Dude, I have been watching your videos and all I can say that you are AWESOME! if it weren't for you, I would have stayed struggling with anxiety and OCD and I would have kept telling myself "oh I'm just smart as usual, I like to get to the bottom of things and find out the truth so I can make sense of it" I came to discover that the brain doesn't take any answer as final answer and go like "oh okay, I got it" nope! it would go around and around and keeps doubting and asking million other questions, it's the reason I kept struggling with this for the past several months! I'm a strong man, determined and value myself, I was knocked down cruelly and I would sit, wonder, analyse and end up literally crying like an insane person and shout "I am TIRED!! I wish I wouldn't care anymore, I wish I could move on" I'm still working on myself to get back on track, not quite there yet, but man you saved my life and big big thanks to you! FYI, there is this little girl, she's about 16, beautiful, but for some reason she believes she's ugly, and unless she's in a relationship, then she's miserable and cutting her own hands and on the fence to actually committing suicide... I did talk to her, cheered her up and "made her feel better and appreciated" but that's not enough, not until she approves of herself that she would get better and here's the kicker, I wasn't in a place where I would really even think of suicide but I was struggling myself and I had to take a few days alone and work on my personal development and stand back up on my feet so I can continue positively, and this very same insecurity that I had by the way was the reason I ruined what I consider a relationship with the love of my life, she would do things to trigger my insecurities needless to say I blew things out of proportion and acted like a needy guy and screwed it up.... given that I have been always a strong confident man, to see myself ruin such an amazing thing because of lacking what i was naturally good at, is doubly hurtful so what I'm trying to say is, you saved my life, i'm recovering, feeling better each day, missing my girl like crazy but not really deciding to get back together with her yet, and quite frankly I don't care even if I lose her to someone else, it would hurt but at the end, I regained myself back! so it's a win win situation and I'll have to struggle either ways, but what's tearing me apart is watching this lil girl on and off depression and not being able to help her properly and being that I was and still am in a way in her shoes, I feel like it's my personal responsibility to help her out and I CANNOT let her suicide, please let me know what we can do about it. Thanks, Abdel.
"If you cut out the compulsions but don't also get rid of the judgments and the beliefs and the desires you are constantly going to feel this pressure to push you back in to relapse" I was rewatching this video again, as this point right here has really been in my mind! I realize how before, pretty much any time when I would try to resist a compulsion, almost every time, or a lot of the time, while there, resisting the compulsion and/or doing the thing I thought was "wrong"...well yeah, I was thinking it was wrong, which made it so difficult to not just give in to the anxiety when it certainly seemed true and not doing it seemed only pointless and harmful; or in the least the harm seemed to out weigh the positive.
My most important tip would be asking yourself the question "Where does my sense of self come from ?" , and repeatedly remembering "I am not my brain". Last year I had a three month period where I was suffering a lot and it intuitively occured to me that "this will never stop" . It became so clear that "this will never work itself out, alll the attempts to change my outlook on life, to persuade myself to be accepting will fail". And I felt a presence that occured naturally, without any zen-training necessary, without any effort, just by giving up. It was like an inner Jacuzzi I could dip into whenever I recognized myself going in circles. Because I had the insights " I am not my brain" and "This will never work and never stop". I lost this sense for about a year, suffering in bad ways, but not in ways that felt like hell. Two weeks ago I felt horrible again, the insight came back, the jacuzzi came back. And right now all I'm hoping is that I will have this insight more consistently. MEditation practice is useful.. but you don't need it to be free ... you need the insight.. the click.
I am deeply greatful for the videos you are continuing to upload. You pick the exact words, which makes the most sense and communicates well with our "worried voice" to silence it and summon "false comfort" (I like to use these expressions, which I heard in an audiobook "Overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts" by Martin N. Seif and Sally Winston). I highly recommend this book to anyone, who suffers with anxiety from unwanted intrusive thoughts. Thank you once again, Mark!
One of your best so far Mark!! I really love how you cover the Broad Spectrum in this video, I truly think this is KEY in therapy and continuing on after therapy. Thanks Mark for the refresher!
This is excellent Mark! I recently stumbled across your vids as im dealing with trying not to think of my obsessive thought of death. You nailed it with accepting & by taking things one step at a time. I believe I'm going to get through this soon!
Thanks, I'll check it out. If you want to get in-touch and chat more about it, send me a message through the contact form on my website: www.markfreeman.ca
Completely agree with you. I have been in recovery from ocd for about a year now and have to work everyday to stay healthy some days I succeed and some i struggle. CBT Made a massive difference for me and would fully recommend it. I also use an app called headspace which walks you through mindfulness activities, and has helped me to stay present in the moment more. I find exercise a big stress reliever too. Thanks for your videos they have made a massive difference to me :-)
I want to say that I really really appreciate all these videos that you've made. It has been really helpful for me. I want to ask for your advice in a situation I've been dealing with. When I'm in the classroom listening to the teacher, sometimes a thought pops into my head. A random thought like me having a conversation with my brother. Now obviously I can't push a botton and make that thought dissappear or just forget that thought. The thought kinnda follows me and my brain wants me to think about the thought. I don't know what's the beter way to deal with this situation; Sihould I give into the thought and think the thought until maybe it starts to fade away and I can listen to the teacher with my entire attention? Or should I put all of my effort to pay attention to the teacher and let the thought be there and not care and how much it follows me and weakens my concentration. I usually choose the second option because that way I'm more productive and I'm more in charge of my actions, even though it is painful. But the problem doesn't end there and the real pain comes after. After this my brain wants to make sure if what I'm doing is the better way. This creates a lot of uncertainty which they really hurt. I have thoughts like ' isn't it better for you to think about the thought so that it may slowly fade way?' or ' what if by listening to the teacher and not thinking the thought, you make the thought bigger and make it pressure you more and more '. Overall ' what if this isn't the better choice ?'. Now I can recognize that this is my brain seeking reassurance and giving into this uncertainty isn't healthy for me at all, like you mentioned in the video. So when my mind wants me to make sure 'what I'm doing is the better way' I don't give into it and just try to listen to the teacher, Even though it really hurts. The problem doesn't end there. After that I have thoughts like ' are you sure this was your brain just seeking assurance ' ' maybe it would be more helpful for you to find the answer those questions so that you can focus better'. Then again I try not to give into the uncertainty and the loop keeps going. This is really hard for me. The problem is I actually don't know if the way I treat the thoughts in my head is good for me and all these uncertainties are too much.
So one thing I would like to get an advise on, is how to deal with the random thoughts that pop into my head. Like I said what I've been doing is to let them be there and put all my effort to focus on the teacher. But most of the times, especially when I'm anxious, the thought kinda keeps following me and it makes me frustrated. Especially because of all those uncertainties that come after.
shashband amini Something that's useful to explore is why you don't get frustrated by other things you experience. I find it helps to approach thoughts like clouds in the sky. They're just there. I don't have to judge them and hate them. Why do you judge thoughts but not clouds?
Sorry I got a little confused when you said "something that's useful to explore is why you don't get frustrated by the other things you experience " I get your point when you said " why you judge your thoughts but not the clouds", which is that I don't have any more control over my thoughts than I have over the clouds that are in the sky ( I've watched your videos ). But actually I don't think I judge the thoughts and feelings. They are just there
shashband amini But you said it frustrates you and creates uncertainties. Have you ever been frustrated by a cloud because it stays in the sky? Have you engaged with a cloud and wondered what it means about you?
Thanks for all the great info. I also have your book. In your experience with yourself and working with others, is it better to tackle one compulsion at a time, or go full force and try to cut out everything at once?
Thanks for reading! It really depends on how the person is understanding their compulsions, because sometimes when people say they're tackling it one by one, they're just avoiding cutting out the compulsion at all. It reminds me of swimming in cold lakes up north--the water is cold so I'd just put my foot in and then wade out a bit, and then go a bit deeper, and stand there shivering, hoping I get accustomed to the water, so I go a bit deeper, but it's still really cold and now I have all of this evidence of it being cold to make me even more afraid that's it's going to be really cold when I get in. And you could say I'm taking it step by step, that I'm going to get used to the cold or "habituated" to it. But the reality is, I just needed to jump in the water from the start. If I'd jumped in, I'd already be swimming around. Instead, I'm just making myself suffer by trying to delay the useful action.
Thanks a lot Mark! Your videos are very helpful to find ways to recover from mental disorders. What are some good things to do for exposure therapy? I find it very hard to leave anywhere far from home, I start to feel anxious and play bad scenarios in my head. It has reallly stoppedme from getting out and I feel bad, cause I want to take my wife kids out to have fun.
Hewannawanna Thanks! I'm glad you're finding them helpful. Are you able to access a therapist that can help you on the process of getting rid of those compulsions? If not a therapist, then a workbook for ERP could be a great help. Getting over this is going to involve learning how to accept the anxieties that pop up and do healthy things that align with your values and how you want to take out your wife and kids. But there are likely other compulsions in your life you'll want to eliminate as well to deal with this successfully. So a therapist or a great book could help with that.
+Mark Freeman. Thanks Mark, I'm actually going to see a therapist in June, I got an appointment set already after being on a waiting list for months. I wish their was faster help for people with mental disorders that don't have money to pay for treatment. I have not worked since last year, because I started getting daily panic attacks and feel anxious and depressed all the time. The good thing is I'm starting to make some progress, but I need a long way to go, I can't thank you enough for helping a lot of people like me.
Mark do you have any suggestions, for compulsive behavior when looking out for compulsions. Because I think I developed a compulsion, when looking for compulsions. I'm constantly reassuring if this or that is a compulsion. So I really can't trust myself and I'm have obsessive reactions to my feelings and my thinking, trying to figuring out if I'm compulsive at that moment. And this is somehow not in my control anymore.
I think this video is the best, I have trying hard to get over a certain OCD thought. So far what I did is to distract my thought by focus on other issues, I try to ignore and allow those thought to be in my mind. LIke checking whether my hand is it still there and I am still who I am, The OCD thought don't seem to go away, even I the anxiety level sometimes goes down, they seem to come back whenever I trigger the thought. For e.g. touching my both hand. Beside ignoring the thought, what else can I do? What if I cannot get over the OCD thought? should I live with it? Good job for this video mark
+Ryan Tan It sounds like you still want to get rid of the thought. If that's your goal, then your brain will keep giving you the thought so you can keep trying to get rid of it. What if you didn't have to get rid of it?
There's not any other choice than to accept a thought. It's already there. If something is bothering you, it can help to explore why it's bothering you. You could get bothered by clouds in the sky but you probably don't--why is that?
So questions on the judging aspect. I always see you talk about it, but I never realized how important it might be. What exactly is meant by not judging? Like judging anything and everything? Judging your beliefs? Not judging thoughts as good or bad? All of a sudden I'm nervous that not all my beliefs are the "right" or "helpful" ones. I thought I all I had to do was feel feelings and do what I want to do instead, but now I'm wondering if I have to get my mind all sorted out first. I don't know which beliefs are helpful or right to have. I feel like not having judgments will cause all sorts of bad things to happen and i'll lose part of my personality, as silly as that sounds. Can't someone try to compulsively not judge or compulsively examine their beliefs to prevent pain from happening in the first place? Does the judging just apply to stuff in your head? Sometimes I like to poke fun at people, but it's always good natured. Is that judging? I try not to really be negative about it. Also, to clarify... by desires in tip #2, are you referring to the desire to get rid of feelings you don't like?
Kamran I look at judging as a compulsion we engage in to be certain about things. We stick labels and attach meanings to our internal and external experiences. Judging is typically the compulsion a person engages in that leads to all sorts of other compulsions that might bother them. But if they didn't engage in the compulsion to judge, they wouldn't have ended up struggling with those other compulsions. A simple example would be a person who struggles with a hand-washing compulsion--they judge something as contaminated and then they wash their hands, but then they judge them as not feeling clean enough, so they wash them again (and again). They might say they have a hand-washing problem, but they're also going to need to cut out the compulsive judging if they don't want to relapse. Yes, it is possible to get caught up in compulsively trying not to judge things or compulsively trying to find the "right" beliefs, and all of that would also lead to a person not living their life and it would make them miserable. With all of this, it's important to keep the focus on doing things that are going to make you healthy and happy in the long-term and help you reach your goals. Judging is just as much about stuff inside our heads as outside of our heads. Judging others is a very common trigger for other compulsions. It's not that it's right or wrong, it's that judging leads to predictable consequences. If you judge somebody and you express that judgment and they're upset by it, or it leads to a fight, or you find yourself later ruminating on whether or not people were bothered by what you said, those are all natural consequences. They are not good or bad, they are just totally natural results of an action. With judgments, it's helpful to recognize the role they play in your life so you can make a conscious, mindful decision about them. Getting upset about the consequences of your judgments would be like getting upset about getting wet when you jump in a swimming pool. It's completely normal to experience getting wet if you jump in a pool. When you choose to judge, be aware that you're choosing the outcome of those judgments as well. To go back to the hand-washing example: if a person judges something as contaminated with deadly bacteria and they touch it, isn't it natural to want to wash their hands multiple times? Do they have a disorder or are they simply experiencing a totally logical outcome of their judgments (and beliefs and desires)? Speaking of desires: I'm referring to ALL desires. But you could look at all desires as an attempt to get rid of some feeling you don't want. I'm going to be working on a video today to explain these things a bit more. It should be out in a week or two. And as always, thanks for the great questions!
***** Thank you for the in-depth explanation, Mark. EDIT: Had a big reply to your comment, but I went back and watched the You are not your thoughts video and it put this issue into different words that finally made sense to me. Thanks so much for your time, Mark!
***** Actually, I do want to clarify something else, if you don't mind. Zen spiritual enlightenment eastern philosophy sorta stuff exacerbated my OCD for a few years before I got real help for them. Common sayings like letting go of desire, judgement, etc...those feel like letting go of natural human feelings. I spent years trying to do those things (possibly incorrectly) and felt like an emotionally numb, uninteresting, unfeeling monk type person. I feel reluctant to accept your perspective on desire, I want lots of things and I want to be involved in life! How else do I know to act according to my values, are those not things to desire as well? Or do you mean desire in a different way? I can see how for example if I desired women, that might be because I don't want to feel alone or ugly. Yet if those feelings come up, the urge to make the desire go away seems like a compulsion. Do you mean desiring things in order to make yourself feel better or make feelings go away? Do you also mean judgment as a way to feel certain or good about doing some things? I just want to be able to be the person/have the personality I know I can be, but I feel caught up in this confusion, probably because of my past beliefs on this sort of no-desire, no-judgment rhetoric turning people (including me) into emotional, boring, zombies. I almost feel like letting go of desire is letting go of what makes life interesting, unless i'm totally misunderstanding this concept as you're using it.
Kamran The idea that monks should be unfeeling, emotionless, dummies, is a common myth. A big part of being mindful is being able to feel what you're feeling, without judgment. That doesn't mean not feeling things. That's about being okay with feeling whatever you're feeling. I'm much more able to feel things and feel a much broader range of emotions now than when I struggled with anxiety. But I think a big part of that is letting myself feel what I'm feeling instead of trying to chase a particular feeling I want or get rid of a feeling I don't want. Here's a video I did that might be of interest, about an old zen story in which a woman kicks a monk off her property for wasting her time and food: th-cam.com/video/8o8uVzPcLB4/w-d-xo.html What you mentioned about wanting to be involved in life sounds like a great idea. Do that. It's not something you have to want, it's something you can do in every moment of your day. Desires are totally normal, but they can often point us at problems to resolve. For instance, breathing is very necessary but it's not something people generally think about desiring. It's simply a thing we do. However, if something interferes with our ability to breath, then we will desire it very much. But the solution isn't to just want to breathe more. The solution is to fix the problem that's interfering with our ability to breathe. But does not being able to breathe, and therefor desiring to breathe, make life more interesting? Maybe. Solving problems is always fun. My parents have a dog that chews through bones incredibly quickly so they put peanut butter inside of a rubber toy and give that to him to play with--it's nearly impossible to get the peanut butter out. He can spend hours playing with the rubber toy to get the peanut butter out that he really, really wants. Our brains love to give us problems to solve, too. If we solve them too quickly, our brains are more than happy to make us desire something like the peanut butter in the rubber toy, a problem so difficult to solve, we can spend years of our lives trying to lick out the peanut butter. There's nothing wrong with trying to lick peanut butter out of a toy, as long as you enjoy the process and its aligned with who you know you are. It's useful to enjoy doing what you're doing, whatever it is you're doing. But if you want to chase a desire, and that requires you to do things that aren't aligned with who you are, or things that make you miserable, then I would say that experiencing that misery was a choice made when you decided to chase that desire. When I talk about desire and mental health, it's often about identifying desires that consistently lead to anxiety and depression. As long as the person chooses to hold on to that desire, they're choosing the consequences of that desire.
Bless you Mark. Your words of wisdom have been a daily companion for me and a real life saver. Sometimes I question my "values" and am not sure what they are... This is kind of part of the OCD, so sometimes it is difficult for me to grasp in my mind what my values and long term goals are... This is kind of my obsession, to ask these questions and then feel awful that "I don't know" or don't like my answers. Sound bizarre, I know. :) Do you have any suggestions on this note? Thanks again, I really feel like I'm on the right track. I've been doing yoga, meditation, and including a good diet to also help me on my journey.
Sheena Steedman Thanks, Sheena! I'm glad you've found the videos helpful. OCD is all about trying to be certain and trying to control uncertainties, so it's totally normal for it to try to latch onto uncertainty about values. It's ok not to know. Committing to values without being certain about them is a great opportunity to practice accepting uncertainty. Instead of trying to be certain about my values in advance, I look at the results they produce and I make sure that those results are things I actually control. For instance, I value sharing tools to help with improving and maintaining great mental health. I control whether I share those tools or not. So if I share a video or make a blog post, then I've been successful. But if I valued something like: "making people happy", that value would cause all sorts of problems for me because I don't control how others feel. I can control what I give but I can't control how people react to what I give. So committing to values that make us healthy and happy in the long-term is an exercise in embracing uncertainty. But it's also important to pick values that we can act on in the present, that help us reach our goals in life, that aren't about engaging in compulsions (like trying to control what other people think or feel).
***** once again thank you. Embracing uncertainty is really at the core. Thank you for helping me contextualize how I could still embrace uncertainties in my values and choices in life. :) I'm taking notes, and hope to spread your message to other people who are struggling. I'll keep watching your videos and do my best to take healthy actions. Best to you.
Sometimes this is like ignoring your anxiety, continue what you doing and your activites when you feel like you cant will lead you to more anxiety. Acceptance to your depression means ok i have no energy to do these things, i feel i dont like what's going on with my life, i've lost motivation and yeap it may feel good to abandon things. For example let's say i cant concetrate to what i am doing because there is something i am thinking, in the end the advice is do what you do?
Question: We want to advoid compulsions correct? But in tip #6 you suggest finding healthy distraction, but couldn't doing that turn into a compulsion?
they're beliefs that keep pushing us into compulsions. For example, if you believed it was very bad to have a particular thought, but you kept having that thought, then it would only be natural to be very stressed and anxious, but the problem isn't the thought, it's your belief that you shouldn't have it. Getting rid of them involves showing your brain that you believe something else.
Hey man. I am a gay man in Vancouver. I liked your 12 steps video. I'm going through a 12 step approach myself - you're a random man that I look up to. Thanks for your videos :-)
Hi Mark, Is there any chance you would be open to skype calls or personal emails about individual questions? I am just beginning my recovery journey and love the way you word things!
Olivia Paty Congratulations on the start of your journey, Olivia! You can send me a message through the contact form on my website: www.markfreeman.ca and I'll be able to explain more about the types of coaching services I offer.
Mark What about physical illness and anxiety. If get nauseous or light headed it spins me in a cycle of irrational worry and intrusive thoughts. Or I have a constant worry that I will get nauseous or lightheaded and it will send me into this cycle
Physical sensations are a common way our brains love to trick us into compulsions. When tackling compulsions, like that cycle of worry, it's useful to see that compulsions are about reactions to feelings we don't like. Those feelings could be emotional or physical. So we can work on having those experiences and making space for them without trying to control and manage them.
I figured out now the real reason why I often don't do exposure. It's not that I'm so afraid of doing the thing. It's because I think doing social exposure and being rejected, doing other exposures will make me even more sad (to avoid the word beginning with "d" and ending on "epression" and down. It's not that I'm not willing to make the sacrifice of temporary pain. It's just that I have a sense that it might make my overall mood worse f o r t o o l o n g. And I can't afford that. Did you feel worse in the evenings after doing exposures than in the mornings over a longer period than , say, a week?
It's a common compulsion to want to avoid the possibility of "bad" feelings. This will often come up in many ways--for example: people avoiding an ever increasing list of food and restaurants because they're afraid they'll have an upset stomach afterwards, or avoiding situations that might be unpleasant because they're afraid that unpleasantness might taint something desirable they have planned later, or you'll often see it in the way you're currently encountering it, with avoiding specific exercises because they might cause depression or anxiety or any other number of feelings people don't like. With this, it can be helpful to recognise that avoiding the possibility of a feeling is a compulsion and I also find that it helps to practice trusting yourself to handle whatever happens. You have the skills to handle feelings and do what you value, so if you feel depressed, that's fine, you know how to handle that.
I think your last point might help :) It's true that I'm able to sort of pull the plug when I see that my thoughts overwhelm me. I can stayy in that state of presence and let the thunder pass by. If it takes an hour, that's an hour of practicing presence. Trust on the other hand I never feel when I'm in the situation, on the spot. It's always a feeling of utter misery and hopelessness. But I'll try now to think of my capacity to deal with any hell of fire in my brain by just being present :)
I was gonna write that down but I've written so much down I can't even count the notebooks .. maybe sometimes writing everything down is not necessary. Maybe I just let the idea float in my head.
Hello great videos, well my bad thought is that if i dont do some rituals (touch something dont know how many times), that i will become ugly, and when i ignore it am thinking that am becoming uglier and uglier, now most of that thoughts i can ignore rly good, but there is always one that i cannot ignore completely. You have any more tips? tnx :D sry for bad English
filmo centar Thanks! I'd practice eliminating judgment compulsions. Judgments fuel OCD. If you practice judging things as ugly and are constantly checking to make sure you're not ugly, then your brain is going to continually worry that you're ugly, so you can engage in rituals to make sure you're not. It can help tremendously to recognize judgment as a compulsion and explore the many different ways throughout your life you can eliminate that compulsion.
***** Thank you for fast answer, should i just stop with rituals and just start ignoring those thoughts?, someone just need to tell me those thoughts are not true! ''Your thoughts cannot make you ugly'' :D Great channel i have a good yt channel i will help you to make more subs, tnx again.
filmo centar Something that helped me was recognizing that the rituals feed the thoughts. It seems like it's the other way around but that's just a trick our brains play on us to get us to engage in the rituals. But like I said, it's not just about ignoring the thoughts. It's about learning not to judge, and not only when it bothers you. For instance, if you often judge how other people look, whether you're judging them as good looking or ugly, you're training your brain to judge you, too. So if you don't want your brain to judge you, try practicing not judging others. It's too bad we can't just get somebody to tell us "Your thought cannot make you ugly." If that worked, these issues would be so easy to deal with! Thanks for sharing my channel!
***** Thank you for fast answer again, am watching your videos, and its a 2 days without rituals, for the first time :D, there are still some bad thoughts but less, you are really helping me to beat this, i will keep you posted :D
1Kilili It might help to look a bit deeper at what's going on there. If there's something in a story that you're judging as horrible, that thing will still be there even if you don't judge it. The issue is not the story in the newspaper, it's what you do with that story in your head. What benefit do your judgments bring to yourself or those around you? Choosing to judge a story and then make yourself miserable all day doesn't sound like it helps you or helps the people in the story or anybody around you. You might also want to look at whether you're purposefully reading these stories just to find things to judge. The news relies on that. It's why most local news is just about people getting shot or getting in car accidents. It plays on anxieties. But continually going back for more is like continually going back to a restaurant that serves food that gives you indigestion just so you can complain about it. You already know the food is bad. Instead of complaining about bad food, how about opening your own restaurant with great food?
I have hocd...i think, but now it really feels like im gay and it feels like im attracted to guys and that i want to be with guys. Please help i want to go back to loving girls
UmAdBr0 Hey man, you are not alone. While i do think, that Marks videos are applicable to all types of OCD, perhaps you'd like to watch the videos of Eddy Defoe as well. His are exclusively about HOCD. Good luck!
+UmAdBr0 I had this theme at some point but caught it pretty quickly - as it popped up right after a much more long standing one had just been overcome so probably tried to fill that one in along with fear of being a pedophile. With the gay thing, it was like. "What if you're a lesbian? But I don't like girls. But what if you are? But I don't like girls!" In any case, I Googled it, a I already knew it was an OCD theme and found this article which was actually helpful in some sense. Mainly the last part, aha. www.brainphysics.com/yourenotgay.php
Dude, I have been watching your videos and all I can say that you are AWESOME!
if it weren't for you, I would have stayed struggling with anxiety and OCD and I would have kept telling myself "oh I'm just smart as usual, I like to get to the bottom of things and find out the truth so I can make sense of it"
I came to discover that the brain doesn't take any answer as final answer and go like "oh okay, I got it" nope! it would go around and around and keeps doubting and asking million other questions, it's the reason I kept struggling with this for the past several months!
I'm a strong man, determined and value myself, I was knocked down cruelly and I would sit, wonder, analyse and end up literally crying like an insane person and shout "I am TIRED!! I wish I wouldn't care anymore, I wish I could move on"
I'm still working on myself to get back on track, not quite there yet, but man you saved my life and big big thanks to you!
FYI, there is this little girl, she's about 16, beautiful, but for some reason she believes she's ugly, and unless she's in a relationship, then she's miserable and cutting her own hands and on the fence to actually committing suicide... I did talk to her, cheered her up and "made her feel better and appreciated" but that's not enough, not until she approves of herself that she would get better
and here's the kicker, I wasn't in a place where I would really even think of suicide but I was struggling myself and I had to take a few days alone and work on my personal development and stand back up on my feet so I can continue positively, and this very same insecurity that I had by the way was the reason I ruined what I consider a relationship with the love of my life, she would do things to trigger my insecurities needless to say I blew things out of proportion and acted like a needy guy and screwed it up.... given that I have been always a strong confident man, to see myself ruin such an amazing thing because of lacking what i was naturally good at, is doubly hurtful
so what I'm trying to say is, you saved my life, i'm recovering, feeling better each day, missing my girl like crazy but not really deciding to get back together with her yet, and quite frankly I don't care even if I lose her to someone else, it would hurt but at the end, I regained myself back! so it's a win win situation and I'll have to struggle either ways, but what's tearing me apart is watching this lil girl on and off depression and not being able to help her properly and being that I was and still am in a way in her shoes, I feel like it's my personal responsibility to help her out and I CANNOT let her suicide, please let me know what we can do about it.
Thanks,
Abdel.
How's your journey going?
"If you cut out the compulsions but don't also get rid of the judgments and the beliefs and the desires you are constantly going to feel this pressure to push you back in to relapse" I was rewatching this video again, as this point right here has really been in my mind! I realize how before, pretty much any time when I would try to resist a compulsion, almost every time, or a lot of the time, while there, resisting the compulsion and/or doing the thing I thought was "wrong"...well yeah, I was thinking it was wrong, which made it so difficult to not just give in to the anxiety when it certainly seemed true and not doing it seemed only pointless and harmful; or in the least the harm seemed to out weigh the positive.
+KrayolaBlue91 That's a really useful insight to have!
My most important tip would be asking yourself the question "Where does my sense of self come from ?" , and repeatedly remembering "I am not my brain".
Last year I had a three month period where I was suffering a lot and it intuitively occured to me that "this will never stop" .
It became so clear that "this will never work itself out, alll the attempts to change my outlook on life, to persuade myself to be accepting will fail". And I felt a presence that occured naturally, without any zen-training necessary, without any effort, just by giving up.
It was like an inner Jacuzzi I could dip into whenever I recognized myself going in circles.
Because I had the insights " I am not my brain" and "This will never work and never stop".
I lost this sense for about a year, suffering in bad ways, but not in ways that felt like hell.
Two weeks ago I felt horrible again, the insight came back, the jacuzzi came back.
And right now all I'm hoping is that I will have this insight more consistently.
MEditation practice is useful.. but you don't need it to be free ... you need the insight.. the click.
Wow this is me 100%! Ocd has taken over my life for a decade and a few years more! I haven’t realized this until I watched your videos.
Wow!!! It's like you're in my head Mark. Thank you so much for being able to articulate the circus!!!
Sheryl Dixon Thanks, Sheryl! It is a weird and wonderful circus.
Thanks for this, and all your videos in general. I always like to recommend them, since they helped me understand OCD much better.
Olong Johnson Thanks for sharing them!
I am deeply greatful for the videos you are continuing to upload. You pick the exact words, which makes the most sense and communicates well with our "worried voice" to silence it and summon "false comfort" (I like to use these expressions, which I heard in an audiobook "Overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts" by Martin N. Seif and Sally Winston). I highly recommend this book to anyone, who suffers with anxiety from unwanted intrusive thoughts.
Thank you once again, Mark!
One of your best so far Mark!! I really love how you cover the Broad Spectrum in this video, I truly think this is KEY in therapy and continuing on after therapy.
Thanks Mark for the refresher!
Scott Adams Thanks, Scott! Taking that broad approach really is so helpful.
This is excellent Mark! I recently stumbled across your vids as im dealing with trying not to think of my obsessive thought of death. You nailed it with accepting & by taking things one step at a time. I believe I'm going to get through this soon!
08WSChamps Enjoy accepting!
Amazing. THANK YOU. You kind of save lifes.
outsmarted123 You're welcome! Glad you found it useful.
Thanks
Thank you for the donation, Margaret! I appreciate the support.
Inspiring Mark, would love to have you on the anxiety guy podcast someday as a guest :)
Thanks, I'll check it out. If you want to get in-touch and chat more about it, send me a message through the contact form on my website: www.markfreeman.ca
Thank you
Completely agree with you. I have been in recovery from ocd for about a year now and have to work everyday to stay healthy some days I succeed and some i struggle. CBT Made a massive difference for me and would fully recommend it. I also use an app called headspace which walks you through mindfulness activities, and has helped me to stay present in the moment more. I find exercise a big stress reliever too. Thanks for your videos they have made a massive difference to me :-)
chatbox kate Thanks for sharing about your own experience! I hope your recovery journey continues well and interestingly.
I want to say that I really really appreciate all these videos that you've made. It has been really helpful for me. I want to ask for your advice in a situation I've been dealing with. When I'm in the classroom listening to the teacher, sometimes a thought pops into my head. A random thought like me having a conversation with my brother. Now obviously I can't push a botton and make that thought dissappear or just forget that thought. The thought kinnda follows me and my brain wants me to think about the thought. I don't know what's the beter way to deal with this situation; Sihould I give into the thought and think the thought until maybe it starts to fade away and I can listen to the teacher with my entire attention? Or should I put all of my effort to pay attention to the teacher and let the thought be there and not care and how much it follows me and weakens my concentration. I usually choose the second option because that way I'm more productive and I'm more in charge of my actions, even though it is painful. But the problem doesn't end there and the real pain comes after. After this my brain wants to make sure if what I'm doing is the better way. This creates a lot of uncertainty which they really hurt. I have thoughts like ' isn't it better for you to think about the thought so that it may slowly fade way?' or ' what if by listening to the teacher and not thinking the thought, you make the thought bigger and make it pressure you more and more '. Overall ' what if this isn't the better choice ?'. Now I can recognize that this is my brain seeking reassurance and giving into this uncertainty isn't healthy for me at all, like you mentioned in the video. So when my mind wants me to make sure 'what I'm doing is the better way' I don't give into it and just try to listen to the teacher, Even though it really hurts. The problem doesn't end there. After that I have thoughts like ' are you sure this was your brain just seeking assurance ' ' maybe it would be more helpful for you to find the answer those questions so that you can focus better'. Then again I try not to give into the uncertainty and the loop keeps going.
This is really hard for me. The problem is I actually don't know if the way I treat the thoughts in my head is good for me and all these uncertainties are too much.
Sorry to hear about the struggles. What would you like advice on? It sounds a bit like focusing on this and trying to figure it out is the problem.
So one thing I would like to get an advise on, is how to deal with the random thoughts that pop into my head. Like I said what I've been doing is to let them be there and put all my effort to focus on the teacher. But most of the times, especially when I'm anxious, the thought kinda keeps following me and it makes me frustrated. Especially because of all those uncertainties that come after.
shashband amini Something that's useful to explore is why you don't get frustrated by other things you experience. I find it helps to approach thoughts like clouds in the sky. They're just there. I don't have to judge them and hate them. Why do you judge thoughts but not clouds?
Sorry I got a little confused when you said "something that's useful to explore is why you don't get frustrated by the other things you experience "
I get your point when you said " why you judge your thoughts but not the clouds", which is that I don't have any more control over my thoughts than I have over the clouds that are in the sky ( I've watched your videos ). But actually I don't think I judge the thoughts and feelings. They are just there
shashband amini But you said it frustrates you and creates uncertainties. Have you ever been frustrated by a cloud because it stays in the sky? Have you engaged with a cloud and wondered what it means about you?
Great content!!
Great video
This is helping my obsession is telling me to write a long text but not going to
oh my goodness you are heaven sent
Thanks for all the great info. I also have your book. In your experience with yourself and working with others, is it better to tackle one compulsion at a time, or go full force and try to cut out everything at once?
Thanks for reading! It really depends on how the person is understanding their compulsions, because sometimes when people say they're tackling it one by one, they're just avoiding cutting out the compulsion at all. It reminds me of swimming in cold lakes up north--the water is cold so I'd just put my foot in and then wade out a bit, and then go a bit deeper, and stand there shivering, hoping I get accustomed to the water, so I go a bit deeper, but it's still really cold and now I have all of this evidence of it being cold to make me even more afraid that's it's going to be really cold when I get in. And you could say I'm taking it step by step, that I'm going to get used to the cold or "habituated" to it. But the reality is, I just needed to jump in the water from the start. If I'd jumped in, I'd already be swimming around. Instead, I'm just making myself suffer by trying to delay the useful action.
Thanks a lot Mark! Your videos are very helpful to find ways to recover from mental disorders. What are some good things to do for exposure therapy? I find it very hard to leave anywhere far from home, I start to feel anxious and play bad scenarios in my head. It has reallly stoppedme from getting out and I feel bad, cause I want to take my wife kids out to have fun.
Hewannawanna Thanks! I'm glad you're finding them helpful. Are you able to access a therapist that can help you on the process of getting rid of those compulsions? If not a therapist, then a workbook for ERP could be a great help. Getting over this is going to involve learning how to accept the anxieties that pop up and do healthy things that align with your values and how you want to take out your wife and kids. But there are likely other compulsions in your life you'll want to eliminate as well to deal with this successfully. So a therapist or a great book could help with that.
+Mark Freeman. Thanks Mark, I'm actually going to see a therapist in June, I got an appointment set already after being on a waiting list for months. I wish their was faster help for people with mental disorders that don't have money to pay for treatment. I have not worked since last year, because I started getting daily panic attacks and feel anxious and depressed all the time. The good thing is I'm starting to make some progress, but I need a long way to go, I can't thank you enough for helping a lot of people like me.
Hewannawanna That's awesome you're making progress. It can be a long journey but you can do it!
Mark do you have any suggestions, for compulsive behavior when looking out for compulsions. Because I think I developed a compulsion, when looking for compulsions. I'm constantly reassuring if this or that is a compulsion. So I really can't trust myself and I'm have obsessive reactions to my feelings and my thinking, trying to figuring out if I'm compulsive at that moment. And this is somehow not in my control anymore.
Reassurance is a bitch - its SO hard not to try to get it..
I think this video is the best, I have trying hard to get over a certain OCD thought. So far what I did is to distract my thought by focus on other issues, I try to ignore and allow those thought to be in my mind. LIke checking whether my hand is it still there and I am still who I am, The OCD thought don't seem to go away, even I the anxiety level sometimes goes down, they seem to come back whenever I trigger the thought. For e.g. touching my both hand. Beside ignoring the thought, what else can I do? What if I cannot get over the OCD thought? should I live with it? Good job for this video mark
+Ryan Tan It sounds like you still want to get rid of the thought. If that's your goal, then your brain will keep giving you the thought so you can keep trying to get rid of it. What if you didn't have to get rid of it?
so I should accept the thought? but it keep on bother me whenever I touch myself, it trigger the anxiety? should I ignore the anxiety?
There's not any other choice than to accept a thought. It's already there. If something is bothering you, it can help to explore why it's bothering you. You could get bothered by clouds in the sky but you probably don't--why is that?
thanks, I will think about it
So questions on the judging aspect. I always see you talk about it, but I never realized how important it might be.
What exactly is meant by not judging? Like judging anything and everything? Judging your beliefs? Not judging thoughts as good or bad? All of a sudden I'm nervous that not all my beliefs are the "right" or "helpful" ones. I thought I all I had to do was feel feelings and do what I want to do instead, but now I'm wondering if I have to get my mind all sorted out first. I don't know which beliefs are helpful or right to have. I feel like not having judgments will cause all sorts of bad things to happen and i'll lose part of my personality, as silly as that sounds.
Can't someone try to compulsively not judge or compulsively examine their beliefs to prevent pain from happening in the first place?
Does the judging just apply to stuff in your head? Sometimes I like to poke fun at people, but it's always good natured. Is that judging? I try not to really be negative about it.
Also, to clarify... by desires in tip #2, are you referring to the desire to get rid of feelings you don't like?
Kamran I look at judging as a compulsion we engage in to be certain about things. We stick labels and attach meanings to our internal and external experiences. Judging is typically the compulsion a person engages in that leads to all sorts of other compulsions that might bother them. But if they didn't engage in the compulsion to judge, they wouldn't have ended up struggling with those other compulsions. A simple example would be a person who struggles with a hand-washing compulsion--they judge something as contaminated and then they wash their hands, but then they judge them as not feeling clean enough, so they wash them again (and again). They might say they have a hand-washing problem, but they're also going to need to cut out the compulsive judging if they don't want to relapse.
Yes, it is possible to get caught up in compulsively trying not to judge things or compulsively trying to find the "right" beliefs, and all of that would also lead to a person not living their life and it would make them miserable. With all of this, it's important to keep the focus on doing things that are going to make you healthy and happy in the long-term and help you reach your goals.
Judging is just as much about stuff inside our heads as outside of our heads. Judging others is a very common trigger for other compulsions. It's not that it's right or wrong, it's that judging leads to predictable consequences. If you judge somebody and you express that judgment and they're upset by it, or it leads to a fight, or you find yourself later ruminating on whether or not people were bothered by what you said, those are all natural consequences. They are not good or bad, they are just totally natural results of an action. With judgments, it's helpful to recognize the role they play in your life so you can make a conscious, mindful decision about them. Getting upset about the consequences of your judgments would be like getting upset about getting wet when you jump in a swimming pool. It's completely normal to experience getting wet if you jump in a pool. When you choose to judge, be aware that you're choosing the outcome of those judgments as well. To go back to the hand-washing example: if a person judges something as contaminated with deadly bacteria and they touch it, isn't it natural to want to wash their hands multiple times? Do they have a disorder or are they simply experiencing a totally logical outcome of their judgments (and beliefs and desires)?
Speaking of desires: I'm referring to ALL desires. But you could look at all desires as an attempt to get rid of some feeling you don't want.
I'm going to be working on a video today to explain these things a bit more. It should be out in a week or two.
And as always, thanks for the great questions!
***** Thank you for the in-depth explanation, Mark.
EDIT: Had a big reply to your comment, but I went back and watched the You are not your thoughts video and it put this issue into different words that finally made sense to me. Thanks so much for your time, Mark!
Kamran Ok, any time!
***** Actually, I do want to clarify something else, if you don't mind.
Zen spiritual enlightenment eastern philosophy sorta stuff exacerbated my OCD for a few years before I got real help for them. Common sayings like letting go of desire, judgement, etc...those feel like letting go of natural human feelings. I spent years trying to do those things (possibly incorrectly) and felt like an emotionally numb, uninteresting, unfeeling monk type person. I feel reluctant to accept your perspective on desire, I want lots of things and I want to be involved in life! How else do I know to act according to my values, are those not things to desire as well?
Or do you mean desire in a different way? I can see how for example if I desired women, that might be because I don't want to feel alone or ugly. Yet if those feelings come up, the urge to make the desire go away seems like a compulsion. Do you mean desiring things in order to make yourself feel better or make feelings go away? Do you also mean judgment as a way to feel certain or good about doing some things?
I just want to be able to be the person/have the personality I know I can be, but I feel caught up in this confusion, probably because of my past beliefs on this sort of no-desire, no-judgment rhetoric turning people (including me) into emotional, boring, zombies. I almost feel like letting go of desire is letting go of what makes life interesting, unless i'm totally misunderstanding this concept as you're using it.
Kamran The idea that monks should be unfeeling, emotionless, dummies, is a common myth. A big part of being mindful is being able to feel what you're feeling, without judgment. That doesn't mean not feeling things. That's about being okay with feeling whatever you're feeling. I'm much more able to feel things and feel a much broader range of emotions now than when I struggled with anxiety. But I think a big part of that is letting myself feel what I'm feeling instead of trying to chase a particular feeling I want or get rid of a feeling I don't want.
Here's a video I did that might be of interest, about an old zen story in which a woman kicks a monk off her property for wasting her time and food: th-cam.com/video/8o8uVzPcLB4/w-d-xo.html
What you mentioned about wanting to be involved in life sounds like a great idea. Do that. It's not something you have to want, it's something you can do in every moment of your day. Desires are totally normal, but they can often point us at problems to resolve. For instance, breathing is very necessary but it's not something people generally think about desiring. It's simply a thing we do. However, if something interferes with our ability to breath, then we will desire it very much. But the solution isn't to just want to breathe more. The solution is to fix the problem that's interfering with our ability to breathe. But does not being able to breathe, and therefor desiring to breathe, make life more interesting? Maybe. Solving problems is always fun. My parents have a dog that chews through bones incredibly quickly so they put peanut butter inside of a rubber toy and give that to him to play with--it's nearly impossible to get the peanut butter out. He can spend hours playing with the rubber toy to get the peanut butter out that he really, really wants. Our brains love to give us problems to solve, too. If we solve them too quickly, our brains are more than happy to make us desire something like the peanut butter in the rubber toy, a problem so difficult to solve, we can spend years of our lives trying to lick out the peanut butter.
There's nothing wrong with trying to lick peanut butter out of a toy, as long as you enjoy the process and its aligned with who you know you are. It's useful to enjoy doing what you're doing, whatever it is you're doing. But if you want to chase a desire, and that requires you to do things that aren't aligned with who you are, or things that make you miserable, then I would say that experiencing that misery was a choice made when you decided to chase that desire. When I talk about desire and mental health, it's often about identifying desires that consistently lead to anxiety and depression. As long as the person chooses to hold on to that desire, they're choosing the consequences of that desire.
Bless you Mark. Your words of wisdom have been a daily companion for me and a real life saver. Sometimes I question my "values" and am not sure what they are... This is kind of part of the OCD, so sometimes it is difficult for me to grasp in my mind what my values and long term goals are... This is kind of my obsession, to ask these questions and then feel awful that "I don't know" or don't like my answers. Sound bizarre, I know. :) Do you have any suggestions on this note? Thanks again, I really feel like I'm on the right track. I've been doing yoga, meditation, and including a good diet to also help me on my journey.
Sheena Steedman Thanks, Sheena! I'm glad you've found the videos helpful. OCD is all about trying to be certain and trying to control uncertainties, so it's totally normal for it to try to latch onto uncertainty about values. It's ok not to know. Committing to values without being certain about them is a great opportunity to practice accepting uncertainty. Instead of trying to be certain about my values in advance, I look at the results they produce and I make sure that those results are things I actually control. For instance, I value sharing tools to help with improving and maintaining great mental health. I control whether I share those tools or not. So if I share a video or make a blog post, then I've been successful. But if I valued something like: "making people happy", that value would cause all sorts of problems for me because I don't control how others feel. I can control what I give but I can't control how people react to what I give.
So committing to values that make us healthy and happy in the long-term is an exercise in embracing uncertainty. But it's also important to pick values that we can act on in the present, that help us reach our goals in life, that aren't about engaging in compulsions (like trying to control what other people think or feel).
***** once again thank you. Embracing uncertainty is really at the core. Thank you for helping me contextualize how I could still embrace uncertainties in my values and choices in life. :) I'm taking notes, and hope to spread your message to other people who are struggling. I'll keep watching your videos and do my best to take healthy actions. Best to you.
Sometimes this is like ignoring your anxiety, continue what you doing and your activites when you feel like you cant will lead you to more anxiety. Acceptance to your depression means ok i have no energy to do these things, i feel i dont like what's going on with my life, i've lost motivation and yeap it may feel good to abandon things. For example let's say i cant concetrate to what i am doing because there is something i am thinking, in the end the advice is do what you do?
Thanks for the help...you are like Lord Budhaa for me
Question:
We want to advoid compulsions correct? But in tip #6 you suggest finding healthy distraction, but couldn't doing that turn into a compulsion?
Tommy Lee Jones Sure, if you're doing it to avoid things you're afraid of, then it'll just be another compulsion.
What are unhelpful beliefs, how do I identify them, and how do I get rid of them?
they're beliefs that keep pushing us into compulsions. For example, if you believed it was very bad to have a particular thought, but you kept having that thought, then it would only be natural to be very stressed and anxious, but the problem isn't the thought, it's your belief that you shouldn't have it. Getting rid of them involves showing your brain that you believe something else.
Hey man. I am a gay man in Vancouver. I liked your 12 steps video. I'm going through a 12 step approach myself - you're a random man that I look up to. Thanks for your videos :-)
Steven Noel Thanks! All the best with the 12 steps you're taking!
Hi Mark,
Is there any chance you would be open to skype calls or personal emails about individual questions? I am just beginning my recovery journey and love the way you word things!
Olivia Paty Congratulations on the start of your journey, Olivia! You can send me a message through the contact form on my website: www.markfreeman.ca and I'll be able to explain more about the types of coaching services I offer.
my OCD won't get treated! :( none of these techniques help me :'( I just cryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Ravi Ravi I feel your pain 100%.
Mark
What about physical illness and anxiety. If get nauseous or light headed it spins me in a cycle of irrational worry and intrusive thoughts. Or I have a constant worry that I will get nauseous or lightheaded and it will send me into this cycle
Physical sensations are a common way our brains love to trick us into compulsions. When tackling compulsions, like that cycle of worry, it's useful to see that compulsions are about reactions to feelings we don't like. Those feelings could be emotional or physical. So we can work on having those experiences and making space for them without trying to control and manage them.
Is it dangerous to hear those dogs ? Or , is it Justin in my brain ?
I figured out now the real reason why I often don't do exposure. It's not that I'm so afraid of doing the thing.
It's because I think doing social exposure and being rejected, doing other exposures will make me even more sad (to avoid the word beginning with "d" and ending on "epression" and down.
It's not that I'm not willing to make the sacrifice of temporary pain. It's just that I have a sense that it might make my overall mood worse f o r t o o l o n g. And I can't afford that.
Did you feel worse in the evenings after doing exposures than in the mornings over a longer period than , say, a week?
It's a common compulsion to want to avoid the possibility of "bad" feelings. This will often come up in many ways--for example: people avoiding an ever increasing list of food and restaurants because they're afraid they'll have an upset stomach afterwards, or avoiding situations that might be unpleasant because they're afraid that unpleasantness might taint something desirable they have planned later, or you'll often see it in the way you're currently encountering it, with avoiding specific exercises because they might cause depression or anxiety or any other number of feelings people don't like. With this, it can be helpful to recognise that avoiding the possibility of a feeling is a compulsion and I also find that it helps to practice trusting yourself to handle whatever happens. You have the skills to handle feelings and do what you value, so if you feel depressed, that's fine, you know how to handle that.
I think your last point might help :) It's true that I'm able to sort of pull the plug when I see that my thoughts overwhelm me. I can stayy in that state of presence and let the thunder pass by. If it takes an hour, that's an hour of practicing presence.
Trust on the other hand I never feel when I'm in the situation, on the spot. It's always a feeling of utter misery and hopelessness. But I'll try now to think of my capacity to deal with any hell of fire in my brain by just being present :)
I was gonna write that down but I've written so much down I can't even count the notebooks .. maybe sometimes writing everything down is not necessary. Maybe I just let the idea float in my head.
Hello great videos, well my bad thought is that if i dont do some rituals (touch something dont know how many times), that i will become ugly, and when i ignore it am thinking that am becoming uglier and uglier, now most of that thoughts i can ignore rly good, but there is always one that i cannot ignore completely.
You have any more tips?
tnx :D sry for bad English
filmo centar Thanks! I'd practice eliminating judgment compulsions. Judgments fuel OCD. If you practice judging things as ugly and are constantly checking to make sure you're not ugly, then your brain is going to continually worry that you're ugly, so you can engage in rituals to make sure you're not. It can help tremendously to recognize judgment as a compulsion and explore the many different ways throughout your life you can eliminate that compulsion.
***** Thank you for fast answer, should i just stop with rituals and just start ignoring those thoughts?, someone just need to tell me those thoughts are not true! ''Your thoughts cannot make you ugly'' :D
Great channel i have a good yt channel i will help you to make more subs, tnx again.
filmo centar Something that helped me was recognizing that the rituals feed the thoughts. It seems like it's the other way around but that's just a trick our brains play on us to get us to engage in the rituals. But like I said, it's not just about ignoring the thoughts. It's about learning not to judge, and not only when it bothers you. For instance, if you often judge how other people look, whether you're judging them as good looking or ugly, you're training your brain to judge you, too. So if you don't want your brain to judge you, try practicing not judging others.
It's too bad we can't just get somebody to tell us "Your thought cannot make you ugly." If that worked, these issues would be so easy to deal with!
Thanks for sharing my channel!
***** Thank you for fast answer again, am watching your videos, and its a 2 days without rituals, for the first time :D, there are still some bad thoughts but less, you are really helping me to beat this, i will keep you posted :D
Can you just see message, i sent you? tnx
Great vid
What if you read horror stories in the newspapers and those follow you around? How could you not judge them as horrible. They are.
1Kilili It might help to look a bit deeper at what's going on there. If there's something in a story that you're judging as horrible, that thing will still be there even if you don't judge it. The issue is not the story in the newspaper, it's what you do with that story in your head. What benefit do your judgments bring to yourself or those around you? Choosing to judge a story and then make yourself miserable all day doesn't sound like it helps you or helps the people in the story or anybody around you. You might also want to look at whether you're purposefully reading these stories just to find things to judge. The news relies on that. It's why most local news is just about people getting shot or getting in car accidents. It plays on anxieties. But continually going back for more is like continually going back to a restaurant that serves food that gives you indigestion just so you can complain about it. You already know the food is bad. Instead of complaining about bad food, how about opening your own restaurant with great food?
I see your point. I agree. Thanks a lot indeed :) Great metaphors :)
I am afraid for dogs
I have hocd...i think, but now it really feels like im gay and it feels like im attracted to guys and that i want to be with guys. Please help i want to go back to loving girls
UmAdBr0 Hey man, you are not alone. While i do think, that Marks videos are applicable to all types of OCD, perhaps you'd like to watch the videos of Eddy Defoe as well. His are exclusively about HOCD. Good luck!
+UmAdBr0 I had this theme at some point but caught it pretty quickly - as it popped up right after a much more long standing one had just been overcome so probably tried to fill that one in along with fear of being a pedophile. With the gay thing, it was like. "What if you're a lesbian? But I don't like girls. But what if you are? But I don't like girls!" In any case, I Googled it, a I already knew it was an OCD theme and found this article which was actually helpful in some sense. Mainly the last part, aha. www.brainphysics.com/yourenotgay.php
i have this theme and its reallyyy very very dangerous, it makes me very very afraid..... really very afraid
Your video is appearing on a phishing scam website that was stolen from me, was it you?
No, I'm sorry that happened to you. These videos are public, so they can be posted anywhere on the internet.
Also...my brain teels me that guys are girls and girls are guys and that im a girl and a lot of other things