Don’t forget to leave me a comment and tell me what you think about today's new video (And be sure to watch all the way through. This may be the first video in which I’ve thrown a shoe 🤷. . .)
Sometimes I feel this in my long distance relationship. I would like that you do a video about how to feel more connected with your partner and feeling that relashionship is moving forward despite of the distance. Many thanks Matthew.
Matthew, with this entire video you confirmed I'm on the right track with what I'm planning to say in a situation I'm going through right now. I've been a long time follower who does in fact take your advice. I now treat myself more like a woman of worth and value because of your advice. I knew it all along but you & your team gave me the courage & practical guidance to embrace my authentic self. Thank you can never be enough to express my gratitude. P.S. throw the other shoe cuz I went to the link and bought your program. P.S.S. also invested in another one of your programs today because I'm also going to use it to help me relate to my family & friends on a deeper level. I want to develop genuinely meaningful conversations and connections.
You can stop right now! ;) Sisters of the world, please listen to me on this and repeat after me: *This is not Build-A-Bro. I am not a repair shop for broken toys.* If you have to jump through hoops for a man to commit to you, you are investing in the wrong man. Stop listening to men tell you everything you're supposed to do to serve them and pour that energy into yourself. When the right one comes along, he will make his feelings for you clear without you having to do a thing.
If he's sending mixed signals - do not text him. Walk tf away. There are no mixed signals. Just truths we don't want to face. Whether it's manipulation or indifference...walk away.
This reminds me of an episode of Sex and the City Where Carrie’s boyfriend tells her- “men are simple. There are no mixed signals. If we’re not reaching out, we’re just not that into you.”
Because he wants sex. In the show, for reference, the guy had sex with Carrie’s friend and the girls were telling her “don’t worry. Youre great. He’ll call.” Carrie’s boyfriend said “sorry, he’s just not that into you.” They all think he’s awful for saying it. He explains that men aren’t confusing with women they like. They call. They set dates. The are never unclear or too busy. It’s just, women, myself included once upon a time, want to believe that the back and forth means he has some interest and needs more time. He’s not interested. He wants sex.
@@graleh They just wanna have fun,like you and enjoy the moment.. doesn't mean he's in love.. I'm dating casually right now and when I'm with someone they have all my attention but after that I have my life. I'm just not in love with them and am emotionally detached when we don't see each other. It's easy for me to get it cause I have a men's brain I think XD
The moment I get mixed signals I literally walk away. I don’t have time for guessing games or immaturity. Life is too short to waste time on people who are unsure about you.
@@JDfaith2024 I’ve tried his advice. Didn’t change anything. Once a guy makes up his mind about you and where he sees you at in his life, it’s very hard that they will change their way of thinking. That’s just from my experience but hey maybe unicorns exist? 🤣
@@ShayC143 I get the feeling that Matt’s advice is more for those who need closure. He’s basically saying speak up and then be willing to accept when he doesn’t step up.
@@Mayfloweralways totally agree but I’ve come to terms that closure is not necessary for me. If the guy doesn’t seem invested in me I don’t want to waste my time on him and wait for him to figure it out. You either want me or you don’t. I think we waste too much time on men who are broken and need fixing on their own . They can’t provide you stability when they have their own issues that needs to be resolved before getting involved with somebody.
Damn, my ex husband told me this after we were married. He ended up telling me he wasn’t in love with me anymore when I was 6 months pregnant, and that he had feelings for someone else.
Speaking from experience, just walk away. It means tbat person has already mentally left you but is not willing to simply tell you. I wish I had taken my own advice.
Honestly, sending those texts is too much effort for someone who basically ghosted you. If they ghosted you once, they will do it again. It doesnt matter that you try to explain or teach them lessons. They just are not interested in you and only come to you when they have no one else and they are bored. The best thing to do with these people is just block and move on.
Exactly, thats what I do, anyone who ghost me is just automatically deleted and I go cold, no need to explain , just wasting time. If someone shows you who they are, believe them,no need to talk them into liking you and giving you attention
sorry you feel that way maybe you could be looking at things in a completely different way. Have you noticed any changes even small ones just a thought . All the best.
If he's ever cold then walk away. You need to make space for people who will truly be there for you and the only way to do that is to weed out the crap by not wasting your time with them.
At my age(35), if a guy is giving me hot and cold vibes I just move on. Have no time to waste. A new subscriber here, thank you for the great advices❤️
I wish I would be that smart a year ago...had a first time avoidant as a partner...was very confused by his behavior. Learned a lot from it. Basicaly to stay away from avoidants
My philosophy is…WHY would you would even have to Ask someone to spend more time with you?? Either they do or they don’t! To beg someone to be w me… or even ask them?? Waste of time.
Exactly! “Be ready to lose this person”. I know this is the hardest to hear when we’re on this video trying to figure how to KEEP the avoidant person, but it’s the perfect advice. Know we are all worth something better than this if they’re not willing to step up- there’s someone else out there way more deserving of our time and energy. 👏 Find your partner, not your master.
More like find your partner. Not your sibling. Lol. If a guy is avoiding you or being avoidant, that should be your first clue. Trust me. I have too much experience and went on too many bad dates and still haven’t found the right partner in Japan.
@@sakurakentasha1851 one thing I’ve learned (the hard way) is working on myself so I’m not “throwing out bad bait” so I stop catching the wrong fish! A work in progress. Please hold the line 😅
I finally just threw in the towel and went NO CONTACT period! No more manipulation, being ignored, no returned texts, non returned calls, hot and cold! Years of this! Enough! Men are like a #7 🚌 bus. Another will come along soon so let the OTHER one GO! 😁
I once heard someone say, "I hate that advice. What do YOU want? Just ask for what you want and if he says no or gives you a wishy-washy answer, move on." I guess in this scenario consistency is what's wanted. I'm not totally sure we should have to ask for that though. And will it change even if they say yes to changing it? In a situation where they're showing a pattern of inconsistency or a pattern of whatever...A pattern's a pattern. Maybe the "ask for what you want" advice works better when it comes to things like asking for a date or asking someone to be your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Mixed signals... hot n cold... 👋 I don't communicate to that anymore. The moment it starts happening, I cut them off from the get go. No thanks. I've done too much internal work to even put up with it anymore AT ALL!
Walk tf way! I have done this, you’re just giving the other person tools to act consistent for a while and then the same happens. You’ll end up playing police or a nanny having to correct all the time. Walking away will get more difficult because meanwhile you’re getting more attached to the person. WALK.TF.ON.
Exactly! I did this . Yes they changed being more consistent for a while, and they repeated the same thing again. It was like they did that on purpose you’re living in their chess game. It was exhausting. Ended up walking away and blocked them. Best decision ever made
Unfortunately true in my experience. I like how you include the part about how walking away becomes more difficult the longer the relationship goes on. I feel like putting work into relationships is important however them being inconsistent is them already showing lack of interest in putting in any work. Me taking the time to craft this very kind, empathetic, nuanced, and direct communication is already such a step above what they're doing. I'm not their teacher. If they don't already know how they should be acting then I can't really help them. I see how a small percentage of the time it could maybe help two people to get on the same page but ultimately it usually just goes south.
I just walked away from a guy I was just dating. He was hot and cold. Also…he was commenting on other women’s photos on Facebook and ignoring mine. I kindly told him I was withdrawing from this. I had no anger. Just said that your actions don’t match your words. That I deserved better. I just set a healthy boundary. Thank you! Loved this video
Sometimes it's better not to waste any more energy and block and move on. I've tried MH texts on guys before but the reality is, a guy doesn't change just because you relate to him in a healthier way.
And why would his interest suddenly change? Like why would he go, oh wow she texted me this and it's true, so now I really want to be consistent when I didn't before.
The goal is to be happy, not to "catch" a person at all costs. It may hurt to let someone go, but it hurts FAR less than humiliating to attract him and then having a very weak, false partner.
I just removed myself from this exact situation. Unfortunately, I would say no more and then go back. I just finally got to a point where I was done, laid it all out on the line and was prepared to walk away. It’s so true that if a man is interested, we won’t be back and forth like this. He will make the time for us. There will be no question. For some reason, people always ask for my advice. No matter what it is they are questioning, I tell them if there’s any doubt or confusion, it’s likely not the best choice. There must be peace about any decision we make. For you and me, there was no peace in the situationship. None. Move on, sunshine! You deserve better. You deserve the BEST!
Agree Camille, when he really wants you there are no doubts.. won't be left in the lurch wondering, waiting, worried you said or did something wrong, etc Whenever you start with the self doubts, making excuses for him/her, becoming overly self-critical, it's a clear sign the stars are not aligned - best to back off and regroup. It's supposed to be fun.
Sisters of the world, please listen to me on this and repeat after me: *This is not Build-A-Bro. I am not a repair shop for broken toys.* If you have to jump through hoops for a man to commit to you, you are investing in the wrong man. Stop listening to men tell you everything you're supposed to do to serve them and pour that energy into yourself. When the right one comes along, he will make his feelings for you clear without you having to do a thing. A man that values you will never risk letting you slip away by making you confused.
You see I feel like all these things are really great but in all honesty I don’t think it should be this much work. This recently just happened to me and I just walked away. I don’t have this much energy to teach them how I want to be treated. If I don’t hear from a guy for two weeks it’s a clear message that in those two weeks he wasn’t thinking of me at all. I get what Matthew is saying with the clear cut communication without the dramatic emotion but at the end of the day if a man wants you, you would not have to send a text like that to him. If a man has it in his mind that he does not want a relationship or it’s not a goal to be in a commitment with someone it simply won’t happen. Im sorry but the hot and cold game just turns me cold and I’d rather just walk away.
The only thing I would add is if you tend to be anxious, regulate yourself, journal, breath work, yoga, etc. before you send a message and keep it playful - think of how you'd message a friend when they're not getting back to you - playful, fun, no pressure
No babe just move on and get some standards. A man who isn’t trying to use you and actually likes you won’t do this to you. And yes to all the self care ❤
If I had to do journaling and all you list then I'd never have time to text anybody. That's a sweet thought though!!!! I just text some rude, abrupt, disorderly statement and take my chances!!!
@@robinlavois4483 Right. It's not like a man like this DOESN'T know how his behavior is toxic. He knows how it causes doubt, insecurity, and general discomfort. He is expecting a rude text. He's expecting emotion. So it doesn't matter how you go about expressing yourself really. I like Matthew's method the best.
😂 I sent this text to a guy ("I'm surprised to hear from you... because you check in once in awhile then disappear"), and his response was that he was busy doing xyz and that I need to chill because I don't know what's going on in someone's life. And that was the end of that!
I think it's how they reply to the text is your answer remember what you deserve and your boundaries if it doesn't feel right walk away if it's not him it's someone better always 🥰❤️
Thank you Matthew, for all your advice. I walked away from someone who did exactly this, and later found the real deal. My actual person, the one who invests in me, and me in him. Best thing I've ever done.
I sent a text that said, "I'm going to pass on our plans for Friday because I feel like you are playing hot/cold and it feels gross." He immediately texted and called to apologize and it hasn't happened again.
Wow that seems very unusual I hope it continued/continues to go well! When I did pretty much the exact same thing I just got a text back saying something like, "I don't like that. I'm very triggered. So maybe we should just end this." (To clarify everything was fine except she was starting to be hot-and-cold and then she went cold and then she reached out about the plans we'd already made and then I just said the "I'm gonna pass" thing). Then I said I'm sorry I hurt you and I still mean what I said, so let me try to say it a different way. I said it in a nicer, more nuanced way and then she just said something like, "Well you're the one who's not putting in any effort this relationship feels so one-sided." That's when I reflected on what she was saying, decided I was pretty sure she was gaslighting, and ended things with her, wishing her the best. She very soon posted all over social media about how she had recently moved in with her boyfriend. Not sure when that boyfriend happened...
The confusing part is the fact that they ARE so present when you are with them and then not. I had the very same, “I don’t feel like we’re very connected to when we’re apart” conversation. It ended up just getting worse and they left because they felt pressured and like I was criticizing any time I expressed my needs. They said they wanted a commitment but then continued to be hot and cold. I was so confused.
sounds like they had an avoidant attachment style, they don't cope well with pressure. I am currently experiencing this, I broke up with them because their actions didn't match their words.
After having been through something like this in my 20s, a good rule to go by is if you feel confused then it’s not a go. When I met my husband there was no confusion- a person who values you will make you feel valued together, apart, always. Hot and cold is just a person having their cake and eating it, they’re just not that into you
You're right on the money! Instead of me being Mrs right, I was always Mrs right now. I feel like a fool for believing he was ever really into me. When we were together, he always made me feel like we had an undeniable connection, but when we were apart, he'd fist ghost me, and make me feel like I was bothering him. I severed all communication. Now he's wondering why I'm not chasing him to hang out anymore...NEXT!
Damn Matthew!! You hit a 65-year-old widow of 3 years right in the feels! I'm right in this exact scenario having reconnected with an old friend who lives 1000 miles away. I can't write your words down fast enough!! Many thanks from the grey fringe of your fan club! ❤
At his age, he should NOT be playing those games at all. I just went through it myself. Don't waste your time. You're better than this. As hard as it is you need to have more self esteem.
I find men over 60 are just as guilty if not moreso of playing nothing but games.....I keep all relationships with men on a very superficial level, they can wait it out or get lost as far as I am concerned.
I would not do this through texting. If the person wants to meet again you can meet and then have a conversation with them and you will see their reaction.
Nothing good has ever come of me eventually getting involved with people I've had to do this type of thing with at dating stage. But I appreciate the rationale and skills Matthew is teaching behind it. A guy worth being with will make sure you're not in any doubt about where you stand, because he won't want you to be.
Completely agree. I don’t take on the responsibility to teach anyone how to act. They can learn from someone else. I don’t owe them anything. My time and energy is for the people that choose to be part of my life. ✌️
@@MC-cz5qd Ok but honestly there is a point in the semi beginning when a guy starts feeling real feelings for that person and sorta gets a bit distant and it has nothing to do with that person or anything it's really about him. He's partially afraid but more than anything just needing some space to understand what he's feeling and a little insecure because even if you've made him aware of your feelings he's going to doubt himself. Giving him space but letting him know that you're there to talk if/when he's ready and then just text every few days and say something like hey how's your day going or hey you feel like going to play (insert a fun activity you both like to do) and then leave it on him to take the next step. He'll more than likely close the distance and commit to the person...
I just finished with a man I was dating for 2 months who did this. I had one foot out the door the whole time until I preffered to be home and read a good book than hang out "casually" with him. I cut it off
Really needed to hear this right now! Confusing how people can be so crazy about you one min then just go completely quiet and stop the text the next. Says more about them than you!
Thanks for affirming what i know is in my heart and mind. I have found that when i communicate my values, (so far...) men just step away. Which is great because it filters those who are not worth my time or those are not ready to meet my level of expectations. But its really discouraging that i have yet to meet someone who is willing to try. :--(
Men are not worth it. I'm happier I ever been with myself, and only have lovers. I'm free and I don't need a partner. I have amazing friendships and life..men are really not all that..they are good for some fun.
Dont ever give up dear. Keep the faith. Just dont try too hard in searching. Make as many friends first as you can. The right one might sneak up on you someday..All the best 🙏🤗💖💃🔥
@@mayluz444 thats a bit harsh, not all men are like this - the people you are attracted to are probably players and don't want to settle because they can get any woman they want when they want.
Hey everyone, thank you for your beautiful comments, I’ve been reading them this Sunday morning and really enjoying your thoughts and stories. A quick note, please ignore the person in my comment section pretending to be me. I will only ever comment from my verified account, so don’t do anything someone asks you to do when it’s not my main account with the verification tick. This is true for all of my social media platforms. I don’t want anyone getting taken advantage of by these people. Sending you all love this Sunday! Xxx
That describes my last relationship. We spent 3 years like that. When I finally decided to move on his excuse was that he didn’t know how to express his feeling. This and his inability to compromise was the reason I broke up with him.
Exactly, they might even date someone else so he forgets about you in between your dates. If someone starts being cold from the beginning there is definitly a massive problem!!! Who tf does this when they are serious about you or if they show some respect!
I can understand how some of these comments could be true, like just walk away, or block them, but I believe learning to communicate in a way that makes your needs/standards/wants known is also helpful for us to really understand what we want and need from others. ❤
I think sending that text shows that you are emotionally invested. As a women, if you have a variety of options, people to compare and choose from, you wouldn’t care about this particular guy being hot/cold, cause there is always more.
I've invested this past month, talking and texting with this guy, he basically txs and calls every day, until yesterday ( working) I sent a couple little texts, pictures of it snowing, nothing all day? Unlike him, I have a feeling it will be like that all weekend? I am sick about this, he has said several times, I feel like we are a couple already. We haven't met yet, distance, sickness, work, holidays ect. He told me for sure next weekend, then the next day, I hear nothing! I hate to give up already, nothing happened? Confused, help!
I agree. Had a connecting time a week ago and since then his texts haven't been reliable. Before he left my house he mentioned that I should come to his place (he's a couple hours away) and I agreed. But he went two days without messaging me after only a couple messages once he left. Then, this weekend, I last heard from him Friday morning and then he texts me Sunday night with some event invite in about month. I lost interest because I don't like a man to not text me two days straight and then do it another time within the same week. If he's playing games, I'm bored with it, if he's just inconsistent, I'm not interested. Now he's texting me today asking if everything is alright, love. I watched this video and still don't feel compelled to him how I feel because I don't like how Matthew's text still seems sort of needy. I just figure, if a man is willing to keep me guessing, or wondering about his intentions, then he's also okay with my getting my needs met elsewhere. I don't know what to do.
Thank you Matthew, your videos helped me to find my man. And now we're 4 years together and two years married. It was a tough journey to find my husband and most of the time I stood myself in the way. Your best advice is to choose somebody based on how he treats/invest in you, not about how much you like someone ❤
This is so helpful because I love the communication style. I don’t want to be bitter or try and get revenge on someone just because they aren’t good at communicating and think playing games and being untrue is the way. I would rather bow out gracefully with no ill will. Thank you for this reminder. ❤
I completely agree. I don't want to play games, or come across as petty. But it can also be hard communicating our needs, and boundaries. Sometime I have to remind myself of who I am and my worth, when it comes to dating these men...
4:11 exactly, this is exactly the problem with mirroring the hot and the cold instead of just mirroring the cold and staying that way. Being hot and cold with them exactly makes sets them in a harmful pattern and attracts narcissists.
I just finished walking the beach listening to this video and it gave me so much clarity. I absolutely got the fact that this person wants to have a romantic EXPERIENCE with me but does not have the INTENTION to pursue a romantic partnership. Ahhh love this aha moment. Yes it’s brutal but dang what a realization. Especially, knowing that if I were to continue to mirror these actions I would be the “weekender”( I just made it up😂). Anywho, thank you for this! Makes total sense.
If you’re vulnerable be ready for a good receptive reaction or not. And if not, accepting it’s not for you and moving on is the only way to go. Being vulnerable is not the mistake, the mistake is insisting after hearing a clear ( or not) NO or being ghosted. I decided not to feel bad for being vulnerable, because now I know when I hear a NO I leave.
I've been practicing this type of communication with my bf for the past couple of months and boy does it change the narrative. Communication is so important! And instead of just taking the breadcrumbs, I'm addressing my needs and wants very transparently. So there's no "excuse" on his part. It's definitely helped, and it also empowers us. If they still don't see the ways in which they aren't priotizing us, then that's the major cue to leave. Empower yourself enough to make that decision.
That’s all well and good if a couple declares the r’ship ‘exclusive’ because you’ll never not need to ‘communicate’. It’s the whole Are We or Aren’t We beginnings that can make girls twist like pretzels
@@TheMsSepi I agree. And set the standard of care early on. If you expect daily contact, let that be known. A man who wants you will listen to signs of what you want. If you mention that you lose interest without daily contact, he will HEED the advice and be on it. If you say this same thing to the wrong man he will just continue with his program and that'll be all you need to know. I tell men what I want and see if they want to give it to me.
you made me realize something, so to justifiably demand the connection the video is talking about, we first should state our need. Then , if not met, it makes sense to send this messages. I was missing that part. Thank you.
@@Yasmin-pi5pr I wouldn't say it's so much as "demanding" the connection but rather just being open and honest about your needs. It also comes down to respect. If they don't respect your needs, which you have already been straight-foward about, then their actions say they don't really respect you. Time to cut ties in that case.
Loved this video. When I see bad behavior, I don’t have a problem leaving the situation. But this video made me realize I was totally guilty of returning cold behavior for cold behavior. Didn’t realize that’s what I’ve been doing. All this time I was wondering why these fickle guys would randomly come back to put on a show and dance when we both knew they weren’t going to put in any long term effort. Definitely going to be more clear with my words about how I’m only interested in consistent* good behavior.
I made the mistake of matching as well. I just decided that I wouldn't reach out for days, etc. Then I realized, why am I changing my standards of care for a person who is obviously confused or setting a bad precedent? He can do this all he wants. I don't have to match him.
Wow! Somebody completely understands. I was in this type of fake relationship. We were great together but when apart I felt frustrated and not connected. It was just for the good sex and fun times I was buying. I found out she was dating other guys. Her mind and time was with someone else. I said I was finished with us. She didn’t like me busting her and asked for FWB. I said when I’m done I’m done. As she was exiting my car I said it’s him or me. I left and it’s been two weeks no contact. Her not calling, minimal investment and another guy was enough to exit the relationship. Future faking all the times I was suppling. She reads my social media daily. I’m done, she can mirror that.
You have to be willing to walk away and having really amazing boundaries is very essential yet I think the confidence to say them to him without blaming or shaming coming from a place of curiosity and warmth because it's not just about the words we say also our attitudes and the energy behind the words sometimes it's better not to react just sit with your thoughts and work on yourself find out where this trigger is coming from and heal it thank you so much love your advice 🥰❤️
Literally felt like you were talking directly to me in the beginning of the video 😂 that emotional rollercoaster of a relationship didn’t end up being worth it for me but good luck to everyone else going through it 😭
Wow... I am just speechless, this is another spot on video! I loved it when you said "you need to be ready to lose this person before sending the text" because that's so true
I just followed this advice and Matt was spot on. His reply was defensive saying he was busy LOL. Thanks Matt! I sent the other message and he was like “I understand”. I guess that’s it. Like Matt said - be ready to lose this person… the right person will step up the others will leave.
.My only concern with this is. The assumption that the guy receiving this message understands fully the breakdown of the text the way you explained it. A lot of guys are more simplistic and don't analyse like that. So what you hope to get from a text like that falls short. Move on. Don't overthink it. If you are not getting what you want out of spending time with someone it simply isn't going to change no matter what text you send them.
Woke up this morning and texted this to myself instead. "You said I didn't respect myself. You were right. But now I am beginning to. For the woman that I am and for the heart that can love as truly as I did, I deserve much, much better. I have always significantly lowered my standards by falling for men who don't deserve an ounce of me. The song you sent me was accurate. I am a Raja ki Raj Dulari (translation: I am a loved princess), and I deserve nothing less than a king. Unfortunately, I wasted a lot of time after a worthless pursuit. It was a dumb mistake, I repent it and I have learned my lesson. It is only onwards and upwards from here."
This came up in my TH-cam feed just as I needed it, and I used your message, paraphrased a little to make it personal, and hey…it worked. His response was: “Good, I liked hearing that,” so now it’s up to me/us to keep up the momentum and ensure we don’t fall into bad habits again.
This is a very helpful video for me, I get tired of inconsistency and "sorry I've been busy" generic excuses and have never found the right way to educate or convey things across, part 6 of this hit the nail on the head for it
May be we need to get rid of phones and social media so we are not guessing if someone is missing us neither will be expect any text or call. Only quality time when both are together.
Perfect timing ! Usually that’s what i do but lately i gave a second chance to this guy after he played hot/cold because he asked me officially to be his GF and introduced me to his sister,later on he became inconsistent,ignores my msg, lame excuses and i got offended so i withdraw.. i haven’t heard from him since a month he ghosted me but still likes my posts and stories ! I’m about to hold him accountable and send a clear dumping text to cut it off. If he thinks he can comeback later lol hell no .
I was in a bad cycle like this and he’s still been chasing me since my wedding to finally be what I needed. I don’t believe it. Believe people when they show you who they really are.
I’m a woman a would behave like this even when I love someone. When I’m spending time with someone they will have my undivided attention. When we are apart my attention will 100% turn towards whatever I’m doing be it work, study, hobby etc. I prefer quality time together than constant texting/calling everyday. I’m much prefer no contact from my other significant when we are apart. No everyone is that needy and that’s ok. But yeah that is a good thing to establish to see if you have matching needs.
This is so me, too. Perhaps now that I'm 66 and independent, I don't have the need for constant attention from a man. I love the separation between us. He on the other hand wants to chat every night on the phone, I want to chat to my friends.
I agree. Personally I communicate this to the person and I make sure to just check in every couple of days. "Checking in" for me means talking for like 5 minutes of course, not having a full-blown conversation. As an introvert I found it very hard to have relationships in this age of phones until I figured out how to set this boundary in a healthy way. A lot of people just don't get it though.
@paulalingard3552 exactly me too.. I’m 68 love my independence.. and no need texts every day.. ( in 22 years relationships..at time living apart & long distance. I keep traveling the world he stays at home.. 😊)
Matthew has a great personality, super laid back and friendly and not arrogant like some would be had they had his looks - I guess being an Aussie helps 😊
This has been one of the most helpful pieces of advice I've seen regarding the mixed signals situation. I have been feeling bad lately because I thought I scared a good guy after probably being too aggressive with my standards. It was only after our first date and he was been inconsistent with his texting so I confronted him about it. He said he has been busy with work and many other things. I told him I would only move forward dating him if he could put some effort into communicating better. Now, I tend to be a slightly aggressive (or intense, or bitchy) with my tone (which is something I'm working on) and I thought this was the reason he pulled away--and it could be. However, after seeing this video I honestly think he just wasn't the right guy. I'm going to continue working on my tone but I will never feel sorry for enforcing my standards. Thank you for this video.
Next time, don't feel you need to necessarily have that conversation after a date or two. Enforce your standards by simply reaching out just once with something casual like you hope he's doing well or whatever, and if he 's not responsive, move on. If he suddenly pops back up the next week or the next to ask you out just say "When I didn't hear from you I assumed things were not a go." and then give him a chance to explain himself, and decide if you're willing to see him again. You don't always have to lay out your boundaries verbally right off the bat. Often, just watching their behavior is enough to let you know if they meet your standards or they don't.
I think after only one date, you don't have the right to dictate things by calling someone out. You just met them. You are not "his girl" at that point. I hate to say it, but you were right when you said you scared him off. Look at it from a "friend" point of view. If you had a new friend and she said that to you after only hanging out once, she would think twice about continuing the friendship. At that early on, neither you nor he has EARNED the right to have any expectations other than just being nice to one another. I'm curious, though, what do you mean by inconsistent? Some people just don't like texting. I'm one of those people, so....
Damn, this is good. Like, all of your videos up until this point have been really good, but I think you’ve made a breakthrough with this one Matt. The artist has to continually work on their craft to create a masterpiece, and sometimes they do it without knowing by that point. Bravo, freaking home run right here.
This is what I really needed! Unfortunately, I'm working with a person who plays like this hot/cold scenario, so I just cannot cut him off and leave. I hope your hints will help me to finish this sick relationship in a good way without any drama :)
I had to pause this video to take some notes. This happened to me with someone who had almost stopped all contact. A few weeks ago, he said he wanted to start over, to be friends again. And we had this big event conversation about it. It was quite the experience. But after that, things have mostly vanished again. "The reason you're not hearing from them is that their romantic life is not something they want to progress; it's something they want to experience." Wow! This is true even for close relationships are not necessarily romantic.
Vulnerability: this is crushing. It makes me feel unworthy or ugly. Although I do not believe any of that myself, I wish people just communicated better so that the other party can move on & find something real. I’m going through this now & I’ve already decided to drop him, but this is the second ”ghoster” in a row. I’m done.
Man, it's so complicated being a woman.... I am going through the same situation.... why do we need to walk on eggshells so much when we try to lay our thoughts on the line....whereas he would not care or think twice about losing me?? Thankyou for this Matthew,
It’s only walking on eggshells if you’re with the wrong person. The right one will listen and respect your needs. Speak up, if they can’t handle it, that’s your clue to move on
this comment is exactly how I feel but yes it’s complicated being a woman but it’s even MORE complicated because men are full of games!!!! we never know which way to go and how to act with them!!!! it tiring and the game gets tiring so I’ve decided not to play!
Thank you so much. I've been talking to a guy for 5 months now that has been very hot and cold. It has caused me a lot of pain and confusion. You put to words everything I wanted to say to him. Now I feel empowered! Thanks so much for the guidance!
Thank you so much, Matthew! You’ve brought so much clarity to my own situation. Also, thanks for commenting on the reasonableness of our standards! Sometimes I feel like I’m crazy for wanting consistency and commitment.
You are not crazy, I want the same and my relationship is over because I couldn't take anymore of that emotional swing and at some point I stopped caring if he will come to see me or not... There were good few red flags which I, off course, ignored... I learned the hard way.. All the best wishes in healing quickly from it🤗
Oh my goodness Matt, of all of your videos I've watched I think this one is one of the best ones for me personally. I've been in what I call a "situationship" for about a year now. And I love this man with all of my heart and soul. But he is so up and down like a yo-yo that I don't know what (or IF) I'm gonna get from him from one day to the next. He will tell me he loves me when see each other. And it's not even about sex or intimacy. When we are together we always have an awesome time, regardless of what we do. But in between dates, he most always answers if I Factime him. However, if I text message him, I may as be blowing bubbles into the wind. I think it's about time I use these messages you shared to see what his response is. I'm 56 and he is 63. We are too old to play games anymore. Thank you for this video.
![ILLSLICK - KILLSHOT REMIX [FULL VERSION]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RIK8RrqIAzE/mqdefault.jpg)
Don’t forget to leave me a comment and tell me what you think about today's new video (And be sure to watch all the way through. This may be the first video in which I’ve thrown a shoe 🤷. . .)
Did I hear a cat? :D
Sometimes I feel this in my long distance relationship. I would like that you do a video about how to feel more connected with your partner and feeling that relashionship is moving forward despite of the distance. Many thanks Matthew.
As always, you hit the nail on the head! Thank you for this! Going through this right now, even threw a shoe...
@@cindyschumann3055 😂😂
Matthew, with this entire video you confirmed I'm on the right track with what I'm planning to say in a situation I'm going through right now.
I've been a long time follower who does in fact take your advice. I now treat myself more like a woman of worth and value because of your advice. I knew it all along but you & your team gave me the courage & practical guidance to embrace my authentic self. Thank you can never be enough to express my gratitude.
P.S. throw the other shoe cuz I went to the link and bought your program.
P.S.S. also invested in another one of your programs today because I'm also going to use it to help me relate to my family & friends on a deeper level. I want to develop genuinely meaningful conversations and connections.
I think I'll know when I'm spending time with the right person when I no longer have to watch Matthew's videos
🙌🙌
Yep, I know my relationship is in trouble when I’m watching Matthew
😂
You can stop right now! ;) Sisters of the world, please listen to me on this and repeat after me: *This is not Build-A-Bro. I am not a repair shop for broken toys.* If you have to jump through hoops for a man to commit to you, you are investing in the wrong man. Stop listening to men tell you everything you're supposed to do to serve them and pour that energy into yourself. When the right one comes along, he will make his feelings for you clear without you having to do a thing.
😂😂😂
Me too 😂😂😂😂😂
Don’t light yourself on fire just to keep someone else warm.
If he's sending mixed signals - do not text him. Walk tf away. There are no mixed signals. Just truths we don't want to face. Whether it's manipulation or indifference...walk away.
Now I can't say what I wanted to say because you said what I wanted to say. 💪😂👍
Exactly. Im starting to get annoyed with this pseudo advice...
Yup he could be cheating all u know
EXACTLY!
Preach it sister!! 🙌🏻 Who needs the head FK?? No thanks.
This reminds me of an episode of Sex and the City Where Carrie’s boyfriend tells her- “men are simple. There are no mixed signals. If we’re not reaching out, we’re just not that into you.”
But still, why is he totally into you when you are seeing each other irl? That's mixed signals.
Because he wants sex. In the show, for reference, the guy had sex with Carrie’s friend and the girls were telling her “don’t worry. Youre great. He’ll call.” Carrie’s boyfriend said “sorry, he’s just not that into you.” They all think he’s awful for saying it. He explains that men aren’t confusing with women they like. They call. They set dates. The are never unclear or too busy. It’s just, women, myself included once upon a time, want to believe that the back and forth means he has some interest and needs more time. He’s not interested. He wants sex.
@@graleh They just wanna have fun,like you and enjoy the moment.. doesn't mean he's in love.. I'm dating casually right now and when I'm with someone they have all my attention but after that I have my life. I'm just not in love with them and am emotionally detached when we don't see each other. It's easy for me to get it cause I have a men's brain I think XD
@@mayluz444 this perf same rn
@@mayluz444 I have a man's brain too but I'm not wasting time with randos trying to get off at a bar
"Invest in who invests in you" This has to be the best relationship advice anyone can ever give❤
💯
Right! There's no two ways about it.
after this video is "Invest in who invests in you CONSISTENTLY" :)
❤
It's hard to accept that we are stuck to the wrong person.
The moment I get mixed signals I literally walk away. I don’t have time for guessing games or immaturity. Life is too short to waste time on people who are unsure about you.
That’s my first gut reaction. But then I hear this and think maybe I’m not giving a chance. It’s so frustrating.
@@JDfaith2024 I’ve tried his advice. Didn’t change anything. Once a guy makes up his mind about you and where he sees you at in his life, it’s very hard that they will change their way of thinking. That’s just from my experience but hey maybe unicorns exist? 🤣
@@ShayC143 I get the feeling that Matt’s advice is more for those who need closure. He’s basically saying speak up and then be willing to accept when he doesn’t step up.
@@Mayfloweralways totally agree but I’ve come to terms that closure is not necessary for me. If the guy doesn’t seem invested in me I don’t want to waste my time on him and wait for him to figure it out. You either want me or you don’t. I think we waste too much time on men who are broken and need fixing on their own . They can’t provide you stability when they have their own issues that needs to be resolved before getting involved with somebody.
True dat sista ❤
If someone tells you you deserve better, believe them. They’re telling you how crappy they really are. 😮
Yes!
My new bloke told me around a month ago that I deserve better and that he shouldn't be with me but won't elaborate why 😲
Damn, my ex husband told me this after we were married. He ended up telling me he wasn’t in love with me anymore when I was 6 months pregnant, and that he had feelings for someone else.
True! And if this person says he's an asshole, believe him! People are subconsciously trying to warn you!
@@dianethompson6804 Yeah, just gotta listen carefully.
They're using you as a distraction, an escape.
I would agree w this
If a person doesn’t make you feel like you matter to them…………you don’t. You are not on their priority list……move on.
If you’re getting mixed signals, that’s the signal to move on. He’s just not that into you. It’s really that simple.
Speaking from experience, just walk away. It means tbat person has already mentally left you but is not willing to simply tell you. I wish I had taken my own advice.
If a man does not reciprocate, you walk away. Playing games is immaturity and exhausting.
Honestly, sending those texts is too much effort for someone who basically ghosted you. If they ghosted you once, they will do it again. It doesnt matter that you try to explain or teach them lessons. They just are not interested in you and only come to you when they have no one else and they are bored. The best thing to do with these people is just block and move on.
EXACTLY! Does not matter how you do it - why waste time on a beautifully nuanced statement on a twat?
YES!
Exactly, thats what I do, anyone who ghost me is just automatically deleted and I go cold, no need to explain , just wasting time.
If someone shows you who they are, believe them,no need to talk them into liking you and giving you attention
Hella confusing when it's your bikini athlete competition coach
sorry you feel that way maybe you could be looking at things in a completely different way. Have you noticed any changes even small ones just a thought . All the best.
When someone gives you mixed signals sis runs for your life.. he doesn’t love you he will just waste your time
If he's ever cold then walk away. You need to make space for people who will truly be there for you and the only way to do that is to weed out the crap by not wasting your time with them.
Stay single and avoid all this hassle. Put your energy into yourself. Its quite simple.
Jee, that’s helpful 🙄
I enjoy sex too much
Are you still single?
At my age(35), if a guy is giving me hot and cold vibes I just move on. Have no time to waste. A new subscriber here, thank you for the great advices❤️
I wish I would be that smart a year ago...had a first time avoidant as a partner...was very confused by his behavior. Learned a lot from it. Basicaly to stay away from avoidants
Agree
My philosophy is…WHY would you would even have to Ask someone to spend more time with you??
Either they do or they don’t! To beg someone to be w me… or even ask them?? Waste of time.
Exactly! “Be ready to lose this person”.
I know this is the hardest to hear when we’re on this video trying to figure how to KEEP the avoidant person, but it’s the perfect advice.
Know we are all worth something better than this if they’re not willing to step up- there’s someone else out there way more deserving of our time and energy. 👏
Find your partner, not your master.
What if that something out there, is not ever there?
More like find your partner. Not your sibling. Lol. If a guy is avoiding you or being avoidant, that should be your first clue. Trust me. I have too much experience and went on too many bad dates and still haven’t found the right partner in Japan.
Farrah, AMEN!
@@CJ-ft9yo set yourself up to fill your needs with friends, family, hobbies, cats and vibrators 🤷♀️
@@sakurakentasha1851 one thing I’ve learned (the hard way) is working on myself so I’m not “throwing out bad bait” so I stop catching the wrong fish! A work in progress. Please hold the line 😅
I finally just threw in the towel and went NO CONTACT period! No more manipulation, being ignored, no returned texts, non returned calls, hot and cold! Years of this! Enough! Men are like a #7 🚌 bus. Another will come along soon so let the OTHER one GO! 😁
“If he wanted to he would” - Kyle Morgan. Apt song.
I once heard someone say, "I hate that advice. What do YOU want? Just ask for what you want and if he says no or gives you a wishy-washy answer, move on."
I guess in this scenario consistency is what's wanted. I'm not totally sure we should have to ask for that though. And will it change even if they say yes to changing it? In a situation where they're showing a pattern of inconsistency or a pattern of whatever...A pattern's a pattern. Maybe the "ask for what you want" advice works better when it comes to things like asking for a date or asking someone to be your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Mixed signals... hot n cold... 👋 I don't communicate to that anymore. The moment it starts happening, I cut them off from the get go. No thanks. I've done too much internal work to even put up with it anymore AT ALL!
Walk tf way! I have done this, you’re just giving the other person tools to act consistent for a while and then the same happens. You’ll end up playing police or a nanny having to correct all the time. Walking away will get more difficult because meanwhile you’re getting more attached to the person.
WALK.TF.ON.
Exactly! I did this . Yes they changed being more consistent for a while, and they repeated the same thing again. It was like they did that on purpose you’re living in their chess game. It was exhausting. Ended up walking away and blocked them. Best decision ever made
🤣🤣🤣
Unfortunately true in my experience. I like how you include the part about how walking away becomes more difficult the longer the relationship goes on. I feel like putting work into relationships is important however them being inconsistent is them already showing lack of interest in putting in any work. Me taking the time to craft this very kind, empathetic, nuanced, and direct communication is already such a step above what they're doing. I'm not their teacher. If they don't already know how they should be acting then I can't really help them. I see how a small percentage of the time it could maybe help two people to get on the same page but ultimately it usually just goes south.
Ladies...just move on, no explanation needed. Energy and peace are both precious.
I just walked away from a guy I was just dating. He was hot and cold. Also…he was commenting on other women’s photos on Facebook and ignoring mine. I kindly told him I was withdrawing from this. I had no anger. Just said that your actions don’t match your words. That I deserved better. I just set a healthy boundary. Thank you! Loved this video
Aww that's good
Sometimes it's better not to waste any more energy and block and move on. I've tried MH texts on guys before but the reality is, a guy doesn't change just because you relate to him in a healthier way.
And why would his interest suddenly change? Like why would he go, oh wow she texted me this and it's true, so now I really want to be consistent when I didn't before.
The goal is to be happy, not to "catch" a person at all costs. It may hurt to let someone go, but it hurts FAR less than humiliating to attract him and then having a very weak, false partner.
I just removed myself from this exact situation. Unfortunately, I would say no more and then go back. I just finally got to a point where I was done, laid it all out on the line and was prepared to walk away. It’s so true that if a man is interested, we won’t be back and forth like this. He will make the time for us. There will be no question. For some reason, people always ask for my advice. No matter what it is they are questioning, I tell them if there’s any doubt or confusion, it’s likely not the best choice. There must be peace about any decision we make. For you and me, there was no peace in the situationship. None. Move on, sunshine! You deserve better. You deserve the BEST!
No one deserves anything in this life. You only get the path you carve out of the cliff face of life.
Thank you🙏 i wish you a great relationship
Agree Camille, when he really wants you there are no doubts.. won't be left in the lurch wondering, waiting, worried you said or did something wrong, etc
Whenever you start with the self doubts, making excuses for him/her, becoming overly self-critical, it's a clear sign the stars are not aligned - best to back off and regroup. It's supposed to be fun.
Preach 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
Appreciate this reminder
Sisters of the world, please listen to me on this and repeat after me: *This is not Build-A-Bro. I am not a repair shop for broken toys.* If you have to jump through hoops for a man to commit to you, you are investing in the wrong man. Stop listening to men tell you everything you're supposed to do to serve them and pour that energy into yourself. When the right one comes along, he will make his feelings for you clear without you having to do a thing. A man that values you will never risk letting you slip away by making you confused.
Build-A-Bro 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
We make time in our lives for the things that matter to us.
So true
You see I feel like all these things are really great but in all honesty I don’t think it should be this much work. This recently just happened to me and I just walked away. I don’t have this much energy to teach them how I want to be treated. If I don’t hear from a guy for two weeks it’s a clear message that in those two weeks he wasn’t thinking of me at all. I get what Matthew is saying with the clear cut communication without the dramatic emotion but at the end of the day if a man wants you, you would not have to send a text like that to him. If a man has it in his mind that he does not want a relationship or it’s not a goal to be in a commitment with someone it simply won’t happen. Im sorry but the hot and cold game just turns me cold and I’d rather just walk away.
The only thing I would add is if you tend to be anxious, regulate yourself, journal, breath work, yoga, etc. before you send a message and keep it playful - think of how you'd message a friend when they're not getting back to you - playful, fun, no pressure
I agree because sometimes when you're anxious you read the other person as being cold when they're actually just busy with work and life.
No babe just move on and get some standards. A man who isn’t trying to use you and actually likes you won’t do this to you. And yes to all the self care ❤
@@janette3jameson no they aren’t busy they just don’t care.
If I had to do journaling and all you list then I'd never have time to text anybody. That's a sweet thought though!!!! I just text some rude, abrupt, disorderly statement and take my chances!!!
@@robinlavois4483 Right. It's not like a man like this DOESN'T know how his behavior is toxic. He knows how it causes doubt, insecurity, and general discomfort. He is expecting a rude text. He's expecting emotion. So it doesn't matter how you go about expressing yourself really. I like Matthew's method the best.
😂 I sent this text to a guy ("I'm surprised to hear from you... because you check in once in awhile then disappear"), and his response was that he was busy doing xyz and that I need to chill because I don't know what's going on in someone's life. And that was the end of that!
lucky escape then;) he invalidated your feelings- not a man you want in your life
Good job for letting him go!!
Invest in chewy, guys.
What an ass. Good riddance!
I think it's how they reply to the text is your answer remember what you deserve and your boundaries if it doesn't feel right walk away if it's not him it's someone better always 🥰❤️
Thank you Matthew, for all your advice. I walked away from someone who did exactly this, and later found the real deal. My actual person, the one who invests in me, and me in him. Best thing I've ever done.
Hi Ronelle
How are you today?🌹🌹
exactly matthew, people make time for what's important to them
I sent a text that said, "I'm going to pass on our plans for Friday because I feel like you are playing hot/cold and it feels gross."
He immediately texted and called to apologize and it hasn't happened again.
Wow that seems very unusual I hope it continued/continues to go well! When I did pretty much the exact same thing I just got a text back saying something like, "I don't like that. I'm very triggered. So maybe we should just end this." (To clarify everything was fine except she was starting to be hot-and-cold and then she went cold and then she reached out about the plans we'd already made and then I just said the "I'm gonna pass" thing). Then I said I'm sorry I hurt you and I still mean what I said, so let me try to say it a different way. I said it in a nicer, more nuanced way and then she just said something like, "Well you're the one who's not putting in any effort this relationship feels so one-sided."
That's when I reflected on what she was saying, decided I was pretty sure she was gaslighting, and ended things with her, wishing her the best.
She very soon posted all over social media about how she had recently moved in with her boyfriend. Not sure when that boyfriend happened...
How's it going noa
ya how's everything now?
@@Mike-sj9sishe used you
How it is going now?
The confusing part is the fact that they ARE so present when you are with them and then not. I had the very same, “I don’t feel like we’re very connected to when we’re apart” conversation. It ended up just getting worse and they left because they felt pressured and like I was criticizing any time I expressed my needs. They said they wanted a commitment but then continued to be hot and cold. I was so confused.
just walk away. men's trick!!they just don't want to spend time on you!
sounds like they had an avoidant attachment style, they don't cope well with pressure. I am currently experiencing this, I broke up with them because their actions didn't match their words.
After having been through something like this in my 20s, a good rule to go by is if you feel confused then it’s not a go. When I met my husband there was no confusion- a person who values you will make you feel valued together, apart, always. Hot and cold is just a person having their cake and eating it, they’re just not that into you
@@Coupy-pie sorry to hear that. We got back together and it has just been more of the same.
@@gemo9075 Well said.
I have reached out and it’s the same behavior. It’s time to walk away no matter how much it hurts.
You're right on the money!
Instead of me being Mrs right, I was always Mrs right now. I feel like a fool for believing he was ever really into me. When we were together, he always made me feel like we had an undeniable connection, but when we were apart, he'd fist ghost me, and make me feel like I was bothering him. I severed all communication.
Now he's wondering why I'm not chasing him to hang out anymore...NEXT!
I feel incredible sadness from the realization that each such video by Matthew is so relevant to me...
Don’t feel sad! We ALL go through these things
Me too
Number one suspicion I have for the coldness is he is married, and doesn't want his wife to notice or ask questions.
Damn Matthew!! You hit a 65-year-old widow of 3 years right in the feels! I'm right in this exact scenario having reconnected with an old friend who lives 1000 miles away. I can't write your words down fast enough!! Many thanks from the grey fringe of your fan club! ❤
From a recent widow… on we go Tina. Forward.
Matt is great. Thanks Matt… you are a decent source
At his age, he should NOT be playing those games at all. I just went through it myself. Don't waste your time. You're better than this. As hard as it is you need to have more self esteem.
I find men over 60 are just as guilty if not moreso of playing nothing but games.....I keep all relationships with men on a very superficial level, they can wait it out or get lost as far as I am concerned.
I would not do this through texting. If the person wants to meet again you can meet and then have a conversation with them and you will see their reaction.
I'm thinking this too.
agreed
Nothing good has ever come of me eventually getting involved with people I've had to do this type of thing with at dating stage. But I appreciate the rationale and skills Matthew is teaching behind it. A guy worth being with will make sure you're not in any doubt about where you stand, because he won't want you to be.
this hits. Thank you!
If he’s sending mixed signals, wish him well and move on. Stop chasing and stop the drama.
Completely agree. I don’t take on the responsibility to teach anyone how to act. They can learn from someone else. I don’t owe them anything. My time and energy is for the people that choose to be part of my life. ✌️
@@MC-cz5qd Ok but honestly there is a point in the semi beginning when a guy starts feeling real feelings for that person and sorta gets a bit distant and it has nothing to do with that person or anything it's really about him. He's partially afraid but more than anything just needing some space to understand what he's feeling and a little insecure because even if you've made him aware of your feelings he's going to doubt himself. Giving him space but letting him know that you're there to talk if/when he's ready and then just text every few days and say something like hey how's your day going or hey you feel like going to play (insert a fun activity you both like to do) and then leave it on him to take the next step. He'll more than likely close the distance and commit to the person...
I just finished with a man I was dating for 2 months who did this. I had one foot out the door the whole time until I preffered to be home and read a good book than hang out "casually" with him. I cut it off
Really needed to hear this right now! Confusing how people can be so crazy about you one min then just go completely quiet and stop the text the next. Says more about them than you!
Thanks for affirming what i know is in my heart and mind. I have found that when i communicate my values, (so far...) men just step away. Which is great because it filters those who are not worth my time or those are not ready to meet my level of expectations. But its really discouraging that i have yet to meet someone who is willing to try. :--(
Agree completely and going through the same situation 😔
Men are not worth it. I'm happier I ever been with myself, and only have lovers. I'm free and I don't need a partner. I have amazing friendships and life..men are really not all that..they are good for some fun.
You are not alone with your situation🤗
Dont ever give up dear. Keep the faith. Just dont try too hard in searching. Make as many friends first as you can. The right one might sneak up on you someday..All the best 🙏🤗💖💃🔥
@@mayluz444 thats a bit harsh, not all men are like this - the people you are attracted to are probably players and don't want to settle because they can get any woman they want when they want.
Hey everyone, thank you for your beautiful comments, I’ve been reading them this Sunday morning and really enjoying your thoughts and stories.
A quick note, please ignore the person in my comment section pretending to be me. I will only ever comment from my verified account, so don’t do anything someone asks you to do when it’s not my main account with the verification tick. This is true for all of my social media platforms. I don’t want anyone getting taken advantage of by these people.
Sending you all love this Sunday! Xxx
I love you matthew hussey❤❤❤❤❤
You gotit 👍 I got duped by some online scammers before. 😬 Never again! 🙅🙅
Did you find your missing shoe back? 😂
That’s exactly what the pretend Hussey would say…
maybe pin this? 🤔
That describes my last relationship. We spent 3 years like that. When I finally decided to move on his excuse was that he didn’t know how to express his feeling. This and his inability to compromise was the reason I broke up with him.
Exactly, they might even date someone else so he forgets about you in between your dates. If someone starts being cold from the beginning there is definitly a massive problem!!! Who tf does this when they are serious about you or if they show some respect!
If hes really into you - THERE WONT BE ANY MIXED SIGNALS!! end of sentence. Coz he would be too scared to loose you to any other
I can understand how some of these comments could be true, like just walk away, or block them, but I believe learning to communicate in a way that makes your needs/standards/wants known is also helpful for us to really understand what we want and need from others. ❤
In my experience, mixed signals means mixed intentions and those have never panned out for me.
So well put
Yes, they show a greater confusion from within.
I think sending that text shows that you are emotionally invested. As a women, if you have a variety of options, people to compare and choose from, you wouldn’t care about this particular guy being hot/cold, cause there is always more.
I love this message of yours! I absolutely agree on you Sis!🥰😘 That’s girl power.❤❤❤
I've invested this past month, talking and texting with this guy, he basically txs and calls every day, until yesterday ( working) I sent a couple little texts, pictures of it snowing, nothing all day? Unlike him, I have a feeling it will be like that all weekend? I am sick about this, he has said several times, I feel like we are a couple already. We haven't met yet, distance, sickness, work, holidays ect. He told me for sure next weekend, then the next day, I hear nothing! I hate to give up already, nothing happened? Confused, help!
@@galemeister4233 Who cares? You have never met. I never understand why girls get emotionally attached to a pen pal.
I agree. Had a connecting time a week ago and since then his texts haven't been reliable. Before he left my house he mentioned that I should come to his place (he's a couple hours away) and I agreed. But he went two days without messaging me after only a couple messages once he left. Then, this weekend, I last heard from him Friday morning and then he texts me Sunday night with some event invite in about month.
I lost interest because I don't like a man to not text me two days straight and then do it another time within the same week. If he's playing games, I'm bored with it, if he's just inconsistent, I'm not interested. Now he's texting me today asking if everything is alright, love.
I watched this video and still don't feel compelled to him how I feel because I don't like how Matthew's text still seems sort of needy. I just figure, if a man is willing to keep me guessing, or wondering about his intentions, then he's also okay with my getting my needs met elsewhere.
I don't know what to do.
@@anonymousanonymous-cy6ut because we do now have some empathy
Thank you Matthew, your videos helped me to find my man. And now we're 4 years together and two years married. It was a tough journey to find my husband and most of the time I stood myself in the way. Your best advice is to choose somebody based on how he treats/invest in you, not about how much you like someone ❤
This is so helpful because I love the communication style. I don’t want to be bitter or try and get revenge on someone just because they aren’t good at communicating and think playing games and being untrue is the way. I would rather bow out gracefully with no ill will. Thank you for this reminder. ❤
I completely agree. I don't want to play games, or come across as petty. But it can also be hard communicating our needs, and boundaries. Sometime I have to remind myself of who I am and my worth, when it comes to dating these men...
4:11 exactly, this is exactly the problem with mirroring the hot and the cold instead of just mirroring the cold and staying that way. Being hot and cold with them exactly makes sets them in a harmful pattern and attracts narcissists.
I just finished walking the beach listening to this video and it gave me so much clarity. I absolutely got the fact that this person wants to have a romantic EXPERIENCE with me but does not have the INTENTION to pursue a romantic partnership. Ahhh love this aha moment. Yes it’s brutal but dang what a realization. Especially, knowing that if I were to continue to mirror these actions I would be the “weekender”( I just made it up😂). Anywho, thank you for this! Makes total sense.
If you’re vulnerable be ready for a good receptive reaction or not. And if not, accepting it’s not for you and moving on is the only way to go. Being vulnerable is not the mistake, the mistake is insisting after hearing a clear ( or not) NO or being ghosted. I decided not to feel bad for being vulnerable, because now I know when I hear a NO I leave.
A man that wants to be with you will directly communicate that to you. There will be 0 doubt in your mind if a guy desires you and is pursuing you.
I've been practicing this type of communication with my bf for the past couple of months and boy does it change the narrative. Communication is so important! And instead of just taking the breadcrumbs, I'm addressing my needs and wants very transparently. So there's no "excuse" on his part. It's definitely helped, and it also empowers us. If they still don't see the ways in which they aren't priotizing us, then that's the major cue to leave. Empower yourself enough to make that decision.
That’s all well and good if a couple declares the r’ship ‘exclusive’ because you’ll never not need to ‘communicate’.
It’s the whole Are We or Aren’t We beginnings that can make girls twist like pretzels
You should still communicate your needs regardless of status or friendship.. in my opinion..
@@TheMsSepi I agree. And set the standard of care early on. If you expect daily contact, let that be known. A man who wants you will listen to signs of what you want. If you mention that you lose interest without daily contact, he will HEED the advice and be on it. If you say this same thing to the wrong man he will just continue with his program and that'll be all you need to know.
I tell men what I want and see if they want to give it to me.
you made me realize something, so to justifiably demand the connection the video is talking about, we first should state our need. Then , if not met, it makes sense to send this messages. I was missing that part. Thank you.
@@Yasmin-pi5pr I wouldn't say it's so much as "demanding" the connection but rather just being open and honest about your needs. It also comes down to respect. If they don't respect your needs, which you have already been straight-foward about, then their actions say they don't really respect you. Time to cut ties in that case.
Spot on! And it doesn’t matter how much you feel about someone, it’s all about your self worth and sticking to your standards!
The message I really needed to hear today! Damn! The part he says “be ready to lose him” is like he’s reading my mind and answer my question. ❤
No one like Hussey… this advice is gold
Loved this video. When I see bad behavior, I don’t have a problem leaving the situation. But this video made me realize I was totally guilty of returning cold behavior for cold behavior. Didn’t realize that’s what I’ve been doing. All this time I was wondering why these fickle guys would randomly come back to put on a show and dance when we both knew they weren’t going to put in any long term effort. Definitely going to be more clear with my words about how I’m only interested in consistent* good behavior.
I made the mistake of matching as well. I just decided that I wouldn't reach out for days, etc. Then I realized, why am I changing my standards of care for a person who is obviously confused or setting a bad precedent? He can do this all he wants. I don't have to match him.
Wow! Somebody completely understands. I was in this type of fake relationship. We were great together but when apart I felt frustrated and not connected. It was just for the good sex and fun times I was buying. I found out she was dating other guys. Her mind and time was with someone else. I said I was finished with us. She didn’t like me busting her and asked for FWB. I said when I’m done I’m done. As she was exiting my car I said it’s him or me. I left and it’s been two weeks no contact. Her not calling, minimal investment and another guy was enough to exit the relationship. Future faking all the times I was suppling. She reads my social media daily. I’m done, she can mirror that.
You have to be willing to walk away and having really amazing boundaries is very essential yet I think the confidence to say them to him without blaming or shaming coming from a place of curiosity and warmth because it's not just about the words we say also our attitudes and the energy behind the words sometimes it's better not to react just sit with your thoughts and work on yourself find out where this trigger is coming from and heal it thank you so much love your advice 🥰❤️
Great advice ❤🎉
When a relationship or friendship is lack of communication for a period of time there is no empathy let it go
Literally felt like you were talking directly to me in the beginning of the video 😂 that emotional rollercoaster of a relationship didn’t end up being worth it for me but good luck to everyone else going through it 😭
Wow... I am just speechless, this is another spot on video! I loved it when you said "you need to be ready to lose this person before sending the text" because that's so true
I just followed this advice and Matt was spot on. His reply was defensive saying he was busy LOL. Thanks Matt! I sent the other message and he was like “I understand”. I guess that’s it. Like Matt said - be ready to lose this person… the right person will step up the others will leave.
JUST exactly what I needed to hear!!! He was so attentive at first, and now ... crickets. Thank you SO SO SO much for the script.
.My only concern with this is. The assumption that the guy receiving this message understands fully the breakdown of the text the way you explained it. A lot of guys are more simplistic and don't analyse like that. So what you hope to get from a text like that falls short. Move on. Don't overthink it. If you are not getting what you want out of spending time with someone it simply isn't going to change no matter what text you send them.
Woke up this morning and texted this to myself instead.
"You said I didn't respect myself. You were right.
But now I am beginning to.
For the woman that I am and for the heart that can love as truly as I did, I deserve much, much better.
I have always significantly lowered my standards by falling for men who don't deserve an ounce of me.
The song you sent me was accurate. I am a Raja ki Raj Dulari (translation: I am a loved princess), and I deserve nothing less than a king.
Unfortunately, I wasted a lot of time after a worthless pursuit. It was a dumb mistake, I repent it and I have learned my lesson.
It is only onwards and upwards from here."
This came up in my TH-cam feed just as I needed it, and I used your message, paraphrased a little to make it personal, and hey…it worked. His response was: “Good, I liked hearing that,” so now it’s up to me/us to keep up the momentum and ensure we don’t fall into bad habits again.
He’s seeing someone else on the side. Or he’s just not serious.
Agreed
Probably both 😅
Ouch 😂
Lol. I'm loving the playfulness Matthew has now.
It's very warm and funny. I hope this side of you stays, on and off screen.
This is a very helpful video for me, I get tired of inconsistency and "sorry I've been busy" generic excuses and have never found the right way to educate or convey things across, part 6 of this hit the nail on the head for it
May be we need to get rid of phones and social media so we are not guessing if someone is missing us neither will be expect any text or call. Only quality time when both are together.
When he said I should be ready to lose him before softening and just using it as a tactic ! That hit me hard !
Perfect timing ! Usually that’s what i do but lately i gave a second chance to this guy after he played hot/cold because he asked me officially to be his GF and introduced me to his sister,later on he became inconsistent,ignores my msg, lame excuses and i got offended so i withdraw.. i haven’t heard from him since a month he ghosted me but still likes my posts and stories ! I’m about to hold him accountable and send a clear dumping text to cut it off. If he thinks he can comeback later lol hell no .
Yes, I have done it exactly. I'm no longer a victim. I'm preparing myself for the next chapter of life. 😊 Thank you. 🙏
I was in a bad cycle like this and he’s still been chasing me since my wedding to finally be what I needed. I don’t believe it. Believe people when they show you who they really are.
I’m a woman a would behave like this even when I love someone. When I’m spending time with someone they will have my undivided attention. When we are apart my attention will 100% turn towards whatever I’m doing be it work, study, hobby etc. I prefer quality time together than constant texting/calling everyday.
I’m much prefer no contact from my other significant when we are apart. No everyone is that needy and that’s ok. But yeah that is a good thing to establish to see if you have matching needs.
This is so me, too. Perhaps now that I'm 66 and independent, I don't have the need for constant attention from a man. I love the separation between us. He on the other hand wants to chat every night on the phone, I want to chat to my friends.
I agree. Personally I communicate this to the person and I make sure to just check in every couple of days. "Checking in" for me means talking for like 5 minutes of course, not having a full-blown conversation. As an introvert I found it very hard to have relationships in this age of phones until I figured out how to set this boundary in a healthy way. A lot of people just don't get it though.
@@Mike-sj9si This isn't an "introvert" trait at all. It's an avoidant trait.
@paulalingard3552 exactly me too.. I’m 68 love my independence.. and no need texts every day.. ( in 22 years relationships..at time living apart & long distance. I keep traveling the world he stays at home.. 😊)
I love how he's just so chill about making these types of videos and at the end of it he encourages us to be the same when sending the texts.
Matthew has a great personality, super laid back and friendly and not arrogant like some would be had they had his looks - I guess being an Aussie helps 😊
This has been one of the most helpful pieces of advice I've seen regarding the mixed signals situation. I have been feeling bad lately because I thought I scared a good guy after probably being too aggressive with my standards. It was only after our first date and he was been inconsistent with his texting so I confronted him about it. He said he has been busy with work and many other things. I told him I would only move forward dating him if he could put some effort into communicating better. Now, I tend to be a slightly aggressive (or intense, or bitchy) with my tone (which is something I'm working on) and I thought this was the reason he pulled away--and it could be. However, after seeing this video I honestly think he just wasn't the right guy. I'm going to continue working on my tone but I will never feel sorry for enforcing my standards. Thank you for this video.
Next time, don't feel you need to necessarily have that conversation after a date or two. Enforce your standards by simply reaching out just once with something casual like you hope he's doing well or whatever, and if he 's not responsive, move on. If he suddenly pops back up the next week or the next to ask you out just say "When I didn't hear from you I assumed things were not a go." and then give him a chance to explain himself, and decide if you're willing to see him again. You don't always have to lay out your boundaries verbally right off the bat. Often, just watching their behavior is enough to let you know if they meet your standards or they don't.
I think after only one date, you don't have the right to dictate things by calling someone out. You just met them. You are not "his girl" at that point. I hate to say it, but you were right when you said you scared him off. Look at it from a "friend" point of view. If you had a new friend and she said that to you after only hanging out once, she would think twice about continuing the friendship. At that early on, neither you nor he has EARNED the right to have any expectations other than just being nice to one another. I'm curious, though, what do you mean by inconsistent? Some people just don't like texting. I'm one of those people, so....
Give yourself your own attention...him giving you no attention is a form of communication. You can never not communicate.
Damn, this is good. Like, all of your videos up until this point have been really good, but I think you’ve made a breakthrough with this one Matt. The artist has to continually work on their craft to create a masterpiece, and sometimes they do it without knowing by that point. Bravo, freaking home run right here.
This is what I really needed! Unfortunately, I'm working with a person who plays like this hot/cold scenario, so I just cannot cut him off and leave. I hope your hints will help me to finish this sick relationship in a good way without any drama :)
I had to pause this video to take some notes.
This happened to me with someone who had almost stopped all contact. A few weeks ago, he said he wanted to start over, to be friends again. And we had this big event conversation about it. It was quite the experience. But after that, things have mostly vanished again. "The reason you're not hearing from them is that their romantic life is not something they want to progress; it's something they want to experience." Wow! This is true even for close relationships are not necessarily romantic.
I'm not fond of dating advice channels, but you actually make sense. Subscribed.
Vulnerability: this is crushing. It makes me feel unworthy or ugly. Although I do not believe any of that myself, I wish people just communicated better so that the other party can move on & find something real. I’m going through this now & I’ve already decided to drop him, but this is the second ”ghoster” in a row. I’m done.
Man, it's so complicated being a woman.... I am going through the same situation.... why do we need to walk on eggshells so much when we try to lay our thoughts on the line....whereas he would not care or think twice about losing me?? Thankyou for this Matthew,
It’s only walking on eggshells if you’re with the wrong person. The right one will listen and respect your needs. Speak up, if they can’t handle it, that’s your clue to move on
@@cheekytitaable I agree... it has taken me a while to respect myself more.
this comment is exactly how I feel but yes it’s complicated being a woman but it’s even MORE complicated because men are full of games!!!! we never know which way to go and how to act with them!!!! it tiring and the game gets tiring so I’ve decided not to play!
Thank you so much. I've been talking to a guy for 5 months now that has been very hot and cold. It has caused me a lot of pain and confusion. You put to words everything I wanted to say to him. Now I feel empowered! Thanks so much for the guidance!
Thank you so much, Matthew! You’ve brought so much clarity to my own situation. Also, thanks for commenting on the reasonableness of our standards! Sometimes I feel like I’m crazy for wanting consistency and commitment.
Yes me too, nothing wrong with that
Yeah I also want those cause commitment and consistency are really important in a relationship
You are not crazy, I want the same and my relationship is over because I couldn't take anymore of that emotional swing and at some point I stopped caring if he will come to see me or not... There were good few red flags which I, off course, ignored... I learned the hard way.. All the best wishes in healing quickly from it🤗
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yeah Mee too , thanx Mathew !
I don't think someone like that deserves any explanation. I'd just walk away quietly.
Is okay to Not blocked him? Because I noticed he still messages me every 10 days lol. But i'm done. Never more reply again him
Two weeks without contact? I am gone, I have a busy life too...
Oh my goodness Matt, of all of your videos I've watched I think this one is one of the best ones for me personally. I've been in what I call a "situationship" for about a year now. And I love this man with all of my heart and soul. But he is so up and down like a yo-yo that I don't know what (or IF) I'm gonna get from him from one day to the next. He will tell me he loves me when see each other. And it's not even about sex or intimacy. When we are together we always have an awesome time, regardless of what we do. But in between dates, he most always answers if I Factime him. However, if I text message him, I may as be blowing bubbles into the wind. I think it's about time I use these messages you shared to see what his response is. I'm 56 and he is 63. We are too old to play games anymore. Thank you for this video.