This right here👆. Some of the closest people in our lives can be nay sayers and energy drainers which is why it’s best to not reveal your plans but allow your results to speak for you
Some overshare because as trauma survivors who endure years of projection, accusations and gaslighting fueled smear campaigns their reality was denied and survivors were accused of lying so it’s really sad how being invalidated causes a person to be desperate for validation and talk fast and overshare desperate to be heard. Once you heal all that stops then you’re left thinking omg wthfk did I say all that for...oh well lol.
I think there's a fine line between vulnerability and oversharing. It's really about right place, right time, right person. Social media is rarely any of those things.
@@froggytea3583 vulnerability comes with trust. u share the personal things with people you know and who know you, ie family, friends. its done in the privacy of a home or space with no one but the two of you. the information you plan to share mustve been something you took decisive time to understand and accept before you shared. oversharing would be with anyone, anywhere, and impulsively acted on. telling strangers, coworkers your business out in the open/public spaces would be oversharing.
Definitely. The only things I share are things that benefit everyone to know excluding personal things like my career ideas/plans, family, friends, and money. You have to be careful what you say and do online😭💯
I keep destroying boundaries because I want people to understand me as a person and to hear my feelings, but this gives me a whole different perspective.
The biggest and hardest part in growth as adult IS understanting this : it's not because you keep talking everything about you to a person you like ( or you want as a Friend , or from who you want love) that that one person or group of persons will like and/or understand you, or share their own secrets with you
That old quote, "People want you to do well, but not better than them." Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one not stuck in "the matrix" and I love it here. 🤷🏾♀️
@@bethennyfrankel2300 I mean I can totally relate Ana, I think our thoughts can be sacred too. And divulging details of some of this information can be quite detrimental to us as highlighted by Kelly.
I’ve been guilty of this. I remember oversharing because I felt I could make a more genuine connection because I was being “real.” When I didn’t get the same sharing back I felt embarrassed, I resented people when they weren’t willing to tell me about themselves in the way I did for them. Even though I would feel really uncomfortable and vulnerable when I overshared I felt it was still better than being cold and closed off. This ended up with me completely isolating myself because I couldn’t handle the emotional exertion that came with sharing myself with others. I guess it’s about balance, not feeling that you need to offer every part of yourself or avoid the relationship completely, but taking the time to feel out what is comfortable for you and the person you’re with.
I definitely relate to that I am open to tell you anything and beyond since I’m hopeful of hearing it back and discovering new interesting lives and perspectives I think I will continue to share and if the person doesn’t share back I will also not do it, because sharing makes me feel better it makes me excited and it’s exciting hearing others. Of course, there are boundaries like work or total strangers you shouldn’t share to, but overall total privacy seems suffocating and lonely, to me
I resonate with you and feel you .. we are learning and developing what happened in the past. May not repeat if we take responsibility for being conscious of our decisions.
I find that sadly people don't want meaningful relationships. Surface talk, lets disguise the weather. It is odd to me to hear people calling everyone a ''friend'' to then discover they have none.
A thing that bothers me a lot is people who overshare their children's lives on social media. Children cannot give informed consent. Reprehensible, tbh.
I understood that and stopped when my daughter turned 13 and told me “ why are you putting my picture on Facebook” Sometimes parents don’t get it until they get it and until they see the child perspective- So no hate to parents; NO parents wants to harm they children by posting them.
There’s a Russian proverb that states “The quieter you go, the farther you get.” Heard it back in college and it always stuck with me. Keep your goals to yourself and you will be happier on the journey.
True, but isn't it kinda ironic that a youtuber who posts videos about her life is telling people to be more private? I think the best way to do this is to go back in time to 1997 when we all just used email and phone numbers and didn't post everything about ourselves on social media.
@@andretarvok7122 but we usually dont see her plans or she informs us after it happened so not the same. When you tell people future plans your putting it out there for others to either take this idea or wish negative energy on it.
I'm naturally a quiet person. People would ask why I'm so quiet so I would try to be more talkative, saying too much like you said. I didn't like myself. Now I'm back to my true self, quiet and I like it. Keeps them guessing. Thank you so much.
honestly i can relate as well. i've always been someone who was kept to myself and never said much but there was a point where i tried to be someone i'm not and now i'm starting to accept myself for who i am and who i always was :)
If you look back on the times you “overshared” to a person and cringe hard, you might just have a problem with vulnerability. Being a naturally private person is fine, but don’t try to convince yourself into becoming private for the sole purpose of avoiding “cringe” or others’ judgement. Knowing yourself and feeling confident enough to share that energy with others may be ultimately more freeing to you. Depends on the person.
Someone recently told me “only answer the question you’re asked and don’t give extra details” that sticks with me now because I always used to dig myself a hole.
People don’t care about what happened to you ,but then they can use it against you one day, so just don’t share too much and be careful and make sure have someone to tell them everything because then you wouldn’t need to be Oversharing to anyone
When in your 20s you care a lot about what people say/think about you. In your 40s you don't care what anybody says/ thinks about you. But when you're in your 60s you realise nobody ever said or thought about you.
@@paulitamargot When you grow older, you start developing coping mechanisms for ADHD. I was like you too and overshared information, and I had tons of frustration when people stopped respecting and violating my boundaries. Its very difficult, but possible, just get into that spiral where you can get more respect, and attention by being "mysterious".
I have inattentive ADHD and gave way too much of myself to people for decades. One person even told me I gave too much of myself to people. That didn’t stop him trying to have an affair with me though! People have exploited this until I found out I have ADHD. Being diagnosed was empowering! 😊 I manage my life so much better now and have privacy and boundaries, it really has given me more peace of mind. I will always have ADHD and that little monster in me chanting ‘bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored’ 😄 But now I respect my right to privacy even if my ADHD does find that extremely dull 😆
This is so true. The more I talk about my problems, the more unsolicited advices I get. And if I share a single weakness of mine, the other person always brings it up and act like that’s the only thing about me... I realized I prefer having conversations about general things (events, views on the world, hobbies) instead of personal life problems
And when you do, you wonder why the replies would be negative and rude because you put your TMI all over the internet. Then, the whole day you will be all in your feelings because of those replies. 😤 Please if you have an issue if I was you, I rather talk about it to someone you can trust in person who is mature enough to help you and to give you some helpful advice. It is better to do so rather than bringing it all to the table for the whole world to see. 😌 My old friend used to do this told me what she wrote on Facebook a few years ago. Not a very good idea.
Yes. You can keep it to yourself, but it’s not necessary to share and show publicly. Now everything unfortunately is public: pregnancy announcements, proposals, break ups, grief, vacation trips, etc.
I don't like the idea of someone finding my diary then reading it. I'm the type to cut off people if I notice them taking advantage and hopefully will get back to being less talkative on social media.
3 PRO TIPS: 1. NEVER assume that ppl are as kind as you are! 2. Just bc you forgive someone doesn't mean s/he has changed! 3. Ppl will treat you how you ALLOW them to! That last one is what you were referring to re: boundaries. If you tell ppl everything, they then feel entitled to know more, give their 2 cents, or judge you, & I've even had friends act like I MUST overshare bc they did, as if it's an obligation. Keeping your circle small isn't a bad thing, just less complicated, & you can be picky - as you said, we owe no one anything!
I felt so guilty for no reason like people deserved to know everything I did, no they don’t deserve to know or know me. It’s way too much they don’t want you to succeed only I do, my small fam, dog, and god😭
It’s not that it’s an obligation obviously we all have things we are unable to talk about in the moment until we have dealt with it, but many are very nosy and unwilling to disclose anything when it’s a two way street! if you are a very private person but you have an inner circle of close friends expect the same energy back from all your friends.
What kills me is “influencers” or regular people share everything on social media and then the first thing they say is “why y’all in my business” you share everything sweetie which opens a discussion sadly
@@savannah3780 Boundaries are important here. Just because a stranger shared certain things about their relationship to you does not mean they have invited you to further information. You take your tidbit of info and go. This is why privacy becomes important- because people lack boundaries and believe it's crazy to expect limits/ongoing consent to information, just because someone's shared previously.
Ikr!?! Like a nurse getting a vaccine shot that was created in record time and not tested for the normal amount of time going in front of cameras to "prove to shot is safe" and then fainting on live TV. Then explaining it with a neurological condition that makes people faint when stressed or exposed to blood or injuries. And ten having that nurse *DISAPPEAR* without a trace and never get the second shot on camera to prove that she was actually okay. And then when people ask how she and why the account is dormant the family members freaking out and threatening to sue subscribers for asking about her. Crazy.
“Silence can never be misquoted.” Let 👏🏾 them 👏🏾 know 👏🏾 Kelly!! So important especially in this digital age. Keeping the air of mystery helps you to keep your power.
@@dawnworthy6358 at first, this quote seemed to me so cool an just thinked for a few second and came with many many many example where silences can be uses against us and so violently misquoted :(
@@vinojan9046 I know. It sounded good. But, like so many ideas, below the surface of beautiful and comforting words, lies unintended consequences and sometimes, too often in recent years, danger.
I used to be such an oversharer and didn't know how friendships could be kept if they didn't know every detail of your life, but now im working towards less sharing, more connecting😊
I think most people connect through shared information. Connecting is a good thing but I've always felt there is a better way to do it that share such personal information.
I’ve had a “friend” get mad at me for not disclosing all the private information on my relationship. But whenever I would share wins that I would have she would be the first to downplay my accomplishments and make it about her. We are not friends anymore lol
She also sent me a essay long text about how bad of a friend I am and why my relationship is toxic when she didnt know ANYTHING about it. Mind you my grandmother passed away and I was going through alot and she never checked on me but claims I was a bad friend? The text she sent me was so insane I lowkey wanna share it lmao
@@brookenicole6937 please share 💀 i know it kinda defeats the purpose of this video but i've been through the same thing and find these situations super amusing
@@brookenicole6937 Damn it sounds like she was projecting, saying your relationship was toxic when she was toxic. I'm glad to hear you got rid of that person, they sound like trash
I tend to overshare, and when I saw this video I knew I had to watch it. Not only does it make other people uncomfortable, I'll sometimes regret it later.
Yes. When I’ve overshared some people have used those vulnerabilities and even traumatic moments against me. They’ve made it a way to put me down or judge me. Also people have judged me to the point of where they just don’t want to be friends with me anymore. I overshared because I wanted to be understood by everyone but that doesn’t happen.
True. You think they’re your friends and they’ll listen to you, but they’re actually a holes looking to hurt you. Why? I don’t understand it. I wouldn’t ever hurt someone or judge then based on one thing. Everyone has their good side and their bad sides, but these days, people cut off others based only on the others’ weaknesses. Not right.
@@ntmn8444I have had that happen to me in the past! The bright side about it is that you know they are not your true friends. You can't control what happened to you with your traumas and if people can solely base you based on your traumas and blame you for it then I really do not need those people in my life. If they are family then gray rock them and only talk about family events and have a chit chat about how everyone is doing and when they ask how you're doing just say you're doing great! Don't overshare anything with them either because I found that they are not really that caring when it comes to your emotional well-being.
Soooo true, I noticed that some of the people that I'm not even friends with anymore are the first ones that watch my story. Almost as if they have notifications turned on lol.
As an introvert you learn this really quickly in life; meaningless to share things all the time. *WIL IT CHANGE ANYTHING??* NOPE they just talk about it and most likely wil use it against you at some point.
i miss being an introverted person. I was always the quiet, speak when spoken to, don’t say too much, type of person. But society forced me to unlearn all of that to be more digestible to others and i resent myself for letting that get to me
I used to work with someone who would always ask me and others on Monday what we did over the weekend. A seemingly harmless and normal Monday morning question but there was always this sense that if answered with any kind of detail you’d be mocked for it. It was her “way.” She didn’t think she was doing anything mean-spirited it was just her annoying and immature way of relating to people. When I started withholding details and would leave it at “not much, kinda quiet” it would get turned around into “Ha! You never left your apartment, right?” As if an occasional weekend hibernating and relaxing in your NYC apartment was the worse thing ever. You would think that when we grow up and leave high school and college and become adults in the real world we’d leave a lot of the childish adolescent ways of relating to other people behind but some people make them a way of life. Makes me want to avoid people a lot of the time.
Don't give people more than they NEED to know!! SO true, some people, including family don't want to see you win!! Golden advice as always Kelly! If anyone sees this comment, a quote I remember, work in silence and let YOUR success make the noise!
@@the1337fleetunfortunately they don't want to be real and when you are, they get mean girl nasty! You have to pretend like everything is great unless you end up in a hospital or dead unfortunately. Then they want to cry crocodile tears when you're dead when they didn't even try to help you when you were alive. There were many people that died in my life and people that didn't want to help them while they were alive, they were wailing and crying talking about how they'll miss them. But yet refused to lend a helping hand when they were alive!?! That was so messed up on so many levels!
Sometimes I share because I feel I care about my life more than others even though there's no reason for them to care so much I just feel lonely sometimes and unaccepted
ya honestly the more vocal I became about stuff I always woke up the next morning like ".. did i rlly have to say that tho?". The cringe just aint worth it
i'm literally going through the same thing, or i did a few days ago. but it wasn't that i felt cringey about it, i felt extremely uncomfortable with it.
Same! I would rather enjoy my own thoughts than fill the space with nonsense chatter about nothing. I have been called weird more times than I can count too but oh well, ain't got time.for this sh*%$🤷♀️
My mindset is people don’t know what I’m doing until I’m doing it. Ex: People didn’t know I moved states until I was there, traveling until I’m there/back, a new car (no one knows my car unless they’ve seen it) and JOB changes/promotions! Or any other goals I’m working toward. It’s a flex within yourself lol (ofc CLOSE friends know tho)
"Nothing bad comes from not telling people your business." I really like how you said that because from now on 2024 I will not tell anyone my business.
Yep! And no matter what you share with a narcissist, they’ll always find a way to “one-up” you and make it about themselves. It’s so frustrating and discouraging.
My husband told me today his friend came over and said “no offense but you paying X amount of money for this house is ridiculous “ So I asked him how did he know how much we paid?? Clearly my husband told him...there’s so many things I could say regarding the friends current home value or his investments or whatever, but all I could say to my husband was next time keep YOUR mouth shut! Smh...
@@samahj8567 somethings you do with others should not be shared with others. Amanda may have a fantastic sex life with him. But she does not go telling her friends all the details of what she or her husband likes, As this is personal and only husband and wife should know these things.
"Keep your mouth shut if you want to get your dreams done with no judgement." The approach I'm taking to my creative stuff when people with no interest beyond "oooh are you gonna be successful at that? do I know a successful person? or is it going nowhere?" start nosing in on it.
Some people just don't want you to be more succesful or happier than them. Don't share your ideas, dreams or thoughts until it happens. This is the only way of not ruining.
unless you have a narcissistic friend who will manipulate you into feeling bad for not telling them everything so they can use that information for manipulation...
One time I was sitting with the friend group of my friend ( not directly my friendgroup) and noticed how much the talked about themselves but like they talked about their bad experiences and bragged about it like for example one had to goto the hospital for overdose of alcohol and the other would like right after that tell that something even worse happened to him like they weren’t even reacting to each others story they were just barking out their story the moment the other one was finished. And plus the bad things were told in a view that they were so cool and stuff. It was a whole flash for me because my friendgroup never talks about such things we only talk about positive things and stuff that’s important.
As an introvert who is very private I appreciate this. People don't realize that it only takes a little info to find so much data on you. It's really scary just how little info can reveal so much. 👀
As someone who came of age alongside social media's inception, I find the current state of the internet truly bizarre too. Growing up, the message was "hide your identity online at all costs!" And now it's "Verify who you are with real name, photo, and residence so we know you're real!" It did a complete 180. And not really to the safety benefit of anybody aside from like... couchsurfing and airbnb situations.
@@courtney9546 I remember people always enforced being careful about what you put online because of future employers. It seems like that isn't really a concern anymore either.
Moving in silence is the key to success. People DONT need to know everything about YOUR business. I swear you’ll notice the difference once you stop doing it 💯
It makes sense to tell your goals and ambitions the least amount of people - unless they are same-minded as you. While I agree that it can look like someone needs validation from the others, sometimes it's good to have reality-check with people who are heading same direction as you are. I learned that if I hear viewpoint of someone I look up to, or someone who has my trust, it can add to my perspective, and re-think something
Exactly people who tell relative strangers about things that are intimate to them seem emotionally out of control to me. And it makes me reluctant to open up to them for fear of who/what they’ll tell other people about me.
I think some ppl tell strangers their business for the simple fact that they don’t know them so what does their opinion matter. Ya know? Sometimes strangers are the only ppl you can vent too. Especially if you’re venting about loved ones. But to each their own ❤️
@@iamtomeka7971 I hear you but this is why I said “relative strangers”. Pouring your heart out to a receptive stranger on a train who you’ll never see again is different from inundating work acquaintances and Facebook “friends” with the gory details of ones personal life on a semi-regular basis. I have been the receptive stranger to quite a few people but I don’t want to be told deeply personal information about people I don’t really personally know. Or worse, people I have yet to meet but may in the future. It makes the potential friendship or relationship extremely lopsided because I know more about them than they know about me.
I use to tell everyone my business til people start judging me and throwing shit back at me. So now I learn to keep my mouth shut. When I feel like talking I just go and get me a journal and write on it and it been helping me.
YES! Journaling can be very therapeutic. I've been doing it since I was about 9-10 yrs old, but it's been a source of comfort especially in the last couple of decades. Glad it's working for you!!
Yeah most people don't care, and when you experience an issue their automatic response is, "you're jealous??" They're just there to make fun of you and make you make fun of yourself. Most people don't care about your problems.
Exactly why I don’t share anything about my son - rarely even his name, not his birthday, no photos of him anywhere online. It’s especially important not to exploit our children’s identities online when they’re too young to decide for themselves.
I wish parents were more careful about what they share in regard of their children, you are doing a good job on this, no one outside family needs to know about your child privacy.
This video is so relevant in today's society. Every time I post something to social media, it feels like my existence is being tied to how much attention it gets. Even beyond that, it feels like I need validation for any accomplishment I make to be happy rather than just being happy with it on my own. What I really need is to let go of social media, and to a greater extent, desires regarding attention and just truly be myself, but it's hard. Especially in an era where literally everything is online.
My friend and her husband (childless) shared their dream child name along with its meaning and reason of choice to their family and the husband's own mother, "stole" it and used that name for her daughter's second child (ie, her second grand-daughter). Words can't explain how hurt and betrayed they are. So, yes. Keep your dreams private. Sometimes, even from your own family.
If your friend does in future have a daughter, she should name her her "dream child" name anyway. Let the grandmother and aunt deal with their own pilferage of it.
Happened to me. My friend and I talked about names we'd give to our future children. So happened her mother had a surprise pregnancy. She gave that name to her youngest sister.
I remember one time all of my coworkers were talking about all their sexual experiences and they noticed I was not chiming in so they began to pry. When I told them I’d prefer not to discuss my “experiences” they seemed offended as if they were entitled to that information. They then inferred I "must be a virgin" and that i "shouldn’t be embarrassed." I’m not uncomfortable with the topic of sex I’d just rather not put personal information out for a room full of paid acquaintances to have an opinion on. I don’t even like to reveal what I ate for lunch when my coworkers ask. Sometimes I’ll just respond with “I just ate some cup noodles” even though I really ate some leftover pizza or something. idk why. Any question just feels intrusive. Lol 🤐😄
They just wanna see if they feel better than you. Especially with lunch. If you eat a salad they’ll secretly dislike you because they don’t have the same discipline.
Wise advise. Personally: 1) all my social media is locked down. If you can see stuff, it's because I accepted your friend request. 2) I don't share actionable information. I don't tag people in my photos, I post things AFTER they are complete, and I hide my friends list when possible 3) I use separate usernames & a private social media email address/google phone number to create the accounts. You won't find my accounts if you get my number/email or are friends with me on another platform (my name is not cam hahaha) 4) All public profile pics are group photos or you can't see my face
I had an ex friend ask me how my weekend was. After I shared, I asked her in return. She responded with "don't worry about it". Taking privacy to another level LOL.
I did something yesterday and didn't tell my mother about it. She only found out from our neighbor after I successfully finished it. Then she said, "Huh! That was just a one-time thing. You just got lucky. But there's no way you can do that successfully again." Wow. I'm sure glad I kept my mouth shut. Otherwise I would have skipped the entire thing and felt discouraged the whole time.
So sad that your mother can't be happy for you. Mine was the same. Some mother's are jealous of their own daughters. You're wise to keep things to yourself. Who needs that kind of negative energy?
Yeah, i wished I didn't share with my brother. I wanted him to benefit from something, and he ended up telling everyone even though I told him not to tell anyone. I texted him as he was telling our mother and he made the excuse that she already overheard it 2 weeks ago, and she overheard it because he was loud about it. Arrrrhhhhggggghh. Guess I'll just keep everything to myself from now on. No need to be generous anymore.
exactly! There is at least one person in my family who I know I cant trust to keep her mouth shut and then there is another who steals my ideas, plans and experiences. It really is sick!! I have to safeguard everything from this girl!
This is the way I’ve lived for a long time. There are haters out there and there are also people who project their own shortcomings on others. Most of my friends never finished college and call a degree, “just a piece of paper” and a waste of time. I used that “paper” to get a good job, learn another language and even live abroad for a few years. Then, I didn’t tell them I was thinking about grad school until AFTER I got in. Now, after grad school I’ve leveled up my career (and life) a few more times while they’re still in the same spot I left them in years ago. Glad I didn’t listen to them!
I recently spoke to my therapist about this and he basically said everything you did. People will try and get into your business, it's okay to set boundaries with those people. This isn't rudeness, it's having respect for yourself.
I deleted both Instagram & Twitter a while ago as well as a bunch of friends on Facebook. My mental health has never been better. There’s no more pressure to post every single little thing
Totally agree! I had a bizarre run in with someone I don't know personally on fb a couple of years ago & realized it messed with my mental health... I proceeded to wean myself of fb, & removed the app from my phone... It became easier to figure out who's important & I have more time for actually living!
I just deleted my Twitter recently and I felt relief. I only have Facebook and Instagram for my business and I only go on there to interact with customers and post my jewelry.
"Keep your mouth shut if you want to get dreams done with no judgment"- Kelly stamps 2021 I'll forever remember this because I've been guilty of this treachery
I never knew for the longest time that oversharing was lack of boundaries. No wonder I felt weird after dishing out so much about my life to so called friends. Turns out they were using info to look down upon, talk smack about, and or discourage ideas.
I had a supervisor who would guilt me into oversharing so he could go and gossip to his boss (who really liked me and was impressed with my work). He made me feel like being quiet and introverted meant I wasn't being a "team player" and would expect me to answer really invasive questions. Looking back he was just a manipulative, insecure, weirdo. He probably felt intimidated by me and wanted to lowkey ruin my image. Beware of people like that.
Yeah similar situation and now since God is good she went somewhere else I have no idea where this supervisor is but I don't care anymore. People like that are so evil. I pray that you continue to be protected and that your career flourishes.
I've overshared for most of my life. I grew up in a toxic household and I desperately needed to be heard. I didn't realize until recently that there are certain things about my life that aren't of anyone's concern but me, and telling them to people that didn't need to know them has put me in such a vulnerable situation so many times.
But Kell-Bell, I just want everyone to know about my rash!
Lol😂
😂😂😂
😂😂😂
.. and when corona is over, the ladies you date will need to know and remember that.
*Screaming*!!!.... 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
“If they don’t know your dreams, then they can’t shoot them down.”
This right here👆. Some of the closest people in our lives can be nay sayers and energy drainers which is why it’s best to not reveal your plans but allow your results to speak for you
They can't destroy what they don't know exist.
This wisdom is mine now
Amen!
So true
“Not everyone wants to see you win” TRUTH
So true
Very few actually do..
So very true there are only a few people in the world who truly want to best for you.
I am an overexplainer, I know I shouldn't...
so sad
Sometimes I think people over share because they’re lonely.
I think you're stalking me
Meeee
Some overshare because as trauma survivors who endure years of projection, accusations and gaslighting fueled smear campaigns their reality was denied and survivors were accused of lying so it’s really sad how being invalidated causes a person to be desperate for validation and talk fast and overshare desperate to be heard. Once you heal all that stops then you’re left thinking omg wthfk did I say all that for...oh well lol.
@@thirstonhowellthebird
Yep. Traumatized people over share as a coping mechanism for their trauma.
I think people over share because they have a lot they maybe dealing with
I think there's a fine line between vulnerability and oversharing. It's really about right place, right time, right person. Social media is rarely any of those things.
Could you please explain the difference between the two?
agreed
@@froggytea3583 vulnerability comes with trust. u share the personal things with people you know and who know you, ie family, friends. its done in the privacy of a home or space with no one but the two of you. the information you plan to share mustve been something you took decisive time to understand and accept before you shared. oversharing would be with anyone, anywhere, and impulsively acted on. telling strangers, coworkers your business out in the open/public spaces would be oversharing.
How about at work… still recovering from the trauma of having an oversharing coworker who was also a loud talker with a confoundingly annoying laugh
Very well said! ❤
Moral of the story: You do not need other people’s validation !
Facts
true that! lesson learned..
Yep
Sure true
True
The art of mystery.
MAYBE I’M A POTATO IRL AND NOT A HUMAN
Yes - I drive people crazy with my elusiveness
exactly!
💯💯
Definitely. The only things I share are things that benefit everyone to know excluding personal things like my career ideas/plans, family, friends, and money. You have to be careful what you say and do online😭💯
Sometimes Life is so much better when nobody knows what you're up to
Yup.
Just not for the person trying to call you lol
Moving in silence is the only way you can be yourself without people feeling like they know you, because they don’t and they don’t deserve to.
Straight facts
@@ttrri_n ikr same with me
Certainly been in my experience so far
I keep destroying boundaries because I want people to understand me as a person and to hear my feelings, but this gives me a whole different perspective.
beautiful to witness change takings its place, relatable. very happy for u
we all in this together fr
The biggest and hardest part in growth as adult IS understanting this : it's not because you keep talking everything about you to a person you like ( or you want as a Friend , or from who you want love) that that one person or group of persons will like and/or understand you, or share their own secrets with you
It's ok we're learning!
@@lleynem1426 so then what is it that would make someone understand you better? What should you do to create understanding?
That old quote, "People want you to do well, but not better than them." Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one not stuck in "the matrix" and I love it here. 🤷🏾♀️
This is a fact lmfao
Wym
People want to see you do well, but not too well
Envy?
@@dasupahfluffahpengwah5111 Exactly! Those are the people you stay away from. It seems some people can't be happy for other people. It's sad really.
”Once you’ve lost your privacy, you realize you’ve lost an extremely valuable thing.” - Jodi Rell.
Very true!! There is a saying too, the people is owner of what keep for him/herself. And prisoners of what they say or share.
Ya all lost a whole lot more than your privacy guys.
You lost your freedom.
visit
The White Ro🌹e-
Telegram
I used to visit nude beaches were every one was naked.
Facts
@@crand20033 LOL
I think journaling our thoughts and feelings at times is better than letting a human know...
I seldom trust a fellow being with my thoughts.
@@bethennyfrankel2300 I mean I can totally relate Ana, I think our thoughts can be sacred too. And divulging details of some of this information can be quite detrimental to us as highlighted by Kelly.
💯
Amen 🙏🏻
Why am I literally picturing Harriet the Spy rn? Lol
I’ve been guilty of this. I remember oversharing because I felt I could make a more genuine connection because I was being “real.” When I didn’t get the same sharing back I felt embarrassed, I resented people when they weren’t willing to tell me about themselves in the way I did for them. Even though I would feel really uncomfortable and vulnerable when I overshared I felt it was still better than being cold and closed off. This ended up with me completely isolating myself because I couldn’t handle the emotional exertion that came with sharing myself with others. I guess it’s about balance, not feeling that you need to offer every part of yourself or avoid the relationship completely, but taking the time to feel out what is comfortable for you and the person you’re with.
It is indeed about balance!
Wow I relate
I definitely relate to that I am open to tell you anything and beyond since I’m hopeful of hearing it back and discovering new interesting lives and perspectives
I think I will continue to share and if the person doesn’t share back I will also not do it, because sharing makes me feel better it makes me excited and it’s exciting hearing others. Of course, there are boundaries like work or total strangers you shouldn’t share to, but overall total privacy seems suffocating and lonely, to me
I resonate with you and feel you .. we are learning and developing what happened in the past. May not repeat if we take responsibility for being conscious of our decisions.
I find that sadly people don't want meaningful relationships. Surface talk, lets disguise the weather. It is odd to me to hear people calling everyone a ''friend'' to then discover they have none.
I’ve been so guilty of over sharing and I cringe whenever I think about it 😭 I love this video. Keep up the good work babe - Ika
Literally cringe at myself
@@THEDONSTR8Fightah76 and why u care
Me 2 lmao
@@THEDONSTR8Fightah76 she can be with whoever she wants
OMG RED CARPET COMMENT SECTION ONCE AGAIN
"Privacy is imperative to my well being" quote of the century 😁
Hey girl 👋🏼 love your videos!
Long hair pretty nails!! ❤️❤️
-Said every Scorpio ever in history lol ♏️
Thank you for the advice!
I lie don't care who tells it
Talk to people like your talking to the police...always say LESS than necessary
God bless Robert Greene
Life shouldn't be being on edge
you're*
If you didn't get busted don't discuss it." LOL
Omg. Yes.
A thing that bothers me a lot is people who overshare their children's lives on social media. Children cannot give informed consent. Reprehensible, tbh.
I understood that and stopped when my daughter turned 13 and told me “ why are you putting my picture on Facebook”
Sometimes parents don’t get it until they get it and until they see the child perspective-
So no hate to parents; NO parents wants to harm they children by posting them.
"Talk less. Smile more. Don't let them know what you're against or what you're for."
you can't be serious 😂
@@moonchild708 you wanna get ahead
@@Kattailyst yes
@@moonchild708 fools who run their mouths off wind up dead
Aye yo yo what time is it
“In a world where everyone is over exposed, the coolest thing you can do is maintain your mystery”
say it louder for the people in the back!!!👍😂
YESSSSSSS‼️Amen to that💯🙌🏾‼️
Amen!!!!!!
I absolutely love this
people can't judge you as hard if they have little to nothing to go off of. it's so freeing
you're gorgeous wtf
@@meguwumi8222 chill out nigga. Down bad.
@@_AniWatch sushd did i come off as a creepy male? my b j a girl appreciating another
@@meguwumi8222 no you came off creepy, Don't care if you're a guy. Like topic at hand has nothing to do with her face. She COULD be a catfish.
@@_AniWatch oh :( i always see girls complimenting others regardless of topic so i thought it was normal but ig not
Don’t stay quiet but be selective about what you share and with whom
That part .
Yes
Nah stay quiet 🤐
I'd rather stay quiet bc even the closest friends can be a snitch too
There’s a Russian proverb that states “The quieter you go, the farther you get.” Heard it back in college and it always stuck with me. Keep your goals to yourself and you will be happier on the journey.
Good one 💯
I do enjoy a bit of Russian proverb, much obliged for sharing 🤜🏾🤛🏾💯
I like that, I’m going to write that down! TFS!
Or another one - "Happiness likes silence."☝🏻👌🏻
"Тише едешь - дальше будешь". Yes that's a good proverb. Hello from a Russian 👋
We love a queen who understands healthy boundaries!!
Omg I literally watched your video before this lol
Hy Kadijaaa
Love your channel
My 2 favessss
You guys are both Queens ❤️
love yourinsightful vids and character
Moving in silence is hella rewarding. I used to be an oversharer but not anymore and its so liberating
True, but isn't it kinda ironic that a youtuber who posts videos about her life is telling people to be more private? I think the best way to do this is to go back in time to 1997 when we all just used email and phone numbers and didn't post everything about ourselves on social media.
@@andretarvok7122 but we usually dont see her plans or she informs us after it happened so not the same.
When you tell people future plans your putting it out there for others to either take this idea or wish negative energy on it.
@@andretarvok7122 5:07
@@andretarvok7122 Although Kelly is a youtuber and shares some of her life, she does a good job at being private. So nah, it’s not ironic to me’
@@andretarvok7122 she is sacrificing herself for the greater good.
I'm naturally a quiet person. People would ask why I'm so quiet so I would try to be more talkative, saying too much like you said. I didn't like myself. Now I'm back to my true self, quiet and I like it. Keeps them guessing. Thank you so much.
Same! Quiet and loving it
@@newinvention1977 thank you for your comment. May 2023 be one of joy and discovery for you.
@@carolineeccel5387 thank you! I wish the same for you as well.
honestly i can relate as well. i've always been someone who was kept to myself and never said much but there was a point where i tried to be someone i'm not and now i'm starting to accept myself for who i am and who i always was :)
@@ivckrxs118 a sign of wisdom. Thank you for sharing.
If you look back on the times you “overshared” to a person and cringe hard, you might just have a problem with vulnerability. Being a naturally private person is fine, but don’t try to convince yourself into becoming private for the sole purpose of avoiding “cringe” or others’ judgement. Knowing yourself and feeling confident enough to share that energy with others may be ultimately more freeing to you. Depends on the person.
This is very true.
facts.
This was freeing to me tysm
thank you, was searching for this comment
@@somlenprostelea8533 haha right? I was too. lowkey see a lot of trauma in this comment section
My Grandma use to always say "If they are telling u other people's business don't trust em to keep yours"
wow that's great advice
Smart lady
True
THIS
Wise woman she is
this called me out
My faves colliding. But also thank you for telling your business it helped me in the depths of my break up
@@Michelliellio yesss
HULLO
Never too late to change. I def need to work on my privacy
same ......
I learned that from my life. Never share your personal story to people in workplace. They will judge you and gossip about it
Also never share with other Mums or neighbours
Nothing worse than thinking back on the times you overshared. extra cringe
True that.
AGREED 🤦🏾♀️
Ughhhh 😭😭😭
Omg yes 🤢
Yep. That's why I decided to take a little rest for social media the last year, for a month. I highly recommend it.
Pro tip: (if you absolutely *MUST* share the places you visit) never share where you are or are going, only where you've been.
This is 1 I always follow, very important for so many reasons
Someone recently told me “only answer the question you’re asked and don’t give extra details” that sticks with me now because I always used to dig myself a hole.
I did just today. -.-
Great advice. Thank you for sharing. 💞
That is really great advice!
True that
That's exactly what an attorney tells people to do.
People don’t care about what happened to you ,but then they can use it against you one day, so just don’t share too much and be careful and make sure have someone to tell them everything because then you wouldn’t need to be Oversharing to anyone
ABSOLUTELY
When in your 20s you care a lot about what people say/think about you.
In your 40s you don't care what anybody says/ thinks about you.
But when you're in your 60s you realise nobody ever said or thought about you.
👏👏💯
Lol so true
I'm in my 20s living my 40s😊
Damn. I'm just out of my 20s by a few years but I feel like I'm living in my 60s already. This is a great notion though.
Fuck it..
I had a coworker say to me, “So what’s tea on your man? You don’t tell us anything about him” ... 🤨😐 And I won’t.
Yes girl! I had to learn this the hard way. My man is MY business 🥰
She tried it..
wow that's so nosey! are they bored?
How do you deal with people like that
As someone with ADHD whose very willing to say any thought at any given time, this was an important video for my character growth
Wow I’m glad someone understands
Team ADHD🤟🤟
@@paulitamargot When you grow older, you start developing coping mechanisms for ADHD. I was like you too and overshared information, and I had tons of frustration when people stopped respecting and violating my boundaries. Its very difficult, but possible, just get into that spiral where you can get more respect, and attention by being "mysterious".
This is me exactly
I have inattentive ADHD and gave way too much of myself to people for decades. One person even told me I gave too much of myself to people. That didn’t stop him trying to have an affair with me though! People have exploited this until I found out I have ADHD. Being diagnosed was empowering! 😊 I manage my life so much better now and have privacy and boundaries, it really has given me more peace of mind. I will always have ADHD and that little monster in me chanting ‘bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored’ 😄 But now I respect my right to privacy even if my ADHD does find that extremely dull 😆
This is so true. The more I talk about my problems, the more unsolicited advices I get. And if I share a single weakness of mine, the other person always brings it up and act like that’s the only thing about me... I realized I prefer having conversations about general things (events, views on the world, hobbies) instead of personal life problems
"Privacy is power", but also being mysterious is fun. It creates personality where there once was none.
True. And it rhymed!
😂 yup
😂😂
you are so right, i do not have a personality, i think
DAMN. 🤔
Can we normalise not using the internet as a diary. Everyone needs to attend stampede university
And when you do, you wonder why the replies would be negative and rude because you put your TMI all over the internet. Then, the whole day you will be all in your feelings because of those replies. 😤 Please if you have an issue if I was you, I rather talk about it to someone you can trust in person who is mature enough to help you and to give you some helpful advice. It is better to do so rather than bringing it all to the table for the whole world to see. 😌 My old friend used to do this told me what she wrote on Facebook a few years ago. Not a very good idea.
Yes. You can keep it to yourself, but it’s not necessary to share and show publicly. Now everything unfortunately is public: pregnancy announcements, proposals, break ups, grief, vacation trips, etc.
I don't like the idea of someone finding my diary then reading it. I'm the type to cut off people if I notice them taking advantage and hopefully will get back to being less talkative on social media.
3 PRO TIPS:
1. NEVER assume that ppl are as kind as you are!
2. Just bc you forgive someone doesn't mean s/he has changed!
3. Ppl will treat you how you ALLOW them to!
That last one is what you were referring to re: boundaries. If you tell ppl everything, they then feel entitled to know more, give their 2 cents, or judge you, & I've even had friends act like I MUST overshare bc they did, as if it's an obligation. Keeping your circle small isn't a bad thing, just less complicated, & you can be picky - as you said, we owe no one anything!
Sometimes people interpret that as 'we think we're too good for them' ... rather than what it really is "i'm good".
I felt so guilty for no reason like people deserved to know everything I did, no they don’t deserve to know or know me. It’s way too much they don’t want you to succeed only I do, my small fam, dog, and god😭
It’s not that it’s an obligation obviously we all have things we are unable to talk about in the moment until we have dealt with it, but many are very nosy and unwilling to disclose anything when it’s a two way street! if you are a very private person but you have an inner circle of close friends expect the same energy back from all your friends.
Love that
@@ttrri_n I feel u 🥲
Don’t give people a stick to beat you with. Tell them your business they just come back and and beat you down with it.
What kills me is “influencers” or regular people share everything on social media and then the first thing they say is “why y’all in my business” you share everything sweetie which opens a discussion sadly
@@savannah3780 Boundaries are important here. Just because a stranger shared certain things about their relationship to you does not mean they have invited you to further information. You take your tidbit of info and go. This is why privacy becomes important- because people lack boundaries and believe it's crazy to expect limits/ongoing consent to information, just because someone's shared previously.
🙄😑😐
Ikr!?!
Like a nurse getting a vaccine shot that was created in record time and not tested for the normal amount of time going in front of cameras to "prove to shot is safe" and then fainting on live TV. Then explaining it with a neurological condition that makes people faint when stressed or exposed to blood or injuries. And ten having that nurse *DISAPPEAR* without a trace and never get the second shot on camera to prove that she was actually okay. And then when people ask how she and why the account is dormant the family members freaking out and threatening to sue subscribers for asking about her.
Crazy.
I unfollow these kind of people
People can’t ruin what they don’t know 💯
100%!
Trueeee💯💯💯
💯facts
“Silence can never be misquoted.” Let 👏🏾 them 👏🏾 know 👏🏾 Kelly!! So important especially in this digital age. Keeping the air of mystery helps you to keep your power.
Silence absolutely can be misquoted.
@@dawnworthy6358 yup. People will just project and make up stuff! My latest video deals with that: Assumption Junction
@@dawnworthy6358 at first, this quote seemed to me so cool an just thinked for a few second and came with many many many example where silences can be uses against us and so violently misquoted :(
@@vinojan9046 I know. It sounded good. But, like so many ideas, below the surface of beautiful and comforting words, lies unintended consequences and sometimes, too often in recent years, danger.
I used to be such an oversharer and didn't know how friendships could be kept if they didn't know every detail of your life, but now im working towards less sharing, more connecting😊
I think most people connect through shared information. Connecting is a good thing but I've always felt there is a better way to do it that share such personal information.
I’ve had a “friend” get mad at me for not disclosing all the private information on my relationship. But whenever I would share wins that I would have she would be the first to downplay my accomplishments and make it about her. We are not friends anymore lol
Not a good friend lol
She also sent me a essay long text about how bad of a friend I am and why my relationship is toxic when she didnt know ANYTHING about it. Mind you my grandmother passed away and I was going through alot and she never checked on me but claims I was a bad friend? The text she sent me was so insane I lowkey wanna share it lmao
@@brookenicole6937 please share 💀 i know it kinda defeats the purpose of this video but i've been through the same thing and find these situations super amusing
@@moonchild708 im sorry you went through similar things
@@brookenicole6937 Damn it sounds like she was projecting, saying your relationship was toxic when she was toxic. I'm glad to hear you got rid of that person, they sound like trash
“Just because you don’t post a picture of it does n’t mean it didn’t happen” Thanks love a private life is a happy life.
Ikr love dis comment
❤
I am your 1000th like lol I finally got to witness it change.
"Protect your dreams & Plans as if they were your children"- Me
Bingo!
😂❤️
Beautiful illustration!
Very wise
Taking that with me. Thank you!
"A private life is a peaceful life." Next time some nosey body asks me a question I am going to use your quote 😁
My whole view for this year “live a quiet life and do not over exaggerate your place in peoples lives”
True ✔
YES
I did over exaggerate my place in peoples lives for a while😌🤨, NOT HEALTHY AT ALL!
@@tpmash glad you are DONE unhealthy 🤗
If they don’t know your dreams, they can’t shoot them down.
-J Cole
Yessuhhhh
Facts😉
So true
This is the one
And that’s why he’s my favourite artist.
I tend to overshare, and when I saw this video I knew I had to watch it. Not only does it make other people uncomfortable, I'll sometimes regret it later.
Bro same I overshare😭
@Chatsire same ... I get to attached to ppl it’s so. Bad 🤦🏽♀️
Kelly Stamps - you are talking directly to me. Thank you
@@5tad ?
I tend to overshare and then over think about it later
Yes. When I’ve overshared some people have used those vulnerabilities and even traumatic moments against me. They’ve made it a way to put me down or judge me. Also people have judged me to the point of where they just don’t want to be friends with me anymore. I overshared because I wanted to be understood by everyone but that doesn’t happen.
True. You think they’re your friends and they’ll listen to you, but they’re actually a holes looking to hurt you. Why? I don’t understand it. I wouldn’t ever hurt someone or judge then based on one thing. Everyone has their good side and their bad sides, but these days, people cut off others based only on the others’ weaknesses. Not right.
I can totally relate
@@ntmn8444I have had that happen to me in the past! The bright side about it is that you know they are not your true friends. You can't control what happened to you with your traumas and if people can solely base you based on your traumas and blame you for it then I really do not need those people in my life. If they are family then gray rock them and only talk about family events and have a chit chat about how everyone is doing and when they ask how you're doing just say you're doing great! Don't overshare anything with them either because I found that they are not really that caring when it comes to your emotional well-being.
People that “don’t like you” watch you WAY more than people who genuinely want you to thrive
TROLLS ALWAYS HAVE TIME😌
TRUE
Ok not trying to act “too cool” today
Literally ear to ear smile that you even read my comment 😊
Wifey says “hey Kelly”
Soooo true, I noticed that some of the people that I'm not even friends with anymore are the first ones that watch my story. Almost as if they have notifications turned on lol.
Trueee
Speak on it!
Some people like to throw stuff back in your face to after you open up to them about something
That’s true it’s best to keep your personal business to yourself.
That part.
Facts
YUP happened to me
💯💯💯💯💯
As an introvert you learn this really quickly in life; meaningless to share things all the time. *WIL IT CHANGE ANYTHING??* NOPE they just talk about it and most likely wil use it against you at some point.
EXACTLY!
Exactly!
Learned this the hard way. They definitely use it against you. Some people really are not your friends
i miss being an introverted person. I was always the quiet, speak when spoken to, don’t say too much, type of person. But society forced me to unlearn all of that to be more digestible to others and i resent myself for letting that get to me
@@kortney3767 You're like a toyota prius, hybrid. :)
I used to work with someone who would always ask me and others on Monday what we did over the weekend. A seemingly harmless and normal Monday morning question but there was always this sense that if answered with any kind of detail you’d be mocked for it. It was her “way.” She didn’t think she was doing anything mean-spirited it was just her annoying and immature way of relating to people. When I started withholding details and would leave it at “not much, kinda quiet” it would get turned around into “Ha! You never left your apartment, right?” As if an occasional weekend hibernating and relaxing in your NYC apartment was the worse thing ever. You would think that when we grow up and leave high school and college and become adults in the real world we’d leave a lot of the childish adolescent ways of relating to other people behind but some people make them a way of life. Makes me want to avoid people a lot of the time.
"Do not tell anyone what you're doing unless it's done. outside energy can throw off goals."
My goals tend to suffer without outside energy, outside energy tends to help me with my goals, everyone is different.
Don't give people more than they NEED to know!! SO true, some people, including family don't want to see you win!! Golden advice as always Kelly! If anyone sees this comment, a quote I remember, work in silence and let YOUR success make the noise!
That is a great quote
Yup!
@@somethingbettercoming Yes it is, and thank you for reading my comment and commenting!
@@keshiathompson-simplehealt5013 you are so welcome
Love this
I feel people overshare because they want to be accepted and be seen as real. You are so wise for your age!
I think people need to be MORE real. It we're only doing the routine "how are you? good" type of conversation, you don't get to connect or bond
yeah..i personally overshare because i can't set healthy boundaries,so it ends up being too much.
@@the1337fleetunfortunately they don't want to be real and when you are, they get mean girl nasty! You have to pretend like everything is great unless you end up in a hospital or dead unfortunately. Then they want to cry crocodile tears when you're dead when they didn't even try to help you when you were alive. There were many people that died in my life and people that didn't want to help them while they were alive, they were wailing and crying talking about how they'll miss them. But yet refused to lend a helping hand when they were alive!?! That was so messed up on so many levels!
Sometimes I share because I feel I care about my life more than others even though there's no reason for them to care so much I just feel lonely sometimes and unaccepted
You give people power over you by sharing all your stuff.
ya honestly the more vocal I became about stuff I always woke up the next morning like ".. did i rlly have to say that tho?". The cringe just aint worth it
Gurl same. Especially when you post a private-ish insta story and wake up thinking: should I even had shared that?
i'm literally going through the same thing, or i did a few days ago. but it wasn't that i felt cringey about it, i felt extremely uncomfortable with it.
I'm a naturally quiet person and don't really speak unless it's something of value, yet people still find a way to take offense to that 😂
Same
Same here sis and people think I'm a weirdo because of it sometimes😂.
Moving in silence is wisdom tho.
I like to make small experiences seem like big experiences. People tend to have the “what? he’s interesting...” look on their face. lol
Same. I literally say nothing but people try to take advantage of that just so to trigger me.
Same! I would rather enjoy my own thoughts than fill the space with nonsense chatter about nothing. I have been called weird more times than I can count too but oh well, ain't got time.for this sh*%$🤷♀️
My mindset is people don’t know what I’m doing until I’m doing it. Ex: People didn’t know I moved states until I was there, traveling until I’m there/back, a new car (no one knows my car unless they’ve seen it) and JOB changes/promotions! Or any other goals I’m working toward. It’s a flex within yourself lol (ofc CLOSE friends know tho)
YESSS well said
Yess so me.
I agree with this style of moving in silents until you have the evidence of your successes💯
Yessss!! Truths!
@@JulianSteve Yess moving in silence!! I couldn’t remember the phrase
"Nothing bad comes from not telling people your business." I really like how you said that because from now on 2024 I will not tell anyone my business.
There are really sick people out there who want to know everyone's buisiness so yep.. silence is golden... especially around narcissists.
Especially with narcissists.
Yep! And no matter what you share with a narcissist, they’ll always find a way to “one-up” you and make it about themselves. It’s so frustrating and discouraging.
It's very hard to not share personal information when you're always alone.
Ageeed!
It's easy if you are Alone with Social Media. But if alone reading or take yourself out is different.
@@deltaradiance9034, Yeah. It's not hard at all when you're in public. I don't like attention, and I know people will throw so many jokes.
You must do better.
My husband told me today his friend came over and said “no offense but you paying X amount of money for this house is ridiculous “ So I asked him how did he know how much we paid?? Clearly my husband told him...there’s so many things I could say regarding the friends current home value or his investments or whatever, but all I could say to my husband was next time keep YOUR mouth shut! Smh...
FINE EXAMPLE of why I keep things to myself now. I cannot stand that!
Keep it in Las Vegas because it’s your business ONLY!!
I think when people are in relationships they don’t feel like they shouldn’t speak to their friends.
@@samahj8567 somethings you do with others should not be shared with others. Amanda may have a fantastic sex life with him. But she does not go telling her friends all the details of what she or her husband likes, As this is personal and only husband and wife should know these things.
He sounds like my husband I tell him keep our business our business
"Keep your mouth shut if you want to get your dreams done with no judgement." The approach I'm taking to my creative stuff when people with no interest beyond "oooh are you gonna be successful at that? do I know a successful person? or is it going nowhere?" start nosing in on it.
Privacy is essential! Especially in the era of social media
Yes
Some people just don't want you to be more succesful or happier than them. Don't share your ideas, dreams or thoughts until it happens. This is the only way of not ruining.
Facts
“nothing bad comes from not telling people your business” PREACH KELLY
unless you have a narcissistic friend who will manipulate you into feeling bad for not telling them everything so they can use that information for manipulation...
@@danceonyourtoes just don’t be friends with them
Yeah, don’t associate with narcissists. Unless you want no peace.
One time I was sitting with the friend group of my friend ( not directly my friendgroup) and noticed how much the talked about themselves but like they talked about their bad experiences and bragged about it like for example one had to goto the hospital for overdose of alcohol and the other would like right after that tell that something even worse happened to him like they weren’t even reacting to each others story they were just barking out their story the moment the other one was finished. And plus the bad things were told in a view that they were so cool and stuff. It was a whole flash for me because my friendgroup never talks about such things we only talk about positive things and stuff that’s important.
As an introvert who is very private I appreciate this. People don't realize that it only takes a little info to find so much data on you. It's really scary just how little info can reveal so much. 👀
As someone who came of age alongside social media's inception, I find the current state of the internet truly bizarre too. Growing up, the message was "hide your identity online at all costs!" And now it's "Verify who you are with real name, photo, and residence so we know you're real!" It did a complete 180. And not really to the safety benefit of anybody aside from like... couchsurfing and airbnb situations.
Yea it’s true I’m learning how to set healthy boundaries by not telling my business
@@courtney9546 I remember people always enforced being careful about what you put online because of future employers. It seems like that isn't really a concern anymore either.
I can't agree more on this!
Moving in silence is the key to success. People DONT need to know everything about YOUR business. I swear you’ll notice the difference once you stop doing it 💯
Facts!!☺️
Great advice Kelly. Thank you!
Never tell your problems to anyone, 80% don’t care and 20% are glad you have them
I would say 80%* are glad you have them.. 😪
Great Les Brown quote!!
It makes sense to tell your goals and ambitions the least amount of people - unless they are same-minded as you.
While I agree that it can look like someone needs validation from the others, sometimes it's good to have reality-check with people who are heading same direction as you are. I learned that if I hear viewpoint of someone I look up to, or someone who has my trust, it can add to my perspective, and re-think something
Exactly people who tell relative strangers about things that are intimate to them seem emotionally out of control to me. And it makes me reluctant to open up to them for fear of who/what they’ll tell other people about me.
I think some ppl tell strangers their business for the simple fact that they don’t know them so what does their opinion matter. Ya know? Sometimes strangers are the only ppl you can vent too. Especially if you’re venting about loved ones. But to each their own ❤️
@Unku that’s the wisest thing I have ever heard, they are indeed emotionally out of control
@@iamtomeka7971 Not only do they not know them, they won't have to face them again.
@@iamtomeka7971 I hear you but this is why I said “relative strangers”. Pouring your heart out to a receptive stranger on a train who you’ll never see again is different from inundating work acquaintances and Facebook “friends” with the gory details of ones personal life on a semi-regular basis.
I have been the receptive stranger to quite a few people but I don’t want to be told deeply personal information about people I don’t really personally know. Or worse, people I have yet to meet but may in the future. It makes the potential friendship or relationship extremely lopsided because I know more about them than they know about me.
I use to tell everyone my business til people start judging me and throwing shit back at me. So now I learn to keep my mouth shut. When I feel like talking I just go and get me a journal and write on it and it been helping me.
Period!
Journal😀😀😀😀. I used to do this but stopped!
YES! Journaling can be very therapeutic. I've been doing it since I was about 9-10 yrs old, but it's been a source of comfort especially in the last couple of decades. Glad it's working for you!!
I used to till a certain someone read it without my permission violating my privacy and just stomping on my trust.
Yeah most people don't care, and when you experience an issue their automatic response is, "you're jealous??"
They're just there to make fun of you and make you make fun of yourself. Most people don't care about your problems.
Exactly why I don’t share anything about my son - rarely even his name, not his birthday, no photos of him anywhere online. It’s especially important not to exploit our children’s identities online when they’re too young to decide for themselves.
I agree 💯
Agreed!
True
I wish parents were more careful about what they share in regard of their children, you are doing a good job on this, no one outside family needs to know about your child privacy.
Right! Whatever happened to god old fashioned photo albums???
This video is so relevant in today's society. Every time I post something to social media, it feels like my existence is being tied to how much attention it gets. Even beyond that, it feels like I need validation for any accomplishment I make to be happy rather than just being happy with it on my own. What I really need is to let go of social media, and to a greater extent, desires regarding attention and just truly be myself, but it's hard. Especially in an era where literally everything is online.
My friend and her husband (childless) shared their dream child name along with its meaning and reason of choice to their family and the husband's own mother, "stole" it and used that name for her daughter's second child (ie, her second grand-daughter). Words can't explain how hurt and betrayed they are. So, yes. Keep your dreams private. Sometimes, even from your own family.
wow, i don't think of that situation until now. thankyou for sharing, Michelle.
If your friend does in future have a daughter, she should name her her "dream child" name anyway. Let the grandmother and aunt deal with their own pilferage of it.
Happened to me. My friend and I talked about names we'd give to our future children. So happened her mother had a surprise pregnancy. She gave that name to her youngest sister.
imagine realizing one day that your name is stolen from your cousin like that's sad
Wow 😒ugh...a mess!
She’s literally talking to me! Just love how intelligent she is💗 ✨
i’m a fan of your videos btw
@@mirrorgalaxy6273 thank you love✨🤩🤸🏾♀️
Kelly: Hi Janet
Me: Hi-
Yeah i am learning this too late also. This is why i am no longer in school
I remember one time all of my coworkers were talking about all their sexual experiences and they noticed I was not chiming in so they began to pry. When I told them I’d prefer not to discuss my “experiences” they seemed offended as if they were entitled to that information. They then inferred I "must be a virgin" and that i "shouldn’t be embarrassed." I’m not uncomfortable with the topic of sex I’d just rather not put personal information out for a room full of paid acquaintances to have an opinion on. I don’t even like to reveal what I ate for lunch when my coworkers ask. Sometimes I’ll just respond with “I just ate some cup noodles” even though I really ate some leftover pizza or something. idk why. Any question just feels intrusive. Lol 🤐😄
Then what should they talk with you? 😅
Fkin right. Don’t trust those hos.
They just wanna see if they feel better than you. Especially with lunch. If you eat a salad they’ll secretly dislike you because they don’t have the same discipline.
“Paid acquaintances” is the BEST definition of those relationships. 🤣🤣
U should’ve cussed them out
Wise advise. Personally:
1) all my social media is locked down. If you can see stuff, it's because I accepted your friend request.
2) I don't share actionable information. I don't tag people in my photos, I post things AFTER they are complete, and I hide my friends list when possible
3) I use separate usernames & a private social media email address/google phone number to create the accounts. You won't find my accounts if you get my number/email or are friends with me on another platform (my name is not cam hahaha)
4) All public profile pics are group photos or you can't see my face
“Tell your plans when it’s done” I agree 100%.
Exactly because they won't have time to pray against it
Still they can do damage in future, better don't tell them at all.
Imagine a world where no one watches you and judges you.
Lol
*wakanda all of a sudden pops up and futuristic cars*
My room 🥲
Bliss!
that’s a world of controlled robots by a puppetmaster striving for utopia which inevitably fails
I had an ex friend ask me how my weekend was. After I shared, I asked her in return. She responded with "don't worry about it". Taking privacy to another level LOL.
People want to know what you’re up to but they don’t want to share what they’re up to. Bullshit
I did something yesterday and didn't tell my mother about it. She only found out from our neighbor after I successfully finished it. Then she said, "Huh! That was just a one-time thing. You just got lucky. But there's no way you can do that successfully again."
Wow. I'm sure glad I kept my mouth shut. Otherwise I would have skipped the entire thing and felt discouraged the whole time.
So sad that your mother can't be happy for you. Mine was the same. Some mother's are jealous of their own daughters. You're wise to keep things to yourself. Who needs that kind of negative energy?
Mine was jealous of me when I got into college. She said the job doesn't pay well and all that crap.
@@rachelarmel7547 you just described my mother and grandmothers rship to a T!
Your so right about this! Needed to hear this today.
PERFECT TIMING, for me as well
Same!!!
Me as well
Same fr
@@AboveRubiesTV It's funny ha, it like she made the video specifically, for me(you)
Can't even tell family your things, they will go around to share with other people.😅 Can be so dangerous when they are sharing with some sick people.
True
Yeah, i wished I didn't share with my brother. I wanted him to benefit from something, and he ended up telling everyone even though I told him not to tell anyone. I texted him as he was telling our mother and he made the excuse that she already overheard it 2 weeks ago, and she overheard it because he was loud about it.
Arrrrhhhhggggghh. Guess I'll just keep everything to myself from now on. No need to be generous anymore.
@@mars9399 I understand
@@mars9399 You're not alone, we all learned our lessons through this kind of experience.🤝
exactly! There is at least one person in my family who I know I cant trust to keep her mouth shut and then there is another who steals my ideas, plans and experiences. It really is sick!! I have to safeguard everything from this girl!
This is the way I’ve lived for a long time. There are haters out there and there are also people who project their own shortcomings on others. Most of my friends never finished college and call a degree, “just a piece of paper” and a waste of time. I used that “paper” to get a good job, learn another language and even live abroad for a few years. Then, I didn’t tell them I was thinking about grad school until AFTER I got in. Now, after grad school I’ve leveled up my career (and life) a few more times while they’re still in the same spot I left them in years ago. Glad I didn’t listen to them!
I recently spoke to my therapist about this and he basically said everything you did. People will try and get into your business, it's okay to set boundaries with those people. This isn't rudeness, it's having respect for yourself.
I deleted both Instagram & Twitter a while ago as well as a bunch of friends on Facebook. My mental health has never been better. There’s no more pressure to post every single little thing
Totally agree! I had a bizarre run in with someone I don't know personally on fb a couple of years ago & realized it messed with my mental health... I proceeded to wean myself of fb, & removed the app from my phone... It became easier to figure out who's important & I have more time for actually living!
Samee
Facts!
I just deleted my Twitter recently and I felt relief. I only have Facebook and Instagram for my business and I only go on there to interact with customers and post my jewelry.
Good for you! I find that I have more time to myself and I'm not wasting time on senseless things.. just utube😂joking. I love youtube.
"Keep your mouth shut if you want to get dreams done with no judgment"- Kelly stamps 2021
I'll forever remember this because I've been guilty of this treachery
Same!!
"nothing bad comes from not telling people your business"
I never knew for the longest time that oversharing was lack of boundaries. No wonder I felt weird after dishing out so much about my life to so called friends. Turns out they were using info to look down upon, talk smack about, and or discourage ideas.
I had a supervisor who would guilt me into oversharing so he could go and gossip to his boss (who really liked me and was impressed with my work). He made me feel like being quiet and introverted meant I wasn't being a "team player" and would expect me to answer really invasive questions. Looking back he was just a manipulative, insecure, weirdo. He probably felt intimidated by me and wanted to lowkey ruin my image. Beware of people like that.
Yeah similar situation and now since God is good she went somewhere else I have no idea where this supervisor is but I don't care anymore. People like that are so evil. I pray that you continue to be protected and that your career flourishes.
@@ED-ie3et Thank you
privacy also kinda makes you more intriguing. the weeknd is a good example of that
Timothee chalamet also another one
Agreed
@@jojo-fj7lw oh yeah !! he's a really good example
I've overshared for most of my life. I grew up in a toxic household and I desperately needed to be heard. I didn't realize until recently that there are certain things about my life that aren't of anyone's concern but me, and telling them to people that didn't need to know them has put me in such a vulnerable situation so many times.