Never Split The Difference | Chris Voss | TEDxUniversityofNevada
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 มี.ค. 2019
- How do FBI hostage negotiators never split the difference? Can you use the same techniques? Chris Voss draws upon his 24-year career with the FBI to show you how to use tactical empathy with the “bad, the mad and the sad” in your daily life to never split the difference and still have great relationships. Chris Voss is CEO of the Black Swan Group and author of the national best-seller “Never Split The Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It”. Chris’s book was named by Inc.com as one of the seven best books on negotiation ever written. A 24-year veteran of the FBI, Chris retired as their lead international kidnapping negotiator. Drawing on his experience in high-stakes negotiations, his company specializes in “Accelerating business negotiation outcomes with Tactical Empathy”. Chris and his team help people and companies secure and close better deals faster, and improve their own internal communication. Chris has been featured in TIME, Business Insider, Entrepreneur, Inc., Fast Company, Fortune, The Washington Post, SUCCESS Magazine, Squawk Box, CNN, ABC News and more. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
I wish his audiobook was narrated by him.. It would have been amazing!
zabooog agreed 💯💯💯💯💯🎯🎯🎯🎯
zabooog I can never understand when this happens. Especially from someone with a great voice and manner
Totally!!!
I thought it was?
@@Jjj29no I guess he couldn't negotiate that one! Lol. Unfortunately, it's not.
Was this the “late night FM DJ” voice?😁
my exact thought after 5 seconds of the video
Probably is lol
I thought that as well.
It's the Al Pacino meets George Carlin voice
😏
I'm reading his book - Never Split the difference. I'm hardly 2 chapters in and the book's already opened my eye to understand the power of emotional intelligence and the tactics of verbal and non verbal communication. Its marvelous
Praise it baby gurl, couldn't afford the course with the covid going on, but I'm on this book, halfway through it, and I had to stop, and analyze how I am and the interactions I've had, so I'm so grateful for this guy, I'm doing shadowork/psychology integrating these things myself, can't believe the luck and blessing of the people who attended and have learned from him. THIS IS HAPPENING, NEGOTIATING OR NOT, YOU'RE ALWAYS EITHER THE NEGOTIATOR OR THE ONE TAKING THE TURNS, this is life changing, learn, share, grow.
Same. It is wonderful
I did 10 times, still can’t stop
I require all of my leads to read this book along with a few others. This one makes them unstoppable if followed.
Read "Way of the Wolf" by Jordan Belfort
Anyone trying to learn negotiation while in Quarantine?
I'm in the club too. LOL
Aaaaaaaaaaand me too.
Yep 😂
Learning so many things during this quarantine, started to see myself as Aristotle. Any platos out there who can help? Lol
Ayeeee
I feel like this guy could talk my ex into getting back together with me.
Talk your ex into getting back together with you?
Nothing is impossible. See Chris' video on "There's Always A Way To Get What You Want"
You don’t need her, king
Clean your room bucko
Read "the rational male" by Rollo Tomassi and you won't need Chris Voss's help. It helped me ALOT!!
Excellent!
I have read Chris's book a few times already n have been employing his techniques. The trick is to remember to use his teqnique once u have been triggered to respond, which is not always easy. For me when my gf is being difficult with me. I get triggered n upset n forget to use Chiss's tecniques, but then after the argument is done n im sitting there thinking; where did i go wrong? Thats when it hits me! I should have asked "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?" Or used some other technique condusive to my desired results.
I finally rememered to use his teqnique in a time of contention. She was being difficult and unreasonable with her demands. So with a calm FM DJ voice I asked "How am I supposed to do that?". Then used an effective pause. Her face softened n it was as if she had jumped in my shoes n walked me through the problem. Upon verbalizing n realizing that it was an unreasonable request I was immediately released from the hook n told not to worry about it. Yay! I was so happy I was able to avoid an argument n even come out on top.
Nowadays I like to ask no orientated questions to get what I want cause she is very sensitive to reverse pychology. If I say "we should do this", she automatically wants to do the opposite. But if i say "Is it a bad idea to do this" because there is a chance she may already want to, she will probably give me a reason why it may be bad so i understand her situation but will eventually succumb to the idea upon her "own" percieved terms. hehehe! ;)
She is my rock which I Sharpen my skills on n she doesnt even know it :)
Now I have started to employ these techniques with my boss, my teenage son n life in general n I am gettjng tremendous results. Its like I have a super power. I can talk people through a situation or problem guiding them to the solution or results that im looking for n it is becoming easier n easier everyday! Sometimes i feel like im cheating or that it too obvious but its not. Its emotional intelligence!
Thank you Chris! Your a genius and a life saver. Once understood, your techniques are simple and effective to employ.
The most powerful technique that Chris has reminded me of is that.
PEOPLE JUST WANT TO BE HEARD N UNDERSTOOD!
Thank you!
Sincerely,
Wass.
Thats awesome
Nicki Guest and this my friend is why therapists succeed at their job and the fbi adopted their techniques from the psychologists and psychoanalysts
wow great for you! I just finished reading a week ago and have been trying to practice these skills. unfortunately, I don't have the "rock" to sharpen my skills, and my mother language is not English ;(
Please, you're a parent, use proper grammar.
@@robinsarchiz you should utilize proper grammar first before instructing others to do so. Lead by example my friend.
One of the best books in the world
So effortless to read and a work of art,
It is true, there is no splitting the difference when you are dealing with someone’s life. With other things in this world, splitting the difference is how you get things done. Sometimes you get more, sometimes less. In business and in personal dealings, relinquishing the things that really don’t matter to you in exchange for what you want, is the key to a successful, happy life.
Voss does such a great job of controlling his voice and drawing the listener in. Every sentence is structured for maximum effect, it yells "master of his craft". Negotiating is an ongoing process that never stops nor is it confined to emails between salespeople, it is evident in every interaction we come across.
yeah he's not afraid of silences. Gives time to let the audience understand how funny and/or important his last line is.
Chris! Your book is so good, that I’ve listened to it 4 times and still refer to it. It’s helped me get lower deals on many things & has assisted me in communication with friends and family. However the roughest customer to negotiate with is my 5 year old grandson- hence, the refreshing. Well done Chris!
I definitely feel like being in a relationship with this guy would always feel like a negotiation where you never win
but you don't mind, or you think you won... that's how good he is
Which is the point that he’s making (in the grand scheme of his message) you can get what you want and make the other person feel good about giving it to you. Of their own free will; also while he says that negotiations are a full time skill I don’t think you would do the same things for a loved one as you would a true blue enemy, in that you would allow your loved one to walk away the same amount of “stuff” as the enemy.
I finally broke up with him! We're getting married in August!
He's got good character. I feel like being a good negotiator in a relationship would just mean that he makes sure his needs are met. Doesn't necessarily mean he's motivated to never meet his partner's needs. Id be surprised if he didn’t teach his partner to negotiate for herself better too for everyone's benefit
Is it just me or does this seem narcissistic?
This might sound strange, but as a teacher I encounter the bad the mad and the sad everyday in the classroom. We have begun doing what we call restorative practice to deal with these students. i can see the speaker's book helping me a lot in putting tactical empathy into practice and reducing the number of mad and sad I deal with everyday. I just bought the book... can't wait to read it.
Edward Wingard it’s not strange as these techniques were actually borrowed from therapists aka psychologists and psychoanalysts
This guy is great at talking, without really saying much...
A firm, calming voice reassuring that you're confident and everything is under control. When people freak out, a normal reflex is to freak out in return, so this prevents the other person from becoming more volatile.
I had no idea what this guy was talking about, except for the last 30 seconds.
He just started telling stories from nowere till half end and weirdly connected with another one
Exactly
Read his book,
I have so much respect for Mr Chris Voss. He has done so much for his country, for people all over the world .
He remains so humble. Love the “late night DJ voice” , yet realised sadly I am so NOT this voice.
I recommend this book to everyone, from salesperson, teachers, to social workers, to parents. We negotiate everyday, with everyone.
I listened to the audiobook and am reading a second time.
What a nice man. He rocks just to stand there as he is.
I'm sitting here watching video.
Crying out loud and heart pounding.
I wish I had the courage to stand up for myself and be so proud when I speak or do something.
Thank you MR.Voss❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
So powerful voice❤❤❤❤
My story goes like this, I went into a bookstore as per my usual routine after every two weeks . Usually by the time I visit a bookstore I would have made up my mind on which books to buy, on this day , I was open for any recommendations. So the seller in the bookshop recommended, Never split the difference, in his words he said 'Take this book sir you will come back and thank me'.and he was absolutely correct, I am definitely going to thank him. I had hesitated to buy a book a book about hostage situations , because in our part of our world(Zimbabwe) hostage situations are very rare, now that I am reading the book I realise its not only about hostage situations , its about navigating your way through a conversation, choosing the right words, making the right gestures, patience. In fact this book is a manual to any conversation
Chris’s Voss is hilarious! I’ve read and heard “Never split the difference” like 5-6 times and its refreshing to hear his humor, in a speech
0:56 close your eyes while listening and it sounds like George Carlin giving a TEDx talk....lol
That’s exactly what I thought)
Yeah
Glad that there is a shout out to Brandon Voss. He deserves it! His writing on your blog is excellent.
Chris Voss is an amazing teacher and inspiration for all of us.
Love his teachings! Can't get enough of his outstanding content.
This whole talk is a negotiation for the viewer to like him..
This guy looks like a Breaking Bad character.
exactly
Lol!!! You said it, now I see it.
Bill Burr’s guy 😂
@@chirimantecman a
Al Pacino will play him in the movie version.
in the movie version?
He is a brilliant presenter. That's excellence.
He knows how to strategically attract your attention and make you remember him and this information well. Certainly gifted.😊
Mr. Voss, your self-effacing manner supported your descriptions of complex negotiation strategies in ways that relaxed and engaged your audience, and the real-world hostage examples you interwove with the strategies amplified your explanations, drawing your audience in. Throughout, your tempo and pauses maintained your polished rhythm - kept not overly serious. Altogether, so very well done, and I do hope you TED again.
Thank you!
Super well put, and totally true.
But there is no way he is from the mid-west...every word and sound is New Jersey. So, maybe he moved to Jersey very young or he doesnt want to say where he is from.
At least this guy knows how to properly wear a tie. Kudos.
Saw that
Double Windsor, sits at the belt, boom!
He seems more relaxed and more upbeat than his previous talk he did about 3 years ago in Australia to Real Estate Conference 2017. I like his approach.
I bought his book and I have tried some of his techniques and I am definitely seeing an improvement in my negotiations after I tried his techniques. Never Split the difference is a great book.
Book was awesome. If you're in business a must read.
I think Chris Voss and Peter Joseph are my top two inspirations for effective communication. They have different methods and principles, but both are incredible.
Wow ! Great to see Chris on TED ! Love him ! Love his book ! Thank you for all your wisdom Chris !
amazing man. Love the concept.
I like how he has a sense of humor too! Currently in the middle of the audio book
Great material. I love the book. Must read.
This guy is outstanding!!! I can't wait to get and read his book someday.
Best book ever,life changing. I’d recommend it to anyone.lots of value.thanks!
I’ve heard his Masterclass is excellent.
I was perusing Masterclass and saw his class, which brought me here.
Keith Marlowe - i have since watched his Masterclass and it is indeed excellent.
Install telegram ... I will give you the first three episodes for free
@Learning is fUn link
@Learning is fUn dont have telegram . send it here on youtube message .
Unbelievable this only has a half million views in a year and half. Pure gold.
Fantastic book. Highly recommended. I didn't know Chris was this animated, wow. Love this guy.
I love how you can hear in his voice he is an Iowan who has lived in Massachusetts and New York.
We love you, Chris Voss!
Amazing! He makes it look so easy!
yea
just finished reading your book. such a master piece.
Finished reading the book couple days ago, absolutely insightful. About to write an article on my website concerning it.
Loved Never Split The Difference!
Thank you!
Are you a high ticket closer or a high ticket poser?
Loved?
Glad a lot of people love my idol chris!
Reading your book now. Absolutely fascinating!! Will be very helpful. Thanks.
I never get tired of this TED talk
Glad I found you Chris Voss very knowledgeable man
Amazing talk from Chris Voss; Never Spilt the Difference ( need to defiantly RE-Read again ‼️)
Thank you!
Chris Voss is amazing! So enjoyed you recently with Lex. You guys were funny together and I learned alot of cool facts about human nature and empathy, along with other cool stories. Thx so much for sharing your training and thoughts. Invaluable. Cheers from TX. ❣️🍀
Interesting talk . Thank you, bless you, All your dreams come true.
Just finished his book. Eager to apply his knowledge
I heard about this book yesterday. I couldn't pay yesterday due to some bank errors but the TH-cam video that sold it explained it well.
I used the lesson to start our team meeting today and it worked.
Chris. You rock!
Thank you Mr. Voss.
This has the expectation that ALL want to be heard, just because you asked nicely. Disagree. And I am tactically proficient at empathy skills.
DickHart 🤣
This guy should be doing standup ..
Priceless stuff on a more serious note .
Book changed my life
What's the actual name of the book?
@@calvinashworth3508 Never Split the Difference
@@calvinashworth3508 ....You may think hes funny by nature, maybe he is, but trust me every gesture joke smile hes doing it on purpose....hes a master at putting people at ease and getting his massege across thats why he could handle a high pressure job like hostage negociation.... Study his vibe more than the words 👍
He definitely sold me with his talk. Seems useful I will have to read it.
Old Man its a great book. Started it over thr weekend
Blessings from Taiwan! 😍
Love the CONCLUSION starting at 11:35 😘
Use tactical empathy and use love to overcome hate ! 😜
Can't wait to read his book.
Wonderful. This is what Ted talks were made for. Worth every minute.
The book should be the a must for anyone who is planning on becoming a somewhat valuable human being
This is amazing. As someone going through the process with a local big pd I want to get into negotiations
Love this guy. Why couldn't I have found this guy 20 years ago?
People come into our lives at a time for a reason, Mr Diaz. Let me tell you more when our paths cross tomorrow morning
11:52 The wisdom of Sun Tzu. Defeat your enemy by making him your friend.
Great talk, thank you Chris !
I'm sobbing watching this 😌✨
This guy is legend
Amazing.
amazing video - fantastic book - read it twice and tell others to buy it. they will thank you.
Awesome person! Met this guy and had no clue who he was but knew he was incredibly interesting. Really interesting!
Wow. That was really amazing.
Wow, he told stories for 15 minutes. And stated the blindingly obvious fact that people run on feelings.
Give that guy a medal. Brilliant.
Brilliant TED talk, thank you! Can't wait to get the audio book
Excellent book. Just finished.
Listen to all this presentation...it is worth every moment! I’ve attended several sessions where Chris and Steve Schull have talked to realtors about tactical empathy. This is an enlightened and proven way to create an environment where you don’t split the difference. Enjoy and learn.
Great book. Highly recommended.
This man is a genius
I could listen to Chris all day lol one day I'm taking you and the family out to dinner, Chris.
He sounds a little like Al Pacino. So I'm enjoying this just a little more than I should.
Beth Sanderson I think he sounds a lot like Pacino! I was looking to see if anyone else thought the same!
I'm getting HUGE George Carlin vibes.
TMI.
Love your humanity
I think some people read too much into this comment. I just like Al Pacino's voice. Nothing more meant.
I have that book. Excellent presentation and very helpful book in everyday life.
Anyone trying to learn negotiation while in Quarantine?
He is negotiating for YOU to buy his book. Now, who didn't think about buying his book while watching this? He got me seriously thinking about it! He is good.
it´s really interesting to have an idea of his baseline and hear him talk.
I find Chris Voss videos just to listen to his voice.
wow this was wild!
anyone else here trying to get better at being accused in among us?
I wasn't, but that's a good idea 😂
Beautiful.
Why didn’t he do the narration on the audiobook? His voice is so much better
great story teller
I need him to read a sleep story on the Calm app
Good speaker
what a comedian, best ted talk yet
Using humor appropriately to make people smarter before processing important information
great man
nice ted talk. guess I'll be getting this man's book
I love this movie.
Most educational stand-up comedy show! :D