How to attract the right people by working on yourself
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 พ.ค. 2024
- Disclaimers:
This channel is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Nothing on this channel is intended to substitute therapy.
The thoughts expressed in videos are my own personal opinion and do not reflect the opinion of any institution I am involved with.
My videos are general and not specific to your unique case.
If you are a current or past client, due to confidentiality/privacy, I cannot engage with you on this platform.
If you are having a mental health crisis, call 911.
My email is only for business inquiries. I cannot provide one-on-one psychological advice to someone who is not my therapy client, and I cannot take clients through TH-cam.
Time Stamps:
0:00 We attract similar people
2:48 When you’re not where you’d hoped to be in life
4:36 How this looks in the context of dating
6:25 How this looks with friends
9:15 Concrete steps to level up - บันเทิง
1. List all the traits you desire in the people around you
2. Highlight all the traits you haven't achieved yet
3. Identify the steps you need to take to bridge those gaps (use SMART goals)
4. Put it into action
Thanks for the outline
What if i dont know what i desire from other people
“Once you level yourself up and you become the person that you seek around you, That’s when those types of people actually will start to orbit in your life” be the person you want to meet
Period. Shitty ppl cant stand to be around those who have or try to have their life or themselves together.
I'm surprised she puts out all this quality information and analysis for free!
Yeah, you don't need any of that college nonesense, you just need someone else who DID go to college!
I can see this being an extensive resume!
Yeah, a lot of education is for free now because of the Internet.
i mean, shes makes money out of it
@@williamwallace234You don’t pay for college to be smarter, you pay to earn more for what you already know or are already learning on your own with regards to your respective field. Although I will say, some general education classes I’ve found to be quite interesting and some of that info I still remember and share with others.
Big facts. When you hold yourself at a high value, even if you are aware you are flawed, and you expect better behavior of yourself, you don't accept shitty behavior from others, you prefer to be around others who value themselves, are aware their own flaws as well and when u seek to lift others up without being a doormat, you can recognize others who seek to do the same. Being surrounded by those ppl at 24 is such a gift
I think it’s also important to keep our goals and the idea of our “higher” or “future” self malleable as well. I spent the better part of last year studying for my LSAT and applying to law school and was waitlisted at almost every school I wanted to get into. But instead of pouting about it, I’m focusing on a plan of moving to a new state and finding a new job with higher pay in my current field that I already have senior-level experience in. I’m proud of myself for being adaptable and putting in the work last year in the first place :-)
THIS!! Queen energy! Wishing you all the best, boss! 🙏🏾♥️♥️👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I know it's been a year since you posted this, but I really hope you're doing whatever you want to be doing, whether it's studying at law school or working in that current field. The same thing happened to me years back when applying to colleges for undergrad, it was discouraging. I still figured though that I might as well make the most of that and other things, and I've been able to significantly cultivate my own interests since then
Agree completely. My wife watches 90 Day Fiancé and the show is filled with schlubs who beg people to love them, but never take the slightest initiative to be more attractive or intellectually appealing to a potential mate. It's laughable (and sad)
And that's why I love that show lol
@@urwrstntmre same! I dont watch it but i love the youtubers commentary
red flags are not always something to run away. Its a way to see what makes us feel uncomfortable, and it can be a chance of growth, or to stay the same. Neither is better thatn the other, it just is what it is, but sometimes we see red flags as an opportunity to not change at all
When I was in a very good place mentally, emotionally, career & family my life was amazing and everyone around me was high quality. Fast forward 20 years and the opposite is true. Misfortune begets misfortune. I have people around me I'm not happy with at my core. I hate feeling I'm judging them but I know they're all low vibration in lots of different ways. I feel now I'm bankrupt and have CPTSD having been through so much varied l trauma, I only attract wounded people. It's like a mirror of low quality.
Making the first move? Double calling? this is either a very common problem, or it is a damn close coincedence because that was my problem until a couple of days. Also a small tip, anyone who have the same problem, do not fantasize about the other person with intent of having love or attention from him/her because it will make you love them in ways that will probably get out of control and have you make that mistake alot..
Fantasizing is dangerous!! Still learning to stop that.
@@ruby6234 There are two good steps in stopping it, first this is my personal experience so it may suite you or it may not. First i thought i felt badass at that point and that made me feel happy, that me it harder for me to stop fantasizing, to stop it you have to own the fact that what made you happy is the attention or love from the other person. And you have to own that it decreases your esteem to yourself when you are in a relationship with someone and you should back off and let them come to you and if you do not, they will disrespect you, then you get a feeling that prevents you from socializing which destroys the other relationships with other people whom you should not back off from because they have already reached out to you and its your turn to reach out...
I'm glad I stopped fantasizing about a person I met on a dating app and I realised that I was doing most of the chasing for too long while the energy was not reciprocated from them. I decided to cut contact with them and it's the best decision I've ever made.
There is a certain corner of the internet that i dont necessarily agree with everything, they call this concept oneitis. In pop culture we call it unrequited love. What basically happends is you build this someone up in your head into someone they are not and delude yourself into thinking your beneath themeven, when in reality they are just another human.
Oops, this is not the best video to watch while struggling with mental health issues. I worry about my recovery taking so long and possibly becoming a drain on people as time goes on. I try to remind myself that I have value, but then I’m reminded of the ways that value could be pretty low right now. I’ve heard that my worth isn’t defined by my accomplishments and status, but I find it hard to fully adopt that belief, because it totally is. I might be the wrong person to attract right now. I don’t know. I’m going to continue working on myself. I just don’t want to drag anyone down with me while doing so.
This video is better for people who are starting off relatively stable. Networking isn’t a good goal for me on days where I’m trying to just be able to take a shower.
@Darkstar Thank you. I appreciate that and I agree 100%. I’m actually in a relatively good place at this moment and may be close to being able to say that I’m stable. I’ve had some dramatic up and down cycles along the way. I’m lucky enough to have opened up to someone who has consistently supported me and rooted for me. I had my doubts at times, wondering if she was starting to do it out of guilt, pity, or obligation, because I wasn’t getting better for so long. I began to feel that I may be a horrible person for taking more of that kindness than I should. Those doubts tore me up so much until I talked with her directly about what she was and wasn’t ok with. I felt so guilty about the possibility that I was draining her energy.
Thinking of myself in terms of my broader social value could have been enough to send me over the edge and withdrawn completely. I would have thought that it would be in her best interest to cut me out of her life, like with this video’s example of the drunk friend. My negative intrusive thoughts can really latch in deep when I’m more vulnerable. This video isn’t really focused on developing friendships while mending deep wounds, which would be more along the lines of what I needed. I would’ve taken away the wrong message had I seen this at the wrong time.
I did clarify things with my friend, who truly wanted to be there for me and has continued to prove that. That one thing has been so valuable to me that thinking about climbing the rungs of the social ladder isn’t important to me right now. I’m beyond grateful for having that and I’m glad she’s finally able to see me getting better. It’s better for me to continue to focus on my personal growth and my specific relationships.
This video just isn’t the right one for me.
This is exactly the process I have been working on for myself the past couple years. You seem like a great person who is very articulate and probably a ton of fun to have deep, quality conversations with! Glad I found you on YT and thanks for your educated input.
This is the way to go! It was lonely at times (and still is) while working on myself, but I have the right people around me and love the people in my life
I'm glad to hear That! I am working on myself and don't really have people in my life. Hope I'll attract the right ones soon
@@tasfiahnabani8719 I appreciate it! Best of luck to you in your journey, you’ll find the right people I believe in you! ☺️
@@admirbarucija2018 thank you very much! Best of luck for your journey as well! Sending my best wishes 💕
@@tasfiahnabani8719 You’re welcome, and thank you very much!! Sending my best wishes as well 💕
Your content is so refreshingly blunt while still being compassionate. I really appreciate what you're doing.
Big facts. When you hold yourself at a high value, even if you are aware you are flawed, and you expect better behavior of yourself, you don't accept shitty behavior from others, you prefer to be around others who value themselves, are aware their own flaws as well and when u seek to lift others up without being a doormat, you can recognize others who seek to do the same for you. These ppl are kind but dont take bullshit. And they often help us grow to be even better versions of ourselves because they will hold us accountable in times we actually need it and in times when we are the arbiters of our own problems. Being surrounded by these ppl in my early 20s is such a gift.
This was a very interesting and useful topic! Everything you said was super insightful and I agree with all. I just want to highlight a little more the part about being compassionate to ourselves. I’ve been in a place of “levelling up” the past 2 years but what I hadn’t realised was that I was super harsh to myself and I never thought of myself as enough. I always had a greater goal, a level up to reach. And this is not a healthy mindset to have. You have value even when you’re not the perfect person you imagined. As ana said in the video, no one is perfect and you’ll never be either. It’s great to want to elevate yourself but also remember to not be to strict about it but rather have fun and show respect to the beautiful being you are.
I agree, and also if we want more kindness in our life, we can begin by giving it... starting with ourselves )
I've spent a lot of time comparing my 'current/new self' to my old self, as I've missed being my old me and have felt pretty down about who I am now. This video has encouraged me to instead look at the people in my life who have traits I admire to see how I could emulate my version of that, so I'm not looking at the past so much anymore 😊
Yeah, in my own Channel one of my recurring themes is Persona Development. Years ago I became acquainted with the School of Psychological Therapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which posits the notion that most of our problems come from just entertaining bad behavioral habits or bad mental habit, from bad Conditioning we got from young know-nothing Parents. But the Second Step in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is, well, after you eliminate a Bad Habit, in behavior or your thinking, well, what do you replace it with. You can tear down the Old You, but what do you replace it with? So that got me to thinking about What Is My Optimum Persona. Well, as YOU pointed out, we ourselves do not EMULATE everything. We Admire what Resonates with us. Yeah, Emulation leads to Persona Development, and you not so much become what you WANT to be as what you'd LIKE to be.
Awesome idea!
It took me too long to realize that I want to attract NO ONE. Life is so much more peaceful with minimal human presence. Everyone's kinda toxic garbage. I probably am too. Just have to be a bit phoney at work but they only get me 40 hours a week.
This video came at the most prime time. Ana thank you so much for your emotional intelligence and intellect , love your videos so much.
Thank you so much!
This is really helpful because I'm in limbo land now. I left my old friends behind as it was a very unhealthy relationship but haven't managed to make new friends yet as I'm afraid of being hurt again or repeating the same patterns with people.
Knowing who we are is so important. We teach people how to treat us.
I always attract people who are the opposite of me. I’m a successful entrepreneur with high prestige. I am a very caring and compassionate person, people telling me they never felt so secure with anyone else. The people I attract are insecure, envy, emotionally unavailable and need help.. I have never met a single secure compassionate and successful person in my entire life. Everyone is damaged.
For all my life, everytime someone made me feel I wasn't valuable enough for them and rejected me, I was ok with it and I let them have it. But for the first time in my life at the age of 25, after all the things I have done for years to improve myself, actively trying to fill the gaps in my life and personality, to become a better person, be outstanding among my peers, become the awesome person I would like to have in my life and finally actually feeling grateful for all the memorable moments, adventures, mistakes I learned from and successes I achieved; I recently realized I never had any reason to feel I wasn't valuable. And THAT struck hard.
Now for some reason I still get occasional rejections by people all around me both in social and work life but this time, instead of feeling inferior, I feel like I am developing a superiority complex and immediately lose the initial respect and admiration towards anyone who doesn't approve me.
And I think I am at a more difficult place now.
I’m like struggling liking myself because 50% of me likes me, but since i’m alone alone all the time and never really find deep friends or a partner makes me think i’m not likable or desirable so then i start not to like myself but i don’t wanna be sad so i try to be content solo but dang it’s tough hahah
Reality is literal mirror… also make sure you’re specific with what you want because the universe gives you everything you want… if you’re not specific it will give you just that.
Will not further explain.
hi. i think i suffered (have been suffering quite abit) because my friendships were shallow and they always end up shittily for me. sometimes i get shocked seeing people with great friends bc its actually hard for me. after a while i started feeling like im the problem. for me trust is really important, but backbiting is common in my nursing profession and so it is something i have to get used to if i still want to befriend some of these people. however, sometimes it is exhausting. it is rare to find people who can fight/advocate for you when you're not there because the nature of the work that i was in is competitive and bitchy (and also this could also be my warped perception) i hope to improve myself so i can find better people. thank you for this video.
You know what's faster than working on yourself? Instead of waiting for someone to pursue you, pursue the people you want.
Sure improve yourself. Just don't do it assuming someone else is going to do the difficult work of reaching out romantically.
Great video. If I had to be honest I find this idea to be a half truth. As someone who is introverted and I would consider that I work on my self, emotionally, intellectually and physically; I still don't find that I'm "attracting" the right people or friends into my life.
I feel the same way. My “issues” usually arise in career. Not with friendships.
I I work my ass off in an effort to gain opportunities to further myself, but ultimately become resentful when people don’t see my value. Starting over every few years somewhere new hoping for change… isn’t working.
Socially I’ve become more comfortable being out going and navigating small talk. But sometimes I still dread meeting people and being “on”. I suppose I don’t know what my “on” position really looks like or feels like, which is why I dread being in that mode.
I find that people see me as unapproachable Bc of this. I remain very private when speaking to most people. Bc my only other mode is telling you my life story. Which never served in creating connections like I think it will. I struggle with finding the sweet spot.
I'm torn between appearing confident and letting people in to my insecurities
It takes confidence to be vulnerable! Being genuine is more important than acting a certain way.
Even TH-cam knows I havnt had health insurance for too long 💀💀💀
For your last example that you used the high powered career one, usually men with high powered careers don’t like women who also have high powered careers (in most cases that I’ve seen)
Wow, was sobbing all of last night because of this. You always post videos at an uncanny timing for me. Thank you for your work.
I’m so glad I discovered this channel. Your viewpoint is balanced with good insightful tips. Thank you!
This is insanely helpful and I really appreciate the structure of your videos, they aren't too long and they are packed with content. This is stuff that my therapist would tell me, all in a short youtube video. Thank you!
Hi Ana! Just wanna say thank you so much for making all of these wonderful videos. You’ve been such a great help for me as I’m on a journey to understanding myself better! When you said don’t feel bad about list of things I want in friends or partners, I realize how much work I need! Can’t help but feel bad about the fact that I don’t even have all of things I want in a partner or a friend but if it’s to make my life happier, then so be it!
Great video today Ana and in perfect timing. Thank you and have an awesome day!
I really appreciate what you’re saying right now because this is something that I’m currently going through, my heads all over the place with life, thank you !
I love your videos Ana! SO well researched/written and a balanced informed perspective, thank you. Request: would you think about doing more "fun fact" type videos like your psych of witchcraft one? It's hard to always be thinking about my personal growth and a bit of interesting escapism where I learn something just for fun would be a welcome relief from this world full of "self-help" "personal growth" rhetoric
I love this, Ana! Thank you! This was exactly what I needed to hear
Your videos are so high quality and you're very well spoken. I always learn something new from your videos.
This video seriously reversed my mood for the day, thank you so much for the free content!!
I was literally thinking about this a minute ago and you posted this. Damn. Thanks for the video!
Ana, may I say that your videos are a delight 😊 Very informative, well researched and thought provoking. What a lovely, intelligent young lady xx
The thing I learned way later than I should have is writing is so liberating. Keep a journal, write your feels, goals, bars. Remember you are the sun.
Great video. I really needed this, actually. Content like this really helps me to put things into perspective. As somebody who used to have a really low view of myself and surrounded myself with the wrong people, I have been on a journey of healing from childhood trauma (as well as trauma from the people I used to surround myself with) and meeting new people who are on my wavelength is a work in progress. I am about to start studying at university very soon at age 27, and I'm hoping with that journey I will connect and network with like-minded people with similar goals and values to myself.
Great video Ana today. I love how you argue for " leveling up" in a most articulate way and you dissect the process in easy steps. It is simple and very helpful to me. Thank you 💕
So true! people around you have so much influence on your life, I broke up with my long term immature ex-boyfriend and decided I wanted to work on myself, I am now in a completely different phase of my life where I have grown up so much, I have been working on my personal, financial and profesional goals (when I was with him I had none of that). I am also in a great relationship where we bring each other up instead of me dragging the other person around but in reality I was only being held back by him. He is still stuck in exacly in the same stage he was 5 years ago, I am so happy I left.
Okay but why am I obsessed with your dress and makeup in this video!! 😍 love it!
Hello Ana,
I learn a lot from your videos and I guess it's not a shame to say that I need this kind of content in my life right now. I am not feeling like my head is under water yet but I do feel like I am kind of drifting away from my goals everytime which makes most of my days not as productive as they should be or used to be.
I would like to reorganize my life to be more productive but I definitely feel I do not have the keys to do that on my own. I don't know where to start and how ro proceed.
That is where your channel comes in handy. Because, if it does not specifically target effectiveness and organisation (at least not the videos I have watched), it does help to reflect on my life and question myself in ways that I had never experimented before. It helps me find some things to work on that I would have never thought about otherwise.
Thank you a lot for your work. It deserves much more recognition in my opinion and I am sure it helps thousands of other people as well so please keep it up! You rock!
I learn a lot from your content. I believe we are the sum of our closest relationships (ie birds of a feather folk together). I find it helpful to meditate for internal changes. In turn, my external perceptions change.
You're really doing well. Should be proud of yourself!! Also, very soothing voice 😌
this video gave me so much insight about myself and how to improve myself. Thankyou.
"Holding yourself to a higher standard " has been revolving in my head recently tbh
your videos are gold. pure gold
That was incredible! Thank you so much, Dr. Ana < 3
Hey Ana, great video as always ☺️☺️
I don’t think I’ve ever found someone who makes such unique but applicable content as yourself. I was wondering if perhaps you’ve considered uploading these videos as an audio podcast? I would love to listen to your content while working out and doing stuff around the house
Another banger! You definitely attract who you are
Im going on an ana binge. You rlly be speaking the gospel truth.
Very powerful message in this video. Thank you!
Thanks for sharing your truth and knowledge🙌🏼
Thank you, Ana!
What if we are so independent that we don’t reach out to people very often and intern people don’t reach out to us because we seem very independent and like we don’t need anyone around us. I feel like I’m currently struggling with the process of making new friends because I don’t want to seem like I’m desperate for friends🧐
Perfect timing!!!
Could you make a video on how to meet people and approach them? Or even in terms of the online dating/friend making realm? What are the right things to look for and ask to find people that are a good fit for us and are not ill intentioned
You are literally hearing my thoughts omg this happened so many times where i would be thinking about a topic and you post a video
It would be interesting to see you expand on this in terms of a couple breaking up because ones standard slips up below the others, and how to reverse that from the POV of the dumped one. Other than that this still comes at a great time.
Yeah, the Unequal Couple Thing. It is a common situation that some High Achiever will latch onto a Waitress or some Store Clerk to pay the bulk of the bills while going through School, but then dump her later after getting the Dream Career. But then I wonder how two Career People can ever get married... Careers are Life Work, aren't they? What does your Partner know about your Life at the Office? What do you know about there's. I think most Marriages turn into Roommate Situations, two people agreeing to pay off One Mortgage. Maybe the only Marriages that really work are those Mom and Pop Businesses where the Partnership is tangible.
Thank you so much for your time and experience
Very well said, and very relevant to my current situation. Thanks for all the videos. You’ve got a new subscriber :)
Thank you for another insightful video 🙏
incredible video! thank you for sharing
I thank you deeply for this content.
So tue. Right now I'm at the stage where I need to explore new things and get to know new people, not because I'm tired of the people I'm surrounded with, but because I need a bit of fresh air and keep evolving on the stuff I want to learn about. Language courses, martial arts, hiking, learning software useful for my career. All of that brings new people too, and when I get stagnated at a certain stage, even though is not bad in and of itself, I feel frustrated. So naturally for me, new knowledge tends to bring new friends, at least one or too, haha
My goal is going to be that i have to say hello to someone and have a little conversation daily to break the isolation. Thank you ❤
This is such a great video - thanks!
Your videos are educational and very informative. Thank you for the guidance and help.
this video was fire thank you
I've jjust discovered your channel and oh do i love it
Wow your channel and information is amazing, very deep and profound but also very simple
your videos really help me out 🙏🏼
Once I was dating a rich girl, she had many quality friends. Seems people just come to her. I was very surprised. A whole different world in comparison to normal people.
You mean people were coming to her money, not her
This is the wavelength I was on when I found my last one and honestly it might have been a test to see if I can maintain my integrity. I really liked her though I'm hoping she comes back.
Grateful for you Ana
For me. I woke up one day and realized while I have many people in my life I love and care about. Same from them. I have realized. I have allowed my self to be surrounded by people that simply are happy to sit at home and watch netflix and that seems to be about it. Which is driving me crazy. Lets go do something. Yes it's ironic. I'm watching youtube right now. But going out is just not the same by ones self. Trying to get out there and meet more active people.
Loved the video!
The "when you're not where you want to be in life" section. This is a list of what to fix in your life, Ana you should make an extended list. I think that could be helpful
Woah. Something like that happened to me as well. A girl I met was already super drunk and she started getting very ugly verbally with me and didn’t wanna leave the bar because it was getting late. I was trying to leave and since I was the driver, I decided not to drink. She was so mad at me, she ended up leaving with people that she didn’t know: Granted, I never met her before that day.
I really like your contents, i really appreciate it personally, keep up to spread good positivity. A1 !!
Dear lovely ana, thank you for your great videos i learn alot from them ❤️✨
Thank you ❤
Hmmm... I do see a few areas I need to improve now. I am not sure I am comfortable sharing them, but I do thank you for the video, as it did very much open my eyes about certain things
Thank you!
10/10 video as usual Ana.. super beneficial and keep it up
The timing of this video is crazy
I lost my wonderful gf due to my own depression and demons, and I never ever ever want to let that happen again, but I need so much help before I can get there, and I appreciate all the people that have been there for me so far!!!
I just had to left my bf for the same reasons (he was the depressed one and I tried my hardest to help him and make things work) I wish he can have the same wake up call as you did. I wish him the best and Hope he can heal. I wish you the best as well❤
great video!
7:48 you also could have said your opinion on the situation afterwards instead of just cancelling her over one meet up that went wrong. Friends are supposed to be honest and tell you when you're wrong or making bad decisions. Especially when she's clearly being used by a man and can't see that because of her own misogyny.
Well, yeah, 'Friends' should be honest, but that is an IDEAL to be worked towards. Acquaintances can't be expected to be honest. And New Friends are rather on a kind of Probation, aren't they. How can anybody trust a New Friend, right? Heck, Relationships are really bad that way, meaning that most people believe that Intimacy should equal Honesty and so they give these almost Perfect Strangers the Key to their Secret Lives and really come to regret it. Also, in regards to Ana's relationship with the Drunken Girl, well, it certainly isn't Ana's duty to do anything but Run Away from that Train Wreck. If the Relationship is to be saved it would have to be by a campaign of apologies from the Drunken Girl who would need to make it all right somehow. No, it would be wrong to bother Ana any time soon, but should they bump into each other again, then overtures could be made.
I agree. I don’t think people “going through a bad time” should just be avoided or abandoned either. Everyone needs support and friendship.
@@alliemarie2005 Good Morning Alicia, Yeah, I understand that you are coming from an admirably high Social Moral Idealistic Place in advocating not abandoning "friends" when they are going through hard times. but my impression was that this get together was more just prospective between acquaintances. Did Ana mention about who was reaching out to whom? But in every Relationship there is a Power Dynamic, that is, somebody always takes a bit more than they give, and the one bows to the other. I think that Ana was surprised to find herself automatically placed into the Inferior Role and took it as a slap in the face. Showing up Drunk was also kind of Butch and maybe Ana didn't want it to go down that road. Also, initial get togethers are a lot like First Dates. If they don't go well, then the best thing is to just let them recede into the past. No phone call required. What would you say that wouldn't sound judgmental or condescending? But, then again, I'm just projecting different scenarios that would justify my thinking, and don't know any more actual details than you do. But, still, Good Kind People already give themselves enough Duties to perform for an ungrateful World without asking them to accept insults from near-strangers and then go back and ask for more.
Can’t wait to watch!
this video was extremely helpful to me
Can you pls make a video on the psychology of why people are so interested in certain TV shows? Like game of thrones, walking dead, or euphoria? I think it's so interesting. Love love love your vids 💕💕
Please could you put these on to spotify. I would loveeee to listen to these on the way to work. ❤❤
amazing vid!!!