2 things to consider. She's either cheating or she's never really loved OP in the first place. If you know you want to marry someone but then say no with the reason of "I want to make sure this will work" just means she's still contemplating her future with 1 foot out of the relationship. I hope OP left and never looked back.
Well in case I’ll help OP make sure that she is unloved and others become aware of this so that men don’t want anything to do with her or would ever want to marry her or date her
Brother has his priorities straight. I mean, much better leaving at 4 years than to be dissapointed after 8 years and nothing is done. All the time that he could have spent with the actual person he's going to marry
Really? A big baby? A man’s proposal is probably the most emotionally vulnerable he can ever make himself. This dude did it, twice. If I were in his place, I probably wouldn’t have made a scene. I probably would have just stood up, said, “ok”, and walked away. It would have been done right then and there.
Yup, I grew up in the projects, fighting, seeing shoot outs, was robbed one, my mother was robbed twice, my father was verbally and physically abusive to my mom, at 9 I said I would kill him (I've long since forgave him and over that), I have cousins I hung with who were in gangs or went to jail but I refused to join or sell drugs when I was asked growing up, I was raised sort of tough but with love from my mother who fought my father back for 14 years till she kicked him out. My first love used me and tried to keep my daughter from me, I fought in court to see her and be in her life (just turned 16 yesterday), I played football, I've seen guns in person, do a little boxing, all that with a straight face and just toughing it out. I'm 6ft tall, 265 lbs, and in the last decade, my heart never beat faster than when I asked my wife to marry me even knowing she would say yes. I was nervous as heck.
@@drjonesey5 Yeah I had a great childhood compared to you, and also believed I had a 99.9% chance of her saying yes because we went and looked at rings weeks before, but even then I was super nervous. This dude made a mistake of not talking about it ahead of time in my opinion. Simple things like asking when she thought marriage would be a good thing? If she said something like "I don't know but it is a ways off that is for sure". That would tell you a LOT. If she didn't say anything but "I would love to be married right away" then you know something is wrong and each situation is different but I would probably move on. I have a relative that was right on the verge or may have even proposed that day, as I am not sure but her mother got super ill all of the sudden and died a few days later. Obviously that changed a ton. They did end up married but it was a fair amount after her moms funeral. I think a year or two after.
Basically she wants all the perks of marriage but have no intention of being in one. They discussed about marriage and she's agreeable to it, he didn't pop out marriage out of nowhere. He gave her time before proposing again. She's obviously lying about why she rejects him and when he wants to end the relationship, she goes all "fine, i'll marry you" which is a huge red flag. Feels like she's just using him, maybe financially, emotionally, companionship or whatnot while she surveys for a potentially better husband. Its fair he gets a choice to exit the relationship. Hes not getting younger, better off finding a real soulmate.
Well I hope the other guys or men become aware of this because once they do she will be denied all of the perks of marriage and will never be granted any of the perks
He's her backup plan and strings him along until her set age until she finds the "right" one or settles for him as consolation price and will leave him first moment another guy shows up. Run boy. Run
“Run boy run, this world isnt meant for you Run boy run, they’re trying to catch you Run boy run, running is a victory Run boy run, beauty lies behind the hills”
ahh. yes calling him a big baby would definitely get him to come back. all you did was just make him realise that he not only wasted 4 yrs on this woman but he'd have ended up in a family and with friends who would not only not take his side in issues but would actively berate him at the drop of a hat.
They were together 3 yrs before he asked the first time...and he didn't put her on the spot, was a private person to person thing. She asked for more time, wasn't ready. He gave her an entire yr before he asked the second time...made it more public, but with the support of friends and family and effort to make it "special", she again rejected him with the excuse "not quite yet" essentially. Then he's the big baby for refusing a "oh, what the hell, if I have too" agreement. Their "don't waste the 4 yrs you've been together" BS? Who has been wasted 4 yrs. That argument is like being in a casino having lost 5K in a series of losing bets on roulette and saying, "Might as well go another 2K, can't stop now, I'm 5K in". Look, she either is enjoying the benefits of a relationship without the commitment of marriage. OP didn't give the details to determine that. Or she doesn't want to "settle" for him...like she's holding out for something. They are both 29...the clock is running out for a family, more so her. It sounds like she has some emotional investment in some long time love or Ex and this guy is second choice. She wants to keep him as second string while she hopes against hope that she can get the guy she has the previous connection with. Either way, go. She seriously isn't ready, no matter how you look at it..and her panic "Don't leave! I'll marry you to stop you from leaving!" is not the way you want to start a marriage. Go find someone who has genuine desire for you and not "Ehh...ok, got nothing better to do this weekend" like your STBX GF.
A woman who says she wants to marry you but doesn't actually do it is a woman who is still weighing her options, or she is emotionally unstable. Neither one you want as a wife. Move on.
i am happy that she rejected him twice...now he opened eyes. She is clearly still shopping for better guy and if that guy come when shes married she will not wait to take her husband to cleaners...
You are NTA. Walk away. If a 29 year old isn't sure after 4 years of dating, she will never be sure. You were generous to give her the extra year after the first proposal. Move on to find someone who will be sure.
If I'm hearing it clearly. He was the jerk for leaving her while she wasn't criticized for rejecting him, and if roles were reversed and she told him that she wanted to leave him, then he would also be labelled as a jerk. Sounds to me that this hesitation is hiding something else and op suspected that before and to me, she wanted to leave him in due time, once she will find someone better than op. But of course, she will not be labelled as a big baby.
Rejecting is not a valid reason to critizise anyone, but rejecting twice after confirming that marriage is desireable and then conceding to that marriage only for the now ex partner to not go, now it is valid. What's the deal with that woman? If she doesn't want to get married yet, why? Did she told him when?
@@ricardodemarco3486 Did you notice that OP never wrote about their age or her if it isn't about all the beautiful things he did to propose to her? There was a different case like that a few months back, turned out OP conveniently didn't tell the rest of us that her mother just got a cancer diagnosis and she wasn't sure if she could stay in her job etc. This OP never really mentioned if they even discussed marriage before he proposed for the first time and if it came up again between the first and second proposals.
1st rejection: 'I'm not in the right space' = She's still hooking up with random guys several times a week and isn't ready to stop right now. 2nd rejection: 'Not just yet' = She narrowed her options to OP plus 2-3 other guys to see which one will give her the most 'security'. She thinks the carousel will be there forever, but she'll wake up in a few years to find that any guy worth a damn knows wnough to stay away from her worn out holes. Then she'll find OP's number and start begging him to give her another chance, only to find out he's married to a good woman and has 2 kids.
If you ask someone to marry you (especially after that long) and the answer is anything but an enthusiastic “yes”, they do not love you and they’re probably not going to change anytime soon.
The first time, fine. Maybe she's got stuff in her life that she wants to focus on and not worry about a wedding. That being said, its not like you get engaged and then immediately need to get married RIGHT NOW. Engagements can last for a while which is fine too. But twice? Its clear she's either waiting for something, or something is going on that OP doesn't know about and should just walk away from.
Shes not TA for wanting more time but that excuse feels weak when she literally agrees to marry him the second he decides to leave .... Thats the reason why people feel like he was a backup ...
@@tausifchowdhury8180 well that the thing dude understood the first time he was rejected and waited because he did the same thing before asking the first time. So when the second time comes around a whole year later this now makes it's four years they've been together and she goes and says that she want to make sure they're relationship is compatible after *FOUR YEARS* and she still says no I be leaving to. Because how after four years of being together you don't fully know if you're are compatible with your partner?
@@lil_jackgamez8992 Well, marriage IS a big step. You have a lot of obligations, expectations, hopes,dreams,aspirations etc. Some people get overwhelmed. Even if it's the person they love the most. It's really a daunting event in your life and has the potential to change it for better or for worse. It's a classic example of getting cold feet. That's why people ditching weddings is a thing. They make that decision last moment BECAUSE they become overwhelmed
@@tausifchowdhury8180 iv seen woman have hissy fits for their boyfriends not proposing after being together fo 4 yrs and throwing down ultimatums. thats more than enough time to fucking make up your mind about marriage or not. shes had it easy till now and when the dude asked her to marry, she realised she did not love him that way but liked what he did for her. she'd have found a dude who did it better than him and then broken up with him. its good that he did it before. shes losing her atm and emotional tampon. and to make it worse, he friends and family are berating him for her saying no to him twice in two yrs. a guy is also allowed to make up his mind about marriage.
@@kabirsardana1282 I get your POV but it's a bit much to say that she was using him like a tampon and ATM. She probably dated him for fun(like most people do in the West). Tell me, how many people date with marriage in mind? They usually decide that during the course of the relationship. He was ready but she wasn't. She was comfortable with what she had and didn't want it to change all while keeping her options open, at least that's what I think happened. As for discarding him for someone better, who wouldn't do that? Man by nature is greedy. It's always upgrade .
The problem is that she isn't giving OP a real reason. I have a friend who kept doing the same (turned down her BF's proposals), and the real reason was that she didn't think he was good enough for her. So OP is right to dip.
Yeah she's just waiting to see if she can do better. She'll settle, but only if she gets old and has to. She's probably getting casual attention from guys she prefers but can't make it land. Set her free, let her find out.
Ok, truth be told, it took me 13 years to propose to my partner. She was patient because she knew EXACTLY what was holding me back and took the time to address my problems. This girl's vague answers aren't helping. Your average man does not take hints and does not play games. There's nothing wrong with saying no, but relationships are give and take both ways.
I think I have read the update. Basically the GF refused because she thought OP didn't mature enough to raise a family because of his hobbies. OP like to collect die cast and hot wheels, shot guns at shooting range, and motorbike racing. All the things that he wanted but can afford when he's a kid. So, in his dilemma he asked his friend who told him if he always need to prove his worth to her after all this time then it's not love and she' not worth it.
And she thought he would magically read her mind one day and stop doing the things he enjoyed? Just add "poor communication" on the list of reasons to break up with her.
She is keeping OP around as a backup. Her girlfriends know the truth. She probably has another guy or two that she really wants. OP is the secure guy, but the girlfriend thinks she can do better. OP move on and cut out everyone that is giving you negativity. OP should have moved on after the first no.
I never understood this entire "I have to wait for XYZ to be in a better position to marry". You are together with them already. If you are broke, then they are ALREADY broke together with you, weither you wear that ring or not. Is this simply due to the American fetish for stupidly large money sink marriage ceremonies? But yeah "I want to make sure that this will work" is a North Korean level of red flags.
I never really thought of it that way, but you make a good point. As to why this attitude is common in the US, it's not for the reason you mentioned. The parents often do the heavy lifting on paying for weddings. Men are raised to believe that once they marry, it becomes their responsibility to financially provide for their wife. This obligation does not exist when dating. If you are not in a good financial situation, then you are not able to meet your "manly" responsibility.
If she refuse first time, thats fine, but never propose again...she had her chance and she removed herself from girlfriend category to side chick category...if its communicated well maybe there can be a second chance, but "give me more time" is not good reason after 4 years...she is cheating (and hope for his proposal or still fishing for someone better)...time to go
yea she definitely had some hidden secret. no way at 29yr of age a women still asking for time. glad this dude call it off, hope he doesn't get emotionally trapped by idiot friend group telling him to give another chance
That hidden secret...his name is Chad and hes her neighbor, but he doesnt seems to be into proposals, but she still hopes...can this be a reason, why she rejected OP twice?
@@scaredpaul540 That is one possibility. Another is that she has a senior colleague at work who, she hopes, might divorce his wife and pop the question to her.
OP dodged the nuke! Good! Don’t take her back! One rejection? Fair? 2? Get a new man, sweetheart, we’re DONE! If I give you 2 chances to commit and you take neither? It’s over. No discussions. No third chances. I’m not wasting a second more with you then.
4 years together both almost 30 they talked about it they both were into it she said no twice he would be crazy to ask a third time this woman does not know what she wants she was the one who threw away 4 years
OP's frustration is completely understandable. After being together for so long and having previously discussed marriage, being rejected not once, but twice when proposing is a significant blow. Walking away was likely the best decision, as four years is more than enough time for her to decide where she stand. Her agreeing to marriage only after seeing how upset OP was feels like closing the gate after the horse has already bolted.
I mean getting engaged doesn’t mean getting married tomorrow. You can wait a long time. It’s just a promise that you will at some point in the near future. So I get being hesitant but they’re both almost 30 so I get that he doesn’t want to wait much longer.
How disgusting that he just gave up. Just give her a few more years to find someone better. When she doesn't find someone better, she will come back eventually. Put your life on hold for her. What is the worst that could happen? Maybe she will say no? What a big baby!!!
my friends dad did the same thing he ask her to marry him 3 times the had be dateing for over 8 years she said no he left her fonund some one he made my best friend 13 years later me and my friend are both 13
At best it sounds like she just doesn't want to marry OP, but she's afraid of being alone. At worst it sounds like she's either holding out for someone else or she's already found him.
She flat out thinks that she is better and can do better. maybe even taking active steps to secure that better guy. Let her get on with it. Hanging around in her life is wasting everybody's time.
False accusations will result in the accuser being shunned and arrested and shamed with the possibility of a very long prison sentence which happen if they do again twice and the people who hear the accusations will not believe it or act upon it or anything upon other then gather evidence and witness to debunk this and if it happens again then the accuser will face prison time with a harsh length prison if not a long sentence no slap on the wrest They will be forced to go a therapist or a facility to correct this behavior and be forced to answered on why they’re doing all of things
Poor OP I pray that his heart heals and recovers along with his soul Also I was his friend I would of destroyed his friends and family for there choices of words as a consequence for berating him and I would done the same thing to his ex girlfriend’s parents before helping him move and pack his things to move to somewhere far away from here to find a new gf to marry I would of helped him block his ex girlfriend and I would advise him to block all of his friends and his family and his ex’s parents
She's stuck in "relationship limbo". While OP could have gone through with the marriage after the second turn-down and the flip-flop consequent to his leaving the relationship, one could bet the ranch that she still would not have been connected to the degree essential to a good marriage; things could have ended as badly as on "Dateline" or "Deadly Women". OP dodged a bullet that could well have been a sixteen-inch shell!
Do we have any idea if these stories are actually true or not? Doesn’t seem to be any link to the source of them. I find them to be interesting stories but if they’re all just fiction I don’t want them clogging up my feed.
For the family telling him he should give her time and not “throw away” 4 years, remind them ahead of time had a year. And then don’t be surprised when they had no idea he’d previously proposed
in this scenario, the boyfriend is right for breaking up because if she is not sure after 4 years of dating then she will never be sure. Based on just the information given here, she is not being clear on her hesitation and is either cheating on him or using him financially or emotionally until she finds better.
All the women I know who have turned down proposals did so because of another guy!!! They were either waiting for the guy to commit to them or waiting for him to decide if he would commit in the future!!! If she turns down a proposal, walk away! If she refuses to sign a prenup, walk away! If she refuses a DNA test, walk away!
Dude was the back up plan. After three years in where did she think the relationship was going? She's 28. So ok, he asks she says no and why. So now she absolutely knows he wants to marry but he gives her time and space. A year for crying out laud. She's still waiting for her number one choice. Only when number one fails and she's broken this man's heart twice does she decide she'll marry him. I hope this dude bolted far and fast. She had absolutely no respect or consideration for him. She only thought about herself. Let her cry crocodile tears maybe she will be less selfish going forward.
It’s simple, she was holding out for someone better but wanted to keep him as her Plan B. He should have ended it after she rejected him the first time because she doesn’t love him, she sees him as a utility that she might be able to upgrade.
if shes not dating to marry shes gone, huge red flag, dude could have been a backup or she was too attached to the bachelor lifestyle to commit to a marriage, either way any other reason for dating other than marriage cant be a good one.
Why didn't she say yes I wanna marry you and we're engaged but let's not plan the wedding yet? There's plenty of couples that stay engaged for YEARS before actually marrying like wtf why not just do that.
Let's be honest she's cheating and she wants the other guy more... But he hasn't proposed yet. She doesn't want to lose him by accepting OP's proposal. Just move on and find someone better. Her AF won't ever propose or marry her. Too bad, so sad 😂😂
Good story to watch late at night, but I want someone to read this right now. Make a channel just like this with the captions and gameplay in the background but teach people how to do math, science, and other hard subjects that people struggle with. Take my idea and help people.
Sorry but saying "I need more time" is okay if you're in a relationship with many ups and downs or if you're together for half a year or so. Not this way. Feels like she is uneasy about bonding and if that is correct then she will never say yes
OP there’s other fishes in the sea Did she plan to keep this going until they were somewhere in there 30s? Listen when someone is serious and they ready to commit and wish to marry understand that they have patience and limits And since she was going to use him as a back up I hope she gets that same treatment of being used as a back up so that she would understand how he felt Even if they did discuss it privately she would of said no or outright refused It’s called a surprise for a reason I watched the entire video but feel somewhat lost
If they can do all this awful and things and deal all this damage then I hope they can handle and I hope they can take it Don’t act like a crybaby don’t act like a crying brat you bit off more then you can chew you overstepped boundaries and now your paying for all of it there’s no getting out of this one some day when you get yourself into enough deep trouble your going to answer for all of this and I hope they’re reputation and image get destroyed For the love of mercy stop justifying there actions stop defending it stop supporting it
If she rejects your proposal, either you actually proposed too soon, she's not good for you, or something actually is wrong with you. Some men do propose in like 6 months to a year and for some females that's too fast. I would say it's too fast also. I waited 4 years even though I wanted to year 2, why? Had to watch and wait. See how consistent she is, if this the real her, does she have my back etc. year 1 and even 2 may not fully show you that. Then, if she's not good for you you won't know and you're taking a gamble, she may say yes and now what? divorce rate is pretty high with 80% of women doing the divorcing. Stop proposing to women without vetting and screening them. Look for red flags and things not in line with a healthy relationship and nuclear family. Opposite worldviews is one of those things. Don't be a dummy and marry an atheist if you're religious for example. Either get her on board in the dating phase or leave her alone. Also, some women can be afraid that you're not stable enough and think shortly after engagement will be the wedding and then boom boom boom kids and all that, it COULD be scary for her. But this goes back to, vetting and screening. You would know these concerns and things if you asked and sat and watched her over time. When I proposed I knew my wife would say yes 1000%, I knew her inside and out and we're a lot a like. 4 years is enough, I knew year 2 for me personally, I just didn't say it to anyone and waited. Most women know early on if you're the kind of guy they want to marry and if all is going well they usually say yes. This is odd for her to say no after 4 years. Something is up, what? Idk. And her trying to just say yes to stop OP from leaving is even more annoying. A pity marriage? that's disrespect.
He did the right thing. What if she the same shit the 3rd time after waiting another yr. Something doesn't smell right. I could be, she has another secret relationship and waiting for the OTHER man to proposal. He is just a back up man.
Its always weird how friends and family want to come out of the woodwork and shit on the guy. Like whats he supposed to do? She said no. He stopped wasting his time and moved on. She had 2 chances and blew both of them. Its her fault.
2 things to consider. She's either cheating or she's never really loved OP in the first place. If you know you want to marry someone but then say no with the reason of "I want to make sure this will work" just means she's still contemplating her future with 1 foot out of the relationship. I hope OP left and never looked back.
Well in case I’ll help OP make sure that she is unloved and others become aware of this so that men don’t want anything to do with her or would ever want to marry her or date her
blood lust redditor 💀
@@dale9042real💀
I was thinking the same she most likely was trying to find other options behind his back
2nd is truer if she is closer to 30
30 is the 2nd number women fear after 40. 40 a big old wall comes up that you slam face first
Brother has his priorities straight. I mean, much better leaving at 4 years than to be dissapointed after 8 years and nothing is done. All the time that he could have spent with the actual person he's going to marry
amen
You can never recover that which is already lost. But you can stop wasting more of the precious time you have
Move on bro. Find someone who will happily say yes. You got this
Really? A big baby? A man’s proposal is probably the most emotionally vulnerable he can ever make himself. This dude did it, twice. If I were in his place, I probably wouldn’t have made a scene. I probably would have just stood up, said, “ok”, and walked away. It would have been done right then and there.
Yup, I grew up in the projects, fighting, seeing shoot outs, was robbed one, my mother was robbed twice, my father was verbally and physically abusive to my mom, at 9 I said I would kill him (I've long since forgave him and over that), I have cousins I hung with who were in gangs or went to jail but I refused to join or sell drugs when I was asked growing up, I was raised sort of tough but with love from my mother who fought my father back for 14 years till she kicked him out. My first love used me and tried to keep my daughter from me, I fought in court to see her and be in her life (just turned 16 yesterday), I played football, I've seen guns in person, do a little boxing, all that with a straight face and just toughing it out.
I'm 6ft tall, 265 lbs, and in the last decade, my heart never beat faster than when I asked my wife to marry me even knowing she would say yes. I was nervous as heck.
@@drjonesey5nice trauma dump
@@drjonesey5 Yeah I had a great childhood compared to you, and also believed I had a 99.9% chance of her saying yes because we went and looked at rings weeks before, but even then I was super nervous. This dude made a mistake of not talking about it ahead of time in my opinion. Simple things like asking when she thought marriage would be a good thing? If she said something like "I don't know but it is a ways off that is for sure". That would tell you a LOT. If she didn't say anything but "I would love to be married right away" then you know something is wrong and each situation is different but I would probably move on. I have a relative that was right on the verge or may have even proposed that day, as I am not sure but her mother got super ill all of the sudden and died a few days later. Obviously that changed a ton. They did end up married but it was a fair amount after her moms funeral. I think a year or two after.
Yep. If the women turns down a proposal, that's the end of that relationship. Walk away.
Same. Just say, okay to her requesting more time. Then leave
Basically she wants all the perks of marriage but have no intention of being in one.
They discussed about marriage and she's agreeable to it, he didn't pop out marriage out of nowhere. He gave her time before proposing again.
She's obviously lying about why she rejects him and when he wants to end the relationship, she goes all "fine, i'll marry you" which is a huge red flag. Feels like she's just using him, maybe financially, emotionally, companionship or whatnot while she surveys for a potentially better husband.
Its fair he gets a choice to exit the relationship. Hes not getting younger, better off finding a real soulmate.
Well I hope the other guys or men become aware of this because once they do she will be denied all of the perks of marriage and will never be granted any of the perks
Well I hope she gets a taste of her own medicine of being used for trying to use others so now she would feel what others feel
Glad you had the guts to say NO after she said yes... She would just say she felt like you guilt tried her! Better for you in the long run!
He's her backup plan and strings him along until her set age until she finds the "right" one or settles for him as consolation price and will leave him first moment another guy shows up. Run boy. Run
Yep. He's the safety net.
It would be a shame if someone were to sabotage that safety net
Telltales
“Run boy run, this world isnt meant for you
Run boy run, they’re trying to catch you
Run boy run, running is a victory
Run boy run, beauty lies behind the hills”
Exactly right, she thinks she can do better but she’s running against the clock so keeping him in reserve.
ahh. yes calling him a big baby would definitely get him to come back. all you did was just make him realise that he not only wasted 4 yrs on this woman but he'd have ended up in a family and with friends who would not only not take his side in issues but would actively berate him at the drop of a hat.
They were together 3 yrs before he asked the first time...and he didn't put her on the spot, was a private person to person thing. She asked for more time, wasn't ready. He gave her an entire yr before he asked the second time...made it more public, but with the support of friends and family and effort to make it "special", she again rejected him with the excuse "not quite yet" essentially. Then he's the big baby for refusing a "oh, what the hell, if I have too" agreement. Their "don't waste the 4 yrs you've been together" BS? Who has been wasted 4 yrs. That argument is like being in a casino having lost 5K in a series of losing bets on roulette and saying, "Might as well go another 2K, can't stop now, I'm 5K in".
Look, she either is enjoying the benefits of a relationship without the commitment of marriage. OP didn't give the details to determine that. Or she doesn't want to "settle" for him...like she's holding out for something. They are both 29...the clock is running out for a family, more so her. It sounds like she has some emotional investment in some long time love or Ex and this guy is second choice. She wants to keep him as second string while she hopes against hope that she can get the guy she has the previous connection with. Either way, go. She seriously isn't ready, no matter how you look at it..and her panic "Don't leave! I'll marry you to stop you from leaving!" is not the way you want to start a marriage. Go find someone who has genuine desire for you and not "Ehh...ok, got nothing better to do this weekend" like your STBX GF.
A woman who says she wants to marry you but doesn't actually do it is a woman who is still weighing her options, or she is emotionally unstable. Neither one you want as a wife. Move on.
Let me keep chasing someone who doesn’t want to be caught by me. Classic!
Amazing how he’s ’being a big baby’ for not wanting to sit around for years to wait for this girl to maybe say yes one day
i am happy that she rejected him twice...now he opened eyes. She is clearly still shopping for better guy and if that guy come when shes married she will not wait to take her husband to cleaners...
When they people who called him a big baby ask for his help in there time of need I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned his back on them
You are NTA. Walk away. If a 29 year old isn't sure after 4 years of dating, she will never be sure. You were generous to give her the extra year after the first proposal. Move on to find someone who will be sure.
If I'm hearing it clearly. He was the jerk for leaving her while she wasn't criticized for rejecting him, and if roles were reversed and she told him that she wanted to leave him, then he would also be labelled as a jerk.
Sounds to me that this hesitation is hiding something else and op suspected that before and to me, she wanted to leave him in due time, once she will find someone better than op. But of course, she will not be labelled as a big baby.
Rejecting is not a valid reason to critizise anyone, but rejecting twice after confirming that marriage is desireable and then conceding to that marriage only for the now ex partner to not go, now it is valid. What's the deal with that woman? If she doesn't want to get married yet, why? Did she told him when?
@@ricardodemarco3486 Did you notice that OP never wrote about their age or her if it isn't about all the beautiful things he did to propose to her? There was a different case like that a few months back, turned out OP conveniently didn't tell the rest of us that her mother just got a cancer diagnosis and she wasn't sure if she could stay in her job etc. This OP never really mentioned if they even discussed marriage before he proposed for the first time and if it came up again between the first and second proposals.
@@WilliamH-et4 I noticed that op did mention both their respective ages
@@XxBlueEyedxXI noticed that OP did also mention that they had discussed marriage. So what the fuck are you on?
@@XxBlueEyedxX Are you on gas station shrooms?
1st rejection: 'I'm not in the right space' = She's still hooking up with random guys several times a week and isn't ready to stop right now.
2nd rejection: 'Not just yet' = She narrowed her options to OP plus 2-3 other guys to see which one will give her the most 'security'.
She thinks the carousel will be there forever, but she'll wake up in a few years to find that any guy worth a damn knows wnough to stay away from her worn out holes.
Then she'll find OP's number and start begging him to give her another chance, only to find out he's married to a good woman and has 2 kids.
The generic reddit story.
If you ask someone to marry you (especially after that long) and the answer is anything but an enthusiastic “yes”, they do not love you and they’re probably not going to change anytime soon.
That's not really true. Everyone is different, with different experiences, 4 years isn't that long to date someone.
@@JFrostB127 yes. It is
@@JFrostB127 What its the enough time to marrying then 10+ years?
@@pper2621 it's up to both people, some people date for 7+ years and still haven't married.
@@JFrostB127 If you don't know after 4 years whether or not you want to spend the rest the rest of your life someone, then its time to move on.
The first time, fine. Maybe she's got stuff in her life that she wants to focus on and not worry about a wedding. That being said, its not like you get engaged and then immediately need to get married RIGHT NOW. Engagements can last for a while which is fine too. But twice? Its clear she's either waiting for something, or something is going on that OP doesn't know about and should just walk away from.
Shes not TA for wanting more time but that excuse feels weak when she literally agrees to marry him the second he decides to leave .... Thats the reason why people feel like he was a backup ...
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I mean marriage IS a big step. Some people just need time.
@@tausifchowdhury8180 well that the thing dude understood the first time he was rejected and waited because he did the same thing before asking the first time. So when the second time comes around a whole year later this now makes it's four years they've been together and she goes and says that she want to make sure they're relationship is compatible after *FOUR YEARS* and she still says no I be leaving to. Because how after four years of being together you don't fully know if you're are compatible with your partner?
@@lil_jackgamez8992 Well, marriage IS a big step. You have a lot of obligations, expectations, hopes,dreams,aspirations etc. Some people get overwhelmed. Even if it's the person they love the most. It's really a daunting event in your life and has the potential to change it for better or for worse. It's a classic example of getting cold feet. That's why people ditching weddings is a thing. They make that decision last moment BECAUSE they become overwhelmed
@@tausifchowdhury8180 iv seen woman have hissy fits for their boyfriends not proposing after being together fo 4 yrs and throwing down ultimatums. thats more than enough time to fucking make up your mind about marriage or not. shes had it easy till now and when the dude asked her to marry, she realised she did not love him that way but liked what he did for her. she'd have found a dude who did it better than him and then broken up with him. its good that he did it before. shes losing her atm and emotional tampon. and to make it worse, he friends and family are berating him for her saying no to him twice in two yrs. a guy is also allowed to make up his mind about marriage.
@@kabirsardana1282 I get your POV but it's a bit much to say that she was using him like a tampon and ATM. She probably dated him for fun(like most people do in the West). Tell me, how many people date with marriage in mind? They usually decide that during the course of the relationship. He was ready but she wasn't. She was comfortable with what she had and didn't want it to change all while keeping her options open, at least that's what I think happened. As for discarding him for someone better, who wouldn't do that? Man by nature is greedy. It's always upgrade .
The problem is that she isn't giving OP a real reason. I have a friend who kept doing the same (turned down her BF's proposals), and the real reason was that she didn't think he was good enough for her. So OP is right to dip.
Yeah she's just waiting to see if she can do better. She'll settle, but only if she gets old and has to. She's probably getting casual attention from guys she prefers but can't make it land. Set her free, let her find out.
That must’ve really hurt, man. My sympathies. You sound like a guy looking for true love. I wish you the best.
I'm sensing some "streets" energy here... One "No" is a heavy blow, but (in the right situation) recoverable. A second one is a point of no return...
Ok, truth be told, it took me 13 years to propose to my partner. She was patient because she knew EXACTLY what was holding me back and took the time to address my problems. This girl's vague answers aren't helping. Your average man does not take hints and does not play games. There's nothing wrong with saying no, but relationships are give and take both ways.
I think I have read the update.
Basically the GF refused because she thought OP didn't mature enough to raise a family because of his hobbies.
OP like to collect die cast and hot wheels, shot guns at shooting range, and motorbike racing. All the things that he wanted but can afford when he's a kid.
So, in his dilemma he asked his friend who told him if he always need to prove his worth to her after all this time then it's not love and she' not worth it.
And she thought he would magically read her mind one day and stop doing the things he enjoyed? Just add "poor communication" on the list of reasons to break up with her.
No, he dodged a bullet. He gave her a lot of time.
You are her backup plan. She put things off in the hope someone better comes along.
"After 4 years together and two rejected proposals, I have decided to cut my losses. I wish you the best. We are done."
She is keeping OP around as a backup. Her girlfriends know the truth. She probably has another guy or two that she really wants. OP is the secure guy, but the girlfriend thinks she can do better. OP move on and cut out everyone that is giving you negativity. OP should have moved on after the first no.
Cut your loses and move on. You offered her a promotion from gf to fiancé. She declined. Now offer the position to someone else.
I never understood this entire "I have to wait for XYZ to be in a better position to marry".
You are together with them already. If you are broke, then they are ALREADY broke together with you, weither you wear that ring or not.
Is this simply due to the American fetish for stupidly large money sink marriage ceremonies?
But yeah "I want to make sure that this will work" is a North Korean level of red flags.
I never really thought of it that way, but you make a good point. As to why this attitude is common in the US, it's not for the reason you mentioned. The parents often do the heavy lifting on paying for weddings. Men are raised to believe that once they marry, it becomes their responsibility to financially provide for their wife. This obligation does not exist when dating. If you are not in a good financial situation, then you are not able to meet your "manly" responsibility.
100% She was still shopping for another man
He was supposed to be her boyfriend and safety net till she found the winner
If she refuse first time, thats fine, but never propose again...she had her chance and she removed herself from girlfriend category to side chick category...if its communicated well maybe there can be a second chance, but "give me more time" is not good reason after 4 years...she is cheating (and hope for his proposal or still fishing for someone better)...time to go
yea she definitely had some hidden secret. no way at 29yr of age a women still asking for time. glad this dude call it off, hope he doesn't get emotionally trapped by idiot friend group telling him to give another chance
That hidden secret...his name is Chad and hes her neighbor, but he doesnt seems to be into proposals, but she still hopes...can this be a reason, why she rejected OP twice?
@@scaredpaul540 That is one possibility. Another is that she has a senior colleague at work who, she hopes, might divorce his wife and pop the question to her.
Imo, she is cheating or she does not actually want him.
Sounds like he is just the reserve plan.
Otherwise she would had already done something to either securing your relationship or break up.
OP dodged the nuke! Good! Don’t take her back! One rejection? Fair? 2? Get a new man, sweetheart, we’re DONE! If I give you 2 chances to commit and you take neither? It’s over. No discussions. No third chances. I’m not wasting a second more with you then.
4 years together both almost 30 they talked about it they both were into it she said no twice he would be crazy to ask a third time this woman does not know what she wants she was the one who threw away 4 years
Honestly, once would be an instant dump to me, you don’t get to hurt me like that and expect me to stick around.
OP's frustration is completely understandable. After being together for so long and having previously discussed marriage, being rejected not once, but twice when proposing is a significant blow. Walking away was likely the best decision, as four years is more than enough time for her to decide where she stand. Her agreeing to marriage only after seeing how upset OP was feels like closing the gate after the horse has already bolted.
I mean getting engaged doesn’t mean getting married tomorrow. You can wait a long time. It’s just a promise that you will at some point in the near future.
So I get being hesitant but they’re both almost 30 so I get that he doesn’t want to wait much longer.
Why even ask her a second time?
A no is a no.
Get up and leave.
Never look back.
Since Total Drama World Tour i knew the name Sierra meant trouble...
How disgusting that he just gave up. Just give her a few more years to find someone better. When she doesn't find someone better, she will come back eventually. Put your life on hold for her. What is the worst that could happen? Maybe she will say no? What a big baby!!!
29 years? Man, you already lasted too long. You should have kids already, how much more time did she want? Until fifties?
until Chad propose, then OP will fly from window...isnt that clear why she rejected him twice?
my friends dad did the same thing he ask her to marry him 3 times the had be dateing for over 8 years she said no he left her fonund some one he made my best friend 13 years later me and my friend are both 13
Isn't beautiful how a man gets called a baby for having any trace of complex emotions? My God.
After 4 years and 2 No's it's good he left before wasting any more time
At best it sounds like she just doesn't want to marry OP, but she's afraid of being alone. At worst it sounds like she's either holding out for someone else or she's already found him.
His mistake was proposing twice.
After the first rejection, just leave, she doesn't want you.
She's unsure which between you and the other guy! 😅😅😅
“Not the right time” meaning I’ll keep you on the roster for now but no
4 years OMG that's more than enough time. Dude you deserve better
She flat out thinks that she is better and can do better. maybe even taking active steps to secure that better guy. Let her get on with it. Hanging around in her life is wasting everybody's time.
'Throwing away a 4 year relationship'? More like dodging a miserable 60 relationship year in the future.
So she finally caves as soon as you leave? Yeah there’s some shady behaviour going on there you made the right decision
if nothing makes sense is probably not you, leave and start over with someone else
4 years is plenty
False accusations will result in the accuser being shunned and arrested and shamed with the possibility of a very long prison sentence which happen if they do again twice and the people who hear the accusations will not believe it or act upon it or anything upon other then gather evidence and witness to debunk this and if it happens again then the accuser will face prison time with a harsh length prison if not a long sentence no slap on the wrest
They will be forced to go a therapist or a facility to correct this behavior and be forced to answered on why they’re doing all of things
No mean No. End of discussion. Get up move on. Find someone else and build a life with.
Is there an update?
I would have never asked a second time
She was hoping for a bigger payday to come forward. Her saying fine I will marry you would have not worked for any man with self-respect.
Poor OP I pray that his heart heals and recovers along with his soul
Also I was his friend I would of destroyed his friends and family for there choices of words as a consequence for berating him and I would done the same thing to his ex girlfriend’s parents before helping him move and pack his things to move to somewhere far away from here to find a new gf to marry
I would of helped him block his ex girlfriend and I would advise him to block all of his friends and his family and his ex’s parents
well now he knows at least
the only reason she's waiting is because she think she can do better. Check her phone and you'll find she's been cheating all along.
She's stuck in "relationship limbo". While OP could have gone through with the marriage after the second turn-down and the flip-flop consequent to his leaving the relationship, one could bet the ranch that she still would not have been connected to the degree essential to a good marriage; things could have ended as badly as on "Dateline" or "Deadly Women". OP dodged a bullet that could well have been a sixteen-inch shell!
Do we have any idea if these stories are actually true or not? Doesn’t seem to be any link to the source of them. I find them to be interesting stories but if they’re all just fiction I don’t want them clogging up my feed.
Fiction, almost certainly.
For the family telling him he should give her time and not “throw away” 4 years, remind them ahead of time had a year. And then don’t be surprised when they had no idea he’d previously proposed
Now she got all the time she needed
Don't marry at all. You double your obligations and half your rights. It isn't worth it.
in this scenario, the boyfriend is right for breaking up because if she is not sure after 4 years of dating then she will never be sure. Based on just the information given here, she is not being clear on her hesitation and is either cheating on him or using him financially or emotionally until she finds better.
She's cheating or she has an ex that's She's communicating with and waiting to see what he does. Let her go.
Could be. Alternatively, she is just "window shopping" for someone more well-heeled. Difficult to imagine her being in love with OP.
All the women I know who have turned down proposals did so because of another guy!!! They were either waiting for the guy to commit to them or waiting for him to decide if he would commit in the future!!! If she turns down a proposal, walk away! If she refuses to sign a prenup, walk away! If she refuses a DNA test, walk away!
You're the second option. Maybe third option.
Dude was the back up plan. After three years in where did she think the relationship was going? She's 28. So ok, he asks she says no and why. So now she absolutely knows he wants to marry but he gives her time and space. A year for crying out laud. She's still waiting for her number one choice. Only when number one fails and she's broken this man's heart twice does she decide she'll marry him. I hope this dude bolted far and fast. She had absolutely no respect or consideration for him. She only thought about herself. Let her cry crocodile tears maybe she will be less selfish going forward.
It’s simple, she was holding out for someone better but wanted to keep him as her Plan B. He should have ended it after she rejected him the first time because she doesn’t love him, she sees him as a utility that she might be able to upgrade.
Dude, she was probably cheating the whole time. When you walked she got scared. Dump her.
if shes not dating to marry shes gone, huge red flag, dude could have been a backup or she was too attached to the bachelor lifestyle to commit to a marriage, either way any other reason for dating other than marriage cant be a good one.
Why didn't she say yes I wanna marry you and we're engaged but let's not plan the wedding yet? There's plenty of couples that stay engaged for YEARS before actually marrying like wtf why not just do that.
Let's be honest she's cheating and she wants the other guy more... But he hasn't proposed yet. She doesn't want to lose him by accepting OP's proposal.
Just move on and find someone better. Her AF won't ever propose or marry her. Too bad, so sad 😂😂
Nope! Should have dumped her after the first rejection
Why didn’t she just say yes the first time and set the wedding for a couple years later?
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
You are not her first option and she's still trying to see if number 1 Chad wants her, nothing more to say.
If you keep getting on a plane and it keeps crashing are you going to keep getting on the plane?
You did very well. Don't waste your time.
Good story to watch late at night, but I want someone to read this right now. Make a channel just like this with the captions and gameplay in the background but teach people how to do math, science, and other hard subjects that people struggle with. Take my idea and help people.
Sorry but saying "I need more time" is okay if you're in a relationship with many ups and downs or if you're together for half a year or so. Not this way. Feels like she is uneasy about bonding and if that is correct then she will never say yes
She is waiting to see if somebody better comes along. Or richer. But she does not want to be alone. Wasting your time seems fine with her though
Tbh If my bf proposed to me I would also reject because I want to see if the relationship work before marrying as I don't want to get divorced
OP there’s other fishes in the sea
Did she plan to keep this going until they were somewhere in there 30s?
Listen when someone is serious and they ready to commit and wish to marry understand that they have patience and limits
And since she was going to use him as a back up I hope she gets that same treatment of being used as a back up so that she would understand how he felt
Even if they did discuss it privately she would of said no or outright refused
It’s called a surprise for a reason I watched the entire video but feel somewhat lost
Why did you ask a second time?
shouldn't have asked the 2nd time.
time is not on her side.... men age like wine... women age like cut flowers...
She was dating someone else and waiting for him to say yes and keeping you on tab if something fails
If they can do all this awful and things and deal all this damage then I hope they can handle and I hope they can take it
Don’t act like a crybaby don’t act like a crying brat you bit off more then you can chew you overstepped boundaries and now your paying for all of it there’s no getting out of this one some day when you get yourself into enough deep trouble your going to answer for all of this and I hope they’re reputation and image get destroyed
For the love of mercy stop justifying there actions stop defending it stop supporting it
If she rejects your proposal, either you actually proposed too soon, she's not good for you, or something actually is wrong with you. Some men do propose in like 6 months to a year and for some females that's too fast. I would say it's too fast also. I waited 4 years even though I wanted to year 2, why? Had to watch and wait. See how consistent she is, if this the real her, does she have my back etc. year 1 and even 2 may not fully show you that. Then, if she's not good for you you won't know and you're taking a gamble, she may say yes and now what? divorce rate is pretty high with 80% of women doing the divorcing.
Stop proposing to women without vetting and screening them. Look for red flags and things not in line with a healthy relationship and nuclear family. Opposite worldviews is one of those things. Don't be a dummy and marry an atheist if you're religious for example. Either get her on board in the dating phase or leave her alone. Also, some women can be afraid that you're not stable enough and think shortly after engagement will be the wedding and then boom boom boom kids and all that, it COULD be scary for her.
But this goes back to, vetting and screening. You would know these concerns and things if you asked and sat and watched her over time. When I proposed I knew my wife would say yes 1000%, I knew her inside and out and we're a lot a like. 4 years is enough, I knew year 2 for me personally, I just didn't say it to anyone and waited. Most women know early on if you're the kind of guy they want to marry and if all is going well they usually say yes. This is odd for her to say no after 4 years. Something is up, what? Idk. And her trying to just say yes to stop OP from leaving is even more annoying. A pity marriage? that's disrespect.
They’re not getting a free pass they got to learn it the hard way
If they’re apathetic then they will learn what they’re apathy will cost and will soon regret it
The apathy part came from the Mirabel villain song
He did the right thing. What if she the same shit the 3rd time after waiting another yr.
Something doesn't smell right. I could be, she has another secret relationship and waiting for the OTHER man to proposal. He is just a back up man.
If my spelling is wrong then that means I didn’t get enough sleep last night
Just letting you know
Its always weird how friends and family want to come out of the woodwork and shit on the guy. Like whats he supposed to do? She said no. He stopped wasting his time and moved on. She had 2 chances and blew both of them. Its her fault.