Same problem I have as well. Even when I get warnings or i'm intrinsically motivated to do something, the sense of urgency doesn't always come into full gear and that doesn't last for a long time. I feel you're pain, it's a frustrating feeling.
😭🎶🎉💕👍emotional regulation, staying on task, take long walks with your pet. Completing small goals(big goals broken down nicely) gives our brain dopamine which helps us focus. Positive feedback loop 💕
This is interesting. I recently was telling my sister about something I call “the resistance” that I feel like I’m constantly fighting to do anything I want to do. I’ll end up laying on the couch for hours KNOWING I need to get up and wanting to get up and get to work but I just can’t seem to make my body move. She said that would fall under executive dysfunction (which is how I ended up here) but most of those things you list I don’t struggle with at all. But this was still really interesting to learn about.
Same! And the fact that I don't struggle with most of the things mentioned in this video makes me go back to thinking that I just procrastinate, but I really hope that I have executive dysfunction because it will make me hate myself less for constantly being on the edge of destroying my future :')
Same. I think a lot of folks deal with some degree of a couple of these things. I struggle w/initiation outside of a rigid structure for things I’m not excited about. It just takes more energy to push past that threshold. But can’t relate to any of the others. A lot of folks would probably benefit from tools meant to help with executive function.
i really struggle with initiation. starting schoolwork, getting ready for bed, pretty much any task is difficult if not impossible. and i'm super disorganized, in terms of both my time and my environment. i can't deal with schedules and to-do lists.
What's heeeeeeeeelarious about all this is that because of the focus on executive dysfunction as an organization problem, I've been super-trained to organize. That's no longer a problem. They trained that out of me hard core as a kid after my ADHD diagnosis. I've got charts and plans and organizers out my rear... and a huge mega problem with Initiation, Shifting and Working Memory, because no one thought to help with that back then. lol.
I am so glad you have been able to organize more and manage that, I hope you are still able to get some professional support so you can work through any issues with initiation, shifting and working memory :) xoxo
Thanks! I have a LMFT I see but the ADHD things kind of got back-burnered to the C-PTSD* things, and then when I resolved those we terminated. Lol. Mostly I've just structured my life to avoid problems in those areas, at least for my job. I work IT Helpdesk, so I don't have to self-initiate or plan or manage my time at all. They call me, I fix it, I wait for the next call. I probably could use to work on it anyway though because I usually wind up home from work doing one thing for the rest of the evening even though I wanted to do several. (*Unplanned first born, mum with a serous case of fleas, 'defective'... yadda yadda...) Is there really anything to be done for the working memory part? I kind of figured it was like... a hardware issue. Not enough RAM kind of thing.
omg same, I can easily schedule things and am quite organizes already as a person, but getting tasks started is always my biggest problem, like I have to write an essay? I know what I have to do, and I can have a time period planned for it, but if I can't get started what is the point of those other aspects?? Like all the advise I have found so far is just like, sit down and start, and that's just impossible
If I don't write down everything I need to get done, my thoughts feel like the keys with wings from Harry Potter, chaotically and aggressively flying around my headspace. Sometimes I can't even tidy my living room unless I write down the individual and specific steps to complete the task. Executive dysfunction is a major part of why I'm disabled by my mental state.
Sarah Acree Thats why i always needed a caledar, day planner, phone calendar, and to synchronize them several times a week. Now i have none and nothing gets done. I was telling my last therapist what I'd done while looking in my phone.,stuff like eating and showering and when i slept. She asked "you wrote that down?" Like its unusual, then wrote some note to herself. I didnt feel safe. Everytime she scribbled notes i felt like there was something wrong with me.
Yep, exactly. And I know what you mean, feeling judged or defective. Sometimes I don't realize that I'm behaving in an unusual way until I see someone else reacting to me. Always remind yourself that your therapist has to make observations to help you!
I can’t even tell you the door this just opened for me. Like holy shit I don’t feel alone, I feel validated in my seemingly “unnecessary “ struggles. 100% taking this to my counselor.
my executive dysfunction is really difficult to work around cause even when i do plan out my week and set a schedule for what i need to do, i can never seem to follow through since all my tasks feel so big that my anxiety just renders me useless. like, i know i can get work done, but it's like i've forgotten how to do it effectively and my anxiety is both pushing me to be productive while also hindering that process. especially this past week, i've been meaning to catch up on school and complete some artwork and a bunch of other stuff but i haven't been able to do more than open a textbook and then immediately get scared and recede into my comfort activities which is usually just reading stuff. i also have the issue of being kind of afraid of needing to process new information. so having to read ny textbooks, or just reading/watching something new is so daunting that i just end up not doing anything for days or weeks on end. what sucks most though is that it's bled into my being an artist, so actually producing work feels impossible when it's usually the thing that would be relaxing to me.
Oh my god.. the first paragraph in particular really resonates with me!!!! I can set all the alarms I want on my phone and when they go off I still usually ignore them because it just feels like it's too big of an ordeal even if I know the thing will only take like 5-10 minutes. I've tried using a time block (I think that's what it's called..?) app and it helps for a while... then I lose my momentum and I stop.... then I start up again weeks or months later...same thing happens. Then I thought I could use it for 2-3 days a week so I'm days aren't too structured, cause that can be an issue for me too...that hasn't worked because then I forget to create the schedule for the random days instead of it being an nightly routine. I've thought for so long now that I'm just lazy and disinterested and a terrible procrastinator. But yesterday a friend if mine began talking about how hard it is for her to accomplish simple tasks because they feel like the biggest hurdle and when i said that I felt the same she said it sounded like executive dysfunction. I feel relieved that there is a real reason for this issue in my life...that I'm not crazy...and yet it feels like the hardest thing to correct and work on.. 😓🙃😵💫
Written instructions is always helpful for me. And it can be supportive for people, like myself, who are also visual learners. Great topic to discuss Kati.
That has to be extremely difficult for you. It seems to me you may benefit from someone you trust or can have a service help with assistance to do life more easily than what your dealing with. You don’t have to do it all alone especially when your eligible for such. Most people don’t ask to be in rut. It’s hard to dig yourself out of them. I’m not any better off than you. I struggle with some daily tasks. It’s not easy to get things done all the time. You can only try to do what you can if your without assistance.
The problem with separating work and play areas is when you have to work at a computer- the internet is both work AND play, so it's extremely difficult to not get my thoughts constantly distracted and pulled all over the place. Focusing on getting a task done is hard enough already, but when it involves going online, it takes forever. For instance, here I am commenting on this youtube channel and I can't remember why I sat down at my computer.
I know this comment is old but I'd like to share what helps me: I use a different browser for work and for play, I use safari for "play" (watching shows/movies, social media etc) and I use google chrome for work. Just being on a certain browser sets up my expectations of what I have to do. This is just what helped me especially during the pandemic and i just want to share :)
I think I'm seriously going to have to save this video and rewatch it multiple times a week so I can start implementing all of the suggestions that were made. Unfortunately I just forgot half of them and information tends to get mixed up for me, but I'm not going to let that get in the way!
I’d forgotten I’d even subscribed today , just a couple of hours ago , and I’ve just realised by seeing the girls face ! Not what she’d said 🤔 I have executive dysfunction , but how and why do I feel I need to explain , without them thinking I’m making excuses for my self , luckily I do have high emotions , but I don’t get angry verbally , just occasionally when I am commenting on what somebody said about somebody else, when they have been rude about some one , I have to get stuck in there’s and defend the person being bullied, but in a message , There we go , And I always end up writing an essay not getting to the point. 😐, to write this I’ve had to check everything backwards because I’ve written lots of things twice and sometimes 3 times
I have never felt more understood!!! For years I thought I was just lazy and pathetic because my thoughts would jump everywhere, I'd become paralyzed by decisions others would find simple to answer, and multitasking being such a struggle. Thank you so much Kati. I feel so understood and validated.
I have ADHD and pretty severe executive dysfunction as a consequence. In order to do anything I have to set alarms so I remember to eat and drink bc otherwise I will literally just not do it?? I feel like this isn't talked about enough especially as it can literally lead to physical health problems if people can't carry certain things out
You sure the eating problem isn't just caused by your medication? It's one of the most basic side effects of most ADHD medication and you should be VERY aware of that precisely because of the possible health problems it can lead to.
When I finally got my diet and dosage of adderall (which involved titrating dosages UP and extending duration), I realized that my "appetite suppression" was actually an ineffectual, blanket way of describing an aversion to certain types/qualities of food. I constantly indulge strong cravings for sweet, smooth or salty mostly with fruit, smoothies, soups, nuts, and a whole lot more fruit.
Omg I know what you're talking about. I live alone for the first time in my life and there are moments or even weeks when I have to really force myself to do basic things like eat or shower. It's not about appetite, because I do get hungry, but I just can't physically bring myself to do that task, it's like I'm thinking "I should go to the kitchen and get/make some food" and the command simply doesn't go from the brain to the body. For me, I don't think executive dysfunction is caused by ADHD, but it's probably linked with my depression and depersonalization/derealization
when she was talking about it almost being impossible to organize a vacation literally broke my heart because i cant organize anything and it made me realize how hard its gonna be
Kati how do I stop oversharing?? I’m not sure why I do it but sometimes things just flow from my mouth, only to later regret being so “open.” And then I feel bad and I’m not sure if I feel that way because I’ve crossed a boundary or if it’s some other reason. So where’s the line? How do we know? And when we overstep, how do we fix it?
libbycatherine great question, i do the same thing. With me i'm pretty sure it's because i don't have anyone close enough to vent to, so it just comes out to random people. Maybe it's the same for you?
I don't think you should assume you shared too much info because someone you met didn't ask for your number. You didn't ask for his either so maybe he thinks the same thing. Sometimes people just have conversations with people and don't feel the need to keep in contact with them or they don't know if it would be appropriate. You never know.
Thank you Kati. I feel less alone and a little less helpless because of your videos and the community youve created. Thank you. Youre such a beautiful, kind person xx
I’ve found that breaking down organizational tasks to the smallest detail and then being open to rearranging it all as I go along helps. Sometimes I have to wait for the right answer to reveal itself and do my best to not stress about it in the meantime.
Its always so hard to explain to people what executive dysfunction is and how it's not just being "lazy." I can now show people this video to help them get a better understanding! Thank you so much for making it!!
I have a form of executive dysfunction, called Sensory Processing Disorder, and I actually find it easier to relay messages by writing or typing them than by mouth because, when I do it by mouth, it's hard to spit it out. For example, when I call my soon-to-be husband to ask him to buy groceries on his way home, it goes something like this: "Hey honey. Um, would you mind getting some uh, uh, uh, some, some, some eggs, uh, bacon, and uh, uh, uh cheese before you leave?" It has taken me as long as 10 minutes to rattle off a list to him. But, it only takes me about a minute to write it out in a text message. As a matter of fact, when I was in high school, I held the record for the most words typed in one minute at 160wpm.
are you autistic? With the being able to write better than speak? Because I have both autism and sensory processing disorder but I thought sensory processing disorder isn’t out speaking by itself?
Journaling in different ways has helped me tremendously. Voice, writing, listing and even drawing my streams of thought help me to eventually organize them and get a birds eye view on what’s going on up there to prioritize them. I sometimes number them to identify what’s least and most important to me. Issa lifestyle, a marathon, but it really helps.
when i first heard someone explain this term (in a very basic way), i suspected i might suffer with executive dysfunction. watching this video that went in depth really solidified it. especially hearing you talk about shift. i've always said that i have to have at least a few days to emotionally deal with something major before i actually have to do it. there are some tips i've learned, though. the first one being getting a bullet journal, planner, or some sort of alarm system to keep on task. i especially recommend a bullet journal. there's no wrong way to bullet journal, and you won't feel bad if you miss a few days because there are no prewritten dates. another thing i suggest is to set yourself to do three things a day. which may sound daunting, but that list could look like: 1. get out of bed 2. brush your teeth 3. don't forget to eat something setting realistic goals for yourself makes initiating them so much easier.
oof ive tried the list thing many times but i just.. randomly stop doing it when its been like a week or maybe week and a half. i dont have any motivation at all lol
Lovely Kati, for those of us with ASD/AS, even though not being in the official criterias, executive funtionning difficulties are often part of our lives. Thanks for your highly valuable work you're offering us. You're one of the greats here over YT.
Love how I find so many people having issues with getting started...working on those issues. I have just watched the video for the first time and got a whiff of hopelessness because "how am I gonna keep track on that if I can't keep track on anything else?"
unfortunately for me as a person with ADHD, I struggle with these things frequently. I try my best to create a routine to get everything done but my job constantly piles extra work on me. This of course gives me great stress as I am thinking OMG I CAN NEVER GET THIS DONE and I tend to constantly be behind my own schedule and constantly stressed out. People don't seem to get that I am slightly different from them. They need to learn to work within my capabilities and I am going to do fabulously at everything. checkoff lists and reminders would do wonders for me.
I just came to the realization that my whole life I’ve struggled with this and I had no idea this was a thing. I just thought it was just something that I had to deal with...not knowing what it was exactly. Thank you.
I know that this issue is not exclusive to ADHD but I really, really appreciate the attention you've been shedding on the disorder lately. One way that I like to combat my executive dysfunction by asking for time outs. When I'm arguing & I can feel myself get hot, I ask for a time out before I can say something really ugly. If I'm in a conversation & I can't keep up, I'll say "OK. Let's pause for a second because I want to make sure we're on the same page. This is what I think you're saying, is that right?" My favorite tactic to stop impulsiveness during conversation is to put my finger on my nose whenever I feel myself about to sign up for something I really can't handle or speak over someone. Oh, that's another thing. When I interrupt, I try to realize it as soon as possible & say "I'm apologize, I didn't mean to cut you off. Please continue."
This is me to a tee. Mine comes from PTSD from past childhood/young adult abuses. I've been diagnosed with PTSD and ADHD with high functioning anexiety.. And now executive dysfunction...
Two of those points actually helped me! So I've been wanting to teach myself programming, right? But my work and play area are both on the computer, so it's easy to get sidetracked. Suddenly I realized: I can use my Linux operating system for programming, and my Windows for play! It requires a complete computer restart to switch between those, so they're well separated. Initiation is a very difficult one for me, but breaking it down into smaller ones or set time periods is brilliant. I think I'll just go do some programming right now, just this one chapter of this course, for at least 1 hour and 10 minutes. It's weird how suddenly it feels a lot more manageable... anyway off I go bye! o/
Executive dysfunction is definitely me. My essence. Since i do not perceive time as a continuum, schedule/setting goals/prioritising , is mission impossible. I sometimes lose track of the present day of the week. I can miss a whole day, unaccounted for. I missed two holidays, this year. I missed noticing two elections, and one war. I never noticed the corona virus, until people were wearing masks in the street.
Wow -thank you so very much for this! I've been living with Executive Dysfunction, along with being on the Autistic Spectrum, and serious clinical Depression for most of my life. I often treat myself badly, because I score highly on IQ tests, always did well i school, have an excellent long-term memory for facts (or at least the ones that interest me), but at the same time cannot hold a "normal" job, and struggle with interpersonal relationships. The more I learn about how my strangely wired brain works, the better I get at coping with these challenges, and the more I'm able to actually do. Lists are my best friends - a notebook full of lists is a must have for my day-to-day existence! Now if could only get my working memory up to speed in ballet class... XP
Thank you so much for this Kati. I've struggled badly with this all my life, and now that I've started college and living on my own it's worse than ever. I've failed nine out of ten subjects this year (most of them with a zero) and I've been completely unable to keep my flat minimally tidy and clean at all. Also I haven't made even one friend in college and in the city I've moved to, so I've felt really lonely a this year (at least now I'm back home for the summer and some of my friends from here are going to move with me this September). The worst thing is that everyone (specially my parents) seems to think I'm just a spoiled, lazy kid and that everything is my fault. Nobody seems to understand that I'm unable (at least right now) to get passing grades since I'm "intellectually gifted" (not a big fan of this term). I know the problem actually is that I have extremely low (like almost nonexistent) executive functioning skills, but the few times I've tried explaining it to some of my friends they didn't understand it or didn't believe me and thought I was just making excuses. I'm also quite positive (like 99,999...% positive) I have ASD and ADHD, but the therapist I started seeing a month ago seems to be very skeptical about all of this, and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think I'll be able to succeed in life if I don't get the help and understanding I need, but it seems like I'll have to wait for a really long time to get any of this. I try to stay hopeful, but it's increasingly hard.
I hope you can find a therapist or other professional to understands what you are going through (maybe look for an ADHD or ASD specialist).. and then you can work with your college to get the help you need to succeed :) xoxo
At 49, I have FINALLY come to realize that using these tools can be so helpful! I use Google Keep on my phone for everything! I have a folder for calls to make, meal plans, things to do today, places I want to explore, I even have a brain dump folder for whatever I need to get out of my head and remember for later. Thank you for this video
As a widow my mother really stayed on us hard about getting things done, cleaning, picking up the house and doing yard work. She was always harping on us but She never really taught us anything about how to organize our lives how to keep a schedule how to set goals how to plan for our lives, college or careers. I’ve been lost all my life. There was never any structure in our house, just constant demands and orders to carry out tasks. We all got burned out at young ages but we never really learned how to handle daily life. I’ve never really known what to do. Our mother was big on manners and social skills but she didn’t teach us so many important things. Now I’m unemployed and I feel paralyzed. I don’t how to resolve problems and I don’t know how to initiate a path for my life. It’s terrifying not know what goals to even set. My life is an absolute mess and I’m clueless about what to do.
Perfect executive function 100% of the time is a pretty unicorn. Many of the people who are good at it are the ones with parents who drilled in the skills with modelling for their kids, but those folk also know how to really grok growth, and the need for the spaces (gaps) to do it. We all have them. Growth is good. Practice is necessary, even for the "experts."
I had no idea what my problems were called. Thanks for breaking this down and giving those great suggestions. I think being depressed and avoidant after trauma and being on the Asperger's spectrum has made my dysfunction get more and more serious over the years.
I struggle with ADD and executive functioning. I run a successful business so I have developed strategies to compensate for these deficits. I think executive functioning is something that can always be improved!
Another tip I've found is to set specific ring tones for specific tasks. After awhile it gets to the point I'll hear a tone and immediately start doing it without thinking.For example your reminder to work out could be "we will rock you", a tone for bedtime could be something soothing, even the tone for different chores I need to do are different. I have alarms for everything, literally. Wake up and contemplate if I need my job(5min), get up chug water then stretch, get in the shower, be ready(15 min before I actually have to leave), leave for work, about 30min after I get home theres alarms for what to do specifically(laundry, dishes, etc), set everything I need for the next day(with a list) get ready for bed, stretch, sleep. The more I plan my day down to specifically what I'll be doing the better I do. I dont have kids so it may not work for everyone but you should try it. Especially if you can get your kids on a set schedule too. Just make sure to add at least 5-15 min extra to do a task so if you run over it doesnt throw your day off. When I get done early I feel so accomplished.
I struggle with all 8 areas, thank you for this video, you have great suggestions! Multiple alarms leading up to a transition helps especially when I'm hyperfocusing (say I have to be on watch for when my sister gets dropped off from school, I have 3 alarms set at 30, 15, and 5 minutes before I need to head out.) It helps my brain not just dismiss it, because it thinks "ok, that's the third alarm, something important must be about to happen, look at your schedule.) Post it notes in specific areas around the house can help too, and other little visual reminders as well as a simple checklist for things like getting ready to leave the house (posted on the door) or getting ready for bed (posted in the bathroom) helps as well.
One thing that’s helped me be more organized with my tasks is starting out small. Having a yearly planner and a weekly planner and a daily planner… didn’t help, in fact I could never use them. You can start out with a daily todo list and build up from there.
It sounds like doing all of those things in order to remind myself and organize myself would take all day just to make the list, and that's if I even remember everything that I need to put on the list. This is my problem when planning things I plan the planning and then I never get around to doing the thing or even finish the planning.
Thank you SO MUCH!!! I have dysthymia, run my own business, and executive dysfunction is something I've only recently learned about. This was a really concise and easy to digest video about it. I will share it widely with my peers and family.
Zoinks!! Tick all the boxes and it is so tough and frustrating. Cptsd & adhd can be a monumental challenge. Having controlling people around me for decades has also taken its toll. However, since discarding them, things improved 1000%. I’m a bugger for multiple lists and rewriting the same lists. Also, I am now embracing the fact that, my condition(s) were meant to be since my unbelievable and unexplainable spiritual awakening. Make time for yourself and do stuff that makes you happy.
I've been procrastinating eating breakfast and I finally convinced myself look in my kitchen and look for recipes on TH-cam and somehow I saw this and now I'm on the couch forgetting how I got here and what I need to do. I need food to take my ADHD meds, but struggle to eat breakfast. The struggle is super real. Glad you made a video about this.
thankyou kati for this video, though your not my therapist I feel a strong connection that you totaly understand us, kinions are the best strongest group 💕xox
Kati, I doubt you’ll see this on an old video but I feel the need to express this: just the way you say « welcome » is so full of kindness and warmth, I don’t know if you realise how much we need reminders there are such beautiful souls out there and that these are the kind of people we should look up to ❤️ thank you for providing so many with not only such rich and insightful information, but also a safe space to feel welcome, as we are.
Thank you. Im a mess and this just might have given me the answers and hope i needed bc i truly feel i cant function. Been recovering from tbi for a long time. Its nice to see im not alone with these issues.
All I can say is that the information you just provided has been very helpful and in the life we live in time that most important is mental health and I thank you for the information and to all that reads this.
Your video describes me. Not part of it, all of it. I was just diagnosed ASD at 37yo, and I am learning that everyone doesn’t struggle with what I struggle with. This really helps so much! ❤️🩹
That's a great topic! For me and my ADHD, problems with a executive functioning are constantly there. What helps me *a lot* is bullet journaling. I guess, it's somehow like regular journaling, but more fun. There is a ton of videos on that here on youtube and tutorials and ideas on pinterest. I can really recommend it to anyone, who struggles with forgetting important stuff as much as having a hard time keeping daylie routines up. And btw. routines... It's really hard to admit, but building habits makes life way easier. And even though I'm saying this, something inside me is screaming '**** this'. But it's true. Habits mean you don't have to think about it. Building one is work. But afterwards, it's so much easier.
I was just diagnosed with this along with ADHD, and didn't really understand it. After watching this video I can't lie I bawled it's so overwhelmingly accurate, and the steps will be hard for me but I will do my best. Thanks for the information! You've helped tremendously I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.
This feels great. I am 37 and I always felt put aside because of my difficulties to wrap projects on time, arrive on time, start tasks, improvise on the spot, coordinate my body (for sports or dancing), and so on. This still affects me. I still feel like the kid who can't go to recess because has not completed his assignment. However, I still don't know where this leaves me. I know I have a good degree of this in mos of the areas you mentioned (an online tests seem to indicate so), but it's not like I am impaired because of it, like some people are. However, I think I also have some Attention problems and Social Anxiety, which is bad. I just want to feel like I am normal.
Thank you for not only clearly explaining what executive dysfunction is, but thank you for the nicely laid out bullet points as well. I'm currently waiting for a series of appointments for neuropsychological testing. I'm 42 years old and have life-long deficits in every key area. I'm working on making a set of my own videos explaining how my neurological differences affect my daily life. I'm sharing links on my Facebook page so I don't have to explain things over and over again to multiple people. Maybe other people will stumble across my videos eventually as well. I'm going to use your bullet points to guide the creation of my video.
Hello Kati! Can you make a video on Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? I feel like this a lesser known thing in the psychology world but everything I've heard about it makes me feel pretty understood. Thanks for all the great videos!
Thank you so much!! I'm not 100% sure if I have any mental illness per say but I know I struggle with these sort of things and I want to start finding strategies to cope with things I'm dealing with, rather than find an illness to excuse it under. It's taken me a long time to get here, this mindset feels so much better than anything I've had before!
Katie, could you please talk about how parents can best help and support a depressed almost 16 year old daughter? She withdraws to her room watching TH-cam, TV, playing video games and when I check in on (careful not to barge in) her she gets angry and irritated, and does not want contact. I so want to connect with her and be there for her, but my being her mother disqualifies me automatically to give advice on getting out of bed, getting active or getting involved in recovery. Her dad and I are walking on eggshells around her not to give her a reason to lash out and further disconnect from us (does our nervousness further aid her depression? I’m frightened to demand anything from her, because she is so depressed. How do I ask her to get active when she gets so angry, I don’t want further distance between us!?). I understand she is struggling with depression and we have gone to a psychologist once, and she has more sessions scheduled, but my daughter refused to speak a word to the psychologist during the first session. I see treatment and perhaps medication as a very important road to recovery, but my daughter does not really want to go to sessions. I would like to her to comprehend that she herself plays a big part in recovery by the deliberate choices she makes, and that someone else just cannot “fix” her- we need her to try to help herself too. So therefore, what is the best course of action to “inspire” my daughter to “want to” get better, to recognise her own agency in getting better, go to treatment and accept that we want to help her, not embarrass her? I think she wants to ignore how she feels, but when school starts in the fall she will not be able to keep up her grades, and her schoolwork and social life risk to completely collapse. I want to help her before this is an irreversible fact... (She has refused to go to school for a period of time earlier and she has also cut herself during April this year.) Her father and I Iove her so very much but she pushes us away getting angry when we try to speak with her about these things. But respecting her space can never mean that we will desert her alone in her pain and struggle with depression! How can we best help her to want to get better and to want to receive treatment and work with the psychologist (CBT) that wants to treat her? (It has taken more than a month to get an appointment with a psychologist, and now that she has gotten the chance to treatment she refuses to work with the psychologist!) What to do? Please advice us how to best help switch her mindset and to see that treatment and self-awareness is the way out of depression and the only lasting solution for her to gain a more fulfilling life.
Maria's channel Maybe she wasn't comfortable with the therapist. I wish I was offered therapy at that age. I just wrote in journals and had a couple of friends. Children that age don't want to share everything with their parents, and alot of that depends on how the parents react. I tried to keep open lines of communication with mine, tried not to be judgemental, tried to understand their point of view. I like the movie Good Will Hunting. He went through lots of therapists before finding one up to the task. Wish I could find a therapist like that. Maybe she could watch it with you? I also played video games with my kids, and watched them play. Find out what she likes and do it with her. Maybe a puzzle? I'm not Katy, just a parent.
As a fellow parent with an 18 year old struggling with anxiety, depression and ADHD, one course of treatment besides meds has been Emotion Focused Therapy. After a year of weekly sessions my DD now has asked me to attend with her. A major positive move. I recently asked her what she gets out of her therapy and she listed affirmation, understanding of herself and others, perspective, and other positive things I can't recall right now. Maybe EFT is for your kiddo too? I know we failed totally with the charts, stickers, planner approach. All my best to you and your family. PS this individual therapist is at least no. 5 over the course of 4-5 years. So don't get too worked up about therapist rejection. Just keep trying and collect hints from your DD and her psychiatrist as to what might help. Even with this success my DD did get behind in school and so even school was contributing to her issues despite an IEP.
So speaking as someone who has had experience being the person effected by depressive episodes as well as a support person to those who have it. Some major things that can help: -acknowledge if anxiety is also a factor. If it is. Your kid is already thinking all of the things you're afraid of. Probably ten times for every one time you're thinking of it. So it's not a question of getting her to understand why it's important. That's not where the dysfunction lies. When anxiety plays a role, it can mean that the fear of not being good enough. Or of getting hurt or rejected gets in the way of trying. That also explains anger. Because it's frustrating having one more person point out just how hard they're struggling when they're already berating themselves for doing so. 2. When someone is depressed, a lot of the time, the best way to continue to establish connections is through the coping mechanisms they are using. Maybe let TH-cam be something you can watch together. Engage with what she finds interesting and comforting. Genuinely allow it into your space and your emotional space. A lot of the support is emotional bolstering and does not engage with logic or discourse at all. It's about BEING there for the person. Not trying to change their mind. Your support protects the person's energy from the depression. It helps them recharge so that in moments where the fog clears, the energy is waiting for them.
I heard about this so I tried to find info on it. Even remembering to do what you instruct us to do is hard for me to remember. I try so hard to be organized but it's as if things vanish or somehow it was moved from the place I put it. I used to be obsessed with the clock. I had to always know the time. I kept a clock in every room. Thanks, I'm diagnosed PTSD. Severe anxiety, Epilepsy and ADHD...so this is all very familiar with me. Thanks for doing this.
As someone who has struggled with this for years not even planners or lists help, nothing seems to be working not even anxiety over not getting things done on time
this is incredibly helpful, i have such a difficult time explaining why i have such difficulty with what seems to be very simple things. i feel so lazy and useless and dumb for not being able to do what i want so badly to do. knowing how it works helps a lot and helps me quantify it to others
One of the first times I realized my husband had this is when we went on a camping trip with an organization we belong to. I had been camping before and I also know how to organize well, but he kept on insisting we didn't need some of the things I wanted to take. So I gave in, and he ended up having to ask people to borrow their stuff. After being married to him for 25 years, I end up being in charge of everything because he gets lost in trivial details and loses track of the end goal. I have ended up paying all the bills, doing taxes, decluttering all the closets, the garage, organizing birthdays, parties, events, every damn thing. He is good at washing the dishes, mowing the lawn and cooking, and taking the car for repairs. But him trying to do any handy stuff around the house is a royal pain in the ass. He can barely do anything. Once he comes home from work he gets stuck in zombie mode on the laptop. He cannot understand how to do a large project in small steps. I have to be the project manager of everything. He can't even organize his tools. He likes to put some tools in the bathroom closet because he might use them again in that room. Makes no freaking sense. His tools are a disaster. He ends up going to buy something at the store, and I have to yell at him to find it in the disaster pile in the basement to stop wasting money.
this video is so helpful because i'm struggling with pretty much all those aspects of executive dysfunction right now but it feels like such a huge task to implement anything that I feel like I'll be paralysed in this awful limbo forever
I would like to find out about ADHD and sensory meltdowns. I know this is something that happens to autistic people but it happens to me and I was diagnosed with ADHD and not Autism. I have tried to suggest to doctors I could have autism but no one will take me seriously. I also seriously have executive dysfunction issues which I think causes a lot of anxiety not being able to be a proper adult.
I just heard the term for the first time, I didn't know it is a thing. I thought I was very very weird, it is the most stressing part of being me, because it also applies to things I really want to, like travelling. Planning and executing everything is so hard, it always makes me anxious. I'm at a point now in my life where I realize that none of my goals or dreams can manifest if I keep being like this.. it's a very big trigger for anxiety, but I'm also determined to change myself. I don't want to let my life go by like this. 😢
now here's a kicker: executive dysfunction but paired with an inability to switch tasks. so when you set an alarm or schedule, it doesn't matter because you can't do the thing anyway. yeah, the prep period would help. thank you for that actually.
This is a very helpful video for me, because Executive Dysfunction has always been a problem for me and growing up I had a lot of teachers think I'm lazy or stupid.
I have been looking for a video like this for soooo long. . . One that my adhd brain can listen to without getting bored or distracted and to the point . . . Thank you.
I liked that you gave us some things we can try to help our executive dysfunction. Thanks for that. I hope you do some more research on this in the future and bring us more tips and more advice. Those of us who really struggle with this truly suffer.
I didn't realize Initiation was part of executive function; it's really really hard for me to start tasks even if I'm excited to do them
Same problem I have as well. Even when I get warnings or i'm intrinsically motivated to do something, the sense of urgency doesn't always come into full gear and that doesn't last for a long time. I feel you're pain, it's a frustrating feeling.
Same
Same
This is me i literally hate myself for it. I feel like the laziest peice of shit ://
@@alabaz2302 you’re doing the best you can, it’s okay❤️
Also, if you grew up with childhood emotional neglect this also causes trouble planning and setting goals for yourself etc.
😭🎶🎉💕👍emotional regulation, staying on task, take long walks with your pet. Completing small goals(big goals broken down nicely) gives our brain dopamine which helps us focus. Positive feedback loop 💕
Oh my god is this what I have?!?!?
@@jenrich111❤👍🏻
@@jenrich111 Thank you your comment made my day
You know what, no wonder
Watching this while sitting in my disaster of a house. Depression is fun.
Wow I felt that :/
It is !
I understand. Me too. 🎉
:(
At least you have a house...I’m still renting from my parents at 27. Now that’s depressing. :/
This is interesting. I recently was telling my sister about something I call “the resistance” that I feel like I’m constantly fighting to do anything I want to do. I’ll end up laying on the couch for hours KNOWING I need to get up and wanting to get up and get to work but I just can’t seem to make my body move.
She said that would fall under executive dysfunction (which is how I ended up here) but most of those things you list I don’t struggle with at all. But this was still really interesting to learn about.
Same! And the fact that I don't struggle with most of the things mentioned in this video makes me go back to thinking that I just procrastinate, but I really hope that I have executive dysfunction because it will make me hate myself less for constantly being on the edge of destroying my future :')
Same is my case.I even fought with myself in figuring out my problem.
Same. I think a lot of folks deal with some degree of a couple of these things.
I struggle w/initiation outside of a rigid structure for things I’m not excited about. It just takes more energy to push past that threshold. But can’t relate to any of the others. A lot of folks would probably benefit from tools meant to help with executive function.
This sounds a lot like a How To ADHD video about the motivation bridge/gap. Another awesome youtuber!
This is exactly what I'm doing right now, I have so much to do but I just can't get up
i really struggle with initiation. starting schoolwork, getting ready for bed, pretty much any task is difficult if not impossible. and i'm super disorganized, in terms of both my time and my environment. i can't deal with schedules and to-do lists.
Same, lists just make me anxious because I know I will fall behind schedule for sure
I would love to be able to put my self on a schedule, but to actually make myself do it is another story.
I've made schedules, but then I just actively ignore the schedules.
@@ModMINIme too
What's heeeeeeeeelarious about all this is that because of the focus on executive dysfunction as an organization problem, I've been super-trained to organize. That's no longer a problem. They trained that out of me hard core as a kid after my ADHD diagnosis. I've got charts and plans and organizers out my rear... and a huge mega problem with Initiation, Shifting and Working Memory, because no one thought to help with that back then. lol.
I am so glad you have been able to organize more and manage that, I hope you are still able to get some professional support so you can work through any issues with initiation, shifting and working memory :) xoxo
Thanks! I have a LMFT I see but the ADHD things kind of got back-burnered to the C-PTSD* things, and then when I resolved those we terminated. Lol. Mostly I've just structured my life to avoid problems in those areas, at least for my job. I work IT Helpdesk, so I don't have to self-initiate or plan or manage my time at all. They call me, I fix it, I wait for the next call. I probably could use to work on it anyway though because I usually wind up home from work doing one thing for the rest of the evening even though I wanted to do several. (*Unplanned first born, mum with a serous case of fleas, 'defective'... yadda yadda...)
Is there really anything to be done for the working memory part? I kind of figured it was like... a hardware issue. Not enough RAM kind of thing.
Mayonnaise Jane same, plus time management.
Whoa so lucky. They tried training me a lot as a kid too. Sadly didnt work and I spend most of my days trying to find my phone
omg same, I can easily schedule things and am quite organizes already as a person, but getting tasks started is always my biggest problem, like I have to write an essay? I know what I have to do, and I can have a time period planned for it, but if I can't get started what is the point of those other aspects?? Like all the advise I have found so far is just like, sit down and start, and that's just impossible
I like how you say we instead of you
Is autism a separate and isolated disorder not am i isolating from society?
I don’t - it seems disingenuous.
@@BetaBuxDelux put this is a dictionary
Same
If I don't write down everything I need to get done, my thoughts feel like the keys with wings from Harry Potter, chaotically and aggressively flying around my headspace.
Sometimes I can't even tidy my living room unless I write down the individual and specific steps to complete the task. Executive dysfunction is a major part of why I'm disabled by my mental state.
Sarah Acree Thats why i always needed a caledar, day planner, phone calendar, and to synchronize them several times a week. Now i have none and nothing gets done.
I was telling my last therapist what I'd done while looking in my phone.,stuff like eating and showering and when i slept. She asked "you wrote that down?" Like its unusual, then wrote some note to herself.
I didnt feel safe. Everytime she scribbled notes i felt like there was something wrong with me.
Yep, exactly. And I know what you mean, feeling judged or defective. Sometimes I don't realize that I'm behaving in an unusual way until I see someone else reacting to me. Always remind yourself that your therapist has to make observations to help you!
Sarah Acree my prior therapist never took notes. Maybe after I left. This one was an intern. So she wasn't as good.
completly true
I HAVE USED THIS ANALOGY SO MANY TIMES oh my gosh I thought I was the only one.
I can’t even tell you the door this just opened for me. Like holy shit I don’t feel alone, I feel validated in my seemingly “unnecessary “ struggles. 100% taking this to my counselor.
Same, I didn’t know there was a term for what I am struggling with
🤗🤣😇
Fuck yea. Same!
my executive dysfunction is really difficult to work around cause even when i do plan out my week and set a schedule for what i need to do, i can never seem to follow through since all my tasks feel so big that my anxiety just renders me useless. like, i know i can get work done, but it's like i've forgotten how to do it effectively and my anxiety is both pushing me to be productive while also hindering that process.
especially this past week, i've been meaning to catch up on school and complete some artwork and a bunch of other stuff but i haven't been able to do more than open a textbook and then immediately get scared and recede into my comfort activities which is usually just reading stuff.
i also have the issue of being kind of afraid of needing to process new information. so having to read ny textbooks, or just reading/watching something new is so daunting that i just end up not doing anything for days or weeks on end.
what sucks most though is that it's bled into my being an artist, so actually producing work feels impossible when it's usually the thing that would be relaxing to me.
this is my exact day to day life
Mine too.
This! My life. Even down to the artwork.
Oh my god.. the first paragraph in particular really resonates with me!!!! I can set all the alarms I want on my phone and when they go off I still usually ignore them because it just feels like it's too big of an ordeal even if I know the thing will only take like 5-10 minutes. I've tried using a time block (I think that's what it's called..?) app and it helps for a while... then I lose my momentum and I stop.... then I start up again weeks or months later...same thing happens. Then I thought I could use it for 2-3 days a week so I'm days aren't too structured, cause that can be an issue for me too...that hasn't worked because then I forget to create the schedule for the random days instead of it being an nightly routine.
I've thought for so long now that I'm just lazy and disinterested and a terrible procrastinator. But yesterday a friend if mine began talking about how hard it is for her to accomplish simple tasks because they feel like the biggest hurdle and when i said that I felt the same she said it sounded like executive dysfunction. I feel relieved that there is a real reason for this issue in my life...that I'm not crazy...and yet it feels like the hardest thing to correct and work on.. 😓🙃😵💫
You just described my life as well, all the way down to the art bit 😭
Written instructions is always helpful for me. And it can be supportive for people, like myself, who are also visual learners. Great topic to discuss Kati.
Optimistic4ever yes...def lists help so much for me too
Thank you for sharing!!! I am glad you enjoyed the video :) xoxo
Agreed Optimistic4ever!!
I always get major anxiety when I plan my day where I just end up doing nothing 🙄
omg same
Same
Just go with the flow
Same
That has to be extremely difficult for you. It seems to me you may benefit from someone you trust or can have a service help with assistance to do life more easily than what your dealing with. You don’t have to do it all alone especially when your eligible for such. Most people don’t ask to be in rut. It’s hard to dig yourself out of them. I’m not any better off than you. I struggle with some daily tasks. It’s not easy to get things done all the time. You can only try to do what you can if your without assistance.
I’ve been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD, and you’ve just described my whole life.
How did u manage it
The problem with separating work and play areas is when you have to work at a computer- the internet is both work AND play, so it's extremely difficult to not get my thoughts constantly distracted and pulled all over the place. Focusing on getting a task done is hard enough already, but when it involves going online, it takes forever. For instance, here I am commenting on this youtube channel and I can't remember why I sat down at my computer.
I know this comment is old but I'd like to share what helps me: I use a different browser for work and for play, I use safari for "play" (watching shows/movies, social media etc) and I use google chrome for work. Just being on a certain browser sets up my expectations of what I have to do. This is just what helped me especially during the pandemic and i just want to share :)
This helps so much with explaining it to my parents without sounding like a lazy mess. Tanks so much 💓
Yay! So happy to help :) xoxo
I think I'm seriously going to have to save this video and rewatch it multiple times a week so I can start implementing all of the suggestions that were made. Unfortunately I just forgot half of them and information tends to get mixed up for me, but I'm not going to let that get in the way!
I’d forgotten I’d even subscribed today , just a couple of hours ago , and I’ve just realised by seeing the girls face ! Not what she’d said 🤔 I have executive dysfunction , but how and why do I feel I need to explain , without them thinking I’m making excuses for my self , luckily I do have high emotions , but I don’t get angry verbally , just occasionally when I am commenting on what somebody said about somebody else, when they have been rude about some one , I have to get stuck in there’s and defend the person being bullied, but in a message , There we go , And I always end up writing an essay not getting to the point. 😐, to write this I’ve had to check everything backwards because I’ve written lots of things twice and sometimes 3 times
I have never felt more understood!!! For years I thought I was just lazy and pathetic because my thoughts would jump everywhere, I'd become paralyzed by decisions others would find simple to answer, and multitasking being such a struggle. Thank you so much Kati. I feel so understood and validated.
I have ADHD and pretty severe executive dysfunction as a consequence. In order to do anything I have to set alarms so I remember to eat and drink bc otherwise I will literally just not do it?? I feel like this isn't talked about enough especially as it can literally lead to physical health problems if people can't carry certain things out
I either eat a whole jar of pretzels because I started and forgot to stop, or forget to eat until I get the sugar shakes and feel faint. Oops.
You sure the eating problem isn't just caused by your medication? It's one of the most basic side effects of most ADHD medication and you should be VERY aware of that precisely because of the possible health problems it can lead to.
When I finally got my diet and dosage of adderall (which involved titrating dosages UP and extending duration), I realized that my "appetite suppression" was actually an ineffectual, blanket way of describing an aversion to certain types/qualities of food. I constantly indulge strong cravings for sweet, smooth or salty mostly with fruit, smoothies, soups, nuts, and a whole lot more fruit.
Thank you so so much for sharing!! It's great that more people know this can be part of it as well. xoxo
Omg I know what you're talking about. I live alone for the first time in my life and there are moments or even weeks when I have to really force myself to do basic things like eat or shower. It's not about appetite, because I do get hungry, but I just can't physically bring myself to do that task, it's like I'm thinking "I should go to the kitchen and get/make some food" and the command simply doesn't go from the brain to the body. For me, I don't think executive dysfunction is caused by ADHD, but it's probably linked with my depression and depersonalization/derealization
It really helps me when I am extremely overwhelmed to have somebody help me initiate a task.
when she was talking about it almost being impossible to organize a vacation literally broke my heart because i cant organize anything and it made me realize how hard its gonna be
Kati how do I stop oversharing?? I’m not sure why I do it but sometimes things just flow from my mouth, only to later regret being so “open.” And then I feel bad and I’m not sure if I feel that way because I’ve crossed a boundary or if it’s some other reason. So where’s the line? How do we know? And when we overstep, how do we fix it?
Yeah I just met a guy at a train and we talked a lot. After that he didn't ask for my number and I guess it's because I shared too much information.
libbycatherine great question, i do the same thing. With me i'm pretty sure it's because i don't have anyone close enough to vent to, so it just comes out to random people. Maybe it's the same for you?
I don't think you should assume you shared too much info because someone you met didn't ask for your number. You didn't ask for his either so maybe he thinks the same thing. Sometimes people just have conversations with people and don't feel the need to keep in contact with them or they don't know if it would be appropriate. You never know.
libbycatherine I feel you I over share a lot
Nicole Llih if someone did feel that way, what would that mean in relation to oversharing?
Thank you Kati. I feel less alone and a little less helpless because of your videos and the community youve created. Thank you. Youre such a beautiful, kind person xx
Awe you are so welcome Natasha :) I am so glad I can be a helpful resource when you need it!! xoxo
You’re never alone my dude!! I just got diagnosed and thought I was alone with this for so long. So glad to have a bit of a community now.
I’ve found that breaking down organizational tasks to the smallest detail and then being open to rearranging it all as I go along helps. Sometimes I have to wait for the right answer to reveal itself and do my best to not stress about it in the meantime.
Its always so hard to explain to people what executive dysfunction is and how it's not just being "lazy." I can now show people this video to help them get a better understanding! Thank you so much for making it!!
I have a form of executive dysfunction, called Sensory Processing Disorder, and I actually find it easier to relay messages by writing or typing them than by mouth because, when I do it by mouth, it's hard to spit it out. For example, when I call my soon-to-be husband to ask him to buy groceries on his way home, it goes something like this: "Hey honey. Um, would you mind getting some uh, uh, uh, some, some, some eggs, uh, bacon, and uh, uh, uh cheese before you leave?" It has taken me as long as 10 minutes to rattle off a list to him. But, it only takes me about a minute to write it out in a text message. As a matter of fact, when I was in high school, I held the record for the most words typed in one minute at 160wpm.
So that's Sensory Processing Disorder? I've been like this but I didn't know it's part of that.
are you autistic? With the being able to write better than speak? Because I have both autism and sensory processing disorder but I thought sensory processing disorder isn’t out speaking by itself?
Journaling in different ways has helped me tremendously. Voice, writing, listing and even drawing my streams of thought help me to eventually organize them and get a birds eye view on what’s going on up there to prioritize them. I sometimes number them to identify what’s least and most important to me. Issa lifestyle, a marathon, but it really helps.
when i first heard someone explain this term (in a very basic way), i suspected i might suffer with executive dysfunction. watching this video that went in depth really solidified it. especially hearing you talk about shift. i've always said that i have to have at least a few days to emotionally deal with something major before i actually have to do it.
there are some tips i've learned, though. the first one being getting a bullet journal, planner, or some sort of alarm system to keep on task. i especially recommend a bullet journal. there's no wrong way to bullet journal, and you won't feel bad if you miss a few days because there are no prewritten dates.
another thing i suggest is to set yourself to do three things a day. which may sound daunting, but that list could look like:
1. get out of bed
2. brush your teeth
3. don't forget to eat something
setting realistic goals for yourself makes initiating them so much easier.
oof ive tried the list thing many times but i just.. randomly stop doing it when its been like a week or maybe week and a half. i dont have any motivation at all lol
I have deficits in all 8 areas.
I struggle in 4 points. I thought that executive functioning was only organization. Very interesting topic
So glad it was helpful!! And yes it goes way beyond just organization! xoxo
I struggle in all 8 points....
Lovely Kati, for those of us with ASD/AS, even though not being in the official criterias, executive funtionning difficulties are often part of our lives.
Thanks for your highly valuable work you're offering us. You're one of the greats here over YT.
BUDDHA FX I have 6 disorders and all but one are not symptoms of ASD so I basically have ASD and Tourettes Syndrome.
Love how I find so many people having issues with getting started...working on those issues. I have just watched the video for the first time and got a whiff of hopelessness because "how am I gonna keep track on that if I can't keep track on anything else?"
unfortunately for me as a person with ADHD, I struggle with these things frequently. I try my best to create a routine to get everything done but my job constantly piles extra work on me. This of course gives me great stress as I am thinking OMG I CAN NEVER GET THIS DONE and I tend to constantly be behind my own schedule and constantly stressed out. People don't seem to get that I am slightly different from them. They need to learn to work within my capabilities and I am going to do fabulously at everything. checkoff lists and reminders would do wonders for me.
I just came to the realization that my whole life I’ve struggled with this and I had no idea this was a thing. I just thought it was just something that I had to deal with...not knowing what it was exactly. Thank you.
I know that this issue is not exclusive to ADHD but I really, really appreciate the attention you've been shedding on the disorder lately.
One way that I like to combat my executive dysfunction by asking for time outs. When I'm arguing & I can feel myself get hot, I ask for a time out before I can say something really ugly. If I'm in a conversation & I can't keep up, I'll say "OK. Let's pause for a second because I want to make sure we're on the same page. This is what I think you're saying, is that right?"
My favorite tactic to stop impulsiveness during conversation is to put my finger on my nose whenever I feel myself about to sign up for something I really can't handle or speak over someone. Oh, that's another thing. When I interrupt, I try to realize it as soon as possible & say "I'm apologize, I didn't mean to cut you off. Please continue."
This is me to a tee. Mine comes from PTSD from past childhood/young adult abuses. I've been diagnosed with PTSD and ADHD with high functioning anexiety.. And now executive dysfunction...
Thank you kati.. it's not easy getting the day started.. even the most smallest of task takes time.wow glad to know they have a term for it. Namaste.
So glad the video was helpful :) xoxo
You nailed it, I have this with some ADHD. Every day simple things can be a struggle.
I strongly identify with all of these, so much so that I started getting overwhelmed when you started giving tips to try
Same
Two of those points actually helped me! So I've been wanting to teach myself programming, right?
But my work and play area are both on the computer, so it's easy to get sidetracked. Suddenly I realized: I can use my Linux operating system for programming, and my Windows for play! It requires a complete computer restart to switch between those, so they're well separated.
Initiation is a very difficult one for me, but breaking it down into smaller ones or set time periods is brilliant. I think I'll just go do some programming right now, just this one chapter of this course, for at least 1 hour and 10 minutes. It's weird how suddenly it feels a lot more manageable... anyway off I go bye! o/
Executive dysfunction is definitely me. My essence.
Since i do not perceive time as a continuum, schedule/setting goals/prioritising , is mission impossible.
I sometimes lose track of the present day of the week. I can miss a whole day, unaccounted for.
I missed two holidays, this year.
I missed noticing two elections, and one war.
I never noticed the corona virus, until people were wearing masks in the street.
Wow -thank you so very much for this! I've been living with Executive Dysfunction, along with being on the Autistic Spectrum, and serious clinical Depression for most of my life. I often treat myself badly, because I score highly on IQ tests, always did well i school, have an excellent long-term memory for facts (or at least the ones that interest me), but at the same time cannot hold a "normal" job, and struggle with interpersonal relationships. The more I learn about how my strangely wired brain works, the better I get at coping with these challenges, and the more I'm able to actually do. Lists are my best friends - a notebook full of lists is a must have for my day-to-day existence! Now if could only get my working memory up to speed in ballet class... XP
Thank you so much for this Kati. I've struggled badly with this all my life, and now that I've started college and living on my own it's worse than ever. I've failed nine out of ten subjects this year (most of them with a zero) and I've been completely unable to keep my flat minimally tidy and clean at all. Also I haven't made even one friend in college and in the city I've moved to, so I've felt really lonely a this year (at least now I'm back home for the summer and some of my friends from here are going to move with me this September).
The worst thing is that everyone (specially my parents) seems to think I'm just a spoiled, lazy kid and that everything is my fault. Nobody seems to understand that I'm unable (at least right now) to get passing grades since I'm "intellectually gifted" (not a big fan of this term). I know the problem actually is that I have extremely low (like almost nonexistent) executive functioning skills, but the few times I've tried explaining it to some of my friends they didn't understand it or didn't believe me and thought I was just making excuses.
I'm also quite positive (like 99,999...% positive) I have ASD and ADHD, but the therapist I started seeing a month ago seems to be very skeptical about all of this, and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think I'll be able to succeed in life if I don't get the help and understanding I need, but it seems like I'll have to wait for a really long time to get any of this. I try to stay hopeful, but it's increasingly hard.
I hope you can find a therapist or other professional to understands what you are going through (maybe look for an ADHD or ASD specialist).. and then you can work with your college to get the help you need to succeed :) xoxo
Set a timer for checking the schedule! What a great idea!
At 49, I have FINALLY come to realize that using these tools can be so helpful! I use Google Keep on my phone for everything! I have a folder for calls to make, meal plans, things to do today, places I want to explore, I even have a brain dump folder for whatever I need to get out of my head and remember for later. Thank you for this video
Would an avoidant personality disorder be considered an impairment of executive function??
As a widow my mother really stayed on us hard about getting things done, cleaning, picking up the house and doing yard work. She was always harping on us but She never really taught us anything about how to organize our lives how to keep a schedule how to set goals how to plan for our lives, college or careers. I’ve been lost all my life. There was never any structure in our house, just constant demands and orders to carry out tasks. We all got burned out at young ages but we never really learned how to handle daily life. I’ve never really known what to do. Our mother was big on manners and social skills but she didn’t teach us so many important things. Now I’m unemployed and I feel paralyzed. I don’t how to resolve problems and I don’t know how to initiate a path for my life. It’s terrifying not know what goals to even set. My life is an absolute mess and I’m clueless about what to do.
Perfect executive function 100% of the time is a pretty unicorn. Many of the people who are good at it are the ones with parents who drilled in the skills with modelling for their kids, but those folk also know how to really grok growth, and the need for the spaces (gaps) to do it. We all have them. Growth is good. Practice is necessary, even for the "experts."
I had no idea what my problems were called. Thanks for breaking this down and giving those great suggestions. I think being depressed and avoidant after trauma and being on the Asperger's spectrum has made my dysfunction get more and more serious over the years.
im glad you posted this...my daughter and myself both have been diagnosed with this in our therapies...
This hits home hard for me, having ASD and ADHD Inattentive diagnoses! Nicely explained for an "intro" to the topic!
I struggle with ADD and executive functioning. I run a successful business so I have developed strategies to compensate for these deficits. I think executive functioning is something that can always be improved!
My husband struggles with this daily. I’m definitely going to have him start using some of these tips to help manage it.
Another tip I've found is to set specific ring tones for specific tasks. After awhile it gets to the point I'll hear a tone and immediately start doing it without thinking.For example your reminder to work out could be "we will rock you", a tone for bedtime could be something soothing, even the tone for different chores I need to do are different. I have alarms for everything, literally. Wake up and contemplate if I need my job(5min), get up chug water then stretch, get in the shower, be ready(15 min before I actually have to leave), leave for work, about 30min after I get home theres alarms for what to do specifically(laundry, dishes, etc), set everything I need for the next day(with a list) get ready for bed, stretch, sleep. The more I plan my day down to specifically what I'll be doing the better I do. I dont have kids so it may not work for everyone but you should try it. Especially if you can get your kids on a set schedule too. Just make sure to add at least 5-15 min extra to do a task so if you run over it doesnt throw your day off. When I get done early I feel so accomplished.
I struggle with all 8 areas, thank you for this video, you have great suggestions! Multiple alarms leading up to a transition helps especially when I'm hyperfocusing (say I have to be on watch for when my sister gets dropped off from school, I have 3 alarms set at 30, 15, and 5 minutes before I need to head out.) It helps my brain not just dismiss it, because it thinks "ok, that's the third alarm, something important must be about to happen, look at your schedule.) Post it notes in specific areas around the house can help too, and other little visual reminders as well as a simple checklist for things like getting ready to leave the house (posted on the door) or getting ready for bed (posted in the bathroom) helps as well.
The welcome at the beginning is just everything.❤
One thing that’s helped me be more organized with my tasks is starting out small. Having a yearly planner and a weekly planner and a daily planner… didn’t help, in fact I could never use them. You can start out with a daily todo list and build up from there.
I'm thinking of showing this to my mom. Whether or not I have executive dysfunction, this is really relatable
Those with FASD often struggle with executive dysfunction. Good video, thanks.
It sounds like doing all of those things in order to remind myself and organize myself would take all day just to make the list, and that's if I even remember everything that I need to put on the list. This is my problem when planning things I plan the planning and then I never get around to doing the thing or even finish the planning.
Thank you SO MUCH!!! I have dysthymia, run my own business, and executive dysfunction is something I've only recently learned about. This was a really concise and easy to digest video about it. I will share it widely with my peers and family.
Zoinks!! Tick all the boxes and it is so tough and frustrating. Cptsd & adhd can be a monumental challenge. Having controlling people around me for decades has also taken its toll. However, since discarding them, things improved 1000%.
I’m a bugger for multiple lists and rewriting the same lists. Also, I am now embracing the fact that, my condition(s) were meant to be since my unbelievable and unexplainable spiritual awakening. Make time for yourself and do stuff that makes you happy.
I've been procrastinating eating breakfast and I finally convinced myself look in my kitchen and look for recipes on TH-cam and somehow I saw this and now I'm on the couch forgetting how I got here and what I need to do. I need food to take my ADHD meds, but struggle to eat breakfast. The struggle is super real. Glad you made a video about this.
thankyou kati for this video, though your not my therapist I feel a strong connection that you totaly understand us, kinions are the best strongest group 💕xox
Awe yay!! So happy to be able to help :) xoxo
Kati, I doubt you’ll see this on an old video but I feel the need to express this: just the way you say « welcome » is so full of kindness and warmth, I don’t know if you realise how much we need reminders there are such beautiful souls out there and that these are the kind of people we should look up to ❤️ thank you for providing so many with not only such rich and insightful information, but also a safe space to feel welcome, as we are.
Thank you. Im a mess and this just might have given me the answers and hope i needed bc i truly feel i cant function. Been recovering from tbi for a long time. Its nice to see im not alone with these issues.
This is Definitely what I have. Such a relief it finally has a name after more than 20 years
I am beginning to understand who i am because of you. Thank you kati
All I can say is that the information you just provided has been very helpful and in the life we live in time that most important is mental health and I thank you for the information and to all that reads this.
Your video describes me. Not part of it, all of it. I was just diagnosed ASD at 37yo, and I am learning that everyone doesn’t struggle with what I struggle with. This really helps so much! ❤️🩹
That's a great topic! For me and my ADHD, problems with a executive functioning are constantly there. What helps me *a lot* is bullet journaling. I guess, it's somehow like regular journaling, but more fun. There is a ton of videos on that here on youtube and tutorials and ideas on pinterest. I can really recommend it to anyone, who struggles with forgetting important stuff as much as having a hard time keeping daylie routines up. And btw. routines... It's really hard to admit, but building habits makes life way easier. And even though I'm saying this, something inside me is screaming '**** this'. But it's true. Habits mean you don't have to think about it. Building one is work. But afterwards, it's so much easier.
Thank you Kati for this video it has help me understand this disorder. Please do more video on this topic. It was great topic to talk about.
I was just diagnosed with this along with ADHD, and didn't really understand it. After watching this video I can't lie I bawled it's so overwhelmingly accurate, and the steps will be hard for me but I will do my best. Thanks for the information! You've helped tremendously I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.
I was recently told that this could be something I suffer with and this video helped me see areas where I realize it may be true. Thank you
This video is excellent! I am TBI survivor and this 100% sums up and explains a lot thank you
Thank you....
This feels great. I am 37 and I always felt put aside because of my difficulties to wrap projects on time, arrive on time, start tasks, improvise on the spot, coordinate my body (for sports or dancing), and so on. This still affects me. I still feel like the kid who can't go to recess because has not completed his assignment.
However, I still don't know where this leaves me. I know I have a good degree of this in mos of the areas you mentioned (an online tests seem to indicate so), but it's not like I am impaired because of it, like some people are. However, I think I also have some Attention problems and Social Anxiety, which is bad. I just want to feel like I am normal.
Thank you for not only clearly explaining what executive dysfunction is, but thank you for the nicely laid out bullet points as well. I'm currently waiting for a series of appointments for neuropsychological testing. I'm 42 years old and have life-long deficits in every key area. I'm working on making a set of my own videos explaining how my neurological differences affect my daily life. I'm sharing links on my Facebook page so I don't have to explain things over and over again to multiple people. Maybe other people will stumble across my videos eventually as well. I'm going to use your bullet points to guide the creation of my video.
This particular video touched a raw nerve. Thank You You’re the best!
Hello Kati! Can you make a video on Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? I feel like this a lesser known thing in the psychology world but everything I've heard about it makes me feel pretty understood. Thanks for all the great videos!
Thank you so much!! I'm not 100% sure if I have any mental illness per say but I know I struggle with these sort of things and I want to start finding strategies to cope with things I'm dealing with, rather than find an illness to excuse it under. It's taken me a long time to get here, this mindset feels so much better than anything I've had before!
Very helpful! This one's a keeper...
...now if I can only remember that I kept it... and where I put it...
Katie, could you please talk about how parents can best help and support a depressed almost 16 year old daughter? She withdraws to her room watching TH-cam, TV, playing video games and when I check in on (careful not to barge in) her she gets angry and irritated, and does not want contact. I so want to connect with her and be there for her, but my being her mother disqualifies me automatically to give advice on getting out of bed, getting active or getting involved in recovery. Her dad and I are walking on eggshells around her not to give her a reason to lash out and further disconnect from us (does our nervousness further aid her depression? I’m frightened to demand anything from her, because she is so depressed. How do I ask her to get active when she gets so angry, I don’t want further distance between us!?). I understand she is struggling with depression and we have gone to a psychologist once, and she has more sessions scheduled, but my daughter refused to speak a word to the psychologist during the first session. I see treatment and perhaps medication as a very important road to recovery, but my daughter does not really want to go to sessions. I would like to her to comprehend that she herself plays a big part in recovery by the deliberate choices she makes, and that someone else just cannot “fix” her- we need her to try to help herself too.
So therefore, what is the best course of action to “inspire” my daughter to “want to” get better, to recognise her own agency in getting better, go to treatment and accept that we want to help her, not embarrass her? I think she wants to ignore how she feels, but when school starts in the fall she will not be able to keep up her grades, and her schoolwork and social life risk to completely collapse. I want to help her before this is an irreversible fact... (She has refused to go to school for a period of time earlier and she has also cut herself during April this year.) Her father and I Iove her so very much but she pushes us away getting angry when we try to speak with her about these things. But respecting her space can never mean that we will desert her alone in her pain and struggle with depression! How can we best help her to want to get better and to want to receive treatment and work with the psychologist (CBT) that wants to treat her? (It has taken more than a month to get an appointment with a psychologist, and now that she has gotten the chance to treatment she refuses to work with the psychologist!) What to do? Please advice us how to best help switch her mindset and to see that treatment and self-awareness is the way out of depression and the only lasting solution for her to gain a more fulfilling life.
Maria's channel Maybe she wasn't comfortable with the therapist. I wish I was offered therapy at that age. I just wrote in journals and had a couple of friends. Children that age don't want to share everything with their parents, and alot of that depends on how the parents react.
I tried to keep open lines of communication with mine, tried not to be judgemental, tried to understand their point of view.
I like the movie Good Will Hunting. He went through lots of therapists before finding one up to the task. Wish I could find a therapist like that. Maybe she could watch it with you? I also played video games with my kids, and watched them play. Find out what she likes and do it with her. Maybe a puzzle?
I'm not Katy, just a parent.
As a fellow parent with an 18 year old struggling with anxiety, depression and ADHD, one course of treatment besides meds has been Emotion Focused Therapy. After a year of weekly sessions my DD now has asked me to attend with her. A major positive move. I recently asked her what she gets out of her therapy and she listed affirmation, understanding of herself and others, perspective, and other positive things I can't recall right now. Maybe EFT is for your kiddo too? I know we failed totally with the charts, stickers, planner approach. All my best to you and your family. PS this individual therapist is at least no. 5 over the course of 4-5 years. So don't get too worked up about therapist rejection. Just keep trying and collect hints from your DD and her psychiatrist as to what might help. Even with this success my DD did get behind in school and so even school was contributing to her issues despite an IEP.
So speaking as someone who has had experience being the person effected by depressive episodes as well as a support person to those who have it. Some major things that can help:
-acknowledge if anxiety is also a factor. If it is. Your kid is already thinking all of the things you're afraid of. Probably ten times for every one time you're thinking of it. So it's not a question of getting her to understand why it's important. That's not where the dysfunction lies. When anxiety plays a role, it can mean that the fear of not being good enough. Or of getting hurt or rejected gets in the way of trying.
That also explains anger. Because it's frustrating having one more person point out just how hard they're struggling when they're already berating themselves for doing so.
2. When someone is depressed, a lot of the time, the best way to continue to establish connections is through the coping mechanisms they are using. Maybe let TH-cam be something you can watch together. Engage with what she finds interesting and comforting. Genuinely allow it into your space and your emotional space. A lot of the support is emotional bolstering and does not engage with logic or discourse at all. It's about BEING there for the person. Not trying to change their mind. Your support protects the person's energy from the depression. It helps them recharge so that in moments where the fog clears, the energy is waiting for them.
Thanks!
I heard about this so I tried to find info on it.
Even remembering to do what you instruct us to do is hard for me to remember. I try so hard to be organized but it's as if things vanish or somehow it was moved from the place I put it.
I used to be obsessed with the clock. I had to always know the time. I kept a clock in every room. Thanks, I'm diagnosed PTSD. Severe anxiety, Epilepsy and ADHD...so this is all very familiar with me. Thanks for doing this.
As someone who has struggled with this for years not even planners or lists help, nothing seems to be working not even anxiety over not getting things done on time
this is incredibly helpful, i have such a difficult time explaining why i have such difficulty with what seems to be very simple things. i feel so lazy and useless and dumb for not being able to do what i want so badly to do. knowing how it works helps a lot and helps me quantify it to others
One of the first times I realized my husband had this is when we went on a camping trip with an organization we belong to. I had been camping before and I also know how to organize well, but he kept on insisting we didn't need some of the things I wanted to take. So I gave in, and he ended up having to ask people to borrow their stuff. After being married to him for 25 years, I end up being in charge of everything because he gets lost in trivial details and loses track of the end goal. I have ended up paying all the bills, doing taxes, decluttering all the closets, the garage, organizing birthdays, parties, events, every damn thing. He is good at washing the dishes, mowing the lawn and cooking, and taking the car for repairs. But him trying to do any handy stuff around the house is a royal pain in the ass. He can barely do anything. Once he comes home from work he gets stuck in zombie mode on the laptop. He cannot understand how to do a large project in small steps. I have to be the project manager of everything. He can't even organize his tools. He likes to put some tools in the bathroom closet because he might use them again in that room. Makes no freaking sense. His tools are a disaster. He ends up going to buy something at the store, and I have to yell at him to find it in the disaster pile in the basement to stop wasting money.
this video is so helpful because i'm struggling with pretty much all those aspects of executive dysfunction right now but it feels like such a huge task to implement anything that I feel like I'll be paralysed in this awful limbo forever
I would like to find out about ADHD and sensory meltdowns. I know this is something that happens to autistic people but it happens to me and I was diagnosed with ADHD and not Autism. I have tried to suggest to doctors I could have autism but no one will take me seriously. I also seriously have executive dysfunction issues which I think causes a lot of anxiety not being able to be a proper adult.
Amy D I go through this sometimes. I also have adhd, since I was a child
I just heard the term for the first time, I didn't know it is a thing. I thought I was very very weird, it is the most stressing part of being me, because it also applies to things I really want to, like travelling. Planning and executing everything is so hard, it always makes me anxious. I'm at a point now in my life where I realize that none of my goals or dreams can manifest if I keep being like this.. it's a very big trigger for anxiety, but I'm also determined to change myself. I don't want to let my life go by like this. 😢
Thanks for answering my question!! Such a stellar video. Worth the wait (: xoxo
Thanks for asking it!! I’ve been struggling with these issues progressing for a few years, but hadn’t thought to check if Kati had addressed it.
Yay! So glad you thought I did a good job :) xoxo
I love the help you have provided at the end, especially the bit about transitions. Thanks Katie!
now here's a kicker:
executive dysfunction but paired with an inability to switch tasks. so when you set an alarm or schedule, it doesn't matter because you can't do the thing anyway.
yeah, the prep period would help. thank you for that actually.
Oh my god.... thank you so much for this. Never knew my situation had a name.
This is a very helpful video for me, because Executive Dysfunction has always been a problem for me and growing up I had a lot of teachers think I'm lazy or stupid.
I've been waiting for this video, thank you so much ❤️
I hope it was helpful :) xoxo
This is very helpful!! I’m constantly doing assignments last minute or handing them in late because I struggle with executive dysfunction
I have been looking for a video like this for soooo long. . . One that my adhd brain can listen to without getting bored or distracted and to the point . . . Thank you.
I liked that you gave us some things we can try to help our executive dysfunction. Thanks for that. I hope you do some more research on this in the future and bring us more tips and more advice. Those of us who really struggle with this truly suffer.
I have never felt so understood more than after watching this. ❤️