somewhere that I read put it, “how much the other person experiences your Autism”.
this vid made me cry bc ive been struggling all my life wondering why i am the way i am and this explains it all spot on
Hana Hong omggg I cried too.
Hana Hong me too
just in case anyone needs this: there are many reasons one may have social anxiety. I think it's always better to seek professional help. I myself was diagnosed with neurosis (other names may apply in different parts of the world I guess) but I can relate to most of the things mentioned. Also my female friend was diagnosed with autism recently (that's why I'm here) and we noticed some time ago how similar some of our problems are.
I hope I don't sound like smart*ss ;) It just took me way too long to seek help and now I regret this.
Omg me too
I get it now too.
I always thought of myself as just a hardcore introvert, but now I think I'm actually autistic.
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Can you make (or have you made) a video that delineates between autism and introversion? That would be super useful. Cheers, a new subscriber
Socializing is sooooooo difficult, women in general are also expected to do a lot of empathizing as well
I noticed while watching this that I have that fear / anger flare up at social events especially unplanned ones! I once had a surprise birthday party throw for me and I was SO ANGRY the whole party, unpredictability of the party and breaking my expected routine for that day.
Friends organized a 21st birthday party for me, and I spent most of the evening at the library. The next day, they had to hunt me up and tell me to be there that evening for it. It never occurred to me to call up my friends to hang out on my birthday, and I was astonished that anyone would have celebrated my birthday in that way.
I'm a 72 female, a long time to be autistic. I like the way you broke it down. Socialization is so painful. I still don't have friends and I stay home a lot. My daughters told me to get out more so I went to join a senior citizens group, never happened. I felt like there was a glass wall between me and the person I was talking too and conversation just stopped and they made no more eye contact, I was imploding, I actually felt like I was shrinking to the point of invisibility. People at the table were talking among themselves I wasn't included and I had nothing to contribute. I was so uncomfortable I left. I said "It was nice meeting you all." and got no responses it was like I never spoke then I was depressed for a week. I was labled by my family as weird, gullible, antisocial, split personality, unruly, not talking much, keeping to myself, curious, I was always fixing things, my only friend was my dog. Things are still the same.
I am sooo sory for you. I understand you. I for example never finished my studies becouse I could not cope with stress of being among people all the time and that is very sad becouse I was one of the best students, I love my profession very much. Now I spend most of my time at home with my books, my two dogs and a cat. I don't have any job and I am in fear of my future if I continue like this, I won't have anithing... (i am 34 year old women, sorry for my english). Wish you all best! At least we now know why are we like this all our lives...
Hi Gloria, thank you for posting your experiences, this is so helpful! I'm 63, female, married to a high functioning autistic guy-my own diagnosis- with 2 autistic boys- also my own diagnosis. And now I realize I have it too, duh! My sister has a daughter who WAS diagnosed and now I can see it's a family thing, Mom, sister, her kids, my kids. I've wondered why, for my whole life, I've been invisible in groups...your experiences are mine! I prefer to stay home with my cats and do my own thing. I just have never understood how people communicate and make friends. It's like a foreign language to me. People have often told me I'm weird or goofy...and talk about social anxiety, ack! This is a great video.
Maybe hovering somewhere near the border of ASD, I have had similar experiences myself and I've also been in the position of being accepted and even "mistaken" as cool - at least for a time. (The quotation marks are because Aspies actually ARE the cool ones in my book!) I've watched people ostracize the Aspie in the group and I've also been the rejected one myself. NTs know exactly what they're doing when they do this and I respect them way less for it. I discontinue the friendship if I discover an Aspiephobe in the "friend". Despite lots of bs about being a good person or a good Christian, or whatever they tell themselves, I'll never cease to be amazed at how shallow, petty, and ego-driven a lot of people seem to be.
If you're willing to try meeting new people again, here's a suggestion: there's an app called "meetup". Use it to find groups and meetups of people with ASD.
Gloria and Buster
You wonderful, brave, brilliant human, you!!
I relate to every word.
I'm 48.
Try the Meetups. My 68 yr old mother does them, it's not "for the odd."
Good luck!!
Gloria I'm so sorry. If you need to talk sometime please don't hesitate to message me on google+ . You won't have to worry about eye contact. We're all here for you. You're important.
OMG, The friendship thing is so true for me! I never call my friends, but I'm happy to see them or hear from them. Calling seems like a lot of commitment and possible rejection.
Me too :( my bestest friend is the one who has agreed to write to one another once in a blue moon. We never message or call. Lol
I never contact my friends now I do not go out w/any of them. Communication is texting
Well when do you call? I'm not the spontaneous type for that stuff, might be better to actually schedule phone calls, but even that might create anxiety. So I text...if someone wanted to call or video message me, I would definitely consider it, but I'm really "video ready"...there is nothing useful to see there 🤣 my voice is more than enough lol
lol try being a guy and dealing with rejection from all women, if you cant take your friend saying no you would be utterly fucked as a guy.
fr omgg
Car rides are the worst for me. Trapped in a moving vehicle and feeling pressured to talk when all i want to do is look out the window and relax. Ubers and Lyfts should have a no chatting option, PLEASE🙏
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Diana Galvan just put obvious eye buds/plugs or blue tooth in your ears, like you’re listening to music and usually no one tries to chat when they think you’re listening to something.
Then don't do it. You dont have to talk to anyone. At most politely say, I would like a quiet ride. I don't feel like talking.
If I had a new enough car to do uber&lyft... you'd be my favorite passenger. My big worry about if I do get into uber&lyft is that the majority of passengers would expect their driver to socially interact with them.
Oh my goodness yes!
The older I get and the more videos I watch on this topic I get more and more convinced that I am on the spectrum. I just don’t understand how it got unnoticed throughout my childhood.
Maybe cos you are a girl..
Same! ❤
Saim
Same
Same
Im 43 years old I have 3 adult children and I was just diagnosed with high functioning autism. For the first time in my life I feel like Im not alone
I'm 41 and was diagnosed in my 30's. You're definitely not alone!
I’m wanting to get checked for this because a lot of it makes sense, but I don’t want to waste my time with doctors who don’t know how to diagnose it in adults. Any tips or suggestions?
@@biancaf4867 Absolutely. Feel free to email me littleredgymnast@gmail.com, and I am more than willing to share my advice!
Me: hi, how are you?
Them: fine, how are you?
Me: fine, how are you? (Oops! Already said that part!)
I do that all of the time!!!! Actually what's worse is picking the wrong response out of your head. Like they say "Did you find everything?" I'm like "I'm good thank you", and realizing that was the wrong answer...
Panic!!!! 😣
Sometimes after I'm done shopping when the cashier says thank you come back soon I'll say thank you you too and then I'll be like why did I just say that they'll be back they work there lol
I lose the ability to talk when I'm under stress, its like I can't get the connection between my brain and the words
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Autumn Rose yeah I start to forget how to speak and stutter a bit
Autumn Rose me too..I’ve always thought it’s cuz I have a memory problem or sometimes just feel stupid
yea cause whenever im excepted to talk, id loose the ability to talk and tense up kind of
@@miinxxx Yep, sometimes it puzzles me just as much as those around me. Strange feeling indeed.
I don’t have autism, but I have ADHD-C and my therapist sent me this video because many of the traits can overlap. I felt so seen and heard by this video!
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Have you ever been evaluated for autism ?
My son is diagnosed w/ autism, that’s why I’m watching this video. I agree that many traits overlap w/ adhd as i am diagnosed with it.
What is adhd-C ?? I js heard of adhd..
@@Aishasyed106 probably 'combined' (inattentive and hyperactive)
When you said "I don't know what makes me so scared to connect with other people" I really felt that.
This got me wondering if I have had autism all my life and I just thought it was anxiety disorder.
Same!
Same
I have always wondered if I am on the spectrum because I can relate to many of the problems but at the same time i don't want to make "a big deal" out of maybe social anxiety or strong introvertedness >_
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I can relate so much
Same. I've always wondered and confused whether I'm on the spectrum as well or is it due to my social anxiety / introverted personality. Is there ways to find out or differentiate it?
I guess one of the reasons is getting diagnosed (or not) by a professional. But I am not sure how to find out (correctly) for yourself
Ur not. If u were u just knew. U don't.
I actually had to pause the video and take a moment to keep from crying when Charl spoke about masking so intensely all the time that she had identity issues. Nothing has hit home quite the way that did... whole video was very eye opening. Thank you for sharing.
Personally I just get hurt easily I take everything to the heart and allows it to affect me that's why I am afraid of people.
Maybe you are a highly sensitive person, have you read about that?
@@mariatrinks3615 I have actually and yeah I might be one.
I cringe when I do small talk "isn't it cold out today".
@@wiswc I do that to, but also have problems reading body language and understanding. Are people angry at me, are they dissapointed or did I make them sad. Most of the time it is neither but I can't help looking for it and trying to find any trace of it. I can even start crying from seing someone else near me being sad and cry, which other people have a hard time understanding. But seing someone cry just makes me hurt so much inside that I soon can't resist crying to.
it can be borderline dysorder
Wearing a mask caught up with me finally. Entirely lost my sense of self between ages 28-33 and it’s fun getting to know me now. Have a good day everyone!!!
You should never wear a face diaper. All you idiots were brainwashed into being afraid of the common cold...
Wow, same exact timeframe for me too. I’m 33 and wish I’d been able to get here earlier but this is so comforting to read ❤ Thanks Cathi 😊
My 30s have been my best decade; the time I've been the most me and not the summation of "a bunch of odd behaviours."
Didn't happen on it's own though. I think hitting my lowest low and realizing no one could/would help me really forced me to do a lot of introspection and self-work. Hormones, a bit of psychedelics, and Eastern practices (meditation, mindfulness, etc) all really helped.
Watching these videos about autism almost makes me feel like crying because I relate so much. I get so much crap from people for being quiet or not smiling or whatever and it’s always been a struggle for me feeling like maybe I’m just a shitty person.
same it's so upsetting
Same
No wayyy...u r a special person.
Obviously you're Leah..not a shitting person..
Same here!!!!
After 44 years of wondering why I felt so different, this information has been so enlightening! Thank you so much for spreading the word about women's struggles with this issue. I'm so glad to know I'm not alone.
I'm 43 and only just realising that I'm likely on ther spectrum. I can appreciate that enlightened feeling! 😆
Masking and Selective Mutism go hand-in-hand for me: I used to act rude and pretend to be in a bad mood when engaging in conversations, when instead I just felt too anxious to speak properly. My selective mutism would manifest itself in a way that I would lose the ability to construct full sentences. Even if I forced myself to speak in times like that (which I did a few times), the words that would come out would just be rubbish and nonsensical, so I quickly developed this habit of staying quiet and pretending to be in a bad mood instead.
At least if you're rude people will leave you alone because they assume that's what you want; whereas if they can tell that you're just anxious, their typical response is to pry further and get you to open up and get comfortable with them, which would freak me out more than anything else because it would feel all the more embarrassing for me. You kind of tend to spiral the more you acknowledge that its there, like an elephant in the room.
Tahsin Mazumdar wow, yeah.
Exactly me
I'm not young as you all seem to be; I have a very close loved one who got diagnosed with being on the spectrum. I have had anxiety all my life (I'm 62) and learned to mask when I started school -- got tired of getting that "what's wrong with you, weirdo " look. Also experience selective mutism, among others. It's great there's diagnoses now; when I was a kid I was labeled shy or stuck up. Some tried to make me come out of my "shell" and it was agonizing for me.
I never that this is what it was called. I totally absolutely do this.
Wow that is totally me.
I feel so bad for being rude too but I can't deal with long interactions
Damn my anxiety is always at its worst around people my own age and I didn’t realise there was others out there who could relate 💕
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Oh I'm great with kids and the elderly but can't function with people around my age.
It is SO tiring to mask.
Yeah it can be uh!? Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
I never knew what I did had a name. I would call it like being a chamelion
oh god it really is. I need several hours after I come home from school before I can even think about starting homework and revision in order to ‘recharge my batteries’ as my dad puts it. this then leads to me being stressed about having no time and having a meltdown and then going to bed really late because there’s so much to do and I have to shower and stuff on top of that. then i’m forced to wake up early the next day and it just becomes this long mentally draining cycle.
Elizabeth Carlton so difficult! I’m going through it too I hope that makes u feel better. I want to overcome these many freakin daily challenges
Not sure if I have autism, but I definitely mask a lot. I was filling out job applications the other day and ended up doing a personality test. I have been doing this so long, I know how to answer the questions so that I am "socially accepted". My profession is super hard for me because I am a nurse. I tend to hang out on the night shift. I get my patients settled in for the night, so that they sleep. I long to be accepted, but have been hurt so much by people.
I could’ve written this. I’m a nurse and I was so surprised when I tested out autistically. And no one even believe me because I’m an ENFJ. I Can mask so well that I an loved by people from all walks of life. The truth is, I have hundreds of friends and yet I feel so alone. Thank God for Jesus.
@@montanaflipsq23 thank you.
I’m also an autistic nurse. I went into nursing knowing full well I was autistic and might get into masking exhaustion. It’s not a profession that’s autism safe but it’s a beautiful profession nonetheless
I've been caught mimicking a lot because I, "act different around different people." I want to cry because my ex fought with me about this and I didn't know about this then.... And I was just so frustrated because I couldn't stop.... I didn't understand.... I've done it well my whole life and I hate it. I want to be myself but I don't know how. I can't. It's not that I'm afraid to, I just can't.... I don't know how to. I don't know who I am.
Same I want to cry 😢 I can't stop mimicking people, studying people, all of my friends I act like, I talk just like them I hate it so much I wish I could stop, but I don't know how, I have a bad habit of looking at people too I don't want to do that either I hate it! My social anxiety is so bad I could totally relate to the being around a crowd, and feeling so overwhelmed I couldn't speak, like nothing would come out, all of what she described I do! 😢
There is an advantage... if you are nobody.....then you can be anybody....life is everything...only the opinions n perspectives of the thinker narrow life's capacity...there is no one self....only apart of an awareness...you are an awareness that does not know it is aware...but awareness is aware of you.
People often mimic people they feel connected to to a certain extent. It’s a way of bonding, in a sense. I’m not saying this is what you do. Just that it’s not required to completely banish all of your mimicking.
Finding out who you are can be a tricky thing. For neurotypicals there are a few perspectives to the self. There’s at least personality, development of identity and the self as a social construct.
A good start to understanding your personality is by looking at the NEO-PI. bigfive-test.com/
Development of identity I kind of forgot about.. But one of the things it had to do with is experiencing new things and finding out what you like and don’t like. And then you find your place in the world.
Self as a social construct. Much of us is dependent on how we relate to others in a social network. Related to this is belonging to a group, and deriving identity from that.
Another thing is that we tend to compare ourselves to others. That’s useful, as it allows us to assess whether we could do better, for example. And we look at other people’s approval or rejection. That is how we figure out norms. Norms have an important impact on our own value system. (Speaking of values, that is another thing that belongs to personality.)
I don’t know what it’s like to not know who I am. But I do know that having a stronger sense of the self can give a strong sense of meaning in life. Knowing yourself is on a spectrum. Some are clueless, and others have a really strong core understanding of themselves. I hope for you that you really stand for who you are, when you’re a bit higher on the identity spectrum. And hopefully, you can then talk to others without taking on their identity
I read this and almost cried, I’m so similar.
Youre literally saying my thoughts out loud. Its so hard. I hope we can all be at peace with ourselves someday.
i have aspergers - diagnosed last year - i'm 32 and felt like an alien since i was 15. diagnosis was a huge reassurance to me
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The very first thought I had to myself as a child/toddler was "am I the only robot or alien or is everyone else?" And the fact that that's the first memory I have of me thinking to myself really freaks me out. I wish I could get diagnosed, I really believe I'm on the spectrum
I'm 57 soon, Aspergers wasn't even a diagnosis when I was young. Have been coping for so long (or 'masking' my new word), so wondering what the point is of taking this further.
@@lieveM62 There might not be a point in that why do we need something official when we know what we are. I am 51 and your story is also my story. I am not shy about saying that I am on the spectrum. I pursued the official diagnosis, but since if you receive it you are entitled to social service benefits, you will be denied if you are not determined to be "sick enough". In the end, it was all about money and it made my stomach turn. If somebody disputes it because I am not waving around a piece of paper that the neurotypical world created, then I have to ask them, why are you so insistent on being diagnosed by someone who most likely has no idea what this is like? If an official diagnosis is necessary in order for you to receive support services, then by all means, get the official result. If however, you have managed to navigate this world on your own and are content in continue doing so, I would not bother.
Oh my this sounds like me totally! I have always thought that I was an alien or something since I was a child.
5:50 "So, do you want to talk to us a bit about selective mutism?"
"No." [falls silent]
C'mon, guys. That's a comedy gold moment you let slide!!
Hahah I liked it
My psychiatrist won't get me evaluated because they don't believe that I'm on the spectrum. I'm currently crying because i go through all these social issues. Pray for me, please.
It's a misnoma to think that people not on the spectrum don't experience these things! I am definitely not autistic but experience 5/5 of these issues. Your therapist likely has a better view on this than you do, if you get hung up on the idea that you're autistic when you're not you'll waste your life waiting for someone to confirm that you're psychologically "different" when in reality everyone is different and the trick to life is being at peace with that.
I think this comment deserves a different response tbh… your experience is valid, and your psychologist has different information and perspective. So do other licensed therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists who all specialize in different things. I hope you self-love by pursuing whatever support you need, including correct diagnosis if that helps improve your life. I wish you luck and patience ☺️
I got licensed as a nail tech because I was fascinated by fingernails, nail care, the actual polishing and art, etc. Then I rented a room from a salon and realized the HELL of actually having to talk to people while I did their nails. It was unbelievably exhausting. I realized I'd kind of screwed myself by going into a field where most people actually want to jabber away about nothing. If I could've just sat there in silence and just worked on their nails, that would've been okay. So now I don't do nails anymore, but I feel guilty about the time and money I spent getting certified that could've gone towards something else.
NoThing Sacred maybe u could be a mobile nail tech I would pay good money for someon to do my nails in silence 💕
Don't ever stop doing what you enjoy bc of others opinion of what they believe what you SHOULD be.
I did too many times in my life and than later in life found people who were very successful bc they did what I was told was wrong.
Follow your heart, life will fill in.
Bless you.
@@loriboufford6342 thanks for the advice - you are so right and I do appreciate it. I ultimately ended up closing my business because I just wasn't making enough money to keep the doors open. I'm in the process of moving on to another interest/career that I feel will better suit my personality and allow my husband and I to travel more. That was one big negative about being a nail tech that always wore at the back of my mind...my husband is hopefully less than 10 years away from retirement and we want to travel as much as we can, but that's hard to do when your business is located in one place. All the best to you!
I'm in a kinda similar situation. I'm not on the spectrum (that I know of) but I love teaching kids. But talking to adults is agonising to me
As an autistic who occasionally gets their nails done, I'd be your favorite client. I rarely speak to my mani/pedicurists unless they ask me stuff. Maybe you should open a salon that advertises itself as autism friendly both for staff and clientele. Rules: no small talk, no loud noises, good lighting, attempt to minimize the smells even tho they're pretty strong (I like it personally).
You two are so real. It is refreshing. I totally relate to you both. I am 71 years old and am just starting to understand some of the events of my life in light of what may be my place on the Autism spectrum. Thanks
If your 71 how do u know how to use technology?
@@classicnobody9872 that generation *made* this technology what are you on about??
@@classicnobody9872 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂what's wrong with you? You don't think old people know how to go on TH-cam? It's not that complex
@@classicnobody9872 thanks 4 th a laugh :)
Im 68 and finally becoming me...nice to meet ya.
When you asked about the masking with like tv shows and movies, I personally do that. I tend to take on characteristics from characters in books too. I don’t realize I’m doing it though which makes others question why I act a certain way randomly, but when I realize I am I try to stop.
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Ghostofsomeonelonely same here! I always find myself mimicking characteristics, using a characters vocabulary, speaking the way they speak and even moving like them when I walk and things like that.
@@EruzaSky I do this a lot, from tv and books... I sometimes wonder if I am on the spectrum at all. I relate to a lot of this, but not super intensely.
When i was younger I do believe I took from tv alot. And it sucked when i realized life wasnt like that and my prepared scripts weren't going to work.
Thanks for having this collab. I was diagnosed at 25 and it helped me to start forgiving myself for struggling and understanding that it wasn't my lack of effort that was causing this. I can relate to everything she said, especially the selective mutism and the difficulty sociliazing. It is way easier to me to deal with people older than me than my peers, so my mutism appears a lot around people of my age, as well as I had basically no friends in college for almost 3 years, because I just couldn't connect with anyone. I moved countries 3 years ago and to this day, I have only 2 friends and still struggle about feeling isolated, but therapy has been helping me a lot.
I wonder if the anxiety during social interactions is inherent to autism or learned? I feel early on if I spoke from the heart i was judged or criticized, so I learned to be anxious.
same here, i’d say definitely learnt for me
Yeah I think it's learnt because of people's responses.
There's a lack of information, but my hypothesis says you are born with a tendency to be anxious, but the environment makes you more anxious.
Not me. I just rePelled peepl like a alligator.
I don't mind. I speak the truth. Social niceties are for the meek. Ha!
Absolutely learned. Most of my barriers were learned, created by my brain to corral me into socially acceptable behaviors. It still doesn’t work though 🤦♀️ I’m too stubborn to stay corralled for very long 😂
My therapist tells me, "You can't be autistic" because I'm "too social". I am sharing this video, thank you for posting.
That is a load of crap. I hope you manage to get the support you need :).
My daughter is very outgoing, class president, head of loads of clubs and always out with friends(more boys than girls though) & was recently diagnosed with ASD.
My daughter has Asperger's, I suspected she did as I have a brother with Asperger's but the doctors kept sayong she's too social to be Autistic. She finally got diagnosed after 5 years and lots of counseling and testing. She's extremely social, like never met a stranger, she's everyone's friend. And while yes she is super social she's also socially awkward. So just because she will talk to every and any body, especially about her obsessions at the time, it doesn't mean she is socializing properly. She doesn't pick up on social cues like tone of voice, facial and body language or if someone is disinterested in what she's obsessively talking about.
@@Corso123870 i can somewhat pick up on tone of voice. if someone using a mocking tone which is bullying as i was always slower in things as child i was bullied. used to think asperger's was oh lack empathy which isn't true lack way of what to say to someone how it will would sound to other person. like mean well. when any of close friends who are like family are crying telling me what happen to them i will cry along with them lend shoulder and works with other way too. it's hard when get focused on certain interests.sometimes myself i be waiting for silence so i can something but then go speak and either no one hears or just starts talking then when i am left say my piece i am changing the subject.my life is so different from most others it is so scary and stressful trying to sound my age.
Same here, cant get a test.
Her hair color matches her skin perfectly, she’s like a snow princess 😍. I love these videos, thank you!!
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Good video and he asks good questions but he doesn’t let her talk enough. She’s explaining herself with great clarity and we are learning so much.
What we should do as girls with autism is STOP trying to hide it. I gave up on that a couple of years ago ^& it's the best thing you can do. sure I walk around looking every which way as if waiting for an attack & twitch & walking in circles at the traffic light along with all kinds of other weirdness. Over blinking or overly surprised eyes, hair chewing & whimpering. Mostly because I couldn't anymore. But no one treats me any differently. If anything people have more patience. People are more unerstanding than we give them credit for. If not oh well. Atleast I didn't try to hide who I am my whole life. We're here to be this way. Do it! We're odd & quirky. It's ok! :)
@peeps3216 peeps You mean hiding it? Well, I'd say don't worry about it then. Over time it becomes easier. I still catch myself stiff as a mannequin holding my breath without realizing it. My mouth has scars from biting my lip so hard to refrain from doing anything weird on the outside. It was natural for me to stop doing such.
@peeps3216 peeps It's hard to relax after so long. But with practice, you will achieve it. I just recommend being careful due to how a lot of work environments show prejudice for different people like us. In these environments I suggest starting formally, and then slowly show yourself more as they get used to your stims and quirks.
We are different, but we also have some rare strengths. Being able to relax will help us develop them further.
@peeps3216 peeps just another note. These rare strengths are a great tool to convince others to accept our differences.
So true! Good people will stick around. I'm not autistic but I'd never treat anyone different because they're autistic. Girls need to stick together ❤❤❤
That is pretty inspirational. I have too big of a fear to let anyone know I have autism, even my closest friends. I wish I had the courage you have!
I would mimic characters in movies growing up. Now I tend to channel one of my extroverted friends who I really admire when I’m in a pinch. 😆
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The Aspie World I do! I love your videos, Dan! Keep it up! 🙌🏻😊
Wow! That's exactly what my daughter has been doing since a toddler. Shes 20 now, and it's all about Captain Marvel & Star Wars. She was Rey or Ahsoka from SW until they started talking about making the Captain Marvel movie. (She loves the MCU too.)
Griselle Zapata haha i mimicked movie characters too
I literally have ace ventura floating around in my head all day with his phrases and I'm constantly acting out his character. I actually feel like he's a part of me. 💖💖
I have heard that many people on the autism spectrum are actually very very intelligent and tend to be indigos whether that’s proven by emotional intelligence or academic, musical intelligence. They just see the world for what it is. We are scared to be individual and that’s much like many people out there. Authenticity is rare and I don’t have many friends (not because nobody likes me) but because I just don’t put myself out there.
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Respect Elizabeth, you are not alone my dear! Believe in what you feel in the deepest my friend!! One more day bud!! ;)
The Aspie World Sorry just seen this! Just have!
Yeah I must admit about the obsession. I’m obsessed with The Avatar series and a Legend Of Korra! I have been obsessed with it for weeks and weeks
Jason Hanson thank you!
I have been diagnosed with a learning disability that is said to be very similar to Autism, and have also dealt with severe social anxiety and depression. It feels so validating to hear you share your thoughts about how socializing brings anxiety but loneliness leads to depression. I've been stuck in that cycle for almost half my life now. It is still very difficult for me to make friends but I have learned to be content with just having work friends and spending the rest of my time alone at home. I think it's a good balance since I also really enjoy my alone time. I am proud of myself for who I am today even if I am still known as 'the shy girl'.
Ppl n the spectrum don’t have learning disabilities tho, their just like you & me it’s more of social stuff or certain behaviors etc etc, I wish ppl would not spread the agenda that autism is NOTHING like retardation.
@@michellelablue7 Yes it’s true that people with autism do not have a learning disability. They have cognitive impairment, which is different. However, people with learning disabilities are also not mentally slow. Think about those who have dyslexia. They have a type of learning disability, where they have issues with reading at times. That in no way means that they are any less capable of learning than anyone else. I took special education courses in college for my teaching majors, and there are several different types of conditions that require accommodations from schools. Some people simply learn differently, and need assistance to reach the same learning outcomes as others. That in no way makes anyone less able to learn and comprehend.
I have a hard time talking about myself. I can talk about things I have an interest, but specifically talking about me. When I’m asked about my day, week, month, year; unless I know something extremely interesting I don’t see the point of mentioning it. It makes conversations very one sided, and I end up listening more than talking.
Omg, I just realized that I also use like a script when speaking to people!!
I "rehearse" responses to common questions and what I think I'll be asked in upcoming work reviews/family members' "friendly" interrogations on my personal life.
me too
I think everyone has a script for small talk. it's just that most people won't realize that they are doing this
All people have it, I have full blown conversations with other people in my head (and no I am not psychotic).
"The script" is exhausting in an office environment I must say. The people there are so emotionally deprived they want their teammates to hear them vent and cater to their emotions. So yeah, I use a script. But at my last job the staff was mostly women, and they would always stop me from going back to my desk to gab about something, and I'd have to pretend to care. I quit, and I felt so much relief!
In large groups I can't speak, I never even thought about it, it literally feels like my mouth is glued shut. The tention builds up to the point that I feel like if I don't say something other people will notice my silence and I end up saying random things to seem included in the conversation😥
That’s me too and most if not all of the myer briggs personality types similr to me , I’m a intp type 5 enneagram and many introverts in general-and that’s a very big percentage do u really think such a big part of world is born with a disorder ? Something just makes no sense .in my family we are six and 4 out of the six act this way... You can read about types and behavior on website personality hacker or see their videos on utube . Any personality type that’s unhealthy or not matured yet will Look like they have a disorder or mental issue ! And since learning in depth about my type I’ve actually gotten rid of a lot of anxiety and learned some great tools . Beatrice chestnut is also a great option to learn about urself.
Me too
That feeling... 1000%!!!
It’s like a quicksand situation, where it’s not too bad at first, but the longer you’re in that state the harder it is to break out of it. It’s seems fine, then kinda not fine, and then suddenly you’re in so deep that you feel like you can’t get out. And, also like quicksand, the struggling can make it worse...
I now try to enter social situations with at least one or two topics or conversation starters in mind that i can “grab on to” if i feel stuck like this... something that is relevant to my life, and positive, and could also be relevant to other people in the given social event. (ex: “hey, did anyone make New Years resolutions? ... but only if I made one, because otherwise i would have nothing to add and the convo stalls out.) Or i’ll ask someone (beforehand) to ask me about a specific project I’ve been working on, or something interesting that i know about, if they notice me struggling to join in.
And... remembering that no matter how harshly people might judge sometimes, it’s far more likely they are more worried about themselves.
Breathing. Looking around.
None of these work 100% of the time, but they do help crack that vacuum of silence open, a little bit.
It’s funny but so accurate when she uses the words “how useless I am” referring to her friendships and social situations. I try extra hard to be there for my friends and it’s hardly ever reciprocated. In fact, I feel like the harder I try to mask what feels like a more comfortable laid-back approach, one in which I fear I am not as useful as a friend, where I could be perceived as not caring, I fear I could fall out of grace with them and be even more useless in these relationships I try so hard in. Being social is the hardest thing in my life, because I get so excited when I make a friend, and so sad when they turn out to not be there for me in the end.
I’ve always known something was socially ‘off’ about me. I’ve never been able to socialize for an extended period of time without repercussions. If I socialize too long; I will legit go home and just have a breakdown. Bawl my eyes out for hours. And I never know why I’m crying. Which makes me cry even more. Then I feel like I’m being dramatic. Anyone else have this issue?
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I do that i dont think im autistic i think im an introvert. People drain me. I either get into a fuss with someone or feel stupid or ignored and hates after being around people.
🙋🏻♀️Same here!
i need to literally prepare for socializing so i know what you mean. after socializing, i go home and cannot bring myself to speak to anyone outside the people living in my house that i MUST speak to. like replying to messages and such, i cannot. i tend to isolate myself and/or feel overwhelmed, but i find it hard to express it in ways like crying and such so i just sleep haha.
I have a problem simular too , if I'm uncomfortable around people , I will come out of the social situation either angry , embarrassed or I could have a meltdown . I get judged for going to the bathroom alot :/ My Age group are hard for me to trust
I'm trying to find out if i'm maybe autistic or not. I relate to a lot of this but i wonder if that is not something all people do? I always have felt very different from other people idk
Same
Imho - if you're wondering if you are, and you're watching vids like this - you are!....💕
same
Same, and I scored 39 on the autism AQ test
Same. when quarantine ends I'll go to a psycologist for reaL I'm so tried
I’m 66, just discovered I’m autistic and have been since childhood. I was friendless through all of grade school, sat alone at recess, waiting it to end, bullied for being quiet, and depressed most of the time. Ended up with an eating disorder that has lasted 40+ years. I consider myself to be smarter than many my age, but continue to mask who I am, and can’t find lasting friendship. What a sad life, and I may only have 20 years left to live.
Sorry :(
@@weaverdreams "set an exit date"????
Susan Van Heel..have you tried Online socialising with your own tribe? I'm certain you'll find acceptance and friends.Try joining some Autistic adult groups.
Hugs 🫂. Sending prayer, you’re loved more than you know 🤍
I’m 58 and have Asperger’s. These young people don’t know how lucky they are.
I took my daughter out of school the day she got her Aspie diagnosis and had her home schooled. She went from a depressed uncommunicative self harmer, to a blossoming young girl, it was priceless.
The money we got for her 'disability' went onto a home school teacher who taught her at her level and she just thrived and opened up again. It is vital I think to get them out of school, if you can, and be educated at home.
She went onto college...didn't finish, but at 23 has not been without work. There is hope .
Thank you guys for making this more known in your video for others to relate and parents to understand what going on inside of them, so we don't blame or push them for their inability to mix as you 'expect' them to.
Hi Lucyna, Thank you for sharing your daughter’s experience. This is our exact life now. I took my daughter out of public school after the “Covid lockdown” because she was doing so much better in her studies at home. We are in the process of getting her diagnosed with Autism. May I ask what you mean by getting “paid for her disability”? I am homeschooling her, but I would love to be able to afford some help. I’m not sure that I am doing a good enough job on my own. I would like her to have the best education I can give her…. If you have time to reply, I would So appreciate that! 🤗 -Myra.
I’m really struggling to figure out if I could be on the spectrum or if I just have a severe social phobia. 😔 it’s become really really difficult for me
Same here!
That’s me too and most if not all of the myer briggs types similr to me that im a intp type 5 enneagram and some other types like introverts and that’s a very big percentage do u really think such a big part of world is born with a disorder ? Something just makes no sense .in my family we are six and 4 out of the six act this way... You can read about behavior types on website personality hacker or see their videos on utube . Any personality type that’s unhealthy or not matured yet will Look like they have a disorder or mental issue ! And since learning in depth about my type I’ve actually gotten rid of a lot of anxiety and learned some great tools . Beatrice chestnut is also a great option to learn about urself
For me is the social anxiety + anger + hard paying attention + brain always running being hard to pay attention to things I’m not interested in+ hard making eye contact + more
U probably just have social anxiety if that’s the only thing u experience
check out Antony Padillas video about agoraphobia
Can I just say that girls who are masking are geniuses and soooo strong? I know how hard it is to literally mask everyday (consciously and subconsciously) just to try and survive. I wish females won’t have to sturuggle getting a diagnosis anymore. Let’s be strong girls! We’ve got each other 💗 Thank you for making this video, we appreciate you for openly discussing female autism. You are helping sooo many women!
Yes, so true. It's incredibly exhausting. Wish we'd have more insight on the Autism on the mainstream and it well reveals the social pressure on girls in general.
It's even more beautiful when people on the spectrum realize they don't have to mask, and society made you put that one because they don't know any different (or better, imo).
Wow you really managed to make this about gender. Might wanna rethink your weird segregating thinking, it comes off as not particularily intelligent.
@@bernlin2000
No. You do it for yourself. It's a coping mechanism. Nobody can make you mask, and they likely don't even know you are doing it.
Take 100% responsibility for yourself, only then will you learn who you really are, and will no longer feel the need to mask.
I've always thought I had crippling social anxiety but the more and more I learn about autism I truly believe it's years of masking and not having the energy to continue that in a social setting.
42 yr old newly diagnosed Female on the spectrum hear from the Pacific Northwest glad to have another female's insights on autism
I’m a diagnosed male and I totally know where Charl is coming from. From the masking to the self-doubt and the aftermath of social interactions. My fear of not knowing what people think of me is at times crippling. I also identify with going over social interactions in your had. Things like ‘Maybe I should have said this’ or ‘I hope I didn’t do or say anything offensive’ can go through my head weeks after interactions. Growing up I just wanted be part of the group. When you are young and not good at masking, you come across even weirder. Thank you for this video.
I know what you mean. It's hard to explain social anxiety to people who don't have it. One way I've found that more people can relate to is comparing it to going to a job interview. Most people are nervous, apprehensive, trying so hard to act and talk right in an interview, aren't they? When I find common ground with people about interviews, I then tell them something like "Now, imagine that every social interaction you had was just like that" Then, they sometimes have a bit of compassion for me.
lmao i thought u meant you were diagnosed as a man 💀💀
"I'm a diagnosed male" jeez dude being a man is not a disease
@@pamelapamper loool
I think this is very common, for everyone. We all want to fit in. It's ok, some people will get you and some people will not, and that is ok.
What Is interesting is I am almost 30 and just started realizing I could be on the spectrum. Thank you for saying this.
Same
Look back at your upbringing first. A lot of these are also symptoms of cpstd..
@@alexxx750 Honestly, I think most of it does come from ptsd growing up. You are right on that, thank you! Things I am working on with my therapist.
My 30 yr old daughter was doing fairly well until she lost her job 4 months ago. Now symptoms have been amplified due to more social isolation and NO. JOB!😞 Did get her to be tested, thinking that would help with her job search, due to the ADA, but can’t get her to agree to therapy. How did you make the decision? I want to HELP HER, and I’m running out of ideas, and she’s running out of unemployment and has a mortgage and car payment due every month, plus other essentials!😢😳🥰
@@littledabwilldoya9717 I have childhood trauma that has caused my severe anxiety and fear of judgement and I just couldn't tolerate this with myself anymore. Trauma can look different for every person too but wanting better for myself is what helped me. You could offer her to help call therapists to make an appointment since, to me, that was the hardest step! Tell her she can get through this but ultimately it has to be her desire to get help and want to be better. She can do this!!
I struggle to talk to people unless I know them well. If I am intimidated I clam up I cannot chat naturally, I second guess everything I'm going to say before I say it and I don't dare voice when I disagree. I relate to going round and round analysing a social situation once it's done. In fact I tend to want to eat something afterwards as a way of calming myself down..... 😔
So relatable
I end up telling people anything mostly private stuff when I meet new people. Needless to say that makes them run.
I was diagnosed at 28 and I was so horrible at masking that I was bullied horribly in school and now I have serious agoraphobia. It was actually during a therapy session for depression and PTSD that my therapist recognised my symptoms because she worked with autistic children and she really pushed for me to be assessed.
Please don't give up ! I have been where you are. Didn't leave my house for almost 2 full years and it was incredibly difficult to finally try. Unable to sleep the night before i knew i was going to leave. Panic attacks, etc.... but you know what ? Eventually I was able to do it. Even if I was scared & cried. Even if i only left for 5 minutes. It sucked so effing bad. But i kept doing it.
Then - no more panic attacks. Stuck with it & after a while, I would mostly just freak out inside my head for a few minutes prior to leaving. Because i had built upon all of my recent experiences of leaving and NOTHING BAD HAPPENING. i began to be proud of my little victories.
And a bit after that I was able to leave without much more than a small pep talk to myself.
Sometimes I still struggle a little. Especially if I'm going to a place I've never been before or I'm seeing people I've never met. That's still tough at times but I have also had some wonderful experiences just because I didn't let myself back out. In the end, it was always worth going. Even if it was just to remind myself that I don't want to get stuck in that bad place ever again. I don't want to let the fear win
I know I can't cure autism. Not for me, not for you. but I can tell you that it gets better. It absolutely gets easier if you keep going out.I know you're scared, but do it anyway.
Remember these things: (1) FEAR IS A LIAR ! (2) the first step is hardest of all and (3)if you're going thru hell, keep on going. Face that fire.
Good luck ! I wish you well !
PS may I suggest you pick a theme song ? Most people are into music. Choose something with lyrics that inspire you. Words you need to hear. Repeat to yourself as often as necessary. It helps.
I’ve always thought selective mutism to be a “brain fart” or “drawing a blank” but the feeling that comes along with it, is intense. When the pressure is on, it almost feels like you just walked into a glass door because you’re caught off guard and suddenly feel like you’re trapped inside your chest. Can anybody relate?
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Selective Mutism feels exactly like when someone asks if your pregnant and you get so over answering it you actually lie and say that your a surrogate
I know I can relate. Especially when it's something serious or a related task that is intense with personal criticism or multiple steps. The more serious or critical something is involving change or improvement, the stronger the anxiety, inertia, and mutism becomes for me. Even when I am intrinsically motivated to do something to improve, take note of the criticism, and can comprehend the responsibility, I still encounter gradual periods of brain fart or blankness where i'm just lost in some kind of endless fog or mist. You would think one would be motivated to shift one's gears away from laziness or procrastination by getting things done on auto pilot but it still beats me. You can't help but take ownership and internally blame yourself because you know you have the capability to improve but that misty fog of muted uncertainty still remains.
I’m like this, but isn’t this a lot of people?
Fear of being misunderstood, mis-judged, rejected, attacked; all rational fears based on personal experience and no understanding or support leads to paralysis.
I can relate to absolutely to everything she says... right down to going home after, and way over thinking about what I said and how...
I won't remember your name, when I meet you, but I will remember the conversations. I than go home and replay in my head... basically to learn from
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Me also, what I could've said, what I shouldn't have etc. keeps me up at night.
I am diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and social anxiety among others and I can relate to all of these.
I'm a grandmother, 70 yrs. old. I do have almost all of the traits you've posted. I've learned to 'mask' my way into the daily social experiences. I'm so good at 'scripts' and 'acting that people very often want to become close friends. OK, so the amount of mental and physical energy that I have invested in these traits leaves me empty. So the realization of my lack of energy leaves me in a panic and I have to exit the 'potential friendship' right then and there. When someone says "Let's cook together" or "Lets go (somewhere) together." that is the end of the social experience. I often reflect 'on what happened' later and just feel weird. I have always been happy to socialize with children as they are accepting and forgiving. I realize now that one of the reasons I joyfully had 7 children was that. then, I would be so busy with them, I would not be available to socialize with others in the world outside. Thanks for posting, I will share for sure...
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Mutisum is what I get when trying to express how I feel to a figure of authority like a boss or the police or judge... it usually ends up with me having a crying meltdown..
Yes this! Also when I’m upset. I just can’t get any words out. And then I get so frustrated I just cry.
Ditto
X same
This is me. Recently had a complete panic attack at job centre and ending up crying. Has happened so much in life. Im 58 and waiting to b assessed this makes so much sense. Thank u xxx
I think I’ve always had autism and it’s gone undiagnosed. Ive always been shy, quiet, & “very observant”. I’ve always always been really quiet during group conversations particularly and I give my self a reward in my head whenever I actually contribute to the conversation lol. I relate to all of the points made. Especially about your script running out. I’ve always DREADED picking up the phone and making calls. I’m trying so so hard to try and get better at it. Especially since I will be a nurse soon and HAVE to get over this. Pray for me hahah
Selective mutism is so frustrating!!!! With one on one conversations I do great! I don’t feel too overwhelmed (usually) or like I have to mask so much. But in large groups ESPECIALLY FAMILY gatherings it all falls apart 😢. There’s too much info, to many traits being thrown at me, too much to juggle and I end up being labeled as “judgmental” “stuck up” or “haute” because I can’t talk or properly socialize. 😢
I've had social anxiety for years now and for some reason, my doctors can't see past the social anxiety, which makes them hesitant to diagnose me with autism. I was sent to a specialist's clinic because I've gotten really good at masking my symptoms. Love hearing from more females with autism!
Yes this is so common, it is difficult for females to successfully get a diagnosis. Stick at it!! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
I was also diagnosed with social anxiety only at first and was seeing a therapist for that for about a year! Only when I had to change therapists did my new one suspect there was something else at play than social anxiety.
She specialized in treating kids and adolescents with social anxiety and told me that my behaviour in public did not quite match with the symptoms she expected to see .
(which in hindsight makes sense, because she took me out into a clothing store and instructed me to chat with an employee and ask them for advice. It was stressful and exhausting and uncomfortable, but through my experience at masking I think I did very well. Actually, I used one of my favourite tricks for social interaction, which is pretending I am a character in a book or show and have a script to adhere to, so I cannot say anything wrong.)
Funnily enough, we both came to the conclusion that I could be on the spectrum independently from one another and after contacting a clinic specialized in autism diagnoses, I got mine last December. You just have to be patient and honest and I'm sure everything will turn out fine for you!
Once "diagnosed" it will always be hard for people to see past that, whether its a medical diagnosis or a mental one, that bias will always be there and they will always be trying to confirm what they already know and support it.
Theres an experiment where sane people check themselves into a mental hospital claiming to be having a break from reality, then later asking to leave saying they are feeling better........
And you can guess they had a hell of a hard time convincing people they were actually "better" and this wasnt just a symptom of their crazyness.
Hi I relate so much to these posts. Did you guys learn any words of wisdom for the social anxiety?
But social anxiety, fobia, traumas and anxiety, depression, introverted lead to the same symptoms they made in the video. I have everything they said but i am not autistic (i guess and hope). The inly difference is that i can so so well read people's emotions(emphatic) that i never want to see them because I don't know how to react when they feel nervous or bad or say smth and expect me to behave and speak in a certain way and you feel uncomfortable and not want to speak but you make a face like you are really interested and you bring up topics you are not interested. You feel so drained after them. Close friends and family may be an exception but not always. this is also how social fobia works.
I feel that only wanted to talk about my interests. I’ve been called out from ppl sayin I’m “self centered” or “always makin the convo about myself” and I’m so hyper aware of it now I try to not seem tht way it just gives me so much anxiety and I always end up apologizing for talking about the things I like
I get it-but it’s hard to talk about things you have no interest in
I get accused of trying to change the subject to myself, but actually I am trying to convey that I am understanding what they are saying because I had a similar experience.
I have this too :( exactly the same.
@@terriem3922 dude i really feel you
I sometimes feel how some people get annoyed exactly because of this
I've even stopped doing the things I'm interested in because I felt bad for being interested in them..
I didn't know that it was called masking until recently but sometimes its exhausting to act like ur not you. In groups and stuff I shut down but idk about selective mutism lol
I thought that everyone did this. Thats so weird. I'm just over here because I find mentle illness incredibly fascinating, and when I find something facinating I want to know everything about it. So right now I'm totally blown away, everybody doesnt do these things? Here i thought everyone did the weird stuff I do. Well learn something new everyday
i totally relate to the shutting down thing. it’ll come with no warning too. i’ll immediately become irritable, tired and annoyed and i feel like i just want to go home and be by myself for a while. i thought it was just an introverted thing, but it’s very intense so it’s definitely more than that
I have done this masking thing forever. For the longest time I just wondered if maybe I was a sociopath but this gives me a better insight. Maybe I'm just on the spectrum. Don't know if I'll pursue a diagnosis but I'm definitely going to research some more on this. The masking is both exhausting and built in at this point. I don't know how to be my real 'self' because I don't feel like I have one. I just learned to be versions of a person for all the different groups I know
@@teamcynda6202 I thought everyone did this too