40 Key Traits of the Anxiously Attached Person in Relationships (Profiling the AA)
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No matter what the so called “flaw” is of the attachment style, you always present this as something that personally endears you to them. This provides an opportunity for the listener/watcher to accept what you’re saying in a detached way so that it can be accepted.
Totally agreed. I notice that she explains it so beautifully that you don't feel any shame for having an X attachment style.
Totally agree! She is the ONLY person that my husband who is a dismissive will listen to. She’s brilliant
This is a beautiful trait Thais has. She has alot of compassion.
Video begins at 02:55
Thank God
@@anterpants it was only 3 minutes in 😂😂
@@redskittlez12 Overuse of laughing crying emojis is a sure sign of immaturity. That being said, no one wants to listen to 3 minutes of babbling unrelated to the title of the video.
You are describing me more accurately than I've ever heard before. Is it any wonder that I have attracted and stayed with someone who is about as avoidant as it's possible to be.....now, what next? I have a lot of learning to do and at 65 I'm hoping it's never too late. Thank you so much.
Anxiously attached male here. I was expecting the hear a bunch of stuff that I am guilty of that I would feel Bad about... but man I sound awesome! It seems to me a lot of people would want to be like this minus the fear and clingy behaviors. I have done therapy for a few years to understand that and to identify and mitigate it. I love watching these types of videos to learn more and of all the therapists that I've listened to on here, the hundreds of them, I have never heard anybody that knows the subject so well. I'm amazed how somebody could know so much about something especially this. Sometimes I meet people in this world who know things that they haven't learned or have been told… it's almost like knowledge was downloaded to them... This looks like that scenario because of how knowledgeable this lady is it's absolutely unbelievable. Anyway take care guys and keep up the good fight...
So true...I've been watching her videos and it's almost like a God given wisdom , she is amazing at what she does and really knows how to articulate the information in such a accessible way. thank you Thais you really are a Gem!
U wrote all that that was on my mind
My neck hurts from nodding along and agreeing/identifying with every single word and attribute 🥺
🤣 i found this comment really funny
You described my attachment style perfectly and at times through your video you made me cry with the recognition that I do this.
Summer same!
As a successful anxious preoccupied attached male, I have struggled in many relationship, for some universal reason I have mainly choose dismissive attached females, where I was giving to much to relationship, but never receiving even half of it in return, financially, emotional and mentally. Just ended another relationship, due to me expressing all of my discourse with my dismissive attached girlfriend who would not even attempt to watch the video u posted on the relationship attachment style of a anxious preoccupied attachment and a dismissive attachment relationship. Even though it's over, watching your videos on attachment styles calmed the soul.
Same my husband is a DA who won't even look at the videos.. he say there's nothing wrong with him anyway it's all just with me am not how a women is supposed to be.
@@MM-ql5jiclassic DA … lol
Fits my ex girlfriend perfectly. Sadly, she put my needs ahead of her own, didn’t communicate her needs, wants, and expectations, and then became resentful. That was the end. Also found the stability stage too boring, especially when there was nothing to do during the lockdown.
I too did put my needs in the back burner, always put him first but he never did care am married to him for 5 yrs now.. if i am still struck around with him am not worth it he says.. hurts me alot... But i made my commitment for better or worse.. and i ain't giving up on that however tough it gets... If he thinks i have no where to go hence still around him it's up to him.. if he is fed up let him leave... It won't hurt me am used to hurting inside all the time.
I feel like someone finally understands me & I didn't have to say anything. I'm so thankful for these videos.
Wow. I’m astounded. Each video I watch is so on point for me. I’ve learned more about myself in two days than 15 years of therapy. I already feel hopeful of growing because now I know the reasons why I behave like I do. I’m looking at your courses online. Thank you Thais. You’re amazing. ❤️
I'm there with you!! Amazing
This is so liberating.....I am literally just everything that you said Thias....I used to feel so miserable about myself !!! I used to think am i the only person in this world who is this miserable?... but you helped me to believe that i am not alone!! you made my day!!! lots of love THIAS!!!!
Just a friendly criticism about your audio.
Your intro music is LOUD but I have to turn up my volume to hear your voice.
By the way, the new microphone is a big improvement :)
Yay, you did the AA’s! Thank you Thais for this rundown of the AA/my characteristics. It’s so helpful to know we can esteem our identity, and cultivate the areas that need bettering without confusion, confliction, and overwhelming others. I’m ready to enhance who I am and who I can be for myself and those I meet, like, and love 💕
Working through the courses at the Personal Development School and the workbooks has been a huge help. Rolling up my sleeves and actually working with you in the transformation process has been incredible. Thank you for your feedback and appreciating all that you do!!!
I have watched tons of your videos, but man this one REALLY hits the bullseye in breaking down our beliefs and traits. 12:50 was huge in the description you explained. I can't thank you enough for your work on this channel Thais!!
Wow...this is me. 😆
Very interesting information. Loved the video!
Also, I found it helpful when you mentioned a trait that might have a negative side effect on another individual, and suggested things to do or say in place of what we would normally do or say. Thank you for the video. Love all of them. ♥️
This is me to the T. I love this video and you look so cute! The audio quality is not good even though I like how the mic looks, a lot of the words were not clear 😞
Happy to have found you and Richard Grannon. Thank you :)
Crazy! You are literally explaining me with every word!
Thank you, Thais! This is such a great video. I have an anxious attachment and trying very hard to be secure.
Hi Thias, I loved this video so much that I shared it. I am always impressed with your work! So many of these traits applied, except for needing to be in nearly constant contact with someone I love. I would be okay with morning and nightly phone calls and nothing more. I am an introvert, despite being (primarily) AP :)..
I appreciate how you deliver these traits with compassion. It even made me feel better about myself!
I'm super thankful for this video! before watching this video I thought there's something wrong with me but now I'm more aware of my situation! every single key was true and meaningful to me! now it all make sense thank you so much💙💙💙💙
Your knowledge of attachment styles is vast, I don't think I've seen anyone else who comes close to your level of knowledge. It's such an interesting topic too! I'm anxious and love learning about it 😊
To add, I think people who expect (or demand) too much regular contact set off a lot of red flags for me. I have a life and I feel turned off when my person doesn't. That being said, being too distant activates my attachment system (obviously). I feel I do have secure tendencies in this regard. Relationships are and will always be very important to me, but they shouldn't necessarily be the forefront of one's life, either. I know that. That being said, of course I want to feel important to my person. I don't think I morph myself, but I will admit that I often worry that I'm not enough for my person.
When you dying no one thinks I wish I worked more, they think I wish I spent more time with my family and friends, that's why relationships should be at the forefront of your lives, people who make work or other things as important I feel sorry for. It's the relationships we have with people that we remember, things and work mean nothing in the grand scheme of things.
I'm secure mainly with AA being secondary. X
@@Miriam-ul4ke agreed. Relationships SHOULD be at the forefront.
Watch Thais video on fearful avoidant attachment style. As a secure-leaning AA I can say that relationships, giving and growth are the most important for me. My interest in growth and learning makes me secure, but pain in love and relationships hurt a lot. I have decided to learn to "let go and let God." Everything happens in its own sweet moment, which can't be changed. Our job is to enjoy the moment that we are in, strengthen our relationships and love without expectation of getting anything in return. The rest will take care of itself.
I'm anxiously attached and this was very helpful. Thank you
They are great people, but they don’t communicate their needs, expectations, and wants very well, which creates the perceived imbalance. They then gradually detach, build resentment by not communicating openly and honestly with their partner, and dump them. They lack relationship integrity to work on the relationship, due to the negative persona they built around their partners. The devalue complete, they run from the person and the relationship, usually to monkey branch to the next “shiny,” new relationship. That’s my experience, sad and hurtful.
thank you so much I feel like a catch, this is the first video I wash of yours it was awesome!
I hope you put a sock on that microphone so I could actually hear the very important information you're giving, you're such a sweetheart, thumbs up.
omg this is so me!! if my bfriend doesnt answer me in a text for like 3 hours i feel he doesnt like me as much anymore or doesnt want to talk to me (he will then text and hes fine lol) i put him up on a pedastal im always asking if hes ok and doing things he likes and base our relationship around him even tho he doesnt ask me to or anything i just do, if hes having a busy day and cant really talk/text i feel rejected as i put our relationship above everything else (except my kids) but im a good kind nice loving person who showers him with devotion, yes my self esteem comes from my relationship if i lost it i dont know what id do,its hard to change who u are tho as i know i have alot of good traits
So I think I am fearful avoidant and anxiously attached as well. It's all starting make sense. I hope I get to heal this so I can have a secure relationship one day.
Wow this is 100% me!! Thank you for this video!
So thorough and so helpful
The new mic is so cute! Reminds me of R2-D2.
Great video! This is me to a tee. Just one bit of constructive criticism, please focus just a bit more on balancing your audio levels. The whole video should be kept around -12db, maybe a tiny bit louder in the intro and outro
Oh my this is so right on for my Personality.... it's like she reached into my brain...
OMG yes! I feel like you are speaking right to me!
Thank you for this Dr 💕
This is so me. I feel broken.
Great video....but can you fix your audio? It kept on dropping out. Thanks.
I love u Thais Gibson....u deserve all the good thats coming ...hope u get well soon
Thank you for all your info. Since I know that I have this anxious style attachment, I work better inside me in order to be a better partner. Also, and sorry if I'm mistaken, but I wonder if you unplug your mic sometime when you don't use it? I dare to say that because it still sound for me that you are using the onboard mic of your laptop or something else. I don't want to give unwanted advice, but since your mouth is not aligned with your mic, this could also prevent good quality sound. You can it a little angle. Finally, since you are sick and speak softer (sorry for you) you can compensate this by adding more gain... Feel free to ask me questions if you want. Thank you for your video.
I forgot to say that if you unplug your mic sometime, there is chance that it will not stay your default mic so you have to reselect it in your parameters. : )
Thank you so much for this!
Perfectly described
Amazing!! So helpful for me! Yet I am still wrapping my head around all of it, I feel I’m a AA, and can act like a DA? And I’m pretty sure I go for AA and DA...in romantic situations. I have crashed every relationship with that lack of level emotion and confidence, so worried about losing the relationship, and then losing it for sure.. thank you for your work it is amazing!
you should check out key traits of a fearful avoidant
maybe you can reasonate with that better
Makes plenty of sense. They sound like real sweet hearts.
Fun quiz to all. Let's test your understanding of insecure attachments.
If you had to choose between being Anxious or Dismissive or Fearful, which would you choose and why?
I would choose to be secure!! But seriously. I am anxious and would choose that before others anyday still honestly.
Do you think it’s ok to block your avoiding attatchment ex ? My ex always responds with anger when an ounce of emotion is expressed and unfortunately only thinks of himself.. and he just gets angry saying I’m being dramatic when I voice my wants and needs:.. it is just hurting me at this point over and over again
How do you find another AA to date? I want to feel needed. I know, do the work and be secure but I'm suffering and I want to feel wanted. My DA is now signaling me but my they raked my heart, soul, and bones over coals this past week and honestly entertaining him would feel like self hate. Please, how do I experience someone feeling about me like I feel about others
Wow! Anxiously attached males where you at?? Let me get them digits!
Right lol
Left heartbroken
They're all busy being anxiously attached with someone who's not right for them, because they are way too forgiving for bullshit, and they settle for way less than they deserve. The only ones left are the Avoidant.
Everywhere we are ))))
Thais I used to but I love love love myself and I know what I adore in other people is my mirror reflection. There are moments I forget this! Well what about people who ride the lines of both genders? Or something altogether something self
With full respect for you and your effort, I recommend you work with a podcast coach to burn off too much fat (non essential stuff) and focus on your core message. Give us headlines the way newspapers do, Power Point is overused but the concept is excellent. Consider aiming for a concise podcast of 5 minutes that you could call Quick study.
Would love a redo of this video now that you have better audio lol, I can barely hear it!
Thank you 🙏❤️
I don’t know if my boyfriend is an anxious or people-pleasing dismissive avoidant.
Because he shut down when he’s sad. I don’t know if anxious individuals do that too..
As an anxious, yes, I personally do shut down when I felt misunderstood or upset at times. But then again, I scored highest for anxious while having FA as a very close second. So I would think it differs for different individuals.
Thank you.
I'm an FA and a good bit of this sounds like me
Would this “look” differently between an introvert and an extrovert?
I identify some friends who behave like this and it’s obvious, but I wonder if it shows up in not so obvious ways.
Lisa Sunshine one area where she touched on this was in men vs women in pursuing romantic relationships. I see how I will drop lots of hints, even though I want to come out and say just what I feel, for example.
Further, as a woman who is transfeminine, I have that experience of knowing how I was in similar situations in the masculine role, where I was a very "ready or not, I'm sweeping you off your feet" type. Admittedly, in some ways I miss the freedom to be like that again.
In any event, this isn't necessarily specific to introvert vs extrovert, but I think shows how these other personality modifiers can affect how that attachment style presents
Yay!!
Enjoyed the content. However you talk so fast ( and soft) that even though i listened intently, I missed some points. If i am to sign up for your ongoing program I would need confirmation that your speaking voice is slower and stronger. Thanks
Yes, this is me
Oh, my gosh
This video gets really bad at the point where your voice is tired and the sound gets shot in and out can you fix this? I think it’s around 20 minutes towards the end. I’m watching it now so I’ll add the time frame later if I remember. Nonetheless, Thank you for this video.
Audio is tough to hear unless you have earplugs.
I definitely over explain
haha spot on xD
I’m really confused a lot of these characteristics but I did the attachment test 5 times and apparently I’m securely attached…anyone else experience the same ?
If you are in a relationship with a secure your behaviours may be much more muted as your attachment system isn’t triggered often. I thought the same and then we broke up and on dating again all of my tests came up anxious.
LOL people don't know how freaking beautiful they are much of the time 🤣 😍
I met a primary DA prob sub FA
And told him what a catch he freaking was but thought I was exaggerating lol.
I'm NOT lol 😆
She just described me to a freaking T!
Cant hear well. Pls spk loudly or chk d Mike
Ma'am can you please be a little loud? I feel like I can not hear all the words.
Oh its me lol
👍❤️
15:46
And obviously I’m an AA haha
Sell your product spill at the end..off putting if at first.. if someone likes your stuff ( I do) they will stick around and want to get your course..
Girl I hope you got a better microphone after this