@@tracyjohnston5899 That's my case too. They weren't absent. They always showed up to kick me when I'm down and stomp on my throat. Then they pat each other on the back for being so "loving and caring".
Me getting hurt by something demeaning or straight up mean he would say to “correct my character” was apparently always another “reactionary response” that he was afraid of would happen again. Before I realized he was a narcissist I don’t know how many times I tried to explain that humans have feelings and you can’t just go around saying whatever you want and then be surprised when someone gets hurt. It’s like the most basic thing isn’t it, but it was like he never got it. Now I know why.
@JesusIsTheFinalTruth That is a very telling description of the narcissist's lack of empathy. It holds true for ALL the narcissists I've ever known over the years. Although subtle in their approach, nothing can be more clear that narcissistic behavior is mental illness acted out on others.
OMG throwing tantrums like a toddler. This is so very true. Its all "look at meeeee, LOOK at MEEEEEEE, why are you not paying me attentionnnnnn!" Then they go and do something utterly ridiculous - possibly risky even - just to get that attention back onto them.
I wanna tell my experience with a narc dad. My daddy criticised my smile. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! Yes, he rebuked me everytime I smiled and kept saying my emotions disgust him. For my entire childhood I had to go emotionless. Now I'm 20 and I left him a year ago. My life has got its colours back😊
I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I can relate, because I have a father like that as well, and I am sure many others can relate as well. You're not alone. I'm really happy you left him :) Congratulations on getting the colors back into your life :) Live free.
😢 I am so sorry to hear that Titas ghosh. Thank God you got your freedom. My family loved music n i sing fairly good. My parents bought me every new Christian songs that came out. After the wedding when I put music on, my evil mil stopped me saying " o papa doesn't like songs and your husband got yelled at when he had music on". That evil witch scared me n stopped the music in me. 2 decades I was scared😢. Now I put the music on so loud that I am sure she ngashes her teeth may be😂😂😂 Enjoy your life, there's only one. They live it carefree at our expense. So go on live free and may you accomplish everything God intended you to have. All the best.
I think a big reason that they can't be alone is because that would leave space for self-examination. They avoid this at all cost because they really see themselves as perfect.
That on top of sitting still in silence. No way can my narc not at least have TV on even to eat dinner. Or he is up and out the door like his pants are on fire. Same reason tho.. Avoid any time to either be questioned, confronted, called out, or to make sure they don't reflect on wrong doings that could cause them to even think about feeling guilty
Explains why my narc ex "needs" discord for friendship, tumblr for art, tinder for love, some furry fandom site for creativity, and a shitty hierarchical job for attention in the real waking world. All the while emulating and larping anime characters who were also narcs
That’s my mother, she cannot be alone. After exposing herself in the family and basically isolating herself from the people she wronged, she now turned to her Golden son and now she lives with him and his wife and children but wait, she didn’t stop there. She now got the golden child to basically buy more family members to come live with them. A house full of people is fun for the narcissist.
😅My inlaws offered to buy us a new house... we never asked for this ( they're very wealthy)...we werent planning on moving... they convinced us to sell our house... we did, and it sold. After it sold my narcissistic mother inlaw changed her mind. Left us houseless with 3 kids and no plan. We ended up having to figure out buying a new house on our own with no plan.. Now shes offended because I dont want a relationship with her... wants me to pretend it never happened 😂
OMG, that was life-threatening😢! The way the narcissists abort their 'plans' and play with your major life decisions is toxic beyond belief! I've been in a similar situation, and it has taken YEARS to get back on my feet again. I am healing and in therapy so that won't happen again anytime soon (and hopefully never again).
They are very good at dangling the carrot 🥕 to get you on side, but they have a habit of not following through on what they promise you, they are despicable cretins😏🚩🏃♀️
I wish that the court system was educated about this craziness and how it affects the children in a divorce. The scapegoat always looks like the narcissist and not the victim. They ruin the children!
It sucks if the narc is the wife. Men have it tough enough in family court. Getting ripped by a narc in a divorce as a man is a particular kind of hell.
Sorry , have to disagree with that, it doesn’t matter wot sex u r , all narcissists r the same , at home and in the court room , their only mission in life is to make it hell and not let u move on. Hope ur moving on , as I am, the less u think about them , the better u feel 👍
Mine too, mine tooooo.. ughh. It never stops. I'm 41, married with a toddler and my mom STILL tries to scream at me and puppet me. She loses her mind even worse if I don't react and just stare at her and blink once.
My dad would scream and yell so loud the cops would get called on us, even when nothing physical was happening because my dad sounded absolutely terrifying. Me and my sister would be holding each other shaking. I remember it well and I am approaching middle age. He still can't regulate his feelings and blames everything on everyone around him, failing to look at himself.
My sister, the psychopath, told me through "sobs" about sexually cheating with her best friend's boyfriend in high school. She cheated, then was mad at her friend for being mad about stealing her boyfriend. Typical.
I could not think about myself. He called me a selfish coward for prioritizing myself and getting away from him and his abusive. His tantrum was insane and repulsive.
This is my x, the most exhausting 13 yrs of marriage of my life, after much depletion of my own self and many years later, I finally got enough courage to let go and the courage to go no contact!!!!
You are so right Danish and the point that they never validate your emotions you just have to stop existing to be around them is so true . Simply put they hijack our soul . And make us a zombie. 😢
The irrational anger they show when praising you for being able to do something they cannot baffles me. I know one guy who would do this. He would tell me how impressed and amazed he was that I could do (insert thing here) and he wished he could do it too. He would then get angry with me and go off about how I think I'm so much better than everyone else because I can do that thing. I tried to point out that if he wanted to learn I could show him and this just set him off even more. Instead of any sort of thanks he began berating me and threatening me before he finally stormed off. The next day it was like nothing had happened and he was back to his smiling self.
You are so right Danish, I have a narcissistic next door neighbour and his behaviour is beyond comprehension and my ex wife absolutely used our children as a weapon! Thank you for you and your channel and the comfort you give in knowing that we’re not the only ones suffering these monsters . Your advice is highly valued and comforting 👍
Probably because it can turn into real nightmares quick so no one wants to take responsibility for the unknowable outcomes that could happen. It’s best that each individual act according to their own certain special circumstances. That’s what I think. Because you’re stuck next door. Because they could vandalize your property or worse because it could escalate into murder. Just saying. It’s a particular sticky situation when it comes to neighbors for some reason.
Yup. I can sure Attest to that! When I used to react violently to his abuse (i don't do that anymore, now that i know what im dealing with) He would remind me in a very condescending, demeaning way, very calmly " don't you dare mess in my face, it's gona leave scars"
@obscurum6, You’ve got my comment mixed up with, bronwynsimons7028. I have watched some of those episodes of, “ nightmare neighbor “ and a lot of the time, the police can’t do nothing it’s disheartening. Perhaps the laws have changed since then. I don’t know.
They are the epitome of arrested development, without any of the humor that the TV show of the same name put forth. Actually, a psychological suspense HORROR story. Thank you, Danish, you nailed it again. Awesome video!! 👍👍👍👍👍
All of this 🎯💯💯. I’m so glad I woke up from the delusional toxic entanglement. Narc spouse isn’t suitable for a tree truck. Just str8 🗑️ him and all his friends and family who continue to enable the BS.
Now that's right on the mark! It's better to begin to heal from trauma rather than suffer and constantly be triggered by the narcissist and their pathetic enablers.
When I become a target for my narcissist family members’ righteous rage, a coping mechanism that I find useful is to shift into neutral emotionally and physically. I don’t defend or explain or emote…it’s pointless because narcissists are unable and unwilling to deescalate. My emotional and physical safety are of paramount importance, so keeping interactions at surface level help keep the demons at bay. Thank you for providing a safe space for survivors to learn and connect.
Sounds like my dysfunctional parents and siblings, who are in denial to this day. And then my ex spouse was the same. But then I wonder why I end up around narcissistic people. Surely, I was naive and stupid then to let these people abuse me emotionally, psychological and physically. Not anymore, now I have cut all communication with them and am feeling much peace!
How does a narcissist internally react when they witness you with someone who treats you way better than they ever did? And when they witness you with someone who responds positively to all the same behaviors that the narcissist responded negatively to?
In my life there is no opportunity to speak,only hear,i call some friends or relative and speak to them,and now i feelgood after hearing these videos,it soothes
My narcissistic mother does all those things, I remember she would come to my apt. and tell me what to do like to change the channel that I was watching so she can watch what she likes, she would break other people's stuff intentionally, she stole so many things from me when I wasn't home or at the hospital admitted, she always screaming and seeking attention, pretends she's on the cellphone talking to someone, she thinks my oldest daughter is her daughter and my grandchildren are hers, narcissists take everything from you, you are not allowed to have anything they think they are entitled to steal your entire life, I no longer tolerate this treatment from anyone, I speak up, and cut people out of my life who are narcissists and toxic. All my life I had to deal with my narcissistic mother's abuse, I'm done, no contact is necessary for your well being and healing. I wish narcissistic people would dissapear forever!!
Oh yes, exactly as you describe them! I am getting out of a 7 year relationship with one now. Packing to leave on Wednesday. The first 2 years we dated and things were wonderful. I could not find any fault. Then we moved in together and everything changed. The moment he had me (we moved away, changed jobs etc) he started showing his true colours. I was stuck. I tried different strategies to make life with him bearable but none would last. I think he found a new 'source of interest' and therefore he is letting me go. Hallelujah!
Yes Danish my ex had a terrible Rage!! Once I had got my ex out of my house for good I found so many things had been damaged! Several of my light fixtures are damaged where you can screw in a light bulb, he would hide things, I'm happy he is out of my life!!
Hi Danish, that’s all in one nutshell the current phase of the narcissistic father of my two children-Divorce has taken a year and I am not yet with 2nd part of mediation done-No assets, no house, nothing to distribute and yet it’s taken this long, and all he is wanting it to have the children with him so he don’t pay child support and keep on using the children as weapon against me. So yes, it’s a living hell, but gets what, I rather know that soon I will be out of hell rather than living the rest of my life attached to such an evil spirit as a Narcissist. Thank you Danish your videos really help me bring so much clarity after living such a traumatic experience with someone who truly doesn’t deserve the better life I am about to become.
Ufff .. My Mom who i avoided from childhood is now driving every one in my family nuts ..they are her enablers, flying monkeys.. At first i was really upset at her failing health, but now the madness has gone on for si long that everyone is losing patience. While i, the scapegoat child tries to find solutions for her from far away, its getting more apparent that she has become the biggest victim of her own web. In the beginning she started enjoying the attention she was getting due to her failing health, but now her failing health is not letting her get any better... And the caregivers are losing their patience and concern... I feel bad for her but cannot get inside her head and turn off her need for narcissistic supply at the cost of her own sense of well-being
Soooo true. Every word. When he was yelling angrily at me, I was calm because I read everything I could about narcissm and knew exactly why he is yelling. Knowledge is huge power. Tantrums..... exactly like a 2 years old child. In my case, he took me to a small restaurant in the morning and wanted to order breakfast. I said that I'm not hungry at all and I will take one cappuccino and sit with him, make him a company while he is eating breakfast. For normal person, that's totally OK, I am still there with him, enjoying my cappuccino...... BUT his reaction was...... EXPLOSION, he yelled : "OK!!!! Then we will not eat at all!!!!" and started to walk fast and his face was like I killed his mother. I asked later: "Is my cappuccino a problem? I didn't say: You go ahead and have a breakfast alone, I am going to the beach" But he didn't answer, didn't even look at me, angry as angry bird.... Because I didn't do what he wanted. Amazing.
My narcissistic sister crossed many many lines with me. In a last attempt to control me she even crossed a very serious legal line. She went to the extreme to retaliate. She doesn't oversee the consequences of her behaviour. I'm taking her to court. What she did could put her in jail. I'm fed up with her destructive behaviour.
I am glad that I don't have a sister. My brother is bad enough but if I had a sister and she was like my narcissistic mother, then she would be diabolical! 😱😱
I have an experience with my ex I like to share: I was standing in front of the open window, the sun was shining into the room it was a warm sunny day in the spring and I just finished the spring cleaning. I filled my lungs with the fresh air and sighed with a smile on my face saying "oh, smell that nice fresh air, isn't it a nice day?" Then his face turned into a grim frowning and he shouted "NAG, NAG, NAG THAT'S ALL YOU DO. SHOUTING AND SNARING. WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS THIS AWFUL?" Then he stormed out slamming the door after him. I was relieved he stayed out the rest of the day
After 4 months with my covert narcissistic ex-girlfriend, and after her having basically no respect from the first day on and falling for her "victim" narrative (even tho her family is literally rich and she has access to all the money in the world) I finally snapped twice and told her how I felt about certain situations. She "interpreted" me telling the truth as me having lost all respect towards her and in her mind when somebody loses ALL the respect, the relationship is over and so she blocked me lol.. Funny thing is : I never lost all respect. I just pointed out toxic behaviours that (in my opinion) destroy the chance of having a long-term not-24/7-toxic relationship... and even if I would've lost all respect it would only be because she was such a respectless spoiled little child. She acted sooo in love the first 2 weeks and then suddenly started verbally attacking me for no reason, She was manipulative from the start and gave clues that she has a bad character... but I was so in love and bought in to her traumatized victim narrative, that I misinterpreted those things as her just having low self-esteem... its crazy how easy it is to manipulate and yet they feel like the smartest person on earth when they do it. What a bunch of lame bullshit.
So so true Danish. They want you to agree to them treating you bad. When I was a child and I will got childhood diseases like the measles or other ailments children get. I rarely got sick. But when I did get sick my mother got furious for me getting sick. I was actually scared to get sick.
This person that was in my life would express hatured for nations and certain religion suddenly and when I told him is offensive he said why it's only truth, and when I mentioned something neutral something true he would say that I am manipulated media, all suddenly out of context. I had to ask and tell other people to be sure I am right. This is one example how this people want to control our mind and question ourselves. I'm free of it now. He would give many reasons when I asked a logical question about our plan that would change the direction and create confusion I would get upset every time. I used to hear same from my mother too. I cut all contact and now they know I will not participate in this.
During the break-up, the Narcissist told me that they had slept with my best friend. My reply was, 'hey, you have good taste.' My best friend found that shocking and hilarious. I used to think that love created monsters, but they were monsters before I met them. No religion, upbringing and schooling prepares you for that. When they tell you their stories about exes.... just know that you will have a chance to be one too, with some new sad stories. They have no special loyalty. The dog which should protect you, will one day turn on you and you will see that you were nothing special, in their life, although you provided everything a person needs to succeed and be healthy. This is a great video to explain all of the chaos, inside of a Narcissist. They can even fake that they have a heart. Pretty good acting eh?
@@user-el8nz4yu4t if dogs aren't raised right, then things can go wrong. Some have hunting or killing instincts which are stronger than the power of their owner. Some bite if you go close to their food dish or toy. Some attack other dogs and cats. Some chew through your belongings. Some owners get pulled around by them. If the owner is not confident, the dog becomes the boss. Some dogs run away. You might not be able to live, with the dog you chose. They stay to be fed and sheltered. Not every animal is loyal, especially if you haven't had it since it was a puppy. I've even been made fun of, by a Narc, who said to me, 'you let every big dog jump up on you.' I assumed that the Narc was talking about our relationship. They hint around, obviously to test their power, by devulging truths,which should really be kept secret. This Narc was for sure, the big dog. Biting dogs, will also not protect, but bite their owners and break the trust. Dogs might not do it with joy, but a Narcissist does.
In my first marriage, I never expressed any emotion or boundary to my husband. It was an unspoken rule that I was there for him and his needs only. He was jealous if I showed attention to the kids while he was home. He would start arguments right by himself, even if I said nothing. He demanded perfection. He wouldn't spend any money on me. I would have to ask and ask for basic needs, food, personal hygiene. When I left him he did everything he could to destroy me. I told the lawyers what he was going to do because he had been threatening me for years. They didn't listen and he got away with it.
I’m still in the situation w my narc mother and I’m doing limited contact as much as possible and trying to remain emotionally detached from any situation w her until I get the heck out n make my escape from pure evil. Everything u said is so on point, I did laugh at the one thing u said about throwing tantrums like a toddler lol my god, I remember a few years back, she literally was in the laundry room jumping up and down screaming cuz she didn’t get what she wanted at that exact moment 😂 so I to everyone out there remember ur dealing with a child like entitled something….idk how I can say it but hang in there ❤❤❤
I gave back the taste of the same medicines what my narcissist boss used to give me... silent treatment.. after confirming the traits NPD... I made many people aware of the evil acts of my boss.. off course I had to pay the price by losing my job..
Everything Danish said . Was how my life was. And if they drink or use drugs. They claim they don’t remember what they did or said . Besides blaming you . They blame the alcohol 😄 .
The narcissist I’m married to blamed God for his sins…shocking !! I can’t wait for the day I can finally leave the asshole, meantime I’m working on my inner being so I never have to go through this kind of shit💩🤮
Or they blame you. My drug abusing ex boyfriend blamed me for using meth after the relationship ended. I was also the reason everything in the relationship went wrong. He could and still does not understand what he did wrong.
It's exactly how you tell it. They can't bear not even an expression of emotion from a friend, family member or collegue, as a consequence of their own behaviour. They react always as if they are attacked. Than they start a fight, behave as a victim or go in Silent treatment. When that happens, I mention, without emotion in an e-mail to them, what yust happened. They dont react on that. And after some time they yust go on in the contact as if nothing happened. I than feel for first powerless and than say to myself, that they are mad, and not worthy to give more of my energy. Try to desengage with them and to stay out of the pain. So I can go on with my own Life. In some cases that is almost impossible. For example when I and my siblings had to organize everything after the dead of my parents. Thank you Danish for putting everything on a row and explaining it all so well. I feel less alone and Understood and Supported in feeling an seeing how this all works. ❤️🙏🌈
Oh my goodness, Danish, ...... this is so helpful..... I cannot expound on my story too much, but I appreciate all you shared. I have gained great understanding from listening to you. I am amazed at your deliverance and ability to share your story and to give advice. Be FOREVER blessed.
They are " allowed " to critisize you, to comment etc, but try to tell them anything back, criticise them, you are not allowed. It's one way street, double standards, when they think they allowed whatever they fancy, but only them. This rule doesn't include you, the others...
Thanks for your videos there spot on. The father of my kids is a narcissist and has ruined my life, he got my kids taken and put in his custody and lied to the judge. Now for 6 years he has had me doing whatever he wants so I can see my kids, he runs my life everyday, and now my kids are older n see what's going on and my son is starting to act like him. I pray things can somehow get better soon
Excellent Danish. Thank you. You have described my 24 year-old son, who is a sadistic narcissist and who has been making life very difficult for me. His temper tantrums are those of a child. He has destroyed laptops and cell phones, and punched holes in doors and walls. Recently, he has had me arrested 3 times so far for no reason at all.
@@beatricebee4809 do you think that's helpful? Why don't you ask some questions since you're interested enough to post. This is a safe space to ask questions and state personal experiences. N not necessarily from m/d CAN genetically be wired FROM BIRTH, is part of many other psych diagnosis tho...cannot blame.
@noplacelikehome2.0 who are you to tell me how to respond to anyone? My statement is valid. I know many parents who are narcissist and blame their children for their reactions to the emotional abuse they inflict on them.
They themselves are filled with shame. so they want others who are healthy and ahve a healthy sef-image to feel the same shame that they feel! You hit the right point many times in your videos! Listening to the sentence was so validating. They exhibit all of this unhealthy and abnormal behavior!
This is so true> The more I tried to assert myself as a good person, friend, wife, mother, student, daughter, you name it the more my Narc parents, or Narc ex husband tried to strip that way. It was obviously so offensive to them. In the end I wound up being a hollowed out shell of a person, still trying to get that all back together.
Me ..I experienced n understood all that u said..still going through..want to escape as soon as possible permanently but very difficult task..mainly if they have stalking behaviour. they won't leave us to live anywhere..😢
I believe most murders that involve men and women in relationships have to do with narcissistic personality disorders! Just my opinion. Dealing with this type of person is infuriating and very frustrating! How can it not be? Dealing with a person that’s not fair and never considers your feelings?
On the positive note, we can learn how to connect with our soul more after we go no contact with them. We realise our own value more than ever before. This may be difficult when the narc is a spouse or parent. But with narcs in other relationships, they make us realise our own self worth more than all other people on the planet put together because, they devalue us so much that we hit rock bottom and wake up to our true self by watching videos like this and improving our knowledge about how they suck our soul because it's so very precious.
Very helpful. And a big YEP to all five. One crazy thing I noticed is the over-the-top "do-gooder" acts, done of course in an attempt to make the rest of us seem cold and uncaring. In my case the narcissist made a special point of visiting the burial places of long dead relatives, for every special holiday. Also making a regular habit of visiting people or relatives in nursing homes who were mostly estranged or just not that close, and now are in deep cognitive decline. This was deliberate performance art to show us what a kind, warm and/or concerned person they are to the world, meanwhile passing snarky judgement on the rest of us for not participating in such activities. I got the biggest laugh the day I realized the only reason this person talks to the graves or visits the feebleminded is that they will never be contradicted by either. Talk about a need for absolute control over a situation. ☺️☺️☺️
Gaslighting is intense when they see you are self aware. Just because I put washing out on the line, because it was a beautiful day. My narc husband threw in his opinion of tomorrow weather, oh I Heard it may rain tomorrow. (Me) just ignored him, his trying to get a reaction from tomorrows weather was insignificant to the moment of today. Another warning tactic , they distract you to a reaction abuse. I stayed silent 😶
My partner had an episode and smashed the clock from down the hallway. She invited me over later that day, the clock was in the bedroom smashed in the corner, I tidied it up and carried on with our day. Later that night I lay down on the floor for a massage and started finding large dagger sized shards hidden under the bed, then all around the room. This is the person that I wanted to marry. So scary because my brother was murdered in a similar way
My ex made a plan to help his sister before work. He became enraged because he slept late and had his work schedule changed. he ended up driving so fast and unsafe I thought it was safer to jump from a vehicle going over 90mph than to stay in it. I started to open the door and then he got worse. By the time we got to his sisters at 7am I was so pale she gave me a double shot of tequila to calm down. Another time he was so angry at a slow driver he ran them off the road and got out of the car to confront the other driver a 90yo man. I honestly thought he was going to beat the man to death. But the old man stayed in his car.... that's when I realized he was on coke again and I was DONE!
I thought for sure he had met my narc! Here was a fun experience just the other day. Went to a restaurant the other day, and there was a little disagreement about the order of food that was brought out. When she realized she wasn't getting her way, she went to her favorite tactic of assassinating the manager's character. Something to the effect of what backwoods country are you from where they don't have the class and etiquette to give me what I want? Of course nothing quite that overt, you know leaving plenty of room for plausible deniability in the gas lighting that's sure to follow. This girl got the message right away, wasn't having any of that, and laid into her for all she was worth. The conflict was escalating and causing a scene and the other patrons were clearly appalled at her for attacking the manager's character for her country of origin. She got told off like no one's business and the manager walked off. That wasn't the end of it. The owner came out, heard her out, and ultimately told us both we were being asked to leave in no uncertain terms while all around watched the drama play out. Yes, a truly humiliating experience, however it was very enlightening to see her in action and watch from a third party point of view. It truly validated all the complaints I've been making. Afterwards, I tried to gently suggest that yes dear, you really did criticize her, insult her, and you really did come across as snobbish, haughty, and rude. I pointed out how embarrassing it was for me. How far do you think I got along that line? Another enlightening experience. Should have seen her reaction as she exploded on me. I've never seen anyone kicked out of a restaurant. You might expect some hint of self reflection? No, not happening, however her reaction of injury and panic at being confronted and outed about her horrendously horrible behavior was quite revealing to watch play out. It's not worth it. She's having more and more trouble functioning. We've lost two sets of friends. She's ruining her relationship with her narcissistic daughter. Our relationship is escalating in hostility, and we're having difficulty even going out in public. Of course it needs to end, but it's been a very educating experience. It's a bad car wreck playing out in slow motion, but it's like I have to watch. It's strangely entertaining.
Stay strong dude, good luck getting away cleanly. If you have any weapons in the home you may want to make them disappear or be less harmful, and do it before you're in more physical danger.
Yes. He used to do it. I have been through. But I fought and argued every time he tried to do something nasty. I told him just put yourself in my shoes...and now he is not violet. But a narc is a narc for ever. They don't change much...
Initially I was shaken, shocked, and zonked, I denied reality, then slowly I forced myself to write it down and write after that I can I will and I must. I focused on bringing up my kids
I remember when i was about 6 and my family were having a little bonfire at the beach..my brother pushed me and i stood on hot coal ..my mother blamed me ..and shouted at me all night for having to take me back to the caravan because my foot was burnt.
Gosh, the start of your statement, I just agreed immediately with a sigh 🤦 Everything you said, I keep on saying yes. Anybody who's not in this kind of relationship can never relate. I am truly looking for a support group because every now & then I'm second guessing my humanity. Please help me.
Ive often accussed of throwing tantrums because ive been sobbing in a ball in the floor frustrated at their destructiveness. His tantrum was of the cold typen abandoning me when i was in most pain. Cant wait to find somewhere to live and leave here.
I have experienced this when I was young so left home. My family are all narcissists but I only recoginised it through my mother when I was young. I left home and avoided her and kept her behaviour a secret. The only problem is when I did declare it, the entire family attacked me as beign disloyal. Fortunately, I have worked with therapists and my husband is great so I can deal with them and I live on another continent. The pressure by them is still difficult only because I feel guilt and sadness for them. Its is on my mind all the time but I wake up every day and thank god that I recognised it and did what I had to do to save myself at a young age. Walking away took bravery and it has done me well in my career because I do the same to all narcissists even my boss. I would rather work at McDonalds than let anyone treat me the way my mother did.
My EX narc had such control issues and OCD. When she would get ready to go out, she would make me sit in the bathroom with her before going downstairs to get a drink of water, or eat a snack. She treated me like I was 5 years old. And....when we would leave her house she had to use paper towels to open the door knob because it was contaminated to let me out. I wasn't allowed to touch it, because she had (germ issues). She wouldn't eat finger foods and hated kissing because of germs, but loved to give oral sex (without me showering). How does that make sense??? She was contradicting herself in ways I wasnt prepared to comprehend. It's the most insane relationship of BPD/NPD/OCD I ever encountered. But she was good in bed. That's why I stayed so long. Her issues became my issues and now I'm trying to rewire my brain to think like before. Wish me luck.
I’ve felt alone my entire life. I’ve been learning to open more to my husband and feel less alone. I would feel alone in a crowded room. That has been changing for me but I know the feeling all too well.
Its so exhausting to deal with! I go into bedroom and tell him im done with this right now. When he comes back into bedroom yelling at me i tell him to get out over and over. And its the only thing i say until he leaves..
It's true.Anything ( even casual chats, just to break the silent treatment) I try bringing over to the NARC, is being taken personal and thrown back my in face.
Yes, and I see this in total strangers it's so evident...they aren't aware. Anger is healthy and can also protect us but, wow wee wow wow don't get angry at the NARC ...just leave them asasp if you're in a relationship get outta of there, if married take a bit longer as they'll be very selfish in not wanting you to leave even abusive be yee careful. Peace of The Good Lord Be with you all. Amen
Yes exactly, Danish. My sister goes madly bezirk if anyone notices that she has noted any kind of information wrong, something so trivial as the opening hours of a shop. Back in the day before GPS she was once driving during a trip and went so ballistic when I mentioned that she missed the exit from the highway. This happened often and I really feared she might kill me. Totally insane!! I cut off all contact with her years ago, as the communication with her does not function at all in a healthy, reasonable way. But I'm still not sure about the theory that narcissism is caused by upbringing, because our mother never shamed us for errors, mistakes or wrong information. I'm really starting to believe the theory that it might possibly be caused by head injuries.
To be with under a narcs influence, is to be a prisoner. It can be very dangerous to choose to stand up: what will it cost you/me to leave, what will it cost to stay!!! After leaving, you ( or me) can never say, or deal memories without feeling unsafe... I am so scared for my life, feeling I'm living with all my scares inside me....not be free, only having a look around all the time..
It is very scary indeed not knowing what the narcissist is going to do next. 'Walking on eggshells' is a prisoner's life, and escaping seems worse when they are already punishing you. In hindsight, the better outcome may be getting OUT sooner or as soon as you can. Once you have a safety net in place for yourself, it may not be as hard as it seems right now. If possible, I hope you can find your way to safety and security soon to be around people who love and support you.❤️🩹💞
Hi...I don't know U..bt I Jus Wanna tell U to be Bold & Fearless Knowing that God is Always With U & Will Always Protect U & Will Never Ever Leave U. Be Strong & Trust God He Will Fight for U. Don't Let Fear Control U..ok..tkcr & God Bless...❤
Danish as always nails it. I am an unfortunate survivor of this abuse by birth family..I was SCAPE GOAT AKA BLACK SHHEP. Danish makes me feel whole again with this truth 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏God bless you Danish
The man I loved would constantly criticize my hair. He would even pull me over , grab a comb and rearrange it before we left the house together. One day, totally out of character for me, I retaliated! He was bald but very attractive I asked him how he would feel if I teased his baldness. He was furious!! I wished Id kept my mouth shut!
They also will be absent when you need them the most
For instance, when you give birth to your child.
THIS is their trademark. The narcissist does not give anything, especially when they know you need it.
Aww yes I can relate to absent when needed most and kick a horse when it's down, disgusting cruel monsters and a pro at lying.
@@norcal1009and they still want stuff from another - Life suckers, vampires 😮
@@tracyjohnston5899 That's my case too. They weren't absent. They always showed up to kick me when I'm down and stomp on my throat. Then they pat each other on the back for being so "loving and caring".
Narcissists do not condone or allow you to express valid emotions or reactions and, therefore, NEVER validate your emotions, thoughts, or feelings.
How true, they are most certainly soulless 💯
Yes!!! Exactly!!! My gosh❤
Me getting hurt by something demeaning or straight up mean he would say to “correct my character” was apparently always another “reactionary response” that he was afraid of would happen again. Before I realized he was a narcissist I don’t know how many times I tried to explain that humans have feelings and you can’t just go around saying whatever you want and then be surprised when someone gets hurt. It’s like the most basic thing isn’t it, but it was like he never got it. Now I know why.
@JesusIsTheFinalTruth That is a very telling description of the narcissist's lack of empathy. It holds true for ALL the narcissists I've ever known over the years. Although subtle in their approach, nothing can be more clear that narcissistic behavior is mental illness acted out on others.
@@norcal1009 well said and true.
OMG throwing tantrums like a toddler. This is so very true. Its all "look at meeeee, LOOK at MEEEEEEE, why are you not paying me attentionnnnnn!" Then they go and do something utterly ridiculous - possibly risky even - just to get that attention back onto them.
Yup, yup and yup...so glad they are being called out and many of us were right about them but no one listened...
@@Themis419 It really does affect how we trust people, doesn't it!
I wanna tell my experience with a narc dad. My daddy criticised my smile. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! Yes, he rebuked me everytime I smiled and kept saying my emotions disgust him. For my entire childhood I had to go emotionless. Now I'm 20 and I left him a year ago. My life has got its colours back😊
✅❤❤❤❤❤
I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I can relate, because I have a father like that as well, and I am sure many others can relate as well. You're not alone.
I'm really happy you left him :) Congratulations on getting the colors back into your life :) Live free.
enjoy the seasons of the year
😢 I am so sorry to hear that Titas ghosh. Thank God you got your freedom. My family loved music n i sing fairly good. My parents bought me every new Christian songs that came out. After the wedding when I put music on, my evil mil stopped me saying " o papa doesn't like songs and your husband got yelled at when he had music on". That evil witch scared me n stopped the music in me. 2 decades I was scared😢. Now I put the music on so loud that I am sure she ngashes her teeth may be😂😂😂 Enjoy your life, there's only one. They live it carefree at our expense. So go on live free and may you accomplish everything God intended you to have. All the best.
Same thing..we were talking on message n having an argument..I sent him lol n he said whoever says lol I make them cry 😂 how cruel they are 😐
I think a big reason that they can't be alone is because that would leave space for self-examination. They avoid this at all cost because they really see themselves as perfect.
I have a relative who told me that she was "perfect". I saw other signs prior that she was troubled but this statement confirmed it for me.
That on top of sitting still in silence. No way can my narc not at least have TV on even to eat dinner. Or he is up and out the door like his pants are on fire. Same reason tho.. Avoid any time to either be questioned, confronted, called out, or to make sure they don't reflect on wrong doings that could cause them to even think about feeling guilty
The false self is "perfect"; it's a simultaneous protection/projection of how they really feel about themselves...
Explains why my narc ex "needs" discord for friendship, tumblr for art, tinder for love, some furry fandom site for creativity, and a shitty hierarchical job for attention in the real waking world. All the while emulating and larping anime characters who were also narcs
That’s my mother, she cannot be alone. After exposing herself in the family and basically isolating herself from the people she wronged, she now turned to her Golden son and now she lives with him and his wife and children but wait, she didn’t stop there. She now got the golden child to basically buy more family members to come live with them. A house full of people is fun for the narcissist.
😅My inlaws offered to buy us a new house... we never asked for this ( they're very wealthy)...we werent planning on moving... they convinced us to sell our house... we did, and it sold. After it sold my narcissistic mother inlaw changed her mind. Left us houseless with 3 kids and no plan. We ended up having to figure out buying a new house on our own with no plan..
Now shes offended because I dont want a relationship with her... wants me to pretend it never happened 😂
OMG, that was life-threatening😢! The way the narcissists abort their 'plans' and play with your major life decisions is toxic beyond belief! I've been in a similar situation, and it has taken YEARS to get back on my feet again. I am healing and in therapy so that won't happen again anytime soon (and hopefully never again).
They are very good at dangling the carrot 🥕 to get you on side, but they have a habit of not following through on what they promise you, they are despicable cretins😏🚩🏃♀️
Future faked omg so sorry...I wouldn't want one either ... crazy narc dead ahead!!!🙄
They can throw anybody under the bus😮cos they lack empathy n true emotions 😮
Okay that sounds so scary. I really wish narcissists could see themselves through eyes of normal people, they look crazy and pests.
I wish that the court system was educated about this craziness and how it affects the children in a divorce. The scapegoat always looks like the narcissist and not the victim. They ruin the children!
Well said brother. I couldn't agree more. 👊
Totally agree
It sucks if the narc is the wife. Men have it tough enough in family court. Getting ripped by a narc in a divorce as a man is a particular kind of hell.
Sorry , have to disagree with that, it doesn’t matter wot sex u r , all narcissists r the same , at home and in the court room , their only mission in life is to make it hell and not let u move on.
Hope ur moving on , as I am, the less u think about them , the better u feel 👍
@@Teens24 let me ask you this, do you write a check every month, or open one?
My mother was a screaming witch. It was so scary growing up in that family
Same for my mother. Growing up in that was a nightmare
Mine too, mine tooooo.. ughh. It never stops. I'm 41, married with a toddler and my mom STILL tries to scream at me and puppet me. She loses her mind even worse if I don't react and just stare at her and blink once.
My dad would scream and yell so loud the cops would get called on us, even when nothing physical was happening because my dad sounded absolutely terrifying. Me and my sister would be holding each other shaking. I remember it well and I am approaching middle age. He still can't regulate his feelings and blames everything on everyone around him, failing to look at himself.
I hope you have left that witch behind.
Yup screaming witch mother too! It was awful. I'm sorry you had to go thru that
Just remember they are the most unreasonable people you will ever meet, they don't deal in "Fairness" or "Logic"😏🚩🏃♀️
And they'll project that right back into an unsuspecting soon to be victim in their book.
EXACTLY!!!!!! I DEFINITELY LEARNED THAT
My sister, the psychopath, told me through "sobs" about sexually cheating with her best friend's boyfriend in high school. She cheated, then was mad at her friend for being mad about stealing her boyfriend. Typical.
Yes.
I could not think about myself. He called me a selfish coward for prioritizing myself and getting away from him and his abusive. His tantrum was insane and repulsive.
This man's words are pure wisdom, everything he mentioned happened. I gave everything, lost everything, to live again 💛💛💛
This is my x, the most exhausting 13 yrs of marriage of my life, after much depletion of my own self and many years later, I finally got enough courage to let go and the courage to go no contact!!!!
Good for you!
You are so right Danish and the point that they never validate your emotions you just have to stop existing to be around them is so true . Simply put they hijack our soul . And make us a zombie. 😢
Very well put. They hijack our soul and turn us into zombies.
The irrational anger they show when praising you for being able to do something they cannot baffles me. I know one guy who would do this. He would tell me how impressed and amazed he was that I could do (insert thing here) and he wished he could do it too. He would then get angry with me and go off about how I think I'm so much better than everyone else because I can do that thing. I tried to point out that if he wanted to learn I could show him and this just set him off even more. Instead of any sort of thanks he began berating me and threatening me before he finally stormed off. The next day it was like nothing had happened and he was back to his smiling self.
You are so right Danish, I have a narcissistic next door neighbour and his behaviour is beyond comprehension and my ex wife absolutely used our children as a weapon! Thank you for you and your channel and the comfort you give in knowing that we’re not the only ones suffering these monsters . Your advice is highly valued and comforting 👍
I'm having Major issues with a Narcissistic Neighbor also. Litigation needs to happen, I've contacted an attorney
Probably because it can turn into real nightmares quick so no one wants to take responsibility for the unknowable outcomes that could happen.
It’s best that each individual act according to their own certain special circumstances. That’s what I think.
Because you’re stuck next door. Because they could vandalize your property or worse because it could escalate into murder. Just saying. It’s a particular sticky situation when it comes to neighbors for some reason.
Yup. I can sure Attest to that!
When I used to react violently to his abuse (i don't do that anymore, now that i know what im dealing with)
He would remind me in a very condescending, demeaning way, very calmly " don't you dare mess in my face, it's gona leave scars"
@obscurum6,
You’ve got my comment mixed up with, bronwynsimons7028.
I have watched some of those episodes of, “ nightmare neighbor “ and a lot of the time, the police can’t do nothing it’s disheartening. Perhaps the laws have changed since then. I don’t know.
Rules for thee, but not for me!!! Part of the narcissist's code. That's how it was with my mother growing up. It's very hard dealing with her.
They are the epitome of arrested development, without any of the humor that the TV show of the same name put forth. Actually, a psychological suspense HORROR story. Thank you, Danish, you nailed it again. Awesome video!! 👍👍👍👍👍
I TOTALLY 💯 agree. Besides the darkest narcissists in my life, horror films capture their demeanor quite well.
Now I'm thinking of the Movie 'Girl Interrupted' with Angelina Jolie +think she was a Narc) ya!
Absolutely
All of this 🎯💯💯. I’m so glad I woke up from the delusional toxic entanglement. Narc spouse isn’t suitable for a tree truck. Just str8 🗑️ him and all his friends and family who continue to enable the BS.
Now that's right on the mark! It's better to begin to heal from trauma rather than suffer and constantly be triggered by the narcissist and their pathetic enablers.
When I become a target for my narcissist family members’ righteous rage, a coping mechanism that I find useful is to shift into neutral emotionally and physically. I don’t defend or explain or emote…it’s pointless because narcissists are unable and unwilling to deescalate. My emotional and physical safety are of paramount importance, so keeping interactions at surface level help keep the demons at bay.
Thank you for providing a safe space for survivors to learn and connect.
Sounds like my dysfunctional parents and siblings, who are in denial to this day. And then my ex spouse was the same. But then I wonder why I end up around narcissistic people. Surely, I was naive and stupid then to let these people abuse me emotionally, psychological and physically.
Not anymore, now I have cut all communication with them and am feeling much peace!
There is nothing you can do about your parents. You never had a choice there. 🙄🙄🙄😔😔
How does a narcissist internally react when they witness you with someone who treats you way better than they ever did? And when they witness you with someone who responds positively to all the same behaviors that the narcissist responded negatively to?
They have a nuclear meltdown while secretly plotting their revenge. Sad, but true.
Like a coward
In my life there is no opportunity to speak,only hear,i call some friends or relative and speak to them,and now i feelgood after hearing these videos,it soothes
I've had a Covert Narc tell me; "It's easier to blame others"!!!😮😮😮😮
My narcissistic mother does all those things, I remember she would come to my apt. and tell me what to do like to change the channel that I was watching so she can watch what she likes, she would break other people's stuff intentionally, she stole so many things from me when I wasn't home or at the hospital admitted, she always screaming and seeking attention, pretends she's on the cellphone talking to someone, she thinks my oldest daughter is her daughter and my grandchildren are hers, narcissists take everything from you, you are not allowed to have anything they think they are entitled to steal your entire life, I no longer tolerate this treatment from anyone, I speak up, and cut people out of my life who are narcissists and toxic. All my life I had to deal with my narcissistic mother's abuse, I'm done, no contact is necessary for your well being and healing. I wish narcissistic people would dissapear forever!!
Oh yes, exactly as you describe them! I am getting out of a 7 year relationship with one now. Packing to leave on Wednesday. The first 2 years we dated and things were wonderful. I could not find any fault. Then we moved in together and everything changed. The moment he had me (we moved away, changed jobs etc) he started showing his true colours. I was stuck. I tried different strategies to make life with him bearable but none would last. I think he found a new 'source of interest' and therefore he is letting me go. Hallelujah!
I am speechless! How accurate your evaluation of a narcissistic behavior is
"You could just breathe differently "
~ spot on
Yes Danish my ex had a terrible Rage!! Once I had got my ex out of my house for good I found so many things had been damaged! Several of my light fixtures are damaged where you can screw in a light bulb, he would hide things, I'm happy he is out of my life!!
This happens everyday. I can’t even ask a question and I’m shouted at so badly.
Hi Danish, that’s all in one nutshell the current phase of the narcissistic father of my two children-Divorce has taken a year and I am not yet with 2nd part of mediation done-No assets, no house, nothing to distribute and yet it’s taken this long, and all he is wanting it to have the children with him so he don’t pay child support and keep on using the children as weapon against me. So yes, it’s a living hell, but gets what, I rather know that soon I will be out of hell rather than living the rest of my life attached to such an evil spirit as a Narcissist. Thank you Danish your videos really help me bring so much clarity after living such a traumatic experience with someone who truly doesn’t deserve the better life I am about to become.
Ufff ..
My Mom who i avoided from childhood is now driving every one in my family nuts ..they are her enablers, flying monkeys..
At first i was really upset at her failing health, but now the madness has gone on for si long that everyone is losing patience.
While i, the scapegoat child tries to find solutions for her from far away, its getting more apparent that she has become the biggest victim of her own web. In the beginning she started enjoying the attention she was getting due to her failing health, but now her failing health is not letting her get any better...
And the caregivers are losing their patience and concern...
I feel bad for her but cannot get inside her head and turn off her need for narcissistic supply at the cost of her own sense of well-being
Once again you are on point ! Everything you say is what I am experiencing 😅
Soooo true. Every word.
When he was yelling angrily at me, I was calm because I read everything I could about narcissm and knew exactly why he is yelling.
Knowledge is huge power.
Tantrums..... exactly like a 2 years old child.
In my case, he took me to a small restaurant in the morning and wanted to order breakfast. I said that I'm not hungry at all and I will take one cappuccino and sit with him, make him a company while he is eating breakfast.
For normal person, that's totally OK, I am still there with him, enjoying my cappuccino...... BUT his reaction was...... EXPLOSION, he yelled : "OK!!!! Then we will not eat at all!!!!" and started to walk fast and his face was like I killed his mother.
I asked later:
"Is my cappuccino a problem? I didn't say: You go ahead and have a breakfast alone, I am going to the beach"
But he didn't answer, didn't even look at me, angry as angry bird.... Because I didn't do what he wanted.
Amazing.
My narcissistic sister crossed many many lines with me. In a last attempt to control me she even crossed a very serious legal line. She went to the extreme to retaliate. She doesn't oversee the consequences of her behaviour. I'm taking her to court. What she did could put her in jail. I'm fed up with her destructive behaviour.
Yes, my mother too! She never ever take care of me, once a neighbour took me to the hospital when i had high fever!
Mine is a sociopath. She is breaking the law too. She really believes she can do whatever she wants.
I am glad that I don't have a sister. My brother is bad enough but if I had a sister and she was like my narcissistic mother, then she would be diabolical! 😱😱
I have an experience with my ex I like to share: I was standing in front of the open window, the sun was shining into the room it was a warm sunny day in the spring and I just finished the spring cleaning. I filled my lungs with the fresh air and sighed with a smile on my face saying "oh, smell that nice fresh air, isn't it a nice day?" Then his face turned into a grim frowning and he shouted "NAG, NAG, NAG THAT'S ALL YOU DO. SHOUTING AND SNARING. WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS THIS AWFUL?" Then he stormed out slamming the door after him. I was relieved he stayed out the rest of the day
Thanks Danish. You put so much humour into how you describe the narcissist behavior. It makes it so much easier to digest.
Thank you. 12:08
my son's exactly as you say. best icsn do is shutup and walk away.
Spot on!
After 4 months with my covert narcissistic ex-girlfriend, and after her having basically no respect from the first day on and falling for her "victim" narrative (even tho her family is literally rich and she has access to all the money in the world)
I finally snapped twice and told her how I felt about certain situations.
She "interpreted" me telling the truth as me having lost all respect towards her and in her mind when somebody loses ALL the respect, the relationship is over and so she blocked me lol..
Funny thing is : I never lost all respect.
I just pointed out toxic behaviours that (in my opinion) destroy the chance of having a long-term not-24/7-toxic relationship... and even if I would've lost all respect it would only be because she was such a respectless spoiled little child.
She acted sooo in love the first 2 weeks and then suddenly started verbally attacking me for no reason,
She was manipulative from the start and gave clues that she has a bad character... but I was so in love and bought in to her traumatized victim narrative, that I misinterpreted those things as her just having low self-esteem... its crazy how easy it is to manipulate and yet they feel like the smartest person on earth when they do it.
What a bunch of lame bullshit.
So so true Danish. They want you to agree to them treating you bad. When I was a child and I will got childhood diseases like the measles or other ailments children get. I rarely got sick. But when I did get sick my mother got furious for me getting sick. I was actually scared to get sick.
same
This person that was in my life would express hatured for nations and certain religion suddenly and when I told him is offensive he said why it's only truth, and when I mentioned something neutral something true he would say that I am manipulated media, all suddenly out of context. I had to ask and tell other people to be sure I am right. This is one example how this people want to control our mind and question ourselves. I'm free of it now. He would give many reasons when I asked a logical question about our plan that would change the direction and create confusion I would get upset every time. I used to hear same from my mother too. I cut all contact and now they know I will not participate in this.
During the break-up, the Narcissist told me that they had slept with my best friend. My reply was, 'hey, you have good taste.' My best friend found that shocking and hilarious. I used to think that love created monsters, but they were monsters before I met them. No religion, upbringing and schooling prepares you for that. When they tell you their stories about exes.... just know that you will have a chance to be one too, with some new sad stories. They have no special loyalty. The dog which should protect you, will one day turn on you and you will see that you were nothing special, in their life, although you provided everything a person needs to succeed and be healthy. This is a great video to explain all of the chaos, inside of a Narcissist. They can even fake that they have a heart. Pretty good acting eh?
@@user-el8nz4yu4t if dogs aren't raised right, then things can go wrong. Some have hunting or killing instincts which are stronger than the power of their owner. Some bite if you go close to their food dish or toy. Some attack other dogs and cats. Some chew through your belongings. Some owners get pulled around by them. If the owner is not confident, the dog becomes the boss. Some dogs run away. You might not be able to live, with the dog you chose. They stay to be fed and sheltered. Not every animal is loyal, especially if you haven't had it since it was a puppy. I've even been made fun of, by a Narc, who said to me, 'you let every big dog jump up on you.' I assumed that the Narc was talking about our relationship. They hint around, obviously to test their power, by devulging truths,which should really be kept secret. This Narc was for sure, the big dog. Biting dogs, will also not protect, but bite their owners and break the trust. Dogs might not do it with joy, but a Narcissist does.
My mom has all of these traits. It's scary to think how messed up she made me
In my first marriage, I never expressed any emotion or boundary to my husband. It was an unspoken rule that I was there for him and his needs only. He was jealous if I showed attention to the kids while he was home. He would start arguments right by himself, even if I said nothing. He demanded perfection. He wouldn't spend any money on me. I would have to ask and ask for basic needs, food, personal hygiene. When I left him he did everything he could to destroy me. I told the lawyers what he was going to do because he had been threatening me for years. They didn't listen and he got away with it.
Very helpful brother. Thank you for your explanation!!!!
I’m still in the situation w my narc mother and I’m doing limited contact as much as possible and trying to remain emotionally detached from any situation w her until I get the heck out n make my escape from pure evil. Everything u said is so on point, I did laugh at the one thing u said about throwing tantrums like a toddler lol my god, I remember a few years back, she literally was in the laundry room jumping up and down screaming cuz she didn’t get what she wanted at that exact moment 😂 so I to everyone out there remember ur dealing with a child like entitled something….idk how I can say it but hang in there ❤❤❤
I gave back the taste of the same medicines what my narcissist boss used to give me... silent treatment.. after confirming the traits NPD... I made many people aware of the evil acts of my boss.. off course I had to pay the price by losing my job..
Everything Danish said . Was how my life was. And if they drink or use drugs. They claim they don’t remember what they did or said . Besides blaming you . They blame the alcohol 😄 .
The narcissist I’m married to blamed God for his sins…shocking !! I can’t wait for the day I can finally leave the asshole, meantime I’m working on my inner being so I never have to go through this kind of shit💩🤮
Or they blame you. My drug abusing ex boyfriend blamed me for using meth after the relationship ended. I was also the reason everything in the relationship went wrong. He could and still does not understand what he did wrong.
Thank you. You are 100% on target.
It's exactly how you tell it. They can't bear not even an expression of emotion from a friend, family member or collegue, as a consequence of their own behaviour.
They react always as if they are attacked. Than they start a fight, behave as a victim or go in Silent treatment.
When that happens, I mention, without emotion in an e-mail to them, what yust happened.
They dont react on that. And after some time they yust go on in the contact as if nothing happened.
I than feel for first powerless and than say to myself, that they are mad, and not worthy to give more of my energy. Try to desengage with them and to stay out of the pain. So I can go on with my own Life.
In some cases that is almost impossible. For example when I and my siblings had to organize everything after the dead of my parents.
Thank you Danish for putting everything on a row and explaining it all so well.
I feel less alone and Understood and Supported in feeling an seeing how this all works.
❤️🙏🌈
That is SO true, they are the biggest hypocrites and you’re right totally throw tantrums like a child!
Oh my goodness, Danish, ...... this is so helpful..... I cannot expound on my story too much, but I appreciate all you shared. I have gained great understanding from listening to you. I am amazed at your deliverance and ability to share your story and to give advice. Be FOREVER blessed.
They are " allowed " to critisize you, to comment etc, but try to tell them anything back, criticise them, you are not allowed. It's one way street, double standards, when they think they allowed whatever they fancy, but only them. This rule doesn't include you, the others...
So very very true
Thanks for your videos there spot on. The father of my kids is a narcissist and has ruined my life, he got my kids taken and put in his custody and lied to the judge. Now for 6 years he has had me doing whatever he wants so I can see my kids, he runs my life everyday, and now my kids are older n see what's going on and my son is starting to act like him. I pray things can somehow get better soon
Excellent Danish. Thank you. You have described my 24 year-old son, who is a sadistic narcissist and who has been making life very difficult for me. His temper tantrums are those of a child. He has destroyed laptops and cell phones, and punched holes in doors and walls. Recently, he has had me arrested 3 times so far for no reason at all.
You raised him. Maybe you created the monster in him.
@@beatricebee4809 Actually, I adopted him in his teens and have done my best to help him.
@@beatricebee4809 do you think that's helpful? Why don't you ask some questions since you're interested enough to post. This is a safe space to ask questions and state personal experiences. N not necessarily from m/d CAN genetically be wired FROM BIRTH, is part of many other psych diagnosis tho...cannot blame.
@noplacelikehome2.0 who are you to tell me how to respond to anyone? My statement is valid. I know many parents who are narcissist and blame their children for their reactions to the emotional abuse they inflict on them.
They themselves are filled with shame. so they want others who are healthy and ahve a healthy sef-image to feel the same shame that they feel! You hit the right point many times in your videos! Listening to the sentence was so validating. They exhibit all of this unhealthy and abnormal behavior!
This is so true> The more I tried to assert myself as a good person, friend, wife, mother, student, daughter, you name it the more my Narc parents, or Narc ex husband tried to strip that way. It was obviously so offensive to them. In the end I wound up being a hollowed out shell of a person, still trying to get that all back together.
Me ..I experienced n understood all that u said..still going through..want to escape as soon as possible permanently but very difficult task..mainly if they have stalking behaviour. they won't leave us to live anywhere..😢
I believe most murders that involve men and women in relationships have to do with narcissistic personality disorders! Just my opinion. Dealing with this type of person is infuriating and very frustrating! How can it not be? Dealing with a person that’s not fair and never considers your feelings?
On the positive note, we can learn how to connect with our soul more after we go no contact with them. We realise our own value more than ever before. This may be difficult when the narc is a spouse or parent. But with narcs in other relationships, they make us realise our own self worth more than all other people on the planet put together because, they devalue us so much that we hit rock bottom and wake up to our true self by watching videos like this and improving our knowledge about how they suck our soul because it's so very precious.
Very helpful. And a big YEP to all five.
One crazy thing I noticed is the over-the-top "do-gooder" acts, done of course in an attempt to make the rest of us seem cold and uncaring. In my case the narcissist made a special point of visiting the burial places of long dead relatives, for every special holiday. Also making a regular habit of visiting people or relatives in nursing homes who were mostly estranged or just not that close, and now are in deep cognitive decline.
This was deliberate performance art to show us what a kind, warm and/or concerned person they are to the world, meanwhile passing snarky judgement on the rest of us for not participating in such activities.
I got the biggest laugh the day I realized the only reason this person talks to the graves or visits the feebleminded is that they will never be contradicted by either. Talk about a need for absolute control over a situation. ☺️☺️☺️
Danish, another excellent video! 💯 % spot on!
I wonder if a narcissist watched this video, would they know they’re the one being talked about?
No, they would immediately say it is about you. Especially if you are their spouse.
Gaslighting is intense when they see you are self aware.
Just because I put washing out on the line, because it was a beautiful day.
My narc husband threw in his opinion of tomorrow weather, oh I Heard it may rain tomorrow.
(Me) just ignored him, his trying to get a reaction from tomorrows weather was insignificant to the moment of today.
Another warning tactic , they distract you to a reaction abuse. I stayed silent 😶
My partner had an episode and smashed the clock from down the hallway. She invited me over later that day, the clock was in the bedroom smashed in the corner, I tidied it up and carried on with our day. Later that night I lay down on the floor for a massage and started finding large dagger sized shards hidden under the bed, then all around the room. This is the person that I wanted to marry. So scary because my brother was murdered in a similar way
👍🏼 enlightening video, best video on the matter I have ever watched, it explained everything to me!
My ex made a plan to help his sister before work. He became enraged because he slept late and had his work schedule changed. he ended up driving so fast and unsafe I thought it was safer to jump from a vehicle going over 90mph than to stay in it. I started to open the door and then he got worse. By the time we got to his sisters at 7am I was so pale she gave me a double shot of tequila to calm down. Another time he was so angry at a slow driver he ran them off the road and got out of the car to confront the other driver a 90yo man. I honestly thought he was going to beat the man to death. But the old man stayed in his car.... that's when I realized he was on coke again and I was DONE!
So true, every single word you say here Sir.
I thought for sure he had met my narc! Here was a fun experience just the other day. Went to a restaurant the other day, and there was a little disagreement about the order of food that was brought out. When she realized she wasn't getting her way, she went to her favorite tactic of assassinating the manager's character. Something to the effect of what backwoods country are you from where they don't have the class and etiquette to give me what I want? Of course nothing quite that overt, you know leaving plenty of room for plausible deniability in the gas lighting that's sure to follow. This girl got the message right away, wasn't having any of that, and laid into her for all she was worth. The conflict was escalating and causing a scene and the other patrons were clearly appalled at her for attacking the manager's character for her country of origin. She got told off like no one's business and the manager walked off. That wasn't the end of it. The owner came out, heard her out, and ultimately told us both we were being asked to leave in no uncertain terms while all around watched the drama play out.
Yes, a truly humiliating experience, however it was very enlightening to see her in action and watch from a third party point of view. It truly validated all the complaints I've been making. Afterwards, I tried to gently suggest that yes dear, you really did criticize her, insult her, and you really did come across as snobbish, haughty, and rude. I pointed out how embarrassing it was for me. How far do you think I got along that line? Another enlightening experience. Should have seen her reaction as she exploded on me. I've never seen anyone kicked out of a restaurant. You might expect some hint of self reflection? No, not happening, however her reaction of injury and panic at being confronted and outed about her horrendously horrible behavior was quite revealing to watch play out.
It's not worth it. She's having more and more trouble functioning. We've lost two sets of friends. She's ruining her relationship with her narcissistic daughter. Our relationship is escalating in hostility, and we're having difficulty even going out in public. Of course it needs to end, but it's been a very educating experience. It's a bad car wreck playing out in slow motion, but it's like I have to watch. It's strangely entertaining.
Stay strong dude, good luck getting away cleanly. If you have any weapons in the home you may want to make them disappear or be less harmful, and do it before you're in more physical danger.
Yes. He used to do it. I have been through. But I fought and argued every time he tried to do something nasty. I told him just put yourself in my shoes...and now he is not violet. But a narc is a narc for ever. They don't change much...
Initially I was shaken, shocked, and zonked, I denied reality, then slowly I forced myself to write it down and write after that I can I will and I must.
I focused on bringing up my kids
I remember when i was about 6 and my family were having a little bonfire at the beach..my brother pushed me and i stood on hot coal ..my mother blamed me ..and shouted at me all night for having to take me back to the caravan because my foot was burnt.
#1, being a selfish narcissist is detrimental to anyone and they choose to do so!
That's it 👍
I spoke with a very calm voice. I didn't react. She went crazier! There was never a way to deal with her.
Gosh, the start of your statement, I just agreed immediately with a sigh 🤦
Everything you said, I keep on saying yes.
Anybody who's not in this kind of relationship can never relate.
I am truly looking for a support group because every now & then I'm second guessing my humanity.
Please help me.
Thank you Danish! 😊🎉Great work to help the world sir!
Ive often accussed of throwing tantrums because ive been sobbing in a ball in the floor frustrated at their destructiveness. His tantrum was of the cold typen abandoning me when i was in most pain. Cant wait to find somewhere to live and leave here.
Your videos are very helpful. Thank you for showing the way. And giving clarity... 🙏🙏
Thank you for your videos. They are EXTREMELY HELPFUL.
You are 100% right about everything
#2 their reaction to laughing at one of their absurd actions/statements.
I have experienced this when I was young so left home. My family are all narcissists but I only recoginised it through my mother when I was young. I left home and avoided her and kept her behaviour a secret. The only problem is when I did declare it, the entire family attacked me as beign disloyal. Fortunately, I have worked with therapists and my husband is great so I can deal with them and I live on another continent. The pressure by them is still difficult only because I feel guilt and sadness for them. Its is on my mind all the time but I wake up every day and thank god that I recognised it and did what I had to do to save myself at a young age. Walking away took bravery and it has done me well in my career because I do the same to all narcissists even my boss. I would rather work at McDonalds than let anyone treat me the way my mother did.
Yes I experienced all of it. I had to go no contact to protect my sanity ❤
My EX narc had such control issues and OCD. When she would get ready to go out, she would make me sit in the bathroom with her before going downstairs to get a drink of water, or eat a snack. She treated me like I was 5 years old. And....when we would leave her house she had to use paper towels to open the door knob because it was contaminated to let me out. I wasn't allowed to touch it, because she had (germ issues). She wouldn't eat finger foods and hated kissing because of germs, but loved to give oral sex (without me showering). How does that make sense??? She was contradicting herself in ways I wasnt prepared to comprehend. It's the most insane relationship of BPD/NPD/OCD I ever encountered. But she was good in bed. That's why I stayed so long. Her issues became my issues and now I'm trying to rewire my brain to think like before. Wish me luck.
I’ve felt alone my entire life. I’ve been learning to open more to my husband and feel less alone. I would feel alone in a crowded room. That has been changing for me but I know the feeling all too well.
Its so exhausting to deal with! I go into bedroom and tell him im done with this right now. When he comes back into bedroom yelling at me i tell him to get out over and over. And its the only thing i say until he leaves..
Their anger is draining...
I did get all of the anger. When he started to come to me I would ask him not get in my face he looked like a demon
Every word of this is SO TRUE. Danish is succinct, precise and SO BRILLIANT!
It's true.Anything ( even casual chats, just to break the silent treatment) I try bringing over to the NARC, is being taken personal and thrown back my in face.
Yes, and I see this in total strangers it's so evident...they aren't aware. Anger is healthy and can also protect us but, wow wee wow wow don't get angry at the NARC ...just leave them asasp if you're in a relationship get outta of there, if married take a bit longer as they'll be very selfish in not wanting you to leave even abusive be yee careful. Peace of The Good Lord Be with you all. Amen
Yes... right off the bat #1 and #2.... wow!!! Haven't even hot to #3
Yes exactly, Danish. My sister goes madly bezirk if anyone notices that she has noted any kind of information wrong, something so trivial as the opening hours of a shop.
Back in the day before GPS she was once driving during a trip and went so ballistic when I mentioned that she missed the exit from the highway. This happened often and I really feared she might kill me. Totally insane!!
I cut off all contact with her years ago, as the communication with her does not function at all in a healthy, reasonable way.
But I'm still not sure about the theory that narcissism is caused by upbringing, because our mother never shamed us for errors, mistakes or wrong information. I'm really starting to believe the theory that it might possibly be caused by head injuries.
They never truly listen. They take whatever you say and twist it to suit their thinking, including lying.
To be with under a narcs influence, is to be a prisoner. It can be very dangerous to choose to stand up: what will it cost you/me to leave, what will it cost to stay!!! After leaving, you ( or me) can never say, or deal memories without feeling unsafe... I am so scared for my life, feeling I'm living with all my scares inside me....not be free, only having a look around all the time..
It is very scary indeed not knowing what the narcissist is going to do next. 'Walking on eggshells' is a prisoner's life, and escaping seems worse when they are already punishing you. In hindsight, the better outcome may be getting OUT sooner or as soon as you can. Once you have a safety net in place for yourself, it may not be as hard as it seems right now. If possible, I hope you can find your way to safety and security soon to be around people who love and support you.❤️🩹💞
Hi...I don't know U..bt I Jus Wanna tell U to be Bold & Fearless Knowing that God is Always With U & Will Always Protect U & Will Never Ever Leave U. Be Strong & Trust God He Will Fight for U. Don't Let Fear Control U..ok..tkcr & God Bless...❤
Danish as always nails it.
I am an unfortunate survivor of this abuse by birth family..I was SCAPE GOAT AKA BLACK SHHEP.
Danish makes me feel whole again with this truth 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏God bless you Danish
I did the same thing that the Narcissist did with me
and destroyed him completely and left him completely and made him alone forever
Thanks Danish. You are so accurate.
Sir, you are helping the world! Thank you!
The man I loved would constantly criticize my hair. He would even pull me over , grab a comb and rearrange it before we left the house together. One day, totally out of character for me, I retaliated! He was bald but very attractive I asked him how he would feel if I teased his baldness. He was furious!! I wished Id kept my mouth shut!
I've been through this, you can't talk to them. They don't here you. They think there entitled.