Ah, the grueling joy of being a gregarious introvert. Because you're so friendly and outgoing, no one believes you when you say, "All I want out of life is to be left...the fuck...ALONE".
Introverts don't want to be left alone at all. The issue is the type of questions you'll be asked by others, the unthoughtful judgement by others and not being happy with how you look when you are expressive, someone hating their smile for example, introversion is a defence mechanism brought on by bad parenting, bullying and awkward life situations. There is nothing an introvert wants more than to be able to freely express themselves without getting fucked over for it.
You may want to consider an alternative way of thinking about introverts. One where the person is born that way and introversion is their natural way of relating to the world. Withdrawal as a defense mechanism could be done by anyone regardless of temperament. An introvert will use defense mechanisms differently than an extrovert but I would be careful about labelling introversion as a defense mechanism. It could appear that way as a introvert goes deeper into themselves but the reaction expressed as a defense mechanism is a consequence of already being an introvert. You may wish to read "The Highly Sensitive Person" By Elaine Aron.
Some professors overwhelm you with facts that you forget after the midterm. Yet, I remember so many concepts from Professor Little's personality psych class a decade later because of his story telling and style. He is one of the great lecturers of our time. I quote him and his research in both my books because his research is so foundational.
I'm listening to this while cleaning my room because in the next room all of my extroverted family members are having a loud conversation and I tapped out an hour ago
I'm painfully introverted but my best friend ever is a classic over-the-top extrovert. We get along great and I think we balance each other out, it's like a Yin Yan thing. I can't stand being around most people because they suck the life out of me but for some reason, he brings out the best in me and I feel so "normal" and engaged... Is this common or just me?
He probably knows when to stop and doesn't deplete your social meter. I have just a few people like this in my life but my son is full on extrovert so far by the looks of it... he's has days where he would run all over the house like he's crazy and he's only 16 months. I love him but he is exhausting! lol
chinimasse that's funny, I have a son who is a classic extrovert I love him more than anything but I can hardly keep up either! I realize more and more it's def. somewhat genetic; he is a lot like his mother and my daughter is turning out to be a lot like me, which isn't a bad thing, she's just more reserved and mellow and not looking for the next big bang to stimulate her like he's always on the hunt for.
Ice Bear 2.0 Haha! My husband likes to do downhill biking in the mountains and can reach speeds of 50km/h!! He takes from Daddy for sure! Some of his favorite games involve getting tossed around the bed or being held and swing left, right up and down at crazy so he can feel his little body getting flung all around! He laughs and laughs when we do this! He his a nuts little man! Hopefully he ends up being a little bit of both so he enjoys biking with his daddy and quiet time at the house just as much! :)
Talks like this are probably my only source of motivation. I have been insulted and boycotted because I just want be alone and study. I graduated from the university as an award winning student; but my family wouldn't fund my graduate studies because "I don't care about anyone". My mom called me one day and said to me: "Nuru, the way you are people are saying that you're probably possessed by some demon". I am from Ghana, these ridiculous superstition is very common. Right now I am doing small jobs here and there to be able to fund myself. Why can't people understand that I am not interested in anything they are doing or saying if it is not relevant. But it doesn't matter what anybody thinks or says. I am going to do whatever I need to do WITH or WITHOUT them.
hold up, your family were willing to ruin your life because of some superstition? im sorry but you deserve way better than that and i hope now you have found your passion, this really shows how society treats introverted people
Funny guy lol. Iam very very introverted and for me its tough because I dont do the pseudo extrovert thing. well only with my kids. But iam always getting judged like iam mean, and disrespectful or something. I just detest small talk about trivial things. Its crazy how people dont understand that not everyone share the same personality. Some people are innately reticent and some are innately loquacious. Its really simple.
Remember that it all depends upon your personal project. If your mission, lets say, requieres it, you will find motivation and tools for developing caracteristics of other personalities.
"Introverts are more likely to drive slower and listen to music at a more reasonable volume, to avoid overstimulation." Me, extremely introverted, blaring heavy metal and speeding down the highway: "WHAT DID YOU SAY?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!"
You are great Brian. I did find you in the book, Quiet. This is the second talk on the subject I've listened to by you. You really helped me to understand why I behave the way I do at work, as I am an introvert. Thank you for spreading the word. P.S, given your expression of the way introverts behave, would you agree that certain professions might suit the introvert better than others?
Oh, how I love teachers who talk like that, how they take me from thought to thought effortlessly and how they can capture my complete attention without me even realizing it until it's over. .. and I learned new concepts and ideas. Thank you, so, great lecture.
This is about the phoney version of introversion peddled by Hans Eysenck and his followers, basically synonymous with high sensitivity (the famous HSP). Under this definition the sensitive nervous system must always be shielding itself from loud music, large crowds, etc. It's the dominant academic paradigm because it's the one most easily measured - our old friend the Streetlight Fallacy. If you've ever snuck out of a party because it was agonizingly dull and driven around by yourself listening to loud music instead - and I've done this basically every time I've had the misfortune to have been dragged to a party - you've shown that his definition of introversion doesn't cover the full range of the concept. The erroneous Eysenckian/HSP paradigm would claim you left the party because it was too stimulating (!) and the loud music proves you're not an introvert at all.
Extremely introverted here and although this lecture offered great advice, as a new father and being required to associate more and more with inquisitive family members I am over whelmed by the obligations...Feel as though my head will implode..Cannot hardly stand a conversation....I think I may be cracking up.....She never really took the time time to understand this aspect of my character....Stumbling here...
Most extroverts are nothing but social noise, they are very noisy people and draining to experience. Extroverts are often bigoted against introverts and workplace discrimination is a major issue.
This was hilarious. Mainly true, especially the toilet situation. I'm very much introverted, makes life difficult at times, but I'm learning to work on it.
Reminds me of Elphaba (the introvert) and Galinda (the extrovert) from the musical Wicked- Galinda says, "Elphie... do you mind if I call you Elphie?" "It's a little perky" "And you can call me... Galinda." "Elphie, now that we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project." "You really don't have to do that." "I know! That's what makes me so nice."
introversion and extroversion are only observable labels/ preferable strategies not realities ... degree of stimulation required x duration and ability to bridge with non similar types is a more useful set of metrics, with a goal to be ambiverted relative to goals, knowing when to talk, listen is the aspect of social iq . e.g. i'm a poster child introvert family friends hear from yearly, that said i can talk for days with like minded people provided i have a reason and time to, can be extroverted chat up strangers at bus terminals, normally don't cause i'm busy and aware of opportunity costs, unlike those more dominantly extroverted or introverted lost in their stimuli.
Seems to be extremely generalized information and seems like he doesn't even study psychology...introvert vs extrovert is about how we get energy (internally or externally) so I wonder what studies he's referencing and what the measurements were in each. Sources?
I'm an introvert as well. However, I do express extroverted behaviors when I change my personality in order to adjust to certain situations when necessary, like for social gatherings or giving presentations at school. Strangely though, I feel invisible, like no one can see me, which is a good thing ; since I'm not one for the attention. - But I'm always so self cautious and aware.
A very good Professor of course who describes the world of Introvert People. One of my good friend is an Introvert , It was really hard for me to understand him and most of the times I consider him as a bad person . Once I came to know the qualities of an Introvert Person I fall in love with him . Introverted person posses really highly good characteristic value . Really enjoyed this video. God bless :)
Acting out of character for an extended period of time, even with the best of intentions, isn't possible. Only unless there's something psychologically wrong with a person.
loud extrovert till middle school, adapted introvert for strangers that mock, reintegration to school life had an attempt at being extrovert, age caught up, realized there is always someone with less to lose and I adapted once more. I believe attaining the last qualifications to not take any comparisons with people simply willing to be more forcefully shameful will allow me to be the me I want, to the other I want, and fully be ok with how it all turned out.
Is Brian Little really an introvert if he is publicly speaking? I am a very lucky introvert. I work alone during the third shift. I rarely see anybody.
@@londonkhareem6515 My job keeps me away from everybody since I work third shift. But it pays rather handsomely. However, I have worked alone for a very long time and it is what I am used to doing. My only coworker, if he can be regarded my coworker, is the guard at the entry to the complex. My boss works at day and leaves me instructions in emails about what needs to be done at night.
There are plenty of actors, musicians, comedians and teachers that are introverts. It basically comes down to how you gain energy. Introverts can be social it's just that they will mentally tire out rather quickly and therefore need lots of alone time to recharge themselves. An extravert gains their energy from engaging and being around people. I suggest to look into MBTI which stands for Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. This is based on the works of Carl Jung. It will open your eyes to human behaviour.
You know, I wonder what my deal is. I think I'm an introvert, and everyone in my family is introverted and subdued, yet I drive fast, listen to music as loud as the stock stereo will go, I yell a lot, I am very aggressive with the weights at the gym, etc.
This is so true about using the toilets. I never let sounds come out. I'll always open a shower until I'm done with my business. Also, it makes me so nervous when I hear sounds outside. ALSO NOT ONLY IN TOILETS BUT EVEN IN AN SOCIAL GATHERINGS IF SOMEONE TALKS LOUDLY FROM BEHIND ME I GET STARTLED. I EVEN GET A SUDDEN NEED TO USE THE RESTROOM. This is so weird. But I don't know how to fix it. The only thing that I can do is fake my confidence.
You are great Brian. I did find you in the book, Quiet. This is the second talk on the subject I've listened to by you. You really helped me to understand why I behave the way I do at work, as I am an introvert. Thank you for spreading the word. P.S, given your expression of the way introverts behave, would you agree that certain professions might suit the introvert better than others?
Just commenting on the beginning...but what about the personality of the person who already knows they can lick their elbow, and both of them (not at the same time of course)... Great video. So cool to hear him speak up after reading about him in Susan Cain's book.
He's so ebullient. Had he not say he was an introvert, I would've never guessed. But being an introverted analyst myself, I can't help but think he wasn't very elucidating about the details behind introverted behavior.
Man, his students are very lucky, what an engaging profesor.
+aisling campbell He just gave his last lecture ever 2 days ago. We all cried
+pcmatcat - Any chance you could share the link to his last lecture....?
It was part of my Psychology course at Cambridge, so We couldn't really record it
Hell yea.. i'd be he 1st 1 in there.
I'm an introvert too. I am not shy. I just prefer to be on my own. I also work from home. :)
same.
Ladi Like Nice. :)
What do you do for your career? I too am an introvert amd I would prefer to work at home. A 9-5 job is exhausting!
I envy you
8jboring engagement
Ah, the grueling joy of being a gregarious introvert. Because you're so friendly and outgoing, no one believes you when you say, "All I want out of life is to be left...the fuck...ALONE".
Society has made extroverts out of us!
oh my goodness YES!
Introverts don't want to be left alone at all. The issue is the type of questions you'll be asked by others, the unthoughtful judgement by others and not being happy with how you look when you are expressive, someone hating their smile for example, introversion is a defence mechanism brought on by bad parenting, bullying and awkward life situations. There is nothing an introvert wants more than to be able to freely express themselves without getting fucked over for it.
You may want to consider an alternative way of thinking about introverts. One where the person is born that way and introversion is their natural way of relating to the world. Withdrawal as a defense mechanism could be done by anyone regardless of temperament. An introvert will use defense mechanisms differently than an extrovert but I would be careful about labelling introversion as a defense mechanism. It could appear that way as a introvert goes deeper into themselves but the reaction expressed as a defense mechanism is a consequence of already being an introvert. You may wish to read "The Highly Sensitive Person" By Elaine Aron.
Leave us ALONE!!!!!
Some professors overwhelm you with facts that you forget after the midterm. Yet, I remember so many concepts from Professor Little's personality psych class a decade later because of his story telling and style. He is one of the great lecturers of our time. I quote him and his research in both my books because his research is so foundational.
I'm listening to this while cleaning my room because in the next room all of my extroverted family members are having a loud conversation and I tapped out an hour ago
Okay but why is this me? Lol
Stop talking about me
I'm painfully introverted but my best friend ever is a classic over-the-top extrovert. We get along great and I think we balance each other out, it's like a Yin Yan thing. I can't stand being around most people because they suck the life out of me but for some reason, he brings out the best in me and I feel so "normal" and engaged... Is this common or just me?
He probably knows when to stop and doesn't deplete your social meter. I have just a few people like this in my life but my son is full on extrovert so far by the looks of it... he's has days where he would run all over the house like he's crazy and he's only 16 months. I love him but he is exhausting! lol
chinimasse
that's funny, I have a son who is a classic extrovert I love him more than anything but I can hardly keep up either! I realize more and more it's def. somewhat genetic; he is a lot like his mother and my daughter is turning out to be a lot like me, which isn't a bad thing, she's just more reserved and mellow and not looking for the next big bang to stimulate her like he's always on the hunt for.
Ice Bear 2.0
Haha!
My husband likes to do downhill biking in the mountains and can reach speeds of 50km/h!! He takes from Daddy for sure! Some of his favorite games involve getting tossed around the bed or being held and swing left, right up and down at crazy so he can feel his little body getting flung all around! He laughs and laughs when we do this!
He his a nuts little man!
Hopefully he ends up being a little bit of both so he enjoys biking with his daddy and quiet time at the house just as much! :)
+ chinimasse
It seems that a balanced combo of both traits - perhaps with a bit more emphasis on the extro side - would be ideal... Good luck!
Dylan Murphy same situation here
Talks like this are probably my only source of motivation. I have been insulted and boycotted because I just want be alone and study. I graduated from the university as an award winning student; but my family wouldn't fund my graduate studies because "I don't care about anyone". My mom called me one day and said to me: "Nuru, the way you are people are saying that you're probably possessed by some demon". I am from Ghana, these ridiculous superstition is very common. Right now I am doing small jobs here and there to be able to fund myself. Why can't people understand that I am not interested in anything they are doing or saying if it is not relevant. But it doesn't matter what anybody thinks or says. I am going to do whatever I need to do WITH or WITHOUT them.
hold up, your family were willing to ruin your life because of some superstition? im sorry but you deserve way better than that and i hope now you have found your passion, this really shows how society treats introverted people
Stay strong my man
Funny guy lol. Iam very very introverted and for me its tough because I dont do the pseudo extrovert thing. well only with my kids. But iam always getting judged like iam mean, and disrespectful or something. I just detest small talk about trivial things. Its crazy how people dont understand that not everyone share the same personality. Some people are innately reticent and some are innately loquacious. Its really simple.
truu small talk sucks
+robert ndiema lol...yeah. Talking just to be talking. Id rather chill and think.
amen
michael Davis my type of people. I am curious what would happen in a room full of introverts.
Alexis Mitchell Can I still answer your question?
Awesome speaker, I would like to be this kind of Introvert.
Christian Berthaud me too! I want to learn how to talk in front of people!
Remember that it all depends upon your personal project. If your mission, lets say, requieres it, you will find motivation and tools for developing caracteristics of other personalities.
This guy is funny being an introvert, and it's spectacular!
"Introverts are more likely to drive slower and listen to music at a more reasonable volume, to avoid overstimulation."
Me, extremely introverted, blaring heavy metal and speeding down the highway: "WHAT DID YOU SAY?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!"
All the ambiverts are like: hmm I'm an extroverts... Wait wait I think I'm introvert... Wait what 😂😂
You are great Brian. I did find you in the book, Quiet. This is the second talk on the subject I've listened to by you. You really helped me to understand why I behave the way I do at work, as I am an introvert. Thank you for spreading the word.
P.S, given your expression of the way introverts behave, would you agree that certain professions might suit the introvert better than others?
Im introverted but i was too busy reading the comments to watch this
Relatable. Funny. Educational. Loved every minute of this, especially the Miley twerking on cello bit. XD.
Oh, how I love teachers who talk like that, how they take me from thought to thought effortlessly and how they can capture my complete attention without me even realizing it until it's over. .. and I learned new concepts and ideas. Thank you, so, great lecture.
The toilet example was the best!! ROFL
Small talk and Social Niceties are the worst, I can't stand ignorance and superficiality.
Omg I'm dying 😂 it was more so a stand up than a lecture tbh👌🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Pseudo-extrovert absolutely!! I jokingly tell some of my clients that conversation during their therapeutic massage is extra$$. LOL
So charismatic!
"Chuckles Baby" had me chuckling...
That's funny. "Sorry, that's the rat study" Oh my...
God he is entertainlng!
This is about the phoney version of introversion peddled by Hans Eysenck and his followers, basically synonymous with high sensitivity (the famous HSP).
Under this definition the sensitive nervous system must always be shielding itself from loud music, large crowds, etc. It's the dominant academic paradigm because it's the one most easily measured - our old friend the Streetlight Fallacy.
If you've ever snuck out of a party because it was agonizingly dull and driven around by yourself listening to loud music instead - and I've done this basically every time I've had the misfortune to have been dragged to a party - you've shown that his definition of introversion doesn't cover the full range of the concept. The erroneous Eysenckian/HSP paradigm would claim you left the party because it was too stimulating (!) and the loud music proves you're not an introvert at all.
Extremely introverted here and although this lecture offered great advice, as a new father and being required to associate more and more with inquisitive family members I am over whelmed by the obligations...Feel as though my head will implode..Cannot hardly stand a conversation....I think I may be cracking up.....She never really took the time time to understand this aspect of my character....Stumbling here...
Most extroverts are nothing but social noise, they are very noisy people and draining to experience. Extroverts are often bigoted against introverts and workplace discrimination is a major issue.
That was the best.
This was hilarious. Mainly true, especially the toilet situation. I'm very much introverted, makes life difficult at times, but I'm learning to work on it.
Ramz zzz Me Too
I'm an introvert but ik how to turn the switch on to a extrovert sometimes
Reminds me of Elphaba (the introvert) and Galinda (the extrovert) from the musical Wicked- Galinda says, "Elphie... do you mind if I call you Elphie?"
"It's a little perky"
"And you can call me... Galinda."
"Elphie, now that we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project."
"You really don't have to do that."
"I know! That's what makes me so nice."
genius teacher, genius being, my infinite admiration to you!!!!
I was always told that if you successfully licked your own elbow, you would spontaneously change gender.
I was told that too
I NEED MORE KNOWLEDGE!!!
introversion and extroversion are only observable labels/ preferable strategies not realities ... degree of stimulation required x duration and ability to bridge with non similar types is a more useful set of metrics, with a goal to be ambiverted relative to goals, knowing when to talk, listen is the aspect of social iq
. e.g. i'm a poster child introvert family friends hear from yearly, that said i can talk for days with like minded people provided i have a reason and time to, can be extroverted chat up strangers at bus terminals, normally don't cause i'm busy and aware of opportunity costs, unlike those more dominantly extroverted or introverted lost in their stimuli.
it is now becomming very clear that i am introvert and my son and his father is extrovert
Is this causing problems in your marriage?
Seems to be extremely generalized information and seems like he doesn't even study psychology...introvert vs extrovert is about how we get energy (internally or externally) so I wonder what studies he's referencing and what the measurements were in each. Sources?
For those of you in Vancouver, Canada, Brian is speaking here on Wednesday September 21 :)
damn
every ted talk i have heard till now
speakers r referrinf to susan cain's book
well that was teh 1st ted talk abt introversion i hv listened
to.
I'm an introvert as well. However, I do express extroverted behaviors when I change my personality in order to adjust to certain situations when necessary, like for social gatherings or giving presentations at school. Strangely though, I feel invisible, like no one can see me, which is a good thing ; since I'm not one for the attention. - But I'm always so self cautious and aware.
I love this lecture. I think I've listened to it half a dozen times, and every time I am intrigued (and I laugh).
Yes. I spend lots of time in the loo just to regain my sense of balance and calm especially at work.
Yes yes yes!! I am an extreme introvert as well!
A very good Professor of course who describes the world of Introvert People. One of my good friend is an Introvert , It was really hard for me to understand him and most of the times I consider him as a bad person . Once I came to know the qualities of an Introvert Person I fall in love with him . Introverted person posses really highly good characteristic value . Really enjoyed this video. God bless :)
Acting mean lying or pretending...
Acting out of character for an extended period of time, even with the best of intentions, isn't possible. Only unless there's something psychologically wrong with a person.
loud extrovert till middle school, adapted introvert for strangers that mock, reintegration to school life had an attempt at being extrovert, age caught up, realized there is always someone with less to lose and I adapted once more. I believe attaining the last qualifications to not take any comparisons with people simply willing to be more forcefully shameful will allow me to be the me I want, to the other I want, and fully be ok with how it all turned out.
I didn't even say a number and I want to turn it off
he stole half the information in this talk from another TED talk
I’m actually listening to this while I hide in the bathroom.
this guy is really funny!
He makes me think of Bob Newhart!
Is Brian Little really an introvert if he is publicly speaking? I am a very lucky introvert. I work alone during the third shift. I rarely see anybody.
Indrid Cold I kept a lousy job because I didn’t have to deal with people
@@londonkhareem6515 My job keeps me away from everybody since I work third shift. But it pays rather handsomely. However, I have worked alone for a very long time and it is what I am used to doing. My only coworker, if he can be regarded my coworker, is the guard at the entry to the complex. My boss works at day and leaves me instructions in emails about what needs to be done at night.
There are plenty of actors, musicians, comedians and teachers that are introverts. It basically comes down to how you gain energy. Introverts can be social it's just that they will mentally tire out rather quickly and therefore need lots of alone time to recharge themselves. An extravert gains their energy from engaging and being around people.
I suggest to look into MBTI which stands for Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. This is based on the works of Carl Jung. It will open your eyes to human behaviour.
He's awesome, love to listen to him!!!!
Any books describing this phenomenon of arousal and under arousal?
Im an introvert but can be very extroverted if its a topic im intersted in. Just cant deal with people and personalities.
As an introvert , I just found that fact interesting and didn't feel compelled to do anything with that information.
Great wise words
You know, I wonder what my deal is. I think I'm an introvert, and everyone in my family is introverted and subdued, yet I drive fast, listen to music as loud as the stock stereo will go, I yell a lot, I am very aggressive with the weights at the gym, etc.
This is so true about using the toilets. I never let sounds come out. I'll always open a shower until I'm done with my business. Also, it makes me so nervous when I hear sounds outside. ALSO NOT ONLY IN TOILETS BUT EVEN IN AN SOCIAL GATHERINGS IF SOMEONE TALKS LOUDLY FROM BEHIND ME I GET STARTLED. I EVEN GET A SUDDEN NEED TO USE THE RESTROOM. This is so weird. But I don't know how to fix it. The only thing that I can do is fake my confidence.
I have something to say....
"WOW!"
I have to stop the video every couple minutes
Because I enjoy his humour so much
You are great Brian. I did find you in the book, Quiet. This is the second talk on the subject I've listened to by you. You really helped me to understand why I behave the way I do at work, as I am an introvert. Thank you for spreading the word.
P.S, given your expression of the way introverts behave, would you agree that certain professions might suit the introvert better than others?
Just commenting on the beginning...but what about the personality of the person who already knows they can lick their elbow, and both of them (not at the same time of course)...
Great video. So cool to hear him speak up after reading about him in Susan Cain's book.
neurogenisis shows amazing brain and plasticity, so doubt its easy to pidgeon hole traits in the face of survival.
The charm of the legend psycholog, Prof. Brian Little
He's so ebullient. Had he not say he was an introvert, I would've never guessed. But being an introverted analyst myself, I can't help but think he wasn't very elucidating about the details behind introverted behavior.
over rated
Brilliant.
After everything - realising his marvel, finding out in quiet, to see live how his pointer stopped working but he continued to mesmerise. Aok
wonderful
They are heroic LOL
When he said u can’t lick yr elbow my first thought was oh yeah I bet I could haha.
watching it to present an agruement to an extrovert that introverts are better in anyway
XD The car radio struggle is real!
👏👏I wish I could be in the live audience.
I can lick my own elbow .. ;S
+Redart According to science that makes you gay automatically.
AAAh crap.. and here it hought i was jut a special bean.
Ha this is so true! I do that with everyone names! :)
hilarious story at the end! I concur. lol
He sounds like Kermit the frog😆.
He had me until the restorative bathroom visit.
his examples of what an intravert does is off in my opinion... however, he is engaging.
Did he just say that introverts have less sex compared to extraverts?
yea, and introverts are focusing more on quality than quantity...
+soebandi halim Totally agree!
Amazing! Love, love, love!
Fantastic talk
Brilliant.
enlightening and entertaining
Me
When i get old
Thank you sir!
Han siger interessante ting :-)
spot on, prof
So true.
Love this!
awesome
cool :)