Seems a curious thing! I wondered where the narcissistic retired neighbor goes almost daily. I find myself obsessing over it ( after this, No More); If the obsessive narc' energy requires supply ... Go get it - I say! She acts like she has a busy social life of things to do. ADHD is What I thought but it's the need to fill boredom with herself & be distracted or get attention. I get exhausted a few hours or days with these people. 1 Aunt is the same way. Gasp!😮 😅
I thought I was the only one who noticed this. And if they are at home they’re talking to people on their phone…..how do you expect to self-reflect if your never by yourself?!
My EX was always talking on her phone. Validation for attention from other people. Good and bad attention. That's why they never dismiss drama. It's still attention.
Wow! You NAILED it! My narcissistic ex had to be surrounded by peoole ALL THE TIME! It was EXHAUSTING! I never understood narcissism until I had filed for divorce and my therapist educated me about narcissism. He always had to have an audience!
Sounds like my EX ughhh always use to draw attention to himself it was so annoying and embarrassing most of the time I couldn’t stand going out with him
YES. First Easter divorced and me and the kids went to my sisters. I was reminiscing w her about how every holiday I would soend hours cooking, then he’d take a 3-4 hour nap. He alwaysss needed to nap, anytime he didn’t have to work, he could never go a weekend day without a nap. Didn’t realize this was a thing!
Totally agree. My Mom is 89 and a narcissist and doesn’t drive. I am disabled and can no longer take her anywhere. When I talk to her she always says I am so bored and trapped in the house. I tell her not my issue and it drives her crazy. Makes me smile when I hang up. Not my issue.🤪👍😁
Yep, that was my dad. He talked to strangers who had no idea what he was, most of the time. I watched him pour on the charm & felt such disgust toward him, knowing that he’s an Emotional Con Artist.
@candiddeclarations7364 So true and they like it when they get praises of how they dressed, mine loves perfume. He would buy it when we don't have bread and tell you he needed it.
@@conniepfannerstill817 In most areas there are senior services that provide transportation to senior centers, shopping, medical and other destinations either free or minimal charge. If she (or you) have any money, you can get her a taxi or Uber to a local senior center or activity center once a week.
I used to say that my ex-husband was like a shark. If he stopped moving, he would die. Lol 😂. Always out and about. Always looking for validation and praise.
They see their homes as their prisons - The ex narc I knew told me it was his prison & he hated being alone their with his thoughts... He always needed friends / people round... He needed constant company or he would have a meltdown 😮
@@RosesAreRedVoiletsAreBlue1why would you think anyone is saying your husband is a narcissist? Is he matching up with many of the red flags? Being a homebody does not make him a narcissist. Believe me, if he is a narcissist, you will figure it out. It will be obvious, because their mask does fall off eventually and you find a very self-centered, non-empathetic, seemingly soulless person was under it.
I had to take over paying my mom’s bills, she thinks because she wrote in a check book it’s paid. So she was behind on several big payments. She is obsessed with “when am I going to get my spending money?” “I tell her you’re 82 and you have spent all you need to spend and if you don’t own it by now, you certainly don’t need it at this stage of life.”
Experienced that too. He would clean the house if I would cook for his friends so that happened often. I took it as a good swap but knew he was only happy when his friends or family were around.
They need distractions to keep up their false self to the outside world. They are constantly fighting collapsing. They then find hobbies outside and make new friends, looking for new adventures. They suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out) They hate reality.
My husband couldn’t do any hobby that made him do it by himself. My hobbies are sewing, woodworking, knitting, gardening. He had a whole lot of other characteristics described as narcissistic, but this one had me puzzled.
When our son was young, he said dad treats the house like a drive thru at a restaurant. He also said that dad is tripolar,he’s either mad,sad or (if money’s involved)glad.
I found out the fool was a gambleaholicccc!! Could never have enough money. Unfortunately, there was a casino nearby the (Oak Grove, Kentucky), Lord, have mercy.. spent his days and evenings there. So happy it’s OVERRRRR! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Some of them act as though they have such a busy life, and have so much going on, truth is, they get bored & are busy doing nothing, so look for ways to place themselves in other ppls business, on the phone gossiping about everybody, starting confusion between ppl, trying to trangulate ppl and be messy or thinking of ways to manipulate those around them...Just being troublemakers, throwing stones and hiding and acting innocent
I'm old now, but free from narcissistic chains. My mother was a narcissist and so was my sister. My mean sister followed everywhere I went and caused me embarrassment and was also violent towards me. She killed herself last November. I ha e not shed one tear! Been in counseling and watching lots of viedeos like this. Am finally free and living my best life!
Your sister must have been old too. So it wasn't a big deal that she died. My older sister is my worst enemy, totally toxic, breathing down my neck, jealous at every turn should I go on. When she goes off somewhere I always wish she'd never come back.
A common big red flag is someone claiming they need to be at your place because they don’t like being alone. They’ll say this even if they don’t live alone
Mine literally told me in the honeymoon stage that he didn’t like being at home so he would purposely stop at the coffee shop no matter what everyday instead of going home, because if he was home he just thought about things too much and it made him depressed… I wish I knew what narcissism was back then.
While at home they sleep or act as sleeping to escape from the responsibilities of the household and also to protect their mask from falling off staying hours at home
I understand the ground rule If someone hates stability he or she is pure narcissist. Stability make them go crazy because the only thing which gives them power is drama n chaos 🤔 the craving of emotional high n low is their fav thing. If u want to live peacefully, Stay away from this type of people, period !!!
@@lipcolorpink because they don't believe in stability... If it's relationship they gonna cheat or brought made up issues, if its workplace they gonna do the toxic gossip, if it's social circle they gonna make people feel inferior just to get that high
@@Ana-n8y1c habits n routine has nothing to do with this thing. Please understand the difference between the person with habits and routines and narcissist who is unstable af
Narcyz prospołeczny będzie grał taką rolę. Mąż, żona zawlaszczeni, mają na nich czekać, a Ci wolne ptaki robią co chcą i zawsze wracają do źródła zasilania. Lęk jest tu kluczowy.
Workaholics. Busybodies. Seemingly ubiquitous. I prefer staying home rather than running into one of the many narcs or flying monkeys around the neighborhood.
I used to do it a lot and then got it out of my system. Because I had tried most of the things I wanted to do. I was going out a lot to escape the TV, though, as people I lived with watched it all the time so I didn't feel noticed or free at home. If I practiced a music instrument or a foreign language it felt like I was interrupting their TV watching. Narcissists go out a lot and get bored easily, but they keep going out because staying home is even more boring. They join Facebook groups for certain TV programmes and then complain how boring the latest episode was because there wasn't anything huge and dramatic in it. That's because some episodes need to be low key to set the scene or build up suspense. It's only high drama that keeps them watching that programme and they demand it in every episode. I noticed that with soaps it's now high drama constantly whereas at one time they were more mundane and everyday showing the normal things that happen in a street. Now they are full of murders, explosions, sieges, arrests, deaths, physical fights and rapes happening every week.
They don’t want to be there in case there’s something that needs to be taken care of, they are masters at evading responsibility. Seems like home is just a landing pad to rest and eat, bath and get clean clothing then spend as much time away as possible. Oh yeah and to criticize if things aren’t up to their standards.
Exactly! I had a set of twins. He never fed them a bottle, nor cuddled, held, bathe, change a pamper, wiped their stuffy little noses…any of his children, not one ☝🏾 single day! Matter fact, he asked one day, “what’s in it for him?” Sure did. When the wheels started turning in my head, and I figured him for WHAT he was, it was, then I put my plans into action to leave that dry bastard.. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. 🙌🏾🙌🏾
My ex- husband ( covert on a spectrum) always liked to be out and liked travelling to other countries ( still does apparently), but he would always moan to me that I was always at home?
Wow, this makes so much sense. Growing up our house was messy and unorganized. My mom would constantly invite herself to others homes or go out shopping all day. She never invited people over and if she did she hid in the kitchen the whole time.
This. Same with my exnarc gf. She would stay for weeks in my apartment and criticize my home, my kitchen, my bathroom, everything. Whenever I suggested visiting her place she would deny the slightest chance. Her place was (still is) a filthy ugly mess. They're so LAZY and then all of sudden want to go and go and go.
Honestly everyone is a little childish, child LIKE is worse because it's saying they are pretty much goblins in my head. But they are similar to children but aren't children. Because of the innocence they have to portray. Or else they wouldn't get away with their toxicity if they just outright bluntly acted as they are.
My ex narcissist always goes to business networking events and loves to be with business people giving her praise and small talk and purposely makes herself busy.
My husband was gone on Saturdays from day one when I got up and was out riding a motor scooter with a friend while I cleaned the house, went to the laundry mat and ironed clothes and went to the grocery store and had his supper waiting when he finally came home only to want to visit his family and he acted like I didn’t exist. I thought until now that he was the only person that did this. This pattern continued until he died after twenty nine horrible years. He would rather be with anyone besides me. He wouldn’t go anywhere that I asked him to go but played golf and then rode around with his buddies afterwards. He played golf all day when I was in the hospital with our second child and came to see us at 5:30 in the evening. That is what he used the day for that he was given off for the baby being born. One Thanksgiving when we ate with his sister she told us to go ahead and eat and she would be there in a few minutes. His brother in law passed him the food and he put the bowls down and would not pass me the food and they sat there eating and ignoring me. When I was poisoned and bent over with pain, he told me to go out on the back porch the next time if I was going to do that. And no one has all day to hear the rest. God help us all.
I can sadly relate to this. Cheating in different cities, juggling multiple supplies and the quest to control and dominate in every space he entered had my ex asleep on the couch in minutes while i continued to parent and nurture and cook for him and our 6 children. Our children never got the quality time they needed with him yet he showed the world a different father in puplic. At home he would either be on a high, rage, sleep or be so low and seem deeply depressed. Manic reactions had us unsure how each day would play out. The betrayals are unforgivable but the lack of compassion and empathy he showed and still shows me and his children makes me wonder if he's even human.
@@BeautifulDove-i7usome people get stuck. They have young kids, they can’t easily find a place to move if they can’t make the payment each month. But they also can’t get a job to make money to make that monthly payment until they move out. It’s a catch-22 a lot of times. And many times they are victims of financial abuse and have no way to even set aside small amounts for an escape. Their only hope would be to move to some type of home for battered families or if a friend or relative would take them in. And not everyone feels safe doing that or wants to be a burden on someone else. *And they are afraid to risk getting their children taken away during the vulnerable time of getting set up on their own, when they don’t have much stability, savings or money in general.
She has always liked to go, go, go. Now I see the connection to her narcissism. And of course, she manages to insinuate that I'm lazy for not keeping up with her. Thanks.
Omg absolutely; those kinds of word spells have cursed my life! Than from suffering all of the CPTSD, I'm now barely able to do things. I'm in healing & pray my energy changes. My mind is coming back...but I know now, my current "inabilities" Is NOT "laziness!" 💪🏽✌🏽
My ex narc husband would NOT stay home at night. If I didn’t go out with him, he would go to the same bar EVERY night. He already had his “new supply” lined up! That’s one of the reasons he is an ex!!
Both the narcs in my life had mini mental breakdowns during the pandemic. It was quite interesting. They didn't cope well without going out and distracting themselves.
Wow..thank you for this video. My ex narc was like this. If he was at home he would constantly be on his phone 10/12 hours, movie on not really interacting with me or laying in bed all day sleeping ignoring any and all responsibility or real interactions. And he loved to just go with no real plan, just run all day. It was exhausting.
It took me years to figure out why my ex didn't want to spend time with me! I was his partner, but he was always gone...out and about...he went from his work, to a friend, to our house ( for an hour) to his band, to another friend, going out till late at night...from party to party. He literally was never there for me while I stayed at home alone. If felt so lonely!!! All my friends had partners with whom they spend time...mine always seemed to be more interested in every body else, but me. Especially if people were "new". I figured out a year ago that he was a narc, overt type, very " social", constant need for attention. I'm so glad he's gone!
Listening music too much and loud is also a red flag. I mean my ex was listening music every where, at home, in car while taking shower... I think this also stimulates some part of their brain. Loud music gives them the sensations they need..
OMG, the loud music! I'm a musician, and I couldn't handle it! I was always worried the neighbors would complain. He strut around saying, I've got to have my music! Well I booted him out, let him annoy different neighbors!
A partner was into music 🎶, excited and talkative about it between listening sessions. They never talked with me about music. I happened to hear since I was there. I memorized every lyric I could while they were gone. I must have said something, or it was for show, they asked me, once, to pick the album. I was not aware during that time. They used their friends and my isolation expertly.
Just got home from work and husband is out running errands all day (this is typical) while our teen was home with no company. Yet he continually complains that he feels like his son doesn't like him. This video couldn't be more perfectly timed.
Bingo. My ex drank energy drinks throughout the day, every day, to fuel his need to go go go. His favorite distractions are going to bars and going to Vegas. He is not a gambler, but Vegas has booze and large crowds- his happy zone. The pandemic really fueled his anger as his movement was affected, but as soon as bars allowed people back in, he was there, sitting with total strangers . He ended up getting Covid twice, and was seriously ill both times. He makes terrible choices because he needs constant attention and distraction.
They multiply the opportunities to get out of the house: volunteering, sport, hobbies they can't share with their spouse such as amateur theatre, answering all the invitations, always having something to celebrate in their professional environment, or taking part in loads of training courses to improve their professional skills - any opportunity is good to get out of the house. Even on the day of the week when their child doesn't go to school, they find a way to spend it with them outside, rather than at home. My narc (who is not my partner but just a member of the family) inflicts all this on her husband. ,
My Toxic ex liked being at home! I wish he would have left !! He liked turning the music up loud when I would come home from work. I wanted quietness!! He would have the house to himself until 5pm or 6pm. I am so happy to be able to come home to a quiet home!
I know what you mean about the music thing. My ex had to listen to music when we went to bed until we woke up. If I shut it off in the middle of the night...he would wake up. I divorced him after 25 years. It's quiet now. Although, I still deal with a 95 yr old narcissistic father. I only stick around for my mother...I had always wished she'd divorce him.
@@victoriadolton4762 Good morning Victoria I know you said you wish your Grandmother had divorced your father. I think alot of women especially older women didn't really know how they were going to financially be able to make it and I didn't know that it hasn't been that long ago that women were aloud to buy homes in their own name. I didn't even know anything about Narcissistic personalities until about two years ago. I learned first from Dr. Ramani. They really need to teach this in Jr high and Highschool. I just knew I was in a Toxic relationship. I'm happy you were at least able to get out of your marriage safely. Thanks for sharing your story. People sharing their stories have really helped me in my continued healing process.
@@MegaRose1958 Thank you for your reply, Rose. I am with you for educating students in Junior High about the issue of Narcissism. You are also right about the issue with women regarding the financial status. My mother was a homemaker and is submissive. Plus, the obey vow was instilled into their lifestyle. They have been married 76 years. What a curse!! Yes, it is great to talk to others knowing that we really weren't alone. Plus, it helps the puzzle all fit together now.
Great info. It’s taken me a long time to figure this all out. It’s like something seems off but you can’t put your finger on it. If it doesn’t add up, I subtract myself.
Ultimately our home is an extention of ourselves and the narc is a cold, empty person inside and hate to see it reflected in their home. They do hate themselves.
I love this, i'm glad you made it because my narc mum is almost 60 and i told her how she is always traveling and overworking herself, she threw a tantrum(rage) about how my opinion is wrong. The funny thing is she always complains how tired she is her body hurts yet she thinks i'm wrong. I don't care at this point, as long i'm enjoying my peace at home.
@@76482 maybe i should have worded it differently, i'm going to give an example instead. Last year before christmas she went to the farm(and she always comes back tired and in pain from doing farm work) she stayed home about 2 days then travelled again from Botswana to Malawi (for church, so more working)that's like 2/3 trip BY BUS, when she came back from Malawi she went back to the farm. And to add on to that she has BP so her feet are bound to get swollen and she always complains about her feet when she stands for too long so i don't get how she knows her limit but won't slow down. It's the overworking herself and not knowing when to stop and to listen to her body that was bothering me! And i'm 27!
@@76482 I think TH-cam removed my comment, I was explaining that it’s not her traveling at 60, it’s her overdoing it in such a short time! I mentioned an example last year, she traveled from the farm two days later when to Malawi (from Botswana ) by bus a two day trip for church which meant no rest because cross over was like three days. When came back from Malawi she went back to the farm. She also has high blood pressure so imagine how swollen her feet were on those trips and considering her age, she’s not as young as she was so she should not overwork herself, that’s my opinion ! Also I’m 27!
Phew! That's my Mom...! Every morning she would be out and about, meeting neighbours, bringing stories and generally running herself to the ground literally as her age and health gave up on her! At her age, she should have been able to slow down and enjoy her golden years...not her! Now she is in a very difficult state, house bound and it's become a daily nightmare for her, as my narc brother and enabler father are all under the same roof... And the house has become a prison for all three!!! Thanks Danish for mentioning ADHD...yes, I am with that condition and it's so true I have had this condition trying to survive in my toxic family and processing everything from a young age, I think ADHD is what I developed to cope..it has been my survival mechanism...
The narcissist I knew never wanted to leave the house, because that would mean being separated from his computer. He was on chats day and night, that was his supply source.
Or as a former friend used to say karma doesn't have a menu. She sure got a bad end, but her boyfriend didn't have a choice. She spread rumors that he was violent and he lost his CCP. He had to go to court to get it back. Smdh
I know someone like this. He stays busy by constantly working, or doing projects for other people. If someone says 'no' to him 'helping them', he can't stand it. He hides behind a religious mask, and insists others are rejecting him if they don't want to do what he wants them to do. He lies, and twists the truth to blame others, especially those he knows have emotional weaknesses. Unfortunately this person is a part of my family. Setting boundaries is a challenge when other family members are involved. He can be incredibly charismatic, and fun to be around for a visit, but then turns into a monster if you don't do what he wants and will punish by accusing, twisting the truth, and cutting off communication. Yikes, it's impossible to resolve conflict because he is incapable of having a respectful conversation or compromising.
This information sounds sooo nutso to non-narc. I didn't see it like this at all but having had a personal experience with one this rings very true. Very! Always needing to be out - center of attention - never having money - can't be alone. It's very very sad stuff. Just glad I got out when I did.
My narc inlaws are always vacationing. 70+ years old driving at breakneck speed across the country. I notice they also go on these vacays around big events they aren't invited to (xmas, the kids birthdays, etc). We were a huge source of supply but once we established strong boundaries they had to seek it somewhere. My husband asked " they never vacationed this much before. Wtf is going on." We stopped giving them endless supply and they literally don't know what to do with themselves. It's hard to watch them spin out but oh well
@@anteversus8471, Even a narc is entitled to enjoy retirement, and spend every penny of their own money on themselves. Why the heck should ANY parent live a boring sedentary life just so their kids can inherit the money? Today's older folks refuse to be pushed out of actively participating in society. We aren't the rocking chair grandma & grandpa of yesteryears. 😊
So … you don’t invite your in-laws to big events so they find something else to do since they’re not invited. And they’re the narcissists? Better take a look in the mirror.
Its easy to noticed that they cant be there cuz there is peace and they need to stay distracted or be doing something because they cant stand the thirst for supply.
My mum, shes always on the move and she organizes everybody around her as well. So exhausting. Im more than happy to be out from her sphere of reach and influence.
One of mine refused to take any suggestions for spending time out with me. They weren't a partner. They, immediately after my idea, found someone else to do those things with. The next few years was a parade of their fast friends, one at a time, that came and went. I was asked over, there were no more of those great pals now. The devaluation intensified for me and mine. I amaze myself with how I played into their hands. 😢
it was never your fault! These THINGS are opportunist! Now what you need to do honey is swallow the entire pill, the pill being “it was never real from the beginning”and start learning to love on yourself. Therapy helps, speaking from experience. Go now.. heads up!! 🙌🏾
I have noticed in the workplace that narcissists want everyone in the office. They complain of being bored and unstimulated at home. They have enough arrogance to believe everyone should spend their own time and money to commute to an office for them. I don't see these people do real work. They walk around bothering everyone while contributing nothing.
My supervisor is like this. She stays in her office and "meetings" all day. She only talks to me when she wants information. She even leaves me out of important emails. I'm leaving soon. I love my job but I'm not dealing with her anymore.
Many are receptionist. It's the perfect job for them. They even terrorize the owner, who is afraid of them. They are horrible to be around. And they have you trapped.
The one I knew --- met online ( friends NO BENEFITS!!!) seemed to ALWAYS be on the move. Rain, snow, whatever --- always needed to be out. Now I get it! Very helpful Danish! Thank you
I have never understood all my ex bosses who seemed to be sacrificial to their work, coming over earlier than everyone else, going home later, etc then i thought oh they probably have bad relationships with their family members so they dont want to stay at home, which is probably also true but actually they love to start their bully/intimidating workplace life earlier for them to get supply😮amazing!
@@elisangelacastello4702 ah and they also always hated when extra days off were allowed by the higherups. Oh the poison coming from their mouths like a deadly cobra hating the fact that its victims will have more time to recuperate from the abuse and have some meaningful time away with the family(i didnt have that last one but many coworkers had)
@@yuu_miran I understand again what you talking about. They want to control their employees annual leave. Because when others are away, there’s no audience, validation, someone to control and invalidate.
YESSSSSSS absolutely 😂 I used to tell my Exiting Narcissist husband he & his crazy family have “THE SPIRIT OF DISCONTENTMENT”. He exhausted us with constant crap 💩 trips- we could not afford anyway
My experience is, I wish they would leave. I return from work overnight shift, and they call in sick to play video games, watch tv, or talk on social media. I had two roommates who were like this, and I hated it. I got out of that situation by the skin of my teeth. I Dissolved the landlords contract and left. The whole partnership collapsed. They didn't want to work, one was too lazy to walk to work, wrecked the other roommates car. The other roommate was passed out from excessive drinking, and kept insisting he was going to start job training in another week. It never happened and after two months I realized both of them were unemployable. One due to alcoholism/debt collectors after him, and the other with a violent temper only outmatched by his laziness. Good bye to all that.
Just want to thank everyone in comments for leaving their stories, helps me understand more why my boyfriend of 14 years does the things he does and confirms him to be a Narcissist. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You
It helps to gain awareness and you can navigate, if you choose, the relationship very different. I think it gets worse over time or once children become part of the family as he will have to share your attention.
I was wondering why they just do not want to be at home. It's like they feel there's something wrong with just being there. However that was in the time before electronic devices. I did notice it though in the excessive indulgence in television/ movies before computers and phones. "Going out there" may not be physically leaving the house in these times--that is accomplished by not being present because they engage in their phones or devices. While physically they are at home, mentally they are elsewhere. There is no "emotionally" to even consider.
Yes! My husband was either at work or in front of the TV. His only activity was to maintain our lawn, and that's because he felt it reflected badly on him in the neighborhood if he didn't. Everything else was left to me to do, the kids, the house, the bills, and I also worked. The only time he knew I was around was when he was hungry or horny.
My ex mood switched from good to aggressive and negative the second he got home. Instead of greeting us, he found intantly things to complain and get mad about. Then he had a shower and vanished with his food into the bedroom to watch a movie.
This explains a lot why I feel uneast when men in my neighborhood just seem to like to run the streets! It's because most of them are narcs and really hate and despise being at home. For sure, they hate me and tend to wonder why I'm at home so much bc they can't control me or strike a convo with me 😂
Danish, best description I've heard. I need to replay to sink in my brain. Regarding the part on ADHD/Extrovert being the need for supply & attention & not what we are led to think.
Narcissists are the devil’s children and empaths are Gods children, it’s a battle of good or evil, they cannot be in the middle, they can’t stand themselves, who wants to be with them
Very true Linda. Waste of time! Considering the love bomb stage, where it's easy to fall for narc, in the end you can't see anything about them to like! Very evil entities, destroyers. Self interested only. Bored with you and themselves. I saw evil totally in narc when I got away. Facially, physically, behaviourly a true demon! And pathetic to boot! Brian sandford, young wife mother of his very disabled daughter died of heart attack. He married Shirley to nearly 100 per cent care for Clair whilst he spent his days looking and spending heaps of money on his supplies! His word salad didn't stop even while I was having a heart attack but he must have cared????? ( Because he bought toothpaste into the hospital). Probably was hoping for an award for generosity to humanity???!!!😅😅😅😅😂😂😂😂
I’ve been helping a girl who was raised narcistic. I knew her mother and she would never stay home. She would drag her kids around all day. I never understood how she could tire her 3 girls out. Putting her kids to bed at midnight is hard on kids who go to school. 2 of her daughters went on drugs and prostitution. The eldest is with me. I let her live with me since she was 20 yrs. she is now 40 and she is scarred by her narcistic mom. Today she heard your video with me and she cried and there was healing. You are the first person teaching in this subject that I really felt. You have been thru it! I can feel you exposing these damaged ppl. So many read the book on narcistic ways but you experienced it. Im a monkey in the middle. I had 25 yrs of fighting for her daughters but only one came thru to victory. Thank you im going to view all your videos! God bless you. I hope you have all kinds of love now. ❤😊
I used to be ashamed when my husband was always on the go, I thought I was lazy , then I thought he was an extravert but in reality I understood that he didn’t want to deal with himself he needed to distract himself of his inner misery…He could simply not enjoy his own compagny and be alone…it was one of the most difference bettween me and him.
My narc father was a "respected businessman" and never home. I was feeling sorry for him that he had to work so hard. Turned out that he had multiple women in many towns and busy screwing around and driving his company to debt. He didn't close the company though, just kept driving it to more debt cause he wanted to remain in power. Power gave him a massive amount of women.
Same situation as my father. Totally the same. After his death, I found a man exactly like my father. And due to him, I am now learning what narcissistic abuse is and emotional sadism. And I am broken , of course
@@ΜΑΡΙΑΠΑΠΑΔΟΠΟΥΛΟΥ-π7ω Thank you for your reply! Yes, these people are sadistic and able to create a lot of damage that I now come to terms with after his death. Don't worry, we can heal when no longer in contact with our abusers. I wish I went no contact with my "father" when I turned 18...
So true, my former husband was always on a journey for something new and different. I was more homebound, looking for a perfect Family life. Unfortunately, my marriage broke after 13 years. It was a terrible experience of my life. 😢
I feel so disrupted destabilized and unbalanced in life because of all the psychopathic people targeting me a lot. I feel like there is an invisible cord that makes me think really negative thoughts whenever I'm in their presence. Does anybody else experience this? I'm a SURVIVOR from many different narcissists in the world, even if I didnt have relationship. I have ADHD Alot in life that makes it difficult to focus or concentrate on what is important to me, and it sucks, but I am very compassion, and empathic.
I get away from them. I don't care if they are coworkers or family. I set boundaries and stick to my standards. Many people don't like that. Oh well! I'm private and peaceful❤
@@starrjohnson1327 what does it feel like when you are working? I had times where if I wasn't answering quick enough in 5 seconds or less they get upset
Yes after being around them you feel the negative emotions for a few days. They feel it too and that's their supply. Then once you feel better they call you or want to see you again so they can extract from you. Like a vampire. Read the bible, and set boundaries. Don't let your guard down, stay away
Oh my word! Thank you, Danish, for everything you are doing to try to help NARC abuse survivors like me. Every time I watch 1 of your videos it's as if you've been a fly on the walls of my childhood. This explains why my mother tried to get me to get out of the house and run errands with her EVERY day when I lived nearby. I had NO idea at the time that I was dealing with a narcissist because as I've now learned, I'd been her golden child. I had 4 small children and just wanted to stay home and take care of my babies. I did not want or even need to run errands, but she wanted to insist that I get all my babies ready and get out of the house to go with her to run HER errands. She even shamed me because there were so many times that by the time I got everyone fed and ready, it was time for at least 1 of them to go down for a nap and I'd tell her we couldn't go with her. My youngest child is now 28, but I can still hear her telling me, "you need to get your act together. I don't know how you think you're ever going to be able to accomplish anything if you can't even get your kids all ready to come go somewhere with me." I'm turning 54 today and it's only in the last year and a half since I've been stuck at home on a medical leave, communicating more with my sister, and doing a ton of reflecting on my life, that I've discovered that my mother is a covert narcissist. And I'm finally seeing the 1st 50 years of my life with true perspective, as well as learning from therapists like yourself how to not be sucked into her web in the future, but live freely and unashamed. I only pray that I didn't continue that cycle of maternal abuse with my own children because I came to this realization all too late with all my children already grown. But I've talked to each one and they assure me that I never made them feel the way they saw their grandmother make me feel. So I have hope.
He used to blatantly tell me that his favourite place was at sea. Being home was uncomfortable because when he was home, he wasn't earning any money but that did nothing for my emotional security. He chose to work on the other side of the world...he didn't care about being with me at all. 😢
They are not capable of feeling. They have the same reptilian brain as a crocodile. It's not personal. You wouldn't get mad at a crocodile. Don't be surprised when they snap or eat you alive. They do not know God
A perfect description of my friend. He must work 2 jobs. Works 7days a week morning to night. He cannot tolerate being alone with his own thoughts or he wants to do drugs and feels suicidal. And he loves making the money.
When my Narcisse husband is home he can't set still has to go to store every Saturday and Sunday saying he forgot something or just don't bring anything home
Excellent video! Wife behaves exactly as described in the first part of this video-hates being at home and is a serial cheater. Have basically come to the same conclusions on my own that you’ve described but seeing your video validates my own thoughts.
I know 3 narcs my father, me ex husband and ex bf and yes they all disappear and found to be cheating glowing and gloating from attention. Only occasionally helping in house then sleeping and being lazy rest of the time exhausted from their adventures at your expense doing everything fir them meanwhile.
I'm thankful for finding this video of yours. I need the answer to the question, why don't narcs like to stay home and I appreciate you for helping ppl like myself. Stay safe and blessed 🙏🙏❤❤
All of the above. These videos are so helpful even though it's really not complicated once you're aware. Doing something about it is key. These videos help motivate me. ❤
The part about still liking the person because they are a mirror of you to manipulate you really opened my eyes about some people I am around, I now know why it’s been so hard to cut them off, I have a lot of empathy to a fault really, and they pretend to reciprocate it and I realize everything they said to me was just to keep me from cutting them off. I needed them as a friend or to confided in them some personal stuff all for it to be used against me ah I’m stressing just typing this, screw these type of people
Have you ever think about the fact that all of “narcissistic people” have at least one mental disorder and they don’t perceive the world in the same way a “normal person” does. All of you professionals who study narcissistic behavior, how come you never say that? Few weeks ago I found out my dad was a covert narcissist, I always defended him but when I stopped doing that he started to avoid me. Same thing happened with mom years ago, but I’m okay with it I realize they obviously have some mental issues and I’m fine with it. We all need to learn how to be stronger and understand that these people don’t have the mental capacity to understand certain things and that’s okay as long as they leave us alone who cares. I think they were sent into our lives to teach us to become stronger and to learn how to use boundaries to our advantage. I did suffer for years because I didn’t know if something was wrong with me it did take me a long time to realize what was going on but when you do that you become so strong and they become so afraid of you they just run away.
All are correct....even i have seen my friend narc family always wanted to take vacation....they can't be at home ....they always wanted to go out somewhere....i have seen my narc friend always draining people energy and money, he simply wants to meet people and waste others time also
This exactly is my husband and his neverending activities: gym, box, golf, tennis, football fan, sauna, massages... and I am the one home alone with our kids... the one who waits for him to give me his minimum of attention feeling not valued enough, like really invisible for him. This year really has been a huge awakening for me in many aspects as I discovered the narcisstics behavior and their toxic manners. At least I stopped to constantly blame myself for everything... It is not easy to leave for me at the moment but I feel stronger only to know about this topic. Thank you so much, Danish for your precious work!
Oh yes - out from daylight to dark, constantly on the search for supply. They also don’t share anything pleasant in their lives by phone or text just for the pleasure of sharing. They just brag in person when they see you. If you text them to share something they send back the most inappropriate responses.
Very interesting. Something I never considered. Makes me think back to my childhood. My mother was out of the house allot, while I was home doing the chores. Most Saturdays, I wasn’t allowed out cause “ the oldest daughter usually has all the chores”. Her way of creating in me, a Cinderella ☹️. Of course I believed her cause I felt that a mother wouldn’t lie to her child. Boy did I get that wrong!!! Again thanks for your work on this subject…it’s helping lots of people.
Master Coparenting with a Narcissist:
emotionalabuserecovery.com/specialoffer
Orphan is the title of the movie 🎦
Special offer.... "Your emotional state and mental well-being can be yours for 50% off"
M87..
7
They are always running… mostly from themselves and their own toxicity.
Bingo
While calling YOU the toxic one.. 😂
@@maryjoy5433absolutely, don't forget that part! 😐
Stuck in a gear ⚙ I'd never want to be in, adrenaline junkies starved for acknowledgement, tough, I've changed your channel long ago!
Seems a curious thing! I wondered where the narcissistic retired neighbor goes almost daily. I find myself obsessing over it ( after this, No More); If the obsessive narc' energy requires supply ... Go get it - I say! She acts like she has a busy social life of things to do. ADHD is What I thought but it's the need to fill boredom with herself & be distracted or get attention. I get exhausted a few hours or days with these people. 1 Aunt is the same way. Gasp!😮 😅
I thought I was the only one who noticed this. And if they are at home they’re talking to people on their phone…..how do you expect to self-reflect if your never by yourself?!
So my husband soon to be ex. Always needing someone to feed their ego. He’s an unhinged demon.
💯
@@mikeshawearing my ex was the way lol
My EX was always talking on her phone. Validation for attention from other people. Good and bad attention. That's why they never dismiss drama. It's still attention.
@@clintonnagy1662 I never thought about it like that but I love it💯
Avoid intimacy in the family. Watch tv or remove themselves from the room. Avoid spending time with family and escape to who knows where.
Wow! You NAILED it! My narcissistic ex had to be surrounded by peoole ALL THE TIME! It was EXHAUSTING! I never understood narcissism until I had filed for divorce and my therapist educated me about narcissism. He always had to have an audience!
Exactly what happened to me.
Sounds like my EX ughhh always use to draw attention to himself it was so annoying and embarrassing most of the time I couldn’t stand going out with him
I had no clue what narcissism was until I had him removed from our home. Now it all makes perfect sense! So glad he is my ex!
Me either it was embarrassing
Couldn't even go into Kroger without a shit show. 😮
When they are home they’re suddenly so tired and nap for hours. They will always find a way to disconnect from family.
Yes!
YES. First Easter divorced and me and the kids went to my sisters. I was reminiscing w her about how every holiday I would soend hours cooking, then he’d take a 3-4 hour nap. He alwaysss needed to nap, anytime he didn’t have to work, he could never go a weekend day without a nap. Didn’t realize this was a thing!
Absolutley
So would you say someone staying in bed all day most days is a red flag?
Absolutely
They will go anywhere they can get attention.
Totally agree. My Mom is 89 and a narcissist and doesn’t drive. I am disabled and can no longer take her anywhere. When I talk to her she always says I am so bored and trapped in the house. I tell her not my issue and it drives her crazy. Makes me smile when I hang up. Not my issue.🤪👍😁
Now that is a fact.👏
Yep, that was my dad. He talked to strangers who had no idea what he was, most of the time. I watched him pour on the charm & felt such disgust toward him, knowing that he’s an Emotional Con Artist.
@candiddeclarations7364 So true and they like it when they get praises of how they dressed, mine loves perfume. He would buy it when we don't have bread and tell you he needed it.
@@conniepfannerstill817 In most areas there are senior services that provide transportation to senior centers, shopping, medical and other destinations either free or minimal charge. If she (or you) have any money, you can get her a taxi or Uber to a local senior center or activity center once a week.
I used to say that my ex-husband was like a shark. If he stopped moving, he would die. Lol 😂. Always out and about. Always looking for validation and praise.
And probably sex, too.
Wow. This is just like my father.
My Dad is still like this!
A shark 🦈 😅😅😅
That does not make him a narc!
They see their homes as their prisons - The ex narc I knew told me it was his prison & he hated being alone their with his thoughts... He always needed friends / people round... He needed constant company or he would have a meltdown 😮
😮 scary 😨
Yes my old narc neighbor was constantly on the go. They cant sit with their own thoughts because of the demons tormenting them
@@JoshuaAnzalone-zk5htyup they are always traveling,
They hate sitting with their thoughts
My recently ex-Narc treated the home like a full-board private hotel with napping opportunities in between going out who-knows-where.
@@RosesAreRedVoiletsAreBlue1why would you think anyone is saying your husband is a narcissist? Is he matching up with many of the red flags? Being a homebody does not make him a narcissist. Believe me, if he is a narcissist, you will figure it out. It will be obvious, because their mask does fall off eventually and you find a very self-centered, non-empathetic, seemingly soulless person was under it.
Shopping, phone calls, creating situations to make others fight.
I had to take over paying my mom’s bills, she thinks because she wrote in a check book it’s paid. So she was behind on several big payments. She is obsessed with “when am I going to get my spending money?” “I tell her you’re 82 and you have spent all you need to spend and if you don’t own it by now, you certainly don’t need it at this stage of life.”
My wife %100.
Dang this is so true. The only time they like to be home is when they throw a party and can show off.
Experienced that too. He would clean the house if I would cook for his friends so that happened often. I took it as a good swap but knew he was only happy when his friends or family were around.
She wanted to be home only when I commented she is never home. When I would come to visit, she would clean and say I'm soaking up her free time. Smh
They need distractions to keep up their false self to the outside world.
They are constantly fighting collapsing.
They then find hobbies outside and make new friends, looking for new adventures.
They suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out)
They hate reality.
Yes they really do hate reality
🎯 The idea that narcissists are bored is total bullshit. They're avoiding their inner turmoil. Boredom is incidental.
I've also heard of "yolo" as a reason alot 🤦🏽♀️
My husband couldn’t do any hobby that made him do it by himself. My hobbies are sewing, woodworking, knitting, gardening. He had a whole lot of other characteristics described as narcissistic, but this one had me puzzled.
When our son was young, he said dad treats the house like a drive thru at a restaurant. He also said that dad is tripolar,he’s either mad,sad or (if money’s involved)glad.
Mad, Sad or Glad Is so true! It's amazing what kids can pick up on.
I found out the fool was a gambleaholicccc!! Could never have enough money. Unfortunately, there was a casino nearby the (Oak Grove, Kentucky), Lord, have mercy.. spent his days and evenings there.
So happy it’s OVERRRRR! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
@@franco2b145 ❤️👏🏾Happy for you
Smart son!!
@@DesertlizzyThe ❤️Thanks
Some of them act as though they have such a busy life, and have so much going on, truth is, they get bored & are busy doing nothing, so look for ways to place themselves in other ppls business, on the phone gossiping about everybody, starting confusion between ppl, trying to trangulate ppl and be messy or thinking of ways to manipulate those around them...Just being troublemakers, throwing stones and hiding and acting innocent
🎯
In other words, they have no real "life".
Best comment ever
Yes!
I'm old now, but free from narcissistic chains. My mother was a narcissist and so was my sister. My mean sister followed everywhere I went and caused me embarrassment and was also violent towards me. She killed herself last November. I ha e not shed one tear! Been in counseling and watching lots of viedeos like this. Am finally free and living my best life!
🎉 celebration 🍾 ✨️
Congratulations bro
Don't blame you Dianne, the demons finally pushed her to suicide. Welp good riddance bye byeeeee
Am sorry to hear that. Love and light ✨️ ❤
Your sister must have been old too. So it wasn't a big deal that she died. My older sister is my worst enemy, totally toxic, breathing down my neck, jealous at every turn should I go on. When she goes off somewhere I always wish she'd never come back.
A common big red flag is someone claiming they need to be at your place because they don’t like being alone. They’ll say this even if they don’t live alone
Mine literally told me in the honeymoon stage that he didn’t like being at home so he would purposely stop at the coffee shop no matter what everyday instead of going home, because if he was home he just thought about things too much and it made him depressed…
I wish I knew what narcissism was back then.
While at home they sleep or act as sleeping to escape from the responsibilities of the household and also to protect their mask from falling off staying hours at home
💯
True
I understand the ground rule
If someone hates stability he or she is pure narcissist.
Stability make them go crazy because the only thing which gives them power is drama n chaos 🤔 the craving of emotional high n low is their fav thing. If u want to live peacefully, Stay away from this type of people, period !!!
Omg yes !!!!!!!!!! The stability part doesn’t exist within them whatsoever
@@lipcolorpink because they don't believe in stability... If it's relationship they gonna cheat or brought made up issues, if its workplace they gonna do the toxic gossip, if it's social circle they gonna make people feel inferior just to get that high
Some still like their habits and routine
@@Ana-n8y1c habits n routine has nothing to do with this thing. Please understand the difference between the person with habits and routines and narcissist who is unstable af
Narcyz prospołeczny będzie grał taką rolę. Mąż, żona zawlaszczeni, mają na nich czekać, a Ci wolne ptaki robią co chcą i zawsze wracają do źródła zasilania. Lęk jest tu kluczowy.
Workaholics. Busybodies. Seemingly ubiquitous. I prefer staying home rather than running into one of the many narcs or flying monkeys around the neighborhood.
baby boomers are that.
I used to do it a lot and then got it out of my system. Because I had tried most of the things I wanted to do. I was going out a lot to escape the TV, though, as people I lived with watched it all the time so I didn't feel noticed or free at home. If I practiced a music instrument or a foreign language it felt like I was interrupting their TV watching.
Narcissists go out a lot and get bored easily, but they keep going out because staying home is even more boring. They join Facebook groups for certain TV programmes and then complain how boring the latest episode was because there wasn't anything huge and dramatic in it. That's because some episodes need to be low key to set the scene or build up suspense. It's only high drama that keeps them watching that programme and they demand it in every episode. I noticed that with soaps it's now high drama constantly whereas at one time they were more mundane and everyday showing the normal things that happen in a street. Now they are full of murders, explosions, sieges, arrests, deaths, physical fights and rapes happening every week.
Couldn’t be me. I love being alone and having peace.❤
Exactly 🎯
ME TOO!!!!!!
Me too
Me tooo
Me too.❤ I finally have peace, thank God, not constantly having to defend myself from their lies and abuse.
They don’t want to be there in case there’s something that needs to be taken care of, they are masters at evading responsibility. Seems like home is just a landing pad to rest and eat, bath and get clean clothing then spend as much time away as possible. Oh yeah and to criticize if things aren’t up to their standards.
Exactly! I had a set of twins. He never fed them a bottle, nor cuddled, held, bathe, change a pamper, wiped their stuffy little noses…any of his children, not one ☝🏾 single day!
Matter fact, he asked one day, “what’s in it for him?” Sure did. When the wheels started turning in my head, and I figured him for WHAT he was, it was, then I put my plans into action to leave that dry bastard.. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. 🙌🏾🙌🏾
👏👏👏
My ex-narc bf used to chastise me for liking to stay home. His house was a disaster,
😮
My ex- husband ( covert on a spectrum) always liked to be out and liked travelling to other countries ( still does apparently), but he would always moan to me that I was always at home?
Wow, this makes so much sense. Growing up our house was messy and unorganized. My mom would constantly invite herself to others homes or go out shopping all day. She never invited people over and if she did she hid in the kitchen the whole time.
This. Same with my exnarc gf. She would stay for weeks in my apartment and criticize my home, my kitchen, my bathroom, everything. Whenever I suggested visiting her place she would deny the slightest chance. Her place was (still is) a filthy ugly mess. They're so LAZY and then all of sudden want to go and go and go.
I wouldn't say childlike. Childlike adults hv an innocence to them, curiosity, naive. I call narcs childish big difference..
‼️
Shocking how childish they are, it’s so odd.
Honestly everyone is a little childish, child LIKE is worse because it's saying they are pretty much goblins in my head. But they are similar to children but aren't children. Because of the innocence they have to portray. Or else they wouldn't get away with their toxicity if they just outright bluntly acted as they are.
Then there's some adults who still are the little child they used to be. That's real.
My ex narcissist always goes to business networking events and loves to be with business people giving her praise and small talk and purposely makes herself busy.
My husband was gone on Saturdays from day one when I got up and was out riding a motor scooter with a friend while I cleaned the house, went to the laundry mat and ironed clothes and went to the grocery store and had his supper waiting when he finally came home only to want to visit his family and he acted like I didn’t exist. I thought until now that he was the only person that did this. This pattern continued until he died after twenty nine horrible years. He would rather be with anyone besides me. He wouldn’t go anywhere that I asked him to go but played golf and then rode around with his buddies afterwards. He played golf all day when I was in the hospital with our second child and came to see us at 5:30 in the evening. That is what he used the day for that he was given off for the baby being born. One Thanksgiving when we ate with his sister she told us to go ahead and eat and she would be there in a few minutes. His brother in law passed him the food and he put the bowls down and would not pass me the food and they sat there eating and ignoring me. When I was poisoned and bent over with pain, he told me to go out on the back porch the next time if I was going to do that. And no one has all day to hear the rest. God help us all.
😢😢😢
I can sadly relate to this.
Cheating in different cities, juggling multiple supplies and the quest to control and dominate in every space he entered had my ex asleep on the couch in minutes while i continued to parent and nurture and cook for him and our 6 children.
Our children never got the quality time they needed with him yet he showed the world a different father in puplic.
At home he would either be on a high, rage, sleep or be so low and seem deeply depressed. Manic reactions had us unsure how each day would play out.
The betrayals are unforgivable but the lack of compassion and empathy he showed and still shows me and his children makes me wonder if he's even human.
So WHY are you still with him ??
He’s has that evil entity
@user-pg7cx9wo1m I'm not. 3 years free from the abuse in June.
Totally understand!!
@@BeautifulDove-i7usome people get stuck. They have young kids, they can’t easily find a place to move if they can’t make the payment each month. But they also can’t get a job to make money to make that monthly payment until they move out. It’s a catch-22 a lot of times. And many times they are victims of financial abuse and have no way to even set aside small amounts for an escape. Their only hope would be to move to some type of home for battered families or if a friend or relative would take them in. And not everyone feels safe doing that or wants to be a burden on someone else.
*And they are afraid to risk getting their children taken away during the vulnerable time of getting set up on their own, when they don’t have much stability, savings or money in general.
The accuracy is consistently astounding...
She has always liked to go, go, go. Now I see the connection to her narcissism. And of course, she manages to insinuate that I'm lazy for not keeping up with her. Thanks.
Omg absolutely; those kinds of word spells have cursed my life! Than from suffering all of the CPTSD, I'm now barely able to do things. I'm in healing & pray my energy changes. My mind is coming back...but I know now, my current "inabilities" Is NOT "laziness!" 💪🏽✌🏽
@@coldfact. They seem to try to make everything a competition. Don't get sucked in.
No not laziness, they want to shame you. You want peace, time with God, relaxation, meditation. Healthy things. That is foreign to the narc
Most of the narc personality people they will waste others time, money and drain energy
Like my husband he talks to people for hours just useless things not important things 😂
My ex narc husband would NOT stay home at night. If I didn’t go out with him, he would go to the same bar EVERY night. He already had his “new supply” lined up! That’s one of the reasons he is an ex!!
Both the narcs in my life had mini mental breakdowns during the pandemic. It was quite interesting. They didn't cope well without going out and distracting themselves.
Wow..thank you for this video. My ex narc was like this. If he was at home he would constantly be on his phone 10/12 hours, movie on not really interacting with me or laying in bed all day sleeping ignoring any and all responsibility or real interactions. And he loved to just go with no real plan, just run all day. It was exhausting.
Mirroring only to fool people, to make you comfortable, seem like a perfect match! Wow.
Yes, frightening. And, very disorienting.
Mine never stayed home. I thought it was to avoid having to do anything.
It took me years to figure out why my ex didn't want to spend time with me! I was his partner, but he was always gone...out and about...he went from his work, to a friend, to our house ( for an hour) to his band, to another friend, going out till late at night...from party to party. He literally was never there for me while I stayed at home alone. If felt so lonely!!! All my friends had partners with whom they spend time...mine always seemed to be more interested in every body else, but me. Especially if people were "new".
I figured out a year ago that he was a narc, overt type, very " social", constant need for attention.
I'm so glad he's gone!
Listening music too much and loud is also a red flag. I mean my ex was listening music every where, at home, in car while taking shower... I think this also stimulates some part of their brain. Loud music gives them the sensations they need..
It also draws attention.
Yup. My daughter either has the TV on loud, barely watching it or is listening to music.
OMG, the loud music! I'm a musician, and I couldn't handle it! I was always worried the neighbors would complain. He strut around saying, I've got to have my music! Well I booted him out, let him annoy different neighbors!
A partner was into music 🎶, excited and talkative about it between listening sessions. They never talked with me about music. I happened to hear since I was there. I memorized every lyric I could while they were gone. I must have said something, or it was for show, they asked me, once, to pick the album. I was not aware during that time. They used their friends and my isolation expertly.
Avoiding their self hatred.
Just got home from work and husband is out running errands all day (this is typical) while our teen was home with no company. Yet he continually complains that he feels like his son doesn't like him. This video couldn't be more perfectly timed.
Bingo.
My ex drank energy drinks throughout the day, every day, to fuel his need to go go go. His favorite distractions are going to bars and going to Vegas. He is not a gambler, but Vegas has booze and large crowds- his happy zone. The pandemic really fueled his anger as his movement was affected, but as soon as bars allowed people back in, he was there, sitting with total strangers . He ended up getting Covid twice, and was seriously ill both times. He makes terrible choices because he needs constant attention and distraction.
Both narcs in my life were homebodies. Both constantly on their computers/phones
Looking for supply thru the use of technology. Next best thing to being out ....
It's the same thing. They're avoiding their intrusive thoughts with escapism.
@@user-yy9be9mi6n right and without the risk of actual face to face rejection.
My mother was the same. Always in her bed smoking cigarettes and weed. Watching TV..you weren't even allowed to talk during commercials
This is soooo true!! They need constant distractions from their lives, oh gosh I wish I knew this years ago.
They multiply the opportunities to get out of the house: volunteering, sport, hobbies they can't share with their spouse such as amateur theatre, answering all the invitations, always having something to celebrate in their professional environment, or taking part in loads of training courses to improve their professional skills - any opportunity is good to get out of the house. Even on the day of the week when their child doesn't go to school, they find a way to spend it with them outside, rather than at home. My narc (who is not my partner but just a member of the family) inflicts all this on her husband.
,
My Toxic ex liked being at home! I wish he would have left !! He liked turning the music up loud when I would come home from work. I wanted quietness!! He would have the house to himself until 5pm or 6pm. I am so happy to be able to come home to a quiet home!
I know what you mean about the music thing. My ex had to listen to music when we went to bed until we woke up. If I shut it off in the middle of the night...he would wake up. I divorced him after 25 years. It's quiet now. Although, I still deal with a 95 yr old narcissistic father. I only stick around for my mother...I had always wished she'd divorce him.
@@victoriadolton4762 Good morning Victoria I know you said you wish your Grandmother had divorced your father. I think alot of women especially older women didn't really know how they were going to financially be able to make it and I didn't know that it hasn't been that long ago that women were aloud to buy homes in their own name. I didn't even know anything about Narcissistic personalities until about two years ago. I learned first from Dr. Ramani. They really need to teach this in Jr high and Highschool. I just knew I was in a Toxic relationship. I'm happy you were at least able to get out of your marriage safely. Thanks for sharing your story. People sharing their stories have really helped me in my continued healing process.
@@MegaRose1958 Thank you for your reply, Rose. I am with you for educating students in Junior High about the issue of Narcissism. You are also right about the issue with women regarding the financial status. My mother was a homemaker and is submissive. Plus, the obey vow was instilled into their lifestyle. They have been married 76 years. What a curse!! Yes, it is great to talk to others knowing that we really weren't alone. Plus, it helps the puzzle all fit together now.
Great info. It’s taken me a long time to figure this all out. It’s like something seems off but you can’t put your finger on it. If it doesn’t add up, I subtract myself.
Ultimately our home is an extention of ourselves and the narc is a cold, empty person inside and hate to see it reflected in their home. They do hate themselves.
I love this, i'm glad you made it because my narc mum is almost 60 and i told her how she is always traveling and overworking herself, she threw a tantrum(rage) about how my opinion is wrong. The funny thing is she always complains how tired she is her body hurts yet she thinks i'm wrong. I don't care at this point, as long i'm enjoying my peace at home.
So 60 is too old to travel? If mom is 60 then you're probably alot closer toward becoming too old for travel than you realize. 😮
@@76482 maybe i should have worded it differently, i'm going to give an example instead. Last year before christmas she went to the farm(and she always comes back tired and in pain from doing farm work) she stayed home about 2 days then travelled again from Botswana to Malawi (for church, so more working)that's like 2/3 trip BY BUS, when she came back from Malawi she went back to the farm. And to add on to that she has BP so her feet are bound to get swollen and she always complains about her feet when she stands for too long so i don't get how she knows her limit but won't slow down. It's the overworking herself and not knowing when to stop and to listen to her body that was bothering me! And i'm 27!
@@76482
Judgemental much?
@@76482 I think TH-cam removed my comment, I was explaining that it’s not her traveling at 60, it’s her overdoing it in such a short time! I mentioned an example last year, she traveled from the farm two days later when to Malawi (from Botswana ) by bus a two day trip for church which meant no rest because cross over was like three days. When came back from Malawi she went back to the farm. She also has high blood pressure so imagine how swollen her feet were on those trips and considering her age, she’s not as young as she was so she should not overwork herself, that’s my opinion !
Also I’m 27!
58 year old here. Start to wonder whether i am a narcissist 😢
Phew! That's my Mom...! Every morning she would be out and about, meeting neighbours, bringing stories and generally running herself to the ground literally as her age and health gave up on her! At her age, she should have been able to slow down and enjoy her golden years...not her! Now she is in a very difficult state, house bound and it's become a daily nightmare for her, as my narc brother and enabler father are all under the same roof...
And the house has become a prison for all three!!!
Thanks Danish for mentioning ADHD...yes, I am with that condition and it's so true I have had this condition trying to survive in my toxic family and processing everything from a young age, I think ADHD is what I developed to cope..it has been my survival mechanism...
Also CPTSD.
My mom too she hates being alone
I need a lot of alone time going through therapy is exhausting a lot to process
Wishing you a Happy Easter Danish.
You're such a blessing to many of us who are just learning about narcissists and how to deal with them!
❤
The narcissist I knew never wanted to leave the house, because that would mean being separated from his computer. He was on chats day and night, that was his supply source.
Karma never skips an address. 🤨
@carloshenry337
wait long long ... effectiveness runs faster in different kinds of karma.
For your information, there are many types of karma.
Nope and I've had a few hackers say IM DONE. OOOOH WEE DONT WANT TO KNOW HOW GOD IS PUNISHING THEM.
@JoshuaAnzalone-zk5ht Sometimes, it's just a matter of time. God shall not be mocked.
Or as a former friend used to say karma doesn't have a menu. She sure got a bad end, but her boyfriend didn't have a choice. She spread rumors that he was violent and he lost his CCP. He had to go to court to get it back. Smdh
@@JoshuaAnzalone-zk5hthackers? As in the 'targeting' type? They finally stopped?
I know someone like this. He stays busy by constantly working, or doing projects for other people. If someone says 'no' to him 'helping them', he can't stand it. He hides behind a religious mask, and insists others are rejecting him if they don't want to do what he wants them to do. He lies, and twists the truth to blame others, especially those he knows have emotional weaknesses. Unfortunately this person is a part of my family. Setting boundaries is a challenge when other family members are involved. He can be incredibly charismatic, and fun to be around for a visit, but then turns into a monster if you don't do what he wants and will punish by accusing, twisting the truth, and cutting off communication. Yikes, it's impossible to resolve conflict because he is incapable of having a respectful conversation or compromising.
This information sounds sooo nutso to non-narc. I didn't see it like this at all but having had a personal experience with one this rings very true. Very! Always needing to be out - center of attention - never having money - can't be alone. It's very very sad stuff. Just glad I got out when I did.
My narc inlaws are always vacationing. 70+ years old driving at breakneck speed across the country. I notice they also go on these vacays around big events they aren't invited to (xmas, the kids birthdays, etc). We were a huge source of supply but once we established strong boundaries they had to seek it somewhere. My husband asked " they never vacationed this much before. Wtf is going on." We stopped giving them endless supply and they literally don't know what to do with themselves. It's hard to watch them spin out but oh well
Exactly I dont give a damn I stopped giving tons of them supply and it caused massive narcissistic collapse in one.
They spend their money as much as they can so as not to leave anything as a legacy
@@anteversus8471, Even a narc is entitled to enjoy retirement, and spend every penny of their own money on themselves. Why the heck should ANY parent live a boring sedentary life just so their kids can inherit the money? Today's older folks refuse to be pushed out of actively participating in society. We aren't the rocking chair grandma & grandpa of yesteryears. 😊
@@76482
What are You on about?
So … you don’t invite your in-laws to big events so they find something else to do since they’re not invited. And they’re the narcissists? Better take a look in the mirror.
Its easy to noticed that they cant be there cuz there is peace and they need to stay distracted or be doing something because they cant stand the thirst for supply.
My mum, shes always on the move and she organizes everybody around her as well. So exhausting. Im more than happy to be out from her sphere of reach and influence.
One of mine refused to take any suggestions for spending time out with me. They weren't a partner. They, immediately after my idea, found someone else to do those things with. The next few years was a parade of their fast friends, one at a time, that came and went. I was asked over, there were no more of those great pals now. The devaluation intensified for me and mine. I amaze myself with how I played into their hands. 😢
Now you've learned. Find your joy.
it was never your fault! These THINGS are opportunist! Now what you need to do honey is swallow the entire pill, the pill being “it was never real from the beginning”and start learning to love on yourself. Therapy helps, speaking from experience. Go now.. heads up!! 🙌🏾
I have noticed in the workplace that narcissists want everyone in the office. They complain of being bored and unstimulated at home. They have enough arrogance to believe everyone should spend their own time and money to commute to an office for them. I don't see these people do real work. They walk around bothering everyone while contributing nothing.
Bothering everyone how?
My supervisor is like this. She stays in her office and "meetings" all day. She only talks to me when she wants information. She even leaves me out of important emails. I'm leaving soon. I love my job but I'm not dealing with her anymore.
You just described 90% of middle management and above.
Many are receptionist. It's the perfect job for them. They even terrorize the owner, who is afraid of them. They are horrible to be around. And they have you trapped.
@@Ana-n8y1c I agree. I hate these people. They are annoying and self centered
The one I knew --- met online ( friends NO BENEFITS!!!) seemed to ALWAYS be on the move. Rain, snow, whatever --- always needed to be out. Now I get it! Very helpful Danish!
Thank you
I have never understood all my ex bosses who seemed to be sacrificial to their work, coming over earlier than everyone else, going home later, etc then i thought oh they probably have bad relationships with their family members so they dont want to stay at home, which is probably also true but actually they love to start their bully/intimidating workplace life earlier for them to get supply😮amazing!
I know what you talking about.
@@elisangelacastello4702 ah and they also always hated when extra days off were allowed by the higherups. Oh the poison coming from their mouths like a deadly cobra hating the fact that its victims will have more time to recuperate from the abuse and have some meaningful time away with the family(i didnt have that last one but many coworkers had)
@@yuu_miran I understand again what you talking about. They want to control their employees annual leave. Because when others are away, there’s no audience, validation, someone to control and invalidate.
@@yuu_miranu
h yu@@yuu_miranu
YESSSSSSS absolutely 😂 I used to tell my Exiting Narcissist husband he & his crazy family have “THE SPIRIT OF DISCONTENTMENT”. He exhausted us with constant crap 💩 trips- we could not afford anyway
My experience is, I wish they would leave. I return from work overnight shift, and they call in sick to play video games, watch tv, or talk on social media. I had two roommates who were like this, and I hated it. I got out of that situation by the skin of my teeth. I Dissolved the landlords contract and left. The whole partnership collapsed. They didn't want to work, one was too lazy to walk to work, wrecked the other roommates car. The other roommate was passed out from excessive drinking, and kept insisting he was going to start job training in another week. It never happened and after two months I realized both of them were unemployable. One due to alcoholism/debt collectors after him, and the other with a violent temper only outmatched by his laziness. Good bye to all that.
Just want to thank everyone in comments for leaving their stories, helps me understand more why my boyfriend of 14 years does the things he does and confirms him to be a Narcissist. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You
It helps to gain awareness and you can navigate, if you choose, the relationship very different. I think it gets worse over time or once children become part of the family as he will have to share your attention.
I hope you can get out.
Keep away if you can.
If you can't emotionally detach.
Do not react to anything they do or say.
I was wondering why they just do not want to be at home. It's like they feel there's something wrong with just being there. However that was in the time before electronic devices. I did notice it though in the excessive indulgence in television/ movies before computers and phones.
"Going out there" may not be physically leaving the house in these times--that is accomplished by not being present because they engage in their phones or devices. While physically they are at home, mentally they are elsewhere. There is no "emotionally" to even consider.
Yes! My husband was either at work or in front of the TV. His only activity was to maintain our lawn, and that's because he felt it reflected badly on him in the neighborhood if he didn't. Everything else was left to me to do, the kids, the house, the bills, and I also worked. The only time he knew I was around was when he was hungry or horny.
@@tickety-bootoyou1850
Yep. You nailed it.
My ex mood switched from good to aggressive and negative the second he got home. Instead of greeting us, he found intantly things to complain and get mad about. Then he had a shower and vanished with his food into the bedroom to watch a movie.
Ughhhhhh🙄🙄🙄🙄
This explains a lot why I feel uneast when men in my neighborhood just seem to like to run the streets!
It's because most of them are narcs and really hate and despise being at home.
For sure, they hate me and tend to wonder why I'm at home so much bc they can't control me or strike a convo with me 😂
Hello from Florida! Keep doing amazing work!! Thank you! Happy Easter 🩵💛💜
Danish, best description I've heard. I need to replay to sink in my brain. Regarding the part on ADHD/Extrovert being the need for supply & attention & not what we are led to think.
Narcissists are the devil’s children and empaths are Gods children, it’s a battle of good or evil, they cannot be in the middle, they can’t stand themselves, who wants to be with them
Facts Linda I know I dont
@@JoshuaAnzalone-zk5ht nice to meet you Josh
@@lindaallotey6257 you too linda
Very true Linda. Waste of time! Considering the love bomb stage, where it's easy to fall for narc, in the end you can't see anything about them to like! Very evil entities, destroyers. Self interested only. Bored with you and themselves. I saw evil totally in narc when I got away. Facially, physically, behaviourly a true demon! And pathetic to boot! Brian sandford, young wife mother of his very disabled daughter died of heart attack. He married Shirley to nearly 100 per cent care for Clair whilst he spent his days looking and spending heaps of money on his supplies! His word salad didn't stop even while I was having a heart attack but he must have cared????? ( Because he bought toothpaste into the hospital). Probably was hoping for an award for generosity to humanity???!!!😅😅😅😅😂😂😂😂
Narcissist are demons,only God can help them.
I’ve been helping a girl who was raised narcistic. I knew her mother and she would never stay home. She would drag her kids around all day. I never understood how she could tire her 3 girls out. Putting her kids to bed at midnight is hard on kids who go to school. 2 of her daughters went on drugs and prostitution. The eldest is with me. I let her live with me since she was 20 yrs. she is now 40 and she is scarred by her narcistic mom. Today she heard your video with me and she cried and there was healing. You are the first person teaching in this subject that I really felt. You have been thru it! I can feel you exposing these damaged ppl. So many read the book on narcistic ways but you experienced it. Im a monkey in the middle. I had 25 yrs of fighting for her daughters but only one came thru to victory. Thank you im going to view all your videos! God bless you. I hope you have all kinds of love now. ❤😊
Let the healing begin and continue! Thank you, Danish.
I used to be ashamed when my husband was always on the go, I thought I was lazy , then I thought he was an extravert but in reality I understood that he didn’t want to deal with himself he needed to distract himself of his inner misery…He could simply not enjoy his own compagny and be alone…it was one of the most difference bettween me and him.
My narc father was a "respected businessman" and never home. I was feeling sorry for him that he had to work so hard. Turned out that he had multiple women in many towns and busy screwing around and driving his company to debt. He didn't close the company though, just kept driving it to more debt cause he wanted to remain in power. Power gave him a massive amount of women.
After over a generation of women's rights now everybody can participate.
Does that make him a narcissist or just an unlikeable person! Are all unpopular people narcissists?
Is it just a fashionable word at the moment?Just asking?
Same situation as my father. Totally the same. After his death, I found a man exactly like my father. And due to him, I am now learning what narcissistic abuse is and emotional sadism. And I am broken , of course
@@ΜΑΡΙΑΠΑΠΑΔΟΠΟΥΛΟΥ-π7ω Thank you for your reply! Yes, these people are sadistic and able to create a lot of damage that I now come to terms with after his death. Don't worry, we can heal when no longer in contact with our abusers. I wish I went no contact with my "father" when I turned 18...
Will sleep all day if they have to stay home.
So true, my former husband was always on a journey for something new and different. I was more homebound, looking for a perfect Family life. Unfortunately, my marriage broke after 13 years. It was a terrible experience of my life. 😢
It's true they don't like to be at home
I feel so disrupted destabilized and unbalanced in life because of all the psychopathic people targeting me a lot. I feel like there is an invisible cord that makes me think really negative thoughts whenever I'm in their presence. Does anybody else experience this?
I'm a SURVIVOR from many different narcissists in the world, even if I didnt have relationship.
I have ADHD Alot in life that makes it difficult to focus or concentrate on what is important to me, and it sucks, but I am very compassion, and empathic.
I get away from them. I don't care if they are coworkers or family. I set boundaries and stick to my standards. Many people don't like that. Oh well! I'm private and peaceful❤
@@starrjohnson1327 what does it feel like when you are working?
I had times where if I wasn't answering quick enough in 5 seconds or less they get upset
Yes after being around them you feel the negative emotions for a few days. They feel it too and that's their supply. Then once you feel better they call you or want to see you again so they can extract from you. Like a vampire. Read the bible, and set boundaries. Don't let your guard down, stay away
@@starrjohnson1327 my dad gets in my mind and its awful
Oh my word! Thank you, Danish, for everything you are doing to try to help NARC abuse survivors like me. Every time I watch 1 of your videos it's as if you've been a fly on the walls of my childhood.
This explains why my mother tried to get me to get out of the house and run errands with her EVERY day when I lived nearby. I had NO idea at the time that I was dealing with a narcissist because as I've now learned, I'd been her golden child.
I had 4 small children and just wanted to stay home and take care of my babies. I did not want or even need to run errands, but she wanted to insist that I get all my babies ready and get out of the house to go with her to run HER errands. She even shamed me because there were so many times that by the time I got everyone fed and ready, it was time for at least 1 of them to go down for a nap and I'd tell her we couldn't go with her. My youngest child is now 28, but I can still hear her telling me, "you need to get your act together. I don't know how you think you're ever going to be able to accomplish anything if you can't even get your kids all ready to come go somewhere with me."
I'm turning 54 today and it's only in the last year and a half since I've been stuck at home on a medical leave, communicating more with my sister, and doing a ton of reflecting on my life, that I've discovered that my mother is a covert narcissist. And I'm finally seeing the 1st 50 years of my life with true perspective, as well as learning from therapists like yourself how to not be sucked into her web in the future, but live freely and unashamed.
I only pray that I didn't continue that cycle of maternal abuse with my own children because I came to this realization all too late with all my children already grown. But I've talked to each one and they assure me that I never made them feel the way they saw their grandmother make me feel. So I have hope.
Once again, there’s so much take-home in your videos. I always learn SO much and feel so validated. Danish, you are AMAZING.
Your videos are short and sweet and to the point that is why I like to watch them and you explain very well, thank you Danish
He used to blatantly tell me that his favourite place was at sea. Being home was uncomfortable because when he was home, he wasn't earning any money but that did nothing for my emotional security. He chose to work on the other side of the world...he didn't care about being with me at all. 😢
They are not capable of feeling. They have the same reptilian brain as a crocodile. It's not personal. You wouldn't get mad at a crocodile. Don't be surprised when they snap or eat you alive. They do not know God
I always said that he used the home as a truck stop
A perfect description of my friend. He must work 2 jobs. Works 7days a week morning to night. He cannot tolerate being alone with his own thoughts or he wants to do drugs and feels suicidal. And he loves making the money.
And probably throwing it away, making a big show, for all the attention.
This is SO true!! I've never seen anyone touch on this fact before!!
When my Narcisse husband is home he can't set still has to go to store every Saturday and Sunday saying he forgot something or just don't bring anything home
He's probably getting a quickie from a man or women. They use craigslist a lot, before they took out that section
Excellent video! Wife behaves exactly as described in the first part of this video-hates being at home and is a serial cheater. Have basically come to the same conclusions on my own that you’ve described but seeing your video validates my own thoughts.
I know 3 narcs my father, me ex husband and ex bf and yes they all disappear and found to be cheating glowing and gloating from attention. Only occasionally helping in house then sleeping and being lazy rest of the time exhausted from their adventures at your expense doing everything fir them meanwhile.
Thanks for mentioning the narcissist who stays home while you take care of everything "out there.". That was my ex-husband.
I'm thankful for finding this video of yours. I need the answer to the question, why don't narcs like to stay home and I appreciate you for helping ppl like myself. Stay safe and blessed 🙏🙏❤❤
Thank you Danish, for your excellent explanation regarding the difference between ADHD'ers and narcissists, I can absolutely relate.
All of the above. These videos are so helpful even though it's really not complicated once you're aware. Doing something about it is key. These videos help motivate me. ❤
The part about still liking the person because they are a mirror of you to manipulate you really opened my eyes about some people I am around, I now know why it’s been so hard to cut them off, I have a lot of empathy to a fault really, and they pretend to reciprocate it and I realize everything they said to me was just to keep me from cutting them off. I needed them as a friend or to confided in them some personal stuff all for it to be used against me ah I’m stressing just typing this, screw these type of people
Have you ever think about the fact that all of “narcissistic people” have at least one mental disorder and they don’t perceive the world in the same way a “normal person” does. All of you professionals who study narcissistic behavior, how come you never say that? Few weeks ago I found out my dad was a covert narcissist, I always defended him but when I stopped doing that he started to avoid me. Same thing happened with mom years ago, but I’m okay with it I realize they obviously have some mental issues and I’m fine with it. We all need to learn how to be stronger and understand that these people don’t have the mental capacity to understand certain things and that’s okay as long as they leave us alone who cares. I think they were sent into our lives to teach us to become stronger and to learn how to use boundaries to our advantage. I did suffer for years because I didn’t know if something was wrong with me it did take me a long time to realize what was going on but when you do that you become so strong and they become so afraid of you they just run away.
All are correct....even i have seen my friend narc family always wanted to take vacation....they can't be at home ....they always wanted to go out somewhere....i have seen my narc friend always draining people energy and money, he simply wants to meet people and waste others time also
Yes can u also explain how a spoilt brat becomes a narcissist. When they are treated so well at home..
So true !
All you say happens !
Was I in such a textbook situation ???
My God...
But how are we all the same textbook?! How are They all the Same?!
This exactly is my husband and his neverending activities: gym, box, golf, tennis, football fan, sauna, massages... and I am the one home alone with our kids... the one who waits for him to give me his minimum of attention feeling not valued enough, like really invisible for him. This year really has been a huge awakening for me in many aspects as I discovered the narcisstics behavior and their toxic manners. At least I stopped to constantly blame myself for everything... It is not easy to leave for me at the moment but I feel stronger only to know about this topic. Thank you so much, Danish for your precious work!
Oh yes - out from daylight to dark, constantly on the search for supply.
They also don’t share anything pleasant in their lives by phone or text just for the pleasure of sharing.
They just brag in person when they see you.
If you text them to share something they send back the most inappropriate responses.
Definitely describes my "husband"
😮
Very interesting. Something I never considered. Makes me think back to my childhood. My mother was out of the house allot, while I was home doing the chores. Most Saturdays, I wasn’t allowed out cause “ the oldest daughter usually has all the chores”. Her way of creating in me, a Cinderella ☹️. Of course I believed her cause I felt that a mother wouldn’t lie to her child. Boy did I get that wrong!!! Again thanks for your work on this subject…it’s helping lots of people.
Same. Aren’t narc moms the worst?