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Wow, 0:58 - 1:13 really hit me hard. Those are things my inner critic used to say to me all the time up until a few months ago. And things my parents used to tell me when I was in my mid teens to well into my twenties when I didn't meet their expectations in a myriad of ways. I've been working on myself though. In the past few months I've been meditating regularly, getting physical exercise, practising self care and reading books and watching vids to help me understand how to be a better person. And this video just made me realise that my inner critic is not as harsh anymore. In fact my inner critic judged the inner critic in the video, hahha. Anyways, it feels good to be where I'm at and I understand it's a long journey with lots to learn on the way.
On the surface, Metta practice helps, reminding ourselves that it's possible to be free from mental suffering. At the root level, mindfulness and wisdom helps us see how unimportant many of our concerns are. Nothing is as important as release, contentment, kind intentions & beneficial actions.
Sitting quietly and watching my thoughts drift by as leaves floating by in a stream (aka meditating) has been SO helpful for me! The practice of being aware of my thoughts and my mind empower me to see my inner critic as a part of me who is trying to keep me safe. Furthermore, now that I've developed that skill, I can use it in tense situations that would have turned my inner critic against me in the past. As an, a few days ago my mom was telling me about her frustrations. In the past I would have recognized her impatience and (erroneously) assumed it was my fault. But now I realize she's just upset and expressing her feelings to me, which I can observe unfold in front of me without getting swept away in her river. It's amazing how life changing it is to have the skill of observation without attachment and involvement. Earlier in life, I didn't even know such a thing was an option!
2:57 “it’s even tried to kill me.” As someone who has attempted suicide in the past, this hit way too deep. Damn you for trying to kill me, inner critic, cause now I want to keep on living.
A useful insight is to realise that being fairly good some of the time is a worthwhile goal. You don't have to aim for perfection all of the time. You need to have rest, fun and time with friends if you want to find the inner resources to live a pleasant, helpful life.
Sometimes our subconscious is our own worst enemy and we don’t even realize it. “The self criticism has become too familiar to be noticeable.” So true. Self improvement begins with self awareness.
It's scheduled. They upload their videos prior to their publishing time and set a schedule. Actually, most TH-cam channels and social media pages do that
Right now, there are people all over the world who are just like you. They’re either lonely, they’re missing somebody, they’re depressed, they’re hurt, they’re scared of the past, they’re having personal issues no one knows about, they have secrets you wouldn’t believe. They wish, they dream and they hope. And right now, they are sitting here reading these words, and I’m writing this for you so you don’t feel alone anymore. Always remember, don’t be depressed about the past, don’t worry about the future, and just focus on today. If today’s not so great don’t worry! Tomorrow’s a new chance. If you are reading this, be sure to share this around to make others feel better. Have a nice day! 😍
In today’s world our inner critics have gotten even more harsher because there are more social expectations to comply with. We just need to be confident in what we have not what other wants.
True. Being on social media is forcing us to make unhealthy comparisons. It happened to me a few months back and i was under so much pressure because I was comparing myself to others over stupid things. Quitting social media ( especially facebook) was the best decision i made this year.
There’s 0 social expectations to comply with. There are many people in this world that live off government benefits and hoard junk, overeat and other distasteful attributes. Usually nothing is done about these people. There’s no one making them comply to what the rest of society is like. You only have the illusion, more accurately the delusion, that society cares about you at all. Even if you were to be a serial killer, they often will become such popular figures that people will rationalize what they have done. You live an in age where degeneracy is openly celebrated. I would say social media taints a persons view on the world. Many edgy people on the internet wouldn’t dare say those things in public. Most people outside the internet are normal, rational people that go to school or their job and go home to rest and do it all over again.
@Happy Camper It's justice to do something just because someone did it against you ? Why do you want to be like them while you can do and be better than them ?
@Happy Camper First of all, my point didn't come from a place of pride or vanity, I'm only trying to tell you that those kind of people are either not self-aware of their words and behaviour or they stem from a place of envy, hatred, or anger. And another thing i don't mean to tell you what is right and wrong but does your approach solve anything ? Just asking cuz you might know something that i don't :)
I struggle with the inner critic telling me, "you should have said this", "you should haven't done that". Rumination is really a problem for me. The feeling that there is a judge in my mind, telling me that I am defined by my mistakes, when in fact, those mistakes mostly don't really matter that much.
One possibility is that you make up a rule that every time you say a critical thing to yourself, you have to find two positive things to say. e.g. "I shouldn't have asked her if her job application was really a good idea. OK. That's true. But then I acknowledged that it will probably be the right decision. And I wished her good luck with it all."
Mt father was quite absent (emotionally). It took me a long time to figure out that my inner-critic was quite silent. Rather than a voice in my head, which I would have loved from my father, it would manifest in quite covert ways; comparing myself to others, mind-reading (guessing what other "people" thought of me, or the need to people please as this gained me some sense of approval. As a therapist, working with clients with harsh inner-critics; I find it useful to create some lines of communication between Self and Conscience. It is often amazing what comes from this very creative process. Mostly, there is messages received which ring of a will to help or motivate or protect, which ironically is similar to our parents, but what the conscience shares with our parents most often is an unknowing of how to those things. In other words; they utilise strategies learned (like our parents), and cling to them rather than update 'em .
It's actually scary how relatable this is. Sometimes it doesn't just feel like I'm living with an inner critic inside of me, but a murderer who wants to put an end to my existence for all the wrongdoings I've commited in my life.
That inner critic...she hasn't ever done anything. I'm the one who goes out and takes risks. I know she's trying to protect me, but if I listen to her all the time, I would have no achievements.
This video hit me like a rock.. I'm a grown man and I Still Hear my Father's Voice in my head criticizing me every day for everything I ever did wrong.
Have you tried arguing with your inner imaginary Father? He probably says quite exaggerated things. You may like to try imagining what he might say e.g. It was so typical of you to lock your keys in the car. You can argue back, Yes, Dad, like everyone, I make mistakes. He says, No, you make mistakes all the time. You say, Dad, sadly you made the huge mistake of criticizing me so much that you really eroded my self-confidence. He says, Why should you feel confident? You: Dad, that was YOUR job - to be the kindly, encouraging Dad who helped me to have confidence and inner strength. I'm afraid that you totally failed at your most important task. ... You may find yourself crying. You may be tempted to agree with him but push back. He should have cared for you and loved you and he didn't. He was the failure, poor man, at his most important task in life. Tell him that, no, you will NOT be perfect. You have a right to make mistakes - even big ones , like everyone else. You may like to tell him that you wish you could have trusted him enough to love him but he made himself unlovable. However if this conversation doesn't seem OK for you, just toss it aside.
@@tracesprite6078 Umm...I appreciate the feedback,but it's a little more complicated than "Car Keys". The criticism is all me,I just hear it in his voice because he was always right - I was the little wise ass that never wanted to listen. It was the '70s and the old man did the best he could with six kids that wanted to run wild. He never drank or abused us, we never went hungry or cold or felt unloved - so calling him a failure is a gross injustice,and just maybe you're projecting your own feelings? But,again thanks for the reply,it was thought provoking...
@@charles1964 Sorry, Charles, for assuming your Dad was different from how he was. It sounds like he wanted you to be healthy and happy. Maybe one of the best tributes you could pay him would be to not be too harsh and unforgiving towards yourself.
@@tracesprite6078 Thanks but no need to be sorry,I could tell your reply was coming from a good place,and it did give me something to think about. I guess that's why I watch vids like these,I really try to be a better person today than I was yesterday.
I hope you can move away from self-hatred. It's healthy to learn to accept your needs and to respect the needs of others. It's good to make mistakes as that gives you insights into needs that you have. I hope you learn to treat yourself and others with kindness, consideration and respect.
@David -I feel your pain! 😢 What helped me was learning about (cPTSD) Complex PTSD Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) Also ECHOIST A great website is parenting.exposed I was the Scapegoat of the family and now everything makes sense. It was NEVER me...It was my "parents" Wishing you well on your journey to discovering your real and amazing self!
Mindfulness meditation really helps a great deal with it!. Just by becoming mindful of the voice, you already weaken it a bit. Repeat that often enough and the inner critic becomes silent!
Just a quick mental label, applied to the category of thought, will cause it to ''go away'' more quickly, and takes away much of its force. Soon you will realize YOU are not your thoughts, and have an unconditional right to self forgiveness and self love. And if these techniques prove especially effective (as they have for some 2500 years!) then consider making a study of the doctrine of Anatta, and free yourself of the weight of the false narrative of ''me'' that so many of us lug around, unable/unwilling to forgive or even forget. There is no enduring personality and freedom is in blooming anew each moment, filled with boundless, unconditional love for ourselves and each other (we are all one anyway). What counts is what you are thinking NOW. Give yourself boundless love. This isn't ''New Age'' fluff- this is Dhamma of The Buddha, which has been a jewel of unnamable value for 2,500 years. May we be happy- we deserve it! Metta!
@@westsidesmitty1 of course your thoughts are you just as much as observing, loving or any other expression of you is. There is no denying it and it is important to not ignore and suppress your thinking but engage with it and investigate it as your thoughts hold very important clues about yourself and how to move towards greater levels of well being and happiness. The school of life even has a video related to this. Its called philosophical meditation.
Whatever comes up can be noticed. It is probable that there is no basis for giving undue power to these things. Buddhist formula is sometimes expressed as 'I notice you, anger (or whatever). I am here to take care of you'. (Rather than ignoring or pushing away). This puts your conscious mind in the controlling position. Those conscious choices have a chance of making things better. Failure to do so is consonant with the notion 'the devil made me do it'.
@@Eyesayah That may be a better approach however most meditations these days seem to teach to distract yourself from your thoughts and emotions by focusing on the flow of breath or the sound of rain or whatever. The goal of these meditation is to not engage with your thoughts and emotions which may hold important clues for you and to let them quiet down while keeping your focus on the breath or whatever. This is good when you feel overwhelmed and it can calm you down and give you more clarity of mind. But to properly understand ourselves we must engage with our thoughts and emotions and let them take us wherever they may and this is what the school of life teaches as well
I grew up in a household where nothing I did was ever good enough. I could make a 98 on a school test and my father would say "Look at the stupid mistake you made, you could have had a 100". So based on that you can imagine the criticism I endured with everything I said and did throughout my lifetime. My parents have passed away but I am left with a monster of an inner critic, I have sought professional help for that and other issues and things have improved but sometimes the voices from the past are still heard over my own and it is a battle of balance and sometimes I still lose.
One time I was doing some exercises and I started to think, "Look at the fat lady struggling to exercise." I replied coldly to that inner voice, "Will you kindly stop being so RUDE." and I just ignored it and that voice has never succeeded in undermining my exercise program since then. That inner critic that you deal with probably speaks in an ugly style that you would never dream of using so it might help to give it a sharp reprimand and then the cold shoulder that it deserves.
We need to forgive people and forgive ourselves for whatever levels of delusional teaching we absorb. You can't carry resentment around with you. Free yourself from feeling sorry, low, anxious, each time you catch yourself... pull yourself out and take responsibility to retrain you mind like you would a child or youth that you love.
I want to work as a translator or part of your translation team, I need to share this content with spanish speaking people. Information so valuable should be accessible to all languages
Everyone gets to hate themselves. Even those who made a career speaking in public and onstage. Because in a lot of cases those who get to be so flashy and confident are those who had to rise about the most crippling of self hatred. Those who grew up with no one telling them they were great and had those telling them they are ugly. Self hate is normal. Everyone gets to hate themselves. Some of us are just lucky to have known the power to look into a selfie and say, damn I’m gorgeous. Try that.
i get yall..i know where im at, im in the aftermath of a trauma, and ive blamed myself enough for 1 year, and the year after that, the thoughts are slowly but surely beginning to fade but the part that im having a hard time is that its still “there”, it still happened..theres still a bug i feel i will never shake off till maybe i die, and thats triggering the self hate self blame part and i just hate it..i’ll be 2 year sober this january from alcohol and working out definitely helps, its the mental part thats really crippling, but damn do i look better than before; trimmed a ton of fat and gained muscles this throughout the quarantine 💪🏼
Step one: notice your breath going in and out. After a while, move to step 2: notice an invisible "shawl" of calm wrapped around your middle. Step3: Listen to sounds in the distance. As you repeat these steps, you will feel anxieties like self hatred fall away like bits of old rubbish. Repeat the 3 steps whenever the self hatred bothers you.
I was literally just having a mental breakdown and relapse overthinking for hours just earlier 🗿 my heart and trust issues have a strong bond for some reason.
My psychologist advised me to keep balancing exercise, sleep, time with others, time alone, creative activities, work, relaxation, meditation, healthy food, leisure time. Of course these are never perfectly balanced but by lovingly adjusting them, you can care for yourself constructively. I find that it helps to keep a diary and also to get help. I suggest moving away from illegal drugs, all alcohol and cigarettes. Sending you love
My critic gets worse at night. It reminds me of every mistake I've committed in the past. It makes me resent my very being and keeps reminding me that I will amount to nothing. To make it worse, I have emotionally unavailable parents. I hope someday we can be our flawed selves without any resentment.
I have adopted Alain as the father I should have had growing up. These videos are life changing. I used to think there was something wrong with me. Nope.
If you are reading this, may you attract everything you’ve been patiently waiting for & be passionate to pursue it whole-heartedly. It will naturally flow into your life when you are ready to receive it. Hope our channel helps you on your journey 🙏
Maybe they know something I don't, or see something out of my sight. Problem is I can't tell valid critiques apart from disingenuous smears anymore; there's just too many voices screaming I'm a failure.
@@steveno2760 But that's part of what keeps us trapped - This notion that we are small, ignorant, and worthless, and the only valid 'truths' are the ones that are critical of us (because this is how we see ourselves). What if the shoe was on the other foot? Say you were 'critiquing' someone else by being harsh, belittling, and lacking empathy. Could you really expect that other person to hear those things and feel empowered to be different, to be better, to "rise above"? I know I couldn't. Yet this is what we expect of ourselves.
I think having a pitiless inner critic signals a lack of integrity. Some things increase your integrity and some things disintegrate you. It is a perilous journey until you find the right balance and achieve a state of congruence. One can say that it is a moral obligation to seek integrity. Integrity is essentially tantamount to inner peace.
I don't hate myself Ik I'm capable of performing certain things that are valuable in society, what I hate the most is that feeling of being stuck, and that feeling of losing control of all you've built your whole life! and whenver you feel on track again there's a headache or something to put you down in your depressive state! Life is really hard with all it's expectations and system.
Here are a few approaches to help you create a kinder, more productive relationship with yourself. Notice what you're thinking about. ... Respond to the inner critic by replacing negative critical thoughts with more accurate information. ... Release the Inner Critic. ... Embrace imperfection with compassion.
I understand completely. Sometimes I feel like my value is determined by my work and how good I am at it. Even though I know I'm more than my job and work skills, I still can't help but attach most of my identity to it.
@@EmanDeMoan Yeah. It's like it becomes your identity and if you screw up, then you feel like an idiot and act like you don't anything despite being there so many times.
In my honest and humble opinion, I think that, so far, this video is one of the greatest from the archive of TSoL. It touches on a range of subjects, from psychology to philosophy (including the much-debated topic of childhood and parental care). It is highly needed and precious. Usually and at times (I can only speak for myself here) we, as humans, can underestimate ourselves to a point where we lose control over our own actions and became devoid of rationality - thus putting us in some dishonorable, pitiful, and even dangerous situations. I needed this at this point in my life. Overtime (and after having learned some much-needed lessons), I've come at the conclusion that we should try to put our whole life in perspective, don't take ourselves too damned seriously while acknowledging life's circumstances and bad experiences - ups and downs - as a portal to wisdom. Easier said than done! I believe in fate and I think I should simply relax a ton more, relativize things (while avoiding overthinking), and ultimately be grateful for each sunrise, because in spite of all the wrong that inevitably takes place, I wholeheartedly want to believe that life is one hell of a ride! Be brave y'all! And be kind to yourselves - always and no matter what!
"no one needs to be hounded by a sense that they are excrement" jesus fuck. compassionate but razor sharp at the same time. This channel is truly something special.
I feel like everywhere I go, that voice is going to follow me. Not just as an inner voice, but as a real person. There are too many parental figures that try to make me feel like I'm never good enough and I just can't break free...
I don't know if it would work but maybe you could think up some things to say to those people like, "I know you mean well with your criticisms but I would find it more useful if you sometimes gave me some encouragement." or "Do you find that I criticize you a lot? Well, I sometimes feel that you criticize me a lot. I'm interested in your point of view but when you criticize me a lot, I just feel discouraged." However it may not be safe for you to say those things so, if that is so, just ignore my ideas."
The accuracy of this. Have for a couple of years realized that my inner critic are just the words of my parents, with my voice over. My whole childhood I have been told both directly and inderectly to change myself because I was feminine. I've always known that I was gay ever since i could remember. And my parents always scolded me or shunned me whenever I was just being myself. My father was homophobic and my mother is a christian, and they always made me feel that there was something wrong with me. When I reached my teens I became a perfectionist, and I was never content with how I looked, or with myself. Today I'm fighting hard to get rid of those voices. Some days I can motivate myself to do something daring, or go out of my comfort zone, but most days I end up telling myself "who do you think you are? People are going to look at you and make fun of you". So, I end up retracting, or just give up, even with my passion in arts. It pains to witness myself submit to those voices.
You’re describing an experience very close to mine, so I relate. My childhood trauma is radically internalized, the way through is arduous I’ve learned... I wish you and I and all profound healing and liberation.
PLEASE MAKE A VIDEO ON 1-HOW TO HANDLE FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS : Parents toxicity, problems between siblings 2- IS IT OKAY NOT TO HAVE FRIENDS ? AND HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM
one time i got so high i went on a bad trip but i learned something. You gotta try and have a well balanced conscience or else it will come get you. I'm still trying to keep mine balanced, but this video makes me feel better and less lonely.
Recall a meme that said something along the lines of "Yeah sex is cool, but have you ever sat in the dark thinking about why you're not good enough?". I used to be this person consistently for abt 5-6 years. I'm past it now but the thoughts do come now and again sometimes. It dosn't get too bad like the years before anymore tho so i guess i've come a long way. Dayyum..what a struggle it's been. I'm 23 now so i reckon i still got about 5-8 more years of mild self-loathing to go through but who knows..maybe it'll all count for something in the end..if there's even gonna be an end..and that's a big maybe..phew. I wish you all the love in the world my dudes and dudettes. Keep grinding.
I some times used to feel buying myself medication was wastage of money. How damn this was. But thankful your videos are helping to love myself more. Treat myself better. I'm grateful.
I just had a personal epiphany. This topic is relevant to me and has for decades. While I agree with the lesson herein, I desperately need to have a way to explain why I've been unable to "be on my own side" over all the years (obviously since I'm still around I do have an inner voice that values me, it just takes a back seat at regular intervals). Here's what I just realized and I hope can be a valuable talking point for myself and others to discuss with our therapists. The reason why I can't help scream at myself for my mistakes is because my subconscious knows (what I only just consciously realized) that people don't love other people for their successes. People love other people who don't hurt them. So it doesn't matter how many big, medium and small things I've done to benefit others when I have also regularly made mistakes that have hurt or triggered others in painful ways. Making amends isn't guaranteed to repair those either. I think I'm good at repairing and it makes little difference. So for those who have already had some "flipping of their lid" during their teen years, already know subconsciously that they cannot be properly loved ever again. We needed to *not* make those hurtful mistakes in order to truly have value in this world. Oh sure I am smart, helpful, kind, giving, loving, apologizing and contributing in meaningful ways but that doesn't ever right the wrongs. I'm still defined by those regretful moments, not because I actually see myself as being defined by them (I desperately proclaim I am not) but others can't help but measure me by my past mistakes. My past and current successes don't give me positive points. When someone succeeds, anyone other than their mother/father is either envious or counts the success as "on par" or "as expected of them". So the only way to be on "equal" ground with the people who don't suffer from this condition (cuz everyone makes mistakes but not everyone is haunted by them as I am), is to not have made the memorable mistakes at all.
Love this. It’s so hard to not give oneself a hard time. As someone who is self employed and therefore has to set my own hours it always feels like I should be working harder and doing more. Taking time off can be a real guilt trip.
last october, i was diagnosed with severe depression. I had suffered from this for years, so long it felt normal, i didn’t believe i was sick and would deny that anything was wrong with me. Channels like these make me realise all the obstacles and hurdles that have been put in my mind and together with my meds i hope to use these videos as talking points and to heal
That inner critic is often found in people who are industrious and also very intelligent and creative in temperament. Those people are also often very disorganized. It can easily take over your expression and motivation if you don't structure your surroundings to be immediately useful as a tool to your creativity or tasks and this can apply to things like just getting dressed and showering or eating. Make it easy for yourself to take care of yourself if you're a bit orderly-disorganized. Your environment is a huge factor and starting point in this critic as well as your influences growing up. You can choose whether or not your conscious thoughts will include your past and setting your surroundings is the best way to enforce that statement to yourself, it tells your brain there are things right in front of you that you must focus on and it is clear how they function and so you can envision the future outcomes of them being there. No room for the past.
Lot of times I Hate myself, torture myself when I did wrong or anything goes wrong with me,It's hard to me to console at the same time,it remembers literally everything which went wrong until now but the point is I hadn't treated any of my friends like that and that is unjust to my own self I know that now.will try to soothe,forgive myself when things go wrong,I know there won't be 100% result but this trying can get me closer to see the things clearly as without pity on myself.
My inner critic hasnt really hurt me until this past few years. turning 30 and doing nothing with my life has made it go postal. I was always positive and looked forward to the future. when i turned 25 i told it to kick it up a notch and go gordon ramsey on me to get my rear in gear. Hasnt helped so far and i been slowly deepening myself into terrible depression. I want to see a therapist but they are expensive and the people i know who see them arent getting any better....or atleast noticibly. i hope i find a video on here that will click with me and be life changing!
Anxiety and self content are our natural states, especially in today’s world. We need to understand our minds so that they work with us and not against us.
However, it's so worthwhile. Often the inner critic speaks in a disgustingly rude and exaggerated way e.g. "You NEVER do anything right." It may help to reply in quite a mild way, e.g. "Never??? Um, no, I sometimes do some things right and sometimes do some things wrong - kind of like everyone on this planet. Thank you for your input but those exaggerated statements aren't very useful. Best wishes and drive carefully, won't you?"
Thank you so much for this video. It has helped me so much. I've just realized how so many of the feelings I've got of people perceiving myself as being weird and socially awkward were in reality my own fears and anxiety. I'm working on questioning those thoughts and anxiety and treating myself better.
The inner critic is like a misbehaving child. Instead of kicking the child to the curb and telling him/her they’re wrong, or no good, give that critic/child a big hug and say; “thank you for trying, but I got it from here.” The inner critic/child just wants to be heard, and know that it’s OK now to let the true self take charge. Then send the inner critic off with a great retirement party
Wow, 0:58 - 1:13 really hit me hard. Those are things my inner critic used to say to me all the time up until a few months ago. And things my parents used to tell me when I was in my mid teens to well into my twenties when I didn't meet their expectations in a myriad of ways. I've been working on myself though. In the past few months I've been meditating regularly, getting physical exercise, practising self care and reading books and watching vids to help me understand how to be a better person. And this video just made me realise that my inner critic is not as harsh anymore. In fact my inner critic judged the inner critic in the video, hahha. Anyways, it feels good to be where I'm at and I understand it's a long journey with lots to learn on the way.
Another strategy can be to think about some of your ideas and develop them. E.g. you may have been taught that hard work is good but you may decide that busy work just for the sake of being busy isn't really good at all. You may also decide that rest is very healthy, too, and helps you to be your best self. You may realise that being unselfish is often good but that it is important to consider your own needs as well as those of others. So you can develop a more sophisticated morality, based on an understanding of your needs and capabilities.
Easy to say " to rely on those who love us" I don't have anyone in my life who remotely cares about my wellbeing and happiness. Words Words Words, but there is no empathy for me. I have always been independent, finding it hard to ask for someone to even get a bottle of milk for me. I have failed in becoming well. However, one good point is that I frequently tell myself during this difficult and challenging time. I live on my own in a very safe place, no family to be concerned about catching the virus and no one to see or talk to. Maybe that's a positive side!
One of the reasons why we might be so hard on ourselves is because we care about ourselves, we want to reach our own standards. This can turn toxic, but maybe if we approach self-criticism from the standpoint of self-love, we can stop being so severe?
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I struggle a lot with the anxiety, isolation, upset, and expectations of COVID living. I crucify myself for every ounce of missing motivation, procrastination, and paralysis because somehow it’s easier to think I am a worthless failure (even as I have succeeded far beyond what I expected of myself during this awful time) than to admit that life is always difficult, and that COVID has stripped away so much of the support, surety, and community that normally allows me to bear it. I am not perfect, but I don’t have to be either. I am just a human, I have strengths and weakness, and I cannot be all things to all people at all times. Thanks for helping me remember that
I loved this video! I have the self-knowledge book and really enjoyed reading it :) The biggest takeaway I got was to change the outer voices around us so we can have kinder, gentler, and more caring inner voices
Is there any evidence that it's the voice of the father that determines our lives, and not the voice of the mother? I ask only because my mother is by far the biggest influence in my life and I'm sure the same is true of others.
When this video dropped two ago, I got a notification but didn't watch it. It's 31st December, 2020, and I believe this is the perfect time to watch it, going into the new year. I am getting tired of the inner critic who judges me and makes me overthink every decision I try to make or actually make. It makes me feel terrible for being who I am and others. I don't want to be someone else, and I am done with the constant feeling of guilt. This blessed me. I'm watching again, maybe tomorrow. And I'd be recommending it to others
Reaching out is so difficult after beeing raised to silence and verbal violence. I struggle so much even at simply talking. Today I couldn't express my opinion properly in class without tachycardia and nausea. I'm only good at writing to nobody.
When I realize that I am a pitiless self critic, half battle is won !! Seeing our own faults is no sin. How we react to them within ourselves turns us as severe self critics. Become an unattached witness to your actions and thoughts. Why I am angry or disturbed or honest or caring or greedy or violent or helpful? Children should be taught this simple technique once they come of understanding age. Over a period of time, the disturbances will fade away. This is one of the ancient Indian tips to cure our mental illness.
Really great video. I am very conscious of my inner critic and it drives me insane. I hear it as my fathers voice and I get angry with it. I am autistic, late diagnosed and history of trauma. I could go on...but videos like this and reading others comments make me feel validated and less alone. Thankyou.
I deal with all this on a daily basis. Whether its planning to achieve something, preparing for a big event or just about anything. My inner critic says : lol do you really think you're smart or hard working? This limits my potential. Therapy is definitely in my mind, but for the time being, I tell myself.. "Trust, Forgive, accept". Trust that you can do this and if you do, things will atleast get better, Forgive whenever you think you've made mistakes, and accept whatever your life has been till now, without complaining. The third one is especially powerful because when you accept, your weakness becomes your strengths and past mistakes become learning.
Yes i think i have an inner critic taking after my stoic father and it has tried many times to get me off my path or making me think I'm worthless to others as my father was neither much there for me as a kid and never really talked to me. I will do my best to tame this critic and make it live for me.
From someone who isn't a harsh inner critic a good way I'd think to stop is to 1 stop compareing as someone out here will always be perceived as better or worse by you and that's just your interpetation you don't know behind the scenes, 2 stop caring about things that don't matter such as how you viewed by others, who likes or dislikes you and what people think because even if you do the right thing ppl will still find a way to disclaim your actions in fact being real gets you more hated than being fake, 3 realize that you are naturally competent and if you don't feel like you are asses whose standards you judgeing this by is your bar to high? Don't be unreasonable on yourself. why don't think your competent? If so how can you work on getting their? Do you know it takes time and it's a upward process? and lastly feel your emptions out in the right setting but don't let them control your choice making process and let you recat abruptly to everything, sometimes we don't think before speaking innerly or outward so before you asses something or analyze it always look for the positive it will give you motivation and gratituide, don't ignore the negative but be reality driven so you should be able to realize most times the negative isn't as bad as we make it out to be and from their instead of wallowing in our sorrow and pity we realize we have the power to alter this situation and take the steps to do it.
Thank you for this. I am 64 and still struggling with this. As is said in the video most of the time I am not even aware of the harsh critic inside me. I have started recently with a course of self compassion and now I notice sometimes how hard I am towards myself. How much I expect from myself, how disappointed I am about myself and it really hit me how normal it has become that I am having a hard time become aware of it and change it. So thank you for this 🙏
I've found silly over the top praise for yourself can work a little here. Obv. You don't really believe it but it acts to shift things towards a more moderate position.
so true. thanks The School of Life. unfortunally all this info just reinforces the old childhood feeling that I wasn't wanted (specially) by my father; that I always been a burden, and the inescapable end is suicide as a message for society to better care about parenthood.
So helpful video and the subject I needed. Thanks for your videos. The realistic and objective point of view on human behavior, needs and relationships, which makes them very useful. With your help I work and achieve results in understanding my essence ❤️❤️❤️🇧🇬
i am 36 now, so self destructive with my conscience... always hard on myself. because of that i cannot even have any confidence in myself. I am an architect and it affects my work and how seriously people take me. my dad was absent , i was brought up by my grandmother, who did the last she could, but there was always quarrels between her and my mum. My mum passed away years back. I am completely feel empty and doesn't quite feel like i even know who i am. But i keep trying. its great what i keep learning in these videos
Why this feels much more relaxing than .... the other "try harder you loser!" Etc. ways of interpreting life? I really feel relaxed here, does this indicate something genuine about this channel?
You are more than equal to your inner worst enemy. Do you find that that inner voice talks in a thoroughly rude way? e.g. "You're such a loser." You may like to reprimand it and say, "I'll be more inclined to listen to you if you can find a polite way of expressing yourself." Does the inner critic exaggerate? e.g. "You would have to be the most disgusting person on this planet!!!" In other words it speaks in a way that you and your friends would never speak. I suggest replying in a very calm way e.g. "No, I'm not the most disgusting person on this planet and nor am I the most admirable person. I'm just somewhere in between, like most people. Thank you for your input but please try to come up with more believable statements in future." With those cool responses, you may be able to help the inner voice to chill out - and even find some useful ideas for once!!!
Maybe this is the reason why I always find it hard to give myself a gift. My inner critic. I need to do something valuable first before I allow myself to enjoy, indulge or have the things that I want and it always end up with self deprivation because most of the "valuable" things I do doesn't meet the standards that I set for them to be 'valuable'. I end up punishing myself.
This is so true... I remember when my sister first got married, when her husband got home from work he would sit down and watch TV. This would drive my mom and sister crazy... that is what happens when you are consumed with anxious labor! If they were running around all day he should be too. Their self criticism and perceived fear was triggered and spilled out by his normal yet novel activities.... he is a brave man!
Damn, that's the most relatable video I've ever seen in youtube so far. Painfully depressing and at the same time relieving that I'm not alone who feels like shit all the time.
Few days back i had a job interview - which was a disaster, and i remember how i was criticising myself for ruining the interview. The inner critic also said that i am so stupid, i am good for nothing, god knows where i am going to end up in my life, i don't deserve this life, i should look at my friends who are doing better than me and blah blah blah. The thing is I couldn't figure oit that waht my mind said was correct or not. Thanks foe the video, now i have started to understand things.
So here's my story:I had been battling my inner critic since I can remember..I had been preparing for a very important College entrance exam I thought I was well prepared but two months before the test my inner voice kept telling me"what make you think you're better than rest of them who prepared for the same exam?" "Oh you can't do very good you didn't do this and that" Eventually I got so nervous that I kept pushing myself harder not realizing how much damage it was actually causing me.it got to a point where I would just burst into tears for no reason and even considered killing myself for not being enough ..On 26th of Feb of this year gave the exam ..and as u can guess it went Terrible.. during test whenever I tried to do a question my inner critic would be like "Don't even try ,it's not your cup of tea you don't deserve to even sit in the exam" I tried to stop it but It got louder and louder .Now I'm trying to make a change for myself to stop listening to her..hope I'll get better
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Do you suffer from an inner critic? How do you cope? Let us know in the comments below and if you enjoy our films and want a say on what ones we make you can now become a channel member here: th-cam.com/channels/7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog.htmljoin
Wow, 0:58 - 1:13 really hit me hard. Those are things my inner critic used to say to me all the time up until a few months ago. And things my parents used to tell me when I was in my mid teens to well into my twenties when I didn't meet their expectations in a myriad of ways. I've been working on myself though. In the past few months I've been meditating regularly, getting physical exercise, practising self care and reading books and watching vids to help me understand how to be a better person. And this video just made me realise that my inner critic is not as harsh anymore. In fact my inner critic judged the inner critic in the video, hahha. Anyways, it feels good to be where I'm at and I understand it's a long journey with lots to learn on the way.
I do, but not coping at the moment. Been struggling with it for some time now
On the surface, Metta practice helps, reminding ourselves that it's possible to be free from mental suffering.
At the root level, mindfulness and wisdom helps us see how unimportant many of our concerns are. Nothing is as important as release, contentment, kind intentions & beneficial actions.
I try to summon the Inner Number-One-Fan™. In an extremely rough nutshell.
Sitting quietly and watching my thoughts drift by as leaves floating by in a stream (aka meditating) has been SO helpful for me!
The practice of being aware of my thoughts and my mind empower me to see my inner critic as a part of me who is trying to keep me safe.
Furthermore, now that I've developed that skill, I can use it in tense situations that would have turned my inner critic against me in the past.
As an, a few days ago my mom was telling me about her frustrations. In the past I would have recognized her impatience and (erroneously) assumed it was my fault. But now I realize she's just upset and expressing her feelings to me, which I can observe unfold in front of me without getting swept away in her river.
It's amazing how life changing it is to have the skill of observation without attachment and involvement. Earlier in life, I didn't even know such a thing was an option!
2:57 “it’s even tried to kill me.” As someone who has attempted suicide in the past, this hit way too deep.
Damn you for trying to kill me, inner critic, cause now I want to keep on living.
Same 🧡
A useful insight is to realise that being fairly good some of the time is a worthwhile goal. You don't have to aim for perfection all of the time. You need to have rest, fun and time with friends if you want to find the inner resources to live a pleasant, helpful life.
proud of u❤️
~Then thank it.
Me too.
Sometimes our subconscious is our own worst enemy and we don’t even realize it. “The self criticism has become too familiar to be noticeable.” So true. Self improvement begins with self awareness.
Every video's release time is so accurate. It's scary
I know.
Same
It's scheduled. They upload their videos prior to their publishing time and set a schedule. Actually, most TH-cam channels and social media pages do that
I swear to god i thought the same thing many times
My very first thought!
Right now, there are people all over the world who are just like you. They’re either lonely, they’re missing somebody, they’re depressed, they’re hurt, they’re scared of the past, they’re having personal issues no one knows about, they have secrets you wouldn’t believe. They wish, they dream and they hope. And right now, they are sitting here reading these words, and I’m writing this for you so you don’t feel alone anymore. Always remember, don’t be depressed about the past, don’t worry about the future, and just focus on today. If today’s not so great don’t worry! Tomorrow’s a new chance. If you are reading this, be sure to share this around to make others feel better. Have a nice day! 😍
Thanks. Have a fantastic week.
🙏💛💙💕💖💜
Thank you, needed to read this today
Thank you.
And I'm here today reading this for you fellow human being :)
In today’s world our inner critics have gotten even more harsher because there are more social expectations to comply with. We just need to be confident in what we have not what other wants.
True. Being on social media is forcing us to make unhealthy comparisons. It happened to me a few months back and i was under so much pressure because I was comparing myself to others over stupid things.
Quitting social media ( especially facebook) was the best decision i made this year.
There’s 0 social expectations to comply with. There are many people in this world that live off government benefits and hoard junk, overeat and other distasteful attributes. Usually nothing is done about these people. There’s no one making them comply to what the rest of society is like. You only have the illusion, more accurately the delusion, that society cares about you at all. Even if you were to be a serial killer, they often will become such popular figures that people will rationalize what they have done. You live an in age where degeneracy is openly celebrated. I would say social media taints a persons view on the world. Many edgy people on the internet wouldn’t dare say those things in public. Most people outside the internet are normal, rational people that go to school or their job and go home to rest and do it all over again.
Don’t believe everything you tell yourself.
@Happy Camper then change it. You don’t want to be the reason for causing a person’s anxiety or depression.
@Happy Camper "The best revenge, is not to be like your enemy"
- Marcus Aurelius
@Happy Camper It's justice to do something just because someone did it against you ? Why do you want to be like them while you can do and be better than them ?
@Happy Camper First of all, my point didn't come from a place of pride or vanity, I'm only trying to tell you that those kind of people are either not self-aware of their words and behaviour or they stem from a place of envy, hatred, or anger.
And another thing i don't mean to tell you what is right and wrong but does your approach solve anything ? Just asking cuz you might know something that i don't :)
@Happy Camper Also i try to be aware of my actions as much as possible that's why i don't want to be like those kinds of people
I struggle with the inner critic telling me, "you should have said this", "you should haven't done that". Rumination is really a problem for me. The feeling that there is a judge in my mind, telling me that I am defined by my mistakes, when in fact, those mistakes mostly don't really matter that much.
Same here
One possibility is that you make up a rule that every time you say a critical thing to yourself, you have to find two positive things to say. e.g. "I shouldn't have asked her if her job application was really a good idea. OK. That's true. But then I acknowledged that it will probably be the right decision. And I wished her good luck with it all."
Mt father was quite absent (emotionally). It took me a long time to figure out that my inner-critic was quite silent. Rather than a voice in my head, which I would have loved from my father, it would manifest in quite covert ways; comparing myself to others, mind-reading (guessing what other "people" thought of me, or the need to people please as this gained me some sense of approval. As a therapist, working with clients with harsh inner-critics; I find it useful to create some lines of communication between Self and Conscience. It is often amazing what comes from this very creative process. Mostly, there is messages received which ring of a will to help or motivate or protect, which ironically is similar to our parents, but what the conscience shares with our parents most often is an unknowing of how to those things. In other words; they utilise strategies learned (like our parents), and cling to them rather than update 'em .
TH-cam is reading my mind and sending me recommendations
I swear lol.
It's actually scary how relatable this is. Sometimes it doesn't just feel like I'm living with an inner critic inside of me, but a murderer who wants to put an end to my existence for all the wrongdoings I've commited in my life.
You described it perfectly
That inner critic...she hasn't ever done anything. I'm the one who goes out and takes risks. I know she's trying to protect me, but if I listen to her all the time, I would have no achievements.
Love your comment. And I agree. Life happens outside of your comfort zone.
This video hit me like a rock.. I'm a grown man and I Still Hear my Father's Voice in my head criticizing me every day for everything I ever did wrong.
Have you tried arguing with your inner imaginary Father? He probably says quite exaggerated things. You may like to try imagining what he might say e.g. It was so typical of you to lock your keys in the car. You can argue back, Yes, Dad, like everyone, I make mistakes. He says, No, you make mistakes all the time. You say, Dad, sadly you made the huge mistake of criticizing me so much that you really eroded my self-confidence. He says, Why should you feel confident? You: Dad, that was YOUR job - to be the kindly, encouraging Dad who helped me to have confidence and inner strength. I'm afraid that you totally failed at your most important task. ... You may find yourself crying. You may be tempted to agree with him but push back. He should have cared
for you and loved you and he didn't. He was the failure, poor man, at his most important task in life. Tell him that, no, you will NOT be perfect. You have a right to make mistakes - even big ones , like everyone else. You may like to tell him that you wish you could have trusted him enough to love him but he made himself unlovable. However if this conversation doesn't seem OK for you, just toss it aside.
@@tracesprite6078
Umm...I appreciate the feedback,but it's a little more complicated than "Car Keys". The criticism is all me,I just hear it in his voice because he was always right - I was the little wise ass that never wanted to listen. It was the '70s and the old man did the best he could with six kids that wanted to run wild. He never drank or abused us, we never went hungry or cold or felt unloved - so calling him a failure is a gross injustice,and just maybe you're projecting your own feelings? But,again thanks for the reply,it was thought provoking...
@@charles1964 Sorry, Charles, for assuming your Dad was different from how he was. It sounds like he wanted you to be healthy and happy. Maybe one of the best tributes you could pay him would be to not be too harsh and unforgiving towards yourself.
@@tracesprite6078
Thanks but no need to be sorry,I could tell your reply was coming from a good place,and it did give me something to think about. I guess that's why I watch vids like these,I really try to be a better person today than I was yesterday.
@@charles1964 Yes, I try to be a better person, too, and it's an ongoing project. School of Life is very helpful with its interesting perspectives.
The ability to recognize and detach from my own inner critic has been one of the biggest benefits I've found in practicing meditation.
At 48 years old and a life of self hatred this resonates with me
I hope you can move away from self-hatred. It's healthy to learn to accept your needs and to respect the needs of others. It's good to make mistakes as that gives you insights into needs that you have. I hope you learn to treat yourself and others with kindness, consideration and respect.
@David -I feel your pain! 😢
What helped me was learning about (cPTSD) Complex PTSD
Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)
Also ECHOIST
A great website is
parenting.exposed
I was the Scapegoat of the family and now everything makes sense.
It was NEVER me...It was my "parents"
Wishing you well on your journey to discovering your real and amazing self!
Story for my life... i always feel like im so embarrassing in every aspect. i never do things the way normal people do them. i am stuck in my own head
Mindfulness meditation really helps a great deal with it!. Just by becoming mindful of the voice, you already weaken it a bit. Repeat that often enough and the inner critic becomes silent!
Just a quick mental label, applied to the category of thought, will cause it to ''go away'' more quickly, and takes away much of its force. Soon you will realize YOU are not your thoughts, and have an unconditional right to self forgiveness and self love. And if these techniques prove especially effective (as they have for some 2500 years!) then consider making a study of the doctrine of Anatta, and free yourself of the weight of the false narrative of ''me'' that so many of us lug around, unable/unwilling to forgive or even forget. There is no enduring personality and freedom is in blooming anew each moment, filled with boundless, unconditional love for ourselves and each other (we are all one anyway). What counts is what you are thinking NOW. Give yourself boundless love. This isn't ''New Age'' fluff- this is Dhamma of The Buddha, which has been a jewel of unnamable value for 2,500 years. May we be happy- we deserve it! Metta!
@@westsidesmitty1 of course your thoughts are you just as much as observing, loving or any other expression of you is. There is no denying it and it is important to not ignore and suppress your thinking but engage with it and investigate it as your thoughts hold very important clues about yourself and how to move towards greater levels of well being and happiness. The school of life even has a video related to this. Its called philosophical meditation.
Whatever comes up can be noticed. It is probable that there is no basis for giving undue power to these things. Buddhist formula is sometimes expressed as 'I notice you, anger (or whatever). I am here to take care of you'. (Rather than ignoring or pushing away). This puts your conscious mind in the controlling position. Those conscious choices have a chance of making things better. Failure to do so is consonant with the notion 'the devil made me do it'.
@@Eyesayah That may be a better approach however most meditations these days seem to teach to distract yourself from your thoughts and emotions by focusing on the flow of breath or the sound of rain or whatever. The goal of these meditation is to not engage with your thoughts and emotions which may hold important clues for you and to let them quiet down while keeping your focus on the breath or whatever. This is good when you feel overwhelmed and it can calm you down and give you more clarity of mind. But to properly understand ourselves we must engage with our thoughts and emotions and let them take us wherever they may and this is what the school of life teaches as well
I grew up in a household where nothing I did was ever good enough. I could make a 98 on a school test and my father would say "Look at the stupid mistake you made, you could have had a 100". So based on that you can imagine the criticism I endured with everything I said and did throughout my lifetime. My parents have passed away but I am left with a monster of an inner critic, I have sought professional help for that and other issues and things have improved but sometimes the voices from the past are still heard over my own and it is a battle of balance and sometimes I still lose.
One time I was doing some exercises and I started to think, "Look at the fat lady struggling to exercise." I replied coldly to that inner voice, "Will you kindly stop being so RUDE." and I just ignored it and that voice has never succeeded in undermining my exercise program since then. That inner critic that you deal with probably speaks in an ugly style that you would never dream of using so it might help to give it a sharp reprimand and then the cold shoulder that it deserves.
Try meditation...
Same here, but in my case it was my mother who was telling me those things.
Pls do shadow work
"Remain gently and generously on our own side." Gratitude is the dose. Meditation is the medicine.
Acknowledge the critic
Seek support
Stand up for yourself/understand where the critic came from and that you don’t deserve it
"We need to find people who can love us"....as if that is so easy. Many of us go our entire lives without finding such a person.
“No one needs to be hounded by a sense that they are excrement”
okay I’m stealing that phrase
Give credit.
We need to forgive people and forgive ourselves for whatever levels of delusional teaching we absorb. You can't carry resentment around with you. Free yourself from feeling sorry, low, anxious, each time you catch yourself... pull yourself out and take responsibility to retrain you mind like you would a child or youth that you love.
I want to work as a translator or part of your translation team, I need to share this content with spanish speaking people. Information so valuable should be accessible to all languages
i so needed this...ive been battling self hatred for the last 2 years, its just so hard
Everyone gets to hate themselves. Even those who made a career speaking in public and onstage. Because in a lot of cases those who get to be so flashy and confident are those who had to rise about the most crippling of self hatred. Those who grew up with no one telling them they were great and had those telling them they are ugly. Self hate is normal. Everyone gets to hate themselves. Some of us are just lucky to have known the power to look into a selfie and say, damn I’m gorgeous. Try that.
Try a short hypnotherapy course. I am certain you can benefit.
i get yall..i know where im at, im in the aftermath of a trauma, and ive blamed myself enough for 1 year, and the year after that, the thoughts are slowly but surely beginning to fade but the part that im having a hard time is that its still “there”, it still happened..theres still a bug i feel i will never shake off till maybe i die, and thats triggering the self hate self blame part and i just hate it..i’ll be 2 year sober this january from alcohol and working out definitely helps, its the mental part thats really crippling, but damn do i look better than before; trimmed a ton of fat and gained muscles this throughout the quarantine 💪🏼
Step one: notice your breath going in and out. After a while, move to step 2: notice an invisible "shawl" of calm wrapped around your middle. Step3: Listen to sounds in the distance. As you repeat these steps, you will feel anxieties like self hatred fall away like bits of old rubbish. Repeat the 3 steps whenever the self hatred bothers you.
@@tracesprite6078 That helped... Thnx, and hope u have a great day
I was literally just having a mental breakdown and relapse overthinking for hours just earlier 🗿 my heart and trust issues have a strong bond for some reason.
🗿
🗿
Try meditation and prayer. You could also try getting in touch with a support group or a counselor. God bless you, hope you feel Ok soon.
My psychologist advised me to keep balancing exercise, sleep, time with others, time alone, creative activities, work, relaxation, meditation, healthy food, leisure time. Of course these are never perfectly balanced but by lovingly adjusting them, you can care for yourself constructively. I find that it helps to keep a diary and also to get help. I suggest moving away from illegal drugs, all alcohol and cigarettes. Sending you love
I recommend you watch “choice” by allan watts. It can give you comfort and a perspective to start with.
This is the most logically based straightforward channel I have seen on TH-cam which deals with variety of things. Blessed to have it
We are blessed to have this channel on TH-cam! 💜
@Adolf Hitler somewhat of a secularists myself
My critic gets worse at night. It reminds me of every mistake I've committed in the past. It makes me resent my very being and keeps reminding me that I will amount to nothing. To make it worse, I have emotionally unavailable parents. I hope someday we can be our flawed selves without any resentment.
Praying honestly helps me.
I have adopted Alain as the father I should have had growing up. These videos are life changing. I used to think there was something wrong with me. Nope.
If you are reading this, may you attract everything you’ve been patiently waiting for & be passionate to pursue it whole-heartedly. It will naturally flow into your life when you are ready to receive it. Hope our channel helps you on your journey 🙏
You wouldn’t take advice from someone who doesn’t like you; so why pay so much attention to your inner critic?
I might if I thought he is right, smart or wise
Maybe they know something I don't, or see something out of my sight. Problem is I can't tell valid critiques apart from disingenuous smears anymore; there's just too many voices screaming I'm a failure.
@@steveno2760 But that's part of what keeps us trapped - This notion that we are small, ignorant, and worthless, and the only valid 'truths' are the ones that are critical of us (because this is how we see ourselves). What if the shoe was on the other foot? Say you were 'critiquing' someone else by being harsh, belittling, and lacking empathy. Could you really expect that other person to hear those things and feel empowered to be different, to be better, to "rise above"? I know I couldn't. Yet this is what we expect of ourselves.
I would take advice from someone who does not love me if his advice was good. This is why i take my own advice.
so true..
I think having a pitiless inner critic signals a lack of integrity. Some things increase your integrity and some things disintegrate you. It is a perilous journey until you find the right balance and achieve a state of congruence. One can say that it is a moral obligation to seek integrity. Integrity is essentially tantamount to inner peace.
I agree
I practice adding "...thats not actually true" to then end of any negative self talk.
I don't hate myself Ik I'm capable of performing certain things that are valuable in society, what I hate the most is that feeling of being stuck, and that feeling of losing control of all you've built your whole life! and whenver you feel on track again there's a headache or something to put you down in your depressive state! Life is really hard with all it's expectations and system.
Here are a few approaches to help you create a kinder, more productive relationship with yourself.
Notice what you're thinking about. ...
Respond to the inner critic by replacing negative critical thoughts with more accurate information. ...
Release the Inner Critic. ...
Embrace imperfection with compassion.
Thanks. I needed this. Sometimes I feel that I'm defined by my skills and my intelligence but I think there's more to it than that.
I understand completely. Sometimes I feel like my value is determined by my work and how good I am at it. Even though I know I'm more than my job and work skills, I still can't help but attach most of my identity to it.
@@EmanDeMoan Yeah. It's like it becomes your identity and if you screw up, then you feel like an idiot and act like you don't anything despite being there so many times.
In my honest and humble opinion, I think that, so far, this video is one of the greatest from the archive of TSoL. It touches on a range of subjects, from psychology to philosophy (including the much-debated topic of childhood and parental care). It is highly needed and precious. Usually and at times (I can only speak for myself here) we, as humans, can underestimate ourselves to a point where we lose control over our own actions and became devoid of rationality - thus putting us in some dishonorable, pitiful, and even dangerous situations. I needed this at this point in my life. Overtime (and after having learned some much-needed lessons), I've come at the conclusion that we should try to put our whole life in perspective, don't take ourselves too damned seriously while acknowledging life's circumstances and bad experiences - ups and downs - as a portal to wisdom. Easier said than done! I believe in fate and I think I should simply relax a ton more, relativize things (while avoiding overthinking), and ultimately be grateful for each sunrise, because in spite of all the wrong that inevitably takes place, I wholeheartedly want to believe that life is one hell of a ride!
Be brave y'all! And be kind to yourselves - always and no matter what!
"no one needs to be hounded by a sense that they are excrement" jesus fuck. compassionate but razor sharp at the same time. This channel is truly something special.
I feel like everywhere I go, that voice is going to follow me. Not just as an inner voice, but as a real person. There are too many parental figures that try to make me feel like I'm never good enough and I just can't break free...
I don't know if it would work but maybe you could think up some things to say to those people like, "I know you mean well with your criticisms but I would find it more useful if you sometimes gave me some encouragement." or "Do you find that I criticize you a lot? Well, I sometimes feel that you criticize me a lot. I'm interested in your point of view but when you criticize me a lot, I just feel discouraged." However it may not be safe for you to say those things so, if that is so, just ignore my ideas."
@@tracesprite6078 : That's an excellent idea.
@@peacefuldaizy5717 thank you, Peaceful Daizy.
The timing and accuracy of this is scary, just discussed this with my therapist. Thank you. ❤
The accuracy of this. Have for a couple of years realized that my inner critic are just the words of my parents, with my voice over. My whole childhood I have been told both directly and inderectly to change myself because I was feminine. I've always known that I was gay ever since i could remember. And my parents always scolded me or shunned me whenever I was just being myself. My father was homophobic and my mother is a christian, and they always made me feel that there was something wrong with me.
When I reached my teens I became a perfectionist, and I was never content with how I looked, or with myself. Today I'm fighting hard to get rid of those voices. Some days I can motivate myself to do something daring, or go out of my comfort zone, but most days I end up telling myself "who do you think you are? People are going to look at you and make fun of you". So, I end up retracting, or just give up, even with my passion in arts. It pains to witness myself submit to those voices.
You’re describing an experience very close to mine, so I relate. My childhood trauma is radically internalized, the way through is arduous I’ve learned... I wish you and I and all profound healing and liberation.
PLEASE MAKE A VIDEO ON
1-HOW TO HANDLE FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS : Parents toxicity, problems between siblings
2- IS IT OKAY NOT TO HAVE FRIENDS ? AND HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM
"no on needs to be hounded by a sense that they are excrement" is the funniest serious thing I've ever heard
one time i got so high i went on a bad trip but i learned something. You gotta try and have a well balanced conscience or else it will come get you. I'm still trying to keep mine balanced, but this video makes me feel better and less lonely.
You are not your thoughts, you are not your body. You are beyond.
Recall a meme that said something along the lines of "Yeah sex is cool, but have you ever sat in the dark thinking about why you're not good enough?". I used to be this person consistently for abt 5-6 years. I'm past it now but the thoughts do come now and again sometimes. It dosn't get too bad like the years before anymore tho so i guess i've come a long way. Dayyum..what a struggle it's been. I'm 23 now so i reckon i still got about 5-8 more years of mild self-loathing to go through but who knows..maybe it'll all count for something in the end..if there's even gonna be an end..and that's a big maybe..phew. I wish you all the love in the world my dudes and dudettes. Keep grinding.
Therapy and reading about c-ptsd, learning more about the reasons why I am feeling this way helps me!
I some times used to feel buying myself medication was wastage of money. How damn this was. But thankful your videos are helping to love myself more. Treat myself better. I'm grateful.
I just had a personal epiphany. This topic is relevant to me and has for decades. While I agree with the lesson herein, I desperately need to have a way to explain why I've been unable to "be on my own side" over all the years (obviously since I'm still around I do have an inner voice that values me, it just takes a back seat at regular intervals). Here's what I just realized and I hope can be a valuable talking point for myself and others to discuss with our therapists.
The reason why I can't help scream at myself for my mistakes is because my subconscious knows (what I only just consciously realized) that people don't love other people for their successes. People love other people who don't hurt them. So it doesn't matter how many big, medium and small things I've done to benefit others when I have also regularly made mistakes that have hurt or triggered others in painful ways. Making amends isn't guaranteed to repair those either. I think I'm good at repairing and it makes little difference. So for those who have already had some "flipping of their lid" during their teen years, already know subconsciously that they cannot be properly loved ever again. We needed to *not* make those hurtful mistakes in order to truly have value in this world. Oh sure I am smart, helpful, kind, giving, loving, apologizing and contributing in meaningful ways but that doesn't ever right the wrongs. I'm still defined by those regretful moments, not because I actually see myself as being defined by them (I desperately proclaim I am not) but others can't help but measure me by my past mistakes. My past and current successes don't give me positive points. When someone succeeds, anyone other than their mother/father is either envious or counts the success as "on par" or "as expected of them". So the only way to be on "equal" ground with the people who don't suffer from this condition (cuz everyone makes mistakes but not everyone is haunted by them as I am), is to not have made the memorable mistakes at all.
Love this. It’s so hard to not give oneself a hard time. As someone who is self employed and therefore has to set my own hours it always feels like I should be working harder and doing more. Taking time off can be a real guilt trip.
last october, i was diagnosed with severe depression. I had suffered from this for years, so long it felt normal, i didn’t believe i was sick and would deny that anything was wrong with me. Channels like these make me realise all the obstacles and hurdles that have been put in my mind and together with my meds i hope to use these videos as talking points and to heal
Thank you School of Life, my guilt always felt like 100 ton put on my chest. I'm learning to forgive myself.🤗
That inner critic is often found in people who are industrious and also very intelligent and creative in temperament. Those people are also often very disorganized. It can easily take over your expression and motivation if you don't structure your surroundings to be immediately useful as a tool to your creativity or tasks and this can apply to things like just getting dressed and showering or eating. Make it easy for yourself to take care of yourself if you're a bit orderly-disorganized. Your environment is a huge factor and starting point in this critic as well as your influences growing up. You can choose whether or not your conscious thoughts will include your past and setting your surroundings is the best way to enforce that statement to yourself, it tells your brain there are things right in front of you that you must focus on and it is clear how they function and so you can envision the future outcomes of them being there. No room for the past.
Lot of times I Hate myself, torture myself when I did wrong or anything goes wrong with me,It's hard to me to console at the same time,it remembers literally everything which went wrong until now but the point is I hadn't treated any of my friends like that and that is unjust to my own self I know that now.will try to soothe,forgive myself when things go wrong,I know there won't be 100% result but this trying can get me closer to see the things clearly as without pity on myself.
My inner critic hasnt really hurt me until this past few years. turning 30 and doing nothing with my life has made it go postal. I was always positive and looked forward to the future. when i turned 25 i told it to kick it up a notch and go gordon ramsey on me to get my rear in gear. Hasnt helped so far and i been slowly deepening myself into terrible depression. I want to see a therapist but they are expensive and the people i know who see them arent getting any better....or atleast noticibly. i hope i find a video on here that will click with me and be life changing!
Anxiety and self content are our natural states, especially in today’s world. We need to understand our minds so that they work with us and not against us.
*By replacing them with good thoughts* 🙏
That simple? Yeah, but like with anything, takes time and practice
However, it's so worthwhile. Often the inner critic speaks in a disgustingly rude and exaggerated way e.g. "You NEVER do anything right." It may help to reply in quite a mild way, e.g. "Never??? Um, no, I sometimes do some things right and sometimes do some things wrong - kind of like everyone on this planet. Thank you for your input but those exaggerated statements aren't very useful. Best wishes and drive carefully, won't you?"
Thank you so much for this video. It has helped me so much. I've just realized how so many of the feelings I've got of people perceiving myself as being weird and socially awkward were in reality my own fears and anxiety. I'm working on questioning those thoughts and anxiety and treating myself better.
The inner critic is like a misbehaving child. Instead of kicking the child to the curb and telling him/her they’re wrong, or no good, give that critic/child a big hug and say; “thank you for trying, but I got it from here.” The inner critic/child just wants to be heard, and know that it’s OK now to let the true self take charge. Then send the inner critic off with a great retirement party
Wow, 0:58 - 1:13 really hit me hard. Those are things my inner critic used to say to me all the time up until a few months ago. And things my parents used to tell me when I was in my mid teens to well into my twenties when I didn't meet their expectations in a myriad of ways. I've been working on myself though. In the past few months I've been meditating regularly, getting physical exercise, practising self care and reading books and watching vids to help me understand how to be a better person. And this video just made me realise that my inner critic is not as harsh anymore. In fact my inner critic judged the inner critic in the video, hahha. Anyways, it feels good to be where I'm at and I understand it's a long journey with lots to learn on the way.
Another strategy can be to think about some of your ideas and develop them. E.g. you may have been taught that hard work is good but you may decide that busy work just for the sake of being busy isn't really good at all. You may also decide that rest is very healthy, too, and helps you to be your best self. You may realise that being unselfish is often good but that it is important to consider your own needs as well as those of others. So you can develop a more sophisticated morality, based on an understanding of your needs and capabilities.
I went from "I'm worthless" to "I'm not too bad to "I'm awesome, I wish my parents would know that!"
This channel knows me so well it's frightening...
This is the video I needed to watch to not go insane today. Thank you so much for making me feel seen/understood.
You wont believe how relevant it is to me right now! Its like i was searching for it....but it came in recommendations
Easy to say " to rely on those who love us" I don't have anyone in my life who remotely cares about my wellbeing and happiness. Words Words Words, but there is no empathy for me. I have always been independent, finding it hard to ask for someone to even get a bottle of milk for me. I have failed in becoming well. However, one good point is that I frequently tell myself during this difficult and challenging time. I live on my own in a very safe place, no family to be concerned about catching the virus and no one to see or talk to. Maybe that's a positive side!
Sending you spiritual hugs Beth, you sound very brave, and wishing you well again.
One of the reasons why we might be so hard on ourselves is because we care about ourselves, we want to reach our own standards. This can turn toxic, but maybe if we approach self-criticism from the standpoint of self-love, we can stop being so severe?
Sometimes the fear of disappointing others.
Your right
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I struggle a lot with the anxiety, isolation, upset, and expectations of COVID living. I crucify myself for every ounce of missing motivation, procrastination, and paralysis because somehow it’s easier to think I am a worthless failure (even as I have succeeded far beyond what I expected of myself during this awful time) than to admit that life is always difficult, and that COVID has stripped away so much of the support, surety, and community that normally allows me to bear it. I am not perfect, but I don’t have to be either. I am just a human, I have strengths and weakness, and I cannot be all things to all people at all times. Thanks for helping me remember that
I loved this video! I have the self-knowledge book and really enjoyed reading it :) The biggest takeaway I got was to change the outer voices around us so we can have kinder, gentler, and more caring inner voices
Knew that something is wrong with me but didn't know what exactly, now I know. Thank you The school of life ❤
Is there any evidence that it's the voice of the father that determines our lives, and not the voice of the mother? I ask only because my mother is by far the biggest influence in my life and I'm sure the same is true of others.
I think it's just most often the father that has a negative influence.
Yes in my case my inner critic echoes the criticisms I got from my mother as a child.
When this video dropped two ago, I got a notification but didn't watch it. It's 31st December, 2020, and I believe this is the perfect time to watch it, going into the new year. I am getting tired of the inner critic who judges me and makes me overthink every decision I try to make or actually make. It makes me feel terrible for being who I am and others. I don't want to be someone else, and I am done with the constant feeling of guilt. This blessed me. I'm watching again, maybe tomorrow. And I'd be recommending it to others
Reaching out is so difficult after beeing raised to silence and verbal violence. I struggle so much even at simply talking. Today I couldn't express my opinion properly in class without tachycardia and nausea. I'm only good at writing to nobody.
Didn't know there was a name for this. That helps.
When I realize that I am a pitiless self critic, half battle is won !! Seeing our own faults is no sin. How we react to them within ourselves turns us as severe self critics. Become an unattached witness to your actions and thoughts. Why I am angry or disturbed or honest or caring or greedy or violent or helpful? Children should be taught this simple technique once they come of understanding age. Over a period of time, the disturbances will fade away. This is one of the ancient Indian tips to cure our mental illness.
Really great video. I am very conscious of my inner critic and it drives me insane. I hear it as my fathers voice and I get angry with it. I am autistic, late diagnosed and history of trauma. I could go on...but videos like this and reading others comments make me feel validated and less alone. Thankyou.
I just tell my 7 year old self that there are billions of people walking around with a little them inside too and it eases the anxiety just enough....
I deal with all this on a daily basis. Whether its planning to achieve something, preparing for a big event or just about anything. My inner critic says : lol do you really think you're smart or hard working? This limits my potential. Therapy is definitely in my mind, but for the time being, I tell myself.. "Trust, Forgive, accept". Trust that you can do this and if you do, things will atleast get better, Forgive whenever you think you've made mistakes, and accept whatever your life has been till now, without complaining. The third one is especially powerful because when you accept, your weakness becomes your strengths and past mistakes become learning.
Yes i think i have an inner critic taking after my stoic father and it has tried many times to get me off my path or making me think I'm worthless to others as my father was neither much there for me as a kid and never really talked to me. I will do my best to tame this critic and make it live for me.
I would never treat someone like I treat myself
Wow it's like these guys know exactly what's happening in my mind. They are even better then YT recommendations.
From someone who isn't a harsh inner critic a good way I'd think to stop is to 1 stop compareing as someone out here will always be perceived as better or worse by you and that's just your interpetation you don't know behind the scenes, 2 stop caring about things that don't matter such as how you viewed by others, who likes or dislikes you and what people think because even if you do the right thing ppl will still find a way to disclaim your actions in fact being real gets you more hated than being fake, 3 realize that you are naturally competent and if you don't feel like you are asses whose standards you judgeing this by is your bar to high? Don't be unreasonable on yourself. why don't think your competent? If so how can you work on getting their? Do you know it takes time and it's a upward process? and lastly feel your emptions out in the right setting but don't let them control your choice making process and let you recat abruptly to everything, sometimes we don't think before speaking innerly or outward so before you asses something or analyze it always look for the positive it will give you motivation and gratituide, don't ignore the negative but be reality driven so you should be able to realize most times the negative isn't as bad as we make it out to be and from their instead of wallowing in our sorrow and pity we realize we have the power to alter this situation and take the steps to do it.
These videos should be getting so many more views they are truly enlightening.
Thank you for this. I am 64 and still struggling with this. As is said in the video most of the time I am not even aware of the harsh critic inside me. I have started recently with a course of self compassion and now I notice sometimes how hard I am towards myself. How much I expect from myself, how disappointed I am about myself and it really hit me how normal it has become that I am having a hard time become aware of it and change it. So thank you for this 🙏
I really needed to see this today. I love how this channel finds the words to articulate the feelings I struggle to name.
I've found silly over the top praise for yourself can work a little here. Obv. You don't really believe it but it acts to shift things towards a more moderate position.
so true. thanks The School of Life. unfortunally all this info just reinforces the old childhood feeling that I wasn't wanted (specially) by my father; that I always been a burden, and the inescapable end is suicide as a message for society to better care about parenthood.
So helpful video and the subject I needed. Thanks for your videos. The realistic and objective point of view on human behavior, needs and relationships, which makes them very useful. With your help I work and achieve results in understanding my essence ❤️❤️❤️🇧🇬
i am 36 now, so self destructive with my conscience... always hard on myself. because of that i cannot even have any confidence in myself. I am an architect and it affects my work and how seriously people take me. my dad was absent , i was brought up by my grandmother, who did the last she could, but there was always quarrels between her and my mum. My mum passed away years back. I am completely feel empty and doesn't quite feel like i even know who i am. But i keep trying. its great what i keep learning in these videos
You are worth loving ❤️ Give yourself a break and start with self love ❣️
Why this feels much more relaxing than .... the other "try harder you loser!" Etc. ways of interpreting life? I really feel relaxed here, does this indicate something genuine about this channel?
Eizelganger and School of Life has taught me more about Life than my Parents, Teachers and other Elders combined. 🙂
I really am my own worst enemy. If only I were his equal.
You are more than equal to your inner worst enemy. Do you find that that inner voice talks in a thoroughly rude way? e.g. "You're such a loser." You may like to reprimand it and say, "I'll be more inclined to listen to you if you can find a polite way of expressing yourself." Does the inner critic exaggerate? e.g. "You would have to be the most disgusting person on this planet!!!" In other words it speaks in a way that you and your friends would never speak. I suggest replying in a very calm way e.g. "No, I'm not the most disgusting person on this planet and nor am I the most admirable person. I'm just somewhere in between, like most people. Thank you for your input but please try to come up with more believable statements in future." With those cool responses, you may be able to help the inner voice to chill out - and even find some useful ideas for once!!!
Maybe this is the reason why I always find it hard to give myself a gift. My inner critic. I need to do something valuable first before I allow myself to enjoy, indulge or have the things that I want and it always end up with self deprivation because most of the "valuable" things I do doesn't meet the standards that I set for them to be 'valuable'. I end up punishing myself.
The real achievement is to know how to remain gently and generously on our own side.
im legit for a week been tremendously sad and i didnt know what to do till i saw this
This is so true... I remember when my sister first got married, when her husband got home from work he would sit down and watch TV. This would drive my mom and sister crazy... that is what happens when you are consumed with anxious labor! If they were running around all day he should be too. Their self criticism and perceived fear was triggered and spilled out by his normal yet novel activities.... he is a brave man!
what do they expect him to do then?
@@mawunyomorga8658 it is not about him
@@craigmerkey8518 it's about their own inner experience right
Damn, that's the most relatable video I've ever seen in youtube so far. Painfully depressing and at the same time relieving that I'm not alone who feels like shit all the time.
I was about to search for this video, as I scrolled down on my feed, it popped up, captivating!
Few days back i had a job interview - which was a disaster, and i remember how i was criticising myself for ruining the interview. The inner critic also said that i am so stupid, i am good for nothing, god knows where i am going to end up in my life, i don't deserve this life, i should look at my friends who are doing better than me and blah blah blah. The thing is I couldn't figure oit that waht my mind said was correct or not.
Thanks foe the video, now i have started to understand things.
So here's my story:I had been battling my inner critic since I can remember..I had been preparing for a very important College entrance exam I thought I was well prepared but two months before the test my inner voice kept telling me"what make you think you're better than rest of them who prepared for the same exam?" "Oh you can't do very good you didn't do this and that" Eventually I got so nervous that I kept pushing myself harder not realizing how much damage it was actually causing me.it got to a point where I would just burst into tears for no reason and even considered killing myself for not being enough ..On 26th of Feb of this year gave the exam ..and as u can guess it went Terrible.. during test whenever I tried to do a question my inner critic would be like "Don't even try ,it's not your cup of tea you don't deserve to even sit in the exam" I tried to stop it but It got louder and louder .Now I'm trying to make a change for myself to stop listening to her..hope I'll get better