What's your Trust Score?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 ก.ย. 2024
- If you're working on overcoming a mental health challenge, you'll need a very special ingredient: trust in yourself. But by the time we notice we want to work on better mental health, trust in ourselves is often terribly depleted. If that's where you're at, it's time to start building up that Trust Score again.
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Your channel is a godsend, than you so so much for being a human being
Wow. This is pretty hardcore stuff for me. Everyone hating on me is ACTUALLY my worst nightmare. And it comes true from time to time. I can barely take it.
That's_correct That's very common! That's why I often use that example. It's a useful fear to overcome
Mark!
I finally after all these years realize with the help of you and my therapist.. That a thought is a thought. It means nothing. Your actions matter. I know this is simple but I just had to share with you lol. You have helped me so much. I'm working on trusting myself more and more.
Thanks, Ashley! Enjoy the steps ahead :)
I'm so happy I found your videos today. I drive myself crazy just having thoughts and thoughts, where I spend all my time thinking of the what ifs or playing different scenarios. Even if it's for something dumb like talking to customer service, confrontations or an event I have to go to. Etc. The whole day that I have no more energy and stop doing things because I'm mentally exhausted or I'm not in the "right mindset" .... I understand your videos so much thank you for that !
Thank you! I'm glad you're finding them helpful!
I was in tears after listening to this mark...... this is exactly wat I was suffering from LACK OF TRUSTING MYSELF I will try work on this...THANKS for the advice...MAY GOD BLESS U
Enjoy trusting you :)
You’re really easy to understand. It really makes me feel good listening to you because now I’m not alone!
I think it’s two fold, learn to trust you can handle life’s tough times, but also with taboo themes etc, learning to trust yourself as a person also that can trust themselves around others and doesn’t need to have their life dictated by OCD and it’s Erosion of one’s self trust. Even the kindest most loving people out there don’t have certainty they will never do something terrible, but they trust and know themselves and who they are and as such have no fear or concern that they may be the polar opposite of the person that they show up as every day
Thank you so much for all your videos. You've helped me so much
You're welcome!
Mark you are a Hero. Awesome video. Really resonated with me, Love you man!
Love this video Mark. Really gets to the core of my issues dealing with uncertainty. I’ve come a long way since starting to follow you and this is another great tool for the recovery toolkit!
Hassan S. Ali thanks! Enjoy using these tools!
Always on time, always on point :) I'm so grateful for your videos, for the way you explain things and for helping us to get through recovery. I'm here for few years now and i don't imagine my days without your advice :)
Seriously! Same here :) Thanks Mark!
Mark should do a live Q&A!
I had not ever thought that my agoraphobia/PTSD is teaching my brain that I cannot be trusted to go outside! I thought I would have a high trust score because I am very self-reliant and able to cope with hardly ever seeing other people... but no. I don't. I need to take that self-reliance and trust that I have in myself for spending so much time alone and apply it to how I feel when I'm outside. I need to trust that I will be OK even if I have a panic attack. I think this is quite a Eureka moment for me. Thank you, Mark. I'm subscribing to this channel.
This is so useful to recognize. Enjoy continuing to explore!
Absolutely right, I go back all the time trying to prove that I didn't like some terrible situation from the past - even though liking and not liking something does not require any objective proof
Hey Mark, I just wanted to tell you that your book has been super super helpful! It's so clear that you understand perfectly how to build better mental health. Thank you so much for your effort and work!
This is so amazing, wonderful video. Thanks
This is so much of the core of my struggles. I am a Christian as well so i think this also could be learning to not only trust myself but also trusting more in God and that he will always provide a way to "handle" it.
N. Starr Faith can be a very useful tool to help with lifting more uncertainty in life.
Mark Freeman you mean faith can worsen ocd and compulsions?
No, I said you can use it to handle more uncertainty. It is entirely possible to engage in lots of compulsions around faith that worsen OCD. But the person who commented above mentioned using faith as a tool for trust, which generally means they're going to let that uncertainty be there while they live their lives.
Mark Freeman oh ok i get what you mean now haha. I wasn't religious at all when i had full blown ocd. Then i started watching your videos and made a good recovery, but i was still suffering from a more general form of anxiety which was a bit different from ocd. Then i became a bit religious and i still am today .
Makes sense since all the stuff we worry about can actually happen but we can get through it thanks mark.
Oh my god everything mentioned in this channel is amazing. I'm binge watching all of your videos. Wonderful specific examples and analogies. Thank you so much.
❤ thank you for this. Always doubted myself so this advice is something that I must put into practice as I dive way too deep so many times and that’s too much to handle many times. Appreciate all of the help you share to help anyone suffering with mental health. And so glad I stumbled across your content just recently! 🙏🙏🙏
Enjoy applying these skills and giving trust to yourself!
This is awesome ! I barely trust myself to do anything without falling into controlling compulsions :/
You can build that trust in yourself!
Thank you very much!! 🙏
You're welcome!
Watching this video made me feel like OCD is leaving my brain
Thanks a lot, man
lots of love ❤️
Thanks Mark
This is gospel thanks so much.
Wow. This makes a lot of sense. Thank you
Gosh this is so true
100%
Another wonderful, enriching perspective. Thank you!
you give amazing advice, thank you for lowering my ocd!
You're welcome!
Great video! It reminds me of Stoic philosophy.
Thank you. So much.
Important from 3:15 - 5:30
Thanks Mark for you answer it just I want to understand OCD more aswell and see if this is a part of it. As I haven't heard many acting on there urge or OCD thoughts so wanted to understand if this was OCD?? Really appreciate your knowledge x your videos are very helpful thanks Mark
Awesome video Mark!
Thanks, Sergio!
Thank you so much for your videos they help me so much
You're welcome!
Excellent advice.
Thanks, Sadiq!
thank you for your videos! they help me a lot
You're welcome. I'm glad you've found them useful :)
I’m really enjoying watching inspiring videos of the Rock or Tony Robbins at the mo to get me pumped to workout or write. The sentiment is discipline and enjoying the grind even when you don’t feel like it. Which is a value and skill I want to work on. Getting me into a good state to fulfill my goals (like a cup of coffee) or looking to get a feeling from something before I do something I care about?
Matthew Laycock With anything like that, I just find it useful to make sure we can also do it without it. Like if I was drinking a preworkout drink and then I noticed I was worried about not having it before a workout, I'd go a couple of weeks of working out without it. It can be so useful to find that drive in ourselves, fueled by ourselves, whenever we want it.
Cool, I am just up to this part your book!!
MrSparkles That's great! This is like a book club meeting.
So true.
I wish I knew where Mark works/live he has helped me tremendously more than my therapist!
Jama Nuh Mark lives in Canada. Not sure exactly where but.
Jama Nuh Toronto
As of writing this I can hardly trust myself. I can't trust myself to do the things I love. I can't trust myself to handle change or uncertainty...
That said, wish me luck. I've got to move forward. (Fear of change is so bad that the idea of "moving forward" alone is horrifying. Healing is scary.)
I'm not clear on the purpose of writing a message like that. You don't have to spend time and energy writing out that you don't trust yourself. It'd be much more useful to practice actions that demonstrate trust towards yourself. That's not something for other people to wish. You have an opportunity in any moment to practice giving yourself trust. It's not about getting a feeling. It's about giving that support to yourself.
@@everybodyhasabrain That’s very true. I think part of my message was fueled with a desire for moral support and motivation from others / a community, but after reflecting I think I could’ve phrased my initial comment with a clearer and healthier intent - strength is cultivated from work, not wishes, after all. Thank you for acknowledging this and giving me feedback!
Although the path ahead is admittedly scary to me, I’ll still do my very best to do all I can to support myself and learn to trust myself. I’ve already started, and I’ll take this one step at a time 💪
I love you
Hey mark you should make some “Everybody has a brain” people could ask what that is about and it would give us a way to open up about things we are going through
I have quite a long a question. From around November to February I had health proplems that really affected me and didn’t allow me to enjoy myself. As I had just about got over them I had this weird thought about my dad where he was in pain . Straight away I panicked that I would get obsessed about this and this would become my new problem that would ruin my life. 3 months later I’m still worrying. I get your videos on how to stop worrying about intrusive thoughts but I just can’t get this out of my head. I think my main problem is that I constantly am worrying about not enjoying myself, especially as now I can’t feel normal around my dad anymore and that constantly upsets me. The other problem is that I think I could’ve forgotten about the this but because every time I see my dad it reminds me of it it has become a huge problem. It’s always terrible when I wake up, and I pretty much constantly think about it. I’m worried that this will affect me for more and more months so any help is appreciated! Sorry if this is too long.
Do you understand that a lot of what you're describing here are just compulsions that ensure this worry gets stuck and gets worse?
Mark Freeman yes I do and hearing that makes it all seem like a lot more sense. But what gets to me is that I wake up and i think of it, and every time I think of this problem that I’ve created for myself. I don’t know if I’m right but as I’ve had this problem it is now stuck. I’m sad as I have been through patches where I don’t care about them anymore, but then I get upset about it as I just can’t feel normal
It can help to see that what you're pursuing there and feeling sad about is part of the problem. It's like if somebody was engaging in lots of compulsions to check the door is locked and they complain that they can't feel "normal" about the door anymore. Chasing that feeling is what leads to not feeling it. It's just like any addiction: the more you chase the feeling you want, the more withdrawal you experience, so the more you do the compulsions to chase the high, until all your lift with is this constant feeling that you need to do more compulsions, but not amount of compulsions satisfies the urge. So it can really help to cut out the compulsions if we want to get over that.
Mark Freeman ok thank you so much I will try
Dear Mark,
thanks so much for everything you do for thousands of people! Your videos are super helpful. My question is this: OCD seeks certainty and doesn't like safety seeking behaviors and thoughts. So when I say to myself :" will I get better?", I say, "that's OCD. I'll leave that unanswered or say "maybe" ". I have found that this approach has stopped me from positive thinking b/c i don't want to seek certainty etc. How do you reconcile this with the trust yourself video where you encourage giving your brain the signal that "you will be Ok no matter what" or that "I can handle this". I am confused about this.
Thank you.
Tunam Ansok That's a good question. Isn't that a form of reassurance to tell ourself that "we can handle everything that goes wrong"? Or should we be saying "maybe I can't handle this, but I'm gonna do this anyway"
There are a couple of pieces to this: It's useful to focus on actions. It's useful to have values oriented around actions. Trust is about taking action. A question like: "Will I get better?" is really just about a fear of not getting better. When we avoid doing things we value, that's when our trust score drops. So this is really about doing those things we care about. So it's moving away from certainty and positivity and instead building a practice around actions. Because, things might not work out. Things might be totally out of our control. But we can be happy about being ourselves in that situation, about following through on our values. I look at it as making a shift from focusing on those things around me that I don't have control over, to focusing on the things I am in charge of: my actions.
Does that make sense?
So trusting myself to go on holidays might be too big of a step to start with but if I cancel holiday I'll feel like a failure but I have lot of anxiety about losing my mind when stuck in another country. Driving myself mad trying to figure out whether to go or not.
It's great you can see that the compulsions you're doing right now to chase certainty and control fears are what actual drive us mad. The wonderful news is that we can totally cut out those compulsions.
@everybodyhasabrain so is facing the trip then a step to cutting out compulsions
@@paulamurphy1007 Isn't it just living your life? It doesn't need to be seen as an exercise of some sort. Practicing the compulsions is actually the extra work.
@everybodyhasabrain I'm realising I don't live. I avoid a lot. Work from home, cancel meet ups and then get sad that I'm not lving .So I'll try the holiday maybe I'll be ok and maybe I won't. I could have major anxiety like before and feel trapped or I might not. It's what I have to face at some point. So if I handle whatever happens trust value goes up and if I don't I could end up in hospital..example of the dramatics of my brain.🙄 and what "normal" person dreads a holiday 🙄
@@paulamurphy1007 You can have feelings and live your life! 😁🙌
Mark write a book
Edit: I found out there is already one ^^` buying it for sure
Thank you! If you have any questions as you're reading, feel free to send them over :)
Hey mark. Just a quick question. As far I know, the purpose of ERP therapy is to see that your obsessions don't happen and thus lower your anxiety? But just out of curiosity, if someone is afraid of hell, how can they deal with this fear since there is no way of knowing you're safe from it ever? Thanks.
+1 :)
Do u feel guilty about anything that tortures u?
Hi Mark. I am loving your videos so far. Thank you. - There are two questions I have that I don't know if you tackle in any of your videos (you have so many) or if you haven't, hoping that you might address them in the future: 1) Accepting and grieving the fact that you have OCD. - 2) It seems to me like there are different degrees of OCD, like light, mild and chronic. I seldom see people addressing the fact that this seems to be a spectrum. What are your thoughts on that?
Thanks for watching! 1) OCD doesn't have to be chronic. It's entirely possible to cut out compulsions and work on skills to overcome mental illnesses and do things to take care of our mental health proactively. Judging ourselves is one of the compulsion we can benefit from cutting out. So if you're sticking a label on yourself and you feel that's something to grieve about, maybe those judgments are actually the things to ditch. 2) I don't worry too much about labels like mild or severe because, through the work I do, I see such a range of how people manage symptoms. There are many factors that can affect how mental illness symptoms impact a person's life, and those factors aren't necessarily connected to the mental health challenges. For example, I listened to a podcast once where a guy was arguing that we need to stop giving so much attention to mental health awareness and instead focus on tackling severe, chronic mental illness issues like his son had battled, and then this guy went on to explain that his son had been paranoid that people were trying to poison him and there wasn't help for him. But paranoia about being poisoned was an obsession/compulsion that I struggled with. I didn't consider it severe. I'd had issues with that for many years and it had just become part of life. So when we look at labels like "severe" or "chronic", it's important to look past the topic of the compulsion or the diagnosis because there will be many others with the exact same symptoms or diagnoses who aren't impacted in the same way. Looking at those other factors can help us see changes to make or supports we need to take care of our mental health better.
Mark Freeman -Awesome answer. Thank you. Your work brings so much hope to many people.
Mark it is really well explained....I am thankful to you for this advice....one question I have for you......are you god?
SICK TAT
I would love if you talk about sleeping OCD(thinking that i well not sleep Enough or i will just waste my time if i go to bed now)
Hey Mark. Just out of curiosity, do you find that a symptom of OCD is just obsession in general? Not necessarily compulsion related obsessions, but say getting a bad grade or rejection and thinking about it uncontrollably? Is that also because of my OCD might you say?
Thanks.
andy chang I would actually see that as a compulsion.
Thanks for the reply Mark, sorry but could you elaborate more? The fact that I ruminate about these things and seem to have no control over the little things that bother me is a compulsion?
andy chang Yes. We don't control thoughts but we are in charge of thinking. Our brains can shout anything at us, but if we start arguing with our brains, that's just a compulsion, like arguing with wallpaper we don't like. It can also help to recognize judgments are a compulsion. The emotions we experience are a natural result of those judgments we make.
Thanks Mark. This was a lot of help!
I have watched your movies and it was very good, but I am afraid I am getting some hurts behind dogs
Hey mark, any advice on finding the right therapist? There are so many different options and I don’t know if I need a psychologist or a therapist/councillor etc. And would I need someone who specialises in anxiety/obsessive thoughts
Thanks in advance!
I have all these existential questions how important is self belief? Do you believe you have recovered from OCD, or will this always be an uncertanity?
Believing in ourselves can be useful but not if we're doing it as a compulsion. If you're checking your existence to avoid some fear, that'll only make you doubt your existence more. Here's a video on getting over depersonalization / derealization: th-cam.com/video/kHkC58l193s/w-d-xo.html I have recovered from OCD. I don't have OCD anymore at all. But uncertainty is a natural part of life. OCD isn't about uncertainty. OCD is about us trying to avoid and control experiences like uncertainty. So getting over OCD doesn't involve getting rid of uncertainty. The more a person tries to get rid of uncertainty, the more they'll dig themselves into OCD. Instead, it can help to learn how to experience uncertainty.
Thanks man do you do Skype calls would love to talk to you, willing to pay.
Hi mark I had a thought that I was uncomfortable with and instead of ignoring it I said it on purpose and felt like I meant it I said the thing that scared me on purpose and said I wanted it and I meant it. And I didn't feel guilty about it. Is that acting on the urge and part of OCD or was this me??
Parmajit Kaur It can help to see that this question is actually a compulsion that fuels OCD. Trying to judge thoughts and what they mean just gets us stuck in even more anxiety and gives us more uncertainties to chase after. So it can be useful to simply notice uncertainties like this but not put them in charge of our lives.
hi mark, going back to my original problem, will I ever feel normal around someone if I have had obsessive thoughts about them for a long time.
Djm1224 1 I'd see this question as the problem. Trying to avoid and control uncertainty and feelings we don't like just creates more of it. The more we chase a feeling like "normal" and we check on it and try to control it, then the less we feel it. This is the same as what happens with somebody that wants to be certain the door is locked so they can feel safe--eventually he's never certain it's locked no matter how many times he checks. That's just how compulsions work. So it's useful to cut out these compulsions around chasing certainty or feelings.
ok thank you. is it different when I get a compulsion or fear that I've had for ages compared to a 'new' compulsion because I don't know how to deal with this thought I've had for so long. I feel like I can't stop compulsing over it in the same way that I can stop new compulsions
Djm1224 1 It can really help to approach all compulsions as the same. The topic is irrelevant. If you find it easy to stop some compulsions but not others, examining why that is could be a useful way to uncover the real issue. For example, sometimes we're engaging in compulsions we think are necessary but they very naturally lead to experiences we don't like. We want to get rid of that experience we don't like but we actually need to cut out that compulsion causing it. Otherwise it just persists
Also should I tell any family member. If so how?
Hi mark, what does it mean when you start acting on urges. And not caring that you have and you stop feeling guilty does that mean you actually want this specific thought. Or does it mean you just acted on a urge and you were fed up and that why it felt like you didn't care? Thanks
It can help to see that asking these questions is a compulsion. You'll often see it called "reassurance-seeking". The more you try to be certain about this and check, the more your brain will find reasons to worry and you'll experience even more anxiety. To get over these challenges, it can help to start cutting out the compulsions and shift the focus to doing things in life you actually want to do
Last question I know I am annoying can I be certain of any decisions I make? For instance can I be certain, when I lock the door that I truly have locked it, or will there always be doubt. It seems like every decision I make I will always have some form of doubt.
rohan rustogi Why would you want to chase that certainty, though? You can already see it leads to OCD and lots of suffering. It's like choosing to hit your thumb with a hammer and then looking for relief from thumb pain. Why want to hit your thumb if you don't like the results?
lol true man. Anxiety give me one step forward, and two steps back.
i don't know if i have ocd, my psychiatris said i don't, but lately i''ve been struggling with existential rumination. I was wondering if you have any advice, or if you could do a video about the topic, because even if i'm fully functional and it's getting better and better, it's still rather annoying. Thanks mate.
Andrea De Murtas hey! I have had that as well. Do you feel the urge of constantly thinking about it and find an answer or clarify the problem/questions?
Hi mark, I've a question about coping. If say I have had a bad day at work and then I decide to just watch some TV or take a bubble bath after work, isn't that a coping behavior but one that is harmless? What type of coping behaviors should we not engage in that would erode the trust we have in ourselves?
davido marko I wouldn't see it as harmless. If there are things that are good for me, like taking bubble baths, then it can help to do that proactively. If I require stress and problems before doing something nice for myself, I'm only teaching my brain to have more problems (because that's the only way I'll take care of myself). But we don't have to make illness a prerequisite of health.
The great thing about a values-based approach is that I get to have the bubble bath and walk the dog even if I didn't have a hard week at work. Great ways to take care of ourselves are things we can do proactively.
I have tried to cut out compulsions over the last few days and its kind of worked. what I struggle with is when im at home, and im constantly reminded of my problem becausee my thinking has been about my dad, who I see constantly throughout the day. will I forget about these thoughts over time if I stop having compulsions about them? Also, is it usual to have compulsions if you’re under 18?
Cutting out compulsions and changing our relationship with the stuff in our heads is a process. It's like making any change in our lives. It's like learning a sport. We don't just become awesome at it instantly. Working with a therapist can often be useful so if that's possible to access you could speak with your family about that. It can often be useful to keep the focus on what the problems are interfering with and what changes you want to make.
Have you read the book "Brain Lock" by Jeffrey M. Schwartz? And if so, did you find his method to be helpful?
Leeann Ruffing I haven't read it
hi mark, I've had a thought or fear that I will never feel normal around a certain person (who id prefer not to specifiy). How do I react when I receive that thought and how do I stop obsessing over it?
I found it really helpful to recognize that chasing any feeling guarantees we obsess about not having that feeling. It's just like if somebody wants to check door locks to feel safe, they'll never feel safe. If somebody wants to feel normal around somebody, it's only natural to not feel normal. The beliefs about "normal" and the desire just naturally creates these problems. I explain more about that in this video: th-cam.com/video/VeynBEFcRd4/w-d-xo.html
Yo!! Thanks for what you do~~
Quick question-
Do you think it's necessary for recovery to start cutting out compulsions with a therapist or would it work on your own? Because of my current situation they'd no way I could work with a therapist so is there a good way to go about cutting out compulsions on my own? It's hard for me to pick the ones I should cut out first etc.
Joel Fruit Building better mental health is just like building better physical fitness. It's something we have to do. It's not something a therapist can do to us or for us. But, like with physical fitness, it's very useful to work with somebody that's further ahead of us on the journey and devotes much of their time and energy to helping people on that journey. So the thing I'd look at, is if you already know that you need to cut out compulsions, why haven't you? If you can do it in your own, you can do it. If that's not where you're at yet, then it's useful to work with somebody. There are also many books and videos and other supports you can use to help things along.
hello, I have a very difficult question to ask, but I don't want to go to details about my situation, so I am gonna make an story that is like a very good analogy to my situation, first of all, I am not 100% sure if I have OCD or not but thoughts are pretty much in my head pretty much all day long very similar to instrusive thoughts of OCD. now let's talk about an analogy, how to stay mindful and calm down if there is a real dangerous situation. the best analogy that I can think of right is a person who was born in North Korea and then somehow that person escaped that hell, and then he/she has a daily worry that he/she might be forced togo back to North Korea because of the inherited and forced citizenship, and s/he is having thoughts pretty much all of waking time to prevent that situation but at the same time he/she can't do much to solve the situation becaude s/he is not the one decides for citizenship, so s/he started to feel hopeless, and hopelessness caused deep depression, and s/he is suicidal, because s/he doesn't want ever to go back to north korea, and the only sure way to end the relationship with that country is to take his/her own life. I am not sure how s/he can be mindful in such a situation. s/he keeps fighting inside whether to commit suicide or trust that it's gonna work out. s/he'd rather commit suicide than going back there. My situation is not as bad as this, but I will definitely commit suicide if that situation happens too. sorry for such a long comment.
This is a very common question. It is the question that everybody tackles when they're struggling with a fear: do you want to live your life or do you want to waste your life trying to control the fear of not living your life? If the person is constantly investing their time and energy in avoiding this place they don't want to return to, they're choosing to put that place in charge of their life. I don't think that's actually what they want to do. People often run into this challenge with the fear of death--they spend their life trying to avoid death, which isn't really living. But by making peace with death, then they can actually live their life. Similarly, you may recognize that hating and judging this place you don't want to go to is only consuming your life with the very thing you want to avoid. So it could help to shift the focus to actually living your life and building that life around the things you want in it, instead of giving up control to the things you don't want in it.
Thanks a lot for your response. Well, for fear of death it is inevitable, nobody can escape it, so not sure why would anybody to fight it but for that analogy why she would make a piece with living in North Korea, it is not as if it is part of eveyrone's life (unlike death which is part of everybodies' life). And for my situation too, why would I make peace with that? And also one question that I forgot to ask, let's say that the person in the analogy has OCD, do you think trying to do something like learning different languages in order for her to have more chance of staying away from the unpleasant situation is counterproductive and a complusion? I don't want to share the exact thing that might increase chance of me succeeding in my situation, but it can compared to learning the language of different countries for that person.
It's great you understand the futility of putting a fear at the center of life! You would make peace with that because otherwise you're going to give up control of your life to something you don't even want in your life. How does that make any sense? That's the same question I would ask to the follow-up question you asked. If you don't like this thing so much, why are you devoting so much of your life to it?
I understand what you mean, thinking of something whether for like or dislike is spending time and energy with that thing, but the situation won't disappear by simply not thinking about it. for example, if someone has an illness,will simply not thinking about it eliminate the illness? the person who is suffering is trying to find a solution to stop the illness from killing him. the only way that I can imagine for that ill person to make peace with the illness is if he makes peace with early death that can come from the illness, and for my situation to accept suicide. I don't know, it is really hard for me because it is so emotional and sensitive for me.
I never said anything about not thinking about it. There's nothing wrong with thinking about it. If somebody believes that being in a room with green paint is a horrible terrible thing, then they might be very stressed about getting sent into a room with green paint. It's not that they need to stop thinking about the room with green paint. They need to change how they think about. The problem is not the paint, it's their judgments and beliefs about it.
Incredible video.. do you ffer 1 on 1 sessions?!
Miki Simic I do. There are details at www.markfreeman.ca I've also got group sessions now you can learn about at patreon.com/everybodyhasabrain
I have been writing the sticky notes like you said, and meditating. My anxiety levels have gone down, but I have a new compulsion called sensorimotor OCD. It is like i am always hyper aware of my breath, i just want my breathing to be unconscious, how do i not pay attention to my breath so much? Obviously when you meditate you are aware of your breath, but i just want my breathing to be unconscious so i can fully focus throughout the day.
It could help to see that this approach of trying to get rid of feelings is actually what's causing the problem. Trying to lower anxiety levels is the type of goal that can encourage the brain to come up with even more feelings for us to control or escape from. OCD is all about trying to avoid and control feelings. Sometimes that feeling is anxiety. Other times that feeling could be a physical feeling, like with sensorimotor OCD. But there's really no difference--there's just a feeling you don't like and then the compulsions to control that feeling. The more we try to control feelings and get rid of them, the more our brains come up with feelings for us to control and avoid so we can chase that relief we want. Our brains are just trying to help us. So if you want your breathing to be unconscious, it's like telling your brain: CHECK IF MY BREATHING IS UNCONSCIOUS!!! And then, of course, it's not. When it came to working on getting over OCD, I had to do a lot of work on changing my beliefs, judgments, and desires. The ones that got me into OCD couldn't help me get out of it.
you are the man, thanks man.
Mark I have a question regarding thoughts, a lot of my thoughts are regarding previous memories, mistakes and regrets that I badly wish didn’t happen. I wish I could go back in time and not make these same mistakes and these same past events didn’t happen, but I know i can’t go back in time. Will I get to the point of these memories not meaning anything anymore? I am doing erp and have been doing it for a while. Will I be able to get over these memories and move on, cause right now these memories still haunt me and I feel like I can never get over them, my life is so ‘imperfect’ due to these mistakes and I wish they didn’t happen. Thanks.
It can help to look at beliefs, judgments, and desires. Here's a video explaining more: th-cam.com/video/VeynBEFcRd4/w-d-xo.html It could help to see that the questions you're asking here are just compulsions, like asking if you'll ever be able to go back and check the door lock to finally feel that it really is locked. That's the problem, not the solution. So if you keep wanting to do that, it's only natural for the problem to continue. It could help to look at what you're doing as "ERP". Are you working with a therapist or using a workbook? ERP is about cutting out compulsions so you could cut out the compulsions you're engaging in around these memories.
Do you have any good tips on crying and letting it all out? I haven’t cryed in almost two years and I just can’t do it despite the fact that I’m struggeling with life right now.
Best regards
arviide Trying to force an experience or an emotion is something that could quickly become a compulsion. If we chase feelings, it quickly leads to not having them. So I find it very useful to be compassionate towards ourselves with whatever we're experiencing. Compassion is something we can give. We don't have to get anything.
I have a question which I can't seem to find an answer to by watching your videos. I have suffered/is suffering from I think a pretty mild Ocd which consist almost entirelty of intrusive thoughts. Two months ago I finally figured out that I had Ocd and I have made great progress since then. My question is, if I engage in thoughts that i like but still avoid intrusive ones will I stil continue to recover? I can easily seperate intrusive thoughts from ''normal'' thoughts. I currently engage in the ''normal'' ones that I like but ignore intrusive ones (and immidiatelly break of normal ones who turn intrusive) and it's working decent I think. Is this something I can continue or does it become easier if i ignore all thoughts?
You've already seen the problem with this approach though: the "normal" ones then just become something abnormal. I find that it really helps to recognize that the topic is irrelevant. It's all about the way we do things. Engaging in compulsions around thoughts we like is no different than engaging in compulsions around thoughts we don't like. The issue is the compulsions, not the thoughts.
Thanks! So you’re saying basically that engaging in thoughts is the compulsion even when the thought dosen’t generate anxiety? And I should always just let all thoughts ”just pass”? love your work btw! It’s really helping me!
Anxiety has nothing to do with it. There are lots of compulsions that don't generate anxiety in the moment, just like there are lots of physically unhealthy things that people do that don't generate physically painful experiences in the moment. But it can help to recognize that the compulsions that don't cause anxiety fuel the ones that do. It really helps to see the big picture and look at patterns of behavior. It's just like heart disease--somebody that enjoys sitting on the couch all day and eating cheeseburgers might not dislike that and may find it very pleasurable BUT they won't enjoy the heart attack. We need to connect those two things--things we like in the present can lead to long-term outcomes we don't like. So instead of looking at something like anxiety, I find it useful to consider what's healthy for me and those around me over the long-term.
Okey, it's hard but I'm starting to understand more and more of this new way of thiking, thanks for taking the time!
Hi Mark, I started having intrusive thought about 8 months ago but they didn't really bother me. In fact they went away for a little while. Then about a month ago I got intrusive thoughts again so I decided to look up what to do about it. After that I started to obsess about intrusive thoughts and how to get rid of them and then suddenly I started to have a ton of anxiety about almost everything. So I decided to look up how to resolve those problems. And now about every 5 seconds the voice in my head has to check whether I'm certain about everything and anything that's going on. Suddenly I feel overwhelmingly nervous and it's kind of hard to breathe. I also worry a lot about when it will all end and if it will ever go away. And one thing that is really starting to be painful is that I seem to think everything I do is a compulsion, which i know is just bananas but it still keep s reoccurring. What do you recommend I do?
Remy Margaux It's really helpful to cut out compulsions. I found it best to keep the focus on actions--I can choose to put my time and energy into things I care about. That includes the things I do in my head and out of it
Wow! Just wow. I started being mindful and conscious of my actions and thoughts and the way I think and it's all so relieving. Thank you so much! I also found that accepting intrusive thoughts and anxiety the way I just accept my ceiling being there helps so much! Thank you again Mark, this is life changing!
Hi Mark. I know you have said you are "symptom free", but what does that mean? Are you "normal" in the sense that you don't get intrusive thoughts very often? Or that you get them as much as an "OCD brain", but you are able to just dispose of them.
I don't encourage people to pursue "normal". Normal is what gets us into these problems. Like with physical health and fitness, improving mental health and fitness and sustaining that is actually quite abnormal. It involves a lot of changes and it involves doing things inside and outside of our heads that we haven't done before. Research shows that the vast majority of people experience the same types of thoughts that somebody might call "intrusive thoughts". It can help to see that the issue isn't the thoughts themselves, it's the judgments that a person makes about them. For instance, if somebody really hates green paint, they might ask if somebody doesn't see green paint anymore once they've recovered, or maybe they still see the green paint but they're able to just dispose of that memory quickly, but it's really useful to look at what beliefs, judgments, and desires they're carrying around about green paint. Green paint can't do anything to us, just like thoughts can't do anything to us. But we can do stuff to them, and we may very naturally experience things we don't like because of that stuff we do. It helped me to see that stuff is all wrapped up in compulsions.
Thank you for the response. I have realized that fundamentally everything we do is a compulsion. Good thoughts or bad thoughts. Good feelings or bad feelings. Good actions or bad actions. Seek pleasure, avoid conflict. We are still ruminating/acting either way, and it reinforces this behaviour.
It's kind of funny - we try to control our thoughts. Yet if we control the action (i.e., don't do the compulsion or ruminate/mental obsessions), in way, we get the outcome we want: control.
Is there a Kindle addition for you book?
Yes. But it depends on what country you're in. In the UK and Australia, New Zealand, it's The Mind Workout. in North America, it's YOU ARE NOT A ROCK.
So do you still need to fight compulsions once in a while?
We can always choose to engage in compulsions. It can help to walk away from seeing it as a fight. There are things I want to do in life that are helpful to me and there are things I don't want to do that are unhelpful to me. In any moment, I can choose how I act. If I'm doing something that's unhelpful, I can notice that and make a choice to do something else. When you're taking care of your mental health, it's just like taking care of your physical fitness--it's not about fighting poor physical fitness. It's about doing more of the things you love to do.
Hey man I like your stuff, I am trying to be less compulsive but it is hard. I find that I pay attention a lot to my breathing during anything that make me feel anxious, especially when I have conversations with people. Is it bad that i am conscious of my breathing all the time, or is this a compulsion?
I find it helps to pick something we want to focus on that's related to what we want to give in a situation. So if I'm talking to somebody, I probably want to listen mindfully to them. Focusing on my breath would take me away from the conversation. Before any situation, I often ask myself: "What do I want to give in this situation?" Then, if any uncomfortable feeling or thought comes up, I put my time and energy into that thing I want to give while I experience that thought or feeling without trying to make it go away.
dude you are the man, I appreciate you.
I subscribed to you because you answered my comment, I appreciate you taking time out of your day to write back to me.
You're welcome!
rohan rustogi There's no one else like Mark who would take the time to respond to almost every questions!
Mark did you have anxiety before the ocd? Also did you experience depression with this?
Gene Allen Why are you curious about that? These sound like common reassurance-seeking questions so they might not be useful to pursue.
Very true. Insightful as well. Thank you. Youve got a good message.
Once, I trusted an alpaca...
Nice Tattoo Mark.
Hi Mark!! I have this obsession to disturb myself when I'm working on something...and it also comes up with a logic that no one on the world would have worked against themselves and you'll be the first one o do it... For example if I have to attend interview it says to think negative on some intrusive thoughts while I attend the questions in the same thing happens while playing anygame also... The only logic is no one would have worked against themselves so ive to try this an tell.the world that this also could be possible .... So even when I give presentations......same thing happens ....Everytime I've to rationalise and convince myself .... Can you please lemme know if it Is a common obsession 😑😑😑 I'm going crazy on it... Best regards !!! Nitin
sai vishnu nitin It can help to see that these are compulsions. It can really help to cut them out. The more you react to this stuff, the more of it'll your brain will come up with
Mark Freeman thanks a lot Mark!! But this thought of working against my self and disturbing my focus when im doing something...and the only logic is no one would ve done it. This is constantly replaying in my head... And even when I joined kick boxing classes it's like why don't u disturb the focus aND loose it...and then I'll b rationalising that u need not work against urself...u neednot be the the 1 and all that .. i just want to know a thing here is the thought itself is a compulsion here ...or is it the rationalisation that I've to cut on ... Best Regards Nitin
I find it helpful to see that the entire debate is the issue. We often get caught up in these debates. But trying to find the answer IS the problem. It can also help to look at beliefs that get us stuck in these battles. If you believe it's bad to lose focus or you believe it's possible to "work against urself", then those beliefs will keep throwing up challenges.
Mark Freeman thanks a lot for the response mark!! Can you please let me know how to deal with it!! Because I'm tired of convincing myself about it!! Everytime I have to start new thing this thing immediately pops up! And comes saying that this is very unique pattern of ocd..or sometimes may be this is not even ocd all this debates goes on all the time! 😑😑
sai vishnu nitin Trying to deal with it is the problem. It's like asking: how do you deal with walking past a green wall? Stopping to try to solve it is the problem
Im done i swear haha, do you do Skype calls? willing to do pay pal, i think you are really smart.
I have snake in the nose :(
Thanks alot . right timing !