Why Do Older Women Want Divorce
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 เม.ย. 2022
- In this video, I’m going to help you determine how to prevent divorce from the perspective of a middle-aged woman.
I am going to answer the question: WHY DO MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN DIVORCE THEIR HUSBANDS?
1. Menopause = low estrogen = less tolerance for “nonsense”
2. Wealth = The family pot of $ is now big enough for a safe exit
3. Freedom from caring for others
4. Individualization - Many women feel they cannot change and grow as a person while in their marriage
5. Lack of Emotional Support from their husbands
These are the reasons that I hear from my women clients, over and over again, as to why they want a divorce in their late 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s.
HELP FOR HUSBANDS. If you are a middle-aged man and want to prevent a divorce, consider this video a list of tips to keep your marriage alive.
Robin Graine is a veteran divorce professional with 20+ years of experience as a divorce mediator, lawyer, certified divorce financial analyst, and coach.
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Why Are More Older Couples Getting Divorced? www.grainemediation.com/2021/...
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I'm tired of struggling and it's always my fault- put in any subject and somehow it's my fault. I'm done carrying the responsibility for everyone else "stuff", outside of my son, who needs guidance but he is learning to stand on his own 2 feet. We are broke because of his choices (he squandered a lot away without me knowing) and I'm done living paycheck to paycheck and having no stability. It's peace at all costs at this point.
It's actually so sad you took some wrong actions at the past which is actually affecting you,
But as long as there is life , there would always be hope for a better future
@@robertgailey9910 It's tripe similar to your comment that makes so many women stay in a marriage that died decades earlier.
u married an narc , go get free ..You deserve a great YOUR LIFE..!!
Never marry and half each custody as standard . Marriage today is nothing like it used to be
Marriage is a business
My sister in-law (Husband's brothers wife) recently divorced. "Lucy" confided with me a few years ago things weren't so good and how my brother in-law treated her. It was difficult for me to believe the things she said because it "seemed" they were living the good life. I thought that the birth of thier first grandchild things would make things better. I was recently at a relatives party sitting next to my brother in-law, I didn't ask about "Lucy" because I had a feeling something wasn't right. All my brother in-law talked about was his new BMW. My brother in-law has always been about keeping his cars spotless, meanwhile his health isn't the best, they never traveled that I'm aware of. It's so surreal to me, I stayed with my husband, things were pretty bad for awhile but I have grown a lot. We have a love for God a mutual hope, there is a peace that is settling in, not perfect by any means but I'm at peace. My sister in-law and I could never get close to each other, I felt we had some wierd competition, they clearly made more money than us, I never knew what materialistic life was like until I got married, the whole family seemed that way. I grew up poor, my husband and I nearly ruined our marriage because we tried to keep up. My children are grown and doing well. I'm content with the simple way I was brought up. When my husband and I started dating, I felt like I was looked down upon. My aunt had a saying, "You can't soar with the eagle until you hoot with the owl. My immediate family aren't the most affectionate, very hard for me to describe them. After I found out about my sister in-laws divorce, I sorta vented to two family members, I feel my mother in-law's sister influenced my mother a lot and caused a rift from the beginning. Now that my mother in-law passed away my father in-law doesn't want her around. My father in-law told me some "secrets" about his sister in-law, she wasn't a descent woman. I guess it helped me understand the dynamics of her behavior. My advice to all of you is this, if your child is about to get married, you better fucking defend them (not sorry about foul language) against anyone talking bad about them especially in front you and them, directly or indirectly! Put your foot down. You let that crap go unchecked you won't see your grandchildren much. My husband never defended me and it caused a rift and resentment. Tell your new son in-law or daughter in-law who not to trust, you already know the rats in your family. I'm not greedy with my children if they can't come for holidays i don't make drama. Some family you just have to love from a distance!
Excellent video! The one common theme is lack of real, transparent communication. Also, for a lot of wives, they may feel that they are trapped and want their freedom. Also, as soon as they feel underappreciated, controlled, or unhappy, they want a divorce. It's very sad. They don't realize the damage of divorce to men and their children. The divorce rate and our current court system is driving men to not want to get married because of the risks of divorce and losing almost everything. Also, I know several men who went though divorce, and they will never go through another marriage again because of the pain of divorce.
Thank you for your compliment on the video. It is true that communication problems often upset a marriage. However, if the relationship is solid, communication comes much easier. It is a two way street. No one wants to communicate if they think the other person is going to bite their head off or ignore their broken heart. I also think most people do understand the damage of divorce to adults and children. They also know the damage that can be done by living in a dysfunctional, unloving family. Kids pick up on that and the result is not good. As for men losing everything in a divorce, that might be the experience of every divorced man that you know. The statistics show, however, that men to much better, financially, after a divorce, whereas women do much worse.
I would definitely rather be alone than in a marriage where my partner shows me little to no appreciation and treats me like a doormat. Sometimes you have to file to wake them up from their illusion of superiority and control. I think it’s best to start with a trial separation first though.
I think most people would rather be alone than be in a marriage where their partner shows them no appreciation and treats them like a doormat. If you think a trial separation will be a good idea, make sure you do that separation under the guidance of an attorney. Sometimes, moving out before there is a signed settlement agreement can cause some legal headaches for the spouse who moved out.
@@GraineMediation Yes definitely consult an attorney and get the terms in writing.
@GraineMediation
The problem is when these older ladies go through this mid-late mental crisis. You can be nice and walk on eggshells, but they have it in their mind that you are treating them like a doormat.
They can not be reason with or carry on an intelligent discussion or communication. All they can do is be miserable and think about themselves
@@TP-vu3tc If I could not carry on an intelligent discussion with someone or communicate with that person in any reasonable way, I would be done with that relationship (unless that condition was temporary due to a mental or physical problem).
@@TP-vu3tc agree, thank god men get more chill as we age since our testosterone drops, the women unfortunately from what I have seen become more unbalanced...I'm not criticizing since this is nature, i.e. reality but it sucks.
Omg! You hit the nail on the head. All of these are me completely. 😮. Now to figure out what I’m going to do.
You will want to start interviewing mediators and lawyers. See what will work best for you. Get some solid advice from experienced professionals in your local area and then move forward. Best of luck.
Really? I would love to know more about it, can we talk privately?
Happiness should be your priority
you need to tell men never to get married since women are finicky, then enjoy the collapse of society even faster
Omg, what a perfect way to describe it. Losing your padding or patience for what you would normally put up with.
Thank you.
Like losing the extra efforts to be nice
It god telling a man to puse men o puse you don't see or know that time for her to go you can't live with her before it best time for her to go you can't fix her never she will never be happy with or without you
All of these were relevant. ALL
Thank you. I have been working with divorcing couples for many years and believe I have my thumb on the pulse of what ends marriages from the perspective of both men and women. I wish I could go back in time and let some of my clients now when their marriage was going off the rails so that they could make corrections before it was too late.
Spot on.
Do a video on how women feel about there decisions months and years after there divorce
That would be a good one. Unfortunately, I am not the expert. Perhaps a therapist could do a good job with that. I don't usually hear from people after they are divorced unless my clients want their child support recalculated.
They are thriving in today's world! :)
lol 😂
Replace your husbands with dogs, kids and smartphones, then after years of him out working his ass off to provide for his family (you know - the family and kids that the Wife INSISTED on having) - make it his fault for being "disconnected" after years of neglecting him for everything else, withholding intimacy and sex for years - throw him away while you "focus on self care". Just selfishness, without remembering you made vows to your partner and relationship, you demanded he keep his end up, while you feel like change is best for you. I am not talking about an abusive relationship. What do you call a man who throws his caring Wife away for no good reason - a loser. What happens when Women do it - they pat each other on the back for it, and treat it like a sport to be encouraged.
It sounds like you were not treated well in your marriage. Sorry about that. Divorce is always sad. Anyone that treats being horrible to another person as a "sport" is not my type of person.
Not divorced - yet. continuing to work on better communication, individual therapy, etc... @@GraineMediation
My ex filed for divorce and thought she was entitled to cash and prizes. All she did was ruin all of our lives. Her selfishness was horrific. I see this all the time from women over 50 thinking once they get divorced they will magically be a flirtatious 16-year-old. I say over 85 % of divorces are filed by women. What these women don't understand is a woman 45+ is going to have a really hard time dating. Men know the game and will never commit. I see this all the time.
@@johnboston2298so, if its really "hard" for women above 45 to date, why the dating apps are exploting of old men over 50 being swept left,rejected, and complaining, while an average not so pretty woman are hit all the time?
@@Nexus31323 men who get divorced are not going to marry a 45 year old. They will date but not marry. Women on dating sites statistically will swipe on the top 10 percent of men. When you look at these new apartments being built they are housing so many single mothers not families. We have an epidemic out there and I heard the stats that 90 percent of college educated women are the ones who divorce. My experience that I see is that these are the women who are forever dating and forever single.
Women file more often because they get really sick of putting up with the SSDD. Often, guys will dish the BS, can't handle having it dished right back to them. It's unlike this in some marriages, though so many that women start to explore their options to have a life with less BS, lying, cheating, dealing with his insecurities, ego, control issues.
I imagine there is a lot of SSDD and BS going both ways. I think women file more often because they feel they are doing the lion's share of the work in terms of caring for the kids and running the household in addition to working a full time job. If they stick it out until the kids are grown, they are, often times, just tired. They don't want to care for anyone any more. However, if they feel truly emotionally supported by their husband, and he also helps out around the house and in making money, that marriage might continue forever. In other words, relationships require a lot of work. If both spouses aren't putting in the work, the marriage is in peril.
@@GraineMediation The genetics of men from centuries past is still influencing men in today's times. Men would cheat on their wives while the wives were nearly always compelled to look the other way. If a woman did the same thing she might be beaten or killed for it. Many women were taken to & confined to institutions for the rest of their lives for cheating on or otherwise displeasing their husband.
In an interview with Princess Diana, she lived in fear that her husband was going to have her confined to a psychiatric hospital. Diana was reacting to being lied to, cheated on, emotionally abused by Charles. He tried to tell her that none of it was going on. It enraged Diana that she was being told that Charles's activities were a figment of her imagination, that it was a sure sign of her mental illness.
It has been less than 200 years since coverture laws were abolished. Up to that time, women were considered the property of her father. When she married, then, she & everything she had such as children from prior marriages, any money or jewelry she had become the property of her husband. Even her body, the clothing she wore was property of her father or her husband.
It has only been since 1974 that women could purchase real estate without being married or having a male co-signer. Before 1974, banks had the right to refuse a loan to a woman based on her being unmarried or if single, without a male co-signer.
Men still feel the slip from being the very top authority over women since time began. In many countries in the world, women are still considered property. Hundreds of women are raped by their fathers, brothers, uncles etc, then stoned or beaten to death for what was done to her, far beyond her control to stop them.
In the past, men did as they pleased with any woman, were rarely if ever held accountable. Now, the public figures who have faced consequences for misbehaving as men have done for centuries, are being held accountable. Jeffrey Epstein, Bill Cosby, Bill Clinton, Chris Noth. The list is long & becoming longer.
In many countries, women no longer have to live with being abused. Sadly, in many countries women are still considered as property. In the USA, women have nearly as much freedom as men have always had.
Now that women have more support than ever, more resources than ever, to make it on their own after divorce, they are divorcing to preserve their happiness & sanity.
Maybe you have advice on this. My wife and I will be doing marriage counseling soon. She said it could take a long time to work through the issues. I say that I should expect to see some effort and some progress after a few sessions. I figure that after about 10 sessions if there isn't any or very little progress then there really isn't much use to go on. Also just a note I am fully committed to make things work but I also do not want to be beating my head against a brick wall for years. I'm 55 years old.
I like your positivity. You think it is reasonable to expect some progress after a few sessions. I agree. If both of you really want to stay married -- and you know the reasons why that is -- you can certainly make progress. You could probably even make progress with a concerted effort to listen, understand, appreciate, and respect one another even without a therapist. If it is almost impossible for the therapist to crack into the root of the problems, though, it could be a long haul. Maybe you are not cut out for that. You want solutions. Tell the therapist that. Good luck.
Counseling? It’s over get an attorney.
@@MayorOfBodybuildingTV If the marriage is over, you do not need counseling. But, you don't necessarily need an attorney, either. Try mediation.
Viendo cómo se desarrollan las cosas...no te va a faltar trabajo..saluti
5 Stars!
Thank you!
This is so depressing. No wonder the population is collapsing. When you find no social security check not coming in, look in the mirror for your own selfishness. Let’s be real, who really experiences self actualization in your 60s in a crappy apartment because that’s all you can afford?
Yes. If you are just trying to survive financially, you do not usually you engage in "self-actualization" at 60+ years old. I am sorry that is what you are experiencing.
Thank you.
I see new blessings coming your way text me privately to know the revelation
OMG, thank you so much! Ive been struggling with feelings of disrespect, abandonment, rejection, the list goes on. My wife has not been herself for well over a year and the sex and intimacy is all but gone. At first i thought she was emotionally cheating. Then i thought she had fallen out of love wirh me. But as i dive into the internet and talk with both men and women who have experienced menopause, and now your video, im beginning to be more and more convinced my wife has entered menopause. Ive made a concerted effort to avoid saying or doing anything that makes her throw out the D word which shes done a dozen times over the last several months.
Ive been giving her space, trying to romance her (although its all an act as even though i love her even now more than ever, im constantly angry at her for the way she's been acting)
With God's help i hope to weather this storm and get the love of my life back.
You never now what is going on with people. Even if you are married to them. Even when they talk to you. People have all kinds of secret thoughts. You need to try and either resolve the problems between you or consider ending the marriage. It sounds like your resentment is building, and that is very hard to overcome once it weaves its way into a marriage. Also, it is a very bad sign when someone uses the word "divorce". That is one of those words that usually spells the end of a marriage. I hope, for your sake, this is a just a storm passing through. That does happen; but figure out what you can live with and she should do the same. No one should be treated poorly on a regular basis.
Maybe she’s not aware of how she’s treating you because her hormones are starting to change up. Have a talk with her using “I” statements. Not you did this and you do that and you make me feel…
Go to couples counseling and find a therapist empathetic towards your wife's life transition. Don't be afraid to sensitively and respectfully address menopausal changes you've noticed, how these changes have affected you, and try to help your wife open up about what she's feeling and really listen to her when she tells you about her experiences and needs. This is uncharted territory for both of you, and menopause can be very tough for some women. So many physical , emotional and mental changes that she's neither expecting nor prepared for. It could be that she's not even aware of how much she and the state of your marriage have changed, nor the negative impact her symptoms are having on you. With effective communication, you can love each other through this time, grow, and emerge together stronger than ever.
@@riseaboveall438 So well said!!
She may have, but she's just waking up to the disappointment that is life.
Men used to be the scape goat for divorce. Video like this helps to bring the truth out.
Maybe relationships, in general, are in trouble. It was easier to keep a marriage together when both spouses had their roles clearly established, i.e., men made the money and the women did most everything else. Now that those roles are no longer clear -- because both spouses now need to work and, as a result, the childcare and household management needs to be shared -- the relationship dynamics need to also change. The old marital model no longer works for a majority of the people. Maybe you have a suggestion for a new model that doesn't result in a 45% divorce rate?
@@GraineMediation I suggest to be selective and really careful at the front end and pray whenever possible to increase the success rate.
@@GraineMediation End alimony , all should be divided by 50/50 % custody the same ,no child support , unless 1 partner have total custody , no partner should take more than the other and after the divorce is up to each of them to do whatever they desire to do and let a free man walk the earth , do not favour women for being a women it will cease the divorce rate in a year , but saying that , the female adult child will not have the courage to leave a man who she doesn't love and will continue making that poor man a miserable life , is a kind of dilemma seems that the grown up in the relationship will pay up either way
There’s another reason. If your husband has success over 50 they feel entitled to a trophy-wife. Very likely blond, Min. 20 years younger then him usually a college or a gold digger and the old wife who helped him to get to the top gets a kick on the face. Am I alone in the first wife’s club?
That does happen. A lot. You are not alone by any stretch. I will be making a video about middle aged men soon ... and that will be one of the topics. Many of my middle aged men clients tell me they "want to feel alive again", and they can't seem to do that in their marriage. They want excitement. It's either a motorcycle or a fresh girlfriend (or both). They want someone to appreciate them and even to look up to them. Many of the men at my firm tell me that they feel, in their current marriage, like an "ATM machine". Whereas the women, after raising kids, taking care of the house and the husband, the older relatives, and care-care-caring for everyone else, are looking forward to some relaxing middle and older years with their husband, finally, not working so hard. Unfortunately, some of these men simply feel that they have been "put on hold". They can't see the beauty in the sunset of their life with a wife who does love them; but was distracted from them for so many years. It is sad. The fix? People need to nurture their marriages every step of the way. If you do your best, but the marriage feels dead, you are not safe, as a woman, in your marriage. Those days are gone. Your husband might very well leave you to enjoy the sunset with someone else who turns back their clock on feeling young again. I am very sorry you have gone through this trauma. Maybe you will learn to love your independence? Maybe you will learn to swim in the clear waters of not having to check in with anyone else when you want to go somewhere, do something, or even work on becoming someone new and vibrant for yourself.
@@rgraine1196 @R Graine You make a really good point but there is some point I cant help to disagree because it shift the responsibility of maintaining the relationship to the guy only especially in this case, the guys is increasingly getting valuable within a relationship. As you said, men would say they "want to feel alive again" or feel like an "ATM machine", to me it means a sexless relationship with only responsibility and biologically men don't go through menopause always enjoy/want sex and if we don't get any but assume the responsibility of a man then why not divorce.
You pointed out that 70% of divorces are initiated by women and women at that age will experience "menopause = low estrogen" or want to be "free from caring for others", and the fact the man who is very successful in career (and approached by trophy like women) but is in a sexless/non-intimate relationship that would be a great reason to divorce same for a successful woman because you one side isn't upholding there end of the bargain. Yet only 30% of divorces are initiated by the men and 70% of men are trying to fix the issue. To me, if a guy divorces you because of a lack of intimacy than can you blame him for leaving after trying to fix the issue if the woman doesn't take accountability.
Lastly, I really disagree that man don't take care of the wife (or other members of the family) as much as the woman does in a relationship, both have different roles to support that why mutual respect is needed. I also disagree that a woman isn't safe in a relationship that feels dead, please understand men aren't violent or dangerous if we don't want to be in a relationship, especially old men, there are few exceptions (who ruined the images for most men) that happened but it is not the rule!
*** This is not a response to Bookmark Monaco, I'm only 28 yr old, im here trying to understand the value of marriage. @R Graine is way more qualified to advice and to help. I'm only responding to @R Graine comments and share my concerns. I really look forward to your next video on men ***
@@mims1597 I like the way you think. Very thoughtful response.
There's a corollary to older men going after young trophy women. That is, young women going after successful older men. In the first scenario, older women get overlooked. In the second, young men can't get a date. Both come with suffering for the overlooked group.
@@rgraine1196 these are stupid immature men show give us a bad name. No depth, can't even watch foreign movies with subtitles - just banal and vapid. The greatest thing in this world is to grow old together with a woman that is your age and have that amazing life history together!
she got a divorce. she did it . and now she is running a scam out of how to do what she didnt or couldnt do
Good, let someone else buy, and change her depends
Sounds like you had an awful divorce and feel that you were taken advantage of. Sorry about that. Hope you can move on in life without the bitterness that can eat our souls.
@GraineMediation
Nope. I'm just saying that when you get old, you go from an asset to a LIBILITY, that someone has to take care of you
Well, just like with younger people, you are always an asset if you make people feel good about themselves. We are all egotistical like that. You are not a liability. You are a human being.
@GraineMediation
Na. An older person will have to be caregivin by someone someday. I've been, though it. It's not fun.
@@TP-vu3tc I understand. It is tough. I am dealing with that now. I guess we all need to be the most loving parents, friends, and partners that we can be so other people will be willing to care for us. I am all in for my mom ... but if she was awful to me ... not sure sure how I would handle.
By the time women get older they have over looked how men are…after all the years of giving and investing themselves into their marriage and men not pouring back into them they’re done. They're done with lack of attention, the meanness, unfairness, their grumpy old men!! Honestly, they are at the point if going to be alone into marriage might as well be alone single, at least, I don't have to put up with someone is mean, grumpy and never wants to something
I suppose, whether man or woman, no one wants to spend the last years of life with someone who meets your description. I bet those grumpy older people don't even enjoy their own company!
Women mentally divorced from husbands years prior to bringing the papers, and the idea of marriage for woemn is totally different from men. Women never communicate, just and give the cold shouder, and consider their mental quarrels as effective communication since they expect from men to be mind readers AND Women always think of themselves as being in their prime, thus they can always do better.
It is true that most people who are moving forward with a divorce have been thinking about it for years. I have not heard about the mind reading portion of your comment. My experience with couples is that the woman asks for change over and over and over again until she finally gives up. A certain amount of emotional intuitiveness is also very important. Not everyone is a good communicator.
@@GraineMediation Really? what about "If you do not know, I'm not gonna tell you!" Women never tells you what they think is wrong, they just angrily stare at you
I hear one reason categorized five times, not five separate categories. Women enter relationships seeking financial security, emotional validation, children, and sex. Once they no longer require one or more of these things, they may leave. Women tend to have a "what can you do for me" kind of loyalty. On the other hand, men believe that the sacrifices they have made should ensure the relationship remains constant as they age. It's important for us to be more honest about how women perceive relationships. Providing men with advice about the ruthless nature and dark side of women can be helpful. We don't have any issue with openly discussing male dark dating strategies.
Very interesting observations. I was particularly struck by this sentence "...men believe that the sacrifices they have made should ensure the relationship remains constant as they age". I agree. I see that a lot. The problem with that type of thinking, in this day and age, is that most people do not consider making money a sacrifice. Why is that? Because people go to work whether they have kids and a spouse or not. What people get hyped up about are the chores and activities that come about strictly as a result of being married and having kids. It is also true that, when one of the major reasons that a person has for being married disappears, that starts the slide toward divorce. It am not sure that the women enter relationships seeking financial security. Most women work, too. Some do, though, I am sure. Emotional validation? I think we want that in all of our relationships. Marriage, especially. Children and sex can be had whether you are married or not. 40% of babies born in this country are to unwed mothers.
Did you make a video from the husband’s perspective?
I am scheduled do that in February 2024. Thanks for reminding me!
Respectfully, I’m seeking divorce advice for my elderly mother and so called father. This abuse is too much. I don’t agree with their marriage what so ever and it’s been way too long over due. How can we talk to our elderly about considering divorce and how can we ensure their safety from abuse of each other?
And most importantly, how can I keep safe from their constant abuse and misuse of power over me?
In spite what anybody else says,I am tired of walking on eggshells for these two manipulating conniving people who constantly harass me everywhere I go and they do it on purpose. To make things more understandable, they really do hate their own family and I watch and I shouldn’t be in edge all the time in my own life.
I think it’s the last straw where he just called me a sh*head, & idk if this has anything to do with his growing old bad behavior mechanism from when he had a lifestyle of bad memories from when he was little and growing up without a father and a bunch of siblings. It really is true that when they get older they get grumpier & in this case, it’s been an issue for years and years and years since I was little. I’m tired of it. Should the state take them as they grow much older is my concerns for their safety as well as mine?
Another concern is that of any lawyers or legalities goes, they should not be ignoring this elderly couples needs that haven’t been met in or out of the military as one of them are and have been retired from and as the lawyers or whomever protects them in a negative manner are not really allowed to protect them in a defensive stance against me what so ever for any reason their needs are not being met and they’de probably be fighting against me for them in being hateful and abusive all my whole entire life. It’s a very unhealthy situation these people have put me through and using others to stand in their stead with rumors and lies strewn around town and other places unbeknownst to me. This harassment of public humiliation isn’t going to go their direction anymore and it’s my life they will no longer be messing with or any of my own family members either.
They really do need to lay off.
The only advice I have is for your mom to meet with a divorce attorney. If she refuses, there is nothing that you can do. You will need to let them sort out their own lives. The problems sound as much psychological as they are legal. Maybe your mom should also be seeing a therapist. If she refuses to move on from her terrible situation, though, you cannot make her.
None of your business
I'm truly sorry to hear about the difficult situation your family is facing. Addressing issues like divorce and abuse can be challenging, especially when involving elderly parents. To address your elderly parents' potential divorce and abuse, consider seeking professional help, such as therapy or legal consultation. Have an open and compassionate conversation with your parents, prioritize their safety, and build a supportive network. Additionally, take care of your own well-being and consult with an attorney if needed for legal protection. Feel free to reach out to me if you need further assistance. Wish you and your family all the best.
Put yourself first. You cannot help anyone unless you are in a safe and peaceful place. If you have to go no contact with them then do that. You're making a mistake if you think your mother cannot make her own decisions. My mother went through her whole marriage with my father and they were always bickering and arguing. She talked to me about divorcing him and I encouraged her and told her that we would be there for her. She ended up not doing anything like that and died. we took care of her and our father sat in the living room watching television not helping her when he heard her calling asking for things. I would get them for her and I knew he would never lift a finger to help her. After she was gone, I moved away.
Getting married was the worse thing i ever did ...i dont blame my wife ...i blame myself ...cuz i not only ruined my life but theirs and everyone elses involved as well ..im not the marrying type ..i dont think anybody is really ...from my perspective anyway ..i never met anybody that was happily married ..have you ?Not even Adam and Eve
So sorry about all this sadness. I think everyone in the world is wired to have relationships. Maybe not a marriage, but relationships with other people. I hope you can work on whatever it might be that is holding you back from this. I find your comment about Adam and Eve very interesting. I have never though of that before.
@@GraineMediation Adam and Eve BOTH took no responsibility for their own lives ...they blamed God the devil or the serpent and everything in-between including each other !As far as men and women go...from perspective anyway one is as good or bad as the other
Sad that somehow this justifies divorce...
I do know that the reasons that I listed "justify" divorce. They are just the reasons that I hear.
I’ve heard it said that a marriage is between three-the husband, wife, and the government. Guess which side the government is on. Hint: It’s not the man’s side.
Interesting comment. It is true that, once married, certain laws apply to you whether you agree to them or not. I would not say that the government is on the man's side, though. I think the person who has the longest history of making income, the highest capacity to make income (more educated, more experience, more in demand skills already under the belt), and the best resume usually wins in the end. It is often painful for the bigger money maker in the beginning, but that score gets evened up pretty quickly with the lesser earning spouse almost always finishing way last. Where the government fails is in warning people that marriage is a partnership and, if it fails, there are buy-outs and rules related to pay-outs just like with a business partnership. If people do not like the rules, they absolutely should not get married.
@@GraineMediation FYI: I said the government is NOT on the man’s side.
@@sideman7117 I understand. I don't think the law is on either a man or a woman's side. At the end of the day, the person who is a better earning position almost always does better. Period. It may seem the law coddles the less monied spouse ... but that is only temporary. In the end, the money person wins.
Do you think a divorce at age 89 is ethical when both have dementia?
Or 80 should it be ethical for a lawyer to take their money and let it run for a year
@@Julzartnerd It seems extreme to me. Especially when there is dementia involved. A client who is not competent usually needs a guardian or some other person to speak for them.
When I was a young attorney my boss took on a case with an 83 year old man with a serious heart condition. His W about 15 years younger and the entire marriage was a scam. The woman never intended to live with him, care for him, or even love him. He was rich and lonely. Both my firm and the spouse's firm did everything they could to drag the case out and keep billing the clients. Unfortunately, the husband died before anything was ever resolved. He was very wealthy and, in the end, the wife probably ended up with everything. Just like she planned.
indeed a guardian would be the best thing you need,
So actually you won't end up with a sad sorry.
Both will need a guardian ad litem appointed for them (or a guardian, depending on the situation) and a financial professional who understands the pros and cons of the divorce and, if there is is going to be a divorce regardless of the pros and cons, that financial professional needs to get both parties' prepared for what is to come.
@@GraineMediation it won't actually be an easy one
You forgot #6: Old men smell bad. 🙃
Oh my!
The old p**** smells 20 times worse than the smell of old man
Unacceptable, that's not fact😡
😆
😂😂😂
Because they think the man has served their purpose. Some women can be very cold hearted
I think what the middle-aged and older women I deal with are saying is that their husband's are not meeting their purpose but, if they did, they wouldn't be divorcing them. What these women are looking for is emotional support, appreciation, affection, and help with chores and keeping tracks of matters around the house. If you are referring to the man serving the money purpose, that is not what most of my cases are about. Most women where I live make plenty of money. If you are talking about having a father for their children, most of women I deal with are not grasshopper types where they kill off the man after reproduction duties are done. It is true, though, that many women are cold. That is also true of men. People, in general, can be cold. This usually happens after poor treatment by parents, society, and/or spouses.
@@GraineMediation Hmm when a man gives a woman that reason they get outraged. double standards, go figure.
@@markp8581 It is true. Men and women are held to all kinds of differing standards in our personal lives and our professional lives. That is the truth of humanity, at least as far as things stand today.
I'm tired of everything being one way and its his way or no way, and everything must revolve around him very self absorbed and im over it no children in the house or grandchildren so why put up with it anymore 🤔
Women very choice. 😂🌹
Because they don't want to care when you become sick, and take your $$ and home.
If there is love and respect, spouses usually care for one another when they are sick. Some people are better caretakers than others, though, that is true. Usually, in a divorce, a spouse doesn't "take your $$ and home". The hard thing for many people to understand that is that assets acquired during the marriage belong to the marriage. If a person does not believe that such a law works for them, they need to not get married. Marriage is a contract where your money, your real estate, your retirement, etc. -- if acquired during the marriage (and not inherited or a gift from someone just to you) -- belongs to the marriage. Also, if you come into the marriage with assets of your own, see a lawyer before you tie the knot to be sure those assets are not at risk of becoming commingled with the marital estate (if that is what you want). I'm sorry if you had a bad experience and feel that you were ripped off. Many people share your sentiments.
Everyone should have a retirement plan! Since “wife” was a career for many women in the past, wanting to retire from domestic servitude seems perfectly reasonable.
That is the theory. That is why there is still alimony on the books in all states in USA.
Why is it that you’re blaming women ??? What if it had absolutely nothing to do with the women??? How about if it’s because after 26 years of marriage that when our kids ( twin daughters) go off to college we had a big disconnect and we were t able to reconnect?? Then in my case , my husband started not putting us & me first or including me in things or plans and didn’t plan anything for our 25 anniversary???? No cheating in our case either . So after giving him every opportunity to turn things around and be didn’t even put in the time , effort , energy or make it a priority i went and filed for a divorce 5 weeks ago. But i don’t think everything you’re saying is to be all the truth . Nothing personal. Just saying . We may not have had anything to do with it & as far as going through menopause and wanting a divorce also isn’t true . I went through a complete hysterectomy at 34 and i never wanted a divorce & I’m 51 now and i still didn’t want a divorce, but i refuse to be treated that way or be married and lonely and not made a priority or not included in my marriage. If he wants to be alone , he should’ve said something. But it seems like the minute our girls left it was like he had a midlife crisis or something???
I appreciate your perspective, and I understand that every situation is unique. It's essential to acknowledge that not all divorces are related to women or menopause, and various factors can contribute to the decision to part ways.
It sounds like you've been through a challenging time in your marriage, and I'm sorry to hear about the disconnect you experienced. It's entirely valid to prioritize your well-being and happiness in a relationship.
Marriage dynamics can change over time, especially when major life events like children leaving for college occur. It's not uncommon for individuals to reassess their priorities and seek personal fulfillment.
If you're comfortable sharing more about your experiences or insights into navigating changes in long-term relationships, I'd be interested in hearing more about your journey. Your perspective could be helpful to others who may be going through similar situations.
Aw thats not on. Every year deserves to be celebrated especially 25 years. He was taking you for granted. I hope you find someone who appreciates you or you find happiness in yourself. We deserve to be happy.
No kids around, time to cash in the chips for the lady!😊 New freedom for them to explore the world without the husband hanging around!😊
Why can't you do that anyway?
Explore the world... leave husband at home to water the plants, make some repairs, read a book, workout, sleep.
What is all this crap about "I finally found myself!"?
Books. They're called books people.
@@basicprogrammer6147 Many husbands will be strongly opposed to their wife exploring the world without them. Even if the husband doesn't want to travel, most of them would be very angry about their wife doing so.
Many women tend to lose themselves, their identity, their sense of who they are as they work to please everyone. They tirelessly take care of everyone except themselves.
Most husbands take emotional advantage of their wife's innate desire to please him.
It becomes too much for many women.
When a woman marries, she most often changes her name to match the man she marries.
More women than men take anti-depressants to be able to cope. That says a lot.
My wife divorced me seven years ago. With the prenuptial agreement she didn’t come out as good as she thought she was going to and now I have a girlfriend that’s half my age from Brazil and she’s absolutely smoking hot. Best thing that ever happened to me, who knew
Awesome 😁👍 more power to you. Live the life
At the end of the day? She wants your money and the freedom of her twenties back because she's not getting the free attention. And once the guard at the gate (that would be YOU) is gone? All of those men will rush over to bounce on her, giving her the attention.
But unlike you? They only want to bounce on her. They won't be staying. So, it's a short-term win for her. But, a long-term win for you. Because if you are in shape with an average lifestyle? You will become the desired retirement option for a faaaar wider demographic (usually 28-40). But, remember how you got here. I wouldn't be so eager to try it twice.😂😂
At that age, she will be more of a libility than a good mate or lover. So, let her men pick up the medical hospital and her funeral costs
prevent,why the heck .. don't stay w him if you don't want to
you only got ONE LIFE .. if u think of divorce, then it's final..
just a matter of time ..
STOP
seams like bullying to me ..
it's NOT WOMANS FAULT..!!!
then why should i get married if we have no fault divorce and older females are more likely to leave? no thanks
I don't know that it is only older females who are likely to leave. Approximately 70% of all divorces are filed by women. So, why should you get married? That is question you need to ask yourself. Good luck.
@@GraineMediation "So, why should you get married? That is question you need to ask yourself. Good luck." i already did. i see benefits and risks. for me there are way more risks than benefits. and because of no fault divorce she can leave me anytime she wants and i have to pay, alimony, child support, half of assets, half of retirement and more. (loss of money, false allegations, i cant see my kids anymore, ...). i dont like being exposed to risks. the only thing i would have are casual relationships but nothing more. but often she wants more commitment and marriage. thats where i leave the casual relationship.
I think what you're basically saying is that even if a man is loyal, women will divorce for almost no good reason.
No. Sorry if that is how you heard it. This video was only to let people know what I hear from the women who DO get divorced. There are many, many women with loyal husbands -- and even husbands are not loyal - who do not get divorced. But, since I only work with couples who are getting divorced, that is my expertise. If you are loyal, keep being that way. Your chances of getting divorced, I am certain, are lower if you are a good husband.
@@GraineMediation
Her lawyer has crushed us.
Over the year or so this has dragged on, I thought we were reconciling.
but one problem is that, at the order of protection hearing, he surprised the court with a page of texts showing that I called her a bitch and an asshole the night before she filed. I proved I said "I love you" instead.
But since I've been hounding HIM for not telling the judge the exhibit was fabricated, he's been instructing her to become hostile.
She's very emotional these days and gets upset, so...
we're losing everything because of her lawyer.
This is the greatest explanation and I understand and now the unthinkable is happening to me it’s deserved
Not exactly. I am explaining what I see when a middle-aged woman gets a divorce. BUT, many middle-aged women do NOT seek a divorce. Sorry for the confusion. Lots of middle-aged women stay married until the day they or they husband dies. If you are a loyal, good husband, you will probably be ok. Most people don't try and fix relationships that are not broken.
Books. I would need zero fingers to count how many books every adult in my family has read.
Everyone is dumb and boring. THAT is the problem with this world. Everyone is obese or thinking about food all the time. No one works out or reads.
I never thought an earth that has it all would blow it on mediocrity.
I think that enormous amounts of people's time is spent on dribble and nothing of substance. But, maybe that is not bad. People want to relax. They want to enjoy life. They no longer think that pushing all the time, and working like a dog, will get them where they want to go. Finding the shortcuts, and working just enough to get by, seems more the norm. That is what I find, anyway, for the majority of the people. Maybe that is not so bad. Maybe some people's mediocrity is other people's deep fun and engagement with what is important to them.
@@GraineMediation
All true.
My point is I think it's sad that people who can read choose not to.
It's such a mind blowing experience to get into a great novel. They're classics and durable for a reason...
I thought mediators were supposed to be neutral. Your mindset seems like you would be better suited to be an advocate for women going through divorce.
I am only reporting what I hear from my clients. This video is not based on my personal opinions. As a matter of fact, I am a single middle-aged woman who has not experienced the issues mentioned in the video. I know it would be better (it would feel more "neutral") if I also made a video about why middle aged men get divorced ... and that is in the plans. Also, I did use to be an advocate for women going through divorce. AND, men going through divorce. I was a divorce attorney. I hated that. Winning and losing is not the right mentality when a family is breaking up -- especially when children are involved. I prefer to be a neutral and help both spouses get through their divorce settlement without the expensive and time consuming games and immoral strategies played out in the courthouse.
Suppose there is one child who is 15. Regardless of custody, imagine this scenario and tell me if there is an error:
The ex wife and the child stay in the house and pays the other spouse rent until the house is sold someday.
The ex husband still pays child support, but he gets half of the amount that the house could have been rented for.
Example:
The court orders the husband to pay $500 per month in support.
The house could be rented for $3,000.
So the husband collects net $1,000: $1,500 minus $500 equals $1,000
Flaws?
Impossible to determine flaws until have a full knowledge of the child support laws in that state.
It sounds like they want a 25 yo lover and half of the money - best of luck.
In my experience, most women in their 40's, 50's, and 60's do not want a 25 year old lover. They do want half of the money acquired during the marriage, though.
Older women want divorce because they are tired of waiting for their husband to make them happy. They only have another 15 years to go, so she may as well taje the money and run. She finds out later that the next guy was worse than the one she had.
It sounds like what you are saying is that if a woman picked an unsupportive, unloving, unhappiness-creating husband the first time that she is just a bad picker of husbands. Right? Or, are you saying that all men are bad? That could not be true. I know many wonderful men who are good husbands. Maybe you are saying that the type of woman that divorces her husband will be miserable no matter what? That does happen, but that is not the usual order of business. Most women feel relieved after divorce and, in my area, the money that they have "run off with" was often earned by them as much as by their husband. I hope the best for everyone who ends up divorced. Even if they were a jerk during the marriage. Everyone deserves to be loved.
We can all do our children a huge favor --- tell them not to get married.
...or prepare them with information about how much work it is to keep a marriage alive and well.
You should speak about Biology with your colleagues on the side of puberty blockers. I didn't know a JD would made you an expert in MD/psychological fields. Don't discuss biology when you are just speaking non-sense please, stop hurting your reputation as a professional.
My goodness! So aggressive. As a 61 year old woman, myself, and having heard the stories of hundreds of peri and post-menopausal women (women whose estrogen has taken a hard drop), I believe that I do have some expertise. You do not need a medical degree when you hear the same story over and over again from middle aged women about why they are leaving their husbands. These women are all in the same biological boat. It is also possible, I imagine, that these women have simply run out of patience because their husbands' behavior is getting worse as they age. Maybe most of my middle-aged female clients are just tired -- because they are older -- to be a caretaker to their husbands anymore.
Thank you for your comment. It is nice to now people are watching my videos. Next time I dare to mention a body-issue, I make sure to add that I am not a doctor ... but I think people know that already.
@@GraineMediation aggressive? That's the truth. The truth hurts. Please show me stats on who actually benefits from divorce? Men go through hell on earth because of divorce, and 70-75% of first divorces are filed by women. What happened "til death do us apart?"
You have to do more research and perform your own research on divorce rates ma'am. Nonetheless, I don't think you would publish because it would not benefit your business.
God bless you.
@@oc4984 Financially, men tend to do better after divorce. yourdivorcequestions.org/how-will-divorce-affect-me-financially/#:~:text=Generally%2C%20women%20suffer%20more%20financially%20than%20do%20men%20from%20divorce.
Emotionally, women tend to do better. courses.lumenlearning.com/wm-lifespandevelopment/chapter/relationships/#:~:text=Men%20tend%20to%20remarry%20sooner,to%20men%20than%20to%20women.
Men do not tend to divorce their wives unless they are already overlapped with a girlfriend. This is my experience working with divorcing couples for over 20 years. Men seem to prefer being partnered up. Women, on the other hand, often divorce their husbands and go on to live their lives without a new partner. They lean on their friends and family for support and that often gets them through life's hard times. The "till death do us part" language is what people want when they married. But, maybe when the "us" becomes a living hell, they are willing to break their vow. It is very difficult for them. I do not see people in my mediation room who are taking their divorces lightly. Usually, it has been years and years of a very bad situation before they call me and end their marriage. Many, many attempts to fix the problems are usually what I am hearing about. It is all very sad. And, remember that "death" used to come much earlier. With so many people living to almost 100 years old, people are looking at a miserable 30+ years, if the marriage has gotten ugly, versus a lot less time back when people died younger.
Men behaving badly...enough
1:30 This is happening to me. My wife texted me "I don't feel good, I'm going through menopause"
Boom, two weeks later, she files for an order of protection to get me ejected from the home, then files for divorce a week later. We are going through absolute hell and have spent almost $100,000 with no end in sight.
So, sure, menopause appears to be difficult.
But what about simple, rational thinking???
It would have been cheaper for me to live in a hotel every weekend for a year.
That is a tremendous amount of money for a divorce based solely on a woman's hormonal changes. I would suspect there is more to your divorce than that; but that could have been the jumping off point. Women do tend to start focusing more on themselves, and less on pleasing and catering to others, once they are begin moving through menopause. I hope you can wrap up the settlement or trial and get on with your life soon. There is an end, but it will probably take both you and your wife coming to the joint conclusion that the lawyers are on a joy ride with your wallet before the draining of your bank accounts will stop. If there is domestic violence, though (which it sounds like a judge believed there was considering your "ejection" from the home), that will make your case much more complicated.
@@GraineMediation
She's being funded by her millionaire father and his wife (her step mother).
She drained $50,000 from her retirement account, and I've spent almost $35,000 on an apartment and separate living.
Her lawyer has employed his entire office to "help" her, and doing every dirty trick in the book, like fake financials, pleading for child support, withholding discovery evidence, etc.
He'll rot in hell, that's for sure.
@@GraineMediation PS. THANK YOU! for responding to my questions. I am sorry I am so negative. I am going through the second single worst thing anyone on earth could ever go through: the destruction of a family.
@@basicprogrammer6147 Yes. A very emotional time. Sorry.
My ex did the same thing. Filed a BS protection order and all she did was give all her money to an attorney. She ruined her life and destroyed the family. She has always been selfish but this was over the top. She is in her 50s and looks like she is much older because of the stress and how bad it hit her. Concerning a protection order. The attorneys tell them to do that to keep access to the home and kids. It's all business at that point and all you do is give money to the attorneys and court system. I know of a woman who spent over 200k on attorney fees to keep the kids away from the dad for sole custody. They went to court and 3 trials later they have 50/50 custody and the attorney's kids will have their college paid for by all this. Watch the movie Divorce Corp. Women are enticed by these attorneys and they think they are going to hit the lottery in divorce and it will be all theirs.
Older women divorce because they can continue having access to their ex-husband's resources via alimony and child support while not having to deal with him anymore. He winds up working multiple jobs living in a one bedroom apartment because most of his money is going to support her lifestyle.
Women are conditioned nowadays to put their own "happiness" over the duty they committed to in the marriage.
That does happen, sometimes, and it is terribly unfair. No one should have to work three jobs to support an ex-spouse who is not working. I have not heard of that exact situation; but I think I understand what you mean. Most women also work, though, and this doesn't apply to those cases. In many other divorce situations, there are not enough financial resources for the divorcing woman to have a party-time after divorce. She has to work just like the man. Everyone has less resources. In most cases, if the marriage was pleasant, and the spouses felt they were being appreciated and loved, there is no divorce and the financial disaster that often results from divorce is avoided.
@@bluepillunplugged4886 I think all Americans -- men and women - are conditioned to put their individual happiness over the well-being of their marriage. I don't know if it is a matter of "duty" as much as it is a matter of keeping the marriage healthy by communication, appreciation, loving words and actions, and taking time for the relationship.
@@bluepillunplugged4886 Did your Mum do that to you??
@@cameronlindsey5238 nope
solution: Don't marry fellas. Let them find their peace on their own dime. Then get a younger replacement.
Well ... a younger replacement is not always an easy ride. Relationships are hard work, whether your partner is older or younger.
Yes…let’s hope the younger replacement is willing to change your diapers when you start getting sick.
@@ilikesquirrels9039
What's your advice since these older wives dumped their husbands? It's like being caught between a rock and hard place.
The monsters-that-be have changed what is Godly…lovers of self….etc. We all suffer because these are the wicked times. Read THE BOOK. Put him first and gain his peace. Remember, we are all still down here and will have to go through somethings regardless. Good luck.
@@ilikesquirrels9039
Thank you.
My point is most men don't div their wives and run off with a younger woman. That's a stereotype. Usually when there is div it's filed by the woman.
My initial comment was to the men who are left behind. Not to men in stable marriages.
Pro-tip, don't get married!
That seems to be advice that many people are taking these days. That goes along with not having children. Being a single person, with only a dog or cat to care for, has become a very popular lifestyle. If this floats her boat, have at it.