It's not ugly. Its just the evolution of the mind trying to make up for what it think it lacks. It's not something you should be ashamed of, just something you need to cultivate upon and grow. We aren't robots, so don't call the human parts of yourself 'ugly'. Speak kindly to yourself 💖✌
Chlorophyllis: What a fun, good name! Good of you to look at your ugly parts, that is beautiful! I too want to encounter my shadow to integrate it, but am too stressed, sick and weak to have enough energy for it. I tried once, but was also in too much of a hurry then, I only came to a dark, ugly, ominous, almost slimy-hard, barren sort of landscape, but didn't get to see my shadow. A good thing, because it shouldn't be done unprepared. I then met my true self, which was 4 times a s big and very loving and light. I had to climb a ladder to meet and embrace her. I wonder how you go about it, do you have any structured work method? Do you write about it? i used a book and followed the instructions, although I had only ½ hour. Good luck -oh no, it is already 2 months ago! Hope it was good.
1. Attention seeking behaviours. Pity, attn, praise. (But crave affection, security to go out independantly) 2. Inability to handle emotions. Sadness, anger... 3. Egocentrism...selfishness or self focus 4. No filter Make ppl feel heard, give attention, compassionate clear boundaries... Also ask for what you need.
@@cheatbluevii9123 A filter is also honest. That’s because you are using your life experience to better understand the time and place for certain comments
I actually wish I was better at bringing out my anger at the right times. Too much I've let shit slide in the moment only to decide I'm actually pissed tf off when I think about it more.
I've noticed it's hard for me to tap into my deep emotions, i'm more in my head and overthinking than I am able to express emotions... I am empathetic, but I've noticed that I have been silent and voiceless. My responsibility in taking action on how I feel has been repressed. I've been thinking logically, not allowing my heart to fly. I overshare or remain silent. so i've remained silent. I've been blamed to handle others feelings, to make them feel better- for my entire life. So i've literally silenced myself because I don't want to hurt anyone. So I think it's redundant for me to worry about my bluntness, sometimes...I just work on taking my time before I take actions but then I forget. So ya, silenced.
Sounds like childhood emotional neglect. Happened to me too. Some parents don’t have the skills so they can’t teach us to express our feelings in a healthy way.
Don’t forget that some people on the autism spectrum do these things (like no filter, unable to name emotions) not out of immaturity but because of the way their brain works. Have patience with people like this please. Invisible disabilities are all around you 🙏
My friend is autistic and he’s easily one of the greatest people I’ve met with a heart of gold. It’s a shame people like him are almost never given a chance by their peers.
When trauma impairs your ability to develop full emotional maturity, this is known as arrested psychological development. Trauma can “freeze” your emotional response at the age you experienced it. When you feel or act emotionally younger than your actual age, this is known as age regression.
I had to have a long meeting with myself and realize how immature I really am. Not as mature as I thought i was last week or most of my adult life... this video is supporting my internal dialogue this month! You are supporting me with your thoughtful intentions, thank you.
I feel you! As I was making this video, I didn't have anyone specific in mind, but watching it afterwards made me realize "oh that sounds like [someone I know]" or "damn, I remembered I did this one time." I think it's great to use such opportunities for self-improvement :)
Vain As Hell no I don’t have a public ig, sorry! Feel free to email me your idea at psychologywithana@gmail.com, although these days I’m so ridiculously busy that I can’t promise I’ll get to it :(
I think adding onto your last point, taking accountability for your actions is a big sign of being mature. Even if you don’t think you did anything wrong in the given situation, recognizing that your actions can hurt and affect other people negatively is important.
It's very important to cultivate maturity and boundaries at the same time because immature people are instantly attracted to you. As they expect you to be understanding and respectful, many times they can disregard your boundaries knowingly or unknowingly. Everyone is shaped through their experiences, so without blaming someone for being immature it's important to address the issue or keep a healthy distance.
This exactly. The biggest downside of being immature is attracting immature ppl. Now you are burdened with this huge load of immature unrealistic expectations from their side that u have to fullfil.
Just what i needed, i love your videos. I was wondering if you could talk about: -how to stop lying -How to open up to others, improve the ability to express feelings, or be more loving. (For people who find this kind of thing difficult) Thanks and have a nice day Ana
radical honesty by brad Blanton my fellow human :P its rough sometimes. but being fully honest is the better decision to being diplomatic. only part i want to debate ana on.
Maturity always comes down to the simple concept of the socially acceptable way to express or do anything. But what happens when the concept you want to perpetuate is itself socially unacceptable, and cannot be avoided without stretching it to the point of inaccuracy (lying) or being silent? There are ugly exceptions to most rules about maturity that people don't want to acknowledge for the sake of unity. But it is possible to be selfish together, and hurt each other less than if we were to attempt to be selfless. I say it's better to be selfish, honest, and sympathetic than selfless, self-righteous, empathetic, and ultimately dishonest to yourself about your own intentions. Because that creates problems for both yourself and everybody that you assume you're "helping".
Really depends on the concept. Clearest example is probably various kinds of awareness. Sometimes people overlook details and impose their right to do so onto the world. For most things this is a small and easily ignored disconnect, no one's gonna fight too hard over things like game design or storytelling. But when this happens relative to our self-conception and to our understanding of other people, suddenly to talk of awareness isn't nerdy, it's potentially threatening. But it might be necessary to talk about if people are being manipulative. Manipulation itself is difficult to talk about because everyone has needs, and manipulative people aren't evil or something, they're just really needy. They go about meeting those needs like a hungry person might steal food. Whenever I talk to people about manipulation, I try and make sure this concept is understood. Everyday, we all meet our own social needs in various ways, and usually we're excused in how we go about it for not bothering anyone, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't reflect on it. We all compulsively comfort ourselves, and many people intuitively understand this fact. However, because of that, it can be very easy for us to completely accept manipulative behavior despite its consequences, which is itself something many people do not intuitively understand. When too many people don't understand this, it may become socially unacceptable in small groups to call this behavior into question. To do so is to immediately start a fight, especially if you know doing so will start a fight. Not a very mature thing to do, indisputably. The group may say your likelihood to ask questions is itself born from an unbecoming weakness. But I think being seen immature before such a needy, selfish group is perhaps for the best. It doesn't have to define us.
Looking at the mess I made of the last relationship I was in, I have all of these markers of immaturity, and I'm 49 :( Much work to do, but you show the way forward. It's really painful and humbling acknowledging such ugly things about myself, but the truth is the truth. Thank you, for both your content and your presentation.
Finding out for definite that I am emotionally immature is embarrassing, awful, sad. But also relieving to get an explanation and the truth, and hopeful and positive, because from here change can be made from more clarity. I have known it sort of sometimes a little, but it is hard when there are many other things that make it understandable and excusable, sort of. And There are the mature, sacrificing, idealistic, good parts too. Thank you for your kind caracterization and understanding.
Well... still a long way to maturity... especially on blunt honesty. I tend to overlook people's feelings too much (because i grew up with people telling me suck it up, dont bother us with your silly emotions etc...). I used, still do a little bit, to think if we were all robots the world would be easier. I didnt learn to deal with emotions i just threw then by the window. So i am learning slowly but it is not so easy everyday.
Brilliant topic today, Ana! I think we all fall prey to immaturity at times. Thanks for addressing this and for the actionable strategies. Beautiful channel
When I was told I was going to meet someone who would change my entire perspective for the better I was in disbelief... then I found your chanel. Ana, you have saved parts of me I thought I'd never be able to reconcile. Thank you from the bottom of my heart (I still have one)
From 5:08 : I have clients in their 60's and 70's who still cant handle their emotions and it keeps them locked into an emotionally immature state which keeps the vulnerable to narcissistically abusive relationships. Great video, thankyou.
One big factor I can't handle my own emotions is my inability to gauge the balance between being in touch with distressing emotions and the social norms on which my emotions exist in. I can feel upset in a public place, I'm just expected to discreet about it enough to not worry others or cause a scene. This ability is vital for any human, but its hindered by (you guessed it) parents, the very first people to notice if you're having a meltdown as a child. Parents have the ability to make you feel absolutely ashamed of yourself if they think you've done something wrong, which in childhood includes berating you for not saying thank you to strangers or giving out hugs to relatives you don't even recognize. Even as an adult I'm unable to comply to my own needs without feeling that i've breached the social norm, I may not be rolling on the floor and screaming like a banshee--but I will feel equally embarassed and ashamed of myself when I realize that I'm upset in public.
Interesting video and well done! It's funny, I never thought of being blunt/direct/having no filter, as immature, but rather just a cultural thing. I actually like it, because it shows that you are honest and not hitting around the bush. But hey, here I am, a Dutchman. It's kinda normal here.
watching this and understanding how emotional immature i am? my whole life i’ve been getting praise for being “mature for my age” “highly emotionally mature” when in reality all they were referring to is my ability to think through my emotions without experiencing them. now i’m just in a constant state of burnouts over and over with complete inability to comprehend what exact emotions im experiencing. sometimes i question if i have ever felt anything at all, and of course it is just me getting hyper about it but it just gets scary. This video was honestly as if my thoughts and concerns have been vocalized and now i understand what exactly is wrong about the way i do things, so thank you so much
Struggling with exactly this in my relationship. My fiancee did not get much attention growing up and so seeks it from me excessively, throws tantrums, etc. She also says things she really shouldn't to me. I'm trying my best to navigate it and this helps a lot. I don't know if it will work but I will do my best to make her feel heard and that I'm on her side even when I'm upset, and try to find the underlying reason she's upset in the moment. At the same time, I need to continue to set the boundary saying the things she does is not okay; no matter how upset we get at each other, we should not cross certain lines.
Wow, I’ve watched, saved, and downloaded a lot of your videos and plan on sharing them. This is impressive. I just turned 30 and after watching some of your videos, I feel embarrassed about how I’ve been acting while depressed and anxious, but am learning to be compassionate, forgiving, and loving to myself. You explain things so eloquently and you got me excited on how to improve how I am around people, how I show up, and how to accept and admit my faults and mistakes. I’m so thankful to be watching your videos. I wish the older generation had access to these videos:/.
Regarding the crying over the 'scraping of the knee', I don't think that's necessarily always maturity. I remember in between the ages of 11-13 If I hurt myself I'd think 'okay that isn't too bad' but sometimes would start crying and wasn't able to stop for a little while. I think in some instances it's possible that mentally we've developed to know what isn't serious but our brain will still force us to display childlike responses such as uncontrollable bursts of tears at the beginning of puberty.
I think it's really important to take this in, but not blame yourself. If you did not know, were not taught how to act properly then how could you? My first thought was "I'm immature, I'm an idiot, I should know this already" But I don't, so my next thought is "This was never shown or explained to me, and now I know how to actively grow and change my personality. I know what is wrong and now I can fix it" Blaming yourself really only leads you to feel bad and then try to ignore that feeling through ignoring the source.
Very interesting. I had some sort of awakening few years ago, when I understood that people who crave attention (pity, praise, etc.) view the world differently. I moved away from that because I understood what it is to raise someone, a child. You need to become the vessel that gives, not take. It changes you completely. Also, the control of emotions. Again, a few years ago, if someone showed me blatant disrespect, I would have been very aggressive and use my fist as a last resort if my apparent frustration doesn't make the other apologise. It was very self-centered. Now I speak with words and I make sure that I not only understand the other person's situation/point of view, but also make them know that we can come to an agreement. My view of the world changed much after that as well. Sounds cheesy, but everything that starts with a smile and a good composure usually has a good ending.
I struggle with the bluntness aspect. I’m honest to fault, because I value authenticity. But sometimes, I forget social gracefulness. Good news is that, I’m trying to work on that.
In my pursuit of seeking the truth behind what holds back communication and authenticity between people; I believe I have become a little egocentric and my filter is starting to slip off. Social cues and behaviors are the compromise that keeps us together. That is not to say that all are good, but there is a reason some have stuck around. Not everyone will react positively to things. As a result, we have social standards, behaviors, and beliefs to help keep us together. Going forward, I will be more aware of limits and privacy. I will also be more careful in how I approach sensitive topics.
Great video, thank you! I often use the quote. ‘Everyone is at the center of their own universe, but nobody is at the center of the universe’ Balance is keyyyyy ☯️
Your videos are always a blessing, I look out for signs of immaturity when dealing with people I know because it gets very draining, though I also recognize some things I do are immature and can improve on!! Happy Monday Ana ❤️
Agreed, immaturity in adults can sometimes be a dangerous thing for the people around them. I remember one time I was trying to point out someone I knew in the cafeteria to a friend and I asked her to look discreetly. She immediately flipped her head around and stared, and then looked back at me and asked, "That person?" It was a major face-slap moment for me, and sometimes I feel like it's safer for me to not put my trust in people who behave immaturely.
Ana Psychology That’s a good point, being with immature people can have really serious consequences. I’m sorry to hear that your friend ended up acting immaturely, it’s not easy to trust many people, especially since you don’t know how they may react or respond to even simple things like that. I’ve had moments with friends where they’ve shouted or done something incredibly immature, and it’s so frustrating
I have such a weird mix of attention seeking and at the same time fear of standing out😅 I guess that's what's holding me off most of the time. Yeah, actually both of those problems need my ATTENTION
OMG ANOTHER GREAT VIDEO, you cannot imagine how much I loved this topic cause it helped me out to understand a bit more about what is being immature ❤️ thank you so much for this one, Ana, have a great day!
This is not only really helpful in a personal way, but it helps me to understand some of the behaviours of my team at work and how to love and serve them better. So thank you so much for putting this out there in the way that you have.
It bothers me that I can't be blunt and direct and not have a filter. It's like I have to change who I am to fit into society.. And although I wanna be more mature, cause at this point I am probably the most immature I was in all my adult life, it's hard for me to want to change that aspect.
Thank you so much! In the last months, I've been reflecting on how to become a better person, because I realized that I was hiding to myself some ugly truths. I've been very hard on myself after seeing all the things that I've done wrong, and seeing you, and the way that you are non-judgmental and compassionate reminds me that shaming myself won't help. In this path of improvement and self-healing, responsibility needs some loving kindness. Have an amazing day.
I’m in my first relationship and I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m immature!! 😆 Looking to call myself out through this video. Also: I love your shirt-where is it from?
Psychology is such a tough subject. I've been learning about my own Bipolar II disorder and just trying to grasp the different ways my mind works has been daunting.
Summary !! 1. Attentiom seeking behaviour, when you feal unsecure about something, talk about it with the other person. Don't be cranky about it. 2. Unable to handle emotion, start taking note about what you feal, and how that fealing affected you. 3. Egocentrism, when interacting with other person, start to think about what they're thingking and fealing. 4. No filter, sugarcoated what you say to make sure no one get offended.
This is so spot on. My mother and sister are on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum. But it seems like this might be at the root of their issues.
I am adhd so I straight up took the time to write all of this out! This was very helpful, I am more emotionally immature than I want to be, but I am hoping to change and have the courage to impact the people around me in a healthier and better way than in my past circumstances.
I also have adhd and the struggle I have found is dealing with impulse control. It is not natural to use a filter (whether in sharing, excessive emotional expression, or not taking time to consider the other individuals perspective before interacting). But I believe that we can still improve and grow past these difficulties in spite of the our disability.
I m from Romania too and for sure you re on point about romanians bluntness! Somehow its viewed as a quality, but I think honestly its more a lack of empathy about other people feelings.
i just went through a really bad breakup and i just found out about your videos! just wanted to say i love these videos and they've been helping me out a lot :)
Video on DBT would be really helpful! I enjoy your videos so much, the way you explain difficult things makes it so easy to understand them! I like psychology and your videos inspire me, the way you validate everyone and help people to discover themselves. I hope one day I can be a great psychologist just like you are :)
Greetings Ana! I think you did an excellent job of explaining and pointing out some of the signs of immature behavior, both in youths and adults. I think one thing that many people tend to think as they reach a certain age, is that they have become an adult because they may now take part in adult activities, even though they have these adult opportunities , they might not be emotionally mature to process the experiences that they may encounter in a positive way. This behavior often leads to unpleasant consequences. As we all are at the center of our own universe, we do have to be mindful of others as well, and where our universe intersects others is where we all need to find balance. The greatest accomplishments of human behavior has come to fruition through the acceptance that we all are in one universe and that our mutual cooperation is the most positive way of expressing ourselves. When we work together as one we are capable of doing great things. We all have been endowed with our own skill sets, and as we go forward through life we may find that our experiences enables us to help others in ways we never thought possible when we were immature. Thank you for posting this video! Please have an excellent and awesome day! 🙂
2 notes here: - being the "center of the universe". The thing with that is, nobody is "one" with the universe to the point that they can equate themselves with it, therefore I'd rather speak about being the center of my own perception. "My perception" does justice to the fact that it is strictly something in my mind, as opposed to a "truth" or the subject of my opinions, that can be things outside of my own person. Like, one is the image and perception of anything, like, a table for example, the other is the table itself. There is a big problem going on these days that many, many people just do not get that there is a distinction, and thus they do not get the importance of this distinction. - the difference between bluntness and honesty. It is not necessarily ("morally") bad to be blunt *unless* it is also dishonest (like, rubbing someone's misfortune in their face when there is absolutely no point to be made with that). Bluntness is a cost and we Dutch are not very good at limiting ourselves in that regard, some would sell that off as "honest" when that is not necessarily the case, and others do it because they have a hard time reading the different codes in a foreign country. But, there are some cases where it just looks like you can't say anything at all for fear of hurting them with a opinion about ... well ... equally or more hurtful behavior on their part? Questions like these about bluntness are not easy at all and there are different answers every single time.
Hey thank you Ana. I can see a lot of these behaviors still lingering in myself but also in the children I help at work. When You mentioned the conflating negative emotions it just rang a bell. The child I work with always describes everything negative or that causes him apprehension/discomfort as being scared. He says he's scared to draw a picture or cut out an image with a scissor despite having done it before countless times.
I think it's important to understand and communicate that some people -- narcissistic parents, for example -- are going to be offended no matter what you say or how you say it
This video really helps to reflect on oneself. Exploring how you feel and why you feel a certain way is a simple but very effective method to get to know yourself better and to improve as a person :)
I don't know if I'm comfortable calling the last one immaturity. A lot of autistic people are naturally pretty blunt, and it can be hurtful to get called immature or childish for it. It just takes us longer to work through it. Especially when supportive environments are hard to find.
For me moving to a new country and starting everything all over again absolutely alone was a huge stress, which kicked me into these immature behaviors faster than I even noticed. Never underestimate disadaptive protection mechanisms of your psychic, guys) And don't be fast to judge adults with such behavior for "never growing up". We never know what these people are going through at the moment.
Haha, exactly. The very traits which make us "human" is being tagged as wrong. If the video was any longer she would have said "here is a pill it will fix your immaturity"
It's more like learn your emotions and talk about them instead of hurting other people with them. Care about other people. And if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it, or say something nice instead. Unless someone asks for constructive criticism.
It’s hard to be mature when you tried to have an adult conversation with someone who doesn’t take accountability-then it’s like f it, why should I be mature if this person doesn’t give a f. Lol 😅 that’s petty but it’s f annoying to always be the bigger person
400 years into the future, people who remembered you after you were dead are now long forgotten, so maybe if you feel, you're inmature, just ignore it and enjoy the small time u got to live in this fkn beautiful world ❤️
People disagrees in the blunt/no filter part, when they show the examples of their ways to be "blunt" I think they have different views in that. From what i understand, she pointed about "read the situation" Kind of blunt instead of not being honest/expressing yourself. Like you come into someone's wedding when you just got fired. You are mad and so so pissed, rather than talking and be happy for the couple, you rant throughout the day to the guests and maybe perform ed some angry songs in front of everyone. It surely make people uncomfortable yeah? I do think if someone matured enough they'll go with the host's mood, they may tell their friends there they just got fired, but they know this is not the time to be angry/sad.
found your channel by chance and was enjoying the content but had absolutely no idea we were of the same nationality. In hindsight I should've gotten a hint from your name but your english is so good 🇷🇴 ✌
What I've learned from this is that empathy makes all so much more difficult.... Thinking what people think, feeling what other people might feel... I love brutal honesty. But maybe empathy is what make us human. I wish I would not feel all that people pain in my head bacause of empathy. Benefit of possibility to be truly connected might never come up.....
I was watching this and somehow hearing the NO FILTER part, checked the auto translation just to be sure you said romanian and as a romanian, I agree, there is no filter at the table with family, friends and the concept of filter in public, zero. Good content.
I have problems with emotional regulations and being too blunt. I'm pretty sure it's because I have autism. I just got diagnosed and probably should go to specialized therapy for it.
thanks for this video Ana, Im already in my 30s but still i feel im not yet matured, especially when dealing with different people of different cultures , I need to be more sensitive and mindful of my own actions, what you said is true, some cultures are really blunt and direct , as for me with an Asian heritage, we are more reserved and stoic, sometimes i feel i need to have a more deeper understanding and observation of others' characteristics before i interact with them, especially at workplace.
I love your channel because I listen to you talk while I'm doing other stuff and I am still learning. Your channel is helping me become more aware of my actions and be able to fix them.
I've been binge watching you for the past two days and really enjoyed the content and today I found out you are also Romanian. Happy TH-cam recommended your channel
i still remember as a kid when i first realized that other ppl r the main characters of their lives. literal mind blown. there's a word for it, actually: "sonder"
Hello, I’m super interested in a DBT breakdown video! I’m sure a lot of other folks would benefit from it too! Great video btw, thanks for the upload :)
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This quarantine has me looking at the really ugly parts of me, but I need to.
This is very admirable ♥️
It's not ugly.
Its just the evolution of the mind trying to make up for what it think it lacks. It's not something you should be ashamed of, just something you need to cultivate upon and grow. We aren't robots, so don't call the human parts of yourself 'ugly'. Speak kindly to yourself 💖✌
Chlorophyllis: What a fun, good name! Good of you to look at your ugly parts, that is beautiful! I too want to encounter my shadow to integrate it, but am too stressed, sick and weak to have enough energy for it. I tried once, but was also in too much of a hurry then, I only came to a dark, ugly, ominous, almost slimy-hard, barren sort of landscape, but didn't get to see my shadow. A good thing, because it shouldn't be done unprepared. I then met my true self, which was 4 times a s big and very loving and light. I had to climb a ladder to meet and embrace her.
I wonder how you go about it, do you have any structured work method? Do you write about it? i used a book and followed the instructions, although I had only ½ hour. Good luck -oh no, it is already 2 months ago! Hope it was good.
Damn fam
Good for you, sincerely.
1. Attention seeking behaviours. Pity, attn, praise.
(But crave affection, security to go out independantly)
2. Inability to handle emotions. Sadness, anger...
3. Egocentrism...selfishness or self focus
4. No filter
Make ppl feel heard, give attention, compassionate clear boundaries... Also ask for what you need.
My only immature trait is No.2, it’s so hard for me to handle emotions if I’ve had them for a few minutes
I used to have number 1 until I got done with it. Number 4? I don't know... What's wrong with being honest with what you want to say?
@@cheatbluevii9123 A filter is also honest. That’s because you are using your life experience to better understand the time and place for certain comments
I actually wish I was better at bringing out my anger at the right times. Too much I've let shit slide in the moment only to decide I'm actually pissed tf off when I think about it more.
No.4 is kinda a problem since it's unintentional at times and in other times me not liking to shut my mouth in social situations.
To everyone: watching this video and attempting to educate or second guess maturity is a VERY mature thing to do :) thank yourself for it
Thank you 🙏🏻
Thanks bro
That's a bit self congratulatory.
I’m such a mature guy for this 😎 gonna put this on my insta
Wonder what it says about people leaving comments on youtube videos, I mean we all want that like button to be smashed, right.
I've noticed it's hard for me to tap into my deep emotions, i'm more in my head and overthinking than I am able to express emotions... I am empathetic, but I've noticed that I have been silent and voiceless. My responsibility in taking action on how I feel has been repressed. I've been thinking logically, not allowing my heart to fly. I overshare or remain silent. so i've remained silent. I've been blamed to handle others feelings, to make them feel better- for my entire life. So i've literally silenced myself because I don't want to hurt anyone. So I think it's redundant for me to worry about my bluntness, sometimes...I just work on taking my time before I take actions but then I forget. So ya, silenced.
You are not alone.
Thank you for this comment
i relate to 100% of this. glad to see there are other people like me
Sounds like childhood emotional neglect. Happened to me too. Some parents don’t have the skills so they can’t teach us to express our feelings in a healthy way.
I relate. Either silence or oversharing. Emotions have not had a voice for years.
Don’t forget that some people on the autism spectrum do these things (like no filter, unable to name emotions) not out of immaturity but because of the way their brain works. Have patience with people like this please. Invisible disabilities are all around you 🙏
My friend is autistic and he’s easily one of the greatest people I’ve met with a heart of gold. It’s a shame people like him are almost never given a chance by their peers.
When trauma impairs your ability to develop full emotional maturity, this is known as arrested psychological development. Trauma can “freeze” your emotional response at the age you experienced it. When you feel or act emotionally younger than your actual age, this is known as age regression.
I had to have a long meeting with myself and realize how immature I really am. Not as mature as I thought i was last week or most of my adult life... this video is supporting my internal dialogue this month! You are supporting me with your thoughtful intentions, thank you.
I feel you! As I was making this video, I didn't have anyone specific in mind, but watching it afterwards made me realize "oh that sounds like [someone I know]" or "damn, I remembered I did this one time." I think it's great to use such opportunities for self-improvement :)
Ana Psychology Respectfully asking if you have an ig account. I have a unique mental health family dynamic and wanted to share a video idea?
Ana Psychology - i am “sovainashell” ^ • ^
Vain As Hell no I don’t have a public ig, sorry! Feel free to email me your idea at psychologywithana@gmail.com, although these days I’m so ridiculously busy that I can’t promise I’ll get to it :(
I think adding onto your last point, taking accountability for your actions is a big sign of being mature. Even if you don’t think you did anything wrong in the given situation, recognizing that your actions can hurt and affect other people negatively is important.
It's very important to cultivate maturity and boundaries at the same time because immature people are instantly attracted to you. As they expect you to be understanding and respectful, many times they can disregard your boundaries knowingly or unknowingly. Everyone is shaped through their experiences, so without blaming someone for being immature it's important to address the issue or keep a healthy distance.
This exactly. The biggest downside of being immature is attracting immature ppl. Now you are burdened with this huge load of immature unrealistic expectations from their side that u have to fullfil.
@@kalyani1379exactly why I don’t date girls who demand a six figure income
Just what i needed, i love your videos. I was wondering if you could talk about:
-how to stop lying
-How to open up to others, improve the ability to express feelings, or be more loving. (For people who find this kind of thing difficult)
Thanks and have a nice day Ana
radical honesty by brad Blanton my fellow human :P its rough sometimes. but being fully honest is the better decision to being diplomatic. only part i want to debate ana on.
hold up, lemme send this to my ex... oh wait that’s a sign of immaturity on my part lol
Maturity always comes down to the simple concept of the socially acceptable way to express or do anything. But what happens when the concept you want to perpetuate is itself socially unacceptable, and cannot be avoided without stretching it to the point of inaccuracy (lying) or being silent? There are ugly exceptions to most rules about maturity that people don't want to acknowledge for the sake of unity. But it is possible to be selfish together, and hurt each other less than if we were to attempt to be selfless. I say it's better to be selfish, honest, and sympathetic than selfless, self-righteous, empathetic, and ultimately dishonest to yourself about your own intentions. Because that creates problems for both yourself and everybody that you assume you're "helping".
Really depends on the concept. Clearest example is probably various kinds of awareness. Sometimes people overlook details and impose their right to do so onto the world. For most things this is a small and easily ignored disconnect, no one's gonna fight too hard over things like game design or storytelling. But when this happens relative to our self-conception and to our understanding of other people, suddenly to talk of awareness isn't nerdy, it's potentially threatening. But it might be necessary to talk about if people are being manipulative.
Manipulation itself is difficult to talk about because everyone has needs, and manipulative people aren't evil or something, they're just really needy. They go about meeting those needs like a hungry person might steal food. Whenever I talk to people about manipulation, I try and make sure this concept is understood.
Everyday, we all meet our own social needs in various ways, and usually we're excused in how we go about it for not bothering anyone, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't reflect on it. We all compulsively comfort ourselves, and many people intuitively understand this fact. However, because of that, it can be very easy for us to completely accept manipulative behavior despite its consequences, which is itself something many people do not intuitively understand. When too many people don't understand this, it may become socially unacceptable in small groups to call this behavior into question. To do so is to immediately start a fight, especially if you know doing so will start a fight. Not a very mature thing to do, indisputably. The group may say your likelihood to ask questions is itself born from an unbecoming weakness. But I think being seen immature before such a needy, selfish group is perhaps for the best. It doesn't have to define us.
Looking at the mess I made of the last relationship I was in, I have all of these markers of immaturity, and I'm 49 :( Much work to do, but you show the way forward. It's really painful and humbling acknowledging such ugly things about myself, but the truth is the truth. Thank you, for both your content and your presentation.
I think you might be too harsh on yourself, but my shadow of a doubt is that I cannot know what you have done, wish you are doing better these days.
I am 48 bro . I am in a similar place. Your post clearly shows courage and made me feel i am not alone.
Wish you a very best to improve oneself.....
Hope you're doin alright brother.
Better late then never I tell myself
Finding out for definite that I am emotionally immature is embarrassing, awful, sad. But also relieving to get an explanation and the truth, and hopeful and positive, because from here change can be made from more clarity.
I have known it sort of sometimes a little, but it is hard when there are many other things that make it understandable and excusable, sort of. And There are the mature, sacrificing, idealistic, good parts too. Thank you for your kind caracterization and understanding.
Well... still a long way to maturity... especially on blunt honesty. I tend to overlook people's feelings too much (because i grew up with people telling me suck it up, dont bother us with your silly emotions etc...). I used, still do a little bit, to think if we were all robots the world would be easier. I didnt learn to deal with emotions i just threw then by the window. So i am learning slowly but it is not so easy everyday.
i always aspire to be like you
Aw you're so sweet!
Subbed you got this have fun 😊
Literally think the same thing whenever I watch their videos.
Brilliant topic today, Ana! I think we all fall prey to immaturity at times. Thanks for addressing this and for the actionable strategies. Beautiful channel
Thank you so much! :)
Can you do one on codependency, attachment issue,need for affection,pls?
Yes, I second this!
Thanks for the suggestion, I'll add it to my list :)
@@AnaPsychology ty
Yes, please: that would be so helpful
Yes please!
When I was told I was going to meet someone who would change my entire perspective for the better I was in disbelief... then I found your chanel. Ana, you have saved parts of me I thought I'd never be able to reconcile. Thank you from the bottom of my heart (I still have one)
That means so much to me, thank you!❤️ I’m glad
From 5:08 : I have clients in their 60's and 70's who still cant handle their emotions and it keeps them locked into an emotionally immature state which keeps the vulnerable to narcissistically abusive relationships.
Great video, thankyou.
One big factor I can't handle my own emotions is my inability to gauge the balance between being in touch with distressing emotions and the social norms on which my emotions exist in. I can feel upset in a public place, I'm just expected to discreet about it enough to not worry others or cause a scene. This ability is vital for any human, but its hindered by (you guessed it) parents, the very first people to notice if you're having a meltdown as a child. Parents have the ability to make you feel absolutely ashamed of yourself if they think you've done something wrong, which in childhood includes berating you for not saying thank you to strangers or giving out hugs to relatives you don't even recognize. Even as an adult I'm unable to comply to my own needs without feeling that i've breached the social norm, I may not be rolling on the floor and screaming like a banshee--but I will feel equally embarassed and ashamed of myself when I realize that I'm upset in public.
Interesting video and well done! It's funny, I never thought of being blunt/direct/having no filter, as immature, but rather just a cultural thing. I actually like it, because it shows that you are honest and not hitting around the bush. But hey, here I am, a Dutchman. It's kinda normal here.
Yes, do make the videos on DBT. Loving the content as well as you. :)
watching this and understanding how emotional immature i am? my whole life i’ve been getting praise for being “mature for my age” “highly emotionally mature” when in reality all they were referring to is my ability to think through my emotions without experiencing them. now i’m just in a constant state of burnouts over and over with complete inability to comprehend what exact emotions im experiencing. sometimes i question if i have ever felt anything at all, and of course it is just me getting hyper about it but it just gets scary. This video was honestly as if my thoughts and concerns have been vocalized and now i understand what exactly is wrong about the way i do things, so thank you so much
Struggling with exactly this in my relationship. My fiancee did not get much attention growing up and so seeks it from me excessively, throws tantrums, etc. She also says things she really shouldn't to me. I'm trying my best to navigate it and this helps a lot. I don't know if it will work but I will do my best to make her feel heard and that I'm on her side even when I'm upset, and try to find the underlying reason she's upset in the moment. At the same time, I need to continue to set the boundary saying the things she does is not okay; no matter how upset we get at each other, we should not cross certain lines.
Wow, I’ve watched, saved, and downloaded a lot of your videos and plan on sharing them. This is impressive. I just turned 30 and after watching some of your videos, I feel embarrassed about how I’ve been acting while depressed and anxious, but am learning to be compassionate, forgiving, and loving to myself. You explain things so eloquently and you got me excited on how to improve how I am around people, how I show up, and how to accept and admit my faults and mistakes. I’m so thankful to be watching your videos. I wish the older generation had access to these videos:/.
i just turned 30 and am having a similar epiphany right now. you got this. best wishes to you ♥
Regarding the crying over the 'scraping of the knee', I don't think that's necessarily always maturity.
I remember in between the ages of 11-13 If I hurt myself I'd think 'okay that isn't too bad' but sometimes would start crying and wasn't able to stop for a little while. I think in some instances it's possible that mentally we've developed to know what isn't serious but our brain will still force us to display childlike responses such as uncontrollable bursts of tears at the beginning of puberty.
I think it's really important to take this in, but not blame yourself. If you did not know, were not taught how to act properly then how could you? My first thought was "I'm immature, I'm an idiot, I should know this already"
But I don't, so my next thought is "This was never shown or explained to me, and now I know how to actively grow and change my personality. I know what is wrong and now I can fix it"
Blaming yourself really only leads you to feel bad and then try to ignore that feeling through ignoring the source.
I love how eloquently you address important topics! 👏
Very interesting. I had some sort of awakening few years ago, when I understood that people who crave attention (pity, praise, etc.) view the world differently. I moved away from that because I understood what it is to raise someone, a child. You need to become the vessel that gives, not take. It changes you completely.
Also, the control of emotions. Again, a few years ago, if someone showed me blatant disrespect, I would have been very aggressive and use my fist as a last resort if my apparent frustration doesn't make the other apologise. It was very self-centered. Now I speak with words and I make sure that I not only understand the other person's situation/point of view, but also make them know that we can come to an agreement. My view of the world changed much after that as well. Sounds cheesy, but everything that starts with a smile and a good composure usually has a good ending.
I struggle with the bluntness aspect. I’m honest to fault, because I value authenticity. But sometimes, I forget social gracefulness. Good news is that, I’m trying to work on that.
In my pursuit of seeking the truth behind what holds back communication and authenticity between people; I believe I have become a little egocentric and my filter is starting to slip off. Social cues and behaviors are the compromise that keeps us together. That is not to say that all are good, but there is a reason some have stuck around. Not everyone will react positively to things. As a result, we have social standards, behaviors, and beliefs to help keep us together. Going forward, I will be more aware of limits and privacy. I will also be more careful in how I approach sensitive topics.
Great video, thank you! I often use the quote. ‘Everyone is at the center of their own universe, but nobody is at the center of the universe’
Balance is keyyyyy ☯️
"A trusted source, such as yourself" love it :) :)
Your videos are always a blessing, I look out for signs of immaturity when dealing with people I know because it gets very draining, though I also recognize some things I do are immature and can improve on!! Happy Monday Ana ❤️
Agreed, immaturity in adults can sometimes be a dangerous thing for the people around them. I remember one time I was trying to point out someone I knew in the cafeteria to a friend and I asked her to look discreetly. She immediately flipped her head around and stared, and then looked back at me and asked, "That person?" It was a major face-slap moment for me, and sometimes I feel like it's safer for me to not put my trust in people who behave immaturely.
Ana Psychology That’s a good point, being with immature people can have really serious consequences. I’m sorry to hear that your friend ended up acting immaturely, it’s not easy to trust many people, especially since you don’t know how they may react or respond to even simple things like that. I’ve had moments with friends where they’ve shouted or done something incredibly immature, and it’s so frustrating
I have such a weird mix of attention seeking and at the same time fear of standing out😅 I guess that's what's holding me off most of the time. Yeah, actually both of those problems need my ATTENTION
OMG ANOTHER GREAT VIDEO, you cannot imagine how much I loved this topic cause it helped me out to understand a bit more about what is being immature ❤️ thank you so much for this one, Ana, have a great day!
I'm so glad! Hope you have a nice day too :)
This is not only really helpful in a personal way, but it helps me to understand some of the behaviours of my team at work and how to love and serve them better. So thank you so much for putting this out there in the way that you have.
I love these types of youtube videos because I can actually learn new things and watch out for signs, even if I haven’t been in the situation before.
Pain is weakness leaving the body. Suffering in the present is better than regret.
i needed this w/ my immature ass
LOL I'm here for the self-reflection, most people never turn it on themselves to wonder how they can improve :)
"How you treat other people also affects you in the long run", yes.
It bothers me that I can't be blunt and direct and not have a filter. It's like I have to change who I am to fit into society.. And although I wanna be more mature, cause at this point I am probably the most immature I was in all my adult life, it's hard for me to want to change that aspect.
Same
Thank you so much! In the last months, I've been reflecting on how to become a better person, because I realized that I was hiding to myself some ugly truths. I've been very hard on myself after seeing all the things that I've done wrong, and seeing you, and the way that you are non-judgmental and compassionate reminds me that shaming myself won't help. In this path of improvement and self-healing, responsibility needs some loving kindness.
Have an amazing day.
To be honest i love people that have no filters and that don't hide their emotions
I’m in my first relationship and I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m immature!! 😆 Looking to call myself out through this video.
Also: I love your shirt-where is it from?
Always love to see self-reflection! And it’s from shein :)
Psychology is such a tough subject. I've been learning about my own Bipolar II disorder and just trying to grasp the different ways my mind works has been daunting.
Summary !!
1. Attentiom seeking behaviour, when you feal unsecure about something, talk about it with the other person. Don't be cranky about it.
2. Unable to handle emotion, start taking note about what you feal, and how that fealing affected you.
3. Egocentrism, when interacting with other person, start to think about what they're thingking and fealing.
4. No filter, sugarcoated what you say to make sure no one get offended.
Your videos are so helpful, i was literally just thinking about this🥺🥺
Another great video, Ana! Thanks for the great work! :)
A suggestion of topic for a future episode: Self-soothing techniques, especially for anxiety.
This is so spot on. My mother and sister are on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum. But it seems like this might be at the root of their issues.
My first relationship I became too "needy" and lost my independence for various reasons, and ultimately it cost me the relationship.
I was about to sleep but you uploaded💛✨ New stuff to learn, thank you for this Ana!
Off topic , but where do you shop? You have the CUTEST clothes.
These days mostly shein, nastygal and forever21 :)
I'm very proud of all of you for even clicking on this video trying to learn
I am adhd so I straight up took the time to write all of this out! This was very helpful, I am more emotionally immature than I want to be, but I am hoping to change and have the courage to impact the people around me in a healthier and better way than in my past circumstances.
I also have adhd and the struggle I have found is dealing with impulse control. It is not natural to use a filter (whether in sharing, excessive emotional expression, or not taking time to consider the other individuals perspective before interacting). But I believe that we can still improve and grow past these difficulties in spite of the our disability.
I m from Romania too and for sure you re on point about romanians bluntness! Somehow its viewed as a quality, but I think honestly its more a lack of empathy about other people feelings.
R: Is it a burdened people, with poverty historically , having to leave children in institutions much? That must be painful
i just went through a really bad breakup and i just found out about your videos! just wanted to say i love these videos and they've been helping me out a lot :)
Attention seeking gets conflated with extroversion.
your channel is exactly the content I needed at this time in my life. So much gratitude you were in my feed! Obsessed with your videos.
Video on DBT would be really helpful!
I enjoy your videos so much, the way you explain difficult things makes it so easy to understand them! I like psychology and your videos inspire me, the way you validate everyone and help people to discover themselves. I hope one day I can be a great psychologist just like you are :)
As thank you so much🙏🏻
Greetings Ana!
I think you did an excellent job of explaining and pointing out some of the signs of immature behavior, both in youths and adults.
I think one thing that many people tend to think as they reach a certain age, is that they have become an adult because they may now take part in adult activities, even though they have these adult opportunities , they might not be emotionally mature to process the experiences that they may encounter in a positive way. This behavior often leads to unpleasant consequences.
As we all are at the center of our own universe, we do have to be mindful of others as well, and where our universe intersects others is where we all need to find balance. The greatest accomplishments of human behavior has come to fruition through the acceptance that we all are in one universe and that our mutual cooperation is the most positive way of expressing ourselves. When we work together as one we are capable of doing great things. We all have been endowed with our own skill sets, and as we go forward through life we may find that our experiences enables us to help others in ways we never thought possible when we were immature.
Thank you for posting this video! Please have an excellent and awesome day! 🙂
That video hit me goddam hard. Feels bad and I really dislike myself when I think about the subject....but yeah, changing is hard. Ty for the vid.
Very much appreciate for that CBT series! 😍 Kudos!
I have A LOT of work to do! But I'm here for it! 😩
2 notes here:
- being the "center of the universe". The thing with that is, nobody is "one" with the universe to the point that they can equate themselves with it, therefore I'd rather speak about being the center of my own perception. "My perception" does justice to the fact that it is strictly something in my mind, as opposed to a "truth" or the subject of my opinions, that can be things outside of my own person. Like, one is the image and perception of anything, like, a table for example, the other is the table itself.
There is a big problem going on these days that many, many people just do not get that there is a distinction, and thus they do not get the importance of this distinction.
- the difference between bluntness and honesty. It is not necessarily ("morally") bad to be blunt *unless* it is also dishonest (like, rubbing someone's misfortune in their face when there is absolutely no point to be made with that). Bluntness is a cost and we Dutch are not very good at limiting ourselves in that regard, some would sell that off as "honest" when that is not necessarily the case, and others do it because they have a hard time reading the different codes in a foreign country. But, there are some cases where it just looks like you can't say anything at all for fear of hurting them with a opinion about ... well ... equally or more hurtful behavior on their part? Questions like these about bluntness are not easy at all and there are different answers every single time.
Hey thank you Ana. I can see a lot of these behaviors still lingering in myself but also in the children I help at work. When You mentioned the conflating negative emotions it just rang a bell. The child I work with always describes everything negative or that causes him apprehension/discomfort as being scared. He says he's scared to draw a picture or cut out an image with a scissor despite having done it before countless times.
I think it's important to understand and communicate that some people -- narcissistic parents, for example -- are going to be offended no matter what you say or how you say it
This video really helps to reflect on oneself. Exploring how you feel and why you feel a certain way is a simple but very effective method to get to know yourself better and to improve as a person :)
Thank you for holding this open space and giving light to these important topics.
I don't know if I'm comfortable calling the last one immaturity. A lot of autistic people are naturally pretty blunt, and it can be hurtful to get called immature or childish for it. It just takes us longer to work through it. Especially when supportive environments are hard to find.
THIS
Maturity is like blooming, you can't force it. It must be natural.
I am all of them.
I will watch this video every day until I change.
For me moving to a new country and starting everything all over again absolutely alone was a huge stress, which kicked me into these immature behaviors faster than I even noticed. Never underestimate disadaptive protection mechanisms of your psychic, guys) And don't be fast to judge adults with such behavior for "never growing up". We never know what these people are going through at the moment.
You explain things really well, I get excited for every vid you post lol xx
I watched 3 of your videos in a row and now you said you are Romanian and it makes sense,Romanian women are the most beautiful,greetings from Serbia!
you can be mature and self centered, if you only care about yourself nothing bad happens to you.
Learn to accept yourself as you are..It took years to develop your own personality ..just be genuinely and authentically "You"
just here to say I absolutely love all of your videos, they're so educational and inspiring. thank you so much, and please, never stop! x
So, in order to be an adult I need to learn how to: hide my feelings, pretend I don't care, and lie.
Seriously, it makes sense.
Haha, exactly. The very traits which make us "human" is being tagged as wrong. If the video was any longer she would have said "here is a pill it will fix your immaturity"
It's more like learn your emotions and talk about them instead of hurting other people with them. Care about other people. And if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it, or say something nice instead. Unless someone asks for constructive criticism.
It’s hard to be mature when you tried to have an adult conversation with someone who doesn’t take accountability-then it’s like f it, why should I be mature if this person doesn’t give a f. Lol 😅 that’s petty but it’s f annoying to always be the bigger person
I am not sure what TH-cam is suggesting by suggesting this video to me.
400 years into the future, people who remembered you after you were dead are now long forgotten, so maybe if you feel, you're inmature, just ignore it and enjoy the small time u got to live in this fkn beautiful world ❤️
Nicely said.
And btw don't drink milk
@@manikyum why milk?
Maturity comes with experience that's all
I am a rambunctious rapscallion and I'm never going to change.
People disagrees in the blunt/no filter part, when they show the examples of their ways to be "blunt" I think they have different views in that. From what i understand, she pointed about "read the situation" Kind of blunt instead of not being honest/expressing yourself.
Like you come into someone's wedding when you just got fired. You are mad and so so pissed, rather than talking and be happy for the couple, you rant throughout the day to the guests and maybe perform ed some angry songs in front of everyone. It surely make people uncomfortable yeah? I do think if someone matured enough they'll go with the host's mood, they may tell their friends there they just got fired, but they know this is not the time to be angry/sad.
found your channel by chance and was enjoying the content but had absolutely no idea we were of the same nationality. In hindsight I should've gotten a hint from your name but your english is so good 🇷🇴 ✌
This is a video I watch daily along with Jim Rohn about communication. Thank you for making this.
What I've learned from this is that empathy makes all so much more difficult.... Thinking what people think, feeling what other people might feel... I love brutal honesty. But maybe empathy is what make us human.
I wish I would not feel all that people pain in my head bacause of empathy. Benefit of possibility to be truly connected might never come up.....
Oh, ești româncă 🤩. Foarte mișto canalul! . Și da, suntem oarecum direcți, însă lipsa de tact este un atribut al imaturității în acest caz.
I was watching this and somehow hearing the NO FILTER part, checked the auto translation just to be sure you said romanian and as a romanian, I agree, there is no filter at the table with family, friends and the concept of filter in public, zero. Good content.
I have problems with emotional regulations and being too blunt. I'm pretty sure it's because I have autism. I just got diagnosed and probably should go to specialized therapy for it.
i couldnt tell you were romanian until you mentionned it here
sarut mainile, multumesc frumos. munca ta pe youtube ma ajuta 👍
Would love a DBT series!
thanks for this video Ana, Im already in my 30s but still i feel im not yet matured, especially when dealing with different people of different cultures , I need to be more sensitive and mindful of my own actions, what you said is true, some cultures are really blunt and direct , as for me with an Asian heritage, we are more reserved and stoic, sometimes i feel i need to have a more deeper understanding and observation of others' characteristics before i interact with them, especially at workplace.
QUEEN!! I love your videos and I’m always learning from you :)
I love your channel because I listen to you talk while I'm doing other stuff and I am still learning. Your channel is helping me become more aware of my actions and be able to fix them.
I've been binge watching you for the past two days and really enjoyed the content and today I found out you are also Romanian. Happy TH-cam recommended your channel
My boyfriend is Romanian ❤️
i still remember as a kid when i first realized that other ppl r the main characters of their lives. literal mind blown. there's a word for it, actually: "sonder"
Hello, I’m super interested in a DBT breakdown video! I’m sure a lot of other folks would benefit from it too! Great video btw, thanks for the upload :)
is choosing to be immature also a sign of immaturity?