He would threaten to break up with me EVERY single time I had an issue with him. I just know that was him trying to condition me to behave the way he wanted me to but it didn’t work I left him I got too smart
Been watching for awhile now and wanted to share. My father is a narcissist as well. You're really an amazing person. Hats off to your recovery and ability to convey a clear message. This knowledge is very empowering and validating. Thank you.
If you react they call you emotional, insecure, and needy. If you don't react they call you selfish, cold hearted, and accuse you of never loving them or else you'd be, "more passionate" about them.
They constantly accuse you of being controlling and selfish and that you have this problem where you need to make everything "all about you" when you have been silencing your needs and letting them violate your boundaries for days, weeks, months, or years and the one time you mention that something feels wrong to you they fly off the handle.
You just nailed almost every argument with my wife. Always her telling me what I did wrong but when I say anything back in defense, I was the jerk and it was all about me.
When I tried to talk to him about what he had done to me it was always the wrong time for him. I wouldn't try when he was drunk, I wasn't allowed to call him at work, he get drunk soon as he finish work so my only option was to try and talk to him before work. He said it's too early to talk about things and I have too much time to myself to overthink things. That left no option to talk. That's when I realised there's no point trying because he really doesn't care about me or us or the years we'd spent together
@@thinkingallowed1st they all have different set of parents, different cultures, different societies still how can they all be so same. My husband always use to say similar things to me. Don't discuss anything before going to office, its not the right time, after coming back from work he is too tired for all of this he needs rest, weekends are to relax not these melodramas. And now finally it has come to a point where I don't say anything anymore. And if he wants to discuss about how I 'hurted' him, he can go on day and night without the need of any break or rest.
I was married to a narcissist for 30 years and complained that we didn't have an emotional connection and sought couples counseling for years. Finally, I was done with all the gaslighting, blaming, lack of accountability and no change in his behavior or attitude. He often said he would be better off dead. Threats all the time. Said you knew this when you married me. Then he said he was going to find a place because he couldn't wait to get away from me and the kids. He "looked" for a place for several years, but I think it was all a lie and he never intended on moving out. Finally, two days before my father's funeral, he said he wanted the house and I would have to leave. Wow! So, I immediately found a house and moved out and he was shocked and thought I would never leave. Best decision of my life! I can't believe I endured that for so long, but never again. I have peace.
They ALWAYS attack when you've suffered a major loss or setback because at their core, they're cowards so they figure they'll win if they wait to launch something on you when you're down. I'm so sorry. I hope things have gotten better for you.😊
We went to multiple marriage counselors. Each time the counselor would start to uncover his narcissism, we had to switch counselors because that one “didn’t know what they were talking about.” Lol 😂
Yes it is. I am feeling better knowing there's other people understand this type of evil grief from a loved one or from anybody. The type of pain and having to deal with these types of people is like a shot to the Head. I always have a lot of flying monkeys Target me and attack me a lot
How much can I spend on myself this week. 5.00. Take it or leave it. More than likely the narc has made it impossible for you to leave if they're tied up in your business. Name on the house or bank account. They'll save any texts or emails. When the time comes, use it. My sister did. I can fight that. I'm sure your narc has everything tight. You won't get away with anything. They're all about stuff money power.
Your videos are broken down so well. As a person who had a decade long relationship marriage with a narcissist. I used to live with regret but once I understood what I was dealing with I'm grateful that I know what i know now. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. I take full responsibility. I attracted this person because I didn't know myself well enough. If we aren't growing we aren't living . Thanks again for the post
Even if you know about this, there are too many people like that. I watched a video about Jack Kerouac and Neal Cassidy and I was surprised about the comments: the world love narcissists and we are not conscious about how much.
It's very rare to see this type of comment: people who can actually and genuinely acknowledge the part they played in their own abuse by a narcissist. 99% of the abused people would put ALL the blame on the narcissist, NEVER for once second admitting that they ALLOWED the abuser to do to them what they did in the first place. I commend you for that. I may sound harsh, but except for cases in which a person was born into a family of abusers and doesn't know any better and is really prone to attract narcissists, there are a lot of people, especially women, who do not have those backgrounds but tolerate being abused because they are hoping to have something in return like social status, what will people think of her, money, their friends' envy, or what have you; they are warned by so many people but choose to ignore those warnings, and accuse people of being jealous of them etc.. only for them to come on social medias incognito after decades of abuse to complain and play the victim. I've seen so many women like that and I have seen other women refusing to be abused once the abuse starts, so my question is always, since there are people who refuse to be abused, that means a narcissist cannot be the only one to be blamed, so it's very important to know who are the "real victims" and who are not.
@MalaikaLele That is pretty harsh, actually. Lots of people end up in this situation having been born to abusers, that is true, and they end up trauma bonding with narcissists as adults. But people who haven't ever dealt with the situation aren't any more to blame for their situation, as it is extremely confusing to be in such a relationship (such as with hoovering) and there are lots of reasons one can't always escape immediately. Anyone basing their decision to stay strictly on social status may even be a bit of a narcissist themselves, and that's for a whole different video. I'm not willing to assert any such thing. They still have the relationship, which isn't really worth much emotionally, on very hard terms.
I finally had to leave my own home to escape my ex-narcissist. Occasionally, he would threaten to leave but would change his mind when I would say, "yes, leave." It was my apartment and my furnishing but I had to leave it all behind to escape his abuse.
My narc does the same. He yells, cries, breaks everything and tells me he wants to leave. But whenever I say okay, go, he doesn't. He finds reasons not to leave. We have a baby together and he threatens me with my baby…
@@pm660 -- Keep detailed records of each threat - including date. This is likely "Coercian". In some places, it is a crime. Otherwise, it is always evidence of unsuitable character (for a family court to take into consideration, if the offender dares and bothers to go that far).
@@pm660 -- Also keep details including dates, of each occasion of shouting or other behaviour likely to frighten the infant. Very important! And more importantly -- a hostile environment is damaging to a child of any age.
The want you to just magically trust them again even though they've repeatedly done terrible things to you. They get angry and shut down communication if you want to talk about what they did. My ex used to refuse to make eye contact with me when I wanted to talk about what he did
Two days before I realized he was a narcissist, and because I had ended it with him finally, he said that he said he didn't feel like living anymore. I of course fell for it and gave him my sympathy and said how painful that was to hear. Next day we had a very heartfelt conversation on the phone, all of a sudden he felt just as humble and sweet as he did in the beginning of our relation. Just after we had finished that call he wrote me a message saying "The one who do end up with you will need to have a lot of grace to be able to handle you at times. But I have an abundant amount of grace for you because my love for you runs deep. I love you sweetie!" I was so shocked by the sudden turn straight after that lovely phone call and I confronted him about it saying what a demeaning thing that is to say to someone. Only to get back "I don't think that is demeaning at all, I think its a very nice thing to say to somebody!" Wow. Just wow. Needless to say that final straw actually made me dive into the NPD recovery realm on youtube and that is when it all finally dawned on me.
Almost every mean and untrue thing he would say to me was a projection, which I always realized later on when the initial shock had subdued. I never said anything to him about his character cause I didn't want to judge so quickly, but when I started feeling like I was stepping on eggshells around him, a few days later that is what he said I made him feel. When I thought he was interrupting a lot in conversations, that's when he said I was interrupting a lot. When I was thinking to myself over and over "man he can really go on a monologue when talking" is when he from out of nowhere just said "Of us two I think you're the one doing most of the talking". Yeah I could go on and on with examples. Thank God my eyes are wide open to this kind of toxic behavior now.
@@cassiebennet4262 Absolutely, it was by God's grace that I was saved. I don't live for myself anymore but for Him who died for us and was raised again. I love Jesus with every fiber of my being! I pray you know Him too. God loves us all beyond comprehension!
Here in the US we have a lot of reality shows on tv. Lately I have noticed the repeated use of the phrase "Yes, what I did was stupid/hurtful/untrue etc But it is in the past and I cant change the past..." I used to hear this from my ex husband. I was always confused bcs he admitted his bad deeds, but then, without actual apology, used a kind of warped logic to dismiss it, and me. So I see this is a common narc escape route. Empaths are dangerously optimistic and are mentally unable to think or act like the narc. I can recall thinking I must be nuts bcs no one could possess all these terrible qualities and techniques! In addition to the gaslighting, lying, cheating, etc. This is why your videos and method of educating us is so exceptional. I find I am now noticing patterns right away that confounded me in the past, and on tv! A million thank yous❤️ May I add that for over 10 years I went to marriage counselors, psychologists and a psychiatrist trying to understand this crazy makng. Not ONE of them ever said the word narcissism or mentioned NPD, etc. They told me marriage was all about compromise! Yikes!❤️❤️❤️
i also went to counsellors, psychologists and a psychiatrist and the same they never said the word narcissist. Except later in life, after briefly mentioning my parent's behaviors to my family doctor - he immediately said with certainty "narcissists". It took me years to process and understand. Maybe my family doctor was the only one with firsthand experience.
Narcissist is a bad word. I’ve realized that as I’m going through a restraining order right now. He won’t even speak in court ( by his lawyers advice, because he can’t control his rage).
It wasn't a counselor/therapist but a Neurologist of all professionals who spotted the danger I was in. He had been trying to convince me that, like my Mom, I was getting early onset dementia (and he was also trying to become my medical proxy.) Had this woman not helped me and directed me to resources he would have absolutely tried to completely take over my whole existence and would have tried to get me committed. He cleaned out our entire assets and bolted shortly afterwards.
My ex would say, “you’re going to abandon me just like everyone else did me!”/ “ all my ex girl friends got to a certain age then they all changed and left me for other men!” Always played the sad song to try and draw me back, once I started getting cold towards those tactics he got extremely pissed and became more evil. That mask melted off 😅🎉😂
I'm kind of guilty of abusing my ex boyfriend (sociopath) when I knew he was controlling me. I never felt bad about it at all. It just got to the point where I was so sick and tired of taking care of toxic men. That relationship only lasted 4 months.
I’m literally DONE!!!!!! I have hit rock bottom, and there is no turning back. He never ever says he is sorry. I’m officially filing for a divorce. I can’t wait until he gets the divorce papers! I’m not forgetting anything that has happened especially in the last year. I don’t feel bad anymore! I will stand my ground this time!!!! He is in for a rude awakening this time. I am sick of being abused. Screw him!!!! He’s going to come home and act like nothing has happened. I’m strong and I stand on God!! Within the last 2 weeks he has screamed at my daughter. You mess with my daughter…it’s done!!!!!! I will NOT play stupid games!!!!!!!!!!
Good for you. I'm rooting for you.Remember everything and never go back.Life is better on the other side. Educate yourself on narcissism,so you can pick them out of a crowd.and leen on God 100%.you will be alright!
@@susanstanley7942 ty I appreciate your kind response!!! It’s so hard! I’m really struggling, but I have to follow through! I’m sick and tired of him treating me horribly! Gods got this! I’m giving it all to God! I can’t do this on my own. I need guidance and grace from Jesus!
I love these videos because this is helping me not feel suicidal. It is saving me. I have been a victim of narcissistic abuse most of my life from family to crap friendships to strangers to relatives
Me too. Now my daughter is going through this crap with her father. He's horrible. A master manipulater. I just stay away from people now. I've been burned too many times.
@@arielmarbury467 I feel the same way. I live in a 2500 populated little town full of gossip small people and I dont enjoy it. I just stay at home. I'm a scapegoat here
Yikes! I have asked my narc the same question... if I'm so bad, if I make you so unhappy, why do you stay? I asked him that after I had enough of the abuse! I had the worst time getting him out of my house. He tortured me for weeks before he finally started packing. Yes, there were times when I wished he would put me out of my misery 😢 This guy fit all the textbook characteristics! The behavior he used was anger, silent treatment, slamming doors, ignoring me when I spoke.
Almost same here. I asked him after 18 years and 2 kids… “why don’t you just find someone else if you hate me so much??” He would say “well you just need help and work on yourself “ 🤦🏽♀️ I left him 3 years ago and I picked the strangest narcissist- he refuses to even discuss a divorce. And has texted me “happy anniversary “ without fail for the last THREE years! 😂 my boyfriend and I laugh at this ridiculous behavior: We co-parent so we have to speak about the kids at times. But this year I blocked him on my phone. His mother came in town last week to see him and her grandkids she asked my ex if he was looking for a girlfriend and he said nope 😂 Mother narcissist hates that I left her precious son and is worried now that he will spend the rest of his life alone- as he should. He doesn’t like nor respect women. He doesn’t deserve a loving partner. Even our kids can’t wait to be done with him. ❤
@undercoverbird8592 Oh Dear Lady, sounds like he put you thru the ringer! We have that in common. I wish you all the happiness in the world. Peace is what you deserve. You are a warrior!
Yeh I know this also He often brought me coffee playing waiter also for visitors to look so attentive. Saw me all depressed, crying and pretended he didn't saw it, I told him I was unhappy later in the bedroom instead of being shocked me feeling this way he got mad and within 5 minutes we fought literally on the bed. Als telling him I cried myself to sleep at night he never had something like ' oh wow I must change ' when there is tense over something he still sleeps like a rose. Our son is now ill suddenly after neglect he plays he cares about our son being ill atm. I had to tell him stuff to get him to the doctor today, I've no drivers license I live in the mountains in spain. No income so you know. Totally isolated. I pray our son survives the possible pneumonia. Blessings send to you dear ❤
@charlie-girl72 Dear Lady, I will pray for your son. I wish you strength. You are in a difficult situation. You are smart, you will find a way... have faith in your strength.
It may have been a better strategy to call a locksmith to change the locks, when he was out. I'm curious about a behaviour I've observed -- after leaving the house, coming back to find a random object placed on the floor inside the door, which could be considered a tripping hazard. Otherwise, something left elsewhere, and which screams 'disrespect'.
My ex would cut off all intimacy including sex for weeks if I had any disagreement whatsoever with him. Each week his abuse would get worse but all I could do was to be quiet. I couldn’t bear being in love and not having intimacy for weeks on end. With time even the intimacy was garbage.
They do this because it’s something else they know they can take away from you. Because they know YOU want the closeness and (emotional) connection. And because they are punitive. Ugh. It’s just something else to take away. (Side note: The narcissist is likely NOT going without sex. It just may not be with you, their “partner.” They need novelty and constant admiration…….like the rest of us “normies” need oxygen.)
That part where you said the narcissist asks “why don’t we end this, if I’m so bad why are you with me” etc. I’m not a narcissist but I ask myself this and have asked him this so many times. He treats me like I’m the worst person he’s ever met, I’m a thief. A cheater. A liar. A scumbag. A user….. list goes on so WHY the hell is he with me and won’t let me leave if I’m so bad. I hope he chokes on a shawarma.
"Its because I care..dont you want me to care about you? Am I not allowed to care?" Control disguised as care has been employed on me by 2 different Narcs in my life.
Fell for the suicidal threats a lot … my daughter father does it.. and when my mom was on her death bed. I was taking care of her. He’d call me up saying “I can’t leave him alone he will kill himself” so I’d go to him leaving my mom.. Looking back I would of cut him off instantly knowing what I know now .. but you feel so bad for them and worry that they will kill themselves. So much time wasted. Yes he still alive to day doing anything to get one over me .. but videos like this help me heal and be mentally prepared. For the first time in forever I have boundary’s and he hates that.
It’s part of their strategy to keep you unstable in the relationship. One time before I left my narcissistic husband, he said he wanted to divorce that we had a dysfunctional relationship and we should separate that I said yes, “good idea” and all he did was roll over and go to sleep. I have course went to sleep too, and slept like a baby.
Having lived this, such truth of the reality of living with and loveing a narc.. ahh the statements , " if only you would have... " " it is your fault I..."
4 years together and then last 2 years he was always blaming me for things….l thought I was always wrong….Then l thought to myself after watching your videos that it’s never been me,,, after l stopped lending him money and he never repaying me back is when he started cursing at me more and more….Because he knew that would always upset me over & over… But it’s hard being in love with someone that you really never knew…. Only want to take and abuse a person in some way or another…….. But l pray for Anyone that has to go through this…..🙏🙏🙏
Wow this hit home with me. I would complain about his behavior. He would threaten to leave me. I would cry and beg. Everything switched. He would say.. see what happens when you complain? Then he would hug me and say.. ok I’ll stay. Nothing happened.
You literally just described the past year and a half with my ex-fiancé…. He would say our relationship was over if i caught him lying,caught him cheating…no remorse,no empathy…just “we aren’t going to work” when just few days ago befor me finding out it was “i love you,we’re such a good team,i love you so much”…he got caught and now it’s “we aren’t going to work”
Mine really liked to say that he wasn't good enough for me or he was a bad person, which made my desire to comfort really kick in. Like, "of course you're not a bad person, I love you and I'm not going anywhere." (He was telling me who he was, I should have listened.) He was also more subtle in leveraging these same threats. "I don't want to break up with you, but..." was one I heard a few times. "Take care of the cats when I'm gone" instead of saying he was going to slash his wrists or whatever.
I grew up with my sister. I’m five years older than she is and we used to go round together. I don’t remember when we were high school, but when she got out on her own, that’s when I started seeing her narcissist behavior. I went to a holiday inn and got a drink. I should never been there. A guy asked me to go to his room with them and then I’m flying back to Australia tomorrow you won’t see me again. And I said no. I told my sister I don’t belong in these places. my mother came to me and asked me why did you go to that room with that man? I was stunned. I told her I didn’t. My sister lied on me. I couldn’t believe she did that. That was the first time and she hurt me so bad. And sometimes I think about it to this day and I cry. How could she do that? I never did anything to her. I moved away, had zero contact with her for 30 years. I come back and all crap again. They’re like that for life.
The favourite in my family - "If you don't like it here, you can leave." ... And my covert narc mum - "When I die, you will be finally happy." (great words to say to once abandoned baby)
You have opened my eyes. I have a narc parent who has literally destroyed my life my career my everything. Took away my confidence to pursue my greatest passion and calling in life. Now I'm trying to rebuild
My ex still persisting with accusations that I cheated on him. The only difference is that now, he's only talking to himself in my spam folder! He would also threaten to show intimate pics and videos to people (including my son and his friends), to hack my devices, to k*ll ME, and he always said, "I'm a man and you need to just do what I say, no matter what." He was disgusting.
My Mother is a covert narcissist. Whenever I tried to talk about unhealthy behavior in our family she would say things like "you're too sensitive" or "you need to be more giving" or "just overlook it". I grey-rocked her back in March of this year b/c she was subtly tearing be down again to my face & in front of other people after my Dad died & I tried to step in to support her for about 16 months afterwards. She started hitting on my husband & implying that I didn't deserve him. We went on vacation & one time while my husband was asleep she came out of the motel bathroom with nothing on but her underwear. If my husband would have opened his eyes he would have seen her. I motioned to her 2 different times to go back in the bathroom. She gave me snotty looks & mouthed the words "Oh, what?" like she didn't know what my problem was. The 3rd time I had to get up & tell her to get back into the bathroom. She then turned around in the bathroom doorway & said to me "oh, you're weird". A couple of months after I grey-rocked her she called me & said "I'm sorry, I was a bitch". I calmly said I hoped she would live a long life & have good health care & other family to look after her, but that I needed to set boundaries to protect my self & my life. Haven't talked to her since, but other family members are now ignoring me. Ok by me.
That's how my mom is never wants to help just wants to hurt and critisize. I'm happy none of your family members are talking to you they are clearly brainwashed by your own mother so who needs that drama?
I told him to "Make it look like an accident." He never did it again. I have an application in for an apartment that's available next week. It's taken me 10 years to save the money. Wish me luck. 💖
Hope it all goes well, make sure you get out safely & don't let him know where you're moving to. Here's to the beginning of your healing journey, you can do it❤️🩹
You are just so genious! Sometimes i have to heard again your sentences because of how correctly you explain what happen. Thanks for your help. I follow you everyday. May God bless you everyday!
For context, my ex husband is an enneagram type 4 and I am a type 5. We are polar opposites when it comes to emotion. Type 4's live entirely within their emotions, desire chaos, feel entitlement and believe they must be unique and praised for this uniqueness. Because of that, it was extremely difficult for me to figure out that he was likely a covert narcissist and not just a moody artist. For my type 5, imagine if Spock and Tim Burton had a baby... that would be me. Intense displays of emotion make me deeply uncomfortable. That said, I genuinely believe that a person's outward expression of emotion is a window to their perception of reality, as their emotion is a logical response to what they believe about the world and people around them. This is why some people walk around with a proverbial cloud over them, because they believe everyone is out to get them. That said, I am absolutely guilty of using that first phrase. After several guilt trips and accusations that I would eventually leave him, I spent the better part of 12 years trying to convince my husband that I had every intention of staying married. During the pandemic, his personality took a turn for the worst and he ended up meeting someone online that he emotionally attached himself to and continued to tell me she was "just a good friend". The next year was worse. It was a year of push and pull, demanding attention while also pushing me away, and also changing every rule in the book. For example, for the first ten years of marriage, I was told that PDA was deeply inappropriate and embarrassing. Then suddenly, he decided he wanted this kind of affection and was angry at me when I told him I wasn't interested in providing it because I wasn't a switch that could be turned on or off on a whim. I had completely lost interest in that kind of thing because I had had to shut it down for so long. Eventually, I figured out there was a pattern, and he wanted this attention only when he thought someone was looking because he wanted to convince everyone else around us that he was a doting husband because the guilt was eating at him. One night when we came home from being out (after trying to make an attempt to take him on a date night), he literally made a beeline for his computer, putting his headphones on and immediately calling this "friend" as soon as he was through the door, without saying anything to me and expecting me to lock up after him. No, "hey, I'm going to play games for a while," or even asking me if I had any further plans for the evening. I didn't know how to respond, so I just went upstairs and started researching something (5's love to engage this way) and an hour later he came to bed and wanted me to put everything I was doing aside for him. He became irate when I told him that he was being particularly rude especially after his display just an hour before hand. When I stood my ground, he changed tactics and started saying weird things like that he might be psychopathic, and how God didn't love him and while were were even talking, he slipped off into sleep, leaving me annoyed, confused and disturbed. This is just one of many examples of his growing odd behavior. One morning (roughly two months before I asked to separate), I woke up to him crying in bed. I moved over to cry and cuddle and comfort him in my sleepy state. In my drowsiness, I said, "How are you doing this morning? I'm sorry I had a headache last night and couldn't spend it with you." He literally got up without saying anything, immediately stopped crying, got dressed and went downstairs. I was so confused... and I kid you not, this is what happened. So, I sent him a text, "I don't know what I did, but I am sorry?". I received no reply. Several minutes later, he brought me coffee and then went back downstairs, adding to my confusion. I got dressed and came downstairs to find him on the couch. I asked him how his job application went (which he had been working on the night before when I had my headache), to which he replied something in the lines of "I know you don't seem to ever need (I can't think of the word right now, but it's similar to "resolution"), but I do!" And then it started. He tore into me about how I finally asked him the right question but then didn't give him the opportunity to answer and how I didn't give a shit about him. Literally, after an hour of getting ripped to shreds, I discovered he was upset because I'd asked "how are you", and followed up with "I'm sorry I wasn't feeling well last night". I'd put it in the wrong order and there was hell to pay for it. And I got crazy angry after this and let loose. I called him out for how he treated me the day before, because while he was getting upset at me and calling me an asshole for getting my sentence out of order, he had not given one thought to me the day before and continued to neglect, ignore and break plans he'd made with me. I had to run an errand that morning and when I got home we had plans to make lunch together, but he decided he was hungry and couldn't wait another 45 minutes. I let it go and suggested we make for dinner what we had planned for lunch. He agreed and continued working on his job application and resume which literally took him 7 hours. So I did some work around the house and around 5PM I went to ask him about making dinner, and find him completely surrounded by snacks. So, I asked if he was even going to want dinner and he looked at me guiltily and said no. Again, I set aside my feelings about not being seen or cared about because I was just happy he was putting in an application to somewhere. I ended up with a headache anyway from not eating well because I was had been trying to time my meals around him so I could spend time with him, so I told him I was going to go lay down with an icepack. I ended up falling asleep. I told him that instead of giving me the grace I had given him he was nailing my ass to a wall for getting the order of sentence wrong. Would it have been so difficult to say, “Thanks for asking how I’m doing, and no, I’m not upset that you were out of order last night. I’m having a hard morning because...". He just got even more irate over me not communicating how I was feeling the day before. I said, "When was I going to do that? You were applying for a job, which I didn't want to interrupt and then I had a headache all night to which he replied, "Circumstances are a bitch". After the knock out drag out fight that ensued, I couldn't function for work and was struggling with horrible brain fog. It was after this fight, the accusations, the insanity, and the physical side effects I was experiencing that I truly began to consider separation and divorce. It took two more months of fighting, accusations and downright cruelty before I finally asked him for separation. Two months after that, I filed for divorce. Within the span of two years, I had developed GI issues, Cognitive disfunction, memory issues and heart palpitations. He'd used depression and suicidal ideations to guilt trip me... and I literally got to the point where I felt that my marriage was worse than death... which is crazy because I had feared death (the unknown), for most of my life, even with my Christian beliefs. It was literally the first time in my life where I felt it might be better to die (naturally, of course... I wasn't suicidal). With everything going on... with the arguments and being constantly told I didn't measure up and that I was wholly and completely inadequate as an emotional support to my ex-husband (his justification for having his emotional affair), I finally started asking the question, "Why don't you divorce me then? If I am so awful... why don't leave me and go find someone better suited for you?" I truly hoped he would give me a way out, because my faith did not provide one and I felt trapped. That was, at least, until I was 100% confident he was in an emotional affair with another woman, which he waffled between blaming me for the need to have an emotional affair and telling me there was nothing going on. I am still exhausted nearly a year later. But part of that is because I had to give up so much of who I was to cater to his whims. I lost who I was. I still don't know who I want to be now that it is over. Who am I? What gives my life purpose and meaning? I've become somewhat nihilistic. I don't even know what brings me joy anymore. I don't know what I like, or what I want. I wasn't allowed to have an opinion before. After we were married, he slowly nitpicked me apart and demanded changes in me to suit his needs to present himself a particular way. I used to be bubbly and fun, and now I am terrified that I am not intelligent enough to not be duped by toxic people. A year later, and I have become a bonafide hermit. In part, I think the only reason my brain survived at all is because I hold tightly to facts. I wrote many of my experiences down because I knew I would need to recall them later after being gaslit like crazy.
ALL REALLY GOOD EXAMPLES HOW THEY TOTALLY MESS WITH YOUR MIND AND SOUL. AND HAVE YOU IN A CONSTANT STATE OF CRAZY SADISTIC TURMOIL AND ANXIETY. YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE LOSING YOUR MIND AND FEEL SO LOW AND LOST -UT IS THE LONLIEST CRUEL AND BUMPY LIFE -ALL THE MEANWHILE THEY EXHIBIT SUCH FRIENDSHIP TO OTHRRS OUTSIDE -WHILE YOU GRT ALL THEIR ANGER AND JEKYLL AND HIDE ABONINATION!
My ex would always say 'why don't we just get a divorce then' for nothing. It would completely baffle me and that was straight after we got married. He would say it for every little thing. Made me feel so devalued and like he didn't give a damn about the relationship. After I got pregnant that phrase stopped. He didn't want the pregnancy. The next phrase was 'i can't do this anymore'. Over and over again, until he walked away from me and my son. I still don't know why. He wanted to come back literally the next day after we got divorced. Until now almost two years later he is begging that he'll do anything and he regrets his decision.
My father at various points drove off and threatened to never come back...but sadly always did. He also threatened to throw me out of the house if I didn't comply with his demands . I didn't comply the abuse got worse but I didn't get thrown out . After one violent episode I called the police but to my dismay he manipulated them and asked if I could be sectioned. The police came to me asking if I had seen anyone about my mental health. Devastating experience but it made me really see the truth of who he is. Sadistic cruel and totally unfeeling and inhuman
Narcissist love to ask "what’s in it for me?” To put you in a position of debt. They make you assume you owe them something. Or that you should concede something to them. They also like to tell you, that you are going to have to prove yourself to them before they can trust you, but never exactly tell you how you’re supposed to do that. Maintaining an off balance wait and see debt to them. They love to string you along and NEVER commit to anything unless it benefits them. Always leaving themselves an out, while backing you in a corner using your own integrity, care, love, or commitments against you. Anything that you do that can be construed as an error (whether true or not) will be held over your head and recalled over and over again, to kept you in some imaginary debt you OWE to them.
Thanks for this comment. I had to endure the worst suffering that I thought nobody else would understand. I had to deal with this type of psychological abuse until I almost couldn't handle that mental anguish anymore. I am so relieved knowing that these narcissists are real and legit I am not Imagining the evil that lurks in them and that I survived the evil games
Investigate whether your legislation has the crime of "Coercian". In any case, keep (confidential) and detailed records of every instance of this, including the date it occurs. It can serve as strong evidence if you later need it for getting the best decision (in your child's best interests) from a Court of Law.
@@StarCoded well in my case the lawyers around here are corrupt. This has happened many years to many people and the lawyers work together to get paid by both parties, especially if the other side has no conscience. It’s sad, but has happened to many women in this area that are hard working professional women that get scammed by their own lawyer especially those that are focused on their children’s best interest.
If they threaten suicide, I say, “oh my gosh. I had no idea this conflict was effecting you so negatively. That must feel so bad. I believe you, and this has gone beyond my qualification level, but because I care and want you to live and to feel better, I’m going to call a doctor or the authorities for you right now. If you are in crisis, you deserve care from qualified profession Saks that are in a position to do more for your well being than I could at this point.”
I'm my relationship with this narcissist he always used this phrase let's end this, let's break up and occasionally would say I'm nothing without you. You're my everything 😢
I have told my narc ex after him complaining and snowballing all his insults at me, “Why are you still with me if I’m that bad? Why don’t we end this?” I don’t think these are just narc phrases.
😢my husband uses soo many guilt tactics and strategies to keep me hooked. So I'm aware and using money as my strategy now I have a Job. I'm going to repay his money back, and then once I've saved enough while he's getting paid. It will be long gone without a trace... Money is his Idol, he used against me. And money is the same weapon I will use to escape 🙏😥
I remember when I was in the hospital and my father found me on the street just wandering (after a while they kick you out it was a horrible facility I was in) around. Eventually some guy saw me and let me use his phone and my dad picked me up. When I tried to tell him how I was feeling his response was, "I need to get back to work." My own mother is emotionless still waiting on an apology. I'm done apologizing I told her that she needed to go to counseling in order to have a relationship with me and of course she ignored me. So yeah I'm done. I'm done to be the one continuing to go to counseling especially after the fact my own cousin abused me when I was younger and every time I've told the truth everyone has ignored me. I even had this weird dream that my cousin died in a car accident and part of me hopes that happens to her that's how angry I am...so yes I stay away from my family and so does my aunt and cousin but yet I am done. It's weird not having any family and seeing my narcisstic brother be the golden child now so weird.
Once my ex put a gun on his head to threaten me that why didn’t I sleep with him last night, but as a women I had no choice back then but to live with this extreme narcissist, thank God I’m out of that drama, no more threats
My narc has been studying me .. and knows my vulnerable area which is finance - he uses this bait in different ways to keep me “ stuck “ . . By now I know him inside out as I too have been studying. him and figured him out completely, for which he hates me and is also afraid of me .. ( he knows I can hold the mirror to him,, expose his falsity to the world ) but what I can’t do is get cold blooded like him, I don’t have that stamina).
My two eldest narcissist siblings extorted my parents for years with all kinds of threats against them. And when my mom and dad got old they totally destroyed them and stole everything they had. And cheated me and my middle brother out of our inheritance. So tired of parents being blamed by their own rotten broken brained narcissistic sociopath children..
They also manipulate you by their "love bombing" that occurred the beginning of the relationship. You keep that hope to return to the treatment they gave you in the beginning. It was so wonderful,almost "otherworldly". There is a fear you will never have that again. Of course that's also how they cause you to question and doubt yourself. It's like they say remember how I loved you when we were first together..we can be that way again if you can do this or that. After years of attracting these types, I finally found the cryptonite to repel them from even attempting to be with me! It's called "boundries". Boundries teach other how to treat us. When you finally realize your true worth,you will not "need" another person to be complete and happy. It is so very empowering! I just wish I had learned all of this when I was younger.
First thank you Danish Bashir for your video's! I;ve seen others too, but I can "feel" you experienced it all and that makes, that I feel understood. My entire life was regulated by narcissists (I do know since about 5 years) The way they were free to do so many negative things is, that they manipulated me into self-reflection! I have been (still am) so often guilty of.......... that I deeply want to intro-spect..... result: I don't really react before I'm clear about "what" happened and as soon that happens..... they create the next challenge!
The phrase that kept me in confusion “what would I get out of doing that on purpose” knowing good and well he was getting supply, sadistic satisfaction, and power.
My husband knew EVERYTHING about me to use against me. And is still trying to tho I have been on my own for almost 3 months. He knew all my fears of abandonment and my family life and when I found he had no boundaries about how he would use this info it caused my radar to go up. I should have known then that there was something wrong with his psyche
@user-el8nz4yu4t omg I went thru breast cancer the year before I left and he was nowhere to be found. But acted to everyone else like he was so concerned
Unfortunately I've been friends with a narcissist for a while and the other friends in the cycle have become his followers without realising what he's doing. For years I've been getting a weird vibe from them and toxic behaviours from them. I didn't know anything about the term narcissist until recently. Now everything is becoming clearer. Alot of times I can tell from how they talk to me and how they look at me that there's been a gossip about me. Now I've figured out that the narcissist in the group starts atleast 80%of the gossips and he does that to destroy a person's image. I know I'm his target because he sees me a sa threat. He has this obsession for leadership and always likes to claim superior to others. Anytime I talk about a topic he has 0 knowledge in, he either says something to make others think I'm wrong or he keeps quiet with a confused and angry expression when he doesn't have anything to say. The others only realize he loves leadership. They talk about it like it's a good thing. They don't realize how it's a toxic trait. He always transforms normal conversations into arguments and tries to make it seem like and tries to say everybody else lives argument. Although the othera in the group have noticed that and they call him out when he does that. Then he keeps quiet and only smiles in frustration. I've bene through so much pain due to my time being friends with them. I can't even describe it. Betrayal, denial, deciet and manipulations. I'm a music producer and an artist but I've been unable to focus due to their toxicity. Sometimes I can't sleep. All the things they keep doing that the narcissistic has made them think is normal. Like going behind your back to sleep with your girl. Saying that "its OK since the girl let it happen. It's not the fault of the friend". The only way out for me is to cut ties with the narcissist and there's noway I can do that without cutting ties with the whole group. I don't want to make it too obvious though. I'm slowly sliding out of the friendship. I've made it obvious to the narcissist that I'm onto him without actually telling him. Sometimes I pity him because I've recently learned how easy it is for him to get upset. He always puts on this fake smile when he's really upset. I can also notice how hurt he looks when the whole group is talking about something which he has no knowledge about. Like sports. He hates being left out for some reason. Like he's trapped in a place he really doesn't want to be. Sometimes he tries to maneuver the conversation into something he knows and when he fails he casually leaves and says "I have to go. Someone's waiting for me" or "I'm feeling sleepy. I have to go". I wish there was a way I could continue being friends with him without the narc abuse I experience but I've tried everything I can think of. I can't take the pain anymore. Sorry for typing all this. It just feels good to release some of what's on my mind even if it's only a fraction 🙂
It might sound like you are overanalyzing and over exaggerating his face expressions and his Vibes and hones in on his weaknesses and it's bothering you. Tell me from experience in being real people that watch me in like the way you are to this friend, I no people that do this to me and it is the worst torment and I don't think you should judge him because of that. It just sounds like you're too judgemental, would you like someone do that to you? If not then why do it to somebody else?
@@dark7angel456 wait, you really think I'm being too judgemental? Have you ever experienced narcissistic abuse my friend? Do you have any idea how bad it is to have a narcissist work behind the scenes to try to destroy you at all times? I'm not over analysing him. He's the one who over analyses me and creates false stories a out me to spread with others. I'm able to understand him batter thanks to the videos I've watched about narcissism. If anything, I'm analysing him to understand him, which helps me not feel the pain as much as I used to and helps me know how to defend myself from him. He does thesame thing but He tries to analyse people into other to get them to do what he wants or gossips about them behind their back to destroy their image. I'm not over analysing. I'm just trying to defend myself and I have zero desire to hurt him. When someone attacks you all the time you have to be wary of them everytime they're around you. I'm really shocked by your comment. I thought everyone here would understand my pain, not someone to defend the narcissist. I get that it may sound like explanations are too detailed. This is as a result of years of torture I've endured and there's no one I can talk to about it. Everything I'm saying here, I've never said no anyone. I don't gossip to any other person about him or anything like that. You're taking how people have over analysed you, which I can relate to, and assuming I'm doing thesame to someone. I really don't do that. I know how painful that is as much as, if not more than you. So please don't ever tell a victim of narcissistic abuse that they're being too judgemental
I was called "lazy" often, because it was my weak point. Because of this, I realized that bad thinks happend. I told an other weak spot of me, waiting for use in the next fight. And yes, I got called this too. Any time I got threatened, I grow. But I hate how much energy this need.
I asked my narc (many times), why she stays me, or why she doesnt end it? She said she was unhappy, lonely and miserable. She said she needs a MAN in her life and deserves someone who will give into her wants and needs. I deserve better.
Dear, sir, again, I sincerly wish to thank you so very very much, for your comforting education about our empath´s experience from real life situations! May God bless both you, and your family and loved ones! You are doing a very important impact here on YT through your wise channel! Best regards from Sweden, with much love! 💝💖💝🙏💯🙏💝💖💝
I was attacked on several occasions each time after pointing my Narcs cheating.At one stage and the last attack by her I landed up in jail for defending myself.😢
If thinking you may leave after acting cold ansd seeing you start pulling away ,asks if you are all in like they are. Says he has shown he is all in by putting up with the other times you left and went wayward. Leaving was hoping to get over them or hoping they see how the relationship could be. Recently heard him lie to his son that he could use a vehicle for a week because I said I need it back that soon. He also said that he told me "boo hoo" Wow ! Wow! Wow! The actual conversation was me saying yes of couse, they need to use it or they can even use my car (that I'm kind of protective of.) We had all just finished helping brand and work his cattle. I cooked the night before and morning of for everyone and have tried so hard to show them all I would do anything to be family. Now just wondering whyyyy he would sabotage everything and whyyyyyy I'm back doing it all again with less resources to leave again. I knew it was off and I ran back with the lovebombing. My bad !!!!
💯! He said over & over “why are u with me? Why don’t u leave me if I’m so terrible?” And then declared he wants a divorce because WE are not good at being married
You can understand what exactly we go through, like why we stay in that relationship. Instead of they doing continously torture to us, they all if you have problem why don't you leave then.
I have used phrase Nr.1 myself. Because being disposed to narcissists long term devaluation, non-acceptance which comes out as overly critics (not good intention but evil intention as we know), my capacity and wilingness to face overly critical people is short. Simply saying - i'm just fed up of itr Switch to the positive is very important for us and we dont want back from where we are coming from. I mean - I CAN take some, but if I feel its a kind of person, who do not know how to say supportive things but is overy critical, I say this phrase. so obviously such my strict (possibly overboard) reaction is a result of having been raised by a narcissist parent. ? although.. i think that anyway support, approval/critics should be at least 7/1. If its not, that person is not wise psichologicaly and should not be contacted. I am intended to be supportive myself. Its characteristic for me so I see it as normal.. I am a daughter of the Covert narcissist mother.
I dated a guy for 5 months , ended 2 months ago, where I felt he was studying me (felt like specimen being poked around at times) and trying to push buttons purposely at times just to see how I reacted, but I was trying to do that unconditional acceptance for who he is, eventually my emotions got the best of me and I confronted him and he got offended/defensive, didn't want to talk, walked away and haven't heard from him.
The exact scenario played itself out in our house this last week. So I left. I refused him sex the last couple of months because I felt completely dissociated from him. I felt used. I just could not do it anymore. So he went out and got himself a (married) girlfriend justifying it with the fact that I could not fulfill his needs. Always threatening break up but at the same time refusing to fix the problems whilst still demanding sexual relations. Finally and thankfully the emotionally battered me plucked up enough courage and left.
Trying to escape Narcissist Partner. He continuously projected his insecurities and feeling worthless on to but thankfully I recognized what he was doing. Attempting No Contact but he always finds a way to slither in…. But this time No. Thanks so much for your video. I need to Stay Strong😀
So true.....I feel as a fool....I used to say sorry for what the 👿 did....but point finger at me....god....such horror.....I feel ashamed that I even know that 👿....
Also pertains to work situations. What's hilarious is, the person trying to pull this is a freaking analyst. It's become a game, but in some ways it's unfair because he's so lacking in both intelligence and self-awareness.
And it's even more sick and disgusting when it is just random people doing it now. The study and analyze their victims and then play disturbing mind games on the victims until they get the desired reaction from them. They are delusional insane evil. Always trust your gut and it really does pay off
You know.... these videos have shown me the very things that made me believe they aren't narcissistic are the very things that are in the narcissistic play book under back to the basics. He didn't hold a razor blade to his neck bc he cared so deeply about me. Mom didn't "trust me" to keep my brothers safe and the house clean. I bought into the twist they put on the negative actions bc idk how to handle the other side of the coin. They didn't hate me, they didn't love me.... they were completely indifferent of ME. It was a position in their lives. That's why I feel like a npc... because they "hacked my programming" actually, no. The taught me to reset my wires to reprogram myself. One cannot hold value in the praise of someone they know is typically hurtling nonsense bs without buying into the bs... it's mad cow disease!!! Well shoot guys I'll have to change our my feed bag. Luckily, it should be much easier with these opposable thumbs 🎉
I should have been unfaithful to you. My problem is that of being true and faithful to you. Finally only to be distrusted like this . Now I will break loose of all this - another beautiful phrase used by them to kindle that fear in you
My ex deceased husband threatened me to commit suicide if I left him; he didn't and I was so demolished I didn't care (I didn't believe him either; he was too proud of himself but don't ask me what he was proud of...I can't figure it out. Decades later, I found by chance his couple found him dead with a needle hanging out of his arm. I was shocked, he wasn't into it but I figured out it was a case of overdose by the purity of the drug itself. No one like him would have ever do it on purpose; it didn't fit with his profile. I feel sorry for his couple, the one who found him. I'm sure it wasn't an experience no one would like to live and I hope she's doing better, without trauma and better company than he was but, who knows; she might still trauma bonded since he was a really "nice guy".😮
This makes me feel sad for all the people who genuinely took a narcs comments and tried to defend themselves, explained themselves, cried because of the confusion, finally thinking the narc could be true and blamed themselves, reduced their expectations in the relationship, had none to share their feelings, none to vent their pain or emotions, none to share their loneliness, taking too much house kids responsibilities, wondering how to make the relationship work ,even accepting just how it has turned to just platonic one. WHY SHOULD THAT PERSONALITY EXIST AT ALL? THEY CANNOT CHANGE WHATSOEVER. So, what can the victim change? Just beware this is not the victims fault and just try to safely ride the narcs tide hoping they will be alive until the narc dies?
My ex narcissist and I share a vehicle that he pays for and the insurance but because he know that I have kids and a daughter with him, he uses the car against me by saying if he can’t come back then he’ll stop paying on the car and insurance when he knows we had so many bills that I pay myself and he knows that I can’t afford the car note or insurance but he left me with the car so I can get around with the kids…. 😢😢😢 he threatens me all the time and hangs the car situation over my head…. I feel like I’m stuck with him at this point because the car is in both of our name……. 🤦🏾♀️🤷🏽♀️ he gaslights and manipulate and lie to me all the time….. I truly feel like he never loved me only what I could do for him….
OK what’s today’s out to me is when he said, you serve the narcissist. That’s interesting. My sister told me that she has a job she works. She says she is the steward of the family. I looked that up. The steward of the family directs the servants. Break that word down SERVEnts. they serve her. She said everyone in my family works. Her husband could be retired but he chooses to work. And even when it comes to cooking, she says her boys do all the cooking now because she’s older and doesn’t have the patience anymore. She got real religious and God’s word is final. It’s authority. She uses that on me. Quoting scriptures. I objected. And she said I am only trying to help you. And I thought what BS. I don’t need her help. I’m the older sister and I was going to church long before she was. she manipulates her family with all these biblical teachings. But she won’t do that to me. she thinks that she is more than God. So you’re actually serving her and not God.
Yup I was treated like a prostitute but knew him since I was 12. He came back when I was 30. I finally snapped and spray painted his ute with the words he was using with me. He had so many flying monkeys they all sided with him. He called the Police made out I was crazy and I got charged. Unbelievable the people who stand by and support the abuse. Yes, they study you. They use your words. They try be like you. It's so obvious. Finally free but with scars. 🙂
I have been emotionally manipulated my whole life. And especially my family and parents and everybody else I know. I always have a lot of anger because of this and I have a lot of depression. I would never have any depression or anger if it wasn't for these people
When you asked the question about what is the biggest enemy of the narcissist. I guessed the correct answer "the truth". I'm proud of myself.
Agree
He would threaten to break up with me EVERY single time I had an issue with him. I just know that was him trying to condition me to behave the way he wanted me to but it didn’t work I left him I got too smart
Yes, they hate Truth. When you consider God is Truth. Uh Oh.
Good. Exposure also.
Amen 🙏
Been watching for awhile now and wanted to share. My father is a narcissist as well. You're really an amazing person. Hats off to your recovery and ability to convey a clear message. This knowledge is very empowering and validating. Thank you.
If you react they call you emotional, insecure, and needy. If you don't react they call you selfish, cold hearted, and accuse you of never loving them or else you'd be, "more passionate" about them.
They constantly accuse you of being controlling and selfish and that you have this problem where you need to make everything "all about you" when you have been silencing your needs and letting them violate your boundaries for days, weeks, months, or years and the one time you mention that something feels wrong to you they fly off the handle.
You just nailed almost every argument with my wife. Always her telling me what I did wrong but when I say anything back in defense, I was the jerk and it was all about me.
When I tried to talk to him about what he had done to me it was always the wrong time for him. I wouldn't try when he was drunk, I wasn't allowed to call him at work, he get drunk soon as he finish work so my only option was to try and talk to him before work. He said it's too early to talk about things and I have too much time to myself to overthink things. That left no option to talk. That's when I realised there's no point trying because he really doesn't care about me or us or the years we'd spent together
@@thinkingallowed1st they all have different set of parents, different cultures, different societies still how can they all be so same. My husband always use to say similar things to me. Don't discuss anything before going to office, its not the right time, after coming back from work he is too tired for all of this he needs rest, weekends are to relax not these melodramas. And now finally it has come to a point where I don't say anything anymore. And if he wants to discuss about how I 'hurted' him, he can go on day and night without the need of any break or rest.
I've been called passive aggressive because most the time now, i try to just go numb and not responde
Yeah they want you to give them unconditional love
They want to do whatever
They want
But they will not accept
That from you
They are predators
Their family support feuls their narcissist ways
We r their victims 😢
I FEEL NOBODY CAN DO ANYTHING 😢
WHEREVER WE GO ,THEY WILL BE ABLE TO GET TO YOU
I was married to a narcissist for 30 years and complained that we didn't have an emotional connection and sought couples counseling for years. Finally, I was done with all the gaslighting, blaming, lack of accountability and no change in his behavior or attitude. He often said he would be better off dead. Threats all the time. Said you knew this when you married me. Then he said he was going to find a place because he couldn't wait to get away from me and the kids. He "looked" for a place for several years, but I think it was all a lie and he never intended on moving out. Finally, two days before my father's funeral, he said he wanted the house and I would have to leave. Wow! So, I immediately found a house and moved out and he was shocked and thought I would never leave. Best decision of my life! I can't believe I endured that for so long, but never again. I have peace.
They ALWAYS attack when you've suffered a major loss or setback because at their core, they're cowards so they figure they'll win if they wait to launch something on you when you're down.
I'm so sorry. I hope things have gotten better for you.😊
We went to multiple marriage counselors. Each time the counselor would start to uncover his narcissism, we had to switch counselors because that one “didn’t know what they were talking about.” Lol 😂
i listened these threats given by my father to leave house
Its so sad and painful they are so evil and manipulative
Yes it is. I am feeling better knowing there's other people understand this type of evil grief from a loved one or from anybody. The type of pain and having to deal with these types of people is like a shot to the Head.
I always have a lot of flying monkeys Target me and attack me a lot
In my case I have heard a couple of times:
- “Why don’t you leave me?”
- “That’s me, take it or leave it”
I've heard you give up on us , the last one I do recognize
First one, "OK bye!" Second one. "Leaving it!"
Same two phrases in my case!
How much can I spend on myself this week. 5.00. Take it or leave it. More than likely the narc has made it impossible for you to leave if they're tied up in your business. Name on the house or bank account. They'll save any texts or emails. When the time comes, use it. My sister did. I can fight that. I'm sure your narc has everything tight. You won't get away with anything. They're all about stuff money power.
Why don't you leave me? I dare you. Smile.
Your videos are broken down so well. As a person who had a decade long relationship marriage with a narcissist. I used to live with regret but once I understood what I was dealing with I'm grateful that I know what i know now. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. I take full responsibility. I attracted this person because I didn't know myself well enough. If we aren't growing we aren't living .
Thanks again for the post
Even if you know about this, there are too many people like that.
I watched a video about Jack Kerouac and Neal Cassidy and I was surprised about the comments: the world love narcissists and we are not conscious about how much.
It's very rare to see this type of comment: people who can actually and genuinely acknowledge the part they played in their own abuse by a narcissist. 99% of the abused people would put ALL the blame on the narcissist, NEVER for once second admitting that they ALLOWED the abuser to do to them what they did in the first place. I commend you for that. I may sound harsh, but except for cases in which a person was born into a family of abusers and doesn't know any better and is really prone to attract narcissists, there are a lot of people, especially women, who do not have those backgrounds but tolerate being abused because they are hoping to have something in return like social status, what will people think of her, money, their friends' envy, or what have you; they are warned by so many people but choose to ignore those warnings, and accuse people of being jealous of them etc.. only for them to come on social medias incognito after decades of abuse to complain and play the victim. I've seen so many women like that and I have seen other women refusing to be abused once the abuse starts, so my question is always, since there are people who refuse to be abused, that means a narcissist cannot be the only one to be blamed, so it's very important to know who are the "real victims" and who are not.
@MalaikaLele That is pretty harsh, actually. Lots of people end up in this situation having been born to abusers, that is true, and they end up trauma bonding with narcissists as adults. But people who haven't ever dealt with the situation aren't any more to blame for their situation, as it is extremely confusing to be in such a relationship (such as with hoovering) and there are lots of reasons one can't always escape immediately. Anyone basing their decision to stay strictly on social status may even be a bit of a narcissist themselves, and that's for a whole different video. I'm not willing to assert any such thing. They still have the relationship, which isn't really worth much emotionally, on very hard terms.
Drop that narc like you've dropped all your bad habits.. through hard work and commitment🙏🌎❤️🔥
Free (legal) expert guideline available from Rebecca Zung.
I finally had to leave my own home to escape my ex-narcissist. Occasionally, he would threaten to leave but would change his mind when I would say, "yes, leave." It was my apartment and my furnishing but I had to leave it all behind to escape his abuse.
I hope and pray that you get your home back without the narc
My narc does the same. He yells, cries, breaks everything and tells me he wants to leave. But whenever I say okay, go, he doesn't. He finds reasons not to leave. We have a baby together and he threatens me with my baby…
@@pm660 -- Keep detailed records of each threat - including date. This is likely "Coercian". In some places, it is a crime. Otherwise, it is always evidence of unsuitable character (for a family court to take into consideration, if the offender dares and bothers to go that far).
@@pm660 -- Also keep details including dates, of each occasion of shouting or other behaviour likely to frighten the infant. Very important! And more importantly -- a hostile environment is damaging to a child of any age.
All escapers did this I guess, it’s better to spoil your life more
The want you to just magically trust them again even though they've repeatedly done terrible things to you. They get angry and shut down communication if you want to talk about what they did. My ex used to refuse to make eye contact with me when I wanted to talk about what he did
Two days before I realized he was a narcissist, and because I had ended it with him finally, he said that he said he didn't feel like living anymore. I of course fell for it and gave him my sympathy and said how painful that was to hear. Next day we had a very heartfelt conversation on the phone, all of a sudden he felt just as humble and sweet as he did in the beginning of our relation. Just after we had finished that call he wrote me a message saying "The one who do end up with you will need to have a lot of grace to be able to handle you at times. But I have an abundant amount of grace for you because my love for you runs deep. I love you sweetie!" I was so shocked by the sudden turn straight after that lovely phone call and I confronted him about it saying what a demeaning thing that is to say to someone. Only to get back "I don't think that is demeaning at all, I think its a very nice thing to say to somebody!" Wow. Just wow. Needless to say that final straw actually made me dive into the NPD recovery realm on youtube and that is when it all finally dawned on me.
Pure projection. He was literally talking about himself. It's amazing how they tell on themselves.
Projection!
Almost every mean and untrue thing he would say to me was a projection, which I always realized later on when the initial shock had subdued. I never said anything to him about his character cause I didn't want to judge so quickly, but when I started feeling like I was stepping on eggshells around him, a few days later that is what he said I made him feel. When I thought he was interrupting a lot in conversations, that's when he said I was interrupting a lot. When I was thinking to myself over and over "man he can really go on a monologue when talking" is when he from out of nowhere just said "Of us two I think you're the one doing most of the talking". Yeah I could go on and on with examples. Thank God my eyes are wide open to this kind of toxic behavior now.
@@JesusIsTheFinalTruth You know the gospel?
@@cassiebennet4262 Absolutely, it was by God's grace that I was saved. I don't live for myself anymore but for Him who died for us and was raised again. I love Jesus with every fiber of my being! I pray you know Him too. God loves us all beyond comprehension!
Here in the US we have a lot of reality shows on tv. Lately I have noticed the repeated use of the phrase "Yes, what I did was stupid/hurtful/untrue etc But it is in the past and I cant change the past..." I used to hear this from my ex husband. I was always confused bcs he admitted his bad deeds, but then, without actual apology, used a kind of warped logic to dismiss it, and me. So I see this is a common narc escape route. Empaths are dangerously optimistic and are mentally unable to think or act like the narc. I can recall thinking I must be nuts bcs no one could possess all these terrible qualities and techniques! In addition to the gaslighting, lying, cheating, etc. This is why your videos and method of educating us is so exceptional. I find I am now noticing patterns right away that confounded me in the past, and on tv! A million thank yous❤️ May I add that for over 10 years I went to marriage counselors, psychologists and a psychiatrist trying to understand this crazy makng. Not ONE of them ever said the word narcissism or mentioned NPD, etc. They told me marriage was all about compromise! Yikes!❤️❤️❤️
You are awesome! Sounds like your healing journey has begun. Sounds like you see the light :-)
i also went to counsellors, psychologists and a psychiatrist and the same they never said the word narcissist. Except later in life, after briefly mentioning my parent's behaviors to my family doctor - he immediately said with certainty "narcissists". It took me years to process and understand. Maybe my family doctor was the only one with firsthand experience.
"How am I supposed to know?"
"It's for your own good."
"Why do you always want to argue? I just want to get along. Why don't you want to get along?"
Narcissist is a bad word. I’ve realized that as I’m going through a restraining order right now. He won’t even speak in court ( by his lawyers advice, because he can’t control his rage).
It wasn't a counselor/therapist but a Neurologist of all professionals who spotted the danger I was in. He had been trying to convince me that, like my Mom, I was getting early onset dementia (and he was also trying to become my medical proxy.) Had this woman not helped me and directed me to resources he would have absolutely tried to completely take over my whole existence and would have tried to get me committed. He cleaned out our entire assets and bolted shortly afterwards.
My ex would say, “you’re going to abandon me just like everyone else did me!”/ “ all my ex girl friends got to a certain age then they all changed and left me for other men!”
Always played the sad song to try and draw me back, once I started getting cold towards those tactics he got extremely pissed and became more evil. That mask melted off 😅🎉😂
I'm kind of guilty of abusing my ex boyfriend (sociopath) when I knew he was controlling me. I never felt bad about it at all. It just got to the point where I was so sick and tired of taking care of toxic men. That relationship only lasted 4 months.
I’m literally DONE!!!!!! I have hit rock bottom, and there is no turning back. He never ever says he is sorry. I’m officially filing for a divorce. I can’t wait until he gets the divorce papers! I’m not forgetting anything that has happened especially in the last year. I don’t feel bad anymore! I will stand my ground this time!!!! He is in for a rude awakening this time. I am sick of being abused. Screw him!!!! He’s going to come home and act like nothing has happened. I’m strong and I stand on God!! Within the last 2 weeks he has screamed at my daughter. You mess with my daughter…it’s done!!!!!! I will NOT play stupid games!!!!!!!!!!
Good for you. I'm rooting for you.Remember everything and never go back.Life is better on the other side. Educate yourself on narcissism,so you can pick them out of a crowd.and leen on God 100%.you will be alright!
@@susanstanley7942 ty I appreciate your kind response!!! It’s so hard! I’m really struggling, but I have to follow through! I’m sick and tired of him treating me horribly! Gods got this! I’m giving it all to God! I can’t do this on my own. I need guidance and grace from Jesus!
You can do this! Stand strong and protect yourself and your daughter!
Give yourself time to pick up your scattered wits.
I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers 🙏 May God be with you both 🙏 🙌
I love these videos because this is helping me not feel suicidal. It is saving me. I have been a victim of narcissistic abuse most of my life from family to crap friendships to strangers to relatives
I’m so glad to hear you chose to stay ❤. You must have an important purpose ahead of you.❤
@@jennacat13 yes I plan to do a lot of good things in the world so all of these evil attacks don't bother me as much as they want
Me too. Now my daughter is going through this crap with her father. He's horrible. A master manipulater. I just stay away from people now. I've been burned too many times.
@@arielmarbury467 I feel the same way. I live in a 2500 populated little town full of gossip small people and I dont enjoy it. I just stay at home. I'm a scapegoat here
They are never happy
Yikes! I have asked my narc the same question... if I'm so bad, if I make you so unhappy, why do you stay?
I asked him that after I had enough of the abuse!
I had the worst time getting him out of my house. He tortured me for weeks before he finally started packing.
Yes, there were times when I wished he would put me out of my misery 😢
This guy fit all the textbook characteristics!
The behavior he used was anger, silent treatment, slamming doors, ignoring me when I spoke.
Almost same here. I asked him after 18 years and 2 kids… “why don’t you just find someone else if you hate me so much??” He would say “well you just need help and work on yourself “ 🤦🏽♀️ I left him 3 years ago and I picked the strangest narcissist- he refuses to even discuss a divorce. And has texted me “happy anniversary “ without fail for the last THREE years! 😂 my boyfriend and I laugh at this ridiculous behavior:
We co-parent so we have to speak about the kids at times. But this year I blocked him on my phone.
His mother came in town last week to see him and her grandkids she asked my ex if he was looking for a girlfriend and he said nope 😂 Mother narcissist hates that I left her precious son and is worried now that he will spend the rest of his life alone- as he should. He doesn’t like nor respect women. He doesn’t deserve a loving partner. Even our kids can’t wait to be done with him. ❤
@undercoverbird8592 Oh Dear Lady, sounds like he put you thru the ringer!
We have that in common. I wish you all the happiness in the world. Peace is what you deserve. You are a warrior!
Yeh I know this also
He often brought me coffee playing waiter also for visitors to look so attentive. Saw me all depressed, crying and pretended he didn't saw it, I told him I was unhappy later in the bedroom instead of being shocked me feeling this way he got mad and within 5 minutes we fought literally on the bed. Als telling him I cried myself to sleep at night he never had something like ' oh wow I must change ' when there is tense over something he still sleeps like a rose. Our son is now ill suddenly after neglect he plays he cares about our son being ill atm.
I had to tell him stuff to get him to the doctor today, I've no drivers license I live in the mountains in spain. No income so you know. Totally isolated. I pray our son survives the possible pneumonia. Blessings send to you dear ❤
@charlie-girl72 Dear Lady, I will pray for your son. I wish you strength. You are in a difficult situation. You are smart, you will find a way... have faith in your strength.
It may have been a better strategy to call a locksmith to change the locks, when he was out. I'm curious about a behaviour I've observed -- after leaving the house, coming back to find a random object placed on the floor inside the door, which could be considered a tripping hazard. Otherwise, something left elsewhere, and which screams 'disrespect'.
My ex would cut off all intimacy including sex for weeks if I had any disagreement whatsoever with him. Each week his abuse would get worse but all I could do was to be quiet. I couldn’t bear being in love and not having intimacy for weeks on end. With time even the intimacy was garbage.
My husband cuts off sex too for weeks, what a typical pattern
They do this because it’s something else they know they can take away from you. Because they know YOU want the closeness and (emotional) connection. And because they are punitive. Ugh. It’s just something else to take away. (Side note: The narcissist is likely NOT going without sex. It just may not be with you, their “partner.” They need novelty and constant admiration…….like the rest of us “normies” need oxygen.)
That part where you said the narcissist asks “why don’t we end this, if I’m so bad why are you with me” etc. I’m not a narcissist but I ask myself this and have asked him this so many times. He treats me like I’m the worst person he’s ever met, I’m a thief. A cheater. A liar. A scumbag. A user….. list goes on so WHY the hell is he with me and won’t let me leave if I’m so bad. I hope he chokes on a shawarma.
Not a threat , but “you don’t even remember do you” somehow always makes me completely forget what just happened moments before
"Its because I care..dont you want me to care about you? Am I not allowed to care?"
Control disguised as care has been employed on me by 2 different Narcs in my life.
Fell for the suicidal threats a lot … my daughter father does it.. and when my mom was on her death bed. I was taking care of her. He’d call me up saying “I can’t leave him alone he will kill himself” so I’d go to him leaving my mom.. Looking back I would of cut him off instantly knowing what I know now .. but you feel so bad for them and worry that they will kill themselves. So much time wasted. Yes he still alive to day doing anything to get one over me .. but videos like this help me heal and be mentally prepared. For the first time in forever I have boundary’s and he hates that.
It’s part of their strategy to keep you unstable in the relationship. One time before I left my narcissistic husband, he said he wanted to divorce that we had a dysfunctional relationship and we should separate that I said yes, “good idea” and all he did was roll over and go to sleep. I have course went to sleep too, and slept like a baby.
OMG Every word you speak are so clear it seems like you are seeing under a microscope .
Thank you. I am currently recovering from long term narcissistic abuse and codependent relationships. I appreciate your guidance.
Having lived this, such truth of the reality of living with and loveing a narc.. ahh the statements , " if only you would have... " " it is your fault I..."
4 years together and then last 2 years he was always blaming me for things….l thought I was always wrong….Then l thought to myself after watching your videos that it’s never been me,,, after l stopped lending him money and he never repaying me back is when he started cursing at me more and more….Because he knew that would always upset me over & over…
But it’s hard being in love with someone that you really never knew….
Only want to take and abuse a person in some way or another……..
But l pray for Anyone that has to go through this…..🙏🙏🙏
Forget and pretend nothing happened and just move on!!!! Yes this is so true!
Wow this hit home with me. I would complain about his behavior. He would threaten to leave me. I would cry and beg. Everything switched. He would say.. see what happens when you complain? Then he would hug me and say.. ok I’ll stay. Nothing happened.
Your videos are so helpful. Thank you so much for sharing freely.
You literally just described the past year and a half with my ex-fiancé….
He would say our relationship was over if i caught him lying,caught him cheating…no remorse,no empathy…just “we aren’t going to work” when just few days ago befor me finding out it was “i love you,we’re such a good team,i love you so much”…he got caught and now it’s “we aren’t going to work”
I have heard rhem say "I am sorry your feel that way" or some variation of it, I have heard it so many times.
My mum asked "if I'm so horrible why do we talk?"
My response "good point" and then hung up
Mine really liked to say that he wasn't good enough for me or he was a bad person, which made my desire to comfort really kick in. Like, "of course you're not a bad person, I love you and I'm not going anywhere." (He was telling me who he was, I should have listened.) He was also more subtle in leveraging these same threats. "I don't want to break up with you, but..." was one I heard a few times. "Take care of the cats when I'm gone" instead of saying he was going to slash his wrists or whatever.
My boyfriend does the same I think at times I do also but a huge part of me really wants to die I'm just too afraid to do it.
Psalm 63:3 says that God's
Lovingkindness is better than life
I grew up with my sister. I’m five years older than she is and we used to go round together. I don’t remember when we were high school, but when she got out on her own, that’s when I started seeing her narcissist behavior. I went to a holiday inn and got a drink. I should never been there. A guy asked me to go to his room with them and then I’m flying back to Australia tomorrow you won’t see me again. And I said no. I told my sister I don’t belong in these places. my mother came to me and asked me why did you go to that room with that man? I was stunned. I told her I didn’t. My sister lied on me. I couldn’t believe she did that. That was the first time and she hurt me so bad. And sometimes I think about it to this day and I cry. How could she do that? I never did anything to her. I moved away, had zero contact with her for 30 years. I come back and all crap again. They’re like that for life.
The favourite in my family - "If you don't like it here, you can leave." ... And my covert narc mum - "When I die, you will be finally happy." (great words to say to once abandoned baby)
You have opened my eyes. I have a narc parent who has literally destroyed my life my career my everything. Took away my confidence to pursue my greatest passion and calling in life. Now I'm trying to rebuild
My ex still persisting with accusations that I cheated on him. The only difference is that now, he's only talking to himself in my spam folder!
He would also threaten to show intimate pics and videos to people (including my son and his friends), to hack my devices, to k*ll ME, and he always said, "I'm a man and you need to just do what I say, no matter what." He was disgusting.
My Mother is a covert narcissist. Whenever I tried to talk about unhealthy behavior in our family she would say things like "you're too sensitive" or "you need to be more giving" or "just overlook it". I grey-rocked her back in March of this year b/c she was subtly tearing be down again to my face & in front of other people after my Dad died & I tried to step in to support her for about 16 months afterwards. She started hitting on my husband & implying that I didn't deserve him. We went on vacation & one time while my husband was asleep she came out of the motel bathroom with nothing on but her underwear. If my husband would have opened his eyes he would have seen her. I motioned to her 2 different times to go back in the bathroom. She gave me snotty looks & mouthed the words "Oh, what?" like she didn't know what my problem was. The 3rd time I had to get up & tell her to get back into the bathroom. She then turned around in the bathroom doorway & said to me "oh, you're weird". A couple of months after I grey-rocked her she called me & said "I'm sorry, I was a bitch". I calmly said I hoped she would live a long life & have good health care & other family to look after her, but that I needed to set boundaries to protect my self & my life. Haven't talked to her since, but other family members are now ignoring me. Ok by me.
That's how my mom is never wants to help just wants to hurt and critisize. I'm happy none of your family members are talking to you they are clearly brainwashed by your own mother so who needs that drama?
I told him to "Make it look like an accident." He never did it again. I have an application in for an apartment that's available next week. It's taken me 10 years to save the money. Wish me luck. 💖
Good luck and God's love and guidance be with you.God knows what you are going through.leen on him.
Good luck. I understand what you're going thru. We're in this together ❤
Hope it all goes well, make sure you get out safely & don't let him know where you're moving to. Here's to the beginning of your healing journey, you can do it❤️🩹
It takes a lot of courage to do what you are doing! I wish you the best!
My love for you is unconditional. My acceptance of you as part of my life is not.
My X would say ," You want me to leave?".
Yes. There's the door.
You're the best! These people are so alike it's almost as if they know each other.
You are just so genious! Sometimes i have to heard again your sentences because of how correctly you explain what happen. Thanks for your help. I follow you everyday. May God bless you everyday!
For context, my ex husband is an enneagram type 4 and I am a type 5. We are polar opposites when it comes to emotion. Type 4's live entirely within their emotions, desire chaos, feel entitlement and believe they must be unique and praised for this uniqueness. Because of that, it was extremely difficult for me to figure out that he was likely a covert narcissist and not just a moody artist. For my type 5, imagine if Spock and Tim Burton had a baby... that would be me. Intense displays of emotion make me deeply uncomfortable. That said, I genuinely believe that a person's outward expression of emotion is a window to their perception of reality, as their emotion is a logical response to what they believe about the world and people around them. This is why some people walk around with a proverbial cloud over them, because they believe everyone is out to get them.
That said, I am absolutely guilty of using that first phrase. After several guilt trips and accusations that I would eventually leave him, I spent the better part of 12 years trying to convince my husband that I had every intention of staying married. During the pandemic, his personality took a turn for the worst and he ended up meeting someone online that he emotionally attached himself to and continued to tell me she was "just a good friend". The next year was worse. It was a year of push and pull, demanding attention while also pushing me away, and also changing every rule in the book. For example, for the first ten years of marriage, I was told that PDA was deeply inappropriate and embarrassing. Then suddenly, he decided he wanted this kind of affection and was angry at me when I told him I wasn't interested in providing it because I wasn't a switch that could be turned on or off on a whim. I had completely lost interest in that kind of thing because I had had to shut it down for so long. Eventually, I figured out there was a pattern, and he wanted this attention only when he thought someone was looking because he wanted to convince everyone else around us that he was a doting husband because the guilt was eating at him. One night when we came home from being out (after trying to make an attempt to take him on a date night), he literally made a beeline for his computer, putting his headphones on and immediately calling this "friend" as soon as he was through the door, without saying anything to me and expecting me to lock up after him. No, "hey, I'm going to play games for a while," or even asking me if I had any further plans for the evening. I didn't know how to respond, so I just went upstairs and started researching something (5's love to engage this way) and an hour later he came to bed and wanted me to put everything I was doing aside for him. He became irate when I told him that he was being particularly rude especially after his display just an hour before hand. When I stood my ground, he changed tactics and started saying weird things like that he might be psychopathic, and how God didn't love him and while were were even talking, he slipped off into sleep, leaving me annoyed, confused and disturbed. This is just one of many examples of his growing odd behavior. One morning (roughly two months before I asked to separate), I woke up to him crying in bed. I moved over to cry and cuddle and comfort him in my sleepy state. In my drowsiness, I said, "How are you doing this morning? I'm sorry I had a headache last night and couldn't spend it with you." He literally got up without saying anything, immediately stopped crying, got dressed and went downstairs. I was so confused... and I kid you not, this is what happened. So, I sent him a text, "I don't know what I did, but I am sorry?". I received no reply. Several minutes later, he brought me coffee and then went back downstairs, adding to my confusion. I got dressed and came downstairs to find him on the couch. I asked him how his job application went (which he had been working on the night before when I had my headache), to which he replied something in the lines of "I know you don't seem to ever need (I can't think of the word right now, but it's similar to "resolution"), but I do!" And then it started. He tore into me about how I finally asked him the right question but then didn't give him the opportunity to answer and how I didn't give a shit about him. Literally, after an hour of getting ripped to shreds, I discovered he was upset because I'd asked "how are you", and followed up with "I'm sorry I wasn't feeling well last night". I'd put it in the wrong order and there was hell to pay for it. And I got crazy angry after this and let loose. I called him out for how he treated me the day before, because while he was getting upset at me and calling me an asshole for getting my sentence out of order, he had not given one thought to me the day before and continued to neglect, ignore and break plans he'd made with me. I had to run an errand that morning and when I got home we had plans to make lunch together, but he decided he was hungry and couldn't wait another 45 minutes. I let it go and suggested we make for dinner what we had planned for lunch. He agreed and continued working on his job application and resume which literally took him 7 hours. So I did some work around the house and around 5PM I went to ask him about making dinner, and find him completely surrounded by snacks. So, I asked if he was even going to want dinner and he looked at me guiltily and said no. Again, I set aside my feelings about not being seen or cared about because I was just happy he was putting in an application to somewhere. I ended up with a headache anyway from not eating well because I was had been trying to time my meals around him so I could spend time with him, so I told him I was going to go lay down with an icepack. I ended up falling asleep. I told him that instead of giving me the grace I had given him he was nailing my ass to a wall for getting the order of sentence wrong. Would it have been so difficult to say, “Thanks for asking how I’m doing, and no, I’m not upset that you were out of order last night. I’m having a hard morning because...". He just got even more irate over me not communicating how I was feeling the day before. I said, "When was I going to do that? You were applying for a job, which I didn't want to interrupt and then I had a headache all night to which he replied, "Circumstances are a bitch". After the knock out drag out fight that ensued, I couldn't function for work and was struggling with horrible brain fog. It was after this fight, the accusations, the insanity, and the physical side effects I was experiencing that I truly began to consider separation and divorce. It took two more months of fighting, accusations and downright cruelty before I finally asked him for separation. Two months after that, I filed for divorce.
Within the span of two years, I had developed GI issues, Cognitive disfunction, memory issues and heart palpitations. He'd used depression and suicidal ideations to guilt trip me... and I literally got to the point where I felt that my marriage was worse than death... which is crazy because I had feared death (the unknown), for most of my life, even with my Christian beliefs. It was literally the first time in my life where I felt it might be better to die (naturally, of course... I wasn't suicidal). With everything going on... with the arguments and being constantly told I didn't measure up and that I was wholly and completely inadequate as an emotional support to my ex-husband (his justification for having his emotional affair), I finally started asking the question, "Why don't you divorce me then? If I am so awful... why don't leave me and go find someone better suited for you?" I truly hoped he would give me a way out, because my faith did not provide one and I felt trapped. That was, at least, until I was 100% confident he was in an emotional affair with another woman, which he waffled between blaming me for the need to have an emotional affair and telling me there was nothing going on.
I am still exhausted nearly a year later. But part of that is because I had to give up so much of who I was to cater to his whims. I lost who I was. I still don't know who I want to be now that it is over. Who am I? What gives my life purpose and meaning? I've become somewhat nihilistic. I don't even know what brings me joy anymore. I don't know what I like, or what I want. I wasn't allowed to have an opinion before. After we were married, he slowly nitpicked me apart and demanded changes in me to suit his needs to present himself a particular way. I used to be bubbly and fun, and now I am terrified that I am not intelligent enough to not be duped by toxic people. A year later, and I have become a bonafide hermit. In part, I think the only reason my brain survived at all is because I hold tightly to facts. I wrote many of my experiences down because I knew I would need to recall them later after being gaslit like crazy.
ALL REALLY GOOD EXAMPLES HOW THEY TOTALLY MESS WITH YOUR MIND AND SOUL. AND HAVE YOU IN A CONSTANT STATE OF CRAZY SADISTIC TURMOIL AND ANXIETY. YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE LOSING YOUR MIND AND FEEL SO LOW AND LOST -UT IS THE LONLIEST CRUEL AND BUMPY LIFE -ALL THE MEANWHILE THEY EXHIBIT SUCH FRIENDSHIP TO OTHRRS OUTSIDE -WHILE YOU GRT ALL THEIR ANGER AND JEKYLL AND HIDE ABONINATION!
Your videos are always so clear n understanding.
My ex would always say 'why don't we just get a divorce then' for nothing. It would completely baffle me and that was straight after we got married. He would say it for every little thing. Made me feel so devalued and like he didn't give a damn about the relationship.
After I got pregnant that phrase stopped. He didn't want the pregnancy. The next phrase was 'i can't do this anymore'. Over and over again, until he walked away from me and my son. I still don't know why. He wanted to come back literally the next day after we got divorced. Until now almost two years later he is begging that he'll do anything and he regrets his decision.
That's his problem. He needs psychological help.
Don't surround yourself with yourself, made me question everything, and if I was the narc
My father at various points drove off and threatened to never come back...but sadly always did. He also threatened to throw me out of the house if I didn't comply with his demands . I didn't comply the abuse got worse but I didn't get thrown out . After one violent episode I called the police but to my dismay he manipulated them and asked if I could be sectioned. The police came to me asking if I had seen anyone about my mental health. Devastating experience but it made me really see the truth of who he is. Sadistic cruel and totally unfeeling and inhuman
Narcissist love to ask "what’s in it for me?” To put you in a position of debt. They make you assume you owe them something. Or that you should concede something to them. They also like to tell you, that you are going to have to prove yourself to them before they can trust you, but never exactly tell you how you’re supposed to do that. Maintaining an off balance wait and see debt to them. They love to string you along and NEVER commit to anything unless it benefits them. Always leaving themselves an out, while backing you in a corner using your own integrity, care, love, or commitments against you. Anything that you do that can be construed as an error (whether true or not) will be held over your head and recalled over and over again, to kept you in some imaginary debt you OWE to them.
Thanks for this comment. I had to endure the worst suffering that I thought nobody else would understand. I had to deal with this type of psychological abuse until I almost couldn't handle that mental anguish anymore. I am so relieved knowing that these narcissists are real and legit I am not Imagining the evil that lurks in them and that I survived the evil games
My ex uses our child since he knows she means the world to me.
Investigate whether your legislation has the crime of "Coercian". In any case, keep (confidential) and detailed records of every instance of this, including the date it occurs. It can serve as strong evidence if you later need it for getting the best decision (in your child's best interests) from a Court of Law.
@@StarCoded well in my case the lawyers around here are corrupt. This has happened many years to many people and the lawyers work together to get paid by both parties, especially if the other side has no conscience. It’s sad, but has happened to many women in this area that are hard working professional women that get scammed by their own lawyer especially those that are focused on their children’s best interest.
If they threaten suicide, I say, “oh my gosh. I had no idea this conflict was effecting you so negatively. That must feel so bad. I believe you, and this has gone beyond my qualification level, but because I care and want you to live and to feel better, I’m going to call a doctor or the authorities for you right now. If you are in crisis, you deserve care from qualified profession Saks that are in a position to do more for your well being than I could at this point.”
I'm my relationship with this narcissist he always used this phrase let's end this, let's break up and occasionally would say I'm nothing without you. You're my everything 😢
Same here
☔
I have told my narc ex after him complaining and snowballing all his insults at me, “Why are you still with me if I’m that bad? Why don’t we end this?” I don’t think these are just narc phrases.
😢my husband uses soo many guilt tactics and strategies to keep me hooked. So I'm aware and using money as my strategy now I have a Job.
I'm going to repay his money back, and then once I've saved enough while he's getting paid. It will be long gone without a trace... Money is his Idol, he used against me. And money is the same weapon I will use to escape 🙏😥
Stay with that plan!God be with you.
@@susanstanley7942 I will 😥🙏 and thank you.🙌 God bless you 🙏
@@obscurum6 I was wondering about that myself. 🤨
I remember when I was in the hospital and my father found me on the street just wandering (after a while they kick you out it was a horrible facility I was in) around. Eventually some guy saw me and let me use his phone and my dad picked me up. When I tried to tell him how I was feeling his response was, "I need to get back to work." My own mother is emotionless still waiting on an apology. I'm done apologizing I told her that she needed to go to counseling in order to have a relationship with me and of course she ignored me. So yeah I'm done. I'm done to be the one continuing to go to counseling especially after the fact my own cousin abused me when I was younger and every time I've told the truth everyone has ignored me. I even had this weird dream that my cousin died in a car accident and part of me hopes that happens to her that's how angry I am...so yes I stay away from my family and so does my aunt and cousin but yet I am done. It's weird not having any family and seeing my narcisstic brother be the golden child now so weird.
Once my ex put a gun on his head to threaten me that why didn’t I sleep with him last night, but as a women I had no choice back then but to live with this extreme narcissist, thank God I’m out of that drama, no more threats
My narc has been studying me .. and knows my vulnerable area which is finance - he uses this bait in different ways to keep me “ stuck “ . . By now I know him inside out as I too have been studying. him and figured him out completely, for which he hates me and is also afraid of me .. ( he knows I can hold the mirror to him,, expose his falsity to the world ) but what I can’t do is get cold blooded like him, I don’t have that stamina).
My two eldest narcissist siblings extorted my parents for years with all kinds of threats against them. And when my mom and dad got old they totally destroyed them and stole everything they had. And cheated me and my middle brother out of our inheritance. So tired of parents being blamed by their own rotten broken brained narcissistic sociopath children..
They also manipulate you by their "love bombing" that occurred the beginning of the relationship. You keep that hope to return to the treatment they gave you in the beginning. It was so wonderful,almost "otherworldly". There is a fear you will never have that again. Of course that's also how they cause you to question and doubt yourself. It's like they say remember how I loved you when we were first together..we can be that way again if you can do this or that. After years of attracting these types, I finally found the cryptonite to repel them from even attempting to be with me!
It's called "boundries". Boundries teach other how to treat us. When you finally realize your true worth,you will not "need" another person to be complete and happy. It is so very empowering! I just wish I had learned all of this when I was younger.
First thank you Danish Bashir for your video's! I;ve seen others too, but I can "feel" you experienced it all and that makes, that I feel understood. My entire life was regulated by narcissists (I do know since about 5 years)
The way they were free to do so many negative things is, that they manipulated me into self-reflection!
I have been (still am) so often guilty of.......... that I deeply want to intro-spect..... result: I don't really react before I'm clear about "what" happened and as soon that happens..... they create the next challenge!
Im finally standing up for myself against my narcissist.
The phrase that kept me in confusion “what would I get out of doing that on purpose” knowing good and well he was getting supply, sadistic satisfaction, and power.
My husband knew EVERYTHING about me to use against me. And is still trying to tho I have been on my own for almost 3 months. He knew all my fears of abandonment and my family life and when I found he had no boundaries about how he would use this info it caused my radar to go up. I should have known then that there was something wrong with his psyche
@user-el8nz4yu4t omg I went thru breast cancer the year before I left and he was nowhere to be found. But acted to everyone else like he was so concerned
this has been said to e so many times...its the first time im hearing someone call it out
Unfortunately I've been friends with a narcissist for a while and the other friends in the cycle have become his followers without realising what he's doing. For years I've been getting a weird vibe from them and toxic behaviours from them. I didn't know anything about the term narcissist until recently. Now everything is becoming clearer. Alot of times I can tell from how they talk to me and how they look at me that there's been a gossip about me. Now I've figured out that the narcissist in the group starts atleast 80%of the gossips and he does that to destroy a person's image. I know I'm his target because he sees me a sa threat. He has this obsession for leadership and always likes to claim superior to others. Anytime I talk about a topic he has 0 knowledge in, he either says something to make others think I'm wrong or he keeps quiet with a confused and angry expression when he doesn't have anything to say. The others only realize he loves leadership. They talk about it like it's a good thing. They don't realize how it's a toxic trait. He always transforms normal conversations into arguments and tries to make it seem like and tries to say everybody else lives argument. Although the othera in the group have noticed that and they call him out when he does that. Then he keeps quiet and only smiles in frustration. I've bene through so much pain due to my time being friends with them. I can't even describe it. Betrayal, denial, deciet and manipulations. I'm a music producer and an artist but I've been unable to focus due to their toxicity. Sometimes I can't sleep. All the things they keep doing that the narcissistic has made them think is normal. Like going behind your back to sleep with your girl. Saying that "its OK since the girl let it happen. It's not the fault of the friend". The only way out for me is to cut ties with the narcissist and there's noway I can do that without cutting ties with the whole group. I don't want to make it too obvious though. I'm slowly sliding out of the friendship. I've made it obvious to the narcissist that I'm onto him without actually telling him. Sometimes I pity him because I've recently learned how easy it is for him to get upset. He always puts on this fake smile when he's really upset. I can also notice how hurt he looks when the whole group is talking about something which he has no knowledge about. Like sports. He hates being left out for some reason. Like he's trapped in a place he really doesn't want to be. Sometimes he tries to maneuver the conversation into something he knows and when he fails he casually leaves and says "I have to go. Someone's waiting for me" or "I'm feeling sleepy. I have to go". I wish there was a way I could continue being friends with him without the narc abuse I experience but I've tried everything I can think of. I can't take the pain anymore. Sorry for typing all this. It just feels good to release some of what's on my mind even if it's only a fraction 🙂
It might sound like you are overanalyzing and over exaggerating his face expressions and his Vibes and hones in on his weaknesses and it's bothering you. Tell me from experience in being real people that watch me in like the way you are to this friend,
I no people that do this to me and it is the worst torment and I don't think you should judge him because of that. It just sounds like you're too judgemental, would you like someone do that to you? If not then why do it to somebody else?
@@dark7angel456 wait, you really think I'm being too judgemental? Have you ever experienced narcissistic abuse my friend? Do you have any idea how bad it is to have a narcissist work behind the scenes to try to destroy you at all times? I'm not over analysing him. He's the one who over analyses me and creates false stories a out me to spread with others. I'm able to understand him batter thanks to the videos I've watched about narcissism. If anything, I'm analysing him to understand him, which helps me not feel the pain as much as I used to and helps me know how to defend myself from him. He does thesame thing but He tries to analyse people into other to get them to do what he wants or gossips about them behind their back to destroy their image. I'm not over analysing. I'm just trying to defend myself and I have zero desire to hurt him. When someone attacks you all the time you have to be wary of them everytime they're around you. I'm really shocked by your comment. I thought everyone here would understand my pain, not someone to defend the narcissist. I get that it may sound like explanations are too detailed. This is as a result of years of torture I've endured and there's no one I can talk to about it. Everything I'm saying here, I've never said no anyone. I don't gossip to any other person about him or anything like that. You're taking how people have over analysed you, which I can relate to, and assuming I'm doing thesame to someone. I really don't do that. I know how painful that is as much as, if not more than you. So please don't ever tell a victim of narcissistic abuse that they're being too judgemental
I was called "lazy" often, because it was my weak point. Because of this, I realized that bad thinks happend. I told an other weak spot of me, waiting for use in the next fight. And yes, I got called this too.
Any time I got threatened, I grow. But I hate how much energy this need.
I asked my narc (many times), why she stays me, or why she doesnt end it? She said she was unhappy, lonely and miserable. She said she needs a MAN in her life and deserves someone who will give into her wants and needs. I deserve better.
Dear, sir, again, I sincerly wish to thank you so very very much, for your comforting education about our empath´s experience from real life situations! May God bless both you, and your family and loved ones! You are doing a very important impact here on YT through your wise channel! Best regards from Sweden, with much love! 💝💖💝🙏💯🙏💝💖💝
I was attacked on several occasions each time after pointing my Narcs cheating.At one stage and the last attack by her I landed up in jail for defending myself.😢
This happens a lot. I'm sorry. 😥
Sorry to hear that, yeah they are dangerous!
If thinking you may leave after acting cold ansd seeing you start pulling away ,asks if you are all in like they are. Says he has shown he is all in by putting up with the other times you left and went wayward. Leaving was hoping to get over them or hoping they see how the relationship could be. Recently heard him lie to his son that he could use a vehicle for a week because I said I need it back that soon. He also said that he told me "boo hoo" Wow ! Wow! Wow! The actual conversation was me saying yes of couse, they need to use it or they can even use my car (that I'm kind of protective of.) We had all just finished helping brand and work his cattle. I cooked the night before and morning of for everyone and have tried so hard to show them all I would do anything to be family. Now just wondering whyyyy he would sabotage everything and whyyyyyy I'm back doing it all again with less resources to leave again. I knew it was off and I ran back with the lovebombing. My bad !!!!
When I underwent narcissistic abuse, I felt as though I entered a magical land. And I saw my abuser as a black magician, who he is not.
💯! He said over & over “why are u with me? Why don’t u leave me if I’m so terrible?” And then declared he wants a divorce because WE are not good at being married
You can understand what exactly we go through, like why we stay in that relationship. Instead of they doing continously torture to us, they all if you have problem why don't you leave then.
I have used phrase Nr.1 myself. Because being disposed to narcissists long term devaluation, non-acceptance which comes out as overly critics (not good intention but evil intention as we know), my capacity and wilingness to face overly critical people is short. Simply saying - i'm just fed up of itr Switch to the positive is very important for us and we dont want back from where we are coming from.
I mean - I CAN take some, but if I feel its a kind of person, who do not know how to say supportive things but is overy critical, I say this phrase.
so obviously such my strict (possibly overboard) reaction is a result of having been raised by a narcissist parent. ?
although.. i think that anyway support, approval/critics should be at least 7/1. If its not, that person is not wise psichologicaly and should not be contacted. I am intended to be supportive myself. Its characteristic for me so I see it as normal..
I am a daughter of the Covert narcissist mother.
I dated a guy for 5 months , ended 2 months ago, where I felt he was studying me (felt like specimen being poked around at times) and trying to push buttons purposely at times just to see how I reacted, but I was trying to do that unconditional acceptance for who he is, eventually my emotions got the best of me and I confronted him and he got offended/defensive, didn't want to talk, walked away and haven't heard from him.
When mine threatened to unalive himself, I told him to for it. .just not in my bedroom as I ĥad enough to do!
The exact scenario played itself out in our house this last week. So I left. I refused him sex the last couple of months because I felt completely dissociated from him. I felt used. I just could not do it anymore. So he went out and got himself a (married) girlfriend justifying it with the fact that I could not fulfill his needs. Always threatening break up but at the same time refusing to fix the problems whilst still demanding sexual relations. Finally and thankfully the emotionally battered me plucked up enough courage and left.
Absolutely. If I had known then what I know now - he would have had no chance!
Trying to escape Narcissist Partner. He continuously projected his insecurities and feeling worthless on to but thankfully I recognized what he was doing. Attempting No Contact but he always finds a way to slither in…. But this time No. Thanks so much for your video. I need to Stay Strong😀
Every single word is 100% true and I experienced it for past 20 years.
So true.....I feel as a fool....I used to say sorry for what the 👿 did....but point finger at me....god....such horror.....I feel ashamed that I even know that 👿....
Also pertains to work situations. What's hilarious is, the person trying to pull this is a freaking analyst.
It's become a game, but in some ways it's unfair because he's so lacking in both intelligence and self-awareness.
"He's an analyst" -- this is called 'grandiosity' (over-inflated perception of their own traits, talents, and abilities).
And it's even more sick and disgusting when it is just random people doing it now. The study and analyze their victims and then play disturbing mind games on the victims until they get the desired reaction from them. They are delusional insane evil. Always trust your gut and it really does pay off
I would rather heal than allow the continued abuse and manipulation. Thank you.
“Where do you get your confidence?” Meaning I shouldn’t have any or I’m happy about something that doesn’t involve them- so don’t be!
You are absolutely right in everything you explained....🙏...
When you confront them with truth, they quickly say they are tired with the union and that they are moving out, which 8n the real sense they won't.
Boy oh boy! Nailed it!
Everyone thinks i lied about being abused because i went back to him x1000
Its hard to explain that i loved him when he treated me so bad
You know.... these videos have shown me the very things that made me believe they aren't narcissistic are the very things that are in the narcissistic play book under back to the basics.
He didn't hold a razor blade to his neck bc he cared so deeply about me. Mom didn't "trust me" to keep my brothers safe and the house clean. I bought into the twist they put on the negative actions bc idk how to handle the other side of the coin.
They didn't hate me, they didn't love me.... they were completely indifferent of ME. It was a position in their lives. That's why I feel like a npc... because they "hacked my programming" actually, no. The taught me to reset my wires to reprogram myself.
One cannot hold value in the praise of someone they know is typically hurtling nonsense bs without buying into the bs... it's mad cow disease!!!
Well shoot guys I'll have to change our my feed bag. Luckily, it should be much easier with these opposable thumbs 🎉
I should have been unfaithful to you. My problem is that of being true and faithful to you. Finally only to be distrusted like this . Now I will break loose of all this - another beautiful phrase used by them to kindle that fear in you
The narc used triangulation very effectively as a principal (but not the only) tool of control over me.
My ex deceased husband threatened me to commit suicide if I left him; he didn't and I was so demolished I didn't care (I didn't believe him either; he was too proud of himself but don't ask me what he was proud of...I can't figure it out.
Decades later, I found by chance his couple found him dead with a needle hanging out of his arm.
I was shocked, he wasn't into it but I figured out it was a case of overdose by the purity of the drug itself. No one like him would have ever do it on purpose; it didn't fit with his profile.
I feel sorry for his couple, the one who found him. I'm sure it wasn't an experience no one would like to live and I hope she's doing better, without trauma and better company than he was but, who knows; she might still trauma bonded since he was a really "nice guy".😮
This makes me feel sad for all the people who genuinely took a narcs comments and tried to defend themselves, explained themselves, cried because of the confusion, finally thinking the narc could be true and blamed themselves, reduced their expectations in the relationship, had none to share their feelings, none to vent their pain or emotions, none to share their loneliness, taking too much house kids responsibilities, wondering how to make the relationship work ,even accepting just how it has turned to just platonic one. WHY SHOULD THAT PERSONALITY EXIST AT ALL? THEY CANNOT CHANGE WHATSOEVER. So, what can the victim change? Just beware this is not the victims fault and just try to safely ride the narcs tide hoping they will be alive until the narc dies?
My ex narcissist and I share a vehicle that he pays for and the insurance but because he know that I have kids and a daughter with him, he uses the car against me by saying if he can’t come back then he’ll stop paying on the car and insurance when he knows we had so many bills that I pay myself and he knows that I can’t afford the car note or insurance but he left me with the car so I can get around with the kids…. 😢😢😢 he threatens me all the time and hangs the car situation over my head…. I feel like I’m stuck with him at this point because the car is in both of our name……. 🤦🏾♀️🤷🏽♀️ he gaslights and manipulate and lie to me all the time….. I truly feel like he never loved me only what I could do for him….
OK what’s today’s out to me is when he said, you serve the narcissist. That’s interesting. My sister told me that she has a job she works. She says she is the steward of the family. I looked that up. The steward of the family directs the servants. Break that word down SERVEnts. they serve her. She said everyone in my family works. Her husband could be retired but he chooses to work. And even when it comes to cooking, she says her boys do all the cooking now because she’s older and doesn’t have the patience anymore. She got real religious and God’s word is final. It’s authority. She uses that on me. Quoting scriptures. I objected. And she said I am only trying to help you. And I thought what BS. I don’t need her help. I’m the older sister and I was going to church long before she was. she manipulates her family with all these biblical teachings. But she won’t do that to me. she thinks that she is more than God. So you’re actually serving her and not God.
Yup I was treated like a prostitute but knew him since I was 12. He came back when I was 30.
I finally snapped and spray painted his ute with the words he was using with me. He had so many flying monkeys they all sided with him. He called the Police made out I was crazy and I got charged.
Unbelievable the people who stand by and support the abuse. Yes, they study you. They use your words. They try be like you. It's so obvious.
Finally free but with scars. 🙂
Yes, he starts threatening me when he knows he can't control me anymore.
I have been emotionally manipulated my whole life. And especially my family and parents and everybody else I know. I always have a lot of anger because of this and I have a lot of depression. I would never have any depression or anger if it wasn't for these people