@@rajnibhatia6581 damn right . They are usually drunk when they do that .. Its that we need drunkards so much .. there is something wrong with us to hold on to them for so long . And even longer . They leave us all screwed up in the head . And they go away happy .
@@tokyoblur24 he IS! I really love that he's so candid & upfront with us. He shared his own experiences. No shame & that's great & validating because there's no shame in being abused. None of us asked for that ( to be abused). He's the real deal. 💯🎉❤️
@@memmemayer9622 I'm just thankful that he didn't take his pain and project onto others, like how narcissists are made and operate. Instead he turned it into healing, not just for himself, but for others as well. A hero by definition.
@@tokyoblur24 exactly. We all have choices to make. I'm the only one on my mother's side of the fam who managed to break the cycle. Everyone else, they're all narcs & participate in groups like it's a sport or competition of evil games for who can be the most evil & do the most harm. So far, my mother is winning that game. Thank goodness for all of us here that we ARE here & are working on not continuing the cycle. 🎉
5 Annoying Behaviors: 1.Time Stealer, disrespectfully late 2.Avoid genuine eye contact 3.Constantly yawning, not listening 4. Rigid while hugging, use puppy patting,lack of warmth 5.Counter Questioning, use word salad
Scanning the room to attract other people to interrupt as soon as the target starts speaking. Seeing two people speaking together and then barging in and pushing one of them out of the conversation.
I believe the yawning comes from 2 places 1. They are bored 2. The main reason they yawn is to disrespect you purposely Before going nc, my narc parent yawned in all of our conversations as well as interrupt and talk over me Btw, thank you Danish for all you do You have taught me so much and helped more than you know 🤗
My Narc husband worked 2nd shift and would call me at end of his shift to suggest I meet him at a nearby restaurant for cocktails and light meal. I thought that was very nice and thoughtful of him since he would be nasty just hours before. When we met up I got a nice table, then he said he had to go to the men's room. He was in there for 20 mins! I was worried something bad happened. I went to the mens door calling out to him, and he just yelled at me to go back to the table, he would be out when he was ready. I went back to the table to tell the waitor to tell him when he came out, I left. He was a real piece of work. He's been gone 18 yrs and I pray to God every day thanking him for my peace.
What on earth was he doing in there? I had a friend in the throes of religious mania but instead of going to the toilet when we were in a cafe in another city she was going to other tables to tell other customers about God. They would complain and then both of us were asked to leave by the proprietor. I would leave quietly but she argued back. Then we went to a supermarket to buy snacks to eat and she bought lots of reduced price sandwiches. Then she tried to get access to the nearby prison to give away the sandwiches but wasn't let inside. The last straw came when she went into the back garden of an old people's home and knocked on the sun lounge window saying "Oh, you poor dears. You're in prison. You're in prison." I then turned and cycled back to the city and the railway station fast. If we had seat trailers attached to our bicycles she would have kidnapped two of the residents.
@@lemsip207 I just think it was to annoy and control. He had many issues and I was much more patient and tolerant than I should have been. That was a long time ago, and I've healed.
I am a psychologist, and one of the worst things heard from the so called, "top mental health" group is that they do not know what they are doing. Having been born to two narcs, being married to one for 45 years, very strongly disagree!! There is some they do that they may not realize, more so they know it n ENJOY DOING IT!! My husbands smirk n smiles and delights over what he does says it all!!! Agree and love your channel❤
Any "wo-man" that marries a narc and stays for 45 years DOES NOT DESERVE MY SYMPATHY. Why? Because most wo-men just love that narc "charm". How come I never got a date in junior high? Because I'm a goofy nerd? YEAH THAT'S RIGHT. SO INSTEAD THOSE GURLS WENT FOR THE "CHARMING" "COOL" NARCS. NOW DO NOT COME COMPLAINING TO ME 👎✊💥😳
Experienced all the above. The patting thing, my narc mom does that. No love or compassion. My dog died, she pretended to care to look good in front of my brother. Bawling my eyes out & she sits facing away, reaches over after I said, why can't you ever comfort me like you do my brother ( the golden child) she pounded on my back. I have Fibromyalgia so it actually hurt. It was like she forced herself to touch me & hated every second of it which makes you feel even worse. It's disgusting.
Yes. Narcissists think that everyone else just sits on a shelf until the narcissist "uses" them. It doesn't occur to them that we have lives of our own, and our time is valuable, not just for money, but also for time that we could have been spending time with the people we love. That's because narcissists don't love anyone.
This reminds me of one idiot dentist in New York who I, unfortunately, discovered the hard way was very incompetent. I was trying to hold him accountable for his shoddy work and the garbage POS told me that his time was valuable and I was wasting his time and he had a family. Pathetic. Such people do not want to take responsibility for their so called “work” and just want money for making you worse off. I have developed great respect for some homeless people. At least, they don’t try to sell you “work” the world is better off without. I do not respect the “work” of a lot of people. I also openly do not value their lives, time, or loved ones. For me a garbage person is a garbage person, they can choose to be homeless or change professions instead of “working” some garbage job and they can also choose not to breed to not produce more garbage people. Degenerates.
I very openly do not value the lives of most people. They are victims of the system, but this is irrelevant. Nature does not value them, so why should I? Who am I, a little nobody, to go against millions of years of natural evolution for some man made garbage that has no biological value? In nature everything has to be earned, nothing is earned here. Most people make money through some fraud because nobody is going to pay them for honest work, including the troll in this video. There must be implemented a way for garbage people to reimburse quality people for existing and causing damages with their unnecessary existence which has no biological value. This is absurd.
When I go to hug him and he either freezes or leans away because it's not on his terms. Yes, the patting on the back! He never makes eye contact either. I'm sick of him either butting in when I'm speaking (because my topic of conversation isn't as important as his, clearly) or he walks out of the room when I'm telling him something important. Also the constant sighing! It drives me mad!
Or you are talking and he picks up the remote and turns up sound to drown u out, couldnt just say " what im doing more important than anything u have to say". So hurtful the dismisal .
My ex ticks every box been a narcissist, this guy goes in moods for no reason, he can’t relax, I work full time and a part-time job, I was 25mins late one night I got hell, always on his phone looking at jackets all the time, his OCD is so bad, everything is routine. Every morning he got to get up 6am even weekends when am not working.. I’ve spook to this guy, he’s like okay I will change.. No back to his ways. Talking to me watching tv, no eye contact at all, no cuddles, kissing nothing. I think I dodged a bullet, my heart rate was through the roof way his moods. Thank god I got rid of him.
I became chronically late. She took to texting (jokingly, we know it’s not, our friends don’t, seemingly small manipulation becomes group think.) I remained chronically late. That’s what I recognize as trauma response
I SWEAR YOU ARE SAYING WHAT HAPPENED TO ME I HAVE AUTISM AND ADHD AND GOT OUT AFTER HE TOLD ME I DIDNT HAVE AUTISM AND CALLED ME A SPASTIC AND ALL OF THE THINGS UNDER THE SUN YOU NAME IT ON THIS CHANNEL I LOVE YOU FOR YOUR PASSION PLEASE CONTINUE YOUR WORK THANKS TO YOU I GOT OUT AND IM HEALING EVERYDAY
“While we love & dream, they plot & scheme”…why is it that they can’t see their bad behavior?🤔They wouldn’t like it if the shoe were on the other foot…it’s puzzling & absolutely annoying!
Absolutely true!! I was being reactively abused for years with my undiagnosed ptsd symptoms being used against me to get a big negative reaction out of me and make me look like the bad guy. I finally understand the game that was being played on me on purpose and I have stopped reacting and stopped being played and now I am calming down my nervous system and working on healing my CPTSD symptoms. It's really hard to do at first. I had to get away from it and heal but thankfully now I am healing and able to stay calm cool and collected! Thank you! Peace ☮️
Bless you, they're hideous cretins. I've gone through EMDR last year and it changed my life, I'm going in for more in a few weeks. Whilst I'm waiting I've just started trying somatic yoga. Not sure if it actually works yet, but it's very relaxing and mindful so it's worth it for that. Hope you keep on recovering well 😊
That can be re traumatising 😢 I'm sorry you didn't have the support you deserved. I'm happy to hear you are in a safer place now🩷 good to know healing is possible 🤗 Thank you for sharing🙏
@JanGroh Thank you! You too! ❤️ Many people don't know what 'REACTIVE ABUSE ' is and that it is a THING! These videos are very helpful. Especially when you were brought up in dysfunction and never taught or allowed how to have healthy boundaries and stand up for yourself. And if you are your family's scapegoat, how would you know how? Thank you 💗
@@JanGrohoh absolutely 🙄 I was scared to simply say 'I'm putting the kettle on. Doyou want a brew? `. I swear I'd suddenly find I was guilty of causing covid single handedly within 2 minutes, or something equally as ridiculous. Their word salads are insane 🤯
One of my narcissist husbands expected me to be early for every time we made plans to meet. On one occasion, he told me that if I was late, he would leave without me. On the way to meet, one of the tires on my car went flat. I was not able to change the tire, so I was stuck on the lonely road where we lived. I knew where my husband was going to be, so I called him at the auto shop. He wouldn't take my call and I heard his comments to the employees - all men - and they laughed at me. I tried calling again and could hear my husband say that he wasn't there. The sheriff of the county came by and changed my tire, but the husband had already gone. I was furious, but the narc thought I had gotten exactly what I deserved. I don't trust anyone.
I don't trust anyone either! I called my narc significant other to ask if he could come and pick me up as I was being discharged from the hospital early. He would not come! I had to call my 80 years old parents. They drove 2 hours one way to pick me up. The narc was 40 minutes away! My needing a ride was not in his schedule.
Love Danish. Can identify with practically everything he says. Had narcissistic parents, 10 year relationship with a narcissist who kept me in a permanent state of anxiety... then met another person who seemed lovely.... only to find out later that he was the covert type. I've learned a lot but these people have destroyed my entire life. Should be taught in schools so that young people can see the signs and avoid this type of terrible abuse.
I used to have a narcissistic boss that would punish me with meaningless busy work. If she felt I missed one step, she would shred the whole thing and insist I start over from the beginning.
Yep, I can definitely resonate. I remember when the grandkids were younger on Sundays he would make it to church on time of course because he would leave in the morning early right at 9:30 10 o’clock while I got left cleaning up all the kitchen after making breakfast and getting five grandkids ready and so he would make it seem to others at Church you see she doesn’t respect the time to be here on time but little did they know all the stuff was done at home? He didn’t even help at all time after time and then the thing about paying attention when they want you to make eyecontact with them or be in the same room when they’re talking if I step away or look away Doesn’t mean I’m not listening. I’m like I’m listening to you and he’s like no you’re not you’re not looking at me. You know what this conversation is over. That’s usually what he says if he’s not in the mood to continue talking, but when I talk, he has no clue as to what I even said, because he’s not paying attention at all. What makes this a narcissistic trait is that these things happen over and over again hundreds of times not just once in a while. It’s a habit that they have and we as the empaths take note to that.
i watch all your videos and everything you say on narcissist is 100% true. i somehow stumbled upon your channel and from then i have learned how to survive. before marriage i was like a bundle of energy and now after 16 years am like a cadaver. he almost completely ruined me, but after watching your videos am slowly but steadily recovering. there is a change in my overall health and energy. Thanks a lot and may God bless you.
Yes! I experienced the ignoring/lack of eye contact while trying to converse (especially refusing to stop scrolling on his phone or interrupting and changing the conversation in the middle of my sentence, out refusing to mute the TV while i was talking to him), the patting (like they are uncomfortable and just putting up with your attempt at physical touch), he would walk out of the room while I was speaking to him, or he was speaking to me, then complained that maybe I need to go get my ears checked because I couldn't hear him. The lectures when I did something "incorrectly" because he refused to help me), and then he would sigh deeply and show me how I was supposed to do it, complaining that I should pay attention more and not be so careless. Any time I would need to work late or didn't get enough chores around the house done he would yammer on about how poor my time management was (even though he helped with literally NOTHING), and how I would just "sit on my ass all day playing games on my phone". That I should get a job. I got a part time job and he complained about me not making enough money, that the chores weren't done, that he was asked to help with things and had to pick up my slack, that I had poor time management, that I should just stick to my job as a homemaker. But then he'd complain that I wasn't contributing when I quit the job. I could never get away from the criticism. Nothing I was did was ever good enough.
I have a MAJOR Narcissistic Client who has dementia. She's abused her daughter so bad...still does, basically a clone of her. Anyhow she fakes her dementia much of the time so when I am really confident she is just pestering me, I start answering with "I don't know" especially things she wants such as more booze so "Wants to take me out to do something special" which means to a fancy restaurant for dinner so she can get plastered and go into alcoholic rages. She knows I am on a special diet so about 50% of the time, she fakes dementia badgering me to go out but hell no. Been there, done that. Thats when I start saying, I don't know to everything. She starts seething, LOL I can still be nice to her very easily, but only because I am saved. It's not me, it's the Holy Spirit.
So thankful the Holy Spirit gives me patience too and eyes to see what he’s really trying to do. I’m also at peace that exceeds any understanding thank you Jesus ❤
Wow, so good you have God's help. I'm trapped with a narcissistic mother and I see no way out. Only God can save me. Been trapped with a narcissistic person, you have to learn to endure so much and now I've learned to be patient with God, but it's not easy at all, this person has made me end up in a psychiatric room and depend on meds to survive. I have nobody else to help me or listen to me, cause nobody else believes me, her family is on her side. Even my father whom she hates so much is on her side now. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to go crazy, literally. I just wait on God to deliver me from all of this. God bless you all.🙏
My mom invited my 6 year old daughter to have lunch with her and my father ( both narcs, separated but They threatened me in court so that they could see my daughter twice a month) last Saturday they invited my drug addicted brother to have lunch with them without my knowledge. The law in my country says that grandparents have the right to see grandchildren no matter what. I can’t have lunch with them, not allowed in their houses either. Today my daughter said crying; I am not supposed to tell you cause my grandma told me to lie to you but your brother was there cause they want me to get close to him . She was scared, crying but more importantly, my own mother just taught my little kid how to lie and when she asked why my mother said, you know how difficult your mother is, she is crazy. My own mom to my little kid! 😡 can’t confront them, it’s always my fault. I am so angry…mind you they would not talk to me for six years prior to her birth and now that she is born they wanna a relationship but not with me, just my kid.I am the scapegoat, the truth teller and therefore; difficult!
Let your daughter speak in court and maybe she at least won't see your drug addicted brother. Maybe she'll have to meet your parents in a public setting and not their house because this was bright to court. I'm sorry you have to go through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you for you and your daughter. You might have to move to a place The law is on your side.
So sorry you are going through this. I grew up in narcissit family of origin. What I learned on some levels is. They want the conflict. They want you to go to court. I did a thousand times. It doesn't work. Now you are in their loop. Danish is right. Go completely invisible. There is a way out. There always is. You can't go by the rules. That is what they want. You have to break the demonic loop. I believe in you. Remember its because you are beautiful. Bless you
Call CPS. Have your daughter tell them Grandma is getting them to lie and she's afraid of your brother. They will verbally warn your grandma. I've noticed Narcissists are afraid of CPS
You should document each transgression with dates, times, quotes from your daughter. Not as good as a recording, but notes taken in a timely manner do carry weight in court. This situation could get substantially worse, especially with the dangerous brother involved.
AUDHDer here Thank you so much @Danish This is it you nailed it We have to remind people that having a disability puts you at a higher risk to be a DV victim Thank you so much
Danish, there are so many things they do that are so difficult to explain to people who have never encountered this but having dealt with all of it over 52 years, I totally have experienced it all and know exactly what you're meaning. I left the narc 3 months ago and WOW, the peace, the peace, the peace. No longer dealing with all this mind screwing crap they dish out.
OMG.... My ex LOVED to ruin my meals. I'm autistic and need my things a certain way and need to enjoy things a certain way. Food is like my one safety. He got into the habit of waiting for me to take my first bite, the SECOND it touches my lips he would yell so loud "MUUUUUNCH" and he thought it was the funniest thing in the world. And because I'm autistic it made the rest of my meal taste wrong. I hate him so much
So true death by thousand cut that talk about these annoying dumb behaviours in today's episode I am Danish a psychologist a trauma therapist and a narcissistic abuse recovery professional
never had idea those idiots could do it to me..i really underestimated them to core and paid the prize, intelligence will not save u against narcs it is information and knowledge that can save u.
I was with a narc who got mad when I showed my pets care. I caught him with his bare foot in a litter box as I was going to clean it. He had been kicking litter out along with some cat poop on the floor. That had happened many times recently. He would yell at me for them pooping on the floor. They were perfectly litter box trained and he knew it. I didn’t know for sure it was him till I saw him with my own eyes. Recently he pooped on the basement floor waiting for me to yell at the cats. He doesn’t flush the toilet after pooping. We all forget once in awhile to flush, but this is every time he goes. The poop was huge and not even a fat cat could poop that out. It was fresh. I am home every day all day, and they are my constant shadow. Anyway, I just finished cleaning their box and he took their litter scooper and brought his poop upstairs to throw in a trash bag I was in the middle of tying!! I’ve seen him do other insane stuff and the poop was when he was sober. Sorry for the TMI but I am still shocked. None of my friends or family would believe me. Also, has any one els’s narc once you go to sleep for the night they try to talk for 30 mins or more after ignoring you all day? This was every night I was with them, and sometimes he would just stand there and stare at me for a few minutes. I have a long list, but the poop and how he reacted to me going to bed are two of the strangest.
I absolutely can relate to this. Thank you for making me think that I’m not crazy (or at least super crazy) my cats poop in the box and randomly there would be poop on the floor, feet away from the box but covered in cat litter. No cat litter on the way from box to floor. Weird thing?
You are so spot on! It drives me to insanity when you try to confront them about something and they focus on something you said leading up to the issue that has nothing to do with what you're trying to talk to them about and they harp on it and harp on it and nit pic it to the point that you're so exhausted from the runaround with that that you end up throwing up your arms and saying oh my God just forget it. Then you never resolved the initial issue and they leave you feeling like you're the reason you just had this huge nonsensical waste of time conversation and they go on about their day leaving you feeling more frustrated than ever. Every interaction you have infuriating. They beg you start opening up and share more of your feelings but everytime you do they either use it as a weapon against you later or make you feel like you're just never happy and all you do is complain and make them feel like nothing is ever good enough. So by the time it's over, you've just made them feel like nothing they do is right and you're a monster cause you hurt their feelings ( cause let's face it, every conversation turns into how you've upset them or hurt their feelings or wronged them in some way ) then the cold shoulder starts. It's so maddening any time you try to bring up something they did that hurt you because your feelings are never validated. They turn it around so it seems like whatever they did to hurt you is because of a response to something you said or did to hurt them. It's your fault because you're always blaming them for something when it's you that's the problem. Then you end up with your feelings hurt but then they're the one that won't talk to you and act so offended by your mere presence or existence and they won't stop until you apologize to THEM yet you're the one that keeps being hurt. It's very upsetting and leaves you in a constant state of turmoil or disarray. You're just so emotionally exhausted that it physically wears you out. Then when you finally get so frustrated that you just explode in anger or aggravation one day and they act like you're totally unhinged and everything is just coming out of left field for them and they have no clue why in the world you're so mad. You're just acting totally crazy and irrational for no reason and you're left wondering if you really are just losing it and going nuts. But when it's GOOD it's SO GOOD that you think you couldn't ever possibly feel so wonderful with anyone else so you stay hoping it's finally better now. Then boom , the tiniest thing sets them off and gets blown way out of proportion and you're the a$$hole again that just cant ever let the two of you be happy. Repeat entire cycle all over again. 😳💩 Btw, Danish, you look fantastic!!! That shirt is very lovely on you. Thank you for these video and letting us rant our frustration. Your videos help more than you know. We appreciate you so much. Hope you're having a blessed day ❤
The cold body hug, along with the life-less hand holding, and the never answer a straight out question is so true! 2 pats on the back, just like a puppy, and so un-human. Cold.
I have experienced all these tactics. The last example ( with counter questioning) also shows contempt. This shows how high he views himself...and he thinks that others can't understand these nonsense counter questions because they aren't smart enough....That is ridiculous, of course!😊
I just realized 2 years ago that my partner of 18 years is a very intelligent narcissist i think i am losing my mind sometimes he keeps me apart from anyone who comes near me i don't have friends or family i can talk to my son started to treat me like him and now is causing neighbors to pick on me by making me park my almost on the corner of the street i only realized today that his car has been parking every day a little closer to mine so pushing me of the road thank you so much i am starting to learn somethings.
Mine was watching different videos every minute...like literally having his phone with him everywhere...I would ask him to leave his phone at least during dinner time...what he did was he would frown, then pause the video and then after a minute of a poor conversation he would be putting his finger right in front of the button to continue the video and looked at me with "are you already done?!" face demonstrating all his entitlement and boredom from our conversation! Later on, he accused me of slowly distancing from him and being cold. Now that I understand why it was happening, I laugh. It's just stupid!!! He ruined his own family, in the end, and I was into the person and real relationship, not faking it... Thank God I finally woke up and saw it as it was, not excusing his behavior anymore!!! It's stupid to have an honest partner in your life and just minimize them like that! Sorry for them not being able to get out of the misery circle they build on their own every single time. It's very sad but I'm out...no more!
I went thru all of the above mentioned in this video. Especially the turning their back to me while talking, circular conversation, yawning while I'm trying to express something and being intentionally late and just don't care. The excuse was, something came up. Thank you for this video ..
All 5 points are true .I felt with my husband in 29 years of marriage .they always try to proove wrong to their partner.You are very much spot on Danish❤thank you so much❤
Man I want to say, thank you so much for your videos as it genuinely shows me that I am not as crazy as I thought I was. My ex would do things that would annoy me all the time, and then create random narratives at any point in time to facilitate issues or arguments. It is exactly as what you said: death by 1,000 cuts. They do a multitude of things covertly and of course, you are not going to call them out on it right away because you do not know if it is a consistent pattern of behavior or not. It takes TIME to know the patterns of their behavior. So what happens is when you finally call them out on their behavior they switch the narrative to say “you never said anything about this before.” Then when you finally lash out and get angry, they then do their whole “magnifying glass” trick “AH HA! SEE! YOU’RE THE CRAZY ONE!” When in reality they were working deliberately the entire time to facilitate THAT VERY MOMENT for you to do this. And what you will notice is, LITERALLY when you interact with ANYONE ELSE who is not the narc, you do not lash out at all. You are perfectly fine. No issues. Nothing. This is part of the reason why they like to isolate you, because the more people you socialize with/the stronger your support system is, the more you are able to see that the problem is them and not you.
If you need to address anything that doesn't suit her, Narc MIL will needlessly bustle around and pretend to be too busy to hear you, let alone make eye contact. It's dismissive and invalidating. I stay as far away from her as possible because I recognize it is beyond pointless, but I've watched her do it to my husband numerous times. It's truly disgusting.
Everything you're saying is absolutely true. And then you're the crazy person. And what's so irritating is that they would listen to others and showing them so much respect. And they do it infront of you. And then it makes you feel so unimportant, useless and stupid. You have no value or importance in anything.
It’s ALL been witnessed and experienced and makes me ill because it’s all been so difficult. The education and knowledge thereof has helped immensely . Thank you - all 5
Danish, you'll get a kick out of this. My narc demon mother actually left the country on my birthday. I'm her oldest, 1st born. No card, no call, no text. I'm good with that. No contact is awesome! But this is the behavior. 😂 Thanks Danish. She is the deliberately late type as well. I started not waiting around for her when she was late. That drove her nuts. 💯 I explained she was late & that's not my problem. She is everything you say. Evil incarnate. Like I always say, a demon masquerading as a human. People are now seeing her real self finally & not believing her side of her stories. Oh yesss, the puppy petting! She hugs like she's going to catch something bad from you & turns her head & makes a face like she smells something bad. Her body gets really tight too while doing the fake hug puppy petting hug. It creeps me out. She always wants proof of something said or done. None of that is my responsibility. If she wants proof of anything, she can get it herself. Or if she's trying to deny something she'll say you want people that I ever did it said that. To which I say, " the very fact that you said that I can't prove it is in itself proof that you did indeed say or do (whatever)" & then she shuts up because she knows it's true & she's caught in her lies.
I am very familiar with these, the puppy patting is especially annoying. Another one I can't stand that's not here is what I would call the reflex "You're wrong". I could say anything and without hesitation the reply comes back, "No you're wrong." Even if I could prove I was right, no matter, no apology, "You're wrong." Also, I love how the cat teleports at 0:24 🥰
They are completely unwilling or unable to answer simple questions, twisting their replies into anything BUT a simple, clear answer to your simple, clear question. And yes, the puppy pat hugs. I call those hugs "work related acquaintence" hugs
Great video. My narc purposely ruins anything for me. I have not had a good birthday since 2016, he purposely ruins it. I even went so far has leaving on vacation with my best friend he still found a way to ruin it from afar by constantly messaging me. Mother’s Day Easter Christmas basically any special event he will do his best to cause trouble and spoil my day. Of course any day that is of importance to him is never ruined. How about listening to other people’s conversation and inserting his opinion and invading my privacy, is this also a narcs nasty habit?
I found you recently Danish and I really like your approach, we can feel the experience… thank you for your time and your love for the victims. You have always serious videos well explain , it’s full of wisdom , balance and respect. Thank you again …from France.
Your comment about the pat at the end of the hug, that invalidated the hug - is so interesting. My ex-husband used to squeeze me excruciatingly hard, and called it a hug. I dreaded it for the pain. It was horrible. When I told him it hurt, he said, “You don’t want me to hug you?” It didn’t occur to him to apologize for the fact that it had hurt. He probably knew it had been painful for me. Since narcissists fear true connection it must have been part that, part expression of his aggression toward me. I feel he never saw me as a wife or woman. He appointed me as his worst enemy and competitor.
My Narc friend did also. Also, tried to smother me with a pillow. He said he was just playing. Took me awhile to get rid of him, but I finally did. Thank God!!
Bless you Danish 🩷 My heart is so heavy. I don't want to be cold but it hurts to care about them. I want to turn off the empathy i have for them. I feel so much guilt and shame. An ungrateful daughter who is a burden. Does this feeling ever go away?? 🙏
Every thing of worth that you have will be used against you! Time, energy, money, good reputation, your accomplishments, your good relationships and anything you've earned!
Question for question and then I would just drop it!,and then the hugging oh my God...he would go so stiff like he'd never been hugged before!,it was always mind boggling for me wen I met him I was jolly and talkative...by the time I left... couldn't believe I would go a week without saying a word or even laugh or sing!...their lives are just too dark and heavy ...😢
I have found the closer that I get to Jesus the less the in laws can annoy me. The current silent treatment we are under is now a relief rather than a stressor. But I wish I had known this all ten years ago. I definitely would have still married the man, but we would have gone no contact years ago. HSP (but I didn't know) here so I was all about fixing the poor fractured family. I learned the hard way.
I often struggled with sleep issues. Which caused me to have mental health problems. Once, I went four days with no sleep. Then out of the blue I started to sleep much better. One night, as I laid my head down on the pillow I feel asleep quickly and soundly. Only to wake up to a weird child-like scream into a pillow. The problem with me was once I was awakened I couldn’t get back to sleep. I knew from this discovery that he hated me and was purposely trying to keep me unhealthy. I had put up with a lot in the past, but I knew I couldn’t stay around much longer after that.
Hit that nail on the head!! I knew he had to have mental issues so I started researching… Narcissistic traits all over the place. So I started watching him closely and the narcissist kept coming out. 3 years no contact!!
My narcissistic sister is perpetually late or takes a reeeeally long time getting ready for responsibilities. She does this with doctor appts. She does this to family. She does this to friends. Boy, do I have stories! But if it happens to me, I tell her, basically, it's now or never. Do it now or I won't want to do it at all. Listen now (don't ignore me) because I won't say it again. It works.
8:20 i have no diagnosis (tho probably am owed three or four) and i wanted to say that during remote mtgs, i am grateful for when I don't have to use a camera... because when I listen intently, my eyes are SHUT, my head is down, and usually my head is hung low with a weird tilt. I must look weird but honestly, i'm paying total attention. I'll go so far as to say when I HAVE to camera... I am more nervous and thus pay less attention sometimes. // 10:36 😂 "The Pat vs. The Rub" is a convo that i've had w/some ppl MORE than i'd like to remember!!
Ahh yes, the predatory hug. I think the current narc in our lives runs around hugging everyone - I think it’s her way of gauging ‘the room’ so to speak. Even if your last interaction with her was horrible - she will still hug you. I call the hugs predatory and they are not warm.
I’m just ended a relationship with a narcissistic guy from India. He was so selfish and turned everything to flip the script as if it’s all my fault. I loved him more than anything and just started to feel bad worthy and not wanted. I loved your video and I did in fact subscribe to your channel. My uncle is actually from Lahore in Pakistan. Keep these coming they are great and interesting.
I can relate to all of these things 😢I'm ready to move on thanks to your helpful videos even if it's painful to let go. Intention is everything and I'm tired of hurting for someone who doesn't value me
I realized silence is golden when dealing with a narcissist.Anything you say will somehow be twisted and u will be left feeling dumb n frustrated.I learnt to use one word replies and limit the time spent in their presence.Rigid as trees these people.
Brother, their phone holds the truth. They are so simple when you figure them out and you as a truthseeker engage in lie detector checks. Call them out. They are scared
Ive done a puppy patting with my ex narc boss at the meeting when he congratulated people who had birthday in that month and it was my turn to be congratulated in public and he asked with a smirk if he could hug me friendly(its a normal tradition in our culture but he used to hit on me!😂)
I would stick to the correct end time. They are just hurting themselves by being late. I would never ever fear repercussions like bad reviews. People would know who I am & the truth. And if they don’t, they can go. I would establish boundaries that I would only wait 15 min (leaving them less time for their meeting) and not a second more. They would comply or go, their choice 😊
The first time I didnt respond to narc "mother" a painful thing she said, the look on her face was shock. She has enjoyed my pain my entire life with no repentence in sight.
The thoroughly insanifying nature of the way they annoy it always reminds me of flashbacks of endlessly wanting to flip out and do a lot of damage to someone else whether they are involved in my torture or not. It makes me thank God I never harmed others although I wonder how many terrible things we hear about may be actually an innocent criminal who was driven by Narcs and really unaware and maybe still unaware in jail over the Narc's crazymaking. Adaptation, it is harder to push the survivor in rage after dealing with torture and used to it so.
Narc survivor will have strange difficulties with eye contact just solely because the Narc will perform very extensive staring at the person while eating as well as the Narc has the odd tendency to spit directly at the person's mouth. The lack of eye contact causes no change in trying to stop the Narcs bizarre staring and face pointing at you oddly.
You are right Danish, patting can mean different signals to different people. If someone hugged me and patted me on the back, I would feel they were validating and trying to encourage me. Concerning being late, yes! All of my narcs in my life habitually were late! If you make a point about it, they will tell you that you are overreacting! 😖😖Thank you for your encouraging videos!
I had a co-worker that was constantly late sometimes up to 3 hours and never showed any sign of being sorry. She would change her plane tickets and I had to pack her up and the car plus rush to the airport. She expected me to be her alarm clock. Then I realized she was a narcissistic person. I told her we can’t be friends anymore through an email.
Register for the upcoming webinar: Release Grief After Narcissistic Abuse
www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/gan
A repeated pattern of hurting or annoying someone isn't a mistake - it's a decision.
Yes, a mean-spirited conscious decision. 🙏🏼🤍🦅
You got that right!
Thank you for this reminder brother
Well said. Así es.
@@therealaayan I didn’t realize that annoying someone was narcissism? That seems a bit stretched.
Sadest part is that they do everything intentionally 😢
to hurt good peoples
Its so emotionally draining and disgusting to say the least!
@@rajnibhatia6581 damn right . They are usually drunk when they do that ..
Its that we need drunkards so much .. there is something wrong with us to hold on to them for so long . And even longer . They leave us all screwed up in the head . And they go away happy .
Danish, do you even know or realize how extremely VALIDATING you ARE?! Thank you. I have been healing so much & getting stronger thanks to you. 🎉
He really is. A Godsend.
@@tokyoblur24 he IS! I really love that he's so candid & upfront with us. He shared his own experiences. No shame & that's great & validating because there's no shame in being abused. None of us asked for that ( to be abused). He's the real deal. 💯🎉❤️
@@memmemayer9622 I'm just thankful that he didn't take his pain and project onto others, like how narcissists are made and operate. Instead he turned it into healing, not just for himself, but for others as well. A hero by definition.
@@tokyoblur24 exactly. We all have choices to make. I'm the only one on my mother's side of the fam who managed to break the cycle. Everyone else, they're all narcs & participate in groups like it's a sport or competition of evil games for who can be the most evil & do the most harm. So far, my mother is winning that game. Thank goodness for all of us here that we ARE here & are working on not continuing the cycle. 🎉
Agreed! He's such a blessing!
5 Annoying Behaviors:
1.Time Stealer, disrespectfully late
2.Avoid genuine eye contact
3.Constantly yawning, not listening
4. Rigid while hugging, use puppy patting,lack of warmth
5.Counter Questioning, use word salad
Except 4...they were very affectionate and great huggers I must concede.
Exactly you have this right
That yawning bs while still talking is annoying AF
That yawing is annoying
Scanning the room to attract other people to interrupt as soon as the target starts speaking. Seeing two people speaking together and then barging in and pushing one of them out of the conversation.
I believe the yawning comes from 2 places
1. They are bored
2. The main reason they yawn is to disrespect you purposely
Before going nc, my narc parent yawned in all of our conversations as well as interrupt and talk over me
Btw, thank you Danish for all you do
You have taught me so much and helped more than you know 🤗
My Narc husband worked 2nd shift and would call me at end of his shift to suggest I meet him at a nearby restaurant for cocktails and light meal. I thought that was very nice and thoughtful of him since he would be nasty just hours before. When we met up I got a nice table, then he said he had to go to the men's room. He was in there for 20 mins! I was worried something bad happened. I went to the mens door calling out to him, and he just yelled at me to go back to the table, he would be out when he was ready. I went back to the table to tell the waitor to tell him when he came out, I left. He was a real piece of work. He's been gone 18 yrs and I pray to God every day thanking him for my peace.
What on earth was he doing in there?
I had a friend in the throes of religious mania but instead of going to the toilet when we were in a cafe in another city she was going to other tables to tell other customers about God. They would complain and then both of us were asked to leave by the proprietor. I would leave quietly but she argued back.
Then we went to a supermarket to buy snacks to eat and she bought lots of reduced price sandwiches. Then she tried to get access to the nearby prison to give away the sandwiches but wasn't let inside.
The last straw came when she went into the back garden of an old people's home and knocked on the sun lounge window saying "Oh, you poor dears. You're in prison. You're in prison." I then turned and cycled back to the city and the railway station fast. If we had seat trailers attached to our bicycles she would have kidnapped two of the residents.
@@lemsip207 I just think it was to annoy and control. He had many issues and I was much more patient and tolerant than I should have been. That was a long time ago, and I've healed.
I am a psychologist, and one of the worst things heard from the so called, "top mental health" group is that they do not know what they are doing. Having been born to two narcs, being married to one for 45 years, very strongly disagree!! There is some they do that they may not realize, more so they know it n ENJOY DOING IT!! My husbands smirk n smiles and delights over what he does says it all!!! Agree and love your channel❤
The dupper's delight yes
Im so sorry you endured so much
@@meaculpa22 Thank you. 🙂
Agree, they know and get off on it. Its disgusting
@@puremaledark8305 You said it!!!! It is and because you are naturally a decent person it is very un-nerving and isolating!!
Any "wo-man" that marries a narc and stays for 45 years DOES NOT DESERVE MY SYMPATHY. Why? Because most wo-men just love that narc "charm". How come I never got a date in junior high? Because I'm a goofy nerd? YEAH THAT'S RIGHT. SO INSTEAD THOSE GURLS WENT FOR THE "CHARMING" "COOL" NARCS. NOW DO NOT COME COMPLAINING TO ME 👎✊💥😳
Experienced all the above. The patting thing, my narc mom does that. No love or compassion. My dog died, she pretended to care to look good in front of my brother. Bawling my eyes out & she sits facing away, reaches over after I said, why can't you ever comfort me like you do my brother ( the golden child) she pounded on my back. I have Fibromyalgia so it actually hurt. It was like she forced herself to touch me & hated every second of it which makes you feel even worse. It's disgusting.
Yes. Narcissists think that everyone else just sits on a shelf until the narcissist "uses" them. It doesn't occur to them that we have lives of our own, and our time is valuable, not just for money, but also for time that we could have been spending time with the people we love. That's because narcissists don't love anyone.
REALLY TRUE 👍
This reminds me of one idiot dentist in New York who I, unfortunately, discovered the hard way was very incompetent. I was trying to hold him accountable for his shoddy work and the garbage POS told me that his time was valuable and I was wasting his time and he had a family. Pathetic. Such people do not want to take responsibility for their so called “work” and just want money for making you worse off.
I have developed great respect for some homeless people. At least, they don’t try to sell you “work” the world is better off without. I do not respect the “work” of a lot of people. I also openly do not value their lives, time, or loved ones. For me a garbage person is a garbage person, they can choose to be homeless or change professions instead of “working” some garbage job and they can also choose not to breed to not produce more garbage people. Degenerates.
I very openly do not value the lives of most people. They are victims of the system, but this is irrelevant. Nature does not value them, so why should I? Who am I, a little nobody, to go against millions of years of natural evolution for some man made garbage that has no biological value? In nature everything has to be earned, nothing is earned here. Most people make money through some fraud because nobody is going to pay them for honest work, including the troll in this video.
There must be implemented a way for garbage people to reimburse quality people for existing and causing damages with their unnecessary existence which has no biological value. This is absurd.
When I go to hug him and he either freezes or leans away because it's not on his terms. Yes, the patting on the back! He never makes eye contact either. I'm sick of him either butting in when I'm speaking (because my topic of conversation isn't as important as his, clearly) or he walks out of the room when I'm telling him something important. Also the constant sighing! It drives me mad!
Ruuuuuun!!! 🏃
@@BNyaB I'm planning to, but it's difficult as he never lets me out of his sight. I also have nobody who can help me. I have disabilities.
Get yourself out of there soon it’s self love
@@aida1592 wow, how rude and ignorant of him. Mine always cuts me off when I'm speaking or walks out the room. They don't care.
Or you are talking and he picks up the remote and turns up sound to drown u out, couldnt just say " what im doing more important than anything u have to say". So hurtful the dismisal .
My ex ticks every box been a narcissist, this guy goes in moods for no reason, he can’t relax, I work full time and a part-time job, I was 25mins late one night I got hell, always on his phone looking at jackets all the time, his OCD is so bad, everything is routine. Every morning he got to get up 6am even weekends when am not working.. I’ve spook to this guy, he’s like okay I will change.. No back to his ways. Talking to me watching tv, no eye contact at all, no cuddles, kissing nothing. I think I dodged a bullet, my heart rate was through the roof way his moods. Thank god I got rid of him.
So glad you escaped!
I became chronically late. She took to texting (jokingly, we know it’s not, our friends don’t, seemingly small manipulation becomes group think.) I remained chronically late. That’s what I recognize as trauma response
I SWEAR YOU ARE SAYING WHAT HAPPENED TO ME I HAVE AUTISM AND ADHD AND GOT OUT AFTER HE TOLD ME I DIDNT HAVE AUTISM AND CALLED ME A SPASTIC AND ALL OF THE THINGS UNDER THE SUN YOU NAME IT ON THIS CHANNEL I LOVE YOU FOR YOUR PASSION PLEASE CONTINUE YOUR WORK THANKS TO YOU I GOT OUT AND IM HEALING EVERYDAY
“While we love & dream, they plot & scheme”…why is it that they can’t see their bad behavior?🤔They wouldn’t like it if the shoe were on the other foot…it’s puzzling & absolutely annoying!
Half the country are them!! Guess which?? Look at their rotten fruit!!!
Frustrating ! I believe it’s the demons in their head
@@JesuisLordindeed
Absolutely true!! I was being reactively abused for years with my undiagnosed ptsd symptoms being used against me to get a big negative reaction out of me and make me look like the bad guy. I finally understand the game that was being played on me on purpose and I have stopped reacting and stopped being played and now I am calming down my nervous system and working on healing my CPTSD symptoms. It's really hard to do at first.
I had to get away from it and heal but thankfully now I am healing and able to stay calm cool and collected! Thank you! Peace ☮️
Same. Much peace and healing to you.
Bless you, they're hideous cretins. I've gone through EMDR last year and it changed my life, I'm going in for more in a few weeks. Whilst I'm waiting I've just started trying somatic yoga. Not sure if it actually works yet, but it's very relaxing and mindful so it's worth it for that. Hope you keep on recovering well 😊
That can be re traumatising 😢 I'm sorry you didn't have the support you deserved. I'm happy to hear you are in a safer place now🩷 good to know healing is possible 🤗 Thank you for sharing🙏
@JanGroh
Thank you! You too! ❤️
Many people don't know what
'REACTIVE ABUSE ' is and that it is a THING!
These videos are very helpful.
Especially when you were brought up in dysfunction and never taught or allowed how to have healthy boundaries and stand up for yourself. And if you are your family's scapegoat, how would you know how? Thank you 💗
@@metoofamilycourt1
Thank you 💗
Only conversation to have with a Narc is the weather... they'll argue every topic other than the weather
And some will even argue the weather, too, sigh. No kidding.😭
@@JanGroh yes you're absolutely right 👍🏽 unfortunately..
Stay Strong Best
Hopes for you and your Relations 🦅
@@JanGrohoh absolutely 🙄 I was scared to simply say 'I'm putting the kettle on. Doyou want a brew? `. I swear I'd suddenly find I was guilty of causing covid single handedly within 2 minutes, or something equally as ridiculous. Their word salads are insane 🤯
They will definitely argue the weather.
@@margomcguire7167 😂
One of my narcissist husbands expected me to be early for every time we made plans to meet. On one occasion, he told me that if I was late, he would leave without me. On the way to meet, one of the tires on my car went flat. I was not able to change the tire, so I was stuck on the lonely road where we lived. I knew where my husband was going to be, so I called him at the auto shop. He wouldn't take my call and I heard his comments to the employees - all men - and they laughed at me. I tried calling again and could hear my husband say that he wasn't there. The sheriff of the county came by and changed my tire, but the husband had already gone. I was furious, but the narc thought I had gotten exactly what I deserved. I don't trust anyone.
@@paulablair395 you need to toughen and smart up. You sound like a victim. “one of my narcissist husbands?” Grow up. 🙏🏼🤍🦅⚖️
I Dont trust wo-men either 😃✊💥😳😂
I don't trust anyone either! I called my narc significant other to ask if he could come and pick me up as I was being discharged from the hospital early. He would not come! I had to call my 80 years old parents. They drove 2 hours one way to pick me up. The narc was 40 minutes away! My needing a ride was not in his schedule.
@@kimblink9569 DUMP THE NARC...IF YOU DARE 😳💥
When things like this would happen my ex would always say that’s why I told you to do this or that’s why I said to get that. He always knew better🙄😒
Love Danish. Can identify with practically everything he says. Had narcissistic parents, 10 year relationship with a narcissist who kept me in a permanent state of anxiety... then met another person who seemed lovely.... only to find out later that he was the covert type. I've learned a lot but these people have destroyed my entire life. Should be taught in schools so that young people can see the signs and avoid this type of terrible abuse.
I used to have a narcissistic boss that would punish me with meaningless busy work. If she felt I missed one step, she would shred the whole thing and insist I start over from the beginning.
Yep, I can definitely resonate. I remember when the grandkids were younger on Sundays he would make it to church on time of course because he would leave in the morning early right at 9:30 10 o’clock while I got left cleaning up all the kitchen after making breakfast and getting five grandkids ready and so he would make it seem to others at Church you see she doesn’t respect the time to be here on time but little did they know all the stuff was done at home? He didn’t even help at all time after time and then the thing about paying attention when they want you to make eyecontact with them or be in the same room when they’re talking if I step away or look away Doesn’t mean I’m not listening. I’m like I’m listening to you and he’s like no you’re not you’re not looking at me. You know what this conversation is over. That’s usually what he says if he’s not in the mood to continue talking, but when I talk, he has no clue as to what I even said, because he’s not paying attention at all. What makes this a narcissistic trait is that these things happen over and over again hundreds of times not just once in a while. It’s a habit that they have and we as the empaths take note to that.
i watch all your videos and everything you say on narcissist is 100% true. i somehow stumbled upon your channel and from then i have learned how to survive. before marriage i was like a bundle of energy and now after 16 years am like a cadaver. he almost completely ruined me, but after watching your videos am slowly but steadily recovering. there is a change in my overall health and energy. Thanks a lot and may God bless you.
You are 💯 right
They are dead inside 😈
The patting condescending hug
Exactly! 🤗 Just like my sister.
My narc would twist what I said, so it meant a different meaning. Always taking everything personally and out of content.
OH MY MOTHER!😢
Yes! I experienced the ignoring/lack of eye contact while trying to converse (especially refusing to stop scrolling on his phone or interrupting and changing the conversation in the middle of my sentence, out refusing to mute the TV while i was talking to him), the patting (like they are uncomfortable and just putting up with your attempt at physical touch), he would walk out of the room while I was speaking to him, or he was speaking to me, then complained that maybe I need to go get my ears checked because I couldn't hear him. The lectures when I did something "incorrectly"
because he refused to help me), and then he would sigh deeply and show me how I was supposed to do it, complaining that I should pay attention more and not be so careless. Any time I would need to work late or didn't get enough chores around the house done he would yammer on about how poor my time management was (even though he helped with literally NOTHING), and how I would just "sit on my ass all day playing games on my phone". That I should get a job. I got a part time job and he complained about me not making enough money, that the chores weren't done, that he was asked to help with things and had to pick up my slack, that I had poor time management, that I should just stick to my job as a homemaker. But then he'd complain that I wasn't contributing when I quit the job. I could never get away from the criticism. Nothing I was did was ever good enough.
Oh yes! The "puppy tapping" is so true...They show no emotion
I have a MAJOR Narcissistic Client who has dementia. She's abused her daughter so bad...still does, basically a clone of her. Anyhow she fakes her dementia much of the time so when I am really confident she is just pestering me, I start answering with "I don't know" especially things she wants such as more booze so "Wants to take me out to do something special" which means to a fancy restaurant for dinner so she can get plastered and go into alcoholic rages. She knows I am on a special diet so about 50% of the time, she fakes dementia badgering me to go out but hell no. Been there, done that. Thats when I start saying, I don't know to everything. She starts seething, LOL I can still be nice to her very easily, but only because I am saved. It's not me, it's the Holy Spirit.
Without the spirit of the Most High, where would we be in this world where narcs walk amongst the saints.
So thankful the Holy Spirit gives me patience too and eyes to see what he’s really trying to do. I’m also at peace that exceeds any understanding thank you Jesus ❤
Wow, so good you have God's help.
I'm trapped with a narcissistic mother and I see no way out. Only God can save me. Been trapped with a narcissistic person, you have to learn to endure so much and now I've learned to be patient with God, but it's not easy at all, this person has made me end up in a psychiatric room and depend on meds to survive. I have nobody else to help me or listen to me, cause nobody else believes me, her family is on her side. Even my father whom she hates so much is on her side now. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to go crazy, literally. I just wait on God to deliver me from all of this. God bless you all.🙏
My mom invited my 6 year old daughter to have lunch with her and my father ( both narcs, separated but They threatened me in court so that they could see my daughter twice a month) last Saturday they invited my drug addicted brother to have lunch with them without my knowledge. The law in my country says that grandparents have the right to see grandchildren no matter what. I can’t have lunch with them, not allowed in their houses either. Today my daughter said crying; I am not supposed to tell you cause my grandma told me to lie to you but your brother was there cause they want me to get close to him . She was scared, crying but more importantly, my own mother just taught my little kid how to lie and when she asked why my mother said, you know how difficult your mother is, she is crazy. My own mom to my little kid! 😡 can’t confront them, it’s always my fault. I am so angry…mind you they would not talk to me for six years prior to her birth and now that she is born they wanna a relationship but not with me, just my kid.I am the scapegoat, the truth teller and therefore; difficult!
You should prove to the authoroties that these meeting harm your daughter’s mental health!
Let your daughter speak in court and maybe she at least won't see your drug addicted brother. Maybe she'll have to meet your parents in a public setting and not their house because this was bright to court. I'm sorry you have to go through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you for you and your daughter. You might have to move to a place The law is on your side.
So sorry you are going through this. I grew up in narcissit family of origin. What I learned on some levels is. They want the conflict. They want you to go to court. I did a thousand times. It doesn't work. Now you are in their loop. Danish is right. Go completely invisible. There is a way out. There always is. You can't go by the rules. That is what they want. You have to break the demonic loop. I believe in you. Remember its because you are beautiful. Bless you
Call CPS. Have your daughter tell them Grandma is getting them to lie and she's afraid of your brother. They will verbally warn your grandma. I've noticed Narcissists are afraid of CPS
You should document each transgression with dates, times, quotes from your daughter. Not as good as a recording, but notes taken in a timely manner do carry weight in court. This situation could get substantially worse, especially with the dangerous brother involved.
AUDHDer here
Thank you so much @Danish
This is it you nailed it
We have to remind people that having a disability puts you at a higher risk to be a DV victim
Thank you so much
Danish, there are so many things they do that are so difficult to explain to people who have never encountered this but having dealt with all of it over 52 years, I totally have experienced it all and know exactly what you're meaning. I left the narc 3 months ago and WOW, the peace, the peace, the peace. No longer dealing with all this mind screwing crap they dish out.
I've noticed that with my narc, not making eye contact in a conversation. I've wondered why, now I know 🤔
But it really bothers them when you do the same thing back to them.
@@nancystewart2686 really? Thanks for tip, I'll try that 🐱
OMG.... My ex LOVED to ruin my meals. I'm autistic and need my things a certain way and need to enjoy things a certain way. Food is like my one safety.
He got into the habit of waiting for me to take my first bite, the SECOND it touches my lips he would yell so loud "MUUUUUNCH" and he thought it was the funniest thing in the world. And because I'm autistic it made the rest of my meal taste wrong. I hate him so much
Omg, yep they mess with your basic needs. Food and sleep. The one i was around would always interrupt my sleep
So true death by thousand cut that talk about these annoying dumb behaviours in today's episode I am Danish a psychologist a trauma therapist and a narcissistic abuse recovery professional
That’s one of the last things I said to the nex-death by a thousand cuts
never had idea those idiots could do it to me..i really underestimated them to core and paid the prize, intelligence will not save u against narcs it is information and knowledge that can save u.
Took me nearly 40 years to find the info, alas.
Dude Danish your content is excellent, shared with my therapist as much more relatable
I was with a narc who got mad when I showed my pets care. I caught him with his bare foot in a litter box as I was going to clean it. He had been kicking litter out along with some cat poop on the floor. That had happened many times recently. He would yell at me for them pooping on the floor. They were perfectly litter box trained and he knew it. I didn’t know for sure it was him till I saw him with my own eyes. Recently he pooped on the basement floor waiting for me to yell at the cats. He doesn’t flush the toilet after pooping. We all forget once in awhile to flush, but this is every time he goes. The poop was huge and not even a fat cat could poop that out. It was fresh. I am home every day all day, and they are my constant shadow. Anyway, I just finished cleaning their box and he took their litter scooper and brought his poop upstairs to throw in a trash bag I was in the middle of tying!! I’ve seen him do other insane stuff and the poop was when he was sober. Sorry for the TMI but I am still shocked. None of my friends or family would believe me. Also, has any one els’s narc once you go to sleep for the night they try to talk for 30 mins or more after ignoring you all day? This was every night I was with them, and sometimes he would just stand there and stare at me for a few minutes. I have a long list, but the poop and how he reacted to me going to bed are two of the strangest.
I absolutely can relate to this. Thank you for making me think that I’m not crazy (or at least super crazy) my cats poop in the box and randomly there would be poop on the floor, feet away from the box but covered in cat litter. No cat litter on the way from box to floor. Weird thing?
You are so spot on! It drives me to insanity when you try to confront them about something and they focus on something you said leading up to the issue that has nothing to do with what you're trying to talk to them about and they harp on it and harp on it and nit pic it to the point that you're so exhausted from the runaround with that that you end up throwing up your arms and saying oh my God just forget it. Then you never resolved the initial issue and they leave you feeling like you're the reason you just had this huge nonsensical waste of time conversation and they go on about their day leaving you feeling more frustrated than ever. Every interaction you have infuriating. They beg you start opening up and share more of your feelings but everytime you do they either use it as a weapon against you later or make you feel like you're just never happy and all you do is complain and make them feel like nothing is ever good enough. So by the time it's over, you've just made them feel like nothing they do is right and you're a monster cause you hurt their feelings ( cause let's face it, every conversation turns into how you've upset them or hurt their feelings or wronged them in some way ) then the cold shoulder starts.
It's so maddening any time you try to bring up something they did that hurt you because your feelings are never validated. They turn it around so it seems like whatever they did to hurt you is because of a response to something you said or did to hurt them. It's your fault because you're always blaming them for something when it's you that's the problem. Then you end up with your feelings hurt but then they're the one that won't talk to you and act so offended by your mere presence or existence and they won't stop until you apologize to THEM yet you're the one that keeps being hurt. It's very upsetting and leaves you in a constant state of turmoil or disarray. You're just so emotionally exhausted that it physically wears you out. Then when you finally get so frustrated that you just explode in anger or aggravation one day and they act like you're totally unhinged and everything is just coming out of left field for them and they have no clue why in the world you're so mad. You're just acting totally crazy and irrational for no reason and you're left wondering if you really are just losing it and going nuts. But when it's GOOD it's SO GOOD that you think you couldn't ever possibly feel so wonderful with anyone else so you stay hoping it's finally better now. Then boom , the tiniest thing sets them off and gets blown way out of proportion and you're the a$$hole again that just cant ever let the two of you be happy. Repeat entire cycle all over again. 😳💩
Btw, Danish, you look fantastic!!! That shirt is very lovely on you. Thank you for these video and letting us rant our frustration. Your videos help more than you know. We appreciate you so much. Hope you're having a blessed day ❤
The cold body hug, along with the life-less hand holding, and the never answer a straight out question is so true!
2 pats on the back, just like a puppy, and so un-human. Cold.
I have experienced all these tactics. The last example ( with counter questioning) also shows contempt. This shows how high he views himself...and he thinks that others can't understand these nonsense counter questions because they aren't smart enough....That is ridiculous, of course!😊
This is scary how relateble it is😱 Every single one of these things happend to me, too😢 Thank you so much, now I don't feel crazy anymore🤗❤️
Turning Away and Avoiding Eye Contact exactly sir what you said
I just realized 2 years ago that my partner of 18 years is a very intelligent narcissist i think i am losing my mind sometimes he keeps me apart from anyone who comes near me i don't have friends or family i can talk to my son started to treat me like him and now is causing neighbors to pick on me by making me park my almost on the corner of the street i only realized today that his car has been parking every day a little closer to mine so pushing me of the road thank you so much i am starting to learn somethings.
I have to keep subscribing. You must be saving the world
😊❤
You are Right On The Money ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU SAID🎉💯💯💯💯
Mine was watching different videos every minute...like literally having his phone with him everywhere...I would ask him to leave his phone at least during dinner time...what he did was he would frown, then pause the video and then after a minute of a poor conversation he would be putting his finger right in front of the button to continue the video and looked at me with "are you already done?!" face demonstrating all his entitlement and boredom from our conversation! Later on, he accused me of slowly distancing from him and being cold. Now that I understand why it was happening, I laugh. It's just stupid!!! He ruined his own family, in the end, and I was into the person and real relationship, not faking it... Thank God I finally woke up and saw it as it was, not excusing his behavior anymore!!! It's stupid to have an honest partner in your life and just minimize them like that! Sorry for them not being able to get out of the misery circle they build on their own every single time. It's very sad but I'm out...no more!
I went thru all of the above mentioned in this video. Especially the turning their back to me while talking, circular conversation, yawning while I'm trying to express something and being intentionally late and just don't care. The excuse was, something came up. Thank you for this video ..
As always, thank you sir! You are helping so many of us heal 💖
All 5 points are true .I felt with my husband in 29 years of marriage .they always try to proove wrong to their partner.You are very much spot on Danish❤thank you so much❤
Man I want to say, thank you so much for your videos as it genuinely shows me that I am not as crazy as I thought I was. My ex would do things that would annoy me all the time, and then create random narratives at any point in time to facilitate issues or arguments. It is exactly as what you said: death by 1,000 cuts. They do a multitude of things covertly and of course, you are not going to call them out on it right away because you do not know if it is a consistent pattern of behavior or not. It takes TIME to know the patterns of their behavior. So what happens is when you finally call them out on their behavior they switch the narrative to say “you never said anything about this before.” Then when you finally lash out and get angry, they then do their whole “magnifying glass” trick “AH HA! SEE! YOU’RE THE CRAZY ONE!” When in reality they were working deliberately the entire time to facilitate THAT VERY MOMENT for you to do this. And what you will notice is, LITERALLY when you interact with ANYONE ELSE who is not the narc, you do not lash out at all. You are perfectly fine. No issues. Nothing. This is part of the reason why they like to isolate you, because the more people you socialize with/the stronger your support system is, the more you are able to see that the problem is them and not you.
If you need to address anything that doesn't suit her, Narc MIL will needlessly bustle around and pretend to be too busy to hear you, let alone make eye contact. It's dismissive and invalidating. I stay as far away from her as possible because I recognize it is beyond pointless, but I've watched her do it to my husband numerous times. It's truly disgusting.
That is exactly how my ex hugged. He was a big guy and stiff in hugs. He patted me everytime which wasn't often. My second son hugs stiffly.
Everything you're saying is absolutely true.
And then you're the crazy person.
And what's so irritating is that they would listen to others and showing them so much respect.
And they do it infront of you.
And then it makes you feel so unimportant, useless and stupid.
You have no value or importance in anything.
Punctuality is SO important
It’s ALL been witnessed and experienced and makes me ill because it’s all been so difficult. The education and knowledge thereof has helped immensely . Thank you - all 5
Exactly. When we were meeting he was always telling me to visit him at a specific time and when I am 10 minutes late he loses it.
Ironically the last time I saw him in person before I went NC I was saying goodbye to him at an airport and I patted him on the back and he got mad😂😂😂
Danish, you'll get a kick out of this. My narc demon mother actually left the country on my birthday. I'm her oldest, 1st born. No card, no call, no text.
I'm good with that. No contact is awesome! But this is the behavior. 😂
Thanks Danish.
She is the deliberately late type as well. I started not waiting around for her when she was late. That drove her nuts. 💯
I explained she was late & that's not my problem. She is everything you say. Evil incarnate. Like I always say, a demon masquerading as a human.
People are now seeing her real self finally & not believing her side of her stories. Oh yesss, the puppy petting! She hugs like she's going to catch something bad from you & turns her head & makes a face like she smells something bad. Her body gets really tight too while doing the fake hug puppy petting hug. It creeps me out. She always wants proof of something said or done. None of that is my responsibility. If she wants proof of anything, she can get it herself. Or if she's trying to deny something she'll say you want people that I ever did it said that. To which I say, " the very fact that you said that I can't prove it is in itself proof that you did indeed say or do (whatever)" & then she shuts up because she knows it's true & she's caught in her lies.
I am very familiar with these, the puppy patting is especially annoying. Another one I can't stand that's not here is what I would call the reflex "You're wrong". I could say anything and without hesitation the reply comes back, "No you're wrong." Even if I could prove I was right, no matter, no apology, "You're wrong." Also, I love how the cat teleports at 0:24 🥰
They are completely unwilling or unable to answer simple questions, twisting their replies into anything BUT a simple, clear answer to your simple, clear question.
And yes, the puppy pat hugs. I call those hugs "work related acquaintence" hugs
Great video. My narc purposely ruins anything for me. I have not had a good birthday since 2016, he purposely ruins it. I even went so far has leaving on vacation with my best friend he still found a way to ruin it from afar by constantly messaging me. Mother’s Day Easter Christmas basically any special event he will do his best to cause trouble and spoil my day. Of course any day that is of importance to him is never ruined.
How about listening to other people’s conversation and inserting his opinion and invading my privacy, is this also a narcs nasty habit?
They are famous for ruining special occasions and holidays.
I found you recently Danish and I really like your approach, we can feel the experience… thank you for your time and your love for the victims. You have always serious videos well explain , it’s full of wisdom , balance and respect. Thank you again …from France.
Thank you! My mother is exactly as you describe. Had to wise up and go no contact!
Your comment about the pat at the end of the hug, that invalidated the hug - is so interesting.
My ex-husband used to squeeze me excruciatingly hard, and called it a hug. I dreaded it for the pain. It was horrible. When I told him it hurt, he said, “You don’t want me to hug you?” It didn’t occur to him to apologize for the fact that it had hurt. He probably knew it had been painful for me.
Since narcissists fear true connection it must have been part that, part expression of his aggression toward me. I feel he never saw me as a wife or woman. He appointed me as his worst enemy and competitor.
My Narc friend did also. Also, tried to smother me with a pillow. He said he was just playing. Took me awhile to get rid of him, but I finally did. Thank God!!
Bless you Danish 🩷
My heart is so heavy. I don't want to be cold but it hurts to care about them. I want to turn off the empathy i have for them. I feel so much guilt and shame. An ungrateful daughter who is a burden. Does this feeling ever go away?? 🙏
The only hug you ever get is rigid puppy patting. It's patronizing. The last time they attempted to hug, I refused by turning away.
Every thing of worth that you have will be used against you! Time, energy, money, good reputation, your accomplishments, your good relationships and anything you've earned!
Question for question and then I would just drop it!,and then the hugging oh my God...he would go so stiff like he'd never been hugged before!,it was always mind boggling for me wen I met him I was jolly and talkative...by the time I left... couldn't believe I would go a week without saying a word or even laugh or sing!...their lives are just too dark and heavy ...😢
you are looking more and more healthy Danish
Spot on Danish. So true. With all those examples and when you hug them is like hugging a tree.😂
I had to laugh at that one too but felt empathy for the poor tree! 😂
Mine was like hugging a mannequin 😂😂😂
No. A tree is better.
@@lorenebaxter-e8c🤣🤣🤣👍👏🙌🤣
@@ekdaufin1485Dare I ask why??? 🤔......🤣🤣
I have found the closer that I get to Jesus the less the in laws can annoy me. The current silent treatment we are under is now a relief rather than a stressor. But I wish I had known this all ten years ago. I definitely would have still married the man, but we would have gone no contact years ago. HSP (but I didn't know) here so I was all about fixing the poor fractured family. I learned the hard way.
I often struggled with sleep issues. Which caused me to have mental health problems. Once, I went four days with no sleep. Then out of the blue I started to sleep much better. One night, as I laid my head down on the pillow I feel asleep quickly and soundly. Only to wake up to a weird child-like scream into a pillow. The problem with me was once I was awakened I couldn’t get back to sleep. I knew from this discovery that he hated me and was purposely trying to keep me unhealthy. I had put up with a lot in the past, but I knew I couldn’t stay around much longer after that.
That's a good one ... If you hugg them, it feels like you're hugging a tree ... So true 🫣
Hit that nail on the head!! I knew he had to have mental issues so I started researching… Narcissistic traits all over the place. So I started watching him closely and the narcissist kept coming out. 3 years no contact!!
My narcissistic sister is perpetually late or takes a reeeeally long time getting ready for responsibilities.
She does this with doctor appts. She does this to family. She does this to friends. Boy, do I have stories!
But if it happens to me, I tell her, basically, it's now or never. Do it now or I won't want to do it at all. Listen now (don't ignore me) because I won't say it again. It works.
Every single thing! The yawning, patting like a puppy, literally everything you have said!
Thank you for all of ur Videos!! You are so helpful to me !!
It all resonates with me. You have a window into my life, and you are never wrong. You help me tremendously!!! Thank you!!!
Narcissism is like the Borg in Star Trek. It is always trying to absorb everything into it's way of doing things.
8:20 i have no diagnosis (tho probably am owed three or four) and i wanted to say that during remote mtgs, i am grateful for when I don't have to use a camera... because when I listen intently, my eyes are SHUT, my head is down, and usually my head is hung low with a weird tilt. I must look weird but honestly, i'm paying total attention. I'll go so far as to say when I HAVE to camera... I am more nervous and thus pay less attention sometimes. // 10:36 😂 "The Pat vs. The Rub" is a convo that i've had w/some ppl MORE than i'd like to remember!!
Oh my GOOOOOD!!!!! THE ARMS CROSSED THING GIVES ME A PANIC ATTACK!!!!!
This is crazy I AM GOING THROUGH EVERY SINGLE ONE IF RHESE IM SO FED UP 😢
Ahh yes, the predatory hug. I think the current narc in our lives runs around hugging everyone - I think it’s her way of gauging ‘the room’ so to speak. Even if your last interaction with her was horrible - she will still hug you. I call the hugs predatory and they are not warm.
Thank you so much sir for your information
I’m just ended a relationship with a narcissistic guy from India. He was so selfish and turned everything to flip the script as if it’s all my fault. I loved him more than anything and just started to feel bad worthy and not wanted. I loved your video and I did in fact subscribe to your channel. My uncle is actually from Lahore in Pakistan. Keep these coming they are great and interesting.
I can relate to all of these things 😢I'm ready to move on thanks to your helpful videos even if it's painful to let go. Intention is everything and I'm tired of hurting for someone who doesn't value me
YES! That Pat on the back or fake hug was so annoying
I realized silence is golden when dealing with a narcissist.Anything you say will somehow be twisted and u will be left feeling dumb n frustrated.I learnt to use one word replies and limit the time spent in their presence.Rigid as trees these people.
Brother, their phone holds the truth. They are so simple when you figure them out and you as a truthseeker engage in lie detector checks. Call them out. They are scared
Hugging a tree is wonderful and doesn't compare with hugging a narcissist !!
Danish, I am dealing and living with a narcissistic family. Thank you for all the advices.
Ive done a puppy patting with my ex narc boss at the meeting when he congratulated people who had birthday in that month and it was my turn to be congratulated in public and he asked with a smirk if he could hug me friendly(its a normal tradition in our culture but he used to hit on me!😂)
I would stick to the correct end time. They are just hurting themselves by being late. I would never ever fear repercussions like bad reviews. People would know who I am & the truth. And if they don’t, they can go. I would establish boundaries that I would only wait 15 min (leaving them less time for their meeting) and not a second more. They would comply or go, their choice 😊
The first time I didnt respond to narc "mother" a painful thing she said, the look on her face was shock. She has enjoyed my pain my entire life with no repentence in sight.
First comment... ❤❤Danish love from India 😊
The thoroughly insanifying nature of the way they annoy it always reminds me of flashbacks of endlessly wanting to flip out and do a lot of damage to someone else whether they are involved in my torture or not. It makes me thank God I never harmed others although I wonder how many terrible things we hear about may be actually an innocent criminal who was driven by Narcs and really unaware and maybe still unaware in jail over the Narc's crazymaking. Adaptation, it is harder to push the survivor in rage after dealing with torture and used to it so.
Narc survivor will have strange difficulties with eye contact just solely because the Narc will perform very extensive staring at the person while eating as well as the Narc has the odd tendency to spit directly at the person's mouth. The lack of eye contact causes no change in trying to stop the Narcs bizarre staring and face pointing at you oddly.
Danish the Healer ,who has spread awareness and supported emotionally through his videos ❤
You are right Danish, patting can mean different signals to different people. If someone hugged me and patted me on the back, I would feel they were validating and trying to encourage me. Concerning being late, yes! All of my narcs in my life habitually were late! If you make a point about it, they will tell you that you are overreacting! 😖😖Thank you for your encouraging videos!
Thank you Dinesh, for highlighting my feelings
Exactly what they do.
I had a co-worker that was constantly late sometimes up to 3 hours and never showed any sign of being sorry. She would change her plane tickets and I had to pack her up and the car plus rush to the airport. She expected me to be her alarm clock. Then I realized she was a narcissistic person. I told her we can’t be friends anymore through an email.