I was raised like this, and now have anxiety, and depression. I stayed out of trouble, but have no self esteem, and couldn't drive for a year because of fear and anxiety, cried before going to work because of social anxiety, and struggled with trust in relationships. Gotta be a better way.
Oh God.... are you me? Because I have pretty much gone through the same issues myself. Both of .y parents are die hard conservative Christians with this parenting style. Toxic shame was everywhere and I was deprived from so much growing up. Also, my dad was kinda uninvolved in my life too. Now being 22 years old, I'm struggling to heal from this. I wish I can start my life over with better parents but no I have to deal with this and make another better family of my own one day.
Damn I thought I was alone/ just weird. I too didn’t get a drivers license and a car because I was to afraid and beat ,self up saying I couldn’t do it. I drive now but I always doubt myself and slip into depression occasionally.
My parents are obviously authoritarian. I’ve grown up with this my whole life and as a result of that I don’t go a day without chronically lying and I’m always paranoid of my parents seeing me watch one TH-cam video. It’s messed up when you realize that the only place where you feel safe is the bathroom because your parents won’t take the lock off of that door. I can confidentially say that my parents have messed up my childhood and have created a dysfunctional family. My friends get their phones taken away when they do something horrible like vandalizing while I get my phone taken away because I didn’t eat any food that contained protein for lunch... that’s a legit story.
Buddy, not eating protein in your lunch is a crime against yourself. Vandalizing is a crime that affects others. For your parents, what's more important?
You're probably not going to understand why this is a bad style unless you are parented that way. It really does kill a lot of childhood and ends up making it a struggle for them social and mental wise. But they could also be rebellious when older to get back at you or completely cut you out so that they can breathe and mentally improve away from you
Arion Briyel Sounds like a child brought up in an illogical or inconsistent parenting atmosphere. That's not synonymous with authoritarian parenting. This continues to happen and then the next generation completely abandons authority in their parenting. Yet children of these 'modern' parents are disrespectful, have no self regulation, etc. leaving our teachers to now have to fill in for parents in record numbers.
Arion Briyel Good. You seem level headed then. There is definitely a healthy balance in there while being an authority figure of staying one step ahead, being consistent, prepared (so you're not shocked or flying off the deep end), and slowly handing over rights and responsibilities as the child shows maturity. When there's an issue, it's the authority figure's (parent) job to figure out what they can do to help remedy it. And yes sometimes eliminating distractions/taking things away until the child proves they can handle their responsibility better is the answer. Kids don't always understand, that's where communication comes in. The punishment is great, but that quality time of talking and explaining and sharing, is truly the keystone to make it all work. But again, that's an authority figure. The one on top who knows better and should exercise calm, rational control, and ease up slowly through time. And if you're doing it right, you'll see the child blossom over the years and slowly become their own authority figure. As a side note, before I dished out my punishments, I'd allow for my children to tell me what they think their consequence should be; something that will help put them back on track. You're still in charge as you can decline their idea, but you're also giving them an exercise in self-governing and eventually, they do start to make some fantastic decisions.
J Carter That would be more of a democratic parenting style because they are open to communication, You should also not seize to much control unless you see that it is really needed like if you give them something and its used immaturely then take it away (gaining control) but if you are too authoritative then it can cause for serious unhappiness and most likely bite back in the future.
Arion Briyel Well again, we have good authority figures, and poor ones. When you have any control, you have to think critically and figure out your end goal, and methodically plan out how to get there. This is where human intelligence comes in. And it's not book smarts, it's knowing human beings. A lot of people shy away from this term but essentially parenting is being a master manipulator. You can manipulate in a good way, like when we make a big deal the first time our child cleans up their mess, we go crazy with praise because we are essentially manipulating good behavior out of them. Or when we expose them to science, you're trying to instill a love for the subject. But then there's manipulating for selfish reasons that harm someone. Even when you back off, you're still vigilant and watching from afar. Being in control and in charge is not bad. Just as a parent sometimes you have to give the illusion that the child is in control, because it helps you get to your end goal, which is an independent healthy adult. But deep down you both know, you're mom or dad, and you're always there to take control when the water gets too tough when they're minors under your roof. That's security and it's perfectly healthy. 😉 When they look back later and reflect, even when they were independent, they knew mom or dad was just a phone call or hug away to take over. This is why I disagree with the blanket statement "authoritative parenting is bad". Parenting is not that simple.
Im the result of authoritarian parenting. I am 32 years old living with these results. There are a lot more negative outcomes from this style of parenting, trust me. To this day, my parents keep thinking that they are in charge of me. I have to constantly remind them that they cant do sh!t to me. Leaving home at 20 was the best decision I ever made even though i went through some serious struggles. I believe authoritarian parenting comes from the Parents who made serious serious mistakes in their past time and have great fear that their children will repeat those mistakes so they try to control and live through their children. I also believe their parents used to hit them senselessly so as long as they didn’t hit us, they were considered “the world’s greatest parents” in their head. Here are my results of Authoritarianism… some are positive and a lot are negative. Low self esteem. Anger issues because I never had a fair opportunity to stand up for myself and speak my mind. Being afraid of taking a risk. Being afraid of standing up for myself when I sense bullsh!t. Being a Yes man at work. Short end of the stick. Being the nice guy who finishes last. Being a compulsive liar as a teen to shun my parents away. Not everyone has the same results of authoritarian parenting but from the articles ive read and the videos ive seen, the results arent far apart Ok ok ok i can keep going on with these negatives so now I will shift to the positive. I am very respectful. I don’t talk back to my bosses (it really gets you nowhere if you do) I am a gentleman, my wife absolutely loves me for that. Very few people dislike me. A lot of people say that I am a good leader not because of authoritarian but because of influence.
I grew up like this and I can tell you I had the worst self esteem, I now have anxiety disorder and depression, I can't hold down a job and am always in desperate need of reassurance. If you are a parent, PLEASE DON'T BE LIKE THIS.
I was raised like this too, my father was also an alcoholic with chronic depression who left when I was 13 and never came back, I've developed serious symptoms of dissociative identity disorder, anxiety and struggle with decision making and knowing who I am. You can't really grow in that type of environment, I hope you manage to get better from your issues.
This is the way my parents raised me. As a result, I am afraid of them and more rebellious to them as a result. I hate them so much due to the way they raised me.
Authoritarian parents have negative effects. Despite being disciplined, authoritarian parents have also the chance to give negative effects to their children. -depression : obvious reason -low self esteem : fears to do anything because he thinks he will fail -power means anything : authoritarian parents give their children this feeling -anger : some children of authoritarian parents have anger issues, which they blame to their parents -hatred : authoritarian parent's children can hate their own parents -liars : authoritarian parent's children can practice to lie, to avoid punishment.
@@iwillnotcomplyistandformyf6642 It's true. There is nothing wrong with being authoritative however it has to be done in a healthy way. Being strict, but also caring to your children is healthy (authoritative). But being overly strict, giving harsh punishments for simple things, constantly giving chores without hardly any free time for the kids, having ridiculous expectations, constantly criticizing them, and shutting down their voice is not healthy (i.e., authoritarian).
@@angelwilliams8965mhmm and this is coming from someone with authoritative parents since my mom went from authoritarian to authoritative since she knew the first one wasn’t the best for her and she cried and felt bad about it.
my dad is authoritarian and my mom is a mix of uninvolved and authoritarian. I have always struggled with math and I was terrified to ask my dad for help because after explaining it once and still not understanding it he would yell at me and call me stupid even though I was like 7 years old. My mom would refuse to take me anywhere unless my dad told her to and she never cared about how my day went. In elementary I would see parents pick their kids up or have lunch with them and ask how was school and the kid would talk forever about their day, with my mom I would start talking then she would interrupt and say "you should write a book" and change the subject. My parents love having control over me like i'm supposed to be a doll, if I start crying they tell me to suck it up, when I get mad they yell at me and talk down to me until i cry, they put restrictions on my phone and when I ask why they say because I don't trust you. They bring stupid things up that I did when I was in like 6th grade (11 years old) even though i'm more mature and older and hold it over my head. My dad holds money over my head. My mom holds my insecurities over my head.
Describes my childhood to a T, especially the picking up from school and math parts. You are not alone, and it will get better! I am happily living away from them now able to finally breathe. Stay strong❤
Thats why tf I don't like to look at other children idk in public and say thats why I'm not having children. Wtf does it have to do with ur ass why a child is screaming public for a toy or if its a serious prob.
The positive side to this is that you see it and understand their behaviour is wrong. You don’t have to internalize it if you can help it. Most of us believed for years that this was normal and there was something wrong with us.
I'm trying to find information on how not to act in response to authoritarian parents. I've had an authoritarian mother and this is so hard.. You can't do anything but rebel against that. When you feel denied and unheard and screamed at and shamed, you can't do anything but rebel. Don't be that parent please. Consider your child's feeling. I've come a long way
shaniya e. Authoritative parenting is not the best style of parenting because if kids do something they aren’t supposed to do they can still get in trouble. Also, when they face their consequences they may feel very guilty of themselves and possibly even criticized.
@@manofallsorts6022 Authoritative has been proven to be the best parenting style, if kids aren't OCCASIONALLY punished/told no/face consequences, then they will never understand right from wrong or understand other people's emotions in an empathetic way. Authoritative punishment isn't anything like authoritarian physical harm. They take children's feelings into consideration and explain the reason behind the rules and punishment. If a child is doing something they aren't supposed to do, they should still have some sort of punishment otherwise can you really call that parenting?
@@manofallsorts6022 False- Authoritative has been proven to be the best form of parenting is almost all studies. However spanking depends on the child. Different discipline works for different child. Spanking isn’t bad- if done correctly.
I don’t appreciate my mom for using this kind of parenting. She isn’t a full authoritarian, but when she speaks up, she expects me to do all chores, get grades above 92, and to not talk bad about her. When I was in 4th grade I kept on threatening her that I was going to harm myself as a way for her to loosen up on me, and this led to us going to a psychiatrist who never really helped. I would cry because none of them understood what I was going through. A kid shouldn’t be expected to not screw up and to not go against what their parent wants them to be and do. Even when I mention a new friend, she sees no reason to not butt in and constantly ask questions about them and their family, like she doesn’t trust my judgement. To make it worse, most of my family are very religious and think this is the way to parent. It is the WORST way to parent. Because of this, I have repeatedly thought about barely wanting her in my life when I get older. I have depression and slight anxiety because I feel like everything I do will fail. I have a low self-esteem because when I make a mistake, my mom picks at me instead of trying to help me!
My mother was authoritarian like crazy and my dad was neglectful because he was never around and was cheating on my mother (this is a fact). I was raised in an environment with constant arguing, yelling and screaming and my mother used me on many occasions to "investigate" whether my father was cheating. She would have me snoop in his car or snoop his email and then report back. Mother even sent me (as a teen) to ask my father if he had a girlfriend and report back. She confided in me throughout my childhood and teen years about what he said and did and has even asked my advice (as a teen) as to whether or not she she divorce him. My mother provided me with no privacy as she constantly went through my bookbag (even in the 12th grade) and monitored my phone calls with friends. There was also a constant theme of "dont be like your father" and telling me that my father didnt care about me. The effects of my authoritarian mother and neglectful father still hurts to this day and it makes me not want to have a relationship with them. I have to learn how to put on a condom through porn because my dad was never around. I still cant tie a tie but youtube helps with that. I dont know how to change a tire. Because of my mom's authoritarian style, I am extremely passive and Im very scared to assert myself when I should. I get taken advantage of alot. someone I have lonely and have a hard time making friends. I feel as if my identity was taken away and that I was trained to be what my mother wants me to be or think how my mother wants me to think as opposed to having my own opinions. The video is totally correct when they say that the effect of an authoritarian parent results in the child not knowing how to make a decision because I am constantly confused as to what I want and I constantly seek validation/approval of others before making a decision. Currently, my mother and father have reconciled (now that they are 67 and 68 years old) and expect me (41 years old) to pretend like none of this happened. They dont believe that their past martial struggles should have affected my upbringing and I have yet to receive an apology. This whole situation makes me cry (which I am doing now) constantly and I have trouble sleeping sometimes because I am thinking about why this happened. Any advice on how to move on from this? I have very low self esteem, I have trouble making decisions, and I constantly seek validation. It's like I dont know who I am as a person because my mother made me be who she wanted me to be.
Not only do I have such authoritarian parents but almost my entire family bloodline is very restrictive with what I say and what I do and would like to do. My mother often scolds me and never listens to what I have to say. She then shut me off and says "it is the same thing with you." I feel very emotionally neglected and that because of what my parents had to go through as kids. not only were their parents poor but were so emotionally neglectful to my parents back then. My nearby family has become so repressive that they put so many expectations on me. Expectations that don't even make sense. My mom hates it when I cry and start to say that it's the same with me. Is that unconditional love or authoritarian love? What can I do? Wha must I do to put an end to this? Must I leave the household or just live nearby in a new house?
save up money and leave when you can. when you are safe and out the house, i would recommend talking to your parents about how they’re parenting me those affected you negatively. I’m sorry you had to go through this, you don’t deserve that. i also grew up with parents that carried on negative parenting methods from their parents rather than stopping the cycle. this was written a year ago, any updates?
Yes, I think we react in different way. For me I was rebelious, my brother is shy, and me and my second brother have anxiety. But I think I was the main target since I was ''rebel''. I wasn't even THAT rebel I never took drugs or had sex at 13. But I skipped school.. to sleep.
Sometimes they'll try to do this to you as an adult but they have to realize once you hit 18+, you are declared a legal adult and for the most part have to turn them loose and let them grow up
Theres some conditioning trough fear, like me, i was taught to be perfect, just to get some friends, because i was allways in fear of being rejected, its a complicated way to educate children and thats bad and sad
@@iwillnotcomplyistandformyf6642 no I see ourselves as molds of clay we are molded into jars we would be filled with water and never blood to take lives i hope they won't be full of blood and wine or beer
My mom is an authoritarian, and I was the only 1 out 3 siblings that rebelled. My other 2 siblings were afraid. My mom demanded me to always listen to her no matter what the situation was. I never had a say in anything. There was constant yelling and guilt shaming by her. No help with school work. Demanding high grades but then did nothing to try and help. Just say you better get good grades this year or else..she would just yell yell and yell some more. There was very limited warmth. And the warmth she put out was directed towards her own feelings never towards any of us. I became bitter towards her and limit my interactions, and always will.
Hands down the best parenting style. I am a parent, and my children have cousins raised in the more modern manor. All of them absolute terrors. My kids are kind, considerate, polite, and guess what? There also very competent and capable, way more so than others their age. They are AMAZING problem solvers and decision makers. Authoritarian parenting is the correct way, and it doesn’t preclude you from encouraging, loving, supporting and teaching your kids. It just means that they have to respect that you have the final decision, and disrespect will not be tolerated. The entire world is like this and they will use those lessons later on.
Im a child being raised by authoritarian parents. While i am respectful, smart, get good grades, etc., I really do not like my parents because of the way they treat me. I used to respect and obey them out of fear, now I do so because I dont feel like arguing with them. Authoritarian parenting is best if you want kids who act like robots and bottle their true feelings.
@@DrizzyBi feel the exact same way dude now i just play along with whatever my parents say because im so tired of fighting. I have so much repressed anger from childhood
@@iwillnotcomplyistandformyf6642 No it’s not. I suffered from this deeply and it statistically causes more problems. Do not get kids if you are going to make them suffer.
Arion Briyel i shouldve been more specific on what i really meant. Just someone craving attention and sympathy for something they most likely never went through
@@Smexie No, I had authoritarian and it's really a bad environment to live in. I developped anxiety, poor self esteem and I made a depression at 12. Believe me or not that's your choice but don't be in denial, authoritarian parents are always in denial that's why they're bad. They can't see their child's pain. Also there's nothing wrong with wanting attention. I don't know what is this tradition to not give someone attention when they ask for it?
I don't see anything wrong with some of the aspects of this style because if you continue to give these kids leadway they will run over you over and over
There’s something called a balance my friend. This style of parenting does not allow kids to grow on there own. If overdone it can cause fear and anxiety in the outer world. I don’t condone this style of parenting. There needs to be balance of freedom and disicipline.
Does she hear her self I care about my son feeling but what about the bad ads kids my mom said because I said so and Spain worked to I still list in to my mom and I stay always from the law all I can
I was grounded and spanked growing up. As an adult, I have respect for authority and elders (I believe this to be paramount)! I married a wonderful, respectful, and kind-hearted woman. I went on to get a college diploma. I owe it all to authoritarian parenting. While love is important, discipline, obedience, and respect is what I will be teaching my children the most. This will produce diligent students, respectful adults, and wonderful life partners. I've been told that authoritarian parenting causes depression. I am proof that this is an outright lie!!! Those who don't raise their kids this way will find them in situations like that "Cash Me" girl from Dr. Phil. Authoritarianism is love.
I've had depression at 12, developped anxiey at 8 and poor self-esteem because of this parenting style. I don't knwo how you survived! You must be a robot!
Being spanked and reasonably disciplined alone is not entirely authoritarian parenting. It's much more dangerous when it's when its nestled with narcissism and downright emotional neglect where it becomes a problem. A lot of people who get depression due to this style of parenting (myself included- as well as having PTSD) have been neglected and belittled to the point that we are unable to feel safe within out own household. Its where it becomes borderline abuse more then discipline where it begins to effect youth negatively. I'm glad you had good parents and that you feel thankful for what they've done for you. Continue to be thankful and respectful. I hope you are successful in life :)
It's a thin line, not enough authority and the kids go wild and cause a list of issues for themselves and others. Too much authority belittles the children and they grow up with no agency in their lives. It also depends on each individual child as everyone has different needs. There's no universally perfect parenting style, you have to know how to act and when to get positive results.
I was raised like this, and now have anxiety, and depression. I stayed out of trouble, but have no self esteem, and couldn't drive for a year because of fear and anxiety, cried before going to work because of social anxiety, and struggled with trust in relationships. Gotta be a better way.
Alyssa Williams by all means! That style of parenting is my least favorite!
Oh God.... are you me? Because I have pretty much gone through the same issues myself. Both of .y parents are die hard conservative Christians with this parenting style. Toxic shame was everywhere and I was deprived from so much growing up. Also, my dad was kinda uninvolved in my life too. Now being 22 years old, I'm struggling to heal from this. I wish I can start my life over with better parents but no I have to deal with this and make another better family of my own one day.
Damn I thought I was alone/ just weird. I too didn’t get a drivers license and a car because I was to afraid and beat ,self up saying I couldn’t do it. I drive now but I always doubt myself and slip into depression occasionally.
@@AngelicZelda444
quit complaining
Alyssa Williams I know how you felt..... I know the pain
My parents are obviously authoritarian. I’ve grown up with this my whole life and as a result of that I don’t go a day without chronically lying and I’m always paranoid of my parents seeing me watch one TH-cam video. It’s messed up when you realize that the only place where you feel safe is the bathroom because your parents won’t take the lock off of that door. I can confidentially say that my parents have messed up my childhood and have created a dysfunctional family. My friends get their phones taken away when they do something horrible like vandalizing while I get my phone taken away because I didn’t eat any food that contained protein for lunch... that’s a legit story.
What the heck is WRONG with your parents? Who punishes their kid in ANY way simply because they didn't have any protein?? That just makes 0 sense!
💯 Dictatorship
Buddy, not eating protein in your lunch is a crime against yourself.
Vandalizing is a crime that affects others.
For your parents, what's more important?
You're probably not going to understand why this is a bad style unless you are parented that way.
It really does kill a lot of childhood and ends up making it a struggle for them social and mental wise.
But they could also be rebellious when older to get back at you or completely cut you out so that they can breathe and mentally improve away from you
Arion Briyel Sounds like a child brought up in an illogical or inconsistent parenting atmosphere. That's not synonymous with authoritarian parenting. This continues to happen and then the next generation completely abandons authority in their parenting. Yet children of these 'modern' parents are disrespectful, have no self regulation, etc. leaving our teachers to now have to fill in for parents in record numbers.
J Carter That is true for quite a few kids I have seen and been around, but that means the parent is to uninvolved or permissive
Arion Briyel Good. You seem level headed then. There is definitely a healthy balance in there while being an authority figure of staying one step ahead, being consistent, prepared (so you're not shocked or flying off the deep end), and slowly handing over rights and responsibilities as the child shows maturity. When there's an issue, it's the authority figure's (parent) job to figure out what they can do to help remedy it. And yes sometimes eliminating distractions/taking things away until the child proves they can handle their responsibility better is the answer. Kids don't always understand, that's where communication comes in. The punishment is great, but that quality time of talking and explaining and sharing, is truly the keystone to make it all work. But again, that's an authority figure. The one on top who knows better and should exercise calm, rational control, and ease up slowly through time. And if you're doing it right, you'll see the child blossom over the years and slowly become their own authority figure. As a side note, before I dished out my punishments, I'd allow for my children to tell me what they think their consequence should be; something that will help put them back on track. You're still in charge as you can decline their idea, but you're also giving them an exercise in self-governing and eventually, they do start to make some fantastic decisions.
J Carter That would be more of a democratic parenting style because they are open to communication, You should also not seize to much control unless you see that it is really needed like if you give them something and its used immaturely then take it away (gaining control) but if you are too authoritative then it can cause for serious unhappiness and most likely bite back in the future.
Arion Briyel Well again, we have good authority figures, and poor ones. When you have any control, you have to think critically and figure out your end goal, and methodically plan out how to get there. This is where human intelligence comes in. And it's not book smarts, it's knowing human beings. A lot of people shy away from this term but essentially parenting is being a master manipulator. You can manipulate in a good way, like when we make a big deal the first time our child cleans up their mess, we go crazy with praise because we are essentially manipulating good behavior out of them. Or when we expose them to science, you're trying to instill a love for the subject. But then there's manipulating for selfish reasons that harm someone. Even when you back off, you're still vigilant and watching from afar. Being in control and in charge is not bad. Just as a parent sometimes you have to give the illusion that the child is in control, because it helps you get to your end goal, which is an independent healthy adult. But deep down you both know, you're mom or dad, and you're always there to take control when the water gets too tough when they're minors under your roof. That's security and it's perfectly healthy. 😉 When they look back later and reflect, even when they were independent, they knew mom or dad was just a phone call or hug away to take over. This is why I disagree with the blanket statement "authoritative parenting is bad". Parenting is not that simple.
Im the result of authoritarian parenting. I am 32 years old living with these results. There are a lot more negative outcomes from this style of parenting, trust me. To this day, my parents keep thinking that they are in charge of me. I have to constantly remind them that they cant do sh!t to me. Leaving home at 20 was the best decision I ever made even though i went through some serious struggles.
I believe authoritarian parenting comes from the Parents who made serious serious mistakes in their past time and have great fear that their children will repeat those mistakes so they try to control and live through their children. I also believe their parents used to hit them senselessly so as long as they didn’t hit us, they were considered “the world’s greatest parents” in their head.
Here are my results of Authoritarianism… some are positive and a lot are negative.
Low self esteem.
Anger issues because I never had a fair opportunity to stand up for myself and speak my mind.
Being afraid of taking a risk.
Being afraid of standing up for myself when I sense bullsh!t.
Being a Yes man at work.
Short end of the stick.
Being the nice guy who finishes last.
Being a compulsive liar as a teen to shun my parents away.
Not everyone has the same results of authoritarian parenting but from the articles ive read and the videos ive seen, the results arent far apart
Ok ok ok i can keep going on with these negatives so now I will shift to the positive.
I am very respectful.
I don’t talk back to my bosses (it really gets you nowhere if you do)
I am a gentleman, my wife absolutely loves me for that.
Very few people dislike me.
A lot of people say that I am a good leader not because of authoritarian but because of influence.
I grew up like this and I can tell you I had the worst self esteem, I now have anxiety disorder and depression, I can't hold down a job and am always in desperate need of reassurance. If you are a parent, PLEASE DON'T BE LIKE THIS.
7Neon Imagination7 You apparently blame your parents for all of these issues?
I was raised like this too, my father was also an alcoholic with chronic depression who left when I was 13 and never came back, I've developed serious symptoms of dissociative identity disorder, anxiety and struggle with decision making and knowing who I am. You can't really grow in that type of environment, I hope you manage to get better from your issues.
meRguitarLUVR Dear, I think you should re read what the other person said, properly. The person is having trouble in knowing who he is.
Soundsl ike you're jsut lazy.
Me too I had depression at 12-13 years old. My mother is authoritarian, I live with my father now, I'm recovering from the we can call it trauma.
This is the way my parents raised me. As a result, I am afraid of them and more rebellious to them as a result. I hate them so much due to the way they raised me.
Powerranger6342 don't ever say that.
Stop whining.
Completely understandable.
@@SwissMappin Stop supporting authoritarianism.
@@bethliotta3752 fuck you
Authoritarian parents have negative effects. Despite being disciplined, authoritarian parents have also the chance to give negative effects to their children.
-depression : obvious reason
-low self esteem : fears to do anything because he thinks he will fail
-power means anything : authoritarian parents give their children this feeling
-anger : some children of authoritarian parents have anger issues, which they blame to their parents
-hatred : authoritarian parent's children can hate their own parents
-liars : authoritarian parent's children can practice to lie, to avoid punishment.
False
@@iwillnotcomplyistandformyf6642 It's true. There is nothing wrong with being authoritative however it has to be done in a healthy way. Being strict, but also caring to your children is healthy (authoritative). But being overly strict, giving harsh punishments for simple things, constantly giving chores without hardly any free time for the kids, having ridiculous expectations, constantly criticizing them, and shutting down their voice is not healthy (i.e., authoritarian).
@@angelwilliams8965mhmm and this is coming from someone with authoritative parents since my mom went from authoritarian to authoritative since she knew the first one wasn’t the best for her and she cried and felt bad about it.
@@iwillnotcomplyistandformyf6642 🧢
Authoritarianist parents and continuous bullying nearly broke my mental fortitude. I was forged in that flame of rebellion.
liar
Same, fuck it was hell
Now you are...indestructible!!
my dad is authoritarian and my mom is a mix of uninvolved and authoritarian. I have always struggled with math and I was terrified to ask my dad for help because after explaining it once and still not understanding it he would yell at me and call me stupid even though I was like 7 years old. My mom would refuse to take me anywhere unless my dad told her to and she never cared about how my day went. In elementary I would see parents pick their kids up or have lunch with them and ask how was school and the kid would talk forever about their day, with my mom I would start talking then she would interrupt and say "you should write a book" and change the subject. My parents love having control over me like i'm supposed to be a doll, if I start crying they tell me to suck it up, when I get mad they yell at me and talk down to me until i cry, they put restrictions on my phone and when I ask why they say because I don't trust you. They bring stupid things up that I did when I was in like 6th grade (11 years old) even though i'm more mature and older and hold it over my head. My dad holds money over my head. My mom holds my insecurities over my head.
Absolutely a dictator he is. I feel bad for you.
Describes my childhood to a T, especially the picking up from school and math parts. You are not alone, and it will get better! I am happily living away from them now able to finally breathe. Stay strong❤
Thats why tf I don't like to look at other children idk in public and say thats why I'm not having children. Wtf does it have to do with ur ass why a child is screaming public for a toy or if its a serious prob.
The positive side to this is that you see it and understand their behaviour is wrong.
You don’t have to internalize it if you can help it.
Most of us believed for years that this was normal and there was something wrong with us.
I'm trying to find information on how not to act in response to authoritarian parents. I've had an authoritarian mother and this is so hard.. You can't do anything but rebel against that. When you feel denied and unheard and screamed at and shamed, you can't do anything but rebel. Don't be that parent please. Consider your child's feeling. I've come a long way
@C. Haze oh now I see it. You're a troll.
C. Haze Do you right wing parenting people call everything weak?
@@SayYourSomething That's the baseline of their philosophy
Authoritative parenting is by far the better style to use compared to authoritarian parenting.
shaniya e. Authoritative parenting is not the best style of parenting because if kids do something they aren’t supposed to do they can still get in trouble. Also, when they face their consequences they may feel very guilty of themselves and possibly even criticized.
Yes it is better. It's the best way to parent.
Authoritative and authoritarian are different styles of parenting.
@@manofallsorts6022 Authoritative has been proven to be the best parenting style, if kids aren't OCCASIONALLY punished/told no/face consequences, then they will never understand right from wrong or understand other people's emotions in an empathetic way. Authoritative punishment isn't anything like authoritarian physical harm. They take children's feelings into consideration and explain the reason behind the rules and punishment. If a child is doing something they aren't supposed to do, they should still have some sort of punishment otherwise can you really call that parenting?
@@manofallsorts6022 False- Authoritative has been proven to be the best form of parenting is almost all studies.
However spanking depends on the child. Different discipline works for different child. Spanking isn’t bad- if done correctly.
my struggles have never been valid.
I'm always just too dramatic or overreacting.
I'm always in the wrong.
Yes that can be difficult I understand
I don’t appreciate my mom for using this kind of parenting. She isn’t a full authoritarian, but when she speaks up, she expects me to do all chores, get grades above 92, and to not talk bad about her. When I was in 4th grade I kept on threatening her that I was going to harm myself as a way for her to loosen up on me, and this led to us going to a psychiatrist who never really helped. I would cry because none of them understood what I was going through. A kid shouldn’t be expected to not screw up and to not go against what their parent wants them to be and do. Even when I mention a new friend, she sees no reason to not butt in and constantly ask questions about them and their family, like she doesn’t trust my judgement. To make it worse, most of my family are very religious and think this is the way to parent. It is the WORST way to parent. Because of this, I have repeatedly thought about barely wanting her in my life when I get older. I have depression and slight anxiety because I feel like everything I do will fail. I have a low self-esteem because when I make a mistake, my mom picks at me instead of trying to help me!
I would LOVE to have a mom like yours!
Emily quit complaining
My mother was authoritarian like crazy and my dad was neglectful because he was never around and was cheating on my mother (this is a fact). I was raised in an environment with constant arguing, yelling and screaming and my mother used me on many occasions to "investigate" whether my father was cheating. She would have me snoop in his car or snoop his email and then report back. Mother even sent me (as a teen) to ask my father if he had a girlfriend and report back. She confided in me throughout my childhood and teen years about what he said and did and has even asked my advice (as a teen) as to whether or not she she divorce him. My mother provided me with no privacy as she constantly went through my bookbag (even in the 12th grade) and monitored my phone calls with friends. There was also a constant theme of "dont be like your father" and telling me that my father didnt care about me. The effects of my authoritarian mother and neglectful father still hurts to this day and it makes me not want to have a relationship with them.
I have to learn how to put on a condom through porn because my dad was never around. I still cant tie a tie but youtube helps with that. I dont know how to change a tire.
Because of my mom's authoritarian style, I am extremely passive and Im very scared to assert myself when I should. I get taken advantage of alot. someone
I have lonely and have a hard time making friends. I feel as if my identity was taken away and that I was trained to be what my mother wants me to be or think how my mother wants me to think as opposed to having my own opinions. The video is totally correct when they say that the effect of an authoritarian parent results in the child not knowing how to make a decision because I am constantly confused as to what I want and I constantly seek validation/approval of others before making a decision.
Currently, my mother and father have reconciled (now that they are 67 and 68 years old) and expect me (41 years old) to pretend like none of this happened. They dont believe that their past martial struggles should have affected my upbringing and I have yet to receive an apology.
This whole situation makes me cry (which I am doing now) constantly and I have trouble sleeping sometimes because I am thinking about why this happened.
Any advice on how to move on from this? I have very low self esteem, I have trouble making decisions, and I constantly seek validation. It's like I dont know who I am as a person because my mother made me be who she wanted me to be.
Not only do I have such authoritarian parents but almost my entire family bloodline is very restrictive with what I say and what I do and would like to do. My mother often scolds me and never listens to what I have to say. She then shut me off and says "it is the same thing with you." I feel very emotionally neglected and that because of what my parents had to go through as kids. not only were their parents poor but were so emotionally neglectful to my parents back then. My nearby family has become so repressive that they put so many expectations on me. Expectations that don't even make sense. My mom hates it when I cry and start to say that it's the same with me. Is that unconditional love or authoritarian love? What can I do? Wha must I do to put an end to this? Must I leave the household or just live nearby in a new house?
save up money and leave when you can. when you are safe and out the house, i would recommend talking to your parents about how they’re parenting me those affected you negatively. I’m sorry you had to go through this, you don’t deserve that. i also grew up with parents that carried on negative parenting methods from their parents rather than stopping the cycle. this was written a year ago, any updates?
You see a lot of a style called Non Parenting. The parent becomes the child's friend and play buddy. Teach self discipline and moral compass.
Exactly. We have to learn how to have balance as parents
this describes my mom in a lot of ways. i dont think that i was ever rebellious,but i am extremely shy
Yes, I think we react in different way. For me I was rebelious, my brother is shy, and me and my second brother have anxiety. But I think I was the main target since I was ''rebel''. I wasn't even THAT rebel I never took drugs or had sex at 13. But I skipped school.. to sleep.
Sometimes they'll try to do this to you as an adult but they have to realize once you hit 18+, you are declared a legal adult and for the most part have to turn them loose and let them grow up
Theres some conditioning trough fear, like me, i was taught to be perfect, just to get some friends, because i was allways in fear of being rejected, its a complicated way to educate children and thats bad and sad
Authoritarian parenting kills parents influence! Influence is the key to good parenting.
I'm no parent but if i was i would love my kids never to physically or psychology abuse them. I love them as i hold them Dearly. Strongly and fair.
So you'll let your kids be murdhers without punishments
@@iwillnotcomplyistandformyf6642 no I see ourselves as molds of clay we are molded into jars we would be filled with water and never blood to take lives i hope they won't be full of blood and wine or beer
@@iwillnotcomplyistandformyf6642 your logic:
Being fair with your kids -> they will grow up to be criminals
Being a menace to your kids -> Good
My mom is an authoritarian, and I was the only 1 out 3 siblings that rebelled. My other 2 siblings were afraid. My mom demanded me to always listen to her no matter what the situation was. I never had a say in anything. There was constant yelling and guilt shaming by her. No help with school work. Demanding high grades but then did nothing to try and help. Just say you better get good grades this year or else..she would just yell yell and yell some more. There was very limited warmth. And the warmth she put out was directed towards her own feelings never towards any of us. I became bitter towards her and limit my interactions, and always will.
My mother raised me with a totalitarian style. One guess on what that is!
Wish I could show this to my parents
Hands down the best parenting style. I am a parent, and my children have cousins raised in the more modern manor.
All of them absolute terrors. My kids are kind, considerate, polite, and guess what? There also very competent and capable, way more so than others their age. They are AMAZING problem solvers and decision makers. Authoritarian parenting is the correct way, and it doesn’t preclude you from encouraging, loving, supporting and teaching your kids. It just means that they have to respect that you have the final decision, and disrespect will not be tolerated. The entire world is like this and they will use those lessons later on.
Im a child being raised by authoritarian parents. While i am respectful, smart, get good grades, etc., I really do not like my parents because of the way they treat me. I used to respect and obey them out of fear, now I do so because I dont feel like arguing with them. Authoritarian parenting is best if you want kids who act like robots and bottle their true feelings.
@@DrizzyBi feel the exact same way dude now i just play along with whatever my parents say because im so tired of fighting. I have so much repressed anger from childhood
Pls don't parent this way
Unless you wanna have a kid with big depression
Nope this is the best parenting ever unlike permissive and uninvolved parenting
@@iwillnotcomplyistandformyf6642 No it’s not. I suffered from this deeply and it statistically causes more problems. Do not get kids if you are going to make them suffer.
@@iwillnotcomplyistandformyf6642 You're asking yourself to be in bars you know that
@@enigmazero37564 that makes 0 sense but ok, I still disagree
Not hypocrite authoritarian but clear honest you are always right because you do what you say type of authoritarian. Never force
I don't really agree totally with you however I think there is a place and time for authoritarian parenting and that does not entail spanking
I was raised like this..
This is the most laziest parenting that I have studied
try telling a black momma that kmsl
Stephen Price why do you think our community is so screwed up?
Sometimes there are culture that are more likely to have a certain type of parenting style. But it's meant to change.
Not all black momma are like that. It’s not a race thing.
Very true
very false
Hey
i just wanna live my life she takes away all my freinds all the time and makes me block them...
Spankings given are better then this style of parenting
horrible parenting style
It's really the best
@@iwillnotcomplyistandformyf6642 There's something wrong with you man. Honestly, do you support Hitler or Saddam Hussein? Do you?
@@enigmazero37564
No it's not LOL
Not to be mean, but I can just see kids writing their "suicide thoughts" in the comments about something stupid.
Kindergarten Dropout kids with these parents do have higher rates of suicide but I see what you mean
Arion Briyel i shouldve been more specific on what i really meant. Just someone craving attention and sympathy for something they most likely never went through
Kindergarten Dropout oh then I see your point, that bothers me too
@@Smexie No, I had authoritarian and it's really a bad environment to live in. I developped anxiety, poor self esteem and I made a depression at 12.
Believe me or not that's your choice but don't be in denial, authoritarian parents are always in denial that's why they're bad. They can't see their child's pain.
Also there's nothing wrong with wanting attention. I don't know what is this tradition to not give someone attention when they ask for it?
I don't see anything wrong with some of the aspects of this style because if you continue to give these kids leadway they will run over you over and over
Just like today's generations with permissive and uninvolved parents and both of parenting styles are Democratic/Libertarian
I agree there are time when it is necessary to be in an authoritarian role but be careful not to be overbearing
There’s something called a balance my friend. This style of parenting does not allow kids to grow on there own. If overdone it can cause fear and anxiety in the outer world. I don’t condone this style of parenting. There needs to be balance of freedom and disicipline.
Screw this.
Exactly the reaction of an authoritarian parent. That's why they're so bad
@@thisisntallowed9560
quiet liberal
Does she hear her self I care about my son feeling but what about the bad ads kids my mom said because I said so and Spain worked to I still list in to my mom and I stay always from the law all I can
This is the parenting style lacking in America
I was grounded and spanked growing up. As an adult, I have respect for authority and elders (I believe this to be paramount)! I married a wonderful, respectful, and kind-hearted woman. I went on to get a college diploma. I owe it all to authoritarian parenting. While love is important, discipline, obedience, and respect is what I will be teaching my children the most. This will produce diligent students, respectful adults, and wonderful life partners. I've been told that authoritarian parenting causes depression. I am proof that this is an outright lie!!! Those who don't raise their kids this way will find them in situations like that "Cash Me" girl from Dr. Phil. Authoritarianism is love.
Haven't you lacked a little support?
I've had depression at 12, developped anxiey at 8 and poor self-esteem because of this parenting style. I don't knwo how you survived! You must be a robot!
Being spanked and reasonably disciplined alone is not entirely authoritarian parenting.
It's much more dangerous when it's when its nestled with narcissism and downright emotional neglect where it becomes a problem. A lot of people who get depression due to this style of parenting (myself included- as well as having PTSD) have been neglected and belittled to the point that we are unable to feel safe within out own household. Its where it becomes borderline abuse more then discipline where it begins to effect youth negatively.
I'm glad you had good parents and that you feel thankful for what they've done for you. Continue to be thankful and respectful. I hope you are successful in life :)
I agree with you same here. However I have learned that I need to lighten up and the authoritative style interchangeably
It's a thin line, not enough authority and the kids go wild and cause a list of issues for themselves and others. Too much authority belittles the children and they grow up with no agency in their lives. It also depends on each individual child as everyone has different needs. There's no universally perfect parenting style, you have to know how to act and when to get positive results.