If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide or self-harm please call or text 988 or reach out to someone in your real life and ask for help. You matter and we want you to seek help so you can feel better. Please reach out and ask for support and help, you are worth it. You are invited to join our ADHD support group for women on Facebook at: facebook.com/groups/adhdsupportforwomen
I've texted 988 before and it did help me to talk to someone for a while. For anyone who feels awkward trying this, or if you don't know what to say at first, you can say whatever you want. I just wrote,"Hi, is anyone there?" and the conversation continued from there. They don't care how you start; they just want to help. Thank you for the video : D. It's so refreshing to hear about adhd from people who get it.
🎯💯💥 THANK YOU for this!! It explains so much! I've researched a lot but have never heard anyone describe the internalization of feelings related to ADHD/ADD. In hindsight I wonder if I developed it earlier than I thought, not only after a TBI. The symptoms definitely get worse with age, regardless of the cause.
I'm not sure of your age, obviously, but as we age and our hormones change then our ADHD symptoms can definitely change. If you are of an age now where perimenopause or menopause is at play then things can definitely change. www.understood.org/en/articles/menopause-adhd-symptoms
Shoutout to all the ADHD women out there who can’t break out of the “I must just not be trying hard enough” or “I must not WANT to do better enough” mindset for their/our entire lives.
It takes a lot of support, safety, intention and hard work to start to heal - and well worth it. It helps to find therapists or coaches who understand.
I know I can't change society's stigma, but I am a woman and teacher who has ADHD-inattentive type, and since receiving my diagnosis at the age of 35, I have been very open about my diagnosis and struggles with my students in hopes of being a role model for self-acceptance and self-compassion. I tell them that I accept them exactly as they are. I hope that someday more children can receive messages like this in classrooms, and I hope that someday our education system can see us in this way, too.
Fantastic! I'm a university lecturer doing the same thing with my students and colleagues. I was diagnosed with combined type adhd 18 months ago. Being completely open about this makes a huge difference in role modelling to my students.I was so scary at first but I find it helps me and them to introduce myself as a neurodivergent person with learning differences (rather than disabilities). I explain to them that this means my brain has glitches, and I may sometimes need to ask them more than once what they said whilst my brain catches up and fills in the bits it missed the first time. This takes the pressure off me having to be perfect and get everything right first time. I've had an overwhelmingly positive response and students come to talk with me afterwards to share their relief that finally someone/ a "teacher" understands what they are going through, and how important it is for them to know they have an ally and advocate from within the system. It's my intention to raise awareness and to finally be authentic in who I am so that all students, both neurodivergent and neurotypical and everything in between, can do similar things themselves in the way that best suits them.
Same - my daughter was diagnosed in year 11. I wish we knew a lot earlier. Now, it’s obvious to me when girl students have ADHD. It’s a blessing that I can help them and their parents navigate the education system.
I always explained to my high school students that I would probably be stricter about side conversations (even though I could Completely understand the inclination to talk to their classmates), but I knew that I would lose my train of thought easily and that I didn’t want to waste their time trying to reorient myself. They were awesome about it, bc it was clearly not coming from a place of judgment!
I cried as I listened to this. I’ve always felt like my inability to organize my time or space was a character flaw. 😢 I remember one of my high school teachers talking to another student saying, “She’s brilliant, but there’s something wrong with her RAM.” My daughter was just diagnosed, my sister and her daughter just got diagnosed. And now, at 45, I suspect I also have ADHD. It’s validating, but sad that I am only now understanding myself.
Yes, maybe it seems like we wasted all those years not knowing, I am even older and just got diagnosed earlier this year at 66! So validating to find this out, it explains so much. Wishing you well on your ADHD journey.
It is so validating! My daughter (21) was diagnosed at age 3. I am 53 and late diagnosed last July. All my life I knew, I thought I was stupid or "not enough". Now I know.
Me too! Diagnosed with combined type ADHD at 73 the year before last and have now realised I have ASD too. My life could have been very different if I’d known, but it’s so good to have that knowledge now at last. On the plus side I think the ASD and ADHD sort of offset each other in some ways so I’m quite good at being organised.
Ive ended up with an AuDHD Diagnosis at 54. 30 odd years of treatment for depression and anxiety. Finally have a psychiatrist who "gets" that medication doesnt begin and end with antidepressants and stimulants. So grateful
If I could ask, what does medication (if not ending with antidepressants/stimulants)looks like for us mature women who went undiagnosed with combined type for decades? I believe my PMHNP is open to other things, such as supplements. But I don't quite know if she "gets it."
There are a few options for treating ADHD including medication and therapy. Medications include stimulant and non-stimulant options. Some of this article may read as geared towards kids but the information is true for kids and adults: www.understood.org/en/articles/treatment-for-kids-with-adhd
Same late diagnosis with me. Similar prior issues with depression and anxiety, though mostly masked and self-medicated at the bar after work. At age 55, getting first a psychologist and then a psychiatrist to confirm my self-diagnosis was one of the best things that ever happened to me and really hard to negotiate. I can't imagine how much harder it would be for women who have so many more structural obstacles in their way and those thoughts have led me to change my stance on self-diagnosis; I'd much rather have too many people thinking they have ADHD than too few!
After 3+ years of research, i believe I'm on the spectrum, and may also have ADHD. However i also have epilepsy since age 14. Apparently some autistic people are given anti-convulsants to treat their autism. So, in a way, I may have been getting treated for decades already. The one i take is a barbiturate. Maybe that's why i did a little better than my siblings in life.
This is wildly eye-opening! I have recently become aware of ADHD as an explanation for SO many of my behaviors; it’s revelatory. One of the childhood messages I always got, even through adulthood (am now 67), has been “you’re so smart; if only you would apply yourself, you could do anything.” Well, I never could focus. I remember reading page after page of textbooks for university homework, all while thinking about something else, then having to go back and read it again. I just could NOT keep my mind in the task. Then there is the complete inability to manage time. There are so many similar examples and I am blown away. What a relief it is to know I have a condition, that it is not my character. This IS a feminist issue, not a hormonal one. Thank you for this incredible interview!
I'm 70. I remember being told 'you just need to apply yourself' over and over again when I was in school. I ended up not graduating from HS. So many issues in life 2 failed marriages, same with relationships. This affected my child in a very negative way. I self diagnosed ADD or ADHD years ago, but everyone, including doctors laughed. I'm supposed to be super smart, but couldn't figure out how to get through life. I took medications that literally altered my personality. I'm thankful I do know the Lord and will someday be healed and with Him forever. I'm not understanding what is meant by this being a feminist issue?
I have had people get upset at me because I'm always moving my mouse around, highlighting text as I'm trying to show them something on my computer, I tell them that it's my fidget, but also, the highlighting 2 rows of text at a time keeps my attention on that line, and I don't end up reading the same line twice, at least not as often. it's just what works. Reading a physical book is so hard, because I can't keep track of which line I'm readying and my brain's 'wrap-around" skills are lacking. The brain wandering in the middle of reading is also a huge issue.
I was so often diagnosed with depression and no matter how many times I told them that I am insanely frustrated because I cannot use my abilities and talents and continually thwart my own efforts (which are relentless) through distraction and missing deadlines. That is not depression, it's a perfectly reasonable response. I'm 58 and I've lost everything so it's too late for me.
It's never too late and there is a lot of life still for you to live and to thrive for! Pushing and advocating for better solutions and better treatments are worth it if it means you will finally get a solution that means you can thrive in your life for the remainder of it and pass those tools to thrive on to the next generations as well.
I'm 59 and just found out I was ADHD - inattentive type. I know how you feel, but we have some years left to explore. I just read a great book - latest research - that outlines methods that work without drugs or with them (I think you should use the drugs if you can take them - I can't, unfortunately). It's 'ADHD 2.0' by Hallowell and Ratey. I got it free on Audiobooks (1 credit). It's definitely not too late for us. Sad and it hurts, but there's help and we can suck it up (whole lifetime of that sh*t, so I know how it's done - so do you) and know that we finally have a way forward. All the best to you as we enter our parallel journey!
Crying feeling like a failure as a wife & a mom... & a failure to myself. Always tired, akways running for goals, that never get closer, but stay the same distance away... just feeling defeated 😥😞
We're so sorry! We hear you and you're not alone. Do you already have an ADHD diagnosis? Are you getting treatment? Where are you in the process of getting support?
Oh mama!! I’ve been there. When I was 34 (I’m now 37) I was finally diagnosed and it changed my world. I didn’t change over night, but it’s given me a chance to find new ways to cope. I’m able to see my actions through the lens of adhd and given myself grace. The big moment for me was when I realized it didn’t need to “be this hard.” That’s when I started researching. You can get through this. There’s nothing wrong with you. And you are not alone! ❤
Look into trying carnivore diet. This has made a huge difference in my physical and emotional wellbeing. Hormones (thyroid, insulin, testosterone and others) affect how we absorb nutrients and minerals.
My friend has autism and she was thinking ADHD is why she finds sneaking around intoxicating. Have you struggled with this symptom? I think it's normal but haven't talked to many woman about it
Neurofeedback, polyvagal/somatic interventions, breath work, meditation/mindfulness, yoga practices in general, exercise over all. Socialization, support groups, guidance and insight, exploration, validation by psychotherapist. I do Wim Hof, walking, swimming, meditation, creating structure and patterns in my life, and have been able to finally complete college. I hope this may help. It's great this way because you get results right away. Need support group to stay on track. Reach out - you are worth it, have a lot to offer, and you matter.
It's lovely to hear this man articulate the struggle that is unique to women and girls and acknowledge the impact of the general unfair societal attitudes that all women have to contend with.
I didn't know about the B-gal study and I hope and pray it is ongoing. If those women are now in their 30s, we still have a lot to learn about what happens to women with ADHD in their 40s and 50s and beyond. Because the body and brain keep on changing. Some symptoms may become less severe, others may become more severe. And also there is work to be done examining how the life cycle of all humans interacts with ADHD of all types. Relationships, parenting, caring for aging relatives - there a lot that goes into the chemistry of life at different stages. I hope the study goes on and continues to ask questions that reveal some of these interactions in the various subjects. Thanks for this!
The idea of women being atypical due to the hormonal changes within a cycle, in spite of being half the population, is the kind of sexism, that makes feminism necessary to this day.
We are atypical for pretty much anything in medicine and I'm so sick of it. We are not less important than men, so why is most stuff first tested on men or only with men? "2022: A Harvard Medical School study finds that women, as of 2019, were still substantially underrepresented in clinical trials for leading diseases." Unreal
that makes no sense atypical can mean both outside what is norm and by extension of that what is beyond what is known to be normal that's not "sexism" that's just how information is developed and aggregated
The idea of a woman being atypical due to hormonal changes during a cycle is just pure biology and brute fact. Population, sexism, and feminism have no bearing on that. Change any one of those things and what do you think will happen? Your hormonal shifts will disappear?
AuDHD. College. Crashing. This podcast is a lifesaver. Also there's a stigma if you self harm it's a personality disorder. That's not always the case . Love how that's pointed out here .
Such a great interview- thank you. I’m a teacher and mother of a young woman with ADHD. For so long, I missed it, until I educated myself. Now I can spot ADHD girls immediately - it’s my mission to identify them and raise it with their parents. There are so many.
I'm 42, male and learned earlier this year that I have inattentive ADHD. I can now make sense of my lifetime of struggles, but still feel lost. Now I'm frustrated that I've lived a life full of compensation and guilt for not having a neurotypical brain. I was a highly gifted child and I could have had a different life, had I been allowed to use my ADHD strengths. Instead I was taught and graded on neurotypical skills.
Grieving for the life we didn't get due to undiagnosed ADHD is a real process. If you're not already I encourage you to seek therapy for that process if you are able.
Getting through the grief has taken me a while and I don't think I'm done yet but I'm getting there. I was diagnosed 6 years ago in my 30s after having my third child. It certainly helped explain why I was struggling so much. I learned a lot from this channel -- it's so helpful. youtube.com/@howtoadhd?si=0L1iBpBtx3urouhT
I canNOT begin to even describe how disappointing this video was in the lack of attention given to the trauma and adverse events in childhood to we sensitive children! This is so off, and the 'smart' tech has made this all worse on MANY levels.
Consider all of these pressures on teenage girls with ADHD, and then they put so many of us on hormonal birth control which ALSO can lead to depression, anxiety, disconnection from our bodies and sexuality due to low level estrogen. We've been setup to suffer. I'm so glad you call out the feminist aspects of women's ADHD.
YES, don't get me started! I can't believe I had to go through all that s@#% basically on my own, at the time. There was no education, it seemed, about how hormones [including that being prescribed in birth control] can cause such severe depression. It's merely a description in the side-effect profile of the included insert that no one reads, pays attention to, or ever discusses. During perimenopause, I went back onto hormones to stall the miseries that lied ahead. But, the first one I was put on was high in progesterone. I hadn't even finished out the month, but I was so severely depressed. It seemed out of character, but I almost didn't put it together because of my own history of depression. There was just something odd about the presentation. I investigated and made a switch that next month. What would have happened if I never thought to question? I am talking severely depressed in a matter of weeks and poof....better as soon as I made the switch. Then we are talking about having birth control pills over the counter [while no discussion or education of this?!]. That troubles me [though not having access to BCP in this age also troubles me]!
@@sharonaumani8827 How high was the progesterone? I just started hrt and am prescribed 250 mg progesterone I'm thinking To ask for a smaller dose or use a patch.
@@sharonaumani8827I'm actually going through a similar situation. I was just put on birth control pills bc I was having severe symptoms , bloodwork from endocrinologist said no estrogen detected! The pills did help & its been 2&1/2 months. I only have 2 weeks left but I don't know why I can't just be prescribed hormones?! It was a new (man) Gyn dr. that I go back & see in Jan. but its sad there's hardly any research & help when it comes to peri/menopause/ hormones. I suffer from spouts of bad depression at times & hope this stuff I just started doesn't cause it. I now have to check the packet. Thank you for that comment to enlighten me on this. Best of luck to you & your journey as well ! ♡The female body really goes through it , I tell ya....
I am AuDHD, and have the incredible gift of being able to put bits and pieces of information together and diagnose medical illnesses. As a result, "Hypochondriasis" and "Somatic Preoccupation" have been put in my medical record, making it nearly impossible for me to get medical help for my own issues because, when they see that on my record, specialists don't take me seriously. I've helped a lot of people, though.
I am the same way. I have to bring my husband with me to doctors appointments or I get brushed off. The only times I have ever received any help from medical professionals were when he was there to validate everything little thing I said. I send him to the doctor with my children as well, because again, they see my concern and my ability to research as a reason not to listen to me and too assume i’m just a helicopter mom.
Interesting... I have solved several of my serious medical issues simply by research (I used to be an academic). It really helped me once I took myself seriously
That is so unfair! I also find that just acting insecure is enough for doctors to label you as a hypochondriac from the start and not take you seriously. It doesn't take much, especially not for women. They should remove those diagnoses in your medical record.
@@UnderstoodOrgi don't think you fully grasp how badly the system works... Once you're labeled something, there's 0 way back from it... And it may not even be a proper reflection of your state.... Good interview tho, thanks for that
This was a very interesting podcast and I appreciate that you are doing it. As a woman about to turn 73 next week, I envy those of you who are getting diagnosed at a much much younger age. I went to a counselor to see why I couldn't organize like friends or get rid of things. After A lot of discussion questioning and testing she said I believe you have ADD. I immediately thought oh great I go to a counselor for the first time in my life and I get stuck with a quack... Well I just wish they would do a study on older women who after a lifetime of being shamed for being so messy for not living up to my potential all of the things that most people in here may know today, although it's been about 7 years since I was diagnosed I've still only told two people. After being top of the class always in certain things and bottom of the class and others I still have a hard time asking for help, because I grew up in New England in the '50s and taught to be self-reliant no whining to get the job done. After I read a couple books the council gave me and realized I fit the description of every story told or every question asked was hard for me to come to terms with the fact that my brain was not working like other people's. And I became ashamed to tell anyone because most people see me as really smart in public areas, but I have learned to hide in shame everything else that goes on behind the scenes with my struggles. When I arrive late or if I interrupt or my house is chaos I allow people to just think all the bad stuff they want to. My biggest desire is that thanks to you and the doctor who is on here and others you can help people to realize that this is a real thing and trust me I struggle just as much probably more with the type of associations executive function maybe lacking in than anyone with bipolar or somebody acting whacked out in public. I am thankful for the young woman who diagnosed me because I also understand that many women are not believed and brushed off and have a hard time even getting their medications prescribed. I'm very fortunate that so far I've not had that problem except when my doctor was out of town (she's probably in her 40s) and her stand in a woman Dr. in her late '60s when (of course I forgot to refill my prescription) close the exam room door and then immediately started grilling me why I was on ADD medication what made me think I needed it, studies show that older women may be harmful... All sorts of crap like that and it embarrass me so much All I did was stammer. I will say for my age I'm extremely healthy people think I'm generally 15 years younger maybe 20 years younger than I am, But I just wish new doctors would be taught about this in school and the general public be more aware of how things are especially for older women. I'm bright and articulate and if ever there were a study about this I'd love to be involved because I have a great memory and in fact I'm detail oriented and remember everything (which can certainly suck) I will definitely come to this channel and look for the great things you are helping to promote God bless you. I definitely think a study should be done with girls about ADD and hormones because my symptoms drastically took a dive when I entered menopause which was in my early '60s. Heads up about that
I'm a 65-yr-old woman. combined--the whole package--who has experienced virtually everything you mention except I'm G&T so my grades wereealways off the charts no matter what I did, though I alsoloved school. I basically went to bed 7 years ago just as my career was taking off despite myself and I was becoming well known. Which I couldn't understand. The way other people see me isn't even available to me, if it's the good stuff. This was on the heels of suddenly giving up my rent-controlled NYC apartment and beginning a downward housing spiral--totally from a split-second decision during a moment of extreme stress. I can't seem to overcome a lifetime of cumulative self-loathing and struggle even as I'm taken seriously, which, looking back, has been going on since my 70s. BTW, I once had a creepy supposed-expert on adhd yell at me that I KNEW I didn't have ADHD. This is because I'm articulate and smart. But I get tongue-tied trying to explain things because I'm so overwhelmed by the million nuances (I think) of all my arguments. This was one of the most infuriating and demoralizing things I've ever experience when dealing with professionals, and almost EVERYTHING has been demoralizing.
"The way other people see me isn't even available to me." Wow, such a powerful statement, yet also true to the experience, once you realize you have learned to mask your whole life to "get by" in a world not made for you. I thought I knew who I was, until I reviewed my life for a THIRD time, this time through the lens of autism [along with ADHD]. I remember an eerie sudden/deep questioning of "myself". It's sad when the very people who are supposed to help are the ones who harm. The eerie part for me is that I, too, have experienced both sides of the coin and I know there are things I would change, if I could go back. Oh well....I just keep taking the information in and going back, putting one foot in front of the other, armed with new info and trying to be my best, at any moment in time and space!
I hope my daughter has a better experience than you. She has combined type and is profoundly gifted. She’s only 6 now but she already struggles with internalized self-loathing, especially when she makes mistakes. She struggles with peers, and I worry that other girls will eventually bully her because of her hyperactivity and rejection sensitivity reactions. She outright rejects any attempt to help her. 😢 She is an amazing and brilliant child, full of creativity, wit, and kindness. But I worry for her adolescent years. I suffered badly with depression and anxiety and thoughts of s. People just see her intelligence and don’t see her struggle
@@EquippedwithStrengthwhat helped me as a “gifted” girl who was actually struggling with adhd-my family never ever expected me to be anything but me. So I never felt like I wasn’t living up to my potential at home-something teachers said all the time, not realizing how harmful that is. I didn’t feel singled out, or judged for being different at home, I was just one of the family-having a place where I felt like I was just one of the gang was so important. The other thing my family taught me, with their actions was it’s ok to ask for help, heck in my family you only get yelled at if you needed help but DIDN’T ask-in a loving way, “why didn’t you let me help you? I wanted to help you!”-my whole family does this to each other-it was super important for me, that they didn’t just say it, they DID it-because we adhder’s learn that what people say is often not what they mean, so it matters to see the ones you love say the thing, then DO the thing.
Growing up in the '60's, and never having had kids, my knowledge of ADHD and autism were significantly outdated. I finally got the insight to read about ADHD when my normal coping mechanisms started falling apart during perimenopause. That's when I got my first big shock. At first it was a relief, as it answered a lot of questions about my life. But I soon grew frustrated, as I didn't fit that mold either. I would find myself comparing myself to other ADHDers, and they always seemed so much more capable/accomplished than I could ever hope to be. I couldn't figure it out [let alone anyone else, who isn't going to have the time, or care, like me]. It took a you-tube algorithm to alert me to my autism. I didn't believe it at first, but it kept coming up. Finally, at 65, my life made sense. In hindsight, I could recognize both, my ADHD and my autistic traits as early as kindergarten, age 6. No wonder life has always been an exhausting struggle. It wasn't just a moral failing on my part. [ I did make certain to get officially diagnosed for both, ADHD and, later, autism, because I just had to know, and I was tired of being invalidated whenever bringing up related concerns] My autistic traits often out competed the ADHD ones, making a diagnosis even more obscured. Growing up, everything was attributed to "bad behavior" and/or would be blamed on poor parenting. You got punished and degraded for your "behaviors" [zoning out, "forgetting" or confusing instructions, etc.]. The abuse endured all through grade school by nuns, teachers, and students alike would make anyone's head spin today. Hence, you can be sure to add CPTSD to the mix, especially for those of us diagnosed late in life, given a large percentage of us will have experienced trauma many times over by then. The autism diagnosis allowed me to have more understanding and compassion for those parts of myself that are different and cannot do things like others, or do them in the same way. I would not have put myself in the highly stimulating work situations I ultimately felt stuck in, to survive. It was a catch 22. I was burnt out for so long, I cannot believe I am still here [as many "AuDHD" women do not survive beyond 58, so I have read/heard].
Your story while heartbreaking is also one of strength and perseverance. You never gave up on yourself and you pushed to figure out why things were harder than they should have been. We are deeply sorry that the system didn't work for you the way it should have! 🩵
My goodness.. Almost word for word the same as you, 64 here and can completely relate. Yes the clash of Autism & ADHD is crazy, 'colour sorted chaos' lol. Unfortunately neglect /a battle with mother not helped. No support, so always kept everything in. (I sadly, avoided having kids as I didn't want to inflict on them what I understood 'childhood' to be) Maybe a good choice in hindsight. I've always kept everything in, not mentioned diagnoses to anyone, that's hard. But trying to find validation or explain my faults at the same time. Eek! Your last line: 58 ?! (Although ideation here most days.) Sending 🫂
@@maggiechampion655 Yes, I have had ideations for most of my life [better since I am not trying to work full time to survive!]. Hence, you can add "Imposter Syndrome" to that list, given I have worked in mental health all my adulthood, ha. Talk about a lifetime of cognitive dissonance! I don't know how I made it this far. I had a miserable, stressful time of a life! Finally, I get a little peace.
My son was diagnosed with ADHD before 1995. It was a rubber stamp diagnosis. The teacher had filled out a form that had two columns. One column she had ticked off the boxes as "NEVER" the other column "ALWAYS". What child is consistently always a bad kid and never a good kid? Medicine was prescribed but follow up appointments never happened. My son had to be off the medicine for a while. About a week into this, the teacher who "diagnosed" him said how well he was doing on the medication. You don't think to tell your 7 year old, "Don't tell your teacher". When he said he hadn't been taking them for a while, he suddenly became a problem child. Fast forward several years. My daughter gets the diagnosis. As an adult she finally finds someone to listen. Pre 1995, I didn't understand and had no one to get answers from. Of course, I am the bad mom, who thought ADHD was something that was manufactured. Not the mom who thought counseling was needed with the medicine and I wasn't getting answers.
I am a male with ADHD and late life diagnosis. Your interview is awesome. Every time I think I know a lot about ADHD I realize I know very little. I will keep my eyes open and my ears listening. Thank you for your interview with Dr Steve
Thank you so much! I often find myself thinking similar things, I thought I knew quite a bit about ADHD but learn something new working at Understood all the time. It's awesome to be open to learning new things about something we thought we knew a lot about!
So glad this interview popped up on my feed. I have been learning about ADHD as I think my daughter might have the hyperactive kind. She hasn't been officially diagnosed yet but we are planning to start the process of testing soon. We decided to homeschool her this year because even though she was strong academically, there was alot of unnecessary bully type interactions during class and it was ruining the entire learning/school experience for her. So far, homeschooling seems to be a great fit because she can spend more time on her hobbies and isn't worried about peer pressure.
ADHD combined type with Autism and Major Depressive Mood Disorder here, diagnosed at age 33 after spending almost a year so burnt out I could barely get out of bed. Just want to say I didn't feel relief when I was diagnosed, because I've internalized the negative so much I can't feel good about it. I just want people to understand it's OK to be sad about it when you get a diagnosis. Especially if you don't have the ability or means access to help. This is one of hundreds of studies and it's a ton of information, so it can very overwhelming to just be told you have this diagnosis (or multiple diagnoses). It's important to remember, just because one person feels relief, doesn't mean everyone does and that doesn't make you a bad person or that there's something wrong with you. It's a disability. And it's a lifelong one. And as a society, we have been conditioned to believe disability is such a bad thing we can't even say the word. Think of all those people trying to say you're differently abled or your diagnosis is your superpower all because they can't bring themselves to say the word "disabled." It can be a very Othering and isolating experience. I for one would like to hear more about what we as individuals can do to make ourselves feel better, especially when we don't have access or means to get help, because society is not changing any time soon.
Your points are all so extremely valid. It's not at all like a magic switch when someone says the word. All the diagnosis unlocks is treatment and even that isn't a magic solution it's a trial and error, right? I'd love to invite you to join our support community so you can connect to more people and find support from other women diagnosed with ADHD in addition to here on TH-cam. facebook.com/groups/adhdsupportforwomen
Absolutely! It's so individual. I think I just emphasize the importance of knowing, for myself, because of having felt invalidated for so many years, while incorporating all of the negative feedback I had been fed throughout. For someone like myself [AuDHD, at 66], one could ask what the benefit is of coming out [especially when it would make no difference in my current treatment]. Sadly, we still live in a time where the diagnosis, and being outed, can hurt more than help. The stigma prevents those who could [possibly] benefit from assistance from coming out because, just the need for accommodations seem to preclude those job "opportunities" we are supposed to be able to have. Let's face it, there is always a way to discriminate, regardless of any laws passed for "protection". Haven't we seen that over and over with race, gender, etc. and equity of treatment? As to "What can we, as individuals, do to make ourselves feel better, especially when we don't have access or means to get help, because society is not changing any time soon [I agree]" ....THIS! These online groups have been so educating and affirming. All the you-tubes and podcasts....I could never have come this far without that help! So, naturally, I want to turn around and shout it out to the world. We need to share our stories....all of them. We need to educate and have a voice in what is being put out there to represent us.
@@sharonaumani8827Amen sister!!😁 I read somewhere that when you have a disability, you become an advocate, whether you want to or not. Changing the world one tiny piece at a time. ❤
@@LmB-hn2pu This. So much! I come from a long line of advocates, though! It sure doesn't make it any easier, even when you KNOW you're doing the right thing. Some days I just have to suck it up and keep fighting, because what else can I do? 😂
As a man who backed into a diagnosis of ADHD because of tracking back a genetic link from my granddaughter who has been diagnosed early, I appreciate this attention to what is going on with women. I am more concerned with what happens to her than to myself... it's simply a matter of time. It is nice to occasionally focus on hope. Thanks for the video.
Wow. I was the little girl who got so excited at her friend’s birthday party that I forgot where I was and tried to open her gifts with her. Shame. I was the college student who the harder i tried to focus, the less i could attend to lectures. Shame and fear. And now I’m the mother who tries system after system to try and be a better homemaker and am constantly failing and burning out. Shame. Fear. Self-abasement. I had no idea until right now it was unusual to have both sets of symptoms. I have spent the last week just ripping myself apart because I must just be so entitled and selfish to struggle so much with the same thing that everyone else also has to deal with on a regular basis.
I was diagnosed a few months ago, at the age of 47. Certainly explains the course of my life! Meditation has changed my life but I still can't help but grieve the life that might’ve been. I am SO grateful that it's come to light now, though. The future is brighter! Thanks for a great video and all your hard work 🩷
We're so glad you're here! Thank you for sharing that meditation has helped you. Grieving the life you didn't have is so relatable. Here's to leading the life you have from here forward. 🩵
We need more mentors. I could have benefitted from being steered towards entrepreneurship of some kind, but there was no way I could have done that with the lack of knowledge/support I had during my working years. I felt stuck and that nearly killed me.
54yo female here. Was diagnosed 3 weeks ago Cant express how much I feel relieved ❤❤❤❤❤ Watching a lot of videos because, yes, 70 percent of information is sort of repetitive, but theres always something new to learn. thank you for this one!
Oh man, I must put myself to bed right now but I'm saving this to watch tomorrow morning. I love crying over coffee. I'm a 1990's ADHD girlie and I have had a challenging path. I just know that I will also love Dr. Stephen Hinshaw after watching this. Thank you in advance.
im so glad i found this video and the comments section. i considered myself a late in life diagnosis, but i see im pretty young to be going through this at 26. i really wish we'd all been served better by the education system.
Wow, wow, wow!!! Thank you so much for conducting this interview and for sharing it with us! I know it’s very factual and scientific, but it actually brought me to tears to know that someone out there cares! Someone out there is conducting studies that will benefit my children and future grandchildren. I am a late diagnosed, mixed ADHD woman, my mother certainly has ADHD (undiagnosed), and my three daughters are all neurodivergent (ADHD and Autism). I need to go back and read the transcript because there is just so much meat here, but I have to say that it gives me so much hope that we are at least moving in the right direction to get the accommodations and care that we need. In a world designed for neurotypical people, the more you educate yourself on your needs, the easier it will be to find work arounds. I’m navigating this now as a 35 year old woman. My hope is that my daughters won’t have to educate themselves, that they won’t have to be afraid to ask for the accommodations that they need because it is common practice to accommodate the great population who experience the world differently.
I am so glad I found this channel. Could we please see if the Combined Types might include both AuDHD? I hear that up to 70% of people with ADHD can also be on the spectrum. In my genetics, I have both. I think our faith, tenacity, and sometimes the "Mr. Magoo effect," where we are not fully aware of how others truly feel about us, may have been the saving grace that allowed us to carry on undiagnosed and still be here in our 60s.
Theres also a link with epilepsy and autism. I heard one of Tony Atwoods talks in which he stated that people with severe autism can develop epilepsy at age 14 Pretty specific age, also the exact age that I was having my first seizure. I'm not sure what he means about severe autism, because i was functional, higher IQ etc. Recently I learned that anti-convulsants are sometimes prescribed for treating autism. So i guess I've been getting treated indirectly for 50 years. Life has still been hard. Never really felt like I fit in.
@@recoveringsoul755 Epilepsy and ADHD is also common. Particularly Nocturnal Seizures and ADHD. I had seizures in my sleep at 8-9 years old and they went away in my early teens with treatment. ADHD I always had but went unnoticed even despite my school troubles. I hypothesize that ADHD/Autism have something happening inside the brain during development that causes seizures. Probably brain sizes being different in certain regions causing weird electrical activity is my guess.
@@coreyobrien8777 The comorbodity the other way around is not *as* common, but not uncommon either. A major part of people with adhd have autism traits, too. And we need to remember that still a bit over 10 years ago these diagnosis were thought to exclude exam other - you could only have one of them, so many are only assessed for one.
Same! So much of my teen years make more sense now, I was always looking for a way to be like others to the point I would harm myself out of pure sadness and feeling powerless, at least that was a pain I could control....it's crazy women are so freaking overlooked always.
Yes! This is part of why we launched the MissUnderstood podcast channel and our ADHD Support for Women group on Facebook which you are both invited to join as well! facebook.com/groups/adhdsupportforwomen
Thank you very much! This is truly precious. I was diagnosed at 60 years old. Throughout my life, my suicidal tendencies were a mystery to me. My first suicidal attempt dated back to 8 years old - I broke something in the house and was utterly ashamed of it (and my parents were the sweetest people who were never angry with me and I knew it). This, and an extremely low self esteem despite my happily adequate position among my peers. I just hated myself with abandon without any obvious reason for it at all. Your research is extremely important, thank you so much! ❤❤❤
We always had labels, lazy, weird, unmotivated, distracted, etc. those labels stunk! They’re all within our control, and we aren’t good enough because we don’t want to be. Getting diagnosed wasn’t giving us an “out” or letting us not work on ourselves. Getting diagnosed was validating our experience saying, “you were starting in a different position, and there are advantages to where we start, but there are also tools that can help us interact with people who have never been on our path. Getting access to those “tools “ is life changing.
I got out of adolescence somehow as an undiagnosed ADHD girl, but now I see in retrospect how many symptoms went neglected and I'm so lucky to have made it through to adulthood. My heart hurts for girls going through that experience now. We have to do better for them.
Recently found out that I am highly likely to have ADHD and Autism. I'm now supposed to be on the 4+ year waiting list to being diagnosis. I'm currently 28. It's hit me so fucking hard looking back at my whole life up to this point. And it's crushing me to think that there are tens of thousands of women all over the world who are struggling like myself.
The grief of realizing your whole life up to now has been this mislabeled experience is very real. You are definitely not alone! We have a Women with ADHD support group if you'd like to join us! facebook.com/groups/adhdsupportforwomen
I never bothered with the formal diagnosis. After several therapists assumed I had a formal diagnosis that was good enough for me. But I'm not looking for meds and one psychiatrist actually prescribed for me without a formal diagnosis because it was so obvious. The RAADS autism screening tool was recently made public and I took it, getting almost twice the score needed to trigger a going through a formal diagnosis. I say I have ADHD and probably am autistic and use whatever I can learn to help myself without a formal diagnosis. You can use what you can learn to help yourself until you get the formal diagnosis
I am 49 and also probably have both. I can’t afford diagnosis. Insurance won’t cover it as an adult in the US and it is over $3,000 USD if you can find someone to do a diagnosis. Most of the places in my state only diagnose children. Honestly the self diagnosis is good enough since there are no resources for adults on the spectrum anyway that could help with day to day life. It helps to be able to self accommodate, though. I am trying to learn all that I can on my own since my sons both have AuDHD and I am pretty positive that my elderly mother, who live with us, has autism.
Don’t wait 4 years. See which places your insurance will cover and call them all. And look up reviews. You’re still young but you have a short window of time to lay down the foundations of your life. I wish I would have taken advantage of how I was when your age and in my thirties. It seems hard now but you have lots of strengths now too. Good luck with things.
This breaks my heart - you are explaining to me what my niece is going through, and why she has had such a problem making friends and why it seems like she doesn't care about others.
"ADHD is an extreme of traits that we all have" ooh nice and concise and quotable, thank you. people always say "well everyone feels that way" and I'm like. no. first of all everyone has totally different experiences of reality. second of all the way that we *are* all the same is all on an innumerable plethora of spectrums. some are obvious - quiet and loud are opposites because they are on either end of a spectrum. When referring to people, there are a lot of different ways to consider someone to be "quiet" or "loud", which first youd have to define those words, but ie. a person could write a lot about politics (loud) but also have a soft voice and not like to converse much (quiet). we have essentially infinite spectrums. the ones that matter with ADHD are generally clustered around the concept of executive function and dopamine and rewards and working memory and habit forming, all of which we collectively as humans deal with on a spectrum of intensity. For me, for instance, I am at an extreme of only being able to focus on something that interests me and being unable to tear my attention away for untold hours, ignoring all bodily needs. I think everyone prefers to focus on interesting things and can get absorbed in their work, but I think some humans don't steadfastly ignore their need to pee for as long as physically possible until long after it starts hurting, just because they're annoyed they have to shift focus from whatever hyperfixation for a few minutes to be a human.
Wish I could like this more than once. Every time i open up about my adhd to someone i get the “but EVERYONE feels that way” “i forget things, too” or “oh, you think you’re forgetful now? Just wait until your in your 70s”. People think that what I’m describing is a normal experience because there aren’t adequate words to describe how much those same things that are slight irritations to them actually derail my life. Like with sensory issues. I’ve been told “but EVERYONE is distracted when their clothes don’t feel right” but does everyone get so distracted and uncomfortable that they literally cannot move? Not even to get up off the couch and use the bathroom? Because the feeling of the fabric is so uncomfortable that it’s actually less terrifying to not move than to take care of your bod’s needs? Does EVERYONE think that they’ve spent 5 minutes looking at an article on sewing machines only to realize that it’s been three hours and the reason your kids are acting like they’ve been waiting for an eternity for you to look up and are loosing their minds is because they literally have? I have had to take drastic measures that include not allowing myself to do anything i’m at all interested when my children are awake because it is a threat to their safety if I accidentally trigger hyper focus, but at the same time my dopamine is crashing because there is nothing in my life to keep it stable. That cannot be a standard human experience or I would be hearing about it.
I sometimes wear an Apple Watch and it will give you a vibration every hour to remind you to stand up. If you don’t like wearing a watch, you could get a cuckoo clock or something that makes noise every hour, to remind you to get water or eat or use the bathroom. Also, just a caution, if you ignore needing to go to the bathroom, it can cause serious issues as you age.
My dear, speaking as someone VERY like you from what you've written... maybe consider a possible Autism diagnosis, too. Got mine at 43, and it's like I FINALLY get it! It was MORE than just the ADHD, and only took me another 25 years to find out!
My son got diagnosed with ADHD at about seven or eight. I was reading books on it, and laughed and told my husband that this described me. He agreed and he begged me to get checked out and start taking medicine. So I did get officially diagnosed in my early 40s And did use medicine for a while. But I had already figured out how to accommodate myself so I only used the medicine for things like having to do serious house cleaning like spring cleaning or tasks that were long and super boring. Eventually, I stopped taking it because I found whatever I started, once it kicked in that’s what I would keep doing, so if I was on the computer, then I would spend the next six hours on the computer instead of cleaning. Like I said, I learned to accommodate myself. For example, I budget late fees for things because I am very often late. Oh, and one other funny thing. My sister-in-law gave me the nickname “Ooh, look at that“.😆 I love that nickname.
Some people think of those "late fees" due to their ADHD as "The ADHD Tax" because it's the unintentional consequence of having ADHD. www.understood.org/en/articles/adhd-tax
I love this! I’m 50 and have been doing the same thing with adjusting my life around my brain and being off meds (and feel so lucky that I have that option) - budgeting the late fees (the ADHD tax LOL) is so good - not only practical, but says that you’ve processed and dealt with the shame stuff around things like that! :)
The way ive learned to cope with my overwhelming shame in myself is by obsessively avoiding thinking about it alltogether. I cant even begin to unpack it at this point of my life and im just waiting and hoping for new evidence that im not a deeply flawed person to replace the evidence that I am.
I have ADHD-C. I kept the paper that showed my "test" scores to prove to myself it was true. The first psych I saw said I was too successful to have ADHD, not seeing the price I was paying mentally and physically in order to get that success. My parents didn't believe at first that I have ADHD, but now that I'm educated about it, I know I always have. It was at least clear something was wrong as a kid, starting as early as elementary school with the mass of missed assignments, and I should've seen someone instead of being written off as lazy or irresponsible or not focused enough at the early age of 8.
Terrific interview, thank you. Completely relate to the 'really bright but needs to try harder' on every report card and I heard 'what's wrong with you ?' every day of my childhood. I often wonder what a school designed for adhd kids would look like?
The more I read about ADHD in girls and women, the more I wonder if maybe that has been my problem? I am not in a position to talk to anyone professional about this at this time, but I will when I get a chance. Thank you so much. I am 55 years old, a hard worker and smart by all accounts aside from my parents who always blamed me for being lazy…and I have a lot of ideas but have never been able to stick with anything. It has frustrated me my entire life, and always being blamed for being lazy never seemed right. I have also always been warned about working too hard in the jobs I have had or I would burn out…how can both things be true? I am a lazy workaholic? And, yes, I am a bit concerned about even looking into this because it seems like a fad. Which is why I have decided to talk to a professional when I can. Thank you.
I appreciate this episode. As a 35 year old female who has been diagnosed with ADHD and rediagnosed. I still face "Ignore" and "Deny" from the medical field. I still have to fight to be recognized and not minimized. I'm currently postpartum and not enough people talk about how postpartum changes your ADHD and it's struggles.
This is definitely very true! We have this guide to hormones & ADHD if you'd like to check it out, there is a section on pregnancy and postpartum www.understood.org/en/articles/adhd-hormones-women
@sarahthompson2237 we have a whole hub full of articles and tips for women with ADHD you can find here: www.understood.org/en/topics/adhd-women and a support group we'd love for you to join here: facebook.com/groups/adhdsupportforwomen
Wow, that was really eye-opening. I had no idea there was a massive study like this. I feel like my last 50 years have been seen. I was told by my otherwise excellent GP, when I raised the topic a few years ago "I can tell you don't have ADHD". I don't question her motives but I know she was under-informed.
Yes most likely you are correct. Sadly a lot of healthcare providers are not well informed about ADHD in women or even in males today. It's why we must advocate for ourselves in these situations and continue to press forward if we believe there is more going on.
I think Dr. Hinshaw didn’t even begin to touch on the devastation of womens’ lives over time. I hear it in the comments section of ADHD channels. Also not touched on is the varying effect of hormonal changes on ADHD in women over time. I am understanding that things often get worse after 40, with things starting to crumble. I know his research subjects are only in their 30s, but he could have brought up, in a little more detail, these topics being covered by other researchers. The negative outcomes are tremendous over time. The differences compared to the rest of society in lack of income, being in violent households, health outcomes, etc., etc, are stark and immense. I’m 63, and yes, it did get worse after 40, but even way worse post menopause. The difference between the potential I hold and the reality are just so far apart, and it’s all about getting a little more out of my time left, now that I have better help.
The grief for the path not taken, or the life not had is very real. Thank you so much for sharing your vulnerability here in the community. We're glad you are here.
Wow. Your last sentence put me in tears immediately. That is exactly where I’m at right now at 52 and struggling to be taken seriously because I’ve masked so much of it my whole life. 🥺
My ADHD became so much worse when I hit 40. I thought it was because I had developed hypothyroidism at the same time. But now at 45 I think it’s hormonal too. I’m not sure if it’s connected, but I have PMDD too. With that and ADHD, I feel like a completely different person everyday. It’s hard to have goals anymore because it’s like I don’t know who I’ll be tomorrow.
OH GOD, it gets worse AFTER menopause? I'm STRUGGLING so hard right now in perimenopause that I honestly can't imagine how I can possibly cope with worse! 😮 Guess I'm going to have to start building support networks now so I can rely on them later!
I was diagnosed in 2019, before the pandemic wave of diagnosis, and I'm just barely attempting medication. I wanted to have time to settle into the diagnosis, to see what could change by creating my own home accommodations, and just deconstructing the guilt and self hatred I had been taught. I'm glad I have taken that time, and I'm glad to be trying medication now.
When I finally got my diagnosis 8 years ago at age 35, I was so relieved... I bawled my eyes out because I finally knew it "wasn't just me" and that I wasn't just lazy and stupid. Soooo many times I was told by teachers and other adults "You're not performing as well as I know you can" and so on. When I went off to college I had a REALLY hard time since I no longer had the strict structure of high school. I managed to finish my first BA... at a cost in many ways, but I did it. In my mid-20's I went back to college to finish a 2nd BA as a Commuter student and working 30 hours a week, and crazy as it sounds, I did WAY better. Partly because I was older, but I think also because I had to write and keep a very defined schedule that gave me that extra "accountability" and built in structure that I needed.
I am 80 and found out about my learning disabilities in my 40’s. I knew I had a reading and spelling problem because I struggled so much to read. In 5th grade my mother took me to a college were a learned to read by sight words. That helped in reading but I still lost everything(still do) had difficulty in timing I used to cut in when people where talking and had no organization skills at at all. I was afraid of what stupid thing I would do next. I went to a lot of therapy even cognitive therapy and my systems really got much better/ especially with people. This year I had terrible knee problems and was in horrible and extreme pain and my ADD came back worse than ever. I had trouble remembering anything, I lost everything, I had trouble writing and even expressing my feelings and typing on my cell phone. My doctor said because my body was trying to stop the pain from my knees they did not have time to handle my ADD. I have no idea if that is right all I know is since My knees have been so Painful my ADD has come back the most Extreme it ever was. Along with Dyslexia and Eye Hand Control that a lot to Handle
I’ma 62 year old female who was diagnosed at42. Some of the report card comments that were on EVERY report card in grade school: “Carolyn tends to daydream” “Carolyn is achieving below apparent ability”
I feel like this video is about my wife, and I'm so thankful for you making this video! This gives me something to share with family that aren't quite getting it yet that is so well done
I'm 68 and on the waiting list for autism and ADHD diagnosis. The more I listen to videos like this, the more I am convinced that these "labels" fit me.
I would happily pursue "disability" from the perspective of the ADA, but there's a big problem with cognitive deficiencies. YOU CAN'T SEE THEM, and they are not necessarily even consistent in how they impact me. I have a graduate degree from Cal. I've been a high performer all of my life, but my dam burst 6 years ago, and I quit my job of almost 10 years and left with a bad reputation in the eyes of many of my colleagues. I have not been able to access disability benefits, and now I have recently learned that despite having a 25 year history of working and paying into disability, I no longer qualify because I haven't worked in the past 5 years. I am almost 57 years old. I also have MS, but I look just fine in the neuropsychological testing I've received. I have not been able to figure out how to access the supports I need or even what they are or if they exist. It's too hard to figure this stuff out alone!
Oh that must be so frustrating! I'm so sorry I don't have any specific advice to offer as I'm not very informed about those topics. Are there any non-profits or things like that in your area that may be able to offer advice?
So much of what you all described here has described so much of my life. I always struggled as a girl getting just a little higher grades, or I'd make that one mistake that would be really noticed right at the end of a project (if I ever finished in the first place), or I kept hearing from teachers that I'd get bored easily, or I never sat still. Or from family I'd hear how lazy I was or how I'd use illness or forgetfulness to "get out of doing chores." Or whenever I'd go to the doctor I'd hear more excuses like lose weight, it's just a phase, it's normal to be like that at your age. Eventually I did have one doctor who said, "I swear you have an autoimmune disorder, but I cannot find it." While I did end up being diagnosed with a pretty severe autoimmune disorder, and while I was the kid that was sick all the time, I also have severe anxiety, I also have self-harmed and had suicide ideation, and I know I have depression. I definitely need caffeine on a regular basis (and ironically am prescribed a BP med also used for ADHD as well). But in all of this too, I still have suspected that I have ADHD if not also being on the spectrum to a degree. And yet in all of that, I was "just lazy" to everyone else, despite the world just being way too overwhelming in my brain.
I think parents and society are harder on girls than on boys. Girls grow up having to cope and to multitask - no time for struggling with ADHT or dyslexia. Parents will tell you "what is wrong with you, pull yourself together". That helps girls to mask the symptoms and appear "normal"
Am looking to be tested for 'ADHD. Have to wait until next year to schedule an appt w/ someone because of insurance. I had a counselor a couple years ago who suggested that I might have it and the more I have researched, the more I am learning/realizing that there were situations/ways of reacting throughout my life that were a bit different and follow along the characteristics/mannerisms one would find with ADHD. I did mention it might be a possibility that I have it to my friends and family and they just look at me and say 'Oh, I never would have guessed.' Or 'You don't act like it.' And then we move on and it never gets mentioned again. I almost began crying during this video. Grateful for the conversation. I do feel better about myself for the moment. Thank you..
Ive always believed I’m intelligent but the diagnosis of my “disability” broke me. I was always confident in my brain but found myself muttering “my brain is broken?” It’s been a year and I still can’t reconcile myself with it. One of my core beliefs is destroyed.
Disability means less practically able to do things or needs a lot more support to do things, than a typical person without the disability. With or without a diagnosis there would still be struggles. So getting an ADHD diagnosis is a step to knowing exactly what the struggles are to pursue getting specific support for those things. Acknowledging areas of limitations can lead to a grief of a life we thought we could have had, but can also allow us to double down on areas we naturally excel at, and decidedly putting aside societies arbitrary expectations. Moreover, ADHD is associated with higher intelligence anyways. Most inventors and many those who are top in their fields have ADHD, due the ADHD tendency to hyper-focus, and go into deep learning and experimentation in their favourite topics. Being gifted is also associated with ADHD.
Having ADHD does not mean you are not intelligent--quite the opposite actually! Having ADHD just means that sometimes our brains struggle to organize thoughts or information and sometimes to change gears between one task and another, this process is known as executive function. It's the process where we organize information and sometimes physical objects like homework, our keys, our laundry, etc. These things are not all tied to intelligence. We can be very intelligent and still disorganized. This is why people with ADHD can sometimes struggle to have good grades in school but know the information from the class, they learned the information but didn't turn in their homework or didn't perform well on the test (for example.) A grade is one way to measure the student's performance but it is not a measurement of their intelligence. (www.understood.org/en/articles/adhd-and-the-brain) Additionally, many people with ADHD are able to think creatively which means they are good at problem solving because they are able to process information differently and often very quickly compared to other people. (www.understood.org/en/articles/adhd-and-creativity-what-you-need-to-know)
Intelligence doesn’t have anything to do with ADHD/autism etc. I scored very high on intelligence tests but also very high on ADHD symptoms. Your brain is not broken. It’s just wired differently. Find a career that allows you to be yourself and not have to mask all the time if you can, and you will have a better chance at success. That’s how it’s worked for me at least. Things WILL GET BETTER. I promise you. You are intelligent and NOT BROKEN ❤️
Thank you. Brilliant but realise finally I will not survive. I am 70 diagnosed with MDD and GAD for decades due to what I thought of crises and traumas living with lovely husband for over 40 years but not diagnosed with autism until 73, too late to save us. We destroyed each other and now alone without any support, on deaths door with such severe mental health issues, I discovered ADHD and saw how that is me and went undiagnosed and given depression and anxiety only which yes, was a HUGE part of living with someone not knowing they had autism. As the years went on I became much worse and now totally incapacitated with no hope of any future. I thought finding ADHD was going to be the answer to trying once more but the more research I do the more I realise the impossibility starting so late and with nothing left in the tank. That's even if I could get through an official diagnosis to get meds BUT I'm told I have to have at least one person who has known me since a very young child and can confirm symptoms during childhood. Who do I know at 70! and Well if everyone missed it back then because I was not the hyperactive type and what symtoms I did have in teens and adulthood, I didn't know they were not normal and so just formed strategies to get around them. I have been in and out of psychiatric hospital for decades when I needed respite from husband and the world and no psych picked ADHD although I have become so severely ill the last 2 years with one attempt at S, the present waste of space hospital psych asked a few weeks ago... am I sure no-one has diagnosed me with a personality disorder. He didn't even bother asking questions himself. It's always been about pushing more antidepressants on me even though I'm treatment resistant and collecting a fortune for 3 20 min catch ups a week in hospital just to ask how I am while copying chart details into my file. No interest. Just money. How can I pass a diagnosis let alone access therapy that is going to magically going to help me out of this bottomless pit? I DO. NOT. HAVE. TIME like the younger ones. I have seen a couple in their 50s diagnosed late but really? That's still 20 extra years to get to my age. My poor ASD husband too would have suffered as my ADHD got worse as the crises and trauma I suffered increased. We were both cheated in life and will never see each other again. No help. No hope. I did appreciate your presentation though which confirmed my previous research on females with ADHD undiagnosed until later in life. Just in my case though, it was too late, just as it was too late for ex's too late ASD diagnosis. Good luck on your path and thank you for all the people you are helping. The people need more like you. And thank you to Dr Hinshaw for leading the way albeit too late for me 😢❤
This is so difficult to read, the overwhelm and hopeless feeling is so rich and devastating and I just want to wrap you in a warm hug. There is hope and there is more worth pushing forward for we promise! I'm curious who told you that you must find someone from your childhood who can say you were hyperactive in order to receive an ADHD diagnosis? Was that said by a medical provider? First, not everyone with ADHD has hyperactivity as a symptom? And you're right, of course, not everyone at your age would be able to find someone from childhood who could remember their behavior! If that was told to you by a medical provider we would encourage you to try a different provider. If it was told to you by someone else, a friend or family member, we would encourage you to disregard it as a myth. Here is some information about how to pursue evaluation and diagnosis as an adult female: www.understood.org/en/articles/adhd-diagnosis-woman No matter what your age we believe there is value in pursuing a diagnosis for a multitude of reasons even if it's only to confirm that you understand how your mind works and that you were right all along. Therapy, medication, treatment options can all also come along only after a confirmed diagnosis but there really is no way we can convey to you the sense of relief and comfort that is possible in having your own diagnosis confirmed for you by a practitioner. To give yourself back that sense of hope and understanding and most of all belief in yourself is so worthwhile. And you are so worth it.
Hey lady. I'm 39 and it's taken several breakdowns and losing most of my support network due to not remembering stuff. Getting everything confirmed for me was a relief, but really I'd already known as part of the lock down discoveries 'trend'. And yes you need someone from your childhood but my family also have all the same issues and so couldn't remember much of it. I'm sorry you feel like you were a burden on your sweet husband. If we are anything alike, then you loved as hard as you as you broke. I'm sure he knew that. What you do with the time you have left is up to you. I've always wanted to make friends with a raven. They are pretty cool birds and responsible for most of the whispering voices children hear in old fables. Have you ever danced in the rain? Or screamed at a thunderstorm? Seem like bad ideas but I bet they are great. Ravens are fabbo though. All my love x
No, you don't have to have someone who knew you as a child. I don't and so asked about it, as I'm 60. They can go by you giving specific examples of ways in which it has affected your life. I doubt very much any psych assessing you is going to be cynical and think you are just doing it for disability payments or to be 'fashionable' - not at your age. My birth family had a lot of autism, so that's likely to sway their judgement towards seeing me as neurodivergent. Also, I was an unusual child. I have no school reports to show, as lost them, but a history of underachievement and screwing up. Also I have a Support Worker and many friends who can attest to my poor executive function and time management, but also my hyperfocus. Maybe you know someone who can verify your ADHD traits.
I am so sorry you are feeling as you are. It sounds like you are grieving for a life that could have been very different if you'd been correctly diagnosed earlier. I hear you. I'm 58 and realised I have ADHD about 4 years ago. I haven't found it easy getting a diagnosis here in the UK - but I'm still trying with the right to choose patient partner system we have here, Private providers paid by the NHS. There are some herbal supplement you can try. Omega 3 is often lower in people with ADHD and is helpful for brain and heart function. Taking that alone helped me. I also take an adaptogen mix of herbs called Max-10. The two of them transformed my brain. I've started taking a mix now by Imperial instead as they're cheaper, and I really like the herb mix. My son finds Lion's Mane really helpful. The classic herb for ADHD is Bacopa. When I take it for a few days in a row, the unless monologues in my head quieten down. Eating well also helps - lots of plants in soups and stews with herbs and spices, curries and chilli if you like them, and smoothies. Getting out into nature is a lifeline for me too. Can you sit outside for 10 minutes a day, go to a park for a short walk, or do some gardening? Can you do something nice for yourself every day, like use handcream, paint your finger nails, have a soothing bath, read ir listen to and talking book or an interesting podcast, meditate or rest, phone or meet a friend or relative, join a group? My mum is 78 and has recently joined a balance class and goes to monthly talks with the Women's Institute. She's made new friends and went out for a Christmas meal recently and a barbecue in the summer. I recently started using a meditation app called Insight. I use the free version and I love it. I'm training to be a medical herbalist and I've researched ADHD a lot as an ADHDer and a student for patients in clinics. I hope some of these ideas help you to bring more love and light into your life. Thank you for sharing how you're feeling. I think many of us don't. Sending you much love and a big, warming hug ❤
I'm in my 40s and AuDHD (recently diagnosed seperately). My parents are still alive but I had no hope for them to be any help in recalling any obvious signs of ADHD to a diagnostician. Due to high intelligence and inattentive type I coped well (on the outside) and my struggles weren't visible to an untrained eye. I still received the diagnosis; instead of "witness" statements from other people, the diagnostician used the way my "career" went which in hindsight is typical for ADHD. Started a _lot_ of things that I never finished, lot of unemployment times in between, lot of wasted efforts, current employment way below my qualification, things like that. Maybe that perspective can help you gain some confidence that you deserve to be listened to and be helped by the "system". I do have a lot of hopelessness and desperation in my life too, but most of the times I tell myself, there's still this one thing I could try before eventually deciding it's not "worth" it anymore. I wish you well and wanna send a hug too.😢🤗
How about not being able to cry when I’m dying inside? Is this normal? Also my children have it and I feel that I am guilty. I was never diagnosed, but everything they have I have also. It has gotten worse with age. The executive function is so dysfunctional!
I am not diagnosed, as I was doing "too well" to get it covered. Aka my life wasn't in complete shambles. I still am 100% convinced I have it, and it has helped me a lot going by that mindset. I also know my children most likely will have it, so I'm preparing myself to support them in the ways I never was.
This is so beyond true. Add in the most extreme traumas and it’s a miracle every day that I survive and in my late 40’s. It’s still a daily struggle and I’m educated and experienced and know so many of all the things… but I lack the support during any period of self care and treatment to succeed, I think.
I was finally diagnosed at 38 years old with ADHD, but my psychiatrist refused to treat me. The only medications we have to treat it come with massive weight loss as a side effect, and I'd already tried Strattera and became so sick that I could not sit up straight or drink water without -projectile- vomiting. I lost 20lbs and didn't recover for years because I also have a high metabolism. I have no idea what to do about it, but I know the govt doesn't consider it a legitimate disability. I can't even remember to do things I've been paid to do because I start becoming blind to sticky notes pasted on my monitor.
Oh no! How miserable that sounds. We're so sorry to hear you haven't been able to find any medications that work for you. Have any of the therapy options been helpful?
I find it conforting to know that the feelings I've had from internalized stigma are part of the combined type experience. Having been diagnosed just over a year ago and now receiving treatment, I'm finding relief from internalizing negative feedback as a personal failing. It was weird to me when i started to notice i was responding to negative situations with appropriate anger instead of internalized sadness, but im here for it.
I was diagnosed at five years old in 1996. My kindergarten teacher called an emergency meeting with my parents two months into the school year to tell them that my inability to sit still at my desk and do my work quietly without wandering or wanting to go outside and make mud pies was a "serious" concern. I remember the psych eval and feeling ashamed and hating when I'd have to go see my neurologist because she was the one that made me take medicine that made me feel like a zombie. I barely made it through school because teachers misunderstood me. My life has been hell even with a childhood diagnosis because fitting into society is hell to people like me.
I have completely given up on trying to fit into societys standards. It's a sort of self protection and it can feel incredibly lonely when everyone else around you is hitting those milestones and are just organized and present with everyone. I feel like I'm just stumbling through life, stressing for the next event that happens without actually working towards a better me. I've quit my job in november and started therapy and am slowly starting to untangle my thoughts and my life so I can live better with this impairment but it's a tedious process of unlearning 28 years of just cruising by. I've only been diagnosed since may 2024 so as an adhd person that was like yesterday and I'm still processing the impact it had. I'm hopeful that I can turn into a version I'd be content with but I'm also very tired from the life-long anxiety and depression.
I’m already over this life and see no hope for the future. Messed up credit, medical debt, fatigue, shame about life. Throw in a chaotic impulsive husband during my prime 6:32 earning years-I’m screwed. Bored. Just over it. Can’t stay awake either.
Please don't feel shame about your life, you have been busy surviving, and you are exhausted from it. I am so sorry you are feeling this way but I also know things can get better because I have been in a similar situation. Just getting out of bed, showering and brushing my teeth were massive challenges. Wishing you a brighter future 🌻🌷🌼
I need help so bad. There are not words to describe the chaos of my life; and my desire to end unhealthy cycles for my children. The huge elephant in the room is, the reason I need help so desperately is the same reason I am unable to properly, appropriately, consistantly, advocate for that help. I am an addict, I havent used for 11 years, and that is the literal end of the list of things I've been able to fix in my life. Despite my current complete burn out from trying. Giving my all, is just that. My all is gone. There's nothing left. 😢
Hi, My wife is Thai, i and my best friend are older psychologists ... she suggested that my wife's earlier trauma could be more than an anxiety DO . Adult ADHD would fit this well... But aversion to taking pills... Complicates early steps...but an addiction to caffinated diet sodas begins to make more sense??? Thanks 4 ur insights.
As an ADHD, self diagnosed woman...all the years of bulimia and alcohol abuse now make sense, if that makes sense! Thankfully now sober 10 years...but boy ..that restlessness that I felt, and still do at 68 :D
I was diagnosed with ADD at 41 when I visited a psycologists with suicidal ideation brought on by perimenopase. Before that I assumed as my mother told me I was simply highly observant. My elementary teachers always commented, not working to potential, easily distracted. I'm in my mid 60's now.
I am 67, my mother is 84, and I am just getting her to realize I am ADHD. Because she could not see it or refuse to, I felt abused and misunderstood by my family all my life. The other day, we were talking about it, and she still denied it. Then I said to her Mom they didn't put me in special classes and school for no reason. Bam reality.
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD inattentive. When I spoke to a doctor about my struggles about 10 years ago, he spoke to me for about 7-10 minutes and told me no you just have a time management issue. So I kept struggling and spending money on different get organized, quick ideas. I felt like I was stupid and empty because I couldn’t remember, finish or organize all the important things I wanted to do.
I didn't even know I had ADHD until I was diagnosed by a Social Worker in a free clinic in my late 50's after I lost my mom's home back to the bank after I bought it from her 5th husband. I worked for decades as a suicidal Psych nurse in troubled teen industry & med clinics for ADHD children in FL, but I never saw ADHD in myself while Inwas focused on others full time. Thx for interesting talk.🙏❤️🔥🙏
I called my ADHD diagnosis my "Rumple Stilt-Skin Moment", because I now knew the NAME of the "monster" that I was up against & I could take control of making a plan for learning even more about it & how to manage all the aspects of the affects it has on my life!
Brilliant. Thank you. Not diagnosed yet, but think I am an inattentive ADHD. Have a diagnosis for dyslexia, probably symptom for ADHD. Thanks, great interview. Look forward to watching your other podcasts. ,
6:16 he DID NOT have to come after me like that 😭😭😭😭 But being more serious for a second, honestly this has been such an emotional whiplash. I've only recently have been diagnosed with autism specrtum disorder as an adult, and before long I've started suspecting myself with the bothersome combination that is AuDHD. The road to getting an ADHD diagnosis is unfortunately very difficult, and I've been rejected being even tested or looked at in that regard for the reason of "getting too many diagnoses" even though, autism and adhd are present alongside quite often. I've been invalidated in my concerns about what turned out was autism symptoms for years, most of my life. To go through this again is frankly exhausting.
When I was a kid, they didn't really know that much about ADHD. But they definetly KNEW that I had it... I kept asking the adukts around me if I could also be autistic and they always insisted girls didn't get autism. Now I'm 47 and realizing that I have autism as well. I really feel like I've fallen between the cracks and judged for things I could not control without mercy. I really hope we can figure this out better for future generations. It really sucks to go through your entire life feeling that there is never any place or use for you. ❤ Because something is wrong with you.
15:06 oh goodness! (Symptoms appearing as children- vs stresses became more than we could handle) Yes!!!! we could cope and overcompensate- especially if we had support at home. But as school, family, work becomes more complex, and we had more responsibilities- sometimes we would still work So Hard just to stay afloat that others didn’t see the struggles. But they were there underneath all along. As a 54 yo woman who was officially diagnosed as ADHD-C a few years ago, my parents told me I was actually diagnosed by a school psychologist as MBD - minimal brain dis function- although we never made the connection that this was a precursor to the inattentive type diagnosis.
Incredible video, hits all the major points of the ADHD discourse over the last decade! Also, I loved that lyric he slid in by The Who 😂 ( Meet the new boss, same as the old boss 😜)
It's amazing you received a diagnosis in the 80s though. I have a cousin (male) who was diagnosed in the 80s and his treatment consisted of being told to cut sugar from his diet because it made him hyperactive. So, also not much follow up or support for him. 😒
If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide or self-harm please call or text 988 or reach out to someone in your real life and ask for help. You matter and we want you to seek help so you can feel better. Please reach out and ask for support and help, you are worth it.
You are invited to join our ADHD support group for women on Facebook at: facebook.com/groups/adhdsupportforwomen
I've texted 988 before and it did help me to talk to someone for a while. For anyone who feels awkward trying this, or if you don't know what to say at first, you can say whatever you want.
I just wrote,"Hi, is anyone there?" and the conversation continued from there. They don't care how you start; they just want to help.
Thank you for the video : D. It's so refreshing to hear about adhd from people who get it.
Thank you ❤
🎯💯💥 THANK YOU for this!! It explains so much! I've researched a lot but have never heard anyone describe the internalization of feelings related to ADHD/ADD. In hindsight I wonder if I developed it earlier than I thought, not only after a TBI. The symptoms definitely get worse with age, regardless of the cause.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and making this a safe space for others to share their need for help and support.
I'm not sure of your age, obviously, but as we age and our hormones change then our ADHD symptoms can definitely change. If you are of an age now where perimenopause or menopause is at play then things can definitely change. www.understood.org/en/articles/menopause-adhd-symptoms
Shoutout to all the ADHD women out there who can’t break out of the “I must just not be trying hard enough” or “I must not WANT to do better enough” mindset for their/our entire lives.
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It takes a lot of support, safety, intention and hard work to start to heal - and well worth it. It helps to find therapists or coaches who understand.
❤❤❤
❤may god help us all to help ourselves and to listen to and help other womenꨄ
(just subscribed)
😢
And what about men?
The lack of scientific/medical study of women is absolutely unforgivable. Every time someone mentions a new aspect of it, I'm furious all over again.
I know I can't change society's stigma, but I am a woman and teacher who has ADHD-inattentive type, and since receiving my diagnosis at the age of 35, I have been very open about my diagnosis and struggles with my students in hopes of being a role model for self-acceptance and self-compassion. I tell them that I accept them exactly as they are. I hope that someday more children can receive messages like this in classrooms, and I hope that someday our education system can see us in this way, too.
This is beautiful! Thank you so much for being this amazing educator that our kids need and for sharing this lovely comment on the video. 🩵
Fantastic! I'm a university lecturer doing the same thing with my students and colleagues. I was diagnosed with combined type adhd 18 months ago. Being completely open about this makes a huge difference in role modelling to my students.I was so scary at first but I find it helps me and them to introduce myself as a neurodivergent person with learning differences (rather than disabilities). I explain to them that this means my brain has glitches, and I may sometimes need to ask them more than once what they said whilst my brain catches up and fills in the bits it missed the first time. This takes the pressure off me having to be perfect and get everything right first time. I've had an overwhelmingly positive response and students come to talk with me afterwards to share their relief that finally someone/ a "teacher" understands what they are going through, and how important it is for them to know they have an ally and advocate from within the system. It's my intention to raise awareness and to finally be authentic in who I am so that all students, both neurodivergent and neurotypical and everything in between, can do similar things themselves in the way that best suits them.
Same - my daughter was diagnosed in year 11. I wish we knew a lot earlier. Now, it’s obvious to me when girl students have ADHD. It’s a blessing that I can help them and their parents navigate the education system.
I always explained to my high school students that I would probably be stricter about side conversations (even though I could Completely understand the inclination to talk to their classmates), but I knew that I would lose my train of thought easily and that I didn’t want to waste their time trying to reorient myself. They were awesome about it, bc it was clearly not coming from a place of judgment!
Thank you for this. I wish I had had a teacher like you. It would have meant the world.
I cried as I listened to this. I’ve always felt like my inability to organize my time or space was a character flaw. 😢 I remember one of my high school teachers talking to another student saying, “She’s brilliant, but there’s something wrong with her RAM.”
My daughter was just diagnosed, my sister and her daughter just got diagnosed. And now, at 45, I suspect I also have ADHD. It’s validating, but sad that I am only now understanding myself.
Yes, maybe it seems like we wasted all those years not knowing, I am even older and just got diagnosed earlier this year at 66! So validating to find this out, it explains so much. Wishing you well on your ADHD journey.
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It is so validating! My daughter (21) was diagnosed at age 3. I am 53 and late diagnosed last July. All my life I knew, I thought I was stupid or "not enough". Now I know.
My school report cards always said "Lucy is very intelligent, if she would just pay attention..."
I'm 68 and I was just diagnosed ADHD and Asperger's syndrome,oh what a relief it was!
40 and same. Explains so much, makes so much sense.
me too 61 and 65
They’re still diagnosing people with Asperger’s?
How did you get diagnosis.
Me too! Diagnosed with combined type ADHD at 73 the year before last and have now realised I have ASD too. My life could have been very different if I’d known, but it’s so good to have that knowledge now at last. On the plus side I think the ASD and ADHD sort of offset each other in some ways so I’m quite good at being organised.
Ive ended up with an AuDHD Diagnosis at 54. 30 odd years of treatment for depression and anxiety.
Finally have a psychiatrist who "gets" that medication doesnt begin and end with antidepressants and stimulants. So grateful
We are so glad to hear this!
If I could ask, what does medication (if not ending with antidepressants/stimulants)looks like for us mature women who went undiagnosed with combined type for decades? I believe my PMHNP is open to other things, such as supplements. But I don't quite know if she "gets it."
There are a few options for treating ADHD including medication and therapy. Medications include stimulant and non-stimulant options. Some of this article may read as geared towards kids but the information is true for kids and adults: www.understood.org/en/articles/treatment-for-kids-with-adhd
Same late diagnosis with me. Similar prior issues with depression and anxiety, though mostly masked and self-medicated at the bar after work. At age 55, getting first a psychologist and then a psychiatrist to confirm my self-diagnosis was one of the best things that ever happened to me and really hard to negotiate. I can't imagine how much harder it would be for women who have so many more structural obstacles in their way and those thoughts have led me to change my stance on self-diagnosis; I'd much rather have too many people thinking they have ADHD than too few!
After 3+ years of research, i believe I'm on the spectrum, and may also have ADHD.
However i also have epilepsy since age 14. Apparently some autistic people are given anti-convulsants to treat their autism. So, in a way, I may have been getting treated for decades already. The one i take is a barbiturate. Maybe that's why i did a little better than my siblings in life.
This is wildly eye-opening! I have recently become aware of ADHD as an explanation for SO many of my behaviors; it’s revelatory. One of the childhood messages I always got, even through adulthood (am now 67), has been “you’re so smart; if only you would apply yourself, you could do anything.” Well, I never could focus. I remember reading page after page of textbooks for university homework, all while thinking about something else, then having to go back and read it again. I just could NOT keep my mind in the task. Then there is the complete inability to manage time. There are so many similar examples and I am blown away. What a relief it is to know I have a condition, that it is not my character. This IS a feminist issue, not a hormonal one. Thank you for this incredible interview!
I'm 70. I remember being told 'you just need to apply yourself' over and over again when I was in school. I ended up not graduating from HS. So many issues in life 2 failed marriages, same with relationships. This affected my child in a very negative way. I self diagnosed ADD or ADHD years ago, but everyone, including doctors laughed. I'm supposed to be super smart, but couldn't figure out how to get through life. I took medications that literally altered my personality.
I'm thankful I do know the Lord and will someday be healed and with Him forever.
I'm not understanding what is meant by this being a feminist issue?
I have had people get upset at me because I'm always moving my mouse around, highlighting text as I'm trying to show them something on my computer, I tell them that it's my fidget, but also, the highlighting 2 rows of text at a time keeps my attention on that line, and I don't end up reading the same line twice, at least not as often. it's just what works. Reading a physical book is so hard, because I can't keep track of which line I'm readying and my brain's 'wrap-around" skills are lacking. The brain wandering in the middle of reading is also a huge issue.
I was so often diagnosed with depression and no matter how many times I told them that I am insanely frustrated because I cannot use my abilities and talents and continually thwart my own efforts (which are relentless) through distraction and missing deadlines. That is not depression, it's a perfectly reasonable response. I'm 58 and I've lost everything so it's too late for me.
It's never too late and there is a lot of life still for you to live and to thrive for! Pushing and advocating for better solutions and better treatments are worth it if it means you will finally get a solution that means you can thrive in your life for the remainder of it and pass those tools to thrive on to the next generations as well.
Exactly that!
64 here. Anxious of what comes next.
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I’m 73 and it’s the same for me.
I'm 59 and just found out I was ADHD - inattentive type. I know how you feel, but we have some years left to explore. I just read a great book - latest research - that outlines methods that work without drugs or with them (I think you should use the drugs if you can take them - I can't, unfortunately). It's 'ADHD 2.0' by Hallowell and Ratey. I got it free on Audiobooks (1 credit).
It's definitely not too late for us. Sad and it hurts, but there's help and we can suck it up (whole lifetime of that sh*t, so I know how it's done - so do you) and know that we finally have a way forward. All the best to you as we enter our parallel journey!
Crying feeling like a failure as a wife & a mom... & a failure to myself.
Always tired, akways running for goals, that never get closer, but stay the same distance away... just feeling defeated 😥😞
We're so sorry! We hear you and you're not alone. Do you already have an ADHD diagnosis? Are you getting treatment? Where are you in the process of getting support?
Oh mama!! I’ve been there. When I was 34 (I’m now 37) I was finally diagnosed and it changed my world. I didn’t change over night, but it’s given me a chance to find new ways to cope. I’m able to see my actions through the lens of adhd and given myself grace. The big moment for me was when I realized it didn’t need to “be this hard.” That’s when I started researching. You can get through this. There’s nothing wrong with you. And you are not alone! ❤
Look into trying carnivore diet. This has made a huge difference in my physical and emotional wellbeing.
Hormones (thyroid, insulin, testosterone and others) affect how we absorb nutrients and minerals.
My friend has autism and she was thinking ADHD is why she finds sneaking around intoxicating. Have you struggled with this symptom? I think it's normal but haven't talked to many woman about it
Neurofeedback, polyvagal/somatic interventions, breath work, meditation/mindfulness, yoga practices in general, exercise over all. Socialization, support groups, guidance and insight, exploration, validation by psychotherapist. I do Wim Hof, walking, swimming, meditation, creating structure and patterns in my life, and have been able to finally complete college. I hope this may help. It's great this way because you get results right away. Need support group to stay on track. Reach out - you are worth it, have a lot to offer, and you matter.
It's lovely to hear this man articulate the struggle that is unique to women and girls and acknowledge the impact of the general unfair societal attitudes that all women have to contend with.
We are so glad you are here!
I didn't know about the B-gal study and I hope and pray it is ongoing. If those women are now in their 30s, we still have a lot to learn about what happens to women with ADHD in their 40s and 50s and beyond. Because the body and brain keep on changing. Some symptoms may become less severe, others may become more severe. And also there is work to be done examining how the life cycle of all humans interacts with ADHD of all types. Relationships, parenting, caring for aging relatives - there a lot that goes into the chemistry of life at different stages. I hope the study goes on and continues to ask questions that reveal some of these interactions in the various subjects. Thanks for this!
The idea of women being atypical due to the hormonal changes within a cycle, in spite of being half the population, is the kind of sexism, that makes feminism necessary to this day.
We are atypical for pretty much anything in medicine and I'm so sick of it. We are not less important than men, so why is most stuff first tested on men or only with men?
"2022: A Harvard Medical School study finds that women, as of 2019, were still substantially underrepresented in clinical trials for leading diseases." Unreal
It seems to me, that is a good reason to study it all the more!
that makes no sense
atypical can mean both outside what is norm and by extension of that what is beyond what is known to be normal
that's not "sexism" that's just how information is developed and aggregated
The idea of a woman being atypical due to hormonal changes during a cycle is just pure biology and brute fact. Population, sexism, and feminism have no bearing on that. Change any one of those things and what do you think will happen? Your hormonal shifts will disappear?
@@morganpauls1873 The "norm" being how it typical presents in boys and men.
AuDHD. College. Crashing. This podcast is a lifesaver. Also there's a stigma if you self harm it's a personality disorder. That's not always the case . Love how that's pointed out here .
We are so glad to have you here!
Such a great interview- thank you. I’m a teacher and mother of a young woman with ADHD. For so long, I missed it, until I educated myself. Now I can spot ADHD girls immediately - it’s my mission to identify them and raise it with their parents. There are so many.
I'm 42, male and learned earlier this year that I have inattentive ADHD. I can now make sense of my lifetime of struggles, but still feel lost. Now I'm frustrated that I've lived a life full of compensation and guilt for not having a neurotypical brain. I was a highly gifted child and I could have had a different life, had I been allowed to use my ADHD strengths. Instead I was taught and graded on neurotypical skills.
Grieving for the life we didn't get due to undiagnosed ADHD is a real process. If you're not already I encourage you to seek therapy for that process if you are able.
Getting through the grief has taken me a while and I don't think I'm done yet but I'm getting there. I was diagnosed 6 years ago in my 30s after having my third child.
It certainly helped explain why I was struggling so much.
I learned a lot from this channel -- it's so helpful.
youtube.com/@howtoadhd?si=0L1iBpBtx3urouhT
I can relate to this.
I canNOT begin to even describe how disappointing this video was in the lack of attention given to the trauma and adverse events in childhood to we sensitive children! This is so off, and the 'smart' tech has made this all worse on MANY levels.
What I have learned is that we gifted children end up being special needs adults.
I'm figuring it out in my 60s.
Consider all of these pressures on teenage girls with ADHD, and then they put so many of us on hormonal birth control which ALSO can lead to depression, anxiety, disconnection from our bodies and sexuality due to low level estrogen. We've been setup to suffer. I'm so glad you call out the feminist aspects of women's ADHD.
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YES, don't get me started! I can't believe I had to go through all that s@#% basically on my own, at the time. There was no education, it seemed, about how hormones [including that being prescribed in birth control] can cause such severe depression. It's merely a description in the side-effect profile of the included insert that no one reads, pays attention to, or ever discusses. During perimenopause, I went back onto hormones to stall the miseries that lied ahead. But, the first one I was put on was high in progesterone. I hadn't even finished out the month, but I was so severely depressed. It seemed out of character, but I almost didn't put it together because of my own history of depression. There was just something odd about the presentation. I investigated and made a switch that next month. What would have happened if I never thought to question? I am talking severely depressed in a matter of weeks and poof....better as soon as I made the switch. Then we are talking about having birth control pills over the counter [while no discussion or education of this?!]. That troubles me [though not having access to BCP in this age also troubles me]!
@@sharonaumani8827 How high was the progesterone? I just started hrt and am prescribed 250 mg progesterone I'm thinking To ask for a smaller dose or use a patch.
@@sharonaumani8827I'm actually going through a similar situation. I was just put on birth control pills bc I was having severe symptoms , bloodwork from endocrinologist said no estrogen detected! The pills did help & its been 2&1/2 months. I only have 2 weeks left but I don't know why I can't just be prescribed hormones?! It was a new (man) Gyn dr. that I go back & see in Jan. but its sad there's hardly any research & help when it comes to peri/menopause/ hormones. I suffer from spouts of bad depression at times & hope this stuff I just started doesn't cause it. I now have to check the packet. Thank you for that comment to enlighten me on this. Best of luck to you & your journey as well ! ♡The female body really goes through it , I tell ya....
Maybe this will be helpful for you! www.understood.org/en/articles/adhd-hormones-women and www.understood.org/en/articles/menopause-adhd-symptoms
I am AuDHD, and have the incredible gift of being able to put bits and pieces of information together and diagnose medical illnesses. As a result, "Hypochondriasis" and "Somatic Preoccupation" have been put in my medical record, making it nearly impossible for me to get medical help for my own issues because, when they see that on my record, specialists don't take me seriously. I've helped a lot of people, though.
Oh wow, that sounds wholly unfair and frustrating!!
I am the same way. I have to bring my husband with me to doctors appointments or I get brushed off. The only times I have ever received any help from medical professionals were when he was there to validate everything little thing I said.
I send him to the doctor with my children as well, because again, they see my concern and my ability to research as a reason not to listen to me and too assume i’m just a helicopter mom.
Interesting... I have solved several of my serious medical issues simply by research (I used to be an academic). It really helped me once I took myself seriously
That is so unfair! I also find that just acting insecure is enough for doctors to label you as a hypochondriac from the start and not take you seriously. It doesn't take much, especially not for women. They should remove those diagnoses in your medical record.
@@UnderstoodOrgi don't think you fully grasp how badly the system works... Once you're labeled something, there's 0 way back from it... And it may not even be a proper reflection of your state.... Good interview tho, thanks for that
This was a very interesting podcast and I appreciate that you are doing it.
As a woman about to turn 73 next week, I envy those of you who are getting diagnosed at a much much younger age. I went to a counselor to see why I couldn't organize like friends or get rid of things. After
A lot of discussion questioning and testing she said I believe you have ADD. I immediately thought oh great I go to a counselor for the first time in my life and I get stuck with a quack...
Well I just wish they would do a study on older women who after a lifetime of being shamed for being so messy for not living up to my potential all of the things that most people in here may know today, although it's been about 7 years since I was diagnosed I've still only told two people. After being top of the class always in certain things and bottom of the class and others I still have a hard time asking for help, because I grew up in New England in the '50s and taught to be self-reliant no whining to get the job done. After I read a couple books the council gave me and realized I fit the description of every story told or every question asked was hard for me to come to terms with the fact that my brain was not working like other people's. And I became ashamed to tell anyone because most people see me as really smart in public areas, but I have learned to hide in shame everything else that goes on behind the scenes with my struggles. When I arrive late or if I interrupt or my house is chaos I allow people to just think all the bad stuff they want to.
My biggest desire is that thanks to you and the doctor who is on here and others you can help people to realize that this is a real thing and trust me I struggle just as much probably more with the type of associations executive function maybe lacking in than anyone with bipolar or somebody acting whacked out in public. I am thankful for the young woman who diagnosed me because I also understand that many women are not believed and brushed off and have a hard time even getting their medications prescribed. I'm very fortunate that so far I've not had that problem except when my doctor was out of town (she's probably in her 40s) and her stand in a woman Dr. in her late '60s
when (of course I forgot to refill my prescription) close the exam room door and then immediately started grilling me why I was on ADD medication what made me think I needed it, studies show that older women may be harmful...
All sorts of crap like that and it embarrass me so much All I did was stammer. I will say for my age I'm extremely healthy people think I'm generally 15 years younger maybe 20 years younger than I am, But I just wish new doctors would be taught about this in school and the general public be more aware of how things are especially for older women. I'm bright and articulate and if ever there were a study about this I'd love to be involved because I have a great memory and in fact I'm detail oriented and remember everything (which can certainly suck)
I will definitely come to this channel and look for the great things you are helping to promote God bless you.
I definitely think a study should be done with girls about ADD and hormones because my symptoms drastically took a dive when I entered menopause which was in my early '60s. Heads up about that
I'm a 65-yr-old woman. combined--the whole package--who has experienced virtually everything you mention except I'm G&T so my grades wereealways off the charts no matter what I did, though I alsoloved school. I basically went to bed 7 years ago just as my career was taking off despite myself and I was becoming well known. Which I couldn't understand. The way other people see me isn't even available to me, if it's the good stuff. This was on the heels of suddenly giving up my rent-controlled NYC apartment and beginning a downward housing spiral--totally from a split-second decision during a moment of extreme stress. I can't seem to overcome a lifetime of cumulative self-loathing and struggle even as I'm taken seriously, which, looking back, has been going on since my 70s. BTW, I once had a creepy supposed-expert on adhd yell at me that I KNEW I didn't have ADHD. This is because I'm articulate and smart. But I get tongue-tied trying to explain things because I'm so overwhelmed by the million nuances (I think) of all my arguments. This was one of the most infuriating and demoralizing things I've ever experience when dealing with professionals, and almost EVERYTHING has been demoralizing.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences! We are so glad you are here.
"The way other people see me isn't even available to me." Wow, such a powerful statement, yet also true to the experience, once you realize you have learned to mask your whole life to "get by" in a world not made for you. I thought I knew who I was, until I reviewed my life for a THIRD time, this time through the lens of autism [along with ADHD]. I remember an eerie sudden/deep questioning of "myself".
It's sad when the very people who are supposed to help are the ones who harm. The eerie part for me is that I, too, have experienced both sides of the coin and I know there are things I would change, if I could go back.
Oh well....I just keep taking the information in and going back, putting one foot in front of the other, armed with new info and trying to be my best, at any moment in time and space!
I hope my daughter has a better experience than you. She has combined type and is profoundly gifted. She’s only 6 now but she already struggles with internalized self-loathing, especially when she makes mistakes. She struggles with peers, and I worry that other girls will eventually bully her because of her hyperactivity and rejection sensitivity reactions. She outright rejects any attempt to help her. 😢 She is an amazing and brilliant child, full of creativity, wit, and kindness. But I worry for her adolescent years. I suffered badly with depression and anxiety and thoughts of s.
People just see her intelligence and don’t see her struggle
Society needs to change for things to get better
@@EquippedwithStrengthwhat helped me as a “gifted” girl who was actually struggling with adhd-my family never ever expected me to be anything but me. So I never felt like I wasn’t living up to my potential at home-something teachers said all the time, not realizing how harmful that is. I didn’t feel singled out, or judged for being different at home, I was just one of the family-having a place where I felt like I was just one of the gang was so important. The other thing my family taught me, with their actions was it’s ok to ask for help, heck in my family you only get yelled at if you needed help but DIDN’T ask-in a loving way, “why didn’t you let me help you? I wanted to help you!”-my whole family does this to each other-it was super important for me, that they didn’t just say it, they DID it-because we adhder’s learn that what people say is often not what they mean, so it matters to see the ones you love say the thing, then DO the thing.
Growing up in the '60's, and never having had kids, my knowledge of ADHD and autism were significantly outdated. I finally got the insight to read about ADHD when my normal coping mechanisms started falling apart during perimenopause. That's when I got my first big shock. At first it was a relief, as it answered a lot of questions about my life. But I soon grew frustrated, as I didn't fit that mold either. I would find myself comparing myself to other ADHDers, and they always seemed so much more capable/accomplished than I could ever hope to be. I couldn't figure it out [let alone anyone else, who isn't going to have the time, or care, like me]. It took a you-tube algorithm to alert me to my autism. I didn't believe it at first, but it kept coming up. Finally, at 65, my life made sense. In hindsight, I could recognize both, my ADHD and my autistic traits as early as kindergarten, age 6. No wonder life has always been an exhausting struggle. It wasn't just a moral failing on my part.
[ I did make certain to get officially diagnosed for both, ADHD and, later, autism, because I just had to know, and I was tired of being invalidated whenever bringing up related concerns]
My autistic traits often out competed the ADHD ones, making a diagnosis even more obscured. Growing up, everything was attributed to "bad behavior" and/or would be blamed on poor parenting. You got punished and degraded for your "behaviors" [zoning out, "forgetting" or confusing instructions, etc.]. The abuse endured all through grade school by nuns, teachers, and students alike would make anyone's head spin today. Hence, you can be sure to add CPTSD to the mix, especially for those of us diagnosed late in life, given a large percentage of us will have experienced trauma many times over by then.
The autism diagnosis allowed me to have more understanding and compassion for those parts of myself that are different and cannot do things like others, or do them in the same way. I would not have put myself in the highly stimulating work situations I ultimately felt stuck in, to survive. It was a catch 22. I was burnt out for so long, I cannot believe I am still here [as many "AuDHD" women do not survive beyond 58, so I have read/heard].
Your story while heartbreaking is also one of strength and perseverance. You never gave up on yourself and you pushed to figure out why things were harder than they should have been. We are deeply sorry that the system didn't work for you the way it should have! 🩵
@@UnderstoodOrg Thank you for your kind words. They mean more than you could know.
My goodness.. Almost word for word the same as you, 64 here and can completely relate. Yes the clash of Autism & ADHD is crazy, 'colour sorted chaos' lol.
Unfortunately neglect /a battle with mother not helped. No support, so always kept everything in. (I sadly, avoided having kids as I didn't want to inflict on them what I understood 'childhood' to be) Maybe a good choice in hindsight.
I've always kept everything in, not mentioned diagnoses to anyone, that's hard. But trying to find validation or explain my faults at the same time.
Eek! Your last line: 58 ?!
(Although ideation here most days.)
Sending 🫂
@@maggiechampion655I never had kids for the very same reason, I wouldn’t put a child through what I’ve gone through in my life.
@@maggiechampion655 Yes, I have had ideations for most of my life [better since I am not trying to work full time to survive!]. Hence, you can add "Imposter Syndrome" to that list, given I have worked in mental health all my adulthood, ha. Talk about a lifetime of cognitive dissonance! I don't know how I made it this far. I had a miserable, stressful time of a life! Finally, I get a little peace.
My son was diagnosed with ADHD before 1995. It was a rubber stamp diagnosis. The teacher had filled out a form that had two columns. One column she had ticked off the boxes as "NEVER" the other column "ALWAYS". What child is consistently always a bad kid and never a good kid? Medicine was prescribed but follow up appointments never happened. My son had to be off the medicine for a while. About a week into this, the teacher who "diagnosed" him said how well he was doing on the medication. You don't think to tell your 7 year old, "Don't tell your teacher". When he said he hadn't been taking them for a while, he suddenly became a problem child. Fast forward several years. My daughter gets the diagnosis. As an adult she finally finds someone to listen. Pre 1995, I didn't understand and had no one to get answers from. Of course, I am the bad mom, who thought ADHD was something that was manufactured. Not the mom who thought counseling was needed with the medicine and I wasn't getting answers.
I am a male with ADHD and late life diagnosis. Your interview is awesome. Every time I think I know a lot about ADHD I realize I know very little. I will keep my eyes open and my ears listening. Thank you for your interview with Dr Steve
Thank you so much! I often find myself thinking similar things, I thought I knew quite a bit about ADHD but learn something new working at Understood all the time. It's awesome to be open to learning new things about something we thought we knew a lot about!
So glad this interview popped up on my feed. I have been learning about ADHD as I think my daughter might have the hyperactive kind. She hasn't been officially diagnosed yet but we are planning to start the process of testing soon. We decided to homeschool her this year because even though she was strong academically, there was alot of unnecessary bully type interactions during class and it was ruining the entire learning/school experience for her. So far, homeschooling seems to be a great fit because she can spend more time on her hobbies and isn't worried about peer pressure.
ADHD combined type with Autism and Major Depressive Mood Disorder here, diagnosed at age 33 after spending almost a year so burnt out I could barely get out of bed.
Just want to say I didn't feel relief when I was diagnosed, because I've internalized the negative so much I can't feel good about it. I just want people to understand it's OK to be sad about it when you get a diagnosis. Especially if you don't have the ability or means access to help. This is one of hundreds of studies and it's a ton of information, so it can very overwhelming to just be told you have this diagnosis (or multiple diagnoses).
It's important to remember, just because one person feels relief, doesn't mean everyone does and that doesn't make you a bad person or that there's something wrong with you. It's a disability. And it's a lifelong one. And as a society, we have been conditioned to believe disability is such a bad thing we can't even say the word. Think of all those people trying to say you're differently abled or your diagnosis is your superpower all because they can't bring themselves to say the word "disabled." It can be a very Othering and isolating experience.
I for one would like to hear more about what we as individuals can do to make ourselves feel better, especially when we don't have access or means to get help, because society is not changing any time soon.
Your points are all so extremely valid. It's not at all like a magic switch when someone says the word. All the diagnosis unlocks is treatment and even that isn't a magic solution it's a trial and error, right? I'd love to invite you to join our support community so you can connect to more people and find support from other women diagnosed with ADHD in addition to here on TH-cam. facebook.com/groups/adhdsupportforwomen
Absolutely! It's so individual.
I think I just emphasize the importance of knowing, for myself, because of having felt invalidated for so many years, while incorporating all of the negative feedback I had been fed throughout. For someone like myself [AuDHD, at 66], one could ask what the benefit is of coming out [especially when it would make no difference in my current treatment]. Sadly, we still live in a time where the diagnosis, and being outed, can hurt more than help. The stigma prevents those who could [possibly] benefit from assistance from coming out because, just the need for accommodations seem to preclude those job "opportunities" we are supposed to be able to have. Let's face it, there is always a way to discriminate, regardless of any laws passed for "protection". Haven't we seen that over and over with race, gender, etc. and equity of treatment?
As to "What can we, as individuals, do to make ourselves feel better, especially when we don't have access or means to get help, because society is not changing any time soon [I agree]" ....THIS! These online groups have been so educating and affirming. All the you-tubes and podcasts....I could never have come this far without that help! So, naturally, I want to turn around and shout it out to the world. We need to share our stories....all of them. We need to educate and have a voice in what is being put out there to represent us.
@@sharonaumani8827Amen sister!!😁 I read somewhere that when you have a disability, you become an advocate, whether you want to or not. Changing the world one tiny piece at a time. ❤
@@LmB-hn2pu This. So much! I come from a long line of advocates, though! It sure doesn't make it any easier, even when you KNOW you're doing the right thing.
Some days I just have to suck it up and keep fighting, because what else can I do? 😂
Hi! I wanted to pop back in and share this new piece of content about ADHD and burnout www.understood.org/en/articles/adhd-burnout
As a man who backed into a diagnosis of ADHD because of tracking back a genetic link from my granddaughter who has been diagnosed early, I appreciate this attention to what is going on with women. I am more concerned with what happens to her than to myself... it's simply a matter of time. It is nice to occasionally focus on hope. Thanks for the video.
Thank you! Late diagnosed 3 months ago. 50 years of struggle. Combined. So. Yes. Everything he says is true. Your work is so much appreciated!❤❤❤
You are so welcome
Wow.
I was the little girl who got so excited at her friend’s birthday party that I forgot where I was and tried to open her gifts with her. Shame.
I was the college student who the harder i tried to focus, the less i could attend to lectures. Shame and fear.
And now I’m the mother who tries system after system to try and be a better homemaker and am constantly failing and burning out. Shame. Fear. Self-abasement.
I had no idea until right now it was unusual to have both sets of symptoms.
I have spent the last week just ripping myself apart because I must just be so entitled and selfish to struggle so much with the same thing that everyone else also has to deal with on a regular basis.
Thanks so much for getting specific! I'm so grateful to read about my own issues. Your last paragraph really nails it. 💖
I was diagnosed a few months ago, at the age of 47. Certainly explains the course of my life! Meditation has changed my life but I still can't help but grieve the life that might’ve been. I am SO grateful that it's come to light now, though. The future is brighter! Thanks for a great video and all your hard work 🩷
We're so glad you're here! Thank you for sharing that meditation has helped you. Grieving the life you didn't have is so relatable. Here's to leading the life you have from here forward. 🩵
We need more mentors. I could have benefitted from being steered towards entrepreneurship of some kind, but there was no way I could have done that with the lack of knowledge/support I had during my working years. I felt stuck and that nearly killed me.
54yo female here. Was diagnosed 3 weeks ago Cant express how much I feel relieved ❤❤❤❤❤ Watching a lot of videos because, yes, 70 percent of information is sort of repetitive, but theres always something new to learn. thank you for this one!
You're very welcome!
Oh man, I must put myself to bed right now but I'm saving this to watch tomorrow morning. I love crying over coffee. I'm a 1990's ADHD girlie and I have had a challenging path. I just know that I will also love Dr. Stephen Hinshaw after watching this. Thank you in advance.
Thank you! 🩵
Big hugs. May your life get better and better with this knowledge on board.
im so glad i found this video and the comments section. i considered myself a late in life diagnosis, but i see im pretty young to be going through this at 26. i really wish we'd all been served better by the education system.
Wow, wow, wow!!! Thank you so much for conducting this interview and for sharing it with us! I know it’s very factual and scientific, but it actually brought me to tears to know that someone out there cares! Someone out there is conducting studies that will benefit my children and future grandchildren. I am a late diagnosed, mixed ADHD woman, my mother certainly has ADHD (undiagnosed), and my three daughters are all neurodivergent (ADHD and Autism). I need to go back and read the transcript because there is just so much meat here, but I have to say that it gives me so much hope that we are at least moving in the right direction to get the accommodations and care that we need. In a world designed for neurotypical people, the more you educate yourself on your needs, the easier it will be to find work arounds. I’m navigating this now as a 35 year old woman. My hope is that my daughters won’t have to educate themselves, that they won’t have to be afraid to ask for the accommodations that they need because it is common practice to accommodate the great population who experience the world differently.
I am so glad I found this channel. Could we please see if the Combined Types might include both AuDHD? I hear that up to 70% of people with ADHD can also be on the spectrum. In my genetics, I have both. I think our faith, tenacity, and sometimes the "Mr. Magoo effect," where we are not fully aware of how others truly feel about us, may have been the saving grace that allowed us to carry on undiagnosed and still be here in our 60s.
We are also glad you found us!
Theres also a link with epilepsy and autism. I heard one of Tony Atwoods talks in which he stated that people with severe autism can develop epilepsy at age 14
Pretty specific age, also the exact age that I was having my first seizure. I'm not sure what he means about severe autism, because i was functional, higher IQ etc.
Recently I learned that anti-convulsants are sometimes prescribed for treating autism. So i guess I've been getting treated indirectly for 50 years. Life has still been hard. Never really felt like I fit in.
Actually I think (something like) 70% of people diagnosed with autism have ADHD, but the reverse is not really common.
@@recoveringsoul755 Epilepsy and ADHD is also common. Particularly Nocturnal Seizures and ADHD. I had seizures in my sleep at 8-9 years old and they went away in my early teens with treatment. ADHD I always had but went unnoticed even despite my school troubles. I hypothesize that ADHD/Autism have something happening inside the brain during development that causes seizures. Probably brain sizes being different in certain regions causing weird electrical activity is my guess.
@@coreyobrien8777 The comorbodity the other way around is not *as* common, but not uncommon either. A major part of people with adhd have autism traits, too. And we need to remember that still a bit over 10 years ago these diagnosis were thought to exclude exam other - you could only have one of them, so many are only assessed for one.
ADHD and menopause has been the very worst time of my life.... falling apart all over the place. 😭
ADHD and hormones definitely have a major impact on our lives separately but together...OOF! www.understood.org/en/articles/adhd-hormones-women
@UnderstoodOrg thank you so much for the link. 🥰
You are so welcome!
I feel like I won the lottery watching this today.
Thanks so much for this lovely comment!
Same! So much of my teen years make more sense now, I was always looking for a way to be like others to the point I would harm myself out of pure sadness and feeling powerless, at least that was a pain I could control....it's crazy women are so freaking overlooked always.
Yes! This is part of why we launched the MissUnderstood podcast channel and our ADHD Support for Women group on Facebook which you are both invited to join as well! facebook.com/groups/adhdsupportforwomen
I know the feeling! The day I realized I had ADHD, I now consider my second birthday. My whole life just clicked into place.
Late diagnosed ASD/ADHD here and this has been really amazing to listen to. People who understand the experience!
Thank you very much! This is truly precious. I was diagnosed at 60 years old. Throughout my life, my suicidal tendencies were a mystery to me. My first suicidal attempt dated back to 8 years old - I broke something in the house and was utterly ashamed of it (and my parents were the sweetest people who were never angry with me and I knew it). This, and an extremely low self esteem despite my happily adequate position among my peers. I just hated myself with abandon without any obvious reason for it at all. Your research is extremely important, thank you so much! ❤❤❤
🩵
We always had labels, lazy, weird, unmotivated, distracted, etc. those labels stunk! They’re all within our control, and we aren’t good enough because we don’t want to be. Getting diagnosed wasn’t giving us an “out” or letting us not work on ourselves. Getting diagnosed was validating our experience saying, “you were starting in a different position, and there are advantages to where we start, but there are also tools that can help us interact with people who have never been on our path. Getting access to those “tools “ is life changing.
I got out of adolescence somehow as an undiagnosed ADHD girl, but now I see in retrospect how many symptoms went neglected and I'm so lucky to have made it through to adulthood. My heart hurts for girls going through that experience now. We have to do better for them.
Thank you. Great interview. As a manager, this will help me be more aware of the challenges team members may be facing.
Recently found out that I am highly likely to have ADHD and Autism. I'm now supposed to be on the 4+ year waiting list to being diagnosis. I'm currently 28. It's hit me so fucking hard looking back at my whole life up to this point. And it's crushing me to think that there are tens of thousands of women all over the world who are struggling like myself.
The grief of realizing your whole life up to now has been this mislabeled experience is very real. You are definitely not alone! We have a Women with ADHD support group if you'd like to join us! facebook.com/groups/adhdsupportforwomen
I never bothered with the formal diagnosis. After several therapists assumed I had a formal diagnosis that was good enough for me. But I'm not looking for meds and one psychiatrist actually prescribed for me without a formal diagnosis because it was so obvious.
The RAADS autism screening tool was recently made public and I took it, getting almost twice the score needed to trigger a going through a formal diagnosis.
I say I have ADHD and probably am autistic and use whatever I can learn to help myself without a formal diagnosis. You can use what you can learn to help yourself until you get the formal diagnosis
I am 49 and also probably have both. I can’t afford diagnosis. Insurance won’t cover it as an adult in the US and it is over $3,000 USD if you can find someone to do a diagnosis. Most of the places in my state only diagnose children. Honestly the self diagnosis is good enough since there are no resources for adults on the spectrum anyway that could help with day to day life. It helps to be able to self accommodate, though. I am trying to learn all that I can on my own since my sons both have AuDHD and I am pretty positive that my elderly mother, who live with us, has autism.
Don’t wait 4 years. See which places your insurance will cover and call them all. And look up reviews.
You’re still young but you have a short window of time to lay down the foundations of your life. I wish I would have taken advantage of how I was when your age and in my thirties. It seems hard now but you have lots of strengths now too. Good luck with things.
This breaks my heart - you are explaining to me what my niece is going through, and why she has had such a problem making friends and why it seems like she doesn't care about others.
She's so blessed to have an empathetic and sympathetic aunt in you!
Has she found it might be easier to make friends with boys than girls as they tend to be more straight forward when they’re younger
"ADHD is an extreme of traits that we all have" ooh nice and concise and quotable, thank you. people always say "well everyone feels that way" and I'm like. no. first of all everyone has totally different experiences of reality. second of all the way that we *are* all the same is all on an innumerable plethora of spectrums. some are obvious - quiet and loud are opposites because they are on either end of a spectrum. When referring to people, there are a lot of different ways to consider someone to be "quiet" or "loud", which first youd have to define those words, but ie. a person could write a lot about politics (loud) but also have a soft voice and not like to converse much (quiet). we have essentially infinite spectrums. the ones that matter with ADHD are generally clustered around the concept of executive function and dopamine and rewards and working memory and habit forming, all of which we collectively as humans deal with on a spectrum of intensity. For me, for instance, I am at an extreme of only being able to focus on something that interests me and being unable to tear my attention away for untold hours, ignoring all bodily needs. I think everyone prefers to focus on interesting things and can get absorbed in their work, but I think some humans don't steadfastly ignore their need to pee for as long as physically possible until long after it starts hurting, just because they're annoyed they have to shift focus from whatever hyperfixation for a few minutes to be a human.
So glad you found a nugget you found helpful and quotable! Love that!
Wish I could like this more than once. Every time i open up about my adhd to someone i get the “but EVERYONE feels that way” “i forget things, too” or “oh, you think you’re forgetful now? Just wait until your in your 70s”.
People think that what I’m describing is a normal experience because there aren’t adequate words to describe how much those same things that are slight irritations to them actually derail my life.
Like with sensory issues. I’ve been told “but EVERYONE is distracted when their clothes don’t feel right” but does everyone get so distracted and uncomfortable that they literally cannot move? Not even to get up off the couch and use the bathroom? Because the feeling of the fabric is so uncomfortable that it’s actually less terrifying to not move than to take care of your bod’s needs? Does EVERYONE think that they’ve spent 5 minutes looking at an article on sewing machines only to realize that it’s been three hours and the reason your kids are acting like they’ve been waiting for an eternity for you to look up and are loosing their minds is because they literally have?
I have had to take drastic measures that include not allowing myself to do anything i’m at all interested when my children are awake because it is a threat to their safety if I accidentally trigger hyper focus, but at the same time my dopamine is crashing because there is nothing in my life to keep it stable. That cannot be a standard human experience or I would be hearing about it.
I sometimes wear an Apple Watch and it will give you a vibration every hour to remind you to stand up. If you don’t like wearing a watch, you could get a cuckoo clock or something that makes noise every hour, to remind you to get water or eat or use the bathroom.
Also, just a caution, if you ignore needing to go to the bathroom, it can cause serious issues as you age.
My dear, speaking as someone VERY like you from what you've written... maybe consider a possible Autism diagnosis, too. Got mine at 43, and it's like I FINALLY get it! It was MORE than just the ADHD, and only took me another 25 years to find out!
My son got diagnosed with ADHD at about seven or eight. I was reading books on it, and laughed and told my husband that this described me. He agreed and he begged me to get checked out and start taking medicine. So I did get officially diagnosed in my early 40s And did use medicine for a while. But I had already figured out how to accommodate myself so I only used the medicine for things like having to do serious house cleaning like spring cleaning or tasks that were long and super boring. Eventually, I stopped taking it because I found whatever I started, once it kicked in that’s what I would keep doing, so if I was on the computer, then I would spend the next six hours on the computer instead of cleaning. Like I said, I learned to accommodate myself. For example, I budget late fees for things because I am very often late. Oh, and one other funny thing. My sister-in-law gave me the nickname “Ooh, look at that“.😆 I love that nickname.
Some people think of those "late fees" due to their ADHD as "The ADHD Tax" because it's the unintentional consequence of having ADHD. www.understood.org/en/articles/adhd-tax
I love this! I’m 50 and have been doing the same thing with adjusting my life around my brain and being off meds (and feel so lucky that I have that option) - budgeting the late fees (the ADHD tax LOL) is so good - not only practical, but says that you’ve processed and dealt with the shame stuff around things like that! :)
The way ive learned to cope with my overwhelming shame in myself is by obsessively avoiding thinking about it alltogether. I cant even begin to unpack it at this point of my life and im just waiting and hoping for new evidence that im not a deeply flawed person to replace the evidence that I am.
I have ADHD-C. I kept the paper that showed my "test" scores to prove to myself it was true. The first psych I saw said I was too successful to have ADHD, not seeing the price I was paying mentally and physically in order to get that success.
My parents didn't believe at first that I have ADHD, but now that I'm educated about it, I know I always have. It was at least clear something was wrong as a kid, starting as early as elementary school with the mass of missed assignments, and I should've seen someone instead of being written off as lazy or irresponsible or not focused enough at the early age of 8.
Or "not applying yourself"
Terrific interview, thank you. Completely relate to the 'really bright but needs to try harder' on every report card and I heard 'what's wrong with you ?' every day of my childhood.
I often wonder what a school designed for adhd kids would look like?
So true!
Would probably be a pretty fun place!
Small schools, small-group inclusion, gifted programming, occupational therapy... these all exist
I’ve heard we make the most interesting and enjoyable teachers for having
The more I read about ADHD in girls and women, the more I wonder if maybe that has been my problem?
I am not in a position to talk to anyone professional about this at this time, but I will when I get a chance.
Thank you so much.
I am 55 years old, a hard worker and smart by all accounts aside from my parents who always blamed me for being lazy…and I have a lot of ideas but have never been able to stick with anything. It has frustrated me my entire life, and always being blamed for being lazy never seemed right. I have also always been warned about working too hard in the jobs I have had or I would burn out…how can both things be true? I am a lazy workaholic?
And, yes, I am a bit concerned about even looking into this because it seems like a fad.
Which is why I have decided to talk to a professional when I can.
Thank you.
I appreciate this episode. As a 35 year old female who has been diagnosed with ADHD and rediagnosed. I still face "Ignore" and "Deny" from the medical field. I still have to fight to be recognized and not minimized. I'm currently postpartum and not enough people talk about how postpartum changes your ADHD and it's struggles.
This is definitely very true! We have this guide to hormones & ADHD if you'd like to check it out, there is a section on pregnancy and postpartum www.understood.org/en/articles/adhd-hormones-women
@@UnderstoodOrg: excellent guide, but are there any strategies for managing these adhd symptoms?
@sarahthompson2237 we have a whole hub full of articles and tips for women with ADHD you can find here: www.understood.org/en/topics/adhd-women and a support group we'd love for you to join here: facebook.com/groups/adhdsupportforwomen
Wow, that was really eye-opening. I had no idea there was a massive study like this. I feel like my last 50 years have been seen. I was told by my otherwise excellent GP, when I raised the topic a few years ago "I can tell you don't have ADHD". I don't question her motives but I know she was under-informed.
Yes most likely you are correct. Sadly a lot of healthcare providers are not well informed about ADHD in women or even in males today. It's why we must advocate for ourselves in these situations and continue to press forward if we believe there is more going on.
Maybe send her this video... it takes an enormous amount of self-advocacy, but it's worth it!
Thank you SO much for this! I am ADHD and help ADHD women as both a therapist and a coach. I really appreciate you sharing this research!
I think Dr. Hinshaw didn’t even begin to touch on the devastation of womens’ lives over time. I hear it in the comments section of ADHD channels.
Also not touched on is the varying effect of hormonal changes on ADHD in women over time. I am understanding that things often get worse after 40, with things starting to crumble.
I know his research subjects are only in their 30s, but he could have brought up, in a little more detail, these topics being covered by other researchers.
The negative outcomes are tremendous over time. The differences compared to the rest of society in lack of income, being in violent households, health outcomes, etc., etc, are stark and immense.
I’m 63, and yes, it did get worse after 40, but even way worse post menopause.
The difference between the potential I hold and the reality are just so far apart, and it’s all about getting a little more out of my time left, now that I have better help.
The grief for the path not taken, or the life not had is very real. Thank you so much for sharing your vulnerability here in the community. We're glad you are here.
It absolutely is I should have been unstoppable and been able to take in the world instead I ended up with no career whatsoever
Wow. Your last sentence put me in tears immediately. That is exactly where I’m at right now at 52 and struggling to be taken seriously because I’ve masked so much of it my whole life. 🥺
My ADHD became so much worse when I hit 40. I thought it was because I had developed hypothyroidism at the same time. But now at 45 I think it’s hormonal too.
I’m not sure if it’s connected, but I have PMDD too. With that and ADHD, I feel like a completely different person everyday. It’s hard to have goals anymore because it’s like I don’t know who I’ll be tomorrow.
OH GOD, it gets worse AFTER menopause? I'm STRUGGLING so hard right now in perimenopause that I honestly can't imagine how I can possibly cope with worse! 😮 Guess I'm going to have to start building support networks now so I can rely on them later!
I was diagnosed in 2019, before the pandemic wave of diagnosis, and I'm just barely attempting medication. I wanted to have time to settle into the diagnosis, to see what could change by creating my own home accommodations, and just deconstructing the guilt and self hatred I had been taught. I'm glad I have taken that time, and I'm glad to be trying medication now.
When I finally got my diagnosis 8 years ago at age 35, I was so relieved... I bawled my eyes out because I finally knew it "wasn't just me" and that I wasn't just lazy and stupid. Soooo many times I was told by teachers and other adults "You're not performing as well as I know you can" and so on. When I went off to college I had a REALLY hard time since I no longer had the strict structure of high school. I managed to finish my first BA... at a cost in many ways, but I did it. In my mid-20's I went back to college to finish a 2nd BA as a Commuter student and working 30 hours a week, and crazy as it sounds, I did WAY better. Partly because I was older, but I think also because I had to write and keep a very defined schedule that gave me that extra "accountability" and built in structure that I needed.
I am 80 and found out about my learning disabilities in my 40’s. I knew I had a reading and spelling problem because I struggled so much to read. In 5th grade my mother took me to a college were a learned to read by sight words. That helped in reading but I still lost everything(still do) had difficulty in timing I used to cut in when people where talking and had no organization skills at at all. I was afraid of what stupid thing I would do next. I went to a lot of therapy even cognitive therapy and my systems really got much better/ especially with people. This year I had terrible knee problems and was in horrible and extreme pain and my ADD came back worse than ever. I had trouble remembering anything, I lost everything, I had trouble writing and even expressing my feelings and typing on my cell phone. My doctor said because my body was trying to stop the pain from my knees they did not have time to handle my ADD. I have no idea if that is right all I know is since My knees have been so Painful my ADD has come back the most Extreme it ever was. Along with Dyslexia and Eye Hand Control that a lot to Handle
I’ma 62 year old female who was diagnosed at42. Some of the report card comments that were on EVERY report card in grade school: “Carolyn tends to daydream” “Carolyn is achieving below apparent ability”
I'm subscribing to your channel through tears.
I feel like this video is about my wife, and I'm so thankful for you making this video! This gives me something to share with family that aren't quite getting it yet that is so well done
Glad it was helpful!
I'm 68 and on the waiting list for autism and ADHD diagnosis. The more I listen to videos like this, the more I am convinced that these "labels" fit me.
I cried and felt so heard. Thank you.
We are glad you are here.
crying too 🫂
I would happily pursue "disability" from the perspective of the ADA, but there's a big problem with cognitive deficiencies. YOU CAN'T SEE THEM, and they are not necessarily even consistent in how they impact me. I have a graduate degree from Cal. I've been a high performer all of my life, but my dam burst 6 years ago, and I quit my job of almost 10 years and left with a bad reputation in the eyes of many of my colleagues. I have not been able to access disability benefits, and now I have recently learned that despite having a 25 year history of working and paying into disability, I no longer qualify because I haven't worked in the past 5 years. I am almost 57 years old. I also have MS, but I look just fine in the neuropsychological testing I've received. I have not been able to figure out how to access the supports I need or even what they are or if they exist. It's too hard to figure this stuff out alone!
Oh that must be so frustrating! I'm so sorry I don't have any specific advice to offer as I'm not very informed about those topics. Are there any non-profits or things like that in your area that may be able to offer advice?
So much of what you all described here has described so much of my life. I always struggled as a girl getting just a little higher grades, or I'd make that one mistake that would be really noticed right at the end of a project (if I ever finished in the first place), or I kept hearing from teachers that I'd get bored easily, or I never sat still. Or from family I'd hear how lazy I was or how I'd use illness or forgetfulness to "get out of doing chores." Or whenever I'd go to the doctor I'd hear more excuses like lose weight, it's just a phase, it's normal to be like that at your age. Eventually I did have one doctor who said, "I swear you have an autoimmune disorder, but I cannot find it." While I did end up being diagnosed with a pretty severe autoimmune disorder, and while I was the kid that was sick all the time, I also have severe anxiety, I also have self-harmed and had suicide ideation, and I know I have depression. I definitely need caffeine on a regular basis (and ironically am prescribed a BP med also used for ADHD as well). But in all of this too, I still have suspected that I have ADHD if not also being on the spectrum to a degree. And yet in all of that, I was "just lazy" to everyone else, despite the world just being way too overwhelming in my brain.
We are so glad you are here. You're not alone!
I think parents and society are harder on girls than on boys. Girls grow up having to cope and to multitask - no time for struggling with ADHT or dyslexia. Parents will tell you "what is wrong with you, pull yourself together". That helps girls to mask the symptoms and appear "normal"
Am looking to be tested for 'ADHD. Have to wait until next year to schedule an appt w/ someone because of insurance. I had a counselor a couple years ago who suggested that I might have it and the more I have researched, the more I am learning/realizing that there were situations/ways of reacting throughout my life that were a bit different and follow along the characteristics/mannerisms one would find with ADHD. I did mention it might be a possibility that I have it to my friends and family and they just look at me and say 'Oh, I never would have guessed.' Or 'You don't act like it.' And then we move on and it never gets mentioned again. I almost began crying during this video. Grateful for the conversation. I do feel better about myself for the moment. Thank you..
Ive always believed I’m intelligent but the diagnosis of my “disability” broke me. I was always confident in my brain but found myself muttering “my brain is broken?”
It’s been a year and I still can’t reconcile myself with it. One of my core beliefs is destroyed.
Disability means less practically able to do things or needs a lot more support to do things, than a typical person without the disability. With or without a diagnosis there would still be struggles. So getting an ADHD diagnosis is a step to knowing exactly what the struggles are to pursue getting specific support for those things. Acknowledging areas of limitations can lead to a grief of a life we thought we could have had, but can also allow us to double down on areas we naturally excel at, and decidedly putting aside societies arbitrary expectations. Moreover, ADHD is associated with higher intelligence anyways. Most inventors and many those who are top in their fields have ADHD, due the ADHD tendency to hyper-focus, and go into deep learning and experimentation in their favourite topics. Being gifted is also associated with ADHD.
Having ADHD does not mean you are not intelligent--quite the opposite actually! Having ADHD just means that sometimes our brains struggle to organize thoughts or information and sometimes to change gears between one task and another, this process is known as executive function. It's the process where we organize information and sometimes physical objects like homework, our keys, our laundry, etc. These things are not all tied to intelligence. We can be very intelligent and still disorganized. This is why people with ADHD can sometimes struggle to have good grades in school but know the information from the class, they learned the information but didn't turn in their homework or didn't perform well on the test (for example.) A grade is one way to measure the student's performance but it is not a measurement of their intelligence. (www.understood.org/en/articles/adhd-and-the-brain)
Additionally, many people with ADHD are able to think creatively which means they are good at problem solving because they are able to process information differently and often very quickly compared to other people. (www.understood.org/en/articles/adhd-and-creativity-what-you-need-to-know)
Intelligence doesn’t have anything to do with ADHD/autism etc. I scored very high on intelligence tests but also very high on ADHD symptoms. Your brain is not broken. It’s just wired differently. Find a career that allows you to be yourself and not have to mask all the time if you can, and you will have a better chance at success. That’s how it’s worked for me at least. Things WILL GET BETTER. I promise you. You are intelligent and NOT BROKEN ❤️
Thank you. Brilliant but realise finally I will not survive. I am 70 diagnosed with MDD and GAD for decades due to what I thought of crises and traumas living with lovely husband for over 40 years but not diagnosed with autism until 73, too late to save us. We destroyed each other and now alone without any support, on deaths door with such severe mental health issues, I discovered ADHD and saw how that is me and went undiagnosed and given depression and anxiety only which yes, was a HUGE part of living with someone not knowing they had autism. As the years went on I became much worse and now totally incapacitated with no hope of any future. I thought finding ADHD was going to be the answer to trying once more but the more research I do the more I realise the impossibility starting so late and with nothing left in the tank. That's even if I could get through an official diagnosis to get meds BUT I'm told I have to have at least one person who has known me since a very young child and can confirm symptoms during childhood. Who do I know at 70! and Well if everyone missed it back then because I was not the hyperactive type and what symtoms I did have in teens and adulthood, I didn't know they were not normal and so just formed strategies to get around them. I have been in and out of psychiatric hospital for decades when I needed respite from husband and the world and no psych picked ADHD although I have become so severely ill the last 2 years with one attempt at S, the present waste of space hospital psych asked a few weeks ago... am I sure no-one has diagnosed me with a personality disorder. He didn't even bother asking questions himself. It's always been about pushing more antidepressants on me even though I'm treatment resistant and collecting a fortune for 3 20 min catch ups a week in hospital just to ask how I am while copying chart details into my file. No interest. Just money.
How can I pass a diagnosis let alone access therapy that is going to magically going to help me out of this bottomless pit? I DO. NOT. HAVE. TIME like the younger ones. I have seen a couple in their 50s diagnosed late but really? That's still 20 extra years to get to my age.
My poor ASD husband too would have suffered as my ADHD got worse as the crises and trauma I suffered increased. We were both cheated in life and will never see each other again. No help. No hope. I did appreciate your presentation though which confirmed my previous research on females with ADHD undiagnosed until later in life. Just in my case though, it was too late, just as it was too late for ex's too late ASD diagnosis. Good luck on your path and thank you for all the people you are helping. The people need more like you. And thank you to Dr Hinshaw for leading the way albeit too late for me 😢❤
This is so difficult to read, the overwhelm and hopeless feeling is so rich and devastating and I just want to wrap you in a warm hug. There is hope and there is more worth pushing forward for we promise!
I'm curious who told you that you must find someone from your childhood who can say you were hyperactive in order to receive an ADHD diagnosis? Was that said by a medical provider? First, not everyone with ADHD has hyperactivity as a symptom? And you're right, of course, not everyone at your age would be able to find someone from childhood who could remember their behavior! If that was told to you by a medical provider we would encourage you to try a different provider. If it was told to you by someone else, a friend or family member, we would encourage you to disregard it as a myth. Here is some information about how to pursue evaluation and diagnosis as an adult female: www.understood.org/en/articles/adhd-diagnosis-woman
No matter what your age we believe there is value in pursuing a diagnosis for a multitude of reasons even if it's only to confirm that you understand how your mind works and that you were right all along. Therapy, medication, treatment options can all also come along only after a confirmed diagnosis but there really is no way we can convey to you the sense of relief and comfort that is possible in having your own diagnosis confirmed for you by a practitioner. To give yourself back that sense of hope and understanding and most of all belief in yourself is so worthwhile. And you are so worth it.
Hey lady. I'm 39 and it's taken several breakdowns and losing most of my support network due to not remembering stuff. Getting everything confirmed for me was a relief, but really I'd already known as part of the lock down discoveries 'trend'.
And yes you need someone from your childhood but my family also have all the same issues and so couldn't remember much of it.
I'm sorry you feel like you were a burden on your sweet husband. If we are anything alike, then you loved as hard as you as you broke. I'm sure he knew that.
What you do with the time you have left is up to you. I've always wanted to make friends with a raven. They are pretty cool birds and responsible for most of the whispering voices children hear in old fables.
Have you ever danced in the rain? Or screamed at a thunderstorm? Seem like bad ideas but I bet they are great. Ravens are fabbo though.
All my love x
No, you don't have to have someone who knew you as a child. I don't and so asked about it, as I'm 60. They can go by you giving specific examples of ways in which it has affected your life. I doubt very much any psych assessing you is going to be cynical and think you are just doing it for disability payments or to be 'fashionable' - not at your age. My birth family had a lot of autism, so that's likely to sway their judgement towards seeing me as neurodivergent. Also, I was an unusual child. I have no school reports to show, as lost them, but a history of underachievement and screwing up. Also I have a Support Worker and many friends who can attest to my poor executive function and time management, but also my hyperfocus. Maybe you know someone who can verify your ADHD traits.
I am so sorry you are feeling as you are. It sounds like you are grieving for a life that could have been very different if you'd been correctly diagnosed earlier. I hear you. I'm 58 and realised I have ADHD about 4 years ago. I haven't found it easy getting a diagnosis here in the UK - but I'm still trying with the right to choose patient partner system we have here, Private providers paid by the NHS. There are some herbal supplement you can try. Omega 3 is often lower in people with ADHD and is helpful for brain and heart function. Taking that alone helped me. I also take an adaptogen mix of herbs called Max-10. The two of them transformed my brain. I've started taking a mix now by Imperial instead as they're cheaper, and I really like the herb mix. My son finds Lion's Mane really helpful. The classic herb for ADHD is Bacopa. When I take it for a few days in a row, the unless monologues in my head quieten down. Eating well also helps - lots of plants in soups and stews with herbs and spices, curries and chilli if you like them, and smoothies. Getting out into nature is a lifeline for me too. Can you sit outside for 10 minutes a day, go to a park for a short walk, or do some gardening? Can you do something nice for yourself every day, like use handcream, paint your finger nails, have a soothing bath, read ir listen to and talking book or an interesting podcast, meditate or rest, phone or meet a friend or relative, join a group? My mum is 78 and has recently joined a balance class and goes to monthly talks with the Women's Institute. She's made new friends and went out for a Christmas meal recently and a barbecue in the summer. I recently started using a meditation app called Insight. I use the free version and I love it. I'm training to be a medical herbalist and I've researched ADHD a lot as an ADHDer and a student for patients in clinics. I hope some of these ideas help you to bring more love and light into your life. Thank you for sharing how you're feeling. I think many of us don't. Sending you much love and a big, warming hug ❤
I'm in my 40s and AuDHD (recently diagnosed seperately). My parents are still alive but I had no hope for them to be any help in recalling any obvious signs of ADHD to a diagnostician. Due to high intelligence and inattentive type I coped well (on the outside) and my struggles weren't visible to an untrained eye.
I still received the diagnosis; instead of "witness" statements from other people, the diagnostician used the way my "career" went which in hindsight is typical for ADHD. Started a _lot_ of things that I never finished, lot of unemployment times in between, lot of wasted efforts, current employment way below my qualification, things like that.
Maybe that perspective can help you gain some confidence that you deserve to be listened to and be helped by the "system".
I do have a lot of hopelessness and desperation in my life too, but most of the times I tell myself, there's still this one thing I could try before eventually deciding it's not "worth" it anymore.
I wish you well and wanna send a hug too.😢🤗
7:16 This!! Omg. Yes. Low self-worth, all of that.
🩵
How about not being able to cry when I’m dying inside? Is this normal? Also my children have it and I feel that I am guilty. I was never diagnosed, but everything they have I have also. It has gotten worse with age. The executive function is so dysfunctional!
I am not diagnosed, as I was doing "too well" to get it covered. Aka my life wasn't in complete shambles. I still am 100% convinced I have it, and it has helped me a lot going by that mindset. I also know my children most likely will have it, so I'm preparing myself to support them in the ways I never was.
Thanks for sharing!
This is so beyond true. Add in the most extreme traumas and it’s a miracle every day that I survive and in my late 40’s. It’s still a daily struggle and I’m educated and experienced and know so many of all the things… but I lack the support during any period of self care and treatment to succeed, I think.
We hope this is not true and that you are able to find the support to succeed in every way possible. 🩵
I can relate.
Thank you so much ! I was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) at the age of 52. It has destroyed so many things in my life.
I was finally diagnosed at 38 years old with ADHD, but my psychiatrist refused to treat me. The only medications we have to treat it come with massive weight loss as a side effect, and I'd already tried Strattera and became so sick that I could not sit up straight or drink water without -projectile- vomiting. I lost 20lbs and didn't recover for years because I also have a high metabolism. I have no idea what to do about it, but I know the govt doesn't consider it a legitimate disability.
I can't even remember to do things I've been paid to do because I start becoming blind to sticky notes pasted on my monitor.
Oh no! How miserable that sounds. We're so sorry to hear you haven't been able to find any medications that work for you. Have any of the therapy options been helpful?
I find it conforting to know that the feelings I've had from internalized stigma are part of the combined type experience. Having been diagnosed just over a year ago and now receiving treatment, I'm finding relief from internalizing negative feedback as a personal failing. It was weird to me when i started to notice i was responding to negative situations with appropriate anger instead of internalized sadness, but im here for it.
Yes! Exactly this. Appropriate anger but sometimes we're still made to feel bad about that like our appropriate anger was inappropriate. Ugh!
YES! How liberating.
I was diagnosed at five years old in 1996. My kindergarten teacher called an emergency meeting with my parents two months into the school year to tell them that my inability to sit still at my desk and do my work quietly without wandering or wanting to go outside and make mud pies was a "serious" concern. I remember the psych eval and feeling ashamed and hating when I'd have to go see my neurologist because she was the one that made me take medicine that made me feel like a zombie. I barely made it through school because teachers misunderstood me. My life has been hell even with a childhood diagnosis because fitting into society is hell to people like me.
They need to do WAY more studies like this with other disorders and other behavioral phenomenon and have even bigger groups of kids that they follow.
I have completely given up on trying to fit into societys standards. It's a sort of self protection and it can feel incredibly lonely when everyone else around you is hitting those milestones and are just organized and present with everyone. I feel like I'm just stumbling through life, stressing for the next event that happens without actually working towards a better me. I've quit my job in november and started therapy and am slowly starting to untangle my thoughts and my life so I can live better with this impairment but it's a tedious process of unlearning 28 years of just cruising by. I've only been diagnosed since may 2024 so as an adhd person that was like yesterday and I'm still processing the impact it had. I'm hopeful that I can turn into a version I'd be content with but I'm also very tired from the life-long anxiety and depression.
I’m already over this life and see no hope for the future. Messed up credit, medical debt, fatigue, shame about life. Throw in a chaotic impulsive husband during my prime 6:32 earning years-I’m screwed. Bored. Just over it. Can’t stay awake either.
Please don't feel shame about your life, you have been busy surviving, and you are exhausted from it. I am so sorry you are feeling this way but I also know things can get better because I have been in a similar situation. Just getting out of bed, showering and brushing my teeth were massive challenges. Wishing you a brighter future 🌻🌷🌼
I need help so bad. There are not words to describe the chaos of my life; and my desire to end unhealthy cycles for my children.
The huge elephant in the room is, the reason I need help so desperately is the same reason I am unable to properly, appropriately, consistantly, advocate for that help.
I am an addict, I havent used for 11 years, and that is the literal end of the list of things I've been able to fix in my life. Despite my current complete burn out from trying. Giving my all, is just that. My all is gone. There's nothing left. 😢
Hi, My wife is Thai, i and my best friend are older psychologists ... she suggested that my wife's earlier trauma could be more than an anxiety DO . Adult ADHD would fit this well...
But aversion to taking pills...
Complicates early steps...but an addiction to caffinated diet sodas begins to make more sense???
Thanks 4 ur insights.
As an ADHD, self diagnosed woman...all the years of bulimia and alcohol abuse now make sense, if that makes sense! Thankfully now sober 10 years...but boy ..that restlessness that I felt, and still do at 68 :D
Congratulations on your ten years of sobriety that’s a massive achievement
I was diagnosed with ADD at 41 when I visited a psycologists with suicidal ideation brought on by perimenopase.
Before that I assumed as my mother told me I was simply highly observant. My elementary teachers always commented, not working to potential, easily distracted. I'm in my mid 60's now.
I am 67, my mother is 84, and I am just getting her to realize I am ADHD. Because she could not see it or refuse to, I felt abused and misunderstood by my family all my life. The other day, we were talking about it, and she still denied it. Then I said to her Mom they didn't put me in special classes and school for no reason. Bam reality.
Add the idea of self compassion to replace attempts at dealing with self esteem. Kristin Neff champions self compassion.
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD inattentive. When I spoke to a doctor about my struggles about 10 years ago, he spoke to me for about 7-10 minutes and told me no you just have a time management issue. So I kept struggling and spending money on different get organized, quick ideas. I felt like I was stupid and empty because I couldn’t remember, finish or organize all the important things I wanted to do.
I didn't even know I had ADHD until I was diagnosed by a Social Worker in a free clinic in my late 50's after I lost my mom's home back to the bank after I bought it from her 5th husband. I worked for decades as a suicidal Psych nurse in troubled teen industry & med clinics for ADHD children in FL, but I never saw ADHD in myself while Inwas focused on others full time. Thx for interesting talk.🙏❤️🔥🙏
I really enjoyed this and thought you did a great job presenting and interviewing 🎉
Thank you!
I feel so validated. Thank you Sincerely.
I called my ADHD diagnosis my "Rumple Stilt-Skin Moment", because I now knew the NAME of the "monster" that I was up against & I could take control of making a plan for learning even more about it & how to manage all the aspects of the affects it has on my life!
ur making a lot of progress ❤🎉🎉🎉, amazing content and ideas
Brilliant. Thank you. Not diagnosed yet, but think I am an inattentive ADHD. Have a diagnosis for dyslexia, probably symptom for ADHD.
Thanks, great interview. Look forward to watching your other podcasts.
,
Thank you!
6:16 he DID NOT have to come after me like that 😭😭😭😭
But being more serious for a second, honestly this has been such an emotional whiplash. I've only recently have been diagnosed with autism specrtum disorder as an adult, and before long I've started suspecting myself with the bothersome combination that is AuDHD. The road to getting an ADHD diagnosis is unfortunately very difficult, and I've been rejected being even tested or looked at in that regard for the reason of "getting too many diagnoses" even though, autism and adhd are present alongside quite often. I've been invalidated in my concerns about what turned out was autism symptoms for years, most of my life. To go through this again is frankly exhausting.
When I was a kid, they didn't really know that much about ADHD. But they definetly KNEW that I had it... I kept asking the adukts around me if I could also be autistic and they always insisted girls didn't get autism. Now I'm 47 and realizing that I have autism as well. I really feel like I've fallen between the cracks and judged for things I could not control without mercy. I really hope we can figure this out better for future generations. It really sucks to go through your entire life feeling that there is never any place or use for you. ❤ Because something is wrong with you.
I've had my dam burst A LOT. Which feeds back into the guilt that I couldn't manage my feelings when I know I can.
Got diagnosed last year, age 45.
Thank you for this podcast. I learned a lot from the doctor.
15:06 oh goodness! (Symptoms appearing as children- vs stresses became more than we could handle) Yes!!!! we could cope and overcompensate- especially if we had support at home. But as school, family, work becomes more complex, and we had more responsibilities- sometimes we would still work So Hard just to stay afloat that others didn’t see the struggles. But they were there underneath all along. As a 54 yo woman who was officially diagnosed as ADHD-C a few years ago, my parents told me I was actually diagnosed by a school psychologist as MBD - minimal brain dis function- although we never made the connection that this was a precursor to the inattentive type diagnosis.
Incredible video, hits all the major points of the ADHD discourse over the last decade! Also, I loved that lyric he slid in by The Who 😂 ( Meet the new boss, same as the old boss 😜)
thank you for this
You're welcome 😊
I was diagnosed in the 1980s and where I hoped I would feel relieved, there was very little support and follow up.
It's amazing you received a diagnosis in the 80s though. I have a cousin (male) who was diagnosed in the 80s and his treatment consisted of being told to cut sugar from his diet because it made him hyperactive. So, also not much follow up or support for him. 😒
Wish I had this data back in my youth. I am now 67. Thank you. I now have hope
Thank you for this video!
You are so welcome!