The punishment, the shaming was the most detrimental thing to me. It hammered into me that I was dirty, and to hide. A knock on the door still sends me into a panic. Even when I’m fairly on top of things, that shame has just been drilled in. I could have a cleaning crew make everything spotless, and I would still panic. It’s a form of ptsd, I know. And the kicker is, I’m still so shamed I can’t even tell a therapist that I’m messy. The rational mind can look around and know I’m just cluttered and messy. I’m not hoarder dirty. But it’s not the mess. Lots of people can welcome friends into their mess and not be overly disturbed. I cannot. And while I desperately crave a spotless house, I know that would not fix my head.
I have severe ADHD, I struggled through the school years, when I was assess the Dr said he normally only sees people with that severity in prison, he was amazed that I was in a steady relationship and was able to hold down a job. I became self employed, and I’d see myself a successful ADHD, I done the best I could with what I had. I now own three homes, two cars and a small boat, I have savings and I’m now a self funded retiree … I still have difficulty cutting grass, and it’s impossible to hang out a washing all those pegs and the amount of laundry is just overwhelming. I might add I have a very high IQ . ADHD isn’t an excuse for bad behaviour, but be aware we have a very addictive nature….. Re doing the dishes, marry someone who can do the dishes, and then you pick up the slack in other areas .
Can you discuss clutter/decluttering and letting go of things. The guilt of having stuff is overwhelming. But the impulsivity of getting more stuff still happens. Vicious cycle!
Can I ask you a question are you medicated ?? Because you manage it very well I find it really hard to tell that you've got it I would love to be able to speak the way that you do
Good Lord…i just broke down crying over perceived neurological damage (not the same as being a traumatic brain injury survivor and being DIAGNOSED ADHD BEFORE MODERNIZED “helpful” medication was prescribed for the FIRST TIME THAT THEY WERE ALL ABLE TO BE PROFITABLE
Thank you so much! I have sensory issues plus a loooot of shaming with brushing my teath (very lucky not to have many cavities regardless). Will try being kinder to myself
6:12 “Your inner critic is a mean girl who lies.” I’m an old guy, but I will tell my inner critic that! I guess we can both laugh about it a bit and give the criticism a rest, for a while. 🤭 :) 👍 Sweet! ❤️ Thanks! 🙏 😊 Yah, the default mode network can be really mean. And difficult to shut down. Focussing on something else helps, and movement: taking a walk, or even some sports.
I've had the exactly the same problem with the dishes my whole life I can't stand doing them I have to wash them one by one individually because I've got a bit of OCD I also do the same when I'm having a bath or shower if I have a bath I have a shower afterwards irrelevant information but it just shows that there's certain autistic spectrums that player part with the sensory so the way that I learnt how to cope with the dishes was doing it the way that I like to doing it and make sure that it was clean so i done forks then plates washed with constant running water heavy water bill I know lol so I bought a dishwasher 😂😂😂
The punishment, the shaming was the most detrimental thing to me. It hammered into me that I was dirty, and to hide. A knock on the door still sends me into a panic. Even when I’m fairly on top of things, that shame has just been drilled in. I could have a cleaning crew make everything spotless, and I would still panic. It’s a form of ptsd, I know.
And the kicker is, I’m still so shamed I can’t even tell a therapist that I’m messy.
The rational mind can look around and know I’m just cluttered and messy. I’m not hoarder dirty. But it’s not the mess. Lots of people can welcome friends into their mess and not be overly disturbed. I cannot. And while I desperately crave a spotless house, I know that would not fix my head.
Thank you for making this video. I was telling myself I am not worthy of love because of things like dishes and didn't even realize it.
You are so welcome!
I have severe ADHD, I struggled through the school years, when I was assess the Dr said he normally only sees people with that severity in prison, he was amazed that I was in a steady relationship and was able to hold down a job. I became self employed, and I’d see myself a successful ADHD, I done the best I could with what I had. I now own three homes, two cars and a small boat, I have savings and I’m now a self funded retiree … I still have difficulty cutting grass, and it’s impossible to hang out a washing all those pegs and the amount of laundry is just overwhelming. I might add I have a very high IQ .
ADHD isn’t an excuse for bad behaviour, but be aware we have a very addictive nature…..
Re doing the dishes, marry someone who can do the dishes, and then you pick up the slack in other areas .
Gloves really help with the sensory aspect of dishes ❤
Great episode! This is my favorite series on the channel! Thank you so much!
Glad you enjoy it!
Me: What's grounded? I got corporal punishment
yes...and deveIopmentaI trauma from the beginning :'(
Can you discuss clutter/decluttering and letting go of things. The guilt of having stuff is overwhelming. But the impulsivity of getting more stuff still happens. Vicious cycle!
This was extremely helpful. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
Can I ask you a question are you medicated ?? Because you manage it very well I find it really hard to tell that you've got it I would love to be able to speak the way that you do
Good Lord…i just broke down crying over perceived neurological damage (not the same as being a traumatic brain injury survivor and being DIAGNOSED ADHD BEFORE MODERNIZED “helpful” medication was prescribed for the FIRST TIME THAT THEY WERE ALL ABLE TO BE PROFITABLE
Thank you so much! I have sensory issues plus a loooot of shaming with brushing my teath (very lucky not to have many cavities regardless). Will try being kinder to myself
Happy to help!
Glad to be here
6:12 “Your inner critic is a mean girl who lies.” I’m an old guy, but I will tell my inner critic that! I guess we can both laugh about it a bit and give the criticism a rest, for a while. 🤭 :) 👍 Sweet! ❤️ Thanks! 🙏 😊
Yah, the default mode network can be really mean. And difficult to shut down. Focussing on something else helps, and movement: taking a walk, or even some sports.
If you don't have a sensory issue for gloves I highly recommend them. I use reusable dishwashing gloves that go up to my elbows.
Always hated doing dishes. When I finally had my own place I bought a dishwasher. I don't buy anything that can't be put into the dishwasher.
I've had the exactly the same problem with the dishes my whole life I can't stand doing them I have to wash them one by one individually because I've got a bit of OCD I also do the same when I'm having a bath or shower if I have a bath I have a shower afterwards irrelevant information but it just shows that there's certain autistic spectrums that player part with the sensory so the way that I learnt how to cope with the dishes was doing it the way that I like to doing it and make sure that it was clean so i done forks then plates washed with constant running water heavy water bill I know lol so I bought a dishwasher 😂😂😂
I changed my diet. Whole foods. Mostly raw fruits and vegetables. Few dishes. Healthier.
That's great!
No punishments are counterproductive and counter intuitive to us