Thank you for making this. Guys need to talk about this more. Seriously. Men are confusing as hell and a man pulling away hurts badly. To make matters worse, they don’t communicate what’s going on.
I need a man that can accept that i am clingy. If he complains, then i will.not hesitate to walk away. I have a lot to offer as a woman. All or nothing if he can't provide or satisfy my clinginess then go find someone else or be alone. That's my piece.
Most of this is subconcious so most aren't aware or they don't know how a woman feels from her perspective because they aren't women and don't have anything to compare it to as they have always delt with things that way. Understanding how both genders work really helps. But both partners need to have the knowledge to make it work and communicate with each other and sadly a lot don't. It does get better with age and experience I feel though. Some men never grow up 😂
It hurts so badly when they pull away without saying anything. The space gives my overactive brain to think too much. They should say, I love you, but I’m just going to recharge and do X…
I am a woman and I need my space. I don't need to be up in a man's face twenty-four-seven. I am glad if he wants space. In fact, I encourage it. I have come to understand that men are fundamentally different. Some physical/emotional distance is good. If you leave them be they will open up when they are ready.
If I see a dude physically distancing himself from me after sex then my feeling for him will drop to zero really fast...you can't act cold after such an intimate thing and expect the other person to still feel the same, I don't need to be told twice I'm not wanted
@@estherharing7430 you realize men lie to get in your pants right? he may appear to be the worlds greatest man in appearances for months or even years and then once he got what he wanted he switches up on you instantly. There is no way to know for sure, it's always a gamble and I'm done gambling
@estherharing7430 Ageed! So many bitter women on the comment sections on dating advice when they may be adding to their own struggles. Use your head before giving in to someone.
Distance does wonders. That's why women need to have girfriends and a support system they can talk to about what bothers them. You can't just be dumping everything on a man.. He can't be your therapist, your girfriend, your lover, your support system, your playmate etc,
You can’t use your girlfriends or female family members to discuss *him* or your relationship, though. If you are sitting around complaining about him to other people, it’s time to end things.
Men are the ones that do that. Women have all that already... _well, the ones that don't dump their single friends & relatives once they're coupled..._ They're expecting to be confided in & treated like they're in a relationship by their man.
Then why need a man if he is not the rock that provides time and attention? Sure he will not be there 24/7. But when you need him, he has to be there. Just dont over do it. But a loving man knows how to provide attention when the woman needs it.
I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. I didn’t realize he needed space. I am pretty much an anxious person and love being around him. I noticed over the summer that he started pulling away at times and said it wasn’t me. Until recently, I didn’t realize that space was his way of recharging. I am still learning how to give him space without feeling sad or anxious 😬
Its completely normal to have an anxious attachment style. Im the same way a lot of people experience this. The best piece of advice i can give is to find things to do without him before he has to ask for space. It is a game changer. I love him actually texting me and trying to figure out what i’m doing instead of texting him and blowing up his phone. It helps keep the spark alive in a relationship for sure. I hang with friends, family, get my nails done, workout, etc and its perfect for giving him space to strengthen the relationship.
I struggle with this in realtionships too! I found focusing on hobbys, health or meeting up with other friends really distracts me from those feelings and before I knew it they would be showering me with love and affection. Make your life not all about them! If a man made their life all about me I'd be kinda freaked out tbh and not be attracted to them (I've had a few male friends give me the ick by doing this) Knowing what that's like has also helped!
@@AudreyLuerding its not normal, but it is common. its a result of lack of healthy upbringing. Best thing to do is heal and become more secure attachment.
This is such valuable information and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Just last weekend I experienced something that I was confused about but now have clarity on. My BF and I were enjoying a peaceful morning but then sensed that he was a little distant… not as affectionate or attentive and I was a little irritated wondering to myself - “what’s his problem?” Well I just let him be and did my thing but later that afternoon he gave me the biggest hug and thanked me for being so understanding. I was like for what? lol It turned out that he had gotten a message from work that really bothered him but kept it inside trying to resolve the issue unbeknownst to me. Wish he had expressed his problem to me at the time but he said he didn't want to burden me with his work stuff. I learned a lot from this video. Space is important and my guy having it does not mean he’s going to lose interest but rather get more from it. Very interesting… Thank you.
This is why guys who have unreciprocated feelings for you are so resilient and hard to get rid of… you create space simply because you’re not trying to treat them as relationship material! Agree that while everyone needs space, men seem to be wired slightly differently in this regard. Either way, it’s always good to give space, but know when to follow up at the right time.
it would be helpful to add for how long period of time should a woman tolerate that man needs space. I was ignored and/or treated poorly for the whole two months of his new work. so if he was not worry to put himself in the position to lose me, I don't believe it was ever love from his side.
Space is good to process things, sometimes, if you have all the information you need, but there needs to be a team effort as well. People keep saying men are different. Actually they're not. What you're mentioning here are different levels of communication that are lacking in the skills it takes to have a relationship. A team player doesn't need space, they need good communication skills. Being in a relationship is a team effort. Imagine being in a relationship and every time there's an issue you need space? If it's a massive problem then that person needs more space. No, they need solutions and commitment.
No. Space is essential for everyone. So are communication and relationship skills. I'm a woman and if I don't have space I'm out of the relationship, it's like air to me and to many other people.
Space is the opposite of emotional connection. A certain amount of space is healthy in a relationship. Too little space, and people will feel smothered and a loss of independence. Too much space and there will be a lack of connection. An avoidant man will crave too much space. The key is to date a securely attached man and not date an avoidant man. And also to become securely attached oneself. Also, a partner should be able to communicate their needs to each other. If either partner needs more space, they should communicate this to their partner, rather than just pulling away and not saying anything. Again, the later would be considered an avoidant attachment behavior, and would decrease feelings of safety and security in a relationship. Space is healthy. Too much space creates disconnection.
People are different, some are not interested in a relationship or need time to reload their social battery. Also some women can need some alone time, not just some men.
My ex-boy friend could not understand space. He got so angry because I wasn't around enough. He had a lot of time in his hands and I am busy because of financial responsibilities (mortgage, utilities, etc.) We are no longer together and he found himself a rebound only a few months after we broke up.
As someone who has been married for over a decade, I can say that the general assumptions that women are clingy and need constant interaction is inaccurate. As the female who needs ample space and that gets anxiety from the thought of excessive attention, I can say that not all women fit into a singular personality type. In addition, two people that enjoy space can also be problematic. I struggle connecting and expressing emotion so it is odd having a male counterpart requesting affection. 😂
...evaluate his maturity level ... DONT give him money ...don’t let him drive your car ...test him, give space early on...if he starts with accusations, get rid of him (quietly)...he’s a narc ...guys need a couple years after divorce, otherwise you’re a rebound ...guys who complain have options and you are just the therapist, mommy, cook, mechanic, courier.... ...give him space and get gone he just did you a favor 😘🤠
When someone ignores you for weeks at the time but has plenty of time for Instagram, well this is very disrespectful and it feels like they don't care for me or my messages...Gradually I have lost desire to share and talk to them anymore. Now, I am going against my nature and change my texting habits so he can get plenty of space, not sure this creates any connection though 😢
When a boy chews his arm off for space to get away from you to go chase trash, suddenly telling you in no uncertain terms that you are weak, boring, didn’t touch his heart, and didn’t make him feel special -that’s a sign to say “Take all the space you need” and emotionally disconnect because you weren’t miss right you were miss right now …he’ll be back, but the lights are on and nobody’s home 😂
Perhaps his maturity and standards haven't developed quality enough to join you on the High Road, where Love.Honor.Cherish thrives. Continue to Enjoy seeing that which assures your spirit ~ and honoring who you choose to be for yourself and others.
You're writing about boys as written by you. That's the difference. Brian is talking about man and a healthy distance what is something totally different. I'm happy married because my husband is a man, not a boy. He's by my side in good and bad times. And he discusses also the things that bother him. But he needs space for his hobbies aswell as I need space for myself. First thing is to sorted out all boys and get a real man. Personally I need to heal first and stop running after the wrong guys. Have boundaries and keep them.
@@ireefree2024 Congratulations on your satisfactorily-yoked match. ❤ Yes, I know what Brian was talking about. I was utilizing comic relief tongue-in-cheek humor, while telling a blunt truth about a common reason “space” becomes an issue if ‘reasonable passion’ was never mutual, or was lost
Brilliant. Needed to hear this so much. I'm with an Attachment Avoidant. It's only now I'm learning to not take his lack of emotional connectio n personally. Thank you. I will keep playing this until it really sinks in. You are a gem, Brian.
They need an unhealthy kinda space. Space is puahing you away and the beginning of the end or a horrible situationship that will leave you mentally drained. Good luck.😂
WOW!! I needed this! Going through this right now.... my guy has been more distant and shutting down with me after sex and whenever a new stressor arises.... causing me to push more into him and want to love him more. But that's not working. Currently Giving him lots of space and hoping he works on his issues effectively ❤
Yes, leave him alone. Go radio silence on his ass. He WILL come back. This is hard to do but act like you don't care, it works in a way for him to realize he misses you and loves you. Plus, he will think you are making memories with another man. He won't like that and will come to you. Don't stress girl. He will come back to you. A girlfriend doesn't need to be doing a wife's work on a girlfriend pay.
Yes, I agree definitely do the opposite. Focus on yourself and do your own thing. Don't even mention any of those issues. Just carry on as normal, like you don't really care about it. He will come back around. Don't push it. It will make him run further away from you.
I wouldn't be able to put up with that behaviour. Props to you for being able to handle it, but I do think he needs to deal with his problems in a way that doesn't hurt you. You sound like a loving and caring partner who tends to his needs, and you deserve to have your needs met too. Just my two cents
I wish God made nothing like relationships. We all just live our purposes out and we go when it’s done. This love element is just some sort of work on its own. For me, I’m learning to emotionally detach cause I’m a clingy person.
Thank you Brian! The timing of your videos is always so spot on. I'm dealing with an avoidant attacher right now who is needing space. Your words have helped soothe some of my overthinking and it's just great knowledge overall. You're truly a godsend! Thank you!!
2 things are not addressed here. Being clingy is not a decision or a strategy. It comes from an empty and very lonely sensation. Usually from childhood neglect or trauma. It might be uncontrollable. I have trained myself to not showing when I feel the urge to cling. I have never given up my own stuff for any man. He hears more from me when I feel good than when I want to cling. However he senses it anyway an pulls back. Without being able to tell why. Another thing is that clingy (ambivalent attachment style) tend to like avoidant men and vice versa. This reinforces the pattern. If i was able to stop being clingy or feeling the urge to cling i would probably attract non-avoidant men. So just tell me how to stop the need for clinging. Instead of just saying i should stop it. I can stop the actions. According to men I have been with i do this very well but I have not yet been able to remove the urge.
I have the same attachment style you do it sounds like (anxious), from childhood neglect... not intentional neglect however there was just certain situations going on around me and certain people that took higher priority that my own needs. Despite all of that, and knowing what caused my childhood issues the anxious stuff is something I still deal with. It all goes back to childhood, and what you were exposed to and how your parents and/or caregivers responded to and met (or in our cases did not meet) your needs and how you were treated as a child. The urge to cling stems from your parents not being at all available to meet your needs, to maybe being available and not being available to meet your needs and its deeply wounding to us as children and the trauma from that becomes deeply ingrained within us. There is no easy fix to that, in fact its something we will deal with for the rest of our lives. With therapy and/or self-help you can do a lot though, but it will take time and willpower to face what you went through as a child, and learn healthy ways to cope and manage your anxious attachment style. I didn't ever go to the therapist but I've done a lot of self work over the last 10 years. As I said, its something we will deal with for the rest of our lives. The urge to cling is the worst to deal with, because it comes from the abandonment we felt as children and the fact we could never trust our parents and/or caregivers to be there when we needed them to be so we formed this need to cling to them to show them that we were there in a bid for attention, love, and care. There is a lot of stuff you can do to help manage your anxious attachment style as you might learn, and it may include learning about inner child work and re-parenting techniques. When you feel the urge to cling, that's a trauma response coming from your inner child and it's your inner child screaming for the attention that our parents/caregivers didn't give us, so now its up to us as adults to deal with the mess through self help and/or therapy, which may include learning about our inner child and finding ways to soothe them through re-parenting techniques. I know you can work through it, and find ways to manage your anxious attachment style just like I have. What effected us in childhood wounded us deeply, it's unfortunately something you and your brain cannot forget and it became basically wired into our brains to react in certain ways and one of those ways is "the urge to cling".
I've been developing the skill of subtlely & creatively providing exactly that. Until recently, I had No idea (aka 'was it something I did?') Thank you for the many tips RE this key subject. It's healthy-boundaries powerful. Many thanks, with deep gratitude.
I wanna show him how to. Express his emotions and cope better with it … a lot of men were not taught and I give myself, my friends and loved ones space always ❤❤❤❤
Me and my boyfriend always go together to play tennis but I give him space to play with his friends first then afterward he will play with me. We also go fishing, I stay in the same spot and I let him move around and walk down the river. We also go hiking and biking with our friends and I let him be the leader and he will wait for me 😅 because I'm very slow.
What i've learned through prev relationship. I learned not to care anymore. I used want to try to know someone altho i did not have feeling yet but i feels that man rejected me. So i have two guys, one is my school mate , he said he had feelings on me, i did not replied his text and second one he keeps staring at me like everywhere and smile and did not smile back. It is because i feel like i cannot depend on men anymore. They just used you when they had feeling . So i decided not to give any chance to them to try me.
My ex is the opposite of this stereotype, HE got upset when i eventually needed space. As a woman i need space (introvert) & am NOT amazing at multitasking, all these gendered brain differences smell like outdated & biased research IMO. ...i was low-key used as an unpaid therapist, didn't mind until the yelling started...
Thank you again for all your wonderful advice it's always much needed... and absolutely men and women think so very different about so many things, space is very important as is communication which is always better when theres room to think and clarify emotions that both people are feeling. Thank you for staying to the end of the video too 😁👌
Yes indeed..if you just treat some one the way you want to be treated then all works out great....never assume is what my man taught me from day one and believe it ...that many just ASSUME ...without knowing the whole reason or asking first...if they don't understand a communication or action.MAGIC HAPPENS if you just love unconditionally and love th person for who they are...NOT ...who you want then to be and if you must try to change them...( you may be with the wrong person?❤😢😂
What if the guy does not ask for space, but has been slower to respond to texts and honestly you just feels he is going through something and you offer space first? Then go no contact.
It doesn't apply to men only. Just a few days ago I had to clearly and emphatically tell a certain pushy guy colleague that he shouldn't get his hopes up. Being intrusive never brings good results.
It’s unfortunate that men need space to come back to women and miss us. As a woman and the more distance in space we have my heart does not grow fonder, and it teaches me how to live without them.
how can we tell the difference between his needing space is about needing to recharge, or when its because he feels "suffocated"? how much time for space until it becomes a red flag?
There's no definite time, each couple needs to work that out. If he needs so much space that you disconnect, you might be incompatible, or he may be playing the field and not really available for a 1:1 relationship. If he feels suffocated, he has gone past the recharge point and there may be harsh words. You can always ask him. I'm the one who needs space in my relationships.
Yeah… I tried to create plenty of alone time for him… I stopped texting him more than like 3 times a day throughout his entire 12 hour shift, and we only see each other on average once a week, and he’s expressed that talk to me more can be overwhelming for him. I expect my partner to call me for at least 5 minutes every day.
So true especially when there are relationship problems.. I swear a lot of men are very selfish though and utilise the time to ‘do their own thing’ so capitalise on this.Can be annoying 😏
Sometimes it is wise to allow partners who want to leave a relationship to move on...and not do anything to keep them tethered to us . Some relationships have reached their expiration date ..but we still want to recycle we need to feel the pain heal our wounds , improve where we are lacking ,, learn the lesson from the experience and then the right patner will come around ..you will only believe this if you are in your authencity but most people want their toxic ex back..and some are even willing to do magic love spells to bring back or prevent them from leaving ..
I’m like a guy then lol cause I need space when I’m overwhelmed and stressed and I fall asleep after sex. Actually my husband is like a girl and is very hyperactive after sex.
Going thru this now not even sure why he said I need time & think I’m sticking to NC he has messaged a few times I don’t even see him that much during the week.. we’ve been together over a 1 1/2 yr
I know a married couple that do EVERYTHING together. They do not have any space. They love it that way. They have lost many friends because the friends want to do a friend visit and can't. They are older, but not real old, seems like they should need a little space.
I know people like this too, young couples in their 30s who have been together since college. Relationships like that can become very codependent because you literally grow up and become an adult with someone at your side. They don’t know what it’s like to grow up on your own so their sense of individualism is less developed. But even if it seems unhealthy to an observer, it seems natural to them, and it makes them happy 🤷🏻♀️
Oh God, I met a man who created such a safe space for me at work, I have never seen a better gentleman like him, I would want to marry him, but our connection ended abruptly, I know he still has some things for me in his mind so do I, but office politics and my anger issues affected my connection with him, unspoken, unexpressed but a subtle thing which I we both felt, it was the most beautiful thing I ever experienced... only God can help us get back together,
@@truerosieI said that after he ended a relationship after 6 months and a couple episodes of “needing space” or needing quiet time so I was not happy - however I do still stand by that statement
It's healthier if BOTH men & women have their own space, their own friends, things to do away from each other. It's actually strengthening
…unless he's a cheater or she's a hoe; but then again, the whole charade wouldn't qualify as "healthy" from the get-go.
Yeah, we women teach men to relate with others, men teach women have their own space, relationships are for growth
@@Marianismacias Wonderful words
Each party has to have their own identity otherwise your slipping into co-dependencey. That's not a healthy dynamic either.
Spot on!
Thank you for making this. Guys need to talk about this more. Seriously. Men are confusing as hell and a man pulling away hurts badly. To make matters worse, they don’t communicate what’s going on.
I need a man that can accept that i am clingy. If he complains, then i will.not hesitate to walk away. I have a lot to offer as a woman. All or nothing if he can't provide or satisfy my clinginess then go find someone else or be alone. That's my piece.
😊Amen!
I agree strongly
Most of this is subconcious so most aren't aware or they don't know how a woman feels from her perspective because they aren't women and don't have anything to compare it to as they have always delt with things that way. Understanding how both genders work really helps. But both partners need to have the knowledge to make it work and communicate with each other and sadly a lot don't. It does get better with age and experience I feel though. Some men never grow up 😂
It hurts so badly when they pull away without saying anything. The space gives my overactive brain to think too much. They should say, I love you, but I’m just going to recharge and do X…
Over the years I became so good at giving more space that I don't expect anything at all anymore.
Same here
@@aeiou0123 ❤
@@smoothtruth ❤
Me too although my space and friends were frowned on.
Yep
I am a woman and I need my space. I don't need to be up in a man's face twenty-four-seven. I am glad if he wants space. In fact, I encourage it. I have come to understand that men are fundamentally different. Some physical/emotional distance is good. If you leave them be they will open up when they are ready.
Very wise !
If I see a dude physically distancing himself from me after sex then my feeling for him will drop to zero really fast...you can't act cold after such an intimate thing and expect the other person to still feel the same, I don't need to be told twice I'm not wanted
Then you want a relationship with women. Go find one
Don't give your body to a man that doesn't love you in the first place.
@@estherharing7430 you realize men lie to get in your pants right? he may appear to be the worlds greatest man in appearances for months or even years and then once he got what he wanted he switches up on you instantly. There is no way to know for sure, it's always a gamble and I'm done gambling
@@estherharing7430 so remain a virgin :)) cuz men don't love women
@estherharing7430
Ageed! So many bitter women on the comment sections on dating advice when they may be adding to their own struggles. Use your head before giving in to someone.
Distance does wonders. That's why women need to have girfriends and a support system they can talk to about what bothers them. You can't just be dumping everything on a man..
He can't be your therapist, your girfriend, your lover, your support system, your playmate etc,
Yeah but if you clock out the ONE time I come to you and I never dump then you might be a little avoidant or just don’t like me.
You can’t use your girlfriends or female family members to discuss *him* or your relationship, though. If you are sitting around complaining about him to other people, it’s time to end things.
Men are the ones that do that. Women have all that already... _well, the ones that don't dump their single friends & relatives once they're coupled..._
They're expecting to be confided in & treated like they're in a relationship by their man.
You shouldn't talk about your relationship issues to other people! First rule of marriage!!
Then why need a man if he is not the rock that provides time and attention?
Sure he will not be there 24/7.
But when you need him, he has to be there. Just dont over do it.
But a loving man knows how to provide attention when the woman needs it.
I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. I didn’t realize he needed space. I am pretty much an anxious person and love being around him. I noticed over the summer that he started pulling away at times and said it wasn’t me. Until recently, I didn’t realize that space was his way of recharging. I am still learning how to give him space without feeling sad or anxious 😬
Its completely normal to have an anxious attachment style. Im the same way a lot of people experience this. The best piece of advice i can give is to find things to do without him before he has to ask for space. It is a game changer. I love him actually texting me and trying to figure out what i’m doing instead of texting him and blowing up his phone. It helps keep the spark alive in a relationship for sure. I hang with friends, family, get my nails done, workout, etc and its perfect for giving him space to strengthen the relationship.
@@AudreyLuerdinglove this!
I struggle with this in realtionships too! I found focusing on hobbys, health or meeting up with other friends really distracts me from those feelings and before I knew it they would be showering me with love and affection. Make your life not all about them! If a man made their life all about me I'd be kinda freaked out tbh and not be attracted to them (I've had a few male friends give me the ick by doing this) Knowing what that's like has also helped!
HE NEEDS TO COMMUNICATE THAT WITH YOU INSTEAD OF KEEPING YOU GUESSING.
@@AudreyLuerding its not normal, but it is common. its a result of lack of healthy upbringing. Best thing to do is heal and become more secure attachment.
Wanting him but not needing him ❤ great quote
Too much time with my mate gets on my last nerve. I need my space more than he does. So if he wants space, I say goody!
This is such valuable information and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Just last weekend I experienced something that I was confused about but now have clarity on. My BF and I were enjoying a peaceful morning but then sensed that he was a little distant… not as affectionate or attentive and I was a little irritated wondering to myself - “what’s his problem?” Well I just let him be and did my thing but later that afternoon he gave me the biggest hug and thanked me for being so understanding. I was like for what? lol It turned out that he had gotten a message from work that really bothered him but kept it inside trying to resolve the issue unbeknownst to me. Wish he had expressed his problem to me at the time but he said he didn't want to burden me with his work stuff.
I learned a lot from this video. Space is important and my guy having it does not mean he’s going to lose interest but rather get more from it. Very interesting… Thank you.
Nice! Great share. Thank you.
This is why guys who have unreciprocated feelings for you are so resilient and hard to get rid of… you create space simply because you’re not trying to treat them as relationship material! Agree that while everyone needs space, men seem to be wired slightly differently in this regard. Either way, it’s always good to give space, but know when to follow up at the right time.
it would be helpful to add for how long period of time should a woman tolerate that man needs space. I was ignored and/or treated poorly for the whole two months of his new work. so if he was not worry to put himself in the position to lose me, I don't believe it was ever love from his side.
Dump him and move on , he will come back when he feel this
@@mundoomundoo1371 agreed. and when he comes back....don't take him back
Agreed! He probably met a new coworker
Space is good to process things, sometimes, if you have all the information you need, but there needs to be a team effort as well. People keep saying men are different. Actually they're not. What you're mentioning here are different levels of communication that are lacking in the skills it takes to have a relationship. A team player doesn't need space, they need good communication skills. Being in a relationship is a team effort. Imagine being in a relationship and every time there's an issue you need space? If it's a massive problem then that person needs more space. No, they need solutions and commitment.
No. Space is essential for everyone. So are communication and relationship skills. I'm a woman and if I don't have space I'm out of the relationship, it's like air to me and to many other people.
Yep, it's messed up.
You sound like an expert😊
@@a.d.b535
???
Space is the opposite of emotional connection. A certain amount of space is healthy in a relationship. Too little space, and people will feel smothered and a loss of independence. Too much space and there will be a lack of connection. An avoidant man will crave too much space. The key is to date a securely attached man and not date an avoidant man. And also to become securely attached oneself. Also, a partner should be able to communicate their needs to each other. If either partner needs more space, they should communicate this to their partner, rather than just pulling away and not saying anything. Again, the later would be considered an avoidant attachment behavior, and would decrease feelings of safety and security in a relationship. Space is healthy. Too much space creates disconnection.
😂 Recovering level-5 clinger here! 🙌🏼🤣🤣
Thank you Brian. Practical and insightful!
Spot on as usual.
I see space for the guy as his way of processing the relationship.
And I use that time for a little me staycation or vacation.
People are different, some are not interested in a relationship or need time to reload their social battery. Also some women can need some alone time, not just some men.
My ex-boy friend could not understand space. He got so angry because I wasn't around enough. He had a lot of time in his hands and I am busy because of financial responsibilities (mortgage, utilities, etc.) We are no longer together and he found himself a rebound only a few months after we broke up.
As someone who has been married for over a decade, I can say that the general assumptions that women are clingy and need constant interaction is inaccurate. As the female who needs ample space and that gets anxiety from the thought of excessive attention, I can say that not all women fit into a singular personality type. In addition, two people that enjoy space can also be problematic. I struggle connecting and expressing emotion so it is odd having a male counterpart requesting affection. 😂
I'm built the same way. I need to pull away to recharge!
...evaluate his maturity level
... DONT give him money
...don’t let him drive your car
...test him, give space early on...if he starts with accusations, get rid of him (quietly)...he’s a narc
...guys need a couple years after divorce, otherwise you’re a rebound
...guys who complain have options and you are just the therapist, mommy, cook, mechanic, courier....
...give him space and get gone he just did you a favor 😘🤠
When someone ignores you for weeks at the time but has plenty of time for Instagram, well this is very disrespectful and it feels like they don't care for me or my messages...Gradually I have lost desire to share and talk to them anymore. Now, I am going against my nature and change my texting habits so he can get plenty of space, not sure this creates any connection though 😢
I feel like you know the answer already but every one is different… if you know the person you are talking to then … that’s all I can say :)
1 week of no contact is ghosting. If a guy does that to me, i call him out on it.
Or not responding anymore hahaha 😂
They come back?
Girl, he isn't interested ❤
When a boy chews his arm off for space to get away from you to go chase trash, suddenly telling you in no uncertain terms that you are weak, boring, didn’t touch his heart, and didn’t make him feel special -that’s a sign to say “Take all the space you need” and emotionally disconnect because you weren’t miss right you were miss right now …he’ll be back, but the lights are on and nobody’s home 😂
Right? Love this!
Perhaps his maturity and standards haven't developed quality enough to join you on the High Road, where Love.Honor.Cherish thrives. Continue to Enjoy seeing that which assures your spirit ~ and honoring who you choose to be for yourself and others.
You're writing about boys as written by you. That's the difference. Brian is talking about man and a healthy distance what is something totally different. I'm happy married because my husband is a man, not a boy. He's by my side in good and bad times. And he discusses also the things that bother him. But he needs space for his hobbies aswell as I need space for myself. First thing is to sorted out all boys and get a real man. Personally I need to heal first and stop running after the wrong guys. Have boundaries and keep them.
@@ireefree2024
Congratulations on your satisfactorily-yoked match. ❤
Yes, I know what Brian was talking about.
I was utilizing comic relief tongue-in-cheek humor, while telling a blunt truth about a common reason “space” becomes an issue if ‘reasonable passion’ was never mutual, or was lost
Wow, lots of bitter responses here😮
Brilliant. Needed to hear this so much. I'm with an Attachment Avoidant. It's only now I'm learning to not take his lack of emotional connectio n personally. Thank you. I will keep playing this until it really sinks in. You are a gem, Brian.
They need an unhealthy kinda space.
Space is puahing you away and the beginning of the end or a horrible situationship that will leave you mentally drained.
Good luck.😂
@@Alieortwowell said
I NEEDED to hear this today. Thank you.
Thank you very much for these videos because I would have never grasped this concept
WOW!! I needed this! Going through this right now.... my guy has been more distant and shutting down with me after sex and whenever a new stressor arises.... causing me to push more into him and want to love him more. But that's not working. Currently Giving him lots of space and hoping he works on his issues effectively ❤
Yes, leave him alone. Go radio silence on his ass. He WILL come back. This is hard to do but act like you don't care, it works in a way for him to realize he misses you and loves you. Plus, he will think you are making memories with another man. He won't like that and will come to you.
Don't stress girl. He will come back to you.
A girlfriend doesn't need to be doing a wife's work on a girlfriend pay.
Yes, I agree definitely do the opposite. Focus on yourself and do your own thing. Don't even mention any of those issues. Just carry on as normal, like you don't really care about it. He will come back around. Don't push it. It will make him run further away from you.
I wouldn't be able to put up with that behaviour. Props to you for being able to handle it, but I do think he needs to deal with his problems in a way that doesn't hurt you. You sound like a loving and caring partner who tends to his needs, and you deserve to have your needs met too. Just my two cents
I wish God made nothing like relationships. We all just live our purposes out and we go when it’s done. This love element is just some sort of work on its own. For me, I’m learning to emotionally detach cause I’m a clingy person.
Thank you Brian! The timing of your videos is always so spot on. I'm dealing with an avoidant attacher right now who is needing space. Your words have helped soothe some of my overthinking and it's just great knowledge overall. You're truly a godsend! Thank you!!
When an avoidant needs space he is allready gone.
Oh and busy with others.
Run😂😂😂
2 things are not addressed here. Being clingy is not a decision or a strategy. It comes from an empty and very lonely sensation. Usually from childhood neglect or trauma. It might be uncontrollable.
I have trained myself to not showing when I feel the urge to cling. I have never given up my own stuff for any man. He hears more from me when I feel good than when I want to cling.
However he senses it anyway an pulls back. Without being able to tell why.
Another thing is that clingy (ambivalent attachment style) tend to like avoidant men and vice versa. This reinforces the pattern.
If i was able to stop being clingy or feeling the urge to cling i would probably attract non-avoidant men. So just tell me how to stop the need for clinging. Instead of just saying i should stop it. I can stop the actions. According to men I have been with i do this very well but I have not yet been able to remove the urge.
I have the same attachment style you do it sounds like (anxious), from childhood neglect... not intentional neglect however there was just certain situations going on around me and certain people that took higher priority that my own needs. Despite all of that, and knowing what caused my childhood issues the anxious stuff is something I still deal with.
It all goes back to childhood, and what you were exposed to and how your parents and/or caregivers responded to and met (or in our cases did not meet) your needs and how you were treated as a child. The urge to cling stems from your parents not being at all available to meet your needs, to maybe being available and not being available to meet your needs and its deeply wounding to us as children and the trauma from that becomes deeply ingrained within us.
There is no easy fix to that, in fact its something we will deal with for the rest of our lives. With therapy and/or self-help you can do a lot though, but it will take time and willpower to face what you went through as a child, and learn healthy ways to cope and manage your anxious attachment style.
I didn't ever go to the therapist but I've done a lot of self work over the last 10 years. As I said, its something we will deal with for the rest of our lives.
The urge to cling is the worst to deal with, because it comes from the abandonment we felt as children and the fact we could never trust our parents and/or caregivers to be there when we needed them to be so we formed this need to cling to them to show them that we were there in a bid for attention, love, and care. There is a lot of stuff you can do to help manage your anxious attachment style as you might learn, and it may include learning about inner child work and re-parenting techniques.
When you feel the urge to cling, that's a trauma response coming from your inner child and it's your inner child screaming for the attention that our parents/caregivers didn't give us, so now its up to us as adults to deal with the mess through self help and/or therapy, which may include learning about our inner child and finding ways to soothe them through re-parenting techniques.
I know you can work through it, and find ways to manage your anxious attachment style just like I have. What effected us in childhood wounded us deeply, it's unfortunately something you and your brain cannot forget and it became basically wired into our brains to react in certain ways and one of those ways is "the urge to cling".
I've been developing the skill of subtlely & creatively providing exactly that. Until recently, I had No idea (aka 'was it something I did?') Thank you for the many tips RE this key subject. It's healthy-boundaries powerful. Many thanks, with deep gratitude.
Give him space...until it becomes not prioritising him, and so reason to breakup. I'm not suggesting all guys are jerks like that, but it does happen.
I wanna show him how to. Express his emotions and cope better with it … a lot of men were not taught and I give myself, my friends and loved ones space always ❤❤❤❤
Women need space from everyone else aswell to keep themselves grounded from all the demands people put on you including your partner.
Me and my boyfriend always go together to play tennis but I give him space to play with his friends first then afterward he will play with me. We also go fishing, I stay in the same spot and I let him move around and walk down the river. We also go hiking and biking with our friends and I let him be the leader and he will wait for me 😅 because I'm very slow.
BRILLIANT explanation! Thank you!!
Love how you dig for scientific along with experiential information on the differences between men and women Brian!
What i've learned through prev relationship. I learned not to care anymore. I used want to try to know someone altho i did not have feeling yet but i feels that man rejected me. So i have two guys, one is my school mate , he said he had feelings on me, i did not replied his text and second one he keeps staring at me like everywhere and smile and did not smile back. It is because i feel like i cannot depend on men anymore. They just used you when they had feeling . So i decided not to give any chance to them to try me.
My ex is the opposite of this stereotype, HE got upset when i eventually needed space. As a woman i need space (introvert) & am NOT amazing at multitasking, all these gendered brain differences smell like outdated & biased research IMO.
...i was low-key used as an unpaid therapist, didn't mind until the yelling started...
Thank you again for all your wonderful advice it's always much needed... and absolutely men and women think so very different about so many things, space is very important as is communication which is always better when theres room to think and clarify emotions that both people are feeling.
Thank you for staying to the end of the video too 😁👌
He said he needed space, going on 2 weeks, and accompanied by removing our photo from his side table. I backed off and dating another man.
Why does the women always to be the one to understand and be patient and to worry bout his emotions
Dear Brian Nox! I’m clingy on your videos 😂😂😂 so please continue to make them…😅 ❤️
Great video, love your sense of humour!
Yes indeed..if you just treat some one the way you want to be treated then all works out great....never assume is what my man taught me from day one and believe it ...that many just ASSUME ...without knowing the whole reason or asking first...if they don't understand a communication or action.MAGIC HAPPENS if you just love unconditionally and love th person for who they are...NOT ...who you want then to be and if you must try to change them...( you may be with the wrong person?❤😢😂
Super helpful and concise video, thank you.
Thank you, Heath. I appreciate your time and information.
What if the guy does not ask for space, but has been slower to respond to texts and honestly you just feels he is going through something and you offer space first? Then go no contact.
Match what he’s doing and also give the love to yourself and your life ❤
Space is the place ❤❤❤ It's so much better.
This is good Brian!! Nice work!
I am a woman, and I need a lot of space, and I am a people person!
It doesn't apply to men only. Just a few days ago I had to clearly and emphatically tell a certain pushy guy colleague that he shouldn't get his hopes up. Being intrusive never brings good results.
Brian, Great video! Thanks 🙏
Absolutely true! You are 100% correct. 👍‼️
It’s unfortunate that men need space to come back to women and miss us. As a woman and the more distance in space we have my heart does not grow fonder, and it teaches me how to live without them.
How long the average period of space should be ? Especially at the beginning of any relationship?
Thank you Brian, your tip always comes handy!❤.
Love your books 📚 Brian!
Thx for Your content, very valuable and enjoyable at the same time!
I'm the same way. If i have a ton of things to do for work, I will hole up and get it done. Then when it's cleared up, I'll be more available.
Lol! I give all the space, which he can keep it because I am used to it! No need to further the relationship 😂
I create so much space that the man can hear crickets and not me 😂
I love your videos so much, thank you
Need to watch this really thank u
Awesome Videos , Thanks 💗
I’ve FInally achieved this-in my late 50s(!!!).
Wow! Thank you❤❤❤
how can we tell the difference between his needing space is about needing to recharge, or when its because he feels "suffocated"? how much time for space until it becomes a red flag?
Just leave him alone
There's no definite time, each couple needs to work that out. If he needs so much space that you disconnect, you might be incompatible, or he may be playing the field and not really available for a 1:1 relationship. If he feels suffocated, he has gone past the recharge point and there may be harsh words. You can always ask him.
I'm the one who needs space in my relationships.
“I need to manifest better” 👌🏻
Brian thank you so much . Be blessed
Wow i have needed this in my life. Brian understands and explains conplex things so well
Gracias por acompañarme cuando no entiendo qué está pasando con mi pareja ❤
Also women need space!
Yeah… I tried to create plenty of alone time for him… I stopped texting him more than like 3 times a day throughout his entire 12 hour shift, and we only see each other on average once a week, and he’s expressed that talk to me more can be overwhelming for him.
I expect my partner to call me for at least 5 minutes every day.
He doesn't sound invested or single 😮
Just what I needed to hear. Thank you.
So true especially when there are relationship problems.. I swear a lot of men are very selfish though and utilise the time to ‘do their own thing’ so capitalise on this.Can be annoying 😏
Haha, short attention span!! Great advice. Thank you ❤
Thank you Brian.
Thank you greatly for this invaluable information.
I’ll meet him at the fridge !! Love this !
Sometimes it is wise to allow partners who want to leave a relationship to move on...and not do anything to keep them tethered to us . Some relationships have reached their expiration date ..but we still want to recycle we need to feel the pain heal our wounds , improve where we are lacking ,, learn the lesson from the experience and then the right patner will come around ..you will only believe this if you are in your authencity but most people want their toxic ex back..and some are even willing to do magic love spells to bring back or prevent them from leaving ..
Well done😊
You are funny. Really recognize the Dutch humour 😋
Excellent!
I’m like a guy then lol cause I need space when I’m overwhelmed and stressed and I fall asleep after sex. Actually my husband is like a girl and is very hyperactive after sex.
Golden advise, just to always keep in mind❤
I like the plot twist at the beginning 😂😂
Very nice n useful lesson n session. 🙂😊
Great content, thank you❤
Introverts needs, the same space too 😊
Going thru this now not even sure why he said I need time & think I’m sticking to NC he has messaged a few times I don’t even see him that much during the week.. we’ve been together over a 1 1/2 yr
omg i soo needed this!❤
I know a married couple that do EVERYTHING together. They do not have any space. They love it that way. They have lost many friends because the friends want to do a friend visit and can't. They are older, but not real old, seems like they should need a little space.
I know people like this too, young couples in their 30s who have been together since college. Relationships like that can become very codependent because you literally grow up and become an adult with someone at your side. They don’t know what it’s like to grow up on your own so their sense of individualism is less developed. But even if it seems unhealthy to an observer, it seems natural to them, and it makes them happy 🤷🏻♀️
Oh God, I met a man who created such a safe space for me at work, I have never seen a better gentleman like him, I would want to marry him, but our connection ended abruptly, I know he still has some things for me in his mind so do I, but office politics and my anger issues affected my connection with him, unspoken, unexpressed but a subtle thing which I we both felt, it was the most beautiful thing I ever experienced... only God can help us get back together,
Same thing with me/us women!
I need this now juju 😢thank you
This is soooooo true.
If he says he needs space - he means I want to move on
Not always. Didn't you listen to the video at all?
@@truerosieI said that after he ended a relationship after 6 months and a couple episodes of “needing space” or needing quiet time so I was not happy - however I do still stand by that statement
Great info! ❤ thank you
What about husbands who are needy and clingy??
Then you need space! Ask for it before you are going nuts.
So well explained 😇 Thank you 🙏💛