Are They Toxic or Do They Just Not Respect You?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 31 พ.ค. 2024
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Over the years, have you found yourself repeatedly attracting:
. . . people who appear to be emotionally unavailable?
. . . selfish people who don’t respect you in both friendships and romantic relationships?
. . . maybe even narcissists?
Have you ever wondered why you seem to be a magnet for these kinds of toxic people?
If any of this rings true, and you want to break this cycle, then my brand-new video is for you.
►► FREE download: “9 Texts No Man Can Resist” → www.9texts.com
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Blog → www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/
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Lately more guys I have met have a tendency to ghost. The last guy told me he wasn't ghosting me, but he quit communicating for over a month. The behavior was there, even if the intention was not. So it's important to put it into a boundary and stick to it. I was proud of myself for a healthy boundary instead of being upset over and over. I want a guy to make me a priority and not just an option. I saw things that were bothering me, he wanted friends with benefits. Not being willing to be in a relationship for that behavior.
No woman that’s got her life together - should give a man the time of day, if he’s not adding anything of value to her life.
Just being a man, and looking good is not enough, he has to bring something to the table - and it has to be something meaningful!
Anyway, that’s my two cents.
-Carlos Verde - Dating Tips
I love this so true x
I just walked away from a 7yr relationship. He was a good man, and because of that I stayed 3yrs too long. If he's not hitting me or yelling at me, then why should I be upset? was my mindset. The reality was, I walked on eggshells, always making sure he was happy. He had a body language that showed so much. I tried communicating, I tried at always trying to stay one step ahead of what his needs would be. But then a light bulb went off...... nice or not, I didn't need to live this way. Oh it was hard to make a break, and truth be told it took me a few tries. But I'm relaxed again, and happy. I would never call him toxic as I do believe we use that word too much. I would say his personality wasn't for me.
I started setting boundaries and people got very upset. I'm not going to give as freely. I was wearing myself out and felt mentally drained. One person was a partner who lashed out. It showed me that I wasn't as valuable to him and my feelings actually meant nothing. He won't have the bottomless well of emotional support he had and he'll have to learn to find his own happiness and stop draining mine.
Wow this could have not come at a better time. I’m reeling a breakup where we had a toxic dynamic where my boyfriend went from being super attentive and loving and all in to ghosting me for days and even weeks at a time. The first time I called him out on it things improved a little bit it eventually somehow this lead the ghosting to go from days to weeks. I figured out that he either has a very hurtful avoidant attachment style and/or is living a double life. It hurt like hell to break free because I loved him, but told myself I couldn’t be happy 50% of the time and in total pain the other 50%. The second time I called him out on his hurtful behavior and the ghosting he dumped me, as I knew he would, but I did the right thing by myself, still have been in a lot of pain tho. Thank you Matthew for this video today, it was a God send.
he dumped you for expressing his behaviors because he doesn't want to take responsibility or be held accountable.
@@michelelena6851 yeeessss! I think so too thank you for the confirmation he was a gaslighter too, big time, he had me believing I had psychological issues… which I may consider except no other man I dated told me that. Plus my flying off the handle was hugely a reaction to him saying he was my boyfriend then refusing to speak to me for a week.
Can 100% identity with this 😔
You 100% did do the right thing for yourself, that dynamic would have worn you down if you had stayed in it. And I know it can be hard to believe when we're in pain that it will ever ease, but it will. Celebrating your courageousness and sending you internet stranger hugs! ❤
It's love bombing (courting) followed by nada. Cycle of abuse.
Probably married... #RUN 🚩🚩🚩
At times. Seems more and more people have hurtful behaviours nowadays.. people just seem more hurtful these days
Post pandemic 🤔?! 👍
Damnnnn - “complaining becomes a pressure valve that lets the air out of our resentment until we just decide to go back to the same behaviour around a person”
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Maya Angelou
4:15 yessss... the cycle of shame, guilt, fear - keeps you attached.
Finally someone says it’s not ok to call everyone toxic
It’s not the person, it’s that one aspect
If they have a lot of toxic traits then I think we can call them toxic 😂
ChocoParfait I don't like calling people toxic anyway, so prefer to say toxic behaviour instead!
Mind you, a lot of people, including family members, I've known over the years, or still know, lack empathy and can be really cruel, due to their own unhealed wounds.
It's like calling people narcissists, which is extremely common nowadays, whereas I'd rather say highly narcissistic person, or individual.
I've noticed that a very popular narcissism therapist doesn't like it when people state that they don't agree with labels. Of course, she doesn't have to like it; however, it seems like she doesn't understand where me and others are coming from.
It's not right to mention the issue here, but I was surprised when she sarcastically talked about it in a video. 🙁
@@cyndigooch1162 who’s that?
I love this video. Sadly, I’ve noticed that some of my friendships/relationships feel completely like a business transaction. This is part of the reason why :)
Okay… about an hour ago I prayed about working on myself and figuring out why I have had the relationships I’ve had, that all ended up being the same. Then your videos popped up in my feed. This is NOT the content I watch on TH-cam….. not a coincidence if you ask me!
The Universe will always give us what we need in beautiful syncronisties ❤
Sometimes, I think that when we love ourselves well, we no longer want a person who leans toward taking, and then find there's no road backward. We look through the windshield, not the rear view, so as not to crash our future...
OOOO I love the way you've framed that and it's so true ❤
Loved this "listen to your resentment" Wish I'd learnt this lesson a lot earlier! Great video as always. ❤
Thank you for this video ❤️
I needed so much to be told all these things today! I feld already recovered from breaking up with a guy, but today the sudden feeling of guilt appeared... I felt bad all day long and your video brought me calmness. Leaving him was a good decision and this feeling of guilt is a normal thing as I set the new standard of how to treat me in a romantic relationship.
I love your videos. I return to them every time I am feeling low confidence and right now STEP 3 brought me here. I also watched other videos and non of them was good as you. You have made a point and their are just talking what we all know, but you get into details. Love it!
Its hard sometimes to set boundaries when u feel as if u owe the person because they’ve given so much to you in the past; whether that be emotionally or through physical acts. The more unstable the “give- take” power dynamic, the harder it is the set boundaries bc this person will almost always find a way to feel as if they aren’t appreciated the moment you confront them.
Set boundaries with a man right at the beginning of the relationship - don’t wait too long.
Because, if you don’t let him know what types of behavior you will accept, and what types you will not - then it will be too late when you do let him know.
Most women will not do this because, they’ll be too afraid to lose the guy, and that’s what makes them lose him eventually in more ways the one!
Anyway, that’s my two cents.
-Carlos Verde - Dating Tips
Such wise words , I wish I had heard them years ago but realise it is still not to late. Thank you.
Thank you so much for posting this 🙏🙏 I was dating this narcissist last year. We were on and off. He was not only disrespectful to me, but also to Uber driver + waiter. Slowly he turned into a different ( controlling and manipulative) person and I completely lost myself/ self-worth. I'm no longer seeing him but I still feel like I have no value to him or lost my self worth 😔
Thanks am going thru this as I learn to implement these this things after healing from trauma therapy, and seeing how people/things react/respond to it all. It’s difficult but interesting. Feels healthier to approach things this way for sure. Learning to be ok on my own so if someone can’t respect me and my boundaries, then I don’t have to have them in my life, and don’t have to keep giving to earn love. Thank you 😊
Your videos are so valuable Matthew. I’ve learnt so much from you over the years. Thank you x
Please make a video about ending up in casual relationships with men who say they are not looking for a relationship / who say they are absolutely freaked out by commitment / will not get into a relationship because it's not for them etc. and then fall in love and get into a relationship or marry the women that comes after you. You know, like a relationship fluffer. That is what keeps happening to me.
Oh my god same , i need a video like that
You were not the one, the other woman was. Accept it and only accept men for whom you are the one. It depends purely on you. It is nobody else’s responsibility, only yours. Take ownership of your happiness.
I have a theory. I am a deep person. It's important for me to understand why I do things and I live with daily self reflection. I challenge everyone in my life to go deeper and self reflect. It's possible you are the same? The person we allowed ourselves to be in a casual relationship learn from us how to self reflect and grow. They start to change (for the better usually) so, they take their healthier self into the world and find someone who didn't know them prior to their growth that you were the catalyst of. Which is normal. Since we knew the unhealthy version of them and for them to stay with someone who has seen their "ugly" is not easy for them. So, they find someone who didn't know that side of them. So, the real question is why do we accept a casual arrangement when we clearly want long term connection and commitment?
@@cangrejitamiry I don't believe in "the one". And you shouldn't be so judgemental about me. You don't know me.
That used to happen to me to. I believe it's because I didn't have any boundaries and was doing my everything to please my partner. How could he ever know Who I am if I change all the time. How could he respect me if I don't have any boundaries.
When looking for a relationship, I think there is no point dating someone Who says they don't believe in Love or don't want a relationship. That's just wasting time.
This video was useful to that situation as well, I think. We should demand respect and be around people Who want the best for us.
We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
I have also started inculcating this mindset to present my feelings completely and if people don't stick around it's okay for me. Because then I will know, they stuck around only for their dependence on me. I have put up with people and if they cannot put up with my true feelings then it's better that they walk away.
Thank you for this one Matthew!
I can't say exactly how, but i have recently inculcated exactly these points with same reasonings. It's such a pleasure have found it on my own. Best thing is that, watching this video I felt like I am on the right track and not just being a beaych.Ialso, now I feel like should I even be around people who push me to be this person who has to be rude to get her personal space. I learnt about boundaries very late in life and I am still in process of learning how to set up boundaries with people. But it just gets on my nerves that just saying it out loud or giving proper hints is not enough. Don't wanna be rude but now most importantly I don't want to feel walked over.
Wow this is such a crazy awesome video.. thank you so much!!
This is an amazing video. Thank you for sharing awesome insights that I can utilize in my life to elevate my relationships.
Great steps: actually helpful.
I love your videos, Matthew! 🙏
Thank you Matt for your advices
Hello..I appreciate the fact that you present the history of my relationships,,,it seems that you have retained all the details...but wait...I didn't tell you because I've never met you...I'm sure I would remember our meeting!😂
Thank you Sir for advices
I really appreciate it 🙏
The title of this video really grabbed me - and I wanted to know more!! I thought - hmmmm...good question - is it toxicity or lack of respect or both?
That's a very good video Matt, ineed this is common
This wonderful advice goes for friendships too. I have a friend who I'd make plans with and she would back out at the last minute, making all my hard earned plans and prep go to waste. Eventually after it happened 3 times I finally decided to talk to her (although it was very stressful on me because i hate conflict and like matthew said i felt gulty). I told her it stressed me out that she didn't keep her promise and it was important to me that my friends kept plans. She threw a fit; accused me of "confronting" her and then blamed me and everything else for the things that were wrong in her life. I was ready to walk out on her. And this is a woman who is 20 years older than me! But even though (like matthew said) it was awkward in the beginning, to my great surprise she changed. Now she always keeps her promises to meet up or tells me beforehand and she's become one of my closest confidantes. It is much more fun and joyful to hang out with her now.
People can change. And you deserve your needs to be met. Not just for your sake but theirs as well.
Thank you matthew for validating my feelings. It's like you're a psychic this really does play out like this!
This is excellent!!
Thank you Matthew
I just found you and I’m already sharing with my soul tribe.
How I wish I could join your seminar, however my daughter is getting married that weekend. Sigh
Thank you so much for this video Matthew. Sooooo helpfull. Let's do these steps ❤
I'm having that with my son right now and that is very hard for me that I have to back off. It breaks my heart when it's family
This is so good!!
But Hard to hear and to practice though🥺
Well said
Thank you 🙏
You are very knowledgeable
Quality advice and video as usual.
Does anyone know anything about the wall art at the timestamp 7:43? I really like the wall art itself and the shadow art it casts as well. Trying to see if I can find it somewhere or online and order it for myself. Please let me know.
So great
I am a people pleaser who is trying my best to start saying "no". He didn't accept "no"s peacefully. Either he argued with me until I say yes or say it's okay while making me feel guilty about it. I ended up saying yes at the end of the day. I don't blame him because I decided for myself. I just hoped I learned to stick with my decisions regardless of his reactions.
Everything is in past tense btw. 👋
It takes practice my dear, keep trying. Try with little things.first, slowly it will come easier.
@@lauraaguiar5598 I got better over the years, but still not there yet. Thank you. ♥️
I’m sorta mixed if she’s both right now. Dating someone who exhibits traits that have me thinking that I need to find a more concrete way such as this to implement. Though I feel like I’ve already tried… can’t tell why I’m still in it
Matt, I feel the man I'm in a situationship with is emotionally constipated. I have no way to break through his arrogance.
Can I please request a video on how to balance your individuality in relationships.
thank youu
I really need the help at the moment I really like someone and the guy always giving me eye contact and sometimes which are really deep but then says to his friends who hate me that he doesn’t like me back and denies that he doesn’t give me eye contact could you do a video regarding with eye contact thank you
But I don't know what does it mean to set boundaries and standrads. How do you do it?? Without being or feeling that you are agressive and needy? Help
How to know if this was the real reason or that he was just playing and get bored for example? He was suddenly love bombing me out of the blue he was so excited to even meet me , the one day we met he was soooo damn happy so comfortable he told me everything about himself even things he is ashamed of , then out of the blue cut me off the next day got ghosted found out he was already in a relationship with my close friends” whom he knew was my friend” , she told me they were about to get engaged the month after all this according to his words and that they were together” on and off” for 3 years now.. he never mentioned they are together he even told me all about past relationships except her!!! Lost him lost my friend she says she knows he loves her but she can’t control his all time behaviour towords girls!!!! He blocked me nearly everywhere told me i was nth for him and that i only misunderstood him!!! how can I misunderstand some one who was trying sooo damn hard to impress me and makes me fall for him , all time flirting all time trying to make everything that he knows i like, he even asked me all about what attracts me to a man and do all of them!!!! can someone please answer cuz I’m hoing nuts!!!! if he really loves her that much” i mean my friend” why would he do all that stuff!!
Don't stress yourself hun. This guy is obviously playing games with you and yo friend. If she's not willing to cut him off after knowing this, she has a problem. I'm sorry you went through this but I'd say you dodged a bullet. He prolly already knows "the drill" and said everything you wanted to hear and how he's supposed to say it not necessarily what HE IS.
Love bombing is a red flag though, showing excessive love while yo still getting to know someone is kinda creepy. Like he's trying to experiment and know how easy and fast it is to break down yo wall. Not trying to judge but..If she's yo "close friend" how'd you not know who she's dating?
Considering he played games with you, I don't even think you should feel bad cz he blocked you, I think that should be a relief that you weren't in too deep. Stop worrying bout if he ever loved yo friend cz he clearly did not.
Accept the situation and tread carefully. You'll feel better eventually
What to do when he already lied n cheated n left two times for almost one and half years... I took him in my life because it was a situation and past experiences where that thing happened and we are together from last 9 months again? And he is trying hard to built that trust again . But I am struggling with trusting him and he is calling it distrust issues and insecurities. How to develop trust in him?
Hard to distinguish as an empath...
Hey buddy. May i know where did you get your t shirt?
I wish I could do this with you 😭
I love you matt❤️
It be cool if you could do a video for widows I'm lost I met a man named Dell and I fell hard for him and I didn't even realize there was nothing more than just a booty called so confused The upsetting thing is these men and their fifties have been divorced 2 to 3 times and I was married 27 years so I just don't understand where they're coming from and I'm trying but I'm trying but I really fell for this guy and he was just not in any place to be with a woman right now I ended it I haven't talked to him in over a month he knows how I felt about him and he tried to write it off like we weren't that serious and it was to me and he knows it I pray one day he'll see the light of his ways but I don't think so I'm still hurt very hurt
Matt, or whoever manages your comments. Im not sure what can be done about this but for at least a year now everytime I comment on your videos I get spam comments. Some have you as their youtube account picture. Its very fustrating. If there is anything you can do to fix this issue I would appreciate it.
See?
He always has so many plants outside his windows it makes me wonder if he lives in the middle of a forest.
Aren’t toxic & disrespectful the same thing
I'm in a long-term relationship when I set boundaries I get more respect
What if I'm the toxic one? ☹
Hey, Matt ,i am your biggest fans，Asian ones, something dont feeling right..
❤❤❤
♥️
💖💖💖💖
❤️❤️❤️❤️
🥺🥺
My boyfriend has cheated on me on his vacation abroad. He confessed to me when he came back. He was remorseful and now he tries his hardest to fix things even tho you can see it hurts him as much as it does to me. We kind of thought of having more open relationship, more open to our sexual desires/needs. We have been in a relationship for only a short while but we do feel something towards one another. He wanted to stay friends with the people he cheated on me with and I thought that I do not want to limit him cause he is not in a cage but in a relationship. Would you say that we have chance of building a much stronger relationship after that or it is a waste of time?
Sometimes a crisis is the beginning of a more stable, serious and honest relationship. Work on yourself, let him do a lot of work, forgive and you can start a better future together.
i love seeing women trying open relationships and convincing themselves its what they want just to be able to keep getting fucked by the badboy. they expect a stable something out of it but their lives always are a wreck
😘
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ perfect
I found out after six months relationship based on sex that the man never asked me what film I want to watch after sex and I told him that he is indirectly throwing me totally out if his life with his behavior. Then I finally got rid of him 😅
👀 Did I just hear ridonkulous keyboards
😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢my husband still love me ....😢😢😢😢
Keep ending up in toxic relationships? Maybe it's you.
Please skip the background music, it is distracting and just interrupts the flow