Marriage with a Narcissist is a Trap (How to escape it)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 31 ก.ค. 2024
- Link to my best resources:
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
chapters
00:00 introduction
02:48 Men are also victim of narcissism
04:35 Reason why narcissist marries you
05:54 Why you keep going back to them
08:09 They leave with taking everything you have
10:30 narcissist voice keeps talking to you
Link to my best resources:
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
This is spot on.
I have seen this in 3 separate marriages And I just missed getting cought up in one took me a longtime to learn lucky me she is dead now .............................
Yes , spot on, my father went from my narc mom, to another narc (still is today) when i was 5-6 y/o. I did cut relations in 2020, i had enough of her, also they were going to get married and I don't even know if it happened. You are describing my narc step mom, my father does everything for her, and is treated like a dog. If only he would find out he deserves better, but he's been with her for 25+ years.
@@harshithav7552 take the warning
@narcabusecoach Bhai I have a narcissistic Husband. And i totally agree with you. In Hinduism we believe that when you marry someone you share karmas with each other, karmas not only from that person present life but past, also family karmas. So here if the person has family history of narcissist then their karmas come to you. So you have to face those karma too.
I am into spirituality and I am sure you will understand what I am saying. Some Narcissist are energy vampires too, they unknowingly start to understand which person has positive vibes. And they will be so nice to you so they can attract you in their life. And suck all that is positive in you including your energies and live on them. May be the Narcissist will take everything you have and then leave you. But Narcissist who is a energy vampire will never let you go. Because even if they have sucked all the materialistic things from you they still feed on your positive energy. And this keeps you empty as you said empty shell. This you can be seen if you observe symptoms, you are always having health issues.
Love and Light to You ❤️
Keep up the good work God bless.
First sign of a narcassist husband is, he won't give you (his wife) a single penny. Make her and her kids beg for life essential necessities.
Yep, my daughter need socks, necessities, my clothes are either ripped or don't fit, and the money goes all into his bussiness but we are neglected it's very embarrassing
I disagree, my husband allows me to spend anything I want, but I get starved of what really matters, any of his time or attention, anything that is important to me he ruins, he has driven my son away and isolated me from any friends or family that he has no control or influence over…but he gives his money freely
@@michellesimmons3150 They're all different
@@michellesimmons3150 yes their all different and vary in different ways, is he well off? Possibly that's why.. There are alot of women like u aswell that I know of, the women feels so lonely in her marriage and the man will continue to say things like I provide for you u should appreciate me. They don't understand that u also need their time
. Not just their money..
@@michellesimmons3150You don't have to disagree. No 2 people are exactly alike, not even narcissists, but every spouse gets punished for their existance in one way or another, usually many different ways.
You can do no wrong when dating a narcissist. After you marry them, you can do no right.
100% correct
100%!
This was me !! Omg… now she says “ YOU are not the man that I married”, “ what happened to you”?
Ugh
@@stevenkovler5133 Sorry, bro.
@@stevenkovler5133you are 100% right.
Marriage with a narcissist is a nightmare, a disaster, huge pain and unhapiness... Noone deserves that.... God protekt us🙏🙏🙏
Actually, being with a narc in any capacity or relationship is a nightmare, especially if one's parent(s) is/are narcs.
Being married to the narcissist is a nightmare!! The beginning is blissful and always about you and your happiness and they go above and beyond to make sure that everything you expect and want in a marriage and settling down having children, the white picket fence, etc. They are the only one who will ever give everything you wish for and some!? Afterwords you start to see and experience things are not what they promised and portrayed. Little by little the years start to become unsettling and the narcissist mask starts to slip but you are making excuses for their actions, not having you being their number one priority and them going above and beyond to helping you achieve or have the love they portrayed from the beginning!! The years become a decade and you have children with them and you are also holding down a full time job, taking care of your kids, chores, cooking, running your kids to school events, after school activities, whatever it may be!! You become the Mom/ Dad and have to hold everything together as well as do everything alone with no help from the Narc. You tend to Narc’s needs as well but never get anything in return and he forgets about you, any needs and doesn’t care about you, anniversaries, birthdays, alone time with the Narc or take you out. Only to his events ( when they arise.) to his family and flying monkeys events that you start to become distant from others as they treat you disrespected and alone. The alone time becomes Narc’s time to what matters most to him ( his family, flying monkeys) and nothing else!! Years become decades and your self worth, health, all are going downhill and you make excuses trying to do and find the love and life before being married to him!! Never happens and you are willing to keep trying to make excuses, things better, etc. Later comes the devaluation and keeps on throughout the years and now you find yourself without family and friends because you are hiding your relationship from everyone pretending everything is fine better than fine because you hear about their relationships , family and their marriages and what they are doing, going or all the vacations together, whatever it may be.
It hurts and your wondering why we cannot have or spend time doing the same things or anything!? The abuse starts in from the beginning of marriage little by little and through the decades of mental abuse, psychological abuse, emotional abuse and becomes physical. You hide it from everyone and yourself!!!!!!! As time goes by the Narcissist not only is abusing you he financially ruined you and stole all your money’s, assets and the list goes on ! When you have beyond proof ( as his lies always catch up ) you want answers and feel like, We Can Fix It and Make It Work Again!? NOT You are now Discarded by Narc. Not told one thing and they Shun you!? WTH !? Who and what is this person???
Now that your kids are adults themselves, the Narc/ Father tries to become their best friend, The Father of The Year and brainwashes them by blaming everything on you!! Supposedly I never did anything or contributed financially, and I walked out of our marriage and I’m at fault for everything!! Everything we hide from the abuse being married to the Narcissist is humiliating and hurtful and it will come out at the end of the divorce!? But we hide all because we are in denial and wanting it to work! We have nothing or no one but the love of our kids that the narcissist is brainwashing them and controlling them to his sickness and lies!!
The narcissist is only out to take and destroy an innocent person who will go above and beyond in hopes.. I still cannot understand how I got so manipulated in his sickness and making me out to be the monster that he is!!!!
The fight for my freedom and our kids is something I wouldn’t want anyone to ever experience or live with.
There is so so much more that the Narc/ husband has/ is doing to me that I cannot even write about. 😢
Sorry for the long reply
God help us all married or not married ever being involved and experiencing the torture and abuse that they install on us 🙏🏼
🫂
Yes ., you are right
😢
It’s exactly like chaining yourself to a psychopath. Hindsight is 20/20
psychopath is the correct term they want to control and rule you and flip have bipolar.
So True 👍 Efrat.
Hahaha lol 😆 🤣 😂 without knowing at the time. Then afterwards you go daam WTF why me 😅
Exactly that
💯 exactly
Some narcissists are 'generous' and will spend their money on you. But it is a way of controlling you and they expect you to show daily gratitude. 🙄
Yep, my husband to a T, throws money at me and my kids as if that makes up for his lack of everything else in our lives….he treats us like utter shit when his ego gets bruised which seems to be weekly occurrence
True💯
Yes, mine was very generous, a big spender, but it was to impress others.
Very very true....
@@anneofgreengables1619 Yep
Yes, the abuse lasts for a life-time, especially if children are involved.
Don’t you dare give him the victory.
@@ReRe_642.
True. Don't let him win
Yes that's right I cannot left my 3 children behind what should I do I'm emotionally physically and financially abused
B.S. I won't let him have any more of me.
@pearloftheorient8336 I am with you in this my dear.... it is a big mess
Promise a dream but give you your worst nightmares and waste your life
You described my so-called marriage perfectly. It took me years to discover I married someone that doesn't exist and I have become to loathe and despise the real person he is.
Same here .....
Me, too. 😢
@@nabally2611
Amen!! 🙏🏾🤞🏾😁
Same here 😢
Me tooo my husband emotional abuses me
Protect yourself ....love yourself ....and dont waste your precious life waiting for a change in the evil behaviour of a Narc ....go no contact
Yeah… when they say they still wanna be friends 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️💨
I agree!!
Being with a Narcissist also makes you physically sick. Everything seems like it starts to break down.
💯
This is true!!
Because it actually does 😟😣. Beware and safeguard your health physical and mental. If you have not already left the narc- for your own health and to be able to live sustainably- escape and run far away. 🙏. No money or material possessions in this world will ever be enough to compensate what you will lose remaining in that toxic relationship slowly getting more poisoned every day.
Feeling like you can't breathe, holding your breath 🫁
All my life I wanted someone to love me to feel what it was like to be loved but I guess that never happened 😢
Narcissists are like Vampires! A narcissist is a vampire!
Vampires... You're right. In the bed, it's like acting in a horror film 😖
Soul sucking
💯💯💯
Some type of demon for sure
@@Nicegirljenn 🎯🎯🎯
The adage, “The way a man treats his mother is how he will treat his wife,” does not apply to the narcissistic mother/narcissistic son duo. He fears her as a greater predator and tends to walk on eggshells around her. He will treat his wife worse.
Marriage is a trap because the abuse is insidious, cumulative and becomes normalized. The narcissist quit working and left me as the breadwinner. Once at work when I was told the checks were not ready, I said, “My husband will be mad at me.” The boss said, “It is not my fault that you have problems in your marriage.” I thought, “Problems in my marriage? I don’t have problems in my marriage.” But I did.
I ignored the red flags of infidelity thinking that I could not survive on my own. With a serial cheater, those flags never stop waving. I broke the trauma bond when I realized that I had no choice but to make my own way in the world if I wanted to survive.
You are RIGHT. He is good as gold to his mother. Perhaps the mother taught this boy( my husband) that is.OK to treat woman wickedly. OR the mother was treated by her husband badly. Either way YOU ARE 💯 %
Glad you got out and are sharing your stories with others! Don’t let anyone stop you from sharing your story!
You 💯 %right mine has a narcissist father the way he treats his mother that's the way he treated me I'm stuck need a solid advised what to do
My ex had a narssistic mother. She and he treated me like they were in charge of me. First I thought it was her who was in charge till we emigrated to an other country. Than I found out it was him too. I was on my own, with our children, and felt so lonely in this marriage. But I also could see and feel what he was doing to me and the children. I told him that I thought he didn't like woman and he didn't like children and maybe also not himself. Bit by bit I unraveled what he did to me and he was totally not happy with me. When he found a new girlfriend he asked for a divorce. He made the divorce so complicated for me. I found out he had for years and years a hidden agenda, hidden bank accounts a lot of things he had hidden for me.
He had a life next to the life we had "together". He had asked his new wife to marry him when she had a depression and stopped working. So she also became dependant on him. Now she is probably controlled by him.
(Narssistic people can smile with their mouth but, not with their eyes/heart. They are dead and cruel inside.)
@@trishf2184❤
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
No financial abuse is what keeps you from leaving.
My situation, lack of money, ❤
They love to be in control of the money or try to take it from you.
Go to a church or abuse center. If you are abused, leave it all behind and start over if necessary. This works better for woman.
Seek help and know you are not in your own.
They LOOOOOOVE to keep you head hostage through finances. What a POS!! 💩💩💩💩☠️💩☠️💩☠️💩☠️
My narcissistic took everything from left me with nothing. Bills behind barely able to feed my children. But I'm going to take it as a challenge. I will cut the narcissist and go get it. I'm a go-getter there is more from where that came from. One pony don't stop a show. This narcissist made me go harder. And I already go hard before I go home. That's me!!!
The narcissist husband used to say to everyone that he bought me . I laughed. But then came to realise. He was serious.
Xactly...
It's like you are describing mine
My husband also thinks like that like I am his trophy or reward that he won and deserve, only realising it to late l am so unhappy in my marriage no way out.....
Marriage to a narcissist DESTROYED my life. They put you down slowly over time and then follow it up by doing very small things to show you they “love” you, things that overtime you begin to see are breadcrumbs, like getting flowers after 5 years…but after so much passive aggressive behavior for years, those flowers are like your world while deep deep down inside the expectation that this small kindness will be paid for in cruel ways….and every time you try to run, they scare you into thinking you will be poor or unwanted without them…but you are so torn up by this point it’s like you are barely holding onto your sanity. It is the most cruelest pain a person can endure
This is soo true!!!
I think my dear Mum had gone through this. After 62 years of frequent abuse, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Her own Mum (my dear Nan), was 3 months shy of her 100th when she passed. My Nan had married a violent abuser but got away early on. Her 2nd husband was wonderful and he passed about a decade before her. She lived with Mum and Dad from about 92 years old (kept my father in check), but after my father forced my mother to abandon her mother at the cheapest nursing home 6 years later. My father told my mother after they moved into their new home which had plenty of room, either she (my Mum), comes alone or not at all (or similar). My Nan had to live with my brother who was a smoker and heavy drinker. and his young kids in his small house for a while until she ended up having a fall - because it was not designed for an elderly person in mind- and became bedridden. I was living overseas during all this and none of my siblings told me WTH was going on. I certainly would’ve made it clear my father’s callous disgusting behavior would be called out very loud and very clear and would never have allowed my Nan to be out in such a position. I was lied to. Mum told me this 3 weeks before she died and how she regretted it and was traumatized abandoning her own mother being forced to by my father. Mum Was given 3 to 6 months, was dead in 10 weeks with never really having her pain controlled until her last 2 weeks in hospital away from the dementor that was sucking out her life force at the same time verbally shoving 💩 down her throat as often as possible. Some things I will never unsee and they will be a constant reminder as to why I need to remain in no contact. This dementor has never been held accountable for his violence, cruelty, physical and verbal abuse and domestic violence and child abuse committed against my mother and 4 of us 5 kids. The golden child was only ever smacked once. Maybe karma will pay a visit as I believe what goes around comes around.
Their voices are in your brain for long times
I was married twice, both times to narcissists, and experienced "the trap" for 12 years with the first, 18 with the second. To describe those years as "a nightmare" would be generous. Another worthwhile video, Danish Bashir! Thank you.
I was married to a narcissist 436 miserable years he grabbed those
After divorce from my mean cheating narcissist ex husband I never married again that was nearly 25 years ago!😅
@@strawberrygirlvideos my ex narc of 36 years after he was horrific divorcing me to chase after some other young skirt he actually said to me I will never remarry because I'm going to get your Social Security to what a fucking bastard
Do you have any tips not to fall for the trap again since it happened to you twice.. U never know until later on.. It's so scary
I'm stuck now for 9 yrs
The first didn't create caution before the second?
Sometimes we don't just grow up seeing a narcissist couple, because that couple is in fact our parents. A different type of pain.
🎯🎯🎯
❤exactly
Lucky that I got divorced within 3 years of marriage to the narcissist
Any child?
On the way to our honeymoon I comment “This will be so romantic!”My husband told me that “romance is what you do to trap a woman” …. I thought he was joking; he was not.
☹️ I’m sorry this happened to you.
The word 'trap' here sounds and looks very predatory.
I think I would run away and divorce after hearing such a horriffic comment on own honeymoon
Then you reply “annulment sounds like a great idea”
I am so sorry 😢😢
I know right, its the things they say outright that are incredulous you take them as a joke!
Minr said to me - I hope you are prepared to have these kids that you want alone. On our wedding I was 7 months pregnant, feet were sore afterwards, he refused to rub when i asked for help coz they hurt from all the walking. Would complain about me inconveniencing him by having to puke so often (had hyperemesis).
They suck the life out you. I am rebuilding now
I felt like I was trapped & I felt like I was treated like I was a thing, not a living breathing being. 😮
Same 😢
For a Narc, we truly become an object!!
@@amritasuresh8158 Yes, that is so true. 😢
Although I was 16 and the narcissist was 17 years old… you hit the nail on the head for me! Working full time, all the cooking, all the cleaning, I was never good enough, 3 kids, 5 horses, 2 dogs with litters 2/4/11 puppies, 1 large bird. I even went to college at night to be a nurse and he said: why do you want to do that? To wipe people’s A$$? 😔 cheated on me and a used me of cheating on me to the point that he tried to have a man fired from his job! Divorced after 18 years, took all the liquid assets (tripled the $), was paying child support directly (my attorney sucked!) stopped paying, took out youngest daughter so he apuntar have to pay me child support (I kept middle one); harassed me for 4 years until I signed my half of the house to him! Left me in the street with our 3 daughters. It’s been 14 years or growing, learning, freeing myself and I’m still unable to forgive him. I pray my daughters don’t go through what I went through. Thank you Danish for making me feel validated from the abuse I endured and that I am not alone.
Dearest Iris, maybe you already know this, forgiving just means letting go of the past and stop wishing it had been different/better. Your past helped shape the strong woman you are today. You are a wonderful mother and a caring human being. Forgiving won't change your past, but it will set you free. Hand this man to God, He will take care of everything. Hope you're doing well! ❤
Forgive, but don't forget, that's your "boundary".
But do it in your own time, it's a healing process, not a quick fix.
God bless you 🙏🏼
Thank you for being so strong 💪 you are a credit to our race, you took lemons and made lemonade, you are to be commented, he tried to ruin you but nay! Blessings and congrats 👏!
Dont have to forgive that shit
You have time. Forgiveness is not for him, he doesn't care unless he can squeeze money out of it. Forgiveness is for you, to help cut the ties that bind.
God takes care of the business of revenge.
Ive been married to a covert Narcissist for 12 years,i didn't realize hes a monster until his brutal discard in May, he left absolutely when i thought we were doing better than ever, he filed for divorce June 1st,hes been shacked up with the secretary from his work ever since. He left back in May with an overnight bag. Hes dragging out this divorce and his hellish ways have worsened. He showed up at our home, 3 months later with a 20 foot Uhaul, he was trying to take everything without the divorce settlement. The people are malicious, vile,vindictive cheaters. Run before you collapse like i feel like im doing
Get back up and fight back, he's taken enough off you, I'm hurting too but we have to be strong and fight back or they will carry on hurting us ❤
Oh my..I'm sending you 🫂 😢..
@@hannahhughes4801 I fought back Saturday & Sunday as he showed up Sunday morning at 8 am to take more stuff.
Hang in there, at least you now know who he is.
So sorry! I changed the locks!!!
For the children, this is WHY most female victims are staying !
Yes, it" s a horrible trap , you describe it very accuretly. Unfortunatly, you are very alone in it, you can rarely count on the help and advice from others. The society and even close relatives try to convince you to stay in the marriage, almost every time. Sometimes it is more convenient for them, too. A friend that is so informed and has the courage to advice you otherwise is very rare , if not impossible to find. Maybe after you leave, some of them will tell you that you did good, but not in advance, they do not want the responsability.Some will be or pretend to be genuinly shocked.
So, you have to find a great amount of power in yourself, be very educated and..take action.
In my case, I don't think I would have succeded without the support of my son, God bless him, he is 18 now and we separated from his father a year and a half ago. It was hard, getting better.
Thank you for your content, Danish !
Very helpful.
Do you wish you've left earlier, I'm pregnant with my 5th child but had enough.. Married for 9yrs
@@n.n9035 Oh, God, I wish you all the strenght in the world !
Me, once I realized that someting is deeply wrong with him, not knowing exactly what back then, I refuzed to have any more children. I felt trapped for years. I thought it's ok to stay for the boy, to have a male figure in his life. The boy is asking me now why didn't I leave sooner. Bc I thought that, at least for the child, he will behave in a better, emphatic manner. But I was wrong. When children are small, the narcissist manage to be " good" somehow, bc the child is submissive. But when the child shows his own personality, has opinions and starts to have a life outside the home..boom, the narc starts to treat them as they treat you, badly, most times behind your back.
It' s sad and complicated when children are involved. If you have money and a family of origin to support you, maybe you can get out..or..with 5 kids, you stay untill they leave home and then decide only for yourself. This was my plan, too, untill last year, when the situation became unbearable. I was going to rush my son to move into his own house, I had money from my family.It woud not have been fair .
Once again, be strong and care for your health and your children and God bless you, He will show you a way !
But don't think for any second longer if he is physically abusive !
@@melacord7279 you see it's not as simple... He didn't allow me to prevent pregnancy, he stopped me from going to my doctor appointment. I'm stuck overseas with him and kids and he won't let them return to where were from... Also, he hasn't been physical for a few years now but of course I wouldn't put it past him.. I do someday plan to find a solution to live in this country without him... Also so the children don't grow up without a father but you are correct, they are not allowed to have their personality just like me, every aspect of life in controlled it's crazy... They do expect submission and have big self entitlement and we always feel we are his last priority especially when it comes to spending time and buying necessities
Stay STRONG 💪 you amazing parent! You shine ✨️
😊😊
Please make a video on how to get out of this deadly trap especially when you are married and have children with a narcissist. It seems we can't escape the trap set for us 😢
Find someone you can trust to talk to and help you make an escape plan. Even if you have to go to your doctor, find someone to help you with gaining mental clarity and an exit strategy. 🙏💖💕 I'm out of the marriage and just sold our home. The next step is court for division of assets. I'm praying this judge will read all the evidence in the affidavit 🙏 he was charged with assault last April and convicted in November. Document EVERYTHING.
@@MegaTruthseekerthe problem is most people that are supposed to help actually hinder and harm the situation. The only people that truly helped me are the survivors at the DV shelter I stayed at and 1 counselor there. The others involved created untold damage.
Yea I'm stuck cause my kids are stuck, he took us overseas for full control
That’s the problem. Finding someone you can trust. I have no one, they all side with him. I’m a hostage, but I’ve been working for years to have enough money put away to disappear for a couple years.
I understand 😪 I didn't really have anyone at the start either. My friends that were helping me gave my ex a place to stay after he was charged for assaulted our daughter. Don't give up 🙏💖💕 in my circumstances, I became very faithful to God and my intuition 🙏 ✨️ I pray we will all go on to live our best lives. 🙏💖💕
Great summary. Mirrors my scenario that I had to drag myself out of. She was an exemplary parasite and left me a shell until I kicked her out. Feeling like you don't exist in your own home that you pay everything for while someone else takes everything they can while criticizing you daily over nothing is an awful experience. Never again.
Unbelievable Parasites and so critical of everything you do.😏🚩🏃♀️
You described it perfectly. So grateful to be out! Divorce finalized last week. Tears of joy!
@@MaroonRose3216Congratulations! 🎊 🎉
@@nopereradicator thank you!!
I know this feeling!!
17 years…. I just realized that my husband is a narcissist. He doesn’t treat me bad, per se, but he did rush me to get married after knowing me for 2 weeks. Looking back, he fits the description in this video to a T. I feel like a married single mother raising an extra child.
When you're married to a narcissist, you feel so broken and hopeless. Nothing you do is enough. 😢
Not only is marriage a trap, so is shacking up with a narcissist a trap. Been with one for 3 hellous years and im ready to leave. Got hurt enough.
Any kind of encounter will hurt you at the end. The beginning is only a show (the sad thing is you don´t know...).
My narc ex pursued me hard the first year. When I moved in on the 2nd year. he just stop doing all the nice things and his focus is not much on me no more.
@@nakiflo In my case it lasted a bit longer (5 years)... But after that it got worse and worse.
@@IsabellaPiesch yes! You nailed it.
It is all for show! But there is no shows!
I had a revealing dream regarding this too. Now it all makes sense. They use the same scripts over and over again. I know! I was one of his any supplies. Totally being deceived.
@@nakiflo Sure the cycle starts over and over again. (I also saw this with my own eyes - that wasn´t pretty).
Before I realized my husband was a narcissist, I asked him why he married me. He said "it was time for him to settle down. ". Oh lucky me!
Shortly after we got married, he was obnoxious and verbally abusive to me in public. I told him I demand respect in public. He said "now that we're married, I don't have to respect you."
I look back to when we were dating and I see so many red flags, I have to assume I was brain dead. Of course, I was raised in narcissistic family and I'm scapegoat. Last 2 jobs, target for narcissistic boss with flying monkeys. Last job, manager put gang stalkers on me. But karma's now kicking his ass. He's looking for kidney donor and guess what? I'm a match. NO CAN DO!!
EVIL PEOPLE EVERYWHERE!
Hahahah..forgive and donate it and
Heaven's will reward you
@@antoinnetteattioto I'll give up that reward. I might need my kidney.
Believe it or not he was doing you a favor in a way while being obnoxious and verbally abusive to you in public because then he could not hide behind you while using you as a human shield to be instigating grooming and doing far worse.I have heard in domestic violence support groups some stories which were so hard for all of us present to hear that none of us could continue being in those groups after reaching safety for ourselves and for our children.
Mine said he felt obligated after I caught him cheating and asked the same question.
Having a lovely evening with friends and when the food comes out he said 'she won't be eating as she needs to lose weight'. So humiliating as I was so slim and going to the gym to keep the weight off just to 'please him'.
😮😯😲😳🥺
Too much really!!!
Every emotional person should watch this...
to chose right partner...and dump nasty and ugly narcissist
The parasite metaphor is spot on. There is definitely something to this that corresponds to the natural world. They approach like a lovely handsome sparkly fish, then wham! Hooks in, sucking out your soul. Thank you again Danish. 💗
Well woman 👩. Lord have mercy 🥺 🙏
@greener9115 Thank you, they're long gone!
😂😢
My wife once told me that she liked me because I reminded her of her dad. I took this as a complement. It wasn't. She recognized the codependency in me. She treated me exactly like her mother treated her father. It's sick. Always observe the relationship of a persons parents. Apples never fall far from the tree.
This is true!!
As a Freudian slip I told my ex that I see my father in him without to register which parts of my father I've seen... My brain worked overtime for almost a week until it came to me that he was just like my father, an emotionally unavailable man that hid himself behind work and extra marital relationships... I told him I'm done one week later
Well, I'll never need to explain where my marriage went wrong, I can just refer people to this video. Exactly the template he used.
Yes. It's pure unadulterated torture! feeling stuck and isolated while in pain: nothing is worse. Think of the image in the painting "The Scream" by Edvard Munch. Ur narc marriage will be a life sentence if you don't wake up, gather all ur strength, and make ur move to get out as stealthily as you can.
This is true!!!
That picture is actually extremely accurate to the horror that one is exposed to.
When demon comes in form of a sage, its always hard to recognise. Not because you are fool but because of your core. You will see the world as you are.
My heart is racing and I can’t swallow, you have just summarized my 10 yr marriage. Thank you Danish for your service 🙏🏽
I know this feeling!!!
We started dating in June this year, felt like we both wanted commitment and to ultimately get married.
We broke up last week because his mask fell off..
Crazy thing is that he used to tell me that he wants us to have a child, can u imagine what would've happened had I fallen pregnant so early in the relationship😭😭(a trap)
If it wasn't for your teachings I would think that I could help him become what I want but I know narcs don't change.
Well done.
@@ayselkimroannekavraz3116 thank you
Yes, the child would be a chain on your ankle to his service.
Be careful now to put as much distance between you and him. Hope he finds someone else who deserves him.
👏🙏❤
@@lizh1988 thank you, I plan to do so, I'm still ignoring his calls.
Do not except their friendship!
This is so true. It feels like you are describing my marriage. I am so much better off separated and healing.
I know this feeling!!
😮
Thank you Danish, I was totally blindsided and you are correct in stating the marriage with a narc is a scam! it absolutely is. I felt betrayed after 25 years of being super mom and wife only to be degraded and disrespected by what my ex turned out to be- a total monster ! i feel sry for his new wife who he married just after a year from our divorce. she’s from a foreign country and I can only imagine what her life will be like. she’s 20 years his junior and also has a teenage son whom all live together now. I have no regrets but feel betrayed through what I thought was love after 4 children and 25 years of my sacrifice only to be discarded and kicked to the curb. thank God I’m stronger now 🙏🏼❤️
I know this feeling!!! Thank God you are free now!!
Every word you said is true. I knew nothing about narcissists,. He died 35 years ago and on understanding what really happened to me I feel battle scared and angry at myself for not knowing or seeing what was happening. I'm going on for 80 yrs now but grateful to people like you for shining a light on this cruel behaviour.
Thank you ma'am, for posting this!! It actually helps and validates others on this path...
@@amritasuresh8158agreed!! We learn MUCH from our elder’s! I actually value those comments the most! 😊
I filed for divorce after being married 13 yrs. Every single thing said is absolutely ON POINT🎯🎯🎯 You stated it all PERFECTLY word for word my experience from beginning to end
Don't forget, not only inside of the home, but also the outside work and any home repairs also becomes your responsibility while they run the roads or sit on their ass when they do stay home. > with a CONSTANT ailment of some sort
Amen sister!! Well said. We work our butts off while they sit on theirs likely on their phones. I fixed our drippy big garden tub in our master bath today. It was a true bear. From running downstairs in basement multiple times to shut off the water, to tinkering with it, to turning back on the water to find it was still a constant fast run not even a drip. Cant leave it like that, wasting tons of water. Back to the drawing board. UGH. Ran and bought new parts: washers, a new spigot stem, finally fixed it and took awhile. After I was done, I said outloud to myself " I would have had to listen to at least 7 cuss words and slamming stuff had HE fixed it." Well it's done and he left in Febuary so I am good. Don't need him or his fits. The "ailment" comment cracked me up. They are always tired or just not feeling well. If I stopped like that nothing would get done around here just saying. God Bless you. You aren't the only one rowing your boat in the lake. I am right beside you waving to you.
Getting divorced from a narcissist take time to heal you go through many stages but at the end you find yourself again and be determined never to let is happen again sometimes life lessons are hard to deal with but it make us who we are and we can help others before they make the same mistake
This has been my relationship with my husband. I didn't know what it was and started researching his behavior. Every day has been very challenging. I haven't felt like myself. I have been so stressed and overwhelmed. It has gotten to the point where we don't say anything to one another unless we have to. I'm in therapy and that's been helping. Planning an exit. We've been married for a year and I will not go a lifetime with this trauma.
@amina0816 grey rock method saved me. This video is helpful. Also The Little Shaman channel. The love bombing you were enticed by will never be repeated. Be aware of whether you have a trauma bond with your pathologically narcissistic partner. Is the relationship dynamic reflective of your childhood? All questions for you to see your own vulnerabilities. Be strong. Believe in yourself.
Don't think. Just leave. NOW
Yes freedom is priceless!!
Yes GET OUT!!!!
@@Nicegirljenn Left last month 🤗
Narcissists just be having their partner there or nothing.. its like a trophy collecting dust
This is exactly my marriage. It is earlier today that I decided I was ending this marriage and like God is talking to me I landed on your video for the first time ever. Thank you. I am moving on.
Good for you get out I was lucky just missed out getting cought up with one being married 59 years now
I know this feeling!!
Good, me too.
So so right!
I was full time maid to his entire family(6 of them)+ 2 of my kids, I was paying rent, I was buying groceries, I was buying vegetables and anything needed, I had to take kids out to park, I had take complete care of kids, I had to pay kids school fee. He made sure he took more than what he gave if he had given some money to buy a dress on my birthday. He told kids I'm worst mother. He loved kids so much that they hated me for correcting them. I always felt if I had done this last job right he would have loved me. He took loans and made me pay it many times. And lot more to say...
Sorry for your situation, if we want to make a list of how much they've put us through, it will definitely be endless.
He should be very grateful for a blessing like you, taking care of his own children. May I ask where their mother is? Sad, the narc seem not to appreciate as much as you do for them! Mine also be Littles me in front of my children but I can't even correct his mistakes or tell him to stop being harsh with the kids.. For him it's disrespectful.. Can't wait to leave one day soon.. Life is too short to be on eggshells.. Even I have no hobbies I don't know who I am anymore, he tells me to work for him as a hobby.. It's all about control.. Crazy..
I was in your situation , I woke up stopped paying all the bills, told him to pay them all or get out! He paying all the bills! I turned the tables! He has to give me his money he has to give me access to his account, he has to walk on egg shells with me! He abused me mentally and emotionally , I stood up to that demon! I am in charge now! He got no power over me! I do what I want when I want and how I want, if I feel that he trying something I pull him right back down to the insignificant disgusting demon that it is! I don't care about him he's an empty meat suit , I took all my love back , best thing I ever did , now I can see the decline of that demon he got no more fuel , he crumbling away , me and my children are happy , we ignore him he a shell in the corner ignored and wasting away
Us empaths have POWER!
No one does me like that and gets away with it!
@@goddessv7236 see that's good but if I do this, I'll get physically abused or divorced (which might be a blessing anyway), was there a gradual way u got him to change, how did u get your way
Omg!! That must have been tough!!!
Oh boy! I remember now!!!! Even the piano I had since I was a child he made me sell it! 😮😮😮😮😮 I had forgotten this one more abuse!
I will always love my husband. I have spent 32 years doing all of this. When my husband met me, I had a car, money from a house, stock. Now, I have nothing. He has two degrees, does not work. I am still working to keep things going, I work 50 hours per week with nothing to show for my hard work. Now, living in an apartment, no car and zero savings
Wow man, I’m sorry that happened to you.
I told someone I felt TRAPPED. You are so right . Now I am living apart . Still not out . Confused . Betrayed .
U r amazing .thank u.i was with narc for 25years.i left 5years ago.he was evil.he tryed to make me homeless and everything.emothional financial he controlled my life.finally I have peace.iam doing great.thank God.God helped me get out.thank u for what u r doing.you r helping me to understand.i didn't not know what narc was u til I left.
Yes i was trapped for 14 good years i was threatened every day my children called names what i buy was being sold again ,he shouted to me at middle of the night oh my God i escaped the trap
Started forcing their way into every situation... you keep resisting until you finally let them in and then they start to leech off of you. You could tell they aren't independent despite all their claims that they are... and it gets worse from there because now the fighting starts about why you can't do" such and such" for them.
What's the difference between a narcissist and a psychopath? Because both has facade, both lie, both manipulate.
A narcissist can be a psychopath or a sociopath.
Both are very similar but psychopaths are born that way and sociopaths become that way.
Narcissts need people like a parasite needs a host. A psychopath does not need people and have absolutely no remorse or shame.
Cluster B personality disorders are rarely individually diagnosed, they usually are combined. People label others narcissists when in actually they may be high on the narcissism scale but not actually have NPD
@@michellesimmons3150People high on the scale may not have NPD, but they still make your life a living hell, no matter what you call them.
This is true!!
All of this is true! My ex got engaged a month after our divorce, now the new wife is asking the old in-laws how to make the marriage happy. The devaluation has begun!
Hello Danish, best videos out there, you always nail it. Would you please make a video on marriage when both of them are covert narcissists and what it looks like. It would be interesting to hear your thoughts. Thank you.
In 1976 I wish as a 16 year old … I knew about red flags 🚩 😢 My then boyfriend exhibited so many. I got pregnant at 18 years old & married him. The night before Everything in my Being screamed don’t do it !!! 3 weeks after my 19th birthday… I gave birth to a Son ❤ I got home a week later after having a c-section. So exhausted & traumatized.. my husband had the audacity after 5 days home of demanding sex. Explained it wasn’t the time & out of nowhere I was pushed out of the bed & landed into a closet.
How truly you describe a narcissist husband.. everything is so right...word by word.
100%. Everything really ramped up after the birth of my kids. I felt like a hostage with the isolation and cycles of abuse. The kids were his pawns. I left (ran) when my kids were young. He worked on my son until I let him choose to live with his dad. It was a rough road for him. Heartbreaking. My daughter was a handful though and was full of herself like him. Loved drama. I tried everything with her without realizing it was a hopeless cause. She did so many things to hurt me. Now in her 30s and had a baby. I took off work and helped her recover. When I told her not to jerk me mentally anymore she cut me off saying she never loved me. Her dad (my ex) died a little over a year later. She always played him up, I believe mainly for money and he fed her ego. She once shocked me by saying she wouldn’t care if he died. I pushed it away because I knew she meant me too. She is exactly like her father. I do believe there is a DNA component to this. I cherished her and it about killed me to realize who she really is once I took off the blinders. I feel for her child and the man she’s conned. He’s like I was in my first marriage. They slowly break you down.
Her life is like a repeat of yours just she acts like your ex husband.
I think you hurt yourself along her in your life. I read your story and I cannot sleep thinking what you are putting yourself into all your life 😐
@@orianam9835 I wouldn’t have chosen this road. But I’ve learned to value myself and am fighting for myself daily. Everyone including strangers would have come first before. Long term sexual abuse by my father left me with no self esteem. My daughter used that to her advantage, even making up false stories about her dad and then laughing when she was caught because she didn’t know what to say because it didn’t happen. I don’t know if she’s living the same life as me but I don’t see how it could be a good or true life. Not when you use and abuse people. People around me didn’t understand because they thought I was talking about normal teenage behavior when she was younger. Meanwhile it was obvious she was different around 8 and got unbearable going forward. My son just shakes his head at his sister, says she’s a POS, and avoids her as much as possible. I remind myself daily I’m not missing out on anything but pain and gaslighting. I value my physical and brain health even more now because I thought I was having early dementia because of the lies, stress, and triangulation. Nobody is worth losing your mind over, not even your child.
I am sorry about what you went through. Thank you for sharing, your story is my fear: for shadow my future. My 2 teens are beginning to act like him, not liking me. I am doing my best to keep them from being like him.
However, so far I learned how to “detach” from a lot things. I think from the moment one of our daughter went home with God. I learned that I have to let go of everything and God is the only safe haven for me.
@@tonyale749 I wish I had words of advice to navigate this. It’s so difficult especially when you love deeply.
@@cindisowder2182 that will be tough, perhaps you can steer your love to someone else? Mine is God, I realized the love for God is the safest since he won’t betray me.
we got married 5 months after we’ve met I thought back then he’ll be the love of my life, soon after I’ve realized like you said my marriage is a scam, I am just an imaged he portrayed towards society I mean nothing to him in-spite of having shared 3 children now am trapped no way for divorce or get worse for me honestly he’s afraid of being abandoned and destroyed his imaged, as for me gearing myself to step out of this hell
Run!!! While you still can!! With Narcs it's a dead end!!
I always wondered why her and her father wanted to hurry up the marriage. At that time I felt a bit suspicious but now you opened my eyes.May God bless you abundantly for standing for truth and uncovering this horrible type of people and this deception!
Can you imagine this narcissist actually gave me a deadline to accept his marriage proposal? And he made it look as if I am going to lose a lot if ever I declined it. But this was only after we had known each other for less than 2 weeks. The pressure was really incomprehensible. And I was at the love bombing stage. I felt something was off but couldn't really figure that out. My instincts kept prompting me that there was fire on the mountain. He hadn't done anything wrong but I found no peace in my heart and life. And I could barely find someone to talk to. I just needed a confirmation to move in with him and thankfully to God, he only betrayed himself. That was when I began to uncover a lot and realized it was time to leave. It really wasn't worth it. And this was someone I was going to spend the rest of my entire life with. Just imagine! How on earth would I have figured this deceitful nature of his, all by myself??? I mean how???
God truly saved you!!!
I was 17 years old when I met her. I hadn't been "experienced" in a relationship and I thought that it was "normal". Now, my upbringing didn't help me out either. Disrespect, devaluation, humiliation, demeaning, and punishment on top of punishment were "normal" in my mind. I still felt it was wrong and I expressed that to her but I might as well have saved my breath. I would never allow it now but nor am I going to give anyone else the chance to do so. Celibate 8 years and I'm 50 years old now. I'm working on trying to bring my dream of being a songwriter to life. Something that she downplayed like everything else. Thank you, sir, and God bless you! ❤🙏
I know this feeling!!!
a marriage today with the modern-day woman is a very risky proposition as-is. as someone who's 49 and happily single, i certainly notice the outlandish sense of entitlement that younger females have today, as well as the delusional expectations they have for guys to have the privilege of their attention lol.
here's 12 traits of narcissistic women i've noticed around the way.
1. refuses to respect boundaries.
2. loves you to be in pain.
3. keeps you from family and friends.
4. talks about self mostly.
5. plays the victim.
6. blame shifts.
7. can’t take criticism.
8. no regards for your feelings, lacks empathy.
9. loving and hating you to control you.
10. materialistic - money and possessions.
11. believes is envied by others.
12. withholds sex to control and punish.
the modern-day females don't care about your struggles, they wait at the finish line, and they pick the winners.
guys, if you wanna get involved with a female, vet very carefully. and a woman should complement your life, not be the main focus.
cheers 🍻from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Indeed ....these entitled chicks are seemingly everywhere these days. Feminism and social media induced delusions no doubt in play.
Exactly the same applies to male narcissist's, I have been there and like you I'm happy to be single, I wouldn't risk it again.
@@ShoJ369 not quite...more often than not the divorce industry specifically benefits women.
Both women and men
@@killjoyredux8361 I can't speak for the divorce industry in my case I paid for everything, I made loans that were never paid back. It suited them not to work and blame everyone else. Though secretly making money but in different accounts and drove off into the sunset in a shiny new car. I was just glad to be free of him.
Its a trap! I ended up relocating to the other side of the world!! Fortunately I have escaped the narc
Unfortunately I'm on the other side of the world with him! So now me and children are trapped.
@@n.n9035 I feel for you. I get it. I’m still far, far from home on the other side of the world, isolated, but at least I’m not with the narc and I have custody of the children! My daughter dearly wants to move to Canada to get away, but we must wait until my son is 18 and not wanting to visit with his mom. He will learn in time, in his own time, and then we will all be set completely free.
Parasites are better, they don't belittle you at least.This totally describes me in the marriage with a narcissist.
They do not want you to meet their friends who could then make up their own mind about who and what you are.
I am so grateful for all your videos. You are spot on with every single word. It helped me so much to get out of the fog.
It Does Help! It definitely helps that someone else understands & you're not the only one having this issue. Thank you & God Bless!
You hit the nail on the head. I have been in a marriage for 43 years. He is a monster. At this moment I am tired. The beating, like he is posed. Thanks Danish.
Thank you for your wisdom, Danish!!! The way you summarized so many marriages out there was simply amazing! It creates a special comprehension that snaps missing puzzle pieces into place for us. Thank you for being a part of our healing journey and for the privilege to be a part of yours 😊🙏
I agree!!!
Danish Bashir, thanks for your educational experience and resources and support. GOD-BLESS.
It is really important that helps me a lot. After 40 yrs of suffering. God bless you for the valuable talk.
One Christmas my now ex gave me a cutting board, an apron and a bill keeper. that says it all.
@@user-el8nz4yu4t They are so selfish! one year I got a 6 pack of white crew socks for Christmas., he said he couldn't afford anything else. found out he spent $200.00 on people he worked with...
Your not alone, the ex used to buy me mops, brooms, dusters and when I asked him why he couldn't buy me flowers or sentimental gifts he would reply you have me don't you.
@@sanjmalik6282 In mind his twisted little mind. it doesn't any better than that,,,I can't even imagine thinking like that....
Years ago, I got a little bottle of roll-on glue for my birthday. I still can't figure out why???
@@jennelleschulzeck9426 How weird is that..
Thank you. I suffered a lot because I didn't know if people called nacisists. It happens to me for 33 yrs. But I finally got out.
Truth and knowledge always gives people freedom, but lack of knowledge enslaves everyone inside bad situations. 😢😢
Exactly my situation . Thank you for educating me by knowing what am I dealing with is a relief
This was a really good video.
Thank you for taking the time to share it with us.
My story is 21yrs of marraige and I agree with everything in the video but I am getting strong and will get back at him in the best way I can.Thank you!
Just wish I knew this in 2014. I would have ran fast and far but was grieving the loss of my 1st spouse who passed from cancer 2 years prior. The journey I had no idea I would go through.... HELL! 7 years later filed for divorce... Finalized in 2022.. 100k and counting just to get OUT and the court system didn't make it any better. Ugh I wish this on NO ONE!
Your insight is amazing!! You are right once again! Everything you described!
Please continue the good work your doing and never stop, there are many victims suffering in silence
I was deemed the narcissist and abuser in our marriage, took my children away from me yet insisted I needed to pay for their housing "because I needed to provide my kids a roof" even when I have managed to build a comfortable house for us
Oh my God, Danish, you are so accurate with this! The soon to be ex narc husband rushed to get married during the height of the pandemic. I couldn't understand what was the rush or why. I see it now, he wanted to control everything about me. And yes it is very much a damn parasite!
So true!!!! For these Narcs it's all about control!!!
Thank you for this vid, so so relatable, I'm separating soon, can't even breath in the same room anymore, but the toxic elements had been there since we got married, just did not know it would get this bad that I almost have nothing left, I was so trying to fix things, to no avail, so now I'm done and doing what I know is best for me, as the abuse broke me, but I won't just lay there I will use super glue to stick myself back together again, the love I felt for him I won't get that back it was stolen by him, my hapiness my joy and most importantly my sanity he had almost stripped from me, thank channels like yours and others iam able to pull myself up and move on, thank you this should be a firm awareness to the young folks thinking of ironically " tying the knot" make sure that knot is not with a narcist, they will ruin you, you left with the scars while they just move in on someone else that don't know who they really are. keep strong everyone💪 if there is a way to leave go don't look back, thank you this topic was very educational on marraiges
You always inspire me you give strength to diminish narcs
How can all the points mentioned by you can be relevant. Each and every point mentioned by you matches with the one I survived from. I am a survivor. It was too late but God saved me.I wish i had seen your video few years back. I wish nobody has to go through such a situation
Sir, you are spot on, I wish I had heard this before I got married and broke.
😢 so much resonating, Im coming out of this kind of marriage & building myself again. I will follow your advice to be compassionate with myself. Thank you so much for creating this video. I I feel this is God's intervention. ❤
I was so incredibly lucky and blessed to have become aware of who my new husband was, just 2 months into my marriage. It is because of channels and a community like this that I was able to leave him, 11 months after getting married. I am so grateful for everything I learned that helped me deal with this abuse and pain.
It took me 2 years after leaving him, that I understood and accepted that he never loved me, and that he didn't want to get married because he loved me. It took 3 years to break through the trauma bond, because of his SEVERE abuse, including domestic violence (he was even arrested) just because I had an opinion about something, and spoke about something I felt.
GOOD RIDDANCE! And thank God I became aware of who I was dealing with early.
Yes it's true I have suffered all these things in my life with a narcissistic husband's behavior but I am also proud of myself to overcome all and raised my children very well even though he used my children against me as a tool.
After 21 years of marriage, my husband starts this game
My mom did 75 years with my dad. She passed 15 months ago. I miss her so incredibly much, but I'm glad she's free now.
I so sorry that her freedom was death
🙏❤
You hit everything I’m going through right now in my marriage. Thanks for this video.
Thank you. It feels atleast somebody is there who is understanding you 100%. Because other common people do not understand why they would do these things to you. Because they are good with you in front of others.
Yes, it is terrible. I saw a woman marry a man in our neighborhood. She wanted to have children with him. They had a daughter first and then a son. She started her toxic behavior with the daughter by the time she was 2 1/2. She convinced her passive husband the daughter was the problem. It was so sad to see this child be destroyed by this mother and so
so painful to see her husband agree with her. He would say to me, I don't understand why Elizabeth starts throwing things the minute my wife enters a room. She must be a strong willed child. No, she is a child that has no outlet for this
toxic mother. Could you please discuss a narcissist mother who blames the child, when the narcissist mother is the problem.
Every word is 100%true. Just wonder how to get a way out of this traumatic relationship?
I almost didn't watch this. I'm divorced about 10yrs & have minimal contact now kids are teens. But... I'm still tied for a few more years so though I'd listen while I cleaned.
Wow! I had to sit down. So much of what you said was straight arrows! Things I hadn't realised till you said them. I can see his motiv very clearly now! The way things unfolded & I had thought I had been taking ownership of my mistakes, that I now know were, very, very clearly, the way he manipulated things to be.
Thank you Danish for lightening my load & for giving me extra knowledge to help protect & my children❤❤