I just stumbled on this randomly. After watching the whole episode, I feel so deeply moved that I have to leave a comment to express my gratitude and say a big thank you to you the host, your dad and Dr. Diane Poole Heller.
I did the e same today !! Accidentally clicked play ! I loved it from beginning to the end .. thank you so much for such deep content .. resonated with me in so many levels 🙏🏻❤️
Hearing her talk about the full body hugs made me tear up. I’ve never had a relationship with anyone but my grandma (who passed three years ago) where I could hug them like that and know that it wouldn’t make them uncomfortable.
This is, by far, the most helpful and comforting video on healing attachment wounds. Trust the Hansons to bring you this completely relatable, compassionate and very deep information in their gentle, caring way! Dr Diane gives hope and light and practical solutions, whereas others have made it seem that attachment wounds cannot be healed, but should simply be accepted. Thank you for sharing your light.
i love Diane. she’s very compassionate. this interview is much preferred than another interviewee, Jennie Rosier, you had on another episode about attachment. I found Jennie to be incredible rude and mocking of anxiously attached folks in her tone and calling them stage 10 clingers. Diane on the other hand was extremely compassionate, non judgmental, and helpful.
I love how you" listen" to each other veiws. Its validating and I don t "feel " anger coming from you guys.its shows you done inner work.Its possible for me too.
Avoidant here, and HSP. I think it's worth noting that it's not only how we're treated but how we perceive or receive our treatment that highly impacts us. For example my extroverted sister naturally let things roll off her back that were traumatic to me. Not to blame me but just to get myself out of the habit of saying I was a victim of my parents' neglect. Sadly it's so often others' mistreatment that they're not even aware of that's going to really stick with us right? They might be oblivious to their devastating one-off comment, so what do we do with that? It isn't my "fault" for being too sensitive, and I'm not going to sit around waiting for a former child bully or adult teacher to come through and apologize or restore was lost; that's impossible anyway. It's more just that my style of personality interacted differently with their style of parenting, or their own wounds that we understand to be hurting people, hurting people. At that point I shift away from blame in order to deal with facts. And yes factually, objectively there was abuse and neglect. But also I have control over my stories that I tell based on my highly intuitive, introverted interactions with the world. It"s very liberating and empowering, as others who have explored the Victim versus Overcomer mentality have noted. What is actually particularly painful and difficult here is these experiences are not filtered through adult awareness, as some parents seem to forget, but rather during those crucial, malleable formative years. Children don't come with stories or the tools to manage those types of trauma. They're just downloading bad software. Thank God reboot is possible, or factory reset, whatever it would be called with that analogy.
I relate to your story, am also HSP who grew up in a family with abusive dynamics. What did you do to reboot the bad software. Even with awareness, I still get strong bouts of anxiety and beating myself up and having real low levels of self worth.
I find commiting to self care ie good diet, exercise and most importantly mindfulness and meditation really help to re wire. I fall back into old patterns but accept that's life. The most important is to get up and keep going. That's also life 😊
@@louise6943 Not trying to be negative but there is no "reboot", only ways to cope, reframe, endure, or just hang in there, accept that the past matters and you can never have a better one, and keep trying. I've tried for too long to find that magic reboot but it doesn't exist. Great podcast and I reallylike Dr. Poole. She has an understanding of the complexity of these things and doesn't dumb it down
This cleared something for me. I already knew that I have been traumatized by my unpredictable, and angry, not grown up, needy mother. And I knew that I get retraunatized by my unpredictable, mean husband. But now I realized that I often used to fall for unavailable men that were really kind and had high ethic Standards, so I was sure I had no chance of getting in danger of a real relationship... On the other side, If someone liked me, I never felt anything for them, as soon as someone expressed interest for me, they were dull and I lost all interest. Da-dumm
Just checking in to make sure I didn’t type this comment, bc what? Unavailable and with high ethic standards? And feeling uninterested when someone liked me (because I didn’t choose them) and giving only a little attention is definitely my toxic trait 😭 I was looking for security. I was also pretty sheltered growing up so it was nice meeting someone that made me feel secure and knew more than me.
Firstly, my deep gratitude to each of you for sparing the time to have this conversation in a public forum (for free!). There are some beautiful insights presented in easy to understand format. The questions you asked Dr Poole Heller at the end put me in mind of Campbell Walker's material around journalling - I often use the questions "What is the story I'm telling myself about this?" and "How would I comfort a friend if this was happening for them?" as journaling prompts to work through situations, people and things that trigger me. It would be lovely to see you interview him on your podcast - not because he has the caliber of some of the other guests, but because he has a practical, compassionate and irreverent approach. Love your work, thank you.
What always come up for me is that father was incarcerated when I was 7 and I was raised by my mother who dealt addiction and depression. My sisters were sent away when I was around 8. So I was raised as an only child from 8 on. So figuring out my attachments I feel all over the place. I feel I have a mix of all of it. So for me what has helped in healing is to work on body connection and consciousness in every moment. It is really exhausting and I end up making mistakes while also learning from it. It has been a challenge that I keep working through. I also feel the single parent relationship is not spoken to also and how it has affected our attachment wounds. Thank you for a wonderful video
Please consider Dr Gabor Mate's trauma definition. To not have emotional needs met is trauma too. For example, if a patient needed a blood transfusion, pain meds, a treatment of some sort...while not giving them what they need, wouldn't be directly "harming" them, our inaction is harmful. Emotional neglect is often experienced as trauma (as per Dr Gabor Mate's work). Please consider this, expand your narrative of "trauma".
I don't recollect hearing the word neglect, or Emotional Neglect, now that you mention it! Listening again. That's easy because the tone of this video is a warm, comfy place to be. Happy Healing, y'all.
Such a helpful and healing talk. Thank you!!! My ex husband pointed out so many things about myself that was hurtful at the time he said them. Looking back, he was right 🤕. He wasn’t kind when he pointed these things out, nor was I kind to him or myself…too bad he gave up on our marriage after 20 years and refused to save our marriage. I was open to healing. I’m still healing and this talk has been incredible. Best to you all ❤
I just adore Dr Poole- Heller her compassionate, generosity of sharing her knowledge is just incomparable the profession, humanity and the world is bettered for her being in it.
First time I’ve heard her today. Wow just so many Ah ha moments .. I’m having drama with my neighbour atm. My reaction and emotions have been extreme...maybe a chance to dig and heal bits.
This podcast was an answer to a prayer for answers to what my body was telling me. I knew something was brewing as the emotional and physical signs were growing daily. Early this morning I woke and felt to access uTube and this podcast was first on the list and was the key that was searching for. Perfect. I can’t thank you enough for your insightful wisdom. ❤❤❤
This showed up on my TH-cam feed, wow, just beautiful, uplifting, insightful, healing, Thank you. I do alot of eye gazing with my dog, she taught me, and she had been very unwell, so again her gift to me, lots of presence, present moments, gratitude for her breath, engaging, her beauty her Companionship, I love her dearly, ( I was dissociatng regularly, numbing out, in fear, anxious,) now feeling more grounded, ease, dogs do heal us ...
Loved this thank you! I heard you mention your parents were busy and not emotionally nurturing and then i heard you say you didnt experience trauma. I just wanted to mention that not getting your emotional needs met and having parents that are too busy, is a form of trauma 🙏💕
@@elektrotehnik94 "trauma is not what happens to us but what happens inside of us as a result of the trauma"-Gabor Mate Absolutely, not getting ones emotional needs met as a child can be a trauma.
Stop telling people that they’re traumatized if they’re not. Not every adverse experience is a form of trauma. Negative doesn’t equal traumatic. The word “trauma” has become so diluted that it barely means anything anymore
I watched this video about 5 months ago. It was one of the most important to me healing. I am securely attached. Take a test an online one to keep track every month or so. You'd be surprised how anxious securely attached people are lol. Good luck you got this. Don't rush it will work out just keep on swimming.
Oh wow...the whole "comings and goings" is HUGE! I just realized that I don't put as much effort into these as my husband and I'm the avoidant attacher. 😱
I’m more than grateful that I came across this video, I’ve been searching and determined to heal. Currently I’m self sabotaging an amazing relationship that has so much potential and to realize that it is me and has been met entire life has been so painful. But I believe I will heal and I’m determined to make it happen sooner than later. Thank you for the clarity & which questions to ask myself when going through an unsafe phase. Being anxiously attached is not who I want to be, through these videos and starting therapy just yesterday I am more than grateful to even have the opportunity to be aware and seek help. blessings to you all 🙏🏼
Hey Julie, thanks for sharing - just watched this video for the first time today and wondered how you're therapy is going. I just discovered I am anxious preoccupied which I think is also anxious ambivalent 🤷... love to know more about your journey. Best wishes to you and all 🙏❤
I definitely grew up with fear of abandonment. Started with my parents fighting and the fear that my mom would leave me behind to stay with my dad. I was very attached to my mom. My dad was at times verbally abusive but because he grew up that way. He grew up in a toxic family and unfortunately, all the siblings had trauma that they brought into their adult lives. I feel like I have the same fears still now where I feel I can't trust someone and if I'm in a relationship I am in constant fear that the person will leave me for someone else. It's so hard to deal with this in my mind. I constantly have to tell myself, it's your mind playing tricks. Stop thinking this way. So at the moment, I am single.
i had a similar past and feel the same way 😫 its gotten easier to deal with jealousy and insecurity over time, but i still feel it because i still worry if its just my anxiety or my intuition (i think its anxiety bc no matter who im dating i always end up going back to these exact thoughts i realized) and something that helps is when i catch myself thinking those negative thoughts and tell myself this time i can think differently, its not fair to me to hold onto these negative feelings my past has taught me to feel now, so its not fair for me to try to control what i cant because that just drives me down the same hole again. affirmations and remembering at the end of the day that you are deserving of love and respect and alla that also helps when i rlly need to snap out of it and raise myself up again. ♡
Thank you so much for this video! I've been trying to figure out why I have such a strong push-pull pattern in my life, not just in regards to relationships, but also to business ventures (which I guess are based on relationships) and other things in my life. I've been a chronic uprooter, unfortunately. I would decide that I wanted something and run really hard in a direction, but then as soon as things started to get or feel super real, I would run away or lose interest. I've been both craving and mortally afraid of success. I developed an eating disorder and obesity, from a very young age, as a way to keep people away. And I've never had a healthy relationship. I've either been attracted to people like one of my parents (who were both narcissistic, as far as I can tell), I would pine for people who were unavailable, or I would just avoid romantic encounters, altogether. I believe that I have a disorganized attachment style, since my parents were both very abusive. One was an iceberg and the other was a volcano of rage. I've been trying to understand this pattern and learn how I can heal it...but I've had a hard time finding a therapist that I trust! This interview has given me some really great clues about what to look for with therapy, as well as some ways that I might be able to heal myself, with or without a therapist. I really appreciate your taking the time, energy, and care to create this. Blessings! - Claire
So so helpful. Thank you for sharing. Just going thru a breakup with my beloved friend - because of dysregulation in both of us from our traumatic childhoods. I am thankful for your knowledge and know that running away when my survival mode is triggered by perceived critical judgmental tones and behaviors. If i could explain this to my friend who now has cut off the relationship that I am not rejecting him. Now at least I understand it and have moved on to a more loving relationship with myself. I realized if my partner doesnt understand this of me and cannot regulate himself to be able to listen to me - then perhaps it is a blessing he is now has no interest in me. Thank you so much for this video.
Thank you Forest for another wonderful and heart-warming interview. I continue to struggle with avoidant attachment. In Dr. Diane’s words, “reactive autonomy” is the description that stands out to me the most that Dr. Diane discussed. Feelings of rejection and feeling unlovable paint my story when my attachment system is triggered. I often would be left in my room as a child to soothe myself and attempt to cope with the pain that came along with an experience of anger. In short, welcoming the “unwelcome”, in Dr. Diane’s words, helped me understand and befriend how to learn to love myself-I felt abandoned for a long time. Thank you again Forest for your podcast and your willingness to discuss important topics in the field.
Me too, I was left to manage all my feelings alone and by the time I was about 10, I also was burdened with both my parents wounds from the other one.....I didn't believe I'd get out with any sanity at 18. ❤️
Thank you so much for this talk. Ever since I've found out about attachment issues and how they affected my relationship, I've been feeling mostly anger and futility, which has only made it worse. But this interview was so full of compassion and some basic human kindness, that it has really helped me to look at the bright side, and gain a hope that things can change, and there's a lot of what I can do to make it better.
Thank you for giving me a ‘Happy Meal moment.’ You know, when you suddenly ‘hear’ a word, like when one day you ‘hear’ that it is ‘Happy’ Meal. (I had never thought about it before). With this episode, I had this epiphany when you talked about ‘secure’ in ‘secure attachment.’ Secure. As in being and feeling secure via-à-vis other people, feeling safe. First, you begin to try to find safety within yourself; then you begin to try to find it with others, or it finds you. At least I think this is the order it needs to happen in. Anyways: thank you for this episode. It was even better the second time. On a side note: I adore your voice, Forrest, it is the biggest reason besides the content and warmth that I love your Podcast. It makes me feel safe and happy. You don’t need a voice coach.
After watching this I believe that therapy will help me. I am constantly in a deep haze of dissociation, and it affects every aspect of my life. She has tryely given me hope
I've been working through disorganized/CPTSD/small 3 female (self included) FOO, roles: scapegoat, lost child, & caretaker. I was captive at home and in detention centers.*not a trauma dump, looking for advice. I've been repeating these dynamics my entire life and been in many life threatening situations with ppl I've trusted and had convinced me they loved me until suddenly changing (from my pov, could've been missing signals). Anyway, now that I can clearly see things play out and was already pretty isolated, I can't imagine interacting with humans. I've always had a dog I've stayed tight with throughout my adult life. Working with dogs actually became my passion. I guess the dog part wasn't necessary. I was getting around to asking about any advice when any human contact, other than spontaneous strangers when I'm out with my dog or something (those generally actually go great and I connect quickly which I've heard is typical w/disorganized or FA). I haven't made it past maybe 3 or 4 appts w therapists although I don't believe I've had a good match but I also realize that may have to do more with me. I see so many online and learn so much from them, but I know I need right brain therapy and to heal in relationship. I have and will continue working somatically and with inner child. I feel worse rn than before I began understanding and doing what work I could solo, but I am glad for it to be authentic suffering (insert Jung quote about neurosis) and understand the concept of healing crisis. Just can't figure out where to go from here bc I can't imagine interacting with people
This came up in my recommended. It was so timely as I’ve been navigating a divorce, attachment styles with my young children, and my old attachment wounds. I’ve been listening this off and on the last 2-3 hours. As I was listening I got a message that sent me tailspinning. Simultaneously, the part about how men typically display anger and women sadness was playing. It was a real time reminder to tap into what I was really feeling which was so necessary. I think often times I internalize situations and tell myself a certain story that may or may not be true. Regardless, I often do it and avoid getting to what I’m really feeling or even understanding what I imply the “thing/offense/event” means about me. It’s so hard in the heat of the moment to pause and embrace the emotions that come up after being so used to “needing” to stuff it down to accommodate others. Whew! Let me rewatch the strategies for the 3rd time.
Thank you so much, Forrest you reframe and clarify so well, so helpful. I love that you have follow up videos with strategies. So great for people that perhaps can’t afford therapy or haven’t connected with a therapist for whatever reason. From past experiences, I cannot connect with a therapist that feels to me like a “distant, cold personality” or seems to lack empathy, or cannot remember my story from session to session. I am looking forward to rest of the series.
Forrest, I’ve been a “fan” of your father’s work for a number of years now, and I am thrilled that you do these podcasts with him. Thank you, thank you, thank you! 💞
Wow. 1st time watching a video from your channel and I appreciate the informative video (I didn't know much about attachment styles). Loved Diane. As soon as she came on, I couldn't help but smile. She's got a wonderfully safe vibe. And you 3 work well together. Great video 👏
Great podcast. I really got a sense of what this work is like and I am inspired to read Peter Levine for the first time. I also really appreciated the real experiences. What I am taking away from the episode is that I can can translate a trigger into it’s deeper meaning when I trust that it’s about the unmet needs of the past and the patterns I might not be aware of. With humility and support, I can nurture emotional safety within by responding to myself with kindness first.
Thank you for this. It really helped me in ways that’s hard to articulate and simply put, it helped me understand certain aspects of my emotional and physical states of relating to people that I was not ware of before. Thank you! I walk away from listening to this a different person simply because the light has been shone.
Very helpful. I’ll be watching again. Thank you so much. Diane, thank you for your personal story, generosity and all your skilled and creative work. I’d never have guessed your rough ride. Thank you too Rick for your back story too. The humanising, the less professional distancing is personally helpful and inspiring. 😊
I’ve never listened to this podcast before now. But this episode was very helpful. I learned a lot in the exchange between the therapist and the hosts father, the way he shared his trauma without playing into victimization. I love the part when the therapist says we need to have compassion for our parents because these patterns are usually passed down through generations of trauma. We have the knowledge now, our parents didn’t , so it becomes our responsibility to heal and create something new
Three of my favorite people in one video. This is great! I learned a lot about attachment security from Diane Poole Heller, and I already considered myself an expert on the subject. Great teachings!
Great information, great format, beautiful presenters. I especially like the comment that adult kids should have some empathy for their parents. I've learned so much about myself and why my dysfunctional relationships are that way and how to heal them. Thank you so much. ❤
Just came upon this video today and... I found it very calming and comforting. THANK YOU🌹 Learned a few things about my upbringing and I feel I MUST follow this channel. 🙂
Great episode! Love hearing actual experts talk about this subject that has been very much coopted by pop psychology lately. For anyone confused/not familiar with the various terms: Ambivalent = Anxious preoccupied Avoidant = Dismissive avoidant Disorganized = fearful avoidant Personally I prefer the latter terms because I think they more clearly define the style, especially as it relates to conflict seeking/avoiding and overall security within a relationship.
best video i've watched in a long time. Diane is a star lol I love her radiating energy, warmth, and exuberance. She's also really solid in what she knows- you can tell she's good at her job!! Good at explaining too and making it feel conversational/interesting rather than just psychoeducational. Also love your questions Forrest- you always ask really thoughtful ones that draw out further connections, missing links, or understandings. And I can totally see how loving Rick has probably been to you and how he consciously formed a secure attachment with you despite and probably especially because he didn't have one growing up and wanted his child to feel attuned to and seen.
As I’m getting older and learning about this stuff, I’m realizing my dad was often “multitasking” his time with us as kids. My parents divorced and my dad was an entrepreneur starting his own business which kept him very busy but we did still see him regularly. I never felt that he didn’t love us or didn’t want to spend time with us, but a lot of our time with him was spent playing at his office while he worked late, or playing at the track while he got his workout/run in, visiting his friends with him etc. It didn’t always lead to a lot of direct connection with him and I never started piecing that together. I enjoyed those activities and have fond memories of them, it i still think it effected me on a subconscious level. What sort of impact do you think that type of dynamic can have?
"Ambivalent folks are really good at reading facial clues, avoident folks aren't. Because they are sort of avoiding contact and there is a time lap. So they often don't see facial expression or relational cues. . ." 19:17 this is so good
Wow thank you very much. I often experience a sensation in my stomach that now came up after mentioning the ball rolls to you where i allowed my body to react and she walked back eyes fixating the threat. The ball. It's part of the flight response to get the body lighter by emptying the stomach. 💡😢. I wanted to run away and never could. I now tend to freeze a lot. Chaotic attachmentstyle here. Desperately in need of connection to heal those wounds but the keeping distance and seeing threats everywhere is keeping me isolated i feel like starving inside. I wonder how to get both sites in union. I also experience that old traumastorys suck me back in time. Beg for ending but i don't know how to end because the situation is past. I could cry i so understand that those story's need an end. I'm a mother myself and had to end a lot story's for and with my child so he can let them go in peace. But no one did this for me. Conflicts where stuffed under the rug until it's more like a mountain and what have been threatening for me at my age have always been only analyzed from the adult point of view and then i have been shamed for making an elephant out of a mouse. For making a scene. I had to sort things out by my self to not provoke an overwhelm reaction in my parents. I stuffed it all down and they still hurt me with theyr words that i never allowed connection. I know i rant here a bit. Imagine a little child in this situation all alone no orientation... Thank you for reading. It's relieving to write this down now. I would love to offer me ends. I would love how to connect because those parts of mine react the same way. They pull back when i offer warmth and understanding. They don't trust my adult self. They isolate from myself. Is there a movement that would show them i respect theyr pulling back? I hold enough space to pull back as much as they need and want to. Or do I need to allow the disconnection? And how do I handle the frazzled Fokus when old story's absorb so much of my capacity. I know, they also want me to be there for my child as i realized at age six or seven i don't want to experience any other living creature that live i had. So i decided to never have children to not give this to them. Now my Strategie had to be adjusted as i wasn't able to protect my boundary's and got pregnant. I love my child. I love him from the moment i realized i could be pregnant. And that's where I started to educate me for another Strategie not to pass down my trauma. This partly being sucked back in time is a problem. I am not fully there for my child. And for me. It's exhausting and distracting. And it stands between me and others. Even in short or work related contacts. One foot will stay one will run away i feel thorn appart. ,🤷♀️
You make it really clear that, first, you return to a state of calm. But those of us with pre-verbal attachment wounds caused by a primary caregiver, we never had a calm state. We're not resourced. We can't find it again because we never had it.
This was wonderful and so helpful to have all the examples. For the future discussions, I would find it helpful to hear about how to learn to like people in general and not just for utility they have in one's life. Namaste 🙏
The first step to working on attachment disorders might be to figure out which child in a family is the golden (priority) child, and which is the Scapegoat or neglected child. All children are not given similar amounts of attention. Most families are complex.
Thanks to all of you for this amaizing pot cast lesson and Consuling far more than any Therapist would go in months !! You are wonderful. Love to all. ⭐️❤️🙏🕊☀️🎉🎊💃
When something happens that causes me pain, be that a rude or mean spirited remark or I have sustained a physical injury (I was basically raised to "stuff or swallow" my feelings of pain) I now re-Parent myself by allowing myself to say a definite "ouch"! This is to let myself or other people know that I have been injured or insulted in some way(boundary violation or physical injury). I and People usually "get the message" and they learn to be more respectful. In my youth counselors would ask what was my part in being bullied? I learned my part was not being respected, not respecting myself and therefore allowing controlling children to dominate me rather than risk defending myself and (according to my angry and scary female Parent) bringing attention and "shame" as she saw it to her and her ignorant and her over-the-top emotionally abusive Parenting style. My childhood was one where I was under constant threat of receiving twice the punishment for "outing" my Mother.
This would be SO helpful if we focused a bit less on the parents patterns bc it’s talked about SO often but more so, what if there was no trauma with parents like the gentleman was speaking of. I wish he would have gotten to speak more about his experiences without the parental traumas. Is there any way we can hear from Rick without all the parental trauma stuff? ❤💜
I feel incredibly good! This is awesome! From this I am enlightened and learning much about myself and relationships. The examples are practical and direct and concise - love it! Bless all three of you and the work that you do. Thanks, D in South Africa :-)
I just stumbled on this randomly. After watching the whole episode, I feel so deeply moved that I have to leave a comment to express my gratitude and say a big thank you to you the host, your dad and Dr. Diane Poole Heller.
Same here. So grateful. Dr. Diane Poole Heller has empowering effect on me.
@@mn9120 ❤😢😢❤😢❤😢❤😢❤😢❤😢❤😢❤😢❤😂
I accidentally clicked and typed that
I did the e same today !!
Accidentally clicked play ! I loved it from beginning to the end ..
thank you so much for such deep content .. resonated with me in so many levels 🙏🏻❤️
Same. I was just diagnosed with an attachment wound and I wanted to know more. This is so good!
Gay
Hearing her talk about the full body hugs made me tear up. I’ve never had a relationship with anyone but my grandma (who passed three years ago) where I could hug them like that and know that it wouldn’t make them uncomfortable.
We need more of this self-help advice for when we can't access a GOOD therapist at all. (Location, time, or Money) Thank you very much 🙏
I'm sitting now, watching the moon, the sky and the clouds, simply listening to this. Just feeling my heart pour tears. Thank you 💟
Play is severely underrated. This ya not teasing, but a genuine offer to feel good together with lots of smiling.
This is, by far, the most helpful and comforting video on healing attachment wounds. Trust the Hansons to bring you this completely relatable, compassionate and very deep information in their gentle, caring way! Dr Diane gives hope and light and practical solutions, whereas others have made it seem that attachment wounds cannot be healed, but should simply be accepted. Thank you for sharing your light.
i love Diane. she’s very compassionate. this interview is much preferred than another interviewee, Jennie Rosier, you had on another episode about attachment. I found Jennie to be incredible rude and mocking of anxiously attached folks in her tone and calling them stage 10 clingers. Diane on the other hand was extremely compassionate, non judgmental, and helpful.
I’ve found what works for me is practicing Awareness, acceptance, compassion, love and understanding for myself and others.
I love how you" listen" to each other veiws. Its validating and I don t "feel " anger coming from you guys.its shows you done inner work.Its possible for me too.
Avoidant here, and HSP. I think it's worth noting that it's not only how we're treated but how we perceive or receive our treatment that highly impacts us. For example my extroverted sister naturally let things roll off her back that were traumatic to me. Not to blame me but just to get myself out of the habit of saying I was a victim of my parents' neglect. Sadly it's so often others' mistreatment that they're not even aware of that's going to really stick with us right? They might be oblivious to their devastating one-off comment, so what do we do with that? It isn't my "fault" for being too sensitive, and I'm not going to sit around waiting for a former child bully or adult teacher to come through and apologize or restore was lost; that's impossible anyway. It's more just that my style of personality interacted differently with their style of parenting, or their own wounds that we understand to be hurting people, hurting people. At that point I shift away from blame in order to deal with facts. And yes factually, objectively there was abuse and neglect. But also I have control over my stories that I tell based on my highly intuitive, introverted interactions with the world. It"s very liberating and empowering, as others who have explored the Victim versus Overcomer mentality have noted.
What is actually particularly painful and difficult here is these experiences are not filtered through adult awareness, as some parents seem to forget, but rather during those crucial, malleable formative years. Children don't come with stories or the tools to manage those types of trauma. They're just downloading bad software.
Thank God reboot is possible, or factory reset, whatever it would be called with that analogy.
Love this! Thank you.
I relate to your story, am also HSP who grew up in a family with abusive dynamics. What did you do to reboot the bad software. Even with awareness, I still get strong bouts of anxiety and beating myself up and having real low levels of self worth.
I find commiting to self care ie good diet, exercise and most importantly mindfulness and meditation really help to re wire. I fall back into old patterns but accept that's life. The most important is to get up and keep going. That's also life 😊
@@louise6943 yoga nidra non sleep deep rest
@@louise6943 Not trying to be negative but there is no "reboot", only ways to cope, reframe, endure, or just hang in there, accept that the past matters and you can never have a better one, and keep trying. I've tried for too long to find that magic reboot but it doesn't exist. Great podcast and I reallylike Dr. Poole. She has an understanding of the complexity of these things and doesn't dumb it down
Your summary at the end of the interview really speaks to the elephant in the room. We all need safety and security to be our best. Thank you!
This cleared something for me.
I already knew that I have been traumatized by my unpredictable, and angry, not grown up, needy mother. And I knew that I get retraunatized by my unpredictable, mean husband.
But now I realized that I often used to fall for unavailable men that were really kind and had high ethic Standards, so I was sure I had no chance of getting in danger of a real relationship... On the other side, If someone liked me, I never felt anything for them, as soon as someone expressed interest for me, they were dull and I lost all interest.
Da-dumm
Just checking in to make sure I didn’t type this comment, bc what? Unavailable and with high ethic standards? And feeling uninterested when someone liked me (because I didn’t choose them) and giving only a little attention is definitely my toxic trait 😭
I was looking for security. I was also pretty sheltered growing up so it was nice meeting someone that made me feel secure and knew more than me.
This was a gorgeous video encapsulating so many things I could improve for myself and for my partner to give us a better life.
Thank you❤
Firstly, my deep gratitude to each of you for sparing the time to have this conversation in a public forum (for free!). There are some beautiful insights presented in easy to understand format. The questions you asked Dr Poole Heller at the end put me in mind of Campbell Walker's material around journalling - I often use the questions "What is the story I'm telling myself about this?" and "How would I comfort a friend if this was happening for them?" as journaling prompts to work through situations, people and things that trigger me. It would be lovely to see you interview him on your podcast - not because he has the caliber of some of the other guests, but because he has a practical, compassionate and irreverent approach. Love your work, thank you.
What always come up for me is that father was incarcerated when I was 7 and I was raised by my mother who dealt addiction and depression. My sisters were sent away when I was around 8. So I was raised as an only child from 8 on. So figuring out my attachments I feel all over the place. I feel I have a mix of all of it. So for me what has helped in healing is to work on body connection and consciousness in every moment. It is really exhausting and I end up making mistakes while also learning from it. It has been a challenge that I keep working through. I also feel the single parent relationship is not spoken to also and how it has affected our attachment wounds. Thank you for a wonderful video
Please consider Dr Gabor Mate's trauma definition.
To not have emotional needs met is trauma too.
For example, if a patient needed a blood transfusion, pain meds, a treatment of some sort...while not giving them what they need, wouldn't be directly "harming" them, our inaction is harmful.
Emotional neglect is often experienced as trauma (as per Dr Gabor Mate's work). Please consider this, expand your narrative of "trauma".
Yes, I hear you, we need to find connection and attunement this is emotional
Something that should have happened but didn't happen, or something that was not supposed to happen but happened.
I was going to make the same comment! It’s an amazing podcast but the expansion of the word trauma is needed
I don't recollect hearing the word neglect, or Emotional Neglect, now that you mention it! Listening again. That's easy because the tone of this video is a warm, comfy place to be. Happy Healing, y'all.
Such a helpful and healing talk. Thank you!!! My ex husband pointed out so many things about myself that was hurtful at the time he said them. Looking back, he was right 🤕. He wasn’t kind when he pointed these things out, nor was I kind to him or myself…too bad he gave up on our marriage after 20 years and refused to save our marriage. I was open to healing. I’m still healing and this talk has been incredible. Best to you all ❤
Peace to you as you walk through this Journey of healing🕊
conversation of calm, psychologically healthy adults. one of the hardest to find things nowadays, thanks
Thank you for helping clarify attachment issues. Love the gentle relaxed style of this podcast.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
I just adore Dr Poole- Heller her compassionate, generosity of sharing her knowledge is just incomparable the profession, humanity and the world is bettered for her being in it.
First time I’ve heard her today. Wow just so many Ah ha moments .. I’m having drama with my neighbour atm. My reaction and emotions have been extreme...maybe a chance to dig and heal bits.
I've now listened to this twice and watched it a third. So very helpful.
This podcast was an answer to a prayer for answers to what my body was telling me. I knew something was brewing as the emotional and physical signs were growing daily. Early this morning I woke and felt to access uTube and this podcast was first on the list and was the key that was searching for. Perfect. I can’t thank you enough for your insightful wisdom. ❤❤❤
This showed up on my TH-cam feed, wow, just beautiful, uplifting, insightful, healing,
Thank you.
I do alot of eye gazing with my dog, she taught me, and she had been very unwell, so again her gift to me, lots of presence, present moments, gratitude for her breath, engaging, her beauty her Companionship, I love her dearly, ( I was dissociatng regularly, numbing out, in fear, anxious,) now feeling more grounded, ease, dogs do heal us ...
Loved this thank you! I heard you mention your parents were busy and not emotionally nurturing and then i heard you say you didnt experience trauma. I just wanted to mention that not getting your emotional needs met and having parents that are too busy, is a form of trauma 🙏💕
Indeed. As parents we are even aware of emotional needs. Our education could benefit from an overhaul. 😢
Everything that is not smooth sailing can be labeled trauma.
Not the best way to use this word, if a well-lived dynamic life is the goal. ^^
@@elektrotehnik94 "trauma is not what happens to us but what happens inside of us as a result of the trauma"-Gabor Mate
Absolutely, not getting ones emotional needs met as a child can be a trauma.
@@elektrotehnik94 or maybe you devalue the human experience to the extent that you are not fully connected to what it means or it's importance
Stop telling people that they’re traumatized if they’re not. Not every adverse experience is a form of trauma. Negative doesn’t equal traumatic. The word “trauma” has become so diluted that it barely means anything anymore
I watched this video about 5 months ago. It was one of the most important to me healing. I am securely attached. Take a test an online one to keep track every month or so. You'd be surprised how anxious securely attached people are lol.
Good luck you got this. Don't rush it will work out just keep on swimming.
Oh wow...the whole "comings and goings" is HUGE! I just realized that I don't put as much effort into these as my husband and I'm the avoidant attacher. 😱
This is one of the most helpful podcast I have found so far, and it was exactly what i needed to find today Thank you for this episode!
I’m more than grateful that I came across this video, I’ve been searching and determined to heal. Currently I’m self sabotaging an amazing relationship that has so much potential and to realize that it is me and has been met entire life has been so painful. But I believe I will heal and I’m determined to make it happen sooner than later. Thank you for the clarity & which questions to ask myself when going through an unsafe phase. Being anxiously attached is not who I want to be, through these videos and starting therapy just yesterday I am more than grateful to even have the opportunity to be aware and seek help. blessings to you all 🙏🏼
Hey Julie, thanks for sharing - just watched this video for the first time today and wondered how you're therapy is going. I just discovered I am anxious preoccupied which I think is also anxious ambivalent 🤷... love to know more about your journey. Best wishes to you and all 🙏❤
I definitely grew up with fear of abandonment. Started with my parents fighting and the fear that my mom would leave me behind to stay with my dad. I was very attached to my mom. My dad was at times verbally abusive but because he grew up that way. He grew up in a toxic family and unfortunately, all the siblings had trauma that they brought into their adult lives. I feel like I have the same fears still now where I feel I can't trust someone and if I'm in a relationship I am in constant fear that the person will leave me for someone else. It's so hard to deal with this in my mind. I constantly have to tell myself, it's your mind playing tricks. Stop thinking this way. So at the moment, I am single.
i had a similar past and feel the same way 😫 its gotten easier to deal with jealousy and insecurity over time, but i still feel it because i still worry if its just my anxiety or my intuition (i think its anxiety bc no matter who im dating i always end up going back to these exact thoughts i realized) and something that helps is when i catch myself thinking those negative thoughts and tell myself this time i can think differently, its not fair to me to hold onto these negative feelings my past has taught me to feel now, so its not fair for me to try to control what i cant because that just drives me down the same hole again. affirmations and remembering at the end of the day that you are deserving of love and respect and alla that also helps when i rlly need to snap out of it and raise myself up again. ♡
Single is ok
I have a similar past and am single too.
My father is very abusive emotionally and physically and narcissistic at the same time my mom is very controlling, narcissistic, and avoidant 🗿
Exactly why I feel I have to be single even when I get to a point of healing. I get in a relationship and it’s like I’m back at square 1
Thank you so much for this video! I've been trying to figure out why I have such a strong push-pull pattern in my life, not just in regards to relationships, but also to business ventures (which I guess are based on relationships) and other things in my life. I've been a chronic uprooter, unfortunately. I would decide that I wanted something and run really hard in a direction, but then as soon as things started to get or feel super real, I would run away or lose interest. I've been both craving and mortally afraid of success. I developed an eating disorder and obesity, from a very young age, as a way to keep people away. And I've never had a healthy relationship. I've either been attracted to people like one of my parents (who were both narcissistic, as far as I can tell), I would pine for people who were unavailable, or I would just avoid romantic encounters, altogether. I believe that I have a disorganized attachment style, since my parents were both very abusive. One was an iceberg and the other was a volcano of rage. I've been trying to understand this pattern and learn how I can heal it...but I've had a hard time finding a therapist that I trust! This interview has given me some really great clues about what to look for with therapy, as well as some ways that I might be able to heal myself, with or without a therapist. I really appreciate your taking the time, energy, and care to create this. Blessings! - Claire
So so helpful. Thank you for sharing. Just going thru a breakup with my beloved friend - because of dysregulation in both of us from our traumatic childhoods. I am thankful for your knowledge and know that running away when my survival mode is triggered by perceived critical judgmental tones and behaviors. If i could explain this to my friend who now has cut off the relationship that I am not rejecting him. Now at least I understand it and have moved on to a more loving relationship with myself. I realized if my partner doesnt understand this of me and cannot regulate himself to be able to listen to me - then perhaps it is a blessing he is now has no interest in me. Thank you so much for this video.
Thank you Forest for another wonderful and heart-warming interview. I continue to struggle with avoidant attachment. In Dr. Diane’s words, “reactive autonomy” is the description that stands out to me the most that Dr. Diane discussed. Feelings of rejection and feeling unlovable paint my story when my attachment system is triggered. I often would be left in my room as a child to soothe myself and attempt to cope with the pain that came along with an experience of anger. In short, welcoming the “unwelcome”, in Dr. Diane’s words, helped me understand and befriend how to learn to love myself-I felt abandoned for a long time.
Thank you again Forest for your podcast and your willingness to discuss important topics in the field.
Me too, I was left to manage all my feelings alone and by the time I was about 10, I also was burdened with both my parents wounds from the other one.....I didn't believe I'd get out with any sanity at 18. ❤️
Thank you so much for this talk. Ever since I've found out about attachment issues and how they affected my relationship, I've been feeling mostly anger and futility, which has only made it worse. But this interview was so full of compassion and some basic human kindness, that it has really helped me to look at the bright side, and gain a hope that things can change, and there's a lot of what I can do to make it better.
Thank you for giving me a ‘Happy Meal moment.’
You know, when you suddenly ‘hear’ a word, like when one day you ‘hear’ that it is ‘Happy’ Meal. (I had never thought about it before).
With this episode, I had this epiphany when you talked about ‘secure’ in ‘secure attachment.’ Secure. As in being and feeling secure via-à-vis other people, feeling safe.
First, you begin to try to find safety within yourself; then you begin to try to find it with others, or it finds you. At least I think this is the order it needs to happen in.
Anyways: thank you for this episode. It was even better the second time. On a side note: I adore your voice, Forrest, it is the biggest reason besides the content and warmth that I love your Podcast. It makes me feel safe and happy. You don’t need a voice coach.
After watching this I believe that therapy will help me. I am constantly in a deep haze of dissociation, and it affects every aspect of my life. She has tryely given me hope
hope you’re doing well :))
This podcast is amazing ❤ the dad/son combo is adorable and works so well, the guests are always lovely and down to earth, so good 😻
Highlight simple joys and minimize struggles together
Thanks Dr. Diane for sharing your wisdom and being so vulnerable yourself ♥️
I've been working through disorganized/CPTSD/small 3 female (self included) FOO, roles: scapegoat, lost child, & caretaker. I was captive at home and in detention centers.*not a trauma dump, looking for advice.
I've been repeating these dynamics my entire life and been in many life threatening situations with ppl I've trusted and had convinced me they loved me until suddenly changing (from my pov, could've been missing signals).
Anyway, now that I can clearly see things play out and was already pretty isolated, I can't imagine interacting with humans. I've always had a dog I've stayed tight with throughout my adult life. Working with dogs actually became my passion. I guess the dog part wasn't necessary. I was getting around to asking about any advice when any human contact, other than spontaneous strangers when I'm out with my dog or something (those generally actually go great and I connect quickly which I've heard is typical w/disorganized or FA). I haven't made it past maybe 3 or 4 appts w therapists although I don't believe I've had a good match but I also realize that may have to do more with me. I see so many online and learn so much from them, but I know I need right brain therapy and to heal in relationship. I have and will continue working somatically and with inner child.
I feel worse rn than before I began understanding and doing what work I could solo, but I am glad for it to be authentic suffering (insert Jung quote about neurosis) and understand the concept of healing crisis. Just can't figure out where to go from here bc I can't imagine interacting with people
This came up in my recommended. It was so timely as I’ve been navigating a divorce, attachment styles with my young children, and my old attachment wounds. I’ve been listening this off and on the last 2-3 hours. As I was listening I got a message that sent me tailspinning. Simultaneously, the part about how men typically display anger and women sadness was playing. It was a real time reminder to tap into what I was really feeling which was so necessary. I think often times I internalize situations and tell myself a certain story that may or may not be true. Regardless, I often do it and avoid getting to what I’m really feeling or even understanding what I imply the “thing/offense/event” means about me. It’s so hard in the heat of the moment to pause and embrace the emotions that come up after being so used to “needing” to stuff it down to accommodate others. Whew! Let me rewatch the strategies for the 3rd time.
Thank you so much, Forrest you reframe and clarify so well, so helpful. I love that you have follow up videos with strategies. So great for people that perhaps can’t afford therapy or haven’t connected with a therapist for whatever reason. From past experiences, I cannot connect with a therapist that feels to me like a “distant, cold personality” or seems to lack empathy, or cannot remember my story from session to session. I am looking forward to rest of the series.
I really felt this, especially how the dynamic between man and woman. Fire 🔥!
Thank you for this authentic and relaxed discussion.
Thank you so much Dr Heller. Your joy and lovely spirit is overflowing and immediately made me feel hopeful for a happier and better future
Forrest, I’ve been a “fan” of your father’s work for a number of years now, and I am thrilled that you do these podcasts with him. Thank you, thank you, thank you! 💞
Wow. 1st time watching a video from your channel and I appreciate the informative video (I didn't know much about attachment styles). Loved Diane. As soon as she came on, I couldn't help but smile. She's got a wonderfully safe vibe. And you 3 work well together. Great video 👏
Congrats on your own healing, Heidi. Hopefully I can say the same next year. I'm starting therapy (again) soon.
Great podcast. I really got a sense of what this work is like and I am inspired to read Peter Levine for the first time. I also really appreciated the real experiences. What I am taking away from the episode is that I can can translate a trigger into it’s deeper meaning when I trust that it’s about the unmet needs of the past and the patterns I might not be aware of. With humility and support, I can nurture
emotional safety within by responding to myself with kindness first.
Thank you for this. It really helped me in ways that’s hard to articulate and simply put, it helped me understand certain aspects of my emotional and physical states of relating to people that I was not ware of before. Thank you! I walk away from listening to this a different person simply because the light has been shone.
Wow!! This was amazing….coming from a family of narcissists I related to so very much! Thank you ❤
Only 1 % of total population are actually narcissists FYI
@@Kimberly-up1cb4-6% unfortunately
This is one of the best podcasts I have ever listened to!
One of the most important pieces of content I've ever consumed. Incredibly thankful. Thank you so much.
This episode is phenomenal. I learned so much from this podcast. I am so grateful to all three of you. Thank you!
Very helpful. I’ll be watching again. Thank you so much. Diane, thank you for your personal story, generosity and all your skilled and creative work. I’d never have guessed your rough ride. Thank you too Rick for your back story too. The humanising, the less professional distancing is personally helpful and inspiring. 😊
This ⬆️!!
I really love the suggestions of the Dr. On specific exercises in how to build a secure attachement.
I’ve never listened to this podcast before now. But this episode was very helpful. I learned a lot in the exchange between the therapist and the hosts father, the way he shared his trauma without playing into victimization. I love the part when the therapist says we need to have compassion for our parents because these patterns are usually passed down through generations of trauma. We have the knowledge now, our parents didn’t , so it becomes our responsibility to heal and create something new
Three of my favorite people in one video. This is great! I learned a lot about attachment security from Diane Poole Heller, and I already considered myself an expert on the subject. Great teachings!
8:03 - 1. Secured attachment style
2. Avoidant attachment style
3. Ambivalent attachment style
4. Disorganized attachment style
3. Ambivalent(anxious-preocupied)
Great information, great format, beautiful presenters. I especially like the comment that adult kids should have some empathy for their parents. I've learned so much about myself and why my dysfunctional relationships are that way and how to heal them. Thank you so much. ❤
Thanks so much for the podcast! Appreciate it! Love the hands on stuff in the later half, wow!
Just came upon this video today and... I found it very calming and comforting. THANK YOU🌹 Learned a few things about my upbringing and I feel I MUST follow this channel. 🙂
Wonderful episode! I wish we can hear more from Dr. Diane.
Diane is very joyful, full of smiles when speaking. Love her spirit. Thank you for such a wonderful cookie fortune from your dad, awesome ;)
Very nice interview with Dr. Heller! Great information as I am healing my attachment wounds.
Great episode! Love hearing actual experts talk about this subject that has been very much coopted by pop psychology lately. For anyone confused/not familiar with the various terms:
Ambivalent = Anxious preoccupied
Avoidant = Dismissive avoidant
Disorganized = fearful avoidant
Personally I prefer the latter terms because I think they more clearly define the style, especially as it relates to conflict seeking/avoiding and overall security within a relationship.
Wow what a treat this episode is! Thank you so much! The MC was so great as well as the guests!
best video i've watched in a long time. Diane is a star lol I love her radiating energy, warmth, and exuberance. She's also really solid in what she knows- you can tell she's good at her job!! Good at explaining too and making it feel conversational/interesting rather than just psychoeducational. Also love your questions Forrest- you always ask really thoughtful ones that draw out further connections, missing links, or understandings. And I can totally see how loving Rick has probably been to you and how he consciously formed a secure attachment with you despite and probably especially because he didn't have one growing up and wanted his child to feel attuned to and seen.
As I’m getting older and learning about this stuff, I’m realizing my dad was often “multitasking” his time with us as kids. My parents divorced and my dad was an entrepreneur starting his own business which kept him very busy but we did still see him regularly. I never felt that he didn’t love us or didn’t want to spend time with us, but a lot of our time with him was spent playing at his office while he worked late, or playing at the track while he got his workout/run in, visiting his friends with him etc. It didn’t always lead to a lot of direct connection with him and I never started piecing that together. I enjoyed those activities and have fond memories of them, it i still think it effected me on a subconscious level. What sort of impact do you think that type of dynamic can have?
Wonderful! Thank you so much for an in-depth explanation and your personal experiences of attachment styles expressed with love and humour. 💌
This video is Deeply healing, nourishing, nurturing for me energetically amazing.
Much love ❤ to you all and everyone here ❤ 💛 ♥ 💕 💗 💙 ❤
"Ambivalent folks are really good at reading facial clues, avoident folks aren't. Because they are sort of avoiding contact and there is a time lap. So they often don't see facial expression or relational cues. . ." 19:17 this is so good
She is amazing! Such a happy soul ❤️❤️❤️
This was very insightful. Also, thank you for sharing your personal stories. That is helpful.
Wow..deep! Enjoying this and this lady knows her stuff. Just half way through and had a few wow moments........
Wow thank you very much. I often experience a sensation in my stomach that now came up after mentioning the ball rolls to you where i allowed my body to react and she walked back eyes fixating the threat. The ball. It's part of the flight response to get the body lighter by emptying the stomach. 💡😢.
I wanted to run away and never could. I now tend to freeze a lot. Chaotic attachmentstyle here. Desperately in need of connection to heal those wounds but the keeping distance and seeing threats everywhere is keeping me isolated i feel like starving inside. I wonder how to get both sites in union. I also experience that old traumastorys suck me back in time. Beg for ending but i don't know how to end because the situation is past. I could cry i so understand that those story's need an end. I'm a mother myself and had to end a lot story's for and with my child so he can let them go in peace. But no one did this for me. Conflicts where stuffed under the rug until it's more like a mountain and what have been threatening for me at my age have always been only analyzed from the adult point of view and then i have been shamed for making an elephant out of a mouse. For making a scene. I had to sort things out by my self to not provoke an overwhelm reaction in my parents. I stuffed it all down and they still hurt me with theyr words that i never allowed connection. I know i rant here a bit. Imagine a little child in this situation all alone no orientation... Thank you for reading. It's relieving to write this down now. I would love to offer me ends. I would love how to connect because those parts of mine react the same way. They pull back when i offer warmth and understanding. They don't trust my adult self. They isolate from myself. Is there a movement that would show them i respect theyr pulling back? I hold enough space to pull back as much as they need and want to. Or do I need to allow the disconnection? And how do I handle the frazzled Fokus when old story's absorb so much of my capacity. I know, they also want me to be there for my child as i realized at age six or seven i don't want to experience any other living creature that live i had. So i decided to never have children to not give this to them. Now my Strategie had to be adjusted as i wasn't able to protect my boundary's and got pregnant. I love my child. I love him from the moment i realized i could be pregnant. And that's where I started to educate me for another Strategie not to pass down my trauma. This partly being sucked back in time is a problem. I am not fully there for my child. And for me. It's exhausting and distracting. And it stands between me and others. Even in short or work related contacts.
One foot will stay one will run away i feel thorn appart. ,🤷♀️
You make sense in a complex manner. Thank You
Lol I though you said I’m Forrest handsome 😂
Well, if the shoe fits...
I thought that too!!
You make it really clear that, first, you return to a state of calm. But those of us with pre-verbal attachment wounds caused by a primary caregiver, we never had a calm state. We're not resourced. We can't find it again because we never had it.
This was wonderful and so helpful to have all the examples. For the future discussions, I would find it helpful to hear about how to learn to like people in general and not just for utility they have in one's life. Namaste 🙏
This is such a good topic. It’s rampant in circles I know including family.
The first step to working on attachment disorders might be to figure out which child in a family is the golden (priority) child, and which is the Scapegoat or neglected child. All children are not given similar amounts of attention. Most families are complex.
I was of such a family. It was a wounding of itself.
That doesn't work when there's only one offspring in the family (who is also isolated from the rest of the world by dysfunctional parents)
Thank you SO MUCH for this wonderful healing and nourishing podcast
Thanks to all of you for this amaizing pot cast lesson and Consuling far more than any Therapist would go in months !! You are wonderful. Love to all. ⭐️❤️🙏🕊☀️🎉🎊💃
When something happens that causes me pain, be that a rude or mean spirited remark or I have sustained a physical injury (I was basically raised to "stuff or swallow" my feelings of pain) I now re-Parent myself by allowing myself to say a definite "ouch"!
This is to let myself or other people know that I have been injured or insulted in some way(boundary violation or physical injury).
I and People usually "get the message" and they learn to be more respectful.
In my youth counselors would ask what was my part in being bullied?
I learned my part was not being respected, not respecting myself and therefore allowing controlling children to dominate me rather than risk defending myself and (according to my angry and scary female Parent) bringing attention and "shame" as she saw it to her and her ignorant and her over-the-top emotionally abusive Parenting style.
My childhood was one where I was under constant threat of receiving twice the punishment for "outing" my Mother.
I learned a lot today. Thank you.
This would be SO helpful if we focused a bit less on the parents patterns bc it’s talked about SO often but more so, what if there was no trauma with parents like the gentleman was speaking of. I wish he would have gotten to speak more about his experiences without the parental traumas. Is there any way we can hear from Rick without all the parental trauma stuff? ❤💜
Thanks for making the episode!❤
Thank you for this amazing episode It has been eye opening and very helpful to hear and reflect on this. God bless you!
I can hardly breathe to even get through this. Acceptance of this gives me huge anxiety. I’m in a trauma situation and I want help. Thank you
I learned so much from this this morning. Thank u.
Its gonna be ok, my favorite phrase
loved what Dianne Poole stated within the conversation. Thankyou.
This was excellent. Thank you. Hopeful and compassionate.
That was illuminating, thank you all so much ❤
This is so great. Thank you ❤ love your techniques Dr Diane
I feel incredibly good! This is awesome! From this I am enlightened and learning much about myself and relationships. The examples are practical and direct and concise - love it! Bless all three of you and the work that you do. Thanks, D in South Africa :-)
I really like the summary at the end.
Your voice is so soothing
Amazing podcast! So glad I found your channel! Really love this discussion!!❤
This was so valuable. Thank you.
Brilliant summary and very relatable