10 Things That Make Getting Through a Dissociative Day Harder
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ก.ค. 2024
- In this video from The CTAD Clinic, Dr Mike Lloyd (Clinic Director) goes through 10 things that are commonly described during therapy as things which make getting through normal days as a dissociative person/system harder. In managing, or trying to improve these things, it is always recommended that people do this within therapy settings. This is not an exhaustive list, there are others!
#otherspecifieddissociativedisorder #osdd #dissociativeidentitydisorder #did #therapy #amnesia #depersonalization #derealization
You know what sucks. “Coming back” into the middle of a conversation when everyone is looking at you. Trying to figure out context.
Oh yes!
Yes!
Oh god! This!!! So much!!
I totally understand!
When on job- interview..
Dissociative folks unite!
For me the hardest it’s this weird feeling of floating between real and dream world. Headaches, nothing seems to be “here”, numbness. The outer “layer” need to act normal, smile and talk to people while I’m just… floating (moments when depersonalisation and disconnection between me and my body-the outer layer are most noticeable). Such days are exhausting.
what does that do with the news
YES!!! All of it and so much more. Family wonder why I’m so tired everyday. Cos it’s hard to keep up with one facet of life let alone every single part of it. I get overwhelmed easy and I try to explain because I’m overloaded. I have to check my bank acc before buying something, check the fridge before ordering groceries, check the tasks book to see what I have or haven’t done, check the medications book to see if I’m due for any. Make sure I sleep.. when I can. Be at appointments. When walking out the door can cause anxiety and fear for days before the appt. So thankful for such a validating video of experiences. Please never stop doing these videos they’re so important for people like me with DID and also for those who need help understanding the experience of DID and dissociation. So grateful ! 😊
You are very welcome, we’ll keep them coming!
Re checking bank and email and messages 😮 oh yes! I ordered 3x the same vacuum cleaner at different times of the night then there’s the stress of what to do about it. One day I booked a Eurostar ticket to Amsterdam for one night! Not that I could get the money back from that one.
Then I’m in financial trouble as well.
A colleague used to make fun of my "too detailed" task list. I NEEDED that to function and excel at my job. There was no other option back then. Tooling has gotten much better.
We had five bottles of identical salad dressing, i don't even like. Just threw out three of them because they were expired. We somehow kept ordering it?
Derealisation, things changing + autistic brain is particularly distressing as brain fixate on changes and it goes on high alert for longer. If littles are about… even longer. Also when things become more vivid the sensory distress is extremely intense.
Feeling like the world around me is the wrong size is a really mentally distressing symptom. That and feeling like I am a dream and when the dreamer awakes, I will disappear.
Just having the difficulties of daily life acknowledged feels good. Thank you.
You're so welcome!
Thank you for making me feel less alien in this weird existence
Relate its so lonely isoalt8ng
Moved to tears just to hear someone that understands
Thank you
So that's why I watch movies, TV shows repeatedly, read the same books over and over and over and over ...
It takes a lot of energy to introduce something new into my repertoire but once it's there, it joins the rotation of regular re-watch/re-read.
At least amnesia means it doesn't get boring too quickly - I forget enough of it that I can still enjoy it, even the eighth time!
It is a thing, re-watching shows and films as it takes away the ‘stress of uncertainty’, even if not always a happy ending.
Is that why I constantly am distracting myself w watching or reading ???? So so tiring. Thanks Dr Mike
Mine is getting lost in computer solitaire...
Me too. But usually I even read about the movie in advance to know what it is about.. and how it ends..
@@samdiamond3402 yup and word game like scrabble
As always a massive thank you Dr Mike. Yes you’re so right to share things like this and yes I thought it was only me and yes I am worn out doing the smallest things. I find it easier to front than interact. On a walk for a short period of time I can laugh and chat to someone, usually their dog to avoid eye contact. They think I’m friendly and easy going, internally falling apart. I live alone with my two furbabies and never really want to leave home, open the door or answer the phone. At the same time I don’t want to waste my life 🤷🏻♀️
You offer a perfect platform here to try to make sense of life. You’re never alone with DID yet it’s a very lonely place. Again Thank you 💐
I agree, pets make a lot of things easier, so many interactions happen between people because of this that can feel calm and welcoming.
Just wanted to say I really deeply relate to "I live alone with my [1 dog] and never really want to leave home, open the door or answer the phone. At the same time I don’t want to waste my life 🤷🏻♀" and I am very lonely. It was comforting to read your comment and realize I'm not alone in feeling this way
Thank you and that helps me ❤
We just let out a collective sigh of it so good to feel heard like this. Thank you.
You are very welcome, Jazmine!
@@thectadclinic My r*p* trial was aborted on Monday by the defence lawyer and the reason was our DID. We are like Jeni Haynes of Australia (Jeni Haynes wrote a book called The Girl in the Green Dress and also appeared on Aus 60 Minuetes th-cam.com/video/lsXFcbPbvI4/w-d-xo.htmlsi=h4a-yygV48H7rV5s ) and the first DID case to ever make it before the courts and now we are the first in New Zealand as a r*p* victim with DID. We had asked for our old psychiatrist to be the expert witness (he wrote a report for the court) to physically be there for the jury to help understand, but the defence said no. We have now demanded he be there for the next court date as now it has become what we already knew - it is about our DID. As it will be a setting a precedence case the pressure is even bigger now to make sure everything is clear for the judge and jury. The defence lawyer left it until we were all sitting in the witness room before doing this, he had four years. The judge is raging and he has been dismissed, but now we wait some more. My crown prosecutor has been incredible and has made a massive effort on learning about DID. Knowing that our dissociation has caused the trail to be aborted is the worst feeling in the world.
DX-ed DID system here.
1) Yes. I hate the idea of someone having to snap me out of zoning out.
2) Yes. It's so hard to keep focused at times.
3) Yes. I never know when a trigger will pop up and bring out a headmate of mine.
4) Yes. I almost exclusively rewatch shows that I feel comfortable with because I'm scared of getting triggered.
5) Yes. The fear of losing control and losing time used to be the most terrifying thing for me, but it's gotten better.
6) Yes. Losing time when you know a smcertain alter was out is so scary.
7) Yes. I never feel connected to my body, and that scares me.
8) Yes. When I'm Alice in Wonderlanding, I'm terrified.
9) Yes. Trusting people with my diagnosis is so personal and feels life threatening at times.
10) Yes. You try to explain derealization, and people think you're schizophrenic.
I hate the actual process of when someone tries to stop me from zoning. It's extremely painful to make my eyes look up and out and to move my head at all sometimes.
Wary of people (threat of receiving physical violence) and hyper vigilance is a constant. Alone and isolated is an issue. - fatigue is also an issue.
yes, all that . That is probably the constant that is in the fore front of my mind that is exhausting and well, annoying. I would love to feel safe - i've never known that.
i find that i have been aware of all of these my entire life, and i am so tired of the masking to 'get things done' people still depend on me to 'make the decisions and Get it done' because they have no idea what's behind the mask. i 'm bloody tired . Isolation - you bet.
Yes; some years ago I realized that my "neat and tidy" life was more of a prison box, than life. It is a challenge to meet all those new experiences with openess. But step by step...
Hopefully all the steps add up to the best possible place for you.
All 10 of those hit me too....especially the time loss..I am so obsessed with time, I have face clocks in every room in my home, and the feeling of being alone and isolated...Fear and mistrust, and confusion of events....Its so hard having this disorder.
2:02 1. The fear of being seen
2:09 2. The effort to focus
2:22 3. Avoiding Triggers
2:39 4. Being Wary of People
3:00 5. Stress of feeling dissociation rising
3:20 6. Confusion about time lost
3:44 7. Not feeling present
3:57 8. Disturbed by altered perceptions
4:21 9. Not knowing who to trust
5:00 10. Feeling isolated
5:35 Conclusion
Thank you for doing this!
Number 2 is so, so, so much work. Number 3 requires so much hyper vigilance and is so incredibly exhausting, which yes, leads to number 4 because it is the only way to reduce the labor load. Number 7 reduces the sense of really being alive, or can make being alive feel pointless and unfulfilling at all. Not being able to share what is happening due to number 8 makes life very isolating and lonely. Number 9 adds to the loneliness and yeah, so, number 10. Thank you for sharing this.
The daily fears and adjustments are our biggest struggle. Transitions. Worry of where what who is present
wow. thank you for this. clicked on it while in denial mode, thought, well nothing will apply to me anyhow. Wrong lol. Every single one is so accurate and I go through pretty much daily. Keep doing what you're doing, it is appreciated and it really makes a difference.
Glad it helped! Thank you so much.
I am very thankful for your video. In my childhood I was punished, threaten any time I was going out. Today I can tell , a mother dumped on me her issues of feeling rejected, abandonment. It took me years to realize why I have been not so sure about locking my door when leaving or locking my car door upon coming back. She yelled at me, punished me for 'leaving her'. I need to bring myself back in a moment anytime steeping over a door step. She was so scary to me as a child, that i don't remember it. But my body still does.
This is very comforting. I think we spend most of the day focusing on the things that help but all these things are be very overwhelming. Your content is so helpful. Thank you for your videos.
Wonderful!
I learned so much through the book - Toxic Parents. In the book it gives great ways to speak and deal with boundaries and how to deal with negative comments or pressure. Always make sure to remember the past is the past and to try to realize you're in the here and now. They can be my biggest challenges, especially if triggered. Also, great video!😊
Thank you!
I just got done with a 25-hr work weekend. I feel like we're running life on expert hard mode. 🎮😅 So many coping skills that I've lost track... I think we've done it all...
The hardest for me is trying to meet all the needs of my other parts who can be demanding sometimes.
Make a video like this specific to DID. Because the differences getting through the day between people who don't switch/lose time/have amnesia for current events and past events, and people who have continuous consciousness, can be quite different. Still a rough and painful life. But not the same.
I know exactly what you mean, that said, a lot of dissociative disorders have an aspect of amnesia. Some people might get brown outs instead of black outs, but even that isn't diagnosis-specific. Ultimately, DID isn't the only diagnosis with amnesia! :-)
Some dissociative conditions don't have amnesia, you're absolutely right of course. I have to assume that people ultimately relate to the things on the list that apply to them depending where they are on the spectrum. The ones specific to amnesia just won't apply to those people I suppose.
Maybe the video you're looking for is like... 10 things that make day to day life harder with dissociative amnesia?
Thank you Doctor. the struggle with each and every one of these since the husband’s death has shattered the system. It has been a nightmare.
I certainly hope things improve. Really sad hearing about your loss.
❤
My gf's major issue is the loss of time. She agonizes about her day going by in seemingly the blink of an eye and having felt like she didnt accomplish anything. Her loss of time can be significant on a daily basis, due to the frequency of switching and none of her alters getting much time to do anything involving.
FFS, I'm watching this the 3rd time and I hear the beginning and the ending... Like.. COME ON! LET ME LISTEN!
Hope you were able to…really!
Omg true! I had to go back to each of the 10 things because my brain doesn’t want to absorb it. I have to sit and try and think about it because it goes right over as if I never heard what was said.. 😵💫
Yes to this too x
It seems like that is just every day life for me lately. It feels like I'm experiencing all of these every day recently. Maybe because I've been in a high-stress situation non-stop for over a year, maybe because of amnesia, maybe because of recent EMDR. It just feels like it's every day for me.
Yes. I am venturing back into volunteer work. Astoundingly difficult and different than before the dissociation etc. got severe. It’s a perfect “ stretch goal “ and I HAVE to go slowly. Cognitive ability and ( of course) memory problems! A million miles less able than grad school ! On my way to redo the orientation. I took the quiz and discovered I remembered very little! I’ve managed not to say anything yet. Wish me luck everyone!
As always, thank you Mike 🙏 your knowledge is a god send - thank you for sharing it so openly
My pleasure! Glad you liked it!
I am so happy that I discovered your channel after your interview with Jess. Your channel has made my alters and I feel so seen and it’s helped us understand ourselves and each other so much more. Thank you Dr. Lloyd :)
I'm so glad! It was that interview that got all this started.
Thank you for articulating these things for us. Sent to one of our therapists because we struggle with words due to also being autistic but we’ve been facing all 10 of these in our everyday life for so long and it’s exhausting. We also don’t have any social support and don’t have any family so therapists are the only people who we can send these things to. Anyway. Thanks for doing the work you do.
You’re very welcome, I hope it helps you!
Wow. Watching this video honestly made me feel so much more validated and put words to a lot of daily fears that I have. Thank you so much, this will make explaining certain things if I ever need to *so* much easier.
As a mom of a person with DID you helped me TREMENDOUSLY with understanding. Thank you so much!
Glad it helped!
Thank you so much for these videos. This one was especially nice to hear as I’ve been more dissociative lately after needing to have a face to face with an abuser. Ultimately it allowed me to see that 4 years of distance and therapy has helped me to see right through her and the fact I wasn’t participating in her old games gave me this eureka moment.. it felt amazing, but now it’s like my brain is doing a defrag. I hope that makes sense.
I’m very lucky, my system works very well together, we have been working hard on building ourselves up from the dirt. We understand that we developed DID because we were strong, not weak… but it took a lot of work before we saw that.
Again, thank you so much.
Very much our day. Being seen especially is becoming worse, it has been magnified after an alter coming out at a friend's party. My first adventure in two years with other people, except immediate family. Trust with the professional sector is ebbing away, being passed from psychologist to psychologist. Tired so very tired.
This is really wonderful thank you. My world changes everyday. It's scary. Each day is a new person, but sadly nobody believes me. My NHS team believes its all enhanced by an undiagnosed learning disability. Sadly nobody can help me it's a sad situation....
All day most days. Thank you.
Thank you including that TV and movies can trigger us! I can’t watch any TV MA content and didn’t understand why until I learned I was OSDD. And sometimes even something lower level can have a trigger in if
This is so relatable. I am not diagnosed but am on a journey of educating myself. I do have CPTSD and previous Borderline diagnosis and recurring depression.
What a list. Just managing all that does take a lot energy. It is hard. To start to ‘give up’ dissociation as a coping mechanism and thereby also start to accept aspects of yourself and your real life as yourself and your life as it is and was ( really own it), there usually is a tipping point. If still using it fully day to day, it is maybe working for the person in some way ie it is making the day easier in some way to get through. Hard to write as I know it doesn’t feel easy with all that as you mention. Why do it otherwise? What I’ve found is then to be careful not to fall into other methods of avoidance like any addictions, binge watching Netflix and the like, over working etc.
I still kind of think of dissociation as my super power knowing well I could probably cope with much more than those who have not got that T-shirt so to speak. Then I realise I am not in a war zone thank goodness and nor do I want to be. Every day life it means then I just don’t have the same skills for that. Well I’ve been gaining them for real and having to connect to that war like zone as I connect to myself and I don’t like it. If only I could disappear. So tempting not to feel, not to be present with what I’m going through/what I went through. Then though I don’t know here from there. It’s happening now. Or is it not. What am I doing. What a catch 22 it can be. Knowing there is a choice can help. If there is no choice then you are in the war zone and maybe need some help to get out. Accepting help isn’t often easy if help prior wasn’t forthcoming. Also knowing that those helping are fallible humans that though may want to help may not get everything right. That’s different from those with ill intent. Except if they don’t own it. Then your back to the being the dysfunctional one whilst everyone else is just so perfect! ‘Not owning it’ seems can be common to all. Just look at some politicians. Thanks 🙏
Ps can you consider doing a video on developing self trust. Knowing you’ve got yourself, your own back is such an safety net when you are let down by others.
Thank you for putting into words what I am living with every day. I didn't have the words for most of these but now I do. I'm gonna write these down and look back at the list whenever I'm having a hard time putting the finger on what's causing me so much distress. (Provided I can remember that there's a list, and where I put it. Haha)
Wonderful!
Thank you , this is helpful to share with people I know who may not quite understand what I have to deal with day to day . I can relate to all of these, they are very familiar. I am only now becoming aware of when I begin to dissociate, it's the oddest of things and shocking how I have never noticed this in me before. I'm feeling that I am slowly starting to "see" my own Self and my parts. It's extremely exhausting but very liberating too 😉
You are so welcome!
Many thanks Dr Mike 🙏🏻 enjoy the rest of your weekend 😊
You too!
I can definitely relate. Thanks for another helpful video. It's good to know I'm not alone.
Glad it was helpful!
I resonate deeply with this.
This is so so so so important
Thankyou.
You're welcome!
Thank you. Just, thank you.
You're very welcome!
10/10 here, thank you so much for another amazing video ❤
Glad you enjoyed it!
This is a great channel and great information. I have CPTSD and Bi Polar 2 and was recently tested by neuropsych and revealed I have pseudodementia from the depression of one or both of the conditions. I have been able to only recently explain in therapy situations that show I’m having derealization and depersonalization and two weeks ago I had a noticeable split. I was someone new. After hearing this video I wonder how much of my odd feelings when I leave the house are “just” DID stuff vs - a pseudodementia?
Re amnesia: a survivor suggested always wearing a watch, looking at it frequently, and carrying paper and pen to note the day and time of black outs. My amnesiac episodes have dramatically decreased! Hope that helps someone.
The validation is cathartic, THANK YOU!! This list is very accurate.
I would add to this list when dissocation comes on that I experience a lot of physical symptoms, pressure behind my eyes and forehead, I am constatly rubbing my eyes and head and the sensations that come up when beginning to dissociate make me panic.
It might be helpful , with a video like this, to add a note about how long these symptoms may last or how intense these may be in someone with a dissociative disorder. What trends have you have noticed over time in treating someone with these symptoms. Are there any patterns that can be spoken of? Does therapy cut down the intensity of these horrible daily symptoms? Depression is a real thing, Dr. Mike, and when I can manage to feel any emotions at all, depression from these constant symptoms gets me to a dark place sometimes. I've seen a trend in myself with therapy twice a week for a few years now. My therapist always said to me, "Things will get better, (meaning this list of symptoms) and I can honestly say 3 years and 2 months in, YES, they have gotten better. This list used to be constant and now it's not. There is hope, folks, not only are you not alone, but there is soooo much room for hope and improvement. Do Not Give Up. PLEASE :)
Thank you, too!
Thanks, Dr. Mike. It took me about two hours to get through this short video. But I stuck with it and kept coming back to get through the entire list. I’m 10 out of 10. Even your video is challenging! I know you don’t mean for it to be, but that’s just the nature of DID, I guess.
Well done for persevering!
Now time bereavement of a loved one and needing to be functional. Gnarly 😢
Who here can relate to overpurchasing things?? And then "hiding" them (a form of misplacing, I guess) from yourself?
Yes I have hidden things from myself. I have struggled to buy things and when I do a lot of the time they used to go back. Hiding the item until no longer within the time period where they could be taken back i think may have been a strategy to keep hold of something I needed. Now I try to consider the item and whats coming up for me and whats the conflict/s. I used to avoid and deny myself of a lot and then i think perhaps a window of opportunity would open and I’d order a number of things I needed. However not properly thought through. The whole balance between getting things I need ( which can be part of caring for myself ) and not getting things I don’t need, I am working on! And not hiding things I can’t make up my mind about, so time does the decision for me.
Sometime in 2024 could you try to improve your audio quality? Perhaps by getting a different microphone or something. I would donate to a fundraiser for this purpose if you want to make one. I am really eager to learn from your content and it's hard for me to understand the audio in your videos with the current quality. I understand there are also auto-generated captions on the videos but those aren't entirely reliable and it's more accessible for me to listen to things, not just read them. Thanks for considering this
Audio quality sounds ok for me 👍🏻
Ok for me too x
I wonder if this is what leads to the seizures? The PNES, since I seem to have that trouble on top of the dissociation.
Has anyone else experienced more dissociation (Depersonalization, Derealization, & Lost Time) on cloudy/stormy days?? Or is it just me?
Daytime light exposure is beneficial for mood, and improved mood can improve the ability to self-regulate. The connection between light exposure and mental illness has been studied for at least a decade. A study published in Nature in 2023 (Burns et al) related self-harm and depression to lack of daytime light exposure and too MUCH nighttime light. So no, it is NOT JUST YOU. Search for circadian rhythm disorder treatment. Safe and you do it at home, not in a therapy office, unless you have narcolepsy.
Could symptom that fit the DID criteria actually be caused by a physical health condition such as a brain tumor? Are there any physical health tests recommended for somome with DID to make sure the symptoms are because of DID and not a physical health problem
Thank you
one of them is being abused at work and in the community
Can we get better
Yes we can ❤
Oof :/
Feel seen by this video.
Wish I could send it to my family without feeling horribly shameful about it.
Hopefully one day you feel able to. I really hope it could help.