Actually this stubborness on who I am has kept me married for decades. I had a real strong religious conviction that marriage is permanent despite all the conflict. Now that I have accepted influence from others, I realize how one sided my marriage is and plan on ending it,
Making Marriage Work | Dr. John Gottman - on the same channel. ~45mins Without watching it my guess is 2 things: 1. At the beginning have shared values (many people put this religious/god which is of course a construct for such and right in that sense). 2. Role define and clearly elaborate roles in the marriage at the beginning if the traditional system (see 1.) is not baked into the husband or wife's world view yet. Equally, as above marry someone who is traditional in this sense for most people: Eg A woman who wants to prioritize home-making = Mother, rearing children, enjoying the daily home role, being the emotional heart of the family and the social glue of everyone and being skillful at this in addition to wanting it. 3. Is when the above were not sufficiently abided by, which is really where this video clip begins... ie "late in the day" is a case of avoiding problems makes solutions much easier to work with/implement than solving those problems after they arise!! If arriving here, as such. then here work should be done at best to reconcile the world views and the roles of each under the present realities. If that is successful the goal of that is to create a marriage where the actions of each in their roles contributes to a "marriage/family accumulator" for each positive action and positive reinforcement of that is the route to success.... The initial advice with respect to areas of trust in relationships, at least from my own experience I strongly concur with as being "foundational" to building upwards success for family in the structure of marriage. I'd further add that structure is stronger and more supportive with more extended family value-system as a larger set containing the set of nuclear marriage.
@@AverageAngel not always, because if one person has to constantly make sacrifices to feed the others ego, it creates a huge imbalance and becomes a dominance and manipulation thing
@@TheCreedBratton Actually that's also going to be bad in the long run. This implies it takes two people with low egos to make a relationship work in the long run
Because the rewards much outweigh the effort. Taking care of another person is hard, but if you try your best, you will get taken care of in return. Wish you all the best
@@grafxgrl8030 yes. Marriage is supposed to be very rewarding, but like I earlier said, the current situation encourages & rewards divorce by the woman. That’s not to say there aren’t legitimate & genuine reasons for divorce.
@@alpimarzi5501 What's your experience or knowledge about the subject?? I m talking from practical data points. The marriage in which final decisions on any important matter doesn't rest with the husband don't go beyond 7 year mark . They most likely divorce with in first 5 years .
@@Sid-MMAI think it’s more that there has to be a leader (and therefore a follower), it doesn’t necessarily need to be a male, but we do tend to have fragile egos. Otherwise there is too much fluffing around and nothing gets done
@@smoothbanana Marriage is an institution. Any institutions which doesn't have a boss or have too many bosses is doomed to fail . Look at east vs west . East, more or less still go by the same rule therefore divorce rates are much lower in comparison to west where its a full whorish culture running , no loyalty or commitment in marriages.
I know this is old and I hope you changed your outlook by now. You are not meant to dominate your spouse...Even in the Bible marriage is very much a well oiled team with roles. The wife is the man's first counsel. That alone speaks volumes to a culture 1000s of years old where women had no legal rights.
Actually this stubborness on who I am has kept me married for decades. I had a real strong religious conviction that marriage is permanent despite all the conflict. Now that I have accepted influence from others, I realize how one sided my marriage is and plan on ending it,
so how do you reverse this process? is there a continuation video???
Making Marriage Work | Dr. John Gottman - on the same channel. ~45mins
Without watching it my guess is 2 things:
1. At the beginning have shared values (many people put this religious/god which is of course a construct for such and right in that sense).
2. Role define and clearly elaborate roles in the marriage at the beginning if the traditional system (see 1.) is not baked into the husband or wife's world view yet. Equally, as above marry someone who is traditional in this sense for most people: Eg A woman who wants to prioritize home-making = Mother, rearing children, enjoying the daily home role, being the emotional heart of the family and the social glue of everyone and being skillful at this in addition to wanting it.
3. Is when the above were not sufficiently abided by, which is really where this video clip begins... ie "late in the day" is a case of avoiding problems makes solutions much easier to work with/implement than solving those problems after they arise!! If arriving here, as such. then here work should be done at best to reconcile the world views and the roles of each under the present realities. If that is successful the goal of that is to create a marriage where the actions of each in their roles contributes to a "marriage/family accumulator" for each positive action and positive reinforcement of that is the route to success....
The initial advice with respect to areas of trust in relationships, at least from my own experience I strongly concur with as being "foundational" to building upwards success for family in the structure of marriage. I'd further add that structure is stronger and more supportive with more extended family value-system as a larger set containing the set of nuclear marriage.
this is it: th-cam.com/video/SqPvgDYmJnY/w-d-xo.html
Nope, there's no turning back
If your at the point of discussing separation. Do what's best and seperate
People let their egos ruin relationships
it sounds like both people in that situation have big egos and that's the result, constant friction
@@AverageAngel not always, because if one person has to constantly make sacrifices to feed the others ego, it creates a huge imbalance and becomes a dominance and manipulation thing
@@TheCreedBratton Actually that's also going to be bad in the long run. This implies it takes two people with low egos to make a relationship work in the long run
@@AverageAngel I don't think it implies anything, but two people who can't let things go is a definite powder keg
Why even marry at all?
Because the rewards much outweigh the effort. Taking care of another person is hard, but if you try your best, you will get taken care of in return. Wish you all the best
Because fear of failure isn’t a life plan. You can succeed if you do the work, just like in anything. And the rewards are worth it!
@@grafxgrl8030 what of in a situation where one person is generously rewarded for breaking the contract, with dire consequences for the other person?
@@markehijele the marriage contract? As in divorce settlements?
@@grafxgrl8030 yes. Marriage is supposed to be very rewarding, but like I earlier said, the current situation encourages & rewards divorce by the woman. That’s not to say there aren’t legitimate & genuine reasons for divorce.
The marriage where there is equality between genders or is matriarchal in nature is doomed to failure from the start .
Dude we don’t even know each other and I’m like actually sad for you that you think that.
@@alpimarzi5501
What's your experience or knowledge about the subject?? I m talking from practical data points. The marriage in which final decisions on any important matter doesn't rest with the husband don't go beyond 7 year mark . They most likely divorce with in first 5 years .
@@Sid-MMAI think it’s more that there has to be a leader (and therefore a follower), it doesn’t necessarily need to be a male, but we do tend to have fragile egos. Otherwise there is too much fluffing around and nothing gets done
@@smoothbanana
Marriage is an institution. Any institutions which doesn't have a boss or have too many bosses is doomed to fail . Look at east vs west . East, more or less still go by the same rule therefore divorce rates are much lower in comparison to west where its a full whorish culture running , no loyalty or commitment in marriages.
I know this is old and I hope you changed your outlook by now. You are not meant to dominate your spouse...Even in the Bible marriage is very much a well oiled team with roles. The wife is the man's first counsel. That alone speaks volumes to a culture 1000s of years old where women had no legal rights.