The School of Life I really like your channel but I can not understand the videos completely because my English is not so good and there are only English subtitles. I would respectfully suggest that you provide subtitles in Portuguese. I'm from Brazil. Wouldn't it be possible subtitles in Brazilian Portuguese? I would like VERY much!!!! I'm sure MANY friends of mine and others would benefit from it as well. Thankful!
Try to write it down. It puts structures and patience into play. Writing it down will let go the overflow and put structures to the chaos of the ideas. It will also add a step before talking, teaching you patience and giving you the opportunity to, cool down if that's the issue, and take a step back about what you want to say and prioritize. Simplify. Less is more, you may have a ton of things to say, but there's only so much one can hear, and you can probably cut down several problems into one. No need to talk about all variations of the same problem. It is, from my experience, better to talk little less than little too much. I believe it ironically comes from the fear of not being understood. We therefore want to explain everything, to be completely understood and not rejected, and it usually end up being not clear at all and hard to understand. We then feel even worse than before. That little wirting discipline helps for personnal matters, interviews, meeting...old trick, simple trick, but most don't use it... :)
@@H0kram problem I have is when writing I can definitely articulate what I want to say a lot better and it's often exactly what I would say in person, except I can't say it in person bc when j try it comes out not right at all lol. My brain speeds too far ahead in the sentence and my mouth can't say the words fast enough. I guess I just have to slow down, but I don't realize that in time when speaking
It sucks whenever you calmly explain to someone how their actions bothered you and they end up taking it as though you're attacking their character or something.
unfortunately happens most of the time that my girlfriend points out something that i did that bothered her. It's become an anchoring point for most of our arguments and i know it sucks ass but just cant help it for some reason :/
Agreed. However, it is also mature to defend oneself without necessarily trying to attack the other person. Understanding the other person's situation is still part of this. But always taking the blame in an understanding way might or might not indicate some sort of fear and in conclusion a bit of emotional immaturity.
I think it's important to point out that you're not emotionally immature if your initial reactions are one of the three immature ones. I've learned through working as a mental health professional that we do oftentimes have those initial knee-jerk reactions internally because we are only human. However, giving those thoughts power or letting them influence your behavior is what makes you emotionally immature. You can think for a moment "ugh why aren't they getting back to me?" before centering yourself with "they're a busy adult and will respond to me when they are physically and emotionally available to do so." So don't get super down on yourself if you have some of those initial reactions. Just don't let them influence your actions or well being. Catch them. Correct them. Eventually, with a lot of practice, your initial reaction will become the corrected one.
I strongly agree and I've learned to think the same. I'm not any professional, I'm just a 17 year-old teen but I early realized that striving to be or to have a better, improved, stronger character _is_ a practice, it's not a state of being. so I want to keep growing in emotional maturity, because it really seems that being emotionally mature is more of a skill to master, than a personality trait. I haven't arrived but I see that I've definitely left, knowing about how much and learning to train the influence of my thoughts to my actions has made a great impact on how I deal with my emotions now than how I did before.
Did you watch the video? That's literally what it means .If your reactions are the immature ones then you are emotionally immature. When eventually, with a lot of practice, your initial reaction is the correct one, that means that you have become emotionally mature. It takes time to mature, it's not an insult, being self-aware of what areas we need to improve in ourselves is a high indicator of maturity already.
Seriously, they NEED to teach us this in school because these are things that we will use every single day of our lives, versus teaching us the countless things that we don't even remember.
Anyone forced to memorize the quadratic equation, whilst not being taught how to be emotionally sound is someone who has had their childhood wasted by law. I know I fall into this category (I mention, by law, because it's illegal not to go to school.)
I just want to say that there is a huge difference in sulking/being angry at something you can't control and being upset/hurt, while in the process of grieving. You are allowed to grieve, you are allowed to feel your emotions as deep as they go, and you're even allowed to vent your anger too other people. Grieving doesn't make you emotionally-immature. People who are emotionally mature and more in tune with their emotions are more likely to grieve for longer.
i believe maybe what he meant is being stuck in the process of sulking without being able to move on until S/O metaphorically cradles you. its not immature to sulk but it can be when you depend too greatly on S/O and i think eli chapin said it wonderful, a perfect middle between grieving and moving on
It was meant to address the bridge between properly communicating rather than being unable to emotionally express and communicate thyself due to pain in one's ego. I mean it depends, in war no one wants to accept defeat neither taking the responsibility of helping one's opposition. Let's say you made someone angry, an "Emotionally mature person" would tell you they're angry, It is still up to you interpret what they truly mean. An "Emotionally absorbed person"(I didn't use immature since bad impression) will not directly tell you they're angry, rather they consumed by their rage and instead acts upon it, they want you to understand them. Being mature isn't always good, your potential is already defined.
@@dakotaburch3799 It's all related somehow... but specifically yes, why people sulk most of the time is they don't have a confidence in their words, there comes the point that you become paralyzed because you are still stuck processing your emotions and expectations. Once you get a form of stability only then you can have the confidence to express your emotion.
That feels really awful... mine would always reply with "how dare you talk back to me", whenever I try to explain things to her, she will say something along the line of "so you think you're really great because you went to higher level of schooling?" Eventually I gave up explaining to her, because she had already given me a death sentence inside her heart but she refused to face up to it...
Happen to me too. It took me some serious time and effort to trust people again and I always had a good relationship with my mom (I think). That made me go way back to the shell I was. Not talking to no one about what going to my mind just daily life stuff, faking normalness and avoiding connecting with people. Even after years it still creeps about when trying to be vulnerable with people I know and I am close for years. @Phantom - I would like to say it gets better but to be honest I am still trying to find out if that's true. After some years, it stops haunting you everytime you close your eyes but it can appear in not so convenient moments. The only thing I learn is that the only thing I can do is getting to tomorrow. Just tomorrow. If I got to tomorrow then I did well. If you want to talk I will be here.
I know what having the death sentence in your mother's heart feels. Mine has said on multiple occasions that she wished she had a normal daughter and that she couldn't wait for me to move out and never see me again. She said these things when she needed to blow off some steam after having an argument with her own mother and sisters. So I took it with an indifferent face until the day we had an argument about me being in my room all the time because I was trying my hardest to get good grades so I could be able to pursue my dream career. I was stressed out as it is and then my mother came in there saying it was uncomfortable to live in the same house as me because I felt like a stranger. I cried in front of her confessing the depression I had since I lost my grandfather and she just looked straight in my eyes and said: ' You better keep on crying while you reflect on the person you have become'. I moved out and went to uni and it has been 2 years since and after deciding to go to the psychologist, I am wondering if I should ask her about what she has said. But I am too afraid. @Pedro Moreira, I am hoping that you are right, that it will stop haunting me
When the narrator said: "the mature like themselves enough not to suspect that everyone would have a good reason to mock and slander them" I felt that.
Khulekani Magubane I felt that too, realizing I profoundly disliked myself when I tend to conclude everyone always dislikes me with just the slight inconvenience
I used to hide my emotions, and when I started being open about them my friendships started ending, slowly one by one when people realized how they were making me feel, they strayed away from me, never talked to me again whatever it was we changed paths. I've come to learn that those friendships weren't forged on a love for eachother, but a love for ourselves, and self interests, when all you think about is how another person can make you feel and not what you can do for them, it stops feeling like true friendship
I lost all my friends because I went through hard times. It just made it harder. It was a hard learned lesson to find what true friends I had. Its nice to see that someone else experienced this.
I'm incredibly emotionally immature but I found a partner patient enough to teach me maturity. It's been a year since I'm with him and I've grown so much already. It's exhausting but it's definitely worth it.
one of the biggest things that helped me reach emotionall maturity was grounding how i view the world i lost my entire sens of self for over 1 year so eventually i just tore down everything i belived in and in a couple of months i built up my world view trough what i wanna see in the world and how i see the world around me so now when im faced with any emotional decisions or challanges i can ground then in my world view
Understanding that not everyone is mature enough and that not everyone is willing to give you a fair share just because you do to them, is also part of maturity. Would you get pissed off at a wild tiger because it kills a human on its way? Would you blame a dog, that has been trained, or that has been hurt and doesn't trust people for biting you?
NightHawk I completely understand what you mean, and I agree, it’s just that it sucks. I’m not saying that I’m expecting it, I’m just saying it totally sucks when someone doesn’t have the maturity to talk things through.
Three methods indicating emotionally immature behaviour: 1. We might sulk 2. We might get furious 3. We might go cold. Three keys to emotional maturity: 1. The capacity to explain 2. The capacity to stay calm 3. The capacity to be vulnerable
I think I’m emotionally mature because my dad who is 51 is not emotionally mature. He breaks out screaming yelling at the slightest thing that he feels is attacking him. It’s very annoying and it breaks me down. I can explain something to him and why I don’t like it calmly but he still screams. He is a narcissistic if you can’t tell we aren’t that close
Thank you for this summary! I have trouble remembering certain things because of all the information overload (I suppose), so this was EXTREMELY helpful!
@@woozersbozo5416 same, so I just pretent everything is fine and perfect. He feels the distance and always tries to force me to spend time with him and "talk about myself", but he finds a way to emasculated me, disagree and tell me I'm wrong, and find something else to do
That analogy of rage and feeling powerful is so accurate. Those in power almost never show anger. Anger itself is part of the fight side of the fight or flight response, which comes from fear. Anger might help you feel powerful, but power doesn't mean rage.
Elijah ASMR they probably did but offered emotional support regardless, because clearly it seems implied that OP has some flaws they want to work on and would likely have appreciated said support.
“I am so mature!” - me up to point 3 “My emotional maturity hasn’t changed from when I didn’t know how to walk.” - me when he said _"we might go cold"_
@@richp9831 You forgot to add the question mark in your statement on someone else's comment. You can do what you like, but to save you from getting told off about your punctuation, I thought I'd inform you. Now you will only get comments on how you are being rude to Harvey, and not about your lack of the question mark. 🙃
I think that, as teens, we stand in the middle, the limbo. This is all due to our constant development. We can act emotionally mature at times, yet, on the other hand, that maturity seems to slip from our hands sometimes. Teens change as they begin to mature, just as everyone else, but our change is far more prominent since it is our transition from kid to adult. In the end, depending on how we live, react, and interact, it all consequently leads to the person we turn out to be. This is a great video that goes in-depth into the big contrast between being emotionally immature and mature, and that is truly amazing.
A true sign of maturity is when someone doesn't like a thing you like, and you realise it isn't a personal attack, it's just an opinion, that really doesn't matter in the long run!
I just personally dont like when people state that what they are saying is the right way. why cant we all just state what we want in a kind way? ''I personally dont enjoy this'' maybe?
... except we never needed schooling in them. Nowadays we're a lot less close to our family and generally to people around us, which is why we don't develop very well. Having them taught formally in school doesn't make any sense
@@iLinked I don't understand your reasoning. While I completely agree that your individualistic society argument (what is the cause of this in your view?) I don't understand why teaching/practicing emotional/social skills in school couldn't be a solution/cure for this. Yes parents should also teach these skills at home but where do the parents learn them?
@@iLinked Ok, buy that reasoning we shouldn't learn the fundamentals of language or mathematics. Which, one could argue, are fake or 'constructs'. Learning how emotionally mature people deal with emotionally taxing situations can provide a template for future events and you reaction to them, right? My parents were not well equipped for the challenges of parenthood. Part of their problem was an inability to teach me how to respond when terrible things happened to me. Since life does not stop happening, until it does. It is inexorable that more challenges will occur. If we're unable to respond to those challenges positively, then we'll respond negatively or not at all. Having a school curriculum that provides mindful solutions to external pressures seems like a possible solution. At least to me.
TH-cam recommendation algorithm recommended this at the best possible moment, and leu and behold, you have spoken the words I could have never possibly thought before to explain how I was feeling. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.❤
All communities ACT emotionally immature, people want to be treated right but treat others poorly (myself included) People are just afraid of being judged
I am immature in all 3 cases. I get angry, I can't explain why then I become cold. I hate to do that, but never knew it was because I'm immature. Guess its another thing I need to fix. Thank you, TH-cam algorithm.
I think the fact that your realizing this and wanting to change this shows that you already are mature in some ways at least. everyone of us has to work on ourselves, after all no one is perfect we can only try to become the people we can.
Emotionally Immature: 1. Being Sulky 2. Being Furious 3. Being Cold and Indifferent Emotionally Mature: 1. Having the Capacity to Explain 2. Having the Capacity to Stay Calm 3. Having the Capacity to be Vulnerable
I’m mostly mature then. I’ve got the capacity to explain and to stay calm. The part where I’m immature is when I go cold and indifferent. I go cold and indifferent then when they talk to me first(showing they’re ready to talk with me) I explain why they made me upset.
I used to date this girl. A year and a half we dated. I wish I hadn't so long, but I learned a lot along the way. I used to lack the ability to explain or to understand well, and now I can. But she was enourmously immature and very emotionally young. It really ruined me mentally and it just makes me mad with myself to think of her. I learned a lot though, and that's what matters.
Ya, i dated a guy for a little over a year. Neither of us were emotionally mature, but he was insane about it sometimes and would get absolutely pissed at me sometimes if he did something that upset me. Or if I was just upset in general. He never handled my needs well and often just ignored them, avoided and ignored me often, stuff like that. I wasnt great either since whenever he did something too hurtful I lashed out really badly. But I learned a lot about who I am, my triggers, my needs and wants, and my boundaries. And hopefully I will know how to walk away next time if it heads down that path again.
Me too champ, I broke it off 5 days before our two year anniversary. I don't think I was quite mature when it started but within the first two three months I'd become so adjusted to being yelled at and bullied and blamed for things that truly weren't my fault, throughout the two years I never started a fight never raised my voice never cursed anybody out and always would try to communicate. I wish I didn't let it go on for so long but if I broke it off earlier I probably wouldn't be who I am today. So keep that crown on 👑
@@no-uw1gs you don't date guys. you date men. without maturity you can never depend on the person. and since a relationship is dependence on one another it simply can't be done "correct" so to speak.
And women learn how to manipulate from their mothers. Men are largely defenceless against a skilled female manipulator. It's usually a Daddy complex, but it's always the result of unhealthy parenting. Children mirror the behaviour of their parents. Good luck with the future. I am pleased that you have learned from your nightmare.
Same, but if you fully understand the aspects in what they understood, at least me personally, I feel no rage. I simply understand she has much to learn and her trials didn’t lead her to the same path as me.
It’s funny because when you try to stay calm and tell someone why they’ve wronged you they’ll just tell you “it’s not that deep” and minimise the situation.
Same... Luckily for me I recognized it long before watching this, and have been trying to fix it...however trying to get back those emotions is easier said than done.
@@dumptruck_babs Thank you! :) Just know it's a long process, sometimes it really hurts, and it sucks. My best advice is just to try and stay motivated, try not to let yourself be discouraged. Best of luck to you, keep fighting to improve!
@@Moniker_YT it doesn't take emotions to communicate. You can still talk to someone even if you're upset or emotionless. If you respect them then you'd at least say that you are having difficulty processing things just now and ask if you can have some time to think and speak about it later. My ex used to just switch off and walk away if she was upset. It felt increasingly disrespectful and I had to break up with her in the end.
This video brings me relief it wasnt me. It wasn't me. I was solid as I could be. Contrite when I offended and patient when offended. I helped make her arguments as strong as I could. I did the right thing.
If you've ever met someone that's completely obsessed with their age, (they say things like, "I'm the adult," or, "I'm older than you so you listen to me") then 90% of the time they can be considered emotionally immature
You know? The one's who use Botox and wear tight pants, and wear different color hair. That's the woman. The men? They're not there, even if they are physically there. They sent an IOU for their time they needed to be spending with the family
I just dislike the people who believe they’re mentally mature because they don’t relate to others. It’s such an easy excuse to blame everyone else while ignoring their own flaws
Because of autism, I deal with anger issues. I’ve been in social training several times and it has never really paid off. In that sense, you could say I am a bit emotionally immature - and will always be so. I’ve learned to cool down and communicate, though, and I think that speaks more of emotional maturity than immediately staying calm does. Not everyone has the ability to stay calm, afterall, and it isn’t as easily taught as most allistic people think.
I’m autistic as well, and I really struggle with not going cold on people. I have trained myself to go cold when there are conflicts because my parents have told me that crying and anger were not socially acceptable. I’m trying not to be cold anymore though because I’ve ruined many friendships because of it.
No one is ever fully mature, mature is a gradient of ever increasing colors, due to peoples humanity and biology everyone is subject to unpleasant emotions, the fact that you have realised there is something you define as an issue and are working towards it is a sign of maturity, some people are more or less mature than others but being perfectly mature is something unobtainable, it would do you well to just continuously aiming for better and not worrying about reaching a perfect maturity
Well naturally, because you're basically implying that he's emotionally immature. Watch the video again, it takes two people to create a conflict. If you're dad can't explain his emotions then you should make the effort to put yourself in his shoes and understand them through analysis. Think about all the responsibilities he has on a day to day basis. Think about his insecurities, his desires, frustrations etc. Let him know that he's is important to you, and you don't want life's small problems to affect your relationship. Do this and I guarantee you're situation will improve.
I had a friend come over a while back, who A) was on their phone a bunch when I was trying to show them something and B) left pretty soon there after to go see other people. I know for a fact that person is better than that, so I calmly explained to them why that sucked for me, and how I'd appreciate it if they were a bit more present when we hang out. They were super receptive and understanding. On the flip side, I had a friend who was consistently being an asshole. I know for a fact that person is NOT much better than that. So when I told them how they had upset me, they doubled down on being an asshole and we aren't friends anymore. Moral of the story. If you are afraid of how people will react, consider that their reaction is an indicator of whether or not you should continue to be their friend at all, and even if everything goes South , you will be better of after for having been honest.
Honestly, that first story shows that **you** are pretty emotionally mature. It shows that you were able to explain why something makes you feel like they don’t care about you in this situation. You were also able to admit your vulnerability because you admitted that them not showing interest affected you and how you felt with them. You also were able stay calm and not get furious at them for being on their phone and leaving very soon. I don’t know how you are most of the time, but good on you for being emotionally mature. 👍
How about being you and not expecting other people to change their behavior to your liking? Maybe the people that were distant were uninterested in you because you were actually uninteresting? Or the other was "bullying you" because you actually can't take a joke and is now all pissed about it? I'm not attacking. I think what you did is great, but it gives people the means to "blame others" and not look into oneself. If people dont pay atention to me, tell them I Want atention, instead of improving yourself to be actually cool and interesting. If people bully me (wich is very subjective, like nowadays anything is bullying and offensive), just get demand them to stop. If the bullying is unreasonable, by all means show your back and walk away. But if the "bullying" is just constructive critisism, then you should listen to it and change, not try to silence the person. But I do like your way of being, I just think "immature" people can use it as a victim behavior tool.
@@leonardogottgtroy938 they didn't say they expected anything, they were just open about their feelings. There's no such thing as being uninteresting - it just depends on the person and whether or not you gel with them. Compatibility is different for every person.
@@leonardogottgtroy938 I dunno about the bullying part. When I was bullied, I would have insulting remarks thrown at me, insult my appearance, and throw uncapped pointy pens at me. My bullies would frame me and steal my stuff, claim it was theirs and tell the teachers that I was "stealing" her stuff. Everyday was simply a series of verbal abuse. If I were to look into myself... the only problem was that I didn't have enough friends in my circle and that essentially tells my bullies that I'm an open target of attack. My anti-social and shy personality probably created me as a target. Whatever it was, I was just a target. I demanded them to stop bullying me. Ended up making the bullying worse. I tried to ignore them (Turn my back and walk away)- the bullying has gotten more intense to get a response out of me. I reported them everyday- the teachers told me off that I'm bothering them with my bullying reports. I dunno what else I was supposed to do in that scenario. I dislike your black and white point of view in terms of bullying when bullying is a whole lot more complex than just doing this and that to make it stop.
Not so fast. Note that all virtues and vices are arbitrarily selected, often based on a world view. Those concepts are not "a priori" - contrary to physical laws. It CERTAINLY is not in accordance with Nietzschian views: "Our weak, unmanly social concepts of good and evil and their tremendous ascendancy over body and soul have finally weakened all bodies and souls and snapped the self-reliant, independent, unprejudiced men, the pillars of a strong civilization" and "The discipline of suffering, of great suffering - do you not know that only this discipline has created all enhancements of man so far? That tension of the soul in unhappiness which cultivates its strength, its shudders face to face with great ruin, its inventiveness and courage in enduring, persevering, interpreting, and exploiting suffering, and whatever has been granted to it of profundity, secret, mask, spirit, cunning, greatness - was it not granted to it through suffering, through the discipline of great suffering?" It's not that Nietzsche doesn't consider trust and vulnerability virtues - but he values them differently. When violated, it offers an opportunity to overcome them and grow ("What does not kill me makes me stronger"). But depending on others, their judgement, their understanding and their mercy - he would have considered that to be part of a "slave mentality" ("It is much more agreeable to offend and later ask forgiveness than to be offended and grant forgiveness. The one who does the former demonstrates his power and then his goodness").
@@HansBezemer Spot on, this sounds like some hyper left wing communist propaganda to me. The moment I heard comunication, trust and vulnerability I thought keep quiet, assume the worst and start piling up the ammo.
@@stewartdent9661 how can u be emotionally mature without those 3 things, please explain i cant see anyone having any form of meanintful connection to otheres without it
@@stewartdent9661how is this in any way related to communism first of all, and second of all why is communication bad? why is patience bad? why is being open,honest and vulnerable with your partner bad?
I had a hard time with this one. Even the mightiest fall. It’s cyclical. It’s nature. However, it’s how you address the rage after the fact that counts. It’s also what you do during your rage. You can be absolutely furious and as still as a rock as you squelch your rage. So I had a hard time with this one.
Also it’s not the absence of emotion that makes you powerful; it’s how you handle them. We are human and that’s not gonna change even as your perspective does. You can just make the choice easier to act on the emotion. It’s the acting on the emotion without thinking it through that jams most people up.
@@wren_. I understand what you mean. It’s like if I don’t, who will? As you hold yourself to a higher standard than most around you; it becomes the expectation that you’ll handle it. That’s what makes it exploitative as you said. I can tell you what helps me feel a little better about this experience - and I do mean a little better as I can really understand what you mean and it’s definitely maddening. But I just think about the fact that I’m strong enough to handle it. Sure some people may be parasitically latching onto your energy and living off it. Try to think what you’d rather be - who you are or yet another parasite zapping others for their energy cuz they haven’t quite started to work out their problems for themselves. So they can be said to be waiting to be saved. I’d rather be who I am no matter what. Also, realize this, if you keep working on it, it will eventually come to pass and you’ll be so much stronger and solid for it. You will become a master of your destiny as you have conquered certain battles in your life and you will become indomitable. It’ll be much harder for you to be swayed by others as you can recall the many times you defied the odds and created a better life and a better version of yourself.
That is kind of helpful for me. I have to deal with auditory triggers, so it takes a bit of reprogramming with me to learn how useless anger 8s 8n these situations. My limit system just seems to act like I'm being physically attacked so it views rage as a useful emotion. Feeding the anger will only make the worse, so I have to learn to witness and accept my distress without being active in it.
When I look at my previous relationship from years ago I thought I was emotionally immature, because in a critical moment when the other person let me down, I just started crying and asking them for help, trying to talk it out. Now I see that was actually a sign of emotional maturity and he was the immature one, because he was sulking, refusing to talk, getting angry and went cold.
I had a breakup recently and i always did the same thing as u said. And she just stopped talking, got angry and went cold and lied to me that she wanted time and she will get back to me. Instead when i begged her to talk everything out she told she wanted to end everything.
@@harshbhawnani8304 Yeah, been there. In my case that wasn't the end, but the relationship didn't last long after that occurrence and I was the one who proposed it, because I saw I can't rely on this person and even though it was still very hard for me to get over him, now I shudder at the thought of how horrible my life would have been if I had stayed.
Same. I recently got out of a relationship with a narcissist & I thought I was an emotional train wreck. I would cry & want to talk things out & explain how he hurt me & what I wished he did differently. He would get enraged, scream & yell, & then give me the cold shoulder/silent treatment for as long as he saw fit. Looking back on it I see he was an emotional train-wreck. Ironically he always told me to "stop being so dramatic".
@@SugaryPhoenixxx i thought about that whether she was also a narcissist. But she sometimes realized she made mistakes and said sorry. But yeah she often told me to stop being so dramatic too.
Many guys do that Peppy, they just start finding excuses to get of the relationship. You are better off this way I'd say, better than living in a false relationship.
You can see people glaze over whilst you’re talking. I purposefully keep things short and sweet and people still don’t listen. They’re just waiting for my gums to stop flapping so they can say all the stuff they want to say. Which often has fuck all to do with what I last said by the way.
Watched this video several months ago. It came again today in the feed. Felt much better and confident to know I've moved in the right direction in the last one year.
You can replace it by yourself too probably. If you betray your personal expectations, how do you deal with that fact? Its obviously not really the same test and it doesn't give the same answers, but it can be related if you think about it. In the end, even the emotionally mature are just as deeply flawed as everyone else, and nobody can be mature forever.
doesn't have to be someone you depend emotionally on.. personally my emotions go all over the place (adhd is fun) but it could also be having an appointment at 9:30 and the bus just not showing up till 9:35 now i live in the netherlands and here it's extra frustrating when it doesn't show up because our schedules are pretty on point when it comes to public transport so when it doesn't show it's even more annoying because chances are you'll be way too late because if it had come you you would have had arrived at the perfect 5 minutes before your appointment but no it decided to not show.. the way someone reacts to this can also be a good indicator.. now personally i will get angry and cuss loudly at what is frustrating me basically blowing off the steam so i can calm down a bit.
Sometimes im just scared of being upset and dissapointed in someone because I feel like Im overreacting, I dont really have a grasp of what emotions are valid and which ones are impulses that are just toxic and I find myslef troubled and in conflict over this on numerous occasions.
All emotions are valid both the good and the bad, life is not only about the good emotions like happiness and fulfilment but it is about all the emotions u as a person can feel... And the secret is to accept all of them instead of saying this is bad and i should not feel this ( no emotions are bad and i found this out recently it helped me alot)
@@abdullahiali26 There are emotions that aren't valid (Or at least should not be), there's this thing called coherency and set us appart from sociopaths. Let's say person kills someone and feels joy because of it, Is that emotion valid? Let's say someone betrays you and gets angry because you find out, Is that emotion valid? Let's say you confess your feelings to someone and you feel entitled of said person to feel the same way for you even without knowing what the person really thinks, Is that emotion valid?
There are things you can do help you manage your emotions, but it is impossible to completely control them. Additionally, stifling your emotions is just as unhealthy as blindly following them all the time. Still, rather than the emotions themselves, what you attribute to those emotions are more important to whether they are toxic or not. www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-you-and-me/201210/you-be-the-judge-are-you-making-bad-attributions%3famp
As a psychologist, I can tell you one other thing : People who explain why they are upset, but they are upset over something they think they deserve (which is objectively questionnable) while they're just acting like they're above everyone and cry when anything doesn't go the way they wanted are NOT MATURE. But on the paper of this video, they are portrayed as mature. What maturity would be, is a state of mind where you accept things the way they are while trying to make the best out of them. Admit your wrong doings, let people come and go. And always have a window opened for the ones who didn't hurt you or atleast made honorable amends.
A psychologist with an actual college degree wouldn't have misspelled "questionable". Or used "objectively" incorrectly. Or used improper punctuation with their commas. Or used a rambling sentence. Or, more importantly, miss the entire point of the video being that the circumstances around the reactions of emotional maturity are that you (or whoever the video is trying to test), have been slighted in some way. We're not talking about a Karen screaming in public over the grocery store not having green beans in stock, we're talking about someone who was wronged in some way by someone that they relied on emotionally. It's literally at the beginning of the video. I don't know how you missed that. You're drawing strawmen and inflating this weird train of thought to fit your obscure narrative. You're describing narcissistic behavior, which is not as common as it's portrayed to be by the media. As a psychologist, you should've known that. Also, there's nothing wrong with still communicating feelings, even if they're irrational. It's literally the entire fucking basis of criminal rehabilitation and mental illness treatment. You're supposed to encourage patients with a mental illness to communicate their feelings even if they might feel irrational. Sounds like you need to go back to your college and get a refund. You weren't taught correctly. You're either lying and you're not a psychologist, or you somehow got a degree from an online university and you don't know what you're talking about.
Partially true. Being mature is also knowing who to avoid whatsoever within the glimpse of an eye. Don’t let people “Come and go” it’s too easy, you don’t have the time for it. Be selective, say no to most things, don’t over share. Be picky with people basically.
This video is good, and has a good indication of emotional maturity, but don’t forget that this is with the assumption that this person has let you down once or only a few times. If someone continues to let you down, even after you’ve opened yourself up and explained to them that they’ve hurt you, then you (for the sake of your own emotions as well as perhaps theirs) should let them go. It’s great to be emotionally mature, but make sure that what your experience IS emotional maturity and not a toxic relationship. X
Very true. While watching this, I was wondering how a narcissist would take this. Then again, they lack self-awareness, so they'd probably think this doesn't apply to them.
Yeah I can see people mocking and slandering me even when I think they're wrong, and don't have a reason to. And it still hurts. I don't agree with them, I can't show them anything that will change their minds, and it hurts.
i think the key to it is to just not care at all when they mock or slander you. you're really just wasting energy by acknowledging them and they would soon leave you alone when they get bored
Damn I’ve been thinking about how I have an issue with vulnerability and this totally confirmed it while also fleshing out the idea of going “cold” better than I have myself. Thank you, I appreciate you helping me understand myself more.
That’s sum you just have to do with experience in life... I used to think I was more mature than I was and think I matured as much as I could... but looking back now not even a year later I realize how silly and inaccurate that was. It really can only come with experience and sadly but most importantly pain.
lochlann fermin king i Know everything thé video talks about is amazing , but i was waiting on somebody to actually acknowledge that the animation is great
What sucks is having no choice but to pretend like nothing bothers you, because everyone you love calls you weak when you tell them that something bothers you.
I feel the same way, but no one has ever called me weak, and i know no one will, yet i still pretend. Im coming to realize that its not about the people around me forcing me to be this way. Its me. More than anyone else, i scold myself for being emotionally vulnerable. I do have actual anxiety, so i constantly just fabricate these elaborate stories in my head to scare myself out of doing something. I should really take my medication more often. Whats most odd to me is that i enjoy living this way. Of course not the anxiety aspect of it, but the result of my anxiety. Being alone. I like it. I get mad at people for trying to help me. Seriously. I can go an entire day at school without talking to anyone, and its funny to me because im the happiest ive ever been. Back when i had so many friends, i was extremely depressed and i refused to admit it or get help despite the fact that everyone around me knew it. Its almost like i still am depressed though, despite that everyone who i love would say otherwise. I have so many personalities its hard to even keep up with myself. At home im happy, silly, funny, but at school im quiet, calm, focused, and reserved, yet deep down all i can find is sadness, and stress. Ive gotten so good at bottling my emotions, its like i dont even process actual sadness anymore. One of my parents moved out last week and all i could muster was "ok". Not a tear, nothing. I dont let it get to me, i dont let it phase me. You would think i was focusing on whats important to me rather than letting things get in my way, but nothing is important to me anymore. Im determined on living an emotionless, dull life of utter uninterest of everything around me, but thats not who i really am, but it might be who i really am, but its not, but it might be, do you see where im going with this? I dont know who i am anymore because im drowning in all of the fake personas and emotional shields that i put on to defend myself. I wont let anyone help me out of the position im in, i have to help myself out, despite the fact that i know im not able to, and all eventually end up directionless and confused, with no goals or aspirations in life and thats where i'll just end it myself because at the end of the day, life was meaningless anyway, and if i dont plan on helping future generations, then i am ultimately going to be worthless in the grand scheme of things no matter what i do. Alright, im pretty sure i scared everyone off by now, but if youre still reading, no need to respond or anything. Again, i dont want help. Im helping myself by typing these things.
@@perperperpen One person could change everything for another person and that person could change everything for another person. It's a ripple effect. Everything you do and don't do matter. Everything you say and don't say matter. Every single person in this world are worth so much not many know it. Every single person on this world holds some sort of influence. You may think you're not important in the grand scheme of things but you're wrong about that. Every person matters and every choice has an impact, whether it be good or bad. You're right, I can't help you. You have to help yourself. I'm just saying you're important no matter what you think.
@@perperperpen Just wow. You maybe didn't want it but your comment just gave me a MASSIVE inspiration for the protagonist of a story I'm writing. Thank you.
@@perperperpen I used to be in a similar boat, what helped me was being honest with everyone around me. Dropped the personas and masks and just began to act in an honest manner. It doesn't matter what they think about me, in the end, if they don't want to be around me for who I am, why should I want to be around them? There's always a group of people who can accept me even with my shortcomings.
This is a great video. A coworker of mine was rude to me friday, and its rattled me over the weekend. This has told me to stay calm, communicate clearly, and dont be afraid to be vulnerable next time.
as ive learnt sometimes being open will leave you venerable theyl sometimes mistake your maturity for being dramatic etc etc best thing to do then is to realise they arent worth your time and to spend as little time as possible talking to them. be kind but never let people take your kindness for granted.
My parents failed me, only expressed themselves in anger with verbal, emotional, mental, and physical abuse. I had to learn. And I have. It's not hopeless.
My parents actually never let me fall and take a hit, only talk and trying to be there with intellectual conversations that frankly didn't help me as I was simply smarter than them, especially my mother, and didn't realize what I actually needed help with was just remembering to make dentist appointments and how to do tax returns so I get the money I deserve. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to change places with people who had abusive parents, but even when your parents have the best intentions it's not always right for you.
Emotional Maturity 1. Explain to the person how they have upset you. 2. Stay calm when talking with the person. 3. Accept that a strong relationship is formed from being vulnerable
"a strong relationship is formed from being vulnerable" into the trash it goes, this video is just a salad of words trying to make a meaningful argument
I don’t know the answer either… But i disagree with the first point. Because-nobody would like it if somebody else was ‘correcting’ them for their ‘mistakes’ (also, how would you be so sure you’re not the one that’s unreasonably upset?), like, they would think-“why should I listen to you?” Like I said, idk what to do either. But explaining (which to the person would sound like CORRECTING/TEACHING) wouldn’t work.
@@mukulsharma5738 Sounds like bad relationships with people have developed in you trust and abandonment issues which has led you to believe that to be mature is to be strong and not show vulnerability, which is wrong, as by doing so, you wouldn't open up in case you had a mental problem or even just a general issue, since you'd think people would just roll over you.
My mother was emotionally mature and abusive. When I communicated how her behaviour made me feel, she just went plain abusive. I had to step back and communicate the rest of what I wanted to say by email. She didn't reply for a year and I did not want to contact her back because this is one of her ways of control. So I wrote her to tell her I did not want her in my life, because of her behaviour and that she needed professional help. Few days later she tried to call me but the boat was past for good. It is difficult to trust someone who betrayed you so many times. As for today, I heard she still the same, so I have no regrets. I cannot say that I miss her but I definitely miss a mom, since I was a child actually. I pardoned her because she certainly acts like this because her childhood was ruined too. Nonetheless it does not mean I want to accept her behaviour. Sometimes maturity means to have the courage disengage from toxic behaviours and pardon the toxic person for yourself because they clearly do not better. For me that was the ultimate sign of maturity.
@Steve MillerThat sucks, but I guess it's a good thing that you're at least aware you are emotionally immature. You could use your knowledge to work towards working on beginning more emotionally mature.
@Steve Miller Good for you :). A lot of people don't realise there own flaws, or in your case, immaturity and never improve as people at all. Good luck on your journey of self-improvement.
@@Speed001 the fear of not feeling anything, the fear of feeling, and the fear of being alive. I've felt it all. I guess depression does that to you...
I'm 42 years of age & still learning this. This video is brilliant!! And will be on regular repeated plays for me till I finally learn. Thank you for posting x
it probably comes from the kind of generation they grew up in. things like toxic masculinity and emotional abuse were so normalized back then. :( i hope our generation can do better
im the type who goes cold, i give everyone at least 3 strikes in hurting me and i balance all the good stuff and the bad stuff before i cut ties with anyone the thing is.. over years i came to understand that explaining myself wont stop the people from hurting me in the exact same way as before, so i just made peace with the thought that people wont change their behaviour because of me and instead of exaining myself to others im trying to find people who understand me as a person from the start and not just trying to adapt to me... if that makes sense in any way
I don't think this is actually going cold. The way I understood it was that going cold meant you would lie to yourself about how much someone meant to you and therefore how much they hurt you. It seems like you are cutting people out of your life who aren't worth the hurt you are receiving, you are not denying the emotional hold they have/had on you, but are deciding instead not to dwell on it. I think it's perfectly mature to do this, as long as you are letting them know what hurts you as you go along. Keeping a silent tab on these things helps no one. You said this has happened multiple times, but remember that not everyone is going to react the same and that everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves to you. Then again, feel free to ignore this advice, you know your life more than anyone ever will and it's up to you to make the best decisions for yourself, and it seems like you are doing that already by finding the people who understand you instead of those who want to change you. I wish you luck!
@@liquidforest i thought i was going "cold" bc i dont explain myself the last time i cut them out of my life (im now not sure if i understood the video well enough haha), i just stop replying to texts and stop greeting them and they always get the hint.. mostly i dont explain myself bc i dont want to bother anymore, if they arent going to be my problem from now on than i dont want to bother and potencially start a fight with someone "over nothing", and since they mostly do the same thing they could assume what they did that hurt me but its also really immature bc i also do it to hurt them in a way, i cant really explain it really well but they cant really be sure why i cut them so i guess it can be hurtful to them if i stop speaking with them just like that btw just to be clear to this day i only cut down 3 people and at the times they were really close friends to me (im just adding this bc i wrote the comments like i almost cut everyone exept my parents hahahaha) idk, i just wished people would be more considerate and listen to others more instead of forcing their standpoints on others (i never do that if what they are doing isnt toxic to them bc i know it can be hurtful) also thank you for your comment, its always good hearing an opinion form a 3rd party (even if i didnt give much info in my 1st comment) so thank you on that :)
I grew up in a household with two parents who were always fighting about something. Rather than deal with their issues in a calm and collected way they would yell at each other. Rather than come out about their emotions to eachother they would let it pile up until a boiling point. I suffer from some childhood trauma due to this and definitely don't always respond correctly but to anyone else with similar situations you CAN fix it later on. Being self-aware and consciencous at all times was my biggest step to pursuing emotional security. I still struggle and I may always struggle but its important to make your best effort.
I feel you so much! Although, this happened towards me as well. Whenever I tried to communicate my issues (not always in the most mature way, but well, i was the kid), my mother would have an emotional outburst like I was insulting herself. And as a coping mechanism, I stopped communicating anything, with anyone. And even if I do, I will most likely end up saying half the truth and not the whole issue. I’m working on it though. I found that bottling up my emotions makes it harder for me to find peace and I’m now more motivated to communicate them. I’m still struggling sometimes though.
@@myrtila You got this, it definitely helps to have someone to talk to about it. I've had the fortune of being able to come to terms with my childhood trauma (for the most part) but the leftovers from it are definitely still there. Honestly the best cure I've found for this kind of stuff is exposing yourself to new things and overcoming stressful obstacles. I recently got a new job in a contact center and had LOADS of fear and anxiety over talking to people. A month later and while I'm definitely a bit tired, and there still is some anxiety but I feel as though I've grown quite a bit already and have a better grip on my anxiety and communication issues overall. So trial by fire I suppose? And yeah the outburst thing I totally get, it felt like I was being blamed for something that didn't seem wrong lol.
Same, I'm literally embarrassed by them when they argue, like how is it so hard to not add more issues to the unresolved issues, they're addicted to drama and problem's- it's weird, cause all I see are insecure little children that don't feel safe, luved, appreciated or cared for walking around in adult skin manipulating, gaslighting tricking and going around cutting any little corners to get these unfulfilled wishes and needs of safety, appreciation etc met instead of plainly finding ppl who actually want to look out for them just as they will. Like, oof, ik they weren't raised in a healthy environment, that's for sure (it shows) but jeez, they have the choice to grow out of it now, but idk wth is holding them back as if they're trapped in their victim minds. I'm kidding about that last part tho, ik exactly what's stopping them from growth; feelings of unworthiness (they can't find other ppl to appreciate them, they believe it but they may not act it), shame (cause they know what they did was morally incorrect) and a tiny very tiny bit of guilt that they haven't fully taken notice to but they know it's there) cause victim's don't feel guilt and they must be the victim at all times to look right) these "shameful" feelings remind them that they are humans and not "wrong" or "evil" however this is only for self soothing not awareness, that's as far as their awareness journey goes, they don't go past that).
It all comes down to self-confidence. If you’re confident you are aware of things around you then are aware of how you are feeling. If you are confident you will communicate in a direct manner and you will be vulnerable in that situation. Most people have no awareness of their crappy behavior
4:47 The video forgot to mention that not everyone raised in a loving home will be emotionally mature. And not everyone raised in an abusive home will be immature. There is a 50/50 chance. Especially if you grew up having to be the emotional "parent" of your parent.
My mom always tells me how when she met my father and how hard the days were and how she wished that I, we never happened, I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to comfort her, I didn't know that she was just letting out all of her emotions on to me, she told me all these insecurities and problems and it made me feel heavy and awful and responsible. I guess I am, technically.
something i've only come to learn quite recently is that you can have unresolved childhood trauma even if you had a largely positive childhood free of abuse/neglect. trauma doesn't have to big caused by "big" events, it can just be caused by subtle aspects of the environment we grew up in. even the most loving supportive parent will have unchecked issues with how they communicate or deal with their emotions etc. and that will get passed onto the child. it's inevitable. and then there's the flipside you alluded to, where kids with abusive or emotionally distant parents can be highly emotionally intelligent because they have to learn to read through indirect, passive aggressive and volatile communication. just makes me want to care for everyone 🥺
I feel like my mother's emotional immaturity is a factor in my own emotional maturity, because I've grown up knowing how unlikable and difficult to be around emotional immaturity makes you.
Yes, a toxic environment really stifles your learning experiences and progress. That's why the best thing to do is survive until you are able to escape.
Hayley Blanch you don’t have much choice...unfortunately, a lot of damage is done along the way and once you’re out, is when the real battle begins to find your way back to yourself.
I feel like it’s definitely a survival tactic to be in both ends of the spectrum in regards of living in a emotionally immature environment. You’re aware of these things which gives you the advantage until you’re able to get out of that environment. Once out you should have no problem adapting to a new environment. I’m speaking from my upbringing and where I’m at now in life. Best of luck to you. Self awareness is key
The learning a new language analogy was really good. It is honestly so hard to properly comprehend somebody else that may not have had a decent upbringing, simply just not having anything in their brain that helps them make good logical decisions in these circumstances. But some people literally just have not learned it. They themselves wouldn't be able to comprehend the other side.
this is actually one of the things i say to myself every morning. "what people say isn't about me, people aren't saying stuff aimed to hurt and break me." Yet the past 2 weeks i've met some drama... and i just couldn't convince myself, it wasn't about me. I'm not being kind enough to myself, it's difficult to be kind to yourself if nobody ever taught you how. Changing how you learned to live in a certain way is hard.
“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” -Atticus Finch, To Kill A Mockingbird. One of my favourite quotes.
Ive always been logical and grew up in quite an unfair childhood. I learnt how to become emotionally mature early on to make sense of everything, but struggled to make myself vulnerable until my mid 20s. Its crazy how this alone shapes your perspective on life so strongly
Many people are emotionally mature very early on, in fact it's often a very common trait in little kids but everyone treats them so poorly and in such frustrating ways they break and appear immature but often times nobody older wouldn't do the same if treated the same way.
I grew up with a dad who was very emotionally immature and controlling. Felt like I developed my emotional maturity just to deal with him and his arrogant, domineering behavior and his frequently pessimistic outlooks. Unfortunately knowing how to deal with someone isn't enough sometimes, as they are ultimately the ones that respond to you. Feel like learning how to control yourself is as much for yourself as them, since ultimately when you fail to get through to them you realize its not your fault, you did everything you could, and that brings peace of mind.
Mid 30s here, I grew up where vulnerability was weakness and trust was simply asking to be taken advantage of. I still don't know the answers. The sad thing is that my life has only really reinforced these negative presumptions.
I'm trying my hardest to improve myself, it's so so so hard. I'm too sensitive and I think I'm a burden to a lot of people because of this. My mind just immediately goes to “defense” mode, I go cold most of the time. I'm too egoistical. This journey is going to take a long time but I'm willing to go through it.
I was similar to you. Getting defensive and then very cold. It took a year full of disasters to unlearn that. But what really helped was to accept that I'm going to fuck things up a bit from time to time. And it's not a tragedy. It's normal. Then do your best to be sorry and properly say that. It does wonders. And by accepting the fact you will inevitably make errors you will actually make fewer of them and feel more at peace. Good luck! You're on a good path!
I'm also too sensitive but I couldn't get cold because I'm afraid to lose someone, so I end up acting desperate and making sure that person who hurted me or disappointed me doesn't find me annoying.
This is an extremely difficult test for someone to administer to oneself in earnest. Almost nobody would be openly willing to admit that they lack emotional maturity. Even upon recalling a time when they themselves lost their temper or refused to open up about their feelings, a natural human reflex is to justify that instance and say that it was only natural in that given circumstance, or to dismiss it as an outlier and convince themselves that it doesn’t count. I think it’s probably at least part of the reason there are so many comments talking about what it’s like to be the only emotionally mature person in the room; it’s easy to recognize when someone else fails the test but much harder to recognize when it’s you.
dunno why the aren't willing to admit...more people are emotionally immature then mature, people just lie to themselves lmao, i have no shame in admitting my immaturity.
Yes and no. While people hate being wrong, often to the point they prove to themselves they are right, knowing this will help people develop. Even if you consider the times you acted imaturely as outliers, if these three points just stick enough in your head, that you are reminded of them every time you encounter one of these "outliers" It will do you a lot of good. The key is that if you figure out that you just acted imaturely by yourself, you don't have to admit guilt and you aren't wrong. It's rare for anyone to win an argument, and convincing people they are immature is sure to become one, but an argument takes two people. So i believe that even if you Lie to yourself that you are mature, you will be more inclined to realize the times you are immature, and slowly help you become more mature.
This video was so informative. I just got into my first real relationship. I thought I was more emotionally mature but now I realize I still have a lot to learn. Being honest when I'm sad is scary but necessary. Thank you for enlightening me!
I'm disappointmented our generation is so immature they blindly believe things on random youtube videos because it looks professional and has a British guy speaking.
@@jasonhymes3382 okay what can you blindly believe then...well its healthy not to believe anything blindly...but undermining this content cos its just a random youtube video is a bit ignorant..whether its a book or a random youtube video...its not something disappointing to be open about an idea given that its credible or seems reasonable or if its worth thinking about..
Sometimes we don't want to be honest about how someone hurt us, because they're not emotionally mature enough to hear it. edit: Interesting how so much is being assumed of me by individuals who say I assume too much.
I am 17. After watching this video, I now know that althout I thought of myself as mature but in reality, I was emotionally immature. Thank you for informing me that I was wrong and that I should have a proper communication with my parents to be considered emotionally mature because I want to be independent.
Self-awareness is the first step and you’re already there. Now it’s about taking responsibility and doing what you need to do to improve. You’re on the right track. Best of luck.
@@donroxitheoverthinker It's never too late to change your life. What's in your future hasn't been decided yet. If there's something you still want, try to make it happen. Only on your deathbed will you know that the happiest day of your life is behind you. Best of luck.
Wow I didn’t know showing indifference when someone hurts me is not a mature response. I usually do this to ease the pain of embarrassment. I’m going to try to be more vulnerable 😭
Isn't that what being vulnerable is, though? For me, not saying how I felt is a cause of me being afraid of being dismissed as "over sensitive" etc. But whenever I've been strong enough to actually open up and ignore those feelings of being dismissed, I've met the complete opposite (which is ususally the case I guess, when the other person really cares for you).
Vulnerable in the sense to honest aboot yourself with others. You get insulted as though you are nothing and you cry, to cry in considered vulnerable because it is an honest expression. I have been laughed at when shedding tears, it is a bummer to have someone around making noise aboot how your whole being "sucks". In such an instance it is best to have the understanding that the fellow mocking you has very poor judgement, you could say of incredibly little worth, which stinks if the person is say your parent, to see your parent of little worth is sad. You can be "vulnerable" under stressful circumstances and still have strength. However as beastmaster says "don't be vulnerable" is good advice too, though a move towards isolation. It may be a sign of a great need for change of one's environment to get away from those you won't be vulnerable around but there are people who can hurt you quite drastically and it is good judgement not to share certain things with said person/s. However this can be a really sticky situation because if you are not wise to the tricks people play you will likely be manipulated, if you lack the wisdom in honesty you will very likely become lost like the rest of the hurt people going around hurting people. Exercise great caution in "not being vulnerable", it is at your own risk. A man who has strength in honesty is not easily shaken and will contend with those who corrupt. Truth is a beam of light illuminating the darkness, don't underestimate its power.
Michelle Michelle being vulnerable means not caring to be accepted. It is living in your truth and trusting yourself enough to be resilient to get over the mockery/scorn/hurt someone has tried to project on you. You have to look at it like “they have the problem... not me” . Because anyone who takes advantage of someone else’s empathy is really the one who’s hurting; that person truly needs sympathy (because they lack empathy).
bianca lee williams I’ve never thought of vulnerability in that way. To me because of the influence of social media I’ve always thought someone who is vulnerable as weak or over sensitive but what you said makes so much more sense and I just need to learn to live in my truth even if it means I will get attacked or seen as weak. I’m going to screenshot what you said and read it over to remind myself of what you said
I was once emotionally mature when i was younger. That was at a time where i felt at peace and it was the happiest point in my life. But later on i realized how much my behavior stood out because i was such an oddball, that i started trying to learn ways to present my reactions, thoughts, and behaviors in more natural, casual ways so that i would still be the same.... but i would just fit in more. Now I've lost sight of who I was then- I have an idea of who, but it's not who i am now. I've been trying to re-learn for a while now
Naimah P Ik exactly what you mean... growing up in the hood u will sometimes feel pressured to act tough while at the same time be the loudest and most impressive in any given room. Going into my first year in high school I felt so out of place and al together wrong because I didn’t think that my personality was enough... the way I got out of it was actually because I started smoking weed (not the only reason btw) when I first started smoking I realized that I was able to let my mind wonder and not think about whether I was talking too much or dressed the best for every little occasion and unimportant things like that... soon I learned to do this while sober. My advice is to come to terms with the fact that don’t you have to be anything you don’t want to be and regardless of the outcome as long as you accept yourself first that the rest will fall into place
This is exactly how I feel. I always felt weird ,although most people liked that about me. I felt that I didn’t understand people’s emotions that well, so I started acting like the people around me and now all I want to do is go back to the person I was. a person who didn’t care and was at peace with being alone instead of feeling lonely alone and lonely with other people. That my thoughts are no longer my own just a projection of what I think a normal human being’s thoughts are like.
Chopin I only agree on what you said about going back to the way you were, I feel the same, I used to not give a fuck and I was less sensitive, I liked it that way. About 2-3 years pass and loneliness presents itself daily, it made me change, made me want to be more nice, care more about others, want the best for others, but what if that’s only because i’ve been lonely for so long i’m just desperate at this point?
@@abc-ze5ce Or... What if it's something MUCH MORE!? EVERYBODYS COMMENTS I CAN ALSO RELATE TO. EXAMPLES OF HILARIOUS & IF PEOPLE READ MINDS, COULD NEVER BEGIN TO GRASP! WANTING TO BE GOOD & WANTING THE BEST FOR OTHER PEOPLE IS NOT DEPRESSION LIKE IVE EVER KNOWN, IVE GOT CPTSD, DEPRESSION ANXIETY &PANIC ATTACKS RECENTLYSO DIFFERENT & SUDDEN I WEIGHED OUT PROS AND CONS OF CALLING AN AMBULANCE. 99.9 % I had to be having a heartattach SURE UR PAST STORY BUT MAYBE CHECK INTO BEING AN "EMPATH" I NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING.. OVER 40 YRS OLD! & MY MYSTERY OF WHO I AM & WHY... "SOLVED!" IT'S A LOT TO TAKE IN & GRASP THAT IM NOT ALONE!!! MY CURSE IS TURNING INTO A LIFE CHANGING BESSING! -* had I ony knew years ago when I suddenly reaized others around me were NOTHING LIKE ME! I'd have CLAIMED & BEEN PROUD OF WHO I WAS! I hope this may help u out! & strong! Alone time is where I started journaling.. I can go back & read parts& realize the difference& how I fully see my heart & mind are wierd 20xs more complecx then a MOST PEOPLE ID EVER ET MET THEN & NOW. ACCEPTANCEO OF OURSEVES IS THE KEY TO CHANGING HOW WE SEE OURSELVES & FINALLY CAN SHOW PEOPLE WHATA BLESSING BEING A TRAINED OR KNOWLEDGEABLE EMPATH CAN DO FOR EVERYBODY IN OUR LIVES OR SOMEONE WE ACCIDENTLY ENCOUNTER THAT WE CAN HELP. My Personality & Issues went from a curse(swore to it being a curse for yrs!) To a blessing! Jesus himself was said to be an Empath, he is in us all. I can put myself into ANYBODYS SHOES TO SEE & COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND WHY THED REACT TO SITUATIONS ICLUDING THOSE WHO HAVE INTENTIONALLY HURT ME,WHICH INSTANTUNDERSTANDING BRINGS ON INSTANT FORGIVENESS. THERE ARE MANY EXCELLENT VIDEOS TO HELP U LEARN WHETHER U ARE OR ARE NOT.... EASY TO FOLLOW & UNDERSTAND. I HOPE THIS HELPS U OR EVEN IF IT REACHES 1 PERSON... AND IF UR STILL READING THIS, CHANCES R U ARE AN EMPATH... TYPE IT IN AND GET READY TO FOR UR TRANSFORMATION! I REALLY HOPE THIS HELPS SOMEONE ONE HERE. BLESS ALL OF U TO STAY STRONG & somehow life always goes on & we finda way.... sorry this was so long,
Being mature is like when you get a break or felt something wholesome, you feel tired and relaxed mentally at the same time...and then you stand up and goes "Ok let's do more" with a slight smile whether being alone or not, and then you yourself knows that you've been through a lot...and that you need no explanation, cause words can't describe it.
I think maybe it has to do with not feeling angry anymore at someone because you understand why you're angry. If you know you're the one in the wrong, you realize your mistake and learn from it. If it truly is the other person's fault and they aren't willing to realize that they're the one causing trouble, I rather want to feel sad and bad over angry that they don't have the mental emotional maturity to realize their shortcoming. I rather feel depressed and sad about the negatives of human then being mad and bottling up all that anger inside me. I rather want to know that it is life, human nature and the freedom of choice to become a negative person which is what created the person to be the way they are (negative). I rather want to be disappointed in life over being mad at a person who won't change because that anger will just drive me crazy.
Personally i am 17 now , and i spend alot of time trying to upgrade myself emotionally , physically so on . After i saw this video it helped visualise and pinpoint all what i have been thru . Just about 4 years ago i was very dull , never had time with myself , i was just a normal kid following people , getting hurt easily , getting bullied and so on , and as the years have passed i started learning more , started seeing the world in many different views , and seeing how vulnerable Humans can be , as an example it only takes a couple words to ruin a relationship of years , and with all my observation/experiences i learned to be better , stronger , and more emotionally stable , even if had to sacrifice a lil bit of my care , since its hard to fix yourself and other people at the same time, either way if u are reading this , life is just an experiment relative to the reactions that happen in certain environments , so don't let your environment control you your whole life , there has to be a point where u take control
I have been trying to experiment too, although I find it hard because all of my family members are emotionally immature and they treat me like a child. They aren't training me to become an adult, they are restraining me inside a bubble, but if I engage in those problems and take it as an excuse to not upgrade my fixable flaws, I'll never grow up. I have to be patient. And that's the problem with society, we all lack of patience. I don't think maturity is related to age at all, and it's really annoying when your elders try to give you advise you didn't ask for because of your age, especially when you know they are not mature. I'm turning 18 in a month and I'm still going to live by being restrained from leaving this house on my own and will still be looked down upon, but it can't be that way forever, all I need is patience. I rambled a little but thank you for reading.
sometimes i realize how utterly exhausting it is to always be the bigger person, constantly parenting even the adults around me and all i want is to be _allowed_ to be a child. to feel what i was deprived of when i was an actual due to being forced to mature so early
@@civilizedmonster we are talking emotional maturity, not how serious you are. if you dont have emotional maturity you lose your temper for no good reason, or feel sad for no good reason all the time. Its not a good thing.
I feel like I used to be emotionally mature but after countless attempts of trying to deal with people in an emotionally mature way and in return having them not necessarily deal with me in a similar manner I have lost my ability/confidence to communicate, trust, and be vulnerable with those people or others. And although I am trying to become stronger in continuing to stay emotionally mature, I would like to acknowledge those of us who have tried but constantly fail due to either our own shortcomings or others.
I feel the exact same way, how can I keep being honest and trying to explain why I’m upset when all the other person cares about is not taking the blame
I feel the same way since I am happy but I know reality hits and I had to change thus permanently just different way to trust people rather than as a kid who does what is considered the best.
@@etheliaowo7533 explaining everything that makes you hurt is not always the right thing, sometimes you gotta brush it off with a laugh, but If it's too personal you can just go "hey too personal" or if it's a misunderstood you can just say "there seems to be a misunderstanding" or if you wanna state your opinion just be confident and say it, but try to accept If the other person's opinion is stronger, friends fight and there's nothing wrong in that, ask their side of story first and then tell your side of story, Sorry if it's too long
To be honest, TO ME being emotionally mature also means being able to recognize that sometimes we shouldn't give some people our time and comprehension, i don't believe we should be comprehensive and mature with everyone, some people need to earn that right, simple as that. You have a limit to how much you can handle, pretending that one must be right and perfect with everyone is in the realm of craziness.
I take it all back. It actually is very true. I was raised in a family with little emotional connection between people. The language analogy really helps.
I think an important part that hasn't been mentioned is knowing when to say something. Sometimes if you love someone, it's not worth pushing an issue if you think the other person isnt capable of hearing what you have to say. On the other hand you have to know your limits and be able to understand what you as a person are capable of hearing.
Being guarded can also be a sign of emotional abuse. Also someone's emotional response is often used to legitimize further abuse. Extremely common in modern day culture.
Yep, I've been so used to having my thoughts and feelings dismissed by my parents and other adult figures in my youth that not showing any reaction and going cold was a survival mechanism. No matter how many anger outbreaks I was submitted to as a child I've learned the hard way that I better shut the fuck up or I'm just going to continue getting hit and shouted at, because no one likes a "cheeky snot nose"
@@TheZebinator My Mom calls it 'shutting down'. I don't think they dismissed me intentionally if they did, more so I dismissed myself for them. Too much love and complements I'd say. It's hard for me to take compliments for one reason or another. I know my mom means well, but STOP PRAISING ME FOR EVERY LITTLE THING. It's not a big deal. Why do you keep doing this? It's no like I'm not 4 anymore. Yes, positive reinforcement may help condition younger children, but it doesn't help when everything is positively reinforced.
My brain goes straight up to "no emotions at all"-mode when something is happening most of the time totally random. I'm now 26 but as a kid and teenager it was needed in my home. Hope i can break that behavior someday.
Same here, I often don’t realize how I actually feel about a situation until after it’s over and I’ve had time to process. This is fine and pretty common, and it’s 100% fair to tell people that you can’t talk about something until you’ve had time to process it
Same man, I had been depressed and cold to people, didn't take care of myself, hated myself, and thought about ending it all 6 months ago. Now I'm so happy I got a girlfriend, opened up to my friends who i thought would be too immature but were very receptive, picked up fitness hobbies and am working hard to become something in life. I thank Stephiscold for encouraging to pursue my purpose and how to deal with women and no fap. I thank channels like this for developing my personality and maturity to handle tough situations in life and to improve my attitude towards life. Almost makes me shed a tear, but I just smile instead.
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Getting upset at all is a sign of emotional imbalance.
Somehow I passed? Because even though I want to do those things I just don't. It takes a lot of rejection and being antagonized to get my goat.
Horribly.
The School of Life I really like your channel but I can not understand the videos completely because my English is not so good and there are only English subtitles. I would respectfully suggest that you provide subtitles in Portuguese. I'm from Brazil. Wouldn't it be possible subtitles in Brazilian Portuguese? I would like VERY much!!!! I'm sure MANY friends of mine and others would benefit from it as well. Thankful!
All ideas are opinions, just like this one.
The toughest part is when you know what you want to say and it comes out as a jumbled mess of loosely related words.
you can work on that
Try to write it down. It puts structures and patience into play.
Writing it down will let go the overflow and put structures to the chaos of the ideas.
It will also add a step before talking, teaching you patience and giving you the opportunity to, cool down if that's the issue, and take a step back about what you want to say and prioritize. Simplify.
Less is more, you may have a ton of things to say, but there's only so much one can hear, and you can probably cut down several problems into one. No need to talk about all variations of the same problem. It is, from my experience, better to talk little less than little too much.
I believe it ironically comes from the fear of not being understood. We therefore want to explain everything, to be completely understood and not rejected, and it usually end up being not clear at all and hard to understand. We then feel even worse than before.
That little wirting discipline helps for personnal matters, interviews, meeting...old trick, simple trick, but most don't use it... :)
thats called being an enfp
@@H0kram problem I have is when writing I can definitely articulate what I want to say a lot better and it's often exactly what I would say in person, except I can't say it in person bc when j try it comes out not right at all lol. My brain speeds too far ahead in the sentence and my mouth can't say the words fast enough. I guess I just have to slow down, but I don't realize that in time when speaking
@@ninisdilemma I'm definitely not ENFP.
It sucks whenever you calmly explain to someone how their actions bothered you and they end up taking it as though you're attacking their character or something.
It’s the worst, especially if it’s your significant other.
That's a nice indicator of who deserves being your friend.
Literally the worst
I feel you, bro
unfortunately happens most of the time that my girlfriend points out something that i did that bothered her. It's become an anchoring point for most of our arguments and i know it sucks ass but just cant help it for some reason :/
A true mark of emotional maturity is when someone hurts you and you try to understand their situation instead of trying to hurt them back.
Yes!!
Agreed.
However, it is also mature to defend oneself without necessarily trying to attack the other person.
Understanding the other person's situation is still part of this. But always taking the blame in an understanding way might or might not indicate some sort of fear and in conclusion a bit of emotional immaturity.
Seems like i am deeply immature lol
Another option would be to stop being a pussy-whipped husband.
Agreed but what if the other person hurts you without a rational reason?
I think it's important to point out that you're not emotionally immature if your initial reactions are one of the three immature ones. I've learned through working as a mental health professional that we do oftentimes have those initial knee-jerk reactions internally because we are only human. However, giving those thoughts power or letting them influence your behavior is what makes you emotionally immature. You can think for a moment "ugh why aren't they getting back to me?" before centering yourself with "they're a busy adult and will respond to me when they are physically and emotionally available to do so." So don't get super down on yourself if you have some of those initial reactions. Just don't let them influence your actions or well being. Catch them. Correct them. Eventually, with a lot of practice, your initial reaction will become the corrected one.
I strongly agree and I've learned to think the same. I'm not any professional, I'm just a 17 year-old teen but I early realized that striving to be or to have a better, improved, stronger character _is_ a practice, it's not a state of being. so I want to keep growing in emotional maturity, because it really seems that being emotionally mature is more of a skill to master, than a personality trait. I haven't arrived but I see that I've definitely left, knowing about how much and learning to train the influence of my thoughts to my actions has made a great impact on how I deal with my emotions now than how I did before.
Did you watch the video? That's literally what it means .If your reactions are the immature ones then you are emotionally immature. When eventually, with a lot of practice, your initial reaction is the correct one, that means that you have become emotionally mature. It takes time to mature, it's not an insult, being self-aware of what areas we need to improve in ourselves is a high indicator of maturity already.
@@Milktube hes a mental health professional
@@chilly6791 everyone can learn something
Know I’m late, but thanks for this. I really needed to know this.
I can't see that anyone has mentioned how beautiful the animations were!
The video just ended but I was really only reading the comments lol 😅
They were creepyyy :(
the animations were ugly.
@@MrSonyChaos come on, a little abstract. Don't you like Pablo Picasso?
@@ridleymcnamara2273 Well I don't like Picasso, "abstract" is ugly, I wouldn't even call it art.
This is the most perfect grammar I've ever seen in a comment section.
yes because everyone’s trying to sound smart
@@702d02 or they are actually smart and just knows how to use perfect grammar.
Iev bein grammar grannmaster sinss I were born... I had've all As in schools and colleges😇
@@mj2649 *know
lol
Seriously, they NEED to teach us this in school because these are things that we will use every single day of our lives, versus teaching us the countless things that we don't even remember.
People are realizing it just now so probably in a future
Thankfully they are! We watch videos like these on a weekly basis at my _private_ High schools. Though I can't say for sure about the Public ones.
Yup
Anyone forced to memorize the quadratic equation, whilst not being taught how to be emotionally sound is someone who has had their childhood wasted by law. I know I fall into this category (I mention, by law, because it's illegal not to go to school.)
yeah, i really didnt need to know how monkeys have sex...this would have been much more useful
I just want to say that there is a huge difference in sulking/being angry at something you can't control and being upset/hurt, while in the process of grieving. You are allowed to grieve, you are allowed to feel your emotions as deep as they go, and you're even allowed to vent your anger too other people. Grieving doesn't make you emotionally-immature. People who are emotionally mature and more in tune with their emotions are more likely to grieve for longer.
this is so important, but like all things, theres a balance, you don't want to bottle it up, or, get stuck in the past
i believe maybe what he meant is being stuck in the process of sulking without being able to move on until S/O metaphorically cradles you. its not immature to sulk but it can be when you depend too greatly on S/O and i think eli chapin said it wonderful, a perfect middle between grieving and moving on
It was meant to address the bridge between properly communicating rather than being unable to emotionally express and communicate thyself due to pain in one's ego. I mean it depends, in war no one wants to accept defeat neither taking the responsibility of helping one's opposition.
Let's say you made someone angry, an "Emotionally mature person" would tell you they're angry, It is still up to you interpret what they truly mean. An "Emotionally absorbed person"(I didn't use immature since bad impression)
will not directly tell you they're angry, rather they consumed by their rage and instead acts upon it, they want you to understand them. Being mature isn't always good, your potential is already defined.
@@familyfriendly813 i wasnt talking about number 2. i was talking about number 1... sulking
@@dakotaburch3799 It's all related somehow... but specifically yes, why people sulk most of the time is they don't have a confidence in their words, there comes the point that you become paralyzed because you are still stuck processing your emotions and expectations. Once you get a form of stability only then you can have the confidence to express your emotion.
I once explained to my mother why I did not open up to her. She used it against me. Never again
Same, every time I try to dialogue with my mother she just gets all defensive and goes “well, your father is worse”
Phantom- I’m sorry, that’s really tough
That feels really awful... mine would always reply with "how dare you talk back to me", whenever I try to explain things to her, she will say something along the line of "so you think you're really great because you went to higher level of schooling?"
Eventually I gave up explaining to her, because she had already given me a death sentence inside her heart but she refused to face up to it...
Happen to me too. It took me some serious time and effort to trust people again and I always had a good relationship with my mom (I think). That made me go way back to the shell I was. Not talking to no one about what going to my mind just daily life stuff, faking normalness and avoiding connecting with people. Even after years it still creeps about when trying to be vulnerable with people I know and I am close for years.
@Phantom - I would like to say it gets better but to be honest I am still trying to find out if that's true. After some years, it stops haunting you everytime you close your eyes but it can appear in not so convenient moments. The only thing I learn is that the only thing I can do is getting to tomorrow. Just tomorrow. If I got to tomorrow then I did well.
If you want to talk I will be here.
I know what having the death sentence in your mother's heart feels. Mine has said on multiple occasions that she wished she had a normal daughter and that she couldn't wait for me to move out and never see me again. She said these things when she needed to blow off some steam after having an argument with her own mother and sisters. So I took it with an indifferent face until the day we had an argument about me being in my room all the time because I was trying my hardest to get good grades so I could be able to pursue my dream career. I was stressed out as it is and then my mother came in there saying it was uncomfortable to live in the same house as me because I felt like a stranger. I cried in front of her confessing the depression I had since I lost my grandfather and she just looked straight in my eyes and said: ' You better keep on crying while you reflect on the person you have become'. I moved out and went to uni and it has been 2 years since and after deciding to go to the psychologist, I am wondering if I should ask her about what she has said. But I am too afraid. @Pedro Moreira, I am hoping that you are right, that it will stop haunting me
When the narrator said: "the mature like themselves enough not to suspect that everyone would have a good reason to mock and slander them" I felt that.
♥️
Khulekani Magubane I felt that too, realizing I profoundly disliked myself when I tend to conclude everyone always dislikes me with just the slight inconvenience
I felt that too but am far from that 😌
@@kimtonsing1067 Growth is a perpetual process. None of us have arrived.
So i'm truly immature
I used to hide my emotions, and when I started being open about them my friendships started ending, slowly one by one when people realized how they were making me feel, they strayed away from me, never talked to me again whatever it was we changed paths. I've come to learn that those friendships weren't forged on a love for eachother, but a love for ourselves, and self interests, when all you think about is how another person can make you feel and not what you can do for them, it stops feeling like true friendship
I wish i could do that, but im so terrified of being alone
@@sophilia8565 you won't be alone forever. Better to be alone tempoarily than with toxic friends...you got this
@@Jkobe2345 *Better to be alone FOREVER than to be with toxic friends.
I lost all my friends because I went through hard times. It just made it harder. It was a hard learned lesson to find what true friends I had. Its nice to see that someone else experienced this.
I'm incredibly emotionally immature but I found a partner patient enough to teach me maturity. It's been a year since I'm with him and I've grown so much already. It's exhausting but it's definitely worth it.
one of the biggest things that helped me reach emotionall maturity was grounding how i view the world i lost my entire sens of self for over 1 year so eventually i just tore down everything i belived in and in a couple of months i built up my world view trough what i wanna see in the world and how i see the world around me so now when im faced with any emotional decisions or challanges i can ground then in my world view
Exactly what happened to me and how I feel
@@Haitch12341 Thanks for this idea
What sucks the most is when you are emotionally mature enough to try and sort out the problem calmly, but the other person isn’t
Understanding that not everyone is mature enough and that not everyone is willing to give you a fair share just because you do to them, is also part of maturity.
Would you get pissed off at a wild tiger because it kills a human on its way?
Would you blame a dog, that has been trained, or that has been hurt and doesn't trust people for biting you?
NightHawk I completely understand what you mean, and I agree, it’s just that it sucks. I’m not saying that I’m expecting it, I’m just saying it totally sucks when someone doesn’t have the maturity to talk things through.
@@anabuneta3656 Well, yeah it does
It sucks and also tiresome.
If the other person is a jerk with authority, the mature one would possibly be taken advantage of.
Ana Buneta i too, am extraordinarily humble
No one mentions how emotionally draining it is being emotionally mature around emotionally immature people.
yup.
So be immature back
@@meitsme8864 that's immature😭
that's true. It brings u back to immature state if u are not prepare enough
MsJazzy604 if it’s draining, you aren’t emotionally mature yet.
Three methods indicating emotionally immature behaviour: 1. We might sulk 2. We might get furious 3. We might go cold. Three keys to emotional maturity: 1. The capacity to explain 2. The capacity to stay calm 3. The capacity to be vulnerable
I think I’m emotionally mature because my dad who is 51 is not emotionally mature. He breaks out screaming yelling at the slightest thing that he feels is attacking him. It’s very annoying and it breaks me down. I can explain something to him and why I don’t like it calmly but he still screams. He is a narcissistic if you can’t tell we aren’t that close
Thank you for this summary! I have trouble remembering certain things because of all the information overload (I suppose), so this was EXTREMELY helpful!
@@jillian.x Yes it can be overwhelming! I’m happy I could help. You’re welcome!
Thanks, now I can go to bed sooner lol
@@woozersbozo5416 same, so I just pretent everything is fine and perfect. He feels the distance and always tries to force me to spend time with him and "talk about myself", but he finds a way to emasculated me, disagree and tell me I'm wrong, and find something else to do
That analogy of rage and feeling powerful is so accurate. Those in power almost never show anger. Anger itself is part of the fight side of the fight or flight response, which comes from fear. Anger might help you feel powerful, but power doesn't mean rage.
“I am mature!” -me before watching
“My emotional maturity hasn’t changed from when I didn’t know how to walk.” - me after watching
we all have flaws, that's what makes us human. if we're assholes sometimes, so be it. just make sure that it isnt all the time.
@Elijah ASMR u dont need to mock someone when what they're saying has a positive intent
To be fair, our parents/family play a role. If you never saw emotional maturity on display, you never learned it.
Elijah ASMR they probably did but offered emotional support regardless, because clearly it seems implied that OP has some flaws they want to work on and would likely have appreciated said support.
“I am so mature!” - me up to point 3
“My emotional maturity hasn’t changed from when I didn’t know how to walk.” - me when he said _"we might go cold"_
I came in thinking i was emotionally mature and left finding im not
Plz have more likes
I don't think so, being able to accept the fact you have faults is pretty emotionally mature of you
@@Noctua8
It is mature to admit it, but that admission does not remove all the ways he thinks he is not.
It is an aspect of maturity.
I came thinking im not i left thinking im not
TRUE
Me: I think I'm pretty matu-
The Entire Internet: *You literally have the emotional maturity of an unborn Fetus*
Creepy Pheonix13 bro same
Shout-out to all the literal fetuses operating at appropriate fetus levels: How the Hell are you Watching This?
Harvey O'hannigan is this supposed to be funny
@@richp9831 You forgot to add the question mark in your statement on someone else's comment. You can do what you like, but to save you from getting told off about your punctuation, I thought I'd inform you. Now you will only get comments on how you are being rude to Harvey, and not about your lack of the question mark. 🙃
Creepy Pheonix13 did you really just try to lecture me about grammar in the comment section 😭
I think that, as teens, we stand in the middle, the limbo. This is all due to our constant development. We can act emotionally mature at times, yet, on the other hand, that maturity seems to slip from our hands sometimes. Teens change as they begin to mature, just as everyone else, but our change is far more prominent since it is our transition from kid to adult. In the end, depending on how we live, react, and interact, it all consequently leads to the person we turn out to be. This is a great video that goes in-depth into the big contrast between being emotionally immature and mature, and that is truly amazing.
I 100% agree
To everyone saying the video called them emotionally immature.
The fact you are able to admit this means you are probably more mature than you think
Ngl we can be blind as fuck about ourselves.
But can they realize that an apply it to a situation when they need to?
thank you 🙏🏽
Doubtful
Eh kinda
A true sign of maturity is when someone doesn't like a thing you like, and you realise it isn't a personal attack, it's just an opinion, that really doesn't matter in the long run!
That's why when I don't like something I state it in the go rather than "pretend" to like it
Middle school arguments were fucking infuriating.
but... but.... the funny man on reddit told me to bully people like that to death.
I just personally dont like when people state that what they are saying is the right way. why cant we all just state what we want in a kind way? ''I personally dont enjoy this'' maybe?
This is such a mininal point to it tho, its like learning to be a person lol I can't belive so many people agree that this point is really big
This video is gold. If only we were taught these topics in school... relationships would be a lot healthier than they actually are nowadays.
... except we never needed schooling in them. Nowadays we're a lot less close to our family and generally to people around us, which is why we don't develop very well. Having them taught formally in school doesn't make any sense
@@iLinked I don't understand your reasoning. While I completely agree that your individualistic society argument (what is the cause of this in your view?) I don't understand why teaching/practicing emotional/social skills in school couldn't be a solution/cure for this. Yes parents should also teach these skills at home but where do the parents learn them?
@@maartenvz social skills are developed subconsciously. Having it taught formally will just make things seem fake
@@iLinked Ok, buy that reasoning we shouldn't learn the fundamentals of language or mathematics. Which, one could argue, are fake or 'constructs'. Learning how emotionally mature people deal with emotionally taxing situations can provide a template for future events and you reaction to them, right? My parents were not well equipped for the challenges of parenthood. Part of their problem was an inability to teach me how to respond when terrible things happened to me. Since life does not stop happening, until it does. It is inexorable that more challenges will occur. If we're unable to respond to those challenges positively, then we'll respond negatively or not at all. Having a school curriculum that provides mindful solutions to external pressures seems like a possible solution. At least to me.
We can all do our parts of being an emotionally healthy person. I agree, nevertheless!
TH-cam recommendation algorithm recommended this at the best possible moment, and leu and behold, you have spoken the words I could have never possibly thought before to explain how I was feeling. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.❤
The scary thing is when "emotional immaturity" is your community or society trait and you seem weird when you act otherwise.
Ikr
All communities ACT emotionally immature, people want to be treated right but treat others poorly (myself included)
People are just afraid of being judged
What’s wrong with being weird?
You mean different ?
When you are now an "adult" yet you still act like a child, it is not cute anymore.
That's the most difficult problem to handle.
Everyone thinks you've gone crazy or something... happened to me.
I am immature in all 3 cases. I get angry, I can't explain why then I become cold. I hate to do that, but never knew it was because I'm immature. Guess its another thing I need to fix. Thank you, TH-cam algorithm.
dont worry you are not alone.
And that's okay, this journey of working on your emotional immaturity starts with the realisation that you are
I think the fact that your realizing this and wanting to change this shows that you already are mature in some ways at least. everyone of us has to work on ourselves, after all no one is perfect we can only try to become the people we can.
There’s your first step towards maturity ^^
good luck out there!
Emotionally Immature:
1. Being Sulky
2. Being Furious
3. Being Cold and Indifferent
Emotionally Mature:
1. Having the Capacity to Explain
2. Having the Capacity to Stay Calm
3. Having the Capacity to be Vulnerable
I’m mostly mature then. I’ve got the capacity to explain and to stay calm. The part where I’m immature is when I go cold and indifferent. I go cold and indifferent then when they talk to me first(showing they’re ready to talk with me) I explain why they made me upset.
Good points
@@larneclown6295 It's relatable
the video said much more
Ashutosh Ghosh yh
I used to date this girl. A year and a half we dated. I wish I hadn't so long, but I learned a lot along the way. I used to lack the ability to explain or to understand well, and now I can. But she was enourmously immature and very emotionally young. It really ruined me mentally and it just makes me mad with myself to think of her. I learned a lot though, and that's what matters.
Ya, i dated a guy for a little over a year. Neither of us were emotionally mature, but he was insane about it sometimes and would get absolutely pissed at me sometimes if he did something that upset me. Or if I was just upset in general. He never handled my needs well and often just ignored them, avoided and ignored me often, stuff like that. I wasnt great either since whenever he did something too hurtful I lashed out really badly. But I learned a lot about who I am, my triggers, my needs and wants, and my boundaries. And hopefully I will know how to walk away next time if it heads down that path again.
Me too champ, I broke it off 5 days before our two year anniversary. I don't think I was quite mature when it started but within the first two three months I'd become so adjusted to being yelled at and bullied and blamed for things that truly weren't my fault, throughout the two years I never started a fight never raised my voice never cursed anybody out and always would try to communicate. I wish I didn't let it go on for so long but if I broke it off earlier I probably wouldn't be who I am today. So keep that crown on 👑
@@no-uw1gs you don't date guys. you date men. without maturity you can never depend on the person. and since a relationship is dependence on one another it simply can't be done "correct" so to speak.
And women learn how to manipulate from their mothers. Men are largely defenceless against a skilled female manipulator. It's usually a Daddy complex, but it's always the result of unhealthy parenting. Children mirror the behaviour of their parents. Good luck with the future. I am pleased that you have learned from your nightmare.
Same, but if you fully understand the aspects in what they understood, at least me personally, I feel no rage. I simply understand she has much to learn and her trials didn’t lead her to the same path as me.
"The best revenge is not to be like that"
- Marcus Aurelius
GWinsight ooo I like this one
”She said tomorrow I will cook underwater yesterday he would've mowed my lawn but he didn't.”
- Dr. Suess❤️
Have good relationships with other people is a good revenge. Could do what they wanted but couldn't.
Thank u. we needed to see that.
That's very good
It’s funny because when you try to stay calm and tell someone why they’ve wronged you they’ll just tell you “it’s not that deep” and minimise the situation.
I say that to myself lol
Angel Wings be more empathetic then I guess
What's the context though? There are many self-entitled people who form imagined slights from little things
Gaslighting
Those people are probably narcs and when confronted, unaware of their attitude towards others.
I was like "oh yay I think i'm in the clear" until he said "we might go cold" -_-
Same... Luckily for me I recognized it long before watching this, and have been trying to fix it...however trying to get back those emotions is easier said than done.
@@Moniker_YT Proud of you for working on it ^.^ I really gotta work on it too
@@dumptruck_babs Thank you! :)
Just know it's a long process, sometimes it really hurts, and it sucks. My best advice is just to try and stay motivated, try not to let yourself be discouraged. Best of luck to you, keep fighting to improve!
@@Moniker_YT it doesn't take emotions to communicate. You can still talk to someone even if you're upset or emotionless. If you respect them then you'd at least say that you are having difficulty processing things just now and ask if you can have some time to think and speak about it later. My ex used to just switch off and walk away if she was upset. It felt increasingly disrespectful and I had to break up with her in the end.
Exactly my reaction
This video brings me relief it wasnt me. It wasn't me. I was solid as I could be. Contrite when I offended and patient when offended. I helped make her arguments as strong as I could. I did the right thing.
A lot of older people are surprisingly emotionally immature
If you've ever met someone that's completely obsessed with their age, (they say things like, "I'm the adult," or, "I'm older than you so you listen to me") then 90% of the time they can be considered emotionally immature
My dad😒
You mean....boomers?
You know? The one's who use Botox and wear tight pants, and wear different color hair. That's the woman. The men? They're not there, even if they are physically there. They sent an IOU for their time they needed to be spending with the family
Ezequielle Geronimo ...spot on. Not all but yes. You must be Gen X/Y?!
am I the only one who was really impressed with how good the animation was? like wow that art style is amazing
Me too, it's so beautiful!
Yes
Idk if you are jokin or for real
I was thinking the exact same thing holy fuck
I just dislike the people who believe they’re mentally mature because they don’t relate to others. It’s such an easy excuse to blame everyone else while ignoring their own flaws
Slurp that’s a sign of immaturity, sometimes you just gotta let people do their own thing
Projection
a.s.ferrarini think what u want, can’t deny that it’s a common thing
Exactly. Being in a state of perpetual, ignorant bliss does not equate to that person being mentally mature
@@slurplie he is saying that the people wo believ they are mature because they are diferente might be projection
Because of autism, I deal with anger issues. I’ve been in social training several times and it has never really paid off. In that sense, you could say I am a bit emotionally immature - and will always be so. I’ve learned to cool down and communicate, though, and I think that speaks more of emotional maturity than immediately staying calm does. Not everyone has the ability to stay calm, afterall, and it isn’t as easily taught as most allistic people think.
I’m autistic as well, and I really struggle with not going cold on people. I have trained myself to go cold when there are conflicts because my parents have told me that crying and anger were not socially acceptable. I’m trying not to be cold anymore though because I’ve ruined many friendships because of it.
No one is ever fully mature, mature is a gradient of ever increasing colors, due to peoples humanity and biology everyone is subject to unpleasant emotions, the fact that you have realised there is something you define as an issue and are working towards it is a sign of maturity, some people are more or less mature than others but being perfectly mature is something unobtainable, it would do you well to just continuously aiming for better and not worrying about reaching a perfect maturity
The fourth sign of true emotional maturity is to know when to cut ties and let go.
Firstname Lastname True indeed. I had to do that last night.
Yeah.. and that’s hard to do
Same
@@aquaconsetllations1699 Especially when it's your own damn fault.
Yeah I just do that at #3 😊
I wanna share this with my dad but he'd probably just get pissed..
i felt this
I'm sorry to hear that. I understand the feeling. Maybe just explaining what you've learnt to him might be a gentler approach and better received.
Well naturally, because you're basically implying that he's emotionally immature.
Watch the video again, it takes two people to create a conflict. If you're dad can't explain his emotions then you should make the effort to put yourself in his shoes and understand them through analysis. Think about all the responsibilities he has on a day to day basis. Think about his insecurities, his desires, frustrations etc. Let him know that he's is important to you, and you don't want life's small problems to affect your relationship. Do this and I guarantee you're situation will improve.
Tell him "ok boomer" from a safe distance.
@@geek7227 Tell it how it is my man
I had a friend come over a while back, who A) was on their phone a bunch when I was trying to show them something and B) left pretty soon there after to go see other people. I know for a fact that person is better than that, so I calmly explained to them why that sucked for me, and how I'd appreciate it if they were a bit more present when we hang out. They were super receptive and understanding.
On the flip side, I had a friend who was consistently being an asshole. I know for a fact that person is NOT much better than that. So when I told them how they had upset me, they doubled down on being an asshole and we aren't friends anymore.
Moral of the story. If you are afraid of how people will react, consider that their reaction is an indicator of whether or not you should continue to be their friend at all, and even if everything goes South , you will be better of after for having been honest.
agreed. even though in a ton of cases i might start yelling and get angry i will explain what is bothering me
Honestly, that first story shows that **you** are pretty emotionally mature. It shows that you were able to explain why something makes you feel like they don’t care about you in this situation. You were also able to admit your vulnerability because you admitted that them not showing interest affected you and how you felt with them. You also were able stay calm and not get furious at them for being on their phone and leaving very soon. I don’t know how you are most of the time, but good on you for being emotionally mature. 👍
How about being you and not expecting other people to change their behavior to your liking?
Maybe the people that were distant were uninterested in you because you were actually uninteresting? Or the other was "bullying you" because you actually can't take a joke and is now all pissed about it?
I'm not attacking. I think what you did is great, but it gives people the means to "blame others" and not look into oneself.
If people dont pay atention to me, tell them I Want atention, instead of improving yourself to be actually cool and interesting.
If people bully me (wich is very subjective, like nowadays anything is bullying and offensive), just get demand them to stop. If the bullying is unreasonable, by all means show your back and walk away. But if the "bullying" is just constructive critisism, then you should listen to it and change, not try to silence the person.
But I do like your way of being, I just think "immature" people can use it as a victim behavior tool.
@@leonardogottgtroy938 they didn't say they expected anything, they were just open about their feelings. There's no such thing as being uninteresting - it just depends on the person and whether or not you gel with them. Compatibility is different for every person.
@@leonardogottgtroy938 I dunno about the bullying part. When I was bullied, I would have insulting remarks thrown at me, insult my appearance, and throw uncapped pointy pens at me.
My bullies would frame me and steal my stuff, claim it was theirs and tell the teachers that I was "stealing" her stuff. Everyday was simply a series of verbal abuse.
If I were to look into myself... the only problem was that I didn't have enough friends in my circle and that essentially tells my bullies that I'm an open target of attack.
My anti-social and shy personality probably created me as a target. Whatever it was, I was just a target.
I demanded them to stop bullying me. Ended up making the bullying worse. I tried to ignore them (Turn my back and walk away)- the bullying has gotten more intense to get a response out of me. I reported them everyday- the teachers told me off that I'm bothering them with my bullying reports.
I dunno what else I was supposed to do in that scenario. I dislike your black and white point of view in terms of bullying when bullying is a whole lot more complex than just doing this and that to make it stop.
The three 'cardinal virtues' of emotional maturity
1. Communication
2. Trust
3. Vulnerability
Not so fast. Note that all virtues and vices are arbitrarily selected, often based on a world view. Those concepts are not "a priori" - contrary to physical laws.
It CERTAINLY is not in accordance with Nietzschian views: "Our weak, unmanly social concepts of good and evil and their tremendous ascendancy over body and soul have finally weakened all bodies and souls and snapped the self-reliant, independent, unprejudiced men, the pillars of a strong civilization" and "The discipline of suffering, of great suffering - do you not know that only this discipline has created all enhancements of man so far? That tension of the soul in unhappiness which cultivates its strength, its shudders face to face with great ruin, its inventiveness and courage in enduring, persevering, interpreting, and exploiting suffering, and whatever has been granted to it of profundity, secret, mask, spirit, cunning, greatness - was it not granted to it through suffering, through the discipline of great suffering?"
It's not that Nietzsche doesn't consider trust and vulnerability virtues - but he values them differently. When violated, it offers an opportunity to overcome them and grow ("What does not kill me makes me stronger").
But depending on others, their judgement, their understanding and their mercy - he would have considered that to be part of a "slave mentality" ("It is much more agreeable to offend and later ask forgiveness than to be offended and grant forgiveness. The one who does the former demonstrates his power and then his goodness").
thanks man, i didn't watch the same video you did 🙏
@@HansBezemer Spot on, this sounds like some hyper left wing communist propaganda to me. The moment I heard comunication, trust and vulnerability I thought keep quiet, assume the worst and start piling up the ammo.
@@stewartdent9661 how can u be emotionally mature without those 3 things, please explain i cant see anyone having any form of meanintful connection to otheres without it
@@stewartdent9661how is this in any way related to communism first of all, and second of all why is communication bad? why is patience bad? why is being open,honest and vulnerable with your partner bad?
"Our fury may look powerful, but no one who felt powerful would have any need for such titanic rage." Wow...
So true. Underneath most rage is terror
I had a hard time with this one. Even the mightiest fall. It’s cyclical. It’s nature. However, it’s how you address the rage after the fact that counts. It’s also what you do during your rage. You can be absolutely furious and as still as a rock as you squelch your rage. So I had a hard time with this one.
Also it’s not the absence of emotion that makes you powerful; it’s how you handle them. We are human and that’s not gonna change even as your perspective does. You can just make the choice easier to act on the emotion. It’s the acting on the emotion without thinking it through that jams most people up.
@@wren_. I understand what you mean. It’s like if I don’t, who will? As you hold yourself to a higher standard than most around you; it becomes the expectation that you’ll handle it. That’s what makes it exploitative as you said. I can tell you what helps me feel a little better about this experience - and I do mean a little better as I can really understand what you mean and it’s definitely maddening. But I just think about the fact that I’m strong enough to handle it. Sure some people may be parasitically latching onto your energy and living off it. Try to think what you’d rather be - who you are or yet another parasite zapping others for their energy cuz they haven’t quite started to work out their problems for themselves. So they can be said to be waiting to be saved. I’d rather be who I am no matter what. Also, realize this, if you keep working on it, it will eventually come to pass and you’ll be so much stronger and solid for it. You will become a master of your destiny as you have conquered certain battles in your life and you will become indomitable. It’ll be much harder for you to be swayed by others as you can recall the many times you defied the odds and created a better life and a better version of yourself.
That is kind of helpful for me. I have to deal with auditory triggers, so it takes a bit of reprogramming with me to learn how useless anger 8s 8n these situations. My limit system just seems to act like I'm being physically attacked so it views rage as a useful emotion. Feeding the anger will only make the worse, so I have to learn to witness and accept my distress without being active in it.
When I look at my previous relationship from years ago I thought I was emotionally immature, because in a critical moment when the other person let me down, I just started crying and asking them for help, trying to talk it out. Now I see that was actually a sign of emotional maturity and he was the immature one, because he was sulking, refusing to talk, getting angry and went cold.
I had a breakup recently and i always did the same thing as u said. And she just stopped talking, got angry and went cold and lied to me that she wanted time and she will get back to me. Instead when i begged her to talk everything out she told she wanted to end everything.
@@harshbhawnani8304 Yeah, been there. In my case that wasn't the end, but the relationship didn't last long after that occurrence and I was the one who proposed it, because I saw I can't rely on this person and even though it was still very hard for me to get over him, now I shudder at the thought of how horrible my life would have been if I had stayed.
Same. I recently got out of a relationship with a narcissist & I thought I was an emotional train wreck. I would cry & want to talk things out & explain how he hurt me & what I wished he did differently. He would get enraged, scream & yell, & then give me the cold shoulder/silent treatment for as long as he saw fit. Looking back on it I see he was an emotional train-wreck. Ironically he always told me to "stop being so dramatic".
@@SugaryPhoenixxx i thought about that whether she was also a narcissist. But she sometimes realized she made mistakes and said sorry. But yeah she often told me to stop being so dramatic too.
Many guys do that Peppy, they just start finding excuses to get of the relationship. You are better off this way I'd say, better than living in a false relationship.
Emotional maturity is when you can actually listen instead of waiting to tell your part of the story.
Weirdly, this usually happens when I talk with my older brother instead of with others
You can see people glaze over whilst you’re talking. I purposefully keep things short and sweet and people still don’t listen. They’re just waiting for my gums to stop flapping so they can say all the stuff they want to say. Which often has fuck all to do with what I last said by the way.
To me this doesn't seem stemmed from emotional maturity but a trained mind in productive communication
OCCURS when. Not “IS” when.
ADHD begs to differ
Watched this video several months ago. It came again today in the feed. Felt much better and confident to know I've moved in the right direction in the last one year.
Whoever animated this video is an amazing illustrator who captures the vivid emotions and also whoever wrote the script is a genius.
The scripts are by the narrator, Alain de Botton.
"When someone on whom we depend emotionally on..."
Let me stop you right there. I'm gonna need a different test.
You can replace it by yourself too probably. If you betray your personal expectations, how do you deal with that fact? Its obviously not really the same test and it doesn't give the same answers, but it can be related if you think about it.
In the end, even the emotionally mature are just as deeply flawed as everyone else, and nobody can be mature forever.
doesn't have to be someone you depend emotionally on.. personally my emotions go all over the place (adhd is fun) but it could also be having an appointment at 9:30 and the bus just not showing up till 9:35 now i live in the netherlands and here it's extra frustrating when it doesn't show up because our schedules are pretty on point when it comes to public transport so when it doesn't show it's even more annoying because chances are you'll be way too late because if it had come you you would have had arrived at the perfect 5 minutes before your appointment but no it decided to not show.. the way someone reacts to this can also be a good indicator.. now personally i will get angry and cuss loudly at what is frustrating me basically blowing off the steam so i can calm down a bit.
cracked me up, thanks
hahahaha same
😝😝you're onto something mate!
Sometimes im just scared of being upset and dissapointed in someone because I feel like Im overreacting, I dont really have a grasp of what emotions are valid and which ones are impulses that are just toxic and I find myslef troubled and in conflict over this on numerous occasions.
You just described my brain.
What the heck?
All emotions are valid both the good and the bad, life is not only about the good emotions like happiness and fulfilment but it is about all the emotions u as a person can feel... And the secret is to accept all of them instead of saying this is bad and i should not feel this ( no emotions are bad and i found this out recently it helped me alot)
@@abdullahiali26 There are emotions that aren't valid (Or at least should not be), there's this thing called coherency and set us appart from sociopaths.
Let's say person kills someone and feels joy because of it, Is that emotion valid?
Let's say someone betrays you and gets angry because you find out, Is that emotion valid?
Let's say you confess your feelings to someone and you feel entitled of said person to feel the same way for you even without knowing what the person really thinks, Is that emotion valid?
There are things you can do help you manage your emotions, but it is impossible to completely control them. Additionally, stifling your emotions is just as unhealthy as blindly following them all the time.
Still, rather than the emotions themselves, what you attribute to those emotions are more important to whether they are toxic or not.
www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-you-and-me/201210/you-be-the-judge-are-you-making-bad-attributions%3famp
As a psychologist, I can tell you one other thing : People who explain why they are upset, but they are upset over something they think they deserve (which is objectively questionnable) while they're just acting like they're above everyone and cry when anything doesn't go the way they wanted are NOT MATURE. But on the paper of this video, they are portrayed as mature.
What maturity would be, is a state of mind where you accept things the way they are while trying to make the best out of them. Admit your wrong doings, let people come and go. And always have a window opened for the ones who didn't hurt you or atleast made honorable amends.
This post deserves far more likes
A psychologist with an actual college degree wouldn't have misspelled "questionable". Or used "objectively" incorrectly. Or used improper punctuation with their commas. Or used a rambling sentence.
Or, more importantly, miss the entire point of the video being that the circumstances around the reactions of emotional maturity are that you (or whoever the video is trying to test), have been slighted in some way. We're not talking about a Karen screaming in public over the grocery store not having green beans in stock, we're talking about someone who was wronged in some way by someone that they relied on emotionally. It's literally at the beginning of the video. I don't know how you missed that.
You're drawing strawmen and inflating this weird train of thought to fit your obscure narrative. You're describing narcissistic behavior, which is not as common as it's portrayed to be by the media. As a psychologist, you should've known that.
Also, there's nothing wrong with still communicating feelings, even if they're irrational. It's literally the entire fucking basis of criminal rehabilitation and mental illness treatment. You're supposed to encourage patients with a mental illness to communicate their feelings even if they might feel irrational.
Sounds like you need to go back to your college and get a refund. You weren't taught correctly. You're either lying and you're not a psychologist, or you somehow got a degree from an online university and you don't know what you're talking about.
Thanks for clarifying
Partially true. Being mature is also knowing who to avoid whatsoever within the glimpse of an eye. Don’t let people “Come and go” it’s too easy, you don’t have the time for it. Be selective, say no to most things, don’t over share. Be picky with people basically.
This video is good, and has a good indication of emotional maturity, but don’t forget that this is with the assumption that this person has let you down once or only a few times.
If someone continues to let you down, even after you’ve opened yourself up and explained to them that they’ve hurt you, then you (for the sake of your own emotions as well as perhaps theirs) should let them go.
It’s great to be emotionally mature, but make sure that what your experience IS emotional maturity and not a toxic relationship. X
Exactly, I thought they'd address that in the video, it's super relevant
Very true. While watching this, I was wondering how a narcissist would take this. Then again, they lack self-awareness, so they'd probably think this doesn't apply to them.
I don't give narcissists a second chance or my empathy. They find ways to take advantage of your empathy and vulnerability
Well said
This is valuable advice to me from 3 months ago when I just couldn't exit a very emotionally abusive relationship.
"What is better - To be born good, or to overcome evil nature through great effort?"
b o t h
Winning a genetic lottery is not worthy of praise. But changing ones personality with effort is
Paarthurnax is emotionally mature, and I'm proud of him.
No one is born good or evil
U can't overcome evil
"The mature like themselves enough not to suspect that everyone would have a good reason to mock and slander them" That hit deep
Yeah I can see people mocking and slandering me even when I think they're wrong, and don't have a reason to. And it still hurts. I don't agree with them, I can't show them anything that will change their minds, and it hurts.
that undue comma after "enough" also hit deep. It made me take several seconds to understand the meaning of your sentence.
@@bennemann Fixed for your grammar OCD...
Does it mean the bible encourages emotional immaturity because it teaches that we shouldn't trust anyone? That everyone has evil in them
i think the key to it is to just not care at all when they mock or slander you. you're really just wasting energy by acknowledging them and they would soon leave you alone when they get bored
Damn I’ve been thinking about how I have an issue with vulnerability and this totally confirmed it while also fleshing out the idea of going “cold” better than I have myself.
Thank you, I appreciate you helping me understand myself more.
Ok, now I have to find a video called “how to mature emotionally”
Your mom’s Arnold lmaooo send me the link when ya find it
LyDiA tHe LiTtiEsT ok, I’ll keep looking, no mf’s wanna help me 😔✌🏻
th-cam.com/video/zvrCG5ePcME/w-d-xo.html
is this what yall are looking for?
Zara Hafeez hell yea. The plug, ty btw 😂
That’s sum you just have to do with experience in life... I used to think I was more mature than I was and think I matured as much as I could... but looking back now not even a year later I realize how silly and inaccurate that was. It really can only come with experience and sadly but most importantly pain.
This animation is actually georgeous
lochlann fermin king i Know everything thé video talks about is amazing , but i was waiting on somebody to actually acknowledge that the animation is great
It is beautifully combined with the context of the video. Just the right art-style and the right context.
As in full of George?
It's like Pink Floyd-The wall [in a way]
francisco chavez MY COUSIN @songelain.e DID THE ANIMATION im so proud of her :):)
What sucks is having no choice but to pretend like nothing bothers you, because everyone you love calls you weak when you tell them that something bothers you.
Shit man, wanna talk about it?
I feel the same way, but no one has ever called me weak, and i know no one will, yet i still pretend. Im coming to realize that its not about the people around me forcing me to be this way. Its me. More than anyone else, i scold myself for being emotionally vulnerable. I do have actual anxiety, so i constantly just fabricate these elaborate stories in my head to scare myself out of doing something. I should really take my medication more often. Whats most odd to me is that i enjoy living this way. Of course not the anxiety aspect of it, but the result of my anxiety. Being alone. I like it. I get mad at people for trying to help me. Seriously. I can go an entire day at school without talking to anyone, and its funny to me because im the happiest ive ever been. Back when i had so many friends, i was extremely depressed and i refused to admit it or get help despite the fact that everyone around me knew it. Its almost like i still am depressed though, despite that everyone who i love would say otherwise. I have so many personalities its hard to even keep up with myself. At home im happy, silly, funny, but at school im quiet, calm, focused, and reserved, yet deep down all i can find is sadness, and stress. Ive gotten so good at bottling my emotions, its like i dont even process actual sadness anymore. One of my parents moved out last week and all i could muster was "ok". Not a tear, nothing. I dont let it get to me, i dont let it phase me. You would think i was focusing on whats important to me rather than letting things get in my way, but nothing is important to me anymore. Im determined on living an emotionless, dull life of utter uninterest of everything around me, but thats not who i really am, but it might be who i really am, but its not, but it might be, do you see where im going with this? I dont know who i am anymore because im drowning in all of the fake personas and emotional shields that i put on to defend myself. I wont let anyone help me out of the position im in, i have to help myself out, despite the fact that i know im not able to, and all eventually end up directionless and confused, with no goals or aspirations in life and thats where i'll just end it myself because at the end of the day, life was meaningless anyway, and if i dont plan on helping future generations, then i am ultimately going to be worthless in the grand scheme of things no matter what i do. Alright, im pretty sure i scared everyone off by now, but if youre still reading, no need to respond or anything. Again, i dont want help. Im helping myself by typing these things.
@@perperperpen One person could change everything for another person and that person could change everything for another person. It's a ripple effect. Everything you do and don't do matter. Everything you say and don't say matter. Every single person in this world are worth so much not many know it. Every single person on this world holds some sort of influence. You may think you're not important in the grand scheme of things but you're wrong about that. Every person matters and every choice has an impact, whether it be good or bad. You're right, I can't help you. You have to help yourself. I'm just saying you're important no matter what you think.
@@perperperpen Just wow. You maybe didn't want it but your comment just gave me a MASSIVE inspiration for the protagonist of a story I'm writing. Thank you.
@@perperperpen I used to be in a similar boat, what helped me was being honest with everyone around me. Dropped the personas and masks and just began to act in an honest manner. It doesn't matter what they think about me, in the end, if they don't want to be around me for who I am, why should I want to be around them? There's always a group of people who can accept me even with my shortcomings.
This is a great video.
A coworker of mine was rude to me friday, and its rattled me over the weekend.
This has told me to stay calm, communicate clearly, and dont be afraid to be vulnerable next time.
as ive learnt sometimes being open will leave you venerable theyl sometimes mistake your maturity for being dramatic etc etc best thing to do then is to realise they arent worth your time and to spend as little time as possible talking to them. be kind but never let people take your kindness for granted.
My parents failed me, only expressed themselves in anger with verbal, emotional, mental, and physical abuse. I had to learn. And I have. It's not hopeless.
My parents actually never let me fall and take a hit, only talk and trying to be there with intellectual conversations that frankly didn't help me as I was simply smarter than them, especially my mother, and didn't realize what I actually needed help with was just remembering to make dentist appointments and how to do tax returns so I get the money I deserve.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to change places with people who had abusive parents, but even when your parents have the best intentions it's not always right for you.
It pains me that so many people commenting here are Indians.
Indian parents have really failed their kids
Emotional Maturity
1. Explain to the person how they have upset you.
2. Stay calm when talking with the person.
3. Accept that a strong relationship is formed from being vulnerable
Only kissing the first one
"a strong relationship is formed from being vulnerable"
into the trash it goes, this video is just a salad of words trying to make a meaningful argument
@@justanaverage1762 yea right ? most of them will just roll all over you once they know your vulnerability
I don’t know the answer either…
But i disagree with the first point.
Because-nobody would like it if somebody else was ‘correcting’ them for their ‘mistakes’ (also, how would you be so sure you’re not the one that’s unreasonably upset?), like, they would think-“why should I listen to you?”
Like I said, idk what to do either. But explaining (which to the person would sound like CORRECTING/TEACHING) wouldn’t work.
@@mukulsharma5738 Sounds like bad relationships with people have developed in you trust and abandonment issues which has led you to believe that to be mature is to be strong and not show vulnerability, which is wrong, as by doing so, you wouldn't open up in case you had a mental problem or even just a general issue, since you'd think people would just roll over you.
My mother was emotionally mature and abusive. When I communicated how her behaviour made me feel, she just went plain abusive. I had to step back and communicate the rest of what I wanted to say by email. She didn't reply for a year and I did not want to contact her back because this is one of her ways of control.
So I wrote her to tell her I did not want her in my life, because of her behaviour and that she needed professional help.
Few days later she tried to call me but the boat was past for good. It is difficult to trust someone who betrayed you so many times.
As for today, I heard she still the same, so I have no regrets. I cannot say that I miss her but I definitely miss a mom, since I was a child actually. I pardoned her because she certainly acts like this because her childhood was ruined too. Nonetheless it does not mean I want to accept her behaviour.
Sometimes maturity means to have the courage disengage from toxic behaviours and pardon the toxic person for yourself because they clearly do not better. For me that was the ultimate sign of maturity.
sometimes you just gotta worry about yourself
If your mother was actually emotionally mature she wouldn't feel the need to treat you the way she did/does.
@Steve MillerThat sucks, but I guess it's a good thing that you're at least aware you are emotionally immature. You could use your knowledge to work towards working on beginning more emotionally mature.
@Steve Miller Good for you :). A lot of people don't realise there own flaws, or in your case, immaturity and never improve as people at all. Good luck on your journey of self-improvement.
She’ll contact you again when she may have matured
Sometimes I tell myself “you’re ok” and it really does help.
Everyone talking about being emotionally mature and I'm over here realising how emotionally immature I am.
It's actually a good thing that you realise, you know that it could be a bad thing and you might have to work on it. That's a mature attitude.
Same, I go cold and get angry more than what I would like
Knowing us the first step in change!
I'm bad at communicating. I wasn't social growing up as a kid, so I never learned it.
You and me both honey... you and me both...
To whoever wrote this you're a very talented writer.
youtube is such a nice place to find talent, and enjoy it.
... except when you just watch something just to let the time pass
Agreed
Thanks I appreciate it
So True!
Loved it!!!!
don’t sleep on the animator
"Not feeling anything replaces the fear of being fully alive"
But what if... and hear me out on this, you fear both.
@@Speed001 the fear of not feeling anything, the fear of feeling, and the fear of being alive. I've felt it all. I guess depression does that to you...
Damn you really be exposing me as well
Only thing to fear is fear itself.
@@boink8653 wait what? I have felt all of those. Did I go into depression and not realize it?
I'm 42 years of age & still learning this. This video is brilliant!! And will be on regular repeated plays for me till I finally learn. Thank you for posting x
I love how most adults or parents aren't fully emotionally mature
It’s a sad, horrible truth.
it probably comes from the kind of generation they grew up in. things like toxic masculinity and emotional abuse were so normalized back then. :( i hope our generation can do better
@@arakisrohanfigure8681 don't forget toxic feminity for the other side of things
Right, I think they grew up in times of much poored education and they may not fully understand their behaviour.
because there were no educational content such as this, that is freely available
im the type who goes cold, i give everyone at least 3 strikes in hurting me and i balance all the good stuff and the bad stuff before i cut ties with anyone
the thing is.. over years i came to understand that explaining myself wont stop the people from hurting me in the exact same way as before, so i just made peace with the thought that people wont change their behaviour because of me and instead of exaining myself to others im trying to find people who understand me as a person from the start and not just trying to adapt to me... if that makes sense in any way
the 3 strikes lol I’m the exact same hahah
I don't think this is actually going cold. The way I understood it was that going cold meant you would lie to yourself about how much someone meant to you and therefore how much they hurt you. It seems like you are cutting people out of your life who aren't worth the hurt you are receiving, you are not denying the emotional hold they have/had on you, but are deciding instead not to dwell on it.
I think it's perfectly mature to do this, as long as you are letting them know what hurts you as you go along. Keeping a silent tab on these things helps no one. You said this has happened multiple times, but remember that not everyone is going to react the same and that everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves to you. Then again, feel free to ignore this advice, you know your life more than anyone ever will and it's up to you to make the best decisions for yourself, and it seems like you are doing that already by finding the people who understand you instead of those who want to change you. I wish you luck!
@@liquidforest i thought i was going "cold" bc i dont explain myself the last time i cut them out of my life (im now not sure if i understood the video well enough haha), i just stop replying to texts and stop greeting them and they always get the hint.. mostly i dont explain myself bc i dont want to bother anymore, if they arent going to be my problem from now on than i dont want to bother and potencially start a fight with someone "over nothing", and since they mostly do the same thing they could assume what they did that hurt me
but its also really immature bc i also do it to hurt them in a way, i cant really explain it really well but they cant really be sure why i cut them so i guess it can be hurtful to them if i stop speaking with them just like that
btw just to be clear to this day i only cut down 3 people and at the times they were really close friends to me (im just adding this bc i wrote the comments like i almost cut everyone exept my parents hahahaha)
idk, i just wished people would be more considerate and listen to others more instead of forcing their standpoints on others (i never do that if what they are doing isnt toxic to them bc i know it can be hurtful)
also thank you for your comment, its always good hearing an opinion form a 3rd party (even if i didnt give much info in my 1st comment) so thank you on that :)
Sameeee
Exactly what I started doing in ręce t years. Made my life a lot happier
I grew up in a household with two parents who were always fighting about something. Rather than deal with their issues in a calm and collected way they would yell at each other. Rather than come out about their emotions to eachother they would let it pile up until a boiling point. I suffer from some childhood trauma due to this and definitely don't always respond correctly but to anyone else with similar situations you CAN fix it later on. Being self-aware and consciencous at all times was my biggest step to pursuing emotional security. I still struggle and I may always struggle but its important to make your best effort.
I feel you so much! Although, this happened towards me as well. Whenever I tried to communicate my issues (not always in the most mature way, but well, i was the kid), my mother would have an emotional outburst like I was insulting herself. And as a coping mechanism, I stopped communicating anything, with anyone. And even if I do, I will most likely end up saying half the truth and not the whole issue. I’m working on it though. I found that bottling up my emotions makes it harder for me to find peace and I’m now more motivated to communicate them. I’m still struggling sometimes though.
@@myrtila You got this, it definitely helps to have someone to talk to about it. I've had the fortune of being able to come to terms with my childhood trauma (for the most part) but the leftovers from it are definitely still there. Honestly the best cure I've found for this kind of stuff is exposing yourself to new things and overcoming stressful obstacles. I recently got a new job in a contact center and had LOADS of fear and anxiety over talking to people. A month later and while I'm definitely a bit tired, and there still is some anxiety but I feel as though I've grown quite a bit already and have a better grip on my anxiety and communication issues overall. So trial by fire I suppose? And yeah the outburst thing I totally get, it felt like I was being blamed for something that didn't seem wrong lol.
Same, I'm literally embarrassed by them when they argue, like how is it so hard to not add more issues to the unresolved issues, they're addicted to drama and problem's- it's weird, cause all I see are insecure little children that don't feel safe, luved, appreciated or cared for walking around in adult skin manipulating, gaslighting tricking and going around cutting any little corners to get these unfulfilled wishes and needs of safety, appreciation etc met instead of plainly finding ppl who actually want to look out for them just as they will.
Like, oof, ik they weren't raised in a healthy environment, that's for sure (it shows) but jeez, they have the choice to grow out of it now, but idk wth is holding them back as if they're trapped in their victim minds.
I'm kidding about that last part tho, ik exactly what's stopping them from growth; feelings of unworthiness (they can't find other ppl to appreciate them, they believe it but they may not act it), shame (cause they know what they did was morally incorrect) and a tiny very tiny bit of guilt that they haven't fully taken notice to but they know it's there) cause victim's don't feel guilt and they must be the victim at all times to look right) these "shameful" feelings remind them that they are humans and not "wrong" or "evil" however this is only for self soothing not awareness, that's as far as their awareness journey goes, they don't go past that).
@@deegrawnz it's great to hear that you've already seen some growth! Keep growing and learning and thanks a lot for the advice 💕
Wtf, this is me, the same exact things happened
It all comes down to self-confidence. If you’re confident you are aware of things around you then are aware of how you are feeling. If you are confident you will communicate in a direct manner and you will be vulnerable in that situation. Most people have no awareness of their crappy behavior
4:47 The video forgot to mention that not everyone raised in a loving home will be emotionally mature. And not everyone raised in an abusive home will be immature. There is a 50/50 chance. Especially if you grew up having to be the emotional "parent" of your parent.
Ikr!!!!!
Some parents can provide everything you need but are very emotionally distant.
Exactly there is genetic and environmental factors.
My mom always tells me how when she met my father and how hard the days were and how she wished that I, we never happened, I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to comfort her, I didn't know that she was just letting out all of her emotions on to me, she told me all these insecurities and problems and it made me feel heavy and awful and responsible. I guess I am, technically.
something i've only come to learn quite recently is that you can have unresolved childhood trauma even if you had a largely positive childhood free of abuse/neglect. trauma doesn't have to big caused by "big" events, it can just be caused by subtle aspects of the environment we grew up in. even the most loving supportive parent will have unchecked issues with how they communicate or deal with their emotions etc. and that will get passed onto the child. it's inevitable.
and then there's the flipside you alluded to, where kids with abusive or emotionally distant parents can be highly emotionally intelligent because they have to learn to read through indirect, passive aggressive and volatile communication.
just makes me want to care for everyone 🥺
I feel like my mother's emotional immaturity is a factor in my own emotional maturity, because I've grown up knowing how unlikable and difficult to be around emotional immaturity makes you.
2:50 "Not feeling anything may have replaced the enormous threat of being fully alive" ... oof ive been called out
True
Didn't expect for that to hit me as hard as it did...
fml dude.... same.....
When raised by and around people who never mature emotionally, being emotionally mature can be difficult to maintain with all those around you.
Yes, a toxic environment really stifles your learning experiences and progress. That's why the best thing to do is survive until you are able to escape.
Hayley Blanch you don’t have much choice...unfortunately, a lot of damage is done along the way and once you’re out, is when the real battle begins to find your way back to yourself.
I can tell you being abused as a child will fuck your emotional maturity very hard
I feel like it’s definitely a survival tactic to be in both ends of the spectrum in regards of living in a emotionally immature environment. You’re aware of these things which gives you the advantage until you’re able to get out of that environment. Once out you should have no problem adapting to a new environment. I’m speaking from my upbringing and where I’m at now in life. Best of luck to you. Self awareness is key
Blaze High I should have left them behind in my 20’s and never looked back!
The learning a new language analogy was really good. It is honestly so hard to properly comprehend somebody else that may not have had a decent upbringing, simply just not having anything in their brain that helps them make good logical decisions in these circumstances. But some people literally just have not learned it. They themselves wouldn't be able to comprehend the other side.
"The mature, likes themselves enough not to suspect that everyone would have a good reason to mock and slander them."
Favorite part.
this is actually one of the things i say to myself every morning. "what people say isn't about me, people aren't saying stuff aimed to hurt and break me." Yet the past 2 weeks i've met some drama... and i just couldn't convince myself, it wasn't about me. I'm not being kind enough to myself, it's difficult to be kind to yourself if nobody ever taught you how. Changing how you learned to live in a certain way is hard.
This is the key. If you’re secure in yourself, many of these problems evaporate, and what other people do isn’t so upsetting
@@Meraxes6 how to secure in yourself give some tips
Didn’t realise how badly I needed this emphasised, thanks for that I would have missed this point ☝🏽😮💨
@@Meraxes6 yet, what would an emotionally mature person do if people he loves turned their back on him?
I thought I was emotionally maturing, but it turns out I was just changing how emotionally immature I was.
So a ur evolving ur emotion immaturity like a pokemon?
I feel you bro. At least we are here, trying to learn more about ourselves and improve. Now you know you can do better.
Same lmao, I ve been through all 3 phases. From 1 to now 3 xD
Interesting!
😂😂😂
“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” -Atticus Finch, To Kill A Mockingbird.
One of my favourite quotes.
Chroma I'm reading that book for school lol
Great read.
@@pheyhernandez5120 Agreed. One of my personal favourites
True. Did not really like the book overall but it surely had a few very compelling moments and characters like Atticus Finch and Dolphus Raymond
- Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Ive always been logical and grew up in quite an unfair childhood. I learnt how to become emotionally mature early on to make sense of everything, but struggled to make myself vulnerable until my mid 20s. Its crazy how this alone shapes your perspective on life so strongly
Many people are emotionally mature very early on, in fact it's often a very common trait in little kids but everyone treats them so poorly and in such frustrating ways they break and appear immature but often times nobody older wouldn't do the same if treated the same way.
I grew up with a dad who was very emotionally immature and controlling. Felt like I developed my emotional maturity just to deal with him and his arrogant, domineering behavior and his frequently pessimistic outlooks. Unfortunately knowing how to deal with someone isn't enough sometimes, as they are ultimately the ones that respond to you. Feel like learning how to control yourself is as much for yourself as them, since ultimately when you fail to get through to them you realize its not your fault, you did everything you could, and that brings peace of mind.
Mid 30s here, I grew up where vulnerability was weakness and trust was simply asking to be taken advantage of. I still don't know the answers. The sad thing is that my life has only really reinforced these negative presumptions.
I'm trying my hardest to improve myself, it's so so so hard. I'm too sensitive and I think I'm a burden to a lot of people because of this. My mind just immediately goes to “defense” mode, I go cold most of the time. I'm too egoistical.
This journey is going to take a long time but I'm willing to go through it.
I was similar to you. Getting defensive and then very cold. It took a year full of disasters to unlearn that. But what really helped was to accept that I'm going to fuck things up a bit from time to time. And it's not a tragedy. It's normal. Then do your best to be sorry and properly say that. It does wonders. And by accepting the fact you will inevitably make errors you will actually make fewer of them and feel more at peace. Good luck! You're on a good path!
Me too! I'm sometimes awfully sensitive, how is it going, any clue yet?
I'm also too sensitive but I couldn't get cold because I'm afraid to lose someone, so I end up acting desperate and making sure that person who hurted me or disappointed me doesn't find me annoying.
Me too ,there are many people like you ,keep going
best wishes to you!
The easiest way to be mature is to just over share until communication becomes easy.
This is an extremely difficult test for someone to administer to oneself in earnest. Almost nobody would be openly willing to admit that they lack emotional maturity. Even upon recalling a time when they themselves lost their temper or refused to open up about their feelings, a natural human reflex is to justify that instance and say that it was only natural in that given circumstance, or to dismiss it as an outlier and convince themselves that it doesn’t count.
I think it’s probably at least part of the reason there are so many comments talking about what it’s like to be the only emotionally mature person in the room; it’s easy to recognize when someone else fails the test but much harder to recognize when it’s you.
Vgamer311 agreed
Vgamer311 does it hurt having such a big brain
Justin Gregory idk why you have to be derisive. Sure I was kind of stating the obvious, so what?
dunno why the aren't willing to admit...more people are emotionally immature then mature, people just lie to themselves lmao, i have no shame in admitting my immaturity.
Yes and no. While people hate being wrong, often to the point they prove to themselves they are right, knowing this will help people develop. Even if you consider the times you acted imaturely as outliers, if these three points just stick enough in your head, that you are reminded of them every time you encounter one of these "outliers" It will do you a lot of good. The key is that if you figure out that you just acted imaturely by yourself, you don't have to admit guilt and you aren't wrong.
It's rare for anyone to win an argument, and convincing people they are immature is sure to become one, but an argument takes two people.
So i believe that even if you Lie to yourself that you are mature, you will be more inclined to realize the times you are immature, and slowly help you become more mature.
I maintain a facade of emotional maturity, but I’m really just too closed off for anyone to gain the ability to elicit an emotional reaction from me.
Dang bro I felt this. You're not too far gone though! If you want to change, that is.
I felt this...
Damn that hit hard
Same
Same here😥
This video was so informative. I just got into my first real relationship. I thought I was more emotionally mature but now I realize I still have a lot to learn. Being honest when I'm sad is scary but necessary. Thank you for enlightening me!
I’m glad our generation is mature enough to search things up like this to better themselves
I'm disappointmented our generation is so immature they blindly believe things on random youtube videos because it looks professional and has a British guy speaking.
ps it was recommended 90% of us didn’t search for this x
@@jasonhymes3382 okay what can you blindly believe then...well its healthy not to believe anything blindly...but undermining this content cos its just a random youtube video is a bit ignorant..whether its a book or a random youtube video...its not something disappointing to be open about an idea given that its credible or seems reasonable or if its worth thinking about..
Jason Hymes acting like you’re smarter than any of us when you’re clearly here too...
@Nezic ok edgelord
Sometimes we don't want to be honest about how someone hurt us, because they're not emotionally mature enough to hear it.
edit: Interesting how so much is being assumed of me by individuals who say I assume too much.
Best comment
Amen
Up
How do you know until you try? You should try to help the person understand
This sounds like a cop out, tell that person and cut them out of your life if they are so immature it’s that simple
I am 17. After watching this video, I now know that althout I thought of myself as mature but in reality, I was emotionally immature. Thank you for informing me that I was wrong and that I should have a proper communication with my parents to be considered emotionally mature because I want to be independent.
Self-awareness is the first step and you’re already there. Now it’s about taking responsibility and doing what you need to do to improve. You’re on the right track. Best of luck.
.
u are luck u are watching this at 17...get your life together than...u can be someone still...
@@donroxitheoverthinker It's never too late to change your life. What's in your future hasn't been decided yet. If there's something you still want, try to make it happen. Only on your deathbed will you know that the happiest day of your life is behind you. Best of luck.
Good stuff. I am excited to see who you become. Keep this mindset and the boundaries of your mind, and life, will ever fall before you.
This animation is absolutely amazing. Made the dialogue way easier to understand, props to the animator/s!
Wow I didn’t know showing indifference when someone hurts me is not a mature response. I usually do this to ease the pain of embarrassment. I’m going to try to be more vulnerable 😭
Dont be vulnerable just say what you felt to the person who hurt you and whatever happens happens
Isn't that what being vulnerable is, though? For me, not saying how I felt is a cause of me being afraid of being dismissed as "over sensitive" etc. But whenever I've been strong enough to actually open up and ignore those feelings of being dismissed, I've met the complete opposite (which is ususally the case I guess, when the other person really cares for you).
Vulnerable in the sense to honest aboot yourself with others. You get insulted as though you are nothing and you cry, to cry in considered vulnerable because it is an honest expression. I have been laughed at when shedding tears, it is a bummer to have someone around making noise aboot how your whole being "sucks". In such an instance it is best to have the understanding that the fellow mocking you has very poor judgement, you could say of incredibly little worth, which stinks if the person is say your parent, to see your parent of little worth is sad. You can be "vulnerable" under stressful circumstances and still have strength.
However as beastmaster says "don't be vulnerable" is good advice too, though a move towards isolation. It may be a sign of a great need for change of one's environment to get away from those you won't be vulnerable around but there are people who can hurt you quite drastically and it is good judgement not to share certain things with said person/s. However this can be a really sticky situation because if you are not wise to the tricks people play you will likely be manipulated, if you lack the wisdom in honesty you will very likely become lost like the rest of the hurt people going around hurting people. Exercise great caution in "not being vulnerable", it is at your own risk.
A man who has strength in honesty is not easily shaken and will contend with those who corrupt. Truth is a beam of light illuminating the darkness, don't underestimate its power.
Michelle Michelle being vulnerable means not caring to be accepted. It is living in your truth and trusting yourself enough to be resilient to get over the mockery/scorn/hurt someone has tried to project on you. You have to look at it like “they have the problem... not me” . Because anyone who takes advantage of someone else’s empathy is really the one who’s hurting; that person truly needs sympathy (because they lack empathy).
bianca lee williams I’ve never thought of vulnerability in that way. To me because of the influence of social media I’ve always thought someone who is vulnerable as weak or over sensitive but what you said makes so much more sense and I just need to learn to live in my truth even if it means I will get attacked or seen as weak. I’m going to screenshot what you said and read it over to remind myself of what you said
I was once emotionally mature when i was younger. That was at a time where i felt at peace and it was the happiest point in my life. But later on i realized how much my behavior stood out because i was such an oddball, that i started trying to learn ways to present my reactions, thoughts, and behaviors in more natural, casual ways so that i would still be the same.... but i would just fit in more. Now I've lost sight of who I was then- I have an idea of who, but it's not who i am now. I've been trying to re-learn for a while now
Naimah P Ik exactly what you mean... growing up in the hood u will sometimes feel pressured to act tough while at the same time be the loudest and most impressive in any given room. Going into my first year in high school I felt so out of place and al together wrong because I didn’t think that my personality was enough... the way I got out of it was actually because I started smoking weed (not the only reason btw) when I first started smoking I realized that I was able to let my mind wonder and not think about whether I was talking too much or dressed the best for every little occasion and unimportant things like that... soon I learned to do this while sober. My advice is to come to terms with the fact that don’t you have to be anything you don’t want to be and regardless of the outcome as long as you accept yourself first that the rest will fall into place
I agree with this so much. Feel like society has corrupted me lmao, ah life is a riddle.
This is exactly how I feel. I always felt weird ,although most people liked that about me. I felt that I didn’t understand people’s emotions that well, so I started acting like the people around me and now all I want to do is go back to the person I was. a person who didn’t care and was at peace with being alone instead of feeling lonely alone and lonely with other people. That my thoughts are no longer my own just a projection of what I think a normal human being’s thoughts are like.
Chopin I only agree on what you said about going back to the way you were, I feel the same, I used to not give a fuck and I was less sensitive, I liked it that way. About 2-3 years pass and loneliness presents itself daily, it made me change, made me want to be more nice, care more about others, want the best for others, but what if that’s only because i’ve been lonely for so long i’m just desperate at this point?
@@abc-ze5ce Or... What if it's something MUCH MORE!? EVERYBODYS COMMENTS I CAN ALSO RELATE TO. EXAMPLES OF HILARIOUS & IF PEOPLE READ MINDS, COULD NEVER BEGIN TO GRASP! WANTING TO BE GOOD & WANTING THE BEST FOR OTHER PEOPLE IS NOT DEPRESSION LIKE IVE EVER KNOWN, IVE GOT CPTSD, DEPRESSION ANXIETY &PANIC ATTACKS RECENTLYSO DIFFERENT & SUDDEN I WEIGHED OUT PROS AND CONS OF CALLING AN AMBULANCE. 99.9 % I had to be having a heartattach SURE UR PAST STORY BUT MAYBE CHECK INTO BEING AN "EMPATH" I NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING.. OVER 40 YRS OLD! & MY MYSTERY OF WHO I AM & WHY... "SOLVED!" IT'S A LOT TO TAKE IN & GRASP THAT IM NOT ALONE!!! MY CURSE IS TURNING INTO A LIFE CHANGING BESSING! -* had I ony knew years ago when I suddenly reaized others around me were NOTHING LIKE ME! I'd have CLAIMED & BEEN PROUD OF WHO I WAS! I hope this may help u out! & strong! Alone time is where I started journaling.. I can go back & read parts& realize the difference& how I fully see my heart & mind are wierd 20xs more complecx then a MOST PEOPLE ID EVER ET MET THEN & NOW. ACCEPTANCEO OF OURSEVES IS THE KEY TO CHANGING HOW WE SEE OURSELVES & FINALLY CAN SHOW PEOPLE WHATA BLESSING BEING A TRAINED OR KNOWLEDGEABLE EMPATH CAN DO FOR EVERYBODY IN OUR LIVES OR SOMEONE WE ACCIDENTLY ENCOUNTER THAT WE CAN HELP. My Personality & Issues went from a curse(swore to it being a curse for yrs!) To a blessing! Jesus himself was said to be an Empath, he is in us all. I can put myself into ANYBODYS SHOES TO SEE & COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND WHY THED REACT TO SITUATIONS ICLUDING THOSE WHO HAVE INTENTIONALLY HURT ME,WHICH INSTANTUNDERSTANDING BRINGS ON INSTANT FORGIVENESS. THERE ARE MANY EXCELLENT VIDEOS TO HELP U LEARN WHETHER U ARE OR ARE NOT.... EASY TO FOLLOW & UNDERSTAND. I HOPE THIS HELPS U OR EVEN IF IT REACHES 1 PERSON... AND IF UR STILL READING THIS, CHANCES R U ARE AN EMPATH... TYPE IT IN AND GET READY TO FOR UR TRANSFORMATION! I REALLY HOPE THIS HELPS SOMEONE ONE HERE. BLESS ALL OF U TO STAY STRONG & somehow life always goes on & we finda way.... sorry this was so long,
Being mature is like when you get a break or felt something wholesome, you feel tired and relaxed mentally at the same time...and then you stand up and goes "Ok let's do more" with a slight smile whether being alone or not, and then you yourself knows that you've been through a lot...and that you need no explanation, cause words can't describe it.
yes finally someone understands
I think maybe it has to do with not feeling angry anymore at someone because you understand why you're angry.
If you know you're the one in the wrong, you realize your mistake and learn from it.
If it truly is the other person's fault and they aren't willing to realize that they're the one causing trouble, I rather want to feel sad and bad over angry that they don't have the mental emotional maturity to realize their shortcoming. I rather feel depressed and sad about the negatives of human then being mad and bottling up all that anger inside me.
I rather want to know that it is life, human nature and the freedom of choice to become a negative person which is what created the person to be the way they are (negative). I rather want to be disappointed in life over being mad at a person who won't change because that anger will just drive me crazy.
I love that it doesn't just tell us what's wrong with us, but the second half of the video is explaining how to get better
Personally i am 17 now , and i spend alot of time trying to upgrade myself emotionally , physically so on . After i saw this video it helped visualise and pinpoint all what i have been thru . Just about 4 years ago i was very dull , never had time with myself , i was just a normal kid following people , getting hurt easily , getting bullied and so on , and as the years have passed i started learning more , started seeing the world in many different views , and seeing how vulnerable Humans can be , as an example it only takes a couple words to ruin a relationship of years , and with all my observation/experiences i learned to be better , stronger , and more emotionally stable , even if had to sacrifice a lil bit of my care , since its hard to fix yourself and other people at the same time, either way if u are reading this , life is just an experiment relative to the reactions that happen in certain environments , so don't let your environment control you your whole life , there has to be a point where u take control
Well said and you cant be 17💕
@@congee9417 thanks
I have been trying to experiment too, although I find it hard because all of my family members are emotionally immature and they treat me like a child. They aren't training me to become an adult, they are restraining me inside a bubble, but if I engage in those problems and take it as an excuse to not upgrade my fixable flaws, I'll never grow up. I have to be patient.
And that's the problem with society, we all lack of patience.
I don't think maturity is related to age at all, and it's really annoying when your elders try to give you advise you didn't ask for because of your age, especially when you know they are not mature.
I'm turning 18 in a month and I'm still going to live by being restrained from leaving this house on my own and will still be looked down upon, but it can't be that way forever, all I need is patience.
I rambled a little but thank you for reading.
I want to be like you some day
@@verym0ist554 i would like for you to be even better , just believe in yourself
We can’t be emotionally mature 24/7, sometimes it’s more comfortable to be a child again
And it’s alright:)
sometimes i realize how utterly exhausting it is to always be the bigger person, constantly parenting even the adults around me and all i want is to be _allowed_ to be a child. to feel what i was deprived of when i was an actual due to being forced to mature so early
@@nadeezn be a kid . It is mature for you to realize your probably not good at being mature so when no one's around allow yourself to be mature
Yeah. Like someone said,
"growing old is necessary, but growing up is optional".
@@civilizedmonster we are talking emotional maturity, not how serious you are.
if you dont have emotional maturity you lose your temper for no good reason, or feel sad for no good reason all the time.
Its not a good thing.
Anything is good as long as you are happy
these are all things i grew up learning and talking about with my mom.. i don’t know what kind of person i’d be without her🥰
You hella lucky
@@Aids_Viscunti does your name really have Aids in it ? Or is it just a pun ..? Or something like that ?
@@mukulsharma5738 its from a game character called Ace Visconti 😂
@@Aids_Viscunti wow i play games all the time and i dont know Bout that ..sad
I think one key word in social maturity (and being more happy as a whole) is "acceptance". Acceptance of others, acceptance of yourself, etc.
I feel like I used to be emotionally mature but after countless attempts of trying to deal with people in an emotionally mature way and in return having them not necessarily deal with me in a similar manner I have lost my ability/confidence to communicate, trust, and be vulnerable with those people or others. And although I am trying to become stronger in continuing to stay emotionally mature, I would like to acknowledge those of us who have tried but constantly fail due to either our own shortcomings or others.
I feel the exact same way, how can I keep being honest and trying to explain why I’m upset when all the other person cares about is not taking the blame
I feel the same way since I am happy but I know reality hits and I had to change thus permanently just different way to trust people rather than as a kid who does what is considered the best.
@@etheliaowo7533 explaining everything that makes you hurt is not always the right thing, sometimes you gotta brush it off with a laugh, but If it's too personal you can just go "hey too personal" or if it's a misunderstood you can just say "there seems to be a misunderstanding" or if you wanna state your opinion just be confident and say it, but try to accept If the other person's opinion is stronger, friends fight and there's nothing wrong in that, ask their side of story first and then tell your side of story,
Sorry if it's too long
To be honest, TO ME being emotionally mature also means being able to recognize that sometimes we shouldn't give some people our time and comprehension, i don't believe we should be comprehensive and mature with everyone, some people need to earn that right, simple as that.
You have a limit to how much you can handle, pretending that one must be right and perfect with everyone is in the realm of craziness.
First I sulk, then I feel angry & after that I go cold.
shiet this is me
There’s no shame in admitting it, many many of us react this way. Start with today.
True
The Three Horsemen of Edginess
I dont feel satisfied until I get revenge. But i never get revenge so im never satisfied.
Me: “oh no this is about to roast me”
Video: roasts me
Me: 🤟😔🤟
Hannah Ahn lmao
Please go to the hospital immediately for you have two right hands
I’m almost afraid to watch this video, but maybe it can teach me something my counselor hasn’t yet.
MusicBent 😔
I take it all back. It actually is very true. I was raised in a family with little emotional connection between people. The language analogy really helps.
I think an important part that hasn't been mentioned is knowing when to say something. Sometimes if you love someone, it's not worth pushing an issue if you think the other person isnt capable of hearing what you have to say. On the other hand you have to know your limits and be able to understand what you as a person are capable of hearing.
Being guarded can also be a sign of emotional abuse. Also someone's emotional response is often used to legitimize further abuse. Extremely common in modern day culture.
Yep, I've been so used to having my thoughts and feelings dismissed by my parents and other adult figures in my youth that not showing any reaction and going cold was a survival mechanism. No matter how many anger outbreaks I was submitted to as a child I've learned the hard way that I better shut the fuck up or I'm just going to continue getting hit and shouted at, because no one likes a "cheeky snot nose"
@@TheZebinator My Mom calls it 'shutting down'. I don't think they dismissed me intentionally if they did, more so I dismissed myself for them. Too much love and complements I'd say.
It's hard for me to take compliments for one reason or another. I know my mom means well, but STOP PRAISING ME FOR EVERY LITTLE THING. It's not a big deal. Why do you keep doing this? It's no like I'm not 4 anymore.
Yes, positive reinforcement may help condition younger children, but it doesn't help when everything is positively reinforced.
@@Speed001 At least you get positive reinforcement.
@@spectrestain4360 But it's not. It means nothing and I have an adverse reaction to it. And I can't take compliments either.
Dulse um.. do you want to or something? Lol..
My brain goes straight up to "no emotions at all"-mode when something is happening most of the time totally random. I'm now 26 but as a kid and teenager it was needed in my home. Hope i can break that behavior someday.
I’m in that same box right now. Emotionless
@@muskieee3184 yeah man I did the same
❤
Same here, I often don’t realize how I actually feel about a situation until after it’s over and I’ve had time to process. This is fine and pretty common, and it’s 100% fair to tell people that you can’t talk about something until you’ve had time to process it
same but im still in the household so maybe i can break this habit when im older
It's fun rewatching this video 1 year later after going through massive changes in my live. It kinda made me cry to see how much Ive changed
Same man, I had been depressed and cold to people, didn't take care of myself, hated myself, and thought about ending it all 6 months ago. Now I'm so happy I got a girlfriend, opened up to my friends who i thought would be too immature but were very receptive, picked up fitness hobbies and am working hard to become something in life. I thank Stephiscold for encouraging to pursue my purpose and how to deal with women and no fap. I thank channels like this for developing my personality and maturity to handle tough situations in life and to improve my attitude towards life. Almost makes me shed a tear, but I just smile instead.
I'm so proud of you, keep it up!
Congratulations! I’m so happy for you! ❤️