Do you have Persistent Depressive Disorder? Or maybe you stumbled upon this video because you are wondering if you have depression. In my opinion the best way to shine a light on topics related to mental health is to start a healthy conversation, so share your story and experience below. Also, if you have dysthymia, how long have you known you've had it, and what's life been like for you on the other side of receiving a diagnosis?
I have PDD with MDD… I’ve been in treatment for around 20 years but still no solution for insomnia for me! Even the pills stopped working. Other than that, I do my best every day and that’s all any of us can do. Good luck and may the force be with :D
@@amylaaoula Hey thanks Amy! Thanks for sharing - sorry to hear that's been what's happening in your world. Other than that, I appreciate the positive vibes that came from reading this message. :D
Marcus Rideout Thank YOU for sharing with us! Something that works a bit for me is my allergy medication (anti-histamine); it curbs the edge when I stop my strong anxiety medication to move to some lighter one. Good luck and may all our forced smiles become real ones. Hey, my doctor told me that in some cases, people can actually heal and kick PDD out of their lives! He told me I’m not one of the chosen ones but some of you can make it (and writing this, I have a big real smile on my face). There is hope :D
The problem with dysthymia is that when you have it for so long it becomes ingrained in your character. I guess it has a lot to do with upbringing and learned coping mechanisms. The feeling that everything is vain is the worst. Also I haven’t seen much improvement with antidepressants except for irritability.
I 100% hear you on it feels ingrained into your character/world view! I didnt really know how drastic it was until being on the other side of antidepressants working for me. Sorry to hear your experience with antidepressants hasn't led to making any progress. Have you tried working with your doctor on different meds? Have heard that is required for some folks. Took 58 days for it to become noticable for me
@@MarcusRideout happy to hear they work for some, gives me somr hope. On my 9th depression medication trial, ranging from 3 months to 2 years, no luck so far 😶. Fortunately I don't seem to get bad dude effects either, a silver lining I guess 😁
The main thing with PDD for me is that I generally feel less happiness and excitement over good, positive things. I get happy when I recieve gifts, but my reaction to it doesn't necessarily match how much I actually appreciate it. It's like I don't feel happiness at the same intensity as someone who doesn't have PDD. And it can be quite frustrating from time to time. Less interest and excitement for my favorite hobbies is also a big thing I struggle with. I have a really hard time to find motivation for pretty much anything. And that's really just the tip of the iceberg.
I 100% hear you on this. I've often been told I need to "cheer up" or look more happy, cause it often looks like I'm upset or down. It's quite frustrating when it's just how you are, and that's 'normal' for you.
I definitely struggle with constant dread, hopelessness, and have to push myself to do fun things because it all seems so pointless. It's ten times easier for me to do the dishes, laundry, or chores than it is for me to do something for "fun".
@@arch1q892 Fake it until you make it. Eventually you start to feel murmurs of feelings. In my case I had to be open to and probe for feelings like sadness, fear, pain, and grief which also brought in things like joy, excitement, affection, attraction. Good luck!
One of the trickiest mental illnesses to detect I think. It feels so integral to your whole personality that you often just can’t imagine life being different.
Yea, there have been too many times where, prior to diagnosis, I have had the thought "Other people can't experience life in this way regularly or the world would be way too intense"
В точку. У меня с детства безразличие к людям, частая апатия, незаинтересованность, бессмысленность. Я не знаю что такое нормальное состояние, мне не с чем сравнить. Как можно представить то, что никогда не чувствовал
I'm almost 60 yrs old. I've had depression all of my life. I've reached out as much as my insurance's would let me including years of cognitive therapy and several types of antidepressants. I'm still in the same place but feeling much worse and hopelessness because I realize that I've pretty much spent my whole life feeling liked I've been robbed of happiness. If only I could have a few years of knowing what it feels not just to be happy but to feel NOT DEPRESSED, I would be forever grateful. This condition ( I won't dare call it a disease with such stigma in this world referring to as a disease) has messed up so many relationship's in my life I find it easier to just keep to myself .So there are actually people who want help, do the work with therapists, medication and alot of prayer but somehow never get the help they need do to insurance, financial difficulties or just not being able to because they have to work and are dependent on themselves. Needless to say at my age I'm simply exhausted after years of this monster living on my shoulder ( like the Mucinex man) who won't leave me alone. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It's a life sentence in a rabbit hole.
I am 29, and out of all the comments, yours felt like I wrote it myself. I remember feeling this way since I was a child, it just exhausting at this point; not worth another try. Keeping to myself and putting on the happy suit is what it feels like every day.
I've been researching the psylocibin microdosing. It looks very promising as long as you do the microdosing correctly, too much or too little obviously doesn't work. When you can't get help from licensed doctor and life is flying by you sometimes you have to be your own advocate and go with the successful treatment even if at the time it is illegal to obtain the very drug that "is" working. You can't overdose on it. You don't have to buy it on the street. Even if I'm wrong about it and I can still function safely and feel mentally better, to me it's worth it. 🙏
I'm 46, and I'm coming to the realization that my dysthymia is a lifelong, uphill battle, in two feet of soul crushing mud. Am I depressed because I'm rejected by society, or am I rejected by society, because nobody wants to be around someone who's depressed? Since there's no clear answer, I'm left frustrated, crying and alone, searching for anyone to latch onto. Searching for anything to latch onto. Fuck it.
The photoshop analogy is awesome. People think of depression as sadness, which is an emotion. But depression is more than just emotion, it's like the atmosphere is stale and dead no matter where you are or what you're doing.
100% - it’s not just “oh you are just feeling down”. A lot of my life experience has felt dread-focused. I’ve never been one to struggle with suicidal thoughts though death was something that was often on my mind. Medication has really helped level me out - I still have noticeable down phases however it feels a lot more manageable, and I feel like I can feel the positives a lot more now too.
I was just recently diagnosed with PDD, and the way my therapist said it made it look even more horrible than what it already is. She said that "thats how my personality is" and that I would feel like this or worse for the rest of my life. But I like that in your video you mention "the light", and its so reassuring to listen to someone that feels exactly how you feel. Thanks for making this video, you make others like us feel less alone.
Alex, I’m sorry your therapist framed it up that way for you. It’s something that, although yes it doesn’t “get cured”, it is something you can learn to navigate. Being on antidepressants has made a world of difference for me. Also the more self-aware you become, the better you will be able to manage it when you feel it coming on. Check this video I made as it may give you some things you can work on to deal with this. th-cam.com/video/sMpiqqEDCO8/w-d-xo.html
Uau, this happened with me too, the doutor said it was my personality. Marcus, your video is amazing, because I was able ti remove the guilty I had about "not doing the right things" like have no blue light at night. Thank you so much!
@@MarcusRideout For me real hell started a year ago. Yes, I was pessimistic in many ways, always expecting worse... well It was bearable. There was hobbies, friends, joy. Yes, with bitter aftertaste, but it was fine.few years ago i met a girl. Wonderful, most kind and beautiful. And she was like a shining light for me. I don't know, how to explain... well i was recreating myself for her. Working, to became better person. it was short period of time, when i was a happy man. But... a year+ ago everything changed. She betrayed me for a Narcissist (she didn't know about that). And in that moment it was like all world collapsed for me. And this thing... dystimia started to blossom at full speed. Like all negative amplified 100 times. And my life became a nightmare. I self isolated from world. I dont' want to see people, don't want to bring that darkness to friends, to smile is almost impossible task. I abandon all hobbies, all interests everything. Everything became pointless. And this feel of guilt, that It's my fault, that this woman now with a narc. I can'r rid of that. And my only real wish is to die. Only thing, that stop me from killing myself is my father. He is 74 years old and he need my help. Sorry for bad english, I'm not english speaking person.
Are you still around? I've sort of accepted that this is how I am and that I'm always going to be operating in the red, dopamine wise. I don't think that's actually helping in the way acceptance does for chronic pain or bereavement.
I got diagnosed with dysthymia a few days ago and didn't realize I've been having this since I was a kid. Wouldn't have been diagnosed with this if I didn't have a panic attack with PD/DR. Thank you for sharing your experience. Hearing this makes me feel less alone.
Here’s to hoping the knowledge of what you’re experiencing helps to make it easier to deal with! It doesn’t vanish, sadly, but having the language to identify the experience helps
I started to cry, because I felt the same for so long and hearing you putting it into words made me feel like I hear myself talk. It was so realatable. I didn't know this exists till a week ago, when I was diagnosed with Dysthymia. I was very afraid that they would send me away and say everything is finde, why are you even here. I only knew Depression and couldn't realate to every symptom, so I thought, the way I feel must be normal then. Thanks for the video!
You're welcome for the video. sorry to hear you're navigating this - it's not a fun journey by any means, but at least having a diagnosis gives you the ability to learn more about how your body and mind works. Make sure you plug in with a support system - friends who are aware of my situation have been immensely helpful in my journey.
I feel so relatable. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety almost a month ago. Now, it turns out i have PDD. And everything you said is what i've been going through all this time and damn it hits hard. There are so many things that u said that made me realize that was the way I've been feeling since I was a teenager, and some other things that i'm facing now. It's hard cause I feel guilty, hopeless, and empty. The worst thing is that i'm in college now and it's been difficult to get focused on that. Thanks for doing this video, it helped me a lot. At least now, I know that i'm not crazy or something. Plus, i'm starting with antidepressants next week, wish me luck!
Good luck! No need to feel crazy, either. It can def be overwhelming leading up to getting a diagnosis, but I found things a bit more easier to handle once I knew what I was navigating. Make sure to plug into a community with others who have navigated the journey - can help you not feel as alone. When I was first diagnosed I was on the subreddit for Dysthymia a bit - helped give me more context. Link here: www.reddit.com/r/dysthymia/
Good luck and start medicine you will be just normal as other people i suffer all my lifer as a kind with dysthymia i was different from other i stayed alone much time didnt enjoy anything in life as a kid and a teenager in 2019i visit a psychiatrist and diagnose with dysthymia i got 30 appoinments with psychiatrist i have 3 years with medicine citalopram give by doctor in second year i diagnosed from cyclothymia caused by long time with dysthymia 3 years my freind i got psychotherapy light therapy i have to little improvements all over the years but now i feel 45% improvement it does to many months to see improvements with dysthymia now i feel it i feel much better dont want to stay alone anymore but you have to have faith and patience with this condition there is light in end of the tunnel.respect
hello marcus, i never comment on yt videos but i felt like i needed to because i can relate to you and so many other people here. thanks for making this video man. I was diagnosed with PDD a year ago, after 8 years of suffering and not knowing what was wrong with me. I started crying when u said that u were afraid your test was going to say that there was nothing wrong, because when I was first diagnosed, I kinda felt 'relieved' and also very guilty for feeling that way. I was given anti depressants, but stopped taking them after a month because i didnt feel any different. I started seeing a therapist who convinced me that my psychiatrist was crazy and had no idea what she was talking about. I later realized how toxic my therapist was and stopped seeing her. Lately, I've been feeling very lonely, empty, hopeless, and disconnected. And not knowing what to do about it. This video made me realise that my PDD diagnosis was probably right and I should see a psychiatrist again. Reading some of the comments of people in their 60s saying it still sucks for them, makes me feel more hopeless for the future and Im unable to see a way out. It really sucks having the same feelings and suicidal thoughts at 20 that I did when I was 13. Its exhausting to constantly feel that way. i always feel so angry and think, why me? also, I live in a third-world country where there isnt a lot of awareness around mental health, and good mental health professionals are scarce. being a broke college student doesnt help either lol.
Hey there! I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this right now. This shit isn't easy - and I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with your therapist. It took almost 2 whole months for antidepressants to work for me, and most people who I've connected with say it's been somewhere between 6-8 weeks for them as well. I only share that because it may be worth exploring again and talking with your family doctor. I was put on a 50mg dosage and my doctor increased it to 75mg at our 6 week checkup. It may sound weird to say it, but I can't imagine going back to life without medication. I know it doesn't work for everyone, and some folks have a helluva time trying to find the right match of medication for their brain wiring, but holy smokes things have been enjoyable again. The first few months of 2022 have been the best months of my life. I still have down phases, and I don't feel like I've fully recouped from what 2021 was, but I feel like I'm on the right track, if that makes sense. I wish you luck in your journey - do your best to surround yourself with others who can share their experiences with you too. I found the Dysthymia subreddit to be immensely helpful to not feel alone. Link here: www.reddit.com/r/dysthymia/
At my worst I would literally stare at a wall since I can't feel pleasure (or connection) to pretty much everything. Being able to play video games while listening to podcasts is actually a big deal for me. Yes, I am similar to you in that I have been in therapy for a very long time and have tried two medications. The SSRI I am on now has been helpful with keeping my mood in the middle and definitely with sleep (I have been able to sleep through the night for the first time in years), but I still have very little pleasure, numbness, and I struggle to "feel" true gratitude for all the good things I have in my life.
I’ve been depressed for 15 years. I’ve been living life on 4 hours of sleep every night , ruined relationships and career opportunities. I have 3 past suicide attempts. I was just tired of never looking forward to anything or being able to appreciate the things that would make anyone else content with life. I always feel guilty for being depressed even though I have a great life. It’s nonstop negativity, not matter what I’ve done or tried. I finally went to an inpatient program for 4 days after a severe MDD episode and am finally diagnosed and on Zoloft and back into counseling. I’m just hoping this will finally be a means to an end. But I’m happy and also heartbroken that I’m not the only one.
Sorry to hear things have been so rough for you, Alex. I really hope you can begin to find some peace and clarity in navigating the recent part of your journey.
I've never been properly diagnosed with anything, but ever since I was a teen, i've always felt a sense of "downness"... not really depression, but just a lack of joy, a constant state of cynicism and an understanding that anything good would never last. Sometimes it's not bad, sometimes i'm barely functional, but always i felt a weght attached to me, a drag on everything I do. I was never suicidal, and in fact i believed, at times, that I didn't even *deserve* suicide - there are people with REAL problems, who have it way worse than me, that truly suffer; they deserve an "out". I've spoken with my doctor, who agreed that I have "depressive symptoms" and I've been on a course of Welbutrin for years now... it doesn't seem to do much, except when i stop taking it. It just kinda stops the lows from getting so low, but it doesn't make the highs any higher, and it doesn't make the middle any better. It just makes everything in the middle. It wasn't until a couple days ago that i learned about PDD, and how it is not the same as "mild depression". Your description of PDD is much more akin to what I've experienced than depression ever was. So thank you for putting this out. It's hard enough to pin down your own personal demon, but knowing it's true name is huge help.
Wow, thanks for taking the time to share this. I can only imagine what it's felt like, especially when people associate 'depression symptoms' with 'suicide' or 'suicidal thoughts'. Not having those used to make me think "oh I guess I'm not depressed" or whatever, and it's a sneaky way to minimize what you're experiencing. I've been on Zoloft for 14 months now, and added Wellbutrin last month to help counter some of the sexual side effects (ie: not being able to finish as easily, lower sex drive). I've found that the combination has really helped - the Wellbutrin has helped put more pep in my step, so to say, where as the Zoloft alone was good at helping reduce the down stuff, though also makes it kinda just 'im existing' elsewhere... mind you 'existing' is better than the shit that PDD is like without it, so I'm still tinkering and working with my doctor to find the best fit for me. Best of luck in your journey.
Your video does an excellent job of describing dysthymia! I've struggled with this since my teen years, and when I was in my late 20's, I finally got medicine for it. It was a huge game changer for many years. Then, your body adjusts.. and 15 years later I had to start augmenting with other medications (probably tried about 8-10 over the course of a few years). One stuck, so that's my tratment now. It still doesn't prevent episodes however. Dysthymia is never cured. You are so correct about the litany of trite self-help "tips" that make me laugh or cry. They don't touch PDD. I'll never forget one of my first thoughts when I was on medicine for this... "my God, the world is in color". Thanks for sharing your experience!
Did you have anhedonia with this too, because I do and can we heal from it. I’ve had this for over 12 years just recently found out. Always thought everyone lived like this. 😢
I'm not sure - I wasn't diagnosed with that specifically, so I can't speak direct to that. From what I've heard there isn't a cure of PDD - and like you, I used to think similar things... except my story in my brain was "everyone else can't feel this awful! this can't be normal".
I’ve had Anhedonia for many years and it’s imo the hardest thing to treat effectively. Even on medications that helped my depression my anhefonia was still strong. Daily exercise helps a little
Good video! I have struggled with PDD since I was a teenager, now am in my mid 40's. I have done a lot of things in my life to be proud and satified with but it hasn't been easy. I have gone to therapy, which helped somewhat for a while. I have taken 4 different antidepressants (Paxil, Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Effexor) which also have helped somewhat but the negative side effects have driven me away from taking them. I wouldn't rule out trying more antidepressants in the future but for the time being am staying away -I just started micro-dosing with psilocybin and so far it's similar to antidepressants but hopefully without the negative side effects. I have come to the conclusion that PDD needs to be managed like any other chronic illness: sleep, exercise, mindfulness, diet, and socialization all help. It is frustrating how much energy and effort needs to be maintained just to be okay.....this is a tedious and difficult illness that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
It’s definitely a tough one to navigate. Even with medication you still experience lows, though they don’t seem to last nearly as long as when I wasn’t on it. It was somewhat of a relief to be told what it was and be able to label it / be aware what’s going on when in the thick of it
Have you tried diet? I eat basically Mediteraean and after 7 years + running, and im getting much better. So sorry you have been so tortured for so long. My depression also started after ouberty
I can relate so much to this.. I’m going through the same thing myself. I’m 27 and I’ve had PDD/Dysthymia since I was diagnosed at 16 but I’m pretty sure I’ve had it since I was a child. This disorder is so heavily understated. It’s a constant battle. It feels like it’s gotten even worse as I’ve gotten older and now that I’m a mother it’s way more difficult to handle.. I hope you find peace and happiness. God bless
I have been diagnosed with persistent depressive disorder a few days ago. You really explain exactly how I feel. Thank you for educating other people about this disorder ❤️
Hey there! First off, I'm so sorry you have to deal with PDD. It's not a fun one. It's not something that ever really goes away, but thankfully it can become a lot more manageable if you're willing to put in the work and to be super vulnerable when you're going through the hard times. No shame in exploring medications with your family doctor either!
Thanks for sharing your story. It is very relatable. But in my case years of therapy and trying all kinds of medication only made it sort of manageable. I was not a happy child, and had double depressions in my twenties. Only got a diagnosis when I was about 40. Now I am in my sixties and still strugling. Wish you all the best.
Lately I've been searching a lot about Persistent Depressive Disorder and I think I may have it. I felt the minute 7:00, literally started crying, but I still don't know if I need to search for help. I keep thinking that is not that serious and I'm like a "poser" faking depression. I don't know what to do, could someone give me an advise pls? (Srry for my bad English, I'm not a native speaker)
Heya Sasha! There's nothing wrong with seeking help. That thing I mentioned at 7:00 is a legit fear so many of us face. For me what helped me get over that fear and seek help was realizing one day that "Most people on Earth can't feel this way or it would be a lot darker of a place".
I just got diagnosed with dysthymia a week ago as a 16 year old high-school student. I thought it was how everyone in the world felt, but talking to my doctor and getting diagnosed with this really was an eye-opener. Thank you for making this video. It makes me feel better knowing that I'm never alone with this.
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been diagnosed with this. It’s kinda intense when you realize that most people don’t feel like how we do, eh? How have you been since the diagnosis?
I’m 49. I wish I got a diagnosis & treatment as a teenager or in my early 20’s, before I really spun out of control. There’s no switch that can be flipped to rewire the mind. It’ll some work to develop better coping skills, but will be worth it in the long run. You might be a bit more pessimistic than some of your peers, but changing negative self-talk is doable. One thing I wish I realized, when I was 22 and just graduated college is that life keeps giving us opportunities. Not obtaining one goal or getting rejecting does not mean nothing more is possible. Really had an all or nothing mindset back then. I hope all the best for you and know depressive thinking doesn’t have to be permanent. P.S. Something else I learned the hard way, perfectionism doesn’t make one perfect. It leads to procrastination and avoiding risks.
At 14 years old I got diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder. By the time I was 16 my newer therapist I got after an attempt, she was confused as to why I was diagnosed with bipolor at all. Thats when she told me about PDD and how I fit those symptoms so much more. It all clicked and I understood. I still havent gone for an official diagnosis but PDD is commonly comorbid with ADHD so it makes sense to me. Sucks that I'll never feel any different. Day in and day out, I'm just....blah. All the time.
Sorry to hear you've had that experience. I initially went to test for ADHD as well as 5 of my closest friends all have it and I thought it was an odd coincidence lol. Similar thing with you, hit a lot of the checkmarks for PDD according to the DSM5.
Thanks for the video. It made me realize how badly I do not want to go back to where I was. But also, I kinda forgot how bad it was and it is nice to already see how far away from it I am now. I've been diagnosed with PDD and retroactively suffered from it from at least 15 (but maybe 12) untill 25 years old (now). I always suffered from this inherent sense of worthlessness that I could stave off with adventures, accomplishments or doing what is considered "right" for a while. But somehow I would always return to this lonely, worthless baseline, like a hangover. It would feel way worse during times I partied a lot and would actually be hungover. I've had days I actually only felt like inconsolably crying while trying to work on group projects but did not because I felt it was not the place to do so. The best way for me to describe the feeling would be the ever present longing for a home or a family, feeling elated you found it, and then getting disappointed as you realize nothing actually changed and you are alone again. The always present feeling of being misunderstood or unseen. Be ware, I actually am a really social guy and can easily connect with new people. However, all those connections feel fake to me and never mature into deep bonds, thus I don't get to have the family or friend group I long for. I decided to get my diagnose and do something about it after realizing that I was out of goals and things I wanted to try out and kind of losing faith that there was anything that would create lasting reprieve. I think the causes of my depression lie in internal beliefs that I am working on changing in therapy but also through more body based trauma therapy approaches and tantra seems to go very well with it too. Although I don't think it is the same for everybody, I am slowly learning that actually experiencing my undesired emotions and being present in my body in the present is my way out of this mud pit. Hope anyone out there has a use for this.
Hey thanks for going into detail and sharing your experience, Arne. Definitely can understand where you're coming from and have felt similar feelings. It's weird being someone who's been so driven and a 'go-getter' and seeing how this can still take us out. A lot of folks I've connected with don't even have the drive to make anything happen in their life.
describing it as a hangover is perfect. like your body feels it was too high on life not even just heppy moments but everyday things and has to punish you.
I had dysthymia since I was 10, but it wasn't diagnosed until I was 16. I am now 68. I have had stress management, anxiety management, CBT, and was referred to the gym. The gym calms me and so does cycling. I am now 68.
Wow, thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine what impact it’s made on your life - I’m glad to hear those aspects have helped! I’m just getting the working out thing started over here.
As soon as you described the “mud pit” that you just can’t crawl out of, I felt such a great sense of understanding. I’ve been journaling about my symptoms and the best I could describe it was like quicksand, and the more you fight/oppose it the faster you will sink. That’s when desperation turned into determination. Thank you for this video and sharing your experience❤
Thanks for making this video! This disorder is not really a common and known one, so its really "nice" to know that im not special. I got diagnosed a few months ago after 10 years of suffering (and still) and i take steraline and i have a cpt therapist. But after years of trying therapists and methods it seems like nothing helps, and it also feels like it is because im the problem. That I dont let the help in. I really hope that its not just "who i am" and i really hope i could change that and take responsibility upon my life.
First off - you're welcome on making the video. When I got dialed in with what I was dealing with a lot more of my adult life experiences made sense. It's sad to read that there isn't a cure and it's something we have to learn to navigate and live with - I hope you can do what you need to in order to 'let the help in'. It takes work, especially when in the lows - I'm rooting for ya!
This video was helpful. I know exactly what you meant by saying “ is there nothing wrong with me and everyone experiences this, just need to find healthy coping skills”. I fall under the title of a psych professional. I’m a psych RN and have been battling with this emptiness since childhood. I have lost interest in activities, have occasional moments of enjoyment in certain activities… then back into the rut I go. The best way for me to explain it is, feeling numb, or empty. Nothing I do gives me enjoyment. I feel like isolating and I have a social battery that gets drained easier and easier. I would say that the only thing that I enjoy is, helping adolescent teens get through their tough times. It makes me feel like I have some sort of purpose and maybe the can avoid going through how I feel. I have frequent reoccurring thoughts of suicide, but would never act on them. Cause I know how it would affect my loved ones and I have the tools to pull myself out of those extremely dark thoughts. But for some reason I have not been able to pull myself out of the depression. I’ve been trying to figure out what was wrong with me, going through the DSM-5. But it just now hit me tonight, that I most likely have PDD, instead of just MDD. I just need to actually seek professional treatment. You’re video gave me a small sense of hope. Maybe I should give Zoloft a try…. I tried Wellbutrin, it allowed me to quit smoking, but didn’t help with the depression. I guess it’s time to actually take that first step and see a therapist and ask my psych NP for Zoloft. Thank you again for sharing your experience!
Time to talk with a trained professional. Only so much good can come from self-diagnosing :-) If it makes you feel any better, since starting medication life has felt so much better these past 10 months. I don't feel that overwhelming sense of dread nearly as much. The pointlessness of everything has melted away and I find I'm having fun in my life again. You don't have to go through this alone - time to step up and speak up. You can change your trajectory - best of luck in your journey, Bo!
Yep, the constant feelings of emptiness and Anhedonia are how I feel too. Positive experiences do nothing to even reduce these feelings either. Certain medications can help certain aspects of this illness but cause their own problems. Hard daily exercise is the only thing I’ve found that is effective but even that is getting tiresome
Thanks for making this. I believe I have this as well (Male, 26). It's just this constant weight on my chest. I like your Photoshop analogy. Life carries on, but the depression lingers despite what's happening (good or bad). I've been going to therapy for a while but it's not doing much to help me anymore. I'm scared to go on any form of medication because of bad experiences in my youth, but your message at the end was reassuring. I'd like to figure this thing out and my hope is to make a video like you to help get the word out on this insidious illness.
Hey dude! First off, thanks for taking the time to share your story. This stuff is no joke. I went through a similar feeling - worked with my therapist for 2 years but never felt like it was moving the needle where I needed it - still work with him for other areas, though! That led me to seeking out help + getting assessed. Go for it - you may learn a thing or two. :-) I'd rather 'know' what's up cause then I feel I can do the work to help accommodate it + learn how to be more kind to myself. Good luck!!!
This actually made me cry with relief. I’ve been struggling to be happy and keep up a good mood for 6-7 years. I tried everything but I never felt like any of the labels like just “regular” depression. I have for months just these heavy suicidal thoughts and they just keep coming back but I never got any help for it. I just thought that I was moody or something since I was able to just keep on going. But I have had this constant feeling underlying even when I’m happy that life just is meaningless. Kinda like passive suicidal thoughts, I don’t really care if I live or die has been my motto for the past years even though I’m able to do things like school and socialize I always feel like I just struggle to do the basic things. Things like showering, it takes so much effort but I just have to keep doing it. That’s kinda like what my life has felt like for years. Like life is just too much effort for what it’s worth. But this video just made me feel very seen and I just felt like the final puzzle piece clicked. Thank you truly for this🙏🏻
Best way to say it imagine playing a game that you are over let’s say Fortnite, you get people like it you have cool skins BUT you are tired of playing it and you can’t take a break until death you just have to keep playing. Sure you can get dubs and what not, but your still stuck in the game nomatter what
I don't wanna get a label man but fuck I feel so lost sometimes that there's no point even though my lifes fine. I feel a rumble of butterflys in my stomach and it feels like I wanna disappear from earth. Just sorta laugh it off really.
eh, I hear you on labels. for me it gave so much more context and understanding to my life when I knew that the 'lens I see the world through' isn't like how most people see it.
Just got diagnosed today after years of suffering and wondering whats wrong with me. Im shit scared of taking meds. Thanks for this. Hope more people find the caurage to talk about it.
Hey good on you for seeking more clarity on your situation. I’m sure it’s led to a mix of emotions and feelings, and a TON of reading/researching about the topic. There’s nothing “wrong” with ya, your brain just does things a bit different and it takes time to learn to navigate the hand we’ve been dealt. :D Wish you the best of luck with the journey moving forward - make sure you plug into communities and places where you can talk with others about PDD!
Yoga works like magic. I had been depressed for almost 7 years, a couple of days back I did sirshasana and depression juat disappeared in a couple of days. Its crazy how well this asana worked for me and helpful to you as well please give it a. try for a week and see the difference.
My wife recently asked me how I was feeling mentally and about my self esteem. I replied "I actually feel pretty good about myself.... but it's like 'so what. I don't care." I've since been diagnosed with dysthymia.
“can’t help but feel an underlying pointlessness to everything” maybe just maybe life is pointless and you haven’t asked yourself what you are living FOR. There is no point to a job promotion, it is only a means to an end. If you don’t have some direction in life then yes, “meaningful” events in life will just feel random.
I also don't notice when things get worse, only when they slightly improve. When my mind gets worse it just feels like i'm just finding out "the truth" that everything in reality just sucks and isn't worth it. Luckily i developed safeguards against that on my own. Maybe by sheer luck from noticing and questioning this extreme view. Today recognize the pattern but it always feels just as real making the moments that feel good or my good memories feel "fake". I'm glad i'm currently clear enough to see all that but my disorder sometimes has the power to take even that from me if it gets bad enough. Yeah, haven't really been into any hobbies for 3 years. Nothing feels good enough.
Get your doctor to order blood work; Check your thyroid and testosterone levels. Those were two that my doctor had me get done and we found both were underproducing, which can also stack depression symptoms on top of this.
Thank you for this video. I was in this hole for 15+ years. What did me in was adopting Nihilism as a mindset... I'm so glad i managed to switch over to "Absurdism" instead. It is close - yet so (!) far at the same time. Now, still everything is pointless in the grand scheme of things - But i get to decide what is worth it *for me*. I can be happy again if i can find the right point of view in a given situation and i can accept that feeling bad some of the time is part of the course called life.
Ive been really struggling with my dysthmic disorder recently. The past three years have been honestly awful in terms of my mental health due to so many ups and downs, weirdly enough this is seemingly the most stable Ive been in a really long time. Nonetheless, ive been realizing just how much this disorder has impacted me and altered my perception of reality.
So uhh... yeah maybe this is me. When my depression hits nothing touches me anymore. I don't do most of the "feel good" tactics as they just waste my energy and "feeling good" comes by itself when it comes I be seeking help soon, currently still expierimenting with gut and metabolic health to lay a good foundation + also need to wait still
Yeah talking about your feelings actually makes you more of a man in my eyes. Idk but talking about my feelings feels like... i am the master being aware of them? Instead of an oblivious idiot? Idk maybe "men" are supposed to handle it all on their own but that's sorta how i feel. Maybe i am not a man after all tho, that would be cool too 😂
What I call "IDGAF" Mode. When it kicks in full mode, I just don't care. At 56, I went undiagnosed for 30 years. I just thought life was shitty for everyone. When zI was diagnosed, it was still Dysthymia. The Psychologist who was diagnosed me was the state of Florida's Psychologist who evaluated serisl killer Ted Bundy.
Thank you for pointing the things out, even though I'm the undiagnosed atm, the photoshop metaphor will forever haunt me and I will bring this up whenever I have the time and money to take a look at it. Again thank you + Algorithms.
I was diagnosed with PDD this year and today I was inspired to seek a better understanding of it. I also recently came out of an emotionally abusive relationship in which the stigma against mental illness was very great. I got told "what is the point of knowing the name of your supposed condition?" "What's taking so long? When are you going to get better?" I just want you to know that I'm very thankful you shared your experience. Mental illness doesn't discriminate, so it should not be stigmatized. When someone like me hears another person's story who is having positive results to treatment, it gives me hope.
Hey thanks for sharing! I'm glad my video was able to give you some hope. Sorry to hear you had such a rough experience with a partner downplaying your situation.
The same exact thing happened to me. If you ever want to talk about it, lmk. Hope you found some relief, I did. However.. years later I’m here. Something is a little off, so back to the drawing board.
It's so tiresome that it literally doesn't matter if I do everything right. I have been working on getting my career to pretty much exactly the point I wanted it to be, working out 3-4 times per week, eating healthy and trying to sleep well and I'm not feeling any better than 10 or so years ago when I was out partying half of the week. In some ways it's worse as with the highs and lows of drug use at least there's highs and the lows are temporary. I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember but have been able to postpone it so far. My therapist is going for a psychoeducation approach but the only thing I've learned so far is that I have a pretty bad case and the statistics are not great. Where I live 20-25% of people with double depression end up making at least one attempt, with survival being mostly down to the method chosen. Before I was able to drag myself through life for my partner and pets, but we split up and I can't take care of an animal right now. I'm probably going to spend the next week or so getting things in order and then I'll check out. Best of luck to you. Hopefully you can make something out of it where I haven't. For others reading this: talk to whatever mental health counsellor you have, or get one if you don't. At least once you've scraped the bottom of the barrel options-wise the people around you know you tried. It means a lot to them.
Ive got this. Its hell. Life is completely pountless and meanibgless. I spend most of my life in bed with the curtains drawn. It soothes me..I have no desire to do ANYTHING. People just dont understand. Pills make it worse. I drew the short straw.
I have been living with depression for about 13 years, diagnosed with MDD for about 7 years, and will be talking to my psychiatrist on Tuesday about PDD. Since I met the criteria about 5 years ago I think I will see a change to my diagnosis, unfortunately there is not much else to try treatment wise. I haven’t gone a day in the last 5 years or so without suicidal thoughts. I keep looking for a solution or at least a reasonable treatment but no luck so far.
I resonated with all the symptoms you talked about, especially the feeling of hopelessness, it's not easy to live life having those feelings around, and it's hard to achieve anything because of it because you cannot find a reason for everything, having suicidal thoughts and you can't explain why when you're just a kid. By the way, I just got diagnosed with Dysthymia today, and I still feel stuck. I was shocked when I learned about it and I was having this since I was just a little kid. I still haven't got an email response for the medication treatment from my psych.
'What if she says nothing is wrong with you' - I relate so hard. I felt such a relief when psychiatrist said i'd had dysthymia and needed some medication. I was afraid that's nothing wrong with me and it was just live and I needed to keep up on my own like everybody else was
That's definitely not a fun story we tell ourselves, eh? Glad to read that you've found a degree of clarity from working with a psychiatrist. Here's to rockin' it moving forward 🙂
I have dysthymia and bipolar. Yes, maybe it's hard to believe? Tell me, is it possible? It is possible, but it requires a lot of talent, you must have talent and the conditions will complete the story. Sometimes I am ecstatic and the rest of the time I am uniformly depressed And this is a permanent and unending situation. Despite trying to live a normal life, I'm practically stuck, I can't stay in one job and be compatible. What's normal like? I have no idea what it's like. People who don't have physical or mental problems are the happiest people, even if they're not successful, you're happy because you always feel You are not miserable. And I haven't had this simple and ordinary happiness for years I miss sleeping one night and not having a dream I miss reading a book with concentration Missing to play an instrument and be able to concentrate I am surprised that someone asks me how I am, and when I say I am fine, I don't have a conflicting feeling inside Longing for one day less obsession I would like to say that a month passed and my pillow was not wet with tears I long for my mental to work better one day, and believe me, I tried my best for it and I am doing it But I don't see any particular result. This is an unequal war, an unending war. My shoulders are tired of bearing this situation and I am just continuing in vain because of mom and dad. Other people have no understanding of it and how alone I am. How alone I am in the midst of all this crowd. The feeling of being different from others bothers me a lot. By others, I mean the circle of normal people around me. Are you saying that there are many like you? I have not seen them around me. How unachieved I am And how much without experiencing normal things. Tired of enduring so many years of illness and tired of not being able to talk about my feelings. If you have a peaceful sleep You are fine during the day You can have fun even if you don't have the job you want You are lucky and you should be thankful every day. This is a gift that many people don't have and they have to work twice as hard to get it.
I think persistent depression very easily evolves to a treatment resistent depression. It is genuinely so annoying that I know nothing really works because there is not 1 concrete cause. I had some hope for rTMS, but it did nothing for me 😢. With my autism I feel like I will have to live with this depression, which is just depressing in itself.
I'm 65 and have had PDD at least since my teens, and up to the present time I've been through a 40+ year Odyssey through the strange netherworld of therapy, medications, hospitalizations for suicide attempts, and have experienced the general disgrace of the entire mental health care system. I've had multiple therapists, some good, some who didn't have a clue, others whose conduct verged on malpractice. I've recently resumed therapy with someone who seems very good, but I'm not especially optimistic; she's presently doing EMDR with me and I'll see how things go. What I've learned over the course of my life is that unless they have PDDno one can understand it.... I've heard the usual cliches all my life, including from therapists, which everyone who has PDD knows so I don't have to repeat them here. But I sometimes explain it this way: no, when I was ten years old or so I did sit down and decide well, I could be a happy go lucky, smiling, optimist but I'll be a Depressive downer instead. No, I did "choose" to have PDD- rather, it chose me, and its grip on my mind will likely persist until I die...
I’m sorry to hear about your experience - it sounds brutal. There’s nothing worse than advice from people who don’t “get it”. I hope you can continue to find good moments in your journey.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, i was diagnosed with dysthymia 2021 march, and i am under meds lexapro 10 mg since then, My symptoms were Extreme fatigue Loss of joy/connection Suicidal thoughts Low self esteem Pooooooooor Concentration Panic attacks Luckily, meds have worked really well for me, and i completed DBT and cbt as well, my doctor and i discussed to cut off meds by this june.
Thanks for sharing - I'm glad to hear that medicine was helpful, and that you paired it with both DBT and CBT. I hope things go smooth for you in the transition phase off of the meds. It's something I've wondered about myself - if there's ever a point where life can work without them or if it's best to be a continued part of the journey.
I’m also so scared to get tested in fear that I don’t actually have anything. There’s the fact that I have to find a therapist again and I don’t even know how to start that process by myself.
Currently going through this process and searched for a video to help relate to. LOVED your analogy to the photoshop layer distorting our perspective. It's hard to describe but I've always thought of it like living life with constant sad violin music playing in the background. There is an almost persistent gloomy, melancholy tone to my life and it's just been the norm for so long. Beginning to open up to the idea of medication is scary because like you said there is so much misinformation, but hearing positive reviews like yours makes me more optimistic to try.
Hey thanks for sharing your perspective Shannon! I like that analogy too. The main thing is to make sure you talk with your doctor and be very open through the process. It’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing.
I am a firm believer that the best way to help change the world and help other people it's two conversations with her stories and the more we collectively bring our experiences together or we can help other people thanks for watching
Hi my partner was just diagnosed with this. Does anyone have advise on how I can help them they are in therapy and starting meds now. But I would really like advise on what I can do to help them through this
Thank ya 🌟 It's so hard...and especially sad when some people believe....it can really change.Inside I feel nearly my whole life a deep sadness...a nagging void..and so tired! It's laying underneath of everything! I'm fighting and and then it hits you again...and then ya are in this world again.Much love to everyone ❤️And thank ya for the great explanation with the pic.. it's true!
That's rough, I'm sorry to hear that's been your experience. Hopefully now that you know what you're dealing with you can build your life in a way that is aware of what your brain goes through. I'm really wishing you all the best - have you started taking meds or talking with your family doctor about it?
I have lived with this my whole life im 38 i was diagnosed at 13 but i had been having mdd episodes on top of pdd since i was 6 puberty was the worst eventually i learned to live with it fake it till i make it home then cry in the shower however 6 months ago i couldnt deal with it anymore because i had literally lost all motivation to do anything but work because i had to and other than that i slept non stop so i went to my doc and he diagnosed me with adhd inattentive and adderall 15 mg er has changed my life pdd levels way off havent had a double depression episode anxiety is way down and im literally able to live my life
Thank you so much for this video… i just got diagnosed with PDD/dysthymia this week and at 19 years old, i relate to the symptoms you mentioned… glad (not really glad because it’s a crappy mental illness) to know there’s a whole community going through what im going through… Im on zoloft and reone rn… one step closer to getting better i hope 🤞
Glad to hear you've been seeking professional help, and yea, it sucks (but I'd rather know what I'm dealing with than feel powerless). Hopefully you find the meds help - it's made a world of difference for me. I still find I get hit with sessions of really intense depression, but it only seems to last a couple hours vs days/weeks now, so it feels a bit more manageable. Jan and Feb have been the best months of my adult life, no joke. I'll be 36 in April and never knew life could 'feel this good'
I've been told about this condition, and I surprisingly could relate to it very much. I'd like to know more about what is the "main" driver that keeps you down, if you don't mind sharing? If I had to answer the same question, I'd say what makes me dread life, is the state of society and the current system. is it similar to you? Or maybe revolves around more personal subjects?
I have Dysthymia. It’s like a layer of smoke that blocks out the sun. You still see the sun, but the the smoke makes everything muted and gray. It’s like waking up in the morning and it’s a foggy. Every day. Since I was about 4 years old.
Hey ! really enjoyed this You are really well spoken and it kept me listening until the end (not easy i must say) . I am a 37 female and last year i was diagnosed with adhd innatentive. I keep trying to change the subject of interest so i can keep going in this crazy thing called living, but still, even the things that i like are never capable of delivering huge emotions for me. I started realizing when in group i am simply a poker face kind of person, i just dont find things that much fun (unless i drink, i used to binge drink but stopped years ago). The thing is... i have ALWAYS been this way. Since i was a child. I was an observer of life not a participant and i would walk by myself with this feeling of having a cloud over my head, i kind of learned to accept it. I dont know what i am here to say but thank you for the share :)
Hey! Thanks for sharing - glad it was able to keep ya til the end :-) It def sounds like a tough experience you've led. Similar here, I cut out alcohol as well. Not cause I was a heavy drinker, but figure I didnt need to add any fuel to the fire.
I've had insomnia now for like 5 years. Along with anxiety/depression/ADHD. Never had any issues with any of this until probably after college. Been seeing a therapist/psychiatrist for years. Nothing seems to help. I'm also losing interest in things I normally enjoy like video games. Lastly, I never feel like I have any energy. I think I might have dysthymia/anhedonia Not sure what else to do. Appreciate you sharing your journey
@@brianp1052 I’m sorry to hear that’s been your experience. It’s definitely a tough one to navigate, especially if clinically diagnosed with it. I’ve been on antidepressants since 2021. A few meds to help regulate my thyroid and other things. There’s a really insightful video released by the channel Healthy Gamer that just came out - Dr K is a legit doc who taught at Harvard - and he breaks it down a lot more. Found it interesting to hear acknowledgement of the “things that work for others doesn’t do anything for those who are dysthymic”, as well as some things to work on when navigating it.
I actually have a very Unique Story/ Testimony, it all started when I was in 10th Grade due to past “Toxic” Relationship & Bullied as well. But after I got actually told to Commit Suicide even tho I walked away & snitched it hurt so bad all those Words they both said I felt like an outcast of pure Guilt while also feeling like a Nobody. But I remember regretting what I did to make me feel better after that night. But tbh I can make an Confession it still hurts me til this day even tho I have gotten over it while Forgave 1 of those People being my 1st Ex but my Boyfriends Best Friend. But I feel like I have somewhat walked through your own Footsteps from Sophomore year til now even a “Freshman” in College ps I will be Next Year instead taking a Gap Year to get my Mental Health straightened out somewhat while prepare for College. But I definitely understand how it is I was literally the same thing here I wouldn’t nor couldn’t but if I could it wasn’t for long while worried so much through it all instead of peaceful dreaming. But even lost Interest in Music especially playing the Piano like I remember I was so into it but I just couldn’t but it took me actually a whole sticking year to even CARE about reading something coming out someone’s mouth tbh. But by Junior year I got where I could write, read, & even Compose Music. Like I read even 4 Shakespeare Books like so Shocking. But I have gotten a little worse lately tho tbh just so much Stress with College w/ Jobs & my Licenses, & just other stuff that Bother me like when someone says who is ur Parent doesn’t like ur Boyfriend for literally no reason just makes you sad u know but more Depressed bc u feel so Peer Pressured into doing so. But I’m trying my Best to Ignore that as well. But you literally just had made my Day by me just looking up videos about it all.
Ps I’m even literally Stress/ Beinge Eating right now bc it’s just an Habit I started since it tbh, but I remember I got so sick off of eating Chocolate & a Dark Blue Gatorade for at least a Month. But I have been good about it since then, but usually like to stress snack sometimes makes me feel better tbh. Even tho I’m just oddly under 100 pounds when I should be in the 100 to 105 range instead. I learned my Body can’t go over 107 so I just don’t go near it to be causous tbh. But yes 😂 I’m that tiny for my Age I’m 5’3 while apparently weigh close to 100 tho . But I’m use to my shortness a little bit.
I’m glad this video helped make your day a bit better! Sounds like quite a lot of experiences you’ve been navigating. Keep your chin up, you’ve got this!
@@MarcusRideout Yea let’s say I have been through some Difficult Crap tbh, at a I would say Young Age. But somewhat Manage to be Brave in a way, which is so hard to be an Episode you know & then try to get back on your feet. Like lately I have been having more of Panic/ Anxiety Attacks then Depressive Episodes tbh. But a lot happened to make me feel that way you know from my HS Experience(s). But I just try not to “Never Give Up” - Reggie Dabbs who is an Soprano Saxophonist & Motivational Speaker who is Amazing at what he does. Like he tells his story that will be very sad but then it will make someone smile bc they can take something with them that day. But I use this to let People like Us or really anyone who is just having a simple Bad Day as a Coping Mechanism like my Music Project that’s a Huge Secret since a lot more People are recognizing & stealing them. But I really appreciate it a lot, but I am definitely coming back for more Videos to Enjoy & maybe even Relate to.
My therapist diagnosed me with Major Depression and Persistent Depression and today it finally clicked. For at least a decade I felt this way and it affected my life and career. I am getting help and I encourage everyone to also seek professional help. Blessings and light 🙏🏿♥️
Heya Maurrreese! I'm sorry to hear that you got hit with this, it's not an easy thing to navigate... however like you said, it's wild how all of a sudden your adult life experience can make a whole lot more sense. What do you feel you will be doing moving forward? Do you have a support system in place of friends or loved ones that you can have open conversations with when going through the hard times?
Hi…i am a teenager who kinda related to somethings…in this video…like feeling low…hopelessness….guilt….lost interest like thinking whats the point in doing them…they just don’t make me happy….and I’ve been feeling like this for the past 2 yrs…..its like im inside a hole….and i just cant get out of it…..exactly like u said….im not sure if im depressed…coz…dippresion is something big……so do any of u have any idea…what should I do…?
Talk to your family doctor would be the first step. They should be able to help point you in the right direction for steps to take based on where you live and 'what to do next'.
Hey Marcus, it's better late than never. Thanks for sharing your experience with us, I have diagnosed with PDD recently. I can relate so much with each and every thing you shared. Hope that I, also, will be able to get it over soon. More love and power to you and to them who are or had been suffering from depression.
Hey Anwesha! Not a problem in sharing at all - not many folks talking about this it seems. Sorry to hear you’ve been diagnosed with PDD - it doesn’t ever really “go away” but learning how to navigate it + using the tools available thanks to science and counselling can make things a lot more bearable!!! Best of luck in your journey navigating this!
I was just diagnosed. I have been a audio engineer for years. I had the opportunity to work on some amazing stuff and all i could think about, was like you said in the video this indescribable gloom. Constant. People are like wow man thats awesome. Dude!! I was in bed depressed and cancelling sessions. I finally went to the dr and he diagnosed me with PDD. I feel relieved to say the least.
That's tough, Doug. Sorry to hear that's been your experience. It's definitely not something I would wish on anyone. It's wild though, I'm guessing you've found a degree of success in what you do, but that no matter how much you get good at the craft there's this underlying thing just bubbling beneath the surface.
Just a word of thanks for your video! Your honest and straightforward presentation has helped me, and I am sure has benefitted many others. I'm in my late 60's..it's never too late, or too soon, for anyone to gain knowledge and work on our challenges.
I went to a therapist for the first time ever yesterday after contemplating it for a year. I went with my parents embarrassed that the situation at home has come to this. The thought of involving a third party didn't please them much even though they suggested it. But after opening up, which I've never done before in my life, my therapist explained my entire brain process which is what your video elaborates on. It's weird knowing that this question mark you felt all your life has a name to it and that you're not the only one. I'm hoping the start of my therapy journey will eventually change my life. Thank you for sharing this video it makes me and others feel extremely supported during these hard times.
Heya Rhea! I'm so glad you finally went and had your first session. I'm also glad you had a positive "a-ha" moment there, cause it's not as quick for a lot of folks. Must have been challenging to go and be vulnerable in front of your parents - I'm not that open with my dad about my struggles, and I feel like he'd never relate, based on previous experiences. I had a similar story as you, in regards to how long it took me to go. I was searching for a male therapist for 6 months prior to actually going. I found the exact person I wanted to see, based on their webpage and "vibe", but it took me 6 months to finally book the session. I've been working with him since Aug 2019 and it's been one of the best things I've ever done.
Thank you so much for this video!!!!! I have a loved one in my life that is going through depression due to life circumstances, coworkers, people in their life just constantly beating them down day after day and I could not figure out how to describe what they were going through until I found you and you checked off every single box!
Thank you so much. I was diagnosed about a year ago. Most relatable thing for me that you said: Being scared of there not being anything wrong with me, that this is all there is to life. I’m 23 now, suffered for 10 years. Things are starting to look up with a combination of antidepressants (fluoxetine for me) and therapy. But there are still many days where I’m quite depressed.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that Stephanie. On the bright side, at least you now know what you're dealing with and moving forward it helps. When I go through what feels like 'waves' of depression, I try to remind myself that what I'm experiencing is like being out in the ocean on a surfboard and being caught in a storm... and I just gotta hang on to the surfboard and eventually the ocean will chill the heck out.
Hey thanks for sharing - though holy hell, sounds like a lot to navigate. What sort of things do you do with your psychologist weekly to keep on top of things?
I am financially dependent and I am still a student. That’s why I can’t seek professional help.. Can someone help me in figuring out why I feel such.I feel extreme demotivation in life and my environment is very dull. No one is excited to do anything in life in my surrounding. I’ve been experiencing a feeling of loneliness and void inside me. I feel so sad deeply . I struggle with this a lot of times. And I have been experiencing this for years. Due to this , I’m not able to function properly in daily life. When I do some work, I get distracted but the moment the work is complete or I am sitting idle, I experience these episodes. I’ve told this to my family a lot of times but I still feel like I am not heard properly the way I want to be heard. I have lost interest in the activities I loved doing. When I wake up, most days I feel purposeless and life feels so meaningless. Sometimes I get suddenly silent, then for hours I feel deep sadness and emptiness, then I get sudden outbreak of really intense crying, then my mind pains . Then I feel like I’ve been never free of these feelings. I feel like I’ve been taking these feeling for years with me . why I feel like this most of the time? I really want growth in my life now. I am tired of being stagnant. I am tired of all of this. I had so many dreams and desires when I was younger. Now all these dreams and desires feels so far away. I want to experience life. It feels like I will be stuck in these feelings forever. It’s feels like a never ending road. Also, I am so confused about myself most of the time. I feel like I really don’t know myself. I feel so unaware of my needs. I struggle in making decisions for myself and doing something for myself, Even the basic things. It feels like I can sit idle for hours, days , years. But I don’t like to sit idle now. It makes me feel even worse. I am also really struggling in my college . I am glad that I’ve finished successfully 2 years though I felt like giving up at every moment. It’s not that my studies are hard. The subject is easy . But I don’t know why my mind pushes me to give up things. I had a traumatic childhood. My school experiences (really toxic and bad friends , a teacher harassing me and abusing me mentally , really toxic school environment where everyone pulls you down and can’t see you happy, ) and few more other experiences really took a toll on my mental health . These episodes happened continuously for years without any break. Now when I am finally free from such environment , now I am experiencing such feelings for 3-4 years. Please anyone reading this, please be kind . If you don’t have anything kind to say, please don’t say then. Please don’t use harsh words . I really want to communicate with like minded people. I want to know and figure out myself.
Hello Marcus .. pretty sure i have Dysthymia and having a real battle presently, with myself. i have talked to local GP's over years but have not found them to be helpful in as much as they offer me anti-depressants for what they describe as 'Low Mood' but at times they have been dismissive? I have lived with this since my teenage years and am now (as of yesterday) fifty eight but really struggling at the moment and see no hope of this alleviating? Anti-depressants have not worked and i have relied on routine, exercise, diet and a large slice of self discipline, but am currently on the 'edge' of exhaustion. I have lost faith in my GP practice .. they will not take me, as far as I can see, seriously and i can find no relief except via the 'much more intense' exercise regime. I wish they would simply diagnose me such that i could stop my own mind from all accusations of 'weakness' that i hurl at myself .. at least a diagnosis would allow me to remind myself that i do have a recognised reason for my behaviour.
Oh man, Wayne, that sounds brutal! I'm so sorry that's been your experience. It's not easy to navigate at times, that's for sure. One thing my doc had me do was get my thyroid and testosterone levels checked. Not sure if blood work is an option with your GP, but if they aren't doing anything to help (and find the root cause of the issue), is there a way to find another doctor?
Here's my analogy... Life is like a sine wave curve, it's got ups, downs but most of it is in the middle. Hopefully you spend most of the time above the x-axis. But for me, I'm always below the x-axis.
Interesting analogy - I like that. I saw this video once with a chart analogy that was similar - the first 2 minutes are really all that helped contextualize what PDD is like - th-cam.com/video/GnwJKE7Q7to/w-d-xo.htmlsi=oybTAvBNSBDfYbgY It's like you get the highs and lows but your "highs" are still under most people's lows.
I just got diagnosed with persistent depression disorder (making me want to commit die frequently) today along with ptsd... got a treatment plan I'm scared about it... But I'm sure it'll get better.
@CEO Of Loneliness Inc. i use water to help explain to people what's it's like. Sadness is like a tide coming in restricting your movement and comfort but you feel the subsidence over time and you move on. Depression is when the tide stays it's then becomes scary and confusing. I may go up and down but for some they start treading water which is why at that point people need to literally call a life line.
I'm SO glad i found you! This is me! It's me! Going on almost 10 years. I need to go to the type of place you went to to get tested. I want to go tomorrow!! What kind of place did you go to? Or what type of company? Thank you in advance. I'm happy that things are working for you and i hope you continue to find peace. ♥️
Heya Christine! I started with a psychologist - looked for ones that were reputable in my city. I didn't know "what" (if anything) was off with me, so I asked to be tested for everything. She did a series of cognitive function tests, for ADHD, Depression, etc. It was pretty grueling and my brain was fried after. Might be worth asking your family doctor to get your thyroid levels checked as well - that's something I also live with, and if i miss my thyroid supplement I will feel it 100%. Lot of things can work against your brain, but you're not alone in this. Seeking clarity is a big step. You got this!
I’ve had it for years and meds for depression and anxiety never worked for me (medication resistant). However I found that getting omega-3’s from food and walking help control it tho it never completely goes away.
That's great to hear those things have been helpful - I'm sorry to hear that meds don't work at all for you. I've felt the difference of being in a better headspace when I incorporate things like walking into the mix.
I have MS and anhedonic depression or dysthymia for 10 years. I've tried a lot of treatments which have helped some but seems like I'm more treatment resistant unfortunately. However, you can't give up or that's it.
Hi, Marcus. What kind of test did you do to get diagnosed or what kind of clinic did you go to? I've felt off since I was a teenager, I find it hard to explain but it is like a void inside of me: which it is present even on moments of happiness. it has been over a decade that I try to motivate myself with activities and painting (the thing I love the most) to cope with the void but these last couple of years I feel that I have isolated myself, that I don't have any energy left for doing even the things I love. I just decided to talk about it with my partner and my parents for the first time ever since this last month has been worst. After speaking to my mom she told me that she is actually diagnosed with Dysthymia (I didn't knew) and she recognized herself with the stuff I shared with her. So I decided to seek for help because I can't deal with this burden, I want to live fully but I'm just tired of feeling like this all the time.
Heya Isabel! First off, I'm so sorry to hear you've been struggling. The fact that you've been aware of the struggle for the past 10 years is pretty on-point as I've read in numerous places that the average person who suffers from depression takes around 10 years to actually try to find out what's going on. Second, I've read it can be a genetic thing (my mom has it as well), but it's still not fully understood in the medical community. As for the diagnosis - I reached out to a local psychologist to do a series of assessments. I spent some time looking for someone with specific experience in clinical depression. I had no idea "What is wrong?", and just asked her if she could test me for depression, ADHD, cognitive skills, etc. I was also going through an episode of double depression right around that time that lasted for some time, so I was in one of the worst headspaces for an extended period of time. It was a pretty in-depth 4 hours of working together, and she ran a lot of those tests, went through DSM-5 testing and more, came back with all signs pointing towards it. Antidepressants really helped me to start to feel a bit of what I can only assume most people call "normal" lol, and there's definitly still a struggle, however it's become a bit 'lighter' with awareness + medication. Also - Have your family doctor do blood work to check your thyroid levels too. That was another genetic thing on my mom's side of the family that also stacks symptoms of depression
It is impossible for me to take any ssri. I can't stop throwing up every day. Despite every possible antinausea medication i still throw up every day i am full of cavities now because of it. So im off ssri and on clonazapam but i can never make them stretch them...i just fail at every turn...and it doesnt help depression at all.
Ugh, I'm so sorry to hear that's your experience. Have you gotten other aspects of your health checked out in blood work? Thyroid levels + low testosterone can also exacerbate symptoms of depression. No shortage of ways our body chemistry can bring us down, sadly.
I feel like I keep getting stuck on the "test me for everything" stage and the more I keep digging, the more I unearth but the more anxiety I have about even more undiagnosed issues. The doctors and therapists here are shit too. Feels impossible to imagine any light at all. For me it was really an issue of sleep apnea (fucking up everything else, sleep disorders), severe inattentive ADHD, physical issues like my eyelashes scratching my damn eyeballs, chronic fatigue from all that... It doesn't seem to end.
That sounds like a rough way to experience life, in the day-to-day. Have you done anything to work on the sleep apnea? Seems like it would be a good starting point - get the sleep back on track and deal with other things one at a time. I'm sure you've already been trying a ton of things.
i recently got diagnosed with dysthymia and avoidant personality disorder with social anxiety and ocd, i been on this depression since i was 11 i'm 25 now and i'm 3 weeks in with zoloft, the side effects are tuff, but i hope to see the light soon... Pdd is so underrated, i always saw people angry or too happy, i always saw the world in grey, i remember always thinking that something was off, i never enjoyed really any experiences fully. I remember when i used to drink alcohol low dose, was starting to see the world in colors, i had this feeling that people weren't judging so much, i felt more connected with the world. I thought my self "so this is how people see the world in normal conditions?"
I totally understand this comment - that whole 'seeing the world in grey' stuff resonates hard. Hopefully you find the meds help - it's made a world of difference for me. I still find I get hit with sessions of really intense depression, but it only seems to last a couple hours vs days/weeks now, so it feels a bit more manageable.
Is this recurrent depressive disorder because that's what I was diagnosed with. Ever since I switched from Anti-Depressants and added powdered greens to my diet my sleep has gotten a whole lot better, but I still feel an overwhelming sense of dread.
I have had it all my life every day is a struggle nothing seems to make me happy I'm on Sertrline and it takes the edge of it but never goes away iv had to learn copping with it my friends invite me to the park there happy and I don't feel anything then I get guilty because I'm not like them but things I used to like are gone iv no interest in anything there so much more I could say thank you was nice to here you
Do you have Persistent Depressive Disorder? Or maybe you stumbled upon this video because you are wondering if you have depression. In my opinion the best way to shine a light on topics related to mental health is to start a healthy conversation, so share your story and experience below.
Also, if you have dysthymia, how long have you known you've had it, and what's life been like for you on the other side of receiving a diagnosis?
I have PDD with MDD… I’ve been in treatment for around 20 years but still no solution for insomnia for me! Even the pills stopped working. Other than that, I do my best every day and that’s all any of us can do. Good luck and may the force be with :D
@@amylaaoula Hey thanks Amy! Thanks for sharing - sorry to hear that's been what's happening in your world. Other than that, I appreciate the positive vibes that came from reading this message. :D
Marcus Rideout Thank YOU for sharing with us! Something that works a bit for me is my allergy medication (anti-histamine); it curbs the edge when I stop my strong anxiety medication to move to some lighter one. Good luck and may all our forced smiles become real ones. Hey, my doctor told me that in some cases, people can actually heal and kick PDD out of their lives! He told me I’m not one of the chosen ones but some of you can make it (and writing this, I have a big real smile on my face). There is hope :D
Just got diagnosed today
I don't know what my feelings are or maybe I don't want to deal with it at the moment
@@kanishka9098 hey that's totally okay to feel that way, it's part of processing the news. Take it one day at a time. You've got this!
The problem with dysthymia is that when you have it for so long it becomes ingrained in your character. I guess it has a lot to do with upbringing and learned coping mechanisms. The feeling that everything is vain is the worst. Also I haven’t seen much improvement with antidepressants except for irritability.
I 100% hear you on it feels ingrained into your character/world view! I didnt really know how drastic it was until being on the other side of antidepressants working for me.
Sorry to hear your experience with antidepressants hasn't led to making any progress. Have you tried working with your doctor on different meds? Have heard that is required for some folks. Took 58 days for it to become noticable for me
@@MarcusRideout happy to hear they work for some, gives me somr hope. On my 9th depression medication trial, ranging from 3 months to 2 years, no luck so far 😶. Fortunately I don't seem to get bad dude effects either, a silver lining I guess 😁
x2 ....😒😞😞
@@IdiotPosterBoy I’m so sorry to hear that! That’s gotta be really annoying and frustrating.
Wow, this reply!! I relate so strongly, thank you 🙏
The main thing with PDD for me is that I generally feel less happiness and excitement over good, positive things. I get happy when I recieve gifts, but my reaction to it doesn't necessarily match how much I actually appreciate it. It's like I don't feel happiness at the same intensity as someone who doesn't have PDD. And it can be quite frustrating from time to time. Less interest and excitement for my favorite hobbies is also a big thing I struggle with. I have a really hard time to find motivation for pretty much anything. And that's really just the tip of the iceberg.
I 100% hear you on this. I've often been told I need to "cheer up" or look more happy, cause it often looks like I'm upset or down. It's quite frustrating when it's just how you are, and that's 'normal' for you.
I definitely struggle with constant dread, hopelessness, and have to push myself to do fun things because it all seems so pointless. It's ten times easier for me to do the dishes, laundry, or chores than it is for me to do something for "fun".
I relate to this so much...
You do dishes and laundry? Must be nice
That's are good thing at least you do smth I play video games
@@arch1q892 Fake it until you make it. Eventually you start to feel murmurs of feelings. In my case I had to be open to and probe for feelings like sadness, fear, pain, and grief which also brought in things like joy, excitement, affection, attraction. Good luck!
One of the trickiest mental illnesses to detect I think. It feels so integral to your whole personality that you often just can’t imagine life being different.
Yea, there have been too many times where, prior to diagnosis, I have had the thought "Other people can't experience life in this way regularly or the world would be way too intense"
@@MarcusRideout and that’s exactly why everyone needs to get lots of information regarding what these disorders are like and when to seek help 🙌🏻
@@kvr6869 indeed!
В точку. У меня с детства безразличие к людям, частая апатия, незаинтересованность, бессмысленность. Я не знаю что такое нормальное состояние, мне не с чем сравнить. Как можно представить то, что никогда не чувствовал
I'm almost 60 yrs old. I've had depression all of my life. I've reached out as much as my insurance's would let me including years of cognitive therapy and several types of antidepressants. I'm still in the same place but feeling much worse and hopelessness because I realize that I've pretty much spent my whole life feeling liked I've been robbed of happiness. If only I could have a few years of knowing what it feels not just to be happy but to feel NOT DEPRESSED, I would be forever grateful. This condition ( I won't dare call it a disease with such stigma in this world referring to as a disease) has messed up so many relationship's in my life I find it easier to just keep to myself .So there are actually people who want help, do the work with therapists, medication and alot of prayer but somehow never get the help they need do to insurance, financial difficulties or just not being able to because they have to work and are dependent on themselves. Needless to say at my age I'm simply exhausted after years of this monster living on my shoulder ( like the Mucinex man) who won't leave me alone. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It's a life sentence in a rabbit hole.
Dear Patty, I am 45 but still: I so feel you! I do wish to you from the bottom of my heart that you will feel better though! Keep up fighting.
I'm so sorry to hear this has been your experience, Patty. It's terrible. 😪
I am 29, and out of all the comments, yours felt like I wrote it myself. I remember feeling this way since I was a child, it just exhausting at this point; not worth another try. Keeping to myself and putting on the happy suit is what it feels like every day.
I've been researching the psylocibin microdosing. It looks very promising as long as you do the microdosing correctly, too much or too little obviously doesn't work. When you can't get help from licensed doctor and life is flying by you sometimes you have to be your own advocate and go with the successful treatment even if at the time it is illegal to obtain the very drug that "is" working. You can't overdose on it. You don't have to buy it on the street. Even if I'm wrong about it and I can still function safely and feel mentally better, to me it's worth it. 🙏
I'm 46, and I'm coming to the realization that my dysthymia is a lifelong, uphill battle, in two feet of soul crushing mud.
Am I depressed because I'm rejected by society, or am I rejected by society, because nobody wants to be around someone who's depressed?
Since there's no clear answer, I'm left frustrated, crying and alone, searching for anyone to latch onto. Searching for anything to latch onto.
Fuck it.
The photoshop analogy is awesome. People think of depression as sadness, which is an emotion. But depression is more than just emotion, it's like the atmosphere is stale and dead no matter where you are or what you're doing.
100% - it’s not just “oh you are just feeling down”. A lot of my life experience has felt dread-focused. I’ve never been one to struggle with suicidal thoughts though death was something that was often on my mind. Medication has really helped level me out - I still have noticeable down phases however it feels a lot more manageable, and I feel like I can feel the positives a lot more now too.
I was just recently diagnosed with PDD, and the way my therapist said it made it look even more horrible than what it already is. She said that "thats how my personality is" and that I would feel like this or worse for the rest of my life. But I like that in your video you mention "the light", and its so reassuring to listen to someone that feels exactly how you feel. Thanks for making this video, you make others like us feel less alone.
Alex, I’m sorry your therapist framed it up that way for you. It’s something that, although yes it doesn’t “get cured”, it is something you can learn to navigate. Being on antidepressants has made a world of difference for me. Also the more self-aware you become, the better you will be able to manage it when you feel it coming on.
Check this video I made as it may give you some things you can work on to deal with this.
th-cam.com/video/sMpiqqEDCO8/w-d-xo.html
Uau, this happened with me too, the doutor said it was my personality.
Marcus, your video is amazing, because I was able ti remove the guilty I had about "not doing the right things" like have no blue light at night. Thank you so much!
@@MarcusRideout For me real hell started a year ago. Yes, I was pessimistic in many ways, always expecting worse... well It was bearable. There was hobbies, friends, joy. Yes, with bitter aftertaste, but it was fine.few years ago i met a girl. Wonderful, most kind and beautiful. And she was like a shining light for me. I don't know, how to explain... well i was recreating myself for her. Working, to became better person. it was short period of time, when i was a happy man. But... a year+ ago everything changed. She betrayed me for a Narcissist (she didn't know about that). And in that moment it was like all world collapsed for me. And this thing... dystimia started to blossom at full speed. Like all negative amplified 100 times. And my life became a nightmare. I self isolated from world. I dont' want to see people, don't want to bring that darkness to friends, to smile is almost impossible task. I abandon all hobbies, all interests everything. Everything became pointless. And this feel of guilt, that It's my fault, that this woman now with a narc. I can'r rid of that.
And my only real wish is to die. Only thing, that stop me from killing myself is my father. He is 74 years old and he need my help.
Sorry for bad english, I'm not english speaking person.
Are you still around? I've sort of accepted that this is how I am and that I'm always going to be operating in the red, dopamine wise. I don't think that's actually helping in the way acceptance does for chronic pain or bereavement.
I got diagnosed with dysthymia a few days ago and didn't realize I've been having this since I was a kid. Wouldn't have been diagnosed with this if I didn't have a panic attack with PD/DR. Thank you for sharing your experience. Hearing this makes me feel less alone.
Here’s to hoping the knowledge of what you’re experiencing helps to make it easier to deal with! It doesn’t vanish, sadly, but having the language to identify the experience helps
I started to cry, because I felt the same for so long and hearing you putting it into words made me feel like I hear myself talk. It was so realatable. I didn't know this exists till a week ago, when I was diagnosed with Dysthymia. I was very afraid that they would send me away and say everything is finde, why are you even here. I only knew Depression and couldn't realate to every symptom, so I thought, the way I feel must be normal then. Thanks for the video!
You're welcome for the video. sorry to hear you're navigating this - it's not a fun journey by any means, but at least having a diagnosis gives you the ability to learn more about how your body and mind works. Make sure you plug in with a support system - friends who are aware of my situation have been immensely helpful in my journey.
I feel so relatable. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety almost a month ago. Now, it turns out i have PDD. And everything you said is what i've been going through all this time and damn it hits hard. There are so many things that u said that made me realize that was the way I've been feeling since I was a teenager, and some other things that i'm facing now. It's hard cause I feel guilty, hopeless, and empty. The worst thing is that i'm in college now and it's been difficult to get focused on that. Thanks for doing this video, it helped me a lot. At least now, I know that i'm not crazy or something. Plus, i'm starting with antidepressants next week, wish me luck!
Good luck!
No need to feel crazy, either. It can def be overwhelming leading up to getting a diagnosis, but I found things a bit more easier to handle once I knew what I was navigating.
Make sure to plug into a community with others who have navigated the journey - can help you not feel as alone. When I was first diagnosed I was on the subreddit for Dysthymia a bit - helped give me more context. Link here: www.reddit.com/r/dysthymia/
I can relate. Same situation is here for me. Thanks for sharing. Love to you.
Good luck and start medicine you will be just normal as other people i suffer all my lifer as a kind with dysthymia i was different from other i stayed alone much time didnt enjoy anything in life as a kid and a teenager in 2019i visit a psychiatrist and diagnose with dysthymia i got 30 appoinments with psychiatrist i have 3 years with medicine citalopram give by doctor in second year i diagnosed from cyclothymia caused by long time with dysthymia 3 years my freind i got psychotherapy light therapy i have to little improvements all over the years but now i feel 45% improvement it does to many months to see improvements with dysthymia now i feel it i feel much better dont want to stay alone anymore but you have to have faith and patience with this condition there is light in end of the tunnel.respect
hello marcus, i never comment on yt videos but i felt like i needed to because i can relate to you and so many other people here. thanks for making this video man. I was diagnosed with PDD a year ago, after 8 years of suffering and not knowing what was wrong with me.
I started crying when u said that u were afraid your test was going to say that there was nothing wrong, because when I was first diagnosed, I kinda felt 'relieved' and also very guilty for feeling that way. I was given anti depressants, but stopped taking them after a month because i didnt feel any different. I started seeing a therapist who convinced me that my psychiatrist was crazy and had no idea what she was talking about. I later realized how toxic my therapist was and stopped seeing her.
Lately, I've been feeling very lonely, empty, hopeless, and disconnected. And not knowing what to do about it. This video made me realise that my PDD diagnosis was probably right and I should see a psychiatrist again. Reading some of the comments of people in their 60s saying it still sucks for them, makes me feel more hopeless for the future and Im unable to see a way out. It really sucks having the same feelings and suicidal thoughts at 20 that I did when I was 13.
Its exhausting to constantly feel that way. i always feel so angry and think, why me?
also, I live in a third-world country where there isnt a lot of awareness around mental health, and good mental health professionals are scarce. being a broke college student doesnt help either lol.
Hey there!
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this right now. This shit isn't easy - and I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with your therapist.
It took almost 2 whole months for antidepressants to work for me, and most people who I've connected with say it's been somewhere between 6-8 weeks for them as well. I only share that because it may be worth exploring again and talking with your family doctor.
I was put on a 50mg dosage and my doctor increased it to 75mg at our 6 week checkup. It may sound weird to say it, but I can't imagine going back to life without medication. I know it doesn't work for everyone, and some folks have a helluva time trying to find the right match of medication for their brain wiring, but holy smokes things have been enjoyable again.
The first few months of 2022 have been the best months of my life. I still have down phases, and I don't feel like I've fully recouped from what 2021 was, but I feel like I'm on the right track, if that makes sense.
I wish you luck in your journey - do your best to surround yourself with others who can share their experiences with you too. I found the Dysthymia subreddit to be immensely helpful to not feel alone. Link here: www.reddit.com/r/dysthymia/
@@MarcusRideouthow are you doing now
At my worst I would literally stare at a wall since I can't feel pleasure (or connection) to pretty much everything. Being able to play video games while listening to podcasts is actually a big deal for me. Yes, I am similar to you in that I have been in therapy for a very long time and have tried two medications. The SSRI I am on now has been helpful with keeping my mood in the middle and definitely with sleep (I have been able to sleep through the night for the first time in years), but I still have very little pleasure, numbness, and I struggle to "feel" true gratitude for all the good things I have in my life.
I’ve been depressed for 15 years. I’ve been living life on 4 hours of sleep every night , ruined relationships and career opportunities. I have 3 past suicide attempts. I was just tired of never looking forward to anything or being able to appreciate the things that would make anyone else content with life. I always feel guilty for being depressed even though I have a great life. It’s nonstop negativity, not matter what I’ve done or tried. I finally went to an inpatient program for 4 days after a severe MDD episode and am finally diagnosed and on Zoloft and back into counseling. I’m just hoping this will finally be a means to an end. But I’m happy and also heartbroken that I’m not the only one.
Sorry to hear things have been so rough for you, Alex. I really hope you can begin to find some peace and clarity in navigating the recent part of your journey.
"underlying pointlessness to everything..." yep been there since I was 6. At least that is when I realized it.
It’s pretty normal, it’s called the human condition. This guy has no idea what true depression is.
I've never been properly diagnosed with anything, but ever since I was a teen, i've always felt a sense of "downness"... not really depression, but just a lack of joy, a constant state of cynicism and an understanding that anything good would never last. Sometimes it's not bad, sometimes i'm barely functional, but always i felt a weght attached to me, a drag on everything I do. I was never suicidal, and in fact i believed, at times, that I didn't even *deserve* suicide - there are people with REAL problems, who have it way worse than me, that truly suffer; they deserve an "out".
I've spoken with my doctor, who agreed that I have "depressive symptoms" and I've been on a course of Welbutrin for years now... it doesn't seem to do much, except when i stop taking it. It just kinda stops the lows from getting so low, but it doesn't make the highs any higher, and it doesn't make the middle any better. It just makes everything in the middle.
It wasn't until a couple days ago that i learned about PDD, and how it is not the same as "mild depression". Your description of PDD is much more akin to what I've experienced than depression ever was. So thank you for putting this out. It's hard enough to pin down your own personal demon, but knowing it's true name is huge help.
Wow, thanks for taking the time to share this. I can only imagine what it's felt like, especially when people associate 'depression symptoms' with 'suicide' or 'suicidal thoughts'. Not having those used to make me think "oh I guess I'm not depressed" or whatever, and it's a sneaky way to minimize what you're experiencing.
I've been on Zoloft for 14 months now, and added Wellbutrin last month to help counter some of the sexual side effects (ie: not being able to finish as easily, lower sex drive).
I've found that the combination has really helped - the Wellbutrin has helped put more pep in my step, so to say, where as the Zoloft alone was good at helping reduce the down stuff, though also makes it kinda just 'im existing' elsewhere... mind you 'existing' is better than the shit that PDD is like without it, so I'm still tinkering and working with my doctor to find the best fit for me.
Best of luck in your journey.
Your video does an excellent job of describing dysthymia! I've struggled with this since my teen years, and when I was in my late 20's, I finally got medicine for it. It was a huge game changer for many years. Then, your body adjusts.. and 15 years later I had to start augmenting with other medications (probably tried about 8-10 over the course of a few years). One stuck, so that's my tratment now. It still doesn't prevent episodes however. Dysthymia is never cured. You are so correct about the litany of trite self-help "tips" that make me laugh or cry. They don't touch PDD. I'll never forget one of my first thoughts when I was on medicine for this... "my God, the world is in color".
Thanks for sharing your experience!
Thanks for sharing your story too, Jenny!
Did you have anhedonia with this too, because I do and can we heal from it. I’ve had this for over 12 years just recently found out. Always thought everyone lived like this. 😢
I'm not sure - I wasn't diagnosed with that specifically, so I can't speak direct to that.
From what I've heard there isn't a cure of PDD - and like you, I used to think similar things... except my story in my brain was "everyone else can't feel this awful! this can't be normal".
I’ve had Anhedonia for many years and it’s imo the hardest thing to treat effectively. Even on medications that helped my depression my anhefonia was still strong. Daily exercise helps a little
Good video! I have struggled with PDD since I was a teenager, now am in my mid 40's. I have done a lot of things in my life to be proud and satified with but it hasn't been easy. I have gone to therapy, which helped somewhat for a while. I have taken 4 different antidepressants (Paxil, Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Effexor) which also have helped somewhat but the negative side effects have driven me away from taking them. I wouldn't rule out trying more antidepressants in the future but for the time being am staying away -I just started micro-dosing with psilocybin and so far it's similar to antidepressants but hopefully without the negative side effects. I have come to the conclusion that PDD needs to be managed like any other chronic illness: sleep, exercise, mindfulness, diet, and socialization all help. It is frustrating how much energy and effort needs to be maintained just to be okay.....this is a tedious and difficult illness that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
It’s definitely a tough one to navigate. Even with medication you still experience lows, though they don’t seem to last nearly as long as when I wasn’t on it.
It was somewhat of a relief to be told what it was and be able to label it / be aware what’s going on when in the thick of it
Have you tried diet? I eat basically Mediteraean and after 7 years + running, and im getting much better. So sorry you have been so tortured for so long. My depression also started after ouberty
If my family didnt support me with money, i dont know if i would still be here
But now i feel normal...
I can relate so much to this.. I’m going through the same thing myself. I’m 27 and I’ve had PDD/Dysthymia since I was diagnosed at 16 but I’m pretty sure I’ve had it since I was a child. This disorder is so heavily understated. It’s a constant battle. It feels like it’s gotten even worse as I’ve gotten older and now that I’m a mother it’s way more difficult to handle..
I hope you find peace and happiness. God bless
I have been diagnosed with persistent depressive disorder a few days ago. You really explain exactly how I feel. Thank you for educating other people about this disorder ❤️
Hey there! First off, I'm so sorry you have to deal with PDD. It's not a fun one. It's not something that ever really goes away, but thankfully it can become a lot more manageable if you're willing to put in the work and to be super vulnerable when you're going through the hard times. No shame in exploring medications with your family doctor either!
Thanks for sharing your story. It is very relatable. But in my case years of therapy and trying all kinds of medication only made it sort of manageable. I was not a happy child, and had double depressions in my twenties. Only got a diagnosis when I was about 40. Now I am in my sixties and still strugling. Wish you all the best.
I’m sorry to hear that’s been your experience.
Lately I've been searching a lot about Persistent Depressive Disorder and I think I may have it.
I felt the minute 7:00, literally started crying, but I still don't know if I need to search for help. I keep thinking that is not that serious and I'm like a "poser" faking depression. I don't know what to do, could someone give me an advise pls?
(Srry for my bad English, I'm not a native speaker)
Heya Sasha!
There's nothing wrong with seeking help. That thing I mentioned at 7:00 is a legit fear so many of us face. For me what helped me get over that fear and seek help was realizing one day that "Most people on Earth can't feel this way or it would be a lot darker of a place".
@@MarcusRideout tysm, will try it ;)
I just got diagnosed with dysthymia a week ago as a 16 year old high-school student. I thought it was how everyone in the world felt, but talking to my doctor and getting diagnosed with this really was an eye-opener. Thank you for making this video. It makes me feel better knowing that I'm never alone with this.
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been diagnosed with this. It’s kinda intense when you realize that most people don’t feel like how we do, eh? How have you been since the diagnosis?
I’m 49. I wish I got a diagnosis & treatment as a teenager or in my early 20’s, before I really spun out of control.
There’s no switch that can be flipped to rewire the mind. It’ll some work to develop better coping skills, but will be worth it in the long run. You might be a bit more pessimistic than some of your peers, but changing negative self-talk is doable.
One thing I wish I realized, when I was 22 and just graduated college is that life keeps giving us opportunities. Not obtaining one goal or getting rejecting does not mean nothing more is possible. Really had an all or nothing mindset back then.
I hope all the best for you and know depressive thinking doesn’t have to be permanent.
P.S. Something else I learned the hard way, perfectionism doesn’t make one perfect. It leads to procrastination and avoiding risks.
Boy, you really aren't alone. But knowing so many around me say the exact same things I do helps soooo much. I almost feel a little happiness😊
At 14 years old I got diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder. By the time I was 16 my newer therapist I got after an attempt, she was confused as to why I was diagnosed with bipolor at all. Thats when she told me about PDD and how I fit those symptoms so much more.
It all clicked and I understood. I still havent gone for an official diagnosis but PDD is commonly comorbid with ADHD so it makes sense to me.
Sucks that I'll never feel any different. Day in and day out, I'm just....blah. All the time.
Sorry to hear you've had that experience. I initially went to test for ADHD as well as 5 of my closest friends all have it and I thought it was an odd coincidence lol. Similar thing with you, hit a lot of the checkmarks for PDD according to the DSM5.
Thanks for the video. It made me realize how badly I do not want to go back to where I was. But also, I kinda forgot how bad it was and it is nice to already see how far away from it I am now.
I've been diagnosed with PDD and retroactively suffered from it from at least 15 (but maybe 12) untill 25 years old (now). I always suffered from this inherent sense of worthlessness that I could stave off with adventures, accomplishments or doing what is considered "right" for a while. But somehow I would always return to this lonely, worthless baseline, like a hangover. It would feel way worse during times I partied a lot and would actually be hungover. I've had days I actually only felt like inconsolably crying while trying to work on group projects but did not because I felt it was not the place to do so. The best way for me to describe the feeling would be the ever present longing for a home or a family, feeling elated you found it, and then getting disappointed as you realize nothing actually changed and you are alone again. The always present feeling of being misunderstood or unseen. Be ware, I actually am a really social guy and can easily connect with new people. However, all those connections feel fake to me and never mature into deep bonds, thus I don't get to have the family or friend group I long for.
I decided to get my diagnose and do something about it after realizing that I was out of goals and things I wanted to try out and kind of losing faith that there was anything that would create lasting reprieve. I think the causes of my depression lie in internal beliefs that I am working on changing in therapy but also through more body based trauma therapy approaches and tantra seems to go very well with it too. Although I don't think it is the same for everybody, I am slowly learning that actually experiencing my undesired emotions and being present in my body in the present is my way out of this mud pit.
Hope anyone out there has a use for this.
Hey thanks for going into detail and sharing your experience, Arne. Definitely can understand where you're coming from and have felt similar feelings. It's weird being someone who's been so driven and a 'go-getter' and seeing how this can still take us out. A lot of folks I've connected with don't even have the drive to make anything happen in their life.
describing it as a hangover is perfect. like your body feels it was too high on life not even just heppy moments but everyday things and has to punish you.
YES!! No matter what you do, YOU CAN'T ESCAPE IT. Enough said.
I had dysthymia since I was 10, but it wasn't diagnosed until I was 16. I am now 68. I have had stress management, anxiety management, CBT, and was referred to the gym. The gym calms me and so does cycling. I am now 68.
Wow, thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine what impact it’s made on your life - I’m glad to hear those aspects have helped! I’m just getting the working out thing started over here.
As soon as you described the “mud pit” that you just can’t crawl out of, I felt such a great sense of understanding. I’ve been journaling about my symptoms and the best I could describe it was like quicksand, and the more you fight/oppose it the faster you will sink. That’s when desperation turned into determination. Thank you for this video and sharing your experience❤
You're welcome on sharing it, Tiffany. It's def not an easy thing to navigate.
BINGO!
I've described it as being in quicksand, and the more you struggle, the deeper you slowly sink.
Thanks for making this video! This disorder is not really a common and known one, so its really "nice" to know that im not special. I got diagnosed a few months ago after 10 years of suffering (and still) and i take steraline and i have a cpt therapist. But after years of trying therapists and methods it seems like nothing helps, and it also feels like it is because im the problem. That I dont let the help in. I really hope that its not just "who i am" and i really hope i could change that and take responsibility upon my life.
First off - you're welcome on making the video. When I got dialed in with what I was dealing with a lot more of my adult life experiences made sense. It's sad to read that there isn't a cure and it's something we have to learn to navigate and live with - I hope you can do what you need to in order to 'let the help in'. It takes work, especially when in the lows - I'm rooting for ya!
This video was helpful. I know exactly what you meant by saying “ is there nothing wrong with me and everyone experiences this, just need to find healthy coping skills”. I fall under the title of a psych professional. I’m a psych RN and have been battling with this emptiness since childhood. I have lost interest in activities, have occasional moments of enjoyment in certain activities… then back into the rut I go. The best way for me to explain it is, feeling numb, or empty. Nothing I do gives me enjoyment. I feel like isolating and I have a social battery that gets drained easier and easier. I would say that the only thing that I enjoy is, helping adolescent teens get through their tough times. It makes me feel like I have some sort of purpose and maybe the can avoid going through how I feel. I have frequent reoccurring thoughts of suicide, but would never act on them. Cause I know how it would affect my loved ones and I have the tools to pull myself out of those extremely dark thoughts. But for some reason I have not been able to pull myself out of the depression. I’ve been trying to figure out what was wrong with me, going through the DSM-5. But it just now hit me tonight, that I most likely have PDD, instead of just MDD. I just need to actually seek professional treatment. You’re video gave me a small sense of hope. Maybe I should give Zoloft a try…. I tried Wellbutrin, it allowed me to quit smoking, but didn’t help with the depression. I guess it’s time to actually take that first step and see a therapist and ask my psych NP for Zoloft. Thank you again for sharing your experience!
Time to talk with a trained professional. Only so much good can come from self-diagnosing :-) If it makes you feel any better, since starting medication life has felt so much better these past 10 months. I don't feel that overwhelming sense of dread nearly as much. The pointlessness of everything has melted away and I find I'm having fun in my life again. You don't have to go through this alone - time to step up and speak up. You can change your trajectory - best of luck in your journey, Bo!
Yep, the constant feelings of emptiness and Anhedonia are how I feel too. Positive experiences do nothing to even reduce these feelings either. Certain medications can help certain aspects of this illness but cause their own problems. Hard daily exercise is the only thing I’ve found that is effective but even that is getting tiresome
You speak exactly how I experience persistent depressive disorder! I struggle to find the words for! Thank you so much for posting about your journey.
Hey thanks for sharing, Laetitia! I'm glad it helped with articulating your experience.
PS: Sorry to hear it's something you have to navigate, though.
Thanks for making this. I believe I have this as well (Male, 26).
It's just this constant weight on my chest. I like your Photoshop analogy. Life carries on, but the depression lingers despite what's happening (good or bad). I've been going to therapy for a while but it's not doing much to help me anymore. I'm scared to go on any form of medication because of bad experiences in my youth, but your message at the end was reassuring. I'd like to figure this thing out and my hope is to make a video like you to help get the word out on this insidious illness.
Hey dude! First off, thanks for taking the time to share your story. This stuff is no joke.
I went through a similar feeling - worked with my therapist for 2 years but never felt like it was moving the needle where I needed it - still work with him for other areas, though! That led me to seeking out help + getting assessed.
Go for it - you may learn a thing or two. :-) I'd rather 'know' what's up cause then I feel I can do the work to help accommodate it + learn how to be more kind to myself.
Good luck!!!
This actually made me cry with relief. I’ve been struggling to be happy and keep up a good mood for 6-7 years. I tried everything but I never felt like any of the labels like just “regular” depression. I have for months just these heavy suicidal thoughts and they just keep coming back but I never got any help for it. I just thought that I was moody or something since I was able to just keep on going. But I have had this constant feeling underlying even when I’m happy that life just is meaningless. Kinda like passive suicidal thoughts, I don’t really care if I live or die has been my motto for the past years even though I’m able to do things like school and socialize I always feel like I just struggle to do the basic things. Things like showering, it takes so much effort but I just have to keep doing it. That’s kinda like what my life has felt like for years. Like life is just too much effort for what it’s worth. But this video just made me feel very seen and I just felt like the final puzzle piece clicked. Thank you truly for this🙏🏻
Best way to say it imagine playing a game that you are over let’s say Fortnite, you get people like it you have cool skins BUT you are tired of playing it and you can’t take a break until death you just have to keep playing. Sure you can get dubs and what not, but your still stuck in the game nomatter what
Gamer analogies ftw!
I don't wanna get a label man but fuck I feel so lost sometimes that there's no point even though my lifes fine.
I feel a rumble of butterflys in my stomach and it feels like I wanna disappear from earth.
Just sorta laugh it off really.
eh, I hear you on labels. for me it gave so much more context and understanding to my life when I knew that the 'lens I see the world through' isn't like how most people see it.
Just got diagnosed today after years of suffering and wondering whats wrong with me. Im shit scared of taking meds. Thanks for this. Hope more people find the caurage to talk about it.
Hey good on you for seeking more clarity on your situation. I’m sure it’s led to a mix of emotions and feelings, and a TON of reading/researching about the topic. There’s nothing “wrong” with ya, your brain just does things a bit different and it takes time to learn to navigate the hand we’ve been dealt. :D Wish you the best of luck with the journey moving forward - make sure you plug into communities and places where you can talk with others about PDD!
Don’t fear taking meds as they can help certain issues . I highly recommend trying them but just keep an eye out for side effects
Yoga works like magic. I had been depressed for almost 7 years, a couple of days back I did sirshasana and depression juat disappeared in a couple of days. Its crazy how well this asana worked for me and helpful to you as well please give it a. try for a week and see the difference.
Right on!
My wife recently asked me how I was feeling mentally and about my self esteem. I replied "I actually feel pretty good about myself.... but it's like 'so what. I don't care."
I've since been diagnosed with dysthymia.
Oh dude, Im sorry to hear that!
How long have you had the diagnosis?
“can’t help but feel an underlying pointlessness to everything”
maybe just maybe life is pointless and you haven’t asked yourself what you are living FOR. There is no point to a job promotion, it is only a means to an end. If you don’t have some direction in life then yes, “meaningful” events in life will just feel random.
I also don't notice when things get worse, only when they slightly improve. When my mind gets worse it just feels like i'm just finding out "the truth" that everything in reality just sucks and isn't worth it.
Luckily i developed safeguards against that on my own. Maybe by sheer luck from noticing and questioning this extreme view. Today recognize the pattern but it always feels just as real making the moments that feel good or my good memories feel "fake". I'm glad i'm currently clear enough to see all that but my disorder sometimes has the power to take even that from me if it gets bad enough.
Yeah, haven't really been into any hobbies for 3 years. Nothing feels good enough.
Excellent video thank you but antidepressants & therapy haven’t worked for me - any other suggestions?
Get your doctor to order blood work; Check your thyroid and testosterone levels. Those were two that my doctor had me get done and we found both were underproducing, which can also stack depression symptoms on top of this.
@@MarcusRideout thank you
Thank you for this video. I was in this hole for 15+ years. What did me in was adopting Nihilism as a mindset... I'm so glad i managed to switch over to "Absurdism" instead. It is close - yet so (!) far at the same time. Now, still everything is pointless in the grand scheme of things - But i get to decide what is worth it *for me*. I can be happy again if i can find the right point of view in a given situation and i can accept that feeling bad some of the time is part of the course called life.
Ive been really struggling with my dysthmic disorder recently. The past three years have been honestly awful in terms of my mental health due to so many ups and downs, weirdly enough this is seemingly the most stable Ive been in a really long time. Nonetheless, ive been realizing just how much this disorder has impacted me and altered my perception of reality.
It's really not a fun one, eh? Im so sorry to hear you've been struggling with this. Have you been seeking help or speaking with your family doctor?
So uhh... yeah maybe this is me. When my depression hits nothing touches me anymore. I don't do most of the "feel good" tactics as they just waste my energy and "feeling good" comes by itself when it comes
I be seeking help soon, currently still expierimenting with gut and metabolic health to lay a good foundation + also need to wait still
Yeah talking about your feelings actually makes you more of a man in my eyes. Idk but talking about my feelings feels like... i am the master being aware of them? Instead of an oblivious idiot? Idk maybe "men" are supposed to handle it all on their own but that's sorta how i feel. Maybe i am not a man after all tho, that would be cool too 😂
What I call "IDGAF" Mode. When it kicks in full mode, I just don't care. At 56, I went undiagnosed for 30 years. I just thought life was shitty for everyone.
When zI was diagnosed, it was still Dysthymia. The Psychologist who was diagnosed me was the state of Florida's Psychologist who evaluated serisl killer Ted Bundy.
Thank you for pointing the things out, even though I'm the undiagnosed atm, the photoshop metaphor will forever haunt me and I will bring this up whenever I have the time and money to take a look at it. Again thank you + Algorithms.
I was diagnosed with PDD this year and today I was inspired to seek a better understanding of it.
I also recently came out of an emotionally abusive relationship in which the stigma against mental illness was very great. I got told "what is the point of knowing the name of your supposed condition?" "What's taking so long? When are you going to get better?"
I just want you to know that I'm very thankful you shared your experience. Mental illness doesn't discriminate, so it should not be stigmatized. When someone like me hears another person's story who is having positive results to treatment, it gives me hope.
Hey thanks for sharing! I'm glad my video was able to give you some hope. Sorry to hear you had such a rough experience with a partner downplaying your situation.
The same exact thing happened to me. If you ever want to talk about it, lmk. Hope you found some relief, I did. However.. years later I’m here. Something is a little off, so back to the drawing board.
It's so tiresome that it literally doesn't matter if I do everything right. I have been working on getting my career to pretty much exactly the point I wanted it to be, working out 3-4 times per week, eating healthy and trying to sleep well and I'm not feeling any better than 10 or so years ago when I was out partying half of the week. In some ways it's worse as with the highs and lows of drug use at least there's highs and the lows are temporary. I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember but have been able to postpone it so far.
My therapist is going for a psychoeducation approach but the only thing I've learned so far is that I have a pretty bad case and the statistics are not great. Where I live 20-25% of people with double depression end up making at least one attempt, with survival being mostly down to the method chosen.
Before I was able to drag myself through life for my partner and pets, but we split up and I can't take care of an animal right now. I'm probably going to spend the next week or so getting things in order and then I'll check out.
Best of luck to you. Hopefully you can make something out of it where I haven't. For others reading this: talk to whatever mental health counsellor you have, or get one if you don't. At least once you've scraped the bottom of the barrel options-wise the people around you know you tried. It means a lot to them.
Ive got this. Its hell. Life is completely pountless and meanibgless. I spend most of my life in bed with the curtains drawn. It soothes me..I have no desire to do ANYTHING. People just dont understand. Pills make it worse. I drew the short straw.
I have been living with depression for about 13 years, diagnosed with MDD for about 7 years, and will be talking to my psychiatrist on Tuesday about PDD. Since I met the criteria about 5 years ago I think I will see a change to my diagnosis, unfortunately there is not much else to try treatment wise. I haven’t gone a day in the last 5 years or so without suicidal thoughts. I keep looking for a solution or at least a reasonable treatment but no luck so far.
I resonated with all the symptoms you talked about, especially the feeling of hopelessness, it's not easy to live life having those feelings around, and it's hard to achieve anything because of it because you cannot find a reason for everything, having suicidal thoughts and you can't explain why when you're just a kid. By the way, I just got diagnosed with Dysthymia today, and I still feel stuck. I was shocked when I learned about it and I was having this since I was just a little kid. I still haven't got an email response for the medication treatment from my psych.
'What if she says nothing is wrong with you' - I relate so hard. I felt such a relief when psychiatrist said i'd had dysthymia and needed some medication. I was afraid that's nothing wrong with me and it was just live and I needed to keep up on my own like everybody else was
That's definitely not a fun story we tell ourselves, eh? Glad to read that you've found a degree of clarity from working with a psychiatrist. Here's to rockin' it moving forward 🙂
@@MarcusRideout thank you!
@@MaryVerhomi you're welcome :D
I have dysthymia and bipolar. Yes, maybe it's hard to believe? Tell me, is it possible?
It is possible, but it requires a lot of talent, you must have talent and the conditions will complete the story.
Sometimes I am ecstatic and the rest of the time I am uniformly depressed
And this is a permanent and unending situation.
Despite trying to live a normal life, I'm practically stuck, I can't stay in one job and be compatible. What's normal like? I have no idea what it's like. People who don't have physical or mental problems are the happiest people, even if they're not successful, you're happy because you always feel You are not miserable.
And I haven't had this simple and ordinary happiness for years
I miss sleeping one night and not having a dream
I miss reading a book with concentration
Missing to play an instrument and be able to concentrate
I am surprised that someone asks me how I am, and when I say I am fine, I don't have a conflicting feeling inside
Longing for one day less obsession
I would like to say that a month passed and my pillow was not wet with tears
I long for my mental to work better one day, and believe me, I tried my best for it and I am doing it
But I don't see any particular result.
This is an unequal war, an unending war. My shoulders are tired of bearing this situation and I am just continuing in vain because of mom and dad.
Other people have no understanding of it and how alone I am. How alone I am in the midst of all this crowd. The feeling of being different from others bothers me a lot. By others, I mean the circle of normal people around me. Are you saying that there are many like you? I have not seen them around me.
How unachieved I am
And how much without experiencing normal things. Tired of enduring so many years of illness and tired of not being able to talk about my feelings. If you have a peaceful sleep
You are fine during the day
You can have fun even if you don't have the job you want
You are lucky and you should be thankful every day. This is a gift that many people don't have and they have to work twice as hard to get it.
I think persistent depression very easily evolves to a treatment resistent depression. It is genuinely so annoying that I know nothing really works because there is not 1 concrete cause. I had some hope for rTMS, but it did nothing for me 😢. With my autism I feel like I will have to live with this depression, which is just depressing in itself.
I'm 65 and have had PDD at least since my teens, and up to the present time I've been through a 40+ year Odyssey through the strange netherworld of therapy, medications, hospitalizations for suicide attempts, and have experienced the general disgrace of the entire mental health care system. I've had multiple therapists, some good, some who didn't have a clue, others whose conduct verged on malpractice.
I've recently resumed therapy with someone who seems very good, but I'm not especially optimistic; she's presently doing EMDR with me and I'll see how things go. What I've learned over the course of my life is that unless they have PDDno one can understand it.... I've heard the usual cliches all my life, including from therapists, which everyone who has PDD knows so I don't have to repeat them here. But I sometimes explain it this way: no, when I was ten years old or so I did sit down and decide well, I could be a happy go lucky, smiling, optimist but I'll be a Depressive downer instead. No, I did "choose" to have PDD- rather, it chose me, and its grip on my mind will likely persist until I die...
I’m sorry to hear about your experience - it sounds brutal. There’s nothing worse than advice from people who don’t “get it”.
I hope you can continue to find good moments in your journey.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, i was diagnosed with dysthymia 2021 march, and i am under meds lexapro 10 mg since then,
My symptoms were
Extreme fatigue
Loss of joy/connection
Suicidal thoughts
Low self esteem
Pooooooooor Concentration
Panic attacks
Luckily, meds have worked really well for me, and i completed DBT and cbt as well, my doctor and i discussed to cut off meds by this june.
Thanks for sharing - I'm glad to hear that medicine was helpful, and that you paired it with both DBT and CBT. I hope things go smooth for you in the transition phase off of the meds. It's something I've wondered about myself - if there's ever a point where life can work without them or if it's best to be a continued part of the journey.
I’m also so scared to get tested in fear that I don’t actually have anything.
There’s the fact that I have to find a therapist again and I don’t even know how to start that process by myself.
That’s a totally valid fear that I had to face too. Best way is to start with a google search in the local area! 😀 good luck with it!!!
Currently going through this process and searched for a video to help relate to. LOVED your analogy to the photoshop layer distorting our perspective. It's hard to describe but I've always thought of it like living life with constant sad violin music playing in the background. There is an almost persistent gloomy, melancholy tone to my life and it's just been the norm for so long. Beginning to open up to the idea of medication is scary because like you said there is so much misinformation, but hearing positive reviews like yours makes me more optimistic to try.
Hey thanks for sharing your perspective Shannon! I like that analogy too. The main thing is to make sure you talk with your doctor and be very open through the process. It’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing.
I am a firm believer that the best way to help change the world and help other people it's two conversations with her stories and the more we collectively bring our experiences together or we can help other people thanks for watching
Sounds like a familiar quote :-)
This is my 3rd anti depressant and am still not okay whats the poitn
Hi my partner was just diagnosed with this. Does anyone have advise on how I can help them they are in therapy and starting meds now. But I would really like advise on what I can do to help them through this
I was just diagnosed with PDD. This is so helpful, thank you!
Thank ya 🌟 It's so hard...and especially sad when some people believe....it can really change.Inside I feel nearly my whole life a deep sadness...a nagging void..and so tired! It's laying underneath of everything! I'm fighting and and then it hits you again...and then ya are in this world again.Much love to everyone ❤️And thank ya for the great explanation with the pic.. it's true!
My tipping point was just having constant breakdowns at work last year. It took me around 13 years or even more to get diagnosed. I’m only 21.
That's rough, I'm sorry to hear that's been your experience. Hopefully now that you know what you're dealing with you can build your life in a way that is aware of what your brain goes through.
I'm really wishing you all the best - have you started taking meds or talking with your family doctor about it?
I have lived with this my whole life im 38 i was diagnosed at 13 but i had been having mdd episodes on top of pdd since i was 6 puberty was the worst eventually i learned to live with it fake it till i make it home then cry in the shower however 6 months ago i couldnt deal with it anymore because i had literally lost all motivation to do anything but work because i had to and other than that i slept non stop so i went to my doc and he diagnosed me with adhd inattentive and adderall 15 mg er has changed my life pdd levels way off havent had a double depression episode anxiety is way down and im literally able to live my life
Thank you so much for this video… i just got diagnosed with PDD/dysthymia this week and at 19 years old, i relate to the symptoms you mentioned… glad (not really glad because it’s a crappy mental illness) to know there’s a whole community going through what im going through…
Im on zoloft and reone rn… one step closer to getting better i hope 🤞
Glad to hear you've been seeking professional help, and yea, it sucks (but I'd rather know what I'm dealing with than feel powerless). Hopefully you find the meds help - it's made a world of difference for me. I still find I get hit with sessions of really intense depression, but it only seems to last a couple hours vs days/weeks now, so it feels a bit more manageable. Jan and Feb have been the best months of my adult life, no joke. I'll be 36 in April and never knew life could 'feel this good'
I've been told about this condition, and I surprisingly could relate to it very much. I'd like to know more about what is the "main" driver that keeps you down, if you don't mind sharing?
If I had to answer the same question, I'd say what makes me dread life, is the state of society and the current system. is it similar to you? Or maybe revolves around more personal subjects?
I have Dysthymia. It’s like a layer of smoke that blocks out the sun. You still see the sun, but the the smoke makes everything muted and gray. It’s like waking up in the morning and it’s a foggy. Every day. Since I was about 4 years old.
I really like this analogy. Another great way to sum it up a bit for folks not familiar with it.
There's no good treatment or its extremely costly where am from..hoping to leave the country asap to get some help.
Sorry to hear that’s the case for you.
Hey ! really enjoyed this You are really well spoken and it kept me listening until the end (not easy i must say) . I am a 37 female and last year i was diagnosed with adhd innatentive. I keep trying to change the subject of interest so i can keep going in this crazy thing called living, but still, even the things that i like are never capable of delivering huge emotions for me. I started realizing when in group i am simply a poker face kind of person, i just dont find things that much fun (unless i drink, i used to binge drink but stopped years ago). The thing is... i have ALWAYS been this way. Since i was a child. I was an observer of life not a participant and i would walk by myself with this feeling of having a cloud over my head, i kind of learned to accept it. I dont know what i am here to say but thank you for the share :)
Hey! Thanks for sharing - glad it was able to keep ya til the end :-) It def sounds like a tough experience you've led. Similar here, I cut out alcohol as well. Not cause I was a heavy drinker, but figure I didnt need to add any fuel to the fire.
I've had insomnia now for like 5 years. Along with anxiety/depression/ADHD. Never had any issues with any of this until probably after college.
Been seeing a therapist/psychiatrist for years. Nothing seems to help.
I'm also losing interest in things I normally enjoy like video games.
Lastly, I never feel like I have any energy.
I think I might have dysthymia/anhedonia
Not sure what else to do.
Appreciate you sharing your journey
@@brianp1052 I’m sorry to hear that’s been your experience.
It’s definitely a tough one to navigate, especially if clinically diagnosed with it.
I’ve been on antidepressants since 2021. A few meds to help regulate my thyroid and other things.
There’s a really insightful video released by the channel Healthy Gamer that just came out - Dr K is a legit doc who taught at Harvard - and he breaks it down a lot more.
Found it interesting to hear acknowledgement of the “things that work for others doesn’t do anything for those who are dysthymic”, as well as some things to work on when navigating it.
Underlying pointlessness to everything 🙃
I actually have a very Unique Story/ Testimony, it all started when I was in 10th Grade due to past “Toxic” Relationship & Bullied as well. But after I got actually told to Commit Suicide even tho I walked away & snitched it hurt so bad all those Words they both said I felt like an outcast of pure Guilt while also feeling like a Nobody. But I remember regretting what I did to make me feel better after that night. But tbh I can make an Confession it still hurts me til this day even tho I have gotten over it while Forgave 1 of those People being my 1st Ex but my Boyfriends Best Friend. But I feel like I have somewhat walked through your own Footsteps from Sophomore year til now even a “Freshman” in College ps I will be Next Year instead taking a Gap Year to get my Mental Health straightened out somewhat while prepare for College. But I definitely understand how it is I was literally the same thing here I wouldn’t nor couldn’t but if I could it wasn’t for long while worried so much through it all instead of peaceful dreaming. But even lost Interest in Music especially playing the Piano like I remember I was so into it but I just couldn’t but it took me actually a whole sticking year to even CARE about reading something coming out someone’s mouth tbh. But by Junior year I got where I could write, read, & even Compose Music. Like I read even 4 Shakespeare Books like so Shocking. But I have gotten a little worse lately tho tbh just so much Stress with College w/ Jobs & my Licenses, & just other stuff that Bother me like when someone says who is ur Parent doesn’t like ur Boyfriend for literally no reason just makes you sad u know but more Depressed bc u feel so Peer Pressured into doing so. But I’m trying my Best to Ignore that as well. But you literally just had made my Day by me just looking up videos about it all.
Ps I’m even literally Stress/ Beinge Eating right now bc it’s just an Habit I started since it tbh, but I remember I got so sick off of eating Chocolate & a Dark Blue Gatorade for at least a Month. But I have been good about it since then, but usually like to stress snack sometimes makes me feel better tbh. Even tho I’m just oddly under 100 pounds when I should be in the 100 to 105 range instead. I learned my Body can’t go over 107 so I just don’t go near it to be causous tbh. But yes 😂 I’m that tiny for my Age I’m 5’3 while apparently weigh close to 100 tho . But I’m use to my shortness a little bit.
I’m glad this video helped make your day a bit better! Sounds like quite a lot of experiences you’ve been navigating. Keep your chin up, you’ve got this!
@@MarcusRideout Yea let’s say I have been through some Difficult Crap tbh, at a I would say Young Age. But somewhat Manage to be Brave in a way, which is so hard to be an Episode you know & then try to get back on your feet. Like lately I have been having more of Panic/ Anxiety Attacks then Depressive Episodes tbh. But a lot happened to make me feel that way you know from my HS Experience(s). But I just try not to “Never Give Up” - Reggie Dabbs who is an Soprano Saxophonist & Motivational Speaker who is Amazing at what he does. Like he tells his story that will be very sad but then it will make someone smile bc they can take something with them that day. But I use this to let People like Us or really anyone who is just having a simple Bad Day as a Coping Mechanism like my Music Project that’s a Huge Secret since a lot more People are recognizing & stealing them. But I really appreciate it a lot, but I am definitely coming back for more Videos to Enjoy & maybe even Relate to.
My therapist diagnosed me with Major Depression and Persistent Depression and today it finally clicked. For at least a decade I felt this way and it affected my life and career. I am getting help and I encourage everyone to also seek professional help. Blessings and light 🙏🏿♥️
Heya Maurrreese! I'm sorry to hear that you got hit with this, it's not an easy thing to navigate... however like you said, it's wild how all of a sudden your adult life experience can make a whole lot more sense. What do you feel you will be doing moving forward? Do you have a support system in place of friends or loved ones that you can have open conversations with when going through the hard times?
Hi…i am a teenager who kinda related to somethings…in this video…like feeling low…hopelessness….guilt….lost interest like thinking whats the point in doing them…they just don’t make me happy….and I’ve been feeling like this for the past 2 yrs…..its like im inside a hole….and i just cant get out of it…..exactly like u said….im not sure if im depressed…coz…dippresion is something big……so do any of u have any idea…what should I do…?
Talk to your family doctor would be the first step. They should be able to help point you in the right direction for steps to take based on where you live and 'what to do next'.
Actually the qualifiers for PDD are very strict and all the symptoms you listed can be other disorders instead.
I'm sure there are. I was also diagnosed with it, not just some random dude who read some shit on the internet.
Hey Marcus, it's better late than never. Thanks for sharing your experience with us, I have diagnosed with PDD recently. I can relate so much with each and every thing you shared. Hope that I, also, will be able to get it over soon.
More love and power to you and to them who are or had been suffering from depression.
Hey Anwesha! Not a problem in sharing at all - not many folks talking about this it seems. Sorry to hear you’ve been diagnosed with PDD - it doesn’t ever really “go away” but learning how to navigate it + using the tools available thanks to science and counselling can make things a lot more bearable!!! Best of luck in your journey navigating this!
I was just diagnosed. I have been a audio engineer for years. I had the opportunity to work on some amazing stuff and all i could think about, was like you said in the video this indescribable gloom. Constant. People are like wow man thats awesome. Dude!! I was in bed depressed and cancelling sessions. I finally went to the dr and he diagnosed me with PDD. I feel relieved to say the least.
That's tough, Doug. Sorry to hear that's been your experience. It's definitely not something I would wish on anyone. It's wild though, I'm guessing you've found a degree of success in what you do, but that no matter how much you get good at the craft there's this underlying thing just bubbling beneath the surface.
Just a word of thanks for your video! Your honest and straightforward presentation has helped me, and I am sure has benefitted many others. I'm in my late 60's..it's never too late, or too soon, for anyone to gain knowledge and work on our challenges.
Well thank you- I’m glad you enjoyed it. 😀
I went to a therapist for the first time ever yesterday after contemplating it for a year. I went with my parents embarrassed that the situation at home has come to this. The thought of involving a third party didn't please them much even though they suggested it. But after opening up, which I've never done before in my life, my therapist explained my entire brain process which is what your video elaborates on. It's weird knowing that this question mark you felt all your life has a name to it and that you're not the only one. I'm hoping the start of my therapy journey will eventually change my life. Thank you for sharing this video it makes me and others feel extremely supported during these hard times.
Heya Rhea! I'm so glad you finally went and had your first session. I'm also glad you had a positive "a-ha" moment there, cause it's not as quick for a lot of folks. Must have been challenging to go and be vulnerable in front of your parents - I'm not that open with my dad about my struggles, and I feel like he'd never relate, based on previous experiences.
I had a similar story as you, in regards to how long it took me to go. I was searching for a male therapist for 6 months prior to actually going. I found the exact person I wanted to see, based on their webpage and "vibe", but it took me 6 months to finally book the session. I've been working with him since Aug 2019 and it's been one of the best things I've ever done.
Thank you so much for this video!!!!! I have a loved one in my life that is going through depression due to life circumstances, coworkers, people in their life just constantly beating them down day after day and I could not figure out how to describe what they were going through until I found you and you checked off every single box!
I'm glad you found the video to be helpful!
Thank you so much. I was diagnosed about a year ago. Most relatable thing for me that you said: Being scared of there not being anything wrong with me, that this is all there is to life. I’m 23 now, suffered for 10 years. Things are starting to look up with a combination of antidepressants (fluoxetine for me) and therapy. But there are still many days where I’m quite depressed.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that Stephanie. On the bright side, at least you now know what you're dealing with and moving forward it helps. When I go through what feels like 'waves' of depression, I try to remind myself that what I'm experiencing is like being out in the ocean on a surfboard and being caught in a storm... and I just gotta hang on to the surfboard and eventually the ocean will chill the heck out.
I have PDD, GAD and somatic symptom disorder. Lots of fun, meds never helped me. Seeing my psychologist weekly is helpful
Hey thanks for sharing - though holy hell, sounds like a lot to navigate.
What sort of things do you do with your psychologist weekly to keep on top of things?
I am financially dependent and I am still a student. That’s why I can’t seek professional help.. Can someone help me in figuring out why I feel such.I feel extreme demotivation in life and my environment is very dull. No one is excited to do anything in life in my surrounding. I’ve been experiencing a feeling of loneliness and void inside me. I feel so sad deeply . I struggle with this a lot of times. And I have been experiencing this for years. Due to this , I’m not able to function properly in daily life. When I do some work, I get distracted but the moment the work is complete or I am sitting idle, I experience these episodes. I’ve told this to my family a lot of times but I still feel like I am not heard properly the way I want to be heard. I have lost interest in the activities I loved doing. When I wake up, most days I feel purposeless and life feels so meaningless. Sometimes I get suddenly silent, then for hours I feel deep sadness and emptiness, then I get sudden outbreak of really intense crying, then my mind pains . Then I feel like I’ve been never free of these feelings. I feel like I’ve been taking these feeling for years with me . why I feel like this most of the time? I really want growth in my life now. I am tired of being stagnant. I am tired of all of this. I had so many dreams and desires when I was younger. Now all these dreams and desires feels so far away. I want to experience life. It feels like I will be stuck in these feelings forever. It’s feels like a never ending road. Also, I am so confused about myself most of the time. I feel like I really don’t know myself. I feel so unaware of my needs. I struggle in making decisions for myself and doing something for myself, Even the basic things. It feels like I can sit idle for hours, days , years. But I don’t like to sit idle now. It makes me feel even worse. I am also really struggling in my college . I am glad that I’ve finished successfully 2 years though I felt like giving up at every moment. It’s not that my studies are hard. The subject is easy . But I don’t know why my mind pushes me to give up things. I had a traumatic childhood. My school experiences (really toxic and bad friends , a teacher harassing me and abusing me mentally , really toxic school environment where everyone pulls you down and can’t see you happy, ) and few more other experiences really took a toll on my mental health . These episodes happened continuously for years without any break. Now when I am finally free from such environment , now I am experiencing such feelings for 3-4 years. Please anyone reading this, please be kind . If you don’t have anything kind to say, please don’t say then. Please don’t use harsh words . I really want to communicate with like minded people. I want to know and figure out myself.
Also, I’ve experienced this feeling today. This lasted for 9 hours. Now I finally feel like this feeling left me today after 9 hours.
Hello Marcus .. pretty sure i have Dysthymia and having a real battle presently, with myself. i have talked to local GP's over years but have not found them to be helpful in as much as they offer me anti-depressants for what they describe as 'Low Mood' but at times they have been dismissive? I have lived with this since my teenage years and am now (as of yesterday) fifty eight but really struggling at the moment and see no hope of this alleviating? Anti-depressants have not worked and i have relied on routine, exercise, diet and a large slice of self discipline, but am currently on the 'edge' of exhaustion. I have lost faith in my GP practice .. they will not take me, as far as I can see, seriously and i can find no relief except via the 'much more intense' exercise regime. I wish they would simply diagnose me such that i could stop my own mind from all accusations of 'weakness' that i hurl at myself .. at least a diagnosis would allow me to remind myself that i do have a recognised reason for my behaviour.
Oh man, Wayne, that sounds brutal! I'm so sorry that's been your experience. It's not easy to navigate at times, that's for sure. One thing my doc had me do was get my thyroid and testosterone levels checked. Not sure if blood work is an option with your GP, but if they aren't doing anything to help (and find the root cause of the issue), is there a way to find another doctor?
Here's my analogy... Life is like a sine wave curve, it's got ups, downs but most of it is in the middle. Hopefully you spend most of the time above the x-axis. But for me, I'm always below the x-axis.
Interesting analogy - I like that. I saw this video once with a chart analogy that was similar - the first 2 minutes are really all that helped contextualize what PDD is like - th-cam.com/video/GnwJKE7Q7to/w-d-xo.htmlsi=oybTAvBNSBDfYbgY
It's like you get the highs and lows but your "highs" are still under most people's lows.
I just got diagnosed with persistent depression disorder (making me want to commit die frequently) today along with ptsd... got a treatment plan I'm scared about it... But I'm sure it'll get better.
One day at a time! You got this.
@CEO Of Loneliness Inc. i use water to help explain to people what's it's like. Sadness is like a tide coming in restricting your movement and comfort but you feel the subsidence over time and you move on. Depression is when the tide stays it's then becomes scary and confusing. I may go up and down but for some they start treading water which is why at that point people need to literally call a life line.
That’s a good analogy. Thank you for sharing it
Does anyone know the drug Brintelix (Vortioxetine)? I'm starting treatment.
Have not heard of it - I guess I lucked out with the first one the doc put me on. Lemme know how it goes though!
I'm SO glad i found you! This is me! It's me! Going on almost 10 years. I need to go to the type of place you went to to get tested. I want to go tomorrow!! What kind of place did you go to? Or what type of company? Thank you in advance. I'm happy that things are working for you and i hope you continue to find peace. ♥️
Heya Christine!
I started with a psychologist - looked for ones that were reputable in my city. I didn't know "what" (if anything) was off with me, so I asked to be tested for everything. She did a series of cognitive function tests, for ADHD, Depression, etc. It was pretty grueling and my brain was fried after.
Might be worth asking your family doctor to get your thyroid levels checked as well - that's something I also live with, and if i miss my thyroid supplement I will feel it 100%.
Lot of things can work against your brain, but you're not alone in this. Seeking clarity is a big step.
You got this!
I’ve had it for years and meds for depression and anxiety never worked for me (medication resistant). However I found that getting omega-3’s from food and walking help control it tho it never completely goes away.
That's great to hear those things have been helpful - I'm sorry to hear that meds don't work at all for you.
I've felt the difference of being in a better headspace when I incorporate things like walking into the mix.
I have MS and anhedonic depression or dysthymia for 10 years. I've tried a lot of treatments which have helped some but seems like I'm more treatment resistant unfortunately. However, you can't give up or that's it.
I’m sorry to hear that’s been your experience. You nailed it on the end there, keep going!
Hi, Marcus.
What kind of test did you do to get diagnosed or what kind of clinic did you go to? I've felt off since I was a teenager, I find it hard to explain but it is like a void inside of me: which it is present even on moments of happiness. it has been over a decade that I try to motivate myself with activities and painting (the thing I love the most) to cope with the void but these last couple of years I feel that I have isolated myself, that I don't have any energy left for doing even the things I love. I just decided to talk about it with my partner and my parents for the first time ever since this last month has been worst. After speaking to my mom she told me that she is actually diagnosed with Dysthymia (I didn't knew) and she recognized herself with the stuff I shared with her. So I decided to seek for help because I can't deal with this burden, I want to live fully but I'm just tired of feeling like this all the time.
Heya Isabel!
First off, I'm so sorry to hear you've been struggling. The fact that you've been aware of the struggle for the past 10 years is pretty on-point as I've read in numerous places that the average person who suffers from depression takes around 10 years to actually try to find out what's going on.
Second, I've read it can be a genetic thing (my mom has it as well), but it's still not fully understood in the medical community.
As for the diagnosis - I reached out to a local psychologist to do a series of assessments. I spent some time looking for someone with specific experience in clinical depression. I had no idea "What is wrong?", and just asked her if she could test me for depression, ADHD, cognitive skills, etc.
I was also going through an episode of double depression right around that time that lasted for some time, so I was in one of the worst headspaces for an extended period of time.
It was a pretty in-depth 4 hours of working together, and she ran a lot of those tests, went through DSM-5 testing and more, came back with all signs pointing towards it.
Antidepressants really helped me to start to feel a bit of what I can only assume most people call "normal" lol, and there's definitly still a struggle, however it's become a bit 'lighter' with awareness + medication.
Also - Have your family doctor do blood work to check your thyroid levels too. That was another genetic thing on my mom's side of the family that also stacks symptoms of depression
It is impossible for me to take any ssri. I can't stop throwing up every day. Despite every possible antinausea medication i still throw up every day i am full of cavities now because of it. So im off ssri and on clonazapam but i can never make them stretch them...i just fail at every turn...and it doesnt help depression at all.
Ugh, I'm so sorry to hear that's your experience.
Have you gotten other aspects of your health checked out in blood work? Thyroid levels + low testosterone can also exacerbate symptoms of depression. No shortage of ways our body chemistry can bring us down, sadly.
I feel like I keep getting stuck on the "test me for everything" stage and the more I keep digging, the more I unearth but the more anxiety I have about even more undiagnosed issues. The doctors and therapists here are shit too. Feels impossible to imagine any light at all.
For me it was really an issue of sleep apnea (fucking up everything else, sleep disorders), severe inattentive ADHD, physical issues like my eyelashes scratching my damn eyeballs, chronic fatigue from all that... It doesn't seem to end.
That sounds like a rough way to experience life, in the day-to-day. Have you done anything to work on the sleep apnea? Seems like it would be a good starting point - get the sleep back on track and deal with other things one at a time. I'm sure you've already been trying a ton of things.
i recently got diagnosed with dysthymia and avoidant personality disorder with social anxiety and ocd, i been on this depression since i was 11 i'm 25 now and i'm 3 weeks in with zoloft, the side effects are tuff, but i hope to see the light soon...
Pdd is so underrated, i always saw people angry or too happy, i always saw the world in grey, i remember always thinking that something was off, i never enjoyed really any experiences fully. I remember when i used to drink alcohol low dose, was starting to see the world in colors, i had this feeling that people weren't judging so much, i felt more connected with the world. I thought my self "so this is how people see the world in normal conditions?"
I totally understand this comment - that whole 'seeing the world in grey' stuff resonates hard. Hopefully you find the meds help - it's made a world of difference for me. I still find I get hit with sessions of really intense depression, but it only seems to last a couple hours vs days/weeks now, so it feels a bit more manageable.
Alive but not living.
Is this recurrent depressive disorder because that's what I was diagnosed with. Ever since I switched from Anti-Depressants and added powdered greens to my diet my sleep has gotten a whole lot better, but I still feel an overwhelming sense of dread.
I’m not sure if it’s the same thing - who diagnosed you? Can you ask them?
Like a big hand gripping you, squeezing you, ever so slightly, but all the time.
Yep! Good analogy.
I have had it all my life every day is a struggle nothing seems to make me happy I'm on Sertrline and it takes the edge of it but never goes away iv had to learn copping with it my friends invite me to the park there happy and I don't feel anything then I get guilty because I'm not like them but things I used to like are gone iv no interest in anything there so much more I could say thank you was nice to here you
It’s definitely an odd experience, eh? I agree with the “taking the edge off”, however it never seems to just disappear completely, sadly