honestly the greatest thing that helped me with my social anxiety was learning to love people and be interested in them instead of seeing them as threats or someone that I need to impress. I used to overthink conversations and be scared of staying one on one with someone but ever since I genuinely took an interest in everyone around me I've been having the best time!
This is such a good mindset!! Same on the being alone with someone I'm not close with 💀 even if the vibes were nice in a group, I start to panic thinking I have to keep the convo and not disappoint them
my favorite go-to question is to ask someone “what are you thinking about right now?” it’s a great open ended question that helps the other person realize that you are interested in hearing what is literally on their mind. another tip is that i truly believe that all people have at least 2 topics they cannot shut up about. so i always make it my mission to discover what one of those two topics are. this really helps me keep the convo going!
@@loomonda18 my little sister said the same thing. in this case, try to figure out what 2-3 topics you love to chat about / what topics you like to be asked about. that way, if someone asked you this, at least you have a few topics off the top of your head (it’s okay if it’s not what you were actually thinking about - no one needs to know ;)).
My main revelation regarding social anxiety which I learned in therapy was to go into social situations reminding myself that my worth as a person does not depend on someone else’s opinion of me. This is such a freeing thought because it releases you from the pressure to “perform” as you also mentioned. Even if a conversation didn’t go as planned or the person you are interacting with does not seem so interested or even bored, that doesn’t change your value as a person. No one is gonna go through life having amazing interactions 100% of the time, so allow yourself to talk freely and how you intuitively feel comfortable and if the other person doesn’t vibe with that, move on to someone else. At the end of the day, you are still worthy and loved ❤️
"Go into social situations reminding myself that my worth as a person does not depend on someone else’s opinion of me." >> Your brain tells you that, but your heart disagrees :D
whenever someone attractive makes a video on how to socialize / deal with social anxiety, i immediately know its gonna be full of shit that wont work if someone unattractive tries it. good try though.
The honesty of you feeling awkward or drawing a blank can make others feel comfortable. The fact that you are wanting to engage in a conversation means a lot. I like asking "Do you like Cheese?" This question is from a movie "She's the man" Where she's coaching a guy on how to have a conversation with a girl she likes. It's not the question but the fact that flow is flow. Which is one of the points in this video. It doesn't matter what was said but how we felt. So, I would still feel good knowing that you are choosing to have a conversation with me. 😊😊
Actually, it is pretty normal to experience these things during social anxiety. Since it's keeping you constantly on edge during socialising and the brain prioritizes getting away from scary things (that the it considers a potential danger), your mind focuses less on the conversation topics and coming up with answers than getting away from the situation. So there's no problem with you, just social anxiety is getting in the way.
I have both social anxiety and autism, so talking to anyone is an uphill battle. I decided today that I'm sick of being awkward and lonely: I'm going to get better at talking to people even if it kills me. Thank you so much for the video
I’m autistic too and I relate so much to this haha. Sometimes I get sad about being alone and I try to get to know more people but… I don’t like them when I do
Small Talk is important to help people warm up and assess compatibility: 1. Ask Questions, 2. Determine topics that spark enthusiasm, 3. Actively listen to the conversation - How to win friends and influence people x Dale Carnegie, 4. Be honest and sincere about emotions and feelings.
@@omotayosatuyi252não tenho mais ➕️ em relação ao assunto do email anterior que me propôs a fazer uma única coisa que não entendi muito sobre isso comigo 6:20
While I plan to put into practice and embrace every point in this video, I would also like to add that you don’t have to have anything in common with someone to socialize comfortably with them. You could focus on differences rather than scouring for shared commonalities. Being interested in how someone is different from you also adds many layers to conversations. It helps you learn about something you never knew of or never experienced and helps you get first hand account of new experiences. Isn’t that beautiful? So don’t be afraid to interact with people whom you perceive as different form you. There is always a new world to be discovered.
Ice breaker: “If you were to be thrown in jail, what would your closest friends or family assume you did?” I ask this question when I can feel that the vibe is right - light, funny, overall relaxed maybe. I picked this up from one of my sisters, one of the most outgoing people I’ve ever known, and honestly it works every time
Thanks for sharing，i learned a lot: 1. have a small talk 2. ask questions （tips：find sth in common ） 3. find a topic that sparks enthusiasms 4. be intersted to be intesting 5. deal with awkward pauses with share your feelings sincerely or talk about enviroment 6. no one remember what you said,they just remember how they feel（energy、vibe、tone）
@@researchedsoundz9452 i in fact did not get the courage and found out from a friend that he doesn’t like me back, as expected since it happens every time 🥲👍
I liked the segment about “being interested is interesting” because active listening is SO important to making people feel validated! I am currently dealing with someone (a family member) in my life who is a narcissist and all of our interactions are her taking advantage of the fact that I love listening to people and making them feel heard. 100% of the convo is her monologuing about herself, me asking her follow-up questions/relating it back to my life, but her never reciprocating asking me follow-up questions - she just continues to talk about herself. Currently we are both pregnant and the opportunities to converse/relate to each other are endless but she just doesn’t care. Id love to see a future video on tips for dealing with people like that, or at least how to handle one-sided conversations.
That’s super difficult. A way to look might be that you don’t have to do anything. It’s a lot of pressure on you to try and change someone’s core personality. How would it feel to know you’ll likely not get what you want, but let it wash over you and minimise the exposure to this person and get meaningful conversation from other people who let you flourish?
I know 2 people like this - 95% of conversations with them is just them talking about themselves. VERY rare for them to ask anything about you haha. Can be hard.
I'm experiencing a very similar thing with a friend! In several occasions, I would be the one who ask follow-up questions to keep a conversation about this friend going, But when I try sharing about what is going in my life, the conversation usually takes a full turn into me listening to her opinion or what I should do about my situation. I feel disappointed and dissatisfied since she doesn't spend enough time to listen to what I'm about to say and is quick to jump to conclusions. I guess some people are really not a good listener and conversationalist.
i think deciding whether you want to stay in a friendship that plays a part in making you feel less heard is an important step in healing from narcissists.
Guys. I DID IT. It took years of work but I did it. I no longer feel anxious every time I have to be alone in a room with someone. I can hold a conversation with almost anyone. I even have a gf now and I’ve never been so happy Update: she cheated on me 🙃 Update again: I’m pushing thru this hard time and I’m gonna come out of this a bigger person 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻 UPDATE AGAIN: i Met another girl. Her name is Kira. She’s gorgeous and she makes me really nervous. I kinda like the feeling tho because im not used to feeling nervous around ppl anymore but there’s something abt her that makes me so fucking anxious. Dw tho she’ll be my gf by the start of this summer 💪🏻💪🏻.
@@lilacfields 1- don’t be scared to fuck up A LOT in the start. I swear the amount of out of pocket socially off things I’ve said when I started really were so awkward but u have to accept that it’s gonna happen in the start 2- ask people questions and really be interested in what they have to say. Like example when u say “how was ur day” to someone and they respond “it was good” follow it up. Ask why it was good. If you don’t do that people assume u don’t care what they have to say. 3- don’t be so passive. Don’t be afraid for a debate with someone. Speak out. Have an interesting opinion and you will have interesting conversation. 4- confidence when u speak. That means even when u fuck up and u say something awkward don’t make it more awkward and start avoiding eye contact and then look away and try to end the conversation as fast as possible.
Usually such a silent watcher but this topic is so so underrated and I'm ALL for this series. Please do more if you can Jenn! I love hearing you break things down and make it so easy to listen to and still seamlessly making so much sense.
I actually felt embarrassed at the fact that I even had to search a video on how to socialize. I’m an introvert that has a newly found love with having conversations with people, but I just dread starting them. And because of lockdown and now not having any friends, starting and/or having and keeping a conversation has become one of the hardest things to learn (or relearn). This video was very helpful though. ❤
@@nyc4life448 I think it's an advantage that introverts have, we don't always look for aproval or the support of someone we are more independant and more likely to know how to deal with certain types of situation meanwhile some people who are talkative and extroverted look for contact and socialization, they can be easily hurt and not know how to deal with a situation if they find themselves alone. I heard that people that have a lot of friends are also the one that cry and get hurt the most.
Such a valuable video! I don’t often promote books, but the book women’s magic truths on borlest is an exception. It’s packed with insights on wealth and self-care that are not widely known. All the best to everyone
It is such an amazing book that it magically created over 1000 likes on a comment that was recently posted. It is so amazing that it caused identical comments to be posted around youtube. Be careful on the internet, because amazing methods of amazing advertisement are being used for amazing purposes like taking advantage of peoples hope, but definitely not this amazing book with such amazingly natural amazing advertisement, it is definitely not amazingly suspicious.
A moment of appreciation for that intro. This came at the right time. With this pandemic, my social anxiety has skyrocketed. Can barely look at people in the eyes without being conscious of it. Have not talked face to face with any friends in over a year😭
Watching this really made me appreciate Jenn's mind and way of talking. Not only is she teaching you how to talk to anyone, she's talking to all of us ANYONE but doing it so wisely and entertaining! Love the video
i had crippling social anxiety since i was a toddler so it's something that was deeply rooted in my existence. sometimes i wonder how much better my life would have been if i wasn't the way i am..
Same here! I was very shy, nervous, and then anxiety started with puberty along with sometimes depression. My life would have been different I expect, but maybe not better. My anxiety kept me largely alone, but also protected me from a lot that could have been not good. I was never part of the group; wild, risky behavior, social pressure although I did feel like I was missing everything.
something that also helped me with this (apart from therapy and believing more in me) is just putting myself out there. i made mistakes of oversharing, interrupting, talking on top of somebody, laughed at the wrong time or whatever but nobody really cared and as you do you learn. i used to be super insecure about talking to human beings, specially men (as a female) and when you start seeing others just as they are without putting them in a pedestal it becomes easier.
The last part is a great reminder. I always forget that people don't remember that you stuttered during a convo but rather, how the convo felt/what your vibe was. I sometimes get too fixated on small mistakes I make, then I get discouraged to talk to people again. But if the roles are reversed, I probably don't care/don't remember at all if someone said something wrong. That will ease my mind a little when I try to talk to people.
I needed to hear this. Social anxiety does not have to be the enemy. But navigating its rough waters is where strategy is necessary! I admire your vulnerability ❤❤
I personally think keeping expectations low is important - you don’t have to imagine the interaction. How’s your life going? Anything stand out in your life recently? Has there been anything that’s made you smile? You have any plans or goals that you’re working on? Just simple questions that spark conversation :)
I’m a flight attendant, so I meet new people all the time and have had my fair share of small talk! I love asking my coworkers what they did before flying when we’re cheek to cheek in the jump seat 😂 Then I’ll ask them what made the switch into the aviation industry! And just in general, I like asking people what they do, how they got into it, if they like what they do, what their job title entails, and so on!
My problem is i often don't know how to reply when doing small talks. I like asking something to get to know someone but when they started talking about something, i just lost words ☹️
I simply love you for this video. For years I was able to not talk to people out of fear. I really want to open up in my first job and I will use your advice. I feel better knowing that there are people who kind of understand it, but at the same time I wish that ppl would not have to feel the consequences of that kind of fears.
My favorite questions to ask people I’m meeting revolve around food. What is something good you ate recently or what is your favorite dessert? Almost everyone eats and this has been a great jumping off point that has led to some wholesome conversations.
I used to be very socially awkward because my only interaction with people were through video games as a teen. As I started working, I started to grow out of my shell especially when I met my husband. He loves engaging with others and he can hold a conversation very well. I learned that from him and I’ve became more confident in my self over these past years. Although after having my baby, my self awareness and confidence has really plummeted and talking to people really irks me. I made it point to seek therapy and read/write more and even start school so it’s been a journey. Being a good listener is also a quality I respect in others. Sometimes we just need someone to listen instead of always giving advice.
My go to icebreaker if I'm speaking with someone new is to ask what else they're doing that weekend. People love to talk about themselves, and it opens up new topics that are relevant to them. It also means you don't have to come up with topics - if you're doing some active listening hopefully they basically steer the conversation for you!
Jen, you have completely read my mind and the feelings I have right now. I have felt so completely hopeless in this area recently. I am extremely introverted and reserved before I get comfortable with people (which takes a while for me), but love meeting new people and listening in on a group! It’s just if the common ground and interests of the group haven’t been established I just get so lost about what to talk about! It turns awkward super fast and I am completely useless when it comes to the art of small talk. This video helped so much!! Glad I’m not alone here. Thanks love 💖✨
I think this would be a great series, especially since you studied communication! I am extremely introverted and dislike making plans to see anyone, but I'll have a great time and won't want to leave if it's with the few people I'm close to or having a great time with. My problem is that I constantly blank out and don't know how to keep a conversation going because I don't have that internal rolodex of topics to switch to when the current topic dies and it's time to change the subject. I can easily bat back with people who do this well, but it's agonizing and exhausting when I'm talking to another person who shares the same struggles, and it feels like the life is being absolutely squeezed out of the conversation lmao. Something I'm struggling with right now is making small talk with coworkers twice my age at a new job in a line of work I've never been in before. I feel like the age and formality differences (because I'm in a semi-corporate part of the hotel industry) weigh on my mind extra heavily, so I'm never comfortable speaking up except to ask questions relating to my training. I tend to gauge my responses based on what I can tell from the other person, and so many of them have the professional fake awkward smile of cordiality that feels so unapproachable, and I have no idea how to move past that.. especially when it feels like everyone here is so busy, so there's not much time for actual conversation :/ Part of me worries I'm trying too hard, but the other more realistic part of me knows very well that I won't make any friends in the office if I don't try to talk to anyone and just keep my head down in my training/work, so I'm trying to figure out how to strike that balance.
I feel the same way. I work with so many people my age or around my age at my workplace yet I still find it difficult to make a connection. It’s a new job and I feel like everyone knows each other already and is all friends. I work 12 hour shifts and I am always tired feeling. Im also always in a blank state of mind, shy, or anxious feeling. If someone talks to me I am suddenly super nervous and i feel like i’m being so awkward :( and I’m also so tired mentally when i talk to someone because inside im panicking about what to ask them next…so i find it so difficult. I don’t know if I’m making sense but I’m just trying to say i hear you and i feel you 🥺
I can relate to this too, it’s so hard to completely be myself in the workplace and build that connection/relationship with people in my office. I’m always overthinking and feel so awkward when I do have a conversation! It’s such a struggle
I find it helpful to ask about other workers strengths in the company (I. Knowledge about the company, policy, brand, costumer engagement, etc). Then when engaging with said individual ask about the strength. Ideally you’ll learn more about the person that is answering the question and new info to ask the person that was asked about.
As a teenager, I'm so glad i found this TH-cam channel, thank you so much cause i struggle with social anxiety without even truly realizing it. I don't have any friends and today i found out the reason,i tend to push people away most especially new people.I have never for one gave an audience to anyone which is bad
Would highly recommend the book ‘How to be yourself’ by Ellen Hendriksen. She’s done a few podcasts too on the topic of social anxiety and introversion which are really good! I’ve searched for a while to find an author who seems to really understand it and she definitely does!
Really needed this! Thank you for sharing this! My favorite questions: 1. Where are you originally from? 2. What's something interesting that you experienced this week? 3. What do you do for fun?
ive watched you jenn over the years and really appreciate the introspective and insightful youtuber you've become! love the substance in your videos :)
This video helped me realize I do have a social anxiety (like I think too much about conversation even before having it and scare myself out of talking to people I'm genuinely interested in). Thanks for the tips Jenn! Has definitely lower my fear factor
You’re a beam of light and your positivity really makes me look at my world with a new perspective. I had a difficult year, and I really really don’t have any friends to talk to because I bottled up my feelings. I relied on my parents and therapist to solve my problems and I became very antisocial and angry with myself. I honestly don’t know what to do until I listened to this video. I really need to actually listen and be interested in a person. Otherwise I don’t have any idea of what to say and probably will end up sounding rude or ignorant. My goal for the rest of the year is to be sincere and make genuine connections with someone from my college. And to avoid negativity in communicating with my family and friends.
This came at the right time. I'm going through a life change at the moment and I have to meet a lot of people because of it and I have always struggled with friends and socialising. I'll definitely be trying these tips.
i absolutely love your energy, i personally LOVE talking to strangers but sometimes i get slightly shy and fearful that i'll end up looking creepy, so i don't do it all the time, but i really admire the ability to do that with everyone
JENN!! I’m starting university offline tomorrow and this came just at the right time thank you 🤍 everyone in the comments are also very sweet and relatable I wish a good luck to you all!! You got this!
Yess, I think "confident" is the most important for a natural conversation. I will talk too much about topic which I know more information or I enjoy it. And we should eyescontact with my partner to perform my emotion. But I often overthinking, it's make me not comfortable and shy when I am talking. hic
I have autism and struggle so much with these kinds of things. I literally havent spoken to anyone outside of my family and uni tutors since feburary 2022. Even though im extremely introverted and awkward i desperately want to connect with people. A few of these tips gave me a new kinda perspective of other people in social interactions and im going to try to speak more in conversations because i think being silent sends a message that i dont want to be friends with someone. I have very awkward ways of interacting but people always comment on my vibe not my lack of eye contact or speech and i think that is a better indication that how often they try to talk to me. I do not understand social interactions on an intuitive or natural level but i have been learning how to make conversation without making other people uncomfortable or completely overwhelming myself.
Jenn, I just want to let you know. I always watch this video before I go out to any social events. This helped me so much... Communicating with people and forming some great friendships. So, thank you so much for your videos 🫶
It's been a few years since I've learned how to cope with my social anxiety to the point where it's no longer debilitating, but I still very much appreciate all the effort you put into these super informative videos! It honestly takes a lot of hard, consistent work to learn how to keep social anxiety at bay, and this video is sure to help alot of people that need it (:
i sorely needed this! i've been overthinking my interactions to the max these days, including my multiple work meetings that happen every week. so you can imagine just how down in the dumps i feel multiple times a week just for talking to people.... (sounds ridiculous now that i say it). the last quote you said, "no one remembers everything you say. they just remember how they feel" is truly a godsend. makes me feel a bit better and i will start to think about it from now on. thank you for putting out such valuable videos and being you!
Recently I went out to socialize with my friends’ friends and family. I tried my best to slide into their conversation and when I had the chance to talk to single person and try to start a small talk with them, somehow it was not going somewhere. They kept answering with one word at a time like yes, no etc…I really tried my best to be interested in what they have to say. And then I noticed that somehow they were having pretty interesting conversation with laughters with other people they just met. I felt so horrible. My anxiety went up the roof that day! Never again I will try that! Hehe. Worst thing is that it happens to me way more often than I would like to admit. I wish I was more interesting person -_-
Small talk used to be sooo intimidating to me, but now when I think about it. Small talk is a good thing, its a way to warm up and start a conversation with people😊
The oven and microwave comparison 🤣🤣 sooo great! My favorite icebreaker pre-pandemic was: what travel or vacation plans do you have this year? That question is starting to be able to come back now that people are starting to travel more. It was always a good conversation starter because people are usually excited about it and I like to help plan so I offer my services there. There was only one person ever who said they didn’t like to travel. So I had to come up with something else to talk to them about 😆
From a family therapist to you, Jenn, you would make a FANTASTIC therapist. Great points you gave. I can tell you are super mindful and stay in the present
Love this video! As a nurse, small talk is a huge part of my day.. but somehow I still feel anxious in social situations 😂 I've found my self confidence increase since becoming a Mum, and also not drinking alcohol while socialising (still breastfeeding) has helped so much with the overthinking and anxiety after social interactions
Self Confidence vs. Self Esteem Self Confidence: Its about believing in your abilities to achieve something. You feel capable that you can achieve this. Ex: If you have confidence when driving a car, then you trust yourself that you can drive well. Self Esteem: Its about valuing yourself as a person overall. Its a feeling of self-worth and acceptance. Ex: When having high self-esteem, you believe that you are worthy regardless of your skills. Having low self-esteem means not believing in yourself. You feel bad for who you are, and you overthink whether you are good enough or you deserve good things. You can become good at socializing just by participating in it, aka practicing it. Small Talk: Its basically a warm up before getting into deep conversations. Its a phase that tests if you both pass the vibe check. 15 min of small talk is healthy. Dictionary Def: Casual conversation about everyday topics like the weather, or what you do over weekend. Ask Questions: Find something you both have in common. Find a topic that interests both of yall:
Be honest of what you are feeling: Ex: If you say "I am nervous", it lets the other person feel more comfortable that you both are feeling the same way. Tip: No one remembers everything you say. They only remember how THEY FEEL.
I feel extra awkward in social settings. I moved cities during the pandemic, and Im still working from home. Just the thought of meeting new people in a new city feels scary. Thank you for theese tips Jenn 😊 it gave me a push to go out there and try to converse with anyone.
This video & the comments have a lot of great advice! I grew up without learning how to talk to people because as children we were told to focus on school & stay out of adult conversations. I feel like I still don’t belong among adults because of the way we were brought up.
Fun fact is that when I watch Jen's video, so positive is her energy that my eyes and my lips just smile along with her. Chill but amazing, concise video, Jen. I love uuu
Real. I need to be more social. I need to talk more with other peoples. I can’t home anymore, I need to socialize as much as can. But it’s hard to do it. I’ve been suffering about that. Even call or real conversation I can talk, I always say; I’m nervous, I can’t. And I leave😢
I really like that analogy of small talk with strangers. Preheating an oven, before baking something, as opposed to being with that close friend and heating something up immediately. I’m certainly going to use that analogy in the future.
Thank you so much Jenn! I'm going to highschool soon and I have been nervous about socializing, you have truly helped me! I hope you have the best life, love to you and your family :))
I really needed this! I feel so disconnected recently and I really wish for something deeper. I don’t have a lot of friends because I’ve become more withdrawn as small talk gives me anxiety and I’d rather be a homebody, but really need the social connection I think. I also have been thinking to start therapy as well so this is a perfect video for me to see haha
A new favorite icebreaker is “describe a recent photo on your camera roll”. You can learn so much about a person from this simple question and it usually opens up the door for you to continue talking deeper.
Great questions to ask are "why?" Questions. Another great one is asking them about their favourite aspect of a topic they brought up, it really diggs deeper and you get to know what they value.
when you recommended Dale Carnegie I understood why this video was legitimately good. That book changed my view in people so much. I was here to see how other people approach social interactions, but you are genuinely helpful!!
One of my bigger problems in speech--and what I'm really impressed with in this video--is vocabulary. Your talk of Rancho and using the word "grid" was quite engaging, whereas translated into my awkward speech would sound something like "I've been there, I really liked driving there cause the roads were all like.... neat and straight, ya know?" Do you see my problem? I need a thesaurus in my brain.
Oh my god you have no idea how much I needed this haha!!! I've been having this discussion with my bestie about how my communication skills have taken a serious nose dive in the last two years 🙃 You're amazing Jenn!
Even if I already feel confident about speaking to others, I really liked the flow of the video and it felt comforting Thank you for creating tiny pieces of internet that feels like safe space and my own thoughts in a new light
My favorite ice breaker question is "How is your day going today?" and ACTUALLY LISTEN AND CARE about their response without providing a superficial answer. And if they give you a surfacey guarded answer, feel them out by asking them questions to tease out how they're really feeling and let them know you care OR take the hint and give them space. Comes with practice but if you really care about people, they'll feel it and open up to you.
omg fr i've just gotten out of a social dry spell (i guess you could call it) where i feel like i haven't rlly had friends for like 5 years. it's gotten me to feel a lot better about where i am in life nowadays, but i'm now realizing more and more on how much idk how to carry on a convo 😪😪 ty for doin the lord's work bestie 😂🤧
I've been thinking kind of struggling with creating small talk with people and always admired others who could do it so easily. Thanks for these tips Jenn, they were super helpful and came at the right time. Please do more videos like this, I love hearing your advice
Loved that last point you shared it's more important the energy and vibes a person shares , then the exact words you say. Thanks for making me wanna be more social and comfortable with new young adults 💖👌
This was actually really validating! I am really shy and tend to be socially avoidant and overthink social interactions afterwards, but I have learned to do almost all of these tips and do implement them. Makes me feel like I'm doing ok after all 😅
Thanks so much! Really good presentation! For my life, at least, what I find is that there are 2 kinds of people. The ones that have to talk about particular things and the one that can talk about anything (they just want everyone to be happy). I'm the one that can talk about anything. So, what works for me is yes, first asking them how they are doing, when I first see them or an equivalent, and then expanding the conversation, based upon what they respond with. For example, if I ask them how they are doing or how their day went, if they like/love to talk about work, then they will say something about somebody who has been hard to work with. After that, I will talk with them about that person, what they can do to help that person improve, etc. Then, that opens up other conversations from there. That usually works for me.
1. honestly the greatest thing that helped me with my social anxiety was learning to love people and be interested in them instead of seeing them as threats or someone that I need to impress. I used to overthink conversations and be scared of staying one on one with someone but ever since I genuinely took an interest in everyone around me I've been having the best time! 2. my favorite go-to question is to ask someone “what are you thinking about right now?” it’s a great open ended question that helps the other person realize that you are interested in hearing what is literally on their mind. another tip is that i truly believe that all people have at least 2 topics they cannot shut up about. so i always make it my mission to discover what one of those two topics are. this really helps me keep the convo going! 3.Usually such a silent watcher but this topic is so so underrated and I'm ALL for this series. Please do more if you can Jenn! I love hearing you break things down and make it so easy to listen to and still seamlessly making so much sense. 4. I think this would be a great series, especially since you studied communication! I am extremely introverted and dislike making plans to see anyone, but I'll have a great time and won't want to leave if it's with the few people I'm close to or having a great time with. My problem is that I constantly blank out and don't know how to keep a conversation going because I don't have that internal rolodex of topics to switch to when the current topic dies and it's time to change the subject. I can easily bat back with people who do this well, but it's agonizing and exhausting when I'm talking to another person who shares the same struggles, and it feels like the life is being absolutely squeezed out of the conversation lmao. 5. Something I'm struggling with right now is making small talk with coworkers twice my age at a new job in a line of work I've never been in before. I feel like the age and formality differences (because I'm in a semi-corporate part of the hotel industry) weigh on my mind extra heavily, so I'm never comfortable speaking up except to ask questions relating to my training. I tend to gauge my responses based on what I can tell from the other person, and so many of them have the professional fake awkward smile of cordiality that feels so unapproachable, and I have no idea how to move past that.. especially when it feels like everyone here is so busy, so there's not much time for actual conversation :/ Part of me worries I'm trying too hard, but the other more realistic part of me knows very well that I won't make any friends in the office if I don't try to talk to anyone and just keep my head down in my training/work, so I'm trying to figure out how to strike that balance.
honestly i just love asking stuff people would've never thought about, simple stuff like "what's your favourite colour?" or "what's your favourite animal?" always catches them off guard and makes them excited or gets them talking! super fun 😄
this is so helpful! I've spent the last year being in mostly online classes and studying full time so I haven't had many opportunities to socialize with new people. I've been nervous to start my full-time job soon because I feel so out of practice with socializing but now I feel like I'm more prepared to meet new people
Love this so much!! Feel myself much more introverted and socially anxious post pandemic. I used to love small talk and chatting up people but now draw a blank so many times so this was super helpful! ❤️
thank you so much for this. since the pandemic I've become such a home body and lost a core group of friends. I am recently starting to socialize more and this gives me a lot of hope on how im not the only one who needed this information!! I guess my favorite question to ask people would have to be anything about music... play any instruments? go to any shows lately?
I know I am late with the comment but one thing that helped me with social interactions was that that the conversation always required two side efford. When there is akward silence that means that maybe the other person had a bad day, two sides are responsinble. I used to think that it is always a problem on my side that I am akward or have nothing to say but it takes two ;)
06:03 i never knew talking about feelings was a valid topic! It's always felt like that was the last thing people wanted from me. Well maybe it's because the only community I belong to is my work place and I'm 35 years old with no friends or family. Thanks for enlightening me that my first step to take is to find people I can talk to! I probably won't but just the hope of it will at least get me through another day of my meaningless life❤
"What do you do for work?" will almost always open up a social situation for me. I genuinely love hearing about what people do for work and most often, they like talking about it! Follow up questions are easy too. "Wow, nursing! How have things changed for you since the pandemic?" "You run your own business?! That's amazing. What does your business do?" "Oh my God, I love Target! Which store do you work at?" 🧐🧐🧐
I love this video! Thank you Jenn ☺️ Going back to work and social activities post pandemic has been a transition, so your tips come in perfect timing. We love seeing you grow and growing with you!!
Knowing that I don't need to have a connection and be friends with someone I don't really like was a great way to release the weight and pressure that I used to put on conversations when I was younger. I read somewhere that "if you don't actually like everyone, why does everyone have to like you?"
You’re really good at this. It was quite helpful. I was always able to hold a conversation with new people when I was living in the states, but after moving to Japan it’s been hard. Japanese people (I’m not saying ALL of them) like to keep to themselves and I notice they find it troublesome to keep up a conversation. So a lot of the conversations start off with “Hello! The weather is blah blah blah today” and it’ll just end there. 🤣 I’ve been trying to extend the conversation from there, but there are definitely some boundaries here…
honestly the greatest thing that helped me with my social anxiety was learning to love people and be interested in them instead of seeing them as threats or someone that I need to impress. I used to overthink conversations and be scared of staying one on one with someone but ever since I genuinely took an interest in everyone around me I've been having the best time!
That‘s awesome!! Also I need to make that switch in my head but it‘s kinda hard because it‘s ingrained in my brain to see people as threats 😅
This is such a good mindset!! Same on the being alone with someone I'm not close with 💀 even if the vibes were nice in a group, I start to panic thinking I have to keep the convo and not disappoint them
awwe i love this! i'll remind myself of your comment the next time i get anxious around new people
Good point about not seeing people as threats or someone to impress. Especially the threat part... I need to reprogram my brain about that!
I love your tips! Thank you
my favorite go-to question is to ask someone “what are you thinking about right now?” it’s a great open ended question that helps the other person realize that you are interested in hearing what is literally on their mind. another tip is that i truly believe that all people have at least 2 topics they cannot shut up about. so i always make it my mission to discover what one of those two topics are. this really helps me keep the convo going!
Both of these points are beautiful! Will try them out for myself. Thank you.
I feel like I would panic if someone asked what I am thinking about right now haha, I would be like, "nothing :/"
@@loomonda18 my little sister said the same thing. in this case, try to figure out what 2-3 topics you love to chat about / what topics you like to be asked about. that way, if someone asked you this, at least you have a few topics off the top of your head (it’s okay if it’s not what you were actually thinking about - no one needs to know ;)).
@@lidiyaz.7354 That's a good tip!!
that sounds really clever! thank you for sharing you wisdom
My main revelation regarding social anxiety which I learned in therapy was to go into social situations reminding myself that my worth as a person does not depend on someone else’s opinion of me. This is such a freeing thought because it releases you from the pressure to “perform” as you also mentioned. Even if a conversation didn’t go as planned or the person you are interacting with does not seem so interested or even bored, that doesn’t change your value as a person. No one is gonna go through life having amazing interactions 100% of the time, so allow yourself to talk freely and how you intuitively feel comfortable and if the other person doesn’t vibe with that, move on to someone else. At the end of the day, you are still worthy and loved ❤️
Noone has control over your sense of self worth except you
"Go into social situations reminding myself that my worth as a person does not depend on someone else’s opinion of me." >> Your brain tells you that, but your heart disagrees :D
Thank you for the Insight.
whenever someone attractive makes a video on how to socialize / deal with social anxiety, i immediately know its gonna be full of shit that wont work if someone unattractive tries it. good try though.
@@maaax573 Exactly, don't give anyone that mandate.
my problem with "saying whatever comes to mind" is the fact that my mind goes completely blank during conversation 😭😭
The honesty of you feeling awkward or drawing a blank can make others feel comfortable. The fact that you are wanting to engage in a conversation means a lot. I like asking "Do you like Cheese?" This question is from a movie "She's the man" Where she's coaching a guy on how to have a conversation with a girl she likes. It's not the question but the fact that flow is flow. Which is one of the points in this video. It doesn't matter what was said but how we felt. So, I would still feel good knowing that you are choosing to have a conversation with me. 😊😊
@@amygresl3691
Finally someone who get it, it’s not that I don’t want to talk it’s I have nothing in mind to talk about, nothing
Oh same my mind also goes completely bank
Actually, it is pretty normal to experience these things during social anxiety. Since it's keeping you constantly on edge during socialising and the brain prioritizes getting away from scary things (that the it considers a potential danger), your mind focuses less on the conversation topics and coming up with answers than getting away from the situation.
So there's no problem with you, just social anxiety is getting in the way.
I have both social anxiety and autism, so talking to anyone is an uphill battle. I decided today that I'm sick of being awkward and lonely: I'm going to get better at talking to people even if it kills me. Thank you so much for the video
how was it?
People really annoy me. I like dogs 🐕 cats 🐱 and other animals better than other intelligent beings who judge me and others
I’m autistic too and I relate so much to this haha. Sometimes I get sad about being alone and I try to get to know more people but… I don’t like them when I do
Good for you for working on it, even though it’s hard for you! Keep up the good work and never give up! ❤
Sameee
Small Talk is important to help people warm up and assess compatibility:
1. Ask Questions,
2. Determine topics that spark enthusiasm,
3. Actively listen to the conversation - How to win friends and influence people x Dale Carnegie,
4. Be honest and sincere about emotions and feelings.
Thank you 🙏
The first point u mentioned is something so many people can’t do
@@omotayosatuyi252 thar is so true
Nah wrong. Asking questions turns people off because they feel you ask too much. Textbook answer.
@@omotayosatuyi252não tenho mais ➕️ em relação ao assunto do email anterior que me propôs a fazer uma única coisa que não entendi muito sobre isso comigo 6:20
While I plan to put into practice and embrace every point in this video, I would also like to add that you don’t have to have anything in common with someone to socialize comfortably with them. You could focus on differences rather than scouring for shared commonalities. Being interested in how someone is different from you also adds many layers to conversations. It helps you learn about something you never knew of or never experienced and helps you get first hand account of new experiences. Isn’t that beautiful? So don’t be afraid to interact with people whom you perceive as different form you. There is always a new world to be discovered.
wow, that's a really good point!
Gr8 point
THIS!!!!
This fr, most of my friends have different interests compared to me and everytime I talk to them I learn something new and so do they
Thank you for this amazing comment !!
Ice breaker: “If you were to be thrown in jail, what would your closest friends or family assume you did?”
I ask this question when I can feel that the vibe is right - light, funny, overall relaxed maybe. I picked this up from one of my sisters, one of the most outgoing people I’ve ever known, and honestly it works every time
woww its so nice thank you so much :d
Thxxxx
Big shout out for your comment. I can actually how it works❤😂
Thanks for sharing，i learned a lot:
1. have a small talk
2. ask questions （tips：find sth in common ）
3. find a topic that sparks enthusiasms
4. be intersted to be intesting
5. deal with awkward pauses with share your feelings sincerely or talk about enviroment
6. no one remember what you said,they just remember how they feel（energy、vibe、tone）
The fact that I’m watching so many videos to get the courage to talk to 1 singular person 😭
LITERALLY SAME 😭😭😭😭
I feel that 😭✋
It’s been 9 months how did it go assuming you found the courage?
@@researchedsoundz9452 i in fact did not get the courage and found out from a friend that he doesn’t like me back, as expected since it happens every time 🥲👍
xdd Rel
I liked the segment about “being interested is interesting” because active listening is SO important to making people feel validated! I am currently dealing with someone (a family member) in my life who is a narcissist and all of our interactions are her taking advantage of the fact that I love listening to people and making them feel heard. 100% of the convo is her monologuing about herself, me asking her follow-up questions/relating it back to my life, but her never reciprocating asking me follow-up questions - she just continues to talk about herself. Currently we are both pregnant and the opportunities to converse/relate to each other are endless but she just doesn’t care. Id love to see a future video on tips for dealing with people like that, or at least how to handle one-sided conversations.
That’s super difficult. A way to look might be that you don’t have to do anything. It’s a lot of pressure on you to try and change someone’s core personality. How would it feel to know you’ll likely not get what you want, but let it wash over you and minimise the exposure to this person and get meaningful conversation from other people who let you flourish?
I know 2 people like this - 95% of conversations with them is just them talking about themselves. VERY rare for them to ask anything about you haha. Can be hard.
I'm experiencing a very similar thing with a friend! In several occasions, I would be the one who ask follow-up questions to keep a conversation about this friend going, But when I try sharing about what is going in my life, the conversation usually takes a full turn into me listening to her opinion or what I should do about my situation. I feel disappointed and dissatisfied since she doesn't spend enough time to listen to what I'm about to say and is quick to jump to conclusions. I guess some people are really not a good listener and conversationalist.
i think deciding whether you want to stay in a friendship that plays a part in making you feel less heard is an important step in healing from narcissists.
I feel you sis, I have cousin,the same as yours situation
Guys. I DID IT. It took years of work but I did it. I no longer feel anxious every time I have to be alone in a room with someone. I can hold a conversation with almost anyone. I even have a gf now and I’ve never been so happy
Update: she cheated on me 🙃
Update again: I’m pushing thru this hard time and I’m gonna come out of this a bigger person 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻
UPDATE AGAIN: i Met another girl. Her name is Kira. She’s gorgeous and she makes me really nervous. I kinda like the feeling tho because im not used to feeling nervous around ppl anymore but there’s something abt her that makes me so fucking anxious. Dw tho she’ll be my gf by the start of this summer 💪🏻💪🏻.
omggg that’s so great ❤️ i wanna be like this. do you have any more tips?
Good for you! congratulations! mad respect
Y u here then
@@akritidawar to give people hope that they aren’t a lost cause
@@lilacfields
1- don’t be scared to fuck up A LOT in the start. I swear the amount of out of pocket socially off things I’ve said when I started really were so awkward but u have to accept that it’s gonna happen in the start
2- ask people questions and really be interested in what they have to say. Like example when u say “how was ur day” to someone and they respond “it was good” follow it up. Ask why it was good. If you don’t do that people assume u don’t care what they have to say.
3- don’t be so passive. Don’t be afraid for a debate with someone. Speak out. Have an interesting opinion and you will have interesting conversation.
4- confidence when u speak. That means even when u fuck up and u say something awkward don’t make it more awkward and start avoiding eye contact and then look away and try to end the conversation as fast as possible.
Usually such a silent watcher but this topic is so so underrated and I'm ALL for this series. Please do more if you can Jenn! I love hearing you break things down and make it so easy to listen to and still seamlessly making so much sense.
I actually felt embarrassed at the fact that I even had to search a video on how to socialize. I’m an introvert that has a newly found love with having conversations with people, but I just dread starting them. And because of lockdown and now not having any friends, starting and/or having and keeping a conversation has become one of the hardest things to learn (or relearn). This video was very helpful though. ❤
@@nyc4life448 I think it's an advantage that introverts have, we don't always look for aproval or the support of someone we are more independant and more likely to know how to deal with certain types of situation meanwhile some people who are talkative and extroverted look for contact and socialization, they can be easily hurt and not know how to deal with a situation if they find themselves alone. I heard that people that have a lot of friends are also the one that cry and get hurt the most.
Same. I used to be quiet hated talking but now I love talking and want to talk but struggle
Such a valuable video! I don’t often promote books, but the book women’s magic truths on borlest is an exception. It’s packed with insights on wealth and self-care that are not widely known. All the best to everyone
It is such an amazing book that it magically created over 1000 likes on a comment that was recently posted. It is so amazing that it caused identical comments to be posted around youtube. Be careful on the internet, because amazing methods of amazing advertisement are being used for amazing purposes like taking advantage of peoples hope, but definitely not this amazing book with such amazingly natural amazing advertisement, it is definitely not amazingly suspicious.
A moment of appreciation for that intro. This came at the right time. With this pandemic, my social anxiety has skyrocketed. Can barely look at people in the eyes without being conscious of it. Have not talked face to face with any friends in over a year😭
i totally feel you with the eye contact 😭
It will get better. You aren’t the only one who hasn’t seen many friends in a while. ❤️
This came at the right moment.. right when I was feeling horrible about my social anxiety. Thank you so much Jenn!! 💓💓💓
Same here!!!
same. this video made me feel a lot more encouraged!!
i have social anxiety, just rember, i also suffer
@@ライラアー🤨
Fr
Watching this really made me appreciate Jenn's mind and way of talking. Not only is she teaching you how to talk to anyone, she's talking to all of us ANYONE but doing it so wisely and entertaining! Love the video
i had crippling social anxiety since i was a toddler so it's something that was deeply rooted in my existence. sometimes i wonder how much better my life would have been if i wasn't the way i am..
bro is there any improvement since then ?
Same here! I was very shy, nervous, and then anxiety started with puberty along with sometimes depression. My life would have been different I expect, but maybe not better. My anxiety kept me largely alone, but also protected me from a lot that could have been not good. I was never part of the group; wild, risky behavior, social pressure although I did feel like I was missing everything.
Honestly I feel like you're the type of person I'd be so comfortable talking to
agreed, her energy is great
something that also helped me with this (apart from therapy and believing more in me) is just putting myself out there. i made mistakes of oversharing, interrupting, talking on top of somebody, laughed at the wrong time or whatever but nobody really cared and as you do you learn. i used to be super insecure about talking to human beings, specially men (as a female) and when you start seeing others just as they are without putting them in a pedestal it becomes easier.
The last part is a great reminder. I always forget that people don't remember that you stuttered during a convo but rather, how the convo felt/what your vibe was. I sometimes get too fixated on small mistakes I make, then I get discouraged to talk to people again. But if the roles are reversed, I probably don't care/don't remember at all if someone said something wrong. That will ease my mind a little when I try to talk to people.
I needed to hear this. Social anxiety does not have to be the enemy. But navigating its rough waters is where strategy is necessary! I admire your vulnerability ❤❤
So trueee🥺
I personally think keeping expectations low is important - you don’t have to imagine the interaction.
How’s your life going?
Anything stand out in your life recently?
Has there been anything that’s made you smile?
You have any plans or goals that you’re working on?
Just simple questions that spark conversation :)
I’m a flight attendant, so I meet new people all the time and have had my fair share of small talk! I love asking my coworkers what they did before flying when we’re cheek to cheek in the jump seat 😂 Then I’ll ask them what made the switch into the aviation industry! And just in general, I like asking people what they do, how they got into it, if they like what they do, what their job title entails, and so on!
Some of my ice-breaker questions
same, i cant extend the small talk for like more than 40 seconds :(
My problem is i often don't know how to reply when doing small talks. I like asking something to get to know someone but when they started talking about something, i just lost words ☹️
I simply love you for this video. For years I was able to not talk to people out of fear. I really want to open up in my first job and I will use your advice. I feel better knowing that there are people who kind of understand it, but at the same time I wish that ppl would not have to feel the consequences of that kind of fears.
My favorite questions to ask people I’m meeting revolve around food. What is something good you ate recently or what is your favorite dessert? Almost everyone eats and this has been a great jumping off point that has led to some wholesome conversations.
I used to be very socially awkward because my only interaction with people were through video games as a teen. As I started working, I started to grow out of my shell especially when I met my husband. He loves engaging with others and he can hold a conversation very well. I learned that from him and I’ve became more confident in my self over these past years. Although after having my baby, my self awareness and confidence has really plummeted and talking to people really irks me. I made it point to seek therapy and read/write more and even start school so it’s been a journey. Being a good listener is also a quality I respect in others. Sometimes we just need someone to listen instead of always giving advice.
My go to icebreaker if I'm speaking with someone new is to ask what else they're doing that weekend. People love to talk about themselves, and it opens up new topics that are relevant to them. It also means you don't have to come up with topics - if you're doing some active listening hopefully they basically steer the conversation for you!
Jen, you have completely read my mind and the feelings I have right now. I have felt so completely hopeless in this area recently. I am extremely introverted and reserved before I get comfortable with people (which takes a while for me), but love meeting new people and listening in on a group! It’s just if the common ground and interests of the group haven’t been established I just get so lost about what to talk about! It turns awkward super fast and I am completely useless when it comes to the art of small talk. This video helped so much!! Glad I’m not alone here. Thanks love 💖✨
I think this would be a great series, especially since you studied communication! I am extremely introverted and dislike making plans to see anyone, but I'll have a great time and won't want to leave if it's with the few people I'm close to or having a great time with. My problem is that I constantly blank out and don't know how to keep a conversation going because I don't have that internal rolodex of topics to switch to when the current topic dies and it's time to change the subject. I can easily bat back with people who do this well, but it's agonizing and exhausting when I'm talking to another person who shares the same struggles, and it feels like the life is being absolutely squeezed out of the conversation lmao.
Something I'm struggling with right now is making small talk with coworkers twice my age at a new job in a line of work I've never been in before. I feel like the age and formality differences (because I'm in a semi-corporate part of the hotel industry) weigh on my mind extra heavily, so I'm never comfortable speaking up except to ask questions relating to my training. I tend to gauge my responses based on what I can tell from the other person, and so many of them have the professional fake awkward smile of cordiality that feels so unapproachable, and I have no idea how to move past that.. especially when it feels like everyone here is so busy, so there's not much time for actual conversation :/ Part of me worries I'm trying too hard, but the other more realistic part of me knows very well that I won't make any friends in the office if I don't try to talk to anyone and just keep my head down in my training/work, so I'm trying to figure out how to strike that balance.
I feel the same way. I work with so many people my age or around my age at my workplace yet I still find it difficult to make a connection. It’s a new job and I feel like everyone knows each other already and is all friends. I work 12 hour shifts and I am always tired feeling. Im also always in a blank state of mind, shy, or anxious feeling. If someone talks to me I am suddenly super nervous and i feel like i’m being so awkward :( and I’m also so tired mentally when i talk to someone because inside im panicking about what to ask them next…so i find it so difficult. I don’t know if I’m making sense but I’m just trying to say i hear you and i feel you 🥺
I can relate to this too, it’s so hard to completely be myself in the workplace and build that connection/relationship with people in my office. I’m always overthinking and feel so awkward when I do have a conversation! It’s such a struggle
I find it helpful to ask about other workers strengths in the company (I. Knowledge about the company, policy, brand, costumer engagement, etc). Then when engaging with said individual ask about the strength. Ideally you’ll learn more about the person that is answering the question and new info to ask the person that was asked about.
As a teenager, I'm so glad i found this TH-cam channel, thank you so much cause i struggle with social anxiety without even truly realizing it. I don't have any friends and today i found out the reason,i tend to push people away most especially new people.I have never for one gave an audience to anyone which is bad
Would highly recommend the book ‘How to be yourself’ by Ellen Hendriksen. She’s done a few podcasts too on the topic of social anxiety and introversion which are really good! I’ve searched for a while to find an author who seems to really understand it and she definitely does!
I’m going to look this up! Sounds like a good read. 🥰
Thanks for the recommandation !
Really needed this! Thank you for sharing this!
My favorite questions:
1. Where are you originally from?
2. What's something interesting that you experienced this week?
3. What do you do for fun?
ive watched you jenn over the years and really appreciate the introspective and insightful youtuber you've become! love the substance in your videos :)
This video helped me realize I do have a social anxiety (like I think too much about conversation even before having it and scare myself out of talking to people I'm genuinely interested in). Thanks for the tips Jenn! Has definitely lower my fear factor
You’re a beam of light and your positivity really makes me look at my world with a new perspective. I had a difficult year, and I really really don’t have any friends to talk to because I bottled up my feelings. I relied on my parents and therapist to solve my problems and I became very antisocial and angry with myself. I honestly don’t know what to do until I listened to this video. I really need to actually listen and be interested in a person. Otherwise I don’t have any idea of what to say and probably will end up sounding rude or ignorant. My goal for the rest of the year is to be sincere and make genuine connections with someone from my college. And to avoid negativity in communicating with my family and friends.
Small talk is like foreplay. Fantastic phrase. This analogy gave new meaning to a begrudging task for me.
Nice play on words using the term “foreplay”!!
Lol 😂
This came at the right time. I'm going through a life change at the moment and I have to meet a lot of people because of it and I have always struggled with friends and socialising. I'll definitely be trying these tips.
i absolutely love your energy, i personally LOVE talking to strangers but sometimes i get slightly shy and fearful that i'll end up looking creepy, so i don't do it all the time, but i really admire the ability to do that with everyone
i always get so excited when you post a new video! thanks for this jen 💛
JENN!! I’m starting university offline tomorrow and this came just at the right time thank you 🤍 everyone in the comments are also very sweet and relatable I wish a good luck to you all!! You got this!
Yess, I think "confident" is the most important for a natural conversation. I will talk too much about topic which I know more information or I enjoy it. And we should eyescontact with my partner to perform my emotion. But I often overthinking, it's make me not comfortable and shy when I am talking. hic
I have autism and struggle so much with these kinds of things. I literally havent spoken to anyone outside of my family and uni tutors since feburary 2022. Even though im extremely introverted and awkward i desperately want to connect with people. A few of these tips gave me a new kinda perspective of other people in social interactions and im going to try to speak more in conversations because i think being silent sends a message that i dont want to be friends with someone. I have very awkward ways of interacting but people always comment on my vibe not my lack of eye contact or speech and i think that is a better indication that how often they try to talk to me. I do not understand social interactions on an intuitive or natural level but i have been learning how to make conversation without making other people uncomfortable or completely overwhelming myself.
Jenn, I just want to let you know. I always watch this video before I go out to any social events. This helped me so much... Communicating with people and forming some great friendships. So, thank you so much for your videos 🫶
It's been a few years since I've learned how to cope with my social anxiety to the point where it's no longer debilitating, but I still very much appreciate all the effort you put into these super informative videos! It honestly takes a lot of hard, consistent work to learn how to keep social anxiety at bay, and this video is sure to help alot of people that need it (:
i sorely needed this! i've been overthinking my interactions to the max these days, including my multiple work meetings that happen every week. so you can imagine just how down in the dumps i feel multiple times a week just for talking to people.... (sounds ridiculous now that i say it). the last quote you said, "no one remembers everything you say. they just remember how they feel" is truly a godsend. makes me feel a bit better and i will start to think about it from now on. thank you for putting out such valuable videos and being you!
Recently I went out to socialize with my friends’ friends and family. I tried my best to slide into their conversation and when I had the chance to talk to single person and try to start a small talk with them, somehow it was not going somewhere. They kept answering with one word at a time like yes, no etc…I really tried my best to be interested in what they have to say. And then I noticed that somehow they were having pretty interesting conversation with laughters with other people they just met. I felt so horrible. My anxiety went up the roof that day! Never again I will try that! Hehe. Worst thing is that it happens to me way more often than I would like to admit. I wish I was more interesting person -_-
I feel that
Small talk used to be sooo intimidating to me, but now when I think about it. Small talk is a good thing, its a way to warm up and start a conversation with people😊
Love that you focused on this topic because I’ve had social anxiety since I was a preteen. Love that your channel is so versatile~
The oven and microwave comparison 🤣🤣 sooo great!
My favorite icebreaker pre-pandemic was: what travel or vacation plans do you have this year?
That question is starting to be able to come back now that people are starting to travel more. It was always a good conversation starter because people are usually excited about it and I like to help plan so I offer my services there.
There was only one person ever who said they didn’t like to travel. So I had to come up with something else to talk to them about 😆
I'm such an introvert. I needed this! 😭 Thank you Jenn! 💖
From a family therapist to you, Jenn, you would make a FANTASTIC therapist. Great points you gave. I can tell you are super mindful and stay in the present
Love this video! As a nurse, small talk is a huge part of my day.. but somehow I still feel anxious in social situations 😂
I've found my self confidence increase since becoming a Mum, and also not drinking alcohol while socialising (still breastfeeding) has helped so much with the overthinking and anxiety after social interactions
Self Confidence vs. Self Esteem
Self Confidence: Its about believing in your abilities to achieve something. You feel capable that you can achieve this.
Ex: If you have confidence when driving a car, then you trust yourself that you can drive well.
Self Esteem: Its about valuing yourself as a person overall. Its a feeling of self-worth and acceptance.
Ex: When having high self-esteem, you believe that you are worthy regardless of your skills. Having low self-esteem means not believing in yourself. You feel bad for who you are, and you overthink whether you are good enough or you deserve good things.
You can become good at socializing just by participating in it, aka practicing it.
Small Talk: Its basically a warm up before getting into deep conversations. Its a phase that tests if you both pass the vibe check. 15 min of small talk is healthy.
Dictionary Def: Casual conversation about everyday topics like the weather, or what you do over weekend.
Ask Questions: Find something you both have in common.
Find a topic that interests both of yall:
Be honest of what you are feeling:
Ex: If you say "I am nervous", it lets the other person feel more comfortable that you both are feeling the same way.
Tip: No one remembers everything you say. They only remember how THEY FEEL.
I feel extra awkward in social settings. I moved cities during the pandemic, and Im still working from home. Just the thought of meeting new people in a new city feels scary. Thank you for theese tips Jenn 😊 it gave me a push to go out there and try to converse with anyone.
This video & the comments have a lot of great advice! I grew up without learning how to talk to people because as children we were told to focus on school & stay out of adult conversations. I feel like I still don’t belong among adults because of the way we were brought up.
This is so useful, especially for someone who's more *introverted & analytical* like me... thanks! ♡
Fun fact is that when I watch Jen's video, so positive is her energy that my eyes and my lips just smile along with her. Chill but amazing, concise video, Jen. I love uuu
Real. I need to be more social.
I need to talk more with other peoples. I can’t home anymore, I need to socialize as much as can. But it’s hard to do it. I’ve been suffering about that. Even call or real conversation I can talk, I always say; I’m nervous, I can’t. And I leave😢
I really like that analogy of small talk with strangers. Preheating an oven, before baking something, as opposed to being with that close friend and heating something up immediately. I’m certainly going to use that analogy in the future.
Thank you so much Jenn! I'm going to highschool soon and I have been nervous about socializing, you have truly helped me! I hope you have the best life, love to you and your family :))
I had social anxiety many many years ago and I tried to talk on my own, with some help but mostly my values help me the most 😊
I really needed this! I feel so disconnected recently and I really wish for something deeper. I don’t have a lot of friends because I’ve become more withdrawn as small talk gives me anxiety and I’d rather be a homebody, but really need the social connection I think. I also have been thinking to start therapy as well so this is a perfect video for me to see haha
please do more of these!! huhu communication, talking to anyone, how to have deep convo etc! i love this vid tysm!
physical appearance makes a huge difference how receptive people are small talk
A new favorite icebreaker is “describe a recent photo on your camera roll”. You can learn so much about a person from this simple question and it usually opens up the door for you to continue talking deeper.
Great questions to ask are "why?" Questions. Another great one is asking them about their favourite aspect of a topic they brought up, it really diggs deeper and you get to know what they value.
when you recommended Dale Carnegie I understood why this video was legitimately good. That book changed my view in people so much. I was here to see how other people approach social interactions, but you are genuinely helpful!!
having social anxiety is tough...this helped me so much to see things in another perspective, thank you! :)
One of my bigger problems in speech--and what I'm really impressed with in this video--is vocabulary. Your talk of Rancho and using the word "grid" was quite engaging, whereas translated into my awkward speech would sound something like "I've been there, I really liked driving there cause the roads were all like.... neat and straight, ya know?" Do you see my problem? I need a thesaurus in my brain.
Oh my god you have no idea how much I needed this haha!!! I've been having this discussion with my bestie about how my communication skills have taken a serious nose dive in the last two years 🙃 You're amazing Jenn!
Even if I already feel confident about speaking to others, I really liked the flow of the video and it felt comforting
Thank you for creating tiny pieces of internet that feels like safe space and my own thoughts in a new light
My favorite ice breaker question is "How is your day going today?" and ACTUALLY LISTEN AND CARE about their response without providing a superficial answer. And if they give you a surfacey guarded answer, feel them out by asking them questions to tease out how they're really feeling and let them know you care OR take the hint and give them space. Comes with practice but if you really care about people, they'll feel it and open up to you.
0:50 Every time I hear her say "slowest lane", my brain is like "Yesss! Lois Lane."
omg fr i've just gotten out of a social dry spell (i guess you could call it) where i feel like i haven't rlly had friends for like 5 years. it's gotten me to feel a lot better about where i am in life nowadays, but i'm now realizing more and more on how much idk how to carry on a convo 😪😪 ty for doin the lord's work bestie 😂🤧
I've been thinking kind of struggling with creating small talk with people and always admired others who could do it so easily. Thanks for these tips Jenn, they were super helpful and came at the right time. Please do more videos like this, I love hearing your advice
I love how she looks so happy while talking
Loved that last point you shared it's more important the energy and vibes a person shares , then the exact words you say.
Thanks for making me wanna be more social and comfortable with new young adults 💖👌
This was actually really validating! I am really shy and tend to be socially avoidant and overthink social interactions afterwards, but I have learned to do almost all of these tips and do implement them. Makes me feel like I'm doing ok after all 😅
I love listening to Jenn hope she would make a podcast 💞
Second that 100%
Thanks so much! Really good presentation! For my life, at least, what I find is that there are 2 kinds of people. The ones that have to talk about particular things and the one that can talk about anything (they just want everyone to be happy). I'm the one that can talk about anything. So, what works for me is yes, first asking them how they are doing, when I first see them or an equivalent, and then expanding the conversation, based upon what they respond with. For example, if I ask them how they are doing or how their day went, if they like/love to talk about work, then they will say something about somebody who has been hard to work with. After that, I will talk with them about that person, what they can do to help that person improve, etc. Then, that opens up other conversations from there. That usually works for me.
1. honestly the greatest thing that helped me with my social anxiety was learning to love people and be interested in them instead of seeing them as threats or someone that I need to impress. I used to overthink conversations and be scared of staying one on one with someone but ever since I genuinely took an interest in everyone around me I've been having the best time!
2. my favorite go-to question is to ask someone “what are you thinking about right now?” it’s a great open ended question that helps the other person realize that you are interested in hearing what is literally on their mind. another tip is that i truly believe that all people have at least 2 topics they cannot shut up about. so i always make it my mission to discover what one of those two topics are. this really helps me keep the convo going!
3.Usually such a silent watcher but this topic is so so underrated and I'm ALL for this series. Please do more if you can Jenn! I love hearing you break things down and make it so easy to listen to and still seamlessly making so much sense.
4. I think this would be a great series, especially since you studied communication! I am extremely introverted and dislike making plans to see anyone, but I'll have a great time and won't want to leave if it's with the few people I'm close to or having a great time with. My problem is that I constantly blank out and don't know how to keep a conversation going because I don't have that internal rolodex of topics to switch to when the current topic dies and it's time to change the subject. I can easily bat back with people who do this well, but it's agonizing and exhausting when I'm talking to another person who shares the same struggles, and it feels like the life is being absolutely squeezed out of the conversation lmao.
5. Something I'm struggling with right now is making small talk with coworkers twice my age at a new job in a line of work I've never been in before. I feel like the age and formality differences (because I'm in a semi-corporate part of the hotel industry) weigh on my mind extra heavily, so I'm never comfortable speaking up except to ask questions relating to my training. I tend to gauge my responses based on what I can tell from the other person, and so many of them have the professional fake awkward smile of cordiality that feels so unapproachable, and I have no idea how to move past that.. especially when it feels like everyone here is so busy, so there's not much time for actual conversation :/ Part of me worries I'm trying too hard, but the other more realistic part of me knows very well that I won't make any friends in the office if I don't try to talk to anyone and just keep my head down in my training/work, so I'm trying to figure out how to strike that balance.
honestly i just love asking stuff people would've never thought about, simple stuff like "what's your favourite colour?" or "what's your favourite animal?" always catches them off guard and makes them excited or gets them talking! super fun 😄
Let’s not forget about Jenn’s Communications degree 👏🏽 she’s fantastic at these topics
this is so helpful! I've spent the last year being in mostly online classes and studying full time so I haven't had many opportunities to socialize with new people. I've been nervous to start my full-time job soon because I feel so out of practice with socializing but now I feel like I'm more prepared to meet new people
Love this so much!! Feel myself much more introverted and socially anxious post pandemic. I used to love small talk and chatting up people but now draw a blank so many times so this was super helpful! ❤️
the way you talk and share your tips is just so adorable and easy to understand
thank you so much for this. since the pandemic I've become such a home body and lost a core group of friends. I am recently starting to socialize more and this gives me a lot of hope on how im not the only one who needed this information!! I guess my favorite question to ask people would have to be anything about music... play any instruments? go to any shows lately?
I know I am late with the comment but one thing that helped me with social interactions was that that the conversation always required two side efford. When there is akward silence that means that maybe the other person had a bad day, two sides are responsinble. I used to think that it is always a problem on my side that I am akward or have nothing to say but it takes two ;)
Loving this content Jenn! I’ve been watching you for yeaaars but these self help content hit differently. Please keep them coming :)
06:03 i never knew talking about feelings was a valid topic! It's always felt like that was the last thing people wanted from me. Well maybe it's because the only community I belong to is my work place and I'm 35 years old with no friends or family. Thanks for enlightening me that my first step to take is to find people I can talk to! I probably won't but just the hope of it will at least get me through another day of my meaningless life❤
"What do you do for work?" will almost always open up a social situation for me. I genuinely love hearing about what people do for work and most often, they like talking about it! Follow up questions are easy too.
"Wow, nursing! How have things changed for you since the pandemic?"
"You run your own business?! That's amazing. What does your business do?"
"Oh my God, I love Target! Which store do you work at?"
🧐🧐🧐
I love this video! Thank you Jenn ☺️ Going back to work and social activities post pandemic has been a transition, so your tips come in perfect timing. We love seeing you grow and growing with you!!
Knowing that I don't need to have a connection and be friends with someone I don't really like was a great way to release the weight and pressure that I used to put on conversations when I was younger. I read somewhere that "if you don't actually like everyone, why does everyone have to like you?"
Thanks Jenn, much love from Salt Lake City. As someone with ADHD I heavily relate and thank you for this
1:22 Overthinking
3:33 Layering, Vibe Check
You’re really good at this. It was quite helpful. I was always able to hold a conversation with new people when I was living in the states, but after moving to Japan it’s been hard. Japanese people (I’m not saying ALL of them) like to keep to themselves and I notice they find it troublesome to keep up a conversation. So a lot of the conversations start off with “Hello! The weather is blah blah blah today” and it’ll just end there. 🤣 I’ve been trying to extend the conversation from there, but there are definitely some boundaries here…