When You Marry a Child Don't Expect a Man (Right Away) with Dr. Doug Weiss | Joni Table Talk
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 ก.ย. 2024
- Do you feel like you're married to a child?
Dr. Doug Weiss is back on Daystar with Joni and the ladies to give principles to challenge men to overcome addiction and mature mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
You may contact Dr. Weiss via his website, drdougweiss.com, Facebook.com/drdougweiss/, by phone at 719-278-3708, or through email at heart2heart@xc.org.
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The When You Marry A Child Don’t Expect A Man Video is for every woman who is dealing with an immature man in her relationship.
Thousands of women over the last thirty years have asked Dr. Weiss and his team, “Why does my husband act like a child?” This DVD set answers the question as to why a man with addictions struggles with being mature in several areas of his life.
This DVD set helps women accept this immature reality and gives them practical ways to navigate their husband’s rematuring process if he chooses recovery. Dr. Doug helps you assess your feelings, validate your concerns, and actively take steps to help you man become the mature man he was made to be. You will also be encouraged that he will actually choose a path to become the mature man you hoped he would be.
www.drdougweis...
He was sick before you got him....🦋💖 That right there says so much to me! Thank you!!!!
"Without addiction you naturally develop"- Dr.Doug Weiss
It is a good thing when a good friend calls their peers to a higher standard. Unfortunately, there are a lot of men who influence in the other direction: "You're ok. Everybody does it. ... Nobody's perfect. You should never be challenged. ..." (Bad company corrupts good morals. I Co. 15:33))
I loved this video! I'm hoping my husband will watch it with me. Hoping to save our marriage but I feel like I'm the only one trying sometimes. As much as I pray for his issues I know he has to want to.
I hope this helps! I also have a book/video set you might find useful called Married and Alone, (You can also purchase the items individually per your need) www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-and-alone-set/
My sex addict husband always helped out around the house. No one saw his addiction.
Same, mine has many very good qualities but he was really good at lying and being deceptive with his struggle to pornography. Luckily he came forward to be honest and wants help so hopefully he sticks with it for his sake and for our marriage.
I am exhausted. This is my life right now after 15 years
I have a hard time listening to this one because the women will not shut up. They keep drawing the conversation to them instead of listening to the wisdom of their speaker .. they keep asking questions when he’s 1/2 way through talking about the last question! Listen ladies, you brought the expert, now listen to him!!
The Hiding It Then Getting Caught Many Times But Still Lying About It! Destroys The Relationship!
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you mentioned supporting a husband that goes to group and seems to be trying but what do you do when your husband goes to group and says one thing and does another. He said he wanted to heal but a couple weeks later when he is frustrated he said he is putting up with having to be limited or restrained and that I am controlling. I got upset about him saying that so I told him to stay in another room as a boundary and he then punishes me because he feels boundaries are punishment for him, he also feels and says he don't have to earn anything in the relationship and I am abusing the program which I am not. I can't win!
I think it's part of the process. When speaking about addiction, it's deeply engrained. This is why it can seem too overwhelming to overcome the addiction on their own so when he is trying to purge this bad habit he may begin to exhibit "withdrawals" where he begins to lash out saying or doing toxic things because that's the learned pattern for so long. I recently found out my husband has a pornography addiction and we are newly married. He was able to hide it for quite sometime and lie about it aswell but he came to the point where he came forward and asked for help in getting over it because he knew it was wrong but I too felt he was still having a sense of hesitancy about truly ridding the habit but for now we've taken measures to assist him in his battle and openly discuss without shame because ultimately I want him to be free of this. We as the partner have the task if willing to do so to find healing both for ourself and assist our mate, trust me it's not easy but please don't blame yourself or become hopeless!
He said the pain of telling his story was worse than the pleasure of his addiction
@DrDougWeiss I’m so grateful for your ministry and practice! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for your support! God Bless!
Nex chose that this would be a permanent separation. He went ballistic on me over my not understanding he cryptic question. 7 counselors, he REFUSED to stop arguing, he "LOVED to argue" His words. His words "I am never going to grow up!" This early in the relationship, and I'm thinking "fun loving"... but he is peurile..."The women at work say you do not appreciate me, mother me, f me, chase me, (insert what ever) give me money enough for me The threats of suicide because he was "not loved enough", the sullenness, the aloofness. He divorced me with a vengeance, to be financially rapacious. How ever, G-d moved his hand for me. I do not miss him at all. LOVE this video, it has answered some questions...
I too married a immature man child . When I realized it . I went into trying control . Which was a disaster which caused more disagreement and my husband rejection of me . Well he asked me for a Divorce . Which I didn't want . He never file for the Divorce . The immature man child moved my hands to file . Or should I say it was a God thing that I filed. I loved my husband .But do not miss him neither. Life is sweet without a sick person who isn't interest in maturing to become whole . I am glad I woke up and told myself I deserve better . So happy for you to know you deserve better too. I thank God for great men like Dr. Weiss . Also for Joni doing this roundtable talk for hurting Marriage .
@@lorenelove7444 Yet he was proud to bloviate how he was "head of the household", I'm sure!, that is what I heard. They see this "headship" as service to them, they are king, yet want a mommy to take care of everything....Eye roll.
I recently found out about this struggle with my husband and it’s been a really hard week with this realization. I think a really tough part for me is this immature person that you’re describing just isn’t my husband. He’s an amazing dad, so involved, does all the laundry, cooks and does dishes equally but definitely lacked in emotion... the lack of emotion is the only issue I ever noticed. I would have bet my children’s lives on it that my husband would never have this issue. It’s all so confusing.
I'm sorry that you are experiencing this. You might want to do a phone session to be healed and get some next steps.
😢😢so sad..I.will pray fr you
The title is so harmful and vicious. Really, life is a process not black and white. We all start out with imperfections. Love and acceptance can create change.
In my fifties...every single marriage failure I personally witnessed has been women shutting down first. Angry, withholding sex, won't take care of the house or kids, disappearing for hours or days without explanation, won't communicate,hiding and blowing money and then blames the husband for everything when he no longer will put up with the disrespect.
Nearly all the men i know financial support the family, do 50% + of the house and yard work and spend more time child rearing than the mother.
The men I know are not saints, but appear to be next to thier wife's behavior.
Not a women or wife hater, but man in the last 30 plus years most women have turned into lazy self entitled narcissists ylu think the world owes them a princess lifestyle and the second they are unhappy they are willing to burn the world down around them including thier husband and kids with little to no remorse.
Men may need correction, but fixing women's attitudes will fix far more marriages and produce healthier children and families.
What do we do when we cannot find a ‘man’ or ‘woman’ of God that will care enough to help? Especially since the IA desires so desperately to appear, normal and or great. Ugh. HolySpirit help us.
Just to be clear- my husband is very helpful around the house. A good provider- although it comes before me and our children-always. If you are reading this... yes, always. I love you.
The Lord has shown me his helping IS who my husband is as a person... BUT he uses that when I try to talk about being alone in our marriage. Idk how to help him understand that for myself, his wife- those helpings cannot and will not replace, spiritual and emotional intimacy.
Because he hasn't chosen to heal, you will need to start a journey for your own healing from this trauma.
You can look into the following options:
Join our free Facebook support group for Married and Alone:
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/?source_id=1633081700274519
We have telephone support groups, for that call my office at 719-278-3708.
Also, you could work through the Married and Alone set:
www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-and-alone-set/
You need to take steps to find healing for yourself.
"Your married to this fantasy world and i get to do the dishes" WELL SAID
"Without addiction, you naturally develop". I so appreciate you saying that! And, I wonder whether that is true any more. We have such high rates of brain dysfunction now: autism, ADD, ADHD, Asperger's, traumatic brain injuries, fetal alcohol syndrome, this-that-and-everything-under-the-kitchen-sink-syndrome... not to mention a culture entrenched in male privilege. And, to your point, we no longer teach men how to be men. Is addiction really the only thing that creates that kind of immaturity? Can you be that certain that if they haven't grown up, there's an addiction going on?
@Craig Tong Yes, we all do. It's called patriarchy.
@Craig Tong Your behavior, for example. At it's root, patriarchy is the idea that those with more power (strength, privilege, resources; or these days, granted by culture or institutionally) have the right to force others to do/believe/think/etc. what they (those with power) want. It's what allows you to insult and degrade someone you don't know, simply because they express an opinion you dislike or don't understand, and feel you have a right to do so.
As someone with an Asian last name, I have to assume you have been on the receiving end of such dynamics at times. While today we would call that racism, sex-based power dynamics have existed on this planet for thousands of years -- long before anyone had ever seen someone with different skin tone or facial features. Patriarchy is the original model for oppression and gives permission for other forms of it.
This is one of my favorites!
Thank you for your work and ministry, Dr. Weiss. I will definitely be in touch!
Anytime!
Where do you get the strength to walk away ? I have been in a battle fir 30 years. I can’t take it anymore.
Jen, consider joining the Facebook group Fight for Love (with Rosie Makinney). You will find fellowship, understanding, and wise advice. You are not alone.
Feel for you Jen been married 56 years just regret. Now too old to start again. Lies and deception is a no-no.
I am thankful that i am led to watch your show today, specifically about marriage.
I am a single woman and believing God for a right man to spend the rest of my life with! Please agree with me, Mark 11:24 in Jesus Name, Amen!
People of The South are very kindhearted and Christian-based, and I can identify with that, but maybe you need more knowledge in alternative viewpoints.
I would be glad to instruct you, if you would like to learn. :)
Why are so many men so immature?
All of you here don't understand. You are discussing marriages where the couple is mismatched. They are not Twin Flames.
I agree with all that is being said, but married women also can act like children and have their own escape moments and have their own emotional sickness. Not just men!!! How would you address this??
What you're discussing seems to be an inherent problem in the upbringing of youth into adulthood in The South.
What do you do if you ask him about porn, but he says no,he’s not looking at it and you try to tell him he’s lying but he says he swears over Gods throne? But there’s no love in marriage or truth? 24 years of marriage, gone to counseling many times, blaming me for it all... I keep going to counseling but they keep saying I’m fine🤷🏻♀️ I was told by a councilor there’s some Gaslighting going on? I feel like there’s multiple stuff going on! Heartbroken, I started divorce, feeling hopeless cause of no change. I’ve tried staying the course doing my part by being what God says I should be, but he takes advantage of my heart! I feel like I’m a mom to him, not a wife! How can I restore a marriage if he won’t own up to his part? 💔
Christine Zinnack Get a counselor who understands sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Check the APSATS.ORG website for someone in your area. Sex addicts are chronic liars and manipulator. They don’t know how much their addiction is destroying everything. Don’t go it alone. Puredesire.org has support groups for wives (online) and groups for men and women with sexual ready to admit they need help.
I have been good through the same thing as you. I finally moved out and said I would not get back together unless he went to a specialist or celebrate recovery for his untruthfulness because I did catch him lying about money. He started celebrate recovery for financial integrity and before you know it he was confessing about sexual integrity. He has been going to massage parlors for six years getting sexual favors. It broke my heart. My last 6 years of marriage or more has been all lies. It’s basically live with the lies or live with the hurt once you find out. I wish I would of left a long time ago. I’m 47 and it’s hard to start over after 26 years of marriage. You know in your heart he’s not honest. If he doesn’t want to come clean I would not waste anymore time. The Holy Spirit is giving you all the red flags, I got them too but I ignored them because we have two children. So decide what you can or cannot handle and make the decision to leave or stay. I’m leaving and it’s the hardest thing I have ever done.
Dealing with the same thing. Nothing but lies. Lies. Lies.
What do you do if he thinks there is absolutely nothing wrong with his behavior?
As much as I can relate to all the shortcomings mentioned here as a recovering addict do you know what that does to a full grown men to be called a child?
Might as well cut off his genitals
I am sure there got to be be a better way to say the same thing
Yet again as an addict the only language we understand is pure brutality punch in the gut
We have lost all sensitivity
By the way re marriage is adultery as per Jesus himself
God gave an addict of a husband a child of a husband to a woman so that perhaps she can learn patience endurance forgiveness mercy kindness all qualities of God
So
Your addict childish husband iS a gift from God for a wife to be more like God himself
Can I get an amen
@@betherealdeal the truth has to be told though, if someone is behaving in a way that is completely immature, they have to be told that, and the recipient of that behavior (the abused) needs to have that voice, to be able to say it. If he feels his balls cut off, that's his choice. He can actually choose instead, to hear the reality that he's behaving in a way that's hurting others. It can't be all about him and how he feels. He's acting in a very harmful way.
RecoveryP B agree on giving the abused a voice for sure
Truth can be brutal no doubt
@Didier Mukendi, you’re screwed up in the head for even suggesting God gave women sex addicts so they can “learn” Godly qualities!!! Partners of sex addicts are brutalized! The control and manipulation of someone they purportedly love is unimaginable!!! Some faithful wives of SA’s are given deadly diseases from their SA’s. But, I guess God thought that would teach those women a lesson!!!! Yeah, tell women whose families have been destroyed emotionally and financially...college funds, retirement accounts, etc all depleted...that it’s all part of God’s plan to teach her a lesson!!!! You’re freaking clueless.
My wife is addicted to her phone and she spends money without telling me.every deposit ends up gone no matter how much.
A nurse told me not to date him because he was to immature. Boy was she right! Immature to the core
Dr. Doug Weiss, when are you coming to Ontario, Toronto Canada...... please.... do you have fellow like minded professionals in Toronto?
We do have several certified therapists in Canada. You can check out the list here: aasat.org/find-therapist/
How do I help my husband find real men to connect with? I feel like my church community is far too rife with guys struggling like my husband and I'm not confident they would help him. The few men I've met that I think could help him seem uninterested in helping him or he is resistant to connecting with.
If he is struggling with porn, etc. he can get in a phone group for specific accountability. Generally, if a man wants to be a man, he seeks this out.
www.drdougweiss.com/groups/
This is my life as we speak
Thank God for Dr Weiss!
What if you're trying to help and she doesn't want it what then?
Then it’s pretty serious, I would get counseling for the both of you.
John 3:21
Where is a men group? Sry, wrong door.
Hello…as I am listening to you Dr.Doug here, I am getting to know you and see how many have been helped by you! Thankyou very much! God Blessings to you! You have worked hard to help others! 😊
I think you people of The South need to start studying all of the other religions of the world in order to expand your minds.
I am a Christian in Canada and I have done so.
Dr Doug, my husband says he loves me but he continues to talk to other women telling them his sexual fantasies, what he would like to do with them and it’s breaking my heart. We are in counseling but he continues. I feel like I’m his second or even third choice. I love him to my core so why can’t he love me the same way? I’ve prayed for his soul ties to be broken but I saw a text where he told another woman he saw his deceased ex wife in her eyes and that he missed her so much it hurt. He left her because he caught her in the act of cheating. I just don’t understand this at all. I have no money or job and am about to lose our only vehicle. He is on disability due to back surgeries. Can you help us? I’m feel like I’m dying inside despite loving Christ. I’m at the point I want a God to take me home.
It sounds like he doesn't want to change, which puts you in a tough spot. You cannot love him into change. You can start to become financially independent (ie. get a job so you aren't dependent on his income) so that you can make decisions for yourself in the future. Otherwise you have created dependency with someone who may not love you.
I would recommend you join the Married and Alone Facebook Group (Free) for support and to have conversations with other women going through similar situations.
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
My sex addict husband said he loves me the most in the world but he wants freedom so he left me to meet a lot of women for sex. He can not perform perverted sexual fantasies on me and he said sex is very important to him. I let him go and i feel peace right away
@@carolj7586 Good for you in having the strength to love yourself enough to leave!