I met my Japanese crush several times at a live house in Shinjuku. We knew each other through Twitter and I used to go watch her band play around Tokyo whenever I was visiting Japan. We could hardly communicate but she managed to ask me to buy tickets for a upcoming concert. I agreed because I thought it would be a great way to spend some time with her. When I got back to my hotel and went online I found out that the concert was still 2 months away. It was then that I found out that she just wanted me to buy her tickets. And to make matters worse, she told me my brother was "very handsome" because she also followed him on Twitter. I ended up buying her 2 tickets and then I was passive aggressive to her online for months after that with plenty of backhanded compliments to confuse her. I know it's immature and sort of mean but so was she!
clicked for thumbnail, stayed for the story i would say the last japanese kokuhaku experience was unwarranted and shocking for me as well, but my reaction was well deserved ahha
Thanks for sharing your dating life (cause it wasn’t ❤ right?😉) Great to learn more about any one of the “Japan by food” hosts because its great to watch a new episode every week - nice 100 💵 episode😊 and oh really liked the sushi one with the “shoot for a prize” game at the end!! look forward to seeing you in the next one 💯
I am so happy you are sharing this story! There is SO much miscommunication with dating abroad and this brought so many flashbacks of my own time in Sendai. More power to you queen for being honest with the awkward and gringe side if being an expat ❤🔥
He learned english just to be able to have meaningful conversations with you. He spent that much time and effort surely because he was in love with you. Btw your hands looks like they are XL size :O
But yes I do understand your reaction to him and he should've tried to understand your reaction as well because of the culture differences. Maybe it's not yet totaly over, he's probably learning more english and will get back to you soon xD
I dunno Steph. From my dating experience in Japan, it always seems to work out better for me when women are into me instead of me asking them to be my girlfriend. In my modest opinion, since women are the gatekeepers of relationships, it always organically works out for me :)
He did what he had to do in order to continue dating you. It could be considered cowardly in his culture if he went beyond the third date without doing kokuhaku.
Oh gosh... This reminds me of my own story in a way early in my Japan adventures. I met a girl that I got along with really well (language barrier though), but we kept going out on dates. Everything was going well and by the third date she had asked if I wanted to go get coffee after dinner because she wanted to hang out more (my monkey brain didn't see the signs)... I walked her to her station when it was time to go, and before she walked off, she stood there and stared at me like she was expecting me to say something (she even put her bags on the ground??). In my mind I'm like, why is she acting weird all of a sudden? Anyhow, I said basically "今日も楽しかった！ありがとう、またね！"... But she just stood there staring still... She didn't talk or respond to me for like 2 weeks after that encounter and it still haunts me to this day when I think about it. 😭 We still talk sometimes but the vibe is definitely not the same... Also I know its not just me, but its REALLY hard to see/feel how people feel towards you in Japan. Its like this game of chess, except your hands are tied behind your back. It's now your turn and you have to move your piece, so you turn your back to the board so you can use your hands. As soon as you turn your back to the chess board, the board rotates randomly. If you turn to look at the board after it rotates, you lose. If you somehow manage to grab the right piece and move it to the correct space, congrats!!! You have to do it all over again on your next turn! やばい...
I totally understand your feeling about reading Japanese people's feelings and thoughts towards you... I guess that's why kokuhaku exists too, so that they can be clear and direct about one's feelings! Thanks for sharing your story! I would definitely be in your shoes and completely clueless if I didn't know about kokuhaku culture
@@STEFATTY Thanks for sharing your story as well! Didn't know it was something I needed to hear until you posted it 😅 Lots of lessons to be learned unfortunately, most of them the hard way🤣. Lets keep doing our best!
He must have known you wouldn’t understand as he knew you were not from Japan, I’d say that’s more on him 😂 great lesson learnt.. I didn’t even know that existed haha. Saying ILY on date 3 is pretty wild 😅
Men know within six months if they love you. If she's cute, fun, personality, pleasure to be around, we don't need anything more. We aren't like y'all - you got way more check boxes you gotta check before you come to that conclusion
Did things end with the guy right after that or did/do you continue to talk to him? Anyhow, I always figured you and Pat Kay were together given how much you guys are together.
Honestly, I've heard far worse and you've obviously learned from your experience... Dating is just different here... I've dated a few Japanese girls though. Not gonna lie, I was probably used by a few of them for free english lessons until my Japanese got way better so now this doesn't really happen anymore. I did confess to my longtime girlfriend. I eased into it by telling her what I liked about her and us and then I was full like... なおのことが。。。。。(Mild panic setting in as I realise I can't go back now because she knows what word comes next...) 好きand then full blown panic as I silently waited for her answer. Very different from Oz where you just kinda start hooking up often enough and it just kinda becomes a relationship.
Haha great story. American here, personally I told my first girlfriend I love you on the first official date at (20yo) we have been married 10 years now. Also depending on how you grew up the difference between a like you and i love you isn't very much if you are dating with the intent of hoping to marry anyway... There is also a difference between "first date" context depending how long you have known someone and knowing you WANT to date each other...
To be honest I think Kokuhaku is somewhat immature and maybe contributes to why cheating in Japan is somewhat more acceptable (from what I've read) if people are just entering into 'exclusive' relationships so quickly. You're brave for sharing a personal story but don't be too hard on yourself :) Hope to see you more on Japan by Food!
thanks for your comment! I definitely think kokuhaku culture is very different to what I'm used to. after sharing my story, some people have shared with me theirs too and it's nice to know I'm not alone in this boat! hope to see you on the Japan by Food channel too!
See that’s the trouble with “suki-desu” being said as both I like you and I love you. That’s very confusing to a westerner? Saying I like you and I love you are both hugely different. However, of course different customs in Japan vs Australia or western world so I get that as well. It’s a minefield.
Will it's time to move on to south Korea 🇰🇷 or China!✨🇨🇳 Both places probably have very impressive dating services!✨ For your very true 💘 love interest!✨ My great inspiring wisdom for today!✨ Have a very impressive beautiful 😍 day.😍👏❤
Haha I don’t think you are the first kokuhaku victim, you shouldn’t feel bad. Just wondering now if you sent a message to him to clarify the misunderstanding ? 😅
since posting so many people have shared to me their kokuhaku gone wrong stories! so interesting to hear how different cultures and people react. to be honest we just kept hanging out like normal until it fizzled 😅 I didn't realise about kokuhaku culture until years after
You didn't f*** up. I think kokuhaku was just a sign of incompatiblility with the different dating cultures. Had you dated in the long term, it would've eventually led to other issues. Makes for a good story to share at least!
Gold's gym name is famous because Arnold Swartzenegger and other famous bodybuilders used to lift there. Now I'm curious and wanna see you powerlift 💪 As a Chinese-Canadian..I am also shooketh at this Kohukaku culture.... I hope you're ready...every guy commentor and will slide into your youtube/ig/etc DMs and profess their love to you. 😏🥰🤣
@@wayneo6377 she got the sleeper strength for powerlifting! 💪😎 Besides..good form can go a long way too when you lift with the correct muscles and depending on the number of reps. Can't remember how much I lifted back in my early 20s gym days but I did ok for a formerly scrawny Asian guy lol You'd be surprised at what girls can do with long claws tho. It requires good finesse lol
@@STEFATTY me too...if I wasn't riddled with old hockey wrist injuries in my late 30s now 😅 Guys may make fun of girls with long claws...but I do appreciate the artistic creativity that you can do with it even tho it does seem impractical at times. 😂
I don't think that's specific at all to japan, just some healthy empathy and understanding of another person's character should be enough to understand that situation, but mistakes happen
I doubt a smart girl such as yourself will ever be in short supply of anything in life, even if you have to open every door in Japan to find the person you want to accompany you on your journey..it's your story we are all following. I think "koku haku" is overrated anyways just saying.💌🇯🇵🕊
pshh someone says 'I love you' on the third date its not real love its infatuation. That being said, it has happened to me with a Japanese girl and I awkwardly said 'yeah I love you too' 😅I didn't know either
I met my Japanese crush several times at a live house in Shinjuku. We knew each other through Twitter and I used to go watch her band play around Tokyo whenever I was visiting Japan. We could hardly communicate but she managed to ask me to buy tickets for a upcoming concert. I agreed because I thought it would be a great way to spend some time with her. When I got back to my hotel and went online I found out that the concert was still 2 months away. It was then that I found out that she just wanted me to buy her tickets. And to make matters worse, she told me my brother was "very handsome" because she also followed him on Twitter. I ended up buying her 2 tickets and then I was passive aggressive to her online for months after that with plenty of backhanded compliments to confuse her. I know it's immature and sort of mean but so was she!
clicked for thumbnail, stayed for the story
i would say the last japanese kokuhaku experience was unwarranted and shocking for me as well, but my reaction was well deserved ahha
omg I need to know now
Thanks for sharing your dating life (cause it wasn’t ❤ right?😉) Great to learn more about any one of the “Japan by food” hosts because its great to watch a new episode every week - nice 100 💵 episode😊 and oh really liked the sushi one with the “shoot for a prize” game at the end!! look forward to seeing you in the next one 💯
Thanks for watching! I hope to see you in the next video!
Josh --- mayor of Friendzone
good thing I'm not his type!
I am so happy you are sharing this story! There is SO much miscommunication with dating abroad and this brought so many flashbacks of my own time in Sendai. More power to you queen for being honest with the awkward and gringe side if being an expat ❤🔥
Thank youuu! I was nervous to share but hearing other people's stories make me feel like I wasn't the only one lost whilst dating in Japan!
Babe, it is difficult to imagine you as a powerlifter!❤
I get this a lot haha!
Years often go by before I realize my dating mistakes or failures lol
I feel ya! Much to learn
Wait I'm confused i thought you and Pat Kay were an item???
This was interesting as I learned about this similar concept in Korea talking to a local friend who was seeing somebody at the time.
Yes! I heard there's a something similar in Korea too!
isnt this Pat Kay studio?
Don't tell him!
@@STEFATTY 🤣
He learned english just to be able to have meaningful conversations with you. He spent that much time and effort surely because he was in love with you.
Btw your hands looks like they are XL size :O
But yes I do understand your reaction to him and he should've tried to understand your reaction as well because of the culture differences. Maybe it's not yet totaly over, he's probably learning more english and will get back to you soon xD
It all worked out for the best! I'm sure we both learnt a lot from the experience. He got to learn English and I learnt about kokuhaku 😅
I dunno Steph. From my dating experience in Japan, it always seems to work out better for me when women are into me instead of me asking them to be my girlfriend. In my modest opinion, since women are the gatekeepers of relationships, it always organically works out for me :)
So interesting to hear about different experiences! Thanks for sharing!
He did what he had to do in order to continue dating you. It could be considered cowardly in his culture if he went beyond the third date without doing kokuhaku.
he was being extremely brave! confessing is one thing, but confessing in a second language must be even harder...
Oh gosh... This reminds me of my own story in a way early in my Japan adventures. I met a girl that I got along with really well (language barrier though), but we kept going out on dates. Everything was going well and by the third date she had asked if I wanted to go get coffee after dinner because she wanted to hang out more (my monkey brain didn't see the signs)...
I walked her to her station when it was time to go, and before she walked off, she stood there and stared at me like she was expecting me to say something (she even put her bags on the ground??). In my mind I'm like, why is she acting weird all of a sudden? Anyhow, I said basically "今日も楽しかった！ありがとう、またね！"... But she just stood there staring still... She didn't talk or respond to me for like 2 weeks after that encounter and it still haunts me to this day when I think about it. 😭
We still talk sometimes but the vibe is definitely not the same... Also I know its not just me, but its REALLY hard to see/feel how people feel towards you in Japan. Its like this game of chess, except your hands are tied behind your back. It's now your turn and you have to move your piece, so you turn your back to the board so you can use your hands. As soon as you turn your back to the chess board, the board rotates randomly. If you turn to look at the board after it rotates, you lose. If you somehow manage to grab the right piece and move it to the correct space, congrats!!! You have to do it all over again on your next turn!
やばい...
I totally understand your feeling about reading Japanese people's feelings and thoughts towards you... I guess that's why kokuhaku exists too, so that they can be clear and direct about one's feelings!
Thanks for sharing your story! I would definitely be in your shoes and completely clueless if I didn't know about kokuhaku culture
@@STEFATTY Thanks for sharing your story as well! Didn't know it was something I needed to hear until you posted it 😅
Lots of lessons to be learned unfortunately, most of them the hard way🤣. Lets keep doing our best!
Lessons learnt the hard way are usually the ones we remember the most... For better or for worse!
He must have known you wouldn’t understand as he knew you were not from Japan, I’d say that’s more on him 😂 great lesson learnt.. I didn’t even know that existed haha. Saying ILY on date 3 is pretty wild 😅
3 dates is definitely wild to me too!
Men know within six months if they love you. If she's cute, fun, personality, pleasure to be around, we don't need anything more. We aren't like y'all - you got way more check boxes you gotta check before you come to that conclusion
Thanks for sharing your experience 😀. :)
Thanks for watching 🙏🏻
Did things end with the guy right after that or did/do you continue to talk to him? Anyhow, I always figured you and Pat Kay were together given how much you guys are together.
we hung out like normal after cos i played it off as a joke and so did he... it ended up fizzling out after
I don't know Steph, he knew you're not from Japan, so he could have just explained his culture a bit more. No need to beat yourself up
I learnt a lot, even if it was a bit too late haha!
Honestly, I've heard far worse and you've obviously learned from your experience... Dating is just different here... I've dated a few Japanese girls though. Not gonna lie, I was probably used by a few of them for free english lessons until my Japanese got way better so now this doesn't really happen anymore. I did confess to my longtime girlfriend. I eased into it by telling her what I liked about her and us and then I was full like... なおのことが。。。。。(Mild panic setting in as I realise I can't go back now because she knows what word comes next...) 好きand then full blown panic as I silently waited for her answer. Very different from Oz where you just kinda start hooking up often enough and it just kinda becomes a relationship.
Haha great story. American here, personally I told my first girlfriend I love you on the first official date at (20yo) we have been married 10 years now. Also depending on how you grew up the difference between a like you and i love you isn't very much if you are dating with the intent of hoping to marry anyway...
There is also a difference between "first date" context depending how long you have known someone and knowing you WANT to date each other...
Wow that's amazing! Congrats on your 10 year marriage!
no, haven't made the same mistake.
In your defense you weren't being mean. It was just a matter of cultural differences and the language barrier.
I guess so. I'll never know how he really interpreted the situation 😅
@@STEFATTY maybe he will see this video.
To be honest I think Kokuhaku is somewhat immature and maybe contributes to why cheating in Japan is somewhat more acceptable (from what I've read) if people are just entering into 'exclusive' relationships so quickly. You're brave for sharing a personal story but don't be too hard on yourself :) Hope to see you more on Japan by Food!
That's because you don't understand japanese culture.
thanks for your comment! I definitely think kokuhaku culture is very different to what I'm used to. after sharing my story, some people have shared with me theirs too and it's nice to know I'm not alone in this boat!
hope to see you on the Japan by Food channel too!
See that’s the trouble with “suki-desu” being said as both I like you and I love you. That’s very confusing to a westerner?
Saying I like you and I love you are both hugely different. However, of course different customs in Japan vs Australia or western world so I get that as well. It’s a minefield.
Right!? Lost in translation I feel...
Will it's time to move on to south Korea 🇰🇷 or China!✨🇨🇳 Both places probably have very impressive dating services!✨ For your very true 💘 love interest!✨ My great inspiring wisdom for today!✨ Have a very impressive beautiful 😍 day.😍👏❤
Haha I don’t think you are the first kokuhaku victim, you shouldn’t feel bad.
Just wondering now if you sent a message to him to clarify the misunderstanding ? 😅
since posting so many people have shared to me their kokuhaku gone wrong stories! so interesting to hear how different cultures and people react.
to be honest we just kept hanging out like normal until it fizzled 😅 I didn't realise about kokuhaku culture until years after
Merci, in Japan japanese is their first language et maybe english
You didn't f*** up. I think kokuhaku was just a sign of incompatiblility with the different dating cultures. Had you dated in the long term, it would've eventually led to other issues. Makes for a good story to share at least!
That's true too! It all worked out for the best I think
Gold's gym name is famous because Arnold Swartzenegger and other famous bodybuilders used to lift there. Now I'm curious and wanna see you powerlift 💪
As a Chinese-Canadian..I am also shooketh at this Kohukaku culture.... I hope you're ready...every guy commentor and will slide into your youtube/ig/etc DMs and profess their love to you. 😏🥰🤣
She's deadlifted 135 kg! I don't think she can grip a bar now with those claws she wears.
@@wayneo6377 she got the sleeper strength for powerlifting! 💪😎 Besides..good form can go a long way too when you lift with the correct muscles and depending on the number of reps. Can't remember how much I lifted back in my early 20s gym days but I did ok for a formerly scrawny Asian guy lol
You'd be surprised at what girls can do with long claws tho. It requires good finesse lol
Omg you remembered! Feels like forever ago! But fun fact, I had claws back then too 😅
Can't lift much these days as I gave up powerlifting around 2020... I always have the itch to do it again tho!
@@STEFATTY me too...if I wasn't riddled with old hockey wrist injuries in my late 30s now 😅
Guys may make fun of girls with long claws...but I do appreciate the artistic creativity that you can do with it even tho it does seem impractical at times. 😂
I don't think that's specific at all to japan, just some healthy empathy and understanding of another person's character should be enough to understand that situation, but mistakes happen
I agree! I learnt a lot from this experience!
Zapp and Roger - Heartbreaker 💔🕺🎶.
I doubt a smart girl such as yourself will ever be in short supply of anything in life, even if you have to open every door in Japan to find the person you want to accompany you on your journey..it's your story we are all following. I think "koku haku" is overrated anyways just saying.💌🇯🇵🕊
pshh someone says 'I love you' on the third date its not real love its infatuation. That being said, it has happened to me with a Japanese girl and I awkwardly said 'yeah I love you too' 😅I didn't know either
It's always so shocking and awkward when the big L word comes from left field!
@@STEFATTY lol seriously
If he gave up that easily to win your heart. It's better to move on. If you don't succeed at first try, try again. That is what I would have done
it worked out for the best! lots of lessons learnt!
🦆
Cos I'm a goose for being so daft 🪿
frenzoned again 🥲
😂 Jeff is welcome
ZzzzZZzz
Do you have a boyfriend? If not, I would like to introduce myself to you