3 Signs Someone Has Low Self Awareness
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.ค. 2024
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If you're looking for signs that someone has low self awareness, then you're in the right place! In this video, we'll discuss 3 signs that someone has low self awareness and how to deal with them. You'll also learn what causes low self awareness.
Low self awareness can also lead to problems with emotions, behavior, and may often be a part of mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, OCD, and personality disorders. It can even result from low self esteem.
Here are the 3 signs someone has low self awareness according to clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula.
00:00 Intro
00:25 What is self awareness, actually?
02:22 1. Poor self-monitoring
03:08 2. Emotional dysregulation
05:54 3. Impulsivity
07:55 What causes low self awareness?
11:01 How to improve low self awareness
This interview with Dr. Ramani and MedCircle host Kyle Kittleson is extremely helpful if you're wondering whether you're self aware. If you're a therapist or mental health professional, then this video is also a must-watch. We'll discuss the signs and symptoms of low self awareness and how to help someone deal with them. You'll also learn more about mental illness in the context of low self awareness.
#mentalhealth #selfhelp #psychology #selfawareness
It’s a fine balance between considerate of others and a door mat. An eternal struggle .
I feel as though those are really far apart from each other.
@SilverSerpent64 precisely. It’s the least “fine balancing act” I could think of. It’s like saying there’s a fine delicate balance between jet black hair and platinum blonde. It even sounded like splitting mentality, truly.
Biggest struggle of my life!
So succinctly well-said. It isn't always a balance easy to discern and triggers throw the balance off. I am beginning to get a handle on my triggers. In order to do that I had to learn a lot about toxic families. Thank you, TH-cam!
@SilverSerpent64 it seems like a fine balance to those with fearful avoidant attachment style. They truly struggle with knowing how to figure it out. They can go from only considering others to only considering themselves...because they don't know how to balance the two.
The chaos of their childhoods, left them in survival mode, with strategies and skills that are not conducive to boundary setting and considering others.
I wish healing, compassion, and empathy for those who had poor modeling. You are not alone.
thing is, my mom was so unresponsive to literally everything when I was growing up that I actually picked up the subconscious belief that nothing I did mattered or would even be noticed. That was very problematic later on!!!
Could you explain this more. I think my mom might have been like this and want to know how it influences us.
I would like further information as well
Yes exactly! If your parents were emotionally distant and didn’t really pay you much attention, you almost feel invisible and think anything you say or do doesn’t really matter or that no one really cares so you never develop that self awareness that actually people do listen and watch what you say.
I recently heard a really profound thing that is true: “what we don’t realize is that in most families the parents are also still in the process of growing up “. It’s interesting 🤔
@@pennylacombe4763 Search for emotionally immature parents on TH-cam. We correlate age to being :grown up." It is a flawed, illogical believe. Age has little to do with maturity. It is how you were raised and what lessons you have learned through living that, in part, determine maturity. I said in part because I am sure growing up is more involved than my two points. I hope others will add to the dialogue of what it means to be grown up.
I was depressed throughout my twenties and didn't even realize I was depressed until I started to smoke marijuana. I became very self aware and questioned "maybe I am depressed?" and have been healing ever since.
It is weird, isn't it, to look back on a period of time in your life and see with such clarity that you were depressed? I look back on much of my life this way with a new lens now that I am educated on toxic families, etc. The realization that I walked alone in a fog is painful in itself. What a waste! But trying my hardest to be the one in charge of me now. Best wishes to you. Only you can change this.
Thank you Nancy! :)
You must have been subconsciously aware and looking for answers since drugs are often used as a coping mechanism. I had a similar realization when i started using hard drugs and now I'm clean, doing my PsyD and it all makes so much sense.
@@nancybartley4610 nothing is a waste if you see the lessons… Every experience we have had leads us up to where we are now, which is exactly where we are supposed to be… To say it is a waste is being judgmental of the quality of the time spent… It is all the way it is supposed to be🙏
Interesting. The people who I know who smoke it have zero self-reflection or accountability.
Some people say a lot of angry words under the banner of being "brutally honest". Where in actuality they just enjoy being brutal. If they were really self-aware they would realize they are not being honest. Thank you for sharing a very in-depth discussion.
"Gotta be phe phe!" - The Real Hotwives of Orlando (the character Phe Phe insults and demeans everyone around her, excusing it by saying 'gotta be phe phe!')
there’s a healthy balance of the two
Sometimes I think my mental health is undermined by too much self-awareness. But when I see these types of videos I always click on it. I really just don’t want to be a narcissist like my mum. It’s something I’ve lived by since I was a teen. and like god i’m not a teen anymore that’s crazy
There is an epidemic of narcissism everywhere so obviously there is a constant proliferation of lack of self awareness. I notice this all the time and if I bring it up others look at me like I’m an idiot. So sick of it.
Narscism is beginning to be one of those words that we in general are starting to use way too easily...not all selfish people are narcissist...
I don't think that there is necessarily more narcissism these days. The narcissism that exists is just less masked by social obligations you had to confrom to. 30 years ago people just didn't dare to act out all their nastiness to the extent they do today.
Oh there’s definitely more people with narcissistic traits. Hell, we all have narcissistic traits. People don’t notice the toxic behaviors unless they are very educated on manipulative red flags OR they’ve had first hand experience with a “loved one”. Huge lack of empathy worldwide. ****** I highly recommend the following TH-cam channels: Dr Ramani PhD // Dr Les Carter PhD // The Crappy Childhood Fairy.
@@itsknotmagic yes they are
So true smh 😒🙄
My narc sibling yelled at me in public, when I said I would be late for beating a project deadline and for cooking food for our elderly dad. She brought it up years later hoping to defend her anger. So I told her she could say she couldn't wait for me any longer so she'd go ahead, but she chose to make a scene and humiliate me in public telling me I have no respect for other people's time. The yelling, the rage, the cussing, the door/objects slamming, etc. are just not normal to me. And I'm glad to know they're not normal or even acceptable to anyone either. So many years have passed of enduring them all. Time for recovery and healing . . .
narcs are known for their low self awareness. However they are not the only ones. All Personality Disorders from Clusters A, B and C usually lack self awareness except those with Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), 50% of all ASPDs are self aware. 0.001% of narcissists are self aware. 5% of borderlines are self aware. 0.1% of histrionics are self aware. 0.0001% of avoidants are self aware. 0.000000000001% of paranoids are self aware (no documented individuals exist, I came up with this number because it might be ZERO %).
No one here cares!
Please don’t use narcissistic as an adjective synonymous with ‘bad person’
@@freckles4603 they are bad people
@@robinantonio8870 narcissistic personality disorder is an actual thing. It’s not a good thing that this word has become just another way of saying “bad person” as it is an actual diagnosis. People just call anyone who’s a bad person or self absorbed or something a narcissist.
Low self-aware people usually don't agree their behavior even IS a problem. For example, if they've always been rude to servers, it's because they think servers inherently don't deserve to be treated with respect. If you tell them to be nice to servers, they think something's wrong with you: "why would you be nice to someone who's supposed to SERVE you?"
Exactly, they can be stubborn like that. As if the whole world should operate based on their logic/values/opinion only....
Not only that they might call you rude for pointing it out or say you're embarrassing them or ask you to apologize for calling them rude
I have adhd which is dysregulation in and of itself yet bc I’ve researched adhd I’m hyper aware of when I’m dysregulated so I avoid speaking or acting out that dysregulation.
I was in line at a grocery store where a self important woman got into the 10 item or less line. The cashier politely told her that she wouldn't be able to ring up the sale and she needed to go to another line. The woman went ahead and started off loading her groceries on the counter belt. The cashier came around and put the groceries back in the cart and retold the woman for the umpteenth time that she had to find another lane to use. We all commended the cashier who told us that the manager authorized her to do it because people in a hurry had spoken with him about having to wait behind the ones lacking common courtesy.😊
also the people who take their cart full of regular store items to the cashier at the pharmacy. I'm in line like "don't worry about us sick people. We're in no rush..."
Or shop when your not rushing.
My problem is not being on time, even if nobody is waiting. It´s like I always underestimate traffic, rain, etc...and overestimate my speed for doing things.
Most ppl simply ARE NOT SELF AWARE. Ppl are not INTROSPECTIVE period.
Here I am too introspective! Lol
Agreed. It's really sad.
Introverts certainly are.
Most people are now raised to be Karen’s and soft soyboys who are passive aggressive
@@samanthaporter6662 same,can't get out of my head 🤦🏽♀️
I love that you talk about 'self awareness' rather than going directly to the 'low self esteem' ... such a healing tool!
Very different concepts though…
As someone with BPD, I have always had dysregulated emotions and have long been acutely aware of them! It was a source of constant guilt and shame for me, and it turns out much of it was the environment i was trapped in.
I think you should rethink that part, at least
yes it can be caused by a stressful situation or a stressful relationship. and it's not easy to know what part comes from the outside and what part from ourselves unless the cause of stress is taken out of the equation.
I agree, I have cptsd and maybe some ADHD... I do know when I am dysregulated because it feels horrible. I am learning how to get out of it but let me tell ya!!! I love your comment because a couple of years ago I had to move back to the town where I endured alot of abuse as a child. I regularly have had meltdowns here because I react to the horrible people in my environment who support this horrible type of toxic town.
I look at it somewhat as being way too sensitive to the energies around me. The people are emotionally immature and I pick up that energy and it triggers immaturity in me too. I've realized I can see when I pick up these energies from others and then I can reject the feelings which seems to work, but yeah, emotional dysregulation isn't always due to low self awareness... Sometimes if I am having a meltdown and I'm not as self aware or I'm being a bit narcissistic I look at that as my inner self preservation..
Think about it, if you feel super vulnerable and as if you are surrounded by overwhelming energies that are taking you over then dysregulation actually can be your inner selfs way of protecting you... The same way they say anger is a way of protecting ones boundaries.
@SilverSerpent64 I would like to see how you survive living in hell with abusive people surrounding you... now don't react or else it will all be your fault for having any reaction.
"We shape our environment and thereafter it shapes us" -w. Churchill
@@alllifematters Um, that last there is absolutely not what I got out of @SilverSerpent64’s comment.
@SilverSerpent64 you shouldn't have. your warning is legit. of course 100% of how you react is on yourself. but, some situations or relationships make it difficult to handle your usual inner storm.
the same way it is easier to drive in an empty road than in newyork on a 24 december's afternoon... it doesn't mean you are a bad driver, or need medication. but it also could...
I get overwhelmed and stressed easy but I try very hard to be conscientious of how I treat others. (I’ve broken up with friends who are rude to restaurant servers)
I’m an introvert, diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD, and have a lack of breaking in the prefrontal cortex. Yes I’m very prone to being reactive.
However I’m still highly sensitive and extremely self aware.
My point is that I still think it is a stretch, in a chaotic society, to assume people reacting to intense environments is abnormal.
Thank you for posting. I'm now 30 and slowly becoming more self aware. My life was very destructive in the past but I am slowly healing and getting better.
I am hyper self aware of my intermittent self awareness. It's exhausting!! And when I get tired my self awareness gets very low.
Maybe is because I'm a bit autistic and I am always trying not to be mocked or pointed out for my unusual behavior. I notice things faster than others, and sometimes I am too blunt in my way of speaking. When the hyper self awareness works it's great, but when I'm being awkward a lot of people react strongly at me, and it takes time to realize why they are treating me poorly or even violently. If I cannot hide I often blow out. I hate it.
This video is perfect for me, thanks Dr Ramani and Kyle!!
Inability to correctly read other's reactions and accurately perceive your effect on others is a key diagnostic sign for ASD. People with high functioning autism are usually struggling with this but have enough awareness to know that their comment fall flat and their interactions do not go as planned. This can cause sadness and aversion to future social interactions. They have to work hard at something that is almost effortless for people growing up in a healthy home w/o autism. They learn self awareness, even as adults, in discreet trials or intense training, where a typically developing preschooler learns it naturally.
People with low self awareness also demand the most attention as part of of their shame and overshadow those who are. Hoping that narrative slowly shifts
Great info. I think a person who was overly held back for their whole life in terms of being allowed to exist and be heard by their family unit etc would maybe have a temporary time being disregulated because of the massive self control they endured putting everyone else ahead of them for years. So maybe it's not their whole personality it's just a moment of development being 'inappropriate' or 'impulsive' as a 'grown adult's' simply because they never experienced actually expressing themselves before so it's somewhat todler-ish but maybe that's a needed thing for a person and they should have experienced it earlier in life but didn't due to a non-supportive growing environment. So maybe it's just not the entire person it's a phase of development. Thanks you guys. I love learning more about psychology. Happy Friday.
Good points!
I've heard that Somatic Trauma Therapy
in a way, utilizes what you touched on. Happy Friday to you
I think, read some research, it might cause problems for their entire lives, and the therapy needed ain't there for free for most at the right time or at all
Thank you for making this VALUABLE, COMPASSIONATE comment. I so needed that.
Simply put...read the room
With all due respect. In relation to the grocery line allegory surely the person with 35 items also has low self awareness and a verbal "FFS!" is exactly what they need, probably?
ADHD here, self consciousness makes me examine my actions a lot but the mental health issues cause me to go into the monkey brain 😅
"Hangry." My ex would get hungry, and she would use that as justification to be nasty to people. I went as far as to put snack bars in her purse, so that as soon as she left the office she can eat something, so on her 15 minute ride, she would have enough time to settle down. Nope. Guess that was too hard. Divorce must have been easier than having a snack after work.
Auch. 😂🔥
> Divorce must have been easier than having a snack after work.
I felt that so hard it sent me into orbit and gave me cancer. Well played. You win an internets.
@@jonaskoelker live with my ex, and go intergalactic 😀
Because it was not about hunger.
@@sunnygirl9691 yep. Unfortunately, I realize that too late. Maybe if I were more sensitive to the fact that she had extensive childhood trauma, things would be different.
I like that Dr. Ramani shared a personal example of being self-aware.
I know that being tired/not getting my sleep out can make me prickly. If I say, "hey, I'm sorry. I'm not in the best mood." And then I actively try to retreat and stay quiet as a way to control myself. I realize that's self-awareness. I'm saying, "Hey. Proceed with caution." If someone chooses to keep talking, that's on them.
I used to feel really bad about that kind of thing, but no one is perfect 100% of the time. And the best way for me to take responsibility, like Dr. Ramani said, isn't to beat myself up. I shouldnt think even when I'm tired & people know I'm tired to act perfectly. It means knowing myself and what I need and communicating and honoring those needs. Instead of taking it out on other people or even holding a silent grudge because I chose not to speak up for what I needed.
Living with a narcissist is disorienting because they distort reality to fit their agenda. I'm in a constant state of disarray, never knowing which version of my husband is going to walk in the door at the end of the day. I never feel safe to simply be me. One of the reasons why I am so confused right now is because I thought I had married the perfect man. He was everything I’d ever wanted in a man and in the beginning presented himself as my biggest fan and supporter. He was charming, loving, passionate, and attentive to my every need, both emotional and physical. Until he wasn’t.
Until a side of him popped up every so often that threw me off balance, he started to cheat, he was so protective of his phone, yesterday I got in contact with a hacker here who helped cloned his phone and that gave me access to his text messages and social media without touching his phone, I wanted to be sure if my suspicion was right or wrong, I still can't believe what I saw today, he's cheating with several women, I've made up my mind not to be with him anymore cause this is the height of it all, I'm sure so many women are in a similar situation andk you deserve to know if you're being cheated on, here's the private investigator information, you can get in touch with him on Instagram
@mincud_cyber
instagram.com//mincud_cyber
Self-awareness is healthy self-monitoring. Three signs of low self-awareness:
1) Poor self-monitoring.
Lack of awareness about how your presence/words/actions could impact others.
2) Emotional dysregulation
Screaming, yelling, shouting or any forms of emotional outburst anywhere anytime because they have poor distress tolerance.
3) Impulsivity
They do or say what they want without thinking.
So, basically... Karen in a nutshell🙄
If you are in a place where you are repeatedly criminally and psychologically abused by these crimes added to repeated violation by law enforcement that I'm not believed or supported, despite physical evidence of serious violent crimes as well as victimized by non supportive family members then that person has a reason to have low distress tolerance. Anger, outbursts, hopelessness and helplessness because Literally everything I do is sabotaged. Including trying to get support thru support groups, with no diversion and pressure to get my life together when I'm being prevented from getting my social security number, falsely accused of being delusional ignoring evidence, not having a car, job, family, friends, stuff where I have no safety and my attempt recently to "get to a safe place where this person can't get to me, repeatedly harmed financially, psychologically, physically and sexually yet I am continually to the point of having practically nothing at 60. This doesn't apply to people like me. Plus, I have "low self awareness' because I'm also proactively defending myself AGAINST the very real slander campaign spread to ALL my contacts. I'm made to look like the bad guy. And I'm accused of doing the things THEY DO.!!
I tell people because I many times assume that they've already been told lies about me and I want to explain WHY at 60, I don't have a car or home ANYMORE. Because of HATERS that keep inserting themselves in all my affairs and life.
I do have proof self monitoring but there has been experiences in my life that contributed to that.
or you just explained an autistic meltdown. Or ADHD one.
So disgusting to use someones name this way.
Walk away.
as someone with bpd (i was diagnosed with traits at 13 y/o, now i have a full diagnosis) i used to have absolutely ZERO self-awareness, ESPECIALLY when it came to emotional regulation. I got kicked out of a lot of school for punching, slapping, screaming, starting fights… there’s a guy out there who’s probably having a hard time producing sperm since i destroyed one of his testicules when i was 8 and he was 7 (he stayed at the hospital for a week)
I used to not understand that my emotional experience was different than other peoples experiences, as if feelings where a smell that we could all smell instead of a personal sensation, and i would be very confused when people didn’t understand my outbursts. For me, it was so obvious and intense, it just had to get out!
i believe this might be a pattern i have acquired from my parents, especially my mother, but her lack of self awareness shows up in more subtle ways, like bringing up details of my sexual trauma at a family dinner with my gf, my sister and her bf to make herself more… interesting? (i guess that was the goal…)
Dr Ramani, since I started listening to you I recognize when I'm being gaslit or stone walled etc so on.
When this is happening I find I become "disregulated" and call them out on their manipulation.
Often they dont even know the term when called out.
I never regret it. If I say it, I mean it.
Even when I use what's considered bad language .
In my struggles with narcissist people I've become very comfortable being alone .
I have also noticed that narcissist hate being alone.
THANK YOU! This is a topic that has driven me nuts for years! Out of the hundreds of videos I've watched over the years, I don't think I've seen one on this particular thing. There is someone in my family who is so un-self aware it's astonishing. I've been un-self aware here and there in life, but generally speaking I know who and what I am, and I'm open about it. I am still emotionally unregulated at times, but I'm AWARE of it and do my best to mitigate things and I apologize when I need to. Dealing with the person I'm talking about is often like dealing with a child.
A lot of people really just don’t care about manners or consideration. Like cutting in line or stealing things. They are aware it’s impolite, but they actually laugh if you ask them about how that makes the other person feel. It’s very very common.
This used to be me, thanks to your videos and some great therapy I'm so much better at being self-aware.
Thank you 🙏
Thank you for this info! I am just completing an MA in Social Emotional Learning (SEL) self-awareness is one of the 5 key components. Great details!
CPTSD creates low self awareness i would say. living remotely overseas (in an attempt to heal) i have been threatened, physically attacked, vandalised, conned, ridiculed and bullied for no particular reason than being a foreigner...initially "playing crazy" as i call it got me temporary relief as the con artists, bullies and the like would get off my back but the isolation has made the "temporary" behaviour a personality trait that has "polluted" other parts of my personal life... i am not proud of it but the alternative was no better...now considering relocation but afraid to show this really "un" pleasant new me and unsure if I can recover the old me.
I'm sorry this has happened to you.
i’m the opposite… i’m too self aware. do a video on obsessive self monitoring?
Same while still having emotional dysregulation problems… leads me to so much guilt and self-hate
My favorite duo at it again, just when I need them
Whoa!!! I couldn't 'park' the link to this vide in my therapist's text (I'll send it on Monday), Fast Enough!!
Thanks so much! Chuck
I know that poor impulse control is part of the problem; however, some folks just crave attention, and they will take it any way they can get it. There are several folks in my family who exhibit this behavior, and when you call it to their attention, they deflect or make you out to be "too sensitive", or "controlling", when actually they are the guilty party in the scenario.
Hi Dr. Ramani, Loved this! You're brilliant, but on the millionith chance you haven't thought of this *maybe take photos of your stuff packed, perhaps in layers in addition to having your partner validate items? * I did property checks and have driven back late at night if my OCD kicked in but then started taking pics of the locked doors, lockboxes. I have traveling issues (mostly procrastination on packing.) I'd love more info on this. I think mine stems from fear of ecision-making, low self-esteem (not packing enough, pack too much, not being comfortable, lack of organization, lack of finding what is truly comfortable and lack of organization.) Probably ADHD, depression, anxiety and a little OCD and rejection sensitivity and social anxiety has something to do with it.
PS my siblings and I have had to tell family members (look away if you have a weak stomach) NOT to floss at the dinner table. Go in the bathroom and wash your hands after! Yes that is my OCD kicking in..
Interesting topic! Some cultures, i.e. British are often very 'friendly' and 'self aware', although this is often false; Germans, on the other hand, are not as 'self aware', they're often direct, one knows exactly where one stands with them and their friendships are sincere. I prefer the latter, I have very little time for false, pretentious 'you must pop in for tea sometime' people.
Very good point, Brits hide behind their friendliness and overpoliteness. I'd prefer lack of self awareness but authenticty.
I totally agree. The British one is a pretty mask but you somehow sense the contempt beyond it. It's very disconcerting. And the German bluntness and brashness hits you in the face like a hammer. I prefer my own country where we're somewhere in between those. But unfortunately we can also be rather rude, so there's no real winning, I'm afraid.
Woww as a British person yes. Very self deprecating.
There are people who are totally aware of their intentions of hurt. How do we tell the difference?
Those who are unable to regulate their emotions will say/do hurtful things in the moment, but when they cool down, they will feel a degree of shame/guilt after you explain how their behavior hurt you. If they respect you, they’ll take accountability for their actions & attempt to change the way they react next time. Hopefully they get therapy if its habitual. That is part of being self aware.
Those who are “totally aware” of their intent to hurt, may also be emotionally dis-regulated but you can tell the difference, by observing their reaction when you explain how their actions hurt you. If they invalidate your feelings & continuously violate your boundaries, they lack empathy. There’s no accountability, usually they have a more serious underlying issue/personality disorder of some sort. I’ve experienced this type of evil.
Bottom line: Self aware or not, doesn’t matter. If they don’t care to change their own behaviors, you have to distance yourself as much as possible. Use your intuition, put your mental health first.
Listen, thanks for this brilliant video.
Some people have low self-awareness in a non-antagonistic way. Like talk about things that are not interesting to others or not relevant for the time and place, or go out wearing clothes that are dirty, or they have bad BO without realizing it, or they have a screaky laughter or act too childish for their age, or they think they are friends with someone and don't see those other people trying to get rid of them. These low self-aware people are often bullied and are often the ones getting hurt, instead of hurting others.
I'm surprised you didn't mention ADHD. This is really common with ADHD, particularly with undiagnosed or untreated ADHD. I live in an ADHD household (as in I'm the only person who doesn't have ADHD). There is an abundance of low self awareness in this household. It can be challenging to handle intense emotions and low impulse control. My daughter is working on being more aware, but it happens after the fact (which is progress). She's working on not making excuses, but still the poor impulse control really is a big part of ADHD. My husband, he seems truly incapable of seeing himself. He can be very hurtful, but there is always an excuse that makes it totally justifiable, or he will project and say that someone else was behaving the way he was. His mom is the same way. It's kind of a hopeless cause. I'm hoping our kids will learn to be a little more self aware. We're certainly working on it.
I totally agree. Seemed a much more relevant (and common) condition than the OCD she mentioned.
This seems like a short course on my toxic traits as an ADHD adult.
I knew a girl who talked about her adhd everyday to anyone who cared. She was extremely self obsessed while simultaneously self unaware. She would over apologize for things that didn't matter (like no one was even paying enough attention to her to notice that she "sweeped the floor wrong") but anytime she actually did something messed up she was all full of excuses and or even lie and deny problems in her behavior. We were friends but it quickly got worse and I just stopped hanging out with her bc I couldn't handle it. I'd rather be alone then baby sit a grown woman. Good on you for putting the work in to progress with your family. You are truly blessed with patience and compassion towards others.
There was something really wrong with this video. There was a 100% wrong definition of emotional dysregulation. I don't understand what went wrong here. Dr. Ramani and Medcircle are normally accurate sources of information. This is just narcissism lite that she's describing, not low self awareness in general.
@@jennw6809 what is your definition of self unawareness ?
...when you mentioned this... I immediately think of my mom on it. I remembered that there's a lot of incidents that I saw this happened a lot of times within my life to the point that it still freaks me out really badly. I'm aware that I might have get some of these traits from her so I'm learning and make sure that I won't do it to anyone because I understand how hurtful that can be.
Then all you can do is BE THERE like this person needs you
You know I cannot explain so you're loving this victim shit again....
Again I still forgive. Forgotten pretty much. I love my sister though
So interesting! Thank you for explaining this.
This sounds like being considerate to me. I always thought self aware was being aware of who you are, your behaviors, likes, dislikes, emotions, personality traits, and how often or how intense these traits or behaviors are in yourself. What do I know though. I mean you could be very aware that you are being inconsiderate and still choose to (perhaps as a way to rebel against a social norm that you do not like). Correct me if my definition is wrong for being considerate vs self aware. Thanks
Wow so much to say. This was eye opening on multiple dimensions 🎉
I can relate to having low self awareness as a child, teen and young adult. Over the past five years I have become more self aware when few friends distanced themselves from me because I hurt them and I didn't even realise I hurt them. Having self awareness is actually a good thing because it helps you understand yourself better but its a slow process and needs patience.
Great Video. Thank you for posting.
Tough one... lots of compassion and empathy
Living with a narcissist is disorienting because they distort reality to fit their agenda. I'm in a constant state of disarray, never knowing which version of my husband is going to walk in the door at the end of the day. I never feel safe to simply be me. One of the reasons why I am so confused right now is because I thought I had married the perfect man. He was everything I’d ever wanted in a man and in the beginning presented himself as my biggest fan and supporter. He was charming, loving, passionate, and attentive to my every need, both emotional and physical. Until he wasn’t.
Until a side of him popped up every so often that threw me off balance, he started to cheat, he was so protective of his phone, yesterday I got in contact with a hacker here who helped cloned his phone and that gave me access to his text messages and social media without touching his phone, I wanted to be sure if my suspicion was right or wrong, I still can't believe what I saw today, he's cheating with several women, I've made up my mind not to be with him anymore cause this is the height of it all, I'm sure so many women are in a similar situation andk you deserve to know if you're being cheated on, here's the private investigator information, you can get in touch with him on Instagram
@mincud_cyber
instagram.com//mincud_cyber
Being self aware is pretty exhausting sometimes, especially when you are constantly encountering people that are…
you know, not.
I clicked on this because I'm noticing someone in my life who is becoming difficult to be around and I have noticed that she does not know the thoughts and emotions she's experiencing. This really sounds like Dr. Ramani is just describing someone who is basically a jerk. The person I'm thinking of is a ball of anxiety, the most anxious and worried person I have EVER known -- but has never once mentioned anxiety in the 9 years I've known her. She seems to be unaware that she is experiencing anxiety, and also, unaware that everyone else can see that she's dripping with it. Since COVID she dropped her spiritual life and self care and it's so tense to share the office with her. She doesn't seem to realize how unpleasant she's gotten. That is a very different kind of lack of self awareness than what Dr. Ramani has described here.
What are the differences between low self awareness and a reaction to excessive stress levels (I am thinking PTSD and CPTSD)?
Dissociation is not low self awareness. It is a clinically assessed symptom in which specific experiences are either altered or diminished. Being unable to feel anything physical at all? That can be somatization issues. Being unable to perceive social impact of emotions? Could be autism. Feeling disconnected to others, like you aren't in the same universe or the world isn't real? Those are depersonalization and derealization. Both trauma reactions. And not low self awareness.
@@Cathy-xi8cb are u a therapist? Lmao please help.
I feel detached most of the time kinda numb Ig? and occasionally i have bouts of intense emotions.
I usually overthink to combat this, like ask myself "why did I do this? What was wrong with what they said? What was their real intention (the person who upset me)?" But I cant seem to do this _before_ I freak out, it all happens too late. How would you define this?
My friend feels they know most everything (grandiose mental health issues) so i was surprised to realize they are really not so self-aware. Sigh. Hard to deal with the rudeness and double standards. Pretty numb about it at this point. I tried i really, really tried.
Another amazing informative video. It seems to me that way too many people have this trait, making them very difficult and dominant, and most times they get away with whatever they want. How can they be stopped? I guess there is no way to do it..
Can u guys please do a video abt acne causing body dysmorphia,,I am very confused abt it...
I’m hyper aware and I believe it’s to the extent that I’m actually not aware of the truth! If this makes sense
hypervigilant?
Dr. Ramani can you talk more about adhd and low self awareness and how narcissistic traits connect with ADHD. I have ADHD but I’m hyper-vigilant about the things I say I’m always worried I might offend someone. I have a very animated but nervous personality and I’ve caught myself monetizing convos with my chattiness. I literally have to bite my mouth together and breathe deeply so I can shut up lol
Thanks for this clear presentation. For example, person A says some obviously rude stuff to person B in public but makes excuses when told about how it affected person B, and literally says, "I don't want to feel I have to worry about what I'm going to say." I agree with what Dr. Ramani says here but also don't think whenever someone loses their temper or yells they're necessarily suffering a personality disorder or mental illness. Sometimes anger is built up and patience can be tested. Patience is a virtue improved through practice and maturity, as well. There are complexities to the issue, e.g. differences in opinion in a certain context about what is appropriate, e.g. some people find cursing highly offensive in certain or all contexts; others find it normal speech. The key seems to be the repeat disregulated behavior especially and even more when the person has been told about the harms of their disregulation. Self-awareness and monitoring practice can go up and down based on life circumstances, as well, including cultural influences and maturing. Sometimes a person may yell to stop someone else from behaving in a disregulated fashion, because their is no other recourse, e.g. yelling at repeat trespassers, vandals, harassers, and the like. Dr. Ramani can probably speak to this or has already. I write this because it can be too easy to knee-jerk categorize anyone whose behavior we don't like as a having a dangerous personality disorder. There are psychopaths, I recall from my limited understanding, who show no such signs of disregulation but are calculatedly dangerous.
My younger son is extremely toxic in his comments. His "interpretation " is absolute truth according to him, without discussion. At almost 80, I set a boundary of tolerable behavior. I suggested counseling for all family members as a solution. No, absolutely not, You go is the response. No contact for 5 months, keeping my 4 year old grandchild away. My health is fragile, recovering from 51st major surgery 2 weeks ago. I must remain hopeful for reconciliation, as long a time as is left. I feel safer with the distance, yet abandoned and alone. Advice ?
@@myrtiesullivan2111 We seem to be living in a time where daily gratitude is rare. The grounding and balance from a practice of gratitude not submissiveness could help society at large, it seems. "Giving thanks" is a key factor in nearly every religion throughout history?
I'm self aware in terms of my actions and the impacts on others but I don't regard myself, don't understand what a self is. And so I don't know how to love myself.
Great video..
I went to a therapist once. When I told him my story he started cursing and swearing. Maybe because I sounded unemotional when I told him, and maybe he was trying to help me see how horrible my experience was, but I don't really like cursing and swearing.
What a bogus therapist, you'd think they'd be more attentive with their words.
isnt the solution basically the same for all.......working on mindfullness regarding emotions and expression of emotions. Isnt low self-awareness often the result of emotional neglect as a child??
There have been a few people in my past who seem uncomfortable with my outspoken and forthright way of being. (They'll call me a "straight shooter" and "opinionated." ) They'll distance themselves, become cold and ignore me. Years go by. Then, when they need something, they'll re-surface, saying things like, "You didn't seem interested in keeping our relationship going." or, "I never heard from you." (When they were the ones who did the shutting down.)
@@gjdfjktr With one of them, I realized the only thing I could do was stop contacting them, or be the only one doing the reaching out to stay connected. They've recently resurfaced because they need physical care giving help. (I'm much younger and in better health.)They won't do their part, and I know there isn't any honest caring towards me, so I guess they've dropped off for good now, since I've stopped contacting them. It's too bad, but they'll have to find another way to help themselves. Otherwise I'm going to just feel like the doormat they would like to use me as.
The other one seems to have realized that I'm not going to put a lot of effort in if they don't do their part. HOWEVER, they also seem to be in dire straights financially, and I feel like I'm being set up to be asked for a loan. Which, knowing this person's relationship with money, they will never be able to pay back. Time will tell, I guess, what I do next, but I don't lend money to anyone. She may just drop off herself when she finds out I'm not a bank.
How do you identify this problem with people of different cultures? And how do you identify it’s toxic from an individual or from their cultural background?
I'm guilty as charged. I used to say the wrong things I didn't mean, until I learned what to say in certain circumstances.
Or say nothing, at all.
Do healthy people sometimes do this in times of extreme stress or grief? Or, does this always point to a deeper issue?
I'd like to know the answer.
Acute self-awareness (especially if life isn't going well) can't snowball into chronic pessimism negativity and nihilism..... Case in point, Imagine self aware people trying to interact with a prospect for marriage (arranged) and ends up telling things of what their traits are...... they'll almost never end up happy and the people on the other end will seldom accept them for who they truly and authentically are
My mania is challenging for my self awareness. Which I think is a problem 😢
I love this content. It helps a lot in my studies now in psychology.
This sounds more like a potential lack of other-awareness, self-consciousness, but even more, a lack of superegoic conditioning (which... is arguable whether that's good or bad).
Low self awareness seems to me the plague of the century. I don’t doubt some people have a real mental health issue but this seems the description of how rude and inconsiderate society has become. There was a reason we used to have social etiquette. Good morning good afternoon please and thank you are becoming rare commodities. I work in a tourism related field and the sensless stuff people do is mind boggling. So either pretty much everyone has ‘low self awareness’ or we are devolving as a species...😢
It's sad , they hurt people all the time !They don't accept the they are depressed.
Weed helped me to look at myself as a 3rd person. Im not joking. It's very very hard to criticize yourself since everyone will be justifying their behavior.
It's a constant check-in. Especially with a lot of the media focus on the "Karen" syndrome. But, anyone can be in a situation with self-presumptive-judgement-attitude. So, how would I handle this in a 2nd or 3rd grade classroom? Modeling alternative behavior as opposed to impulsive response?
My grandkids adopted mother called my Christmas presents JUNK before the kids even opened them. I was so shocked
Im getting that being self aware really just means being a good faker. A real person who's truly self aware would be direct and therefore annoying...I remember when I used to spend time around people and found that people without filters were refreshing because at least they were honest. People are by their very nature unpleasant, so really you have two basic choices - the pretty lie or the ugly truth.
Thank you
BE STRONG ENOUGH TO BE HONEST AND KIND
MAY PEACE BE WITH YOU
#forrestfenn
There is one friend of my father who shows narcissistic traits and he is impossible to stop when he's talking, it makes me also guess if I talk too much when I'm trying to explain something, and if it's bad to feel sad when people don't feel the same about the subject
I hate that I have so many people like this around me🤦🏾♀️
People can be pushed to the point of yelling or screaming. Especially when someone is playing psych games. Already agitated from a situation.
Thank you for this! Med Circle is one of the very few places online where I feel like you understand the importance of the * balance * of cutting people out of your life if they are hopelessly toxic vs. encouraging people to also look at themselves, in case they have mishudhed situations and taken language out of context or have autistic tendencies in socially don't understand the bigger picture of anything often times! I'm going to post a recent rant of mine because time is so critical. I will try to edit and downsize when time permits. The urgency and epidemic I'm seeing in family estrangements across the board has made me contact you at Med Circle here to maybe start troubleshooting what to do. I'm just a mom with four kids in a metropolitan area of the Midwest and everywhere I turn families are being destroyed without earning their way out of these relationships. Whatever happened to making peace as much as it depends on you? Where are the preachers? Getting along with a bad coworker is just a part of being a productive caring human being. Now they are grabbing guns? Children are throwing parents out of their lives when they have little to no relationship skills. The grandchildren will not know the grandparents. Get on Facebook in these groups with the estranged parents. The kids won't listen to any point of view but their own, I have tried to get into the children of toxic parent groups on Facebook and it just isn't possible to make any progress that way. Our society is heading into complete destruction if no one is willing to agree to disagree. And to still have even a distant relationship with loved ones. Setting aside sexual abuse situations and violence of course. I'm not talking about that.
Med Circle. I'm begging you. P L E A S E. D O. S O M E T H I N G. Short and long-term on this topic. Please help America, if not the whole world, change this trend of estrangement from the parent's perspective. There are situations where the children need to stay away I understand. But that's not what I'm seeing at all I'm seeing a bunch of willing parents and unwilling kids who refused to negotiate a level of peace and are willing to place the family relationship above others relationships in life. With social media they don't need the family unit, or so they think. Not until they raise their own kids and see how they are treated when they are old and falling apart.
These estrangement groups on Facebook and I'm sure on Cora and likely other places, parents mothers are just devastated and long to work out a level of peace and the kids just won't do it. The grandkids have missed out on the grandparenting. It's just terrible and the Mental Health Community seems to be doing nothing that is defective at all. In my situation the therapist actually promoted the arrangement and has done zero to negotiate peace over the past 2 years. Zero. Yet taking their weekly fees and thinking they're doing a pretty good job with their patient I can only presume. They won't even respond to me, the therapist. Recommended by Psychology today actually! But I am only one of I'm sure a thousands if not many more stories that are even more frankly ridiculous but absolutely just heartbreaking.
Countless stories have willing parents and unwilling children and the therapy Community is not Bridging the Gap . Why not? It's not MediCal privacy if the parent comes in alone to discuss the parents' views on the relationship , is it? I just cannot imagine why a therapist isn't proactive in training conflict resolution to every client and is willing to just take their money and allow parental estrangement to continue because the adult child deems it as toxic. Help people. That is the job. If the family is toxic then help them! This lack of accountability or miscommunication or lack of understanding, whatever it is, it is contributing to the violence and aggression. Cut people out of your life if you don't like what they say to you or you don't like being told that you are unreasonable. That's not okay. That's no healthy or productive way to live in a society. People don't have to take criticism and consider the element of Truth in it. Obviously someone observed something and yes maybe they misjudged the bigger picture but to not even drill down to the miscommunication is a huge error. Go online and give a one-sided story and get someone to agree with you and ruin another family in america. The holidays in Traditions that we came together for and put our differences aside, that is a dying art. Creating a new family that supports you, sure, in a violent or dangerous situation, sure. But to not do everything you can to keep and put a family together is ruining everything else around it. It allows the destruction of the family as a basic unit of society. It's fixable and no one seems to be doing anything about it to promote peace and Reconciliation to at least the level of a bad coworker.
Cutting out your parents zero contact and claiming everyone is a malignant narcissist is shattering families now when misjudgments have been made because of a person's own bias or filters or injury. So so many autistic kids are walking off from the parents after years of troubleshooting and problem solving and advocating by the parents for their children who don't understand their condition yet are healthy enough to sort of function in society.
Too many Therapists are taking money and supporting whatever the patient is telling them as reality and factual truth without credible background checking with the other parties involved. How is therapy helping if you don't even have the problem identified accurately in reality? Particularly when the child initiating the estrangement is on the autism spectrum. A very common thread in the estrangements from what I'm seeing on facebook. I've had an atrocious time with a family member and a therapist who continues to take their money and fails to negotiate a level of peace between family members. Recommended by psychology today! And with the developed relationship, the adult child on the Spectrum can't even troubleshoot the damage the therapist is causing with the approach and lack of fact checking and extended family interaction. In too many cases, the Mental health professional is promoting the devastation of the family unit Here I go again. Sorry. here's my official rant, unedited for now. Can you help parents reconcile with their adult children to a basic level of negotiated peace? We should be able to work toward a level of Civility like one might treat an ex-spouse or bad coworker. Do you know how many hundreds of parents would jump at the chance to have their adult children back to even that level of a phone call occasionally? To have a shot at seeing their grandkids again? To stop the torture is wondering if they will see the new grandbaby or have any peace before they die? Surely we can do more to reduce the speed and spread of the epidemic parent-child estrangements. Please. I don't know where else to turn to start. I'm in and available for further discussion if you would be interested.
Note. Following you will find the uncut version of my recent rant about the alarming rise of children zero contacting their own parents and forbidding any interaction with grandchildren. I apologize for the circular thoughts and rambling and repeating myself. I will update and downsize, as time permits. Thank you for your patience and understanding. Grab a coffee and thanks for reading!- J
I'm starting to hit the anger part of grieving. Where is the mental health community? For us but mostly for them?! This is epidemic across Society and no one seems to care or do anything to help negotiate a level of peace. Popular counseling therapy is to cut out toxic people but they completely ignored the positions of parents! It's outrageous and definitely causing aggressive and violent tendencies in society. What can we DO to help all of us? There has to be something!
Ive been starting to see how bad I got with this issue.
I am done listening.
I feel like i have low self awareness. Like it's not easy to know the reasult of my actions on people. But i am not that kind of person who say whatever she want but i defintaly do what i want.
Sometimes yes other times i am too aware.
Whenever you try to tell someone anything about themselves that they never noticed, they will label anyone a narcissist and then go to Dr Ramani’s channel talking about being gaslit about their own true selves.
You can be self-aware and still be rude to folk and not care about it. A lot of the video here seems to be explaining politness, social-etuquette and following cultural norms rather than self-awareness. For example, one person can be rude without knowing and another person can be rude with full awareness of being so.
I was thinking the same thing. So many are purposefully rude and/or mean
@@doricetimko332 Exactly and they may not even care while at the same time being totally aware and self-aware of how they are behaving.
What do we do to fix it ? I have these issues . When other grown people act like adults ie cops that flip there lights on just to get threw there light them flip there lights off when they act like adults and fallow the small rules I will fallow the small ones. I see it all the time.
I have to say that always being polite is not good. some people are very behind-the-back sneaky people, sometimes it's normal to get angry it's a human emotion. when it is for the smallest thing i don't think its normal. But never expressing emotions is very bad for your body
I am almost never aware of my effect on others. I try to figure this out all the time but whatever feedback other people are able to see as they engage with people I am blind to - there's a lot of behaviour to watch but I can't work out the patterns. I've only experienced behavioural disregulation when I was mentally ill. I am normally a quiet, reserved person and am not impulsive. I prefer to plan a course of action. I do have Autism though. Do you think the deficit I have in being aware is caused by the autism or do I have low self awareness (or both)? I do watch what I do and try to follow proper conventions for responding to things so that I am polite and fair.
It sounds like you are self aware from your last sentence. Being on the spectrum- turns social interactions into guessing games sometimes. I can relate, I am also quiet and reserved and need planned “scripts” for job interviews, basically I try to plan a course of action too lol. I had to learn the hard way to practice eye contact amongst other things. The fact that you are actively monitoring your responses to be polite and fair, is self awareness. Not being able to fully understand these patterns you speak of, when observing others interactions, is a normal part of having autism.
I have so many questions
Nero-spicy with ADHD ASD and narcolepsy 1 I have low self-awareness
I have wondered - where self-awareness comes from. Ability so see oneself, and or does it come from curiosity, or is there a link to IQ ?. Like Dr. Ramani is mentioning but in other words - like the prefrontal cortex..
Does people w/o self-awareness lack of what sometimes is called - an inner world ?
does any one have a theory ? or answer ?
Everytime Dr. Romani is on and she is talking about these disorders, how she is basically describing me as an adolescent. 😳😳 Was I the only teenager who was just like this but is not as an adult? Is that a normal?
I will tell you an example of low self awareness. Boylston st is one of Boston’s busiest streets. People with low self awareness double park Boylston st everyday almost. Since there is construction on that street traffic will be backed up due to one person double parking.
What's the difference between just losing your temper or being impatient and emotional disregulation?
Sounds like the same thing to me.
I do it on purpose whrn i hd too much..
Esp towards toxic ppl....my empathy diminish n then i really dnt care anymore
U take wht i release....no rgrets.
I have one coworker with an infuriatingly low self awareness and probably adhd too. He keeps interrupting, making a mess and tried to put the blame on others, not understanding at all why people are mad at him. Have to be reminded of the same f*cking simple things over and over again, and the words would just through his brain, and nothing is retained at all. I've already told him politely and bluntly what's wrong (I hate being pushed to erupt in rage, he was in denial of his behaviour), he would behave for a few weeks and the same sh*t would repeat again.
I am tempted to ask him to get as assessment in adhd and see if that would help him improve his work ethics and social behaviour that's just so urgh!!!!! But he almost has no self awareness at all, and I'm just so tired. I am tired of having have to guide/explain absolutely basic things to this guy who is my senior in workplace, he should know better!
But he's clinging for people to basically tell him what to do, and if anything goes wrong he would point fingers to others. NO ACCOUNTABILITY AT ALL and no self awareness that people are done with him. He thought people love to chat with him and he would speak NON STOP at the expense of his work, which in turn, delays other people's work. I AM TIRED of having to deal with him!!!!!!!
Thank you, if i have child like that how i talk to him at home is 12 years old?
Me sometimes..
But I'd rather stay at home , I only leave the house for the grocery store and doctors.
I don't have friends come over we talk on the phone.
My kids come over so do my grandkids but that's it.
I don't go to baby shower, graduations, weddings, funerals nothing!